Can You Hear Me Now? (Version 2)
by Dan Spector
Rating: R

Disclaimer: Buffy, Faith, etc. belong to Whedon, ME, Sandollar, the Kuzuis, and FOX. Other characters belong to certain major corporations.
Spoilers: "Bad Girls"
Thanks: To Desirata41 for the title of her fic, "Can You Hear Me Now?", which was the inspiration for this, uh, "plot".
Feedback: If you must :)

Oh, yeah, this is the shit! Those stupid-ass Eliminati keep coming at me an' B one at a time, and we're dusting like a machine. She sets them up, and I knock 'em down. Bam, pow, stake, dust! Chosen Two, comin' through!

Yeah, and after we're through, I'd like to be comin' with B, man. God, the things I could do to that body...fuck, Faith, pay attention, or they'll be doing things to **your** body! Okay, B tosses me the next vamp on the "So long, bloodsucker!" parade and here we....

"Faith! NO!!!"

Huh?? What?? B? You okay? My mind's a mess, all these thoughts running through it as I drive the stake home and right then I know I just fucked up, big time. Vamps are always dead and kind of dry—it's like pushing through dirt even before they turn ta dust. But this guy...he's a guy.. and it's all soft and wet and I just killed him and FUCK! FUCK!

oh god oh god oh god

B rushes over but for once I don't really notice her. All I can see is this guy with his pale skin and his brown hair and, oh yeah, that big-ass fucking hole I just put in his chest, staring at me dumbly as his life oozes out of his body. B takes the stake from my fingers as she looks at him too.

"Oh, god, Faith, what did you—" she starts, then stops. 'Cuz, duh, B! I know what I did. I'm a fucking murderer! Fuck!

Wait a second, she's saying something now. She's got a weird tone in her voice, too.

"Wait a second. Faith, I know this guy."

Yeah, he does look familiar, somehow. Where did I see him before? But B goes right on and answers my question before I can ask it.

"It's that jerk from the Verizon Wireless commercials!" B screams, wicked angry. Next thing I know, she's jabbing my stake into the guy's chest, five, six, seven times!

"'Can you hear me now?' 'Can you hear me now?' Well, CAN YOU, MOTHERFUCKER????"

Geez, B's got a fucking wicked temper on her. She must really hate those ads.

"Uh, B, I think he's kinda dead. And, uh, perforated, too."

B just looks coldly at the guy in his little blue jumpsuit, his eyes dead behind his dweeby glasses, yanking the stake out, and tossing it away.

"Yeah," she says, turning to me. "Faith, I can't believe you did this! Oh, God, I love you!"

And the next thing I know her lips are on my lips, her tongue is in my mouth, her hand is on my ass, her pussy's grinding on my thigh...oh, fuck, yeah, B! That's my girl!

I'm gonna take her back to my place and I'm gonna fuck her until we can't walk for a week.

And then, after that, I'm gonna track down that Sprint PCS dickwad and kill him, too.

For some reason, guys who walk around in black trenchcoats all the time really piss me off.

The End