If It Weren't For a Dream
by CrAzY E
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss, ME, and co own them. *WISH* I did.
Spoilers: S-3, S-4 BtVS and a vague reference to the 2 S-1 Angel eps Faith
appeared in.
Feedback: Course I want it. lol. Nothin like it to boost the ego :p This is
my first attempt to write in the 1st person.
I'm in my mom's car and I'm off to L.A. by myself. Wanna know why?
*She* came to me last night. I think it was in my dreams. I dunno whether it was a Slayer dream. It felt kinda the same but not. It's hard to explain.
I remember standing at the wash basin in the bathrooms. I was in the middle of my nightly moisturizing a.k.a getting the vamp dust of me.
I was massaging the moisturizer into the back of my neck while watching myself in the mirror, and all of a sudden, there she was. Standing right behind me. I could see her reflection in the mirror. Staring at me over my shoulder with those deep chocolate eyes of her. I could even feel the slight breeze of her breath on the back of my neck.
"Want some help there, B?" She asked me in that low throaty voice of hers. Even now, after so long it still sends shivers down my spine. How I'd missed it.
Her fingers took over from mine and I dropped my hands to to grip the counter. Already feelin' the magic that those hands had always been able to invoke with just a touch. I moaned softly.
I found myself leaning back into her, letting her presence and strength wrap around me. As I dropped my head back onto her shoulders she started placing feather light kisses along the side of my neck and I found myself becoming over-heated and extremely wet.
"Miss me much?"
Her voice sent those tingles rampaging down my spine again.
"Mmmm.... Faith." I had missed her so much but I couldn't find the words to tell her so. It had been almost twelve months since I had seen her. I had never seen her so broken as the day she'd handed herself in. Now here she was. With me.
Logic decided to kick in at this point and I realized she couldn't be, not really. Faith had been in jail for that twelve months. And in that realization, she was gone and I woke up.
Right then and there I decided to do something I should have done months ago. I had to see her. It was time to visit Faith. But first I still had the minor problem of still being extremely turned on to deal with.
I looked over at the other bed saw Willow curled up and still sound asleep. I could always just slip my hand under - but no, Willow might wake up if I became to loud. I groaned in frustration.
I decided to ignore it for now and go for a shower. And while I was in there I knew I had a little trip to L.A. to plan.
As I came back into the dorm, Willow was just waking up.
"Morning." She greeted me with a smile. I returned it.
"Hey." I decided to just jump right in and tell what I was planning. "Listen, we have to talk." I started praying at this point that she wasn't gonna flip completely when I told her my plans.
"'s up?" She stumbled out of bed still half asleep and wandered around trying to gather things for her own shower.
"I'm gonna take a trip to L.A."
"To see Angel?"
"Well, yes and no. I will see him but I'm not going specifically to see him."
"What else is in L.A.? You planning a site-seeing tour? Want Tara and I to come with?"
"Erm... no. I'm going because I... um... I want to see Faith." Well it was out there now. And just waiting on the explosion.
"What?" Willow looked stunned. "Did I hear right? Did you just say you were going to see... Faith?"
"Yeah I did. I think we're still connected. I dreamt about her last night. I wanna find out why."
"Oh."
"Is that it? Oh? No arguing, telling me I shouldn't do this and why?"
"Yeah, that's it. I've kinda known for a while that all this stuff with Faith was still eating you up inside. I just figure it's time you worked it out."
"How? How did you know?"
"You kinda talk in your sleep. Mainly mumbling but lately one word has been clearer than the rest. Faith."
"Oh." I started to blush, especially remembering exactly how this morning's dream had made me feel. Willow didn't appear to notice as she shuffled about the room.
"When are you going?"
"Pretty much today. As soon as I can."
"What? Do you know how long you're going to be gone?"
No idea Will. As long as it takes, I guess. I was gonna ring Angel and see if I can stay there for a few days."
"Are you going to tell Giles?"
I really didn't want to tell him because I was fairly certain he would try and stop me. But I knew he would have to know. And this was the part of my plan where Will came into it.
"No. I-I mean... not just yet. I was kinda hopin' you would tell him... after I've left. I don't want him to try and stop me. I gotta do this. Can you tell him for me please."
Willow looked doubtful about not telling him straight away but I knew she knew that Giles would probably try and stop me.
After a moment's hesitation, she said, "I guess so. Do you want me to cover classes as well?"
"Will, that would be great. You're the best."
"I know." She smirked. "Anything else?"
"Not that I can think of, but can I let you know if something comes up?"
"Yep, now go. Sort this out so you can finally get a little peace, and I can get a full night's sleep free from your mumblings." She grinned at me to show she was joking.
I borrowed Mom's car. Well, she lent it to me after we argued it out for half an hour, which I suppose is of the good. She's not happy about it but she gets that I need to do this.
Before I left I rang Angel and asked if I could stay a few days. He agreed and it was a relief that he didn't ask why. Not that I would have told him over the phone. Face to face is much better for that sort of thing.
And so... now here I am on my way to L.A. Heading towards god knows what but it has to be better than what came before. But at least now I'm willing to take that step....
Notes: ' ' denotes thoughts. Is my second attempt at writing 1st person. Not sure I wanna do it either after this. I might just stick to 3rd person. There was going to only be one follow up to this where they met and talked but me mind got to thinkin' and I knew I had to at least include Faith's pov on the dream and twenty minutes later this was what I had. So yes there will be another after this :p.
I awaken with a bad case of the sweats and sit up quickly. A little too quickly. I forgot about the bunk above me and found it with my head. Goddamn it.
Had she really been...? I knew immediately that the dream I had just had was NOT my usual dream/fantasy that came amid the nightmares. But it wasn't quite a Slayer dream either, but it had felt kinda similar.
Even now my fingertips were still tingling from the contact with her skin, as were my lips. It had always been this way between us. Any physical contact between us had always been kinda electric, and I'd always gotten a sort of boost from it. It's hard to explain. Hell, I still have hassles trying to understand it myself.
At first, I'd refused to accept it for anything other than 'A Slayer Thing', but since I'd been in here for the last twelve months I had kinda got to know myself. Too well if ya ask me. And I know now that what I'd felt then, and even still, was more than just 'A Slayer Thing'.
I was in love but the person I loved hated me with a passion.
But what troubled me now was if she still hated me why did she react to me the way she did? This more than anything was the excuse I was using to try and convince myself of the fact that the dream had been just a simple dream. But the convincing really was not working. Me and my screwed up logic, huh?
Of course I had known that this 'dream' was different. Reason number one; My senses had been tingling as they do only when she is near. And for two; I so did not recognize the bathroom we had been in.
Somehow, *She* had called me to her. For what reason I have absolutely no idea. I also realize that she didn't do it consciously. The confusion in her eyes when I had come up behind her had been all too readable.
The clanging of a bell brings me out of my musings momentarily. The morning 'wake-up call' as I like to call it. I could hear the other prisoners rising and shuffling down the hall towards the cafeteria, if you could really call it that.
I don't really feel like breakfast and at this point I don't want to be around other people until I can at least figure some reasoning to what had happened. I recline back on the bed after digging around under the bed for my last cigarette and light it.
'Yep', I thought to myself 'I need to work out what the fuck is going on.' I wondered how she was reacting and even if she thought enough of me to even let it bother her.
I could sense her even now. I had always been able to sense her, from that very first night I had seen her in the Bronze. I decided that even though it had been so long I was just going let my mind wander and see if there was anything else I could sense.
I don't know what made me decide to do this but it felt right. I hadn't done it since the big complete fuck up of my mistake with Alan. That was when it had all just started to spiral beyond my control and I had lost all sense of reason. Don't get me wrong, I had never stopped feeling her presence within me. I had just stopped picking up on her emotions or anything else.
I let myself drift and tried to focus in on her.
What was this coming through? I tried to make some sense of it. I sensed a strong determination. Whoa, there was some confusion in there too and a sense of urgency. I also got the feeling that she was not in Sunny-hell. So where the fuck was she off to?
And it all came crashing in on me like a tonne of bricks. She was as focused on me as I was on her. She was on her way to see ME!
OH FUCK!
Am I really ready to deal with this?
Yeah, I know I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I first got here and I'm about as far removed as possible from the girl I was on the roof-top that night. "Shit, don't go there Faith!" I thought to myself. I so did not need that on top of everything else too.
But shit... This is B we're talking about. The one person who made me feel. Who could make me feel the extreme at both ends of the scale and every goddamn emotion in between.
How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this? But I know I'm going to have to. She's on her way and there's not a thing I can do about it.
Notes: For Aby, for crackin' the whip at me and makin' me write. If it weren't for you there is no way this would even be started. Happy now? :oP And lastly... for Nyka, whose daily yaks have livened and brightened up my days. :o)
Buffy's POV
I pull up outside the Hyperion and lock the car before heading through the entrance court-yard. I pause at the doors, looking through into the foyer. I could see a black guy standing behind the counter talking on the phone, I could only assume it was Gunn from the description Angel had given me.
I gathered my courage around me and pushed the door open, hearing a bell ring over my head. Gunn looked up and nodded at me to tell me he would be with me in a moment. I nodded back. I find a chair and sit down in it it, waiting.
Finally Gunn got off the phone and looked over at me.
"Can I help you, miss?"
"I'm looking for Angel. He's expecting me." I see the man's eyes change with recognition.
"You must be Buffy. He told me to expect you."
I nod at his assumption and glance around. "Is he around?"
"Yeah. He's downstairs." He indicates in the direction of the front door. "Daytime."
"Yeah." I agree with an understanding smile. I wonder for a moment if Angel has told him who I am.
"If you just jump in the lift it'll take you right down to him." He smiles warmly at me and I can't help myself but to smile back. "By the way, I'm Gunn." He offers his hand to me and I grasp it firmly, giving it a shake.
"So I gathered from Angel's description." I turn in the direction of the elevator. "Thanks." I say over my shoulder as I head for the elevator.
"Anytime."
The doors of the elevator open and reveal a loft type area with a kitchenette off the side. I can faintly hear a shower running as I let my eyes wander around the room. Finally I head in the direction of the running water.
I come to the door of the bathroom and find it's slightly open. I tap on it and wait for a response.
"Yeah?" Angel sings out.
"Hey, it's me. Just thought I'd let you know I was here." I call back through the gap.
"Oh... Buffy. Hey. You wanna just give me a few minutes to finish up here and I'll be out. Help yourself to what's in the kitchen if you want a drink or something."
"Ok. Can do." I turn and head back to the kitchenette.
I start by looking in the fridge and seeing a jug of something that was definitely not blood I decide to settle on it for a drink. I pull it out of the fridge and lift the lid, sniffing it. Orange cordial. Well, it's wet and cold so it'll do I figure. I place the jug on the bench and begin searching for a glass.
After I pour myself a drink I head back to the living area and flop down on the sofa to wait for Angel. Within about 30 seconds my eyes have closed and I find myself drifting into sleep.
Faith's POV
I jump as I realize I'm no longer sitting in my cell. I must have fallen asleep. Damn!!! So didn't need that to happen after last night. As I process this thought it occurs to me that I've got the same feeling now as I had then. Uh oh. I feel her presence behind me and I spin to look at her.
She's looking back at me with the same expression I'm sure I'm wearing myself. Surprise and maybe a little bit of hope. I let my gaze run over her body as I wait for her to speak. She looks good. Then again, she's always looked good to me.
After a few seconds of filling my senses with her I let my eyes wander over the room, hoping to recognize the location. It looked familiar and it hit me in a matter of moments that we were standing in Angel's basement apartment. Finally I look back at her and ask the question I most need the answer to.
"Why?"
"Why what, Faith? Why are we dreaming? Why are we standing in Angel's main room?"
"Uh... all of the above and why are you coming to see me?" I see her surprise register as she realizes that, yes, I know she's on her way to see me.
She shrugs. "I don't know why we're dreaming, but I think we're here because it's where I am... which leads me to the thought that I must have called you."
I nod in agreement. "But why? Why now, B? I'm starting to sort myself out. You don't need trash like me in your life." I fight to keep the self-loathing out of my voice and I see her starting to get angry at my words, though for the life of me, I have no fuckin' idea why.
"Because it's time, Faith. We have to sort this out between us. I need... I need..." She trailed off, uncertainty crossing her features.
"You need closure?" I ask. She shakes her head at me, obviously at a loss for words. "Well... what do you need B? Tell me so I can do it and then I can stay out of your life."
A look of horror passes over her face at my words. Now this is confusing. I coulda sworn she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. A little spark of hope flares within me, but I'm quick to squash it. She's got that look on her face that tells me she's about to tell me something and I'm really not going to like it. I brace myself for the impending explosion but it never comes. Our attention is diverted by the sound of Angel calling her name.
I see a look of distress on her face as she starts to fade and the next thing I know, I blink and find myself wide awake, still sitting on my bed.
What the fuck?!!? I was finding this in one place one second, the next in another pretty disorientating as I shook my head trying to shake the feeling away.
What the hell was up with B? The thought played continually through my head as I tried to puzzle it out but was still no closer to an answer 15 minutes later. Finally I shrugged it away, figuring that when the time was right I would find out.
Buffy's POV
I open my eyes slowly to find Angel standing over me, fully dressed but with his hair still visibly damp.
"Hey there." I say to him. "How long was I out for?"
He shrugged. "Can't say for sure. But wouldn't have been more than 10 minutes."
I roll this around in my head for a few moments and figured it roughly made sense. It had felt about that long that I was talking to her.
Angel squatted down on his haunches in front of me.
"So... what brings you to my neck of the woods?" He asks.
I look at him for long moments trying to work out how to tell him. Finally I settled on a one word answer.
"Faith..."
...to be continued...