Triumph of Love
by Finding Faith
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters from the show are not mine. They are
property of Mutant Enemy and others. (I got the idea for this fic
from a short story I read by Zora Hurtson. (Forgot the name of it.)
So I guess this is a little bit based on that story. Just figured I'd
mention that in the disclaimer.)
Author's Notes: This starts in season three, when Faith first comes to
Sunnydale. This is kind of an AU where things turn out very
differently from what happened on the show. This first part is kind
of abstract. Not much dialog. Gives you the idea of what's going on.
Feedback: Sure, why not...
PROLOGUE
It is a tattered bed in a cramped room in a dingy apartment in an indecent part of town. Probably one of the many in the surrounding area.
But there is something happy about the place. The two chairs that accompany the dinner table are sided up next to each other - unlike the customary placement of across the table from each other - so that when they are inhabited by occupants, said occupants can be close to each other. Only one side of the worn sofa is impressioned with use where they will sometimes sit, cuddled in each others laps. And the old bed, that is well large enough for two, is only ever half used because they sleep so close. Which is where they are now. Sturdy arms wrapped around slender backs. Forehead touching forehead. Warm thigh against warm thigh. Chests pressing closer together with every steady inhalation. Sheets wrapped tight around them, sticking lightly to their skin. Yes, there is something happy about the place.
When they sit together at the table or stand side by side in the kitchen, they can't see the cracks in the walls and around the counters and in the sink. When they curl up on the couch the peeling wallpaper doesn't bother them a bit. When they hold each other in the shower the molding tiles are ignored. The place is barren, but when they are there with each other, together, it is a palace.
It has been seven weeks since they left. Seven weeks and three days to be exact. Since they left Sunnydale. Actually, more along the lines of: Faith left Sunnydale, and Buffy followed. And you could leave it at that. It's really that simple. But everyone wants an explanation. Here's how it happened.
Buffy had fallen in love. Buffy had fallen in love with a girl. Buffy had fallen in love with Faith. And it wasn't instant. It wasn't love at first sight. In fact, at first she had found the other girl's personality and actions brash and impetuous. But still, she felt a strange fascination over Faith. At first it was an innocent curiosity. Nothing sexual. She found herself wanting to know more about the abstruse girl who had flown into her life and captured all her friends' attention. And they did grow closer, became friends. Largely due to the slaying, but somewhat having nothing to do with it at all. And Buffy had a feeling that Faith had sensed their unavoidable attraction long before she herself had. Her come ons becoming more and more blatant in their obviousness. But the blonde slayer was becoming more allured into all of Faith's darkness and mystery and licentious, not to mention her leathery lasciviousness.
Then Buffy had felt their relationship shift, change. She was falling, hard. Grasping onto the only thing she could to stop herself: denial. Faith was a girl - which, subconsciously, excited her more than confused her. Faith intimidated all her friends. Whenever the need hit her, Faith would fuck anybody with a pulse. And Buffy wasn't even sure if *that* was a limitation. But even her grip on denial was slipping. And she was falling, had fallen, and had landed. The impact was strong and blinding. She was spending more and more time with Faith and less and less time with her friends and family, but she didn't care. The younger slayer was on the same track she was. Her flirtatious behavior toward Buffy becoming less impish and more of a desperate plea for attention. Attention Buffy was more than willing to give.
They metaphorically circled each other, spiraling closer and closer to a similar intention. Each testing the other, pushing the others limits, seeing how far they could go. Neither wanting to make the first move, neither wanting to wait for the other to make the first move. Until finally, on one normal day - or, as normal as you could get on the Hellmouth - it happened, like they both knew it inevitably would. And they admitted, and they hid nothing, and they embraced, and they loved and it was beautiful. It was everything Buffy wanted. It was everything Faith had always wanted. It was unrefined and it swallowed them whole. They found themselves hopelessly in love and neither wanted it any other way. The exhausting tension of them not being together turning into a stimulating tension of them finally being together.
But they made a decision that would change things. Made it a little too quickly in their haste to make their love complete. They professed their love to their friends, Buffy's mother. Maybe a little too soon. Maybe without thinking about the best way to go about it. Maybe without waiting for the right time. Whatever the reason, it didn't go as they had expected. Everyone's reactions switching from utter shock, to hardly concealed disapproval, into uncomfortable indifference. This hurt Buffy. She wanted acceptance. She was sad. The only cure being Faith. Which ultimately lead back to her being hurt because of everyone's refusal to accept. Vicious cycle be damned. And Faith, well, she couldn't say she cared what the Scoobs thought of her - although she let herself be a little hurt by Ms. Summers' rejection - but what hurt Buffy, hurt her.
Sometimes at night, when Faith would crawl through her girlfriend's window, she would sit at the end of the bed and tell Buffy that she should leave. That she didn't like seeing Buffy get hurt. That she would always love the blonde angel but maybe it would be for the best.
But Buffy would cling to her. And ask her how she could say such things. And she would make the younger girl promise that she would never leave. Eventually, Faith would always promise. Then they would smile and kiss and sometimes Faith would tuck Buffy in before departing from out the window. And sometimes, they would make love until the early hours of day, until it was driven into both of their heads that they could never be without the other.
As long as they had each other, things were okay, things were fine, they could get through the days. But then one cruel night, one God forsaken night, the comfort zone that they could escape into vanished. The semi-balance they had found was skewered in a manor of seconds. They had killed a man. A human.
Faith panicked. Buffy panicked, but quickly turned her panic to logic. They had to tell someone. They had to tell Giles. Faith reluctantly agreed. And if things were bad for them, they only got worse.
Giles tried to tell Buffy that it was bound to happen sooner or later in their line of work. That had made her feel better. But Giles wanted details. Wanted to know exactly went down. As she expected Giles would. She tried to tell him that they both had done it. That she had set the guy up for Faith. But all he saw was Faith plunging the stake into the guy's chest. He tried to make it seem like that made it no different. But the mask he wore was an awful one.
Eventually the Scoobs found out about everything. And the daggers they threw at Faith with their eyes whenever she was around were getting harder and harder for her to ward off. They figured Buffy was trying to cover for Faith because of the so called "relationship" that they were in. Faith had had enough, she may not care what they think, but she had her pride. She told Buffy that she had to leave, that she couldn't take it any more. This time Buffy understood. But Buffy would never leave her. And Faith understood that. Buffy told Giles that if he wanted a slayer, his Council would have to send him a new one. Because she quit, and Faith quit. And even if that wasn't possible, she didn't care because she was leaving. She told her mother that she wasn't running away, that she would phone or write her, to tell her she was okay. Needless to say, Joyce didn't take the news well.
But it didn't matter because they had each other. The "Chosen Two." Who were now only chosen by each other.
Faith left Sunnydale. And Buffy followed.
It was Sunday. That was Faith's favorite day. It was her day off. She had gotten a job right away, only a a few days after they had moved to L.A., in a little bar a few blocks from their apartment. Yes, she was too young to bar tend, but the owner didn't seem to mind. He said he liked her look. Said she would keep drunk stragglers at the bar longer. And she didn't mind it. She could drink at work and the tips were good. Hardly good enough though. They had just paid their second rent bill and they were broke again. Thank goodness Buffy had found a job a few weeks ago. She was having trouble at first, even in the big city. But she had finally gotten a hook up as a waitress in a diner that was also a few blocks from their apartment, in the opposite direction of the bar.
Since Buffy got her job, however, their hours conflicted annoyingly. They hardly saw each other. Faith didn't have to go into work until around five or six, depending on what day it was. And she wouldn't get home until late, the hour again depending on what day it was. The weekends keeping her at the bar longer. Keeping her away from home longer. Keeping her away from Buffy longer.
Buffy's hours were exactly opposite. She had to go in to work early for the breakfast crowd, staying through lunch. She had to stay for the supper rush but could usually cut out at about six, when she was relieved. When she got home, Faith was always already gone. And sometimes she tried to wait up for her girlfriend. But usually she would just fall asleep in their bed, hugging the pillows until Faith would come in and take their place.
When she would get in really late, the dark-haired girl would be too tired to take a shower, so she would just crawl in behind her lover and pull her close. Buffy could smell the smoke and the stale alcohol on the brunette but she didn't care. Faith would brush the blonde's hair away from her neck and kiss her shoulders and back softly for a few minutes before snuggling down into warmth that they together created. And Buffy would snuggle back against her. Entwining her fingers with the fingers of the hand of the arm that was wrapped possessively around her. Buffy had to leave before Faith was awake.
But it was Sunday. A good day. Faith's day off, Buffy's day that she could cut out right after lunch and get home early. They could spend the day together. Sometimes they would do something special. Go out, have fun. Sometimes they would do nothing at all. It was still special. Stay in, have fun. They would just curl up on the couch and cuddle and share cold bottles of beer and bags of popcorn. And watch the small T.V. that had bad reception and refused to play anything other than news and info-mercials. But it was their day.
Sunday mornings Faith would leave the apartment, not being able to stand its ugliness without B's pretty face to light it up. She would walk around town and pick up anything they needed at home. Which is what she is doing now.
They didn't really need anything but she still liked her morning walk. She passed by a station that had an ad for cigarettes hanging in the window. She only hesitated a second before moving on. She used to smoke when she was real young, before she came to Sunnydale. She finally got herself off of it, but had quickly started up again after "The Incident," which she now called it, because of all the stress. But she soon had to stop again after they had moved and found their lack of funds unable to support the rather pricey habit. She had a few bucks in her pocket though so she went into the candy shop next door. This was becoming somewhat of a weekly ritual and when she walked in they ancient man behind the counter waved to her in recognition.
"Hey darlin' what can I get ya? Same as last week?" His voice was frail and she had to smile at his littleness.
"Yes sir, bag of Hershey Kisses please," she answered, smiling and pulling out a few dollar bills from her tight pocket. She paid and checked the clock before leaving the shop. Buffy should be home by now. Chocolate kisses, she grinned to herself, B's favorite.
Buffy was in the shower washing off the smells of the diner when she heard Faith enter the apartment. Her pale skin hued slightly pick from the hot water, she rinsed the rest of the soap from her glistening body. She stepped out of the tub and toweled her self quickly before slipping on a pair of under-ware and an over-sized T-shirt that hung to mid-thigh. As she was doing this the smile on her face got bigger and bigger. She couldn't see Faith but the sounds coming from the next room indicated that the younger girl was opening a bag of candies. They would be Hershey Kisses. Her favorite.
In the front room Faith had gotten the bag open, doing it loudly enough so she was sure Buffy would hear, and set about stuffing the separate pieces of chocolate into the various pockets of her pants and jacket. She could hear Buffy moving around in the bathroom. She hid behind the couch and waited for her girlfriend's appearance.
Buffy promptly appeared in the room and looked around pretending to search for Faith. "Alright Faith, come out. You have my chocolate and I want it." She smiled at the familiar game.
Faith silently stepped out from behind the couch and walked until she was standing behind the shorter girl. She put her hands on Buffy's hips and buried her nose in the damp hair that smelled of delicious shampoo. She kissed the back of Buffy's ear before whispering, "What are you talkin' about B. I certainly don't have anything for you." She smiled as the blonde shuddered beneath her breath.
Buffy turned around in her arms and looked up at her. "I know you have my chocolate Faith." She let her tongue rest against her top teeth as she finished her girlfriend's name, then proceeded to run her tongue along her upper lip, wetting it.
Faith was only momentarily distracted before she took a few steps back, out of the older girl's reach. "Do not," she taunted, like a child before turning around and darting across the room. She didn't get very far because, well, there wasn't very far to go, and because the older girl had caught up with her in an instant and tackled her to the ground. For several minutes the two were a furious mass of female energy. Shouting, laughing, twisting, turning, tickling each other in the ribs; Buffy clutching onto Faith and Faith trying, but not too hard, to get away. Buffy ended up on top, straddling Faith's hips.
"B, take your hands outta my pocket!" Faith yelled between fits of laughter.
"Hell no! Not unless you plan on giving me what's in your pocket!" Buffy replied, digging madly for her prize.
"Get away from there! You have no business being in my pants!" The taller girl teased out between fits of giggling and trying to block Buffy's attempts at her clothing.
Buffy suddenly stopped reaching for the candy and put her hands down on either side of Faith's head, bringing her face down close to Faith's. "Oh come on now, you don't mean that." And she bent further to take the bottom girl's lip between her teeth. She let her hand run down the brunette's body while she was lightly kissing the full lips.
She let her hand slid to Faith's low cut jeans and gouged it way down into the tight pocket and gave an upward jerk and triumphed. "Ah ha! I knew you had something for me! I love chocolate kisses!" She opened the wrapper quickly and shoved the candy into her mouth. Moaning at the taste of it. "Mmm. I want more."
Faith smiled indulgently and let her girlfriend go through all her pockets and take out the things she had hidden for her to find. Most of it was chocolate and after Buffy found each one she pushed it into her mouth. Filling her mouth with chocolatey goodness. As she got to the last pocket, the jacket pocket over Faith's left breast, she knew she would find a little toy there. Last week it had been a plastic bracelet. The week before that, a little decal tattoo of a cherry red heart. Today, when she pulled the item free of the pocket she found one of those little bubble thingys with a fake plastic ring inside. They were presents that could be gotten out of a quarter machine. They were stupid little things. They were wonderful things.
Buffy popped the little bubble thing open and slid the tiny ring onto her pinky finger. "Oh darling, it's beautiful, I love it!" She said in an overly dramatic voice, around a still full mouth of candy, humoring the dark haired beauty.
Faith snickered and replied "Well, I knew you'd like it. And how about the candy baby? Sweets for my Sweet?"
"Mmm, sweets from my Sweet." Buffy leaned down and kissed the girl. "But I like your kisses better."
So Faith gave her one of her very own kisses. Loving the taste of chocolate that still lingered in her girl's mouth. After a few moments of the blissful contact, they broke apart and Buffy sat back on her calves, still straddling Faith's waist. The shirt she wore had rolled up on her legs, giving Faith a full view of muscular, creamy thighs.
"Well, I don't know about you," Buffy said, "but that little rough and tumble got me all warmed up."
Faith kept her face serious as she said, "You want some water or something B?"
Buffy lightly smacked the girl in the stomach, letting her know just what she thought of that comment. "You're awful Faith."
"I know, I know. I was just foolin." She put her hands on Buffy's thighs and started running them up and down the silky smoothness. "So, what do you want to do tonight?"
Buffy grabbed Faith's hands after enjoying a few moments of the motion and slid them around her back as she laid down fully on Faith. "I don't know. I was thinking we could ... go out. Go to a club or something. Drink a little, dance a little." While she was talking she opened Faith's jacket and placed moist kisses all along her collar bone.
Faith let her hands run up and down the blonde's back, feeling the warmth through the shirt while she answered, a little distractedly because of Buffy's mouth on her. "B we ... ah ... I don't have any ... we don't have any money. We're broke ... thus ... defeating the idea of ... going out." So many words for something so simple. See what Buffy did to her?
Buffy moved up so she was nibbling just below an ear. "We could go to that place down the street. They don't have a cover charge. Not on Sunday nights anyway." She bit the ear playfully. "We could find a couple studs ..." Faith smiled broadly at her girlfriend's familiar words. "... they could buy us a couple drinks ... " Buffy ran her tongue into the girls ear, only to pull it out again. "...we could dance a couple dances ... without 'em." She smiled into Faith's neck as she felt the brunette chuckle beneath her.
"You're more evil than I am B."
"Yeah, but I learned from the best." Buffy lifted her face and kissed Faith on the nose before sitting all the way up. "Hmm ... what to do 'til then?" She tapped her finger on her chin in pseudo thought.
Faith grabbed Buffy's hips and hoisted her off her own body, settling her on the floor. "We should eat B. I'm starved." At that she lifted herself from the floor and made her way to the kitchen. Only pretending that she didn't see Buffy's pout.
The fridge was practically empty. Faith sighed. Money really was becoming a problem.
When evening arrived they were dressed and ready to go. Sunday night, not exactly your customary 'go out and party night' but it would have to do. The club would be less crowded anyway.
They grabbed their jackets and stepped to the door before leaving. They looked each other over. Then, they looked each other over again. Faith with shiny leather pants and a sleeveless top, all black. Buffy with tight faded blue jeans that hugged every curve just right. A scrape of red tube top across her chest.
Faith brought her hand up and traced a single finger from where Buffy's shirt met her abdomen down to her belly button, tickling the bare skin. She stepped closer and dipped her head down to the shorter girls, bypassing her lips and moving to her neck. She fastened her lips to the spot where throat met shoulder. While she was nibbling there, she lead her finger lower, hooking it into the waistband of the blonde's jeans. She ran it back and forth across the taut flesh, feeling the muscles there shudder against the back of her knuckle.
"Mmmmm baby ... You look delicious." Faith's voice rumbled against Buffy's neck and her breath caressed the skin. Buffy had to wrap her arm around Faith and grab a hold of her neck to steady herself. Her voice was shaky as she spoke.
"Aaah ... We better go. 'Cuz if we don't leave now ..." she inhaled sharply as she felt Faith's other hand drop to her buttocks and give a firm squeeze. "Um ... if we don't ... ah, leave now ... we won't be getting out of here ... at all."
Faith stepped away immediately, severing all contact. She had to smirk, Buffy was standing rigidly in her turned on state. "Lead the way Princess."
Buffy could only shake her head in a stupor as she led them out of the apartment. They walked arm in arm to the club.
When they got to the club, they were surprised to see that it was a lot busier than they had expected. Didn't matter to them though, as long as they could dance. Almost immediately Faith spotted a few guys that had already begun to check them out. She had to fight the urge to put her arm protectively around Buffy. She had to let at least a few guys think they had a chance, so they would keep the drinks coming anyway.
Faith started heading straight for the dance floor but Buffy pulled her back, saying she wanted to find a table to sit at first, so they could set their jackets down. They sat down at an unoccupied table and let their eyes scan the place. "Not too bad," Buffy said, motioning around with her hand.
"Yeah it's got a-" but before she could finish, she was interrupted by a guy who had seemingly come out of nowhere and put his hands down on the table. He was a big guy, muscular, with a tight white T-shirt tucked into loose fitting black jeans. He had wavy brown hair and a baby face, although Faith guessed he had to be around twenty-four or twenty-five. It was one of the guys she had first noticed looking at them when they had walked in.
"Can I buy you two lovely ladies a drink?" Faith noticed how though he was addressing both of them, he was looking exclusively at Buffy.
They got their "free" drinks and the guy took that as an invitation to sit down with them. Faith swore the guy never stopped talking. She wasn't even pretending to listen anymore. He wasn't really talking to her anyway. She looked over at him, yapping away at Buffy. The girl was actually listening?! Was she really that interested in what this beefstick had to say?! Ridiculous!
The brunette stood up suddenly, catching both of their attention. "Well, I'm gonna go dance." She let her gaze fall to Buffy and raised her eyebrow. "Care to join me B?"
"Mm, definitely." Faith turned around when the blonde addressed the guy again. Probably telling him to excuse them or that they'd be right back. She didn't stick around to listen, instead heading for the dance floor knowing Buffy was right behind her. When she turned around, however, she didn't miss the guy's stare. He was practically gawking at Buffy's ass. This time Faith didn't fight the urge and threw her arm around the shorter girl's shoulders. The asshole didn't seem to notice.
Faith lead them to the opposite side of the floor. Not wanting to give the guy a free show. They started to move. Faith practically had to scream at Buffy over the loud music. "So, what's with that guy!?"
The blonde squinted her eyebrows. "What do you mean!?"
The brunette stopped dancing suddenly and put her hands on her hips and cocked her head, in a position that said 'come on, it's so obvious.' Buffy just shook her head, still not understanding.
"B, that guy was so totally into you! You can't tell me you didn't notice!" Buffy didn't answer, she just walked up to Faith and put her hands on the girl's hips. She started dancing, urging the taller girl to move until they where swaying together, matching each other's movements. She lifted herself up so she could talk into Faith's ear.
"Let's not worry about that right now," and as she was saying this she put her thigh between Faith's legs and rolled her hips up into the girl, causing low groans to escape both their lips.
They danced. Faith didn't worry about it anymore.
They managed to finagle a few more drinks out of hopeful guys without being bothered too much. And Faith succeeded in avoiding the guy that had initially pissed her off. Until the end of the night. He spotted them as they were ready to leave and approached them. He started talking to Buffy as Faith was gathering their jackets. She heard them exchange names but didn't listen to anymore of it. She grabbed Buffy's arm and started pulling her toward the exit. "Come on B, time to go." She interrupted whatever conversation they were having.
The blonde slayer waved goodbye and followed the taller girl out. When Faith looked back, the guy was giving them a rather confused look.
Things were getting harder. Money was running low, always running low. They found themselves having to work more and more hours at their respective jobs just to pay bills, and feed themselves. They still slayed, when they had time. Faith more than Buffy, she always had the extra energy. She would always do a sweep of the area when she was leaving work. There weren't many local cemeteries around so she'd usually just duck in and out of the allies, and sometimes search the sewers for awhile, only occasionally getting lucky.
That was what Faith was doing now, slaying, hunting, trying to work out her frustrations. Buffy had gone back to Sunnydale for a few days. She occasionally did that when things got heavy back on the old Hellmouth. She had finally relented and gave Giles their phone number here in L.A. so he could get a hold of her if the need came. But even those visits were getting less and less. Bus fare wasn't cheap. She could easily get the days off work. She told the boss she had a sick grandmother to visit.
Buffy didn't like the Sunnydale trips. Things were so awkward when she had to see Willow or Xander, even Giles. She would usually stay with her mother, and just get done what needed be done so she could leave. Her mom would ask, sometimes beg her not to go back. Because of this, it actually was getting harder and harder for Buffy to leave. She loved her mother, and hated the situation. She knew she would probably come back someday. Things couldn't last like they were forever.
Faith would ask Buffy if she wanted her to come along on the trips, but they both agreed that things were already uncomfortable enough. Faith couldn't help it though, when Buffy was gone, she was lonely.
So she proceeded to kick the shit out of any vampire she could find, needing the distraction. Anything to keep her away from the apartment. Anything to keep her from missing Buffy.
Buffy was feeling horrible. She was walking home from another boring day at the diner, with a less than sufficient amount of tips in her pocket. She had just gotten back yesterday from Sunnydale. Going there made her feel awful for at least a few days. Everything was so screwed up. She didn't feel like going home to the empty apartment. Faith wouldn't be home until late, especially it being a Friday. It seemed like she hadn't even talked to Faith in so long, the only time they got to be together was between their work shifts. Which was late at night, or early morning, depending on the way you looked at it. They would hold each other, but they were both so tired.
Buffy decided she should go out and do something. Stay away from the loneliness of the ugly apartment. She needed to find something outside of what she already had. Outside of her job, outside of the slaying, even outside of Faith. She missed the gang. Even though she was upset with them for how they had treated Faith, they were her friends. And she needed friends. She missed that comfort.
When she got home, she started getting ready. Faith wouldn't be home for hours so she would go out by herself. Try to take her mind off of things. Try to find the fun. She would go to the club.
Faith was feeling good. Friday night usually meant a long night of putting up with drunken loud mouths. But tonight, she got lucky. There was a bar fight that had gotten way out of control. The cops had ended up coming and kicking everybody out. So the boss just closed the place down for the night. She could go home early. Sure, it would cut her short of the good tips she would have made, but that didn't matter. She could go home to Buffy.
As she walked home through the streets, the moon was bright in the sky. Everything seemed calm. If anybody had asked Faith about the moon over the tall buildings, she would have said she hadn't paid it any attention. But she saw it with her feelings. It made her yearn painfully for Buffy. The calmness that the blonde girl could instill in her. It seemed like it had been a long time since she had touched Buffy, loved her with her hands. And she craved it now. Thank god for that bar fight.
When she came through the door, all the lights were off and it was very quite. She figured B would have been up watching T.V. or something. She went to the kitchen to wash the bar smells of her hands. She tried to be as quite as possible. It would be nice for Buffy not to know that she was there until she slipped into her place in bed and hugged the smaller girl's back, and kissed her neck, and shoulders, and any other soft piece of skin that she could find.
She walked silently past the kitchen table and through the living room, but when she turned to go down the hall that lead to the bedroom, she bashed her thigh into the end table that was next to the couch, knocking over the lamp. 'Smooth slayer, smooth' she thought to herself. She heard her girlfriend gasp in fright and hurried to reassure her. She met Buffy in the hall, wearing a night shirt. "Faith what are you-"
"It's me sweets, don't be scared," Faith grinned. But Buffy still seemed terribly panicked.
There was a quick, large movement in the bedroom. A rustle, a thud, and a stealthy silence. The light went out.
Faith threw herself on guard, ready for trouble and stepped over the doorsill into the bedroom.
The belt of Time slipped and the wheel of eternity stood still. It was dark but that didn't matter. She could see the man's legs fighting with his pants in his frantic desire to get them on. She had both chance and time to kill the intruder in his helpless condition - half in and half out of his pants - but she was too weak to take action. It barely registered to her that it was the guy from the club from last Sunday. Did that really matter? She was assaulted in the sudden and fierce weakness she felt as she stood there.
She felt disoriented. She felt like something was leaving her, like something was sinking out of her, like she was leaving herself. Her head was jumbled with thought and no thought and millions of emotions that she couldn't seemed to concentrate on one at a time. She couldn't form complete concept of what was happening around her, or inside her. So she just opened her mouth and laughed. Laughed. If she didn't laugh, she would cry, or kill. The rage inside her coming out in the short barks of laughter that were released from her throat. In a brief moment of clarity, she realized that she must look rather crazy, laughing like an insane person with a wild look in her eye. But the moment was gone and the only thing holding her back from killing this fucker was the jelly feeling in her legs. She couldn't move.
The guy had gotten his pants on and just stood, shirt-less, staring at the crazy laughing person infront of him. She stood like a wall between him and the door. Barring him from escape, from sunrise, from life. He wasn't stupid, he saw the way they had acted at the club. This was the girlfriend. And more than anything he wanted to be out of there. And though she was only a girl, he somehow knew that she could seriously do some damage, if only from the look in her eyes.
He considered a surprise attack upon the girl, just rush past her. But before his feet could travel an inch, the girl's fist rushed out to crush him like a battering ram. He felt something in his face crack. Then she stood over him.
"Get into your damn rags and get the fuck out of here." Her voice was steel and he was truly frightened for his life. He scrambled to his feet and threw his t-shirt on. As he grabbed his shoes, Faith's fury overrode her judgment and she grabbed at him with her left hand and struck at him with her right. The right landed and he was thrown out into the hall. He fled through the front door. Faith found herself alone with Buffy, who had meanwhile fallen to the floor racked with sobs. Wails of weeping without words. But Faith didn't hear her.
The rage fueled girl walked over to the night stand where something had caught her eye. The guy had left his watch. His cheesy gold watch. She picked it up absently, holding it loosely in her hand. Again she found herself just standing. Feeling without thinking and without seeing with her natural eyes. The vehemence in her was making her head throb painfully. Then suddenly, she felt her mind clear. She no longer thought about what she had just walked into. She no longer heard Buffy's choked cries or apologies. She no longer saw the watch that she held. Instead, she found herself thinking of happy things. Remembering beautiful moments in her life, even though there weren't too many of them.
She thought about their first kiss. How Buffy had been the one who tentatively slid her tongue out first, deepening the caress. She remembered the wonderful anxiousness she had felt when the blonde had agreed to go to Homecoming with her. She recalled how mesmerized she was when she saw the elder slayer fight for the first time. She could remember every time they had snuck off from a research meeting to fool around in the bathroom. She remembered how her hands shook the first time she had shaped Buffy's naked body with them. She could still picture how her lover's beautiful face had become even more beautiful the first time - every time - she had brought her over the edge. She thought about every time Buffy had cried out her name in the heat of passion. She remembered every single time she had put her head on Buffy's stomach, having laid it there after loving her with her mouth. Falling asleep to the blonde's breathing, fingers raking lazily through her hair. She remembered every time Buffy had said "I love you."
And it was a lie.
She looked down to her hand and found she was holding the watch. She didn't remember picking it up. She held it tighter, squeezing her fist around it. Letting it burn her, like a cross would burn a vampire. Things came back into focus. She could see the ugly room around her. She could again hear Buffy's sobbing, but didn't dare look down at her. She thought about how close she had just come to killing someone. She said a silent thank you to whoever had helped her keep her fury in check. She could never go through that again. But it was still in her. Bubbling beneath the surface. And she might just of killed him if she had to do it again.
She squeezed her hand again, feeling the cheap watch start to crush in her fist. She was finally snapped out of her stupor by an ache in her jaw. Her teeth had been clenched together so tightly. She didn't know what to do. She was trembling with bottled up feeling. Her body felt exhausted from the emotional roller coaster it was on. She opened her mouth and was surprised when another burst of laughter was all that came out. She shook her head. She was at a complete loss. She was tired. She put the watch in her pocket before sliding her pants off.
She went to bed.
Buffy was still on the floor, with no more tears or breath to sob out. She felt empty and couldn't even begin to analyze what she did or why she did it or ... or ... She was starting to feel sick to her stomach from the alcohol she had consumed earlier that night. But she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't dare blame it on the alcohol. She was a horrible person and the pure hate she felt for herself was making her tremble as she lie there on the floor. Who was she? What had she done?
Through her teary eyes she saw Faith holding something, then putting it in her pocket. She was surprised when Faith had gone to bed. The eerie calmness of the action making her sicker. She lay on the floor, not able to move. Dry sobs still escaping her every few moments. Then Faith's voice floated down to her and it scared her. It sounded harsh but seemed void of any emotion, oddly quiet.
"What are you still crying for?"
She was hit with another wave of sadness and sickness and hatred when the words hit her ears. She started bawling again as she blubbered out between cries, "Oh Faith ... because I ... because ... I love you. I love you so hard and ... and look ... look what I've done ... I can't ... I can't ..." but she couldn't continue as the sobbing overtook her. When she finally quieted down, the voice hit her again with the same non-tone.
"Get to bed Buffy, you have to work tomorrow."
The sobbing girl wiped her eyes. She couldn't believe what was happening. Everything felt strange. She couldn't focus on her surroundings as she got up on shaky legs. She walked over to the bed as another wave of sickness hit her. The poison in her stomach threating to come up. She got into bed but it was like it wasn't really happening. Like she was watching herself crawl onto the bed, staying on top of the covers, from outside herself.
She couldn't begin to fathom what Faith was thinking, or why she was acting so calm, or why she had laughed. But she could feel the tension radiating off the dark-haired girl. She didn't think there was anyway she would be able to fall asleep. But she had wore herself out with the wailing. Her eyes were sore and heavy. She hoped she wouldn't have to get up to puke. She didn't want to ever get up. She wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. She was surprised that she had tears left when they began silently falling from her eyes. Eventually, she fell into an uncomfortable sleep.
Faith's whole body had gone stiff when Buffy had gotten into bed. She lay there on her side, facing away from the blonde, trying hard not to think about anything at all. Tomorrow, she would think tomorrow about what she would do. But she didn't want to see tomorrow. She wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.
She finally fell into a shallow sleep, with a hurting head and a hurting heart. She could smell unfamiliar cologne coming off the sheets and it made her nose burn.
That night, the old bed was fully used for the first time since they had moved in.
The night went by slowly. Each girl woke up uncountable times in the night, not being able to fall into a deep sleep in their restlessness. Finally the sun's rays started peaking through the window from across the room. Sleep wouldn't be coming again for either of them.
Buffy's face was stiff and streaked as the sun started shining on it. It was day. Nothing more. There would be no more good morning kisses. No more shared showers. No more special Sundays with candy or prizes or tickling matches. No more anything. So why get up?
With this strange girl in her bed, Buffy felt embarrassed to get up and get dressed. She had work, but she couldn't seem to care. Maybe she would wait for Faith to get up and leave. But the dark-haired girl wasn't moving. She didn't even know if she was awake. Faith usually slept in.
From beyond the no-man's land between them came a voice. A strange voice that had yesterday been Faith's.
"Do we have any food?"
Unable to find her voice, Buffy nodded. But then realized that Faith wouldn't be able to see her. She eventually choked out a strangled, "Yes."
"I'm kinda hungry. Are you making breakfast or anything?" Her voice was mechanical, void of any emotion.
Buffy was surprised. Faith never usually got up to have breakfast with her. But she practically sprung out of bed anyway, mumbling a reply. No need to die today. Faith needed her for a few more minutes anyway. Faith wanted breakfast.
Soon Buffy was stacking a high pile of pancakes onto a plate. She heard Faith moving around by the kitchen table. She had that weird feeling that every thing seemed fake again, like she was dreaming, like this shouldn't be happening. When she turned to bring the food to the table, she almost dropped the plate when she realized Faith had moved the chairs so they were now across from each other. Such a simple gesture that caused the guilt to swallow her whole. At that moment she wanted to die.
She set the food down and sat herself down and took a few cakes off the stack. She didn't think she would be able to eat much. She played with her food.
Faith, on the other hand, had dug in. Distracting herself with the act of eating. 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea,' she thought. She could feel the tension between them, it was palpable.
They both ate with their eyes on their plate. No laughter. No banter. Not even words spoken between them. When Buffy got up to clean the kitchen she heard Faith leave the table. When she went back to gather their dishes she saw a man's gold watch sitting on the middle of the table, shiny and grotesque. She collapsed to the floor and held her knees to her chest, silently sobbing.
Faith had gone back to bed. She heard Buffy getting ready for work and heard her leave. As soon as Buffy had left the apartment, Faith felt her head clear. She could finally think straight about all that had happened in the last twelve hours.
But she didn't want to think. Didn't want to acknowledge how her life had gone down the toilet. What was she going to do? What could she do? She couldn't leave. Where would she go? Where did she have to go? She couldn't go back to Sunnydale. What else did she have? She thought about that. Outside of Buffy, what else was there? Nothing. If she were to take Buffy out of her life, she had nothing. Her job maybe, that was it. A shitty little job in a skanky bar down the street. And if she wanted to keep that, she couldn't leave. Didn't have enough money to move on again. Not at the moment anyway.
She tossed and turned in bed as these thoughts played around in her brain. Anger. Anger started spreading throughout her body. Like hot coals in her stomach, frying its way over her every nerve. She didn't know what to do with it. Last night it was easier, she could direct it at the swine that she had found in her bed. But now ... now it had manifested itself, making her seethe. She couldn't lie down anymore.
She got up and started stomping around the apartment, getting dressed and ready for work. It was early, but she figured she go down to the sewers first and see if she could kick the unliving shit out of something. That would make her feel better.
The question kept bouncing around in her head. What was she going to do?
Buffy went through the morning on autopilot. Only partly paying attention to what she was doing. She was miserable. She had a horrible hang over. She didn't even remember going home last night with that ... with that ... that guy. Only flashes.
She was getting pretty drunk and wanted to leave. He offered to walk her home. She didn't stop him.
He had stepped into the apartment before she had time to thank him and say goodnight. She didn't stop him.
Things were fuzzy. She couldn't remember. He pulled her into the bedroom. Her and Faith's bedroom, and he started kissing her. She tried to pull away a little, half-heartedly. But she didn't stop him.
Blur. It was all a blur now. The next thing she remembered was her lying in bed with only a shirt on. She could see him at the foot of the bed, rushing to take his clothes off. She remembered telling him that she couldn't do this. That Faith ... that Faith ... - but he cut her off. He told her to be quiet. Said it would only take a minute. Forget about Faith. Shut up and let it happen. Blur, all a blur. And then he was on top of her, grunting and rapacious. She tried, she tried to stop him.
But she couldn't. Why? Why couldn't she stop him? She was a slayer. A slayer - ... But then she heard a noise. Faith was home. She didn't know if she should be thankful or terrified. And then, when Faith had walked through that bedroom door, things weren't a blur anymore. Things came into distressing focus. Her face, Faith's pretty face, she couldn't look at it. How it fell. How it was disgusted. And she cried.
Why? Why couldn't she stop him?
Faith stayed at the bar as late as she could. It was a busy Saturday night. She was still worried about what she would do. What she would do if Buffy was there when she got home. But, more importantly, what she would do if Buffy wasn't. She couldn't imagine being alone. Not again. Not after getting so used to having somebody there. Always there. And not just somebody. Buffy. Her Buffy.
As she stood behind the bar, cleaning glasses and toweling things up for the night, she cursed herself. How could she let herself get so centered around one person? Only to have that one person get ripped away from her. Is that what this was? Were they finished? How could she have let this happen? She thought and thought. Trying to figure out the exact point when things had gone wrong. She must have done something, said something, to push Buffy away. To someone else. She cursed herself again for not being able to see what she had done. Where she had fucked up. Like she fucked everything up.
Something occurred to her then. All day, all day thoughts like these had been tumbling around in her head. She imagined things she could have said or done to make Buffy love her more. Anger at herself. Every once in a while, images of her killing that rat bastard who had touched her Buffy flew through her brain. Anger at him. All this anger, and not once, not once had it been directed at Buffy. And that confused her. She should be mad at her, shouldn't she? But she wasn't. She wasn't exactly happy with her either. It was more of a deep-rooted sadness that she felt. Sadness that she didn't do better for the blonde. She was the reason Buffy had left home. Look how it turns out.
But the hate wasn't for Buffy. It was for herself, and that man, whose watch she still had in her pocket. No, she could never hate Buffy. In fact, this whole messed up deal made her realize just how much she loved the girl. How much it would hurt if they were apart. And that's why she was scared to go home. Scared to find her love not there.
She wouldn't leave Buffy, she couldn't. And that was her decision. Things would be different now. She realized that. Who knows, maybe Buffy didn't want her anymore. Maybe that is what this was all about. But she wouldn't leave the apartment. She would leave it up to the older girl. Things would be hard for a while. They would have to build up the trust. She couldn't throw herself back at Buffy. Just drop things. That would only damage the relationship in the future. If they even have a future. But she couldn't forgive the blonde now.
That's what she decided to keep the watch for. It would help her remember to keep her distance. It burned her through her jeans. Call it masochism, but it was her reminder.
Buffy felt the relief sweep through her when she walked into the apartment and all of Faith's stuff was still there. Well, her clothes. She didn't really have much "stuff." The watch was gone. She was glad. She never wanted to see it again. She felt relieved again when she heard Faith come in that night. But the relief turned to uneasiness when she felt the brunette crawl in bed with her. Not that she didn't want her there, but it was tense.
Buffy wanted to talk. No, what she really wanted to do was turn around and throw her arms around Faith and hug her and kiss her and hold her and tell her how much she loved her. How she was sorry and how she didn't mean it and how she didn't remember and beg forgiveness. But she couldn't do that. That wasn't Faith's style. She didn't want to push the younger girl any farther away. She would wait for Faith to come to her. Hope that Faith would come to her and talk. They would need to talk. This silence would eat them alive. But tonight, Buffy would have to let it go. Faith was already asleep. For now, she let her emotions out the only way she could. She let the tears fall to her pillow and she prayed. Prayed that Faith wouldn't leave her.
Buffy realized that tomorrow was Sunday. She cried harder.
Faith was walking. Last night had been horrible. She had heard Buffy crying, and every cell in her body and every beat of her heart screamed at her to comfort the girl. To hold her in her arms and make it better. Say that everything was going to be alright. They always did that for each other, pacify the other when they were sad. But her head was saying no. She couldn't. Not this time. If she caved now, if she gave into Buffy now, that would only make things worse. It would be saying that Buffy could get away with whatever she wanted. Or something. Faith didn't know. She was no good at this relationship shit.
Her head was all muddled up with mixed emotions. Her walk wasn't calming her down like she hoped it would. She came upon the station that had an advertisement for cigarettes in the window. She argued with herself for a minute before walking in.
When she stepped out, she brought a stick to her lips and lit up. She took a long, smooth drag and let the nicotine coat her brain, relaxing her. She resumed her walking. With the cigarette in one hand, she brought her other hand to her pocket, letting her fingers wrap around the cold metal watch there. She tried as hard as she could to not look at the candy shop as she walked by.
The rest of the day went by pretty uneventfully. They each stayed in their own silence, in their own thoughts, in their own world. In fact, the next few days went on like that. They did start to talk more, when they saw each other. But it was pointless speech. Questions and statements that meant nothing. Was the diner busy today? Not too many vamps out lately. How were tips at the bar?
Buffy knew why she didn't leave Faith. She couldn't. She loved her too much, but she could not understand why Faith acted the way she did. She was polite, even kind at times, but aloof. It was frustrating. She felt like she needed punishment. She would take chastisement, anything but Faith's distance. But then she realized, maybe this was her punishment. One thing she had noticed, though it sounded strange, was how Faith addressed her. Buffy had never thought that hearing her own name would cause so much pain, but Faith had stopped calling her B. She didn't even know if the younger girl was doing it purposely or not. But it sure did serve purpose. Every time Faith called her Buffy was like a slap in the face. She missed the nickname crazily.
They still shared the same bed. Faith had even started getting up and eating breakfast with her. She didn't know why. She didn't question or complain though. It was nice sometimes. She could occasionally pretend like everything was normal. Like she hadn't messed everything up. Like her and Faith were just sitting down to a nice quite breakfast on a beautiful sunny morning.
She didn't see the watch anymore. She wondered if Faith still had it, but nothing could have induced her to ask nor explore the brunette's pockets to see for herself. Its shadow was in the house whether or not. One evening after work she had been picking up their bedroom and when she had gathered Faith's pants she had felt something in the pocket. Without looking she knew what it was. It was like a monster hiding, waiting to destroy her. But she had left it there. Another part of her punishment, she figured, so she would take it.
It was Thursday night. Buffy had been sitting up watching some of the mindless talk shows that their T.V. insisted on playing before becoming bored with it and going to bed. When she heard Faith come home, she was surprised when the girl stayed out in the front room. Usually Faith would just come to bed and go to sleep. Curiosity got the best of her and she crawled out of bed to see what she was up to.
She felt a chill hit her when she entered the living room and realized Faith was standing next to the open window. Her shoulders slumped with gloom when she saw that the taller girl was smoking a cigarette. Her voice was vacant when she spoke. "Faith, I thought you quit that ..."
Faith had the cigarette up to her mouth when she heard Buffy speak. She didn't jump to hide it. She was a lot less bothered at Buffy catching her than she thought she'd be. She didn't look at the blonde while answering.
"Yeah, well ..." she brought the stick up to her mouth and took a pull, adding a dramatic pause that she wasn't sure if she intended to or not, "... some things just don't work out."
When the words slammed into her ears, Buffy had to bring her hand to her mouth to suppress the sob that wanted to escape. She swallowed down the lump that was in her throat and turned around on rigid legs and walked back to the bedroom.
When she laid back down, she buried her face in her pillow to stifle her cries. But it didn't matter. Faith would hear them. Faith heard them every night.
The next morning, after Faith had gone back to bed after breakfast, she was awoken by the insistent ringing of the telephone. She was surprised to hear her boss at the other end of the line. He asked her if she could come in early next Tuesday morning to help set up for a bachelor party the bar was having. She agreed and as soon as she hung up and laid her head back on her pillow, the phone rang again. "God dammit, what now?"
"Yeah?"
"Er ... ah ... Faith? Is this Faith?" It was Giles.
"Yeah, Buffy's not here right now. But you know that. So what's up?"
"Well, I wanted to talk to you actually ..."
"Okay, what is it?" Faith really didn't feel like talking to this man.
"Well, we found a new vampire nest that needs to be swept up and - "
"So. Why me? Just call back when Buffy's home."
"No, Faith. I was hoping you would come back this time. I would like to talk to you as well." Faith took a second to consider what a "talk" with Giles would consist of. Oh well, she thought. Maybe a break away from here would be good for me.
"Yeah, okay. I'll come. But I won't be able to get there until tomorrow morning. I've got work tonight."
"Yes, yes of course. Thank you Faith."
"Yeah, sure." Faith hung up the phone with an annoyed sigh. She went back to sleep.
When Buffy got home that day, Faith was still there which was weird because usually she was gone by the time the blonde got home.
"Hey, what are you still doing home?" Her voice was light and casual, which made her happy because they hadn't had a casual conversation in a long time.
"Well ..." Faith was puttering around the room, looking for something. Checking behind tables and such, interrupting her speech "... I had to ... " She stopped again and turned toward the bedroom and started walking down the hall. "I stayed later so I could tell you ... " She trailed off again as she stepped into the bedroom. Then she raised her voice so Buffy, who was still out in living room could hear her. "Hey B, have you seen my jacket?"
Buffy, who had sat down on the couch and started taking her shoes off, stopped in mid-unlacing, in mid-thought, in mid-breath. B. Faith had said B. And that one syllable, that one letter, brought her so much joy that her insides started tingling and her skin was the only thing that kept her from going everywhere at once. 'B! She called me B!' Then she realized that she had also been asked a question. She regained herself but couldn't stop her smile from growing wider and wider.
"Yeah, ah ... I was cleaning the other day and hung it up in the closet." She shouted so Faith could hear. When the brunette came back out in the living room, putting the jacket on, Buffy had to tone down her beaming face so Faith wouldn't think she was a bumbling idiot. "So ... um ... why -"
"Oh, I stayed later to tell you that I got a call from Giles this morning. Said he needed a slayer to go ... slay. He wanted me to come back this time. I just wanted to tell you that I'll probably catch the late bus tonight after work, so I can get there early tomorrow. So I won't be comin' home."
Buffy was still reveling in delight. That was the most Faith had said to her in almost a week. She nodded her head in understanding. But then, Faith's voice took on that empty tone when she started speaking again. "So, you'll be okay here ... by yourself?"
Buffy was confused. "Of course Faith, I'll be okay ... " but her voice faded to nothing when she saw that Faith had pushed her hand deep into her pocket and fingered something there. Faith said nothing. But nothing needed to be said. Buffy's whole demeanor dropped and the happiness that she felt just moments ago fell from her imediately. She dropped her eyes away from the standing girl and her body and her voice trembled with sorrow. "I'll be fine."
Faith left without another word.
The tears came without Buffy knowing it. She cried. What else could she do?
As Faith rode the bus back from Sunnydale, she thought about the conversation she had had with Giles. The slay had been easy. Although they had to wait until tonight, Monday night, to attack because the vamps had heard of an attack and kept on guard for the first few days. So Faith was stuck there. She had stayed at Giles' place. He said that the others didn't know she was there. He had went with her on the slay and had waited until they were walking back to finally bring up what he had wanted to talk about.
"Faith, the reason I asked you to come back this time is because I wanted to talk to you about ... well, you and Buffy."
Faith stayed silent.
"Eh, I've been talking to her mother lately and she says she misses Buffy terribly. She wants her to come home. She believes -"
Faith stopped walking then and turned to face the watcher. "So, you guys just want me out of the picture then. Look, I didn't force Buffy into this. She followed me outta here. Remember? So don't try and blame me with -"
"No, Faith ... " he interrupted. "She wants both of you to come back. We all do. We've been talking and we realize that we reacted badly to this. To you two being together. To the - ... um, to the accidental ... um, killing. We realize that if you two have been able to stay together this long and have been happy, then you might as well do it back here, where we all can be happy. And surely, you can't be that well off, um, financially."
Faith thought about that for a second. The money thing sure was true. But they were in such a mess right now. And she certainly wasn't going to talk to Giles about that.
"Look Giles, I'll have to talk to Buffy about this. You're right, we have been having trouble..." she trailed off realizing just how true that was. "... but I'll talk to her first. See what she thinks. We'll get a hold of you okay."
"Er, right. Send Buffy my hello, and her mother's as well."
Faith nodded. "Well, I better getting going then." With that, she took off toward the bus station.
It was close to three in the morning when Buffy heard Faith come in. She didn't come to bed right away but the blonde new better than to go out there again. Finally Faith came to bed. Buffy could smell the smoke on her.
Buffy gathered up all the courage she could find in herself and rolled over to face the brunette. "So what did Giles have to say?"
Faith put her hands behind her head and sighed, only partly surprised that Buffy was awake. She paused a little before answering. "He wants us to come back. They all want us to come back. Everybody does. They miss you."
Buffy was silently thrilled that her friends missed her. She didn't show it though, she was afraid of how Faith would take it. Instead of addressing what they would do about that right now, she mustered up more courage from god knows where and spoke again. "I missed you Faith."
Faith was shocked stiff at the words. So softly spoken, said so honestly. But before she could even think about responding she felt Buffy's hand sliding closer to her under the covers. That would definitely not be good. She jumped up into a sitting position quickly, remembering her boss's request. "Shit!" she exclaimed. More in shock of Buffy's movements then of the thing she had almost forgotten.
"What's wrong?" Buffy muttered, startled at Faith's sudden movement.
"I ah ... promised I'd go in early to work tomorrow to help set up for a party."
"Oh." Buffy said quietly, quickly retracting her hand that she had almost touched Faith with.
"I better set the alarm." Without thinking, Faith leaned over Buffy to set the time on the alarm on their bedside clock. She was suddenly aware of the body beneath her. She could feel the steady rise and fall of Buffy's torso on her side and it was making her dizzy. 'Damn! damn! damn!' she thought to herself. 'What am I doing?!' She was having a hard time concentrating on the buttons of the clock in the dark. But it wasn't really the dark that was the problem.
Buffy could feel that Faith had finished setting the alarm. But she was still leaning over her. Faith's dark hair was dangling down, tickling her chest. It made her tingle in a way that she hadn't felt for a long time. What she wanted more than anything was to throw her arms around the person above her and pull her down. Feel the full weight of Faith's skin on her body. But she couldn't. They were both very still for a long moment. The tension between them crackling with something they both wanted so badly but couldn't bring themselves to give into.
Finally, the feeling of Buffy's extreme closeness got to be too much for Faith, and she pulled back suddenly. She laid back down slowly, breathing heavily, from panic and from lust and from arousal and from feelings that she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with.
But the tension was still there. And Buffy couldn't handle it any longer. The need inside of her to feel, to feel Faith against her was too much. She was shaking with need. She couldn't wait anymore.
She scooted closer to Faith, who was still lying rigidly. Their bodies were now as close as could be without touching. Buffy tentatively brought a hand up to Faith's shoulder.
Faith's whole body shuddered when she felt Buffy's hand on her. Her breathing quickened automatically. Then Buffy spoke and she could feel her resolve melting with every whimpered word.
"Please ... Faith ... I need you. I can't ... I can't do this anymore ... I need ... Faith. Please ... Faith." Buffy didn't care if she was begging. She had to fight to hold the sobs back. She just kept repeating the words "please" and "Faith" over and over again. It was all she could manage as the need engulfed her.
Faith was breaking down. Her internal struggle raging inside her brain. And without any strength left to fight it, she lifted her arm up and wrapped it underneath and around Buffy's shoulders. Buffy moved closer to her and it felt like Heaven. The image of the gold watch dangling loosely from her hand entered brain but was soon blasted away from her as she felt Buffy's short, quick, exhales being released on the skin of her chest.
Buffy had stopped pleading and was now left whimpering on her shoulder. They were so close. But the blonde didn't wrap her arm or leg up around the dark-haired girl. And Faith didn't tangle her fingers in Buffy's soft tresses. And she didn't lean down every few minutes to give the shorter girl a soft kiss on the forehead. But they were close. And that was a step.
Buffy woke up surrounded in the all too familiar warmth and scent she had grown to love so much and that she had missed terribly in the last few days. It was so incredible and soothing that she almost let herself drift back to sleep enveloped in it. But she had work. And she was worried that Faith would be displeased if she woke up and found her snuggling up to her.
So she reluctantly pulled herself away from the comfort and got up to get ready for work. Faith didn't get up to have breakfast with her but she figured that was from the dark-haired girl's late night return. She went around the house quietly so as not to wake her.
She had slept well last night. Obviously, she knew why. But she wouldn't fool herself. Things weren't fixed. Things wouldn't just erase because Faith had surrendered her shoulder as a pillow for a few hours. But things were better. And she would let nothing ruin her good mood this morning.
When she had everything cleaned up and was ready to go to work, she walked back to the bedroom. She stood in the doorway for a while, just to look. Faith's back was to her. She let her gaze linger for a while. Muscular arms, protruding shoulder blades. Faith's dark skin and hair contrasted with the white sheets and white tank top she wore. Buffy padded over to the bed and let her fingers brush through the dark silky strands once, very lightly. She couldn't restrain herself and bent down to place a soft kiss on Faith's temple, just past the hairline. Her lips rejoiced from the contact. She lifted her face a little to speak, her voice a whisper.
"I'm so sorry." She swallowed down her sorrow and stood back up. She turned and left the room.
Faith heard the front door close and let her eyes slide open. And her voice, just as quiet as Buffy's drifted out into the empty room.
"I know."
For the first time since, she couldn't even remember, Faith let her tears slide silently down her face.
When Buffy got home that evening, she called Giles. She told him that Faith had told her about what he said and that she would have to think about it. Told him her and Faith would have to talk. After she hung up the phone she realized she was in very tough situation. Honestly, she did want to go home. She missed her mother, and her friends. Even Giles. But she couldn't, and wouldn't, go back without Faith. So her and the younger girl really would have to talk.
But that was a problem wasn't it. Could she talk with Faith now? Would they be able to have this conversation? She hoped so.
She thought back to last night. How strong and perfect Faith's arm felt around her. How when she had woken up, the feeling of it was wonderfully familiar yet brand new at the same time. She needed that. She needed that every morning. And every night, and all the hours in between. She would talk to Faith. And ask her to go back home with her.
A few days went by. Buffy continued dropping not too subtle hints about going back. They talked about it a little, not really coming to a conclusion. Faith wasn't blind. She knew that Buffy wanted to go back.
In her mind she tried to figure out what would be best for them, as a couple. Yes, she wanted them to be a couple again. But would going back to Sunnydale help or hinder that want. Would the strain of being back with all of Buffy's friends harm their relationship, more than it already was? Giles said that everyone had accepted it. Or maybe bringing Buffy back to the comfort of her friends and family would soothe some things. Some tensions. It would certainly help with the money issue. They wouldn't have to pay for the shithole that they lived in anymore. That would take some pressure off.
They usually talked about it in the morning. At breakfast, or sometimes in bed. It was funny. They would always fall asleep separately, closer than the last few weeks, but still, apart from each other. But when they would wake up, they found themselves tangled together, like in slumber their bodies had been drawn naturally to each other. When they both finally opened their eyes they would look at each other and smile, a little shyly, a little sheepishly. And then they would pull away slightly, into a less intimate position, but not too much.
It was good. It was good for both of them. Faith found herself thinking less and less about the bad things, and more and more about how much she wanted to give Buffy goodbye kisses, or bury her nose in soft silky blonde hair, or run her hands over satiny smooth skin.
And that was what she was thinking about on this sunny Sunday morning when she came upon a familiar street. A street that had two very familiar stores. A street that presented her with a very important decision. But she didn't have any money. Her pockets were empty. But then she thought of something. Her pockets were empty ... except for ...
Instead of turning down that street, Faith turned the opposite direction. She quickly headed to a shop that she had seen a while back. A pawn shop.
The watch got her less then she would have figured. 'Stupid cheap watch' she thought. That could be because it was slightly broken. But it would be enough. She ran back to the familiar street and stood in front of the two stores for a moment, as if she was contemplating it. Faith made her decision.
The bell rang cheerily as she made her entrance. The ancient man behind the counter smiled in recognition.
"Hey Honey, where you been? I ain't seen you in weeks."
She put on a smile as she answered. "Got that right. But life's never too busy for some chocolates."
He smiled a cute wrinkly smile that only old men can and replied,"You want somma those kisses you always buy?"
"Yep. As much as I can get for that." Faith put down about half of what she got from the watch on the counter. The man chuckled.
"That's an awful lotta kisses. Don't you want some candy bars or some fudge for all that?" Even as he was saying it he was walking, ever so slowly, to the back wall for the candy.
"No, the kisses will do just fine. Thanks," she said politely. He turned and dropped a few large bags on the counter. He bent down to start gathering the money.
"Hey little one, you going to have some change here..." but when he looked up the bell was ringing and she was out the door.
She made her way across town, where she would spend the rest of the money on the other part of Buffy's present.
Faith opened the door to the apartment as carefully as she could while balancing the chocolate in her arms. She shut the door quietly behind her. When she turned back into the living room, she stood stationary at the scene she saw. Buffy was sprawled across the couch, with the T.V. on and a magazine across her chest. Like she had sat down to relax and had fallen asleep by accident. She was snoring softly and there was something serene about her. And she looked cute as hell. A sad smile landed on Faith's lips.
She silently made her way over to the couch and set down the bags next to Buffy. She opened one quietly so as not to wake the sleeping slayer and got down on her knees, so she was now leaning over the blonde. She took out a single piece of candy and removed the shiny silver wrapper. She brought the candy to her own mouth and sucked on it for a moment, so it got slightly mushy. Then she released it and brought it down to Buffy's face. She ran it over pink lips, leaving a trail of chocolate lipstick over the pouty mouth. She kept at it until the girl started twitching in her sleep.
Buffy could feel something gooey on her lips as she started to wake up. She pressed her lips together and then ran her tongue out over her mouth, finally tasting the sweet goodness. Faith felt Buffy's tongue hit her finger tips and it made her breath catch.
When Buffy's eyes finally slid open, she was looking up into chocolatey eyes that were just as delicious and the taste on the tip of her tongue. At first she thought it was a dream. Waking up like this with Faith so close to her, just couldn't be real. But then she felt the brunette gently push the rest of the chocolate into her mouth and felt the fingers between her lips, allowing her to suck the rest of the sweetness off of them, and she knew it was no dream. Faith was weakened at the beauty of Buffy's sleepy smile as it eclipsed over her.
There was a few moments of silence as Buffy sucked the rest of the chocolate off her mouth. Her face took on a hopeful expression. Then her voice, husky from sleep, cut that silence. "Sweets from my sweet?"
And the question sounded so desperate, and so hopeful, and so wanting and pleading and a million other things that Faith couldn't even think of a decent response to it. Instead, she slowly leaned down and touched her lips to Buffy's. And it wasn't really a kiss, more of a reacquaintance of flesh, a rejoining of love. And when she pulled away hazel eyes were shining with tears and she was sure hers were too. She found Buffy's hand with hers and entwined their fingers. "I got a present for ya B." It was spoken softly as their eyes locked.
With her free hand, Buffy reached up to Faith's left jacket pocket without even asking and pulled out her prize. She looked at the two stubs. They were bus tickets. Tickets back to Sunnydale. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling and before she could say anything, Faith spoke again. "I want to take you home B. We need to make things right with everybody. We need to make *everything* right." She leaned down and kissed Buffy's lips again, as softly as before. And then she moved up and kissed her forehead, and then her cheek and then both of her eye lids, across her eyebrows, down to the tip of her nose, back to her lips again. She pulled away.
"I could never stop loving you Buffy." And there was no coldness when the full name was said this time, and it made Buffy's heart melt. This time it was she who couldn't think of a decent response and instead returned the previous kisses.
And the unsightly apartment faded around them as something happy emerged once again. And things weren't forgotten, not yet. But things were forgiven. Everything would be made right in time. Love had triumphed for the Chosen Two, who could be no happier that they had chosen each other.
...continued in Test of Love...