A Good Night Sleep
by goose
Rating: R

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the hallucinogenic mushrooms that place Buffy on my bed!
Spoilers: Nope.
Author's Notes: To my surfboard, my cancer stick, my zippo lighter, and ALL the girls I'd like to lay.
Author's Notes 2: This is what happens when I don't sleep! Nonsensical gibberish brought on by my overactive libido, cigarettes, my parents bar, and btvs dvds... and not even in a good way.
Author's Notes 3: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!

"God Buffy! Why are you always groping me and shit?!"
"WHAT?!" Buffy looked incredulously at her dark counterpart. "What the hell are you talking about Faith? We both very well know that you're the only one that ever gropes anything around here. I'm simply the innocent bystander that gets caught in your libidinous activities."

"Oh that is such bullshit, B, and you know it."

Buffy let a sheepish grin befall her angelic face. It was true. But, why shouldn't it be true? What could possibly keep the tiny blonde from constantly touching Faith? Well, for one, Faith was bitching at her about said groping now. Wait. Why was her girlfriend yelling at her about groping?

Faith let out an exaggerated sigh as her arms dropped at her sides. She was tired, slightly drunk, and extremely confused. What had led her to believe that she could possibly go fortyeight hours without sleep, sex or cigarettes? Well for one Buffy.

Her girlfriend had made a simple accusation, which quickly turned into a challenge. Her exact words were "Jesus Faith, is there anything you love more than sex, food, slaying and cigarettes?" Faith grinned at the older slayer. "And you can't just rearrange the order." Buffy cocked her hip and stared at her dumbfounded girlfriend. Where had all of this come from Faith thought? "I bet you can't go a day without your sex and smokes now can you?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? And why did you only name those two things? Not gonna try to control my slaying and eating habits? Well that's a first."

"Oh come on Faith, if you don't eat you can't slay, and if you don't slay, people die."

"Oh yeah? I'm surprised you're not accusing me of killing people while I'm slaying!"

"Faith, I got over that, remember? Jesus."

"You know what Twinkie? I'll take you up on your god damned little challenge!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"OKAY!"

"Shake."

"No."

"Huh?" Simply enough the dark slayer was confused by the tiny blonde's odd behavior, but that was nothing new. Buffy was still a bit of a mystery to Faith, even if she was her girlfriend.

"Kiss," Buffy said.

"What?"

"We should kiss on it to make it official." Buffy smirked. She loved groping and kissing Faith.

"Whatever, Blondie."

They shared a kiss, broke away, and glared at each other for a minute.

"Wait. What do I get when I win?" Faith asked.

"Ummm, I dunno I have to think about it."

"Oh that's not fair."

"No?" Buffy asked.

"No."

The blonde thought it over for a minute. Her brow furrowed as her concentration deepened.

"Okay then, remember that nurse's uniform you wanted to play with?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah." The younger slayer grinned.

"I'll wear it…to bed…and give you a lap dance to Britney Spear's new single. If you lose you do that for me. Okay?"

Faith was awestruck and subsequently speechless. Her mind was on overload. Buffy walked over to her girlfriend shaking her head and closed Faith's mouth.

"Ok?"

"Yeah, yeah ok." Faith said excitedly.

"But…there is a but."

"But what?"

"You have to go TWO days without your S&S fix. Deal?"

"Anything."

"Great."

*****

"Oh my fucking god. No sex, no smokes… no sleep!"

"God Faith, grumpy much? Maybe we should just rethink that whole nurse outfit deal if you're gonna be all non touchy."

"NO!"

Buffy couldn't hold in her laughter. She knew exactly what she was doing to Faith. In fact, she was surprised her girlfriend had lasted all of three hours without sex followed by her coveted cancer stick. But sure enough, she had held up pretty well… and poorly, if that was at all possible. Faith had a few hours left.

The girls walked silently to the Bronze. Faith flashed a fake ID and got an amaretto sour for Buffy and liquid cocain for herself. She had already had a few drinks at home, but needed more. If she couldn't indulge in sex, then she sure as fuck didn't want to be sober enough to know she couldn't fuck and light up.

A few drinks later, the girls made their way onto the dance floor. After much debauchery and serious gropage, mostly from the Buffster's part, the slayers made their way back to the bar for a final drink.

They exited the club and walked slowly in hopes that the cool night air might quell their need to vomit way too much alcohol.

*****

Faith and Buffy quietly made their way through Restfield cemetery. Neither wanted to patrol in their present condition, but both were acutely aware of their need to release the tension they had built during their grope session. The vampires, however, were not as willing to cooperate. It seemed the vamps knew better than to hang around at this particular cemetery on this particular night, or maybe they just got lucky.

Faith inevitably broke the silence.

"Hey B."

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck was with that whole thing with me not smoking or us fucking deal about?"

"I dunno…"

"What do you mean you don't know? Where'd it even come from?"

"Well…it started out as a joke…was supposed to be this whole April Fools thing, but I was too drunk when I thought it up to actually come up with anything cool to go with it… sorry."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah."

"So why aren't we having sex then?"

"I dunno."

"Since I made it, are you still gonna wear that nurse thing?"

"No."

Faith stopped dead in her tracks.

"WHAT?"

"Just kidding Faith…Jesus…its April Fools remember?"

"Oh yeah…hahaha."

Faith took her beautiful blonde slayer by the hand.

"Come on, B, lets go fuck."

"Great!"

The girls raced back to their apartment where Buffy dressed up in a super hot nurses uniform and gave Faith a lap dance to Britney Spear's new single. They then proceed to have super rad, hot sex.

After they had fully fucked each other senseless, the girls fell into a peaceful slumber.

The End

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