Please Don't Remember

by Eveh
Rating: PG-13

Author's Notes: I don't write a lot of Buffy ficition (actually none) but I wrote this and thought if fit the Buffyness pretty well. The First part would be told from Faith's Point of view. And the timeline falls under the timeline of whenever.
Feedback: If you want to. No pressure or nothin'.

The darkness keeps a lot of things hidden. It's easy to fade away into and hide in. Darkness they say fades, but I don't want it to. If it fades then who I am is shown. I'm not allowed to be a mystery anymore, I'm forced to stand up and say that I can be weak when I don't know how to be.

I work in darkness. I live in it. I relish it and no matter how much the light draws near I will always draw further back into my home of the night. I will fight away all of the feelings and all the tears that I want to cry for you. I don't want to realize that with you here, the darkness is fading.

I've been alone inside and I'm okay with that. I didn't need someone to unlock this door, this cage that holds my heart. I was okay with being angry and I was okay with not caring. I'd like to say that you have none of me. I'd like to say many things. Like your light doesn't touch me. Like your smile doesn't affect me. Like there's nothing here to salvage.

A better me is you. That's confusing I know. It's confusing because I don't know why I'm here and I don't know why I insist on being near you. I don't know why it's me that must watch over you. I will swoop down into your light to make sure that it survives. I will stop you from making mistakes that will make you fade away. I am strong in that way. I'm good at fighting off the bad that comes out at night. I thrive on that.

You may think me mystical and dangerous, but I'm only hiding away. It's better to solve the problems the night brings than try to solve the problems with myself.

So when I stay out late, embrace the darkness and the night, and come back not myself, it's me realizing that the cloak of the night is fading. I'm realizing that this is real and going to stay. I've been forced to see in the light.

My soul cries, but that's not because it's sad. It's because it sees hope again.

I want to say don't forget me. I want to say it and mean it, but please when you decide to go I want you to never forget what I have never told you. I want you to remember that you've made me fight myself. You've made me believe in something I can't remember ever even knowing about. I want you to remember these things...I want you to know them without me saying them aloud.

Do that thing you're so good at. Read me like an open book. Tell me my own words because they'll never be said aloud, except maybe in this darkness where they will fade away where everything eventually fades away because it can't be seen. If it's not seen it not real.

There's too many things inside that you're taking over. I'm fragmented and I bet you don't even know you hold the most important pieces of me already.

Just never remember these words. Please...never remember these words. Don't wake from your dream and realize it's me that watches you sleep. I couldn't handle it if you knew that I can't sleep because my thoughts are only to be with you.

...continued in Damaged Too...