So Many Tears
by Justchicky2bme
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The show and characters belong to J.W. and M.E. The story
however is mine, so if you would like to archive please let me know,
my name must be attached.
Notes: Ok, I kinda took the title from 2pac's Me against the World
album. I just sat down and started writing this today and I hope you
all like it. I don't know where the story is set just put it somewhere in there.
Feedback: I love feedback, pretty much anything except for really
mean stuff.
Her hand felt rough and soft at the same time. Buffy ran her fingers across Faith's palm and fingers, just touching the brunette's hand made her shiver. Just to smell her made Buffy lick her lips unconsciously. She was half laying on the younger girl who seemed lost in a football or basketball game, Buffy really wasn't paying attention nor did she care.
'You know B, if you're bored there are ways to fix it.' Faith smirked looking down at the blonde. Buffy pulled herself over the younger slayer and looked into her eyes.
'What are you suggesting I do?' Buffy whispered, leaning in and sucking on Faith's neck. The brunette gave a small moan.
'Well I'm wicked hungry.' Her voice husky as her hands traveled up under the blonde's tank. Buffy bit on Faith's neck then moved up to her ear.
'What do you want?' She breathed. Her tongue moved out across the girl's ear. Faith groaned, moving her hands to cover Buffy's breasts squeezing them lightly. The blonde's thigh moved between Faith's legs, and she groaned again pushing against Buffy's thigh.
'Shit.' Faith groaned and her head arched back slightly allowing the blonde to move and suck along her exposed neck. Buffy pushed her thigh a little harder into Faith and looked at her full lips, wanting to taste them over and over again. Leaning forward her tongued traced across the brunette's lips, then she groaned as Faith's fingers began pulling at her hardened nipples. Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, Buffy sucked and pulled at her lip, then attacked Faith's tongue with her own. Sucking on the brunette's tongue before she pulled away.
'Thought you said you were hungry?' Her chest heaved. Faith looked at her a moment.
'Yeah, I wanna eat you.' She leaned up and kissed Buffy deeply, and began pulling at the blonde's tank. Buffy pulled away, getting off the bed and standing up. She began stripping her clothes off hurriedly; Faith did the same, throwing her clothes off into a dark corner of the room. Buffy got back on the bed, straddling Faith's stomach. 'Fuck B.' The brunette groaned at the contact and grabbed the blonde's waist. Again they kissed deeply as Buffy began to grind herself against the dark slayer. The blonde groaned loudly and arched her back, giving a chance for Faith to lean up and catch a nipple in her mouth sucking and rolling it around with her tongue.
'Oh…… god Faith.' Buffy groaned grinding harder. Faith reached down and fingered the blonde's clit causing her to cry out. 'I…… Faith.' She groaned again.
'Come on B.' Faith grabbed Buffy's thighs and began pulling her up towards her face. The blonde came to be inches over Faith's face, her hands grabbing the headboard. The brunette breathed in Buffy's scent and her tongued went across the blonde's clit, just barely touching. Faith could hear as the older girl moaned her name over and over. She leaned up a little more and sucked on her clit.
'Ohhh…. Faith.' Buffy groaned and pushed herself into Faith's face more. The brunette licked up the length of the blonde, the taste of the girl was making Faith hungrier by the second. She thrust her tongue up into the blonde and moved it around a little before removing it. Buffy was groaning louder and moving herself against Faith's face. Her tongue began to move in and out at a slow pace at first, her nose pushing against the blonde's clit each time Buffy moved against her. Faith thrust her tongue into the blonde faster and harder till she could feel her muscles clench and Buffy cried out her name. She pulled the older slayer to her and wrapped her arms around her. Faith never truly knew what love was, she always thought it was just something in fairy tales, but when she looked at Buffy, she knew she loved her and it scared her death. What if there wasn't a happy ending for them?
The stars glittered like diamonds in the deep abyss that was the night sky. Buffy breathed in deeply then let the air out in a rush and watched the cloud form in front of her and disappear. So far she had staked 3 vamps and was just waiting for Faith to rejoin her. Soon she felt the girl came from behind and wrap around her waist.
'Hey baby, miss me?' She kissed Buffy's neck pulling the girl back against her.
'Yeah, late much?' The blonde turned around in the brunette's arms kissing her deeply.
'Hey I had like five vamps.' Faith said trying to look convincing. Buffy leaned her forehead against Faith's.
'Yeah well it's cold and we said we'd meet the guys at Giles.'
'The Scooby gang can live without us for a little while.' Faith grinned and leaned in for a kiss, pressing her body against Buffy's. The blonde groaned.
'We promised them.'
'No B, you promised them.' She said between the kisses she was placing along the blonde's neck.
'Same thing.' Buffy groaned as Faith began to suck on her pulse point.
'So how many are there?' Faith asked still sucking.
'Two.'
'You ready.'
'Yeah.' They both straightened up at the same time and took to a fighting stance facing their opponents. These were some ugly demons. They had puke green flesh that seemed to be oozing or crawling, or moving somehow. They stood at least six feet tall and had huge curving claws.
'You think a stake is gonna stop these things?' Faith said reaching for her ankle and pulling a knife that was strapped there. Buffy in turn pulled out her own.
'I'm not thinking so.' The two demons began an advance towards each slayer. Faith ducked as hers swiped at her head, as the arm went over her she sliced into its claw cutting it off. Buffy managed to miss two swipes but was hit full on by a third and was sent flying. She rolled to her feet and ran back towards the demon managing to jump up into the air and kick into his abdomen. The creature only staggered back a few paces. This time when it swiped at her she ducked low and slashed across its stomach. Deep green oozed out of its deep gash. She was sure she had cut it deep. Its claw came at her as it started to stumble slightly, Buffy easily moved out its way, but did not move in time to miss its other claw come at her from behind. The demon picked her up, one of its curved claws piercing into her back. Buffy screamed as the pain ripped through her body, her hand came down hard on top of the demons skull sticking the knife in as deep as it would go. The creature threw her before it began to stumble and fall to the ground where it lay unmoving.
Faith had not noticed what was happening until she heard Buffy's scream. She watched as the demon threw Buffy to the ground, then fall itself. In a rage Faith managed to climb onto her creatures back and cut its head off. As soon as its body hit the ground she was kneeling beside Buffy. The blonde's eyes fluttered open and shut and she was shaking.
'Oh shit! B can you hear me.' The blonde didn't respond. 'Oh God B.' Faith reached down and picked the small girl up and began running back towards the house. It seemed like forever before she reached the door, kicking it open with her foot. She ran into the kitchen where everyone was sitting around.
'Oh my god what happened?' Dawn gasped, she grabbed onto Xander.
'Oh no, Buffy.' Willow looked at her. 'What happened?'
'These fucking demons attacked us.'
'Ok come on we need to lay her down.' They all ran up the stairs to Buffy's room. Faith gently laid her down on the bed and as she pulled away she noticed all the blood. There wasn't this much before.
'Oh no.' Dawn whispered. Faith looked down at her hands and arms in shock. The she turned Buffy onto her side and pulled away her blood soaked shirt. She pulled off her own shirt and quickly covered the gaping wound.
'We need to stop the bleeding.' She looked at the others frantically. Willow went into the bathroom and grabbed a towel.
'She may have lost too much blood she's going to have to go to the hospital.' Willow looked at Faith who was staring at the paling blonde. 'Faith, she has to get to a hospital.' Finally the brunette looked at her, a tear forming at the corner of her eye.
'We better hurry then.'
Faith and the others charged into the ER. 'Somebody help me!' Faith screamed and some nurses and a doctor came running over, taking Buffy out of Faith's arms and onto a gurney.
'What happened?' A nurse asked.
'She was attacked.' Willow said when Faith didn't answer. The brunette's eyes were following Buffy's body disappear down the hall, and didn't move when it was gone.
'Faith are you ok?' Willow placed a hand on the girl's arm, but Faith jerked away. She looked down at herself covered in Buffy's blood. And just stood there a moment. 'You should sit.' The redhead said trying herself to remain calm, but Faith's reaction was worrying her. The brunette eventually slumped into a chair, her eyes seemed somewhat vacant and shock was still frozen on her features. Dawn was still clinging to Xander's arm watching Faith's reaction which was making her even more scared. Faith's elbows rested on her knees, and she clutched her head in her hands, looking down at the ground.
Willow could just barely tell that the dark slayer was crying. They all sat there in silence amidst the chaos of the ER, waiting and wondering.
Notes: I've gotten so much feedback from this that, yay, I am writing more, hope you like. This may not be as good, I'm falling asleep so sorry. Please give me some pointers on the smut part, it's not my area of expertise.
A fog hung in the air, a thick bitter air that stuck to her. She didn't know how she got here, or where she was. Looking around there seemed to be nothing, no sky no earth, nothing. She glanced down and realized she was standing on a small mound of earth but could not see anything else, the fog covered everything. She called out and didn't even hear her voice echo. A slight movement beneath the fog caught her eye and she looked down again. The thick fog began to thin a little and she could make out more movement. She tried to bend down but found that she couldn't move. The fog thinned more and a bony gray hand moved slowly up her little piece of earth.
Its slimy skin clung tightly to its bones. More hands appeared and soon the bodies they were attached to could be seen as well. They crouched and moved below her, a sickening sound of bones and flesh rubbing against each other. The first hand she had seen was moving to touch her ankle. She tried to move but still couldn't. The hand grasped tightly to her ankle and her body felt like it was on fire from the contact. Then images flashed from when she was a kid, another hand grasped her and her body burned more as more images flashed before her. Hands seemed to rise from the depths of the fog and covered her body. Images pouring from her memories and nightmares, swirling around before her as her body felt as though it was being burned from the inside out. She tried to scream, she wanted to, but her mouth would not open. Her life and her future flashed before her, over and over again.
Faith sat hunched over in the chair, her hand grasping Buffy's cold frail hand. It had been three days since they brought her here. Willow had managed to convince Faith to go home to change and shower. The brunette had stood under the hot water scrubbing her body trying to rid herself of the blonde's blood, even after it was gone. She knew the cost of being a slayer, but when she saw Buffy's lifeless body, it became all too real. Because it was Buffy's lifeless body, the one person she loved, ever.
Now she sits, unmoving from the blonde's side waiting for her to look at her and let her know she was still here. Everyone else sits in the waiting room, occasionally coming in, and even Anya came in and sat for a little. Spike came one night and stood by the door for a few minutes before leaving again. Willow and Kennedy take Dawn home and continue to try to make Faith go home too, but she wouldn't. In the middle of the night when everyone is gone and the nurses aren't around she would talk quietly to her girlfriend. Just saying whatever came to her mind at first then the words would just flow out and she would talk for hours.
The doctors had to perform a couple of surgeries on Buffy already, and even with her slayer healing it would take time for her to get back to normal. They had to give her blood because she lost so much, and fight a fever. Willow had come in every night and would perform little spells to help the slayer heal. She stared at Buffy's frail body. It looked even smaller now than ever before, and so vulnerable. Faith closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. Then she sensed something and her eyes flew back open. The blonde was looking straight at her, tears streaming down the sides of her face.
'B.' Faith practically whispered her name as she stood up looking down at the blonde. Buffy didn't speak she just kept looking at Faith, who too had tears in her eyes no matter how hard she tried to hold them back. 'Don't ever fucking do that to me again.' She leaned down and kissed the girl's lips lightly then got down on her knees, still holding Buffy's hand in her own. Buffy just looked at her and cried.
After a few days and against medical advice they wheeled Buffy home in a wheelchair. She hadn't really talked since waking up, and no one forced her too, they were all too happy that she was still alive. Even with Willow's magic and the slayer healing, it would take some time for Buffy to be one hundred percent. She would probably have to be in a wheelchair a few more days but she hoped less. The whole gang lavished her with attention and gifts. They kept trying to get her to eat but she often refused. Faith would have to sit down and make her eat what ever the meal of the day was.
Buffy's near death experienced had scared Faith deeply; no one thought that the dark slayer could be affected so much by something. But it had scared Buffy even more. She remembered what it was like when she had died, and what happened this time was nothing like before. Maybe it was just a freaky demon side affect thing, but that didn't matter. She wished she couldn't remember anything but she could.
Eventually Buffy could walk again, and the pain in her back began to fade. On the outside everything seemed normal again. They joked and laughed and she began to train with Faith again. She had yet to go on patrol, that would take a little more time. Every night Faith would hold Buffy close to her and fall asleep, but Buffy usually remained awake for hours. Nightmares plagued her sleep. A couple of nights ago she woke up screaming, waking up everyone in the house hold. It took Faith an hour to calm her down. The blonde didn't sleep for a week after that. She could tell the brunette worried about her, staring at Buffy when she thought she wasn't looking, always asking if she was ok. Buffy would kiss her and say 5 by 5. And that's just how things were.
'Sooooooo.' Faith said flopping down on her back next to Buffy.
'So.' The blonde said looking at Faith and smiling. The brunette licked her lips.
'You hungry B, cus I'm starving.' Buffy couldn't help but giggle a little.
'What's on the menu tonight?'
'A little bit of you a little bit of me……… actually I think I want a whole lotta you.' Buffy arched her eyebrow at Faith's comment. 'So baby, what do you say?'
'I hope you can pay for it cus I'm expensive.' Buffy looked at her and Faith grinned. The brunette moved so she was over the blonde and looked down at her.
'I've missed you.' She said seriously. Buffy looked at the love and pain in her eyes.
'I'm sorry.' The smaller slayer whispered.
'Don't ever be sorry B.' She leaned forward and kissed Buffy's lips softly. She could feel the blonde's fingers tangle in her hair pulling her down. After a little they pulled away and quickly removed their clothes. Again Faith kissed Buffy softly, one hand trailed slowly down the blonde's side. The kissed deepened and became more passionate. They both wanted and needed each other badly but seemed determined to go slow. They continued to kiss, their hands caressing each others bodies. Faith kissed down along Buffy's jawline and licked her neck. The blonde's hands moved up and squeezed Faith's breasts. The brunette moaned into her neck, a hand sliding down Buffy's flat stomach. Faith leaned down and sucked on Buffy's left nipple, sliding two fingers into the girl at the same time. The blonde slayer groaned Faith's name loudly and arched her body into the brunette. Her fingers started to move in and out of the blonde who's fingers dug into her back. Faith captured Buffy's lips with her own and began to move her body against the blonde's. With each thrust Faith's body moved behind it, her breasts rubbing against Buffy's. She grunted into the smaller slayer's neck as she thrusted a little faster. Her teeth bit into the blonde's neck.
Buffy groaned louder saying Faith's name over and over. The brunette hit Buffy's clit with her thumb. The blonde cried out and her fingers dug harder into Faith's back. The dark slayer thrust a little faster and harder and she could feel Buffy was ready. She thrust her fingers in hard and hit the blonde's clit. Buffy screamed out Faith's name as she tensed. The brunette held Buffy against her, her fingers still inside the blonde until she looked at Faith, a few tears slid down from the blonde's eyes. Both of their chests were heaving. Faith moved off of the blonde a little and looked her in the eyes.
'I love you Buffy.' She said quietly. 'For a long time I wish I never did because I'm not used to feeling this way, to being vulnerable. Shit I'm a get some get gone kinda girl and with you…………. I want to always be with you, for you to stand next to me always no matter what. I want it to always be me and you, forever.'
Notes: I'm not entirely sure that this is in character, but hey I do what I have to. Thanks to everybody for waiting, I think there was four of you, and thanks for your feedback.
Buffy cried out sitting up in the bed, her body drenched in sweat.
'What's wrong B?' Faith sat up looking intently at the blond. Buffy didn't say anything for a moment, her chest heaving. The brunette wrapped her arm around the older girl and pulled her towards against her. Buffy sat there, her eyes staring off into space. 'You ok?' Faith asked.
'Just a dream, just….. just a dream.' The blonde said quietly. Faith kissed the top of her head, then she pulled Buffy back with her laying back down. Buffy buried her head in the brunette's neck and sighed quietly. She felt a wave of comfort wash over her as she breathed in the brunette's scent. After an hour she could tell the dark slayer had fallen asleep, and carefully dislodged herself from her girlfriend's embrace. She pulled on her shoes and a jacket not bothering to change, and walked quietly downstairs. The house remained shrouded in darkness and it was still. Quietly she opened the front door and felt the cool air rush over her. The moon rose above her shedding some light across the silenced streets of Sunnydale. She breathed in deeply and tried to shake of the remnants of her dream. Part of her wanted to desperately reach out to Faith and tell her everything, but Faith was in these dreams, and that disconcerted Buffy. She couldn't tell Faith because she was afraid of the truth. Maybe she could talk to the brunette, maybe everything will be ok, they're just dreams, they don't mean anything. The blonde's feet moved down the street while her mind wandered through the depths of her mind. Faith loved her that's all Buffy needs to believe.
'Hey love.' Spike stepped in beside her.
'What do you want Spike?' Her eyes remained forward while her thoughts remained elsewhere.
'Is that any way to…'
'Do you enjoy bothering me?' Buffy cut in.
'Fine I can see you don't want to be bothered. No need to tell me twice.' He remained walking next to her. After a moment.
'Look Spike I'm sorry, I've just been thinking. You know things have been a little crazy lately with me almost dying and everything.'
'I noticed.'
'And……….' She trailed off.
'And something is bothering you.'
'No I'm fine.' She lied.
'Then why are you out in the middle of the night instead of with your little girlfriend?' She hesitated a moment looking down at the cement beneath her feet.
'I've………..I…….can't sleep.'
'Here.' He pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her.
'Ewwww blood?'
'No that's what this is for.' He pulled another flask out of the other side of his jacket, and took a swig. Buffy opened the one he handed her and smelled, recoiling slightly. Spike chuckled. 'Can't handle a little drink slayer?' Buffy glared at him and looked back at the flask. Spike looked off into the horizon. 'Time for me to go love.' He looked at her and smirked, before turning and walking off. Buffy stood there a few moments staring at the flask in her hand. After awhile she brought two fingers up to her nose pinching it, then took a swig of the foul liquor. She almost gagged as she felt it burn down her throat, but held it down. After a few minutes she brought it back up to her lips and began to gulp it down.
Faith watched as Buffy disappeared out the bedroom door. The blonde had been doing this for a week now, but Faith had no idea why. She had refrained from following her girlfriend into the night, something told her not to. The blonde's dreams seemed to becoming worse although Buffy barely showed it. She wouldn't let Faith in, and the brunette could feel her girlfriend slowly slipping away. Something was seriously bothering her, and this night Faith decided to follow the older slayer. Pulling her clothes on she looked out the window at Buffy's form moving into the night, then slowly opened the window and began her climb down. Her feet hit the ground with a soft thud. Faith looked up watching to see if Buffy had heard, but the blonde continued walking forward. Faith moved slowly behind trying not to let her girlfriend's slayer senses become aware of her.
She watched as Buffy moved through the graveyard slowly, in no obvious hurry. Faith felt a brief pang of pain as she thought the blonde was cheating on her with Spike. But Buffy stopped at two headstones, one was lying on the ground partially leaning against the other. Her girlfriend bent over and reached down between the two headstones and pulled something out. At first Faith couldn't quite make out what it was, then the blonde turned and sat down leaning against the standing headstone. Her hand grasped what looked like a bottle wrapped in a brown bag. Buffy opened the bottle then proceeded to chug the liquid inside. It didn't take long for the slayer to finish off the bottle and throw it behind her, smashing it against a small stone wall. Buffy reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a flask and took a swig of that. Faith could tell Buffy was acting strangely. 'Fuck this.' She thought and stepped out from the shadows.
'B. what are you doing?' She walked over and crouched down in front of her girlfriend. Buffy looked at her, eyes glazed over. Faith caught a whiff of her breath. 'Jeez B what ya been drinking?'
'What are you doing here?' Buffy said, slurring her words just slightly.
'The question is, what are you doing drinking B?' She grabbed the flask out of the blonde's hand and smelled it before pouring it out on the ground.
'Hey what'd you do that for?' Buffy glared at her.
'It's for your own good B.' She stuffed the flask into her pocket and tried to pick the blonde up.
'Stop.' Buffy growled. 'What are you doing.' Faith looked at her.
'I'm trying to help you but your making it hard for me.' Buffy chuckled a little.
'Why do you want to help me?' Faith looked at her confused and a little hurt.
'Because I love you.' Buffy chuckled again lifting herself off the ground at the same time. Faith reached out to help her up but the blonde jerked away.
'You love me?' Buffy looked at her angrily. Faith couldn't understand why her girlfriend was acting this way.
'What's wrong?'
'You love me?' Buffy said again angrily.
'Yeah B I love you more than anything.'
'Tell me Faith, did you love me while you fucked those other girls.' Faith was taken aback by the blonde's harsh words.
'What the fuck are you talking about?'
'Don't play dumb with me Faith.'
'Look you're drunk Buffy I need to get you home.'
'I know, I see it every second, every time I sleep. I can see you and them.'
'You must have been drinking some strong shit cus I think you're delusional.'
'Did you fuck other girls while we were together?' Faith gasped very slightly as she took in her girlfriend's words and tried not to act surprised.
'I don't know what you're talking about.' Faith said quietly. Buffy laughed a little and shook her head.
'I never wanted to believe it all those times. But now these dreams…… Don't lie to me.'
'I'm not lying.'
'Please Faith tell me the truth, if you do anything tell me the truth. Did you cheat on me?' Faith's mind scrambled to find words that would convince Buffy she'd been faithful but she couldn't find them. Her head dropped as she averted the blonde's eyes. There was silence for a few moments, then the sounds of the blonde's sobs drifted towards her. Faith looked up to see her girlfriend had covered her face with her hands and her body shook as she cried. The brunette wanted to hug her girlfriend and make the pain go away.
'Baby please don't cry.' Faith said as she moved forward, but Buffy looked at her and backed away.
'Don't fucking call me baby!' She said angrily the tears streaming down her face.
'I'm so sorry Buffy please.' Faith started begging, something she never thought she'd ever do.
'You lied to me, you said you loved me.'
'I do love you, I'd die without you.' Tears began to fall down the dark slayer's cheeks.
'You loved me so much you had to………….' She closed her eyes and looked away. 'Why?' She asked looking back at Faith.
'It didn't mean anything.' Faith tried to move forward again but Buffy backed up.
'Then why did you do it!?'
'I don't know.' She tried to search for the words. 'I thought that if I didn't become too attached to you, if I didn't let myself love you then it would be easier go through every day knowing that one day you could die. I didn't want to lose you to watch you die. I thought if I kept doing what I always did then I could keep part of you out of me. But I couldn't, and when…. When those fucking demons almost killed you I realized how wrong I was.'
'You think that makes it ok? You think I didn't have that same fear? You think you're the only person in this relationship? I love you Faith and I thought you loved me.'
'I do love you Buffy. Please I'm so sorry, I would do anything for you.' Faith could feel as her life came crashing in around her. She dropped to her knees, tears falling from her eyes. 'I'm so fucking sorry, please I love you. Tell me what to do.' Faith looked at her pleadingly. 'I'll do anything to make it better, jus tell me what it is.'
'I think it's too late for that.' Buffy said quietly and walked away, then began to run. Faith collapsed forward on the ground, slamming her fists down, then sitting back up she threw her head back and yelled in pain as she felt her heart being torn apart by her own hands.
Notes: Ok well I'm not as happy about this chapter as I am the others, lemme know what you think. And thank you to everyone for the feedback, especially Tygerlily cus your feedback keeps me writing.
Never thought that I could love
Living in shadows, faded existence
It was never good enough
Within the darkness, you were the light
That shines away
The Calling – For You
Faith burst into the front door of the house, startling Willow and Kennedy who were coming down the stairs. She ran past them up to the bedroom. Buffy wasn't there, the bed still unmade. She ran back out into the hallway searching the rooms, finding nothing she ran back downstairs and through the house, but could not find her girlfriend anywhere.
'Hey what's going on?' Kennedy asked. She stood at the bottom of the stairs with Willow, both very confused. Faith stopped in front of them.
'Where's Buffy?' She asked her eyes blazing.
'I don't know we haven't seen her all morning.' Kennedy said.
'What's wrong, what happened?' The redhead asked worried now at the look in the slayer's eyes.
'I fucked up.' The brunette ran a hand through her hair. 'God I'm so stupid!' She punched her fist through the wall. The other two girls coiled back slightly and gasped.
'What happened Faith?' Willow asked. Faith's chest was heaving as she looked at her fist.
'I messed up Red. It's all my fault.'
'Faith what did you do, I'm sure it can't be all that bad.' Kennedy said. Faith looked up at them, a single tear dropped.
'I cheated on her, and she found out. Those dreams she's been having, and she's been drinking. And we fought last night and she ran away and now I can't find her. I fucked up, but I love her. I've got to get her back.'
'You were like drunk or something right Faith, it was just one girl one night?' Willow asked hoping that it was that simple. Faith shook her head not looking at the witch. 'How many?' The red head's voice was becoming stern.
'That doesn't matter right now.' Faith said looking at her. She could tell Willow was becoming angry.
'How many?' She asked again, her voice almost growling. Kennedy was looking at her girlfriend unsure of what was going to happen.
'I never wanted to hurt her. She means so fucking much to me. I messed up, I took her for granted, I took us for granted. I would do anything to take it all back. I can't live without her Red.' The witch could tell she was being genuine, but that didn't take away from the fact that she had hurt her best friend. Of course she was not one to be talking on forgiveness or anything. The witch closed her eyes a moment and tried to calm her growing anger.
'I believe you.' She said quietly to the dark slayer. Willow really wanted to tear her apart at that moment but that wouldn't help the situation any.
'I've got to talk to her, that's all I want.' Willow sighed.
'When she comes back………we'll see. But I swear, if you do anything wrong, say anything wrong, you won't live another day.' Then Willow turned and walked away. Kennedy stared after the girl then looked at Faith.
'Your hand.' She said. Faith looked down at her hand.
'It's nothing.'
'You should take care of it.'
'I'll be fine.' Faith growled and walked out of the house.
All I ever wanted was to be at your service
But now I'm alone cause you were here and you're gone
And all I ever wanted was to feel I had a purpose
But now that's all gone
Saliva – Bleed For Me
'It's all your fault you fucking bastard!' She threw him up against the wall and pinned him with her arm.
'I don't know what you're going on about slayer.' Faith reached into her jacket and pulled out the flask. Spike looked down at it. 'She said she couldn't sleep.'
'She was drinking more than this!' She slammed him harder back into the wall and he grimaced.
'She's a big girl I think she can take care of herself.' Faith glared back at him.
'How bout I give you a little sunburn?' She growled.
'Look I didn't do anything slayer, so I suggest you get your bloody hands off me.'
'It's your fucking fault!'
'Buffy would have been enough for me.' He glared back at her.
'What did you say?' She leered at him.
'I wouldn't have wasted something like that.' Faith let go of him and he dropped down to the ground. She backed away staring at him. 'I think your problem is a bit bigger than that.' He pointed to the flask in her hand.
Understand my hate for you
What is wrong
Oh, what is right
I push you through
I can't live with or without you
Endo – Simple Lies
Willow looked up from her book when she heard the front door open. Buffy walked slowly in. Willow could tell her friend was fighting desperately not to cry.
'Will.' She managed to say. The redhead immediately rushed to the blond and wrapped her arms around the girl. 'Faith she…..'
'I know.' Willow said quietly.
'Why?' Buffy broke down crying into her shoulder.
'I don't know.' Willow couldn't stand to see her friend in such pain.
'I loved her.'
'You still do.'
'I don't want to.'
'I know it hurts, but things will work out I promise.' She tried consoling the blond. Just then the front door opened. Xander and Wood walked in.
'Hey Buffster.' The smile from Xander's face faded. 'What's going on?' Buffy straightened up and tried to wipe the tears from her face.
'Why don't you go take a shower.' Willow looked at her giving her a small reassuring smile. Buffy gave her a small smile back and walked silently up the stairs. They all watched her leave then both men moved forward.
'What's going on?' Wood asked. Willow sighed and sat down on the couch. She knew what would probably happen if she told them.
'What happened Will?' Xander asked.
'It's Faith.'
'She's dead?' Wood asked.
'No ummm she cheated on Buffy.'
'What!?' Xander looked shocked.
'How am I not surprised.' Wood said quietly.
'She came in this morning looking for Buffy and she told me.'
'And you didn't kill her?' Xander asked in disbelief.
'No I didn't want to go all evil and try to destroy the world again. I think once is enough.'
'Where's Faith now?' Wood asked.
'I don't know.'
'Well I think we better find her.' Xander walked to the weapons chest and pulled out a sword. Then he followed Wood out the door.
'Where are they going?' Kennedy asked walking into the room.
'To find Faith.' Willow said quietly, her hands folded in her lap.
'And you're just gonna let them?' Kennedy asked, eyes wide in astonishment.
'It's not her problem.' Buffy's voice drifted to them as she walked down the stairs. Her hair was back in a pony tail and she had changed clothes. 'It's mine.' There was a cold gleam to her once glowing eyes. 'Where's Dawn?'
'At a friend's house.' Kennedy replied.
'Good she doesn't need to be involved in this right now.' The blonde looked at her friend. 'Don't worry Will, I know what I have to do.' She turned and walked out the door.
I feel so alone
again
I know that I need you
To help me make it through the night
and I pray
That you believe in me
You gave me my strength
To face another day alone
12 Stones – Let go
She seeped anger, anger at life, anger at herself. She had convinced herself that she had changed but now realized she was still the same. Her foot shot out and cracked the vamps knee causing him to collapse. She brought her own knee up against his face and she heard the crack of his nose. Another vamp came at her back but she swung around and kicked him in the gut before he could get to her. Faith decided she would make them suffer as long as possible, that way she could get some of her anger out. Another vamp grabbed her arm, she grabbed it and twisted his arm back breaking it. The one with the broken nose lunged at her managing to tackle her to the ground. She fought him off and rolled to her feet. One vamped kicked her exposed back and sent her forward face first into a gravestone. She grunted and felt blood trickle down her face.
'Now you're just making it worse for yourself.' She growled looking up at the advancing vamps. She kicked her leg up high kicking one in the face. Another one managed to kick her in the stomach, but she recovered and threw and uppercut. Suddenly her legs were taken out from underneath her and she was on her back and a vamp was on top of her. He leaned down teeth bared, then suddenly exploded into dust. Faith wiped the dust from her eyes and looked up. Buffy was standing over her. Faith didn't know what to say or do, she became paralyzed for a moment.
It was you
Who could get me high
With whatever you say
You're telling me something real
What we do
It doesn't matter now
Whatever it takes
For you to stay with me
Revis – Caught in The Rain
'B I……'
'I know you're sorry.' She cut in. Faith stood up dusting herself off. Buffy's eyes glowed coldly at her.
'Are you ok?' Faith asked moving a step forward.
'You know I went back home and when I went into our room I saw the picture.' Faith knew what picture she was talking about. Willow had taken a picture of her and Buffy standing together, Faith had her arm wrapped around the blonde's waist. It was taken after they had first gotten together. 'I realize how naive I was then. I believed you, I trusted you. I thought you loved me.'
'I always loved you. I changed for you.'
'You changed?' Buffy looked at her incredulously.
'I know I messed up. I'm not perfect, I've never been perfect. And don't pretend that you are either. I fuck things up, I always do.'
'Don't play martyr with me. You can't always blame the past for your mistakes, you need to grow up.'
'I'm not, but I can't forget the past and you can't either. This has nothing to do with that. I'm sorry, I love you can't you see that? I'm begging here, I never do that.'
'You want to know what I see? I see and those other girls. Tasting them, your fingers inside of them.'
'Stop.' Faith pleaded.
'Your tongue inside of them.'
'Stop!'
'What's wrong Faith, that's what you did isn't it?'
'But it was never like it was with you, I love you!'
'You should have let me die.' Buffy said coldly.
'Don't say that.' Buffy pulled her jacket off and pulled her shirt down some exposing her heart. She lifted her stake and pressed the tip to her skin. 'What are you doing?' Faith moved forward to grab the stake. Buffy grabbed her by the wrist with her other hand, holding Faith's hand on the stake and pressing it against her skin. Faith could see the tiniest bit of blood.
'This is what you're doing to me.' Her voice cracked with emotion. Faith's face was inches from her own.
'I never meant to hurt you.' Buffy pressed the stake a little harder. Pain barely registered on her face. 'This isn't you.' She pressed a little harder.
'Things will never be the same, you might as well press it in.' Buffy glared into Faith's eyes.
'You know I would never do that.'
'I thought you'd never cheat on me.' They stared into each others eyes.
'Tell me what to do.'
'I don't know, I don't know if there is anything you can do.'
'Give me a chance.'
'Every time I close my eyes……….' Tears fell from Buffy's eyes. Faith reached up slowly and wiped them away with her thumb, and left her hand on the blonde's cheek.
'It's killing me to see you like this. We can talk to Willow, she might be able to take care of those fucking dreams.' Buffy gritted her teeth trying not to lose her resolve.
'I don't think I can ever forget this.'
'Do you want me to go. If it'll make things better I'll leave.' Faith was trying to hold back her tears.
'I love you.' Buffy whispered. 'I don't know…. I…..'
'Hey!' They were both startled at the voice and turned their heads to the sound. Wood and Xander were running in their direction. Faith's hand was still on the stake at Buffy's heart and she pulled back.
'Look it's not what you think.' Faith said.
'The hell it's not.' Wood yelled running to attack Faith.
Notes: Thank you everybody for the feedback. I'm feeling not so good again but this time I'm trying to work through it. Hope ya'll enjoy.
Faith went into a fighting stance as Wood came at her. She blocked a kick and ducked a swipe of the sword as Xander joined in.
'Stop!' Buffy yelled pulling the sword out of Xander's hands and pulling him back. Faith looked over at the blond a second and was caught by Woods fist in her jaw. Her head swung to one side and he kicked her in the ribs. Faith recovered and aimed a kick for his crotch. The man went down in a heap, pain exploding on his face. Faith smirked down at him. Buffy looked at Xander. 'Take him home.'
'But Buffy….'
'This is my problem.'
'How can you defend her after what she's done?' He tried pulling Wood to his feet.
'Because I love her.'
'So you're going to keep letting her walk all over you?' Wood said between gritted teeth.
'Get him taken care of.' She said to Xander. He wrapped Wood's arm around his shoulder.
'You deserve better.' Wood said before they turned and shuffled off into the darkness. Buffy stared after them her back still to Faith. The silence hung in the air thickly.
'He's right.' Faith's voice echoed in the night. Buffy turned.
'What?'
'You deserve so much better than me.'
'I never wanted anyone else. You were always good enough for me.'
'I'm not fucking good enough for you Buffy, I never was.'
'What now you're getting self righteous?'
'I'm just telling you the truth.'
'That would be a first.' Her eyes glowed less coldly now as she looked at the brunette. 'Why did this have to happen?'
'I'm sorry that it did.' Faith moved up to her girlfriend and put a hand on either side of her head. 'But it did, and it's my fault. I think I know what I have to do now.' Buffy looked at her, eyes red and swelled with tears.
'How is that going to solve anything?'
'I don't know.'
'I love you so much Faith.' Now Faith let a few tears fall.
'I love you more than life. Please believe that.' She looked down into the blonde's eyes. Leaning down she brushed her lips against Buffy's briefly then rested her forehead on the smaller girl. 'I never wanted to hurt you.'
'Then stop.'
'I'm sorry.' Faith leaned down and kissed Buffy's lips softly till the blonde responded and kissed back, parting her lips to let Faith in. The brunette poured every drop of love and passion into the kiss and Buffy could feel it. After a few moments her lips felt the rush of the cold night air and when she opened her eyes Faith was gone.
I've done it I've blown it again
Gone and lost my one true friend
If I can't stop it it's gonna end
I've done it, I've blown it again
Daniel Bedingfield – Blown it Again
Buffy walked into the house her head hung low.
'Buffy?' Willow voice broke her out of her thoughts. Looking up she saw everyone gathered in the living room.
'She's gone.' Everyone looked at each other.
'What do you mean?' Xander asked.
'She's gone.' Buffy said again. 'Did you take care of Wood?'
'Yeah but he may never have children.' Anya elbowed him in the ribs.
'He's lucky, she held back.' Buffy said looking off into the distance.
'She's lucky we didn't kill her.'
'Xander we only kill demons and vamps, and other creepy things.' Willow said from the couch.
'She doesn't deserve to die.' Buffy cut in.
'After what she did to you, I can't believe you still love her.'
'You should talk.' Anya grumbled.
'You can't just stop loving someone.' Buffy's voice became angry. 'I'm tired.' She sighed, and looked at Willow. 'Will can I talk to you.'
'Of course Buffy.' She got up quickly glancing at everyone as she followed Buffy up the stairs.
'Do you think she's coming back?' Willow asked when they had gotten to Buffy's room.
I don't know.' Buffy hesitated as she walked into the room. Faith was everywhere, a constant reminder. She gulped and sat down on the unmade bed. 'I need your help with these dreams I've been having. They're of Faith and………' She closed her eyes and sighed. 'Can you make them go away.'
'I'll see what I can do.' She sat down next to the blond and hugged her.
'Thanks.'
'No thanks needed, that's what I'm here for.' Willow smiled at her. 'You look tired, you should probably get some sleep. Can't save the world with a tired slayer.' Buffy gave her a small smile. 'And tomorrow we'll see about your dreams.' Buffy nodded as Willow got up and walked out of the room.
Buffy stood up and walked over to the door, and slid down till she sat with her back against the door, her knees hugged against her chest. She could hear the conversation Willow was having with Kennedy. Everyone was worried, a lot had happened to her, they weren't sure if she could handle it. Of course Willow insisted she could, they had been through worse, everything will be ok. She could hear them retreat to their room. Buffy stared at the unmade bed in front of her. A thousand images and words drifted towards her. She was beginning to drown in the memories of Faith. With a growl of anger and frustration, the blond slayer stood up and walked over to the bed and looked down at it. Buffy could smell her, she could smell both of them. Her hands reached down and felt the cool fabric, and she closed her eyes, seeing Faith's deeds performed in her mind. With a howl of rage her fingers grabbed the sheets and ripped them off of the bed, sending them flying back across the room. The bed still reeked of the brunette, Buffy now both hated and loved the scent. She calmed and picked a pillow up off the ground and brought it up to her nose. Breathing in deeply she remembered the good memories she held, trying to force the poisonous images of Faith and the other girls out of her mind. Walking over to the corner of the room she sat, pillow hugged tightly to her chest. The moonlight drifted across the room, and shrouded her in darkness.
No ones here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
Evenescence – whisper
She watched as the blonde strode down the sidewalk, a little ahead of the group. The three were talking excitedly about something. But they weren't why she was here. In the sunlight the blond looked like an absolute goddess. Her blond hair flowed behind her in the breeze. She wore a light blue shirt and khaki capris, showing off every curve of her body. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes, hiding all her secrets. She opened the door to the magic shop and allowed her friends in, and hesitated a brief second looking back over her shoulder before walking in.
Faith had walked away from her hoping that the blond could move on. But she herself could not stay away for more than two days before she turned to stalking her former lover. In the past she would have moved on to the next lay without much thought, well usually without any thought at all. But she always acted different with Buffy, the blond had always brought out that hidden little soft side of her. It was getting harder and harder not to walk up to the blond and take her in her arms and carry her away, but she knew it wasn't time yet. Faith had fucked up royally. Pulling out a cigarette she lit it and took a long drag. Buffy had made them stop when they had gotten together, she said it would kill her. Faith told her she was more likely to be killed by a huge knarly demon than a few cigarettes. Of course then Buffy had made her an offer she couldn't refuse. So she quit, didn't even sneak a few when her girlfriend wasn't around. Well maybe a couple at first. Faith looked down at the cigarette in her hand and flicked it to the ground. She sighed, sat down in her little hiding place and waited for when the blond would come out.
Notes: I know it's short, I'm sorry, but you know it's like 1 am right now and I'm supposed to be sleeping I wasn't even gonna write anything this weekend, but hey when I gotta write I gotta write. Hope you like, fingers are crossed. Oh and I don't have a beta so sorry for any grammar mistakes and what have you.
'Come on Buffy, it will be fun.' Willow pleaded.
'Yeah and there aren't any apocalypses or anything right now.' Dawn said.
'You're not going.' Buffy told her, and the smile faded from her sister's lips.
'So is she coming?' Kennedy asked walking into the kitchen.
'Yes.' Willow said.
'I don't know.' Buffy looked at her friend.
'Come on Buffy you should go out.' Dawn's smile had come back.
'And who's going to watch you.'
'Umm Buffy I don't need a babysitter thank you.'
'You know you want to.' Kennedy said smiling as she wrapped her arm around Willow. Buffy sighed.
'Ok, but I don't know how long I'll stay.'
'Yay.' Dawn cheered. Buffy glanced at her sister and rolled her eyes.
'Let's go already.' Kennedy turned pulling her girlfriend with her.
'No boys and no parties.' Buffy pointed at Dawn.
'Don't worry about me.' She looked at Buffy a moment. 'I'm glad you're going out.'
'Yeah me too.' Buffy smiled at her sister and gave her a hug.
'Come on already!' Kennedy yelled.
Buffy stared at the beer in front of her. Part of her wanted to drink it, and then drink another one, and maybe another one. Part of her knew that would be a bad idea right now. Lights flashed around the room, some flashing to booming bass that made the floors vibrate. She looked off across the dance floor at Kennedy and Willow dancing together. They looked happy and immersed in each other. She was happy that Willow could find it in herself to love again, Tara's death and the whole evil thing had made things very hard on her friend. But to see the redhead smile and kiss the brunette also made Buffy a little sad. She had figured, maybe somewhat naively, that she would be with Faith forever.
'Hey Buffy you gonna dance or what?' She looked up seeing the brunette and redhead standing before her.
'How bout, or what.'
'How bout you get your butt up and dance.' Willow grinned at her. Buffy gave her a little smile and decided that one dance would be good enough to get the girls of her back. She followed them out to the floor, and soon became swallowed up in the mass of gyrating bodies. Buffy closed her eyes and moved her hips and body to the beat. Hands rested on her hips as a guy moved in behind her, pushing up against her and moving with her swaying hips. He ran his rough hands along her arms as she lifted them up above her head, and he ran them down along her ribs till they rested on her hips again. The song changed to a slower beat and she felt his hand leave her body. But she continued to move and felt another set of hands rest on her hips. The blonde gasped in surprise, but didn't turn around.
She knew these hands well, the way they caressed her body. Leaning back she pressed herself against her new dancing partner. She moved her hands back resting on her partner's hips and they moved together. The hands traveled up across Buffy's stomach and up across her breast and down again. Buffy groaned and pressed herself back harder. She finally got the courage up to turn around, but the hands wouldn't let her. They continued to move through song after song, Buffy had no understanding of time, just the movement of their bodies against each other. A hand reached up and moved Buffy's hair off one side of her neck and soft lips kissed her neck up and down. The blonde closed her eyes and let her head fall back. After a few minutes the lips were gone, and so too were the hands and the body, and Buffy was left standing in the middle of the dance floor alone. She turned around in circles looking, but did not see the person who'd left her again. Buffy made her way back to the table where Kennedy and Willow were sitting and talking.
'Where ya been?' Kennedy asked.
'Dancing.'
'For nearly three hours straight?' Willow asked.
'I guess.' Buffy was looking down at the beer she had left sitting there earlier.
'And here I thought you'd want to leave after about thirty minutes.' Willow smiled at her.
'How about one last dance?' The brunette looked over at her girlfriend and they both got up and left. Buffy reached out and grabbed the cup, holding it in her hand. After a minute of staring at it she lifted it to her lips and gulped it down and put it back on the table. She took one last look out at the dance floor and walked over to the bar.
'Buffy I think it's time to go home.' The blonde looked up at her friend.
'One more drink.'
'No I think you've had enough.'
'Does she always drink this much?' Kennedy asked quietly.
'This isn't like her at all.'
'Hello, right here.' Buffy said raising her hand.
'We need to get her home.' Willow said, a concerned look on her face.
'Yeah. You think it's because……..' Kennedy trailed off not wanting to actually say Faith's name.
'I think so.'
'Hellooo, still here.' Buffy looked at them.
'This isn't good.' Willow said.
'You're telling me, I hope she's not a mean drunk, I mean with her slayer strength and all.'
'Well I'm gonna get another drink.' Buffy stood up.
'No we're going home.' Willow grabbed for her but Buffy shrugged her off. The redhead looked at her girlfriend. 'We're going to need some help.'
'Hey pet steady there.' Spike made an annoyed face. 'Why'd you let her go and get drunk if you couldn't handle her.'
'It's not like we can exactly do anything about it.' Kennedy said trying to hold Buffy up from the other side.
'And it's not like she gets drunk a lot either.' Willow said opening the front door. They dragged the blonde up the stairs to her room. Willow opened her door and her eyes went a little wide. She hadn't actually been in Buffy's room for a few days.
'She do a little redecorating?' Spike said glancing around. The sheets and blankets were on the floor, as well as a few a Faith's clothes. With the help of Kennedy they got her to the bed and laid her down. 'Looks like you've got a problem on your hand.' They all looked down at the unconscious blond.
Buffy woke feeling an intense headache. The sun still hadn't risen yet. She took a moment to get her bearings and she realized she was on her bed. She rolled herself over and off of the bed and curled up onto the blanket that lay on the floor next to it. Wrapping the blanket around her head she began to cry. She hated what Faith had made her become, she'd become weak and vulnerable now. Buffy listened to the hollow sound of her breathing. She was torn apart by the hate and love she felt, and it was hard to choose which one she felt more.
Notes: Once again it's 1am, what a surprise. This one seems a bit boring to me, but still hope you like. And thank you to everyone who has given me feedback. Enjoy ya'll.
Buffy pulled back the blanket and tried to shield her eyes from the bright sun that streamed in through her window. She smacked her lips a couple of times. Her mouth was dry, and there was a nasty taste sitting on her tongue, she was sure her breath didn't smell too great either. She threw the blanket off of her and stumbled to the bathroom, she felt like she hadn't been to the bathroom in days. After taking care of that she stood in front of the mirror. The person she saw in front of her looked absolutely horrible. Her hair was sticking up in odd places, there were bags under her eyes, and her eyes themselves were red. Buffy groaned at herself and set about fixing what she could. After a shower, a thorough teeth brushing, and a change of clothes, not to mention some serious makeup, she looked halfway decent. Now all she had to do was face her friends. Buffy couldn't really remember anything about last night, and she was sure that was a bad sign. She made her way slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen.
'Hey.' She said in her best imitation of a happy voice. Willow looked up from the book she was reading and Kennedy stopped shoveling cereal in her mouth mid flight, the spoon was halfway to her mouth.
'Hey Buffy want some juice.' Willow said all happy. Kennedy continued with the shoveling.
'Sure.' Buffy looked at her friend a little confused and a little unsure. Maybe the other night wasn't as bad as she thought.
'Oh and I called you in sick today.' The redhead said placing a glass in front of her. Buffy had completely forgotten about work.
'Thanks Will, I kinda overslept today.' Buffy looked at the glass of orange juice and groaned a little to herself. Willow placed two Tylenol down next to the glass then sat back down to her book.
'So you have fun last night?' Her friend asked, tilting her head as she looked at Buffy.
'Yeah Will I did. Drank a little too much though.'
'A little?' Kennedy said under her breath before shoveling in another spoon. Buffy glanced at her before looking back at her friend.
'I'm sorry Willow I must have gotten a little carried away last night.'
'That's ok Buffy, I mean who hasn't gotten a little drunk before.'
'Yeah exactly.' Buffy agreed.
'I mean why don't we go out tonight and all get drunk.' The blond looked at her in shock. 'Kennedy you want to get drunk with me and Buffy tonight?' The brunette looked up.
'Sure why not, but what about Dawn?'
'Oh we can't forget about Dawn. She could come and get drunk with us too.' Willow smiled. 'Let's get the whole gang together and let's all get drunk.' She looked at Buffy who sat confused. 'So what do you say Buffy?' The blond sat in silence for a moment regarding her friend's comments.
'It's not like I get drunk every night.' She said after a moment. Willow looked at her. 'I'm sorry, it won't happen again. It was just one night.' Buffy said emphatically.
'Drinking doesn't make your problems go away.' Willow said softly.
'I don't know what you're talking about.'
'Buffy you know you can talk to me about anything, we've been friends for as long as I can remember.'
'I know.'
'Buffy?' Willow looked at her, hoping to get the response she was looking for.
'Thanks for the juice Will, I think I'm going to go downstairs and do a little training, I'll meet you guys at the magic shop later.' The two girls watched Buffy retreat downstairs.
'She's lying.' Willow said after a moment.
'About what?'
'She's not going to stop drinking.'
'How do you know?'
'She's been my friend for a long time, we've been through a lot together. Trust me I know.'
'What are we going to do about it?'
'I think I have an idea.'
Buffy stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets and roamed the cemeteries. When she had gone to the magic shop earlier in the day, everyone acted a little differently around her, all except for Anya of course. She had made a few comments of Buffy's little night of drunkenness. She had tried to ignore their odd behavior, she knew of course they were all just concerned for her, but she wanted to be left alone for a little. Kennedy had asked if she could go patrolling with her, but Buffy had insisted on going alone. She needed to gather herself, she could feel her grasp on sanity slipping away from her fingers. Buffy had made it through so many things and had come out of it in the end. But all of this was tearing her apart, ever since the demon nearly killed her she had been on the edge ready to fall off. Faith would have been the one to pull her up, keep her off the edge, but instead she had been the cause of the blond's teetering, ready to fall. Faith had come along and made her feel whole when she didn't even know something was missing. Now she could feel that emptiness inside. She just wanted to feel whole again, she wanted the pain to go away.
Buffy killed a few vampires but didn't want to go back home. She would be confronted by looks that contained a mixture of pity, concern and disdain. She was craving a drink. Buffy headed off away from the cemeteries. She could remember the whole reason she had gotten drunk last night, and the reason for her wanting to drink right now. Faith was haunting her, well not exactly in the dead I'm a ghost boo, kind of thing. But she could feel her all of the time, every where she went Faith was there too, she was haunting her, or maybe stalking would be a better term. The brunette was not one to sit in the shadows, she was usually the want take have type. But Faith never really just took her and had her, well maybe a couple of times, but it's been awhile. Right now she could feel her presence climbing up her spine, making her body tingle. Buffy growled in frustration. She took off in a little run and stepped into a dark alleyway. Tuning her slayer senses in she could hear the approaching soft footsteps, and reached out grabbing Faith's arm as she approached.
'What the….' Faith stared at Buffy, her face just centimeters away. She gulped as Buffy's hands grabbed her belt loops and pulled her even closer. The blond breathed in Faith's scent and she wanted the girl badly. They stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Buffy ran a hand up under Faith's shirt. 'Wait I…….' Faith breathed out. Buffy reached up with her other hand and grabbed the girl behind her neck and pulled her down.
Their lips crushed together till Faith gave in and their tongues met. The brunette pushed her body against Buffy's and pushed her thigh against the older girl causing her to moan in Faith's mouth. The brunette moved her hands up across Buffy's breast, her thumbs rubbing her hardened nipples through the thin material. Buffy arched into Faith, her hands traveling down the girl's body till they reached her butt. She grabbed the dark slayer pulling Faith harder against her. The brunette's lips left hers and traveled along her jaw line and down her neck. She licked and sucked her way to Buffy's pulse point and began to suck, her fingers caressing the blonde's nipples. Buffy's head arched back as she groaned, and she squeezed Faith's butt, pushing herself into the girl. She wanted more from this girl. Her hands moved to the front of Faith's leather pants and she began to undo them. But as soon as she started to do that the brunette pulled away from her.
'Fuck, we can't do this.' Faith ran a hand through her hair, her eyes searching the ground.
'Why?'
'Because you're not ready.' Faith looked up at her.
'Who are you to say if I'm ready or not?' Buffy looked at her angrily.
'Are you ready to forgive me?'
'I………….. don't know.' Buffy said quietly. Faith stepped back up to her.
'I want you so bad right now, but not if you're not ready.' She leaned down and kissed Buffy's lips softly.
'But I need you, isn't that enough. I love you.' Faith looked at her, pain shown in her eyes.
'I'm sorry.' She whispered before turning and leaving.
'Fuck!' Buffy yelled kicking a can on the ground. Tears fell from her eyes and she paced back and forth a few seconds before leaving as well. She needed a drink, and she was going to find one.
Notes: *grumble* I'm becoming frustrated, though I usually am, need to be out at a club getting some grinding action right now. Oh yeah, hmmmmm. Oh anyway, hope you like this next installment it's a little piece I just worked up, yet another 1am project. I know there are some who don't like it, but what can I say I'm going to write it anyway. I'm just writing what comes to me, not like I can really control it. Anyway, while I fantasize, you read. Enjoy. : >
Buffy stumbled down the street cursing under her breath. She needed Faith and the girl just runs away.
'Hey love where you going?' Spike walked up next to her, and caught her as she fell.
'You know Spikey, I hate Faith, she's always running away.' Her words slurred.
'Ok love I think you better go home.' Buffy stopped walking and looked at Spike.
'Spike, kiss me.'
'Ummm I think you're drunk Slayer.'
'Come on Spike you know you wanna. Jus a little one.'
'Yeah and psycho slayer will have my heart ripped out.'
'She won't know.' Buffy leaned forward, and Spike frowned at her. 'It's ok I won't tell.' She said and leaned in closer pressing her body against his. Spike couldn't take the temptation any longer and pulled her hard against him and shoved his tongue into her mouth, after a few seconds Buffy pulled away and she looked a little more sober as she gazed into his eyes.
'What's wrong pet thought you wanted a kiss.'
'You're not Faith.' She said before turning and walking off. Spike looked after her and spit on the ground in disgust, and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.
'Willow what's going on with Buffy?' Dawn walked into the living room where the scoobies had gathered, with the exception of their leader. They all looked at each other before the redhead approached the young girl.
'Dawn, Buffy needs our help.'
'I know, has she even come out of her room the last two days?'
'I've heard her in the middle of the night.' Kennedy said.
'She locks her door so we can't come in. I could open it easily if I wanted but I don't think it's going to help any.' Willow said.
'So what do you suggest we do, leave her up there to rot and die?'
'She's not going to rot and die. But I think I know who she needs right now.'
'You don't mean Faith do you?' Xander said in disgust.
'Isn't she the reason for this whole mess?' Dawn asked. Willow sighed.
'That's exactly why she needs to be the one. They have to work things out. Buffy can't go on like this, she's the slayer she has responsibilities.'
'How are we going to find her?' Kennedy asked stepping up next to Willow.
'A simple locating spell shouldn't be hard.' Willow set about getting her things and they all gathered around as she began to do her task.
'Can I say I don't like this idea?' Xander spoke up.
'Shhhhh!' Both Kennedy and Dawn shushed him.
'What?'
'Well it shouldn't be hard to find her.' Willow spoke up and they all looked at her. 'She's outside.'
'Huh?' Xander looked confused. The witch stood up and walked towards the front door and opened it.
'Faith, I know you're out there don't make me get all magiky.'
'What's up can't a girl take a walk?' Faith said stepping out of the shadows.
'Right a walk, and I'm a magical leprechaun.' Xander spoke up sarcastically.
'How bout I kick your leprechaun ass.' Faith came closer.
'If you're both done with your posturing…………' Willow paused looking at them, then turned to Faith. 'You need to fix what happened between you and Buffy.'
'Look Red, I don't think there's anything to be done. I love her and all I can do is wait for the day when she's ready to believe that.'
'If you wait any longer she won't be around to believe anything.'
'What are you talking about?'
'What are you stupid *and* blind?' Xander yelled.
'Faith you know something's wrong, and now you need to fix it.' The brunette went quiet for a moment.
'Alright, but you guys should leave and stay somewhere else. This isn't going to be easy.' Xander started to protest, as well as Dawn but Willow silenced them.
'You better fix this Faith.' She said walking past the brunette.
'I will.' Faith watched them leave and turned and went into the house. Breathing in deeply she began to walk up the stairs. Slowly she made her way to Buffy's door and knocked softly on it.
'Who is it?' The muffled voice of the blond sounded haggard.
'Faith.' Silence.
'What, did you get tired of stalking me?'
'Look B just let me in we need to talk.'
'Why do you want to talk now?'
'Come on B open up.' Silence. 'Buffy open the door.' Silence. Faith growled in frustration. 'Ok fuck this shit.' Faith lifted her foot and kicked the door open. Darkness greeted her and she tried to get her eyes to adjust. 'B where ya at?'
'What do you want?' Faith searched for the source of the voice as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. A faint moonlight shone in through the window. She could see the form of the blond next to the bed on the floor.
'Buffy. Shit! Ow, what the fuck!' Faith stumbled as she tripped over something. 'Put a light on will ya!' A small light flicked on, it was a lamp on Buffy's nightstand. Faith looked around in shock. Various things had been thrown around the room, and Buffy sat curled in a blanket, her hair disheveled, and an empty bottle of beer next to her. 'B.' She said quietly trying to get over the run down look the slayer had aquired.
'What do you want?' Buffy asked again, a hint of anger in her voice.
'What's happened to you?'
'You happened to me.' The blond stated matter of factly.
'I'm sorry.'
'Aren't you always.'
'B I never wanted any of this to happen.'
'So when it does you run away?' Buffy's jaw clenched.
'I didn't runaway.'
'Then what the fuck do you call it?' She spat out the words like poison.
'I thought it would be better this way. I didn't want to hurt you anymore.'
'As much as I hated you I needed you, and you left me.' Faith moved closer the blond and crouched down in front of her.
'Look at what you're doing to yourself B.'
'What do you care?'
'I love you, I'll say that a million times if you'll just believe me.' She looked down at the older girl. 'You need to get a hold of yourself B, you're the slayer. All the scoobies are counting on you.'
'They do fine without me.'
'And what about Dawn, how many times are you gonna let her down?' Buffy didn't respond. They were quiet a moment. 'Did Red take care of your dreams?'
'Yes.' Faith moved and sat back against the wall, staring at the blond.
'Why ya drinking B, you know that shit doesn't take care of the problem, it just makes it worse.'
'I don't know, things disappeared for awhile.'
'But they come back and they come back worse.' Faith sighed. 'What can I do?'
'I don't know, I don't know anything anymore.' Buffy hung her head low. 'I've lost it.'
'Lost what?'
'Everything.'
'No B, I've lost everything, you just got caught up in my mess and lost sight of things for a little.'
'Do you love me Faith?'
'God yes.'
'Can we make it through this?'
'I think we can.'
'Please don't run away again.'
'I promise I won't, if you promise you won't drink anymore.' Buffy looked at her.
'I promise.' She said quietly, and they sat there in silence for a few hours. Neither moved or said a word. Faith just looked at Buffy, but the blond would not look up, she was lost in her thoughts. Finally Buffy spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. 'Hold me please.' Without hesitation Faith got up and sat down behind the blond and wrapped her arms around the older girl. Buffy smelled of alcohol and other mixed things, but she still had the smell of Buffy. The blond relaxed and leaned back into the brunette, she pulled Faith's hands into her own, and turned her head to kiss the younger girl. It was a soft kiss that lasted a few minutes before they broke apart and the brunette kissed down Buffy's neck and her tongue flicked out across the blond's ear. Her hands pulled away from Buffy's and traveled down the girl's thighs, then up across the inside of them. Buffy moaned in response and turned her body around so she could get better access to the brunette's lips.
She allowed Faith's tongue in to dual with hers. The younger girl could taste the beer Buffy had consumed. Faith moved and pushed Buffy back to the ground, and hovered over her. She took the blond's bottom lip into her mouth and sucked as she pulled away. Faith looked down at her girlfriend and smiled at her, and for the first time Buffy smiled back at her, though somewhat of a sad smile. Faith pulled off her shirt and leaned down running her hands up Buffy's side slowly, pushing her shirt up as she went. When the brunette got her girlfriend's shirt off she slid down the girl's body and pulled off her pants and panties. As she moved back up Buffy's body, her hands slid up her legs and she kissed the inside of the blond's thighs. Faith moved to Buffy's stomach and dipped her tongue into the slayer's naval.
'God.' Buffy moaned as her hands moved up her girlfriend's back, and Faith licked her way up to the area between Buffy's breast, leaving goose bumps in her wake. The brunette's hands slid up and squeezed the blond's breast before Faith reached over and her lips encompassed one of Buffy's hard nipples. The blond moaned and arched farther into Faith's mouth. The brunette's tongue rolled around the nipple as her teeth grasped it and pulled it lightly. Buffy's other nipple needed the same attention and Faith moved to it, her tongue flicking out barely touching it.
'Please.' Buffy moaned as she pushed her hips against the dark slayer. Faith kissed her way down the blonds flat stomach, her skin tasted somewhat of salt and Buffy. She moved down and wrapped the older girl's legs around her, and took Buffy's clit in her mouth and sucked. Buffy groaned loudly, her hips bucking up into the brunette's face. Faith ran her tongue up and down the length her, lapping up Buffy's juices. 'God…..Faith…please.' Buffy groaned as she drove her hips up against the brunette. Faith thrust her tongue inside the girl. Buffy repeated Faith's name as she drove her tongue in and out. The brunette grabbed onto Buffy's butt and pulled her harder against her mouth, her tongue going as deep as she could get it, and hard. Faith's nose hit Buffy's clit with each thrust. Buffy cried out, and the brunette could feel her girlfriend was close. Faith removed her tongue and thrust three fingers deep and hard into the girl, over and over. Her body moving behind each thrust, her breasts rubbing against Buffy's. The blond screamed out Faith's name as she went over the edge, her body tensing. Faith held her close to her body and kissed Buffy's neck.
'I love you Buffy.' She whispered.
Notes: Anybody wanna come take me out to a club? No, well ok then. I wrote the last part of this when I found out Buffy wasn't coming on, instead a basketball game was shown. I hope ya'll like it, I think I do. My limited experience with smut of the fake or real kind (which is none) doesn't give me much to work with so please let me know what you think.
Faith opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the pale sunlight streaming down on her. She reached up pushing blond hair off of her face and lifted her head. She was entangled in the legs of the blond slayer and the sheets on the floor. Buffy was half lying on top of her, her head next to the brunette's, soft breathing sounds emanating from her parched lips. Faith carefully tried to dislodge herself from her girlfriend, moving very slowly, trying not to wake the girl. After what seemed like forever Faith stood up and stretched, letting out a small yawn. She padded over to the closet and grabbed some fresh clothes for herself and made her way to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her. She turned the water on in the shower and stepped in. The hot water washed over her body and she closed her eyes. Of course she would have loved to have woken Buffy up and taken their usual morning shower together, but she decided the girl needed more sleep. Faith was more than a little worried by the blond's quick descent into alcoholism and depression, and it was eating away at her knowing she was the catalyst. Faith reached down and grabbed her girlfriend's vanilla body wash. She squirted a little on her hand and began to rub it across her body. Her hand ran across her stomach first, rubbing back and forth slowly to build a lather. Then she moved up to her breasts, first her left one then her right, slowly rubbing across them and over her nipples that hardened under her touch. She wished she was doing this to Buffy, and tried to picture it.
'Faith?' Buffy's voice calling out softly stirred Faith from her thoughts. She quickly washed the remaining soap from her body and stepped out of the shower and dressed. The she turned to the tub and turned the water on. After pouring a bottle of scented bubble crap that the blond always used, she got up and opened the door. Buffy was sitting on the bed rubbing her eyes tiredly, a blanket wrapped around her body consuming her. She looked up and gazed at Faith, her eyes piercing through hers.
'Hey baby, how you feeling?' Faith walked over and stood between the blond's legs, her hand tangling with her golden hair.
'Ok.' She said quietly then yawned.
'Well you look like crap.' Faith smiled down at her. Buffy leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the brunette, resting her cheek on the brunette's stomach.
'Thanks for telling me, you're too sweet.'
'Aww come on B, you're still beautiful even if you do look like crap.'
'I don't think that's possible.' The blond mumbled.
'You go take a bath and relax.'
'What about you?'
'I already took a shower.'
'Ok.' There was a slight hint of disappointment in the blond's voice.
'Come on B let's go.' Faith pulled the older girl up and walked her to the bathroom. She pulled the blanket off her and helped her into the tub which was almost full of water now. She reached out and turned the water off. 'Now you relax and I'll be back.' Faith leaned down and kissed Buffy softly on the lips before getting up and closing the door behind her. The blond watched her go wishing she had stayed or joined her. Buffy sighed and relaxed back against the tub and closed her eyes letting the hot water soak into her.
Faith looked around her and shook her head. After a few moments of assessing the situation she set about her task of cleaning up the room. She gathered all of the clothes and sheets and blanket that had been thrown around and walked downstairs to put them in the washer. Faith had never been much on doing the laundry but she knew how to do the job when it needed to be done. After getting that started she went back up the stairs and began to pick up the various bottles of liquor that had accumulated. It was apparently a lot worse than she had originally thought. She should have at least told Willow when she first saw Buffy drunk, but of course then there had been another problem to deal with. Faith threw away all of the trash and went to the closet and grabbed some fresh sheets to put on the bed. After she had finished all of her tasks she looked at her work and grinned. 'Not bad.' She said to herself. Faith laid out some fresh clothes for her girlfriend and went back downstairs. She'd have to get Xander to fix the door, though she wasn't sure if any of them would be too pleased with her methods of entry. There was a knock at the door. Faith walked over and opened it.
'What do you want.' She gave Wood a look of annoyance. He glared back at her and his jaw clenched.
'Where's Buffy, I wanted to see how she was doing.'
'Like it's any of your goddamned business.' She scowled at him.
'Where is she?'
'She's fine, I'm taking care of her, now you can go before I kick your ass.'
'You call what you do taking care of her.' He growled. 'Tell her I came by.'
'Yeah I'll do that.' She slammed the door on his face and turned to the kitchen. Faith poured herself a glass of juice and started a pot of coffee. No doubt the Scooby gang would be back soon, they probably didn't even sleep last night. Sure enough after a few minutes they came walking in through the back door.
'Hey Red.' Faith said not looking up from the comic book set in front of her.
'How'd things go?' Willow asked. The others walked in and gathered around.
'Well about as good as can be expected.' Xander was stuffing doughnuts in his mouth, powder fell from his mouth.
'So where is the Buffster?' He asked.
'I'm right here.' Everyone turned to see the blond standing in the entry way. Her hair pulled back in a tight pony tail. She was wearing the clothes Faith had left out for her, a black turtle neck and khaki pants. Faith knew her girlfriend well enough to know what she'd want to wear. Buffy gave them all a smile. 'You leave enough for everyone?' She asked Xander, walking over to the box and looking in. Buffy grabbed one then looked up to see everyone staring at her. 'I'm fine I really am.' Faith knew better than that, and she didn't believe the blond, but didn't say anything. Dawn smiled and walked over and hugged her sister enthusiastically. 'Look I'm sorry guys, I know I haven't been exactly the happiest person, but…… I'm sorry.'
'As long as you're ok all is forgiven and forgotten.' Xander said. Faith watched as the group hugged her all at once. She smiled a little at the sight. After they had dispersed from their happy moment Faith looked at Xander.
'Hey Xan man you're gonna need to fix Buffy's door, I had a little trouble opening it.' Buffy looked down a moment and nibbled at her doughnut. Xander looked at Faith, she could still see the anger in his eyes.
'No problem I'll just go get my tools.' They all sat and talked awhile, like they used to always do on Saturday mornings. There was a sense of normalcy to the room and their lives at that moment. But their lives aren't normal. Buffy had sat herself down next to Faith, and the brunette had wrapped her arm around the girl's waist. She realized how much Buffy needed her. Faith had always known that the blond was essential to her life, but never thought that Buffy needed her just as badly. The blond's hand went up under the back of Faith's shirt and rested on her back.
'So it's the weekend, what are you gonna do today Red?' Faith asked after awhile. Kennedy and Willow looked at each other a moment.
'Well ummm….' The witch began.
'We're gonna go catch up on some sleep.' Kennedy said getting up and pulling Willow away. The witch followed looking back at them with a slight blush and a smile. Faith just grinned as she watched them leave.
'I don't think they'll be sleeping for awhile.' Faith said turning to Buffy. The blond looked at her with a gleam in her eyes. Faith knew that look well.
'I think we should catch up on some sleep too.' Buffy said looking at Faith with a sly smile.
'I dunno B, I mean after everything…..' Buffy put a finger up to Faith's lips.
'Come on.' Buffy said pulling her up from the chair.
'But what about the door?'
'We're not going upstairs.' The blond said huskily leading her to the basement door. Well if Buffy was willing then Faith was not one to argue. She picked the blond up in her arms and took them down to the basement, making sure to lock the door behind them. Buffy looked a little surprised by Faith's sudden willingness, but that was quickly replaced by the lust in her eyes as she reached up and sucked on Faith's neck. The brunette laid Buffy down on the bed Spike had used. She pulled the blond's shirt off slowly, stopping to capture a nipple in her mouth. Her hands traveled up Buffy's ribs, grazing her breasts and up her arms pulling them back above her head. Faith fastened the blond's hands in the shackles they had used for the vampire. Then she reached down and pulled off the girl's shoes, then her pants and panties. Faith stepped and looked at Buffy. The older slayer sat, arms behind her head, legs slightly bent and crossed over at the ankles. Her heart began to beat faster, pounding against her chest.
She could feel Buffy's eyes piercing into her own. The older girl pouted a little.
'Are you just going to stand there?' Faith looked over Buffy's body again and tore her own clothes off in a frenzy. Her hands traveled up and down every inch of her girlfriend. Although she had already memorized every detail of Buffy's body, she always yearned for her like they'd never even touched. They moved up across the inside of her thigh and Faith leaned in and sucked on the blond's clit.
'Uhhh….God… Faith..' She moaned. Faith was tempted to stay and partake of Buffy's sweet juices, but forced herself away.
She made Buffy turn, and the blond faced the wall on her knees, her hands splayed against the cold surface. Faith ran her hands slowly up the girl's butt and began placing kisses on each cheek. Buffy groaned in response. The brunette's hands went around to the front of the girl, traveling up her taught stomach and up to her breasts, which she squeezed. She leaned over, her breasts against Buffy's back as she sucked on her ear, then neck, letting her teeth graze the blond's skin. Faith ground her hips into the back of the girl, and one hand moved down the blond's stomach till she found where the girl was wet, practically dripping with desire.
'Mmmmmmm Faith.' Buffy groaned. Faith drove two fingers in hard and the blond cried out, her body arching. The blond turned her head and Faith captured her lips, forcing her tongue into the blond's mouth. Her tongue explored every crevice and battled with Buffy's.
She continued to drive her fingers in and out hard, moving her body against her girlfriend's, grinding her hips into her back. Buffy moaned into Faith's mouth, and the brunette flicked her thumb out hitting the blond's clit. Faith groaned into Buffy's neck as she thrust over and over. Faith thrust in three fingers hard and fast as she felt Buffy's muscle began to clench, then the girl came screaming over the edge. Faith held her up as she trembled and waited for Buffy to regain her senses. After a few moments she helped Buffy to turn back over into a sitting position.
'Please Faith I want to touch you so bad.' Her girlfriend pleaded.
'Not yet baby.' She whispered in the blond's ear. Her lips found their way to Buffy's and they became engulfed in a passionate kiss. They broke away gasping for breath. Faith bent her head and began to lick the salty sweat from Buffy's body, beginning with her neck, down across her clavicle, between her breasts and down her stomach. Buffy shivered at the contact. Then Faith moved back up to the blond's breasts which seemed to be calling to her. She took a nipple in her mouth and bit down and pulled, though not enough the hurt the girl. Buffy cried out and arched herself up pushing into Faith's mouth.
'Aughhh, fuck Faith.' She moaned and the brunette smirked, her mouth still around the blond's hardened nipple. 'Please Faith…… I want to taste you.' Faith looked up at the blonde who looked at her with such love and lost she gave in. Getting up she found the keys and undid the shackles. Buffy practically attacked the brunette with kisses. Faith pulled her away and made her lay down, then she got over the girl, her butt facing Buffy's face. Grabbing the blonde's thighs she dove down and began to lick the length of the blond.
Buffy groaned and grabbed for the brunette, she became even wetter at the sight of her dripping girlfriend. She tried to pull Faith more against her and she went straight for the brunette's clit biting down as she sucked. Faith groaned into Buffy and the girl groaned her name. The blond thrust her tongue into the brunette, her tongue moving around a little in a circle before she removed it and thrust it back in. Faith in turn did the same and soon both girls were thrusting and sucking tasting each other. They came at the same time each crying out the others name. Faith managed to turn herself around and half laid on top of the blond who wrapped her arms around the brunette, and they fell asleep holding each other.
The rain taps lightly at the window, almost melodious in nature. A distant rumble of thunder brings a warning of what's to come. She stares up at the ceiling, watching the shadows of the grimy light hitting the rain. The clock reads 9:45. They would usually have gotten out of bed already, but sometimes they choose to stay and wile away the hours and minutes on slow Sunday mornings with brief conversations, sleep, and sessions of love making. A soft grumble and slight movement, and she turns her head to look at her girlfriend who's arm and leg are on top of her, like she's grabbing hold of her so she won't leave. Her hair has fallen over her face now, covering her closed eyes. Reaching over she moves a few strands away from the girl's face and stares at her a moment. Then she returns to the hypnotic show on the ceiling. She's contemplating something, she wants something, but she promised, and she can't. Still it's hard to forget, she may have forgiven, but she can't forget. She's not even sure she has forgiven; she may just be avoiding the whole thing which has cut into her picture perfect idea of love. The girl next to her stirs more, she's waking up.
Now why do I feel so alone
knowing I know I have you
and what made you turn around on me
what did I do
and when did love feel this way
so much pain and misery
where's the you I once knew
and could ya fly with me
Floetry – if I was a bird
'Hey baby.' She whispers in my ear, I can feel her hot breath, and her lips barely touch it. A shiver runs through my body. She wraps her arm and leg tighter around me, pulling herself closer. Then she's over me, looking down, a smile graces her lips. Reaching up I touch her hair then push some of it behind her ear. My hand lingers on her cheek and she leans into it, closing her eyes.
'You're beautiful.' I say quietly. Her eyes open. No matter how many times I've told her that she always seems surprised. I don't know why, I'm sure she's had more than her share of compliments.
'Don't even compare to you B.' She grins at me, I can't help but smile back at her when she does that. A boom of thunder shakes the windows. I turn my head and look out the window, but I can't see anything it's raining so hard. I feel her lips on my neck, and I moan at the contact. Grabbing her shoulders I push her over on her back and now I'm over her. My hands running up her stomach as I straddle her hips. Her hands on my hips and I can see the lust glowing in her eyes. My hands move slowly up to her breasts, and she closes her eyes arching slightly at my touch. Leaning down my tongue runs across her lips, then I suck on her bottom lip and grab it with my teeth pulling away. I begin to slowly grind myself against her, and she moans. I kiss her deeply and passionately. I want for the world to slow down, I want for time to stretch and for this little moment to last forever. I kiss along her jawline and down her neck, squeezing her breasts.
'God….' She moans. And then I think about those dreams, an image flashes in front of me. I can't stop what I'm doing to myself right now. It hurts that these thoughts seem to be forever permanently with me. The dreams may be gone but that doesn't erase my memory. I bury my head in her neck and I start to cry, I can't stop the tears from forming. My body shakes a little. She has noticed my change in mood and one hand is running through my hair, the other pulling me toward her. 'What's wrong baby?' She keeps asking me but I can't speak right now. So she just holds me, I think she knows what's wrong, she's the cause of these tears. After I calm and settle down I pull away from her and get up off the bed walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I don't look back at her, I know there's probably pain on her face. I fall back against the door and close my eyes. This needs to stop, I can't keep doing this to myself and to her either. I really need a drink right now, but I promised her, but it's hard. I want to forget. I splash some water on my face and dry it, then I open the door. She's still there, lying in the bed, her hands folded under her head. I half expected her to have left. Her head turns and she looks at me. It's hard for me not to look elsewhere.
'You ok?' She asks simply.
'Yes.' I set about looking for some clothes to put on.
'Don't lie to me B. I don't know about you, but crying is not okay.' I move hangers back and forth, I don't know what I'm looking for. 'Look B you can't just pretend it didn't happen, we have to talk about it.'
'You think I'm pretending it didn't happen?' I turn and look at her. 'It's hard to pretend when I can't forget.' I can see the pain register on her face. I turn back to the closet and pull some clothes out, I don't care what it is I just need to get clothes on. She's sitting on the bed staring at me.
'B please talk to me, you can't keep doing this shit.' I really need a drink right now.
'What am I supposed to say that will make anything better?'
'I dunno but you gotta get it out B you gotta talk, if not to me then Red.' She's pleading with me, I think I love her a little more for this, but that doesn't change anything.
'It just hurts.' I whisper, I don't really want to say this it just comes out. I pull my pants on and then my shirt. 'Sometimes so much it's hard to breath.' I turn and walk to the door opening it.
'You're gonna drink aren't you?' She asks from behind me. I freeze for a moment then just walk out the door. I know she's going to follow me, so I hurry down the stairs and out the door into the pouring rain. Within seconds I am drenched. I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket and walk down the sidewalk. I can hear her quickly approaching footsteps.
'Buffy stop!' She yells at me, and I turn around. She's in a shirt and jeans no shoes.
'Why!' I yell back through the rain.
'Now who's running away?' She moves up to me and grabs my arms roughly. 'I know I hurt you Buffy and I'm sorry, but you can't keep running off to get drunk every time you remember something or I do something wrong. Stop running away!' I look at her and I can see the love and concern in her eyes. She used to be the one I ran to. Right now I'm torn. I know what she is saying is the truth, I am running. But I still want to forget and I need a drink badly, it's calling to me.
'I… I …' My words falter and I begin to pull away from her, I just want a drink it's not going to hurt anyone. Her grip on my arm tightens.
'I don't want to have to do this.' I look at her confused, I don't understand what she is saying. I begin to pull away again and then I realize her fist is raised, and I'm so surprised by this that I don't react fast enough as her fist comes down hitting me. Sparks erupt in front of my eyes and then blackness enfolds me.
Notes: I'm tired and don't feel good, but here ya go.
Her eyes flutter open and she groans at the pain in her head. Reaching up to touch it, she realizes her hands are bound. The cuffs holding her are too strong for her too break from. Then she realizes where she is, the cold dark basement. Her clothes have also been changed, now she's in a tank top and pajama bottoms. Her hair is still wet, she can't tell how long she's been out. Then she sees the dark figure at the bottom of the stairs.
'How you feeling.' Faith's voice stirs in the darkness.
'I'm not sure, considering my girlfriend knocked me out and has chained me to the wall in the basement.'
'You left me no choice.'
'Are you going to get me out of these things?'
'No, not yet.'
'Where's Willow at, she's not going to be happy when she finds out what you did.'
'She's upstairs.'
'Willow!' Buffy yells at the top of her lungs. After a minute the basement door opens shedding a stream of light down onto Faith. The witch comes down the stairs. She looks nervous. 'Wills thank God, get me out of these things.' The witch nervously looks from Buffy to Faith who shrugs. She turns and looks at the blond.
'I'm sorry Buffy but…… this is for the best.' She looks down at the ground.
'What!? What are you talking about?'
'You need to let us help you.'
'Are you talking about the drinking, because I can just stop. I just wanted a drink today, there's no crime in that.' Her eyes were wild.
'It is a crime when it affects everyone.' Faith said standing up.
'What and cheating doesn't effect everyone?' The blond spat out angrily. Faith winced slightly. 'I'm sorry, just let me out of these and we can talk.' Buffy turned to pleading.
'I've tried talking to you already.'
'What so you don't get what you want so you chain me up in the basement?'
'I did what I had to do B.' Faith looked at Willow, and the witch went back up the stairs. 'You rest and I'll get you some water.' Then the brunette walked up the stairs and closed the door behind her shrouding the basement in darkness once again. Buffy growled in frustration and pulled harder at her restraints. They still didn't move and she fell against the bed in frustration.
A light flicked on near the bed and the blond tried to shield her eyes as she opened them. She could see a hand move towards her with a glass of water. She grabbed it putting it up to her parched lips and drank greedily.
'Woah, slow down there.' She recognized the voice as Xander's. He adjusted the light so it wasn't shining in her eyes.
'Is everyone in on this?' Buffy asked giving him a slight scowl.
'We just want to help you Buffy.'
'Maybe I don't want your help.'
'You don't have a choice.' He pulled up a chair and sat down.
'Where's Faith?'
'On patrol, someone's gotta do the slaying.'
'How come you're on her side now?'
'I'm not on anyone's side. I'm your friend, we all just want to help you.' Buffy sighed.
'I'm sorry Xander.' She looked down at her cup.
'You know even with everything that she's done, I can tell she loves you.' Buffy looked up at him. 'Of course given the chance I still think Wills should work some magic on her. You know turn her into something, maybe some excruciating pain.' He offered her with a smile. She gave him a small smile back. He stood up. 'Well I better go check on the womenfolk.' He started to walk up the stairs and stopped halfway up. 'Nothing is worth doing this to yourself, not even her.' Then he turned and walked up the stairs closing the door behind him. Buffy was beginning to realize what she was doing to her friends. They seemed determined to help her none the less, and that's why they were still friends. Still something inside her wanted a drink, told her everything would be ok. She lay back on the bed curling up into a ball. Buffy was beginning to feel sick, all she need was a drink and she'd feel better, a little drink.
'B?' Buffy looked up into Faith's eyes. The brunette was crouched beside the bed look at Buffy with concern. The blond's vision swayed slightly as she tried to sit up. 'Come on B, you need to drink this.' Faith put the cup up to Buffy's lips and the blond took a small sip before jerking her head away. She felt if she drank any more she'd throw up all over. Buffy didn't know how long she'd been locked up in the basement, but it felt like an eternity. Faith tried to get her to take another sip, but Buffy kept her head turned away. 'You're gonna get dehydrated.' Buffy's head didn't move. Faith sighed and sat down in the chair. The older girl leaned back against the wall and looked at her girlfriend.
'Are you going to take these chains off me now?' She asked bitterly.
'No.'
'What do you like to torture me?'
'Look what happened, happened, we can't change things no matter how much I wish we could. Stop doing this to yourself Buffy.'
'You did this to me!' Her eyes welled with tears. 'When I died and they brought me back………. Do you know what that did to me, how long it took for me to feel again, like I used to. I was never truly happy no matter how hard I tried. And then you came back and things changed. After we got over everything in the past and worked things out and…… and….. I fell in love with you it was the happiest I had ever been. I felt like I was in heaven and I cared whether I died or not. You made things better.' Faith got up and crouched down in front of the blond, her eyes slightly teary. 'When I almost died again and those demons fucked with my brain and I saw you……….. It felt like I had died, and you had torn me away from heaven again. You abandoned me and left me stranded. I was drowning in the pain you had caused and I was beginning to sink. Spike gave me a drink and it felt like a way out, a way to forget. I know that's wrong and stupid but it was all I could think of. That first time I got drunk and everything disappeared…………. I just wanted the pain to go away.'
'Oh God baby I'm so sorry.' Faith's hands clutched at Buffy's legs. 'Maybe we can just start over.'
'How many times are we going to do that Faith?'
'As many times as we gotta to get it right.' Buffy closed her eyes and grimaced. 'What's wrong?'
'I'm going to be sick.' Buffy managed between clenched teeth. Faith quickly grabbed a bucket as Buffy leaned over and began retch. She tried to hold the blond's hair back. After a minute Buffy lay down on the bed, her body shaking and sweating as her body began to go through withdrawal. Faith grabbed a washcloth from a bowl of water and wiped the blond's mouth then grabbing another washcloth she wiped the sweat from her forehead as well. She grabbed a hair tie and propped Buffy up, putting her hair back in a ponytail. Then she sat down on the bed and let the blond's head rest on her lap as she continued to use the washcloth to cool Buffy's skin.
The others began to doubt their decision, or rather Faith's decision that they just agreed with. Buffy continued to throw up the contents of her stomach, all the while Faith tried to get her to keep water down. The brunette insisted this was necessary, and that Willow doing magic would not help Buffy, the blond needed to go through this. Wood began lurking around the house, stopping by when he found out she wasn't going to be going to work. Willow told him she wasn't feeling well enough to see anybody, but he didn't believe her. He was beginning to get on the brunette's nerves. The man was too concerned with her girlfriend's life and she didn't like that at all. Faith herself never left her girlfriend's side and had Spike and Wood do the patrolling on the second day as night came upon them.
'Are you sure she's going to be ok?' Willow said in a hushed whisper.
'Yeah, the fever will break soon.' Faith answered in an equally hushed voice.
'She doesn't look so good.' They both looked at the blond as she moaned in her sleep.
'She's been through a lot the last couple of hours.' She paused and watched her girlfriend's movements on the bed. 'What time is it?'
'Nearly 1 in the morning.'
'You and the gang can get some sleep, I'll watch her.'
'Are you sure, you haven't gotten any sleep at all.'
'I'm a slayer, I think I can handle it Red.'
'Even slayers need their sleep.'
'Not this one. Not when I need to take care of B.' A pause as silence sunk in.
'You do love her don't you?'
'Yeah, even when I tried not too.' They stood there a moment in silence.
'You'll wake me up if something happens right?'
'You'll be the first to know Red.' She smiled a little at the witch as the redhead walked up the stairs. Faith sighed, and stood there watching Buffy. The blond was probably having nightmares, but as soon as the fever broke she would be able to sleep peacefully. The sight of the older girl was tearing Faith up. This girl, no woman, meant everything to her and she destroyed her trust. Faith never wanted to let this woman go again and would do anything and give up anything just to be with her forever. She walked back over to the cot and held the girl in her arms, hoping that somehow she could bring a little comfort just by doing this small act. Faith realized Buffy had really changed her. She was thinking of something that she never thought she'd ever think about, though when this girl came into her life it had crossed her mind a couple of times. Right now she was wondering if that thought could become a reality.
Notes: Took some time for me to write this, feeling particularly bad, headache meds making tired. Shouldn't be writing this but can't stay in bed cus I began to think and that is bad. Hope you like. This is for P. you know what you mean to me, I hope it's the same for you.
For a brief moment she felt her heart stop, it had happened before, awhile back. The first time it was when her eyes looked upon an angel, she had to have been with a smile like that and this twinkle in her eyes that just couldn't be placed. The second was when that angel had confessed her love for her, it seemed such a dream, so inconceivable that she would choose someone like her. Now it has stopped again as those perfect eyes look up with such love, even after what she had done to this angel, she still had love in those eyes. Weakened, a little pale, and somewhat grimy she was still so beautiful that words could not describe the thousands of emotions rising from her at this moment, and she thanked God that she was allowed to be in this angel's presence.
'Hi.' She managed weakly. Faith grabbed her a cup of water and lifted it to the older girl's lips, tilting a little so she could only sip a little.
'How you feelin B?' She asked taking the cup away again.
'Like crap.' She smiled a little and Faith couldn't help but grin.
'I think the worst is over.' She stood up then leaned down and picked the smaller girl up in her arms. She had taken the shackles off awhile ago.
'Where are you taking me?'
'We're gonna get you cleaned up and maybe if you're good some fresh air.' Faith grinned down at the blond.
'I haven't felt this weak in, …..I don't know how long.'
'Well if you weren't a slayer you might not have survived.' Faith said quietly not looking at the blond as she went up the stairs. 'You'll be top dog in no time.' She smiled again.
'Really I get to be on top?' Buffy almost mumbled as she smiled and rested her head against Faith's chest.
'You must be feelin better B.' Faith smirked. She opened the door and the bright sunlight of early morning burst forth. Buffy cringed a little as the light hit her eyes.
'Buffy!' Everyone exclaimed in unison getting up from their positions.
'She's not dead is she?' Kennedy asked.
'No, I'm just going to go get her cleaned up.' Faith said walking past them and up the stairs to their room. Once inside Faith laid her down on the bed and walked into the bathroom. She started the water in the tub and grabbed a toothbrush, put toothpaste on it, and a cup of water to rinse her mouth with. She propped the blond up against the headboard and began to brush her teeth for her.
'You know I'm not an invalid.' Buffy smiled at her when she had finished.
'Naw, but since I did this to you, the least I can do is spoil and pamper you.'
'A girl could get used to this.' Faith walked back to the bathroom and returned a moment later.
'Ok now the fun part.' She smirked down at the blond and began taking her clothes off. Buffy helped her a little but let Faith do most of the work. Then the brunette picked her up in her arms again and carried her to the bathroom and placed her in the tub. Buffy sighed as the hot water washed over her body. Faith grabbed a washcloth and began to gently wash the blond's back. Then preceded to wash the rest of her body, being very gentle and slow. The hot water had made the blond feel even weaker and she soon fell asleep. Faith continued to clean her girlfriend, washing her hair as well. Buffy seemed to be too exhausted to do much of anything, so the brunette once again picked up the blond slayer, wrapping her in a towel and carried her back to the bed. The blond mumbled something under her breath as Faith laid her down and kissed her on the forehead. Then she got some clothes and began dressing her girlfriend, just some sweats and a t-shirt, something comfortable. After dressing her and trying no to wake the girl, she brushed her hair for her, then lay down and pulled the blond into her arms and fell asleep.
Buffy opened woke feeling considerably better than she had earlier, although her stomach growled in pain and her mouth felt like a desert. Her head was in Faith's hair, taking a deep breath she breathes in her girlfriend's scent and smiled. It was going to be hard to work on their relationship in dealing with Faith's cheating, but the blond felt they were a great deal closer than they had ever been. She wrapped her arms around the brunette and pulled her tightly against her.
'Whoa B, ya miss me?' Faith's eyes opened and she looked at the blond with her trademark smirk.
'Yeah.' Buffy said, her voice still sounded weak. The brunette placed kisses on Buffy's cheeks and hugged her back.
'You up for the Scoobies?' She asked.
'I should probably apologize,… again.' The blond closed her eyes.
'I don't think they're looking for one.'
'But they deserve one.'
'Ok then, let's go.' Faith once again picked the blond up. Buffy giggled.
'How long are you going to do this?'
'I dunno, the rest of my life.' They walked out the door and down the stairs. Faith realized they must have been sleep for a couple of hours, it had to be at least 1 o'clock if not later. The gang was gathered in the living room watching tv. They all jumped up as soon as Faith walked in.
'Is something wrong with her legs?' Anya asked.
'She's a little weak right now.' Faith said.
'You can let me down now.' Buffy said, and the brunette stood her up, one hand holding the blond's waist to support her. 'I just wanted to tell all of you that I'm sorry. I let my problems affect you and my duties as a slayer. I'm sorry that I let everyone down.' Dawn rushed over hugging her sister and crying.
'Don't ever do that again.' She cried into the blond's shoulder. Buffy pulled her sister into a tight hug.
'I'm sorry Dawnie.' She whispered. Faith watched as the whole gang smiled and seemed to reject the notion of their friend needing to apologize. It was smiles and hugs all around.
Faith helped Buffy walk out to the back yard and sit down on a bench, and handed her a glass of water.
'I put one of those cool straws in it.' Faith said grinning. Buffy laughed a little as she took a sip. The sun felt good, especially after having been locked up in the basement for two days. Titling her head up she closed her eyes. Faith sighed.
'You think we can get past what I did?' She asked her voice turned serious. Buffy thought a moment.
'Yes. In the end you were there for me when it counted.'
'But I'm the one who did this all to you, and like you said I wasn't there at first.'
'I know, but you did come back, you tried to fix everything you did. It's going to be hard, I'm not sure I can forget everything, but I think………… I think I've finally forgiven you.' She turned her head and looked at the brunette, who smiled back in return. They looked into each others eyes.
'It's going to be hard, not drinking, you're gonna want to everyday.'
'As long as you're here with me, I promise I won't.' Faith leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. When she pulled away, Buffy rested her head on Faith's shoulder. Wood came walking into the backyard.
'If it isn't principle boy.' Faith stiffened slightly at his sight.
'Are you alright Buffy? They say you've been sick but wouldn't let me see you.' He stood before them, his eyes glowing with concern for the blond.
'I'm alright now.' Buffy said.
'You weren't sick what was wrong?' He crouched down and took Buffy's hand in his. Faith glared at him.
'It was just something I had to deal with, but I'm fine, I promise.' She gave him a smile. His head turned and he glared at Faith.
'What did you do to her now?'
'She didn't do anything.' Buffy interjected.
'Look she's fine, she told you that.'
'She doesn't look fine.'
'Well she is. Now that you've seen she's alive you can go.'
'I'm tired of you and your attitude. Coming here and tearing her life apart.' He stood and Faith followed suite.
'You mean coming in here and stepping into your territory.' Faith growled back at him. 'It kills you to see her with me doesn't it? You aren't man enough for her.'
Wood swung his fist at her, but Faith ducked and hit him in the stomach.
'Stop you guys.' Buffy tried to yell. Both got into their fighting stances as the blond started to stand up.
'You don't think you can take me do you?' Faith asked with a smirk. Then both launched themselves at each other, going almost blow for blow but the brunette was winning.
'Stop it.' Buffy tried to yell again. The back door burst open and everyone came out of the house.
'What's going on.' Xander asked.
'Will stop them.' Buffy looked pleadingly at the witch.
Faith took an uppercut to the jaw, and was about to do a roundhouse when suddenly she went flying backwards and landed on the ground with a grunt.
'Shit, what was that?' Faith groaned as she tried to stand back up.
'Faith, are you ok?' Buffy came over and tried to help her girlfriend up.
'Yeah B, why'd you sick Red on me though?'
'I had to stop you two. You need to stop all this fighting.' She turned and looked at Wood who was grabbing his side. 'And I can take care of myself, I don't need you watching my every step.'
'Buffy I…'
'No, I'll see you at school in a few days.' She said interrupting him. He glared at them a moment before walking off. Buffy turned back to Faith. 'Come on let's go inside.' Faith wrapped her arm around Buffy's shoulders and together they went inside the house.
...continued in Cry No More...