Lovelorn

by ForeverFaith
Rating: R

Disclaimer: Faith and Buffy belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant yada yada, i think we all know that by now :)
Spoilers: Somewhat for Graduation Day I.
Author's Notes: *** *** denotes thought. Special thanks to Stephan, Dushku FAN, Eliza and Markus; you guys are the best. Dedicated to Cloud--this time I won't leave you hanging..for long :)

Faith sat against the windowsill of her flat--her flat..one of the many gifts that the mayor had provided. The gift that provided a roof over Faith's head and the assurance that somebody loved her. She had never had that feeling before--the feeling of love-- especially as a child. That, perhaps, is the reason she stayed with the mayor until it was too late to take anything back; too late for regret. He was the father Faith never had but always wished for. However, even the love of her adopted father was not enough to fill the void that now squeezed, played with, and tugged at her heart...a void that could only be filled by the companionship of a certain blond-haired slayer.

But it was too late now right? That's what Faith had convinced herself; after everything she had done, especially to Angel, she would never be given the chance to love Buffy openly.

And this void, this wretched emptiness that now compelled Faith to be so hostile with her fellow slayer was the reason she sat against the windowsill, sighing hopelessly into the darkness--a darkness that had become her exsistance. And she was waiting. Faith was waiting for the predictable confrontation that usually ended up with her running away and Buffy standing there confused and hurt. But Faith had a reason for fleeing Buffy after a fight, and that reason was because she couldn't handle seeing the older slayer in so much pain, pain in which Faith knew she was the cause of. But ironically Faith couldn't stand being away from Buffy because the blond slayer's absense would envoke a slow, dull pain in Faith's heart that the brunette couldn't shake. So maybe that's why she agreed to shoot Angel with the arrow in the first place; it gave her a hell of an excuse to at least see Buffy, even if they ended up fighting. At least they were touching right?

However, Faith also awaited to be chastized, beaten, criticized and insulted by the one person whom she let do it to her--and that person was still the certain blond mentioned above. If Faith actually took the time to think about it, Buffy Summers dictated her every action. Buffy Summers was the reason she went over to the Mayor and now the reason why her heart was screaming at her mind to surrender the facade of a tough exterior so that she might make amends with her fellow slayer. If she looked closer, Faith would realize that Buffy Summers was the reason for everything.

Suddenly the door was kicked open, interrupted Faith's musings. The expected wrath of the petite blond entered the room and looked around slowly, finally spotting Faith. Faith got up calmly, not saying a word, and headed just as slowly towards Buffy.

***Alright, it's game time. And this time try to stay in it*** Faith thought as she inched her way toward Buffy. Finally, the menacing silence was shattered by the threatening voice of one pissed off slayer.

"You told me I was just like you...that I was holding it in."

Buffy's hands were sweating and her heart pounding. Before she had brutally attacked the door she had sworn to herself that this time she would kill Faith, this time Faith had gone too far and she had to pay. She had to kill her for the sake of her friends, for the sake of Angel, and overall for the anger of a love lost. Ever since Buffy had layed eyes on the beautiful brunette, she was drawn to her. Everything about Faith had intrigued her. She had never known somebody who could be so outspoken, so outrageous, and yet so utterly attractive at the same time. She could never pin-point the exact reason, but Buffy was in a trance whenever she was around Faith. Hell, maybe it was even Faith's leather pants and flowing hair that did it, but Buffy didn't care.

Sure, in the beginning her mind registered and tried to rationalize that her feelings for Faith, let alone a girl, were wrong. She became scared for awhile because she didn't know how to deal with feelings she had for Faith. Was she gay? No, that wasn't it. It's not like she scoped out Willow whenever the red head should pass. The fear and uncertainty caused Buffy to surpress the feeling she knew she could not deny forever. She also tried to hide her feelings from Faith. Whenever the brunette would seemingly come on to her, Buffy would just play it off with an uncomfortable laugh. But the more she tried to supress the feelings that were eating away at her soul, the more difficult it became to be around Faith for fear that she might slip up her words and she would be left emotionally vulnerable.

She remembered that one night, after she had followed Faith like a puppy into the nest of vamps. Afterwards, not only were they worked up from the fight, but Buffy remembered thinking how smoothly their bodies seemed to move as one as they were fighting. She also rememberd thinking if their bodies could do that without even touching, imagine what they could do in a nice soft bed. That night she had to hold herself back from kissing the younger slayer.

Buffy also loved that Faith held a hint of danger among her spontaneity, but at the same time also seemed to keep it under control..only...now Faith was out of control and at one point Buffy tried to help her, but Faith had a thing with putting up a wall of gold and not even slayer strength was able to tear it down.

Buffy became frustrated with Faith and angry with her for going too far, and most of all hurt because she was being rejected and pushed away from the only person who truly understood her.

Now the two slayers were standing inches apart and Buffy knew she could never kill Faith, because she felt something for the other slayer that prevented her from doing her any real harm. However, she didn't want to let Faith know that she cared for her, so she awaited the smart-ass reply Faith was sure to give.

"Ready to cut loose?" Faith said as she took one last step towards Buffy. Faith could suddenly smell the sweet yet musky aroma that her fellow slayer often gave off. She tried hard not to close her eyes and take Buffy in her arms.

"Try me" Buffy replied as she stood her ground, eyeing the brunette. Faith smiled menacingly. ***What the hell, might as well go for it if she's gonna kill me anyway*** Faith thought as she began to answer.

"Ok then...give us a kiss" she said as she made a suggestive movement with her lips. All Buffy could do was stand in front of Faith helplessly as her breathing became ragged. Now usually Buffy would just shrug off Faith's attemps to flirt with her, just as Faith would shrug off Buffy's rejecting banter, but Buffy was taken aback by the look in Faith's eyes as she said the words...Faith was being serious. The blond's mind raced with possibilities and the usual "what-ifs". But as always, Buffy's actions couldn't keep up with her thoughts and she became flustered. The tension that had built up between them was now broken by Buffy's confusion, and she became defensive as she tried to cover up her feelings.

"W-what do you mean a kiss?? Why would you say that?" she asked as she also broke the electrifying eye contact that the two slayers had managed to keep up ever since Buffy had entered--well forced her way into the room. She stepped away from Faith and looked around, mostly at the floor.

Faith had also stepped back because she was anticipating Buffy's usual, physically painful blow..but it never came. The last thing Faith expected was for Buffy to ask WHY she had thrown that comment into their usual banter. Her mind also raced. How did she get herself into these situations? She turned her back and wondered why she always pushed Buffy away as she was planning to do now. She then turned to the petite slayer ready to fight for herself, if not physically then verbally. She wanted to fight...she deserved every blow that the slayer had to dish out..only the punches and kicks never came and it got Faith angry.

"Why do you care B..." Faith began, but as beautiful brown eyes met stunning gems of light green, Faith felt her composure deteriorate.

***Fuck those eyes--no fuck me for falling into them*** Faith thought as she tried to hold her gaze. ***Pull it together damn it. Say something, anything***

"It's not like you ever did" was Faith's idea of a decent retort.

"How can you say that? I tried so hard to help you but you pushed me away. What else could I do? I DID care Faith, but now..now I don't care about anything you do" Buffy lied.

Faith preffered to avoid the deep conversation that Buffy's reply would lead to,

"Why're you gettin so bent outa shape B?" Faith trailed off as a coy grin spread across her face "or is your curiosity gettin the better of you?"

***Great, how am I supposed to answer that?*** Buffy thought. She figured either way her feelings would get the better of her so she decided to take Faith's advice--she would cut loose.

Buffy looked back at Faith with a hint of lust shining through her gem-like eyes. It was there every time she talked, looked or even thought about her fellow slayer. It was there from the first time she locked eyes with Faith, and most prominent when they danced that night at the Bronze--that look of lust neither one could deny. But if one were to look closer at the expressions played out on each slayer's face, one would find something deeper, something both slayers just FELT everytime they saw each other. Buffy suddenly looked away unable to endure the feelings she was having. She was shivering with anticipation and she felt her center become wet. What was she anticipating? She didn't know, but maybe it was the thought of Faith's forbidden fruit that was so tantalizing.

After a moment's hesitation, Buffy looked back up at Faith and caught the brunette's expression...it mirrored her own, and that's all Buffy wanted or needed. She couldn't take it anymore.

With a determined pace Buffy strode up to Faith and kissed her hard, running her fingers through a wave of soft, almost black hair. As Buffy brought Faith deeper into the kiss, Faith placed her hands on Buffy's shoulders and eventually slid them down to wrap around Buffy's waist. The blond invitingly parted her lips and Faith took full advantage of the invitation. Their tongues met and soon entwined, and both found themselves in a state of ecstasy.

Suddenly the blond broke the kiss, like everything else that had happened between the two slayers, before it could deepen any further if that was at all possible. Buffy quickly touched her own lips with the tips of her fingers and a shocked expression played on her face.

"Oh god Faith..I-I'm so sorry."

Faith, in the mean time, kept her eyes shut after the contact with Buffy's lips was gone. She was savoring the moment of true happiness only Buffy seemed to be able to give to anyone. She licked her lips and with her eyes still closed, let her head fall toward the ground. Faith squeezed her eyes tight before letting them flutter open. She finally looked at Buffy to find that she wasn't surprised by the slayer's actions. She averted Buffy's gaze and tried to catch her breath.

"Buffy..." was all Faith managed to get out. Yet there was no remorse, no fear or trepidation in her voice..just...desire. Faith took a step closer to Buffy so they were almost nose to nose. She looked straight into her beautiful eyes and the only sound that followed was of each slayer's increased breathing.

Buffy looked back at Faith, seeming to be in her familiar trance. She had never heard her name spoken so beautifully.

***What's happening to me?*** she thought. Her mind had gone blank and her knees had gone weak after their kiss and it was a miracle that she kept herself standing at all. Buffy studied Faith's face and hesitantly brought her hand to lightly trace Faith's lips. She stared at the perfectly pouty shape before moving her eyes to study the rest of Faith's gorgeous features.

Her gems finally settled once again on brown eyes--the eyes that looked so tortured yet right now so vulnerable. Even when Faith had put up her emotional barricade, Buffy never neglected to look to Faith's eyes because they never failed in conveying Faith's true feelings. And right now, all Buffy could see was complete adoration and love.

***God...she's beautiful*** Buffy mused. All her animosity, fear...all her doubts about Faith had melted away in that one look and only one feeling remained: want. Buffy moved in closer to Faith, now concentrating on her lips as she replied in no more than a whisper.

"Yes Faith?"

"I..." Yet again Faith couldn't finish her sentence as she was still breathless. She was pleased with the effect she was having on the older slayer but is still wasn't enough. It was now Faith's turn to study Buffy. She was met with an expression she thought wasn't quite unlike her own. The only sound that could be heard in that moment was their hard breathing. Faith felt...something but she wasn't sure what it was right away as she was now distracted by Buffy's heaving bosom. She shook her head slightly to try and dispell the inapropriate thoughts running through her mind, and then it struck her--hard. Maybe it was the way they danced together, mabye it was the way she'd caught Buffy looking at her a few times or the way she caught herself looking at Buffy. She wanted this. She wanted it from the moment she saw her future slaying partner and every moment after that. Faith then took one last step and closed the gap between them...

The End