Losing Grip
by ForeverFaith
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss. Blah.
Author's Notes: Wow, ok. I don't even know WHAT I just did but hopefully it'll
make some sense. Faith explains why she did what she did in the slayers' past
relationship. However, her emotions are explained through the song of the
GODDESS Avril Lavigne. It's pretty much a flashback and overview of their
relationship, only I KNOW I have majore holes in this story. But I needed
to get this out cuz I'm getting frustrated with myself on RID.
Enjoy..hopefully.
Dedication: Wlffgrl (oh look, here's another fic, where's yours!!) *pokes
you* :p
The two girls took a seat at the table inside the Magic box. The two bodies, both worn from experience, pain, love and hate sat awkwardly across from one another. They had begun this conversation the day before, but somehow it was left in the air and Buffy had come to the conclusion that it had to stop. Everything. The immaturity, the pettiness, all of it. Therefore, she was the first to speak. The blonde sighed.
"I'm done fighting you. There's no point, no more reason. I'm done Faith."
"It took you three years to figure out there's no point to it anymore?"
"A lot's changed...I'VE changed."
"And what brought on this sudden chan-"
"I died, Faith. I came back. I hit total bottom and dwelled there for what seemed like forever until everything around me was literally falling apart...I died..and I was in heaven...and now I'm not. I haven't accepted the fact that I have to remain here, but I've learned to cope with it...with all of it.."
Faith bowed her head and studied her hands, digesting the information.
"I knew."
Buffy looked at her, confused.
"What?"
"I knew it when you died, I knew it that second."
She looked up and stared into hazel eyes.
"Just like I knew when you came back."
"How.."
"When are you gonna get that I can feel you Buffy? We're connected B.."
Faith trailed off and set her hand on the cold wood of the table, tracing random patterns along its sleek surface.
"I feel you too."
Faith looked up and Buffy merely smiled. There was no need for further discussion, the two understood what the other meant completely. It was a funny thing. After being so far apart for so long, the two slayers could silently understand each other more than ever.
"I only have one question for you Faith."
The raven-haired girl's own smile faltered and beckoned with her eyes for Buffy to continue.
"Why'd you do it? All of it..just...why?"
Faith didn't have to ask what Buffy was talking about. She knew. She had known for the past three years that this is why she was going to go back to Sunnydale; this was the question and reason why she sat here now with a girl she'd spend the rest of her days trying to make amends to. She took a deep breath, and began her tail.
"Because...because I was loosin my grip B..."
"I wouldn't use the word, dating, but I am going out with somebody. Tonight as a matter of fact."
"Really? Who?"
"Yeah, what's up? Hey, time to motorvate."
"Really...we're just good friends."
//Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby//
"Let them have their secret meetings."
"What meetings?"
"Oh, nothing, just something with Buffy and her friends."
"Right...I guess that wouldn't include me..."
//Right now I feel invisible to you like I'm not real//
"I mean you..you boinked the undead. What was it like?"
"Look, Faith, a lot of the Angel issues are still with me so if you don't mind I'd rather not."
"Yeah...hey...no problem.."
//Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you Why'd you turn away? Here's what I have to say//
"We'll never make it to the wherehouse."
"If they keep comin one at a time we gotta shot."
"...FAITH NO!!"
"I-I didn't know. I didn't know!!"
//I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare//
"You can't imagine the price for true evil.."
"Yeah? I hope evil takes mastercard.."
//That's when I decided//
"You don't give up do you?"
"Not on my friends, no."
"Yeah, cuz you and me are such solid buds right?"
"We could be..."
//Why should I care. Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone//
"Everyone always asks, why can't you be more like Buffy? But did anyone ask if you could be more like me...you get the watcher, you get the mom, you get the little scooby gang, well what do I get? Jack. Squat. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY TOWN."
//You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone//
"Oh what's the big deal? So you lost some friends, so what?"
"I wouldn't exactly call them friends..."
//Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place when you turn around can you recognize my face//
"You told me I was just like you, that I was holding it in."
"Ready to cut loose?"
"Try me."
"Ok then, give us a kiss."
//you used to love me, you used to hug me But that wasn't the case Everything wasn't ok// //I was left to cry there Waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare That's when I decided Why should I care// //Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone//
"So I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even DATING the guy she was so nuts about before..."
//crying out loud//
"..She's moved on to the first college beefstick she meets..."
//I'm crying out loud//
"...and not only has she forgotten about the 'love of her life'..."
//crying out loud//
"She's forgotten all about the chick she nearly killed for him."
//I'm crying out loud//
Buffy subtly wiped at a small tear that had managed to escape from her emotions. She shook her head, preparing to say something but Faith stopped her.
"B, I'm not done. Let me finish."
The brunette smiled warmly at the blonde. She took Buffy's hand in her own, squeezing it in reasurrance and uncharacteristic suppport.
"I know what it's like. You think you matter, you think you're a part of something and you get dumped."
//Open your eyes//
"Like those animals..in the tar pits. It's like you keep sinking a little deeper everyday..and NOBODY even sees."
//Open up, wide//
"Did it ever occur to you, Faith, that the reason we all forgot about you is because we wanted to!"
//Why, should I care? Cuz you weren't there when I was scared. I was so alone//
"Man, would I like to get my hands on her, not in a sexual way."
"...I don't think she's coming back..."
"Yeah, well I guess she's had her fun."
"Yeah...fun."
//If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere//
"B. How am I ever gonna make things right with her?"
"Faith, this isn't about Buffy."
"All my life there was only one person who tried to be my friend. Went out of her way when I had no right or reason to expect her to and I screwed her."
//Why should I care cuz you weren't there when was scared. I was so alone//
"...Just tell me how to make it better..."
//Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere//
"...but I knew B, right then I knew if I ever wanted to start and work things out, I would have to explain it..all of it. And no matter how much I tried to deny it, I was tired of pretending I didn't care because I thought you didn't."
Buffy squeezed Faith's hand harder.
"I cared Faith. I've always cared."
"You have?"
Buffy smiled and leant across the table, cupping Faith's cheek in her palm.
"Yeah, I have."
The two girls smiled, knowing that somehow, through all the dark and all the pain on both sides, things would be better..they had to be.
Buffy released Faith's cheek as she caught herself staring and wiped at another tear. She paused for a long time and looked around the room. Finally she spoke.
"You wanna train?"
Faith let out a short laugh. She wasn't going to cry, but somehow that simple phrase, laced with a simple promise, managed to steal a tear away from her soul.
Buffy knowingly smiled at her before the two got up and began their journey towards self restoration.
Yeah, everything would be fine, and maybe then the slayers would begin to have the life they were meant for in the beginning.