Disclaimer: Joss owns all the characters. I am merely using them to tell a
Spoilers: Bad Girls and the rest of Season 3 and Season 4(eventually).
Author's Notes: * * = thoughts.
Thanks: Piper, for taking a chance on a unknown loser like me and to Nikita for supporting me everytime I can't think of anything. And as always to Dacia you are the wind beneath my something something. This story was my first B/F fic ever. I have spent the last 2 days tweaking it so it would make sense. And since everything I have been writing lately has sucked I figured I come back to my baby. I know there’ll be some holes but they all get explained later....trust me :)
Buffy clicked on her TV. She let out a sigh of relief. It was good to be home. She started flicking through the channels when the phone rang.
*Everytime,* she thought as reached for the cordless.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" she asked. Buffy heard someone breathing on the other end. She almost thought it was Angel.
"Faith?" she tried not to sound too surprised. "What do yo..I mean, are you ok?"
*That's my girl,* Faith thought.
"I just wanted ..I mean ..I think we should talk." Faith answered.
"About the deputy mayor?"
"Where are you?"
"At a gas station. About 15 minutes away from you."
"Come on over. Don’t knock on the door. My mom’s out cold and I don't want to wake her up."
Buffy clicked the phone off and sat it back on the cradle. Her mind recalled the events of the last 48 hours. She and Faith had been on the trail of Balthazar. As they arrived at the pier where he was supposed to be hiding out, they where attacked by his henchvamps. It all happened way too fast, she thought. Vamps were coming from everywhere. But the Slayers held their ground and took them down. And as usual Faith was still pumped from the battle. As they came around the corner, a man stepped out of the shadows.
*She did what I would have done,* she thought.
Faith, in almost reflex motion, staked the man in the heart. Buffy yelled for Faith to stop but it was too late. Blood was all over Faith's hands. She backed away slowly. The shock of what she had done was starting set in. Buffy ran over to the deputy Mayor and put her hands over the wound. She remembered trying to fight back the tears as she watched him struggle to keep his eyes open. She tried with all her might to bring him back. Faith pulled herself together and yelled at Buffy to get up and go. All Buffy could hear was the sound of her heart practically jumping out of her chest. So she stood up and ran away.
Her mind then flashed forward to a few hours later. After she and Angel took down Balthazar, she stopped by Faith's motel to see her. That was when she found out what Faith. She went back a few minutes later and dumped the body in the pier.
*How could she do that?*
Buffy said nothing to Faith. She was hurt and confused by the news of what had been done and she just left Faith there alone.
*I know she was only trying to help,* she thought, *but Faith walks such a fine line of darkness and light. Killing someone could send her over the edge.*
Buffy stood up and walked over to the window. She parted the curtains and saw Faith walking down the street. She took a deep breath.
*I can't lose her. I can help her. She’s not evil. She just needs some help. I just have to get her to listen to me. I know she'll listen to me.*
Faith listened as she heard Buffy hang up the phone. She stood there for a minute, almost hoping that a vamp or demon would come and keep her from having to go through with this talk. No such luck, she thought. She sighed and started walking down the street. All she could think about was how hurt Buffy looked when she left earlier that night. In the hours that followed Buffy's departure, Faith did a lot of thinking.
*Did she think it was easy? Did she think that I didn't care?* she thought.
When Faith went back for the body, she spent a minute frozen by what had happened. She looked at her hands still covered in the deputy's blood. She thought about the rush of killing a man. How powerful it made her feel. How it made her feel like a god. But, as she stood there, she thought of her watcher. How she watched as one of the few people who cared about her was killed before her eyes. She remembered how that made her feel. Facing death was not that big of a deal. However, dealing with the aftermath was something she was not ready to deal with.
*I made the call. No sense in her having to deal with my mistake. I thought it was the right thing to do.*
Then, Buffy's face flashed back into Faith's mind. The look that the blonde had given her. That look shook her to her soul.
*I was just trying to help her. Why does what Buffy thinks matter so much to me?* Faith sighed to herself.
When she looked up from the ground and realized that she was at Buffy's house. It was weird sometimes how easily she could find her way to Buffy. Like she could almost feel the other girl's presence.
*I know I was wrong but there was nothing else I could have done. I just have to explain this to her. Why am I so nervous?*
The brunette stood at the door for what seemed like forever. Trying to force herself to make a move. Then, she made the only move she knew how to do. Faith turned around and started walking down the path away from the house. She was doing what she always did when faced with a heart to heart conversation. Running. Then it wouldn't be real. The feelings that she was feeling, the pain, the confusion, the fear, would not have to be answered. But what about Buffy? She probably excepted her to do this anyway. Then, she heard the door creak open Buffy smiled at her and motioned for her to come in.
*Ok. I got her here,* Buffy thought, *now what do I do? I don't how to say this. I mean, she was just trying to help. Sort of like when a little kid does things without thinking about the consequences until after they did it.*
She watched Faith walk in and sling her coat in the corner, already putting up her walls and preparing for the talk.
*I can get through to her.* The elder slayer pulled the door shut. She watched Faith pace back and forth. She looked like her head was going to explode.
Faith sat down on the stairs and put her arms on knees. As if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Buffy sat down beside her. She looked over at the other Slayer who for all her bluster and bravado was just as scared as everybody else. Buffy left a certain kinship to Faith. Outside of being a Slayer, she left like Faith was her flipside. Buffy was cautious and often doubtful of herself while Faith was cocky and so sure of herself.
*She is me. If I didn't have Mom or Giles to rein me in. I wish I was more like her sometimes. Like before with Wesley, she didn't stay to listen to him. I wish sometimes that I were little more like her.*
Buffy scooted a little closer to Faith and rested her head on her shoulder.
Faith smiled as she felt Buffy rest her head on her shoulder.
*I can't believe her sometimes,* she thought.
*At first glance, you wouldn't think that Buffy wasn’t much more than another blonde bimbo whose only concern was what time the mall open. That's what I thought. But there was something about her that just draws you in..She was so open and willing to help. And she had people who genuinely cared and trusted her. I mean she accepted me and trusted me. And look at her. Reaching out for me. Trying to help me. I never thought I would ever meet someone like her. I never thought she would let someone like me get so close to her.*
She looked at the blonde Slayer. Buffy was everything that Faith ever wanted to be.
Buffy looked up at Faith.
*I just want to help her. I don't want to lose her to this. I never thought that I would ever think this...but I need her. I need her here with me. No one understands me like her.*
"Well," Buffy said calmly. She knew that she had to choose her words carefully. She didn't want to scare Faith away and make her think she was trying to blame her.
"Sometimes, things can go wrong. Sometimes just when you think you have the whole world under control something comes along and snatches the rug out from under you. When you’re a Slayer it tends to happen on a regular basis. the choices we have to make are difficult. Some are good. Others are bad.”
Buffy paused for minute to see if her words were getting through Faith’s wall. The dark slayer was listening to every word. Her eyes were focused on her.
“When I had to send Angel to hell. I panicked. I didn’t know to live in a world were I make decisions like this. It was too much. So instead of facing what had happened, I ran away. I tried to hide from my problems. But I learned that running is not the answer. Faith, I know it is hard for you to trust people. Opening up and sharing that just isn't your style. But if you want to make it through this, you are gonna have to trust somebody.”
Buffy got up and kneeled in front of Faith. "I hope it's me."
Faith was amazed. Here was Buffy, the girl who was so hurt by her action that she almost cried, offering to help.
*I heard this shit before. They want to help and then as soon as they get a chance, she’ll ditch you. Just like everyone else.*
Faith shot up from her seat on the stairs and went for her jacket.
"That's it, B. I am not some fucking charity case! You sit here and make it seem so simple! Well it isn't! I killed someone! And running away is the only way I know how to deal with this! You say you want to help but as I make one mistake you’ll just tell Giles and he'll have me shipped off to Watcher's council at his earliest convenience. I say fuck that! I am out of here."
Faith saw Buffy sitting there in disbelief. She was crying. Faith stood there and couldn't believe what had just happened.
*I am sorry Buffy. I can't do this. I am sorry.* Faith took a deep breath and opened the front door.
"No." Faith stopped in the doorway. "What did you say?"
Buffy stood up wiping her eyes. "It’s not that easy Faith. I'm not going to let you push me away. You are trying to run again and I am not letting you do it."
Faith scoffed. "What are you gonna do? You can't make me stay." She started walk away. Buffy grabbed her arm. Faith smiled. "You sure you want to do this?"
Buffy looked into Faith's eyes. "If that's what it takes to make you listen."
Faith looked back into Buffy's eyes. She was serious.
Buffy did her best not to cry. She didn't want to fight her but Faith didn’t leave her with any other choice. She felt the tears falling now. No sense in trying to hide them.
"You're crying?" Faith said with concern. "Over me?"
"I am not worth you crying. I was wrong, ok? But, I don't deserve any of this. You have been nothing but nice to me and continue to fuck everything up. I just wanted to help you Buffy." Faith said as tears started well up in her eyes.
"You called me 'Buffy'? You never call me 'Buffy'."
"Yeah, I did. I like the way it sounds."
Buffy and Faith smiled as the intense standoff was broken by one little word. Buffy looked at her counterpart.
*We can work this out,* she thought. Her eyes trailed over the younger slayer’s body. Lingering over each of the brunette’s curves.
*I never really thought about this but Faith is amazing. I mean...what do I mean? Do I have a crush on her? I mean I like Faith but.... Naah. I shouldn't even be thinking like this. Me and Faith? Is this even right? Is it ok for me to think about her in this way? Why am I even thinking about this?*
Faith looked at Buffy. Look at her, she thought, even in a sweatshirt she still looks good. Buffy pulled her closer and gave her a hug.
"I won’t ever leave you. You can trust me." Buffy whispered.
Faith closed her eyes and exhaled. It feels so good with her arms around me.
*She feels so good. I can't believe I am even thinking this.*
Faith looked into the other Slayer's eyes.
"If I said I want to kiss you now, what would you say?" she whispered.
Buffy giggled a little. “I would say you are crazy.”
Faith leaned in close to the blonde slayer and whispered “So what else is new?”
Buffy started to protest but it was too late. Faith kissed her.
Buffy could not believe she was doing this. She pushed the front door closed and continued kissing Faith. She ran her hands up and down the other slayer's back. She pulled away for an air break.
Faith smiled at her. "Well."
*Oh my god. I just kissed Faith. And I liked it a lot.*
“That was nice.” The blonde mumbled trying to find her train of thought.
"Thanks." Faith said blushing a little.
"And as far as Allan goes.....until we figure something better out...we won’t say anything about it." Buffy tried to make herself believe what she was saying. Was she just trying to move on from it just to go back to making out with someone that she wasn't too sure she should be making out with.
Faith took off her coat and took Buffy's hand. She led them into the living room. Buffy just couldn't take her eyes off of her. Faith was decked out in her standard gear: a tanktop with nonexistent midriff and leather pants. They sat down and stared at each other. Then Faith spoke.
"First, I am sorry for what I did. I was wrong. Second, I didn't mean any of those things I said to you. I just have a hard time dealing with....to be honest, everything. I tend to push people away."
Buffy scoffed. "Really? You? Pushing people away? No."
"I am trying to be serious."
"Five by five.”
Buffy continued looking at her partner and realized what she was agreeing to do. Keep a murder secret. At first she doubted she could do it. But then she looked into Faith’s eyes and saw something she hadn’t seen before. A stillness. A calm. Buffy smiled slightly. She knew it had to be done. Even if it meant lying to her closest friends.
Faith knew that she could trust Buffy. She wouldn't lie to her. They had just shared something very intense. No way was she going to let a murder get in the way of figuring out once and for all where she stood with Buffy.
Faith looked at her again. *I never thought that B would go for this. Never thought I would either.*
Buffy touched Faith's hand. "That kiss. I have never felt anything like that before."
"Not even with Angel?"
Buffy blushed. "It’s different with you. I can’t explain it."
Faith brushed Buffy's hair off of her shoulder. *She is beautiful. Everything I could ever want is right in those hazel eyes. How I can not be with her?*
The Slayers leaned in once again. Their eyes locked again.
"I think 'us' is a good thing," she whispered.
Buffy smiled at her. "I think so, too."
...to be continued...