Untitled
by Corrine Lea
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, Joss does.
Spoilers: Non really.
Author's Notes: Let the fun begin...oh and thanks to the people who replied
to my question :)
Something isn’t right. I can tell. She usually likes holding me and touching me. Not that there really is a usually, we’re not even really seeing each other. But, now…I have to hold on to her. I slide closer to her and hold her possessively around her waist.
“Talk to me.” I tell her softly.
She shifts a little and tries to get out of my grasp but I hold her tighter. What the hell is going on? Damn, I feel so guilty. I have to tell her how I feel soon. I know she loves me, she tells me everyday. I can’t lose her.
“I have to go for a walk, B.” I whisper, trying to slip out of her grip again.
“Stay, please…talk to me.”
The look in her eyes breaks my heart.
“I can’t, I’m sorry.” I tell her.
I slip out of her grasp and out of bed. I can’t talk right now. I put on my clothes and head to the park. What am I gonna do? I love her more than anything. How can I tell her? I sat down on the swing and kicked the dirt around my shoe. She’s got to know something is wrong. God, I’ve never fucked up so badly…I mean I have, definitely, but this is really going to hurt her.
“God! Why did she have to kiss me?” I asked out loud looking at the sky. “Why do I have to like her?” I asked quietly, more to myself.
“What?”
I turn my head and instantly lock with the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen. Only this time I swear I can actually see her heart breaking in them.
“Oh God, Buffy.” I whisper.
”What?” I ask shakily.
Oh God, she kissed someone else. I know it’s just a kiss but those kisses should only meant for me. I can feel my tears falling from my eyes but I don’t care enough to catch them.
“Buffy, I can explain…I think. She was helping me bring some things into the apartment. And she…we sat down on the couch. I, uh, I guess I said something funny and so we laughed. And you know how when you laugh you close your eyes? Well, when I opened mine, she was right there and she…uh…kissed me…”
Great explanation, not! What is this, one fight and I automatically take it to the playground. Well, actually she came here on her own, but still…focus, damn. She’s coming up to me. I can’t let her, not yet.
“Stop, don’t touch me.”
I’m quiet for a little bit. I look up and I can see her eyes pleading with mine.
“Who, uh, who was she?” Do I want to know?
“Cordy.” She says to me.
“Cordelia?” I ask.
Cordelia? That bitch always hated me.
“So, did you…like it, her? I mean, uh…” Damn, Buffy spit it out.
“No…yeah…listen B, I don’t know how to explain this. But I’ve got to be honest.”
Man, she is going to kill me. Fuck.
“Yes, she kissed me. Yes, I kissed her back. Yes, I liked it. No, it didn’t go any further because I pushed her away. I told her I had to think of some things.”
I can’t believe I just said everything like that. I have to be honest though. She can’t leave me hanging on all the time. Either we’re together or not.
“B?” I say quietly.
I wonder what she’s thinking. She’s stopped crying. Which could be good or bad. Dealing with a sad slayer is a lot better than dealing with a pissed off one. Shit.
“Do you like her?”
“Um…yeah I do.” I answer.
“Oh.”
I say more to myself. I lost her before I even had her. She likes Cordelia? I’m not crying, I think I should be crying. Why am I taking this so well? Does she still love me?
“Will you please come sit with me?” she asks.
I take the hand she held out for me and we walk over to the swings she was on when I first found her. I sit on the swing and she sits on the ground in front of me. She looks like she battling something in her head.
“I can’t lie, B. I’m attracted to her. I’m attracted to her a lot. But I know that nothing with her could compare to anything I’d have with you. But I want to make her happy. Does that make sense? I want to make you both happy. She’s a great girl and I hate all the stupid assholes who don’t see that.”
“So does that mean you’re not attracted to me?” I ask more than a little insecure.
“What? Of course I’m attracted to you. I love you. But, I just don’t know where things are with us. I know that sometimes I spend the night with you. I know that I love the feeling of you holding me at night but I don’t really know were this is going. Please understand.”
God, I love her so much. I’m the one who put her in this position. This isn’t her fault. She looks so scared. I reach out to hold her hand and look into her deep brown eyes. They’re so expressive, one more thing I love about her. I must have the biggest grin on my face now.
Why is she so happy? Oh well, still better than a pissed off slayer.
“Faith. I understand.” She says.
She’s still grinning. This is a weird twist of events. I guess I’ll ride this out and see how this is going to go.
“Cordy, she…” B stops me and places a finger to my lips and straddles me on my lap. God, she’s beautiful, hot, and I think a little aroused. I’ll just raise my hip to, ugh, yeah that nice. “She-.”
“Shh…this whole thing is my fault. I never told you how I felt, I just kept you hanging on and I really shouldn’t have. I should have told you from the beginning that I loved you. I’m sorry.”
Did she just…she did! She loves me. Cordy has nothing on my girlfriend. Girlfriend? I like it. Now I’m the one grinning.
She’s so cute when she’s confused.
“You’re not mad or…or, you love me?” she asks, still grinning.
“Yes I love you and no, I’m not mad; it’s my fault you were in that position in the first place. But you’re not in that position anymore.”
I look her in the eye on the last part so she gets the point.
“Does that mean I’m taken?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.
She’s cute when she’s cocky too. I can’t resist. I lean over and kiss her. I part my lips a little and she slowly slides her tongue into my mouth to deepen the kiss. I rest my hand on the back of her neck, holding her to me. She moans softly in my mouth. I pull away slowly for a much needed amount of air.
“Yes, that means you’re taken.” I whisper. “But Cordy is still on my hate list.”