You
by Samantha
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss owns them, Snow Patrol owns the
lyrics.
Feedback: Always a pleasure.
::To think I might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do::
It always comes back to you. A thousand different names in a hundred different languages and it is always the same. Always me after you, the one thing so easy to see but so far out of reach. Even when I get close it's never like I imagined it, you never know your lines, even though I deliver mine flawlessly, you never take the cues. Every look I give you, you never guess the reason why. That's not fair, I'm sure you know by now, but choose to ignore all I want from you and more.
Tell me does this deception serve you well? Pretending that everything I give you is never enough? Acting like none of this matters, it's all just a game. Which, I suppose to you it is. Do you ever consider this bottle I’m drinking tonight in your honor? This knife against my wrist in your memory?
How much do I have to drink to get you out of my head? How much physical pain will it take to forget you? I say it like I blame you, but really I don’t, it never should have been your burden. I’m the one who strolled into your picture perfect life, swaggered till I saw you, then forgot all the rules I had in my mind.
No one was supposed to get in me the way you did, I was never supposed to care, want take and have, I played the game to win. Three more shots, and I know my writings going to start to slur, don’t mind it, it’s just a side effect. Like these two cuts right here on my arms, a side effect of pressing the blade to my arm, of taking my mind off you.
See I never meant to cut so deep, just to take my mind off you. But pressing gently is only a subtle pain, it still reminds me of you. The way you bite your lip when your nervous, must feel a lot like this. Another shallow cut, matches a dozen before it, each with a thought of you.
Talking
Smiling
Biting your thumb
That one pair of jeans
Dancing
How do you walk in those shoes
Skin
Warm breath against my neck
Was it just a mistake
One moment of weakness
A kiss just to tease me
Those eyes
You never looked back did you? Never thought about what I felt when you walked away. Trying to ignore the way that kiss made me feel. Fuck I need a towel, so much blood. I didn’t mean to, it was such a simple pain. The knife is sharp, just sort of slid in as I thought of you.
You’re with him tonight, yeah I saw you at the bar. We took two shots, me and him, starting down this path. A short goodnight, I just want you out of my life. Like I said, just have to get my mind off you, but you’re in there deep, clutching everything inside me, I can’t live without you anymore. The human bodies greatest trick, learning to love something so bad for it.
Fuck I just dropped the pen, I have to stop writing, the alcohol’s hitting me, getting dizzy. Trying to hold the towel to my wrist, and my fingers are having trouble closing around the pen. Doesn’t matter I’ll never show you this anyway. Damn there’s a lot of blood.