What Comes Next?
by Kat
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. The story is a product of my own demented head, and well, lots and lots of free time. I hope you all enjoy it, it's the first story I've ever posted, so please be kind.
POV Faith
I'm standing on the edge of what used to be Sunnydale, and I'm freaking out big time. I'm so nervous I just can't stand still. The big bad is gone and now what? Where do I go from here? Will these people tell me to get lost now that it's all over? Will she? Jesus, I'm freaking. Buffy is standing close to the edge, and the rest of us are just staring at her back; like she has all the answers.
Well, she has my answers, but I wonder about the rest of them. She is still just standing there, not acknowledging us whatsoever. Even my wise ass comments don't pull her back from the edge. Hope she's not planning on jumping...again; but I know she's not. I know she's happy, a little sad, confused and nervous. I know because I can feel her now. All her emotions are right on display inside of me.
Freaking magic. Something unexpected always happens. It was the fucking scythe. Everyone said not to hold it at the same time as any other slayer. Always throw it, don't hand it. So what does Buffy do? She hands it to me, like a freaking idiot, and I'm the one that can't follow rules...please. I know somehow this will wind up being my fault, someway, somehow. Then she'll banish me again and I'll be sent away cause I know too much about her. Shit. Fuck. Shit. I'm so fucking screwed.
POV Buffy
I'm standing on the edge of Sunnydale. It's gone. It's all gone. The Bronze, the Expresso Pump, the new high school, my house, my car, my mom and well, Spike. Of all the things I'm sad about though, I'm not all that sad about him. It's kinda weird. A few days ago I would have been shattered, but now, I don't know, I just feel...free. Maybe it's cause the hellmouth went bye, bye. Maybe cause there are all these new slayers. Maybe it's because I finally convinced him I didn't love him by telling him I love him. I don't know and I sure don't feel like figuring it out now.
There are lots of other things to figure out right now, like where do we go from here? If I turned around right now, I know everyone would be staring at me, waiting for some kind of direction. Which is really funny. They want me to tell them what to do, where to go, and I can't even figure out my own life. And now, there is this feeling inside me. This nervous, sometimes hopeful, but mostly doubtful feelings and I know what it is. Or more to the point, I know who it is. It's her.
She always has a knack of coming around and turning my life upside down. Damn it, even when she's not here she can still do that to me. I can go for months without thinking of her once, and then bam, the next month she's all I can think about. I feel her nervousness and I know why it's there. The big bad is gone and she's afraid I'm going to tell her to leave. And I might have, but now she'll know I don't mean it, cause I'm sure she can feel me just like I can feel her.
She'll know I'm lying when I say I don't want her around. She probably coulda guessed that fact before. She was always good at reading me, but now she'll know for certain. So, I guess honesty will be the word of the day. Ya gotta love the side effects of magic, although we were all warned this time. Don't hold the scythe with another slayer, it would be bad. So what do I do? I get stabbed and she, of course, runs to my side. Then I hand her the scythe, and what does Faith do? She takes it. She takes it like a freaking idiot. I swear that girl cannot follow rules.
All right, I know I have some blame in this. Just like everything else that has ever happened between Faith and me, I have a share in the blame. It was never all her fault, although, I always tried to make it seem that way. It's because she always got to me, because she always had the ability to know exactly what I was up to, and I hated the fact that I could never fool her.
That Christmas my mom made me invite her over, she knew it was my mom's idea. And the whole thing with Angel she understood it so much better than I did, and she wasn't even around then. All this time I've been bitching about how nobody could ever really understand me, convinced that I would always be alone. It's so fucking stupid. I had somebody who understood me, who knew what it was like to be a slayer because she was one too. And I pushed her away when she needed me the most, and not just once, but twice.
I have given lots of people second chances, Angel, Spike, Anya, and even Willow. I gave them all a second chance to prove that they weren't just evil, but I don't think I even gave Faith a first chance. Now she's back. She came back because I needed her. This is new territory for me because people usually leave me and they don't come back. Well Angel did come back to me briefly, but that's another story. Right now she's the one on my mind. Maybe this means we can work things out. I wonder what I should say to her? I don't know, but feel like I hafta do something, and I need to do it now. So even though I have no clue what I am going to say, I call out to her anyway, "Faith?"
POV Faith
Oh shit, I think she just called me. What do I do? Oh right, answer her dumbass.
"Yeah?"
"Come here..." is her reply.
I don't do anything for a moment. Everyone is staring back and forth between Buffy and me. She still has her back turned to everyone. I stumble forward in Buffy's direction, encouraged by a not so gentle shove from Willow and Giles. I really don't want to talk to her right now, I'm scared, and she's nervous. This can't be a good thing. I straighten myself out and walk toward her of my own accord, cause I'm Faith, I'm not afraid of anything. Which is absolutely true, except for all those people who scare me.
There are lots of them, but Buffy is the one person that scares me the most. She scares me cause she has my life in her hands. She has the ability to make me happy or crazy or depressed, and sometimes it's all three at the same time. That scares the shit out of me cause I have never needed anyone the way I need her. Fucking scary shit, huh? So, I'm finally standing next to her, and I put on my best indifferent face.
"You called?"
POV Buffy
Oh fuck, she's right beside me now, and she's scared. Even though her face gives none of that away, I know it's true because I can feel it. I wonder what I'm about to say. Will it be the wrong thing. Just once I would like to say something right.
"You're no longer wanted..."
Ok, shit. That is so not what I wanted to say, and I can feel the devastation those words have caused, I realize I need to make this better and fast.
POV Faith
I stand next to her and I hear her words. It feels like I've just been shot. I look down into the pit that used to be Sunnydale and I wanna jump. I just want it over. I know I won't do it, I can't do it. I couldn't disappoint Angel that way. So I turn to leave. She's speaking to me again. What I hear stops me dead in my tracks.
POV Buffy
"I...uh...I meant you are no longer wanted by the police, I still want you..."
Shit, that really didn't make it any better and it might have made it worse. God I suck at this whole talking thing. I mean of course I want her, have you seen her? She's gorgeous and that's so not the point. She gives me that standard smirk, looking around before pointing to herself.
"Huh, you want me...?"
She knows what I meant, but she also knows what I'm feeling. So I just ignore her and continue.
"I still want you around. Maybe we can work on the whole friendship thing?"
POV Faith
Friendship? Yeah right, I know what I felt, I know what she felt. This could have some interesting possibilities, and I can't keep the stupid grin off my face.
"Yeah, sure...the friendship thing..."
POV Buffy
God she's a pain in the ass. She knows I want more, just like I know she wants more. How long can we keep this pretense going? Will it make us better off or worse off? Still, I continue with the pretense cause I'm a wuss.
"We...uh...should probably get the wounded to a hospital and find somewhere to bed down..."
Fuck...did I just say bed down? Oh my god, who says that? Stop speaking you moron.
POV Faith
Bed down? Who talks like that? Now she's all sorts of embarrassed cause she's busted, and I'm gone, laughing so fucking hard, I can barely speak.
"Sounds like a plan..."
POV Buffy
Great. Now she's laughing at me. I turn around to ignore her and everyone is staring at us as predicted. Although they are looking at us like we are insane; they are probably right. I issue orders, like the general I'm supposed to be. Soon we'll be moving and moving is always good.
POV Buffy
Well, here we are. Finally got the wounded all sorted out at the hospital. Giles is handing out room keys, and there aren't enough rooms for everyone; so we are going to have to share. Of course nobody wants to share with me cause I'm General Buffy and everyone still kinda hates me. Obviously nobody wants to share with Faith cause we...I...told everyone she's a pyscho and this is a motel. So you do the math.
What gets me the most is she's back to being nervous. I wonder. Why? It's not like I'm gonna bite her. Heh...well at least not in a bad way. Ok...bad Buffy thoughts; not a good idea right now. I understand why I'm anxious, but Faith just doesn't do nervous. She's always been cocky and self-assured on the outside, but now I suddenly wonder who this woman really is.
It occurs to me that there are thousands of things I don't know about her and that thought makes me really sad. I don't even know when her birthday is. It could be today and I wouldn't even know it. Is it today? Hmmm; don't know. Does she look any older? I look at her and she doesn't appear to be any older than yesterday. Maybe it was yesterday? Ok, babbling in my head now, so not a good thing. I take the key from Giles with a small, "Thanks." I head to our room and she's right behind me.
POV Faith
Fuck! Not enough rooms? Are you shitting me? I look around at all the girls and wonder whom I'll be stuck with. None of them are looking like they wanna share with me. It kinda reminds me of prison. Nobody wanted to bunk with me there either, although that was actually a good thing.
I didn't notice a line forming to get to share with Buffy either. Pipsqueak doesn't even wanna, which is surprising. Although, not really, cause somebody needs to stay with Xander. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Losing the woman you love can make you do crazy things. We've all been there. I look over at Buffy...fuck does that girl have a whole lot of emotions swirling around. It's kinda giving me a headache.
We keep going happy, sad, nervous, hopeful, horny, yes that's right, horny. Little Ms. Tightly Wound is horny. This should make for a great night. How would I tell her I don't want to when my body is screaming I want to? It's not like I'm opposed to having sex with another woman, but having sex with Buffy would be a whole different ball game. There's too much history between us to just jump right into sex. It's not all I want from her, and nowhere near what I need from her.
It's not like I could pull a get some, get gone scenario with her or any woman for that matter. There's just something about the act with another woman, more intimate I guess. Or maybe it's cause with girls there are always emotions involved. Which would make it impossible, or maybe it's just me. I don't know. I'm sure there are women out there who could do that, just fuck them and leave, but not me. With guys it's easy, cause it's what they want. Perhaps not all guys, but a guy's guy, if ya know what I mean, loves it when the woman just leaves afterward or lets them leave.
Which is fine by me, they really don't have anything I'm all that interested in anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love them to worship at the house of Faith. Ok that's lame, but still; I don't mind them doing me, but reciprocating is kinda tricky when you don't like dick. So fuck me, sure why not, blow job, hell no, not gonna happen. Oh shit; she's walking towards the room...our room; with the key. Damn...guess I should follow.
POV Buffy
I get the door open and stop dead in my tracks. No fucking way, this is just horrible. The worst thing that could possibly be in here, other than a demon or a vampire, is one single solitary bed, and it's mocking me. It mocks Faith too as she comes inside and stands next to me.
POV Faith
Fuck, one bed! I wanna laugh at the absurdity of the situation, Buffy and I sharing a bed. This is either gonna kill me or cure me. Not sure which I prefer at this point. Whatever, I'm tired and I've got hellmouth gunk all over me.
"I'm gonna take a shower..."
I take the shorts and t-shirt that Giles bought for me into the bathroom and shut the door.
POV Buffy
I watch her go into the bathroom. I'm kinda disappointed with her reaction, I expected her to be upset or embarrassed, but all I felt was resignation. I'm sure she's had worse accommodations, but me, never. Well, I suppose a coffin is worse than this, and I'm not sure which one I'd prefer at the moment.
The water starts to run in the shower and I realize there is a naked and now wet Faith in the bathroom. All that horniness just waiting for me to...ok, I really need to stop the bad thoughts. Well, they aren't all bad thoughts, some seem like they would feel pretty damn good. Shit. I really need to stop. I wonder if she's taking care of that itch in the shower.
No, I'm not wondering, no wondering here, I'm a wonder free zone. Damn I am so horned up. It's just because of the battle, yes, because of the battle. I just don't want to admit that most of it is because of her. I can't stand listening to her in the shower. I'm going to get a soda, some ice...oh ice...I wonder....shit, stop wondering.
I can't believe I forgot the key when I left the room; that's just great. Faith better answer the door with some clothes on or I'm gonna...hmmm. What would I do if she answered the door in nothing but a towel? Maybe I could tell her there is an emergency and I need to borrow it, then when she takes it off I could. Damn, she's not wearing a towel. She's wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
I look at her face and that body and I'm stunned. I've never seen her look more beautiful than she looks right now. Her wet hair is pulled back in a pony tail and her breasts look incredible in that shirt. My eyes lock on her well-defined thigh muscles. Thank you Giles for buying her shorts.
She's looking at me weirdly and why is she? Oh, cause I'm standing here like a retard staring at her breasts. Good move Summers. As I walk into the room I say, "I...I thought you might like a soda, so I got some, and some candy. You know, someday you're gonna hafta explain how you can not like candy with nuts, but like peanut M&M's..."
POV Faith
"What can I say Buffy, I'm an enigma...something that cannot be explained easily or at all."
I swear when I opened the door, she was scoping out my breasts. I cannot believe she just checked me out. She looks a little flushed after her visual exploration and I have to push it.
"I'm done in the shower, I think I even left you some hot water. Although, maybe it's the cold water you're looking for."
I follow up my comment with a wicked grin and a wink.
POV Buffy
Oh my God, I can't believe she just said that to me. I can't believe how much she knows me. Well, I'm not gonna let her get away with this. I'm so gonna get her, show her she doesn't know everything about me. I grab my stuff and brush past her.
"You know, cold water really doesn't fix horniness, sometimes it even makes it worse."
Oh shit, what did I just do? I cannot believe I followed up that comment with a slap to her ass. What the fuck is wrong with me? Holy shit, I wish the floor would just open up right now and swallow me whole. The only good part is Faith seems to be stunned into silence, for which I am grateful, although I have no idea how long that will last so I rush into the bathroom and slam the door shut.
POV Faith
What the hell was THAT about? Who took the stick out of her ass? Cause I'd like to buy them a beer. I flop down on the chair and pop open a Mountain Dew. I can't believe she remembered that's my favorite soda. She remembered my anti-peanuts in chocolate speech, with the peanut M&M exemption. I woulda thought she wiped all memories of me from her mind years ago, cause after all I wasn't very nice to her. HA! That's a great one Faith, 'not very nice', you were downright evil to her.
I know we are going to hafta talk about the past if we are ever gonna be able to remain civilized to each other. This status quo between us will not last forever. I'm not stupid enough to believe that it will. The question is: Am I ready for her to know who I really am? Am I ready to be who I really am?
I know I should tell her everything, even the stuff that makes her look bad; which is usually where we stop talking and start punching. The more I think about all this stuff the more daunting the task seems to be, but I remember what Angel told me once, just make it through the next five minutes, the next minute and so on.
Buffy's not pissed at me any more. I know that I'm being a little overly dramatic about this, I mean, I think she's more receptive to listen than she ever has been. I guess listening to kids bitch about shit for a living has helped her there. I wonder if she's ever had to deal with kids that went through the shit I've been through, God I hope not. Nobody should go through what I did.
POV Buffy
I feel her depression, her guilt, her need to tell me everything and it's driving me crazy. I know she's sorry, why we keep dredging up everything is beyond me. I do realize it's something we both need to do, so we can move on, but I'm not looking forward to having to share my things with her.
It's not that I'm angry with her or that I don't like her; cause I do. I probably like her too much, that's the problem. I'm afraid she'll hear what I have to say and then leave me. That's what everything always boils down to with me, I don't want everyone to just abandon me.
I really don't believe my friends would ever do that, but I trusted my friends in LA all those years ago too. With the Hellmouth gone, what more is there to keep us together? Will they all leave? I really don't wanna think about that now, I need a distraction. Wait, I got an idea for the perfect distraction. There was this flyer at the soda machine about a fair to support the Pismo Beach Fire Department.
I bet it wouldn't take much convincing to get Faith to go. So, I come out of the bathroom and ask her.
"Hey Faith, you feel up to seeing some sights?"
Faith is still being her difficult self with her answer.
"What sights did ya have in mind?"
I ignore her obvious meaning and continue.
"There's a fair downtown, wanna check it out?"
Oh my God, does this count as a date?
POV Faith
You know, sometimes I really hate it when my mouth starts working before my brain does. I didn't mean to sound like I wanted her to check me out. C'mon, obviously I do want her to check me out, but not right now. Anyway, I need to focus on the topic at hand. A fair could be kinda fun, along with I've never actually gone to a fair with another person before.
"Sure, sounds like fun, I'll go change." Oh shit, is this a date?
I look around at said fair and I wanna say that it's lame, but Buffy can still feel what I'm feeling, so I can't. I'm actually excited to be here, and with her, cause that's something I never thought would ever happen.
"Pismo Beach and all the fried clams you can eat..."
She looks at me for a moment and then she gets it.
"Bugs Bunny?"
I laugh and then explain.
"Yeah, he and Daffy are traveling to Pismo Beach and they end up in Nottingham Forrest, or ancient Rome, I forget which. And then they argue and hijinks ensue...Hey, ya ever notice we're a lot like Daffy and Bugs? Of course, I'm Daffy you know."
"Actually Daffy, it was ancient Babylon and you got all greedy and tried to keep the treasure all to yourself, and then the genie in the lamp shrunk you."
"Oh yeah, that's right. I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm a wealthy mizer..."
She's smiling at me now, remembering that we weren't always at each other's throats. Suddenly she's dragging me toward the gaming booth, and I wonder what the hell she's doing when I look up and see it. A white stuffed pig with a bow tie. She's pointing at it like a little kid, jumping up and down all excited, ok, the screeching needs to stop.
Guess that's where Dawn got it from. I give her a 'you've gone nuts' look and she's pouting again.
"What's with the pout?"
She just points at the game all disappointed and I get it. It's a target shooting gallery and surprisingly enough for a slayer she can't shoot for shit. I smile at her and wink, cause I can shoot, so I throw the money on the counter like I'm Jesse fucking James.
The skeezy guy working the booth is smirking and it's really not attractive cause of the whole no teeth deal. This pig better be worth it cause he ran his hand across mine when he gave me the rifle...as if ya toothless fuck. Not even if we were the only two people on a deserted island, I'd rather drag myself across the beach hoping to snag a stray stick.
Anyway, I win the pig easily and Buffy jumps up and grabs the pig before the guy can even move, guess she doesn't want his mitts on her pig. I can't help but laugh at how childish she is behaving. And I gotta admit, it's wicked cute.
POV Buffy
OK, I'll admit it, I'm acting really childish right now. I can see it in her eyes, but I don't care. A replacement Gordo was needed stat, so it was an emergency. A pig emergency; if you will. Anyway, we walked around some more just enjoying each other's company, trying to make each other laugh. Now it's Faith's turn to act like a kid, wanting to go on the Ferris Wheel. She's really adorable. I finally give in cause it's Faith and I'm finding it awfully hard to resist her lately.
We waited for what seemed like forever to get on this stupid ride, and then the guy running the machine stopped to talk while we were stuck up there near the top. We were on our way down and off this ride when the stupid guy just stopped it. It's not like I'm afraid of heights...ok; so it is like I'm afraid of heights.
I've only really noticed this since I've come back. I guess taking a dive off a 70 foot tower will do that to you. So, I'm getting really, really nervous and Faith is not helping at all. She's looking everywhere, practically hanging over the side to get a better view, of what I can only imagine.
I couldn't help it, I grabbed her; cause I was scared, and now I'm even more scared. Damn; her face is just inches from mine, lips I've been wanting to taste forever are just inches from mine. The intensity of my need overwhelms me and I feel like I can't breathe. She doesn't move an inch for a moment, like she's stuck there, and then it finally happens.
Her lips are on mine and it's so soft and gentle, she feels like my girl not a slayer. I never knew she could be this way, it has quickly become my all time greatest kiss. Her tongue has wiped away everything else; so softly running itself against mine. Then I hear something I wish I hadn't, or more importantly, someone.
Note: For this story, the order of the Season 3 episodes needs to be changed slightly. In my story, The Zeppo happened before the events of Helpless, in order for things to work out; I needed to do this. I didn't want anyone to think I don't know the order of the episodes, so I'm putting in this note...sorry for any inconvenience.
POV Buffy
I cannot believe who I'm hearing. I should be used to this by now, something going right and then it goes right back in the toilet.
"Oh, there are so many of them. So many to choose from, how will I ever be able to just take one? Ms. Edith was very important; one child shall never be enough to replace her."
"So take more than one, take as many as you like, there is no one here to stop us."
There's only one name in my head now--Drusilla. I instantly recognize the other voice with the lame accent, but I'm not really worried about him right now. I pull away from the kiss as I try to find them in the crowd and I finally see her standing between the shooting gallery and the fish bowl booth. I turn back to Faith and she's upset, "I...I didn't mean...I thought, I thought you wanted me to..."
Oh, oops. She thinks I wasn't digging the kiss. I realize my hands are still clutched around her jacket and I pull her forward and kiss her briefly.
"Oh, I did want this, I want a lot of this..."
I lean in and kiss her again.
"Mmm...so good. But um...work..."
I point down between the two gaming booths and she says, "Vamp?"
I answer her without looking back, "Not just any. Drusilla..."
POV Faith
Drusilla? Why do I know that name? It sounds really familiar, then it hits me, the other slayer, the one before me, Drusilla killed her.
I say out loud, "Kendra..." I immediately feel how upset Buffy is getting and I say, "Time for us to get some payback..."
I pull away from her and I'm about halfway out of the car, when she pulls me back in again, "Where are you going?"
I look at her like she's crazy, "I'm going to bag a vamp. What are you doing?"
"But we're up really high and she's not gonna be easy. And there are two of them..."
Ok, I'm confused so I just answer, "Well then, that's bad news for them yeah?"
I start out of the car again and I stop myself this time, cause we're moving again. We finally get off the stupid ride and I start walking toward them and again she's doing the whole stopping thing. It's kinda getting annoying.
"What's with all the stopping?"
"We need a plan..."
"Uh...ok, how about you distract her and I'll sneak up and stake her, sound good?"
"That's not a plan. That's not even an outline..."
I'm starting to get antsy, and then I see it. We can't wait.
"We don't have time, she's got a kid, we need to go now."
Finally she gets it, nods and off we go. We get back toward the darkened beach and we can see her walking away with the little boy, I'm about to go circle around when she grabs me and kisses me and tells me to be careful. Aww, she cares. Ok, focus Faith.
POV Buffy
I take a deep breath and watch Faith walk away, and then I chase after Dru. I tackle her and the kid to the ground, she has to let the kid go and he lands awkwardly, and I'm so hoping he doesn't break his neck. I come out of a roll and land on my feet facing her.
"Where ya running off to, Dru? Not happy to see old friends?"
I watch as the little boy gets up and runs screaming and crying back to the fair. You're welcome ya little shit.
"Buffy...Got tired of my William, did you? Made him get a soul. Poor, poor boy...he never really understood how you used him."
She hits me with a punch I barely saw coming, too busy watching the little boy run away and trying to locate Faith in the darkness. Meanwhile, Dru's dancing around, laughing at me. Every time I try to move she kicks me hard in the ribs. Distract her, sure, I'll just let her kick me a few thousand times...where the fuck is Faith?
"It will be a lot of fun to kill you. Ruining my family. You tore us apart, first my Angelus then my William. Tell me, do you think you'll rise from this death?"
She stops moving and looks at me with those crazy eyes and then she looks down at her chest in surprise as Faith's stake plunges through her heart and Faith says, "Think you will?"
Finally! I was beginning to think Faith forgot about me. She gives me a hand up from the ground, grinning. She really does love dusting the vamps; I need to get that enthusiasm back. It's been way too long since dusting a vamp has made me happy. All duty and no play has left me one, very boring slayer and I'm thinking Faith is the cure for that. We just stand there for a second, neither one of us knowing what we should do, lost in our own thoughts. I have to say I'm a little disappointed how easily Drusilla went down, it hardly seemed like a fair fight.
"Drusilla, the car is...Oh shit..."
I see him and yell, "Stop right there!!!"
Faith and I run after him and he turns around to face us, he looks back and forth between Faith and I and says, "Hello Buffy..."
I see Faith frown out of the corner of my eye as she asks snidely, "Friend of yours?"
"Well, I wouldn't actually call him a friend..."
POV Faith
I swear to God if she banged this vampire I'm leaving and not looking back. I mean come on, I don't even know this guy, but he's a complete tool. I glare at the guy and ask, "Who the fuck are you?"
The guy just looks at me and smirks like he knows something I don't. God I really hate that about vamps. Then he says in this completely lame accent, "I apologize. I assumed you would know. I am Dracula." I just look at the guy and then at Buffy and I burst out laughing, right in the guy's face and he says, "No, really...I am."
I just look at him still laughing and say, "Get the fuck out of here."
Buffy just looks at me and says, "He's not kidding; he's really Dracula."
And I can't help it, I just point to him. "No way this is Dracula. Dracula's all scary and badass, this, this guy's...well...um..." I take a good look at him and say the first thing that comes to my mind, "fruity."
Now she's looking at me and asks, "Fruity?"
"Yeah, as in gay, as in he likes stick..."
"Uh... I assure you, I'm not..."
"Yeah, sure you're not twinkie--why don't you save that for Oprah, cause she might actually buy it."
"Well, there was this one time with William the Bloody..." He stops himself when he realizes what he's just admitted. I look at Buffy with my eyebrows raised, and all she can do is shrug.
Now the guy looks pissed, guess he didn't want to let that cat out of the bag. Then he summons me to him, "Come here, Slayer..."
I look into his eyes and I take a step forward like I can't help myself and then I laugh at him. "Your, uh, 'thrall' seems to be a little lacking. Like the rest of you. Fuck, I'd be more scared if you were the Count from Sesame Street, hell, even Count Chocula would be scarier."
Ya gotta admire the guy cause he keeps trying, "You cannot resist me..."
"I think ya got the wrong slayer, pal." Buffy shoots me a dirty look, but serves her right for boinking the undead. I mean really, can't handle the heat, stop fucking the dead meat.
"Your power is rooted in darkness..."
"Yeah, we all got the memo on that one, but thanks."
I wave my stake around in front of him, "So you got any more lame ass lines you wanna try out or any more lame ass tricks you wanna pull, cause I'm not impressed." Suddenly the guy turns into a bat, swoops at me, then takes off flying back toward the parking lot. I turn to Buffy and point at the bat, "Ok, well that was actually kinda cool."
Buffy is just standing there shaking her head, damn, what now? So I ask, "What? What did I do?"
POV Buffy
Leave it to Faith to not be impressed with Dracula. And did he really have sex with Spike? Cause eww. And how did his thrall not work on her, when his thrall worked on everyone else? Well not exactly everyone else...mainly it was Xander and me. "HEY!!!! How come his thrall didn't work on you?"
She just shrugs and says, "Avoiding thrall, Chapter 7 of the slayer handbook."
OK, now I'm just confused. Is she serious? Did she really read it? Is there a chapter for that?
"You read the slayer handbook?"
Now she looks confused and answers.
"Yeah, didn't you?"
"Actually no. When did you read it?"
"Um...I read it..."
And I feel it, she's pulling away and I don't understand why, maybe it brought back memories of her watcher. I wonder if it still bothers her. What am I thinking? Of course it still bothers her; I know it still bothers me. It bothers me that I never told her about it, about my first watcher. Actually, I've never told anyone about him, or anything that happened in LA. Finally she just says, "I'm kinda tired, can we talk about it tomorrow?"
"Oh, um, sure..."
We walked back to the motel in silence. I tried to get her to talk about anything but she was really distracted, just kept her answers short, sometimes they weren't even on topic. I don't know what she's thinking, but whatever it is, it's confusing and sort of depressing. Kinda like she's trying to figure out the answer to a really hard question. Whatever it is, I know she's hurting and I want to help, but I don't want to push her cause I know that won't accomplish anything.
The silence continues after we get back inside the room. So, I just watch her get ready for bed and do the same. I brush my teeth and come out of the bathroom, and she's already in bed, fast asleep. She's curled up with the replacement Gordo clutched tightly in her arms. Normally I'd complain about that, but maybe she needs him more than I do. So I just get into bed and try to get some sleep...which won't be easy with her lying so close to me.
POV Faith
I'm awake, but I don't open my eyes yet. I'm just enjoying being held; I feel safe, warm and loved. And it doesn't feel weird to me; it feels like I've had this before. Of course I know I'm fooling myself, cause I've never. I don't know why my mind insists on playing games with me. I really hate it, cause it feels so real, like there's something there, if only I could reach it. I tried to explain it to the prison shrink once, but she kinda freaked me out.
Started getting all excited; thinking it was some kind of lost memory trying to resurface. She wanted to hypnotize me, but I wasn't having any of that. I don't need anyone else fucking with my head--been there, done that. I know if she starts messing around, next thing you know I'd be talking about how some aliens took me aboard their spaceship and ran experiments on me. But what did I really think she'd say? It's not like she's Freud or something. I mean seriously, she worked at a prison, how good of a shrink could she have been? OK, I admit I've probably watched one too many episodes of the X-Files or read too many horror stories when I was a kid, but you never know. I've seen weirder shit happen. Maybe it's just my head, cause I've always had trouble remembering stuff. Maybe that stuff was just boring so I forgot it; I wish I could remember it now, though.
You know, instead of every detail of what Kakistos did, and what my parents and step-dad did. That's all clear as day, but my fifth grade teacher? Or any teacher for that matter, I just don't remember them. Those memories are just...gone. Erased. But that's just stupid school stuff--who remembers that anyway?
I'm taken from my thoughts by Buffy, "Deep and meaningful thoughts?"
I open my eyes and I'm looking right into light green ones. God, I love her eyes, I could just stare into them for hours, but instead I answer wittily.
"Huh?"
Give me a break, I just woke up.
"I asked if you were having deep and meaningful thoughts cause you got that scrunched forehead thing going on. You do that a lot, did you know that?"
Aww, she knows my facial expressions. And I must be doing it again cause she takes her finger and smoothes it over. I just smile like a dork back at her; cause she's kinda left me speechless. Then she goes and ruins it.
"Well, while you're thinking, how about you think me up some coffee and a jelly donut?"
Hmmm, I guess I'm the one in this that's supposed to go running out cause princess wants something.
So I answer her back. "Sure...light and sweet?"
OK, so I guess I am that chick. I go to move out of bed, but she won't let me go.
"Ah, you kinda hafta let me go if you want coffee."
She looks like she's thinking about it.
"Don't wanna. I'm not sure which I want more now. You or coffee?"
I laugh slightly; "You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted..."
Now she laughs, "I think I want both."
She leans in to kiss me, our lips are just about to touch and then someone pounds on the door, and Kennedy's voice is all loud and shit.
"Giles wants us ready in an hour..."
And that's it, the moment is over and I look at Buffy and sigh, "And I thought I was loud."
POV Buffy
I so wanna beat Kennedy's ass right now, but it's no longer an option, cause she can kick back and it'll hurt. I watch Faith gather her stuff up and head into the bathroom to get ready. God she looks amazing and I just wanna do things to her, things I'm not even sure I know how to do. She's the first girl I ever had feelings for, and that scared the hell out of me. But now I'm a little older and a little more comfortable with girl-liking. Actually, I've only gotten comfortable with the girl-looking at, and the finding them attractive part. It wasn't like I've ever wanted to date a girl. Well, until now.
And lest we forget the whole Spike ordeal, I wonder what Faith's take on the situation will be? I know she knows I had sex with him...I heard him tell her about it. And he enjoyed telling me about her flirting and coming onto him, but I know she wasn't. It looked like it, but I think she just wanted to find out what he was all about. She did that with Scott Hope all those years ago, and I should've listened when she said he gave her his number. She told me that meant he was a creep and not worth my time. Back then I thought she was the creep, that she did it to prove something. But I've realized ever since she came back with Willow, she's looked out for me, she's tried to make my life run smoother, like training the potentials. She wasn't trying to take over, she was trying to lighten my burden.
And thinking back, I realize that was what she always did, but I never really noticed then. I used her when it was convenient, and then I wanted her to disappear when it wasn't; I really didn't treat her very well. And it's not like I'm a mean person, or that I don't care about people, I do. It's just really weird. I think I pinpointed when our relationship really went bad the first time around. It wasn't the accident with Finch, no, it happened a few weeks before that, when she missed my birthday and the Council made me take that stupid test.
It was the day after my birthday when she came back. She looked freaked out over something, but I didn't care. In my mind, she was wrong, she let me down so I didn't listen to anything she was gonna say. I just went off on her. I can't help but wonder what it was she wanted to tell me. Maybe it was something important, maybe that was the day she wanted to ask for my help, and I just turned my back on her. I'm pulled from my thoughts as Faith emerges from the bathroom, all cleaned and dressed, and she looks over at me, concerned.
"Are you ok?" I just nod not very convincingly, but she doesn't call me on it. Instead she asks, "Coffee, light and sweet and jelly donuts, right?"
I just keep nodding and she turns to leave, opening the door slightly before she turns back in.
"You know, you can talk to me...if you want. I'd understand why you might not, but maybe..."
She sighs in defeat, cause at this point I usually tell her to mind her own business. She turns to go and I call out to her.
"I-I'd really like to...talk with you."
She turns again and smiles softly at me and nods. "OK, when I get back..."
"OK."
I smile slightly at her as she finally leaves the room. See, there she goes again, being there for me. I hope she'll let me do that for her. I sigh and get up and start to get ready; I'm sure Giles will be bugging us soon to get going and I want a few minutes to talk to her without being interrupted.
I barely finish in the bathroom when I hear the knock at the door. Guess Faith forgot the key. I run out and open the door to find Willow standing there. "Oh, hey Will."
She comes in and looks around and asks confused, "Where's Dawnie?"
"Dawn? Um, she's with Xander, right?"
I sure hope she's with Xander, or at least somebody. I start to panic, then I finally see her walking around the bus talking with him. OK, the little sister is fine, check.
Willow comes in and sits in the chair.
"I wouldn't let the others know you had your own room if I were you."
I look at her confused for a moment.
"I didn't have my own room, I..."
I just stop cause I'm not sure what I'll be admitting to if Willow knows who I spent the night with. What will she think? Uh-oh, she's looking at me like she's trying to figure out the 'who.'
She smirks a little and asks, "Who'd ya share with Buffy? And with one bed no less, something you wanna tell me?"
Damn, she knows there is a story here. Sometimes best friends are really annoying, with the wanting to know all the time. Nosy really...
"I, uh, um..."
I don't explain anything cause here comes Faith walking into the room, followed by Kennedy, Xander and Dawn. I know Willow is smirking at me as Faith hands me my coffee and donuts. Faith slyly runs her hand across mine and mouths 'sorry' to me. I give her one of my cute, half smiles--yes, I know they're cute, cause I spent a lot of time perfecting them.
Then I try to look like I'm happy my friends have come to have breakfast with me, when all I really wanted was a few minutes to talk with Faith. Instead, we all just eat and joke about non- threatening things until Giles tells us it's time to go. Since we aren't on alert anymore he's taken over the leadership role. I'm glad...I really need a break from all that.
I'm about to walk out the door when Willow stops me.
"Oh...we're gonna hafta talk about this later, missy."
I just let out a whimper as I follow her to the bus. Why does everyone always want to know about me?
POV Buffy
Wow, Angel's hotel is really impressive, it's old and it's freaking enormous. And I was hoping there wouldn't be enough rooms so we would have to share again. I walk in with some of the new slayers and Giles, it's kinda awkward since Angel's crew is just staring us down, it's almost funny.
When Willow, Kennedy and Faith walk in, everyone from Angel's crew is so happy to see Faith, and that's a first, because we never were. Another thing to feel sad about. Something disturbing is occuring to me--these people are acting like...like she's THE Slayer. I'm so not used to being second string. Even Wesley seems happy to see her. Then adding to the disturbing weirdness, Faith gives this green guy a great, big hug. I don't think I've ever seen Faith hug someone before, and... hey! Get your mitts off my almost girlfriend, Kermit. Finally she remembers she needs to introduce us all, which she does and everyone's all smiles until she gets to me.
That big guy, I think she said his name is Gunn and the girl, Fred are just staring at me. Then he looks at Faith and asks, "That's Buffy? THE Buffy?" She just nods and says, "The one and only." And then he says, "I don't get it..."
HEY!!! I think he just insulted me and why is she giving him a high five now? This is so not cool. I'm just about to say something when Giles asks about the rooms and then everyone is moving around again. Faith isn't following cause apparently she already has her own room here and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I also can't help but wonder how much do Faith and Angel like each other? Speaking of, where the hell is Angel? He should really...
"Oh, hey, Angel."
"Buffy..."
Why does he always just say my name and trail off? Like he's surprised I'm here, uh...hello, you invited me.
"Nice place..."
Well, what else is there to talk about? I saw and spoke to him a few days ago, so I kinda got nothing left.
"Yeah, it's...ours."
Faith is kinda over by the reception desk, trying not to interrupt us. But I guess the silence is just too much for her cause she's asks, "Where's Cordy and Con..." I don't know what else she was gonna say cause Angel was over to her in a flash and now he has his hand around her mouth. Ok, the 'weird' continues. Even weirder, he just yanked his hand away--guess she pulled the old, 'lick the hand' trick. He says a little angrily, "Faith."
She looks at him, "Damn, man...what the hell have you been doing with that hand? Squishing caterpillars? You know what, on second thought? I really don't wanna know."
He wipes his palm on his pants and sighs, "Office..." He points and she rolls her eyes but she goes. Now it's back to him and me, he says, "I gotta talk to Faith for a minute. I'll be back. We'll, uh...catch up."
I just nod and watch him go into the office after her. He closes the door. What the hell is that about? He's supposed to be making awkward conversation with me, not Faith, and I so wanna know what those two are up to in there.
POV Faith
Damn, note to self; never lick a vampire's hand, cause, gross man. I take a seat and wait for him. Doesn't take him long to come in and shut the door. I can tell from the look on his face, he's got some bullshit to sell me, but he starts by asking, "How did things go in Sunnydale?"
"About as bad as could be expected. Dude, they put me in charge. Does that tell how fucked up things were?"
"I'm sure you did fine, after all you did manage to save me. I guess some of the things Lorne told you came true. Saw the hug."
"He told you?" Ok, I'm panicking now. I asked him not to tell Angel; actually I begged and pleaded. Oh God...what did I do now?
"No, he just told me you were skeptical and about the bet he made with you."
"Oh..." Whew! Damn for a second there I thought...
"Most of the other stuff I already knew and I sorta guessed the rest."
OK, back to panic. "What?"
"It's really ok, Faith. I'm not upset with you, nor will I be. Lorne told me two years ago that I wasn't her soulmate, I'm not the one she belongs with. I told you about it, remember? About how I sang Mandy. It was your birthday. Remember?"
"You knew? And you still came to visit me?"
"Yeah, I did." I sit there for a moment, just taking everything in, he asks, "What about Spike?"
"Oh, um...he won't be a problem, he kinda helped save the world. The amulet you gave Buffy, caused him and the whole Hellmouth to implode. Took Sunnydale with it...that's why we have nowhere to go. Remember?"
He grins at me for mocking him and says, "Yeah, I just like hearing the part where Spike implodes."
I so wasn't expecting him to say that and I laugh and say, "Yeah, I bet. I'm just glad it wasn't you."
"You'd miss me?"
"Yeah...for about a minute." I just grin at him for a sec, and then I remember to tell him the other news, "Oh, guess who else got dusted?"
"Who?"
"Drusilla."
He looks at me in disbelief, "You dusted Drusilla?"
"Buffy and I tagged teamed her, she didn't stand a chance. She was hanging with this really dorky vamp calling himself Dracula, but I'm not really sure I believe it cause I've met plenty that claimed they were Lestat."
"You didn't happen to dust him did ya?"
"Um, no, he kinda turned into a bat and flew away."
"Yeah, he has a habit of doing that. It's annoying, him and his stupid sleeping in coffins and turning into a bat...I mean, come on..."
OK, I know where this rant is going, it will soon degenerate into a diatribe about hack writers and how Anne Rice is an idiot. I say why blame her; put the blame where it belongs, on Stoker, cause he started it. But either way, I don't really care, just as long as he doesn't rag on Stephen King. So, I must stop him before he really gets going. "How about you tell me what's going on around here?"
He sighs and I know this isn't gonna be good, but I'll let him tell me. "You were right. About Cordelia. That wasn't her."
"What was it?" Cool, I was right. Damn I'm good. OK, probably not the time to gloat about my awesome powers of deduction.
"Some entity who used her to gain access to our dimension. If you hadn't seen it, she might be dead, and not just in a coma."
Shit. I know he's really devastated by this, probably feels like he let her down, like it's his fault. "Well, sometimes people come out of coma's..."
It's all I got; I'm really not good at sympathy. Most people assume it's because I don't care, but it's not, I do care, I just have trouble showing it. The prison shrink seemed to think it's because I didn't have any role models to learn it from. But I try to say something helpful.
"Just...um, make sure you visit a lot. They say visitors help."
And I guess I did ok cause he looks up at me and smiles slightly. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Now what about Connor? Then you can tell me why the cops aren't after me anymore."
"I made a deal."
"A deal? With who?"
"Wolfram and Hart..."
"WHAT!? Are you insane?"
Ok, I'm yelling now, but is the man crazy. That place is pure evil. What the fuck was he thinking?
"Quit yelling and let me explain."
I wave him along and he continues.
"We all made deals with them."
I just raise an eyebrow and he's sighing again, guess I'm annoying him or something.
"They gave us the whole LA operation, I'm the CEO, and it's up to me to run it as I see fit. Anyway, I don't know what the rest of them were given, but I asked that they try to heal Cordelia. And to place Connor in a home, with a real family. Kinda like the monks did with Dawn."
"Why? He's your son..."
"I couldn't reach him Faith. Every day he just sank deeper and deeper until finally I just couldn't reach him anymore. There was nothing else I could do to make it any better."
OK, that makes sense. That I get. I've been there, sinking deeper every day, hoping against hope someone or something could make it better. All the while believing help was impossible.
"They also got you freed. I figured that was only fair since they got you arrested in the first place, and now it's like nobody was ever looking for you; you've got a clean slate."
"You did that for me?" Why? Why would he do that for someone like me? "Why?"
"Because...that's what big brothers are for."
Wow, is he like the greatest man alive? Ok, he's not actually alive, and he ain't really a man, but he kinda is my big goofy older brother.
"And here's some stuff you might need: a brand new Massachusetts Driver's License, a social security card, and ATM card for an account I started for you. The pin is the last four digits of your social security number. I tried to get a copy of your real one but apparently you never had one. We're still trying to track down your birth certificate."
"You're giving me more money?"
"Yeah, consider it your first paycheck..."
"Hmmm, I'm guessing a paycheck means you expect me to do like, chores, right?"
Damn, didn't think I'd be getting chores. I mean; I'm a little tired. Getting beaten up, drugged up, blown up and then fighting in the Hellmouth, I think I deserve a break.
"That's usually how those things work. And I knew you wouldn't just let me give you money, so..."
Who said I wouldn't let him give me money? I definitely never did. Suddenly I get an idea. "Would I get the use of a company car? Something...fancy?"
"I'll have one brought over."
"Cool. Listen...I gotta go. Enough info for one day. Or else my head is going to explode." I get up to leave, but stop and say, "I still got stuff I wanna say about this whole Wolfram and Hart deal, so I'm reserving my right to talk shit about it. Cause in my experience if something looks too good to be true, it probably is..."
He laughs slightly and nods at me. I guess he knows me well enough by now. "Oh, Faith?"
"Yeah?"
"There're also some other things we need to discuss, but I need a little time to sort it out."
"Other things? They about me?" He nods. I look at him, trying to gauge the seriousness of whatever he's not telling me. I kinda get the feeling that this is pretty serious so I move back toward the desk and ask, "What other stuff?"
"Try not to worry about it tonight."
"Well, I already am, so tell me now."
He looks like he's thinking about it and then I realize he's not gonna crack when he asks, "Do you trust me?"
God I hate that question. I cannot tell you how many times that question has come back to bite me in the ass and not in a good way. My mind is screaming at me to say, no, fuck no, no fucking way, but my heart says to do it. Finally, after nervously pacing the office for a few seconds I nod, "Yeah."
"Then give me some time."
I was about to say something else, but I felt something...someone. Busted! I whip the door open and a blonde and a redhead fall through to the floor. They look really ridiculous lying on the floor in a big pile; I just shake my head and step over them as I leave the office. As I head upstairs I can hear Buffy and Willow's lame ass excuses for being pressed up against the door.
I walk into my room, and I'm surprised by what I see. Above the bed is a sign that says, "Welcome Home Sis..." That and the other decoration makes me laugh-a framed poster of the Patriot's Superbowl victory. My Tommyboy prominently displayed. I walk around and open the closet, it's full of clothes, all my tastes and styles. There's a radio with some of my favorite CD's sitting on the desk next to a laptop.
I flip up the screen and see a yellow Post-It, 'Don't get too excited, I took it out of your paycheck.' I wonder just how large this paycheck is? I also wonder how shocked everyone would be to see me with a laptop, bet they probably think I wouldn't know what it is. You'd be surprised the amount of stuff you can learn inside. Like how to light a cigarette with just a staple and a microwave. Yeah, prisoners have access to a microwave. And computers and email accounts. Although some of those little perks are only available if you manage to save a guard from getting stabbed to death. But that's another story.
I smile at the door, and begin the countdown. 5..4..3..2..1. Knocking. Bingo. I know who it is. I let her in, and she's trying to glare at me, but it's not working. We end up laughing and I ask, "You didn't hurt yourself did ya?"
"Just my pride, so, thanks for that."
Well, what did she expect me to do, knock before LEAVING the office? "Any time."
She doesn't say anything, she just looks around the room at all the stuff. I can see her mind working, trying to make sense of it. She stares up at the sign for a moment and asks, "You have family here?"
"Um, no family, it's kinda a joke between me and Angel. The first time he came to visit he told them he was my brother, so..."
"Oh..."
Oh? That's it? I was expecting her to flip, be angry or something, but she's not. "What brings you by?"
"Me? I was, uh, just, uh..."
"Trying to hide from Angel and Willow and pretty much everyone else?"
POV Buffy
Aww. She's concerned about me. She's teasing on the outside, but her feelings say different. Normally I'd be offended that she called me on it. I'd think she was trying to point out my faults. But now, I get it. She says these things cause she wants me to know she understands. I sit on the bed with a sigh and say, "Yeah. Everyone is going to ask me a bunch of questions I don't have any answers to, so I'm hiding."
"How do you know I'm not gonna ask you questions you don't wanna answer?"
That's a fair question. I think about it, ponder it; try to explain my reasons for being here. After 'hiding,' the other is cause I was kinda hoping 'hiding' would lead to some serious make out time. But somehow I doubt she'll wanna do that, which is freaky in itself cause she has restraint, and I don't. What bizarro planet is this? "I just know."
She's just staring at me now, and then she says, "I'm not going to be him, Buffy."
Well, I was right, she's not asking questions, although she is bringing up stuff I don't wanna deal with. "What's that suppose to mean?"
"I'm not going to get on that long line of Buffy worshippers, I'm not going to tell you that everything you do is perfect cause that's crap, sometimes you do things that downright suck."
"And you don't do things that suck?" OK, I'm getting a little angry here. Who the hell is she to judge me?
"Didn't say that. I have done lots of things I'm not particularly proud of..."
"Good, so back off." She just sighs at me, like I'm an annoying child. She runs her hand through her hair, she sits next to me and is quiet for a few moments before she speaks again.
She's softer this time, calmer. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that, like I was accusing you. I'm not. It's just...for this to work, for us to work; we have to be on equal ground here. Anything other than that would cheapen what I think we could have, what we can be to each other. We need to deal with the past first, believe me I'd much rather forget it, but it won't go away no matter how much we might want it to now. Not to mention the fact, this is a big lifestyle change for you, Buffy. I don't know if you're ready for everything that comes with it."
Huh? "What about you? This isn't a lifestyle change for you?"
"Not really. Who's gonna give a shit I'm gay? Nobody. But for you, your friends..."
"They won't have a problem with it, believe me. Do you really think Willow is gonna try and talk me out of it?"
"No. It's more the 'who you'd be doing' that will be the problem."
I laugh slightly and she's seems to get a little upset with the laughing so I quickly explain, "Oh please...after Spike, I doubt they will even raise an eyebrow. And Xander, I'm sure he'll be loving it, of course we probably won't see him for a few days, but..."
We just look at each other and say, "Ewww."
We both laugh and she says, "Yeah, Giles will probably be like, 'oh bloody hell'..."
And now I'm rolling with laughter cause that's exactly what he said about Willow when he found out. Plus, Faith's imitation of his accent is dead on.
After a few minutes she says, "I just want you to be sure this is what you want. That you think before you leap."
I move so we are facing each other and reach out to stroke her cheek gently, "I've thought about this...I've thought A LOT about this."
I'm about to kiss her and there's a knock again. "We really need to invest in a 'Do Not Disturb' sign."
She grins and says, "You ain't kidding..."
She answers the door and I can't see who it is or what they want, but she took something from them. Closing the door, she turns and holds up car keys. "Wanna go for a ride? There's something I need to show you."
CHAPTER FIVE - Revisiting the Past
POV Buffy
OK, I'm not really sure what I've just gotten myself into. Hopefully she knows how to drive. I can't imagine Angel would give her a car without knowing if she could drive. Right?
The car is awesome, it's red and sporty, and she seems really excited about it, and when I didn't join in her enthusiasm, she yelled at me, "It's a Porsche!" I was like yeah, and? She just rolled her eyes and opened the door for me; she's really cute when she's being all chivalrous. I just shrugged and got in. I smiled to myself cause I knew it was a Porsche, my dad had one just like it, but I liked watching her get all huffy about it.
It seems my worries about her driving were for nothing apparently cause Faith is actually a good driver, I woulda thought she'd be a little reckless behind the wheel, but she's not, she even uses turn signals. And the music she chose to play, I woulda thought heavy metal, but she choose a classic rock station. I even caught her singing along to the radio, it was a song I had never heard before in my life, but she knew it. She seemed a little shocked that I never heard of the guy before, I think his name was Neil Young and the song was about an old man or something. I'm starting to understand that the Faith I think I know, does not exist.
We finally arrive at UCLA of all places, and I'm totally confused, what could she possibly want me to see here? She takes my hand in hers and we walk inside one of the buildings, she stops right before she opens the door to one of the classrooms and says, "We need to be quiet, I think the lecture is still going on."
Lecture? Faith is taking me to a lecture, ok, now I know I must have died in the Hellmouth, pretty soon I'll be waking up in a coffin. Again. I shake those thoughts away and follow her inside. She's right, there is a lecture going on, students are madly taking notes, nobody seems to notice us as we slip into the back row. I look around at everyone, wondering what she wants me to see; perhaps if I had listened to what the Professor was taking about I might have had a clue as to what was coming next. We sit for a long while until the class is dismissed, we wait until they all leave and Faith says, "Come on."
The Professor is erasing the board and he turns around to see Faith and his eyes light up and he says, "You're free?"
"Yeah, I'm free..." She turns to me and says, "Buffy, I'd like you to meet Professor Lester Wirth."
Holy shit, did she just say Wirth? It can't be, she...she killed him. "But..."
She whispers by my ear, "Say hi Buffy, you don't want him to think you're retarded do you?"
"Hello." OK, Faith has a lot of explaining to do. I glare at her as he says to me, "I'm glad to meet you Buffy."
Faith continues the conversation like I'm not even there, "I just wanted to stop by to let you know I got out. Um, the books you lent me, um...I'm not quite sure what happened to them..."
"Oh, I picked them up from your friend Angel a few nights ago, so no need to worry about that."
"Good, I was worried they were lost. Anyway, I know you have another class soon so I don't wanna hold you up, but maybe if you're free we could get together if you want."
"That would be great. I'd like that. Give me a call and we'll set something up."
They exchange some more pleasantries and he leaves presumably for his next class. OK, what the hell is this all about? I'm still stuck on the fact Faith didn't really kill the volcanologist. And I went and told everybody she did, actually I told Andrew which pretty much guaranteed everyone would hear about it and in a very exaggerated way. I really didn't want the girls to like her.
"Let's go sit outside and I'll tell you all about the good professor."
I just nod along and follow in stunned silence, she doesn't start talking until we get outside and sit under one of the trees on the campus grounds.
"I know you want an explanation, and I really wish I had one to give to you. But the truth of the matter is, I don't know how he's still alive because as far as I know, I killed him. Imagine my surprise when Angel brought him to the prison and introduced us. I guess Angel ran into him by accident here on campus and knew I wouldn't believe it unless I saw him. Wirth has no idea what happened in Sunnydale, he doesn't remember anything. He's a really nice guy; he would come to visit me once or twice a month and every single holiday. I don't know why, I guess he felt bad for me or something, but it didn't matter cause it's not like I had lots of people wanting to see me."
I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say to all this. "What do you mean 'as far as you know, you killed him?'"
"I mean, I have memories of going to his apartment and killing him, but I guess it didn't happen, cause he's alive and still human. It's really not all that unusual for me, cause ever since I arrived in Sunnydale weird things happened to me. And even before, I don't know...the things I remember are all bad, like nothing good ever happened to me, and that can't be right. I mean...something must have gone my way at one point or another, right?"
"What kind of weird things?"
"Like I mean I would wake up and it would be like days or hours later than I thought. Remember the other night, you asked me about reading the Slayer Handbook. I must have read it because I could tell you damn near everything in it, but I don't remember actually sitting down and reading it. And then other times I would remember things I did, but I couldn't remember why I actually did those things. It was like everything was out of my control, nothing made any sense."
I remember the night on the rooftop at Angel's old office, she was trying to tell me all this then, and again I didn't listen. The only thing I can do now is to ask, "Can you tell me anything specifically?" And as soon as I ask the question, I can feel her tense up, and I sense her emotions, they're all over the place, she's going from angry to sad to scared to ashamed and embarrassed.
She takes a deep breath, and just when I think she's not gonna say anything she finally starts with, "Do you remember your 18th Birthday and the test the Council made you take?"
Uh-oh, I think I'm about to find out something that I'm not gonna like, but I nod and she goes on.
"Well, um...a day or two before your birthday, the uh Council came to see me. I mean, not the whole Council just that old guy..."
"Quentin Travers..." I add helpfully, as I am dreading what she is about to say. Pieces of the puzzle are starting to slide together and I don't like where they are leading me.
"Yeah, him. I don't really remember much of what happened, I'm pretty sure they're responsible, but everything is kinda hazy. I'm pretty sure I let him in to talk and the next thing I know I'm waking up and it's the day after your birthday. Um..."
I can see she's trying hard not to cry as she tells me, "I woke up in the back of this truck, and I had no idea how I got there. Which was disturbing enough, but then I realized that my...um...my pants are around my ankles and I don't know why, although we can assume it wasn't a good thing. I was totally freaked out; I had no idea what went on or what to do. So, I went to your house..."
No, no, no, no, please don't go there. Please don't tell me you came to me for help and I completely turned my back on you, please, Faith, don't tell me that, but it's too late, that's exactly what she's gonna tell me.
"...you were so mad at me..." and now she's crying and I don't know what to do, "...you were mad because I missed your birthday and I stood there and you wouldn't listen to me. I wanted to be there for your birthday, honestly I did. I didn't know about the test until I went to Giles. I was still freaked out and I needed someone and he was supposed to be my watcher too. Instead of telling him what happened, he told me. He told me about the test and how he was fired and that the Council would be sending both of us a new watcher."
I just look at her, she's crying and I'm crying. I never knew. My head was so far up my ass I never even considered the Council might have had something to do with it. I just assumed she was off partying and getting laid. Oh God, what did I do? I'm supposed to help people and the one person who needed me the most I let down. That fucking Quentin Travers is a jackass, but I'm sure he didn't realize what had happened, he wouldn't allow that to happen, right? Just some stupid scumbag they hired decided to...I can't even finish the thought cause it's so...disturbing. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for her, waking up like that, knowing something happened, and then trying to ask for help that neither Giles nor I provided. I know nothing I can do will ever make up for the fact I wasn't there for her, I think I get what Faith meant by some things you just can't take back, no matter how much you might want to. I reach over to her and pull her into a hug and she doesn't resist me, and I just tell her how sorry I am and how it wasn't her fault over and over again.
We stayed like that for a long while, me just holding her, it felt nice. No, that's not correct, it felt right. Of course it all ended quickly when she heard the ding, ding of an ice cream truck. In a flash she was up and out of my arms and yelling over her shoulder she'd bring me back something. I was a little upset at first but then I realized why she left so quickly, it's because she feels uncomfortable having shared something so emotional with me.
I take my time finishing my ice cream because I know after I'm done it will be my turn to share and I don't wanna. I know she wouldn't push me into doing it, but I also know it would hurt her if I shut her out again, especially after what she just told me. So, I finish the ice cream and take a deep breath and proceed to tell her about me.
POV Faith
I know she's just wasting time, pretending to lick every bit of ice cream off the stick, even though it's all been gone for a while now. It would be sexy as hell had we not been in the middle of telling each other things we swore we would never tell anyone. I know she's not gonna stiff me on the dishing dirt, but I also know how hard it is to start talking. So I try to wait patiently and not fidget too much.
"I'm not sure where to start, but I guess starting with how I wound up with Spike is as good a spot as any. I guess it all started when I came back...I was back, but I didn't want to be back. I had wanted to jump; I wanted it to all be over. Death was my gift, so I either kill Dawn or kill myself, and I was just so tired of having to fight all the time, of feeling like I'd never get to be normal, I was tired of losing everybody I loved. And the thing I've never told anyone, not Spike nor my friends, is that I jumped because I wanted to die, not because I wanted to save the world."
She looks at me, her eyes wet with tears, it's like she's expecting me to yell at her or condemn her for wanting to die, but she'll be waiting a long time. I won't ever do that to her because I know what she means, I'd been there myself. And I already knew that stuff, I already knew what she did, what she wanted, and hopefully she won't ever find out how I know all that stuff.
I don't say anything but I take her hand in mine, try to reassure her, to support her, to let her know I understand that I get it. To show her I'm not like all the others, I can understand her in ways nobody else can because I'm a slayer just like her.
"So, I'm back and I just feel empty. It was like I couldn't feel anything and I wanted so desperately to feel something. I was walking around going through the motions of living but not truly feeling alive. And my friends just kinda ignored it; they just wanted things to go back to normal. I tried to act like I cared, but it just got to be too much and I'd spent as much time away from them as I could. I started out small, letting random vamps hit me so I could feel something. Physical pain was better than nothing, but a little led to a little more until one day I just let a vamp beat on me. I had no interest in trying to stop him; it was like I wanted...I needed to be punished. Punished for choosing the wrong thing, for betraying my calling.
"If it wasn't for Spike coming along, the vamp probably would have killed me. I hated Spike for not letting me do it anymore; he followed me everywhere on patrol making sure I was doing what I was supposed to do. Eventually I got sick of it and we fought, it used to be he couldn't hit me back, but what surprised me was that he could hit me now. He could hurt me, so I let him. I let him do whatever he wanted to me and after every time I'd swear it was the last time, but there I was every night going back to him. I was just using him; I didn't really care about him, most of the time I didn't even like him.
"I finally put an end to it, but he wouldn't give up, he finally wound up trying to...um...force me to be with him. Which wasn't really all his fault cause I always resisted at first, cause that made it seem like less my fault and more his fault. And he didn't have a soul at the time, he just had that stupid chip that wouldn't let him hurt anyone...anyone but me. And then everyone found out about it, Willow was confused but didn't really give me shit about it, I guess Tara kinda helped me there. But Xander...he was so angry at me, so disappointed...so disgusted..."
"Well, that's Xander for you. Always sees things others are doing wrong, but never wants to take any responsibility for his actions. And, hello...didn't he like date an ex-vengeance demon and not really mind when she went back to being all demony."
She gives me a look, and I realize I might have said a little too much, maybe I shouldn't be talking shit about him, shouldn't let my own issues with him come into play.
"Well...he was right Faith. What I was doing with Spike was wrong..."
OK, I'm not gonna let this one pass, I have to say something. "OH MY GOD...you had sex...alert the media, call Giles cause there could be an apocalypse. Come on Buffy, it's really not that big a deal..."
"But he didn't have a soul, and I didn't love him...I used him. Xander had every right to be..."
"No, he didn't. He had no right to pass judgement on you; no right to act like he's a better person than you. He had no idea what you were going through, no idea. So, big deal, you had inappropriate sex, it's not the first time that's ever happened in the world. Hell...you're probably not even the first Slayer to do it. And it don't make you a bad person, it just makes you a person..."
We sit there for a long time without saying anything else, just watching life go on around us, lost in our own thoughts. After a while, she laughs slightly and jokes, "Why do I get the feeling you're just saying that so I won't give you shit about Robin?"
Robin...damn. That's a tricky subject isn't it? I'm still wondering why I slept with him, he really isn't my normal type, not to mention that I knew Buffy and I had a future together before I left LA so why did I try to blow it by sleeping with him. Perhaps it's one of those self-fulfilling prophecies the shrink was always yapping about, I did it cause I wanted to fuck things up. Maybe that is it, I tried to sabotage myself, and then I continued to do it by telling her about it, so maybe that's just...typical me behavior. Ruin it before it even has a chance, then again, how mad could she be about Robin, her and I weren't together, now if she wanted to be mad about people I slept with...oh...fuck...
"It's not Robin I'm worried about..." It's the whole Riley subject that has me concerned.
She stops for a moment and says, "Riley..."
I just let it hang there, I don't wanna acknowledge it cause I got nothing to say about it. There is nothing that can be said to defend that, to justify it. I won't even try, cause I know I'm a scumbag for doing it, just gotta accept it. Just gotta accept whatever she wants to say about it, about me, so I brace myself for the worst.
"I think sleeping with him was punishment enough..."
Huh? Did she just...? I wasn't expecting to hear anything like that, I whip my head up in surprise and I'm looking right in her eyes, she's smirking at me, I shrug. "Yeah, he was kinda..."
"Horrible? Bad? Unfulfilling? Utterly...vanilla? Am I getting warm here?"
Uh-oh, this could be a trap. "I'm just gonna stick with no comment..."
She gives me a little nudge on my shoulder, her eyes are still twinkling mischievously, "Come on, pick one..."
Fuck it...she asked..."Well horrible is the word that first comes to mind..."
She laughs, "That's my girl..."
I stop for a moment and I think about what she just said. Am I her girl? I think she knows what I'm thinking cause she asks, "Does it bother you?"
I shake my head yes but I say, "No..." I grin a little and continue, "I kinda like it."
She says, "Me too." And she leans in and kisses me, oh God, Buffy kisses, I'm really digging those. Things would have gotten a whole lot more involved had we not heard the gasp from the couple and their children who walked by at that moment. I start to worry about her reaction, especially when the guy says to us, "You know you're going to hell..."
I was about to tell the guy where he could go and how to get there, but instead Buffy turns to the guy and says, "Been there, not that bad actually, a little hot and dusty...lots of demons..." He just mutters and shakes his head as he ushered his little family away from us and she yells after him, "Yeah...you should really go back to your 'red state', ya fucking moron."
I make a show of looking into her eyes as I half-jokingly say, "WOW! You didn't happen to get some of that black oil on you, did you Scully?"
She blushes a bit at her outburst, then laughs, rolls her eyes at me, "No, Mulder I didn't. I'm fine, no abductions nor black oil, but I think I saw Krycek running around."
"I still say that guy was an alien..." I say as we get up and start walking back toward the car. All relevant conversation is over for the moment, but it's ok, it's kinda nice to slip back into something more comfortable. I know we're not done, there's still much more I need to tell her about me, so many more things which might make her not want to be with me. I try to stay positive, try to lose myself in the pleasantness of a ridiculous conversation.
"No he wasn't..."
"OK, how do you explain him having his arm cut off in one episode and it being back in another. Are we supposed to believe it just grew back? That it was a miracle..."
We argue back and forth about the X-Files all the way back to the hotel. It's not the first time we've argued over that show, nor will it be the last. I'd be rather embarrassed to admit it, but we've also spent lots of time arguing over Dawson's Creek, which I personally believe should have been called Pacey's Creek.
POV Rosemarie
I watched out the window as the two girls walked hand in hand toward the building's parking lot. One of them seemed familiar, but it's not unusual when you're a teacher, you always think you recognize students. The dark-haired girl turns to get into the car and I see her face, it's a face I would recognize anywhere. Faith...
In a flash I was gone, out the classroom, pounding down the stairs, I ran out toward the lot and I saw the car pulling toward the exit. I ran as fast as I could toward their car, I yelled out to her and for a moment I thought she saw me, but then the car pulled out into traffic. I stopped, I was too late, she was gone again. Thankfully I got the license plate number, and I slumped onto a nearby bench to catch my breath and to try and process what I had just seen. I swear she saw me, maybe she did and just wanted to stay gone. It makes no sense, she's supposed to be dead.
I'm not really sure if I believe in miracles or things of that nature, but this is truly amazing. I'm only in LA to co-chair a Literature Conference which in and of itself isn't all that amazing. The fact the conference was supposed to be held in Lawrence, Kansas a few months ago, and only through an act of God, or rather a tornado, caused it to be moved here. And I'm here, on campus for all of twenty minutes and I see her, I see her in a place I wasn't supposed to be at all. Perhaps it's time I start praying, or maybe just play the lottery, cause this has to be my lucky day.
A few minutes later, Charles, the conference co-chair, ran out of the building looking for me, for a large man he was moving pretty fast, when he reached me he just slumped on the bench next to me, trying hard to catch his breath. "Jesus Roe...where the hell were you...running off to? Are you ok?"
I look at him amused for a second, him worrying about me is rather funny, he looks like he's about to have a heart attack. I grab the pen out of his pocket and write the plate number on my hand. I hand him back the pen and say, "I'm fine. Sorry if I alarmed you..."
"Are you going to tell me the reason for the sudden calisthenics, is this a pathetic attempt to get me to exercise? Did my wife put you up to this?"
I decide it's best to jump right into it, "I saw my daughter."
That comment stops him cold, he looks at me like the nutcase I probably am and says, "Your daughter?"
"Yes."
"The one that died?"
"Yes. The only daughter I ever had."
"Do I need to point out how crazy you sound?"
"No, I'm well aware how crazy it all seems to be, but I'm telling you I saw my daughter get into a red Porsche with a blonde girl and take off for God knows where."
He just sighs, he's known me for many years, he knows I'm not the hysterical type. If I say I saw her, he might not completely believe me, but I know he'll help me. We sit for a few more minutes, I smile as he finally asks, "Did you get the plate number?"
I just show him my hand and ask, "Is your son working today?"
"No, he's up at Big Bear, although I believe he'll be back to work overtime tomorrow. And even though it's against my better judgement, I'll give him a call and ask him to run the plate. Fair enough?"
I nod because it's going to have to be fair enough, I don't know any other way to track down a license plate number. I'm sure the police won't want to help me, they weren't all that helpful the first time around and I don't want them to call Nick and the kids and get them all worried about me. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the night, knowing she's out there, somewhere in LA but not being able to go to her.
POV Clementia
I had arrived in LA early this morning, and I immediately sought out the target, the Hyperion Hotel. I spent most of the day observing the happenings from my perch in a nearby tree. A couple of times I thought the vampire spotted me, but it seems he's not as adept at sensing the supernatural as I had been told. But just in case I know he won't be around tonight, I have it on good authority he will be leaving the hotel very shortly, going out to rescue people. Funny that...a vampire saving people, I don't think I'll ever get used to that one. But I guess stranger things have happened, I know, I've witnessed a lot in my line of work.
Believe me I'm very happy to be doing this job; usually I just get to clean up other demon's messes, it's not my usual trade to be cleaning up human messes. Human messes aren't quite as bad, believe me, you don't want to be the one cleaning up after vengeance demons, those women are really...well...vengeful, not to mention messy. And I can't help everyone, although I try, some people just don't want to accept their part in the scheme of things. They don't want to admit that it's something they've done which caused this badness to happen to them, which really doesn't put them in the mood for forgiveness. So, it's my job to show them what they've done and hope they accept it and forgive. If they can forgive they will be allowed to move on to whatever comes next, if not, they'll either stay in limbo or they'll find themselves in Hell.
It's really hard work; there are many vengeance demons, but only one of me, as you can imagine my time is scarce. But when the Powers that Be ask...nay... demand you do a job for them, you'd better clear that calendar in a real hurry, cause they are not a patient lot. Who am I you might wonder? I am Clementia, the goddess of mercy and clemency, hence the name. I know, it sucks, believe me I'd much rather be Diana or Venus, even Hecate, but such is life.
A half an hour after sunset, I watch as the vampire leaves; I wave goodbye to him as he drives away. I'm out of the tree and on the roof in a flash, I sneak down through the unlocked roof door, I move down the corridor cautiously because I don't want to be seen before I'm ready. I finally get myself situated in a darkened corner, from my vantagepoint I can watch the meeting going on below as I wait to make contact.
It seems like hours before the anagogic demon finally shows up. I heard he ran a demon sanctuary called Caritas which means mercy in Latin, which also means me in Latin, kinda funny if your me and don't get out much. Anyway, this demon is connected to the mystic, but it's not his psychic abilities I'm interested in tonight. It's his empathy for the dark-haired slayer, which brings me here.
He is seemingly lost in his own thoughts, when he hears the meeting he stops and watches for a few moments, I take my cue and timidly sidle up next to him and ask, "Penny for your thoughts?"
I startle him and he jumps a little, "You scared the beejeezus out of me, we really need to put bells on all you slayers."
I shrug at him sheepishly, "Sorry...I just didn't want them to catch me listening in, they get really upset when us new slayers want to get involved."
"Well, I don't blame you for sneaking, that group doesn't let anyone in apparently..."
I play along and ask, "What do you mean?"
"Well, for instance, Faith. She's a slayer too, and yet all they do is pretend she doesn't exist. If they would just listen they would realize most of her ideas are really good, they could really help you newer slayers. At least Buffy is starting to hear her; I just wonder how long Buffy will keep doing it if her friends don't want to let Faith in. I just wish for once they could all see things from Faith's point of view..."
"Done."
He looks at me hard for a moment and asks, "What did you just say?"
"I said I think they're almost done. I'm gonna get out of here before they notice me."
He eyes me suspiciously for a moment, then looks down at the meeting to see if it's really breaking up and when he looks back, I'm gone. Unfortunately it's not anywhere pleasant, I have to help a man whose girlfriend is wishing that his no good, cheating, lying ass slides under a gas truck and tastes his own blood before he violently gets blown up. Damn...I really need a vacation...
POV Buffy
I can't believe how badly the meeting went; I never realized how much my friends ignore Faith and her opinions completely. It seems since I've more or less gotten control of my senses, they just wanna go back to treating Faith like her opinions and observations don't matter. This is just so unbelievable; maybe this is why she never came to any of our meetings. Well, that and we never actually invited her. I'm so pissed at them right now; it's like if a suggestion doesn't come from my mouth they don't wanna hear it. I'm most surprised at Giles; even he seemed to blow her off.
I tried everything I could think of to include her, which pretty much backfired. I just merely repeated one of Faith's suggestions and they jumped all over it, saying it was the best idea ever meanwhile when Faith said it they acted like it was a horrible idea. Needless to say, she's pretty upset and took off before I could get a chance to talk with her, so now I'm out here looking for her, hoping to make things right...again. It doesn't take me long to find her, she's only gotten a few blocks away from the hotel, she's busy fighting some vamps, four on one, not really good odds if they've been around for a while so I casually ask, "Want some help?"
"Nah, they're newbies, not really risky."
The vampires seem to be insulted and one of them yells at her, "We are not newbies, we've been vampires for two whole weeks now."
She just looks at me and shrugs, "Did ya hear that? Two whole weeks..."
"Yeah, better be careful..."
"Well you know me, careful is my middle name."
I roll my eyes and just stand there watching her, she is truly a sight to behold. I love watching her slay, she moves so fast and fluidly, and I wonder if I look that good when I'm slaying. A punch here, a kick there, damn she's not even really working up a sweat, so much for hoping they would make her hungry and horny. I watch her as she slowly takes them out one by one. Now there's only one vampire left and he's just completely clueless, he tries to start talking trash, "You will rue the day you ever messed with..."
I wonder what he was gonna say before she staked him, eh, it was probably something lame. "Are you rueing the day?"
"Yep, I'm rueing, whatever was I thinking messing with those bad ass vamps...I sure hope I've learned my lesson..."
"I'm sorry about my friends..."
She looks down and sighs, "Yeah, I'm used to it."
"Well you shouldn't be..."
"Forget it, let's just stake some more vamps and call it a night, yeah?"
At that point I knew it was pretty pointless to try and talk to her about it. So we patrolled around for another hour, unfortunately there were more vampire slayers out than actual vampires, but I guess that's to be expected these days. The girls were all following the suggested rules, no slayer out patrolling alone, so we steered clear of them not wanting them to think we were spying on them.
By the end of the week all the girls will be on their way back to their respective homes at least until we figure out what were gonna do. We've assigned them all email addresses so when we finally decide where the new base of operations will be we can contact them and see if they want to join us. If they don't choose to join us we are going to try to send them some kind of watcher person. Although there isn't much left of the old council, but Giles thinks we can find some people who'd be willing.
Faith and I both demanded we get to interview any potential watcher, I wanna make sure they aren't like the old council, meanwhile Faith said she wants to make sure they aren't dorks. Of course she was only kidding, hmmm...I think she was only kidding, it is quite possible she was serious. Finally Faith has had enough walking around, and calls it a night and we went back to the hotel.
I walk with her towards her room, it's kinda awkward, I don't know if I'm supposed to follow her inside or say goodnight or kiss her goodnight, or wait for her to do it. There isn't a chance to do any of those things as she quickly opens the door and steps inside. I just sigh and keep walking and then she calls out to me, "Buffy?"
"Yeah?" As I turn to look at her I just keep repeating, 'don't say nothing, don't say nothing, don't say nothing'. The moment seems to be dragging on and I'm thinking she's definitely gonna say nothing when she surprises me, "Stay with me?"
I feel her nervousness, I guess she thinks I might say no, but I say, "Sure..."
I feel even more nervousness from her as she looks everywhere but directly at me. "I-I don't wanna do anything, I just..."
I close the distance between us and make her look at me, "I know, it's ok." I give her a quick kiss and a little half smile before I follow her into her room.
CHAPTER SEVEN - The Shared Dream Experience
POV General
During the night, while Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy are fast asleep, safe in their warm little beds, unbeknownst to each other, they all start having the same dream. A dream that will show them the other side of the story, the side they were never supposed to see.
It's the old Sunnydale High School; Faith is pacing back and forth in front of the double library doors. She's muttering to herself, "just ask him, what's the worst he could say?"
After a few more minutes of pacing she finally takes a deep breath and walks into the library. Giles is behind the library counter, stamping in the returned library books, he looks up at Faith and smiles slightly and goes back to his work.
She walks up to the counter, "Giles? I was, uh, wondering, um, if the uh Council would consider...giving me some money?"
Giles stops what he is doing, looks at her, "You need money?"
"Well, um, not right this second, but if they could maybe give me something, I might actually be able to..." The rest of the gang comes in as Faith finishes, "eat..."
But it's too late, Giles full attention is on Buffy and the gang, "Ah, Buffy, I'm glad you are here..."
Faith looks upset as she watches them all walking over to the tables, she runs her hand through her hair, closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a breath, then another, when she opens her eyes; she no longer looks upset but looks rather bored. She wanders over to the rest of them and takes a seat on one of the tables.
The dream continues. Now it's the inside of a bar, Willy's Alibi Room to be exact. Willy is standing behind the bar and Faith comes walking in, she takes a seat at the far end of the bar. Not one of the demons or vampires in the place moves, they don't seem to view Faith as a serious threat. Willy comes over. "There's a game in the back..."
Faith grins, "High stakes?"
He nods, "For them..."
She smirks as she walks into the back room and grabs the open seat, "I'm in, what are we playing?"
Most of the Scoobies don't recognize any of the demons at the table, except for one big, tall, floppy-eared demon they all know to be Clem. They seem to be playing cards for a long while; Faith must have won most of the hands, which is obvious from the amount of chips piled up in front of her. The others seemingly admit defeat and start getting up and leaving the room.
Clem gets up and walks around the table, he looks totally upset, but he sighs and hands Faith a basket with two kittens in it, one of the kittens is mostly white with a little splash of black on its tail and the other is completely black. She looks at the kittens, then looks up at him, "What are these?"
Clem smiles helpfully, "They're kittens..."
She laughs slightly and shakes her head. "I KNOW that...why are you giving them to me?"
"These are your winnings..."
"What? Where's the cash?"
"Oh, we don't play for cash, we play for kittens."
"WHY?"
"Oh, well...I guess cause they are delicious when you cook them..."
Faith looks disgusted and yells, "YOU EAT THEM?"
Clem shakes his head yes and Faith sighs angrily. She pushes up from the table and goes to storm out, she gets halfway to the door and comes back over, gives Clem a defiant look and picks up the basket of kittens and walks back out into the bar.
"WILLY?"
She screams at him and he is falling down laughing at her, "You shoulda seen your face, that was so fucking priceless..."
"Man...you knew they were playing for kittens, you coulda told me ya fuck." She puts the basket on the bar and takes a seat. Willy is still laughing at her. She says, "Yeah real fucking funny, I don't need kittens, I need money, rent is due and I'm...really fucking hungry..."
Clem sits down next to her and says, "Well, you could always eat one of the kittens..."
She yells, "CLEM!" She looks at him angrily and sees his smiling, helpful face and she sighs and says more calmly, "You're really not helping..."
Willy comes back and puts a shot glass down in front of her and fills it up with Jack Daniels, "Have a JD and quit your bitching...in a few minutes some Kronos demons will be coming in here looking to play a little 9-ball..."
She looks hopeful, "Really?"
"Yep, I heard they got lots of cash, so you should make out alright. And in the meantime, I got some kegs that need to be changed out, so that should keep you occupied."
She asks sarcastically, "Whose gonna watch the kittens?"
Clem doesn't get it and offers, "I could watch them for you..."
"Fine...but I see one of those kittens anywhere near your mouth, we're fighting." She turns back toward the bar, "Uh...Willy?...Did you not hear me say I was hungry?"
Willy rolls his eyes and grabs a bag of popcorn from behind the bar and throws it to her, "I'm putting it on your tab."
She mumbles under her breath, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...what else is fucking new..."
The dream continues, Faith is standing on a porch with a box, an attractive, young, woman answers the door and asks, "May I help you?"
"Oh, um, hi, you don't really know me, but I heard that your daughter's cat kinda got run over the other day. And I happened to come across these kittens and I was wondering..."
The woman smiles widely, "That is so thoughtful, come in, you can give them to Tiffany yourself...she's gonna love them..."
"Well, I..."
The woman holds open the door, "No, no...come in...You know, it's weird, but I looked all over Sunnydale, can you believe not one kitten in this whole town..."
Faith is now inside the living room, she puts the box on the floor and squats down in front of a little girl playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Hey, you're Tiffany right?"
"Yeah...Who are you?"
"I'm Faith, I, uh, was hoping you could do me a favor."
The little girl eyes her suspiciously, "What kind of favor?"
Faith takes the kittens out of the box "Well, these little guys need someone to look out for them, I was wondering if you could do that for me."
The little girls eyes lit up, big smile on her face, she immediately drops the Barbie and takes the black kitten from Faith and holds it close to her, giving it kisses on the top of its head. "I could do that...What are they're names?"
"Well, they don't have names..."
"Oh..." She thinks about it for a moment and says, "how about we call this one Faith..."
Faith laughs slightly, "You wanna name the cat after me?"
"Yeah, it's got dark hair like yours...What do you think we should call the other one?"
Faith smiles at the kid, then picks up the white kitten, she looks at her little furry face, laughs slightly, "You could call this one Buffy..."
The little girl nods her consent and they put both kittens on the floor and the black one pounces on the white one and they roll around, biting and pawing at each other, the little girl asks worriedly, "Are they fighting?"
"Nah, they're just playing...See..." The white one is now on top of the black one and starts licking its ears. Faith grins at them; "They're just really good friends..."
The scene shifts back to Willy's Alibi Room again, this time there are some Christmas decorations hanging up. Faith is sitting at the bar slouched over with her hand holding up her head. She looks sad and depressed, Willy comes over to her, he's looking a little worse for wear. His arm is in a sling, all around his eyes are the yellowish, black color of fading black eyes, "You know, you should really find yourself a boyfriend, you are too good a catch to be single."
"Yeah...what am I gonna do with a boyfriend?"
A big red demon, with horns growing out of his head, takes a big sip of his beer and interjects, "The same thing women always do, take our money, leave us with nothing and then go and sleep with the first chaos demon you meet."
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says to him, "Ralphie that was over a year ago...get over it already..."
Willy jumps in again, "How about that kid, what's his name...Xander. That kid is going places."
"Why would I want to go out with Xander?"
"Well, first off, you could do worse. Second, you ain't gonna get the princess..."
"Who said I wanted her?"
"You did."
Faith rolls her eyes and answers, "Yeah...well...that was a long time ago..."
"It was like a week ago...on Christmas Eve...you were all happy, begging me to let you have the night off..."
"Whatever...I'm over it. Back to the land of the sane hetero's..."
"Well...I'm glad you're over it, I'm still wearing the evidence that I gave you the wrong night off."
Faith looks down, "I told I was sorry..."
Willy waves off the apology, but won't be deterred, "So, what about it?"
"I don't know, we'll see how it goes." Willy leaves to serve another customer as she thinks about it, she smiles slightly, "He is kinda funny though...not bad looking...single now that Cordy's done with him. He seems trustworthy, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't hurt me, not that he could make anything happen if I didn't want it to happen. And I really hate being alone all the time." Willy comes back with an expectant look, she says, "Maybe you're right Will, maybe Xander would make a good boyfriend..."
The scene shifts again, this time it's Faith's little crappy apartment. Her and Xander are lying there in post-coital bliss, he is gently running his hand up and down her arm, she's digging it. They smile at each other and he says, "Oh god Cordy..."
Faith stops and stares at him, "Who did you just call me?"
Xander looks confused for a moment and then it seems to dawn on him what he just did, and he answers nervously, "I-I said Faith...I called you Faith...Not Cordy...I never said Cordy..."
They're standing on opposite sides of the bed now, Faith has the sheet wrapped around her and Xander has his underwear on. She argues, "Yes you did, I heard you..."
"I-I don't think you heard me correctly, Cor..."
Xander slaps himself in the head at his stupid mistake yet again. Faith stares at him for a moment and points to the door and screams at him, "GET OUT!"
"What? No...come on. It was an honest mistake I didn't mean it Co...um...Faith? Why the fuck do I keep doing that?"
"I don't know but you can think about it outside..." She gathers up his stuff and pushes it into his arms and she pushes him out the door. He is standing outside her room now and he looks back in at her and she says sarcastically, "That was great...gotta shower..." Then she slams the door on him, he stares at the door for a long moment, then shrugs and starts getting dressed.
Back inside the room, Faith walks around, she's running her hand through her hair, she finally sits down on the bed. She pulls her knees up to her chest, she wraps her arms around them and puts her head down, it appears as if she's crying.
Now it's the Sunnydale High School Library, there is a big, huge demon stuck in the floor. It has huge tentacles with eyeballs on each of them, all around are the Sisterhood of the Jhe. Angel and Faith are fighting the sisterhood, the demon takes a swing at Angel, but he ducks and swings back at her hitting her dead in the face, breaking her neck, she falls back onto the ground dead, another one takes its place. Faith is beating one of the them, she stabs it in the chest and it falls to ground, she turns and starts helping Angel with his demon. Giles swings at the Hellmouth demon with an ax, trying to force it back into the Hellmouth as he recites the rest of the binding spell.
"Omnia...vasa...veritatis!" Then he screams at Buffy, "Now, Buffy!"
From high above him, at the stack level, Buffy swings a battleaxe at it, it tries to retreat from her back into the Hellmouth, it lashes out with its tentacles in its attempt to avoid Buffy's blows. One of the tentacles hits Angel hard, throwing him into a wall and knocking him unconscious. Meanwhile, another one lands a solid hit on Faith and she goes flying up and over the reception desk, she hits the wall behind it and you can hear the crack of bones breaking before she falls to the floor.
Buffy is madly cutting into the demon's tentacles as it quickly tries to slip the last of the way back through the Hellmouth into Hell, once inside the gateway seals itself behind it. Buffy runs to Angel's side, it takes a few minutes but he finally wakes up. Giles and Willow come over to them; they help Buffy get him to his feet and out the back library door into the fresh air.
A few minutes later, Faith stands up slowly behind the reception desk holding her arm and wincing a little in pain, her forehead is cut and bleeding. She says, "I, uh, shit...I think I broke my arm, guess I'm gonna need..." She looks around and notices that everyone is gone, her eyes are wide in disbelief. Finally she snorts a little disgusted laugh and starts walking around the reception desk toward the double doors, carefully avoiding the hole in the floor still holding her broken arm. "Don't mind me, I'm just the extra slayer, it's not like I have feelings..."
The dream changes again back to Faith's apartment. There is a knock at the door; she looks towards it frowning. She sighs as the knock comes again; she gets up off the bed and opens the door, "Yeah..."
Quentin Travers is standing there, he offers out his hand, "Hello, Ms. LeHane, I'm Quentin Travers from the Watcher's Council."
She looks at his hand for a moment, unsure what to do, finally she shakes it, "You must be lost, Buffy and Giles are at the high school."
"I assure you, I'm not lost, I'm here to see you. Do you mind if I come in?"
"I don't know...can you?"
He laughs slightly as he walks in, "You do know it's daytime..."
"Yeah...I was making a joke...I'm a funny girl..."
"Quite..."
Faith turns her back to him, headed back towards the bed; suddenly she is shot with two electrical probes from an EMD gun. As soon as the probes hit her she falls to the ground, muscles spasming for a few moments as she just lays there completely paralyzed. She's still conscious, her breathing is rapid and ragged, the look on her face is one of pure terror, tears stream down her face as Quentin calls out to the others waiting outside, "Quickly...get her into the truck so we can finish this before it wears off."
Faith is in the back of an armored car, she slowly regains consciousness and looks around. She looks down her body and her eyes widen in shock, she jumps up and immediately pulls back up her pants. She frantically looks around, she's freaking out. "What the fuck..." She's starting to hyperventilate, she spins around wildly, she doesn't know what to do, where to go. Suddenly she falls down on her hands and knees and throws up. When she's done she backs away into a corner of the truck. She pulls her knees up tight to her chest again and starts rocking back and forth until she finally loses it and starts crying, "Oh God..."
Now Faith is standing on Buffy's porch, she looks like she doesn't know what to do. One of her arms is wrapped around her stomach, the other one she's nervously biting on her thumbnail. She's really nervous, shifting back and forth on each foot, trying to decide what to do, finally she knocks, and after a few minutes Buffy answers the door.
"B...Buffy?"
Buffy looks really pissed, "Oh, you finally decide to show back up, finally decided to come back and do your fucking job."
"I-I...I..."
Buffy starts yelling at her, "God forbid you take any responsibility Faith. Do you have any idea what I've been through the past couple of days..."
Faith stares at the ground, she won't look up at Buffy. Buffy continues her tirade, wildly gesticulating with her arms, she's so into her responsibility speech she doesn't notice how Faith flinches every time Buffy's hands shoot out. Buffy finishes yelling and Faith just turns and slowly walks down the steps without saying anything, Buffy blows out an angry sigh, goes back into the house and slams the door shut.
The scene shifts again, it's the outside Giles' apartment building. Faith is standing there, she's looking at the door, and she walks over to it hesitantly and is about to knock when Giles comes down the stairs behind her, "Faith?"
Faith jumps back a little into the shadows and says, "G-Giles..."
"Oh, it is you. I suppose you're here to ask about the Cruciamentum test..."
"Test?"
"Oh...uh...it's a rite of passage...the...uh...Council..." Faith tries to back further into the wall when she hears the word council. Giles looks a little concerned, he takes a step closer to her, "You look really...bad, perhaps you should go home and get some rest."
Faith nods and cautiously moves past him, she gets to the stairs and Giles says, "I, uh, should probably inform you that the Council fired me tonight. They'll be sending another Watcher which means you should probably try to, uh, be a little more...like Buffy...I'm not saying you have to be her, but it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more responsible. You can't just come and go whenever you please, going out partying all the time..."
Faith looks stunned, "Partying? Yeah...that's what I've been doing...partying..."
Faith is standing outside Willy's Alibi Room talking with Willy. He says, "Look, I'm really sorry kid, but I can't let you hang around here no more. If you're smart you'll get your ass on the next bus outta town..."
Faith looks hurt and confused, "What? Why?"
"I'm talking about the fact you killed the main supplier for the entire demon underworld of Sunnydale. Allan Finch was the man to see if you needed to get things in this town, if say you needed an Asian virgin for a spell or ritual, or you needed to get fresh blood delivered to your bar, he could make it happen. Every demon and vampire in Sunnydale wants a piece of you now, as a matter of fact, I'm not all that happy with you right now either. The only person you've made happy is the Mayor."
"Why would he be happy about it? They worked together..."
Willy shook his head, "Obviously you've never met the Mayor, he's kinda...insane and completely unaware of Finch's little side business. The Mayor would probably view it as unsavory or lewd or pornographic, I don't know, apparently he's completely freaked out by germs and anything involving sex and women. Anyway, the word on the street is Finch came looking for you and the Princess to rat the Mayor out cause he's planning something that will most likely destroy all of Sunnydale. And that would have been awfully bad for Finch's business..." Willy laughs and shakes his head, "Apparently you should have talked first and staked later..."
Faith gets pissed, "Fuck you, all right. Believe me I'm already getting enough shit about it. It was a fucking accident, coulda just as easily been Buffy holding that stake. It won't take long for the superfriends to find out about it; no way Buffy will keep quiet. No way will they believe this was an accident. They'll probably call in the Council or something, I'm sure Willow would be the first one to suggest calling them, that girl really fucking hates me. They'll never protect me the way they would Buffy, and why would they, they never gave a shit about me before. And what's the Council gonna do, most likely put a bullet in my head, that way problem solved and they'll get a new slayer to boot. It's a win-win situation for them. Jesus...this...this is just...fucked..."
Willy just shrugs, "Well, I don't know what to tell ya. The best thing you can do is get the hell outta dodge, before it's too late..."
Faith looks at him and sighs, "After what you just told me that's not really an option."
"So what are ya gonna do?"
Faith turns and starts walking away, "I'll think of something..."
Faith is in a small room with lots of furniture piled up, she opens one of the drawers to a desk and looks around nervously. She takes a pencil out of her pocket and drops it in the drawer quickly and slides it shut again. She steps outside the room as a vampire brings in a scared looking Willow and pushes her into the room and shuts the door.
Faith turns to the guy, "You bite her and I swear I'll seriously torture your ass before tying you to a tree so you can watch the sun rise. Don't fucking think I won't..."
The vampire swallows nervously at the threat and nods his head in agreement and Faith turns and walks out. The vamp shoots the finger in the direction Faith just left and turns his attention toward the door.
Faith walks down the corridor inside City Hall, she stops as she sees Willow sitting on the floor looking through the Books of Ascension, she says to herself, "You gotta be fucking kidding me...This coulda all been over by now." She glances up at the camera, which is pointed directly at Willow, she sighs and mutters, "Fucking idiot..." She steps into the doorway, "Check out the bookworm."
Willow jumps up and turns toward her, "Faith!"
"Anyone with brains, anyone who knew what was going to happen to her, would try to claw her way out of this place. But you, you just can't stop Nancy Drew-ing, can you? Guess now you know too much and that kinda just naturally leads to killing."
"Faith, wait. I want to talk to you."
Faith glances at the doorway, she sees the Mayor standing there and says "Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
"It's way too late. You know it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy." Faith rolls her eyes at the mention of Buffy being her friend and Willow continues, "Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste."
Faith punches Willow in the jaw and she falls to the ground, "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient."
Willow climbs back to her feet, "Aw, here I just thought you didn't have a come back."
Faith says, "You're begging for some deep pain."
"I'm not afraid of you."
Faith pulls out the fancy knife, Willow's eyes go a little wide, "Let's see what we can do about that."
The Mayor finally interrupts, "Girls, I hope I don't have to separate you two. Faith, you can play with your new toy later. Something's come up." Faith keeps holding the knife to Willow's neck, staring into her eyes, The Mayor continues from the door, "Faith! You know I don't like repeating myself."
Faith looks Willow up and down and says, "I got someone. I got him."
The Mayor continues speaking, "I just received a heck of an interesting phone call."
The dream finally ends. The four continue to sleep, a little more restlessly than before the dream.
POV Faith
I look into the mirror, and I wonder out loud, "Why am I doing this again?" I think about it for a moment, "Oh yeah, cause I sold my soul for some money and a shiny red Porsche."
I really don't believe that, but I gotta admit, I don't like the fact Wolfram & Hart is involved. Not that Angel has me doing work for them, but I don't like them this close to me or Angel for that matter. I know this whole thing isn't going to end well, Team Angel working for evil incarnate...I'm gonna hafta do something about this.
I walk out of the bathroom, I look at the girl sleeping in my bed, it makes me smile. Buffy is really beautiful, she looks so peaceful sleeping, I kinda feel bad for having to duck out on her, but I'm sure she'll understand. When I get back, she'll know I did it for a good reason. I lean down and kiss her on her forehead and caress her check gently, she shifts slightly and smiles in her sleep.
I watch her sleep for a few more moments. I think about everything I told her last night, about my life before Sunnydale, all the abuse suffered at the hands of the people who should have loved me, who were supposed to protect me. I really wish I didn't have to leave right now, I don't want her to wake up and think I ran away. I left her a note though, letting her know that I'm not running away, I just had something to do. Also letting her know that I love her, I know it would be better to tell her to her face, but I want her to know and I'm just not ready to say it out loud yet.
POV Faith
I can hear Xander coming down the hallway, so I take one last look at the girl who has my heart. I hope she understands just how hard it was for me to give it, I hope she knows that it's more fragile than anyone would ever suspect. I turn and open the door before Xander has a chance to knock; I don't want him to wake Buffy up. He seems a little startled to see me. I ask as I quickly shut the door.
"Ready?"
He just nods, he seems too quiet, Xander's mouth is usually running a mile a minute, and it's kinda disturbing to see him so mellow. But he did just lose his chick so I won't call him on it. We step outside into the darkness, damn I really hate that it's still dark out, one thing I really don't like is getting up before the sun. I check my jacket pocket for a stake just in case, I really don't need Xander getting killed by a vamp while he's with me, cause somehow I don't think anybody would believe it was an accident, and well, been there, done that, got the long prison sentence.
Xander and I get into the car and I can't take the silent act any longer.
"So...Angel says you asked for me specifically...why?"
It takes a long while before he finally speaks.
"Because...I know if I ask you, you'll give me an honest opinion."
"Hmm...I guess that really would depend on what you asked me..."
I wonder where he's going with this. I wish he had spoken to somebody about this, if something should go wrong, how much trouble would I be in? I know I should be more worried about Xander, but he already has plenty of people to worry about him.
"I suppose so, it's just...I know you won't tell me what I want to hear. You won't just give me some lame pep talk and expect everything to go back to normal."
"Xander...they just want you to be ok..."
"Well in case you haven't noticed Faith I'm not ok, I'm a very long way away from ok...and apparently I've been fucked up for quite a long while..."
OK, I have no clue what he means or how to handle this situation; I'm the last person he should be with right now. I should probably turn around and take him back...
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea..."
He just sits there and doesn't say a word one way or another. I'm starting to get really worried about him, when he finally says, "I just...I'm sorry, Faith..."
OK, what did he just say? He's sorry? He's apologizing to me? Why?
"Huh? I think you got it backwards there, shouldn't I be apologizing to you?"
"To be honest, I don't think so, I don't think you owe me anything. I should have apologized to you a long time ago, I guess I didn't realize calling you by the wrong name..."
Oh...so that's what this is about. Yeah, you do owe me an apology for that...dickhead. Of course I let him off the hook and I just kinda shrug.
"It happens..."
"It shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I never realized how much we treated you like you didn't matter, and maybe if we had treated you better, maybe if I had tried to make things up to you before everything else happened... I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have seemed like such a jackass when I thought I could be the hero and save the day."
"Look...Xander, stop this, it's not your fault, a lot of things happened back then to contribute, it wasn't just you..."
He interrupts me, "You're right Faith, it wasn't just me. It was all of us, we were complete assholes and you deserved much better."
I wanna argue with him more, want to tell him it's entirely my fault. I'm the one to blame, I was wrong, I deserved exactly what happened, it's my fault cause I'm evil, I'm bad...my father taught me well didn't he? But I'm not that girl anymore.
"Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry too..."
"I know...I forgive you..."
I just nod at that, I'm not quite sure what else there is to do, I really don't think I'm ever gonna understand these people. When I wanted their forgiveness they couldn't be bothered, and now that I'm not looking for it, they're practically tripping over themselves to say it.
We drive a few more blocks before he looks over at me and smirks, "So, what's going on with you? You, uh, dating anyone?"
Ok, I wasn't expecting that question, actually I wasn't expecting any of this conversation. I'm not really sure what he means. Or how to even begin to answer so I just play it cool, "Why...you interested?"
He laughs slightly, "You know, don't think just because I only have one good eye at the moment I didn't notice the really hot, blonde slayer sleeping in your bed..."
Oh fuck...busted! I glance nervously over at him.
"You saw that?"
He's really laughing at me now, enjoying seeing me squirm, have I mentioned how much I don't like him?
"So? What of it? Come on let me have it...let's get this over with..."
"Nope...I got nothing to say."
I eye him suspiciously; I wonder why he's not saying anything. I can't help but say something sarcastic.
"Well that's a first..."
Fortunately he just laughs; he gets that I wasn't trying to be mean.
"Ouch...Are you always this cheerful in the morning?"
"Yep, especially when I'm really hungry, like right now..."
"You're hungry? Try only having water since 3 p.m. yesterday, then you can talk about hungry..."
"Oh...so these guys are like real doctor's then?"
"Yeah, I guess, it's a mystical/magical/medical kinda thing, or so I was told." A few more blocks go by and he asks, "Hey, is it true? Did you really take out the whole Sunnydale police force?"
I shrug defensively, "They started it..."
He laughs, I grin, I think this is probably the best conversation I've ever had with Xander, it's definitely the longest. "That's what I thought..." After a few minutes he finally asks, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing here?"
Ah, the question that requires the honest opinion. This is just totally weird, Xander wanting my opinion on something, wanting me to take him to the doctor. I seriously don't get it cause just last night the Scoobs were doing their whole 'pretend Faith doesn't matter' thing again. I wonder why they act like that one-minute then act like we're supposed to be friends the next. I know I don't have much experience when it comes to friendship, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Also, it really doesn't help me get over my trust issues with them, but as always, I try to help out.
"I don't know, Xander. I guess it depends on why you wanna do this...if you're doing it just to make Buffy or Willow feel better then this is definitely a bad idea. If you want this for yourself, then, why not? It's worth a try. But I guess the question you really need to ask yourself is: can you handle it if it doesn't work out?"
He just nods and takes in what I've said. I feel bad for the guy, this is kinda a tough decision. Who knows what could go wrong? I guess he gets it too.
"You think they might mistakenly give me an evil eye?"
"I'm not sure, I suppose it could happen, but this isn't Sunnydale, things might actually work out here. Hey, maybe you can get a cool x-ray vision eye. Check out all the girls, see if the carpet matches the drapes..."
I give him a grin and a nudge with the last comment. He smiles back at me and shakes his head.
"I can't believe you just said that..."
"Or...maybe you could get like a cool laser eye. Like the guy from X-Men, Cyclops. He's a major stud. You could probably dust vamps at like a thousand paces or something. Hmmm...Lasers? I'm gonna write that one down."
"You are one strange girl Faith..."
"Thanks..."
I really meant the last part, calling me strange means he at least has an opinion of me. And hey it's better than what I had imagined he thought of me. Maybe they're finally coming around, maybe Lorne was right. Maybe I will finally get something good going with these people.
We drove the rest of the way not really talking much; Xander kept pointing out all the food places that were open. I kept threatening to stop at one of them. It was good times.
POV Buffy
I woke up slowly and reached out for Faith and I realize she's not there with me. I sit up in a panic, remembering the conversation from last night. Remembering the awful things Faith had to deal with, feeling all that pain from her when she spoke about it. I kinda knew she didn't have a great life before Sunnydale, but I never knew how truly awful it was for her. I met some kids who went through some rough stuff at the high school, but nowhere near as horrifying as this.
The hardest thing about hearing it all was keeping strict control over my emotions, I didn't want her to feel pity, I wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to feel loved because up to this point, her watcher and Angel were the only people to ever show her that. I wanted her to know that I care about her too. And to let her know I won't be abandoning her that I will always be here for her, like I should have done when she first came to Sunnydale.
Speaking of which, I remember this dream I had last night, seeing the way Faith had to live in Sunnydale. Seeing everything from her point of view for pretty much the very first time. I realize now how very little we knew about the things Faith did, how she survived, how she managed to pay for her living expenses. I never thought how hard it must have been for her, being barely 18 with no family, no money, nobody left who cared about her. The only person to have ever given a shit about her was killed right in front of her all because of a stupid test, a stupid meaningless test.
And me, what did I do? Nothing. I never gave her much thought, well, that's not exactly true. I thought plenty about her, those thoughts mostly centered on Faith having sex with some random guy, enjoying herself, liking who she was, being the number one party girl. And goddamn it if I wasn't completely jealous, which is just ridiculous, I had everything and she had nothing. But I was jealous of her. And Faith just went along with it, she just acted like everything was 5 x 5 when it wasn't even close to resembling good. Or maybe 5 x 5 meant 'everything sucks, I need help.' You know she should really come with a dictionary.
I finally spy a note on her pillow, I'm almost afraid to read it, afraid it's gonna tell me that she left, she needed her space, she couldn't stay with me. Or any one of a thousand variations on that theme, and who would blame her for that. It takes me a few minutes but I finally get my courage together and reach for it.
Buffy,
Sorry I had to leave so early this morning. There's something I need to do this morning. I woulda told you about it, but it's kinda like a secret or something. Don't worry, I promise you I'm not doing anything illegal, it could possibly be immoral though--but this is me we are talking about, so...
You wouldn't believe how much time it took me to write this note, I spent about twenty minutes trying to decide the best way to start it and about another twenty to decide how to sign it. Weird, huh?
I just wanted to say thanks for everything you did for me last night, I appreciate it more than you'll probably ever know.
Love you,
Faith
Aww...she loves me...I knew it, I kinda love her too. I know if would seem to some that us admitting we love each other would seem like we're moving way too fast, but it doesn't feel that way to me. It just feels right to me; it feels like I've finally found someone I can be happy with, somebody I can share my life with. Sure, there's the whole, she's another girl thing, but I have to admit, her and I make a whole lot more sense than Riley and I, or Spike and I, it even makes more sense than Angel and I. Don't get me wrong, I loved Angel, I really did, but Faith and I connect on a level that those guys just can't touch, she understands me like no other person on this planet. And I know it's not just the slayer thing, it's more than that, a whole lot more than that, it always has been, I guess that's why it scared us both so much at first.
I probably would have stayed here in her bed waiting for her to return, but there's a knock at the door. I look around; I'm feeling a little brave surrounded by all of Faith's stuff, and I decide now is as good a time as any to have people find out about us.
I open the door and I'm kinda shocked to see Willow standing there. On second thought, perhaps this really wasn't the best time for people to find out. She sees me and says, "Oh...Buffy? I thought this was Faith's room?"
I smile a little and try to be brave; "It is..."
She looks confused for a moment, she takes in my just got out of bed appearance and then her eyes get really, really big, her mouth drops open as she realizes what I am inferring. She points her finger at me and says a little too loudly, "You slept with her again?" I pull her inside because I really don't want an audience and I close the door. She's just standing there and all of sudden she says nervously, "Um...maybe you guys wanted to be alone..."
"She's not here, Will." I hand her the note I was still holding, and wait for her to get to the end. I wonder what she's gonna say as I nervously bite my lower lip.
Again with the yelling, "She loves you?"
"Ok, can you not scream that so loudly?"
Willow looks totally confused, "Why? You...are you...not..."
"No, it's ok...i-it's good...I'm really happy about it, I kinda love her too. I'm not really ashamed or embarrassed..." I feel the blush creep across my face and frown, "ok that might be slightly inaccurate..."
Willow takes that all in and smiles at me, "Oh Buffy...welcome to my team..."
I laugh and she gives me a hug, I knew she wasn't gonna have a problem with this. We sit down on the bed and I suddenly wonder why Willow was looking for Faith, coming to her room so early in the morning...
She sees my look, "Stop that...I wasn't coming here to get with Faith. Although she is a hottie..."
My mouth drops open, "Willow!"
She grins at me, "What? She's a girl, I'm a girl, we like girls..."
OK, now she's just mocking me and I don't like it, so I just settle for pouting. I can't keep it up though, I haven't been this happy in...well...a really long time. It's quite possible I've never been this happy before.
"I just came here this morning because I had a dream about Faith last night..."
My eyes just widen at that, what kinda dream did she have?
"Oh, stop it Buffy, not that kind of dream. Hello...I have my own slayer, I don't need yours."
I wonder if she's figured out that the whole 'hungry/horny' thing isn't just a myth, but decide to keep my wondering to myself. I just sigh, "I guess I'm being a little stupid and jealous, huh?"
"Just a little bit..."
I suddenly realize something and I ask, "This dream you had...was it kinda like you were seeing things from Faith's point of view."
"You had it too?"
I just nod, damn, that's not good. Hopefully Faith won't freak out too much perhaps we just don't mention it.
Willow asks me, "Did you know about all that stuff?"
"No...not all of it. She told me about the truck thing yesterday. I can't believe I never listened to her...she came to me for help Will..."
Damn...my emotions are all over the place this morning, one minute I'm sad and then I'm happy and then I'm crying, it's almost like I have no control over them. I just put my head on Willow's leg, I can't help but cry at what I did to Faith, at everything that happened to her. All that abuse Faith was forced to deal with, it's just too much. I know Willow is crying too as she gently strokes my hair. She says, "I know...and she tried to help me get away from the Mayor, and I called her a worthless waste. We're bad people Buffy..."
I can't argue with that, "The worst...I can't believe she actually came back to help us. If I was her I woulda gotten as far away from us as possible."
"And Xander...I really need to smack him in the head. Calling her Cordelia, what a complete dope. And then not even apologizing. No wonder she tried to strangle him. I probably woulda done it too if he had called me Cordelia at that moment. I can't believe I was actually jealous she was with him..."
"What about Giles? He wasn't much better. I can't believe he told her to be more like me. Doesn't he understand we're girls, you don't ever compare one girl to another? It's just...wrong."
We sit quietly for a few minutes, thinking about how horribly we treated Faith. I can't believe she broke her arm and I never knew about it. I can't believe she actually tried to help Willow escape. Is it possible she was on our side and never left it? I guess it's possible, I can understand why she couldn't say anything, why she might not have wanted to say anything. Maybe she wanted me to figure things out, she gave me lots of opportunities to see, and maybe I just didn't want to.
That night with the box of Gavrock, she hit Willow, but didn't leave any mark, if she was really our enemy, if she really had hated Willow as much as everybody thought, there would have been a bruise, mostly likely a big one. At the very least there would have been major swelling but there was nothing. I remember the fight we had over Mrs. Post, I remember how bruised up Faith was, and how unmarked I was the next day. It's so fucking stupid, I actually thought my healing was better than hers, thought that I was just stronger than she was, I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't have any bruises because she didn't really want to hurt me, she held back, same thing with the fight before Graduation. Faith had me, she held me at the edge of the building, prepared to toss me off, but she hesitated. If she was so evil, and bad, why'd she hesitate? Why not throw me off the roof, and win? All these thoughts just swirl around my head, all those things I didn't notice then, are clear as day to me now. Why? Why didn't I see it then?
Willow's laugh interrupts my dark thoughts, "That kitten thing was really cute..."
I sit up and smile a little, wiping away some of the tears. "Yeah. I can't believe how sweet she was with the little girl."
"I liked how she told her to call the white kitten, Buffy. And then they pounced on each other and the white one licked the black one's ear...it was cute...kinda like you two..."
"I never licked her ear..."
"I'm just gonna be the mature adult and let that one go..." I blush a little at my own stupid comment, as Willow gives me this little sly look, "So, have you guys..."
"No...not yet...we just, um...kissed a few times..."
Willow grins at me, "You and her made with the smoochies?" I can't stop blushing, and just nod. Willow looks confused and asks, "Faith hasn't...um...cause you know...she..."
"I know...you'd think she'd be pouncing on me, but, um...nope..."
"You want her to pounce?"
I nod, "Oh yeah. A lot..."
She grins at me and I blush some more. I'm not used to discussing this, discussing my feelings for girls...for Faith. I'm not used to somebody knowing that I want to do stuff with girls...with Faith. It is kinda weird.
"How'd this happen? Did you have feelings for her before?"
"Yeah, kinda. Back then those feelings just gave me the wiggins, I didn't know what to do. I never felt that way about another girl before, it really weirded me out, then Angel came back and things really got confusing."
Willow nods her head, of course she understands. She knows exactly what I was going through, she dealt with Oz coming back after she met Tara, after she knew she had feelings for Tara. I know she understands it all now, but I'm not so sure she would have gotten it back then.
"Then, after Finch and the Mayor-thing, those feelings just turned into hate and anger. I felt like she had abandoned me, like she'd rather be on the side with evil than on my side. I never realized that maybe it was me who had done all the abandoning. Oh my god, I didn't tell you what she showed me yesterday."
Willow gives me an evil little grin, "What did she show you?"
I laugh at her and blush a little more, "Nothing like that...God Will, get your mind out of the gutter. You know it's really disturbing how much more Xander-like you've gotten over the years."
She gives me a mock indignant look, but she can't keep it up. I give her a moment to collect herself.
"You know the Professor? The volcanologist?"
"Yeah, the one she killed."
"That's the thing...he's not dead."
Willow looks really confused, "What do you mean he's not dead?"
"I mean, like he's alive and teaching classes over at UCLA, she introduced me to him yesterday. She told me as far as she knew he was dead, she has memories of going to his apartment and killing him. She also told me weird things always happened to her in Sunnydale, like she'd wake up and it would be days or hours later than she thought."
"So you're thinking..."
"Maybe someone, like say...the Council...was messing with her head. I don't know any other reason for those things to have happened. Faith's pretty convinced the Council was behind it, but she doesn't have any proof. She told me she never mentioned it cause who would have believed her. And up until now, she was right; none of us would have believed her. But I know she's not lying Will, I just...I know it. I really need to talk to Giles, I just hope I can convince him."
"Count me in, I wanna help. I owe her my help."
I'm not sure what that comment means, Willow has not been the most understanding person when it comes to Faith, but I really don't have time to worry about it, at least she's on board, and that's good, I'll probably need her help to convince Giles.
POV Rosemarie
I look up at the giant Wolfram & Hart Building the license plate number has led me to, it took a lot of persuading but I finally convinced Charles I needed to do this on my own. I look at the building registry and decide to go straight to the CEO, perhaps he has children and I can convince him to help me, although I'm a little skeptical, the guy's name apparently is just Angel, like Cher or Madonna, I hope he's not as flaky.
I went up to the CEO's floor, I tried to get in to see him but the receptionist told me he wasn't going to be in today. She told me to have a seat and somebody would come to help me. I sat and watched the people walking around, they must have been celebrating Halloween in May or they were having some sort of costume contest. There're were a whole lot of weird looking people walking around, reminds me of the Catina scene in the movie Star Wars, very strange.
After a long while, a tall dark-haired woman finally approaches me. She looks rather bored to be dealing with me, I pull out the picture I had made of Faith this morning, "I'm looking for this girl, I understand she might be working here?"
She sighs and takes the picture, suddenly her eyes light up and she asks, "Did she maim you or hurt you in any way?"
What the hell kind of law firm is this? "...No? Do you know her?"
"Did she kill anyone you know? Whatever she did, do you want to press charges? It would be our pleasure to put her back in prison if you want us to..."
Prison? What did Faith get herself into? "No...I'm just looking for her. Who are you? Do you even work here?"
"I'm Lilah Morgan, I work directly for the senior partners. Who are you and why are you looking for the 'rogue slayer'?
Slayer? What the hell is a rogue slayer? "Look, I'm not in the mood for games, just tell me where I can find her?"
"One question at a time...who are you?"
"I'm her mother..."
"Her mother?" The woman looks me up and down and says, "You don't look like an alcoholic..."
Faith told people I was an alcoholic? That doesn't make any sense. "My daughter told you I was an alcoholic?"
"No...it was in her file. You also don't look dead, although some people can still manage to look good even though they're dead...you'd be surprised."
"Her file? What in bloody hell are you talking about? Is there anyone else I could talk to?"
"No, there is nobody else here that could help you, just me. Let's go to the café downstairs, I'll tell you everything you need to know, and then some."
On the way to the elevators, she asked for my full name and then spoke to the receptionist. I'm a little worried at how delighted this woman seems to be to tell me about Faith. I doubt she and my daughter were friends, so I wonder what she's going to tell me, but what do I have to lose? Maybe she can at least tell me where my daughter is; I really don't care about anything else she has to tell me.
POV Faith
I feel like I have been waiting here for hours, oh wait, I have been, I'm telling you if I have to eat one more candy bar or drink one more cup of that shit they call coffee I'm gonna go nuts. OK, maybe not completely nuts, but I will sigh a lot, and fidget, and beat the crap out of this magazine and possibly the coffee machine.
Finally Xander comes back out into the waiting room, I just look at him and smile, the patch is all gone and he just looks at me with both those brown eyes. I never realized how much I liked both of Xander's eyes. I get up and walk over to him, "X-ray vision?" I ask as I hold out my arms away from me so he can check me out.
He looks me up and down and says, "Um, no."
"Too bad..." I wave my hand up and down my body and say, "Ahhh, you've seen this already anyway. Pretty standard issue..."
He looks me up and down again, "Standard issue? Um, Faith, there is nothing about your body that is standard..."
I grin because I like compliments, he laughs and I take his arm in mine, and we walk out of the office together, I say, "So, was the nurse hot? Did it hurt? Was it bad? Was the nurse hot? Did you get a guarantee? Can we eat now? Was the nurse hot?"
He ignores most of my questions, but does manage to focus on the important one. "Oh God yes, I'm so hungry."
On the way back we stop at McDonalds to scarf down some food. I forgot how good it all tastes, cause after all, it's been about four years since I last had McDonalds, but don't worry I made up for it. Everything was really cool until we parked outside the hotel and I felt a surge of rage that I haven't felt in years. I never wanted to feel that way again, but I know it's not me this time, it's Buffy. What the hell could make her that angry?
POV Buffy
I threw on some of Faith's clothes cause I don't really have any of my own. I wonder if Giles would like to lend me some more money. I already owe him a small fortune, what's another couple of hundred, right? I finally manage to look less waif-like in Faith's clothes, she's only slightly taller than me, but her chest is a lot bigger than mine, but with some strategic tying of fabric, I look more presentable. Willow and I walk out of the room and we ran into Dawn, literally. She ran Willow and I down like a wayward truck, I swear that girl has way too much energy for a normal teenager. Which kinda makes sense when you consider she used to be a big ball of energy.
"Where the hell have you guys been? I've been looking for you all morning...Xander's gone...I went to check on him and he's gone. We gotta find him Buffy, what if something bad happened to him."
We try to re-assure Dawn, but she's right. He lost Anya and he has been acting really withdrawn, he didn't even eat any of the pizza we got last night. And there's the whole fact that our little group doesn't have a habit of dealing with death very well. So we grab Dawn and run downstairs to Angel's office, we just burst in without knocking, Giles, Wesley, Lorne and Angel all look at us in surprise and Dawn yells, "Xander's gone, he might do something bad..."
Angel speaks up, "No, Dawn it's ok, Xander's fine."
"How do you know?"
"He's just out with Faith, she just called me, they should be back here shortly."
Dawn gets all huffy with Angel, "You coulda told me that earlier..."
Angel looks totally confused, and I feel bad for him cause he's really not used to teenagers. "You didn't ask me..."
"Whatever..." Dawn just takes off out of the office in a huff, teenagers...ya gotta love them. One minute everything is bad and the next minute it's still bad but for a different reason.
I watch Dawn go as I try not to freak out too much that Xander and Faith are hanging out together, I have visions of dollar bills and girls wearing g-strings, hopefully that's all they're doing. There could be lap dances going on, Faith could be getting lap dances...damn, I really need to stop listening to Howard Stern cause I have way too much knowledge about strip clubs. I know there could be another perfectly good explanation for those two being out together. But seriously, where else could those two have gone? And Faith did say she wasn't doing anything illegal and some might refer to strip clubs as being immoral. Thankfully Giles interrupts my internal dialogue.
Giles stands up and offers me his chair and Lorne offers Willow his, Giles says, "Good thing you're both here, we need to discuss some things..."
I just sigh and take a seat, "If this is about another apocalypse I really shouldn't be held accountable for my actions..."
Wesley says, "It's not an apocalypse...an apocalypse might be easier to deal with..."
What does that mean? If this isn't about an apocalypse then why do they look so upset, unless...maybe something happened with Cordelia. I focus on Angel, "What's going on here Angel?"
"It's about Faith..."
Uh-oh, I hope to God they are not about to give me a lecture about dating Faith, I decide it's best to play it cool. "What about her?"
It's Giles who continues, "We, uh...we found out some rather disturbing news about Faith...um...it seems the, uh, Watcher's Council kidnapped Faith, they took her from her family. They...they took her, they performed, uh, experiments...spells..."
Lorne says angrily, "More like they tortured her..."
Angel looks really angry as well, he interrupts Lorne, "They also put spells on all of us in Sunnydale...they didn't want us to get close to her."
I cannot believe what I am hearing, I am so pissed, so beyond any anger I have ever felt in my life. I practically growl at them, "WHY?"
Wesley starts, to his credit; he seems shaken up by this news. "It seems they tried to make a slayer they could control, they used memory spells, brain-washing techniques. They had done that with Kendra and had some promising results, so they tried the same thing with Faith. When Kendra died, they decided to take things even farther with Faith, apparently they didn't like the influence you had over Kendra and wanted to avoid that. So, they made it so Faith couldn't connect with people; they wanted her mistrustful and suspicious, so that she'd remain isolated and alone. They wanted her to kill vampires and demons without any thought or consideration."
"Why would they do that to them? To her?" I look around the room, none of them will meet my gaze, none of them will tell me why. Although I'm starting to get it, starting to understand why. "Let me guess, I wasn't the Council's ideal version of a slayer, was I?"
Giles tries to offer some words of comfort, "Buffy...nobody here is blaming you..."
I'm trying really hard not to lose it completely, "And yet?"
Oh my God, this is all my fucking fault, everything... Instead of making me feel bad, I just feel anger. I am so freaking angry, at the Council, at myself, at everything and everyone. Everything Faith told me about herself last night; I suddenly wonder how much of that is really fucking true. And I guess I also know now why we never really helped Faith, we never helped her because the Council didn't want us to help her. The Council made sure we wouldn't even want to help her. I just wanna lash out at something; I feel this overwhelming need to hit something.
Wesley says, "We think there may be a way to correct the situation..."
I really want something to hit right now and lucky me; I've got a volunteer. I look at him in disbelief, "Correct the situation? HOW? You got a time machine Wes? How can you take back the last five years of her life? How do you correct the fact that she thinks she watched her step-dad murder her mother, by stabbing her over 28 times with a butcher knife? That she thinks she saw her watcher get raped and tortured to death. How can you even think for one second that it can be corrected."
I look at Wesley, he looks extremely upset, but instead of making me feel bad, it makes me even more angry, it makes me want to break his fucking neck. All my senses are just screaming at me, it's his fault, he fucked things up. My mind is screaming for me to control it, to not hurt him, but this rage I feel is nothing like I've ever experienced, I can feel my control slipping with every second. Nobody in the room dares to move I guess they can sense there is a slayer about to lose it.
I'm about to pounce on Wesley when I feel it, a drain on my power; I look down and see Willow is holding onto my arm, slowly draining away my power. I watch as my power courses through her, making her eyes that black lifeless color. I don't care, I feel the anger course through me and for a second I wanna hit her and I almost do. When she finishes completely draining my power, she finally lets go of my arm, and looks at me worriedly, "I can't let you be that angry with that much power, it's a dangerous combination... believe me I know."
I take big gulping breaths of air, trying to calm myself down, I'm still angry, still pumped with adrenaline, I just don't have the power to back it up. All of a sudden the door comes crashing in and Faith and Xander come running inside. She looks around and says, "I felt..." She stops herself, we discussed it, I don't wanna tell people about our combined feelings yet. So she settles for asking, "What's going on?" She comes over to me; I can feel how worried she is for me, and her concern is evident to everyone as she asks me, "Is everything ok?"
When I don't answer her, she squats down in front of me, gently slides her hand around my neck, and looks deep into my eyes. She softly says, "Hey...Whatever it is, let it go. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth losing yourself..."
I try to protest, cause she has no idea. She doesn't know what the Council did, she doesn't know that it's because of me. "But...you don't..."
"It doesn't matter. Let it go..." She stays there, her eyes locked on mine, her hand so gently holding onto the back of my neck. Her thumb is softly swirling around behind my ear; it's all so comforting, she's so comforting. The rest of the anger dissipates as quickly as it came, she must feel it because she jokes, "If you fall apart, who's gonna keep me in line?"
She gives me this really goofy smile and it makes me laugh in spite of myself, in spite of everything. I joke back at her, "Does it always hafta be about you Faith?"
She laughs, "Of course...Who else would it be about? Who else could it be about? I'm the only thing that matters..."
I smile slightly, "I get that now..."
She smiles back, her hand slips down to my shoulder and she says quietly, "Look at Xander..."
I look up at him; I'm a little puzzled. Why does she want me to..."You're fixed!"
Xander answers, "Well, no...I'm not actually a dog so..."
Willow looks at me then at him; she jumps on him and gives him a big hug. Faith backs up to let me get up to hug him too. She's standing away from us, watching us, smiling. But I don't want her to feel like she's not included, so I grabbed her and pulled her into the hug too. I want this hug to go on forever, because I have no idea what's going to happen after. I can't help but wonder what Faith will do when she finds out.
CHAPTER NINE - Buckle your seat belt Dorothy
POV Rosemarie
I seriously wonder about my sanity right about now, Lilah told me a lot of things, things I really didn't want to know. I had no idea of anything, the very idea of the things she told me have me feeling completely unbalanced. It's not everyday you find out your daughter isn't dead, but alive, and a vampire slayer, and has no clue she has a family. And it's also not everyday you find out your daughter aligned herself with evil and tried to help demons, killed people, was in a coma, hired herself out as an assassin and then went to prison for Murder Two, and was sentenced to 25 years to life. Then again, she broke out to help save Angel and the world, so she can't be quite as bad as Lilah tried to make her sound.
I take a deep breath and head into the madness, and I must say, I am woefully unprepared for what is about to come.
I knock loudly on the damaged office door, the group of people hugging in front of me breaks apart and I'm staring into the face of my daughter. In that instant I know it's her, she looks at me like she doesn't know me because she doesn't know me. I wonder what happened to her, I want to rush forward, to hug her and never let her go, but there's something in her eyes which tells me that would be a very bad idea. A tall, dark-haired man comes over towards me and asks, "May I help you?"
"I hope so...I'm Faith's mother."
Faith looks at me with amused disbelief, he looks at me panicked, as do most of the others, she doesn't seem to notice though. She laughs slightly.
"Yeah right lady. I don't know what you are trying to sell, but believe me I ain't buying it. And for the record, I've already done the whole evil British watcher thing, and believe me that was much more convincing."
I have no idea what the hell she is talking about, but some of the others seem to know. The dark-haired man tries to usher me out the door, "If you'll just come with me, I'm sure we can straighten everything out."
His plans are thwarted as Lilah walks in the room behind me, she wanders into the middle of the room, turns to Angel with a wide grin, "Oh come on Angel, this could be really fun..." She turns towards Faith, "You want to know what's going on don't you?"
Faith rolls her eyes at Lilah and asks her, "Shouldn't you be burning in eternal hellfire about now?"
Lilah grins back, clearly enjoying causing turmoil. "Yeah, probably, but this is going to be a whole lot more fun."
"Oh yeah, why's that?"
She laughs, "Your friends are lying to you Faith, they don't want you to know that this woman really is your mother. The Watcher's Council stole you from your family...took your memories gave you new ones...really rather nice of them, giving you all those repulsive abusive memories...everybody knew about it...go ahead, ask Angel, maybe he'll tell you the truth now..."
Everyone seems to freeze. They all look back and forth at each other; Faith looks at them in disbelief. Her eyes rest on the blonde girl I saw her with yesterday, the girl looks worried and my daughter looks angry. The staring contest is broken up when Angel reaches out to Faith, she backs up a little so she's out of his reach. She looks at him not really wanting to believe he knew this, like she can't believe he would let her down. She shakes her head at him and then quickly walks out the door right past me. Angel just as quickly follows her out.
I turn and watch as Angel calls her, "Faith! Wait..."
She turns to him, upset and accusing, "For what? You knew?"
"Yes, I knew."
"That's just great...trust you, right?"
"Look...I just found out for sure this morning, we were meeting to discuss..."
"How to handle me? How about just telling me the truth? Is this the big thing you didn't want to tell me the other day? You know you talk a good game about trust..."
"Faith...I..."
Angel breaks eye contact and Faith sighs disgustedly, "Whatever..."
She walks up the stairs and out of sight, the blonde goes to follow and Angel grabs her arm, "Give her some space Buffy..."
All right, I've had enough of this, the last thing Faith needs is to be left alone right now. I start walking toward the stairs where Faith went and the vampire, and I guess Buffy move in front of me, blocking my way. I give them a stern look and they both back away slightly, if it had been another time I might have been amused, but instead I say, "That's my daughter, I'm going after her. Just try and stop me..."
Angel looks like he might still want to stop me, but the girl, Buffy, looks at me curiously for a moment. I can see the comprehension dawn on her face as she says, "You really are her mother aren't you?"
"Yes, I am, and if I know my daughter, she's probably up on the roof, so, I'm going..."
Buffy and Angel exchange a look, I can tell there is a lot of silent communication going on between these two. After a long moment, Buffy nods slightly and they both finally step aside to let me through. I walk right between them and up the stairs; Angel calls out directions to the roof as I keep walking.
I step out onto the roof, and I watch her, she is leaning against the ledge, staring off into the distance. I just want to go to her and hug her and tell her everything is going to be all right, but she's not five anymore. I seriously doubt she'd believe me nor would she let me get close enough to touch her. I want so much to hold her in my arms, to feel that she's really alive, but I know this cannot be about what I want, this has to be about her. I let the door slam shut to let her know somebody is up here with her. She spins around so fast, and she asks, "What do you want from me?"
I step as close to her as I dared, I don't want to cause her to run or God forbid, jump. I tell her, "I don't want anything from you, I just want to talk to you."
I can tell she wants so much to believe, she wants to believe I'm really her mother, but she's extremely upset and she practically whispers, "What do you want from me?" Her tone is less threatening; it's more timid and scared, she's afraid I'm going to hurt her. It's heartbreaking for me to see her so distressed. For the hundredth time in ten minutes I wonder what the hell has happened to my sweet little girl? I know it's silly to call her a little girl, she's 22 now, but forgive me, I'm a parent, to me she'll always be my little girl.
I indicate the picnic table and take a seat, "I assure you Faith, I want nothing from you, just to talk."
She watches me take a seat, she's still apprehensive, but her curiosity is getting the better of her. Even with everything she's been through, I guess some things can't be changed, like the kind of person she is, naturally curious. She was always the curious one, always wanting to figure things out; she really hated not knowing things. I remember we threw her a surprise party when she was thirteen, she was mad at me for weeks afterward. Normally a surprise party is a happy event, but not for Faith, she was extremely upset about it. She felt stupid that everyone knew about the party and she didn't. I tried to explain to her that's where the 'surprise' part came in which just caused her to be mad for another week.
She finally asks, "Is that even my real name?"
"Yes..."
She watches me warily for a few more moments before asking.
"Why'd you name me Faith?"
For a person who is so mistrusting, I can understand why she might ask that question. I smile slightly because I know what her reaction is going to be, like I said, some things can't be changed.
"I named you Faith because I thought it was a pretty name..."
She rolls her eyes at me, same negative reaction she gave me the first time she asked that question and I laugh, and she eyes me suspiciously.
"What's so fucking funny?"
My smile fades quickly when I look into her eyes, they are as cold as steel, I can see her body is tense, her hands are clenched into fists, one wrong move and I'm thinking I'll find out in a hurry about slayers. I make sure to keep my tone of voice calm, soothing, I need to keep her here as long as possible. I need her to know I'm not the enemy, I'm not going to hurt her.
"You reacted the same way the last time I told you, you were about ten years old at the time and thought your name wasn't...'cool enough'."
She watches me for a few more minutes and then cautiously takes a seat at the table, far enough away so she could make an escape if I made any sudden moves. I knew she'd need a little bit of reassurance, which is why I sat on the side furthest from the door.
"If I'm your kid, how come you never came to look for me? If you're so into being my mom, you wouldn't have given up on me..."
I want to lie, I want to tell her that I never gave up, I kept looking for her, but that would be mostly for my benefit, an attempt to alleviate my guilt. However, it doesn't matter what I feel or how I feel, it matters how she feels. "I didn't give up on you, at least at first..."
"I knew it. If you cared about me so fucking much, you would have found me. God, did you even fucking look..."
"Yes we did look, and if you'd let me finish, I'll tell you what happened."
"Fine...whatever...nobody's stopping you..."
"The morning you disappeared, we had been arguing, you wanted to go to college here in California..."
She laughs at this, but it's not a happy sound, it's angry and bitter, "Yeah, right...I wanted to go to college, lady I didn't even get to finish high school..."
I shake my head at her, voice calm, tell her the truth, always the truth. If she caught me in a lie it wouldn't help either one of us, so even though I might wish to present my information in such a way as to make myself look better I won't. For the last five years I've been beating myself up over everything that happened, over not calling the police sooner, over not knowing my daughter was into drugs. That really hurts the most, the lies I actually came to believe about my daughter, the things I knew weren't true, couldn't be true, but I had no alternative but to believe. I have always felt like I let her down, that I wasn't a good enough mother, oh, the things that go through your mind when you lose a child. All the mistakes you have ever made when dealing with them, all the times you lost your temper with them, all the times you yelled at them instead of hugging them seem like failure to you. You think that if you had only known how much time you had with them, you would have done things a lot differently.
"I don't know what you've been told, but it's completely inaccurate. You graduated from high school, unfortunately you did it early without telling us which was another thing I was upset about. I made you take some classes at BU; I didn't want you sitting home doing nothing until school started in the fall. You and I argued the morning you disappeared, you wanted California, and I wanted you a little closer to home. The last time I saw you, I dropped you off in front of the BU Bookstore, we were still pretty angry over the argument so we didn't even say goodbye. You were supposed to meet me later for lunch, but you never showed up, I called your father but you hadn't spoken to him either. I didn't think much of it, I thought you were still angry with me, so I didn't do anything. It wasn't until later that afternoon when Luke's school called and told me you hadn't picked him up that's when I knew something was really wrong. No matter how upset you might have been with me, you would never take it out on Luke."
"Who's Luke?"
"He's your younger brother."
She smiles a little at this and asks, "I have a little brother?"
"You have four brothers to be exact, three older, one younger."
"Four? What are their names?"
"The oldest is Brian, he's 25, then Mark and Matthew, they're twins and 23, then you and then Luke, he's 15."
She frowns at me and asks, "What are you, some kind of bible freak or something?"
Bible freak? "Um...no, not especially, why would you think that?"
"Um, Matthew, Mark and Luke, and then you named your daughter Faith, gee I don't know why I thought it."
I laugh slightly, "I guess you have a point, although I never really gave it much thought."
She takes in the information and sits for a moment, "So, I didn't show up, doesn't really explain why you gave up..."
She's really not making this easy on me, is she? I continue the story where I left off. "I picked up Luke from school and went home and called the police. They weren't all that concerned, after all you were 17, they just figured you were out being a teenager. And once they found out we had an argument, they classified you as a runaway. I argued with them, told them you wouldn't run away, they just told me that parents were always the last to know what they're kids were up to. I was frantic, I just knew something had happened, so I called your brothers and Jessie but they hadn't heard from you. We all spent hours out looking for you, I called every single person you had ever hung out with or mentioned and then I went and spoke to him or her personally, but none of them knew where you were either. This horrible nightmare went on for the next few weeks and then the worst news came. The police thought they found you, I was so hopeful that it took a few moments to realize they meant they found a body."
I try hard not to cry, I can't quite pull it off, nothing is as upsetting as seeing your child, lying cold, and dead in the morgue. The inane comments the morgue attendants make trying to ease your pain, they have no idea. They don't know that the pain and anguish is just beginning or maybe they do and there isn't anything they can do about it. How empty the words are, how numb you feel when they are followed by words like suicide and drug overdose. Again, what a failure you feel like for not knowing your child was suffering so much as to take their own life and you knew nothing. You'd think it would make you realize to pay more attention to the other children in your life, to not let them feel the same way, but, it doesn't always work the way you think it should.
"Your father and I went to the morgue, and we thought it was you, she looked...exactly like you, right down to the tattoo on your right arm and the mole on your left hip."
That piece of information seems to have upset her again, "How do you know about that?"
I can't help but tease her a little, "I'm your mother, I gave birth to you, I changed your diapers...Would you like me to go on?"
She looks away rather embarrassed so much like her old self, yet so completely different. "No...please don't..."
I try to sneak in a question, "So, is Buffy your girlfriend?"
She looks a little taken aback but then smiles slightly and challenges me, "Yeah, you got a problem with that?"
I stare back at her, calling her bluff, "Not at all, I've known you liked girls since you were 15..."
She falters slightly, frowns at that piece of information. Then she gives me another challenging smile; "I was in prison..."
I smile back again, "I know..."
Again with the challenge, "I killed someone..."
OK, now I get what she's trying to do. She's trying to push me away, by telling me all the bad things she's done. Trying to see if those things will make me want to leave her, will make me love her any less. I just smile and say, "I know what you're trying to do Faith and it's not going to work. I know all those things about you and I still came here."
She thinks about it and then sighs, "It was an accident..."
"Well, of course it was."
Her eyes flash with anger as I said it, but almost as soon as I see it, the anger disappears. I wonder why that comment upset her so much? I don't dwell on it, probably best to keep the conversation going.
"It must have been hard having to own up to it, knowing it was an accident. Knowing you couldn't tell the police how it happened or what you were really doing at the time."
She looks a little distressed at this description of herself, so I continue quickly, "I know you are a...vampire slayer..." We might as well get that out into the open because I don't ever want my daughter to think she has to hide anything from me. I'm not quite sure of everything that being a vampire slayer entails, I'm sure there will be aspects of it that I will absolutely hate, but it's who she is, so I'll deal with it.
She looks a little proud to be called a vampire slayer. She smiles slightly, "Buffy is one too."
"Oh, that's great, two of you fighting is safer than one, right?"
She looks at me thoughtfully for a second, then says, "Yeah, well, there are about a thousand of them now so that has to be even safer."
She's nervously playing with the ring on her finger and I can tell there's something she really wants to know, but seems rather reluctant to bring it up. I sit patiently waiting for her to get up the courage to ask whatever it is she wants to know. This rather reminds me of other difficult conversations we've had, the whole 'coming out' conversation comes to mind, I hope I don't have to wait two hours for her to open up this time.
"So, my...my dad is still around?"
I try to decide how much information to give her about her father right now. These past five years haven't been easy on him, she was always 'daddy's little girl'. Four sons, and yet it was his daughter that shared his love of history, cars and sports. It's hard for me to remember how devastated he was, how much he cried. To me that is the most heartbreaking thing you can ever witness, a man crying. It's even worse when he's crying over the death of his daughter. "Yes...he...he misses you..."
She looks really distressed and asks quietly, "Is he a...a good man?"
"He's a great man...Why would you think he wasn't?"
Anger and bitterness seem to take over as she says, "I have memories of growing up, and believe me they don't include any good men...certainly not my father, not my mother's boyfriends, or my step-dad... And the mother I remember, was a fucking drunk who beat me on a daily basis...and she knew what they were doing to me and she didn't do a damn thing to stop it..."
I try not to act upset at the things she's just told me, although it's killing me on the inside. The utter disgust I feel at the people responsible, wondering what kind of people would make her think she had suffered like that, that she had been abused like that. I don't want her to think I pity her, or feel sorry for her. I have a feeling she won't take it well if I patronize her.
"I assure you Faith, the real childhood you had wasn't anything like you're describing. Nobody beat you, nobody touched you, nobody hurt you, your father and I love you and your brothers very much."
For a moment I think I might have finally gotten through to her, but I realize I'm wrong as I watch her go from nearly believing me back to being suspicious and angry. "Why now, huh? Why try to find me now if you thought I died five years ago?"
Again I want to lie, but I don't. "I wasn't trying to find you. I'm just here in LA for a literature conference over at UCLA, I just happened to look out the window and I saw you yesterday, with that girl Buffy. Since then, I've done nothing but go crazy worrying about you, trying to find you."
We sat there for a long while, every few minutes she'd ask me a question, while I tried to gain as much information as I could, which really wasn't easy. She always liked to answer questions with questions, she tried to see how many times she could get away with it in a single conversation. She liked being difficult at times.
We both turn as we hear the door open, a dark-haired young man steps outside, I recognize him from down in the office. He looks at us and asks, "Everything ok out here..."
Faith asks him, "Let me guess, you drew the short straw?"
He laughs, "Yeah, if anything bad was happening I was told to shriek like a girl."
She smiles a little at that, "Well, as I recall you are pretty good at it..."
"OK, as I told you before, it was more of a bellow, not a shriek, and there's heavy research mode going on, and I didn't get my eye fixed just so I could read through dusty books ya know."
"What are they researching?"
"Ways to reverse spells..."
"What if I don't want that?"
I try not to get upset at her words, I'm sure she doesn't really mean that. She's just searching for something she can control, since everything is seemingly out of control for her at the moment. The boy seems to be taken aback by her comment as well.
"Hey, I'm just the messenger...I'm not gonna be running back and forth relaying information."
"Actually Xander, that's usually what a messenger does."
"Well sure, if you want to get all technical about it..." Xander looks back inside the door; then says, "Buffy wanted you to know if you want her to come up, she will..."
"She trying to get out of research too?"
"Yeah, she's trying to convince us she's retired from researching...she might still slay, but research is out of the question..."
A hand comes out from behind the door and smacks him in the head. He gives Faith a sheepish shrug as he rubs the back of his head.
He moves farther away from the door, out of arm's reach I'd suspect. "Ok...General Buffy is back and it's so much less pleasant than last time...and I honestly didn't think it was possible, but now she's committing acts of physical violence. So ya have to help us Faith, cause your girl is driving us nuts."
Faith laughs and shakes her head, "You do know she's gonna kick your ass for that right?"
He just nods. Faith turns towards me and asks, "Not that it matters but do you care if Buffy comes out?"
I would prefer if she didn't, I just want to keep this between us, but I'm pretty sure having Buffy around will make Faith more comfortable. "I don't have a problem with it."
She says to Xander, "Yeah, tell her she can come out..."
I take the opportunity to ask, "Have you and Buffy been dating long?"
I think I caught her off guard because she answered that question rather easily. "No, it's just been a few days..."
The boy goes back inside and there is a loud 'bellow', "Ow...that hurt..." I assume that is poor Xander getting hit for his comments. A second later, the door opens again, I can see Xander rubbing his arm as Buffy steps out onto the roof. She walks right over and sits down next to Faith, she keeps her eyes focused on me as she leans over to her and asks, "She hasn't tried to melt your brain yet, has she?"
"No, but she did get me to join a cult, but it's all good, cause when the next comet comes around I get to go to the moon..."
"Cool...when you get there, tell the moon men to stay there."
"Seriously?"
"Unfortunately..."
I just sit and watch the exchange; it's just as bizarre as the last exchange. Buffy extends her hand, "We haven't really met, I'm Buffy Summers..."
I shake the girl's hand and introduce myself, "I'm Rosemarie Christos..."
Faith interrupts, "I'm Greek?"
"No, you're Albanian and Danish..."
Faith rolls her eyes and looks at Buffy and says sarcastically, "Well that clears things up..."
Buffy looks confused; "You're not British?"
I laugh a little, I've had to answer this question a lot over the years, "Well, long story short, I was born here in America, then I was brought up over in London, mostly by nannies. Then I went to University here in the States, where I met my husband and I've lived here in America ever since."
"Nannies? What are you rich or something?"
"Quite...Your grandfather made a lot of money in the oil business."
Faith replied, "You really shoulda opened with that..."
"I'll have to remember that next time..."
Faith laughs slightly in spite of herself then adds, "So, what do you do, hang out at the Country Club all day, thinking of ways to exploit the poor, working class?"
"We usually only do that on the weekends, during the week I teach Literature and your father teaches History."
Buffy smiles and asks, "Oh...you're a teacher...where do you work?"
"My husband and I both work for Columbia University, in New York."
Faith looks really confused and asks, "You don't live in Boston?"
"No, we moved. After everything happened with you, we just couldn't stay there any more. Your brothers had a really hard time being in the house, constantly being reminded you weren't there. Luke took it the hardest, starting getting into trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd. So after much family therapy we thought a change in location would be a good thing and we packed up and moved to New York."
Buffy turned to Faith and smiled, "You have brothers?"
"I guess...four of 'em..."
I reach into my bag and take out the picture I have of my sons and I hand it to the girls. I was about to tell Buffy their names when Faith did it; it was almost like she really remembered them. I'm not sure if it was her remembering or if she was just lucky because she named them all correctly even the twins without even missing a beat.
POV Faith
I look over at the woman claiming to be my mom, I'm still not sure what to believe and I'm trying hard not to think about the Council's involvement. I guess that's progress, a few years ago I woulda been on a plane to jolly ole England, ready to track down anyone who wasn't lucky enough to have exploded.
Buffy asked her, "What was Faith like growing up?"
Good question. What will this woman say about me? It should at least be interesting if not the truth. The woman replies, "She was a handful, always with an endless supply of energy, always running around trying to keep up with her brothers."
I'm a little shocked, it's like a light bulb just went off in my head, and I have to find out, "You used to call me..."
Before I get a chance to finish she smiles, "My little firecracker..."
I smile slightly because I remember her calling me that, not the poor excuse for a mother I have memories of, but this woman sitting right across from me. I remember it was summertime, we were at a park or something, and she was sitting on a bench talking to some other older woman. I heard her call me that as I running around laughing with some older boys. "I remember that..."
Wait a minute, I can't believe I was so stupid I didn't do this before, I reach out and grab her arm, I'm actually kinda stunned at first, cause she actually has an arm. Just as quickly I let go, suddenly I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too much; I need get away for a while. I get up quickly and walk toward the door; of course Buffy won't just let me leave and asks, "Faith? Where are you going?"
"I just...I can't...I need to be alone for a while..."
CHAPTER TEN - The Re-Appearance of Old Friends
POV Buffy
And there she goes. I want to follow her, be with her, I want to be the one to comfort her. And perhaps more importantly, I don't like being stuck up here with her mother, I look back at her and I wonder what I'm going to say to her. I've never had to answer for the things I did to Faith, the things we all did to Faith. Nobody in Sunnydale ever gave a shit that I tried to kill her, and feed her to Angel. Nobody even really minded the fact I was doing it to get revenge, not to save Angel. I wanted her gone. Nobody even tried to stop me, not even Giles, who you'd think would have said something. I guess the Watcher's Council spell worked like a charm because we just ignored her and treated her like she didn't matter, like it was ok to kill her because nobody gave a shit.
Her mother asks me, "What happened to my daughter?"
And I can't help it, I feel so guilty and miserable everything just comes pouring out of me. I told her about the Council and the spells, about stabbing her, about her helping us defeat the Mayor and completely ignoring her when she was in a coma, pretty much everything I did to her. Up to and including me punching her in the face when all she was trying to do was help me. I've never told anyone the things I told her, and when I'm done I'm completely shocked. She's not angry with me; she doesn't seem to hate me like she should. She gets up and sits next to me; then she does the most amazing thing, she hugs me. I'm reminded how much I still miss my mom and all that comes out too. I just completely break down and let everything go.
After a long while I just ask, "Why?" I can't help wondering why she would do this for me? Why would she care about the asshole that stabbed her daughter?
She brushes the tears from my face and says, "You looked like you needed a hug. You know, this isn't your fault Buffy. You both were just kids, things happened that neither of you could have ever been prepared for. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been, being so young and in charge of so much. It's almost too much for an adult to handle, and there you both were, barely 18, in charge of protecting the world. Given all that power and all that responsibility, it is no wonder things went so badly. Not to mention the fact that this Council seemed to be hell bent on pitting you against one another, the entire situation was they're doing. Thankfully you've forgiven each other, worked things out, and now...you're dating each other."
OK, complete panic, what should I say? Would Faith want her mother to know all this? Will her mother freak out and leave? I don't wanna be the one responsible for making Faith's mother leave, cause it would just completely devastate Faith. So much for nobody caring if Faith is gay or not. That theory just goes flying out the window, but I guess I'm really easy to read because she says, "It's fine, she already told me about the two of you before you came up. And we already knew she's gay and it's not a problem, we are completely accepting of it."
Wait a second, Faith is gay? But Faith slept with guys, lesbians aren't supposed to sleep with guys, right? Oh God, I almost feel sick, they tried to make her straight, I guess the Council would have frowned at having a gay slayer. Wouldn't want to tarnish their pristine operation, now would they. I'm so angry the First took out the Watcher's Council cause it would have been a pleasure to do it myself.
OK, where the fuck did that come from, I try to push those thoughts away; I wonder why I'm so angry, why my first thought is to kill? I'm really worried right now; I never used to feel like this before I... And the way I went after Anya, I didn't even give it one second of thought, and I sure wasn't broken up about it. Sure it's my job to defeat the bad, but it was Anya. And let's not forget I killed those first watchers, even though it was completely unnecessary, I had already gotten away from them. I wonder and not for the first time since coming back from the dead, what is wrong with me? What's happening to me?
Faith's mom gives me another hug as I try not to have a panic attack about these feelings. After a few minutes I got myself back under control, if you could call it that. We spent another little while talking, and then I brought her downstairs to talk to our resident experts, the last remains of the old Council. Giles and Wesley didn't have much to offer her but a promise of more information in the morning. She seemed reluctant to leave, but in the end she thought it would be best, she thought it would be better for Faith if she went back to her hotel. She didn't seem all that happy to be leaving Faith here with two ex-members of the Council, but I promised her Angel and I would look out for her and make sure she was ok.
POV Faith
I walk down the stairs, intent on going to my room, which would seem kinda weird to some people. You'd think I'd be trying to run as far away as possible, well, not if you knew me. If you knew me you'd know this is the thing I've been wanting for my entire life, a family. And a mother who actually cares about me, kinda makes me wonder if I wanted it because I've never had it or if I wanted it cause I missed it when it was taken away. I try not to think about it though, because thinking about this stuff has me thinking some really dark thoughts, thoughts a normal people wouldn't even consider.
I also couldn't leave Angel, cause yeah; I kinda owe the guy. He's always been there for me, the last three years anyway. I'm trying not to be upset that he didn't tell me about this whole family deal earlier, I suppose he had his reasons for not telling me. Maybe he didn't wanna get my hopes up without having proof, he's always looking out for me, like a brother is supposed to. Which is another thing, three older brothers, I wonder what that was like? Were we close, did they like me, did they... Ok we're not going there, I can't go there.
Back to the safer topic of Angel because I know what he's about. He's proven it to me again and again, he cares about me. And so he deserves my trust and respect, cause any time I needed him, he was there. It kinda felt good to repay him a little, got my ass beat but good trying to save him, but hey, I lived to tell the tale, so it couldn't have been that bad. I'm about to open my door when he jumps out at me, "Hey!"
After my heart starts beating again I yell at him, "You know, you'd think with a whole hotel full of antsy slayers you wouldn't be jumping out at one, mighta got staked."
He gives me a goofy look, if I had been in a better mood I might have laughed, then he says, "With what? You don't..." Before he finishes he's got a stake pointed at his heart, he looks slightly nervous, but says rather calmly for a vamp in his predicament, "OK, so you do have a stake with you...good...really." I just smirk as I put it away. He says in the same calm tone of voice, "Wanna talk about it?"
"Hmmm. Do I want to talk about it? Um...I'm gonna go with...NO!"
His turn to smirk as he grabs my jacket and pulls me back down the hallway, "Too bad..."
POV Angel
I know Faith doesn't want to talk about it, but she really needs to, otherwise she'll just sit around thinking about stuff she shouldn't be thinking about. Or she'll just go on and pretend everything is ok, and I know with everything that has happened today it would be impossible for her to be ok. I want to help her, I need to help her, and helping her helps me make amends. Amends to the dark- haired girl that I once loved with all my heart, my sister, Kathleen. The sister whom I left abandoned and all alone with people who didn't care about her at all, nice way to think about your parents huh? I was so stupid back then, I should have stayed home that night, I should have been the brother that she needed, that she loved. But no, I didn't, I was selfish, I left her and went out drinking again and got turned.
And as Angelus I killed everyone in my family...except for her, believe me it wasn't from lack of trying on Angelus' part. He wanted her dead in the worst possible way, but she bested him every single time. I'll never forget the last time I saw her; she had gotten away from Angelus for the last time. He couldn't waste any more time trying to kill her, he needed to leave town quickly, he was a wanted man. I remember how she looked at him from the safety of a neighbor's house and said, 'In case Liam is still in there somewhere, I want him to know that I love him and I forgive him.'
That really pissed off Angelus, but him being him, he soon forgot about her. Of course I didn't think too much of it either for the next 247 years, it wasn't until Faith came and took Wesley. I was more than ready to give her what she wanted, what she was looking for, then out of nowhere I remembered my sister. I stood outside the door to the apartment where Faith had Wesley tied up and I remembered my sister saying that to me. Every horrible thing Angelus did to her wearing my face didn't matter, she forgave me, she still loved me. I killed our entire family, she most likely wound up a servant somewhere, or worse, but she forgave me.
I couldn't be there for my sister, but I could certainly be there for Faith. So everything she had done in her past was forgiven, her track record with me started fresh from that moment. And ever since that night, I have treated Faith as I would my sister Kathleen. Faith would probably tell you it's creepy, this sister fixation I have for her, but don't let her fool you, she loves every minute of it.
She sits down on one of the kitchen chairs with a loud exaggerated sigh, "What?"
"What is it you always asked me for? Every single time I came to visit..." She just shrugs, playing it cool, I know she remembers, but I'll let it slide and answer for her, "Pancakes..."
Now she laughs slightly and gives me a look of disbelief, "You're gonna make me pancakes?"
I nod sincerely; I've been practicing making pancakes since she first went to prison. Wesley and Cordelia thought I'd lost my mind, not to mention the fact they wouldn't eat the first couple hundred, I'll admit they did look rather sad and completely inedible. After a few thousand I started to get the hang of it. I knew one day Faith would finally finish with her self-imposed imprisonment and I'd be there to make her pancakes. It didn't quite work out exactly the way I had hoped, but we're here now.
She looks skeptical, "A vampire making pancakes...no scratch that, a vampire making a vampire slayer pancakes..."
I nod again, giving her the super goofy grin, and she just shakes her head, "We're...not like other families..."
She watched me make the pancakes, it was almost funny the way she hesitantly took the first bite, as if they'd be horrible or something. When she finally realized they weren't horrible, she ate like 5 of them. I even ate one myself, although I can't taste it, nor do I need it, but it was nice to pretend if only for a moment that we were just brother and sister enjoying pancakes.
After we finish cleaning up, she knows it's time to talk, I know she's not looking forward to it. She's got that antsy look about her, like she could either fight or run away. I was about to start the conversation when she said, "Tell me something about you..."
Normally I would think that was a little strange coming from her, but I guess it makes sense, she saw some of my past while we were drugged, must have made her curious about me. But it's always interesting to hear her reasons so I still ask her, "Why?"
"Because we always talk about me, I'm always the topic of discussion. For once, I think you should take the hot seat, you should have to tell me something."
"I've told you plenty about me..."
"Yeah...I know all about 1750 Ireland, not that I'm not thrilled to have that information, really...I just...tell me something you saw that happened. Something I might actually know or have possibly heard about."
I wonder what I could tell her, what would Faith want to know about. She knows lots of stuff, she's not as uneducated as she pretends to be, but she likes to keep that quiet, she likes having an advantage. I knew she wasn't stupid, but I was completely thrown when the books Faith borrowed from Wirth were delivered to the hotel. No high school drop out I've ever met would be able to read them, nor would they want to, but that's my Faith, completely unpredictable.
I finally settle on a story I think Faith might actually enjoy, "Oh...um...ok...It was 1932 Chicago, Wrigley Field, it was the third game of the World Series, it was a bright and sunny day. I was safely hidden beneath the bleachers on the first base side..."
Her eyes get really big as she interrupts my story, "You saw the 'called shot'?"
I grin, cause I kinda figured she'd enjoy a baseball story. We've spent lots of time talking about sports, the Red Sox, the Patriots and Notre Dame football, and although her 'tommyboy' played for Michigan she still digs Notre Dame. I swear they shouldn't let immates watch daytime talk shows, especially the Rosie show, but that's another issue. "Yep, who's telling this story you or me?"
"All right...I'm sorry...It's just...WOW...Even though he like shoulda stayed with the Red Sox, and I fucking hate the New York Yankees, it's still kinda cool..."
I grin at her because Bostonites never change their tune, not once in 85 years. They're always bitter about Babe Ruth and the Yankees; I gotta hurry and start this story before she starts her rant about 'No, No Nanette'.
"OK, it was one out in the fifth inning, the score was tied 4 - 4, the Bambino steps to the plate, now he had already hit a home run earlier in the first, a three run shot off Charlie Root, so you really didn't think he'd do anything else. He takes a called strike on the first pitch, he kinda acknowledges it with a hand up, like he's saying, I got this. Then Root missed with the next two pitches. The fourth pitch again gets called for a strike, Ruth puts his hand up, again. By this time the entire crowd starts taunting him, it wasn't like today though, nobody threw stuff, they were all just yelling and screaming. They had plenty of ammunition cause he missed a catch in the previous inning. You cannot believe how loud it got, suddenly, Ruth takes his bat and points it at the centerfield wall."
I make the gesture with the spatula, she laughs and rolls her eyes at me.
"The gesture makes the crowd simmer down, everyone there knew he was calling his shot. Don't let the reports tell you anything different, I was there and I say he called his shot. I think Gehrig was the only one in the game to acknowledge it was a called shot, Ruth never said another thing about it. So, anyway, he points to the centerfield wall, he readys for the pitch, he takes a viscous swing, and blam, it arced toward center field and went over the wall near the base of the flagpole. It was amazing, and I've seen lots of things, but that was really...something. And as a short footnote, Gehrig came up and hit a home run too, but I think Root was just numb after seeing that, I mean, who wouldn't be. He just got called out in front of hundreds of people, of course he always denied it. He always said if he knew Ruth was calling his shot he woulda sat him on the next pitch."
She's smiling for the first time since her mother showed up, it's a great genuine smile complete with dimples, and I really like when I get one of them from her. "Dude! That is an awesome story, I can't believe you never told me that before. That's like...wow..."
"I know, it's really cool. Hey...did you like the poster?"
More smile, it must be my lucky day or something, "Yes...my tommyboy...I'd have his children if he'd just ask me..."
I roll my eyes, "Yes, I know Faith, you only told me like a hundred times, and you signed all your emails that way for a month before the Superbowl, and after..."
"I was hoping you could work that out for me..."
Her smile slowly fades and I believe she's ready to talk about it. There's the telltale hitch in her breathing, the playing with the ring on her finger, the looking directly at the floor and nowhere else. The way she fights her emotions, not wanting to cry but not being able to do anything else. "How can you make this better?"
I take a step closer to her, to remind her it's ok to let go with me, that I'll never leave her; I'll never hurt her. That gets her, she steps to me and lets me hug her. I know it's the only way. If she doesn't initiate the hug, I can't touch her. It's her past, the things she thinks happened to her, all the men who took advantage of a sweet, shy, little girl. Those things didn't really happen, I can't tell you how happy I am that they didn't occur. Hopefully those false memories will fade over time and won't cause her any more problems. I just hold her crying form and tell her, "That's the best part, I don't have to do anything, it already is better."
"H-how?"
"Because she came looking for you. If it was the mother you think you had, would she have come here, looking for you, looking to make things better?"
"N-no...She wouldn't put me out if I was on fire."
"Well, see...it's already better."
"What if...what if they did stuff...what if they..."
I just pull her tighter and tell her the only thing I can, because I don't know, "Then you'll deal with it. Just like you've dealt with all the other stuff, and you'll have people to support you. You'll have me, you'll have Buffy and the others, they all want to help you now. You won't be alone, I promise you."
We stayed like that for a few more minutes, her letting me hold her, letting me tell her it's all going to be all right. When she finally pulls away, I make a joke to lighten the moment, "Yeah, that's a good idea, don't want any slayers who might be your girlfriend to get the wrong impression, I might end up with a stake in my back."
"She wouldn't do that..."
I don't really want to bring it back to serious so soon, but maybe it's what she needs right now. Maybe some worry for somebody else will help her deal. "You sure about that?" I let the question hang there, wait for Faith to acknowledge it. Of course I could be waiting for a really long time, this is Faith we're talking about. So I add, "You saw her this morning, and you've worked with her for a few weeks, don't tell me you don't see it..."
"No...I don't..."
I just look at her skeptically; "Sometimes you're a really bad liar Faith..."
"Fine, whatever, it doesn't matter, I'm not telling her. She has no fucking clue and I'm not going to be the one to take it from her. Don't you think I've hurt her enough? You know what, how about you tell her since you seem to know so much."
Although this isn't exactly what I meant and she knows it, we do need to address this too, so I'll let the other thing slide for now. "It's going to come out. She'll find out eventually, these things always have a way of being discovered. Don't you think she'd rather hear the truth from you instead of finding out some other way?"
"Oh yeah, these things always are discovered, huh? What about Connor? If things always get found out anyway, why'd you do it?"
I just sigh because this conversation isn't going where it needs to go. "I did it because I love him Faith. I did it because some day if he finds out he'll understand I did it for him, I was looking out for his best interests."
"Well, there ya go then. Ditto..."
Grrr... I love her dearly, but she can be so damn irritating sometimes; and she knows I hate it when she uses my life against me in an argument. I'll let it go for now, but I know I'm right about this, Buffy will find out. I just hope it doesn't go as badly as I think it will.
POV Buffy
After her mother left I went in search of Faith. Heh, heh! In search of faith cause it's like I'm not really looking for a person so much as a belief...um...my mind is very weird sometimes. She wasn't up in her room where I'd thought she'd be; instead I found her downstairs in the kitchen with Angel. I wonder what they were arguing about, whatever it is; Faith is really upset by it. Then again, with everything going on, it's really no wonder she's upset. I'm upset and nothing happened to me. They see me, they stop talking, Angel smiles at us and then makes a quick exit, I guess he knows about Faith and I. That's good, cause I didn't want to have to be the one to tell him about us. I walk further into the room; I look up at her and say, "Hey..."
"Hey yourself..." Our eyes meet briefly, I can tell she's been crying, I wish I could have been the one to offer her comfort, I wish I could be the one to make her feel better.
"She left...she thought you'd be more comfortable if she went back to her hotel." She just nods at that, but won't make eye contact. I come over closer to her, standing as close to her as I could without touching her. Being this close to her feels kinda dangerous right now. I feel her emotions, right now she's trying to decide, fight, flight, or...um...fuck, which one will it be? I try to hedge my bet; I gently tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting my finger slowly trace down her jaw as I say more quietly, "Hey..."
All of a sudden I'm pressed up against the kitchen counter, her mouth is on mine, her tongue slides into my mouth. I groan deep in my throat at the sudden contact, which just seems to spurn her on. She moves quickly to my neck, I give her all the access she needs; her mouth and tongue are so hot against my skin. I'm so not used to feeling warmth in kisses; I forgot how good warm feels. I barely notice her hands between us working the buttons on my shirt, she kisses me again, our tongues dueling as her hands slide along the newly exposed skin. Her touch is fleeting, gentle, her hands move up over my ribs, then she slides her thumbs over my nipples through my bra, oh god...that feels so good. I want her so bad.
The floor beneath us starts to shake, and all I can think is, 'how is she doing that?' After she takes a step away from me and looks around, I finally realize it wasn't her, it's an earthquake. Have I mentioned how much I hate my life as a slayer? Well too bad, I'm going to say it again, "I really fucking hate this job."
We both go to take off toward the main hall; she stops me before we reach the door.
"Um...might wanna button up your, uh, shirt..."
I quickly re-button it as she gives me a sheepish shrug and a little embarrassed smile; I laugh slightly at how cute she looks right now and off we go, ready to fight the forces of darkness yet again. I know she's just as keyed up as I am, I feel sorry for anything evil that might want to attack right now, cause it's gonna meet two very pissed off slayers. Hopefully we can dispatch it quickly and get back to what we were doing.
When we reach the main hall, we follow everyone's gaze toward the back wall of the hotel where a shimmering portal is starting to form. The floor and the walls are still shaking and I hear Angel say, "Not again." I guess this type of thing happens a lot here. A huge flash of light has us all shielding our eyes, Faith and I are at full slayer alert, both wondering what the hell we are about to be fighting, cause only bad things come out of portals like this, and I shudder at how right I am.
A voice we all recognize says, "You guys don't look upset. Hello! I died! I died fighting your stupid battle, the least you people could do is look upset."
Xander is the first to speak, "Anya?"
Faith is the first to react though, she takes her arm and pushes Anya slightly, I guess she's checking to make sure it's not the First. I can't help but laugh at that; she shoots me a look.
"Yeah, first time I don't check, you watch, it'll be the First and you'll be wishing I had checked."
After we all get over the shock of having one of our own back, even if it is Anya. We sit down to find out the how's and why's. I seriously hope she's not a demon again because I'd hate to have to try to kill her again. It is nice to see Xander happy though, God I really hope she's not a demon. And thanks to Faith we at least know she's not the First, so yay! Go team.
...continued in Chapter 11...