That's Life
by Faithful_14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy&Co.
Spoilers: Buffy season 5.
Author's Notes: This is a really stupid, sucky, fic that I wrote a while ago.
And the lyrics are separated from the story with these ******.
The song is called "You don't see me" and this is written with no Dawn or Glory in it.
Feedback: Of course:)
Buffy sat dully on the couch in her and Faith's apartment. It was more like a studio, big and spacious. It made her feel very small and very alone.
The blonde slayer was watching nothing except infomercials as she waited for Faith to get home. The brunette had promised her they'd go out tonight since they hadn't for weeks. Faith had been busy with this or that but when she came home they'd screw and go to bed. Granted it wasn't the best relationship but Buffy loved Faith. More than anything in her dull, morbid life.
After Buffy had dropped out of college when her mother died things began to fall apart. Willow and Xander had tried to pull her out of depression but they couldn't, and they had lives of their own to attend to. Xander moved up in his construction job and Anya still had her job at the Magic Box. And Willow decided to drop UC Sunnydale and go to Harvard. Although she didn't want to leave Buffy, Tara had needed to go take care of her sick aunt, who lived only twenty minutes from the campus. Willow finally agreed to it after much prodding from Giles, Xander, and Tara. Buffy only seemed indifferent.
Willow knew she couldn't live without Tara, and the move wasn't permanent. She would finish college at Harvard and by then Tara wouldn't need to take care of her aunt, or so they hoped. She'd finish her three years at the famous college and then they could move back to Sunny D.
It was a sad fact but Buffy had sunk deeper into depression and was withdrawn from everything after Willow and Tara's leaving. She'd lost the house due to debt despite a lot of financial help from Giles, including her work at the Magic Box. And Buffy had even been living with Giles three months prior to Willow's departure.
The blonde slayer still continued to go on with slaying but wasn't quite capable of going on her own. She needed supervision because she'd go nuts on some vamp or demon and break down crying after she'd beaten it to death. So Xander had become quite good at slaying now but it was taking its toll, especially on Giles.
Buffy had even been taking pills for the depression but nothing helped, she was just less emotional, if that was at all possible. And her drinking problem only worsened. She'd taken up drinking to try and dull the pain but since her slayer metabolism was so fast alcohol didn't do much for her. And it was an expensive bad habit.
Then a year or so later Faith got out of jail and came back to Sunnydale. And oddly enough she professed her love for Buffy. For a while Buffy was doing quite well, she moved into an apartment with Faith; who had a lot of money from the late Mayor. They did well on their own and the blonde's demeanor was almost what it used to be. They had a good relationship going, but of course Xander didn't approve, and he warned Faith if she ever hurt Buffy he'd kill her. The brunette slayer wasn't worried but she would never hurt Buffy. She was a changed woman, atoning for her mistakes.
So Faith and Buffy kept up with the patrolling so Xander and Giles wouldn't have to, which was a load off.
But after a year or two of happiness the slayers relationship grew stale. It wasn't that they didn't love each other but it was an emotional struggle dealing with Buffy's almost constant depression fits. When she was around Faith it was better but life had gotten the best of them. Now only Faith went out slaying and did all the work. It was really hard on her but over the past few months she'd been going to bars, and parties, without Buffy. And she never got home until late, so it was hard on Buffy to say the least.
So as Buffy sat silently on the couch starring at the TV with a half empty bottle of vodka she only thought of Faith. She wasn't completely devoid of love or emotion but she still noticed everyone distancing themselves from her. She couldn't blame them.
Suddenly the door opened and Faith walked in. Buffy's eyes glistened with excitement and she ran up and hugged the brunette. And she tried to kiss her but was pushed away, "Not now, Buffy," she said almost annoyed. Faith had even stopped calling the petite blonde by her nickname, yet another sign of their depleted relationship.
Buffy simply shrugged off the rejection and grabbed her coat. As Faith changed clothes the blonde stared at her intently. "What?" the brunette asked, clearly annoyed. "You said we could go out tonight," came the excited reply. Buffy was like a love-sick puppy ready to please, which was a sad state really. Now Faith was in her trademark leather pants, and a small black t-shirt that read 'EVIL' across the front in flaming letters.
"Oh jeez, I'm sorry I totally forgot. And I promised...an old friend I'd take her to a club in LA. We'll go next time. Promise." But before Buffy could get a word in edgewise Faith was opening the door to leave. "I won't be home till tomorrow probably so don't wait up."
Buffy had sunken back on the couch, eyes downcast, and looking terribly hurt. Faith noticed and walked back over to her, and kneeled in front of the blonde. "Hey, I'm really sorry. Next time, I swear. It's just I haven't seen this friend in a long time and she'll only be in town for a few days. You understand, right?" Buffy nodded sadly.
"I love you, B. Don't worry," she got up and kissed the smaller slayer on the forehead before she left. Buffy felt better now, Faith loved her. She said it herself and even used her old nickname. It gave her some hope.
So she decided to turn off the TV and went and sat on the bed. She turned the radio on and flipped through some old magazines. Then a slow song came on and she listened closely.
******
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
Cuz I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and tumblin and breakin
Cuz you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream a world where you understand
But I dream a million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends
Nothing but good friends?
Cuz you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
(the way I wish you would)
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm fallin apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through and nodding up to you...
******
Buffy at close look was crying. Her tears glistened in the light that the moon cast on their bed. She knew that song described her relationship so well it hurts. She got up and turned the radio off. She turned off the lights and climbed into the big bed. That night she cried herself to sleep.