Leap of Faith
by I_sa
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Faith or Buffy. That pleasure belongs to the one and
only Joss Whedon ladies and gentlemen. The song “Leap of Faith” belongs to
the talented Michelle Branch. If you hadn’t heard it I encourage you to
download it. It is currently my favorite song. It took me forever to learn
how to play it on my guitar.
Author’s Notes: This is my first Buffy and Faith fic although I’ve been
reading for years. So if it sucks, sorry… The “****’s” indicate character
change and the song is broken up into the brackets…
Have you ever had a dream where you're reaching out and at the last second when you know for sure you're going to get what you're reaching for you wake up? I’ve had. Continuously, night after night. It always happens around this time. Jolly-fucking-holly Christmas time. I guess it happens around this time ‘cause it’s around this time I feel lonely. Pathetic? I know. Not that I’d admit it to anyone. Not that I’d admit it to her. Never fails that every fucking year I feel more and more lonely. This year is the worst. This year the dream makes me feel even worse. Even more lonely. This year she’s here.
[One last call to answer Feeling full of despair]
We’ve been patrolling for over an hour already. It has been quiet. In more ways than one. I’ve been distracted lately and I know she could tell. Images run through my head. I know that I should stay focused. A vamp is sure to pop up at any given second. It’s just that I can’t get the fucking dream out of my head. It seems like every time I dream the image of what I’m reaching out for gets clearer. But it doesn’t.
[Don’t think I can get through it Just one last prayer]
“Okay, what’s wrong?” I hear B say.
I turn to look at her. My stomach flutters. Fucking stomach. “What do you mean, B?” My voice cracks and I curse under my breath. She’s trying to reach out to me. It always turns out bad when someone does that.
[And it’s a leap of faith When you believe there’s someone out there]
She stops and waits for me to turn to her. And I know it’s decision time. Turn and face her, which means I’d have to look at her. Only god knows what she could read in my eyes right now. I’m just way too tired of being so fucking emotionally distraught to hide what I’m feeling right now. I could always run away. But I know that both of the decisions where shit solutions so I keep on walking and try to put a fake smile on my face.
[It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares Oh, and when I call out to you]
I used to love Christmas. Really I did. That was when my kid sister Hope was still alive. Hope and Faith? Yup, my parent’s were some fucked up wackos that’s for sure.
[Will you be right there? Right there]
So now every time around this year I think about my little sis. And every year it makes me feel lonely. This year I feel lonelier ‘cause the girl that I love is right in front of me and I feel like I can’t do anything about it. B shouldn’t get mixed up with a girl like me.
[Searching for the answer Nobody seems to care]
“Faith,” I try again. She hasn’t been acting herself all week. All month.
“What B?” Her voice sounds empty. I touch her arm softly. She is about to look up but then I hear her mumble, “vamps.” And there is my cue to curse. They always come at the right time don’t they?
[And now I wish that you were here Beside me to wipe away my tears]
We finish them off quickly. They were clumsy and slow. I turn her around and I finally get her to look at me. Now I know that she can’t look away, ‘cause I know I sure can’t. I ache for her. She has been so distant lately. I miss her.
[And it’s a leap of faith When you believe there’s someone out there]
She raises an eyebrow as if to ask “what?” Her eyes are so sad.
So I ask her again. “You okay Faith?”
“It’s nothing. Really B, it’s just that I’ve been tired lately. I’m gonna head out if it’s okay with you.”
“It’s early.” I say quickly. I don’t want her to leave.
[It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares Oh, and when I call out to you]
She just shrugs and turns. And the next thing I know I’m watching her leave until I can’t see her anymore.
[Will you be right there? Right there]
[Waiting for the answer Remembering times we would share]
Walking home all I could picture in my head is her eyes. They’re so fucking memorizing. Sometimes when she looks at me I feel like pulling her close to me and kissing the hell at her. The things she does to me.
[Somehow I feel you here beside me Even though your not there]
I’m not even paying attention to where I’m going. But the next thing I know I’m home. Alone. Nothing new, right?
[And it’s a leap of faith When you believe there’s someone out there]
I consider going a bar and picking up a guy to get my mind off things but I tell myself that it would get me nowhere.
[It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares Oh, and when I call out to you]
Nowhere. But isn’t that where I am right now?
[Will you be right there? Right there]
The first tear rolls down my face. And you know, it never fails. After the first one you can’t stop.
[And I’ll be waiting by the window For your smile to come through]
But then she’s there. She’s holding my hand. And I can’t stop fucking crying. I want to run. I look anywhere but here. I look for an escape. If I let go now, I could never go back.
[And I’ll be waiting in the darkness When I call out to you]
But she pulls me into a hug. I’m engulfed with such warmness. Buffy warmness. And I know that this is where I belong. And I hear it, it’s so clear.
“Stay. Talk to me. You could trust me.”
[And I’ll remember when you told me I could trust in you]
She falls to her knees hugging me around the waist sobbing. My own tears fall as I kneel down to her. We stay in each other’s arms for what feels like eternity. And then I realize this is where I belong.
[And it’s a leap of faith When I believe that you are out there It’s a leap of faith When I believe you truly care]
I stay with her until her last tear has fallen and long after that. She looks up at me and she is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
[Oh, and when I call out to you I know you’d be right there Right there]
She opens her mouth but no words come out. I think it is the most adorable thing I’ve seen. I rest her my forehead against hers. And the next thing I know she is kissing me. It is the most incredible feeling I’ve felt. And now it’s my turn to be speechless.
[And it’s a leap of faith…]
Guess what? I’ve finally got what I’ve been reaching out for.