But It Swallowed You Whole
by Jade
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Hey, we all know I'm a vacant bitch with no copyrights to any of
this. Stop deluding yourself.
Author's Notes: Thanks for the encouraging feedback..I'm new to the fanfic
biz so I appreciate your patience. The title Queen of Cups refers to a Tarot
card of the same name, which generally represents something wanted, but
unattainable, which I took to mean B and Faith. This part also contains song
lyrics that don't belong to me..haha..me like to steal. The songs that
aren't mine are itty sniplets of Garbage songs from their album Version 2.0.
The others are from Tori Amos's album To Venus And Back.
The songs that are mine, are "Slayer", "Jade" and "I Bite" which I planned to
have in the last one, but couldn't fit them in.
Dedication: To Sab...for what would have been, what could have been, and what was.
jade, she breaks and fades falling down like rain same old glass storm again and you're mad hatter serving tea too broken to believe that alice could have made it home after all jade, it's alright now jade take your bow jade you're getting older and the world's getting colder to you jagged inches take a mile on the broken ashes in your smile jade where are you now? games you played with yourself measuring your own hell jade the streetlamps have fallen down ~jade come home now i'm alone now buried in the lost and found wearing your hand me downs jade come home now jade come home now yeah~ lie back and spread your legs the world could end any day what have you become? jade, what have you done? acrid drugs and alchohol spin around to watch you fall icari comes flying in tears off your virgin skin and taste your cold blood and breathe in your first love jade i'm afraid now how many times did they all lie how many times to make you cry they always hate the innocent ones crawl back to the hole you came from and open up your eyes jade it was all a lie jade you do not have to die chorus repeat jade come home you're not alone jade come home i see kalidiscopes in your eyes goodbye jade, goodbye ....
"i have my reasons..call it my defense..i like to keep you guessing..."
Tempation Waits, Garbage
The silence was ravaged by the crash of the door being kicked in. Both girls looked up in shock to see two vampires standing where the door had been. The one on the left smiled, baring teeth in an animalistic gesture, and took in Buffy's toweled form. The one nearest Faith snarled at her, more focused than his compatriot.
"Where's Atkiel, bitch?" The question was low and threatening. Buffy took a step backwards. Faith stood up, and Buffy saw a familiar light go off in the brown eyes.
"I'd say he's the contents of a very full Dust Buster bag, Jakal. But you're welcome to check for yourself."
Jakal growled in fury. "You staked him, didn't you, you little cunt!?" Before Faith could reply, he charged at her, vamping his face. Faith met him head on, viciously high-kicking him in the teeth. He roared in indgination, and the two locked in battle.
Buffy ran for her stake in the bathroom, leaving her back temporarily unguarded. The other vamp, seeing this, turned to go after her while her back was to him, reaching with wicked fingers for her towel, grinning. Faith, seeing his movement, dropped down and swung a roundhouse kick to his knees, felling him with a cry. She felt the old adrenaline surge up through her like a forgotten friend, making the blood pound in her ears, and her heart moshed wildly in the cage of her ribs. She kicked Jakal in the gut, advancing on him, and pushing him to the far wall. Jakal, sensing the balance of power had shifted, looked wildly around for something to use as a weapon, but was unsuccessful. Faith kept coming on, like a fierce animal, eyes blazing.
Buffy had found her stake in the bathroom, and dusted the second vampire with it, effeciently. "Faith!" She yelled, and tossed the stake.
Faith caught it and raised it to deliever the death blow. "Wait!" Jakal cried, desperate. "C'mon Jade, don't kill m-oof!"
She watched as he disentegrated before her eyes. "Fuck you." She spat on the dust, then turned back to B.
Buffy smiled wanly at her, clutching the towel.
"B-" She started, but was cut off by a high-pitched cry from the doorway. The slayers whipped around, to see a tall female vamp looking in horror at them.
She screamed and ran from the door, her heels making a clattering sound as she ran down the hall. B and Faith exchanged a look.
"Fuck." The dark Slayer said softly. She crossed to the bags and began shoving clothes back into them. She tossed Buffy a white shirt and a pair of leather pants.
"Here. Put these on. We gotta go."
Buffy caught them, thanking her Slayer reflexes, and stared numbly at Faith, who was ripping off her dust-stained clothes. "Where will we go? We don't have any place that's safe, or anyone we can trust."
"Well, we can't very well stay here, can we?!" Faith snarled, wiggling her hips into a black lace thong. She slipped a matching bra on as she stalked over to Buffy. "That little twit Marli is going to tell everyone that there's *two* Slayers loose, and eventually they're going to realize that a hundred against *two* are pretty good odds in their favor. So, hurry the *fuck* up, B."
Buffy bristled at the condescending tone, but complied, racing to get dressed. Faith pulled on black leather pants that matched Buffy's and a white tank top. Together, they looked like a formidable Slaying team. *Just like the old days..* Buffy thought, as Faith emerged from the bathroom with an armful of toiletries. She tossed B a leather jacket and put one on herself, zipping up the bags and hoisting on over her shoulder. Buffy picked up the other without being told, and stuck two extra stakes from her cloak in the waistband of her pants.
They stepped over the fallen door, and made their way quickly and quietly through the wings, dodging sleeping vampires. Faith led her to the garage, where the band's vehicles were stored, and over to Faith's prize motorcycle, a black and red Panther, sleek and metallic. Buffy quirked an eyebrow at Faith, as the younger woman strapped the duffels to the rack on the back seat. *A motorcycle? Yeah, that's real original, Faith.* The dark Slayer swung a leg over the bike, making Buffy gulp with need (*Stop doing that!* she berated herself) and motioned for Buffy to do the same.
The soft leather rubbed against her pants, (Buffy was surprised to think that they wore the same size, until she saw Faith's were two sizes smaller. She wondered if heroin caused you to lose weight) and she leaned back against the duffels.
"Hold on." Faith instructed, kicking the stand, and putting the keys in the ignition. Buffy snorted; if Faith thought she was some kind of wussy loser who had to hold on-
The thought was cut short by the roar of the engine and the bike bucked and reared like a wild animal. Buffy almost lost her balance, and cried out, gripping the leather of Faith's back with all her might. She thought she heard a soft chuckle from the other girl.
They sped out of the parking level, going at such a fiery speed that Buffy thought her heart would burst, and seared towards the exit.
"Shit." Faith said, over the scream of the engine.
"What?" Buffy yelled back, suddenly afraid. Faith just pointed to the exit, making Buffy squint to see.
The vampires, apparently wise to their escape plans, had formed a blockade around the exit, cutting them off. Cars were parked around the crowd, sealing off any chance of escape. Buffy cursed, and tried desparately to think of a new plan. Maybe if they went back up to the roof...She tapped Faith on the shoulder to tell her of her idea, but Faith ignored her and forced the bike up to greater speed.
"Oh, fuck no! Faith, no! No!" Buffy screamed, realizing Faith's intent.
They were nearing the vampire blockade now, and Buffy could see they weren't moving. They looked nervously at the bike, but held their ground. Buffy hid her face in Faith's leather covered shoulder, and prayed for the best. She heard, and felt a jarring thud that must have been Faith jumping onto one of the cars, and then, her stomach jerked and they were flying. She made the mistake of looking down, and saw the gut-wrenching sight of a vampire's shocked expression, just before the front tire slammed his face in.
There was a dull squish, sparks and wet things flew up on the windshield, and then they were out of the parking lot, and racing into the fast-sinking sun. Buffy clutched Faith, unconsiously rubbing her breasts against her, and hoped for a quick night.
They drove for miles, Buffy's head buried in Faith's shoulder. They didn't speak, and the silence between them was tense, filled with harsh words and awkwardness. The only sounds were the purr of the bike's engine, and the nature sounds from the highway around them. Buffy was too tired to remember how they'd gotten on this dense, wooded road in the country, but she guessed that they were somewhere in New Jersey. Eventually, at around midnight, by Buffy's wristwatch, they pulled into a trucker stop and a rest area, with picnic tables and several small motel cabins.
Faith gracefully dismounted, acting as if the five hour drive hadn't affected her at all. Buffy stumbled getting off, and she was saved from the concrete by a thin arm around her front. She nodded weary thanks to Faith, who was looking over to the small resturant. The tired pair entered the deserted cafe and Buffy slid thankfully into a booth, the red vinyl sticking to her sweaty pants. She didn't know how Faith could wear these things all the time; she started sweating after a minute. Faith glanced at her, and motioned to the counter. "I gotta eat. Slaying. You want anything?"
Buffy shook her head wearily, but was gratified to hear Faith order two burgers, fries and cokes from the bored waitress. She carried everything back to the older girl and silently placed B's share in front of her. The other Slayer mumbled a thank you and tore into her food, needing energy. Faith watched her eat, and then slowly started on her own food.
The older girl finished her burger, and slowed down, starting on the fries. She sipped her coke and regarded Faith. Suddenly remembering that Faith usually didn't have a lot of cash, and that the dark girl had just paid for her meal, she swallowed a lump of fry, and tried to give the other girl a twenty. Faith laughed her money away, explaining gruffly that the band had paid her twenty thousand per show for the novelty of an all-vamp band with a Slayer lead singer. She had plenty of cash on hand, and in her checking account to keep them in fries for years.
Buffy nodded, embarassed. She finished her food and watched as Faith picked at hers. The dark Slayer had hardly touched it, which was eerie, considering that the old Faith would have gobbled her food down and looked for more. Faith nibbled on a fry, and then, seeing Buffy's green eyes trained on her meal, she slid the plate over, sans coke.
"Here. I'm not gonna eat it." Buffy gave the token refusal, then tore in after Faith's equally token response. They sat in silence for a while, fending off lecherous stares from the truckers, who had rarely seen such toned, hot bodies in this kind of place.
As they left, one even went so far as to make a comment and reach a hand out to slap Faith's tight, round ass.
"Hey baby, stay for a while...take my big rig for a ride." He slapped her butt crudely, undressing her with lewd eyes. Faith smiled maliciously at him, and kicked him hard in the balls, repeatedly. She blew him a kiss as they walked out, Buffy laughing so hard, she could barely walk.
But she groaned in frustration as she saw Faith preparing to mount the black bike again. "No, Faith, no. I can't ride that damned beast anymore, you can just leave me here."
Faith laughed. "Relax, B. I'm just gonna move it over to the motel parking lot and get us a room. We really shouldn't be traveling at night anyway."
After the bike was safely secured in the parking lot, they reserved a room with one bed, much to the delight of the pimply teenager behind the desk, who salivatated as Faith coyly put an arm around B's waist. Buffy knew the dark girl was only fucking with the teen, giving him something to jack off to, but she flushed with desire all the same. They took the key, and left to take their duffels to cabin 14.
Faith knew this type of rattrap well, and was surprised when the room was reasonably clean, and nice. She flopped down on the bed, as Buffy used the bathroom. Her hands traced the paisley pattern of the thin comforter absently, as she listened to the sounds of B searching for sleepwear in the second bag. Apparently, she hadn't found any, because Faith heard her mumble that it was summer anyway.
She sat up, and kicked off her boots, watching Buffy watch her. She undid her pants, stood up to shimmy them down her hips, and reached down to pull the tank off. Buffy's hands stopped her, gently. She looked down into hazy green eyes.
"Let me." Buffy murmured, sliding the tank top off. Faith gasped as soft hands trapsied across her skin, brushing the undersides of her lace-clad breasts. Buffy's eyes met hers again, and there was pain in their emerald depths, pain, and love.
"I want to touch you, Faith." B whispered, though there was no one to overhear. "I want you so bad. I..I love you."
Faith kissed a tear that hovered below the Slayer's eye, soothing her. "Shhh..I know, B. I know."
The words coming out of Faith's beautiful mouth were like pretty pink bubbles that Buffy wanted to put in her veins, floating there inside her, forever. She kissed her love, tongues sliding softly together. An 'I'm sorry' kiss. Soft, and sweet, and slow.
Faith broke off to tug at the hem of Buffy's shirt impatiently, pulling it off. She kissed Buffy's smooth skin, down between her breasts, past her navel, to the button of the pants, grinning against her partner's skin.
"Do it, Faith." Buffy breathed. "Please do it, kitten."
Faith didn't know whether Buffy wanted her to strip her, or fuck her, but she decided to do both. She deftly unfastened the button with her teeth, making the other girl gasp. She pulled the zipper down in the same fashion, kissing the top of Buffy's panties.
"I like your choice of nicknames." Faith commented, smiling. Buffy pulled her head up to kiss her, caressing her ear with her soft breath.
"You are a kitten, my pretty feline pet. All softness and claws at the same time. I love that about you, Kitten."
The newly-christened Kitten grinned and in an instant, whipped off B's pants, somehow managing to flout the laws of sweaty leather. She dropped to her knees, eyeing the soft black fabric of B's panties. Buffy moaned, gasping for breath, as her kitten kissed her *there*. She felt soaked, drowning in her own moisture, she'd *never* been this aroused.
Faith backed Buffy up until the backs of her knees hit the bed, and she laid down, as instructed. Faith crawled up her body, laying small kisses everywhere. She looked into the Slayer's eyes, drowning in dark chocolate. Faith was a demon and an angel at once, a paradox of soft skin and muscle. The dark girl kissed the other Slayer's pulse, and traveled south, to Buffy's heaving breasts. She undid the bra, thanking whatever diety out there for inventing the front-clasp, and slid it off of the other girl, throwing it into some dark corner of the room. Her hands cupped the firm orbs, weighing them in her palm. She ran her fingers over hard, dusky nipples, tightening them with arousal, until they were as finely tensed as a racehorse's muscles.
Buffy panted, her head tossing on the pillow, fingers clenching the sheets. She arched her back with a cry as she felt a warm, hot mouth descend on her nipple, sucking hard. Faith idly pinched B's other nipple as she drew on the soft flesh with her mouth. Buffy was in a terrible, insanely pleasurable place, her thoughts narrowed down to the feeling of Faith's tongue on her nipple.
Faith was enjoying herself thoroughly. Too thoroughly. She had to remind herself to not get attached, to not fall for the woman writhing before her. She was *Faith*, the bad slayer, the evilest motherfucker in the goddamn galaxy. And B, was..well, B. She was kind, compassionate, loving and beautiful to all around her. Faith would only drag B down to Hell with her. So, she kept up the torturous erotic dance her tongue was making on B's dusky pink bud, trying to convince herself out of whispering 'I love you, too' back to Buffy, who was moaning love confessions helplessly.
Suddenly, the dark Slayer's mouth left her nipple, and B moaned in frustration. Faith chuckled throatily, her breath skating on the ridges of B's ribs.
"Relax, babe. Just warming you up."
Buffy took hold of her love's head and brought her up to crush their mouths together torridly. She tore away to bite at Faith's neck, moaning in her ear.
"I don't *need* warming up Faith. Feel me, feel how much I want you."
She forced Faith's hand down to cup her drenched panties, and heard a groan from the other girl. The older girl gasped and panted as she felt Faith's warm, wet tongue trail lazily down to her panties, pausing to thrust idly in her navel. She felt teeth grip the elastic edge of the fabric, and caught her breath in anticipation. The panties were ripped from her, leaving her nude and helpless against Faith's skilled hands and mouth. Faith blew lightly on the dark curls, laughing when Buffy squirmed.
She knelt beside the foot of the bed, her head between B's spilled open thighs. This was the position, the moment, the girl she'd dreamed about for years, sweating and tangling her hands in between her thighs in her lonely bed. Without warning, she thrust a finger into Buffy's wet slit, and it slid in easily, lubricated by the constant flow of the Slayer's arousal. She drew the finger out, sucking it into her mouth, watching Buffy's face as she did it. She liked the desperate need she saw there.
Faith leaned forward and lapped like the kitten Buffy had called her at the other girl's dripping sex, thrusting the finger in again. She laved at the pink center of B's desire with her tongue, enjoying the whimpers and cries she elicited from the girl. She added another digit to the tight channel, fucking B with teasing strokes, as her tongue worked the other girl's clit.
Buffy ached for more, crying out Faith's name in a steady stream of praise and profanity as the dark girl teased her hungry body. Faith raised her head, licking Buffy's essence from her lips, smiling smugly at her partner.
"Do you want it, B? Tell me what you want, B, tell me."
"I want...I want..oooohhh.."
"Tell me. Do you want me to *fuck* you B? Is that it?"
Faith's fingers steadily increased their rythymn, a hand snaking up to tweak Buffy's hard nipples. She was plunging three fingers, in and out, flicking the other girl's clit viciously with her tongue, her eyes scanning Buffy's. B was wailing with pleasure, her hips bucking against Faith's hand and mouth, her back arching in a pleasure spasm. She was overcome by pure ecstasy, pleasure in its highest form, sure she would die if she could not reach release soon. She felt the poweful orgasm build in her, layer by layer, brought on by the erotic rush that only girls together could create. Men were apes, even the undead ones, pawing at her, expecting, not asking for her pleasure. Faith was an attentive lover, bringing Buffy to the edge with care and skill, whispering erotic words into her ear as the orgasm crashed into her like a freight train.
She arched off the bed once more, her hips thrusting hard against the Slayer's experienced mouth, and she cried out her lover's name as she fell into release.
"Faith! God, yesss! Faaaaiiith!"
CHAPTER FIVE: The Ghost In You
What do you need from me my silence to your melody i don't believe in love anymore but here i am, crawling in the glass hurt me just a little bit more told them all not to care said it wasn't good to bear my cross for me ravens sit on my shoulder, thought and memory wolves follow my every move, cold and vagrant efegy i bite back you all fuck off and call me when you're not easy to break
Buffy woke up in bed, smiling and stretching, reaching out for a warm body next to her. She felt only empty sheets. She sat up, holding the thin sheet to her chest ridiculously, as no one was in the room but her.
"Faith?"
She asked the empty room. "Faith?"
Stumbling out of bed, she saw that only one duffel remained by the bed, where they'd left them. Faith's keys were gone, and her boots. There was a wad of money on the nightstand, making Buffy feel horribly sad, as if Faith felt she was a prostitute, to be paid for her pleasure. She crossed to the nightstand, and lifted up a note, scrawled in a rush on the motel's paper. She breathed again, when she saw it wasn't a goodbye note.
B- Went for breakfast. Be back in an hour, or so. You are cute when you sleep. F. P.S: We need to talk.
The note was marked seven twenty, and Buffy's clock read eight fifteen, so Faith would be back soon. She sat back down on the bed, clutching the note and the sheet to her chest. Something about the note scared her, even though it was cute and sweetly Faith-like. Maybe it was that Faith probably wanted to talk about the night before.
Buffy had succumbed to sleep after her powerful orgasm, too exhausted to even do anything besides rest. But something confused her; later on in the night, she had reached out for Faith, stroking her breasts and pressing her own body against Faith's. But the other girl had only mildly batted her hands away, and rolled over. It filled her with an overwhelming unhappiness, wanting to touch and love Faith as the other girl had done to her. She was confused and hurt, wondering why Faith didn't want to make love with her. Maybe the other girl didn't want to be touched by her, maybe she thought Buffy only wanted a sort of sexual slave, someone to give pleasure, but never recieve it.
Or more simply, she could just not be in love with Buffy.
The Slayer's eyes filled with tears. She tore the note to shreds and went to get dressed.
Faith was nibbling idly on a carrot stick, purloined from the vegetable section of the little grocery, just a few miles down the highway from the motel. She reasoned that she had enough money to pay for all the food the two would eat, but for some primal reason, she walked out without paying, a cocky smile on her lipsticked mouth.
Faith loved the rush that illegal activity gave her, even the petty, useless pranks, like mail fraud, or stealing groceries with a wad of cash in her back pocket. She lived for that rush, that searing excitement of it, strange and thrilling. It was almost as good as slaying, or sex. Almost.
She checked herself out in the left hand mirror of her bike. She had put on a brush of dark eyeshadow, and black cherry colored lipstick. Her eyes looked smoky, her mouth hinted at dark promises. She wasn't surprised when she turned the heads of every male that saw her, and some of the females as well. She admitted she looked hot. Strange, to feel so powerful, so wild, when she had so much bad shit in her head.
"*Beaucoup* bad shit." She muttered, remembering a line from a movie she'd seen years ago.
The situation with B was bad, she knew. She had to set it right, she had to resolve it. To get Buffy away from her before the pretty girl got killed from hanging around Faith. Before she fell for the older Slayer. Faith kicked the bike into gear; it awoke with a purr, and she peeled away from the dingy parking lot, ignoring several catcalls.
Buffy deserved better, she told herself, even though she knew it was cliched and stupid. She loved the beautiful Slayer with all her heart, but she was scared, so scared. Faith just couldn't admit it out loud, the real reason she wanted so desperately to leave.
She was terrified.
Buffy loved so easily, so passionately, that it was easy to believe every word that came out of her pretty little mouth. But Faith was a cynic by nature, a masochist by heart, and she knew all too the well the million and one harsh truths of humanity. The lies that people told themselves, and their obsession with helping others. Buffy had deluded herself into loving Faith, thinking she could 'help' her, bring her back to some semblence of normalcy, to exorcise the ghost in her.
Fuck that.
She wasn't one to be helped, or one to be changed. Buffy just hadn't figured that out yet.
"i was angry when i met you....i think i'm angry still."
Push It, Garbage
Faith returned to the wounded noise of the shower going. She set the groceries down on the bed, and kicked off her boots, noting the polished surfaces were fading. She'd have to steal some polish soon, or walk around in muddy boots. She was in this train of thought when Buffy stepped out of the bathroom, clad a towel and a cloud of steam.
"Hey, B." Faith said mildly, picking at the bedspread absently. "I got breakfast."
Buffy glanced at the clock, which read eight fifty five. She wandered over to the lone duffel bag, and unzipped it, digging around for some clothes to fit her. She felt big and cumbersome, compared to Faith's little, skinny body. She remembered suddenly that there should be two bags, and looked up at Faith to ask her where the other had gone.
Faith was staring hungrily at the curve of B's breasts pressed against the thin fabric of the towel. Her head snapped up when Buffy caught her looking, and she flushed a little, amusing her lover. Buffy grinned, dropping the towel, as she casually retreived dark jeans and a tank top from the bag. Faith's reaction to her nudity was enough to make up for waking up alone this morning.
"Hey Faith? Where's the other bag?"
Faith shook her head distractedly. "Strapped to the bike. I wanna leave as soon as possible."
Buffy looked at her in confusion. "Do you think the vamps will follow us?"
Faith looked away. "Yeah. They fuckin' hate me."
"Oh." The older Slayer didn't pursue the subject. She knew Faith respected privacy.
She pulled on her clothes thoughtfully, imagining the slow, dark spiral that had been the dark-haired Slayer's life with the band. Something struck her suddenly; where would they go?
She turned around, fully dressed, to ask Faith that question. The younger girl shrugged, picking at the bedspread again. Buffy batted her hand away without even thinking about. "How about Sunnydale? We'd be on familiar ground, they wouldn't stand a chance."
Faith blanched. "The 'Dale? No fuckin' way, B. Fuck *that*." She said so poignantly, so vehemently, that Buffy was disturbed by it. "Not goin' back there again. Ever."
"Faith..."
"*No*! No, no, no! *No*, B."
"But we have to go *somewhere*, F! Goddamnit, Sunnydale is our home turf-"
"No, B. It's *your* home turf. Not mine." Faith's eyes suddenly brightened. "I know."
"What?" Buffy growled, slightly pissed off.
"Boston."
Faith had somehow managed to arrange a rental car for them, without using her credit cards. She also ditched the bike, explaining to Buffy that it was the first thing anyone who was looking for them would spot. The distinctive tiger-stripe markings of red on the black chrome were a dead give-away. Faith mourned her prized bike, but knew that it was for the best. The car was a forest green Lexus GT, beautiful and smooth, like a rippling beast of steel and chrome.
Buffy drove, her hands steady on the wheel, occasionally glancing at Faith, who was painting her toenails on the dash. It was such a cute view that she nearly drove off the road, in helpless mirth. Faith, who saw nothing funny in nail care, ignored her and kept painting, filling the car with the heady smell of polish. Every so often, Buffy would stop to ask Faith where to go, and Faith would unfailingly point her in the right direction, as if she had a homing beacon to her place of origin. Buffy never knew how she did it.
They drove through quiet, beautiful towns, with a rustic appeal to them. Joyce would have called them 'quaint'. Although Buffy's throat tightened at any mention of her mother, she thought of her often, and imagined Joyce looking down on her, happy. It kept her sane.
While she drove, she filled Faith in on what had happened in the past years, about Glory, dying, Giles's retirement, Dawn moving to boarding school, Spike going with her, Willow and Tara's wedding, Xander's marriage with Anya. She kept her voice cheerful, as if they were discussing a less history-laden topic. Faith, for her part, was quiet, interrupting every now and then to ask a question. She seemed distracted, lost. Buffy couldn't blame her.
Faith asked for news on Angel and Cordelia, which, for some reason, made the Slayer extremely jealous. She couldn't stop imagining that night when she'd walked in on Angel holding Faith, comforting her, in the way that she'd always wanted to, but never could. She felt her back stiffen, as Faith talked lovingly about 'C and Deadboy's' habits, quirks, cute things they'd done together. Buffy was furious with herself, angry that she couldn't adjust to Faith's friends, or the happiness they'd given her. She was in no position to dictate who Faith could be friends with, but she wished, fervently, that she could be the one to give happiness to her love in the future.
And she didn't quite trust Angel around Faith. She'd seen the wanting in his eyes. Although, looking at her love's freshly painted black fingernails trailing in the breeze of the open car window, she could understand his desire.
As they drove into Boston evening traffic, both Slayers were silent, confused by their very different thoughts. Faith was angry about the fact that Buffy seemed eager to talk about Sunnydale, and the people who could 'help' Faith, confirming the raven-haired Slayer's earlier suspicions. She was sure now, that Buffy had plans to take her back to the 'Dale, and then to the Council, who could 'help' her. Yeah, help her by torturing her to death. She felt familiar fear rise in her.
Buffy, for her part, was also concerned about Faith's reticience to go back to Sunnydale, but for her own reasons. She knew the younger girl could be suffering from withdrawal, as she hadn't had a fix since the night before last. Buffy was afraid that Faith might be planning to load up on drugs before entering Sunnydale, because as far as *she* knew, no one pushed heroin there. Her eyes kept flicking to Faith's lax posture, her gaze worried and tense, despite the lazy atmosphere in the car.
Faith directed Buffy to a small inn, off Peniere Street, and farther back into the neighborhoods of South Boston. The place was tiny, but to Buffy's surprise, it was more of a bed and breakfast than Faith's usual seedy rattrap. She raised a brow to Faith, who shrugged her narrow shoulders.
"My mom...used to work here." Buffy noted the audible change in the younger Slayer's tone when she spoke the words 'my mom'. She wondered what had happened to Faith's mom, and if she would ever truly know the dark girl. Faith secured a room, again with one bed, but the woman behind the counter only smiled and nodded her head as she asked for the names.
"Oooh, how sweet. Newlyweds?"
Both Slayers were taken aback slightly. Faith recovered quickly, sliding an arm around her love's waist. "Yeah. Lily and Anne Summers."
*Lily?* Buffy thought, staring at Faith bemusedly. *Anne? That's my middle name...is Lily hers?* She must have conveyed her question with her eyes, because her new 'wife' smiled at her sheepishly and nodded, a light pink tinging her cheekbones.
"All riiight...let's see now. Umm, we have room 34 available, very nice but no garden view, I'm afraid, I can try to...wait a minute."
The woman, who had long, curly red hair and green eyes, leaned over the counter, and grasped Faith's chin in one French-manicured hand. A Wiccan pentacle necklace dangled from her throat. Buffy braced herself to exit quickly, as the woman was sure to be knocked into the next century, but Faith laughed amiably. "Hullo, Sal."
The woman ran from behind the counter with a yelp, and walking up to Faith.
"Oh Goddess! It *is* you, isn't it?! Faith Lily Wynter, you certainly have taken your time comin' back here, you little hellion!"
She wrapped Faith in a hug that could have crushed the bones of a normal human.
"Oh, just look at you. You're all grown up...and so gorgeous! You look just like your mother...and you're married, too! Gods, but she's a pretty one, you always did have good taste..."
Faith apparently used to the redhead's quick changing conversation, smiled shyly, and pulled Buffy closer to her. "Yeah, she is, and I do."
Sal continued to babble on about how sweet it was to see them together, not many young couples these days, oh, did they elope, goddess, Faith looks just like Marlia at her age..and so on. Buffy was astounded at the amount of personal things she was learning about her lover in a matter of seconds. Faith's mother was a witch named Marlia, her last name was Wynter, she had lived *here* in this inn from ages three to seven, and Sal had taught her how to do little spells to keep her from getting underfoot.
"Course ya don't remember any of 'em, do you? You were always impatient to skip the thought process and go right to fire spells."
"I think I can do one or two, Sal." Faith admitted slyly, and motioned to an unlit candle on the desk. She leaned forward, pursing her pouty mouth into an 'o' shape, and blew lightly. A flame lept up from the wick and glowed merrily. Buffy gasped and grabbed Faith to her, whispering in her ear.
"I didn't know you were a witch, kitten."
Faith blushed at the use of her new nickname. "Mom was the witch, I'm just a pyro."
"But still, I didn't know you had a Wiccan mom! Willow will be thrilled!"
The dark girl's eyes narrowed, and her pupils turned to coal. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Buff. And I think Red would much rather be thrilled to beat me to death."
Before Buffy could protest, Sal led them to a room with a view of the garden, exclaiming and chattering the whole way. Finally, they were left in silence, glowering at each other. Faith turned away first and looked out onto the Boston sunset. She sighed loudly, staring out on the garden where she'd kissed her first, a girl from across the street named Kally. This town had so many memories, so many things she'd rather leave unseen.
Buffy interrupted her reverie. "Tell me about your life, Faith. Tell me."
She didn't turn around. "Why? Why do you care? Since when does anyone on this planet give a shit about me?"
Buffy stepped up behind her, running her hands over the Slayer's tight back. She kissed the side of Faith's neck, and whispered to her.
"I care. I care because I love you, and I want to help you."
Help. Faith growled under her breath. She shrugged off Buffy's gentle hands and hunched her back, staring intently out the window. The other girl waited, a little confused and hurt.
Then, without a word, Faith began.
"Mom worked here until I was seven, and this place kept her happy, sort of. She had me when she was seventeen, and I...I was her burden. She had to work to support us, since my dad wasn't..wasn't around 'til later. She stayed away from drugs while she was here, and the parties, and boyfriends who...who beat her up. Then, Lucien..my...my dad, came back and fucked things up, so we left. We lived in a trailer park, and I hadda..go out and, umm, sell myself to guys so they could shoot up. I was eleven, but I looked like I was fourteen, with my chest. He beat her up all the time, while I was at school, and she'd always say we were gonna move, we were gonna leave. But we never did. And one time, I...I set his leg on fire when he was, y'know, hitting her, and h-he started on me. He liked that I never fought back...and that I never told Mom what he did to me when she was asleep. I ran away, lived on my own 'til I was fourteen, and Marianne found me. Told me I might be worth something, after all." She laughed bitterly. "Best six years of my life were here, and with Marianne. Training, Slaying, eating whenever I was hungry, not living on somebody's doorstep. Then she died, and I-you know the rest."
Buffy sat down on the flowered bedspread, and cupped her head in her hands. She'd known it was bad for Faith, but never had she imagined child prostitution, molestation, or abuse. Her parent's messy divorce seemed like a Leave It To Beaver episode, comparatively. She felt the bedsprings squeak, and the bed moved as Faith laid down next to her, not touching her. She heard that sardonic, cold laugh, signaling pain and anguish from the younger girl. God, Faith was only twenty. Twenty, and she had to carry this shit around.
"So, Buffster. Now you know all about 'big bad Faith's big bad childhood'. You're gonna tell me that it's all okay, that you can *help* me, aren't you?"
She could hear the sneer in Faith's voice. Her head hurt, and she felt so numb, like her whole body had been covered in ice water. "No, Faith. No one can take that away from you, no matter how much I love you, you'll always have that."
CHAPTER SEVEN: Knife Wounds And Other Cries For Help
"...she feels she isn't heard/ and the veil tears and rages til her voices/
are remembered...you know you'll drink her..."
Lust, Tori Amos
They sat in quiet for a long time, watching the shadows slowly consume the room.
Buffy vaguely remembered that three weeks ago it was the end of August, and now, it was halfway through September. Sad, that she had passed summer in a blur of hate, and planning of evil deeds. Of cruel murder plans, for Faith.
"Tell *me*, Buffy," Faith's voice was a ghostly thing in the room, unattached to her body. "Tell me about why you came to New York, to my show, that night."
Buffy's blood ran cold in her veins, and she felt like a slow moving, sluggish animal, unable to turn her head to look into Faith's shining, cold eyes.
"Tell me about asking your English father-figure for some 'mental health time'. About how you spent three weeks looking for me, asking Red to dig up old information on me, to track me down, until you found me. Tell me about how you wanted to kill me, Buffy, slow and painful, and bloody, the way you wanted to."
The older girl shuddered; every word that Faith had just thrown at her like little daggers, was true, except for Willow's involvement, and it was four weeks. She felt the bedsprings creak again, and Faith was behind her, crouched on her hands and knees, whispering in her ear while Buffy cringed.
"You wanted to shove that stake into my body, into my heart. Watch me writhe out my last breaths under Mr. Pointy. Kinda like a dick, fucking me into death. You wanted to twist it, to watch my body buck and my mouth scream in pain. To hear me say 'No, B, no', but you'd ignore me and pierce my skin, fuck me with your stake, until I was dead in your arms and you were free of me. Isn't that right?"
Her hissing voice was so sinister, so baleful with its dirty intent, and Faith's obvious usuage of sexual imagery to remind Buffy of last night, that the other girl gave a cry, and backhanded her. The dark shadow that was the other Slayer laughed and held a hand to her face, taunting Buffy with her words.
"Always knew you were into kink, shorty."
Buffy stood up, panting, her anger so tangible she could feel it, touch it with her index finger. At the same time a voice in the back of her mind reminded her that Faith was in pain, that she was damaged, that Buffy loved her. These feelings collided with her rage, confusing her in love, lust and furiousness.
"Should I bend you over my knee and spank you then, *F*?"
She whispered, gratified to hear a grating laugh from the younger girl. "Ohhh..you'd like that, wouldn't you, B?"
"Faith, I just want to help you, I love-"
Faith threw back her head and roared with laughter. "Fuck you, B."
Buffy hit her again, hard, with a pressure enough to take a normal girl's head off. Faith just laughed again, but it was tinted in pain. She slid off the bed and stood in front of Buffy, in her face, the heated tension between them buzzing along her nerve endings and causing every hair on her neck to stand upright. They instictively took fighting stances, their training sessions together fresh in their minds. Buffy kicked out, and was caught by Faith, who pulled her in and slammed a punch to her midsection. The other Slayer gasped, and butted Faith in the abdomen. Faith grabbed her by the hair and forced her down, straddling Buffy's thighs and pinning her arms above her brown hair. She was stronger than Buffy, always had been, and despite not having staked a vamp in ages, she still could kill the older girl if she really wanted to. She hissed at her partner, her hot breath causing shivers to run through Buffy's trapped form.
"You want to take me back home to Buffydale, where all your little Scoobies can disect me, and declaw Bad Kitty Faith. The naughty Slayer, the bitch, the murderer, Satan's bestest friend. And then, when you've had your fun trying to 'help' me, you'll hand me over to the Council to teach me the error of my ways. So I can be a tight-assed good girl, like you are. Buffy the good girl, Buffy the Chosen One, Buffy who doesn't love me, just wants to fuck me-"
"No! Faith, you fucking idiot! I love you! I love you!" The other Slayer yelled, wrenching her hands from Faith's loosening grip.
"I don't believe you!" Faith screamed in her face, her fear showing on her angry face, desperately trying to take back control. "I hate *you*! I hate *loving* you! You don't love me, you *can't*!"
Faith was crying now, silently, trying to force Buffy's hands away from her. Buffy ignored it and held the younger girl to her, trying to soothe her, but failing. Faith ripped away from her, grabbed her coat from the door, and ran out, leaving Buffy on the floor.
She lay there, tears dripping down her face, drenching her eyelashes with helpless, choking sobs. She hoped Faith would come back, would smile and love her like before, but she knew the other girl wouldn't. So she lay on her back, contemplating the ceiling. Hours passed, and the night began to fade. Buffy drew herself up onto the bed, and sat with her head in her hands. She knew where Faith would go, as if they were one mind, one soul. She felt the younger girl with her, as always, and knew, no matter how fast or far they ran, they would always be together. She picked up the phone, and began to dial.
"Angel? It's Buffy. You're going to have a visitor..."
hello again it's your best friend trying to give you some sense i don't think your happiness is what it used to be i never cried out to a god i barely knew desperate and always confused you like my form of abuse, don't you i like the complications you bring along your baggage and your short to long i always said you would be alone someday we're all alone someday we're all alone, even a slayer like me
Faith lay in the back of a pickup truck, on her back. The owner wouldn't be pleased when he found her, but no one ever was. The bed of the truck felt hard and cold beneath her, and all she could think of was Buffy.
A sign passed by her head, without her noticing it.
Come Back Soon!
...continued in Light A Candle...