I Wish...
by FaithsFollower
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Spike, Buffy and Faith are owned by Joss Whedon, UPN, FOX, Mutant
Enemy and etc. I own nothing. Except for the plot!:p
Spoilers: S3 and S4 spoilers.
Date: The summer between ‘The Gift’ and ‘Bargaining’.
Author's Notes: Everything is from Faith’s POV.
Dedication: To Liv and ForeverFaith.
Feedback: Please! I’d really appreciate it! It's my first fic too!
I was walking through the graveyard one night, not really going anywhere in particular and not really patrolling either. It seemed as if the vampires decided to give me a break since.....well, since it happened. I still can’t believe she’s gone. Just then I heard a sound. It sounded like someone crying. I crept through the graveyard silently following the voice. When I peeked around a mausoleum, I saw Spike. I was shocked. Never in a million years would I guess that ol’ Chip would have feelings for Buffy. I stood there. It's been so long since I formed her name in my head. Buffy Summers. I walked up to Spike.
”Hey, how ya doing?”
Spike looked up at me. His face scared me. Tears were streaming down his face and his eyes were so full of pain and anguish I thought I would cry also.
“How’d you think I feel, Slayer?”
He growled. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his duster.
“Sorry, just making small talk.”
He started crying again.
“I...I loved her. It's all my fault. I should’ve saved Lil’Bit.”
Dawn. Oh my God in my grief I’d forgotten about Dawn. Man, how is she holding up? I mean, she lost her sister AND mother in the same year! That’s got to be tough.
I fell on my knees next to him.
“Oh, it's not your fault, it's my fault.”
I gritted my teeth feeling a spurt of anger.
“It's fucking all my fault! If I hadn’t screwed around with her....”
I closed my eyes, thinking about the last time I caused trouble. It had been two years ago. The mayor gave me this doohickey thing. It made us switch bodies and boy, did I cause some havoc! I slept with her boyfriend, got Spike all riled up, and made Red’s friend all jittery and stuff. And there was the time when I almost killed Willow or, as I call her, Red.
“Bloody hell, Slayer, I promised I would protect Dawn! If I did that, then Buffy would still be alive.”
I got angry.
“You don’t understand, Spike! I almost got her killed a few times! If I hadn’t fucked around, she’d still be here!”
“I don’t understand? Look, I almost killed her a couple of times! I wanted to kill her! Don’t bloody tell me that I don’t understand, because I do. I...I never got a chance to tell her I’m sorry.”
I sat there for a moment then said softly,
“I never got to tell her how much I loved her. I never got the chance to say how sorry I was for all the trouble I caused.”
Spike looked at me.
“You loved her?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, when I was in prison all that could keep me sane was her. I kept thinking about kissing her, touching her, hugging her. When I thought of her, I felt warm and safe.”
“I know the feeling.”
I looked at him. He was staring at me with a smile on his face. Not a mean smile, a sympathetic smile, a smile that showed how he was right in the same boat with me.
“I just...I just miss her so much! I wish that she was here right now so I could tell her how much she meant to me!”
I started to cry. Cry? It was more like bawling. I felt Spike getting closer, then holding me in his arms. He was bawling too. We got up together and leaned against Buffy’s grave crying in each other’s arms like two friends who lost their beloved. I knew then that I had found a friend in Spike.