An Open Heart
by Freya
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The lucky guy who owns them knows who he is (and we all know who he is).
Spoilers: Angel's Sanctuary.
Author's Notes: Sorry for all spelling mistakes. My correction program isn't working. Buffy's POV.
Feedback: If you want me to I'll even go down on my knees and beg you.

The darknes has descended hours ago and still I wait for the feeling of sleep to overcome me.
I'm sitting here on the roof of Angel's place.
Here where I had my latest fight with Faith.
My legs are dangling over the edge and under my feet there's only the air and somewhere deep down the ground.
When I was younger I was always afraid of heights, but being the slayer frees you of such fears.
Angel left around midnight, after checking on me.
A slight smile tugs at my lips as I remember one week ago, the day when Faith turned herself in.
He wasn't very happy to see me drinking coffee with Cordelia in his office.
We talked, or better shouted at each other, for what seemed like hours.
Finally he gave in and let me stay.
Earlier he'd told me to go home and then suddenly he was letting me stay.
This guy can change his mind.
I'm still staying.
One week has passed.
A week in which no night has passed that I wasn't up here, just watching the stars and thinking.
Thinking about everything and nothing.
Life and death.
Day and night.
To be exact especially about me and Faith.
I keep on wondering if there was someting else I could have done.
To make things right.
Or at least better.
Better so she wouldn't have turned to the dark side.
I always thought she was happy.
Didn't really consider her a Scoobie but she was one of us.
At least that's my opinion.
But maybe I wasn't that good a friend I thought I was.
Fuck, I already hate this word.
I thought ...
If I just hadn't thought so much.
If I had only asked her what she felt.
If she felt like a friend was supposed to feel, accepted, loved.
Now when I think about it I don't believe we really made her feel welcomed.
When she first showed up we were all surprised.
Whoa, look out, there's a new slayer in town.
That was something all new, even for Giles.
But soon we were all too occupied with our own problems once again so that we simply ... forgot she even existed.
Of course we knew of Faith, the slayer, that we could call her if trouble was on its way.
But we forgot Faith, the girl.
The girl that she never really showed.
The little frightened girl longing for love, hidden behind a mask of toughness.
The little girl who cried for help everytime the facade crumbled.
Cries for help, so faint, yet I heard them.
Heard but didn't understand.
Closed my ears so I didn't have to understand.
I knew something was wrong.
Ever since Angel returned and I was caught up in my feelings for him I knew something was wrong.
Nothing I could have put my finger on.
But it was there.
That was the point when everything went out of our control.
If he wouldn't have been ...
Maybe I would have been smart enough to lift my head and see what's right in front of me.
A beautiful girl, helplessly in love with me, ready to do anything for my love.
Ready to go to hell if she couldn't have me.
Yes, she loved me.
Or better still loves me.
Angel told me about it.
At first I was a bit shocked, but after a while it all began to make sense.
All her little come-ons, her gestures, her touches.
I must have been blind and deaf to not notice them.
And now it's too late.
Now she went to jail.
Because of me.
For me.
I can't believe that love is strong enough to survive the fact that the person you love wants you locked away.
Or threatens to beat you to death if you apologize.
This time it's me who screwed things up.
Not her.
She wanted to make it better.
She reached out for me and asked me for help, finally.
Why did this damn helicopter have to show up.
The Council didn't give me any time to answer.
But maybe it's better this way.
Cause what would I have said?
"There is no way?"
"Nobody asks you to make it better"?
But what would I say now?
A raindrop landing on my nose stops my train of thoughts.
Another one follows, and another, and then it seems heaven's locked up and trys to drown every living thing on earth.
Swearing I stand up and run for cover, closing the door behind me and heavily leaning against it.
A shiver runs down my spine and I hope I don't get a cold.
A sneeze comments this thought and I decide on a warm bath.
But in front of the bathroom door I stop.
My hand is already on the knob but I can't turn it.
Because suddenly I know what I would answer.
The bath is the last thing on my mind as I storm out of the house, grabbing my jacket on the way.

*****

The guard doesn't seem very happy to see me.
Visiting hour was more than long ago.
But nevertheless he leads me to a room and makes me sit down in a chair.
Then he leaves and gives me time to observe my surroundings.
I think I couldn't stand being here.
Everything is so cold.
White walls, grey floor, metallic table and chairs.
Not very inviting.
I hear the door behind me open again and when I turn around I see her standing there.
My ex-arch-nemesis.
The only person who ever made me a victim.
My Faith.
I make the attempt to rise but she shakes her head no and sits down on the other chair.
Now only the table is separating us.
*She looks tired*, crosses my mind.
Think, Buffy.
Usually people are asleep at this time of night.
I stay silent.
Somehow I can't find the right words to begin.
The guard, who now occupies another chair in the corner, is beginning to fall asleep and Faith looks also ready to collapse.
"What do you want?"
Her voice reaches my ear and brings my mind back from somewhere far away.
I look at her and she repeats her question.
"What do you want, Buffy?"
I smile slightly and startle her by grabbing her hands, linking them with mine on top of the table.
"I want to answer you."
She's even more startled now, the look of confusion never leaving her face.
"You asked me how to make it better."
She remembers the question she asked that night and looks at me expectantly.
"I thought I already did."
"You mean by going to jail?"
Her silence is enough of an answer.
Quickly, so she can't stop me, I round the table, coming to a stand next to her, holding her face in my hands.
I shake my head softly and smile.
My thumbs brush over her cheeks as I lean closer to her and whisper.
"Show me your heart."
And I hope she understands.
That it takes her heart to open mine.

The End