The Pain of Loss
by Faithful_14
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: None really.
Warning: This does not have a happy ending and you may find some of it
disturbing.
Author's Notes: Okay hopefully I haven't scared anyone off at this point. I
didn't put the warning in as a deterrent but I don't want to be flamed by angry people
saying they should've been warned ahead of time. Well, now you have been. So um ... enjoy. heh
More Notes: This takes place the summer after season three but Faith never went
evil. She and Buffy fell in love and have been in a relationship for a while now. There's
no Dawn or Angel in this. Also, all mistakes are my own.
Special Dedication: To my girlfriend, aka Teremoc. I love you more than anything,
you know that. You saved my life... and I couldn't live without you. And I think after
reading this you'll understand why I dedicated this story to you. lol.
Feedback: Yes please.
Sunnydale was having unusual weather for this time of year. It was pouring cats and dogs outside. But earlier that night, Faith went out on patrol, against Buffy's wishes. The brunette slayer told her everything would be alright and not to worry. Of course telling someone you love who's worried about you not to worry is futile most times.
Now the time was 1:30 and Faith had been gone for almost two hours now. Buffy was laying in bed staring at the door to their bedroom, hoping her lover would come home soon. She knew that demons and sometimes vampires would still hunt in the rain. So she understood Faith's reason for going. Although she figured it also might have to do with the lack of action lately. And when there was little action, Faith got antsy.
But so did Buffy. Giles reminded them that it was summer and during the summer there was little supernatural activity. It was a nice break from the chaos during the school year but the slayers had a lot of energy to burn and not much to spend it on. Everyday they would train for at least two hours. And afterwards it wasn't unusual for them to make love.
The petite slayer kept staring at the clock's digital glowing green numbers, seemingly mocking her with the painfully slow passing of time. She growled softly and buried her face in the pillow, obviously impatient waiting for her girlfriend's return. After a few minutes she made the decision to go out and look for Faith. *She might need some help, maybe a little company, gets lonely out there...* Buffy tried to rationalize her worries. She knew there wasn't really any good reason for her fears but for her peace of mind's sake she'd go find her lover.
Buffy glanced at her watch again, the time read 2:25. She'd been searching for Faith for almost forty-five minutes now. She was really beginning to worry. And she knew she had good reason too. Even though Sunnydale has twelve cemeteries she knew the brunette slayer would hit Restfield for sure.
But Faith wasn't in Restfield. Or the four other cemeteries Buffy checked.
The eldest slayer was soaking wet, and the rain had only let up a little bit in the last half hour she'd been searching. In a feeble attempt to keep warm Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, trying not to shiver. *Where the hell could she be...? Oh god please let her be okay.* Buffy then headed off in the direction of the docks, the last place she was gonna search before calling the gang together.
As the blonde neared the docks, in the distance she could make out some movement. She ran towards it. As she came upon the gross scene she took a sharp breath. On the ground near a stack of crates was some kind of wild demon dog thing she'd never seen before; dying. It was a dark black colour, but shiny, as if its skin were made of scales, but it wasn't. It was more like armored plating. Its head was almost akin to a dragon's, and sharp teeth protruded from its mouth. The creature twitched more before finally dying. The fatal wound was made by the knife sticking awkwardly out of its stomach, between two of the armor plates. And a disgusting stench emanated from the carcass. The deep, almost purple ooze seeping out of the wound was the probable cause for the smell.
But over the sound of the rain Buffy heard a small whimper. She could make out a shape just beyond the reach of the dull yellow light coming from a small building to off to her left. She cautiously moved closer, in case it was another one of those things. As she got closer... "Oh god, Faith!" Buffy ran towards her, but as she saw what happened to Faith her breath caught in her throat. Her lover was lying in a pool of her own blood, mixed with the falling rain water and it looked as if she was barely conscious. She'd lost so much blood...
Buffy kneeled next to Faith and surveyed her wounds, it made her want to either be sick or cry. But she didn't have time for that. Faith had, for lack of a better description, a chunk bitten out of her side by the demon. She also had lacerations covering most of her body. The blonde slayer didn't know what to do, she was on the verge of panicking but she knew Faith would surely die if she did that. "Faith...Faith, baby can you hear me?" She got no response. Buffy couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. "Faith, please wake up... Faith? ...baby?" Buffy was now on the verge of tears, her voice sounded like that of a scared child. "Baby please wake up... I can't do this without you... Please..."
While Buffy was pathetically pleading Faith was still losing blood from the gaping wound in her side. *Fuck! Get it together Buffy! Now is not the time to breakdown,* she mentally berated herself. She pulled off her soaking wet jacket and pressed it against the wound in a feeble attempt to stanch the flow of blood. "Ahhhhhhhh..." Faith bit her lip to keep from screaming out. "Oh god, Faith, I'm so sorry. Please hang on baby, you can't die on me now... Faith? Baby? Can you hear me?" Buffy was growing more frantic by the second.
She leaned down and put her ear to Faith's lips, she was trying to hear if she was breathing, she couldn't feel any breath. *Oh god I hope I'm doing this right* Buffy pinched Faith's nose and carefully tilted her head back and breathed into her mouth. When she pulled back she could hear a slight gurgling noise. Suddenly Faith coughed up blood. "Fuck..." Buffy knew she was drowning in her own blood so she turned her lover's head to the side so the blood could run out of her mouth.
Faith's eyes opened slightly. "B-Buffy?" Faith croaked in a small voice. "Yes Faith, it's me," Buffy took hold of her hand and felt her heart leap. The brunette slayer took in an audible breath one final time before her eyes rolled back in her head. "Faith... Faith, talk to me! Faith? Baby?!" Buffy was crying now, though through the rain it was hard to tell. Deep inside her she knew Faith was dead, but she didn't want to believe it. So she cradled her lover's head in her lap and cried. "Noooo..." she pleaded quietly.
Far off in the distance, darker storm clouds moved towards Sunnydale. The thunder could be heard for miles.
One week later:
Buffy heard the clock tower strike midnight. She was kneeling in front of Faith's grave in Restfield cemetery, where she'd been buried a few days before. Her gravestone read:
Faith Summers
1982-1998
Beloved Friend,
Cherished Lover,
Brave Fighter
Buffy had snuck out of the house to come here. And her purpose was not for patrolling. She'd come to stop the pain. She reached into her pocket and retrieved the Exacto knife she brought. Unlocking the safety she pushed the blade up so there was at least an inch of the blade protruding.
She grieved silently while pushing her shirt sleeves up to expose her forearms. She closed her eyes for a moment before taking the blade in her left hand and putting it next to her skin. She held her breath as she pushed down on the blade and dragged it across her forearm, making the first cut. As she opened her eyes a white hot pain traveled up her arm. And blood began to flow from the cut, dripping down to the ground.
She began making more and more cuts on her forearm, the pain not having much affect on her. When she finally took the blade into her other hand to cut her left arm the other was bright crimson red, cuts all over, crisscrossing each other. She was beginning to feel tired but she kept going. By the time she was satisfied with the amount of cuts on each forearm there must have been at least twenty per arm if not more.
She was growing very tired now, each forearm covered in blood that ran off to either side and covered her hands. Buffy felt light headed now and the world began to spin. She tried to keep her balance but she fell forward and caught herself on Faith's gravestone. She was too weak to hang on for long and she fell forward onto her face. "I'm sorry..." were the last words she choked out before she died. And a dark crimson streak ran across Faith's grave. Away in the distance wolves could be heard howling at the full moon above.