Join Me in Death - A Better Life
by Freya
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, nuff said.
Spoilers: a bit from Angel's "Sanctuary".
Author's Notes: Alright, I know everybody said it was great to read a
fluffy, happy story like
NBH and something not dark, but when I heard "Join me in death" from
HIM during my morning
shower, LOL, I got this idea and just had to write it.
Feedback: Again, hell YES!
Angel waited. He hadn't done anything else during the last few days, just waiting and feeling helpless. Just like now while he was listening to the dial tone of the phone he was holding. Finally someone picked up at the other end.
"Hello?"
He smiled lightly. He would have recognized this voice everywhere.
"Buffy."
He stated simply.
"Angel? Angel is that you?"
"Yeah."
The other end was silent for a moment, then Buffy continued.
"What do you want?"
Her tone was slightly harsher than at the beginning. He couldn't blame her. They hadn't really parted as the best of friends the last time they had seen each other, with her hitting him and he hitting her. But he knew that their conflict was another problem for another time, now everything that mattered was ...
"I want you to come to LA."
He heard a sharp intake of breath.
"What?"
He repeated his last words, even though he knew she had heard him clearly.
"I want you to come to LA."
"Why? I mean, the last time I paid a visit you told me to go home, that LA was ... is your city. And now you want me to return just because my Ex calls and tells me to do so?! How dumb do you think I am?"
She was still bitter, he heard it with every spoken word, but he hoped that Buffy would react like he hoped she would when she knew why she was told to come.
"She's dying."
He smiled again. He couldn't even use her name in the same sentence as death. Although it was such a beautiful name. Or maybe that was the reason. Too beautiful for death. When Buffy didn't answer he realized that there was no need for names. She knows, he thought.
"Why? How?"
"She was attacked. In prison. Seems she always attracts enemies, no matter where she goes."
Buffy didn't laugh.
"And what do you expect me to do now? Forgive her? Is this her last wish?"
Angel shook his head even though she couldn't see him, but he didn't care.
"No. She just asked to see you one last time. She said there was something she has to tell you. As for you forgiving her. I've known you for quite some time and I think it's your wish to forgive her. I don't think you will let her go forever without setting things right between you two."
He breathed deeply and waited. No answer came so he asked.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah, still here. I'll be there as soon as I can."
With that the line went dead and Angel went back to Faith's side, waiting and feeling helpless.
The night was cold and Buffy shivered when she walked towards Angel's. She still didn't know how he had gotten her out of hospital but right now she had other things to take care of. The words she would say to Faith, for example. Was she really willing to let her die without forgiveness? On the other hand, was she ready to forgive her for everything she had done to her friends, her family and her? Her thoughts felt like a merry-go-round out of control, spinning around with no end in sight. Slowly she opened the door and was immediately welcomed by Cordelia, sitting behind her desk.
The brunette looked up and met her eyes but spoke no word. She pointed towards a door to her right and then returned to whatever she'd been doing. Buffy stood there for her moment, her eyes fixed on the plain door, her thoughts racing, before she finally took a deep breath and opened the door. Why was she even acting this way. She wasn't afraid, was she?
She shook her head and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her without a sound. She saw Angel sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, his eyes leaving his book and coming up when he heard her steps. She smiled slightly at him, greeting him, before she looked at the reason for her trip. She looked horribly, covered in bruises, but still strong and beautiful. She was still Faith, her fellow slayer, after everything that had happened. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned her head to Angel.
"I'll leave you two alone."
He whispered before he opened the door.
"Angel."
He stopped and looked at her again.
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For everything."
He just nodded and shut the door. Now the room was silent except for the girl's breathing. Even though Buffy sensed that under those closed lids Faith was awake the voice startled her.
"Hey B."
The blonde tried hard to keep any emotion out of her voice, but she already knew before she spoke that she'd fail miserably.
"Faith."
Faith cocked her head a little to the side. Clearing her throat she answered.
"I'm happy you came. When Angel told me you were on your way ... well, I didn't exactly believe him."
While the younger slayer spoke Buffy walked over to the bed and occupied the chair that stood there, never breaking eye-contact with the other girl. Suddenly all her doubts were erased from her mind.
She wouldn't be so stubborn to let this last moment be ruined by any past events. This was here and now, and right now she had a certain brunette reaching for her hand and linking their fingers.
"Did Angel tell you why I wanted you to come?"
Buffy nodded.
"He said there was something you had to tell me before you ..."
She trailed off, not daring to end the sentence. But Faith smiled.
"Is our big bad slayer scared? Y'know, ever since I'm here I wondered. We both are confronted with death every day, risking our lives for this world,at least in the old days, but when someone is actually dying we are afraid to put the finger on this little word."
She broke the gaze she was still holding with Buffy and watched the white milky candle at her bed side, watching the wax spill down in small drops.
"I'm dying."
Buffy's eyes left the girl's face and fixed on their hands, still laying linked on Faith's stomach.
"As hard as this is ... for both you and me. I don't want to apologize. And I don't want you to apologize either. Whatever happened back then happened. We can't change it now with all words known to mankind."
She waited a few seconds before continuing.
"Do you know how long until ..."
This time Faith's hand squeezed her's and she said it.
"Until you'll die?"
Faith shrugged her shoulders.
"Not long anymore I guess. Maybe two days, maybe I won't even see tomorrow's dawn."
She shrugged again.
"I don't know. But it doesn't matter. All that matters right now is you sitting by my side."
The blonde slayer blushed as she realized how important it was for Faith that she had come to LA to stay with her. And she was happy that she was the one the girl had chosen to be with during her last hours.
The comfortable silence that took over after the brunette's last words continued for a long time. Somehow both girls knew that word's couldn't express any of their feelings towards each other, that their eyes could tell more than they even knew they wanted to say. But the sound of the door brought them back to reality. Both slayers turned their heads and saw Angel standing in the doorway.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but ..."
He cleared his throat.
"Faith, you need to rest. You've already been awake too long."
Faith wanted to say something but Buffy cut in.
"I think he's right. I should let you sleep."
Smiling she added.
"Get some sleep myself, too."
But the younger girl didn't let go of her hand.
"Then sleep here."
She padded the space next to her. Although Buffy knew that is would be better for her and Faith if she left she knew she couldn't go as soon as she saw the pleading look Faith was giving her. She turned to Angel.
"I guess then I'll stay."
Angel nodded and, though reluctantly, pulled the door shut. As soon as he was out of the room Buffy stood up and placed herself next to Faith on the bed, not quite touching the brunette, afraid of adding to her already serious wounds. But Faith didn't seem to care and snuggled up against the blonde, burying her face in the other's neck. In reflex Buffy pulled her closer, tightening her embrace as much as she dared to.
"I guess I still owe you an explanation for this so-very-important-thing-to-tell, right?"
Buffy nodded.
"Yeah, right."
Taking a deep sigh Faith lifted her head and locked her eyes with Buffy's once more.
"But I think you've known for a long time how much ..."
Her voice broke and Buffy reached up and cupped her cheek with her hand. Nodding she said.
"I've known. I felt it every time you looked at me, every time you touched me. Whether it was slaying or dancing, no one could've missed all those come ons. Not even I."
Leaning her forehead against Faith's she continued.
"And even though I wanted to deny my feelings, wanted to hate you for everything you did, I just couldn't do that. I just ... love you too much."
Finally! After all those years of waiting now the words she had always longed for had been spoken.
Faith closed her eyes and let a single tear slip down her cheek.
"Oh Buffy. Why?"
Confused Buffy looked up and saw more tears joining the first one, so she wiped them away and let her fingertips linger near those full lips she had dreamed of so many times.
"Why?"
She shrugged.
"There is no answer to this. You're simply Faith."
And without thinking she bent her head a little and touched her mouth lightly to the other girl's, tasting her for what she knew was the first and the last time. When they broke apart she saw something in the younger slayer's eyes what she could only describe as inner peace.
"Thank you. Thank you for loving me."
With that Faith closed her eyes, snuggled up against Buffy once more and fell asleep.
The blonde waited a few more minutes, studying the girl in her arms, before joining her in their last shared dream.
Buffy woke in the middle of the night. Without opening her eyes she knew that her love had gone. She had felt it, deep in her heart. A part of herself had gone with Faith. But when she thought back and remembered their last encounter, their last dream, she smiled. Because she knew she would never be alone. The other girl would always be there, waiting for ... to join her in death ... where they both could live a better live. Together.