Let the Rain Come Down
by Samantha
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters. Smile empty soul owns the lyrics to "For you".
Notes: First off is a big thanks to Miss K for all her help and advice, taking me under her wing and letting me use spaces. Hope everyone likes this, the product of a few late nights.....
Feedback: Please send me some=)
::I'm searching for reasons to keep away the demons and I'd die again for you I wish you were near me could feel it when you hear me say I'd die again for you so kill me with the love that you won't give to me and pack the wound with salt I want to feel it bleed you wanted me to crawl so now I'm on my knees::
It's gonna rain.
Right now we got that whole sunny twilight thing going on, you know the stormy yellow haze of the late afternoon? Darkness is just around the corner, nights calling to the sun, taunting her as he chases her away.
And me? I'm on my way out, working the graveyard shift, ha ha. Ok, so maybe I'm known more for my sexual prowess than my jokes, oh well.
With each step the darkness seems to creep a little more out of my shadow, like watching my soul cry. At least that's how I think it would look these days.
Funny I never would have even considered something like that before.
Not before her. Buffy Summers, the one, the chosen one, she in all the world, the only one with the power. The one who can bring me to my knees with one wrong look. Or one right look for that matter, she sends me down in two different ways, lust and loneliness.
It's getting so I can't tell those apart around her.
Sky's almost dark now, it's amazing how fast that happens in winter, one moment you're living in the light, next you've stepped off into the night.
Maybe I can blame this whole mess I got myself into on winter too. A couple of glorious months living in the glow of Buffy, and with one wrong move, bam, back in the dark. Fuck.
It's starting to rain.
I pull my hood up, digging my hands deeper into empty pockets; head down I enter the graveyard and the clawing rain.
Buffy.
See there I go again thinking about her, it's always like that. Can't get her outa me, believe me I've tried, crying her out, cutting her out, puking her out, but she's in deep, somehow worked her way into a place I kept everyone else out of.
Fuck and move on, fuck and move on, never let them close, never let them see you, give them just enough to make them feel like you're there, maybe if they think you're there, then you can believe you are too.
Maybe just for a minute.
It's all just to make yourself feel real anyway. Every random asshole brought home, every solid blow to the stomach, the retaliating blow to your head that hurts so bad it sets you spinning and feeling like you're gonna puke. Every time she glares at you, at least she sees you.
See Buffy again, I'm back to her.
I let her in, I never meant to, did my best to push her back, hold her at arms length, you can't fall in love with someone that far away. She fucked me over though, pushing right back, with every little smile, laugh, tear, "love you baby", every playful hug, she worked herself in. Funny thing is she wasn't even trying, and she doesn't wanna be here.
So I went to the mayor.
If you can't make them love you, make them hate you with all the passion they have, it's a thin line anyway. And fuck does she hate me now. Might not have, but me holding a knife to Red's neck pretty much sealed the deal. There's no looking back now.
Dead man rising.
Fresh grave, ground moving, by now it's not even math to figure it out. Pulling out a stake I wait. This isn't even my job anymore, but I already said, it's just to feel alive.
And this one is a big motherfucker. As he pulls to his full height I have to lean my head back to see all over him, gotta be over six foot, and judging by the tats, not a stranger to the system. A backhand across the face knocks me out of my trance, landing across a headstone with what would have been bone-breaking force for anyone else.
"Nice to see they sent they sent the baby slayer," his voice sounds like gravel rubbed in wounds, tearing at the raw skin.
"You here to baby sit?" I ask, trying not to wince when he laughs. "Hope they're paying you well."
"This is just for pleasure."
Standing I take the top of the now broken headstone and haul it at him with deadly accuracy as it takes a chunk of his skull with it on the way by. Roaring he puts his hand to his head, pulling it back to see it covered in blood, and I cringe at what I can only assume to be brain showing through his skull, and duck as he throws the headstone back at me with less accuracy, and even more anger.
"Cunt!" He cries, still holding the side of his head. I have to say I am taken back by his choice of insults.
"Bet you were a real ladies magnet huh?"
"You're going to die," he starts toward me.
"Sure I am."
I roll towards him standing and spinning a kick that cracks him across his exposed skull, before I can even get my foot down he has my head in one of his hands lifting me up off the ground, nails digging into my scalp he tosses me to the side ripping out a good chunk of my hair.
Now it's my turn to feel the blood.
A punch across the other side of my head and I can feel my teeth clattering. I swipe his legs out from under him before he can pin me, I jump on top of him bringing my stake down in one fluid motion that's stopped by his hand as he twists mine back, squeezing and twisting to the point where I'm sure my bones are going to break.
They're grinding together a bone for me, and one for B.
Even now I'm thinking about her.
Apparently deciding not to snap my wrist, he flips us over, all two hundred pounds of muscle on top of me, one hand crushed between us, while he pins the other one to the ground above my head.
Finally.
It's all gonna be fucking over.
And for the last minutes, seconds, milliseconds, maybe I'll feel a real connection. I shut my eyes as his teeth brush against my throat, gentler than expected.
"Hey big guy, got something for you."
Am I imagining B's voice?
Then he's off me screaming rolling on the grass, smoke rising from his back, and Buffy standing back a ways, holding what I can only assume is an empty bottle of Holy Water. I look at her, not sure what to say, then the words come naturally.
"What B, can't find your own vamps? Gotta come after the ones I already got beat down?" All I get is a glare.
Said vamp stands, rushing towards her, back blistering and bubbling. I jump up following, slip in the mud, and trip over an axe she must have dropped. I pick it up throwing it quickly, slicing cleanly through his neck it passes over her head and buries itself deep into a tree. His body falls, still bubbling for a second before turning to dust.
Neither Buffy or I move, both just staring through the rain that's falling like a wall between us. I give her a cocky smile.
"Holy water? That's weak B," each word tweaks my heart, making me feel like my chest is gonna cave in. Somehow I manage to hold my smile, even take a step towards her.
"Any closer and I'll have to assume you want me to finish what he started," she answers, her face giving away no emotion as she matches my step forward. I loose my smile for a minute listening to the silence of the graveyard as I think this over.
"Think you could?" I ask, smile returning as I take another step forward.
"Just been waiting for a reason, F."
"Aching to get your hands all over me, huh?" Still with the smile that even I wanna slap off my face.
"If by that you mean choking the life out of you, then yes," she takes another step forward, closing more of the distance, stepping into the glow of a pale streetlight.
Rain soaked hair, jeans and a sweatshirt.
I take all that in, in a second. Beautiful just like that, and I don't think I would mind if these were the last moments of my life. At least I would have seen her like this. No little Scooby gang around, no family, no school, just Buffy the hunter, protector, defender.
"Hey as long as you're touching me," I answer with a shrug, stepping in so I am close enough to touch her now. And with a few suicidal thoughts I do. Slowly, gently I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her up against me. She barely resists. Green eyes look up into mine; flashing brighter, face still hiding all her emotions.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"Kissing you," I answer, lowering my lips to hers, slowly, the inches between us feeling like miles, wondering for hours how I got this bold. She stops me with a firm hand on my chin, holding my head, lips barely an inch from hers.
"If you were worth it," she whispers, each word cutting like the ice they are spoken with, "I'd kill you."
One hand on my chest, the other on my jaw she shoves me away. I land hard on my ass in the now muddy ground. Without another word she walks away.
The rain on my face makes it hard for me to tell exactly when the tears start; just all of a sudden I realize some of the raindrops seem warm. Every question's answered now; every chance to be saved is gone.
The lifeboat's left, and the rain's still coming down, all I can do now is wait for the flood.