I Move At My Own Speed (Which Ain't All That Fast)
by Holliday
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Heart & Soul.
Author's Notes: Back in the Ocean and this time I'm not drowning. Faith pov.
06/15/04
Dear Journal,
I really do move at my own speed. It's not exactly something I'm proud of but hey we all have our thing. How was I supposed to know that she was after me. I shoulda heard it in her voice, shoulda seen it in her eyes, but like I said I move at my own speed. In my world someone as lovely as her isn't exactly what the universe would willingly drop into my lap. But here I am no less in SunnyHell. With the almost too good to be true life. I like where I am now I don't have to be so guarded all the time. Which is a relief for me. Yet I can't help wanting to be closer to her. I'm a little nervous but that's to be expected. She is larger than life and spunky as hell, beautiful doesn't begin to describe her, but that's just part of her.
Her inner person is where I fell. I don't know maybe it's the stuff she says but sometimes I find myself rooted to her hanging on every word she says. I know she can lose it in a heartbeat and be ready to explode and I have to laugh cause it's charming. She's got her own sense of humor that can't be explained it's just unique to her. I've been thinking about her alot more lately. Okay try every second of the day. Little things like what she thought about when she fell asleep last night? Or what she was going to do today? Sitting here I'm wondering how long it will be until I can see her. My heart is breaking cause I haven't worked up the courage to tell her I need to hold her. I'm dying inside and it's not a good feeling. When I all I have to do is reach out. Well I am. I'm reaching for all I'm worth. I just hope I'm enough. Cause I know there isn't anything else for me at least anything good if I'm not with her.
I've been functioning and surviving but I wouldn't call this living. At least not what I know it could be with her. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm counting down the clock again... And all I see is her. I didn't see the signs before now they're everywhere and I'm receiving loud and clear. I just hope she can hear me cause it's all true. I've been blue without her and at this point I don't know what else to do.
I guess I better go. Putting down my pen I grab my jacket and head to the school. Today I'm asking her out.