With All My Heart. Forever.
by Elaine Martin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: This is depressing. But then, I have exams as of Mon… May also be
attributed to the re-watching of that Ally McBeal ep. You know the one, with Billy and
that courtroom scene and *sniff*...
Feedback: Would give me a ridiculous amount ‘o pleasure.
She’s here. And I’ve been waiting.
They say that by all laws of medicine, I should have given up long ago.
They don’t know that I’m a slayer.
Or was.
I won’t be going in a blaze of glory. I won’t be sacrificing myself to save the world. I’ll just go. Exiting as I entered.
Naturally.
For her, I know that it will end differently. She is the true. The chosen. When her time comes, it will be with a purpose.
The sad thing is, the world will never know.
The nurse places an extra pillow behind my head, adjusting the drip, on which my life depends. She smiles warmly before leaving the room, the sadness in her eyes betraying that professional exterior.
Goodbye.
Time passes. I don’t know how long. These days it’s hard to tell. The waiting; It gives me time to think. So much of it, so many years, waiting and just… thinking.
I don’t want her to see me like this. Don’t want her to feel sorry for me.
But I swallow my pride, and hope that I’m not too late.
The door opens a fraction, and I know that she’s behind it, hesitating.
She doesn’t want to see me like this either.
My fading heartbeat hastens when she at last steps into the room. My God, she still takes my breath away.
She approaches the bed, not meeting my gaze until the last.
And she gasps, her wide eyes filling with tears.
I can’t speak, and she knows this. I’m sure that the good old Docs have filled her in. All my strength has ebbed, the human along with the slayer. The latter probably resides in the kingdom of the supernatural, just biding its time before it passes to my successor.
She takes the seat provided for visitors, leaning forwards to cup my gaunt face in her hands. Her lips tremble as she gently runs a calloused fingertip over my bare head.
God, don’t cry… not now.
She whispers my name as she takes my limp hand in hers. So gently, so sweetly…
I wish we could stay this way forever, but we can’t. And I have to tell her…
With the very last of my strength, I squeeze. Our eyes lock.
Please let her know…
With all my heart, B.
Forever.
She’s crying now, and I think I am too. My focus is hazy, and if I just close my eyes a little…
She knows what I mean. She squeezes my hand in return, her teardrops wetting my fingers. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, or maybe delusion hits in those seconds right before you die, but when her lips gently meet mine, well…
I think she means it too.