Soul Of A Woman
by Justchicky2bme
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: The show and characters don't belong to me, they belong to JW and ME. The story is mine however.
Notes: This is something I started a long time ago, years in fact. I thought maybe I could finish this, lend the chaos of my own life to the story. This is for the future love of my life, whomever that may be. Enjoy.
Feedback: Of course I mean who doesn't want that.

Into a world of chaos, came a force so mighty, that all the Lords' of the Underworld trembled. Born out of darkness, but molded in the light, a warrior unlike any other. Her quest was simple; to save humanity. But in the end, like all the righteous before her, she fell.

But it was then the legacy began.

A line of never-ending warriors, once one fell, another was called.

And they were called The Chosen.

*****

`I wonder where she is.'

`Where who is?' Dawn says scrunching up her nose a little as if deep in thought.

`Weren't you listening at all? Faith!'

`We weren't talking about Faith, we were talking about Justin Timberlake's six pack.'

`Argh, correction Dawn, you were salivating at the mouth at the thought of his six pack. I, on the other hand, was wondering where she could be. We haven't heard anything since...' I trail off, knowing exactly the last time we had heard from her.

`Wasn't it Quebec Buff? With that girlfriend of hers. Stacy...Sandy...Sharon, or something like that?'

`Susan. Her name is Susan.'

I wasn't exactly surprised when Faith told me she was gay. She's such a sexual person, so the fact that she would like the same sex as well...it almost was natural. Plus, I might be a little slow sometimes, but I'm not blind. I've seen her drool after as many girls as guys. And all those innuendoes, no straight girl would have been that comfortable with the grunting.

`Oh ya, Susan. I don't know how I could have forgotten. Susan this, Susan that, that girl has Susanitis!' She giggles a little to herself, muttering Susanitis as if it's the first funny thing she's ever said. Actually, maybe it was, still, not finding the funny that funny at all.

`Ya, I think she may have...'

I miss her. Wow, Faith would love that. Me missing the girl that went psycho and tried to kill my family, my friends, and me. Ain't life funny. One huge comedy show and I'm realizing I'm the one with the big shiny nose. Yay me.

*****

`Do you think about her much?' she says, running her index finger down the length of my spine.

`Who?' But I know who she's talking about, and she knows I know. It's a game we play sometimes.

`You know who.' She stills her finger for a second before moving it up and down again, in her soothing way. There's no point lying to her, and I don't think that I could anyway. I never could. She's the first person I've ever been totally honest with, and that's not going to change now.

`Sometimes I do. Less and less each day.' And it's the truth. When I first left Buffy after the big `show down', she was all I thought about. A druggie going through withdrawal and it felt like I was being consumed from the inside. And I think I might have been, only for Susan. She reminded me of Red's girl. I had only met her once, and it wasn't exactly the most pleasant of meetings. But I think Susan would have liked her. Hell, I think I might have liked her, but I wasn't in my friendly phase at the time. Susan nods slowly, the flat of her palm now moving up and down my back, almost rough against my skin.

`And baby,' I flip onto my back, `how could I be thinking about her, when I'm thinking about you?'

She smiles one of her small smiles, knowing that I mean it...almost. But that's enough for her.

`Maybe you should call her? She might be worried...and I'm sure she misses you.' She says it quietly, and I know that she wouldn't hold it against me if I did ring her. But I don't need to. I have all I need right here.

`Nah, I'm all good. And Buffy Summers miss me? No chance!'

Trailing her hand up my stomach she drags her nail along, beneath my breast.

`And I think have an idea. How about I make you stop thinking altogether?' And I don't have to be looking at her to know that she's almost smirking.

`Oh, I think I'm up for that.'

And I really, really am.

*****

Woosh, woosh woosh woosh.

The sound of the windshield wipers draws me in and out of those memories like a trance. The snow is falling steadily, probably making the roads worse but I think I'm just gonna keep going. Why should I rush this? It's been how long now and I'm still just as anxious as ever to get there.

Maybe anxious isn't the word. Sure as hell was never anxious to get there in the first place. Pretty anxious to leave though sometimes, well maybe not. But that's the past, the past is the fucking complicated past. Need to leave it at that for now. Can't get all broody, then I wouldn't be any fun.

I'm thinking of two women in my life. One who gave me what the other can't. I try to shake the memories out of my head. The ones of her, with her soft skin always taunting me. Reaching out I turn up the music, maybe I can drown them out. They're all mixing up together; it's hard to distinguish what's what anymore. I can feel the tears slowly fall down my cheeks of their own accord. My lips are trying to sing the song lyrics like nothing's really going on but everything about me is saying something is fucked up.

All I can do is keep the car moving towards the one person my life seems to gravitate around. The snow falls slowly through the high beams on my car, and I feel even more surrounded by darkness. I like this though; darkness works well with me ya know. How long can I work with it though. The consequences that comes along with it……. I sing out as loud as I can. `Sooo looooong and goodnight!' I can't help but laugh as the tears flow a little more freely. This song seems to be written for me. God I'm so introspective.

*****

`Hey Buffy, you listening to me?'

`Huh what?' I can feel something, familiar. A tingly type thing growing from deep side me and pushing out. I look at him, but I don't really care what he's saying, I'm more interested in this feeling.

`I said I had a really good time, didn't you?'

`Ya sure sure.' I nod in agreement. Then it clicks. I push the dork out of the way looking out into the street. She's here she's close, I can feel her energy. Suddenly I have this need to find her and I don't know why. I leave the guy behind protesting, my heart pounding a little harder with each step I take and I'm not sure why. My feet are practically making me run down the street, they have a mind of their own. It's starting to snow and my breathe comes out in big puffs into the freezing night air. Why am I doing this, why do I care so much? My heart is pounding harder and harder, I think I can hear it it's so loud. The tingling has filled my body with this heat and I'm not too sure what it is I'm feeling. My head swivels back and forth and every direction it can move until suddenly I stop.

I see a figure sitting on a bench; I instantly know it's her but I can't move for the life of me. She's just sitting there staring off into who knows where, her back to me and I'm just frozen. She has to know I'm here, what do I do? I walk over and sit down beside her as nonchalant as I can. I'm a little surprised, I can tell she didn't know I was there but covered it up. I spose I should start.

`Sooooo….'

...to be continued...