Memory in Mind
by Dylan
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: These characters don’t belong to me, I’m just playing with them a little. I’ll give them back to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the crew, as soon as I get bored!
Timeline: Set during season three, but doesn’t really follow it.
Feedback: Yes please. Cheers. Thank you…Feel the need yet?

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PART ONE: What now?

“So you’re telling me you don’t get even a little hungry and horny?” Faith had been teasing Buffy all night about how chaste and uptight the older Slayer could be. It was nothing more than a bit of fun for the brunette, or at least that’s how it had started out. Now it was bordering into the whole flirting territory she had tried her best to keep at a minimum.

She liked Buffy, a lot. Faith had been instantly attracted to the blonde Slayer. It was no use though, as Buffy was straight, and the younger girl was well aware of that fact. Even if Angel was no longer in the picture, she held no hope of Buffy ever being interested in her as more than a friend. Although now and again it did seem like Buffy actually enjoyed the way Faith flirted with her sometimes. The brunette put it down to mild curiosity and nothing more.

“I never said that. I meant that it’s nothing I can’t handle. Unlike you I don’t have to run out to the nearest bar and pick up the first person I see.”

“So how do you handle it, Miss priss?”

That is none of your business.” Buffy had a smug look on her face that just dared Faith to push it a little further.

“I bet you go home, stuff your face, then indulge in a little self lovin.” Faith was grinning from ear to ear as Buffy’s blush confirmed her guessing.

The little blonde didn’t answer, and before Faith could say any more, a sorry looking vampire hauled himself out of the earth close by.

Buffy was the first to react and Faith left her to it. The chosen one took no time in beating the vamp down, and staking him before he even knew what was going on. Faith had to admit, the girl was good, and she looked damn fine kicking ass.

The blonde twirled her stake and replaced it inside her jacket. She began to make her way to the cemetery gates, Faith following loyally behind. Buffy was the only one Faith allowed herself to follow. She was not one to abide by rules and hated being in other people’s control, even in the slightest.

She was a loner and always had been, it was easier that way. But she looked up to the other Slayer, and she respected her. She counted herself as one of Buffy’s friends, even if at first the little blonde had kept her almost totally out of her life. Faith had stuck around however, doing her best to help out where needed.

Faith’s patience had paid off in the end, as Buffy gradually spent more and more time with her. She had an idea that the turn of events had something to do with the disappearance of Angel. The ‘happy couple’ had split up a little over a month ago, and in that short time the two Slayers had become much closer. Faith was now more than just a helping hand. She was part of the fight, part of the gang, and enjoying every minute of it.

“Hey, wait up, Twinkie.” Faith jogged to catch up with cute blonde. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“I wasn’t aware you’d asked one, Faith.” Buffy didn’t halt in her exit of the churchyard. Apparently their patrolling for the night was over, much to Faith’s disappointment. She had been enjoying the light flirtation between them.

“Ok, you haven’t told me if I was right.” She knew Buffy was aware of what she was referring to, it hung in the air like an unspoken dare.

“Fine. If I’m that interesting, which obviously I am. You’re right, although I don’t tend to eat that much, so stuffing would be an overstatement.” She stood stock still, looking Faith square in the eye.

The brunette just stared back, unsure whether she had imagined what had just been said. She hadn’t excepted the queen of virtue to actually admit to masturbating of all things, especially not to her. It was such an invitation to more teasing. But teasing was the last thing on Faith’s mind at the minute. All she could presently think about was Buffy, and the images in her head were far from pure.

“Faith…Faith?” The younger girl blinked away the vision and tried her best to avoid eye contact. She really didn’t want the blonde to guess what she had been thinking about just then. “Were you just thinking of me masturbating?” Evidently she had been caught. This was getting way out of hand now.

Buffy had a knowing smirk on her face. It was a challenge. Or at least to Faith it was. She stepped a little closer to Buffy, and with the sexiest look on her face she looked Buffy up and down then answered huskily.

“Yeah. It was kinda nice.” Her dark eyes appeared dangerous in the moonlight.

Buffy now looked a little intimidated, which was exactly the reaction Faith had desired. She was surprised at how much quicker Buffy seemed to be breathing however. She dared, ever so slightly, to hope it was due to her overtly sexual overtures.

The older girl was apparently lost for words. She just looked into Faith’s eyes, which were now full of desire. There seemed to be electricity flowing between them, as they stood, neither one of them sure of how to proceed.

“I…I’d better go. Mom’s expecting me home soon, ya know. It’s er… late.” The spell was broken. Buffy had backed out, literally.

The small blonde turned to make her way down the street towards her house. Leaving Faith perplexed, and extremely worked up. She watched as Buffy walked away from her, from the tension that had built up between them. She shouted after her.

“I’ll see ya tomorrow, right? For training?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Buffy hardly stopped to look round as she disappeared into the night.

*****

“I’m sorry to disturb you so early Faith, but we have a small problem.”

“It’s ok G man, I’ll survive. What’s the what?” Faith pushed herself up in her bed, wiping the sleep from her eyes she looked over at her alarm clock. It was 7 o’clock, as in AM, way too early.

“It's Buffy.” That got her attention. She sprang out of bed.

“What’s wrong? Is she all right? Is…”

“Calm down Faith, she’s alright. Well, in the physical sense.” The Slayer ran her free hand through her dark hair, attempting not to break the phone in the death grip she currently held it in. “It seems she’s lost her memory. As yet I don’t know how or why. I thought I’d better call you as soon as possible in case we need your erm…strength and such. She’s extremely worked up at present.” Faith hadn’t quite taken in everything Giles had said, she was just glad that Buffy wasn’t actually physically hurt, or worse.

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” She hung up the phone and rushed around her motel room getting ready, reflecting that she never quite had a dull day being a Slayer.

Faith arrived at Buffy’s house in just over twenty minutes, she had ran all the way. Giles greeted her at the door. In the living room Willow sat with Buffy’s mom, trying to keep her calm apparently. The dark Slayer knew she looked visibly worried, she had to see Buffy. She had to know she was ok.

“Buffy is upstairs. She wanted to leave but we convinced her to stay eventually. She’s confused to say the least, and I’m not sure she quite understands what’s going on. Her memory loss is extensive. Buffy has no idea who she is, or who we are.” Faith tried her best to listen to Giles, but she couldn’t resist glancing in the direction of the stairs every two seconds.

As Giles finished explaining things to the dark Slayer the small blonde appeared at the top of the stairs. She looked normal enough, but then Faith was just relieved to actually see her. Buffy tentatively made her way down the stairs, never taking her eyes off Faith.

“Umm, Buffy this is Faith.” Giles moved aside as the blonde girl moved toward her counterpart. She had a questioning look on her face, and seemed to be studying the younger girl.

“Hey, B.” Faith didn’t know what else to say, she didn’t know what to do either. Buffy was scrutinising her, but she appeared to be calm.

“I…I feel something. It’s you.” Buffy was probably referring to her Slayer senses. The two girls could always sense when the other one was near by.

Faith frowned a little, unsure of what to say next. Thankfully Giles stepped in.

“Faith is your friend, Buffy. But, well…there’s more of a connection between the two of you. It’s a little hard to explain.” Buffy didn’t even look in his direction. Her eyes were solely trained on Faith, who was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

Faith realised that Buffy hadn’t been told anything about being a Slayer, it was probably best, as to not confuse her more. The older girl’s mother began crying again in the living room, drawing their attention. Buffy was unfazed, in fact if anything she looked mildly annoyed.

“Faith?” Again the questioning look.

“Yeah.” The rest of the house just stood by, leaving the two Slayers to it.

“Can I talk to you? Alone, I mean?” Buffy gestured with a nod of her head towards the stairs.

Faith searched the faces of everyone else, but found no answers.

“Sure.” The brunette followed Buffy as she made her way back to her bedroom.

The blonde Slayer closed the door behind them and sat down heavily on the bed. Faith shuffled from one foot to the other, and ran a nervous hand through her hair. She wasn’t really sure why she was nervous. Maybe it was just the fact she was in Buffy’s bedroom.

“I don’t know what’s going on. They say I’ve lost my memory. I’m so confused.” Buffy threw a nearby shoe at the door, and then began to cry softly.

Faith closed the small distance between them and sat next to Buffy on the bed. Against her better judgement, and her usual avoidance of physical displays, she placed her arm protectively around the older girl. Buffy didn’t flinch like Faith had expected, given the circumstances. Instead, she turned to the dark Slayer and buried her face in the other girl’s neck. Faith wrapped her arms fully around Buffy, throwing caution to the wind in an effort to stop her from crying.

Just as Buffy seemed to be calming slightly, the door opened and willow and Giles stood in astonishment. Faith instinctively moved away from Buffy, although the blonde Slayer didn’t allow her to pull away altogether.

“We heard a bang, thought we’d better see if everything was ok…which it isn’t, but you know what I mean.”

“It’s ok Will. She’s just freaked out right now. Confused and shit. Just give us a few minutes here.” Faith and Willow were not the best of buddies on a good day.

Seeing Faith sat so close to a clingy Buffy was not going to help matters. There was always going to be an element of jealousy between them. Both of them were vying for Buffy’s undivided attention most days.

With Willow and Giles placated and having left the room, Faith turned to look at her friend. She looked deep into Buffy’s eyes, trying to find some glimmer of recognition. To her surprise she could see it, it was the smallest glimmer, but it was definitely there. Also there though was fear, and dread. Things she had never seen in those eyes before.

“It’ll be ok, Buffy. We’ll find out what the fuck’s going on, I promise.” Buffy relaxed ever so slightly at Faith’s words.

The younger girl had no idea what was going to happen now, and she didn’t know what she could do to make things easier for her friend. It wasn’t going to be easy, especially if Buffy had to re-learn everything about herself, and everything about her friends and family.

“Can we leave? I mean, I don’t know why but I don’t feel safe here. But…you, I don’t know what it is, but I feel safe with you.” Faith couldn’t help but feel touched, even though she knew it was just down to their Slayer connection.

“I don’t know. If it were up to me, fine. But Giles and your mom might look at things differently.” Buffy glanced down at her hands, she looked so vulnerable. “Ok, fuck them. I’ll explain it to them. You probably will be safer with me.” Faith was thinking of what a great opportunity Buffy’s amnesia would be for a vengeful demon or vampire.

“Thanx.” Buffy smiled up at her as the taller girl made to go and talk to Giles, giving the lost blonde a genuine smile back.

“Put some things in a bag. We’ll drop it off at mine. No doubt Giles will want to take you to the Magic Box and run tests and shit. Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt ya.” The younger Slayer truly meant it. She would do anything for Buffy.

Downstairs Buffy’s mom was still upset, and Giles was pacing the floor. Willow looked up as Faith broke the silence.

“She wants to stay with me. She says she feels safer with me around. I have to agree, nobody else can protect her like I can.” She wanted to say her piece before any of them could object.

“Yes, you’re right of course. But it’s best she stays somewhere familiar to her.” Giles was always the one for being diplomatic. No doubt he was thinking about Joyce, and her feelings. Faith wasn’t going to give in so easily though.

“Nowhere’s familiar to her right now. I’ll do whatever she wants.” The sentiment wasn’t lost on both Willow and Joyce. The latter looking up to gently smile at Faith.

“I don’t think I should stay here. I’m not sure why, but it doesn’t feel right.” Buffy entered the room and placed a small duffel bag on the floor. “I’m sorry if that upsets anyone, It’s just the way I feel.” She moved closer to Faith in an unspoken gesture of solidarity.

Buffy’s mother got up from her place on the couch and lightly brushed a stray blonde hair back behind Buffy’s ear, the chosen one visibly flinched from the touch.

“If it’s what you want dear. I know Faith will look after you, and you’ll have Giles and the rest of your friends looking into a cure for this, whatever it is.” Joyce wiped away her stray tears and turned to Giles. “Please bring my baby back to me, Rupert.” The watcher adjusted his glasses and nodded solemnly.

The Slayers left with Willow and Giles in tow. They drove to the brunette’s motel in Giles’ car, dropping Buffy’s things off. Then made their way to the hospital, having decided it was best to rule out anything unsupernatural first. Thankfully all of the blonde girl’s tests were clear. Other than her memory loss, she was perfectly healthy. Which they were all thankful for.

*****

Not much was said between them as they made their way to the magic shop. In fact nothing much was said for the rest of the day. Buffy was uncharacteristically quiet. She hadn’t asked many questions, clearly still coming to terms with being around complete strangers. In fact, she was coming to terms with being a stranger to herself.

They explained as best they could why they were checking for any supernatural things that might have occurred. Buffy seemed to accept what she was told, and agreed to co-operate.

She kept as close to Faith as she could, whilst Giles and Willow did several incantations to check for possible demon possessions or spells. Every test came up blank. It was truly baffling.

It was getting late in the evening, and Buffy couldn’t stifle her yawning as the day took its toll on her. Faith felt worn out herself, it had been a long day with not much time to stop and think. What little time they had stopped for was filled with eating lunch and dinner.

“Hey G man, I think we should call it a day.” Giles removed his glasses and with a heartfelt sigh he agreed.

He drove Willow home then dropped the two Slayers off at the motel Faith was staying at. Xander and Giles had already done a quick patrol for the night so there was no need for the chosen two to bother. They agreed that further research and questions would commence the following day. For now Faith was just eager to get some rest. She could only imagine how Buffy felt.

They said their goodnights to Giles and made their way into Faith’s sparse motel room. It hadn’t occurred to the dark Slayer how she was going to cope with sleeping in the same bed as Buffy, only realising the fact on entering the room.

“Thank you.”

“What for?” Faith made her way around the room attempting to tidy it a little, not that it was overly messy, but she didn’t think Buffy would be too keen on seeing her underwear lying around.

“For letting me stay. Keeping close to me today. It’s weird, but I really do feel safe with you.” Faith just gave Buffy a warm smile as the blonde girl sat tentatively on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want to use the bathroom first?” The dark Slayer flicked on the T.V and awaited Buffy’s answer.

“Erm…yeah. Thanx.” Buffy dug her sleeping shorts and tee shirt out of her bag and made her way to the bathroom.

“Hey, Twinkie? Quit saying thanx, there’s no need.” She caught the cute curl of the other girl’s lips as she closed the door behind her.

Faith was feeling uncharacteristically uncomfortable. She just wasn’t sure what to do or say around Buffy. She couldn’t be her normal self, which was driving her mad. Faith told herself over and over that Buffy was only there with her because of the Slayer thing, and that was why the older girl felt connected to her. Although Faith couldn’t help but wish there was more to it of course.

Buffy came out of the bathroom freshly showered, in her cute pink shorts and tee shirt, and Faith had to remind herself how to breath. The blonde Slayer’s small frame did nothing to diminish her attractiveness. She was a little hottie as far as Faith was concerned.

“Bathroom’s free.” Faith peeled herself off the bed and worked her way to the small room, willing her eyes not to linger too long on the pretty blonde now tucking herself into her bed.

She mustn’t have quite pulled it off, as she noticed a slight blush creep over Buffy’s cheeks. She fought back the urge to just jump on the other girl, and heartily splashed her face with cold water as soon as she closed the door. She washed away some of the day’s tension in the shower then got changed for the night. It was going to be a long one, and she was wondering why she had agreed to this.

After contemplating the idea of making a run for it out of the bathroom window, Faith pulled herself together and made her way back into the room, and to bed. She didn’t look in Buffy’s direction, instead, distracting herself with the flickering T.V in the corner of the room.

The dark Slayer slid under the covers, keeping as far away from the object of her desire as she possibly could without making it obvious. It didn’t work.

“I don’t bite, Faith. Or at least I don’t think I do.”

Faith inched a little closer to Buffy, but not close enough to be touching, which was difficult, it being quite a small bed.

They both lay there in silence for several minutes. Again Faith didn’t know quite what to say or do. She had thought about having the blonde Slayer in her bed before, but this scenario had never been one of her many fantasies. She was having a hard time just breathing normally. The dark beauty could only hope Buffy hadn’t picked up on how tense she was.

“Are you ok Faith? You seem a little tense.” So, she wasn’t doing a good job hiding her predicament.

“I’m fine, B. Just tired I think.” A soft sigh escaped the brunette’s full lips without her permission.

“You don’t sound fine. Is it me? I mean…I know I’ve lost my memory, but I can tell we mean a lot to each other. Or at least, that’s what I feel. I’ll get my memory back, I’m sure of it. I just don’t want this to…ruin anything.” Faith turned onto her side, facing Buffy, but still keeping her distance.

“What do you mean by ‘ruin anything’?” The younger girl was genuinely unsure of what Buffy was getting at.

“You know…between us.” Buffy was facing the dark Slayer, the flickering light of the television dancing in her gentle eyes. Faith could feel herself falling ever deeper into them. She willed herself to look away, but to no avail. She was stuck, caught up in the chain that was her need to be with Buffy.

“It’s not going to change anything, B.”

“Then why are you lying way over there?” Buffy looked nervous, and lost, in amongst the cotton sheets.

“What do you mean?” Faith frowned, she didn’t get what Buffy was aiming at.

“I…we are together, aren’t we?” The older Slayer spoke so softly, and Faith had to check her brain cells one by one to ensure she had heard Buffy correctly.

Even when she thought she was sure of what Buffy meant, she didn’t know how to respond. It caused a pause in the conversation that neither girl seemed comfortable with. Faith decided she needed to be a little clearer on Buffy’s assumption.

“What makes you think we’re together? You’ve lost your memory, B. Did someone say something to you? What made you think that?” Faith hadn’t meant to sound so dismissive, but she was worried about losing Buffy's trust and friendship. Worried that somebody had said something to her older friend, to do that very thing.

She had liked the little Slayer as more than just a friend from the moment they first met. And apart from the harmless flirting, that was becoming less and less harmless lately if truth be told, she hadn’t stepped over the mark. She knew she never could, Buffy just wouldn’t go for it. Even though things had looked slightly more promising the night before, Faith was sure her friendship with Buffy would never move into anything more.

“I’ve got it wrong haven’t I? I’m sorry. I was just so sure there was something between us. I mean, apart from the whole tingling thing, which Giles told me was because we’re magically bonded or something, which I don’t get. It just felt right. I…I feel so stupid.” Buffy turned onto her back and faced away from Faith, who was busy wishing she could shoot herself for being so insensitive.

The dark Slayer didn’t move. Her head was reeling with ways to put things right. She didn’t want Buffy to feel stupid, or embarrassed. This was a situation she had no idea how to deal with. Then she realised exactly what it was the cute blonde was saying to her. If she thought they were together then surely Buffy must feel some kind of attraction towards her. There must at least be more to it than just their connection. She reached out tentatively and placed her hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to feel stupid, B. Look at me.” The other girl turned her head in Faith’s direction, her vulnerability showing visibly. Removing her hand, for fear it may wander of its own accord, Faith lifted herself up on her elbow a little way.

“I didn’t mean to sound so…”

“Disgusted at the idea of being with me?” Faith shook her head at how the tables had seemed to turn, she never would have imagined those words, or anything similar, coming from the lips she wanted so much to taste.

“No…it doesn’t disgust me. I just wondered what it was that made you think we’re together.” Faith wanted Buffy to tell her exactly what she was thinking and feeling.

“Faith, I think we should just go to sleep. I’m sorry I got things wrong.” With that, Buffy rolled away from Faith and pulled the covers up protectively around her.

The brunette knew they had been so close to discovering something that would totally change their lives. Even though she didn’t know whether or not it would ultimately be for the better, Faith was upset that the moment had gone.

As she lay down next to her friend Faith realised Buffy was crying quietly. On instinct, she closed the distance between them and covered Buffy with a protective arm, pulling the smaller girl closer to her.

“Shhh! You don’t have to cry, B. Please.” She wanted so much to tell Buffy how much she would love for them to be together. How she had been steadily falling for her from the day they met, even against her own protests.

She knew she couldn’t though. The friendship they shared was far more important to her. She wasn’t about to take advantage of Buffy in her current confused state. Even she drew the line at some things.

Buffy relaxed into Faith’s embrace and the tears stopped flowing. Neither of them made a move to change positions, so they stayed close together, their bodies pressing snugly against each other. Faith allowed Buffy’s silky blonde locks to tickle her nose as she drank in the scent of the girl she wanted so much.

“B?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t tell me why you thought we were together.” Against her better judgement Faith knew she couldn’t just let it pass. She had to know, for her own sanity.

Buffy took a shaky breath before answering.

“I feel close to you.” Faith could put that down to their Slayer connection. “And…safe.” Again the connection, Faith thought. “But mostly, it’s the fact that my heart skips a beat every time you look at me. And I can’t seem to think about anything but touching you, kissing you. I thought we must be together for me to be feeling all this for you.” Faith was stunned. She couldn’t put all that down to the Slayer thing.

Buffy shifted positions to face the younger girl, staying just as close. The intimacy of their position wasn’t lost on Faith. And as she allowed herself to look deeply into Buffy’s eyes, she could see just how fearful the older Slayer was of her reaction.

Faith didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t shake the feeling that none of what Buffy had said was real, that it had something to do with the blonde girl’s memory loss. It just seemed so implausible. This was Buffy, straight Buffy. Definitely straight.

“I’m sorry Faith. I guess I mistook the way you were with me today as something else.” Faith blinked herself back to reality. She must have been sending Buffy signals all day about the way she felt.

It actually made sense that the other Slayer had picked up on them in her current condition. With her loss of memory there was no guilt, no worry about what everybody else would think. No holding back.

Faith brushed away a stray strand of blonde from Buffy’s brow.

“Don’t apologise, B. It’s my fault. I…how the fuck do I say this?...You didn’t make a mistake.”

“I don’t understand.”

Faith ran her hand anxiously through her dark tresses then placed it gently on the other girl’s waist, knowing that what she said now could basically end her friendship with Buffy. Or at least the Buffy she knew all too well.

“I like you, always have.” Buffy’s frown indicated she needed more information.

The dark Slayer took a second to decide whether or not she was crazy for even contemplating letting Buffy know just how much she liked her. She was well aware that this conversation wouldn’t have even been taking place if it weren’t for the amnesia, or whatever it was.

“I’m attracted to you, Buffy. I’d like nothing more than our friendship to be more than what it is. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night for wanting you. But you never got it. Or at least I don’t think you did. Fuck, I’d flirt with you like crazy and…I knew I was wasting my time.” Faith looked away from Buffy, irritated at how futile it was telling her how she felt.

Even after the things the smaller Slayer had said to her, she wasn’t about ready to let go of the fact that ‘normal’ Buffy wasn’t interested in anything other than guys. It was hopeless, whichever way she looked at it.

So she waited for a reply that she knew she probably would have to dismiss. This wasn’t really her Buffy. As much as she wanted it to be, it wasn’t real.

PART TWO: The second I saw you

Lying, waiting in the cheap motel room under the flickering light of the television. Shadows dancing around the room to whatever tune the screen was playing. Faith couldn’t help but think Buffy had never looked so beautiful.

Maybe it was just looking at her through new eyes. Eyes that now knew Buffy felt something more for her. Wanted something more from their friendship. Whatever it was, Faith felt her heart being tugged from her chest. She was truly in trouble now.

Faith had began falling for the blonde girl almost from the second they first met, she knew that. But at this precise moment she realised there was no turning back. Faith was in love with Buffy now, completely.

As she waited for what seemed like an eternity for Buffy to say something back to her, she realised there was no way she could be with the adorable Slayer here, in her bed, and not act on her desire for her. It was no use pretending she was anything other than a ‘take action now, think later’ kind of girl.

So she closed what distance there was between them, and tentatively brushed her full lips over Buffy’s. Both girls closed their eyes, sighing slightly over each other’s lips. Faith didn’t want to rush this, she was taking a huge risk, and she wanted to remember every second of it.

Delicately they kissed, barely even touching. Their slow movements mirroring each other. Faith’s hand moved up from Buffy’s waist to her cheek, cupping it gently in her palm as she delighted in these first soft caresses.

Buffy’s hand then made its way to Faith’s dark hair, burying itself in the softness of it and pushing her lips a little more forcefully into Faith's. The younger girl gladly reacted to the kiss that was becoming more passionate. Both girls becoming more enthusiastic now the initial strangeness of kissing another girl was beginning to wear off.

The soft sounds of their lips against each other filled the air, mixed with quickening breaths and pounding heartbeats. Faith ran her tongue over Buffy’s lower lip. She felt herself begin to get wet with desire as the smaller girl took it into her mouth, twirling it around her own tongue. The taste of her fellow Slayer bursting into her mouth.

They were kissing greedily now, not wanting to break their contact. Not wanting to push back the need that they both were so obviously feeling. Faith for her part had been wanting this for far too long. It was all she could do not to go all carnal and start ripping Buffy’s nightwear off.

But she knew, deep within her somewhere, that this wasn’t fair on the other girl. It wasn’t. No matter how much Buffy seemed to want her now, there was no doubt in Faith’s mind that it was only circumstance bringing them together in this way.

Hesitating, not wanting to stop at all, the dark Slayer pulled away from Buffy’s exploring tongue and tantalising lips. She took a deep breath, steadying her nerves before opening her eyes to look at the girl currently in her arms.

“What’s wrong, Faith?” Everything seemed wrong right then for the younger girl.

It felt wrong that she had kissed Buffy. It felt wrong that she had stopped. Her mind was racing with thoughts of how Buffy would be seriously kicking her ass right about now if she really knew what was happening here.

“Faith?” Buffy brought her hand down to rest gently on Faith’s cheek, brushing her thumb over the soft skin of her jaw, and up along the line of one of her dimples.

Faith leaned into the touch despite herself. Looking deep into Buffy’s eyes, and calling on all her willpower and respect for the other girl. She reached up, plucking the blonde Slayer’s hand from her cheek, kissing her finger tips lightly before placing it between them.

“I can’t do this, B. I can’t take advantage of you.” The inner world she knew so well came crashing down around her.

Faith…the bad ass Slayer, couldn’t do what she knew she did best. Which was use people. She couldn’t do it to Buffy.

The smaller girl lifted her hand again to Faith’s cheek, leaning towards her and sliding her lips over the younger girl's, but then stopping when she realised Faith was doing her level best not to respond.

“Faith…I want you, I do. I can feel it deep inside me. I don’t need my memory to know that.” Her eyes were pleading with Faith to just give in to her. But she knew she couldn’t, not like this.

Shaking her head the brunette untangled herself from Buffy. Putting a little distance between them. She hated doing it, mainly because her blonde friend seemed close to tears. The emotional turmoil of the day taking its toll.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. As much as I want to. And as much as you seem to as well. I know you’ll resent me for taking this further.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because I know you.” It was true, much to Faith’s frustration, it was cold hard slapping her in the face.

Buffy seemed to accept defeat and turned onto her back, sighing. The walls were straining with the palpable tension in the room. But Faith knew she’d made the right choice. In the end it would be for the best. Or at least that’s what the good fairy on her shoulder was telling her. The bad fairy…well, he had a few choice words for her. And non of them were pretty.

Faith kept her distance from the blonde girl beside her, but remained facing her. After turning the T.V off with the remote, she could faintly make out the outline of her fellow Slayer. She wanted to reach out and touch her. Stroke her hair. Anything, just to let Buffy know she cared. That she did want to be with her.

Her arms remained rigid however, as she stifled the new feelings of wanting to be tender with somebody. Feelings she had never once had with, or for, anybody but Buffy.

She closed her eyes, and lay still, listening to the soft breaths coming from the girl beside her. Buffy was already asleep, or near as damn it. And eventually Faith realised she just couldn’t resist the temptation, to do something, anything that would keep her from feeling so lonely right then.

So she reached out under the covers, finding the older girl's hand, Faith placed it in her own. She drifted off to sleep just as she felt Buffy entwine their fingers together even further, keeping them locked together.

*****

As the sun began to stream in through the window, lighting up the dust particles in the air and causing them to look like some sort of ethereal fine snow, Faith sensed she was being watched.

She slowly opened her eyes, straining against the change in light, and looked up to find that indeed Buffy had been watching her sleep. She couldn’t help but smile, flashing her dimples at the older girl.

She also noticed that their hands were still embracing, under the confines of the sheets. Much to her embarrassment at being overtly soppy.

“Morning, beautiful.” Taking Faith by surprise, Buffy leaned over and kissed her softly on the mouth. But she didn’t push it. It was just a slight touch of her lips to Faith's.

It just made the sleepy brunette’s smile even wider. Especially at being called beautiful. She knew fine well that she was an attractive girl. But Faith was far more used to being called sexy or hot. Not beautiful. In fact, she never would have considered herself to be something that she thought Buffy was herself. She shook her head.

“What?” Buffy’s bright eyes were looking at her, almost dreamily.

“Nothing…this is just a little surreal, ya know?” Faith was feeling like she had fallen into one of the fantasies she’d frequently had about being with Buffy.

“I don’t know…I don’t remember what’s normal, remember?” Faith couldn’t help but laugh at the cute little bewildered look on her friend’s face.

“I’m sorry, B…but you're just too damn cute.” Before she could stop herself, and caught up in the tendrils of her fantasy, Faith closed the distance between them and kissed Buffy full on the lips. Taking the succulent lower lip lightly between her teeth, and sucking gently, before crashing back down to reality. “Fuck…I didn’t mean to…” She sat up and away from the object of her confusion. Finally releasing the smaller Slayer’s hand from her own.

“I know…But it was nice.” The little blonde didn’t push matters further, instead deciding to get out of bed and make her way to the bathroom. Faith’s dark eyes following her every move.

“Fuck.” She put her head in her hands, as the little blonde closed the bathroom door behind her.

Faith didn’t know why this was happening to her. But then realised she could only put it down to the way she had been leading her life over the past year or two. Her lack of morals coming back to firmly bite her in the ass.

“Trust me to remember where I put my morality at a time like this.”

Buffy re-entered the bedroom from the bathroom, looking puzzled at the dark Slayer.

“Did you say something?” Faith stood up abruptly, then sat down just as quickly as she realised Buffy was only clad in one of the motel’s very small towels.

“No…I didn’t, say anything…Do you have to walk around like that?” She was trying her best not to follow the older girl around with her penetrating eyes, as she floated about the room, sorting herself something to wear.

“Like what?” Faith took a deep breath as Buffy bent down towards her bag, allowing the bottom of the towel to slide even further up her slender thighs, to the firm little backside almost on show.

Faith knew if she were to bend her head down slightly she would be getting an eye full of Buffy ass right about now. She closed her eyes, and willed the blonde girl to disappear back into the bathroom.

She only opened them when she heard the door click. Hastily, the sultry brunette grabbed her cigarette packet from the bedside table and made her way over to the door leading outside. She opened it wide letting the light and fresh morning air stream in.

Lighting up, the dark girl took a long drag on the habit she wanted to break, but at times like this though, she was glad she smoked.

Stretching out her muscles, Faith lent against the doorframe and turned her face up to the sun, enjoying the morning rays. Dressed only in some tight black shorts and a sleeveless tee shirt, the dark beauty allowed the summer warmth to soak into her already lightly tanned skin.

She finished her smoke and turned to make her way back into the room. She jumped a little when she realised Buffy was standing by the bed, just watching her. Faith stood with the sunshine behind her, looking like some kind of perfect oil painting, wondering just how long the small Slayer had been standing there.

“You really are beautiful, Faith.” The younger girl could feel herself blushing. It must have been for the first time in years. Certainly for as long as she could recall.

Buffy had a way of making her feel so different to her normal ‘bad girl’ self sometimes. It was as if she could step out of the entanglements of all her defences and nasty habits.

She slowly, seductively, made her way over to the shorter girl, and stood in front of her.

“Buffy, you’re the beautiful one.” Faith couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to touch the girl before her.

She touched the blonde Slayer’s face delicately with her fingertips, surprising herself at how gentle she was being. So unlike her usual self. For a moment it crossed her mind that maybe she had been affected by the whole amnesia thing too. Making her forget that she was just about hot, nasty fucking.

Not about this…soft caresses, and sensuous kisses.

She suddenly found herself pressed up against Buffy, scorching the older girl with the intensity of the kiss she was currently giving her. Buffy groaned as their tongues began to duel. Their body heat almost boiling the blood in each other’s veins. Faith couldn’t have held herself back right now if she’d tried.

She melted into the smaller girl as Buffy abruptly pulled them even closer together, strong hands grabbing the brunette’s compact backside. Slamming their hips into each other.

“Gee…you sure know how to let a girl know what you want.” Faith looked down into the lust filled eyes in front of her. Battling with herself, trying again to decide if she should…or if she should stop.

Faith really didn’t know what to do.

She knew what her body was telling her. She knew what Buffy, well…memory loss Buffy, wanted. It was all too clear. In her eyes, and in the way she was now trailing delightful kisses up and down her neck.

“B…stop.” She didn’t, and Faith bared more of her neck to the smaller girl, even though she really did want her to stop. “You’re getting me…fuck, Buffy…you’re getting me wet.” That really wasn’t causing the little blonde to stop what she was doing.

“Faith…can we…I want…” Both girls were getting immersed in how close they were, pushing their hips into each other, breathing heavily. Needing to feel, wanting it.

“Buffy…wait…” Faith stopped and held her fellow Slayer at arms length. But Buffy definitely had other ideas.

The chosen one was wrapped up in her own desire, obviously the months of ignoring it tumbling over into something she could no longer resist. Not knowing her strength, the blonde girl crushed her lips to Faith's, and pulled the younger Slayer towards her, down onto the bed. Practically throwing her onto it.

Faith was totally taken by surprise, not expecting Buffy to be so rough, so animalistic even. In other circumstances she would be going crazy for it, loving it. But Faith had to regain control. For both their sakes.

She wasn’t having much luck though. Buffy was on top of her, kissing her hungrily, climbing between the taller girl’s thighs. Faith instinctively spread her legs to allow Buffy to settle there. Wanting nothing more than the girl she was in love with against her pussy. Their hot centres rubbing up against each other.

“Oh God…B.” She had no idea the usually coy girl was like this when it came to sex. It was severely testing her resolve.

“Faith…I want to fuck you so much.” Faith closed her eyes and dug deep inside herself, to find a way to restrain this overwhelming need.

“B…” Buffy continued attacking her neck, gripping the younger girl’s wrists in her hands. Hands that she had no idea held the strength they did. “B…stop…you’re hurting me.” Instantly Buffy stilled all action. Looking down at Faith, her eyes wide at just how far she had pushed.

“God Faith…I’m so sorry. I just…” She leapt off Faith, standing before the dark Slayer in shock at her own conduct. And presumably at her own strength.

Looking down at her hands then back to Faith, Buffy let out a sob. Tears beginning to tumble down her face, she ran out the door into the quiet of the warm summer morning. Leaving a stunned Faith behind on the crumpled bed.

PART THREE: Stop at the Red Light

Faith lay on the bed in silent shock at how easily Buffy had turned the tables on her. She was the one who was meant to be impetuous. The sexual predator. Right now though she was feeling more like an innocent schoolgirl left to tidy up the pieces of her broken chastity.

In amongst the startling changes of their relationship however, Faith knew she had to keep her feet on the ground. She had learned a long time ago to expect the unexpected. And the way Buffy was acting was definitely unexpected.

“Shit…Buffy.” Faith jumped up off the bed and ran to the door.

She couldn’t see Buffy nearby, the smaller girl was nowhere in sight. The road not yet busy with traffic or people, she had mostly a clear view of the street.

“Buffy.” She called out, knowing there would be no answer.

Without hesitating, not thinking about the fact she wasn’t exactly dressed, and was shoeless, Faith left the room, closing the door behind her.

She looked left and right, then went with her instincts. The dark slayer set off, down the steps, jogging round the building to the right. Ignoring any surreptitious glances her way. She knew she just had to find Buffy.

There was no doubt in her mind that the older girl hadn’t meant to hurt her. She had just got carried away on the wave of desire that they both had been sharing. Faith knew too well that she was usually the perpetrator of that particular crime.

The dark girl glanced down an alley to her right, and was sure she had seen a glimmer of golden hair. Not in the least bit bothered about how she must have looked, or about her bare feet, Faith took off towards her goal. Jumping over discarded bottles and rotting rubbish.

As she rounded the corner of the filthy trash carpeted alley at speed, Faith bumped straight into something. Something smaller than her, and blonde. Something that was now falling forward at the force of the impact.

Faith reached out to grab the stumbling girl, catching her in her strong hands.

“Fuck, B…sorry.” Faith slowed her breathing, allowing her lungs to catch up with the sudden rush for air.

Not giving the cute slayer before her the opportunity to bolt again, Faith wrapped her arms around her, pulling Buffy’s back up against her.

“Jesus Buffy, don’t run off like that again.” She couldn’t help but wonder at what might have happened if she hadn’t found the other Slayer so quickly.

Buffy didn’t know her way around. She didn’t know who, or what she was. The magnitude of all that could have become of the small girl hit Faith with such a force, she had to back up into the nearby wall.

She could have lost her, found her dead in some sleazy back alley with her throat ripped out. She could have injured herself. Got herself arrested because she didn’t know her own strength. She could have just left, thinking Faith didn’t want her, never finding out how much she was loved and adored by the younger girl.

Pulling Buffy with her, Faith rested against the cold stone of the building they were behind. The sun and heat of the morning not yet having arrived at the sullen spot. She willed her mind to calm down. Focus.

Neither girl spoke. Buffy, leaning slightly into Faith, just stood with her hands by her sides in defeat, salty tears slowly reddening her eyes. The normally animated taller Slayer let out a deep breath, forcing back the feeling of dread at the thought of losing her companion.

Tentatively Buffy turned around in the brunette’s arms, and buried herself into Faith’s embrace. Looking to all the world like a lost soul in need of comfort. In a way, she was that very thing. They both were when it came right down to it.

“I’m so sorry Faith, I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know what came over me. Am I usually like that?” Faith ran a hand through Buffy’s silky locks, encouraging the other girl to look up into her eyes.

“I don’t know if you are normally like that, B. I mean, when it comes to…sex. We’ve never been in that position before. I really doubt you are though somehow. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” The dark girl kissed Buffy lovingly on the forehead. Wanting her to know she didn’t think any less of her. “Anyway, in other circumstances, it woulda been kinda nice, you getting all…aggressive with me. Nobody’s ever been able to dominate me like that before, B. It was a turn on.” She smiled lasciviously down at the shorter girl, unable to stop the thoughts of Buffy taking control of her during a really hot encounter.

She had always been ‘the one on top’ in any given sexual situation. Her obvious superior strength and aggressive nature not allowing her to be anything else. The reversal of roles was new and not entirely unwanted, especially with Buffy. She realised now that she secretly desired the smaller girl to take charge, to take her in hand. The thought alone made her hot. And definitely horny.

“Come on, let’s get back, girlfriend.” Buffy gently touched Faith’s face, studying her striking features.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” She allowed Buffy to leave her palm cupping her cheek, enjoying the delicate touch more than she ever would have cared to admit before.

“For coming after me.” Faith reached up and lightly stroked the older girl’s raised arm with her fingertips.

“I never should have let you run off in the first place.” Without thinking, Faith punctuated her words by kissing Buffy lightly on the lips.

The blonde slayer cautiously kissed back. The soiled starkness of the dark alley disappearing in the emotion of their caress. But then once more, what began as just a gentle gesture of tenderness, began to develop quickly into something much more heated, and needy.

Faith pulled the smaller girl towards her, into her body. Sucking on the tasty tongue offered to her. Then slowly she began drifting her luscious lips across Buffy’s face, and jaw. Stopping herself just as she was about to make her way to the other girl's neck.

“Buffy, you gotta stop kissing me like that. You’re too fucking good at it. It’s getting me all worked up.” The blonde slayer pouted mischievously at Faith. “Fuck…you’re not going to make this easy are ya?”

“Nope…I want you.”

Faith could tell. Unfortunately, she reminded herself, she had recently found her misplaced morals.

She couldn’t help but laugh at how insane things had become in such a short time. Although being a Slayer prepared you for ‘all things weird’, the way her friendship with Buffy had screamed ahead into ‘fuck me now, I want you’ territory was just plain bizarre.

“I’ve always loved the way you laugh, Faith. It’s so sexy.”

“You’re crazy, ya know that?” Faith pushed herself off the wall behind her, beaming at how happy the small Slayer could make her feel. Then she realised something. “Wait a minute…You ‘always’ loved it?…As in you remember?” Buffy frowned, seemingly searching the contents of her head.

“I…I don’t know. I think I just kinda felt it, more than actually remembered.” Faith stroked a gentle thumb across Buffy’s cheek.

“Yeah? That’s good, well, better than nothing. Let’s motorvate so we can go see Giles about it.” She moved to recapture Buffy’s hand in hers, to lead her back to the motel room.

“Wait, Faith you don’t have any shoes on.” Buffy’s face was full of concern. As she looked down at Faith’s now very dirty feet. Lifting her gaze, she continued. “And you’re still in your…very short…revealing…nightwear.” Faith raised her eyebrows at Buffy’s distracted observation.

“Well, hon…I didn’t exactly have much time to get all dressed up for ya. You took off pretty fast.” She chuckled, not wanting Buffy to think she was really bothered about her state of undress. Mainly because she wasn’t. She was just glad Buffy was safe.

“Oh, that reminds me. I…well, I kinda bumped into a guy when I left, and…he almost flew from the force, when I pushed him outta the way.” Faith burst out laughing, just the image of some poor guy going flying due to a tiny little thing like Buffy. He must have been devastated. “Hey, it’s not funny. I’m kinda confused, because I know that’s weird.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, B. That’s just too funny…haha. Oh man.” Buffy was scowling at her now. “Ok, I’m sorry. I promise, we’ll talk to Giles about it. There’s something you’re probably gonna need to know.” Faith didn’t really want to get into the whole ‘Slayer’ thing standing barefoot in a filthy backstreet.

“Ok.” The brunette took Buffy’s hand in hers and they headed back to her small room. But then Buffy tugged her back. “Wait, your feet.” The sultry Slayer took a deep breath, really wanting to just get back inside.

“Buffy, can we just get the fuck outta here? I’m beginning to feel a little silly. “ She waved her hands down her athletic form, indicating her state of attire.

Buffy nodded, biting her lower lip slightly. Faith shook her head at how adorable the little Slayer looked, and bent down, kissing her softly before they set off again. They walked confidently past the curious passers by, hand in hand.

Faith wasn’t particularly bothered about what people thought of her, or what they wanted to think about the fact she was wearing next to nothing. She was past caring.

It did surprise her though how Buffy also didn’t seem to care about the way they were being stared at. But then again, she had to remind herself, Buffy was far from acting normally at all. Right now, the blonde Slayer didn’t know what normal for her was.

*****

The chosen two got back to the room, and surprisingly, for the neighbourhood, nothing had been stolen. Faith hadn’t locked the door, and was thankful she didn’t really have anything of value to steal anyway.

The only thing of worth she had, had already been stolen by Buffy. Her heart. Although Faith would never likely call her heart something of worth. Buffy’s on the other hand, was priceless to her.

But she didn’t have that, and doubted she ever would. It was Angel's. Always would be as far as she could tell. No matter what Buffy said to her in her present condition.

They hurriedly got ready to make their way to the Magic Box, trying their best not to touch too much. Or look at each other for too long. Or do anything that would lead them to end up on the bed naked, legs spread, with creamy girl cum dripping off each other’s flushed faces.

As much as Faith wanted it, she wouldn’t let it get as far as it had earlier, again. But the thought of Buffy’s hot, creamy…She wiped the thought from her head as quickly as she could.

“You set to go, girlfriend?” Faith stood by the door in her trademark leather pants, and a tight white sleeveless tee shirt.

“Yep.” The chirpy blonde smiled serenely at Faith, and strutted out the door onto the street, like she had been doing it for as long as she could remember.

Faith swatted the small girl’s firm backside as she exited the room. Then went to lift her jacket from the nearby beaten up chair, looking around the small apartment that was now littered with Buffy’s clothes, and filled with her scent.

The thought of her and Buffy living together one day crossed Faith’s mind, and she smiled warily. It was a happy thought, tinged with sadness at knowing it would never be. The brunette’s smile faltered with the reality of how her love would never be returned by Buffy.

She lowered her head, chastising herself for being so hands on with the little blonde in the last 24 hours. She realised she was a low down dirty dog for even thinking about taking things to the next level right now with her. She hated herself for always just being about sex.

“I’m such a fucking bitch.” She could feel her heart sinking, her eyes clouding over the way they did when her defences stepped in to take over.

She knew she had to stop being so smoochy with Buffy. Stop feeling happy at the recent turn of events. Stop any thought whatsoever, about her and the cute assed girl ever being more than just friends. She had to at least try.

“Are you coming, Faith? Or waiting for a written invitation?” At least the other girl hadn’t lost her sarcastic streak along with her memory.

Quietly Faith replied.

“Yeah, be right with ya, princess.” Squaring her shoulders, and slipping on her impervious ‘bad girl’ mask. Faith confidently strode out behind Buffy.

Not looking once at the happy little Slayer almost bouncing along beside her. Faith lead the way silently to the magic shop to find some answers, or just create some more questions.

Buffy hadn’t appeared to notice the dark girl’s dark mood. She was too busy studying shop windows, people, anything she laid her eyes on. Her up-tempo disposition wasn’t rubbing off on Faith. In fact it was making her feel worse.

‘Her’ Buffy was far from this happy on a usual day. The blonde girl had too many troubles. Too much of the weight of the world on her shoulders, literally. She was still missing Angel.

It just made it more clear to the brunette that she couldn’t just go on acting like this whole scenario was a good thing. Fair enough, she would prefer Buffy to be this cheerful all the time. Want her all the time.

But right then and there, just before they entered the magic shop, she knew…she could never make Buffy this happy in normal circumstances. And Buffy would never admit to wanting to be with her. It wasn’t meant to be. It never would be.

It was just another push in the direction of her worthless feeling. Another slap around the face for daring to look beyond the hopeless, and into the realm of make believe happy endings.

“Fuck this…” She watched Buffy enter the shop, then turned to run. Just like Buffy had done earlier.

The only difference being. She wasn’t running from what she’d done. She was running from what could never be done.

PART FOUR: I Try To Move On

The bottom of the glass glinted in the dim light of the bar, a sheen of thick brown substance lying in wait for more to follow. Its strong scent perforating the air, calling out to anyone who cared to listen. Whispering of lost hope, and promises of muffling the screaming in your head.

Faith held the glass tightly in her firm grip, willing herself to put it to one side, to forget about how the taste, the promise, called to her. She had lost all hope, yet still looked. Still believed in the vow her heart had made, without her permission. The only way to dull the ache, erase the thoughts, was to drink.

She had seen her mother do the same thing, until she’d killed herself with lost hope.

“Hey…Want that glass you’re attempting to strangle filling?”

“Spike…fuck off.” She shifted her body in an effort to keep the vampire out of her line of sight.

“Just trying to be friendly, love.” He sat down at the stool beside the brooding girl, despite the obvious ‘get lost, and leave me alone’ body language radiating from her.

“Since when are vampires fucking friendly?” She wasn’t in the mood for this, she wanted to be alone.

The thought crossed her mind to just whip out her stake and dust him right then and there. He was evil after all. Buffy’s arch enemy, or at least he had been. Now he was just an ambiguous blot on Sunnydale’s landscape. Not quite fitting in, not quite fulfilling his undead potential anymore.

“Hey…what’s with the tensing and the heartbeat? You’re not thinking of getting handy with a pointy thing are you? Cos I’m pretty bloody sure with the alcohol I can smell in your veins, you won’t get far.” He leant away from her slightly, readying himself for something.

Faith whipped around to face him, faster than even she realised she could move. Grabbing the collar of his long dark coat with one hand, she pulled his face close to hers’, and with a wicked grin patted his cheek with her free hand.

“You just remember this…One day, the last face you’ll see before you get blown away with the fucking wind, is mine. Now shut the fuck up.” She slammed him back down onto his stool, turning to shake her glass at the bartender one more time.

She couldn’t be bothered to dust him. She didn’t feel like experiencing that rush of pleasure she got from doing it. Faith was sticking to her plan of feeling miserable for the time being, she didn’t want that messed with. She wanted to remain in control of at least that.

“Righto…I’ll just sit here then. Mind my own business.” It was the most sensible thing the blonde vampire had said in a long time.

The bartender filled Faith’s glass again, saturating it with a dark, strong spirit. She looked at it for a second, before emptying half of it down her burning throat. Despite the sting of the liquid, Faith grinned at how quickly it sank into her bloodstream. How it pulsed through her body with delicious ease, sweeping away some of the pain with it.

“You’re thirsty then I see?”

“I thought you were gonna mind your own business, Barbie.” She turned to look at him. Studying his worn features with her dangerous dark stare.

“Yeah…sorry. Bloody hell.” Spike shuffled around in his seat muttering, and keeping one eye on the Slayer as he took a long swig of his bottled beer.

Faith couldn’t help but snigger a little at how nervous he was around her. But she also wondered why the hell he would choose to sit next to an obviously pissed off Slayer, who had just pretty much threatened to off him.

“Why don’t you get lost?” The brunette had never been one for subtlety.

“It’s a free country, or so I’ve been lead to believe.” He was practically pouting now.

“Yeah, but just in case you missed it…Me Slayer, you vampire.” She was genuinely intrigued by the guy though now. He almost looked like he had more problems than she did.

“Well, the way I see it…Slayer…if you were gonna kill me, you’d av done it by now. And I’m not in the bloody mood to argue anymore, so I think I will just fuck off.” He grabbed his bottle and stood to leave. Faith laid a strong hand on his shoulder and sat him back down.

“Nah…no need. Want another one?” The disillusioned girl thought it might be handy to have someone around to annoy, it would go some way to taking her mind off a certain cute little Slayer anyway.

“Yeah, sure…So anyway, what’s so fucked up in your life that you’ve decided to haunt that barstool at 11 in the morning?” Spike nodded a thanx for the beer now being placed in front of him.

“I could ask you the same thing. How the hell did you get in here anyway, without becoming a crispy treat?” The dark Slayer leant heavily on the bar as she spoke, the alcohol and lack of breakfast fast unravelling the seams of her soberness.

“I know the guy that owns the place. He has a back door, leads down if ya know what I mean.”

“Right. So why are you in here drinking when you should be getting comfy with some worms or something.” She realised Spike didn’t actually sleep in a coffin in the ground, but it made her smirk all the same.

“Very bloody funny. I’m drowning my sorrows like all good fuck ups do, sweetheart.” He scowled ineffectively at his new drinking pal.

They both took a swig of their respective potions, and sank into whatever troubles they were having.

Faith knew this wasn’t the way to deal with things. And she realised at some point she would have to make her way back to the Magic Box to apologise for bailing. But for the time being, she couldn’t think of a better place to be. Well, except maybe the other Slayer’s arms.

But that wasn’t going to happen. She wouldn’t allow herself to take comfort whilst betraying Buffy’s trust. Because she knew that’s what she would be doing if she were to go along with the way Buffy was acting now, having lost her memory.

*****

The disheartened Slayer and simpering vampire boiled in their own self pity, soaking in the non existent ambience of the bar they had both found themselves in.

They had fallen into a comfortable silence, neither of them feeling the need to express their troubles. It wasn’t necessary. In amongst the total lack of other patrons, apart from an obvious drunk in the corner, they were like lost souls looking for purchase.

Faith downed the remainder of her sixth double Jack. Licking her lips now instead of wincing at the taste. She was feeling light headed, the world was getting fuzzy around the edges. Just the way she liked it. At least that way she knew the gaping hole in her heart would hurt less. Pain was never quite as sharp and obvious with a few more dead brain cells floating around in your head.

“What did you say?” Spike woozily looked over at the brunette who had a glazed look in her eyes.

“I didn’t say anything ya freak.” She slammed her glass back down on the bar, pointing into it with an unsteady finger for the benefit of the guy behind the counter.

“Yer you did…something about a…head.” The blonde vampire twisted his face with confusion. Maybe trying to decide which one of them had said it.

Faith just shook her head chuckling under her breath at the vampire sat beside her. She hadn’t planned on being willing to be in someone else’s company, wanting to just run away from everything and everyone.

But somehow, even though he didn’t say much, just having the bleach blonde guy sat next to her, made her feel a little better. A little less alone in the world. He had his troubles too, Drusilla leaving him for one thing. As much as it made Faith want to fall on the floor laughing, she knew Spike had been in love with the lunatic vamp. She had heard all about it from Buffy.

As more of the alcohol soaked its way into her bloodstream she patted her undead drinking partner on the back, causing him almost to fall off the stool with the unrestrained force.

“Ya know something, Spiky?…you’re alright. Well, for a murdering bloodsucker that I’m supposed to be killing.” She twirled around on her stool, searching the darkness of the bar, looking for the toilette.

“Hey, don’t get any ideas of sticking me with something sharp and wooden.”

“Nah…not today at least.” Faith stumbled down from the barstool, steadying herself before heading for the little girl’s room.

The tipsy brunette did her business then washed her hands in the cracked sink. Squinting at her hazy reflection in the dirty bathroom mirror, Faith sighed. She looked drunk, she was drunk.

She felt tears begin to sting the back of her eyes at how hopeless she was. How easily she could mess her life up. Buffy was her friend, a close friend. So, they didn’t quite share everything. Willow still held the title of Buffy’s best friend. Then there was Xander. But Faith did fit in with it all, somewhere. And she liked it.

Rubbing a hand across her forehead, stopping any tears from falling. Faith stood tall, or as tall as she could considering how much alcohol was flowing through her. She made a decision, and she was determined to stick to it. She had to.

The dark Slayer decided to do her best to keep Buffy at arms length, and not give into her own desires. She would stand by her, and help out where needed, until they found out why she had lost her memory, and how to cure it. Then she would do the hardest thing she could ever imagine doing, considering it could change everything about her life as it was.

She would tell Buffy how she felt.

“That’s it…I’ll fucking do it.” Talking to herself in the mirror, Faith blinked back her dread at the thought and walked back into the bar to say goodbye to Spike.

“Hey, Slayer…thought you’d fallen in. Want another one?” He raised Faith’s empty glass.

“Yeah…ok. Maybe just one.” She slumped back down onto her seat, forgetting she was supposed to be going back to the magic shop.

Several drinks later Faith stumbled out into the daylight, hiding her eyes from the sun with her hand. She left Spike behind, talking the ear off the unfortunate bar tender. Faith had grown hungry with all the alcohol and needed to eat. She didn’t care what, as long as it filled her.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, the young Slayer ignored the fact that the world was oozing in and out of sight, and made her way to find food. She had almost forgotten why she had been in the bar in the first place. In her drunken state nothing really seemed to stick in her head.

She just knew something was wrong. There was a problem she didn’t know how to fix. She had to be somewhere. She was meant to…

“Oh fuck…” Faith slapped her forehead with her hand, immediately regretting it as she almost fell over from the force.

Reeling backwards and forwards a little, she then turned on her heel and began making her way to the Magic Box. And Buffy.

*****

After stopping to fulfill her growling stomach, the brunette eventually reached her destination. Swaying with the gait of a practised drunk, Faith staggered to the door of the magic shop, muttering to herself at how the door handle just wouldn’t stay still.

“Hey…just fuckin…gotcha.” She lurched forward into the small shop, cursing.

“Faith…My God, where have you been? We looked everywhere for you.” Buffy was in her arms in an instant.

“Whoa…little busy bee. Glad to see me, pumpkin?” She hung on to the smaller girl, more in an effort to stay upright than anything else.

“Faith, you’re drunk.” Buffy looked at the swaying girl currently in her arms.

“No I’m not…I’m just…shit.” As Buffy let go of her, Faith fell to the floor with a resounding thud.

Giles just looked on from afar, rubbing his temples in despair as Faith grabbed at a nearby chair to unsuccessfully pull herself up. Buffy didn’t look too pissed off. Which Faith was grateful for, because she knew she couldn’t handle an annoyed Buffy right now. She did feel the need to apologise for running off though.

“Fuck…B, I’m sorry I left. I…I just got freaked.” The brunette managed to fall into the chair, with a little assistance from her fellow Slayer.

“Shh! It’s ok. I was just worried about you. I made Giles drive me around to try to find you. Faith, don’t leave me alone again.” Buffy seemed close to tears.

“I’m such a fucking bitch…man.” Faith buried her face in her hands, not knowing what to do or say to make things right.

She did feel like a bitch. Buffy must have felt so lonely with just Giles, someone she had no connection with whatsoever, as company. Searching for her. Worrying about her. She stood up abruptly, wanting to put things right, although she had no clue how to.

As Faith got to her feet however, a sudden rush of blood, and therefore alcohol, surged to her head.

“What the…” Faith reeled forward.

Buffy caught the falling brunette just before she hit the ground, and the last thing Faith saw before promptly passing out, was the little Slayer gently cradling her in her arms.

*****

The next thing she knew, Faith was lying in her bed. Looking up at the cracked and discoloured ceiling, she realised it was spinning. Or it might have been the bed. She couldn’t quite work it out, or get it to stop.

“Hey…are you ok?” Buffy leant over the prone Slayer as she stroked her cheek softly, nothing but concern in her eyes.

“Yer..I…err! I have no idea.” She eventually got her eyes to focus on the blonde girl propped up next to her.

“You had me worried. All day in fact. I should be angry with you.” But Buffy didn’t sound angry.

“I’m sorry, B.” Faith was at a loss. But at least she wasn’t feeling quite so drunk.

She lay next to Buffy, allowing her fellow Slayer to softly stroke her fingers through her thick waves of hair. Enjoying the tenderness of such a simple act. It wasn’t even something her own mother had done for her before. Gently care for her. This was so new, and causing her to fall even deeper in love with Buffy.

“I’m gonna go pee.” She felt the overwhelming need to get away from the little blonde as soon as possible.

“Sure…I’ll help you.” Faith was about to protest at the idea of Buffy actually helping her to the toilette, until she almost stumbled back onto the bed in her haste to get up.

“Thanx.” She laid her hand in Buffy’s as the smaller girl assisted her into the small bathroom.

Faith pulled on the buttons of her pants, but just couldn’t work them open. Such a simple act suddenly seemed to need the brains of a scientist, or a Buffy shaped hero.

“Let me.” Buffy didn’t hesitate in undoing the offending buttons.

She looked up into Faith’s deep dark eyes as she slowly freed Faith of her leather restriction. Pushing the garment down as carefully as she could, along with her scant underwear, to her knees. Never once breaking eye contact, and licking her lips as she stood in front of the taller girl.

Faith stood, totally exposed to Buffy, feeling less like using the toilette, and more like discarding the rest of her clothes, along with Buffy’s. Their eyes were locked on each other, neither girl making a move. Buffy hadn’t dared to look down yet at Faith. And Faith, well, she was repeating ‘no sex, no sex’ in her head over and over.

The still tipsy girl finally sat down on the toilette seat, unable to ignore her need any more.

“Err…B? You gonna stand and watch, or turn around?” She didn’t really want to piss in front of the cute blonde. Even though the idea of watersports had never totally grossed her out. Now was not the time.

“Sorry.” Buffy had the courtesy to look a little embarrassed as she turned to face away from Faith.

Faith blundered about, trying to reassemble her attire, after she had finished. Pulling uselessly at the tight leather.

“Faith, let me do that. In fact, why don’t you just take them off? We can get into bed.” Buffy looked shyly at the sultry brunette, obviously wanting nothing more than to just crawl into bed with her.

Faith didn’t have the energy to resist. Even though she had been asleep for nearly two hours, she was still woozy and tired.

“Yeah…ok.” Faith stood before her blonde counterpart, waiting to be undressed by her.

In other circumstances it would have been a fantasy come true. But her vow to ‘not touch’ Buffy, and her current inebriated state kept her mind out of the gutter. Although, she had to admit, she was teetering on the edge.

Faith rested her hands on the other girl’s shoulders as she was stripped of her pants and underwear. Buffy was taking her time however. The blonde Slayer noticeably breathing quicker than she was before.

“God Faith, you have great legs.” Faith couldn’t hold in the giggle that escaped when Buffy straightened up, trailing her finger nails lightly over the smooth skin of Faith’s inner thighs.

“That tickles.” But it stopped tickling when Buffy continued on, lifting Faith’s small tee shirt over her head, spilling her long hair back down onto her shoulders as she removed it altogether. “B, maybe I should do this.” Both girls were heating up. Faith didn’t want to lose control again. And the way Buffy was looking at her right now was pushing all the right buttons.

“Ok…I’ll bring in something for you to wear. Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

Faith was thinking she was going to be far from ok, in every respect. She was still drunk after all. Her resolve was going to be sorely tested. She took a deep cleansing breath and nodded.

Buffy brought in her things, then left Faith to tumble about in the bathroom, dressing and cleaning herself up a little. She hated the taste of stale alcohol on her tongue. She left the small room looking like a tornado had just touched down, and made her unsteady way back to the bed Buffy was already in. Crawling under the inviting covers, Faith remembered that Buffy had been with Giles all day.

“Hey…did G man find anything out today?” She laid her head down on the pillow, facing her friend. Who was already tucked up and turned towards Faith.

“Not really. But I did ask him about why I’m so strong. He told me about us. Well, kinda. I still don’t really get it.” Faith just nodded feeling the tug of sleep pulling her eyelids down.

“Yeah…we can…talk tomorrow. Or, whatever.” Faith yawned and felt a soft hand brush against her and find its way to her waist. She didn’t push it away, it was too nice.

The sleepy brunette snuggled into the point between being asleep and awake, just enjoying the peace her mind was finally allowing her. And also, enjoying the pleasant ministrations of the hand now under her vest, on her lower back.

Buffy traced delicate circles over Faith’s soft skin. Teasing her fingernails up and down the stretch of back that her hand could reach. Then she moved around to the front, pushing up the tee shirt with her arm. Lightly drifting her fingertips over Faith’s toned stomach, and up towards her sumptuous breasts.

Faith felt like she wanted to protest, but she was half asleep, not quite fully aware of what was happening. Her lips parted as her breathing forced its way in and out of her lungs a little faster than normal. She ran her tongue over her dimpled lower lip and mumbled something unintelligible just as Buffy closed her mouth over hers.

The smaller girl kissed Faith delicately, probably not wanting the wilful Slayer to wake too much and push her away again. As she fluttered her tongue across Faith’s lips, Buffy closed her hand around one of the younger girl’s soft round breasts, squeezing her gently, arousing her nipple. She gently pushed on Faith so she was fully on her back.

“B…wha…” Buffy shushed the dozing girl with her mouth and stroked her thumb over Faith’s hard and needy dusky nipple. The dark Slayer was breathing much heavier now, as was Buffy. Faith was aware of what was happening but was somehow powerless to stop it right away.

No doubt conscious of the fact the Faith was probably going to become more aware if she took her time, and stop her, Buffy dipped her hand into the dark girl’s shorts. Faith instinctively raised her hips as the blonde girl’s fingers brushed over her already moist pussy lips.

“God Faith, I want you so much. I know I shouldn’t be doing this.” But despite knowing how unfair it was to be taking advantage of the drunken girl, she didn’t stop.

Buffy’s fingertips sensitively spread open Faith’s warm pussy. Trailing lightly through the wetness on offer to her, not yet embarking on the discovery of the other Slayer’s clit.

She was obviously just enjoying the feeling of her fingers on another girl’s dripping sex for the time being. Pushing just a little further down, over the silken opening to Faith’s fuckable tight, wet hole. She dipped her fingers in a little way, dispersing more of Faith’s pussy juice over her slick cunt.

“Fuck…you feel so good.” Buffy whispered.

Faith began to whimper in her drowsy state, unconsciously wanting more, wanting Buffy to touch her where she most needed it. To push her fingers deep inside her, to fill her and fuck her. She was beginning to wake. Becoming more and more aware and more and more aroused.

But this was wrong. Fighting through the thoughts of ‘fuck me now’ came other thoughts like, ‘you’ll hate me if I let you do this’, ‘you’ll never forgive me once you have your memory back’.

Faith reached down, grasping Buffy’s wrist not too tightly in her hand, halting the older girl’s motions.

“Buffy…” The chosen two looked deep into each other’s eyes. Unspoken questions and pleas flying between them.

Faith’s inebriated brain cells jumped to life, pushing a flashing red thought to the forefront of her mind…’this is too fucking weird.’ If the tables turned any more, she’d seriously have to think about changing her name.

PART FIVE: Give In To Me

As they lay in silence, Faith on her back and Buffy propped up, partially hovering over her, the two girls searched each other’s eyes. Faith wanted Buffy to keep doing what she was doing, but she also wanted the world to just stop so she could jump off for a while and get herself back to normal, back in control.

They didn’t move positions, as if some force were willing them together in the darkness of the stark room. Buffy lowered her lips back down to Faith's, gently brushing over them as she flicked one of her fingertips across the dark Slayer’s clit. Ignoring any protest Faith might have.

Despite her desire to stop, her overwhelming desire to have sex with Buffy took control at that point. Faith closed her dusky eyes, allowing herself to enjoy the feel of the other girl on her lips, and in the soaking folds of her hot and seeping centre. She arched up into the touch, which served to encourage the less experienced girl.

Buffy slowly began fingering Faith’s clit. Softly circling it and stroking it as she began kissing along the younger girl’s jaw line, and down to her throat. Faith was so wet, her body betraying any hope of turning back now. It was as if Buffy knew exactly what she wanted. As if it were entirely natural to have her hand sliding around in the dark girl’s cunt.

“Oh! Fuck, B.” She wanted it now. She wanted it all.

Sitting up slightly, Faith removed her top, then discarded Buffy’s to the floor along with her own. The blonde girl replaced her fingers into Faith’s slippery slit, moving over the slick little button between her open legs. The brunette fell back down to the bed, pulling Buffy with her in a fiery kiss.

Their breasts and swollen nipples rubbed up against each other, causing them both to moan. Faith tried to clear her still inebriated brain and turn the other girl onto her back, so she could take control, but Buffy was having non-of it.

Buffy pushed her body down onto Faith, changing her position slightly so now she was completely hovering above the panting Slayer, holding Faith’s wrists above her head with her free hand so she couldn’t touch her.

The pool of silky pussy juice between the brunette's legs gushed out ever more, coating Buffy’s digits, and flowing down into her other tight hole. Buffy was in total control, fingering her clit slowly, teasing her almost it seemed. Faith was far too turned on now to do the moral thing. Her mind was full of Buffy, and what she was doing to her.

“Buffy, I wanna touch you.” Buffy gave her a wicked grin, shaking her head, before attacking her mouth with her own. Sliding her tongue around the younger girl’s as her fingers searched inside Faith’s pussy for her velvet opening.

“I want you so much, Faith. I feel like I must have been craving you for a long time. Craving this.” She inserted two fingers into Faith’s dripping hole.

Faith sighed out noisily. Buffy was inside her, moving her fingers tantalisingly in and out. Slipping in deeper with every slow thrust into her tight entrance. Faith rocked her hips up to meet Buffy’s hand, wanting the blonde girl to fill her. The drunken haze not allowing her to want Buffy to be slow and teasing.

“Fuck me, Buffy.” She tried to free her hands in order to pull the cute Slayer into her more. But Buffy kept her grip tight, not too tight to hurt, but enough to let Faith know she was going to have her way.

“Lay back, let me show you how much I know I’ve wanted you, Faith.” Buffy snaked her tongue down to Faith’s breasts as her fingers began to thrust a little harder and deeper into the dark girl.

She sucked on Faith’s nipples. Pulling at them with her mouth and teeth in time with her fingers currently being shoved up inside the dark Slayer’s silky twat, pushing deep inside her, faster now. Faith had no choice but to just give in to the other girl as her legs spread open even more, allowing the blonde total access to her hot pink pussy, that was being pounded into submission.

“Oh, yeah. God, that feels so good.” Faith excepted her defeat. She couldn’t resist. Not this. Not now.

Buffy, breathing almost as hard as Faith, began rubbing herself on Faith’s leg, still not allowing the taller girl to use her hands. She started humping the strong thigh to the same rhythm that her fingers glided in and out of the dark Slayer.

Faith wanted desperately to get Buffy out of her shorts, and spreading her pussy all over her, but her mind was temporarily out of commission. She just couldn’t form thoughts beyond how well the little blonde was fucking her. Sliding her fingers deftly inside her now quivering pussy.

Faith was close to showering Buffy’s hand with her cum. She could feel the tension mounting in her stomach, the waves of pleasure beginning to make their way through her. Buffy seemed to realise, probably due to the fact Faith was groaning with every thrust. Vocally expressing her oncoming orgasm. She quickened the pace a little more.

“Fuck…Buf…Buffy. Oh fuck, baby…yeah.” Faith couldn’t remember a time she had felt so good. Nobody had ever made her feel quite like she felt now.

Riding the smaller Slayer’s fingers, Faith cried out as Buffy flicked her thumb over her clit. She began the exquisite slide down into a mind numbing orgasm. Trembling as Buffy assaulted both her clit and her G spot at the same time. Rubbing her, filling her, sliding around in her, and fucking her better than anybody had ever done.

“Oh! Buffy, Fuck yes.” Faith practically yelped as she shook, her hot sticky girl cum bursting out onto Buffy’s hand. The walls of her slippery cunt clutching onto the other girl as she rode out the orgasm before crashing back down to earth.

Faith was in a haze of alcohol and post orgasmic exhaustion as she slumped into the soft pillows, giving in to the pull of sleep. No longer able to fight it even though she wanted to shower Buffy with kisses, touch her and show her how much she adored her.

As Faith’s mind wandered off to her own little dream land, she was aware of Buffy shifting her position and snuggling into her side, pulling her close and whispering in her ear. She only caught a small amount of what Buffy was saying, and was too far gone to react or reply to the older Slayer.

“You’re wonderful, Faith. I never want to be apart from you…I think I’m in love with you.” Buffy kissed her lightly on the forehead before resting back down into Faith.

The brunette had caught what her fellow Slayer had said but couldn’t quite comprehend it, her mind too tired, too drunk. Somewhere in her subconscious though, she fully understood. Faith drifted off completely, with a satisfied smile on her full lips that now tasted of Buffy.

*****

Faith sat up abruptly, spilling the covers from her naked torso. Looking around, noticing her lack of clothing, she put a hand to her head, trying to recall why she had such a pain there. Then she glanced down at Buffy, still asleep in amongst the warmth of the duvet, and also missing her top. Faith knitted her eyebrows together, and it all came flooding into her aching head.

“Shit.” Faith took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she recalled the night’s events.

Buffy had stripped her in the bathroom. She had kissed her. Then slid her fingers around inside her. She had given her the most amazing orgasm she had ever had. The remnants of which Faith could still feel between her thighs. In short…Faith had been unable to resist the blonde Slayer.

Her mind indulged itself in the hazy events of the night. The memory alone of what Buffy had done to her, was turning her on again. She could almost still taste the other girl on her lips. She could recall how good it had felt with Buffy buried deep inside her. She had to get up…she knew she shouldn’t have let it happen.

Faith extracted herself from the duvet cover and quietly made her way into the bathroom. She splashed her face with cold water, looking at her reflection in the cracked mirror.

“You shouldn’t have let it happen. She’s gonna hate you.” Then it hit her. She remembered what Buffy had said whilst she was drifting off to sleep.

Buffy was in love with her. Or at least that’s what she had said.

Faith shook her sore head. She didn’t know what to think. Unsure whether or not Buffy had said it just because she felt safe with her right now, because of the memory loss. Or if maybe she had always felt that way. She couldn’t wrap her head around the implications.

After using the toilette, and cleaning herself up a little, Faith returned to the bedroom, still topless.

“Hmm! Now there’s a sight I could get used to.” Buffy’s eyes were unashamedly roaming over Faith’s full round breasts.

Faith licked her dry lips, fighting back the urge to scream out the question she wanted so much to ask. She wanted to run over to Buffy and ask her to tell her if she really did love her. Or if it was a dream. Or if she was in some twisted dimension somewhere, designed to mess with her head.

Feeling a little more conscious than she normally would about her state of undress, the dark girl made her way around to her side of the bed, scooping her vest off the floor as she went, and putting it back on.

“Aww! I prefer you without that on, sexy.” Buffy pouted at Faith, who did her level best not to notice and suck on the blonde girl's inviting lip.

Faith sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from the little torment currently shifting her way towards her.

“Are you ok, Faith? Did I do something wrong…baby?” Buffy reached out a tentative hand, resting it on Faith’s thigh.

The younger Slayer swallowed the lump in her throat. This was all too much for her to take. It was something she wanted so much, but was so sure could never be hers. She had been sure that the small blonde would never be hers. But now that was in doubt.

It was still Buffy after all, memory loss or not. It was still the same hands, lips, heart of her fellow Slayer.

“Faith?” Buffy sounded worried now.

The brunette turned towards the anxious girl, any thought of walking away from the situation flying straight out of the window at the look of concern and love in her friend's eyes.

“I’m ok, B. Just…hungover.” Faith swung her lithe legs up onto the bed and rested her back against the headboard, grabbing the remote to flick the T.V on. She needed distracting. Buffy was still partially naked after all.

“Poor baby.” Buffy practically curled up into her lap, pulling most of the covers with her.

Faith looked down at the cute little blonde who was now trailing her fingernails up and down her bare thigh. She still couldn’t quite believe what had happened. But she was loving the way she felt right now. If she concentrated, putting all her doubts and worries to the back of her mind, Faith could admit that she felt like everything would be ok. That everything would work out.

She indulged herself in the sanctuary of that feeling. Allowing herself to enjoy the sweet smell of her…lover. Faith smiled at the thought. Buffy had made love to her. If it was true that the little Slayer was in love with her, that’s what had happened. It wasn’t just sex. Faith was in no doubt that it was much more than that for her at least.

Scooting down on the bed, Faith pulled Buffy into a tight hug, her defences were down, her walls nothing but dust because of her love for the older girl. Buffy returned the hug with as much feeling she was receiving. And a small tear escaped the dark girl’s grasp, trickling down her cheek and landing on Buffy.

“Why are you crying? Faith, please don’t cry baby, I love you. Shh!” She had said it again. And it did quite the opposite of making Faith stop crying.

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Months of longing for Buffy to notice her as more than a friend, see her as more than the cheap whore she felt she was sometimes. The night’s spent dreaming of her, worrying about her. Loving her. It came tumbling down her cheeks, splashing onto Buffy.

“Hey, it’s ok. I love you Faith. I love you so much…I can feel it so deep inside me.” Buffy wiped her thumbs at the falling tears, attempting to stem the flow.

Faith couldn’t say anything. She just lay with Buffy holding her, letting the tears fall soundlessly. Daring to believe what the other girl was saying was the truth.

She had never felt loved before, never felt love. But she knew she loved Buffy, with all her heart she knew it. And she truly did feel it coming from the smaller Slayer too. It was there, like a taste, like a soft caress. She felt it.

“B…Buffy. I love you too.” She had never said the words to anybody before, but they felt right coming from her lips.

Buffy leaned up and lightly brushed her lips over Faith’s. Tears had also began leaking from the older girl’s eyes, so they kissed amongst the salty tears. Finding solace, hope, and love in each other’s arms.

Both girls became quickly lost in the other’s embrace. In the soft sensual kisses now becoming more heated. They could have been anywhere, under any circumstance, nothing else mattered.

Faith forgot her worries and fears that Buffy would hate her for being this way with her. She held on firmly to the overwhelming feeling of love flooding out of the other girl towards her.

“Don’t ever leave me, Faith. I don’t care if I never remember anything from before, just say you’ll be mine.” Buffy looked deep into Faith’s watery eyes.

“I’ll never leave you, B. And I am yours, I always was. Even though you didn’t know it. You had me a long time ago.” She meant it. Buffy had her heart, no matter what, that would never change.

The chosen two sank deep into each other’s arms, the tears slowing to a stop as they both gave in to their need for one another. Faith felt exhausted with the sheer power and pull of emotions previously lacking in her life. She felt happy, content.

Ignoring the niggling doubt in the back of her mind, she kissed her little Slayer on the top of her head then shifted her way down to lay beside Buffy fully.

“I want to make love to you, Buffy. I want to show you how I feel. I want to taste you and touch you everywhere. Get you hot and wet for me so I can slide my fingers inside you. God, B…I’ve never wanted anything so much in my fucking life.”

Buffy was lightly trembling beside Faith, her pupils large and so dark the brunette could almost see her reflection in them. She was breathing heavier, her blood pounding through her veins so much so that Faith could see how excited she was from the pulse point in her neck.

The dark Slayer placed her lips over the throbbing vein and sucked gently. Buffy tangled her hands into Faith’s long dark tresses, keeping her head in place as she left her mark behind.

“Faith…please, make love to me. Make me yours.” Buffy lifted Faith’s face to hers and they plunged their tongues into each other’s mouths, kissing greedily, and pulling at one another’s clothing to remove it.

“Shit.” Faith almost jumped out of her skin.

The phone was ringing loudly.

Looking at the offending object with disdain, Faith’s mind ran back and forth between picking up the receiver, or throwing the phone out of the window.

“You’d better answer it.”

Faith pouted but nodded in agreement. It could be important. She rearranged that thought to ‘it fucking better be important’.

“Yeah?” She virtually barked into the receiver.

“Faith, I think I’ve found the cause of Buffy’s memory loss. In fact I’m pretty damn sure I know exactly what happened. You should both make your way to the Magic Box as soon as possible.” Faith closed her eyes, a soft sigh escaping.

“Sure Giles…We’ll be right there.” She replaced the receiver and fell back into the pillows, unsure whether she should be feeling happy or worried.

Somewhere in the back of her mind there was niggle beginning to grow and take shape. It told her she was stupid to believe she could ever just be happy. It told her to prepare for the worst.

PART SIX: Don’t Ever Forget

“That was Giles.” Faith fixed her eyes on the discoloured ceiling.

Buffy crawled over to the prone girl, lying almost completely on top of her. She stretched a possessive leg over Faith and began playing with a soft lock of her luscious dark hair, as if they had been together for as long as they’d known each other. As if everything was fine, nothing different, nothing out of the ordinary. Faith supposed to Buffy that it did indeed seem that way.

“What did he say?” Buffy twirled the length of hair around her fingers.

“He…he said he knows what’s going on. And that we should get down there as soon as.” Faith began to move from the bed, not wanting to grow too comfortable with the recent enjoyable turn of their relationship.

“Aww! Can’t we just…ya know, do what we were gonna do first?” The delicious pout would have melted Faith at any other time, but right now she had to be the stronger one. For a change, she had to be responsible, as much as she hated that word.

“As much as I’d love to…we’d better go. I’m gonna get a shower.” She untangled herself from Buffy, who already looked like she was going into major sulk mode.

Faith left the sulking blonde in the bedroom as she got undressed, turned the shower on, and got in. After soaping herself down and washing her hair as fast as she could, Faith placed her palms flat on the wall in front of her as she relented under the hot spray of the shower. As the water cascaded over her powerful body she tried to shut out the cracks in the tiles, the mould on the shower curtain. The disaster that her life seemed to constantly be.

Faith wanted to still her mind and relax the tension running through her. She didn’t like complications, and she hated feeling like she had no control over anything. Which apparently she didn’t as she heard the bathroom door creak open.

The smaller Slayer pulled back the shower curtain a little way and stepped in behind Faith. Not finding it necessary to ask permission it seemed. Not that the brunette could say she objected. Taking a shower with Buffy had definitely been one of her more frequent little fantasy’s she’d had about the older girl.

“I thought we might save time this way…As you’re in such a rush and all.” The sarcasm wasn’t lost on Faith. But she didn’t mind, not with Buffy’s arms currently snaking their way around her.

The two Slayers stood unmoving for a little while. Both just enjoying the warmth of the water, and each other. Their naked bodies pressed firmly together. The feel of Buffy’s breasts up against her back, and the tickle of the older girl’s pubic hair on her toned backside was doing nothing to ease the tension Faith was feeling.

She was getting turned on again, even though Buffy wasn’t actually doing anything but stand behind her. Faith took a deep slow breath, attempting to clear her body of the ideas running rampant in her brain. They didn’t have time for them to…

Before she could think of the thought to stop it…Buffy began trailing her right hand across Faith’s flat stomach, causing her to tense the compact muscles there. She closed her eyes as lips brushed her shoulder blades. The heat of the bathroom seemed to intensify when Buffy’s hand reached up to cup her full breast.

“B, we gotta go…” Faith did her best to ignore the sensations Buffy’s fingertips were causing as she pinched her hard nipple, pulling a little as she bit down on the taller girl's shoulder. “Fuck…Buffy, what…mmm!” Buffy’s other hand grazed over Faith’s pussy, and her lips moved to her neck, where she began nibbling and sucking, causing little marks of possession to appear.

Faith couldn’t move. As much as she knew it was best if she did, Buffy just wasn’t giving her good reason to get out of the shower anytime soon. The little blonde already knew her weakness it seemed.

The older Slayer slid an eager finger between Faith’s now slick pussy lips. Drifting lightly over her clit. She began stroking her finger gently, teasingly, up and down over Faith’s hard little nub. The dark Slayer began moving her hips in time with the motion, her body betraying her once again.

As the water from the shower sprayed over them, Faith gave in to her desire, totally unable to resist the smaller girl. She turned to face the blonde, looking deep into her eyes, the love and lust for each other they shared, almost palpable. She pulled Buffy into a kiss, cupping one of the blonde girl’s cheeks with a guiding hand as the hot water flowed between them.

Buffy wasted no time in replacing her fingers inside Faith’s neat little folds. She arched into the touch of the cute Slayer, and slid her hands down to caress Buffy’s breasts. She circled the pink nipples, now standing to attention, with her thumbs. Buffy groaned in her mouth. Then Faith groaned louder…as she heard the motel door being banged on.

“Fuck…why me?” The taller Slayer pulled away from her slender friend.

“Just ignore it…They’ll go away, if they don’t want two broken legs.” Buffy circled an arm around Faith, but the knocking grew louder.

“You stay and get washed up, I’ll get it.” Faith couldn’t just ignore the incessant banging. Her body was telling her not to go, but her mind was being responsible again. “Fucking stupid head.” Faith wrapped a towel around herself and went to answer the door. “Ok, ok…I’m coming…” She added under her breath. “Or at least I would have been.” She shook her head and opened the door.

“Hey…where have you been? I’ve been knocking for ages. Oh, you were in the shower, but where’s Buffy?” Just as Willow asked, Buffy sauntered out of the bathroom, also just wrapped in a towel. “Oh…you…Oh!!” Willow blushed more than Faith ever imagined it was possible to.

“Look…it’s not…” She was about to say it wasn’t what it looked like, but there really was no point. It was pretty obvious. Especially with the matching hickeys they both wore. Willow had noticed, and was flicking her wide eyes back and forth between the two Slayers.

“I’ll wait in the car…Giles is out there, he thought it would be quicker to pick us up.” She waved her hand around wildly, indicating outside.

“Right. Give us 5 to get dressed.” Faith smiled gently at the panicking red head.

“Ok.” She left the chosen two to sort themselves out, practically jumping down the steps to get away.

*****

The car ride had been a pretty silent affair. Willow hardly daring to look at the two Slayers. Buffy pouting at having been interrupted. And Faith just staring out of the window, unsure whether or not to feel happy at the possibility of Buffy getting her memory back. Giles said nothing, totally unaware of the tension.

They all piled into the magic shop. Giles rummaged around and made himself tea. The three girls all sat in their own little worlds. Faith was beginning to get on edge, the urge to run practically making her legs twitch. She couldn’t sit still.

“Faith, sit still. What’s wrong?” Buffy sounded more than a little on edge herself. “If it’s about earlier. I can make it up to you tonight, baby.” The blonde’s tone was soft, so Willow wouldn’t hear.

Faith just took a deep breath, doing her best to ignore how sexy it was for Buffy to say something like that to her. She knew she should explain to Buffy how she felt right now, it wasn’t fair to leave her feeling bad. She looked over at the red head.

“Will, can you give us a minute? Ya know, just…sit a little further away?” Willow looked like she was about to say something, but changed her mind when she saw the serious look on Faith’s face.

With their wiccan friend safely out of earshot, Faith turned to Buffy on the worn old couch they were both perched on.

“Look, B…I’m sorry if I seem a little off. It’s just…” Faith searched her brain for ways to explain how she was feeling. To convey her fear that Buffy might reject her once again when she had her memory.

“You’re afraid I might change my mind about us when I remember everything, right?” Buffy looked deep into Faith’s dusky eyes. The brunette could see the love in Buffy’s’. Feel the love emanating from her.

Softly she said.

“Yeah.”

“I won’t. I love you, Faith. Nothings going to change that.” Before Faith could reply, or state her own love, Giles walked back into the room.

“Well, I’m glad to announce I know how to get your memory back Buffy.” It was only him and Willow smiling at the news. “Errr! Ok…maybe I should explain how you lost it first.” They gathered on the couch to listen as he stood before them. “It seems you were, how can I put this?…violated during your sleep.” Buffy’s eyebrows shot up. In fact all three girls stared at him in shock. “Sorry…that wasn’t quite what I meant…It was a dream demon. Through extensive research and a few clues with the tests we ran on you, I’m about as sure as I can be about this.” Giles removed his glasses, looking pleased with himself.

“So what happens now?” Faith asked.

“The good news is, the spell the demon put Buffy under is easily reversible. With no lasting side effects. The only downfall is the possibility that you won’t remember ever losing your memory.” He looked at Buffy, probably trying to gauge whether or not she understood.

“I won’t remember not remembering my memory? I don’t get it.” Buffy did indeed look puzzled.

Faith understood however. She got it all too well. Buffy would not recall the last couple of days, their time together. Anything that had happened between them. It would be like going right back to where they were before. The dark Slayer could feel her defences sliding up around her. Her striking features turning into a mask of coolness.

“It’ll be like the last coupla days never happened, B.” Faith stood up, unable to sit still for any longer.

“Yes, that’s right. Releasing you from the spell will cause you to forget about all this. Well, at least there is a over 90 percent chance of that happening, by my calculations.” Giles began to make his way behind the counter to retrieve the ingredients he needed for the reversal spell.

“What if I don’t want to forget.” Buffy shifted her eyes from the younger Slayer to her watcher.

“Well…um! I…” Giles couldn’t seem to grasp the concept.

“But it means you get your memory back, Buffy. You’ll remember me, and Xander…And your mom.” Willow tried her best to emphasise each word.

Faith said nothing. She could never, and would never, expect Buffy to give up the memory of her friends and family for her. Even if she knew it would more than likely mean the end of anything but their friendship. Buffy would revert back to denying her feelings. Denying she was even attracted to Faith. They would be back to square one.

The dark girl tried her best not to look in Buffy’s direction. She could feel the emptiness beginning to wash through her again.

“But…I don’t want to just forget the last few days.” Giles and Willow looked perplexed with Buffy’s statement. As far as they were concerned, there was no reason for the blonde Slayer to be saying what she was.

“B…you have to do this. You’re a Slayer, girlfriend. We can’t just have you wandering around not knowing what the hell’s going on.” Faith was trying to sound as indifferent as she could. She was praying it was working.

Buffy looked torn. Her eyes lost and sad, just like they were when Faith had sat with her in her bedroom, the first day Buffy had lost her memory. She stood and made her way over to Faith, taking the taller girl's hand in her own.

Faith’s first reaction was to pull away, but Buffy didn’t allow her to. Giles was busy doing spell stuff, but Willow had noticed. Fortunately she had the sense not to say anything, and to keep her distance.

“I’ll only do this if you want me to, Faith. But I’m sure I won’t forget about us. Even if I don’t remember, I’ll feel it. Just like I felt it as soon as I saw you when this whole thing started.” Buffy trailed a gentle thumb along the brunette’s jaw. “It wasn’t just some Slayer thing that drew me to you, Faith. You’re beautiful, brave, and appealing to me in so many ways. I’ll know it, even if I don’t remember. I feel that, in here.” The older girl pointed to her chest.

Faith couldn’t argue. She didn’t think she had the right to anyway. As much as she wanted to believe what Buffy was saying though, she just couldn’t give into it. Buffy hadn’t admitted how much she liked Faith before after all. She smiled at the small Slayer, not wanting to show how scared she was at losing what they had just discovered with each other.

“Sure…everything’ll be fine, B. If you don’t remember, I’ll just have to beat it outta ya.” She gave Buffy a playful slap on the arm as her heart felt like it was preparing to rip from her chest.

Buffy placed a quick kiss on Faith’s lips, taking the younger girl by surprise, but causing her to smile broadly. She wanted to tell Buffy she loved her, and that no matter what happened, she’d always be with her. Unfortunately Willow decided to make it blatantly obvious she was more than a little shocked at their display of affection, as she stood with her jaw bouncing off the floor.

Faith moved away from Buffy, not wanting to cause problems between the two friends if Buffy did indeed forget everything.

“Right…I’ve got everything ready. Willow is going to help with the incantations while I perform the spell. You need to stand in this circle Buffy.” Giles pointed to a chalk circle on the floor, candles placed at intervals around it.

*****

Buffy really didn’t look too keen to go through with the spell. She looked from Faith to the marking on the floor and back again.

“Buffy?” Clearly Giles wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

“Yeah…right.” Buffy looked into the dark pools that were currently revealing all Faith’s fears, without her needing to put voice to them.

Faith closed her eyes as the apprehensive blonde stepped into the circle.

“This shouldn’t take long, and will be quite painless. You may experience a slight headache though.” Giles sprinkled something around Buffy’s feet.

“Ooh! I have pills…the good kind I mean. Not the bad…cos that would be, well, bad.” Willow dug around in her small rucksack.

Faith stood not too far away from the circle, and Buffy, trying to seem unconcerned. But her guts were in knots, and her heart was ready to leap for safety, the crushing sensation in her chest all but stopping it dead.

The brunette winked at Buffy, attempting some semblance of faith in her assurances. It didn’t help that the small blonde looked on the verge of tears, her green eyes sparkling in the dim light of the shop. Her hands in tight fists by her sides, mirroring Faith exactly. A stray lock of blonde tickling her cheek.

Faith wanted to reach out and brush the hair away. She wanted to touch the owner of her heart, kiss her, just in case she never got the chance to do it again. Just in case it was all a cruel twist of fate to keep her in place, to keep her firmly in the knowledge that she would never be worth Buffy’s love.

As she watched Giles begin his spell, Willow filling in with bits of the incantation, she was sure she could still feel the love Buffy had for her, radiating out towards her and filling her.

But as the spell continued, it slipped. It faded from her. Washing out of her and taking her own heart with it. The emptiness reclaimed its rightful place, casting a dark shadow over her soul. Buffy was gone. She no longer filled Faith with her light.

Faith fought back the well of tears threatening to disclose her feelings. Buffy continued to gaze at her dark friend, but something in her eyes changed. Faith was being looked at the way Buffy had always looked at her, with uncertainty.

She had forgotten, and the younger Slayer felt sick with the overwhelming vacuum left behind inside her. The powerful ache in her chest taking her breath away.

The blonde girl raised a hand to her head, her legs seemingly unsteady as the spell released her.

“Whoa! Head rush…what am I doing here?” Giles helped the shaky girl to a nearby chair and began explaining all to her. Willow excitedly joining in.

Faith stood back, wanting the shadows to swallow her whole. She thought about turning to leave, thinking she probably wouldn’t be missed anyway. But then Buffy caught her eye.

“Faith? Are you ok?” There was concern in her fellow Slayer’s voice. That was evident. But somewhere in her tone, was much more than that.

Faith could feel a small light flicker on inside her. It was tiny, and doubtful, but it was there. She resolved right then that she would stand by her word to never leave Buffy. No matter what. If she had to spend the rest of her short life as nothing more than the blonde girl’s friend, she would do it. As much as it would hurt, she had no choice. Faith loved her.

“Yeah….five by five, girlfriend.” The lump in her throat got swallowed along with her shattered heart. The smile on Buffy’s face making the pain bittersweet.

Faith slipped her suit of armour back on, and stepped back into the role of friend, not lover. She made a silent promise to herself though, to push just that little bit further with Buffy, slide that little bit closer, and hope that one day the cute blonde she adored so much would finally admit that they could be so much more than just friends.

Faith was in no doubt she would wait forever. She just hoped it wouldn’t take that long. Being celibate had never been one of her favourite pastimes.

“Well, if we’re all done here…I’m gonna go eat, I’m starved. Later guys.” She left with a heavy heart and a light head, and just a flicker of something she could almost recognise as hope.

Drifting out into the bright morning, she shook her head and smiled wistfully, making her way to the nearest place to eat, to fill at least some of the void within.

...continued in You Pull The Strings...

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