Goodbye
by Jason Michael Edwards
Rating: R

Disclaimer: Slayers, Watchers and all of the myriad characters we love and hate from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and 'Angel' the series belong to Joss Whedon and company. I borrow his toys without the intent of harming them (any more than he does) or making any money in the course of playing with them.
Spoilers: Post-Chosen.
Feedback: Please let me know what you think, good or bad.

Dear B,

Thanks for that last letter, and thanks again for the invitation to come work with you and the gang in Cleveland. I'm gonna have to say no again, but I really appreciate you asking. I just had to come back here, to Boston. I didn't know why when I left you guys, but I do now. Big prophecy thing this powerful Wicca I met here, Lynn, told me about this morning. I told her about you and Willow and the gang. She's gonna try to find you guys after I finish here, to give you some stuff I want you to have, and maybe join up with the cause.

This prophecy, it's kinda like the one you told me about, the last one with the Master, you know which one I mean. Only, I don't have Xander, or Willow, or anybody else here to bring me back. So this is it for me, this is goodbye.

I don't want to get into the details, cuz I don't want you thinking about what's gonna happen to me tonight. Fuck, I'm trying not to think about it. I thought maybe with all the little Slayers now, that maybe you and I were done, ya know? I guess this is the only way either of us will ever be done.

Sorry, that's not what I wanted to do in this letter. I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you giving me another chance, after everything. I'm glad I'm going out without that still hanging over me. There's just one more thing I need to do, and I hope you don't get pissed at me for it.

I love you.

Never wrote that before. I said it out loud, too. Felt kinda weird, but kinda right, too. I don't want you to think I'm playing you, or something. I just don't want to go, without you knowing. Without having said it. I figure it's not much of a surprise. Wood saw it, hell, even the First saw it. I'm pretty sure Red knew, back then, ya know? I was never sure if you got it, and I need to be sure. I don't want to go with any unfinished business that may not let me move on.

It probably would have been better if I could have said something romantic, or, I don't know, something else. But I don't really know any of that stuff. I can tell you, it's not just the hungry and horny thing. I always wanted to hold your hand when we were patrolling. Never wanted to hold anyone else's hand. It freaked me out. I had screwed a few girls, so wanting you didn't bother me. Wanting you to hold my hand, or wrap your arms around me, that was weird.

So Lynn's gonna bring my stuff to you, and my ashes, if there's anything left of me. If you don't want to keep them, me, whatever, I'd appreciate it if you would scatter my ashes, or something of mine, back at the Sunny-hell crater. But only if you don't want them around you, ok? Cuz if there is any connection back to my body from whatever comes, after, I'd kinda like to be able to watch over you.

All right, so I'm gonna go do this. Don't worry, I know I can kill this thing, so you won't need to come clean up after me. I just won't be walking away, either.

Goodbye.

I love you.

Faith

...continued in Waiting...