Setting To Rights
by CrAzY E
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Joss and co own the characters, no infringement or the rest of it intended. I’m just taking them out for a spin! *cheeky grinz*
Spoilers: Teaser: S7. Chapter 1: S-3 til Buffy trades the “Box of Gavroc”. Chapter 2: S-7 BtVS between “Lies My Parents Told Me” and “Dirty Girls. AtS S4 “Salvage” - “Orpheous”. With references to S6 and early S7 BtVS. Chapter 3: “Dirty Girls” and “Empty Places”. Chapter 4: “Touched”.
Author’s Notes: This is a B/F fic of a different sort. Not in your usual line up of suspects. Though much thanks to Mac and her fic “Showgirls” from which the idea did spring forth. You rock, girl!
Author’s Notes 2: I know I promised a couple peeps fb this week and you will get it… eventually lols… woulda been readin’ but my muse strolled in after another holiday and demanded to be put to use… Oh… and this hasn’t been beta’d yet…
Dedications: For Laina. I love you. And for Aby… get well soon Hun.
Feedback: Yes please… *grinz* The more the better for my muse and my ego…
TEASER – Setting To Rights
Looking back now… I know why she did what she did. It’s written so plainly in front of my face I’m surprised I didn’t see it then. But I was young and stupid, ok, maybe not so stupid. But definitely blind. I had yet to be shown the way. Plus… on the downside, I guess I just didn’t want to see… even with the appearance of my alter-ego.
And I was jealous.
That’s the simple truth of it. Even then, deep down, I knew… knew I was attracted to her. Hid it well but it was there. 3 years… and then she strolls into town and steals her from right under my nose… I knew how they both felt. OK, so one didn’t even know I knew only because I’d heard her say it. But I didn’t want her taking what was mine. Well, that’s how I thought of it at least. Then. Not now, not ever again.
For a long while this was why I kept both their secrets. Then I did just because I had been doing it so long I couldn’t do it any other way. Things change. People change. I’ve changed. And it’s time to put right what should have been so simple then…
Flashback #1
The Slayers were in the middle of one of their usual intense training sessions and I was up in the stacks lost in my own thoughts as I was returning books to their rightful places. All alphabetized as they should be and so forth and so on. All praise the power of the published word. Their usual banter was flowing back and forth, Faith and her double entendres and Buffy with her non-committal replies always ignoring the hidden meaning behind Faith’s words. Cause that’s exactly what she was doing you know, ignoring it. Cause she sure as hell didn’t miss the meaning behind them, as I was to find out much later on.
I lifted my head from the books in time to hear Faith say to Buffy “Admit it, you just can’t take me… I… oomph.” I guess Buffy decided to take her after all, no pun intended. I crept out of my place in the stacks towards the training that for some reason was causing the air to crackle in the library and attract even my attention. I could feel it almost sizzling around me. I poked my head around the corner trying to see what was happening. I couldn’t quite see and inched forward a little more and the slayers came into view.
Buffy was straddled over Faith staring down at her intensely and Faith was returning the look with just as much intensity. They were aware of nothing else in the room or anyone else for that matter. And for me it was just about to get interesting.
“Why Faith? Why are you doing this to me?” I heard Buffy ask quietly. I’d obviously missed something while my attention was on the books. “Are you trying to drive me insane?”
Faith squirmed a little under the blonde having broken the locked stare and was now trying to look everywhere else but at Buffy. Finally she made a decision and you could see it on her face. She looked back at Buffy, reading her face maybe before whispering almost that quietly I barely heard it “Cause I want you.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Buffy move so quickly. She was off the other Slayer and out the library doors before I could even think about blinking. Faith lay there for long moments staring off into space. And I, maybe not in my best judgment, stayed quiet and waited to see how the dark slayer would react.
After a while she got up and started training with the dummy, pounding into it like there was no tomorrow. Venting her frustrations on it, muttering to herself and slowly getting louder.
“Why the fuck can’t she…” mumble, mumble, “And I just… oh… I just…” mumble, mumble. “Aah, fuck it,” she threw her hands up into the air. “Goddamn it, I love her… and I just want her to love me.”
OK… now I’m the one in shock. Faith… in love with Buffy. No way! I so just did not hear that.
And there it is ladies and gents. That’s where I made my first big mistake. I stayed hidden and didn’t say a word to anyone, least of all the blonde slayer. I made a lot of mistakes over the years. But when in comes to the intrepid romance of the slayers that was the first. I let Faith keep thinking she wasn’t wanted or needed. And I probably could have changed it then and there. Oh, the repercussions of silence…
Flashback #2
Now she’d been caught. And she had a slayer pissed at her. A slayer that wanted to kill her. And what was she doing? Pissing said slayer off even more by taunting her with insights. Insights the brunette wasn’t ready to hear. The fact that the brunette had blown any chance of even a friendship with Buffy.
She stood toe to toe with a very dangerous, and possibly completely insane Slayer… and she was what? Pushing her, trying to get her to snap. Now as if that wasn’t among the dumbest of things to do.
“Face it Faith, you messed up. You lost everything. You had people on your side. People like Buffy. And you threw it all away…”
Faith had to admit the witch had balls. After three years as Buffy’s side-kick she had a fair idea EXACTLY what a slayer was capable of. And yet here she was. Pushing Faith. Testing her to see how far she’d go. The red-head had to be nuts.
“You threw it all away for what Faith? For what? Money? Love?” Willow laughed. “You think he cares about you? You’re a means to an end. That’s all.”
Faith’s hand clenched around the knife, raising it so the point was in Willow’s face, causing the redhead to lean back a little.
“And what would you know? You people were never friends. Never accepted me. He does.”
Faith watched the determination wash over the other’s face as she quashed the fear of what Faith could do to her. The wiccan opted for another tactic.
“You do know Buffy will kill you if you hurt me?”
Faith shrugged. Appearing unfazed.
“Yeah well… she does, she does. Someone’s gonna do it someday.” She advanced on Willow, knife point having dropped slightly and now aimed for her throat.
Willow backed herself into a corner, swallowing hard. Maybe she had gone too far. Stuff it! May as well go for broke.
She whispered just loud enough for Faith to hear as she watched the door open over Faith’s shoulder.
“You think she’d ever love someone like you Faith? In your dreams! You’re nothing but worthless trash… Not good enough for the likes of you. Ever!”
Faith blinked once, then reacted. She dropped the knife and savagely wrapped her hands around Willow’s neck, wanting to wring the life out of the little bitch.
She heard someone clear their throat behind her and let go of Willow to face the new threat, only to find herself looking into the eyes of evil. Mayor Richard Wilkins III.
“Now, now, I hope I don’t have to separate you two.” He said, arching his eyebrow at Faith. She smiled at him.
“Nope. Just havin’ a little fun Boss.” She walked over to join him by his side. She looked over at Willow, tilting her head towards the Mayor. “At least I got some-one who cares about me. I don’t see anybody rushing in here to help you. Do you?”
Ok… maybe not the best way to defend oneself. But it was all I could think of at the time. And yes, that’s what I was trying to do. Not get myself almost strangled. I was hoping to throw her off. Give me five seconds to think of something, anything to get me out of the predicament I’d found myself in. Me and my damn curiosity. You’ll never hear me say it out loud. But thank god the mayor walked in right when he did or I may have been introduced to the after-life.
And ya know, I still didn’t tell Buffy. Why? Well, we know the answer to that. Jealousy. Who knows what might have happened had I said anything to her? But what makes me feel worse now… is I know I held the opportunity in my hands at that moment…. And even before, to stop all the bad things with Faith. And I never did.
CHAPTER 2 – Building New Bridges
We were in the car on our way back from L.A. Some nasty stuff had gone down in L.A. Angelus rose his ugly head… again. The brunette slayer beside me was still shaking off the effects of the Orpheus drug she’d injected to bring down Angelus after she’d broken out of jail to save Angel. Even with her slayer healing it was taking its sweet time.
She was lucky she hadn’t died. And if possessed Cordy who, if you could believe it was an even bigger bitch than Cordy from high-school, had gotten her way both Faith and Angel would be dead. Leaving Angelus crowing in victory and the First with our second front already under its control.
My eyes slid sideways for a moment looking at the girl pre-occupying my thoughts before turning them back to the road. She had changed in prison, or prison had changed her. One of the two. I’d known it, could see it the minute I saw her in Angel’s hotel. There was still some of the wild child left in her but it was more controlled. She’d matured and her beauty with it.
With a small, almost inaudible sigh I decided it was time to break the silence and maybe get a few answers at the same time. It was now or never, before we hit the hostility I knew awaited her in Sunny-D.
“Faith?” I inquired almost tentatively. She opened her eyes to look at me and I could see she was still slightly out of it.
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?” I asked quietly, the apprehension evident in my voice. She closed her eyes again for a minute and I thought she was gonna say no. But she opened them again and replied.
“Sure. Whatcha wanna talk about?” Though the pain was evident in her voice I could see she was determined to see this through. Another thing that made me realize how much this was just not the girl who had gone to jail.
“You…” I hesitated before rushing out, “And what happened while you were here before. Buffy too. And if well… if you don’t wanna that’s okay too.”
She shook her head no as she pushed herself up in her seat. “It’s ok Willow. You deserve an explanation... and if nothing else an apology.”
“I owe you an apology too…” Even as I started she was already shaking her head no. “I know why you did what you did… and I did nothing to try and help you… if anything at the end I even pushed you further.”
A small smile broke on her face at her remembrance of that day. “Yeah you did. Gotta admit Red, you got a pair on ya. But all is forgiven. So no apology needed ok? But leaving that, what do you mean by you know why I did what I did?”
“That’s the part where Buffy comes into it, isn’t it?” I asked quietly, expecting a quick denial. Instead I got silence as she turned her head to look out the window.
After what seemed like an eternity she finally looked back to me and I could see her eyes glistening with un-shed tears that even now she was fighting to stop from falling.
“I hurt her Willow… badly. Beyond that even. And nothing I can say or do in this lifetime will make up for that. But you were in the library that day, weren’t you? After I told her that I wanted her. I realized after that day at City Hall that you had to be. It was the only place I ever uttered those words, except in my dreams.”
I nodded in response to her query. “That was my first big mistake, staying hidden that day. I should have said something…” I trailed off.
“Wouldn’t have helped. That river don’t just run in Egypt, ya know.” She grinned a little. I grinned back at her as we settled in for a good talk. “You had your own issues with the blonde that shall not be named for the sake of sanity. You were crushing big time. Were you aware of it?”
“I am now. Back then I didn’t. Thought I was just jealous that you were taking away my best friend. After Tara…” I trailed off unable to go on at just that little word, the echoing misery I still felt at times at the loss of my soul sweeping through me unexpectedly. I pushed it down as I felt Faith’s hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry about Tara. She was really nice and I’m sorry I was mean to her when we first met.”
“It’s ok. I’m sorry about that. It still hurts, ya know.” She nodded in understanding. “I realized after Tara and I got together…” I continued, my voice still shaking slightly. “I’ve done a lot of soul-searching since Tara died and I’ve come to a lot of conclusions I really don’t like, especially about myself. We all made a lot of mistakes back then Faith. We all know this… whether we would all admit to it or not.”
I could see she was thinking about what I was saying. “I was messed up big time Red, so you guys weren’t the only ones who made mistakes. I let my feelings get the best of me…”
“Your feelings for Buffy?”
“Yeah. By the time I realized what I was feeling, Angel was back. Which threw a huge spanner in the works. And who was I to know what that was anyway. I’d never been shown love to give it. And besides… after what I did I highly doubt I could ever be anything more to her than a friend… if I ever get lucky in this life-time.” She sighed heavily and I swear I could almost feel her weariness physically wash over me. “She could never love me.” She whispered quietly.
At this I decided this wasn’t a conversation we could continue with my concentration on the road, so I indicated and pulled over onto the side of the road. I brought the car to a halt and switched off the engine as I turned to look at the second of the ‘Chosen Two’ as they used to refer to themselves.
“What would you say…” I began, asking quietly. “If I told you she already does?”
...to be continued...