She Who Was My Love
by Christopher Andrews
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Disclaimers are for wusses. Take a fucking chance, live a
little and be different just like everyone else.
Author's Note: Okay so I'm not back officially but I've recently
discovered that it'll be a long time before I actually get my own
internet connection back and am thus exploring new ways of being
online. To that end I have discovered the miracle of internet cafes
and have taken it upon myself to use them for the benefit of my
millions of fans (or hundreds of them to be more precise).
CHAPTER 1: Aftermath in flashback
Willow's POV
"So what do we do?"
Well that's the question isn't it?
"There isn't much we can do Joyce."
I honestly don't know what we can do. It's been three months since it all happened and I still don't know what to do. At first she seemed okay, well as okay as anyone could be if they'd lost the love if their life. She made it through the funeral without breaking down, clutching to Joyce for dear life.
Dressed in an all black suit, tear stained cheeks never letting up as Buffy's casket was lowered into the ground. I shed my share of tears that day as the best friend I've ever had was put to rest. But when it was all said and done and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, all I could think about was Faith and how she was hurting.
Afterwards she seemed okay. She came to the Scooby meetings and talked about whatever big evil decided to set up shop since Omega bit the big one. She even invited Spike to the meetings cause of how he'd helped out during the big fight. And then she'd go out and slay, she even asked me and the gang along sometimes, when she was sure we wouldn't get hurt. She was unstoppable, she was like this force of nature tearing through anything and everything that could hurt people but leaving the harmless demons alone. She said Buffy never would've hurt them so neither would she.
But any evil demon was dead the second it stepped through the city limits, and given the power Faith has at her fingertips I'm not surprised how dead they got. I managed to hack into the hospital records, who's hall were now Omega free thanks to Faith, and we found out that what Omega had done to her was the reason she was able to kill him. The drugs that were supposed to give her the power to kill Buffy were actually dependant on the spell focusing that power toward Buffy.
But with the spell broken through their love Faith's slayer healing simply absorbed the drugs into her system, making her stronger than any slayer before her… even Buffy. But things were not all systems go in the slayerverse. The demon population may have become a staggering minority in Sunnydale they had gone down by 75%... I had the numbers done. There was one place Faith wouldn't go.
One place she avoided at all costs, and the last quarter of the evil demon population had decided to set up shop there because of it. But that is by no means the worst of it. The worst of it was that Mrs. Summers told us that Faith had all but stopped sleeping. Faith moved into the Summers home a couple weeks after the funeral at Buffy's mother's request. I think Joyce, she asked me to call her Joyce after everything we've been through, I think Joyce just believe that it's what Buffy would've wanted.
We've never really talked about it, it just doesn't seem important. But Faith's lack of sleep was important, she couldn't function like that. Joyce told us that Faith, for whatever reason, had all but stopped sleeping. And when she did sleep it was never for a full 8 hours. Joyce said the longest she'd seen her sleep since it became erratic was 3 hours. The reason Joyce noticed this was because when Faith woke up she would wake Joyce up with the sounds of her leaving to go slaying.
The most disturbing part though, was there was too much food in the kitchen. I know from experience with Buffy that after patrolling slayers can get really hungry, but if Faith was eating she wasn't eating at home. Something had to be done. But the second we brought up the subject she bolted like there was no tomorrow. All of the sudden it wasn't safe for us to go patrolling with her any more. She stopped coming to the Scooby meetings, she just spent all her time patrolling for something to slay.
We couldn't get near her she wouldn't stay still long enough to say two words to us. But we kept trying, and every time we caught a glimpse of her she looked more and more tired. But she never let up. We even went so far as to call Angel to see if he could help. He came down for the funeral and spent some time with her. He said she was grieving and that she cried a lot when he talked about how incredible Buffy was. But he said that she'd be okay eventually. I guess she was hiding what she was feeling behind her grief.
This time when he came down he had to track her down, and he said it was a lot harder than he thought. But when he caught up with her he managed to have a conversation longer than 30 seconds. She was dodgy at first he said, asking about Cordy and Wesley and how he likes living at a hotel and all that. It wasn't until he finally ran out of things to talk about that Angel finally brought up what I told him about Faith. And then she got dodgy again. He said she tried to talk about something else, anything else, but he kept pushing.
He told me that it was only after she tried to kill him that he finally let up. And then she bolted… again. But before she left she told Angel one thing, I remember it as if I had heard the words come from her myself.
'I promised Buffy I'd keep her friends safe. And I'm gonna keep that promise, even if it kills me.'
And then she was gone. Angel said if he had pushed her any further she probably would've killed him. He tried to track her down again but he never even came close, so he left her alone. He came back to Giles' and told us what happened. I couldn't believe it, we had to do something. She couldn't keep going like that it wasn't what Buffy would've wanted.
And then it hit me. We have to make her face it. She has to face the one thing she doesn't want to face. And to do that we had to make her go the one place she didn't want to go… to the one graveyard she never visited. We had to get her to visit Buffy's grave. But it wouldn't be easy. Even in Faith's weakened state, she was still able to get the best of Angel. So we made a plan.
We needed to keep her distracted. If we kept her distracted until it was too late then we might have a chance. So we got a hold of Spike, and he was all too happy to help. Spike and Faith had sorta become friends since Buffy's death, before she became reclusive girl. They didn't really like each other, that much was obvious, but they were both loners by nature, and that made them friends I guess.
Spike didn't talk about the past. And Faith had no intention of talking about anything but the here and now, which worked out well for the both of them. It would always come up with the gang and I, no matter what we talked about, the subject of Buffy would come up. We learned pretty quickly that Faith's true love, and our best friend was not to be discussed in Faith's presence. So instead we would just sorta stop talking when the subject came up until one of us could bring up another topic.
But that apparently didn't happen with Spike. It was all on our minds that night though, even if we never said it. We tried to keep our thoughts on other things, which got easier when we caught up with her a few blocks from our intended destination and actually talked about those other things. If Faith had been more alert she might've seen what we were doing. But as she was, we were enough of a distraction to keep her from seeing. It wasn't until she recognized one of the crypts we were headed for that she started to go nuts, and that was when they grabbed her.
Spike and Angel grabbed her and she started asking what was going on. So we dragged her, kicking and screaming at us not to make her do this, toward the one thing she'd avoided for 2 and a half months. It took us 20 minutes just to get her to look at Buffy's grave but she did. She looked at Buffy's grave and broke down. She fell on all fours and cried. She crawled over her lover's grave and just collapsed on top of it, her tears soaking the soil. She lay there and cried every last tear she had in her, clawing at the ground in an attempt to get closer to her.
Faith cried so hard she passed out from exhaustion. She wasn't hurt in any physical sense of the word, but after almost 2 weeks of getting less than 3 hours sleep a night and the emotional shock of what had happened she just couldn't take it anymore and passed out. So we made sure she wasn't in any danger of physical damage and then Spike picked her sleeping form up and carried her home. One of us stayed with her at all times while she slept for a day and a half straight.
I was on watch when she woke up. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up. I was surprised to see her wake up we all figured she'd sleep longer. But she sat up and took a look around the familiar bedroom. I asked if she was okay and she didn't respond right away. She just closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh.
'Get out…' was all she said.
But I was so determined to help I ask again, this time asking if I could get her anything too. She didn't say a thing she didn't even look at me. It wasn't until I tried to ask again that she told me to get out a second time. So I did.
That pretty much brings us to this moment. Faith has spent the last two weeks up there in her.. In their room locked away from the world refusing to let us even open the door while she's conscious. It's only when she falls asleep that we can get in to check on her. She seems to sleep pretty peacefully most nights, not sure where to put that one exactly but at least she's sleeping. That's a good thing… isn't it?
She has the occasional bad night where she doesn't sleep so well. But at least she's eating the food we leave her. That's why I'm here tonight though. The last two nights have been rough nights and the last meal was left uneaten. Things could get rough again, and we have no idea what to do.
"Faith loved Buffy… Faith still loves Buffy, totally and completely. There wasn't anyone Faith loved or trusted more. But it was more than that for them, their love was foretold. At least we think it was. Giles says the Book of Karameth doesn't mention them by name, but it talks of two forces of good with darkness inside and that's what a slayer is. A slayer is a force of good but their power comes from a dark place. And there never was more than one slayer at a time until Buffy came along. How many people can say their love was foretold? I don't know any. Their love brought them together in ways most of us can only dream about. For Faith to lose Buffy the way she did well… I can't imagine the hell she's going through."
Joyce looks down at the coffee in her mug she brewed not 10 minutes ago in her kitchen down the hall.
"So what do we do?"
"I don't know Joyce, I just don't know."
I do know, at least I think I do. I just don't know if I can admit it to her just yet.
CHAPTER 2: Peace is never easy
Author's Note: Faith's theme for now is My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne, I think it fits her mindset right now pretty well. I don't know yet if any of the other character's will have themes but I think Black Jesus by Everlast fits Spike atm. Enjoy!
Faith's POV
She's leaving me… again. She used to be here. I could smell her here, I could feel her here. But every day I wake up and I feel like another little piece of her has slipped away from me. A piece of her clothing doesn't quite smell like her anymore. One of her things just doesn't seem to be where she left it. I tried to leave everything the way it was but… it doesn't feel right somehow.
It doesn't feel exactly like her room anymore. It feels like… our room, and it sickens me. Because I know that soon it won't even be our room, it'll be my room. Everything that was her will be stripped away, by me. And I hate her for it. I hate that she left me here with nothing. Nothing but these few small mementos of the person I once knew.
Her room, her stuff, her bed… the bed on which I made love to her that night. The night on which I touched, and tasted, and kissed her with every drop of passion I had in me. The greatest night of my life happened right here on this bed. It was on this bed that I spoke the words I never thought I'd say to anyone. It was there that she said them back to me and I knew them to be truth. But here is where she said she'd always love me. Here is where she said she'd never leave me. But she did and it makes me hate her even more.
I don't want to hate her, I wanna love her and be comforted in the knowledge that she loved me back with her last breath, but it's the last breath part that hurts me the most. She took her last breath and left me. She left me alone in this place, with these people. She left me alone with the people she asked me to protect. The people who couldn't leave well enough alone and let me forget. Forget about the one person in this pathetic world that made life worth living. Forget about the woman I love.
I didn't want to forget, but I had no other choice. Thinking about her was tearing me up inside, I had to stop. I tried so hard to forget, but everywhere I went she was there. I could see her in her friends I could feel her in the places I would go. Every time I heard a slow song, at the Bronze, on the radio, I would think of her and I would cry. But the worst was the dreams. Every night I'd try to sleep and every night I would dream about her. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her lips, every part of her was burned into my memory on the night we made love for the first time.
And every night I dreamt about how I let her go, about how I let her die without fighting to save her, about how I killed her. So I slayed… I slayed as much as I could but the more I did the more I felt her everywhere I went. Had she been here? Had she slayed here before? Had she killed this type of demon before? I couldn't get away from her. And then her friends made sure I'd never get away from her again. They took me to her grave.
They said it was for my own good, that I'd feel better because of it, but I stood at her grave and looked at her gravestone… and I knew I'd never be okay again.
1981-2001
Beloved Friend, Daughter and Lover
She died so that we might live.'
And now I'm here, alone, surrounded by that which once was hers. I hate her for it… I hate the woman I love. God why won't it stop? I… I have to make it stop I… it won't stop I… make it stop.
Spike's POV
Well here we go again. I do this every few nights while I'm out on patrol and I don't know why. Willow and the gang asked me to take over after what happened to Faith when Captain Forehead and I dragged her to Buffy's grave the way we did. And now I keep coming back here and I don't know why.
I kneel down at Buffy's grave, staring at the headstone… wondering why the hell I'm here.
Maybe it's the Faith thing. We're kinda friends now after all. She's pretty cool if you take the time to get to know her, course actually trying to get to know her is like pulling teeth. It started out as just something Willow asked me to do, look after Faith while she's out slaying. I didn't really wanna do it, but when Red told me that none of the Scoobies could get near her, and I realized having the slayer who killed Omega as a friend, could be beneficial. So we started hanging out, not that she wanted me around at first but I got involved in a few scraps with those demony types she was fighting and she seemed to appreciate it.
She never said so but I know slayers, and I was starting to get a handle on this one. I started coming to the Scooby meetings and we'd go out on patrol. She didn't actually say 'come on let's go patrol' but I'd be out minding my own business and all of the sudden a fight would break out in front of me and she'd be right in the thick of it. So I'd have to fight, mainly to save my own skin but also because I love a good spot of violence now and then.
When the fight was over and the slayer and I stood victorious we'd go looking for another fight. We didn't talk. We literally never said a word to each other. We just went about our business and it's like we just happened to do it together. But she doesn't like me, and I don't like her either. She's a slayer, I'm a vampire… cosmically speaking one of us should be dead by now from the time we've spent together. And if I ever got this chip outta my head it would most definitely be me.
I saw the power that slayer had, I saw it when she killed Omega. I even sensed it when I watched the slayers dust 20 vamps in one go that night. It's why I turned down John's offer to take my chip out. Cause I know the second it comes out I'm gonna end up on the pointy end of a small wooden object. I may have taken on two slayers in my day but this bird is in a class all by herself.
I stand up and get back to patrolling.
And she's hanging on by a thread. I could see it when we were fighting demons. She looked even more tired every time I saw her. She's really broken up about Buffy's death and there ain't nothing we can do about it, which is not to say we didn't try. But seeing as how I'm doing patrols alone because the slayer's out of commission, I'm guessing we made things worse.
Course Caveman brow left shortly after Faith barricaded herself in her room. Said he had to get back to his life in L.A. Nice guy that Angel bloke… poofter, running back to his life when his so-called friends need him. He did make sure to give the obligatory 'if you ever need my help just call' speech. God I really hate that loser.
A demon comes out of hiding and tries to attack me.
Oops, looks like I got bigger things to deal with.
CHAPTER 3: Helping the hopeless
Willow's POV
"I don't like it. It's too risky."
It scares me too. I've never done something this big before.
"I know but… but Faith's coming apart you guys, you've seen it. It's really bad."
"I know Will. It'll be okay she just… she needs time to deal with Buffy's death. We all went through it after it… happened."
Tara, Anya, Xander and I all get really quiet for a moment.
I'm gonna change it all. I'm gonna help Faith by giving her back the one she loves. I'll give them both a second chance.
"I know we all went through it but the rest of us didn't lock ourselves in our room and refuse to leave. She needs our help, and this may be the only way to help her."
"She's gone Will. We can't just… bring her back."
"We can Xander, I did the research. We all did after her death because we wanted her back and we love her."
"Yeah we did, before we decided it wasn't right. We all did the research, without Giles."
Giles?
"What does Giles have to do with this?"
"You know as well as I do that the only reason Giles isn't here with us, why we didn't involve him in the research is because Giles would never let us do it. He'd tell us it was wrong. That we were messing with the natural order of things."
"Giles just doesn't understand how important Buffy is to Faith. She's lost without her. And besides, Buffy didn't die a natural death. She died because of the blast from Omega. You can't mess with the natural order of things if the death wasn't unnatural."
"How do we know that? Every book we read believes that death of any kind is natural."
"So you think it's natural for someone to die of a massive blue energy blast from a million year old demon bent on destroying the world?"
He shifts uncomfortably and so do Anya and Tara.
Are they all against me on this?
"Not when you say it like that, but Willow…"
"Buffy didn't die a natural death. She could be in horrible pain, not unlike Faith is. Faith is in her own private hell right now, and Buffy might be too. I won't leave them there like that."
There are another few moments of silence in the room before Xander speaks up.
"What about Joyce?"
Buffy's mom…
"We should tell her shouldn't we? I mean what would she think if we bring her daughter back from the dead and don't tell her?"
They aren't wrong, but…
"What if she…"
"WILLOW! I'm… I'm not saying I can do this but… but I won't do this unless Joyce is okay with it."
He's right, we have to tell her.
"All right, I'll talk to her. See if she's okay with it."
I get up to leave.
"Tara and I have to go take over Faith watch from Joyce anyway. I'll ask her about it then."
"Thank you, Willow."
I smile at Xander.
"So… Scooby meeting adjourned?"
He smiles back tentatively.
"Adjourned…"
"Okay."
I reach for Tara's hand and she takes it as she stands up.
"We'll reconvene here tomorrow after I talk to Joyce right?"
"Sure whatever…"
Tara and I leave Xander's place.
He's not completely on board yet, none of them are. But if I can get Joyce to let us do it, then everything will be okay. I just… I don't know if I can convince her.
Faith's POV
It has to stop. I have to make it stop. There's only one way to make it stop.
I open the door to our room and quietly go down the stairs, tears stinging my cheeks.
I have to make it stop.
I look into the room and manage to make out Joyce sleeping on the couch through watery eyes.
She must've been tired and passed out, good. She can't stop me until it's too late. I have to make it stop and there's only one way to do it.
I wipe the tears out of my eyes as I walk into the kitchen and look around.
It has to stop… I have to make it stop.
I take the knife from its sheath among the other ones.
It won't stop unless I make it.
I start back to my room with the knife.
I know I can make it stop, and then we can be together.
Author's Note: Two things really. The first is the word Portas, according to a website I used (though I can't remember which website that is) the word means 'Open the door' or something to that effect. I figured it'd work well in this sitch. The second is a quote I once heard that I just thought I'd share. 'Some people commit suicide out of anger, at someone or something in the world. Others feel it's the only way to end the pain they feel. While others just simply stop living, which in of itself is a form of suicide.'
Willow's POV
I knock one more time before using my key into the Summers home.
I don't like using the key but Joyce said I should have one in case. She didn't say what that case might be but I wasn't about argue with the kind of things that happen to we in the Scooby gang it might be anything.
Tara follows me in.
"Are… are you sure about this?"
"It'll be fine, Joyce gave me a key remember?"
"You k-know what I…"
All of the sudden she stops and gets this weird look on her face.
"What is it Tara?"
"I don't know I have this feeling like… I don't know."
I go a little further into the house and I see Joyce lying on the couch.
"Joyce?"
She stirs a bit and wakes up from her slumber.
"Joyce, are you okay?"
I sit beside her on the couch as she sits up, shaking the cobwebs out of her head.
"Yes I'm… I'm fine. I guess I must have dozed off there for a second. What are you girls doing here? I thought you were having your meeting with Xander, Anya and Giles."
"We were… I mean, we did. It's over. We came to take over Faith watch so you could get some sleep. I guess you got a little ahead of us."
"I guess so."
She gets up and starts to the kitchen.
"Well let me make you girls some sandwiches or something before I let you take over."
Tara and I follow Joyce into the kitchen as she starts fidgeting around.
"You don't have to do that Joyce. I'm sure we can make something ourselves if we get hungry."
"Willow?"
"It's no problem Willow. I'd be happy to do it."
"W-Willow?"
"Just a second Tara, it's not necessary Mrs. Summers."
"S-something's…"
"I've told you before Willow, you can call me Joyce."
"Something's w-wrong."
Wrong?
I turn to Tara.
"What do you mean baby? What could be wrong?"
"I-I don't know I just…"
"Where's my knife?"
What?
Joyce is looking around the counter.
"Your knife?"
"My favourite knife is missing."
Why would a knife be missing? And what does it have to do with Tara's bad feeling? I… OH MY GOD!
"FAITH!"
I run out of the kitchen at full speed and I'm half way up the stairs as Tara and Joyce hit the bottom of the stairs. I reach Faith's door and start knocking on it feverishly.
"Faith…?"
What is she…?
"Faith whatever it is we can talk about it."
"GO AWAY!"
I try the doorknob but it's locked.
"Faith you don't have to do this."
I start knocking on the door harder as Tara and Joyce join me at the door. Tara bangs on the door.
"F-FAITH?"
Joyce panics.
"We have to get in there Willow."
"I know."
I'll have to use magic.
I put my arms out to get Tara and Joyce to back away from the door.
"I can get us in with magic just… be careful not to get too close. If we crowd her she might do something stupid, if she hasn't already."
"Right..."
"O-Okay..."
I grab the doorknob and concentrate as I shove my shoulder into the door.
"Portas…"
The door comes open and I stop just inside the door.
"Faith!"
She's sitting on the floor, the knife in one hand, the sharp edge of the blade against her other wrist. Tears stain the flat side of the blade.
She must've been sitting like this for a while, I have to do something.
I kneel down a few feet away being careful not to push her too far.
"Faith what's wrong?"
"I-It won't s-stop…"
"What do you mean? What won't stop?"
She presses the blade against her wrist and I know I have to do something fast.
"I have to make it stop."
"Faith, please just give me the knife and we can talk about this. Whatever it is it can't be worth killing yourself over."
"This is the only way to make it stop."
"What Faith? What is it that you want to stop?"
"MY HEART! It… it won't stop beating."
What?
"I… why would you want it to?"
"Because…"
"Because why Faith?"
"She… she t-told me…"
"Who? Who told you, Buffy?"
"S-she told me once…"
Her eyes squeeze shut and she presses the blade harder against her wrist.
I have to keep her talking.
"What did Buffy tell you?"
"She…"
"Tell me what Buffy said Faith…"
"She s-said that as, as long as I could h-hear her heartbeat she… she still loved m-me…"
She looks at me eyes red, tears staining her cheeks.
"But I heard it stop Will. I was there when it stopped…"
She looks back down at the knife against her wrist.
"I was there when she stopped loving me."
Joyce gets a little closer.
"Buffy didn't stop loving you Faith."
"Didn't she?"
"Of course not…"
Joyce kneels down next to me.
"That's why she did what she did, because she loved you. She loved all of us, and she still does."
"She loves you Faith. And as long as you remember that, she won't ever really be gone."
Her grip on the knife handle lessens and the blade flattens against her wrist. I hold out my hand to Faith.
"Please Faith, can I have the knife?"
The knife leaves her wrist slowly and she leans in to me as she hands it to me. I pass the knife off to Joyce as I take Faith into my arms and hold her close.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
"It's okay, I understand."
I rest her head against my shoulder as she holds me a little too tight around the ribs.
"I just… I didn't wanna hurt anymore…"
"I know Faith… it'll be okay. I'll make everything better, I promise."
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"
"Ssh… it's gonna be all right…"
I have to bring Buffy back to her. If I wasn't sure about it before, I sure as hell am sure about it now.
Willow's POV
God that was… I can't believe that just happened. I've seen some painful sights in my time but that… I can't believe Faith would just give up the way she did. I have to do what's right. I have to bring back the one person who can help Faith better than anyone else.
I walk into the kitchen where Tara and Joyce are drinking tea. I can see they're just as broken up about it as I am. I walk over and hug Tara, finding momentary comfort in her arms.
"Is she okay?"
I pull away from Tara to face Joyce.
"I think so. I mean, she stopped apologizing about 20 minutes ago. She calmed down soon after that."
Joyce hands me a cup of tea and I cradle it in my hands as we all sit at the breakfast bar, calming our nerves. Tara is the first to speak.
"Is it, is it safe to, to leave her up there a-alone?"
I take a sip of my tea before answering.
"I think she's through the worst of it."
"I'm suddenly glad we took all the weapons out of her room last week. She'd have to do something really extreme to hurt herself, and she's in no condition to do much of anything right now."
I take a deep breath.
Okay here goes.
"But there's no telling how long that will last. If Faith wants to bad enough she could get herself killed, and none of us would be able to stop her."
I take another sip of my tea and look at Tara. She sighs still shaken up and nods to me.
She knows we have to do this. Tara may not like this plan but she knows it's for the best.
"Joyce, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not sure if this is the right time with what just happened but…"
"You want to bring Buffy back."
What?
I look at Joyce who's staring at her tea.
"I… how did…?"
I don't know what to say.
"Giles told me."
"G-Giles?"
She takes a deep breath.
"I called him once just over a month ago to ask what time your meeting ended and he told me there was no meeting that night."
I get it.
"So he investigated?"
"He did, he found out what you were doing and then he told me."
He should've told us.
"Why didn't he tell us?"
Joyce looks at me for the first time since I brought up the subject.
"Why didn't you tell him?"
She's right.
"I… I don't know. I guess I didn't think he'd understand."
"He might not understand but he's not stupid, and by the way? He understands… for the most part."
"He understands?"
She sips her tea.
"He doesn't like it you're messing with powerful forces. Forces you may not understand or be able to control. There's no telling what might happen if you don't do everything right, and even if you do there's still no way to know what might happen. I can't say I don't agree with him."
I take a sip of my own tea and stare down into my cup.
"I can control it at least I think I can. I know, I know it's not gonna be easy… but I think I can do this. I memorized the incantation we have almost everything we need. But I won't do it… unless you say it's okay."
She lets out a deep sigh.
"I figured as much."
We fall into a deep uncomfortable silence as Joyce seems to consider everything I've just laid on her.
"Ever since Rupert told me what you were doing I've thought a lot about it."
"And?"
"Most mothers would jump at a chance like this, a chance to have their daughter back. But my daughter wasn't just anyone, she was a slayer. It took me a long time but I learned to accept that one day I might lose her. And I think I've gotten to a place where I can live with the fact that she's gone…"
I guess I have my answer.
"But then I think about Faith and what she's gone through and my heart just breaks for her. She's not getting better, if anything tonight proves that she's only gotten worse since losing Buffy."
She takes a sip of her tea and then looks at me.
"Faith has become like a second daughter to me. I see so much of Buffy in her. Maybe it's because they were both slayers, maybe because they were so much in love. All I know is, I care about Faith like she was my daughter, and I can't stand to see her suffer the way she is."
She takes a deep breath.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is… I want my daughters back Willow, both of them. Can you bring them back to me?"
I lean over and pull her into a hug.
"I will. I'll do whatever it takes to bring them back to you."
She whispers to me.
"Thank you."
She pulls back to look at me.
"We'll deal with whatever the consequences are when they happen."
I'm doing the right thing, I know I am.
She looks tired.
"We'll get it done. But you need some sleep, we'll take over watching Faith and I'll talk to the gang tomorrow."
"I don't know if I could sleep tonight."
She takes one last sip of her tea.
"You should at least try."
She gets up.
"Yeah, I guess I should. Watch her closely would you?"
"We will, get some sleep."
"I'll try."
She smiles at Tara and me before heading up to bed.
CHAPTER 6: Butterflies cast doubt
Tara's POV
This is so wrong. It's so wrong on so many levels. We're dealing with powerful dark forces. Forces we have no business dealing with. There's no telling what kind of consequences are gonna come out of it. Especially with the imbalance Faith created in this town. The hellmouth draws a lot of dark entities to it, but with Faith slaying almost around the clock for almost 2 and a half months evil stopped coming around.
Even with Faith the way she is, a lot of demons don't bother coming here. And Spike has managed to take care of any demons that do wanna stir up trouble. The dark powers can't be happy that we're keeping them out of their favourite hotspot, and now we're gonna mess with life and death. The hellmouth is gonna want to balance the scales, and there is no telling what might happen to balance them. This isn't right.
I lift my head from her shoulder.
"Willow?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you sure about this?"
"You don't want to watch a movie? Okay, we'll do something else."
"That's not what I m-meant."
She turns on the couch to face me and the second her eyes meet mine she knows what I meant.
"I thought we talked about this."
"We, we did it's just… I'm worried."
"About what?"
"About the spell."
"Tara we went over this. I know the spell, I know the ritual."
"I know."
The pure love in her eyes seems to falter slightly as a questioning look comes over her.
"Don't you believe I can do this?"
"This is bigger than anything, either of us has ever done but that's n-not what b-bothers me."
"Then what?"
"What happens when we do, d-do it?"
"Buffy comes back."
"We're messing with powerful forces. T-they aren't just going to l- let us do this without s-some kind of consequences."
"You heard what Joyce said. We'll deal with the consequences when they happen… and we will."
"We, we don't even know what they m-might be."
Her eyes narrow.
"Don't you trust me?"
I get this horrible feeling in my gut about the way she's looking at me.
"I… of course I trust you Willow. I trust you with my heart and soul. It's the, the forces we'd be dealing with that s-scare me."
She sort of half smiles at me as the love in her eyes returns and she takes my hand in hers.
"I know it's scary baby, it scares me too. But we have to help Faith and we both know that Buffy is the only person who can do that."
I close my eyes and bow my head.
"I… I know…"
She puts her hands on my cheeks and I look at her.
"I need you to believe in me. I need you to believe that I can do this… for Faith."
I take a deep breath and look deep into my beautiful lover's eyes.
We have to do this… I don't want to do this, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life to help the people you care about. I guess this is one of those things.
"We have to help Faith…"
"Yes we do, and this is the best way to help her."
"You're right."
"Thank you Tara. I knew you'd understand."
Our lips touch briefly as she kisses me lightly. We cuddle on the couch again but all I can think is…
This is wrong for so many reasons.
CHAPTER 7: Things you do for friends
Willow's POV
"So we're ready then?"
It looks right. This should work.
"It seems authentic enough. The last urn of Osiris, this is it."
"And we're really gonna do this?"
I look up from the urn at Xander.
"We all agreed to this. You can't back down."
"But we were just talking then and… and we're talking about bringing Buffy back, from the dead."
"Yes we are… to help Faith."
I put the urn carefully on the table.
"This is kind of extreme for the help department don't you think? We're talking about raising the dead. We should… maybe we haven't… there has to be something we haven't tried that could help Faith."
"There isn't. We've tried everything… Faith just doesn't want our help. She doesn't want anyone's help."
Anya tries to help her boyfriend.
"Well maybe Giles can…"
"Giles can't do anything, he's tried. There's only one person on this entire planet who can help Faith, and that's Buffy. We have to bring her back."
"I know but… Tara, you agree with us don't you?"
We all look at Tara, sitting a few feet from me, head in her hands in seemingly deep thought.
"F-Faith she… s-she…"
"Tara?"
"S-she tried to kill h-herself…"
Xander and Anya all but go into shock at Tara's words.
"I… what?"
"She what?"
I think I hear Tara sob so I step in.
"Faith tried to kill herself."
"W-when?"
"Last night…"
Xander gets up and starts pacing in a panic.
"Well I… I mean how? W-why? D-did she… did she say why?"
I take a deep breath.
"She said she couldn't live knowing what she'd lost. She said she felt so horrible that there was only one way to make it stop."
"Well I… how did she…? I thought she locked herself in her room."
"She did she… she must've come down from her room while Joyce was resting and took a knife from the kitchen. We found her in her room with a knife against her wrist. If we hadn't been there she, she might have…"
I can't even finish the sentence.
"But you were there, right? I mean she's gonna be okay, isn't she? You stopped her before she could… oh god…"
"Yes, we stopped her before she did any real damage to herself. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods. She's still hurting. Things could get really bad really quickly and if it happens again… I don't know that… we might not be able t-to…"
Xander goes to sit down but stops and paces again.
"Okay so… I, what's the p-plan?"
I pick up the urn of Osiris.
"This IS the plan Xander. Buffy is the only person who can keep Faith from hurting herself. I know it, you know it and most of all Joyce knows it. I spoke to Joyce and she said she's okay with what we're doing."
Xander finally calms down enough to sit on his couch next to Anya again.
"Do we have everything we need? For the spell I mean."
I shift the urn in my hands.
"Yes… I mean almost. There, there's one more thing I have to get before… we should be ready by tomorrow night. We should meet at Buffy's grave before midnight. I'll give you copies of the spell so you know what's gonna happen."
"Okay, we'll meet there before midnight."
Faith's POV
So… what do I do now? How do I go on like this? Having to live without her. Living without her love, her touch, without the feeling of knowing what's right and wrong. I mean, I know what Buffy would do. And I know that what Buffy would do is the right thing but… why? What would be the point? Why do I care about right and wrong? I cared about Buffy and she was taken from me. Everything that ever means something to me gets taken away from me. My mother, my watcher… Buffy. They're all gone and nothing will ever bring any of them back to me.
So what's the point? Why should I care about anything ever again? It'll just end up leaving me. So what do I do now? How do I go on living without someone as incredible as Buffy? How do I live without her beauty to wake up next to every morning? We only had a few short moments together but for me, every moment was a lifetime. Knowing I will never feel that way ever again… it hurts.
It hurts more than I can say. I was ready and willing to die to make the pain stop. But things are different. Willow stopped me from doing something that I realize now would've been monumentally stupid. Buffy wouldn't want me to die. She'd want me to live, to keep fighting, and keep saving the world because that's what B would do. And because it's what she asked me to do… for the good of the world.
But part of me still has to ask… why? Why should I do something that cost me everything I care about and eventually my own life? God everything's so screwed up. I don't want to die but, I don't have any reason to go on living either. I wish you were here B, you'd know what to do.
Willow's POV
It's almost midnight.
"Are we ready??"
"I think so, Will."
I've got everything I need.
I've got the urn in front of me at the edge of Buffy's grave, it's filled with the blood of the mother and Anya, Xander, and Tara are forming the circle of life at this very moment.
"Okay, light the candles."
They start to light their candles and I take a deep breath.
I've got to concentrate to make this work.
I hear a lighter flick several times.
"Anya what's wrong?"
"It's this god damn lighter, it's not working."
"Well make it work, it's almost time."
"I'm trying I…"
The lighter finally works and Anya lights her candle.
"I got it."
"Okay, we can start then."
I dip my fingers in the urn's blood and paint a cross on my forehead with it. I put a line on each cheek to complete the first part of the blood ritual.
"Osiris, god of all things lifeless. Hear my call return to us the one we seek."
My skin starts to feel like it's burning off as the energy flows through me.
"Feel our pain. Give us back our savoir, the one for whom her lover weeps."
Then something hits me, like a sword through the gut, making me lurch forward. Something starts crawling up my arms, just under my skin which makes the burning worse.
"Osiris… here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over."
Oh god… the test, it's happening.
"Willow? What's going on?"
Something starts to crawl into my throat and I almost can't breathe.
I can do this, it's just a test. I can do this to help Faith.
Whatever it is gets far enough up my throat that I try and cough it up. It forces its way out of my mouth and I look down at the snake as it slithers away.
I think… I'm okay. I p-passed the test.
My skin still feels like it's burning and it suddenly gets worse.
I have to start the rest of the spell.
"Will, are you okay?"
"Let her cross over."
The world around me goes all red and glowy as the spell starts to work its mojo. Electricity crackles around me as the energy kicks up a notch.
I can feel it I can feel the power coursing through me and into Buffy's body. I can feel the final piece of the spell coming, the soul. Once the soul passes through me, the spell will be cast and we'll have her back. I just…
"What the bloody hell is going on?"
I see Spike standing just outside the circle out of the corner of my eye.
I can't say anything or the spell will be screwed up. Any non-ritual word could make the spell go wrong.
Xander does my talking for me.
"Spike, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? I was gonna ask you lot the same…"
He comes into my line of view and looks down at the urn in front of me.
"A resurrection spell? Are you INSANE?"
"We're doing this Spike, you can't stop us."
Thank god for you Tara.
"Like hell I can't."
I feel the soul pass through me as Spike picks up the urn of Osiris and throws it against Buffy's tombstone, coating it in blood. I collapse on the grass as the spell drains some of my energy and I nearly pass out.
"What are you people thinking? Resurrection spells are the most dangerous kind."
I try and speak but I'm still weak and a little out of it. Tara comes over to check on me.
"We know Spike we… we would've dealt with whatever the, the consequences were. Until you ruined it."
Ruined?
"N-no…"
"Willow, what is it?"
I have to tell them. The spell wasn't ruined.
"The s-spell it… I think it, worked."
Tara pulls me up to lean against her and I feel a little stronger.
"But Spike stopped it didn't he? I mean he broke the urn."
I manage to raise my arm to point at the tombstone.
"The, the b-blood… it's t-the final p-part of the spell."
"Are you s-sure?"
My arm drops as I try and nod my head.
"Yes…"
Xander and Anya look around.
"Where is she?"
"I, I don't k-know…"
"You ninnies, she's right where you left her."
Spike breaks the circle and starts clawing at the ground before starting to dig.
Oh my god we…
"I… I didn't…"
I get up all my strength to try and crawl over to help Spike dig but I'm still really weak.
"You mean… oh god…"
Xander and Anya start helping with the digging.
"How could we… we were so…"
She's, she's probably terrified.
"This isn't working mates…"
Spike moves to an upright kneeling position only long enough to draw back a fist.
"We need to put muscle behind it."
He puts his fist straight through the ground to his shoulder. He starts pulling up the dirt faster. All of the sudden we hear screams from under us. Everyone but Spike has the same terrifying thought.
"Buffy!"
We hear wood cracking with the sound of pounding.
She's trapped down there in her own grave.
"We have to… get her…"
My head starts to spin and I nearly pass out again. Spike reaches out down into the dirt with both hands.
"I've got her."
He slowly pulls her out of the ground. First he pulls her arms out.
"Buffy?"
She gasps for air as she takes her first breaths of fresh air. I reach over to help her out of the ground as her mid-section is pulled out.
"Buffy? Are you okay?"
Buffy collapses on the ground still gasping for air, shaking, probably from fear and exhaustion. She doesn't say anything.
"Buffy?"
I touch her shoulder and she recoils in terror.
"Buffy it's me, Willow."
She shakily looks up at me.
"That's right, Willow…"
I reach out to her and she recoils even more. She crawls away and curls up against her tombstone.
"It's okay Buffy. Everything is gonna be okay."
Xander comes up beside me.
"We brought you back Buff. You're gonna be okay."
We'll take her home. We'll take her home to see Faith, that'll make everything okay.
"Buffy you're gonna be okay. You're back… we can take you home, to Faith."
She looks up at me again, shaking, eyes wide as she leans away from the cold stone covered in blood.
"That's right. We'll take you to Faith. Everything will be okay."
She starts moving away from the tombstone then looks back at it. She freaks out as she reads her name on it, covered in blood. She scrambles away in terror and I grab her as she runs into me. She whimpers in fear as I hold her, trying to comfort her.
She's in shock, and what she just saw didn't help much.
"Ssh… it'll be okay. We'll take you home and everything will be okay."
I'll take her home and things will work out.
Willow's POV
I hand my key to Xander and he rushes to the door of Buffy's home. I put my arm around Buffy's back to lead her up her walkway.
She's still in shock but she's walking, and I think she's aware of what's going on. She hasn't said anything but she seemed to respond when I said Faith's name which I think is a good thing.
We walk up the porch steps and Xander opens the door for us to walk in.
"See? Buffy? This is your home. You're home Buffy and everything is gonna be okay. See?"
She doesn't say anything she just stops inside the door and looks around a bit. I stand beside her as Xander, Anya and Spike come in behind us. Tara looks up the stairs for a moment and then at Buffy.
"I, I think F-Faith is upstairs. I-if you want to go see her."
Buffy glimpses at Tara before staring at the stairs.
We should go upstairs and see Faith. They'll both be okay once they see each other.
"Come on Buffy. We'll go see Faith and things will work out."
I think she nods at me and I lead her to the stairs. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and look back at the gang.
"You guys, you guys should wait here. I'll be right back when…"
I walk Buffy up the stairs to her and Faith's room. We stop in front of the door and I look at Buffy, who's staring at the closed door.
"Are you okay? Are you okay to do this?"
She doesn't do anything she just looks at the door. I knock lightly on the door. We wait a few moments but no one comes to the door. I knock at the door again and the door flies open. Faith freezes at the sight of Buffy.
"I…"
She glimpses at me and then looks at Buffy, eyes wide, mouth open in shock. I look at Buffy and then Faith.
"I told you I'd make everything better Faith."
Buffy tilts her head slightly and finally speaks.
"Faith?"
Faith's eyes well up at the sound of Buffy's voice. Her lip quivers as she starts to cry.
"Buffy?"
Faith leaps forward, arms open as she hugs Buffy with everything she has.
"Buffy I… god Buffy I…"
Buffy slowly puts her arms around Faith. I take a step back to let the happy reunion happen.
"Faith?"
"Yes, Buffy it's me. It's me, it's Faith."
Faith pulls away from the hug and cradles Buffy head to look at her.
"Is it you? Is it really you Buffy?"
Buffy doesn't say anything so I step in.
"It's really her Faith. I brought her back for you."
Faith pulls Buffy back into a hug again.
"Oh Buffy… I-I missed you."
This is a private moment. I should leave them to it.
I turn around and walk down the stairs to leave them alone. I get to the bottom of the stairs and walk into the living room where the others are waiting. Spike stands up as I enter the room.
"What happened?"
I don't know quite how to answer that.
"Stuff…"
"Stuff?"
"Well that's descriptive ain't it? Mind furnishing us with a few more details?"
"Spike just, shut up."
"Not bloody likely. Not until you tell me what the bloody hell you soddin Scoobies were thinking, resurrecting the slayer like that?"
He stops pacing and growls at me.
"We did what we had to."
"You morons, you have no idea what this kinda mojo'll do."
"I know there are consequences Spike. We all knew that going into the spell."
"Bollocks! You couldn't possibly know how bad the consequences could… are gonna get now that she's back. We're all in for a world of hurt."
"We did it for Faith. We did it to help her."
He stifles a scream directed at me.
"I wanted to help her as much as any of you but I wasn't about to raise the dead to do it."
Xander gets in Spike's face.
"She tried to kill herself."
"So?"
"We had to do something."
Spike tries to get one up on Xander by arching up on the balls of his feet.
"People try and kill themselves all the time mate. But their friends don't generally resort to the black arts for counselling tips."
Xander pushes Spike and he stumbles back slightly.
"Why are we even talking to evil dead here? It's not like he cares about anyone but himself."
Spike pushes Xander back.
"I care about Faith…"
He gets this confused look on his face for a split second.
"Odd as that might sound to you lot. But she's a good person and you ponces just made her life infinitely more complicated and you know it."
No, we didn't.
"We made things better."
"How can you people be so blind? What happens if you find out later on that something went wrong with the spell? You all know there's only one of you Scoobies with half a shot of stopping Buffy. Do you really expect Faith to just let Buffy go after getting her back? The woman couldn't let her go when she was dead and gone. I don't see her giving up the live version any time soon, do you?"
"I…"
He's, he's not wrong.
"And if Faith won't stop her, who will? You fixin' to go up against two mightily pissed off slayers Red?"
"Well I…"
"Didn't think so. You better hope things don't go all wonky with…"
This has to stop.
"Shut up Spike! Things didn't go wrong. Buffy is alive and she's okay and she's gonna stay that way. Whatever happens we'll deal and we'll be okay."
"Fine… you people deny things all you like. I'll be leaving before the massacring starts."
Spike walks off in a huff out the door.
Screw what Spike says, we did what was right and everything will be okay… won't it?
Faith's POV
I don't know what to say.
I'm sitting opposite edge of our bed with the woman I love and I have no idea what to say. I look over at her just to be sure she's really there.
She's here, she's really here and there's so much I want to say but when I try nothing comes out. I feel like I should say something. I should tell her that I love her that I never stopped loving her with all my heart but I just can't get it out.
I turn myself to look at her on the bed, she doesn't move.
"Buffy?"
She looks at me and my heart nearly explodes at the sight of her eyes staring blankly back at me.
She's really back.
"Buffy I… I want you to know that, that I l-love you."
I let out a deep breath.
That was easier than it could've been.
"I never stopped loving you. I want you to know that."
I look down at my shaky, sweaty hands.
"Before you there was nothing. I was empty. I was dead inside. I tried to fill it with so many things but nothing worked. And then there was you… even with everything I've done, you still found a way to love me. Then all of the sudden my life was okay. I was in love and everything was all right. You loved me and I loved you, I never had that before you, and then you were gone. You were gone and I tried to live with that. I tried to live with that like you asked but I couldn't. I couldn't live knowing I let the one thing, the only thing that ever made my life worth living die. I let the woman I love, the only person I've ever truly loved die, and I just couldn't live with that."
I look at her and I see a blank look back at me. She doesn't say anything.
"But… but you're back. You're back now and everything will be okay. You'll see I'll make everything better. I know things must have been hard, with the being dead… and then with the not being dead. I'll do whatever it takes to make things okay, whatever you need. If you want to go out, we'll go out. If you want to stay in, we'll stay in. You don't even have to leave this room if you don't want to. I'll bring you food or whatever you want."
"Faith?"
"What? What is it? What do you need?"
She reaches out and her hand touches mine.
"Just… hold me?"
"Of course."
I move closer to her on the bed and take her in my arms gently.
She's back, she's really back.
We lie down on the bed together as I just hold her.
"I love you B."
She doesn't say anything she just stares into my eyes blankly.
She's here, she's here and everything will be fine. So why do I feel like she's not all there? Like her body is here but her mind is somewhere else. But she's here and I love her with everything I am. That's all that really matters.
She turns over, facing away from me as I hold her. I close my eyes and savour the feeling of her against me.
Faith's POV
I roll over in bed as the light from the window shines on my face. I smile at the thought of waking up for the first time in… well a good long while.
Buffy is here. The woman I love is here and I couldn't be happier. Buffy…
I reach over to the other side of the bed and feel the emptiness beside me. My eyes shoot open and I sit up.
Where is she? She was here right? I didn't just dream her did I?
I feel the empty side of the bed and it's warm.
No she really was here. I can smell her scent in the room again, it's incredible. It kept fading for so long and now it's back stronger than ever. So if she really is back then where'd she go?
I get out of bed and smooth out the clothes I slept in. I comb my fingers through my hair to try and make myself look pretty for her.
I don't know what Willow did but Buffy's back now and that can't be easy for her. Whatever she's been through, whatever she's going through I have to help her with it. That's all that's important now.
I walk over and leave the room.
I can smell breakfast on the stove, she must be downstairs.
I start my way down to the kitchen.
My pain doesn't matter, what matters is her pain.
I hear talking in the kitchen as I head that way. I walk into the kitchen and the whole room seems to shine as I see her sitting at the breakfast bar cradling a near empty glass of orange juice.
I'm left without words again as I stand just inside the kitchen, watching her stare at the glass in her hands. God she's beautiful.
"Faith, good morning…"
Good morning? Well if that isn't the understatement of the year I don't know what is. It's better than good.
"How are you?"
What a question.
"I'm, I'm okay. I'm more wondering how Buffy is."
Buffy seems to squirm at my statement, her eyes never leaving the glass as Joyce and I look at her.
"I'm… fine."
Right cause all that lack of enthusiasm in her voice makes me believe her completely.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I mean… I'm kinda, I don't know. I guess wigged out is the expression I'm looking for?"
I take a few more steps in.
"Well yeah I mean, after what you've been through? Anyone would be."
"I guess…"
Joyce looks at me with happy concern.
"Well come on Faith, sit down and I'll make you breakfast."
I look at Buffy and she doesn't seem to respond as I make my way over. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat as I sit down beside her.
"I was just telling Buffy about what's been going on. How you've done so much good for this town. Made it safer for people."
"Oh…"
I look down at my sweaty hands, embarrassed.
Why am I so nervous? Buffy loves me and I love her back. Everything is just fine.
"Buffy…"
I reach out to touch her but she pulls away.
"You know, I… I think I'm gonna go take a, a walk."
Buffy gets up and backs away toward the door.
A walk?
"Well… okay, do you w-want me to come with?"
"N-no… I just, need some air."
She turns and walks out.
"Buffy are you…?"
The door closes and she's gone.
What did I do?
I look down at my hands again, unsure what to do with them. Just then Joyce hands me a cup of orange juice.
"It's gonna be okay Faith."
I pick up the cup and take a sip.
"Is it?"
"Of course it is. Buffy just needs time to deal with what happened."
"Yeah, coming back from the dead doesn't seem like something you just get over."
"But she will get over it. You know that right?"
"I guess…"
"She will, but all we can do for now is love her and help her any way we can."
"I hope so. I just, I love her so much that I want her to be okay cause… cause if she's not okay then, then I won't be."
I lean against the breakfast bar and I feel like I'm gonna cry. Joyce comes around the bar and puts her arms around me.
"Then you'll be fine, I promise."
"I just… I was so lost when she was gone but now…"
"Now she's back and you feel even more lost."
"Yeah…"
She lets go and I turn and face Joyce.
"She's only been back for one night and already I feel like everything's screwed up between us. What if she…"
"Faith you have to stop worrying about what might happen and focus on the here and now. Buffy's alive and she's gonna stay that way. She'll talk to you when she's ready."
Right, Buffy's alive…
"How?"
"What?"
"How is Buffy alive exactly? I mean I just opened the door and she was there. How did…?"
"Willow… it was Willow."
Willow…
"How did she… oh, magic."
"She found a spell that could resurrect those who had died by unnatural means. She worked on it for months."
Months?
"But, but why?"
Joyce sits down next to me in the kitchen, putting her hand against my back. For some reason it makes me feel better.
"Faith you may not know this, but you're not as mysterious as you like to think. We could see what was happening to you, how you were suffering and trying to keep it all inside. Faith we care about you, we wanted to help you but…"
"But I didn't want your help."
"So we had to do something, especially after…"
She just trails off.
She doesn't have to say the words. We both know what she means.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize to me Faith. You don't have to apologize to anyone. I won't pretend to know what you were going through. All I can do is hope that you might get past it one day."
"I don't know if I can."
"Then maybe you should talk to Buffy about it."
"I… no, I couldn't do that to her. She's got enough to deal with right now."
"Faith right now Buffy is very much confused. She said she was wigged out but I can tell it's more than that. If she knows you're just as confused then maybe you can get through it together. Comfort each other through the times ahead."
It all sounds so easy.
"Do you really think that will work?"
"You won't know until you try."
I finally find the courage to look at Joyce.
"Thank you."
I hug her appreciatively.
"Anything I can do to help my daughter."
I smile at her.
Buffy has the coolest mom ever.
"I should go find her."
"Okay, just remember not to push her. Let her talk when she's ready to."
I get up and slowly move toward the door.
"Thank you."
She just smiles at me.
"Go… I'll make brunch later or something."
I turn and go out the back door in search of the woman I love.
...continued in chapter 11...