She's Gotten Into Me
by Holliday
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I've let myself succumb to the green eyed monster of
jealousy.
Author's Notes: I'm a spoiled brat who is often an asshole at times. I'm sorry.
I'm a shit. I know this already but it's nice to say. So I want her not just her body and I do want that too but I want her time and anything else she has. So yeah maybe I've been trying too hard and whoever said persistance is key was on something that is beyond me but I just can't help myself and I should be able to. It's not like I don't know that she isn't going anywhere and yeah we do have time so why am I rushing.
She shouldn't have to deal with my pettiness this isn't as easy as one might think. Tempers can flare at the drop of a hat and emotions fly higher when LOVE is involved. I can't keep myself from not letting her in because she is already there and I can't not acknowledge that for once I don't really have an explanation for why I know this is right. And it's driving me crazy.
I'm doing things that that shouldn't even cross my mind yet are there none the less. I'm not trying to ruin anything but holding on to this is like holding a hot poker that just came out of the fire. Not that I would do that but hey it paints a better picture. Anyone that claims they have a true understanding of the human conditon is off their rocker people are often more than meets the eye. Some of us are really good and just have a problem with self expression and interaction with others. I think that's the box I'm checking tonight.
Yeah well a lot of good that did me she won't even talk to me now and I don't blame her. I won't make excuses for myself it's not in me. I know what I did and on some level maybe she does too. I ain't bettin' on it women. I'm not saying I won't find a way to fix this and hopefully things will get better, if they don't we'll both be alone yet she'll be the one who still has a better life than I do no one can resist her forever. Hell I couldn't and I'm afraid of commitment. I've been running from it my entire life. Yet I do LOVE her and that won't change anytime soon and it's not going to stop either.
If I have to take some time and go away from her I will, but I don't want that and even though she won't tell me to go I would if it would make her happy. Yet I'm losing my way sink or swim whatever you want to call it. I just I don't know I want to run but I can't......