More Ale Wench!
by Gabriel
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I risk ALL and name NONE! May the future generations
learn from my foolish ways.
Rating: I'm afraid t'is not very good, perhaps a thumbs up IF I be
lucky and even then, I fear t'will be the thumb of pity.
Pairings: I won't rest t'il there be a Faith in every Buffy… wait that
doesn't sound quite right.
Spoilers: Rosebud is a sled.
Greetings dear readers,
Your presence here leads me to believe you share a certain liking for the many adventures the chosen two tend to get themselves into. Well my friends, you may sit yourselves down comfortably and enjoy a well prepared espresso as I tell you a tale of the vampire slayers. T'is a story filled with intrigue, mystery, murder, romance and much danger… or perhaps t'is merely the retelling of silly events without consequences. But I suppose you'll be the judge of that…
Our story begins at the dawn of an uneventful day in the life of Buffy Summers, vampire slayer extraordinaire. T'is important to understand that an "uneventful" day for the petite blonde will more likely than not involve the hunting down, the beating and/or beheading of demonic creatures seeking to put the town of Sunnydale in great peril! No, you need not fear, for your eyes do not deceive you and you've read this perfectly right. Our dear Miss Summers be a superhero (superheroine being too suggestive of an ultra strong drug). Though she seldom wears the cape (sadly), her super strength and tremendous speed are put to good use as she fights the most atrocious critters unknown to man. Yet her many battles never seem to affect her timeless beauty. As a matter of fact, she could just as easily charm the many evildoers with her irresistible pout and compelling eyes. Ah yes, quite a catch this little lady… T'is most unfortunate that her destiny be so grim.
*Sigh*. T'is a heavy burden she must abide. You see, with each generation, there is but one girl chosen to do this job. She must accomplish it, unaided, and assume the responsibility of earth's future. A lonely savior proudly opposing the many evil forces threatening her world. She truly stands alone.
Let us now speak of the other slayer, Faith. Oh, the mere mention of her name is more than enough to send shivers down my spine. A fascinating mix of raw sensuality and wild loss of control. Her luscious lips have already caused many to lose their sanity. And what of her oh so tantalizing brea… What? You say you've heard that there be but one chosen for the sacred vampire removal duties? My, what a knowledgeable crowd this be. Well, to make a long story short: a slayer dies, another rises. And should you drown a slayer, only to re-animate her in the minutes to follow, the other one is nonetheless called and you have yourself a pair of super strong ladies. Now one may wonder, and rightfully so, as to why the watchers monitoring the slayers' activities do not consecutively drown and revive a bunch of them in order to raise a formidable army? Well apparently, all that rain in England has made them terribly afraid of water. Go figure. There's also some sort of plastic scythe supposed to do that but the details are shaky at best.
Where was I? Ah yes, the marvel that is Faith. Should you still be skeptical of her unequalled appeal, you need only check the Banners Folder under the Photos section of the Passionate Oasis list. Therein lies a mighty fine picture that should serve to convince you. (Shameless… Completely shameless…)
It took very little time for the scrumptious Faith to give in to the urge of moving to Sunnydale. What could possibly be calling to her there? Much to her delight, the answer to this question reveals itself on her very first nightly patrol. A historic moment. The meeting of two equals, already comprehending the invisible bond between them. As they easily dispose of the few remaining vampires, their eyes slowly roam the other's body. They need not exchange any words. While t'is quite clear they now fully understand who they are, what they share, now that remains to be seen…
Our account continues, as we now find ourselves at the Bronze, legendary haven for those seeking to forget their troubles, their worries and altogether let loose. One wonders how the pair of salacious combatants completed the journey from the cemetery to the dance floor and yet, it seems oddly fitting for they certainly be in their element in both locations. The display they currently be providing the crowd with is nothing short of breathtaking. All those present will confirm that the music seemingly obeys the commands their lecherous movements dictate and not the other way around. And believe you me, everyone is indeed watching the scene most intensely. Men desperately wanting them… and the women as well. Surely, I meant the ladies want to be them? Oh but I assure you, the young women present desire nothing more than to be *in* them…
Yet these concerns remain quite trivial to the slayers as they now stand only inches apart, fingers intertwined, breathing synchronized and already screwing each other's brains out subconsciously... What surprise! All bets are off! T'is Buffy who surrenders first as she hungrily claims Faith's enticing lips with her own. Needless to say, the brunette needs no further convincing as she gladly leans into the kiss. Soon, their embrace unleashes a rush inside them that none may ever be able to describe. And while Faith longs for nothing other than to pursue this unparalleled high, Buffy chooses this perfectly timed moment to do that thing she does. That is, she runs away, fervently denying the many things that did and did not happen.
I believe t'is now time we introduce the man responsible for the many twists adorning the paths our two preferred dames must undertake on a daily basis. He (so far) be the one pulling all the strings so mischievously. He goes by the moniker of Master Whedon. Unfortunately for him, the introduction of Faith to Buffy's universe and the ensuing chemistry between them has been brought to the attention of the bane of his existence: the Wretched Baron, often known in these lands as the WB. But this vile character, like many others, was not always this despicable. In his youth, he enjoyed a simple and peaceful life, spending his afternoons chasing colorful butterflies in a luxurious and welcoming forest. But this serene portrait would soon be altered at the hands of a single individual. T'was on his sixteenth birthday that the future Baron met Piedro el Fantastico. Clichés be damned, t'was love at first sight. Yet, despite Piedro's suggestive name, he was in no way interested in the other's advances and made his disgust for the idea dreadfully clear to the lovesick soon-to-be Baron. Later that evening, as the heartbroken boy detachedly blew the candles on his unappetizing cake, the hate and anger began to consume his soul. And so today, t'is no surprise to find only an empty shell remains.
For reasons that we now be capable of understanding, the WB decided to deny Master Whedon's creative visions. With the influence and wealth coldly amassed over the years, the Baron would forever crush the hopes of witnessing the coming together (I do sometimes wonder if the pun is in fact intended…) of the chosen two. And so, the dream ended… or did it? Alas, the bond between the slayers be much stronger than anyone could have anticipated. While many may try to impede the intense rapture felt by our two sumptuous heroes in the presence of the other, those attempts will persistently result in absolute failure.
We shall now resume the tale of the two leading woman in Love's never-ending passion play. Whereas Buffy decided to buy a house in the bizarro world of denial and move there, Faith finds herself caught in the middle of a rather serious inner-crisis. Under her beauty, her strength and her untamed attitude, the rogue vampire hunter be anything but a naïve dummy. She knows full well her newfound yearning for the blonde temptress will not allow her to move on. Many, if not all, would now expect the brunette to put on her well adjusted mask of indifference and brush this off nonchalantly. But we'll soon discover this story will not so unfold. Indeed, t'is on that very night she, perhaps for the first time in her life, decided against lying to herself and embraced this unique feeling for her superhuman counterpart. She'd just as soon suffer a thousand slow and painful deaths than mess this up. And while many will tell you that a thousand is exaggerating a bit, I say the hell with them for *I* be telling the story!
5:00 am. That is the time chosen by the resolute warrior to confront her fair-haired obsession. Even as the opens the window to her room and creeps inside, she fails to realize a sleepy Buffy, wearing nothing but a nightgown (or maybe less) will not help to provide for a very diligent conversation. Fortunately (though that is quite arguable given the situation), the anxious brunette now stands before a fully dressed, fully awake and fully neurotic young lady. As their eyes lock, time freezes. Oh my… this certainly be a dire setting. Will any good come of this I wonder?
Hordes of demons, furious vampires, enraged werewolves, demented candy bar distributors, surely Faith will prove ready to face the measly butterflies gathering in her stomach? To be fair, these butterflies are probably possessed by a million ghouls for they easily manage to paralyze their amorous prey. Soon, she can bear no longer to peer into these mesmerizing green eyes. Desperately seeking to escape this excruciating position, she unfortunately cannot rely on her mind for it has boarded the last plane to Brazil and is probably enjoying the company of a lovely Brazilian woman and being seduced by her sensual accent and divine laughter. Left to fend for herself, Faith manages (surprisingly enough) to utter a few words: "Errr.. nice soap," referring to a piece of decorative soap to be found on Buffy's desk.
As if hearing the most romantic of serenades, the blonde cannot help but to blush. Deny all you want miss "I-kill-vampires-and-look-damn-pretty-doing-it", but you've the exact same affliction than the object of your affection. Awww, they certainly make for quite the pair don't they? Even their speech impediment match, for Buffy's response will not soon impress an illiterate cardboard box: "Oh… so, you like… hum… soap?"
I say, this conversation certainly appears to be of a completely pointless nature doesn't it? Coming from nowhere and leading to nowhere; is there no blasted purpose to all of this? I assure you that there is! To fully comprehend the situation, one needs only follow his nose. Preposterous? Given this be no "fruit loops" televised advertisement, I fully understand your qualms. But have you forgotten these two felines be the proud owners of enhanced senses? And while they decidedly fail to speak a proper dialog, they are nevertheless in the middle of an intense conversation. Allow me to translate the discussion their pheromones be sharing at this very moment. One must of course keep in mind that though this language may be primitive, t'is most direct and straight to the point (might I add, these be qualities too often lost in a sea of words).
Buffy's Body:
"Hi, I'm Buffy's body. Mmmmm, I remember you…"
Faith's Body:
"I've been craving you…"
Buffy's Body:
"I'm craving you, you're craving me… I say, could you please proceed
to the jumping of my bones, more specifically, now!"
Faith's Body:
"YES!"
Nothing would warn nor prepare Faith as this primal scream makes the transition from the unspoken to the spoken or rather, to the "shouted". Before such a sudden display of feral passion, Buffy can say little, save for this oh so witty repartee: "Err, I never knew you were so enthusiastic about soap…"
And that, dear readers, be the story of the piece of decorative soap that witnessed a very awkward yet most intense moment between the chosen two.
Oh, and were you to believe that this very piece of soap witnessed a lot more, well I certainly couldn't disagree…