What Comes Next?
by Kat
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. The story is a product of my own demented head, and well, lots and lots of free time. I hope you all enjoy it, it's the first story I've ever posted, so please be kind.
POV Faith
I'm standing on the edge of what used to be Sunnydale, and I'm freaking out big time. I'm so nervous I just can't stand still. The big bad is gone and now what? Where do I go from here? Will these people tell me to get lost now that it's all over? Will she? Jesus, I'm freaking. Buffy is standing close to the edge, and the rest of us are just staring at her back; like she has all the answers.
Well, she has my answers, but I wonder about the rest of them. She is still just standing there, not acknowledging us whatsoever. Even my wise ass comments don't pull her back from the edge. Hope she's not planning on jumping...again; but I know she's not. I know she's happy, a little sad, confused and nervous. I know because I can feel her now. All her emotions are right on display inside of me.
Freaking magic. Something unexpected always happens. It was the fucking scythe. Everyone said not to hold it at the same time as any other slayer. Always throw it, don't hand it. So what does Buffy do? She hands it to me, like a freaking idiot, and I'm the one that can't follow rules...please. I know somehow this will wind up being my fault, someway, somehow. Then she'll banish me again and I'll be sent away cause I know too much about her. Shit. Fuck. Shit. I'm so fucking screwed.
POV Buffy
I'm standing on the edge of Sunnydale. It's gone. It's all gone. The Bronze, the Expresso Pump, the new high school, my house, my car, my mom and well, Spike. Of all the things I'm sad about though, I'm not all that sad about him. It's kinda weird. A few days ago I would have been shattered, but now, I don't know, I just feel...free. Maybe it's cause the hellmouth went bye, bye. Maybe cause there are all these new slayers. Maybe it's because I finally convinced him I didn't love him by telling him I love him. I don't know and I sure don't feel like figuring it out now.
There are lots of other things to figure out right now, like where do we go from here? If I turned around right now, I know everyone would be staring at me, waiting for some kind of direction. Which is really funny. They want me to tell them what to do, where to go, and I can't even figure out my own life. And now, there is this feeling inside me. This nervous, sometimes hopeful, but mostly doubtful feelings and I know what it is. Or more to the point, I know who it is. It's her.
She always has a knack of coming around and turning my life upside down. Damn it, even when she's not here she can still do that to me. I can go for months without thinking of her once, and then bam, the next month she's all I can think about. I feel her nervousness and I know why it's there. The big bad is gone and she's afraid I'm going to tell her to leave. And I might have, but now she'll know I don't mean it, cause I'm sure she can feel me just like I can feel her.
She'll know I'm lying when I say I don't want her around. She probably coulda guessed that fact before. She was always good at reading me, but now she'll know for certain. So, I guess honesty will be the word of the day. Ya gotta love the side effects of magic, although we were all warned this time. Don't hold the scythe with another slayer, it would be bad. So what do I do? I get stabbed and she, of course, runs to my side. Then I hand her the scythe, and what does Faith do? She takes it. She takes it like a freaking idiot. I swear that girl cannot follow rules.
All right, I know I have some blame in this. Just like everything else that has ever happened between Faith and me, I have a share in the blame. It was never all her fault, although, I always tried to make it seem that way. It's because she always got to me, because she always had the ability to know exactly what I was up to, and I hated the fact that I could never fool her.
That Christmas my mom made me invite her over, she knew it was my mom's idea. And the whole thing with Angel she understood it so much better than I did, and she wasn't even around then. All this time I've been bitching about how nobody could ever really understand me, convinced that I would always be alone. It's so fucking stupid. I had somebody who understood me, who knew what it was like to be a slayer because she was one too. And I pushed her away when she needed me the most, and not just once, but twice.
I have given lots of people second chances, Angel, Spike, Anya, and even Willow. I gave them all a second chance to prove that they weren't just evil, but I don't think I even gave Faith a first chance. Now she's back. She came back because I needed her. This is new territory for me because people usually leave me and they don't come back. Well Angel did come back to me briefly, but that's another story. Right now she's the one on my mind. Maybe this means we can work things out. I wonder what I should say to her? I don't know, but feel like I hafta do something, and I need to do it now. So even though I have no clue what I am going to say, I call out to her anyway, "Faith?"
POV Faith
Oh shit, I think she just called me. What do I do? Oh right, answer her dumbass.
"Yeah?"
"Come here..." is her reply.
I don't do anything for a moment. Everyone is staring back and forth between Buffy and me. She still has her back turned to everyone. I stumble forward in Buffy's direction, encouraged by a not so gentle shove from Willow and Giles. I really don't want to talk to her right now, I'm scared, and she's nervous. This can't be a good thing. I straighten myself out and walk toward her of my own accord, cause I'm Faith, I'm not afraid of anything. Which is absolutely true, except for all those people who scare me.
There are lots of them, but Buffy is the one person that scares me the most. She scares me cause she has my life in her hands. She has the ability to make me happy or crazy or depressed, and sometimes it's all three at the same time. That scares the shit out of me cause I have never needed anyone the way I need her. Fucking scary shit, huh? So, I'm finally standing next to her, and I put on my best indifferent face.
"You called?"
POV Buffy
Oh fuck, she's right beside me now, and she's scared. Even though her face gives none of that away, I know it's true because I can feel it. I wonder what I'm about to say. Will it be the wrong thing. Just once I would like to say something right.
"You're no longer wanted..."
Ok, shit. That is so not what I wanted to say, and I can feel the devastation those words have caused, I realize I need to make this better and fast.
POV Faith
I stand next to her and I hear her words. It feels like I've just been shot. I look down into the pit that used to be Sunnydale and I wanna jump. I just want it over. I know I won't do it, I can't do it. I couldn't disappoint Angel that way. So I turn to leave. She's speaking to me again. What I hear stops me dead in my tracks.
POV Buffy
"I...uh...I meant you are no longer wanted by the police, I still want you..."
Shit, that really didn't make it any better and it might have made it worse. God I suck at this whole talking thing. I mean of course I want her, have you seen her? She's gorgeous and that's so not the point. She gives me that standard smirk, looking around before pointing to herself.
"Huh, you want me...?"
She knows what I meant, but she also knows what I'm feeling. So I just ignore her and continue.
"I still want you around. Maybe we can work on the whole friendship thing?"
POV Faith
Friendship? Yeah right, I know what I felt, I know what she felt. This could have some interesting possibilities, and I can't keep the stupid grin off my face.
"Yeah, sure...the friendship thing..."
POV Buffy
God she's a pain in the ass. She knows I want more, just like I know she wants more. How long can we keep this pretense going? Will it make us better off or worse off? Still, I continue with the pretense cause I'm a wuss.
"We...uh...should probably get the wounded to a hospital and find somewhere to bed down..."
Fuck...did I just say bed down? Oh my god, who says that? Stop speaking you moron.
POV Faith
Bed down? Who talks like that? Now she's all sorts of embarrassed cause she's busted, and I'm gone, laughing so fucking hard, I can barely speak.
"Sounds like a plan..."
POV Buffy
Great. Now she's laughing at me. I turn around to ignore her and everyone is staring at us as predicted. Although they are looking at us like we are insane; they are probably right. I issue orders, like the general I'm supposed to be. Soon we'll be moving and moving is always good.
POV Buffy
Well, here we are. Finally got the wounded all sorted out at the hospital. Giles is handing out room keys, and there aren't enough rooms for everyone; so we are going to have to share. Of course nobody wants to share with me cause I'm General Buffy and everyone still kinda hates me. Obviously nobody wants to share with Faith cause we...I...told everyone she's a pyscho and this is a motel. So you do the math.
What gets me the most is she's back to being nervous. I wonder. Why? It's not like I'm gonna bite her. Heh...well at least not in a bad way. Ok...bad Buffy thoughts; not a good idea right now. I understand why I'm anxious, but Faith just doesn't do nervous. She's always been cocky and self-assured on the outside, but now I suddenly wonder who this woman really is.
It occurs to me that there are thousands of things I don't know about her and that thought makes me really sad. I don't even know when her birthday is. It could be today and I wouldn't even know it. Is it today? Hmmm; don't know. Does she look any older? I look at her and she doesn't appear to be any older than yesterday. Maybe it was yesterday? Ok, babbling in my head now, so not a good thing. I take the key from Giles with a small, "Thanks." I head to our room and she's right behind me.
POV Faith
Fuck! Not enough rooms? Are you shitting me? I look around at all the girls and wonder whom I'll be stuck with. None of them are looking like they wanna share with me. It kinda reminds me of prison. Nobody wanted to bunk with me there either, although that was actually a good thing.
I didn't notice a line forming to get to share with Buffy either. Pipsqueak doesn't even wanna, which is surprising. Although, not really, cause somebody needs to stay with Xander. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Losing the woman you love can make you do crazy things. We've all been there. I look over at Buffy...fuck does that girl have a whole lot of emotions swirling around. It's kinda giving me a headache.
We keep going happy, sad, nervous, hopeful, horny, yes that's right, horny. Little Ms. Tightly Wound is horny. This should make for a great night. How would I tell her I don't want to when my body is screaming I want to? It's not like I'm opposed to having sex with another woman, but having sex with Buffy would be a whole different ball game. There's too much history between us to just jump right into sex. It's not all I want from her, and nowhere near what I need from her.
It's not like I could pull a get some, get gone scenario with her or any woman for that matter. There's just something about the act with another woman, more intimate I guess. Or maybe it's cause with girls there are always emotions involved. Which would make it impossible, or maybe it's just me. I don't know. I'm sure there are women out there who could do that, just fuck them and leave, but not me. With guys it's easy, cause it's what they want. Perhaps not all guys, but a guy's guy, if ya know what I mean, loves it when the woman just leaves afterward or lets them leave.
Which is fine by me, they really don't have anything I'm all that interested in anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love them to worship at the house of Faith. Ok that's lame, but still; I don't mind them doing me, but reciprocating is kinda tricky when you don't like dick. So fuck me, sure why not, blow job, hell no, not gonna happen. Oh shit; she's walking towards the room...our room; with the key. Damn...guess I should follow.
POV Buffy
I get the door open and stop dead in my tracks. No fucking way, this is just horrible. The worst thing that could possibly be in here, other than a demon or a vampire, is one single solitary bed, and it's mocking me. It mocks Faith too as she comes inside and stands next to me.
POV Faith
Fuck, one bed! I wanna laugh at the absurdity of the situation, Buffy and I sharing a bed. This is either gonna kill me or cure me. Not sure which I prefer at this point. Whatever, I'm tired and I've got hellmouth gunk all over me.
"I'm gonna take a shower..."
I take the shorts and t-shirt that Giles bought for me into the bathroom and shut the door.
POV Buffy
I watch her go into the bathroom. I'm kinda disappointed with her reaction, I expected her to be upset or embarrassed, but all I felt was resignation. I'm sure she's had worse accommodations, but me, never. Well, I suppose a coffin is worse than this, and I'm not sure which one I'd prefer at the moment.
The water starts to run in the shower and I realize there is a naked and now wet Faith in the bathroom. All that horniness just waiting for me to...ok, I really need to stop the bad thoughts. Well, they aren't all bad thoughts, some seem like they would feel pretty damn good. Shit. I really need to stop. I wonder if she's taking care of that itch in the shower.
No, I'm not wondering, no wondering here, I'm a wonder free zone. Damn I am so horned up. It's just because of the battle, yes, because of the battle. I just don't want to admit that most of it is because of her. I can't stand listening to her in the shower. I'm going to get a soda, some ice...oh ice...I wonder....shit, stop wondering.
I can't believe I forgot the key when I left the room; that's just great. Faith better answer the door with some clothes on or I'm gonna...hmmm. What would I do if she answered the door in nothing but a towel? Maybe I could tell her there is an emergency and I need to borrow it, then when she takes it off I could. Damn, she's not wearing a towel. She's wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
I look at her face and that body and I'm stunned. I've never seen her look more beautiful than she looks right now. Her wet hair is pulled back in a pony tail and her breasts look incredible in that shirt. My eyes lock on her well-defined thigh muscles. Thank you Giles for buying her shorts.
She's looking at me weirdly and why is she? Oh, cause I'm standing here like a retard staring at her breasts. Good move Summers. As I walk into the room I say, "I...I thought you might like a soda, so I got some, and some candy. You know, someday you're gonna hafta explain how you can not like candy with nuts, but like peanut M&M's..."
POV Faith
"What can I say Buffy, I'm an enigma...something that cannot be explained easily or at all."
I swear when I opened the door, she was scoping out my breasts. I cannot believe she just checked me out. She looks a little flushed after her visual exploration and I have to push it.
"I'm done in the shower, I think I even left you some hot water. Although, maybe it's the cold water you're looking for."
I follow up my comment with a wicked grin and a wink.
POV Buffy
Oh my God, I can't believe she just said that to me. I can't believe how much she knows me. Well, I'm not gonna let her get away with this. I'm so gonna get her, show her she doesn't know everything about me. I grab my stuff and brush past her.
"You know, cold water really doesn't fix horniness, sometimes it even makes it worse."
Oh shit, what did I just do? I cannot believe I followed up that comment with a slap to her ass. What the fuck is wrong with me? Holy shit, I wish the floor would just open up right now and swallow me whole. The only good part is Faith seems to be stunned into silence, for which I am grateful, although I have no idea how long that will last so I rush into the bathroom and slam the door shut.
POV Faith
What the hell was THAT about? Who took the stick out of her ass? Cause I'd like to buy them a beer. I flop down on the chair and pop open a Mountain Dew. I can't believe she remembered that's my favorite soda. She remembered my anti-peanuts in chocolate speech, with the peanut M&M exemption. I woulda thought she wiped all memories of me from her mind years ago, cause after all I wasn't very nice to her. HA! That's a great one Faith, 'not very nice', you were downright evil to her.
I know we are going to hafta talk about the past if we are ever gonna be able to remain civilized to each other. This status quo between us will not last forever. I'm not stupid enough to believe that it will. The question is: Am I ready for her to know who I really am? Am I ready to be who I really am?
I know I should tell her everything, even the stuff that makes her look bad; which is usually where we stop talking and start punching. The more I think about all this stuff the more daunting the task seems to be, but I remember what Angel told me once, just make it through the next five minutes, the next minute and so on.
Buffy's not pissed at me any more. I know that I'm being a little overly dramatic about this, I mean, I think she's more receptive to listen than she ever has been. I guess listening to kids bitch about shit for a living has helped her there. I wonder if she's ever had to deal with kids that went through the shit I've been through, God I hope not. Nobody should go through what I did.
POV Buffy
I feel her depression, her guilt, her need to tell me everything and it's driving me crazy. I know she's sorry, why we keep dredging up everything is beyond me. I do realize it's something we both need to do, so we can move on, but I'm not looking forward to having to share my things with her.
It's not that I'm angry with her or that I don't like her; cause I do. I probably like her too much, that's the problem. I'm afraid she'll hear what I have to say and then leave me. That's what everything always boils down to with me, I don't want everyone to just abandon me.
I really don't believe my friends would ever do that, but I trusted my friends in LA all those years ago too. With the Hellmouth gone, what more is there to keep us together? Will they all leave? I really don't wanna think about that now, I need a distraction. Wait, I got an idea for the perfect distraction. There was this flyer at the soda machine about a fair to support the Pismo Beach Fire Department.
I bet it wouldn't take much convincing to get Faith to go. So, I come out of the bathroom and ask her.
"Hey Faith, you feel up to seeing some sights?"
Faith is still being her difficult self with her answer.
"What sights did ya have in mind?"
I ignore her obvious meaning and continue.
"There's a fair downtown, wanna check it out?"
Oh my God, does this count as a date?
POV Faith
You know, sometimes I really hate it when my mouth starts working before my brain does. I didn't mean to sound like I wanted her to check me out. C'mon, obviously I do want her to check me out, but not right now. Anyway, I need to focus on the topic at hand. A fair could be kinda fun, along with I've never actually gone to a fair with another person before.
"Sure, sounds like fun, I'll go change." Oh shit, is this a date?
I look around at said fair and I wanna say that it's lame, but Buffy can still feel what I'm feeling, so I can't. I'm actually excited to be here, and with her, cause that's something I never thought would ever happen.
"Pismo Beach and all the fried clams you can eat..."
She looks at me for a moment and then she gets it.
"Bugs Bunny?"
I laugh and then explain.
"Yeah, he and Daffy are traveling to Pismo Beach and they end up in Nottingham Forrest, or ancient Rome, I forget which. And then they argue and hijinks ensue...Hey, ya ever notice we're a lot like Daffy and Bugs? Of course, I'm Daffy you know."
"Actually Daffy, it was ancient Babylon and you got all greedy and tried to keep the treasure all to yourself, and then the genie in the lamp shrunk you."
"Oh yeah, that's right. I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm a wealthy mizer..."
She's smiling at me now, remembering that we weren't always at each other's throats. Suddenly she's dragging me toward the gaming booth, and I wonder what the hell she's doing when I look up and see it. A white stuffed pig with a bow tie. She's pointing at it like a little kid, jumping up and down all excited, ok, the screeching needs to stop.
Guess that's where Dawn got it from. I give her a 'you've gone nuts' look and she's pouting again.
"What's with the pout?"
She just points at the game all disappointed and I get it. It's a target shooting gallery and surprisingly enough for a slayer she can't shoot for shit. I smile at her and wink, cause I can shoot, so I throw the money on the counter like I'm Jesse fucking James.
The skeezy guy working the booth is smirking and it's really not attractive cause of the whole no teeth deal. This pig better be worth it cause he ran his hand across mine when he gave me the rifle...as if ya toothless fuck. Not even if we were the only two people on a deserted island, I'd rather drag myself across the beach hoping to snag a stray stick.
Anyway, I win the pig easily and Buffy jumps up and grabs the pig before the guy can even move, guess she doesn't want his mitts on her pig. I can't help but laugh at how childish she is behaving. And I gotta admit, it's wicked cute.
POV Buffy
OK, I'll admit it, I'm acting really childish right now. I can see it in her eyes, but I don't care. A replacement Gordo was needed stat, so it was an emergency. A pig emergency; if you will. Anyway, we walked around some more just enjoying each other's company, trying to make each other laugh. Now it's Faith's turn to act like a kid, wanting to go on the Ferris Wheel. She's really adorable. I finally give in cause it's Faith and I'm finding it awfully hard to resist her lately.
We waited for what seemed like forever to get on this stupid ride, and then the guy running the machine stopped to talk while we were stuck up there near the top. We were on our way down and off this ride when the stupid guy just stopped it. It's not like I'm afraid of heights...ok; so it is like I'm afraid of heights.
I've only really noticed this since I've come back. I guess taking a dive off a 70 foot tower will do that to you. So, I'm getting really, really nervous and Faith is not helping at all. She's looking everywhere, practically hanging over the side to get a better view, of what I can only imagine.
I couldn't help it, I grabbed her; cause I was scared, and now I'm even more scared. Damn; her face is just inches from mine, lips I've been wanting to taste forever are just inches from mine. The intensity of my need overwhelms me and I feel like I can't breathe. She doesn't move an inch for a moment, like she's stuck there, and then it finally happens.
Her lips are on mine and it's so soft and gentle, she feels like my girl not a slayer. I never knew she could be this way, it has quickly become my all time greatest kiss. Her tongue has wiped away everything else; so softly running itself against mine. Then I hear something I wish I hadn't, or more importantly, someone.
Note: For this story, the order of the Season 3 episodes needs to be changed slightly. In my story, The Zeppo happened before the events of Helpless, in order for things to work out; I needed to do this. I didn't want anyone to think I don't know the order of the episodes, so I'm putting in this note...sorry for any inconvenience.
POV Buffy
I cannot believe who I'm hearing. I should be used to this by now, something going right and then it goes right back in the toilet.
"Oh, there are so many of them. So many to choose from, how will I ever be able to just take one? Ms. Edith was very important; one child shall never be enough to replace her."
"So take more than one, take as many as you like, there is no one here to stop us."
There's only one name in my head now--Drusilla. I instantly recognize the other voice with the lame accent, but I'm not really worried about him right now. I pull away from the kiss as I try to find them in the crowd and I finally see her standing between the shooting gallery and the fish bowl booth. I turn back to Faith and she's upset, "I...I didn't mean...I thought, I thought you wanted me to..."
Oh, oops. She thinks I wasn't digging the kiss. I realize my hands are still clutched around her jacket and I pull her forward and kiss her briefly.
"Oh, I did want this, I want a lot of this..."
I lean in and kiss her again.
"Mmm...so good. But um...work..."
I point down between the two gaming booths and she says, "Vamp?"
I answer her without looking back, "Not just any. Drusilla..."
POV Faith
Drusilla? Why do I know that name? It sounds really familiar, then it hits me, the other slayer, the one before me, Drusilla killed her.
I say out loud, "Kendra..." I immediately feel how upset Buffy is getting and I say, "Time for us to get some payback..."
I pull away from her and I'm about halfway out of the car, when she pulls me back in again, "Where are you going?"
I look at her like she's crazy, "I'm going to bag a vamp. What are you doing?"
"But we're up really high and she's not gonna be easy. And there are two of them..."
Ok, I'm confused so I just answer, "Well then, that's bad news for them yeah?"
I start out of the car again and I stop myself this time, cause we're moving again. We finally get off the stupid ride and I start walking toward them and again she's doing the whole stopping thing. It's kinda getting annoying.
"What's with all the stopping?"
"We need a plan..."
"Uh...ok, how about you distract her and I'll sneak up and stake her, sound good?"
"That's not a plan. That's not even an outline..."
I'm starting to get antsy, and then I see it. We can't wait.
"We don't have time, she's got a kid, we need to go now."
Finally she gets it, nods and off we go. We get back toward the darkened beach and we can see her walking away with the little boy, I'm about to go circle around when she grabs me and kisses me and tells me to be careful. Aww, she cares. Ok, focus Faith.
POV Buffy
I take a deep breath and watch Faith walk away, and then I chase after Dru. I tackle her and the kid to the ground, she has to let the kid go and he lands awkwardly, and I'm so hoping he doesn't break his neck. I come out of a roll and land on my feet facing her.
"Where ya running off to, Dru? Not happy to see old friends?"
I watch as the little boy gets up and runs screaming and crying back to the fair. You're welcome ya little shit.
"Buffy...Got tired of my William, did you? Made him get a soul. Poor, poor boy...he never really understood how you used him."
She hits me with a punch I barely saw coming, too busy watching the little boy run away and trying to locate Faith in the darkness. Meanwhile, Dru's dancing around, laughing at me. Every time I try to move she kicks me hard in the ribs. Distract her, sure, I'll just let her kick me a few thousand times...where the fuck is Faith?
"It will be a lot of fun to kill you. Ruining my family. You tore us apart, first my Angelus then my William. Tell me, do you think you'll rise from this death?"
She stops moving and looks at me with those crazy eyes and then she looks down at her chest in surprise as Faith's stake plunges through her heart and Faith says, "Think you will?"
Finally! I was beginning to think Faith forgot about me. She gives me a hand up from the ground, grinning. She really does love dusting the vamps; I need to get that enthusiasm back. It's been way too long since dusting a vamp has made me happy. All duty and no play has left me one, very boring slayer and I'm thinking Faith is the cure for that. We just stand there for a second, neither one of us knowing what we should do, lost in our own thoughts. I have to say I'm a little disappointed how easily Drusilla went down, it hardly seemed like a fair fight.
"Drusilla, the car is...Oh shit..."
I see him and yell, "Stop right there!!!"
Faith and I run after him and he turns around to face us, he looks back and forth between Faith and I and says, "Hello Buffy..."
I see Faith frown out of the corner of my eye as she asks snidely, "Friend of yours?"
"Well, I wouldn't actually call him a friend..."
POV Faith
I swear to God if she banged this vampire I'm leaving and not looking back. I mean come on, I don't even know this guy, but he's a complete tool. I glare at the guy and ask, "Who the fuck are you?"
The guy just looks at me and smirks like he knows something I don't. God I really hate that about vamps. Then he says in this completely lame accent, "I apologize. I assumed you would know. I am Dracula." I just look at the guy and then at Buffy and I burst out laughing, right in the guy's face and he says, "No, really...I am."
I just look at him still laughing and say, "Get the fuck out of here."
Buffy just looks at me and says, "He's not kidding; he's really Dracula."
And I can't help it, I just point to him. "No way this is Dracula. Dracula's all scary and badass, this, this guy's...well...um..." I take a good look at him and say the first thing that comes to my mind, "fruity."
Now she's looking at me and asks, "Fruity?"
"Yeah, as in gay, as in he likes stick..."
"Uh... I assure you, I'm not..."
"Yeah, sure you're not twinkie--why don't you save that for Oprah, cause she might actually buy it."
"Well, there was this one time with William the Bloody..." He stops himself when he realizes what he's just admitted. I look at Buffy with my eyebrows raised, and all she can do is shrug.
Now the guy looks pissed, guess he didn't want to let that cat out of the bag. Then he summons me to him, "Come here, Slayer..."
I look into his eyes and I take a step forward like I can't help myself and then I laugh at him. "Your, uh, 'thrall' seems to be a little lacking. Like the rest of you. Fuck, I'd be more scared if you were the Count from Sesame Street, hell, even Count Chocula would be scarier."
Ya gotta admire the guy cause he keeps trying, "You cannot resist me..."
"I think ya got the wrong slayer, pal." Buffy shoots me a dirty look, but serves her right for boinking the undead. I mean really, can't handle the heat, stop fucking the dead meat.
"Your power is rooted in darkness..."
"Yeah, we all got the memo on that one, but thanks."
I wave my stake around in front of him, "So you got any more lame ass lines you wanna try out or any more lame ass tricks you wanna pull, cause I'm not impressed." Suddenly the guy turns into a bat, swoops at me, then takes off flying back toward the parking lot. I turn to Buffy and point at the bat, "Ok, well that was actually kinda cool."
Buffy is just standing there shaking her head, damn, what now? So I ask, "What? What did I do?"
POV Buffy
Leave it to Faith to not be impressed with Dracula. And did he really have sex with Spike? Cause eww. And how did his thrall not work on her, when his thrall worked on everyone else? Well not exactly everyone else...mainly it was Xander and me. "HEY!!!! How come his thrall didn't work on you?"
She just shrugs and says, "Avoiding thrall, Chapter 7 of the slayer handbook."
OK, now I'm just confused. Is she serious? Did she really read it? Is there a chapter for that?
"You read the slayer handbook?"
Now she looks confused and answers.
"Yeah, didn't you?"
"Actually no. When did you read it?"
"Um...I read it..."
And I feel it, she's pulling away and I don't understand why, maybe it brought back memories of her watcher. I wonder if it still bothers her. What am I thinking? Of course it still bothers her; I know it still bothers me. It bothers me that I never told her about it, about my first watcher. Actually, I've never told anyone about him, or anything that happened in LA. Finally she just says, "I'm kinda tired, can we talk about it tomorrow?"
"Oh, um, sure..."
We walked back to the motel in silence. I tried to get her to talk about anything but she was really distracted, just kept her answers short, sometimes they weren't even on topic. I don't know what she's thinking, but whatever it is, it's confusing and sort of depressing. Kinda like she's trying to figure out the answer to a really hard question. Whatever it is, I know she's hurting and I want to help, but I don't want to push her cause I know that won't accomplish anything.
The silence continues after we get back inside the room. So, I just watch her get ready for bed and do the same. I brush my teeth and come out of the bathroom, and she's already in bed, fast asleep. She's curled up with the replacement Gordo clutched tightly in her arms. Normally I'd complain about that, but maybe she needs him more than I do. So I just get into bed and try to get some sleep...which won't be easy with her lying so close to me.
POV Faith
I'm awake, but I don't open my eyes yet. I'm just enjoying being held; I feel safe, warm and loved. And it doesn't feel weird to me; it feels like I've had this before. Of course I know I'm fooling myself, cause I've never. I don't know why my mind insists on playing games with me. I really hate it, cause it feels so real, like there's something there, if only I could reach it. I tried to explain it to the prison shrink once, but she kinda freaked me out.
Started getting all excited; thinking it was some kind of lost memory trying to resurface. She wanted to hypnotize me, but I wasn't having any of that. I don't need anyone else fucking with my head--been there, done that. I know if she starts messing around, next thing you know I'd be talking about how some aliens took me aboard their spaceship and ran experiments on me. But what did I really think she'd say? It's not like she's Freud or something. I mean seriously, she worked at a prison, how good of a shrink could she have been? OK, I admit I've probably watched one too many episodes of the X-Files or read too many horror stories when I was a kid, but you never know. I've seen weirder shit happen. Maybe it's just my head, cause I've always had trouble remembering stuff. Maybe that stuff was just boring so I forgot it; I wish I could remember it now, though.
You know, instead of every detail of what Kakistos did, and what my parents and step-dad did. That's all clear as day, but my fifth grade teacher? Or any teacher for that matter, I just don't remember them. Those memories are just...gone. Erased. But that's just stupid school stuff--who remembers that anyway?
I'm taken from my thoughts by Buffy, "Deep and meaningful thoughts?"
I open my eyes and I'm looking right into light green ones. God, I love her eyes, I could just stare into them for hours, but instead I answer wittily.
"Huh?"
Give me a break, I just woke up.
"I asked if you were having deep and meaningful thoughts cause you got that scrunched forehead thing going on. You do that a lot, did you know that?"
Aww, she knows my facial expressions. And I must be doing it again cause she takes her finger and smoothes it over. I just smile like a dork back at her; cause she's kinda left me speechless. Then she goes and ruins it.
"Well, while you're thinking, how about you think me up some coffee and a jelly donut?"
Hmmm, I guess I'm the one in this that's supposed to go running out cause princess wants something.
So I answer her back. "Sure...light and sweet?"
OK, so I guess I am that chick. I go to move out of bed, but she won't let me go.
"Ah, you kinda hafta let me go if you want coffee."
She looks like she's thinking about it.
"Don't wanna. I'm not sure which I want more now. You or coffee?"
I laugh slightly; "You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted..."
Now she laughs, "I think I want both."
She leans in to kiss me, our lips are just about to touch and then someone pounds on the door, and Kennedy's voice is all loud and shit.
"Giles wants us ready in an hour..."
And that's it, the moment is over and I look at Buffy and sigh, "And I thought I was loud."
POV Buffy
I so wanna beat Kennedy's ass right now, but it's no longer an option, cause she can kick back and it'll hurt. I watch Faith gather her stuff up and head into the bathroom to get ready. God she looks amazing and I just wanna do things to her, things I'm not even sure I know how to do. She's the first girl I ever had feelings for, and that scared the hell out of me. But now I'm a little older and a little more comfortable with girl-liking. Actually, I've only gotten comfortable with the girl-looking at, and the finding them attractive part. It wasn't like I've ever wanted to date a girl. Well, until now.
And lest we forget the whole Spike ordeal, I wonder what Faith's take on the situation will be? I know she knows I had sex with him...I heard him tell her about it. And he enjoyed telling me about her flirting and coming onto him, but I know she wasn't. It looked like it, but I think she just wanted to find out what he was all about. She did that with Scott Hope all those years ago, and I should've listened when she said he gave her his number. She told me that meant he was a creep and not worth my time. Back then I thought she was the creep, that she did it to prove something. But I've realized ever since she came back with Willow, she's looked out for me, she's tried to make my life run smoother, like training the potentials. She wasn't trying to take over, she was trying to lighten my burden.
And thinking back, I realize that was what she always did, but I never really noticed then. I used her when it was convenient, and then I wanted her to disappear when it wasn't; I really didn't treat her very well. And it's not like I'm a mean person, or that I don't care about people, I do. It's just really weird. I think I pinpointed when our relationship really went bad the first time around. It wasn't the accident with Finch, no, it happened a few weeks before that, when she missed my birthday and the Council made me take that stupid test.
It was the day after my birthday when she came back. She looked freaked out over something, but I didn't care. In my mind, she was wrong, she let me down so I didn't listen to anything she was gonna say. I just went off on her. I can't help but wonder what it was she wanted to tell me. Maybe it was something important, maybe that was the day she wanted to ask for my help, and I just turned my back on her. I'm pulled from my thoughts as Faith emerges from the bathroom, all cleaned and dressed, and she looks over at me, concerned.
"Are you ok?" I just nod not very convincingly, but she doesn't call me on it. Instead she asks, "Coffee, light and sweet and jelly donuts, right?"
I just keep nodding and she turns to leave, opening the door slightly before she turns back in.
"You know, you can talk to me...if you want. I'd understand why you might not, but maybe..."
She sighs in defeat, cause at this point I usually tell her to mind her own business. She turns to go and I call out to her.
"I-I'd really like to...talk with you."
She turns again and smiles softly at me and nods. "OK, when I get back..."
"OK."
I smile slightly at her as she finally leaves the room. See, there she goes again, being there for me. I hope she'll let me do that for her. I sigh and get up and start to get ready; I'm sure Giles will be bugging us soon to get going and I want a few minutes to talk to her without being interrupted.
I barely finish in the bathroom when I hear the knock at the door. Guess Faith forgot the key. I run out and open the door to find Willow standing there. "Oh, hey Will."
She comes in and looks around and asks confused, "Where's Dawnie?"
"Dawn? Um, she's with Xander, right?"
I sure hope she's with Xander, or at least somebody. I start to panic, then I finally see her walking around the bus talking with him. OK, the little sister is fine, check.
Willow comes in and sits in the chair.
"I wouldn't let the others know you had your own room if I were you."
I look at her confused for a moment.
"I didn't have my own room, I..."
I just stop cause I'm not sure what I'll be admitting to if Willow knows who I spent the night with. What will she think? Uh-oh, she's looking at me like she's trying to figure out the 'who.'
She smirks a little and asks, "Who'd ya share with Buffy? And with one bed no less, something you wanna tell me?"
Damn, she knows there is a story here. Sometimes best friends are really annoying, with the wanting to know all the time. Nosy really...
"I, uh, um..."
I don't explain anything cause here comes Faith walking into the room, followed by Kennedy, Xander and Dawn. I know Willow is smirking at me as Faith hands me my coffee and donuts. Faith slyly runs her hand across mine and mouths 'sorry' to me. I give her one of my cute, half smiles--yes, I know they're cute, cause I spent a lot of time perfecting them.
Then I try to look like I'm happy my friends have come to have breakfast with me, when all I really wanted was a few minutes to talk with Faith. Instead, we all just eat and joke about non- threatening things until Giles tells us it's time to go. Since we aren't on alert anymore he's taken over the leadership role. I'm glad...I really need a break from all that.
I'm about to walk out the door when Willow stops me.
"Oh...we're gonna hafta talk about this later, missy."
I just let out a whimper as I follow her to the bus. Why does everyone always want to know about me?
POV Buffy
Wow, Angel's hotel is really impressive, it's old and it's freaking enormous. And I was hoping there wouldn't be enough rooms so we would have to share again. I walk in with some of the new slayers and Giles, it's kinda awkward since Angel's crew is just staring us down, it's almost funny.
When Willow, Kennedy and Faith walk in, everyone from Angel's crew is so happy to see Faith, and that's a first, because we never were. Another thing to feel sad about. Something disturbing is occuring to me--these people are acting like...like she's THE Slayer. I'm so not used to being second string. Even Wesley seems happy to see her. Then adding to the disturbing weirdness, Faith gives this green guy a great, big hug. I don't think I've ever seen Faith hug someone before, and... hey! Get your mitts off my almost girlfriend, Kermit. Finally she remembers she needs to introduce us all, which she does and everyone's all smiles until she gets to me.
That big guy, I think she said his name is Gunn and the girl, Fred are just staring at me. Then he looks at Faith and asks, "That's Buffy? THE Buffy?" She just nods and says, "The one and only." And then he says, "I don't get it..."
HEY!!! I think he just insulted me and why is she giving him a high five now? This is so not cool. I'm just about to say something when Giles asks about the rooms and then everyone is moving around again. Faith isn't following cause apparently she already has her own room here and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I also can't help but wonder how much do Faith and Angel like each other? Speaking of, where the hell is Angel? He should really...
"Oh, hey, Angel."
"Buffy..."
Why does he always just say my name and trail off? Like he's surprised I'm here, uh...hello, you invited me.
"Nice place..."
Well, what else is there to talk about? I saw and spoke to him a few days ago, so I kinda got nothing left.
"Yeah, it's...ours."
Faith is kinda over by the reception desk, trying not to interrupt us. But I guess the silence is just too much for her cause she's asks, "Where's Cordy and Con..." I don't know what else she was gonna say cause Angel was over to her in a flash and now he has his hand around her mouth. Ok, the 'weird' continues. Even weirder, he just yanked his hand away--guess she pulled the old, 'lick the hand' trick. He says a little angrily, "Faith."
She looks at him, "Damn, man...what the hell have you been doing with that hand? Squishing caterpillars? You know what, on second thought? I really don't wanna know."
He wipes his palm on his pants and sighs, "Office..." He points and she rolls her eyes but she goes. Now it's back to him and me, he says, "I gotta talk to Faith for a minute. I'll be back. We'll, uh...catch up."
I just nod and watch him go into the office after her. He closes the door. What the hell is that about? He's supposed to be making awkward conversation with me, not Faith, and I so wanna know what those two are up to in there.
POV Faith
Damn, note to self; never lick a vampire's hand, cause, gross man. I take a seat and wait for him. Doesn't take him long to come in and shut the door. I can tell from the look on his face, he's got some bullshit to sell me, but he starts by asking, "How did things go in Sunnydale?"
"About as bad as could be expected. Dude, they put me in charge. Does that tell how fucked up things were?"
"I'm sure you did fine, after all you did manage to save me. I guess some of the things Lorne told you came true. Saw the hug."
"He told you?" Ok, I'm panicking now. I asked him not to tell Angel; actually I begged and pleaded. Oh God...what did I do now?
"No, he just told me you were skeptical and about the bet he made with you."
"Oh..." Whew! Damn for a second there I thought...
"Most of the other stuff I already knew and I sorta guessed the rest."
OK, back to panic. "What?"
"It's really ok, Faith. I'm not upset with you, nor will I be. Lorne told me two years ago that I wasn't her soulmate, I'm not the one she belongs with. I told you about it, remember? About how I sang Mandy. It was your birthday. Remember?"
"You knew? And you still came to visit me?"
"Yeah, I did." I sit there for a moment, just taking everything in, he asks, "What about Spike?"
"Oh, um...he won't be a problem, he kinda helped save the world. The amulet you gave Buffy, caused him and the whole Hellmouth to implode. Took Sunnydale with it...that's why we have nowhere to go. Remember?"
He grins at me for mocking him and says, "Yeah, I just like hearing the part where Spike implodes."
I so wasn't expecting him to say that and I laugh and say, "Yeah, I bet. I'm just glad it wasn't you."
"You'd miss me?"
"Yeah...for about a minute." I just grin at him for a sec, and then I remember to tell him the other news, "Oh, guess who else got dusted?"
"Who?"
"Drusilla."
He looks at me in disbelief, "You dusted Drusilla?"
"Buffy and I tagged teamed her, she didn't stand a chance. She was hanging with this really dorky vamp calling himself Dracula, but I'm not really sure I believe it cause I've met plenty that claimed they were Lestat."
"You didn't happen to dust him did ya?"
"Um, no, he kinda turned into a bat and flew away."
"Yeah, he has a habit of doing that. It's annoying, him and his stupid sleeping in coffins and turning into a bat...I mean, come on..."
OK, I know where this rant is going, it will soon degenerate into a diatribe about hack writers and how Anne Rice is an idiot. I say why blame her; put the blame where it belongs, on Stoker, cause he started it. But either way, I don't really care, just as long as he doesn't rag on Stephen King. So, I must stop him before he really gets going. "How about you tell me what's going on around here?"
He sighs and I know this isn't gonna be good, but I'll let him tell me. "You were right. About Cordelia. That wasn't her."
"What was it?" Cool, I was right. Damn I'm good. OK, probably not the time to gloat about my awesome powers of deduction.
"Some entity who used her to gain access to our dimension. If you hadn't seen it, she might be dead, and not just in a coma."
Shit. I know he's really devastated by this, probably feels like he let her down, like it's his fault. "Well, sometimes people come out of coma's..."
It's all I got; I'm really not good at sympathy. Most people assume it's because I don't care, but it's not, I do care, I just have trouble showing it. The prison shrink seemed to think it's because I didn't have any role models to learn it from. But I try to say something helpful.
"Just...um, make sure you visit a lot. They say visitors help."
And I guess I did ok cause he looks up at me and smiles slightly. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Now what about Connor? Then you can tell me why the cops aren't after me anymore."
"I made a deal."
"A deal? With who?"
"Wolfram and Hart..."
"WHAT!? Are you insane?"
Ok, I'm yelling now, but is the man crazy. That place is pure evil. What the fuck was he thinking?
"Quit yelling and let me explain."
I wave him along and he continues.
"We all made deals with them."
I just raise an eyebrow and he's sighing again, guess I'm annoying him or something.
"They gave us the whole LA operation, I'm the CEO, and it's up to me to run it as I see fit. Anyway, I don't know what the rest of them were given, but I asked that they try to heal Cordelia. And to place Connor in a home, with a real family. Kinda like the monks did with Dawn."
"Why? He's your son..."
"I couldn't reach him Faith. Every day he just sank deeper and deeper until finally I just couldn't reach him anymore. There was nothing else I could do to make it any better."
OK, that makes sense. That I get. I've been there, sinking deeper every day, hoping against hope someone or something could make it better. All the while believing help was impossible.
"They also got you freed. I figured that was only fair since they got you arrested in the first place, and now it's like nobody was ever looking for you; you've got a clean slate."
"You did that for me?" Why? Why would he do that for someone like me? "Why?"
"Because...that's what big brothers are for."
Wow, is he like the greatest man alive? Ok, he's not actually alive, and he ain't really a man, but he kinda is my big goofy older brother.
"And here's some stuff you might need: a brand new Massachusetts Driver's License, a social security card, and ATM card for an account I started for you. The pin is the last four digits of your social security number. I tried to get a copy of your real one but apparently you never had one. We're still trying to track down your birth certificate."
"You're giving me more money?"
"Yeah, consider it your first paycheck..."
"Hmmm, I'm guessing a paycheck means you expect me to do like, chores, right?"
Damn, didn't think I'd be getting chores. I mean; I'm a little tired. Getting beaten up, drugged up, blown up and then fighting in the Hellmouth, I think I deserve a break.
"That's usually how those things work. And I knew you wouldn't just let me give you money, so..."
Who said I wouldn't let him give me money? I definitely never did. Suddenly I get an idea. "Would I get the use of a company car? Something...fancy?"
"I'll have one brought over."
"Cool. Listen...I gotta go. Enough info for one day. Or else my head is going to explode." I get up to leave, but stop and say, "I still got stuff I wanna say about this whole Wolfram and Hart deal, so I'm reserving my right to talk shit about it. Cause in my experience if something looks too good to be true, it probably is..."
He laughs slightly and nods at me. I guess he knows me well enough by now. "Oh, Faith?"
"Yeah?"
"There're also some other things we need to discuss, but I need a little time to sort it out."
"Other things? They about me?" He nods. I look at him, trying to gauge the seriousness of whatever he's not telling me. I kinda get the feeling that this is pretty serious so I move back toward the desk and ask, "What other stuff?"
"Try not to worry about it tonight."
"Well, I already am, so tell me now."
He looks like he's thinking about it and then I realize he's not gonna crack when he asks, "Do you trust me?"
God I hate that question. I cannot tell you how many times that question has come back to bite me in the ass and not in a good way. My mind is screaming at me to say, no, fuck no, no fucking way, but my heart says to do it. Finally, after nervously pacing the office for a few seconds I nod, "Yeah."
"Then give me some time."
I was about to say something else, but I felt something...someone. Busted! I whip the door open and a blonde and a redhead fall through to the floor. They look really ridiculous lying on the floor in a big pile; I just shake my head and step over them as I leave the office. As I head upstairs I can hear Buffy and Willow's lame ass excuses for being pressed up against the door.
I walk into my room, and I'm surprised by what I see. Above the bed is a sign that says, "Welcome Home Sis..." That and the other decoration makes me laugh-a framed poster of the Patriot's Superbowl victory. My Tommyboy prominently displayed. I walk around and open the closet, it's full of clothes, all my tastes and styles. There's a radio with some of my favorite CD's sitting on the desk next to a laptop.
I flip up the screen and see a yellow Post-It, 'Don't get too excited, I took it out of your paycheck.' I wonder just how large this paycheck is? I also wonder how shocked everyone would be to see me with a laptop, bet they probably think I wouldn't know what it is. You'd be surprised the amount of stuff you can learn inside. Like how to light a cigarette with just a staple and a microwave. Yeah, prisoners have access to a microwave. And computers and email accounts. Although some of those little perks are only available if you manage to save a guard from getting stabbed to death. But that's another story.
I smile at the door, and begin the countdown. 5..4..3..2..1. Knocking. Bingo. I know who it is. I let her in, and she's trying to glare at me, but it's not working. We end up laughing and I ask, "You didn't hurt yourself did ya?"
"Just my pride, so, thanks for that."
Well, what did she expect me to do, knock before LEAVING the office? "Any time."
She doesn't say anything, she just looks around the room at all the stuff. I can see her mind working, trying to make sense of it. She stares up at the sign for a moment and asks, "You have family here?"
"Um, no family, it's kinda a joke between me and Angel. The first time he came to visit he told them he was my brother, so..."
"Oh..."
Oh? That's it? I was expecting her to flip, be angry or something, but she's not. "What brings you by?"
"Me? I was, uh, just, uh..."
"Trying to hide from Angel and Willow and pretty much everyone else?"
POV Buffy
Aww. She's concerned about me. She's teasing on the outside, but her feelings say different. Normally I'd be offended that she called me on it. I'd think she was trying to point out my faults. But now, I get it. She says these things cause she wants me to know she understands. I sit on the bed with a sigh and say, "Yeah. Everyone is going to ask me a bunch of questions I don't have any answers to, so I'm hiding."
"How do you know I'm not gonna ask you questions you don't wanna answer?"
That's a fair question. I think about it, ponder it; try to explain my reasons for being here. After 'hiding,' the other is cause I was kinda hoping 'hiding' would lead to some serious make out time. But somehow I doubt she'll wanna do that, which is freaky in itself cause she has restraint, and I don't. What bizarro planet is this? "I just know."
She's just staring at me now, and then she says, "I'm not going to be him, Buffy."
Well, I was right, she's not asking questions, although she is bringing up stuff I don't wanna deal with. "What's that suppose to mean?"
"I'm not going to get on that long line of Buffy worshippers, I'm not going to tell you that everything you do is perfect cause that's crap, sometimes you do things that downright suck."
"And you don't do things that suck?" OK, I'm getting a little angry here. Who the hell is she to judge me?
"Didn't say that. I have done lots of things I'm not particularly proud of..."
"Good, so back off." She just sighs at me, like I'm an annoying child. She runs her hand through her hair, she sits next to me and is quiet for a few moments before she speaks again.
She's softer this time, calmer. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that, like I was accusing you. I'm not. It's just...for this to work, for us to work; we have to be on equal ground here. Anything other than that would cheapen what I think we could have, what we can be to each other. We need to deal with the past first, believe me I'd much rather forget it, but it won't go away no matter how much we might want it to now. Not to mention the fact, this is a big lifestyle change for you, Buffy. I don't know if you're ready for everything that comes with it."
Huh? "What about you? This isn't a lifestyle change for you?"
"Not really. Who's gonna give a shit I'm gay? Nobody. But for you, your friends..."
"They won't have a problem with it, believe me. Do you really think Willow is gonna try and talk me out of it?"
"No. It's more the 'who you'd be doing' that will be the problem."
I laugh slightly and she's seems to get a little upset with the laughing so I quickly explain, "Oh please...after Spike, I doubt they will even raise an eyebrow. And Xander, I'm sure he'll be loving it, of course we probably won't see him for a few days, but..."
We just look at each other and say, "Ewww."
We both laugh and she says, "Yeah, Giles will probably be like, 'oh bloody hell'..."
And now I'm rolling with laughter cause that's exactly what he said about Willow when he found out. Plus, Faith's imitation of his accent is dead on.
After a few minutes she says, "I just want you to be sure this is what you want. That you think before you leap."
I move so we are facing each other and reach out to stroke her cheek gently, "I've thought about this...I've thought A LOT about this."
I'm about to kiss her and there's a knock again. "We really need to invest in a 'Do Not Disturb' sign."
She grins and says, "You ain't kidding..."
She answers the door and I can't see who it is or what they want, but she took something from them. Closing the door, she turns and holds up car keys. "Wanna go for a ride? There's something I need to show you."
CHAPTER FIVE - Revisiting the Past
POV Buffy
OK, I'm not really sure what I've just gotten myself into. Hopefully she knows how to drive. I can't imagine Angel would give her a car without knowing if she could drive. Right?
The car is awesome, it's red and sporty, and she seems really excited about it, and when I didn't join in her enthusiasm, she yelled at me, "It's a Porsche!" I was like yeah, and? She just rolled her eyes and opened the door for me; she's really cute when she's being all chivalrous. I just shrugged and got in. I smiled to myself cause I knew it was a Porsche, my dad had one just like it, but I liked watching her get all huffy about it.
It seems my worries about her driving were for nothing apparently cause Faith is actually a good driver, I woulda thought she'd be a little reckless behind the wheel, but she's not, she even uses turn signals. And the music she chose to play, I woulda thought heavy metal, but she choose a classic rock station. I even caught her singing along to the radio, it was a song I had never heard before in my life, but she knew it. She seemed a little shocked that I never heard of the guy before, I think his name was Neil Young and the song was about an old man or something. I'm starting to understand that the Faith I think I know, does not exist.
We finally arrive at UCLA of all places, and I'm totally confused, what could she possibly want me to see here? She takes my hand in hers and we walk inside one of the buildings, she stops right before she opens the door to one of the classrooms and says, "We need to be quiet, I think the lecture is still going on."
Lecture? Faith is taking me to a lecture, ok, now I know I must have died in the Hellmouth, pretty soon I'll be waking up in a coffin. Again. I shake those thoughts away and follow her inside. She's right, there is a lecture going on, students are madly taking notes, nobody seems to notice us as we slip into the back row. I look around at everyone, wondering what she wants me to see; perhaps if I had listened to what the Professor was taking about I might have had a clue as to what was coming next. We sit for a long while until the class is dismissed, we wait until they all leave and Faith says, "Come on."
The Professor is erasing the board and he turns around to see Faith and his eyes light up and he says, "You're free?"
"Yeah, I'm free..." She turns to me and says, "Buffy, I'd like you to meet Professor Lester Wirth."
Holy shit, did she just say Wirth? It can't be, she...she killed him. "But..."
She whispers by my ear, "Say hi Buffy, you don't want him to think you're retarded do you?"
"Hello." OK, Faith has a lot of explaining to do. I glare at her as he says to me, "I'm glad to meet you Buffy."
Faith continues the conversation like I'm not even there, "I just wanted to stop by to let you know I got out. Um, the books you lent me, um...I'm not quite sure what happened to them..."
"Oh, I picked them up from your friend Angel a few nights ago, so no need to worry about that."
"Good, I was worried they were lost. Anyway, I know you have another class soon so I don't wanna hold you up, but maybe if you're free we could get together if you want."
"That would be great. I'd like that. Give me a call and we'll set something up."
They exchange some more pleasantries and he leaves presumably for his next class. OK, what the hell is this all about? I'm still stuck on the fact Faith didn't really kill the volcanologist. And I went and told everybody she did, actually I told Andrew which pretty much guaranteed everyone would hear about it and in a very exaggerated way. I really didn't want the girls to like her.
"Let's go sit outside and I'll tell you all about the good professor."
I just nod along and follow in stunned silence, she doesn't start talking until we get outside and sit under one of the trees on the campus grounds.
"I know you want an explanation, and I really wish I had one to give to you. But the truth of the matter is, I don't know how he's still alive because as far as I know, I killed him. Imagine my surprise when Angel brought him to the prison and introduced us. I guess Angel ran into him by accident here on campus and knew I wouldn't believe it unless I saw him. Wirth has no idea what happened in Sunnydale, he doesn't remember anything. He's a really nice guy; he would come to visit me once or twice a month and every single holiday. I don't know why, I guess he felt bad for me or something, but it didn't matter cause it's not like I had lots of people wanting to see me."
I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say to all this. "What do you mean 'as far as you know, you killed him?'"
"I mean, I have memories of going to his apartment and killing him, but I guess it didn't happen, cause he's alive and still human. It's really not all that unusual for me, cause ever since I arrived in Sunnydale weird things happened to me. And even before, I don't know...the things I remember are all bad, like nothing good ever happened to me, and that can't be right. I mean...something must have gone my way at one point or another, right?"
"What kind of weird things?"
"Like I mean I would wake up and it would be like days or hours later than I thought. Remember the other night, you asked me about reading the Slayer Handbook. I must have read it because I could tell you damn near everything in it, but I don't remember actually sitting down and reading it. And then other times I would remember things I did, but I couldn't remember why I actually did those things. It was like everything was out of my control, nothing made any sense."
I remember the night on the rooftop at Angel's old office, she was trying to tell me all this then, and again I didn't listen. The only thing I can do now is to ask, "Can you tell me anything specifically?" And as soon as I ask the question, I can feel her tense up, and I sense her emotions, they're all over the place, she's going from angry to sad to scared to ashamed and embarrassed.
She takes a deep breath, and just when I think she's not gonna say anything she finally starts with, "Do you remember your 18th Birthday and the test the Council made you take?"
Uh-oh, I think I'm about to find out something that I'm not gonna like, but I nod and she goes on.
"Well, um...a day or two before your birthday, the uh Council came to see me. I mean, not the whole Council just that old guy..."
"Quentin Travers..." I add helpfully, as I am dreading what she is about to say. Pieces of the puzzle are starting to slide together and I don't like where they are leading me.
"Yeah, him. I don't really remember much of what happened, I'm pretty sure they're responsible, but everything is kinda hazy. I'm pretty sure I let him in to talk and the next thing I know I'm waking up and it's the day after your birthday. Um..."
I can see she's trying hard not to cry as she tells me, "I woke up in the back of this truck, and I had no idea how I got there. Which was disturbing enough, but then I realized that my...um...my pants are around my ankles and I don't know why, although we can assume it wasn't a good thing. I was totally freaked out; I had no idea what went on or what to do. So, I went to your house..."
No, no, no, no, please don't go there. Please don't tell me you came to me for help and I completely turned my back on you, please, Faith, don't tell me that, but it's too late, that's exactly what she's gonna tell me.
"...you were so mad at me..." and now she's crying and I don't know what to do, "...you were mad because I missed your birthday and I stood there and you wouldn't listen to me. I wanted to be there for your birthday, honestly I did. I didn't know about the test until I went to Giles. I was still freaked out and I needed someone and he was supposed to be my watcher too. Instead of telling him what happened, he told me. He told me about the test and how he was fired and that the Council would be sending both of us a new watcher."
I just look at her, she's crying and I'm crying. I never knew. My head was so far up my ass I never even considered the Council might have had something to do with it. I just assumed she was off partying and getting laid. Oh God, what did I do? I'm supposed to help people and the one person who needed me the most I let down. That fucking Quentin Travers is a jackass, but I'm sure he didn't realize what had happened, he wouldn't allow that to happen, right? Just some stupid scumbag they hired decided to...I can't even finish the thought cause it's so...disturbing. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for her, waking up like that, knowing something happened, and then trying to ask for help that neither Giles nor I provided. I know nothing I can do will ever make up for the fact I wasn't there for her, I think I get what Faith meant by some things you just can't take back, no matter how much you might want to. I reach over to her and pull her into a hug and she doesn't resist me, and I just tell her how sorry I am and how it wasn't her fault over and over again.
We stayed like that for a long while, me just holding her, it felt nice. No, that's not correct, it felt right. Of course it all ended quickly when she heard the ding, ding of an ice cream truck. In a flash she was up and out of my arms and yelling over her shoulder she'd bring me back something. I was a little upset at first but then I realized why she left so quickly, it's because she feels uncomfortable having shared something so emotional with me.
I take my time finishing my ice cream because I know after I'm done it will be my turn to share and I don't wanna. I know she wouldn't push me into doing it, but I also know it would hurt her if I shut her out again, especially after what she just told me. So, I finish the ice cream and take a deep breath and proceed to tell her about me.
POV Faith
I know she's just wasting time, pretending to lick every bit of ice cream off the stick, even though it's all been gone for a while now. It would be sexy as hell had we not been in the middle of telling each other things we swore we would never tell anyone. I know she's not gonna stiff me on the dishing dirt, but I also know how hard it is to start talking. So I try to wait patiently and not fidget too much.
"I'm not sure where to start, but I guess starting with how I wound up with Spike is as good a spot as any. I guess it all started when I came back...I was back, but I didn't want to be back. I had wanted to jump; I wanted it to all be over. Death was my gift, so I either kill Dawn or kill myself, and I was just so tired of having to fight all the time, of feeling like I'd never get to be normal, I was tired of losing everybody I loved. And the thing I've never told anyone, not Spike nor my friends, is that I jumped because I wanted to die, not because I wanted to save the world."
She looks at me, her eyes wet with tears, it's like she's expecting me to yell at her or condemn her for wanting to die, but she'll be waiting a long time. I won't ever do that to her because I know what she means, I'd been there myself. And I already knew that stuff, I already knew what she did, what she wanted, and hopefully she won't ever find out how I know all that stuff.
I don't say anything but I take her hand in mine, try to reassure her, to support her, to let her know I understand that I get it. To show her I'm not like all the others, I can understand her in ways nobody else can because I'm a slayer just like her.
"So, I'm back and I just feel empty. It was like I couldn't feel anything and I wanted so desperately to feel something. I was walking around going through the motions of living but not truly feeling alive. And my friends just kinda ignored it; they just wanted things to go back to normal. I tried to act like I cared, but it just got to be too much and I'd spent as much time away from them as I could. I started out small, letting random vamps hit me so I could feel something. Physical pain was better than nothing, but a little led to a little more until one day I just let a vamp beat on me. I had no interest in trying to stop him; it was like I wanted...I needed to be punished. Punished for choosing the wrong thing, for betraying my calling.
"If it wasn't for Spike coming along, the vamp probably would have killed me. I hated Spike for not letting me do it anymore; he followed me everywhere on patrol making sure I was doing what I was supposed to do. Eventually I got sick of it and we fought, it used to be he couldn't hit me back, but what surprised me was that he could hit me now. He could hurt me, so I let him. I let him do whatever he wanted to me and after every time I'd swear it was the last time, but there I was every night going back to him. I was just using him; I didn't really care about him, most of the time I didn't even like him.
"I finally put an end to it, but he wouldn't give up, he finally wound up trying to...um...force me to be with him. Which wasn't really all his fault cause I always resisted at first, cause that made it seem like less my fault and more his fault. And he didn't have a soul at the time, he just had that stupid chip that wouldn't let him hurt anyone...anyone but me. And then everyone found out about it, Willow was confused but didn't really give me shit about it, I guess Tara kinda helped me there. But Xander...he was so angry at me, so disappointed...so disgusted..."
"Well, that's Xander for you. Always sees things others are doing wrong, but never wants to take any responsibility for his actions. And, hello...didn't he like date an ex-vengeance demon and not really mind when she went back to being all demony."
She gives me a look, and I realize I might have said a little too much, maybe I shouldn't be talking shit about him, shouldn't let my own issues with him come into play.
"Well...he was right Faith. What I was doing with Spike was wrong..."
OK, I'm not gonna let this one pass, I have to say something. "OH MY GOD...you had sex...alert the media, call Giles cause there could be an apocalypse. Come on Buffy, it's really not that big a deal..."
"But he didn't have a soul, and I didn't love him...I used him. Xander had every right to be..."
"No, he didn't. He had no right to pass judgement on you; no right to act like he's a better person than you. He had no idea what you were going through, no idea. So, big deal, you had inappropriate sex, it's not the first time that's ever happened in the world. Hell...you're probably not even the first Slayer to do it. And it don't make you a bad person, it just makes you a person..."
We sit there for a long time without saying anything else, just watching life go on around us, lost in our own thoughts. After a while, she laughs slightly and jokes, "Why do I get the feeling you're just saying that so I won't give you shit about Robin?"
Robin...damn. That's a tricky subject isn't it? I'm still wondering why I slept with him, he really isn't my normal type, not to mention that I knew Buffy and I had a future together before I left LA so why did I try to blow it by sleeping with him. Perhaps it's one of those self-fulfilling prophecies the shrink was always yapping about, I did it cause I wanted to fuck things up. Maybe that is it, I tried to sabotage myself, and then I continued to do it by telling her about it, so maybe that's just...typical me behavior. Ruin it before it even has a chance, then again, how mad could she be about Robin, her and I weren't together, now if she wanted to be mad about people I slept with...oh...fuck...
"It's not Robin I'm worried about..." It's the whole Riley subject that has me concerned.
She stops for a moment and says, "Riley..."
I just let it hang there, I don't wanna acknowledge it cause I got nothing to say about it. There is nothing that can be said to defend that, to justify it. I won't even try, cause I know I'm a scumbag for doing it, just gotta accept it. Just gotta accept whatever she wants to say about it, about me, so I brace myself for the worst.
"I think sleeping with him was punishment enough..."
Huh? Did she just...? I wasn't expecting to hear anything like that, I whip my head up in surprise and I'm looking right in her eyes, she's smirking at me, I shrug. "Yeah, he was kinda..."
"Horrible? Bad? Unfulfilling? Utterly...vanilla? Am I getting warm here?"
Uh-oh, this could be a trap. "I'm just gonna stick with no comment..."
She gives me a little nudge on my shoulder, her eyes are still twinkling mischievously, "Come on, pick one..."
Fuck it...she asked..."Well horrible is the word that first comes to mind..."
She laughs, "That's my girl..."
I stop for a moment and I think about what she just said. Am I her girl? I think she knows what I'm thinking cause she asks, "Does it bother you?"
I shake my head yes but I say, "No..." I grin a little and continue, "I kinda like it."
She says, "Me too." And she leans in and kisses me, oh God, Buffy kisses, I'm really digging those. Things would have gotten a whole lot more involved had we not heard the gasp from the couple and their children who walked by at that moment. I start to worry about her reaction, especially when the guy says to us, "You know you're going to hell..."
I was about to tell the guy where he could go and how to get there, but instead Buffy turns to the guy and says, "Been there, not that bad actually, a little hot and dusty...lots of demons..." He just mutters and shakes his head as he ushered his little family away from us and she yells after him, "Yeah...you should really go back to your 'red state', ya fucking moron."
I make a show of looking into her eyes as I half-jokingly say, "WOW! You didn't happen to get some of that black oil on you, did you Scully?"
She blushes a bit at her outburst, then laughs, rolls her eyes at me, "No, Mulder I didn't. I'm fine, no abductions nor black oil, but I think I saw Krycek running around."
"I still say that guy was an alien..." I say as we get up and start walking back toward the car. All relevant conversation is over for the moment, but it's ok, it's kinda nice to slip back into something more comfortable. I know we're not done, there's still much more I need to tell her about me, so many more things which might make her not want to be with me. I try to stay positive, try to lose myself in the pleasantness of a ridiculous conversation.
"No he wasn't..."
"OK, how do you explain him having his arm cut off in one episode and it being back in another. Are we supposed to believe it just grew back? That it was a miracle..."
We argue back and forth about the X-Files all the way back to the hotel. It's not the first time we've argued over that show, nor will it be the last. I'd be rather embarrassed to admit it, but we've also spent lots of time arguing over Dawson's Creek, which I personally believe should have been called Pacey's Creek.
POV Rosemarie
I watched out the window as the two girls walked hand in hand toward the building's parking lot. One of them seemed familiar, but it's not unusual when you're a teacher, you always think you recognize students. The dark-haired girl turns to get into the car and I see her face, it's a face I would recognize anywhere. Faith...
In a flash I was gone, out the classroom, pounding down the stairs, I ran out toward the lot and I saw the car pulling toward the exit. I ran as fast as I could toward their car, I yelled out to her and for a moment I thought she saw me, but then the car pulled out into traffic. I stopped, I was too late, she was gone again. Thankfully I got the license plate number, and I slumped onto a nearby bench to catch my breath and to try and process what I had just seen. I swear she saw me, maybe she did and just wanted to stay gone. It makes no sense, she's supposed to be dead.
I'm not really sure if I believe in miracles or things of that nature, but this is truly amazing. I'm only in LA to co-chair a Literature Conference which in and of itself isn't all that amazing. The fact the conference was supposed to be held in Lawrence, Kansas a few months ago, and only through an act of God, or rather a tornado, caused it to be moved here. And I'm here, on campus for all of twenty minutes and I see her, I see her in a place I wasn't supposed to be at all. Perhaps it's time I start praying, or maybe just play the lottery, cause this has to be my lucky day.
A few minutes later, Charles, the conference co-chair, ran out of the building looking for me, for a large man he was moving pretty fast, when he reached me he just slumped on the bench next to me, trying hard to catch his breath. "Jesus Roe...where the hell were you...running off to? Are you ok?"
I look at him amused for a second, him worrying about me is rather funny, he looks like he's about to have a heart attack. I grab the pen out of his pocket and write the plate number on my hand. I hand him back the pen and say, "I'm fine. Sorry if I alarmed you..."
"Are you going to tell me the reason for the sudden calisthenics, is this a pathetic attempt to get me to exercise? Did my wife put you up to this?"
I decide it's best to jump right into it, "I saw my daughter."
That comment stops him cold, he looks at me like the nutcase I probably am and says, "Your daughter?"
"Yes."
"The one that died?"
"Yes. The only daughter I ever had."
"Do I need to point out how crazy you sound?"
"No, I'm well aware how crazy it all seems to be, but I'm telling you I saw my daughter get into a red Porsche with a blonde girl and take off for God knows where."
He just sighs, he's known me for many years, he knows I'm not the hysterical type. If I say I saw her, he might not completely believe me, but I know he'll help me. We sit for a few more minutes, I smile as he finally asks, "Did you get the plate number?"
I just show him my hand and ask, "Is your son working today?"
"No, he's up at Big Bear, although I believe he'll be back to work overtime tomorrow. And even though it's against my better judgement, I'll give him a call and ask him to run the plate. Fair enough?"
I nod because it's going to have to be fair enough, I don't know any other way to track down a license plate number. I'm sure the police won't want to help me, they weren't all that helpful the first time around and I don't want them to call Nick and the kids and get them all worried about me. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the night, knowing she's out there, somewhere in LA but not being able to go to her.
POV Clementia
I had arrived in LA early this morning, and I immediately sought out the target, the Hyperion Hotel. I spent most of the day observing the happenings from my perch in a nearby tree. A couple of times I thought the vampire spotted me, but it seems he's not as adept at sensing the supernatural as I had been told. But just in case I know he won't be around tonight, I have it on good authority he will be leaving the hotel very shortly, going out to rescue people. Funny that...a vampire saving people, I don't think I'll ever get used to that one. But I guess stranger things have happened, I know, I've witnessed a lot in my line of work.
Believe me I'm very happy to be doing this job; usually I just get to clean up other demon's messes, it's not my usual trade to be cleaning up human messes. Human messes aren't quite as bad, believe me, you don't want to be the one cleaning up after vengeance demons, those women are really...well...vengeful, not to mention messy. And I can't help everyone, although I try, some people just don't want to accept their part in the scheme of things. They don't want to admit that it's something they've done which caused this badness to happen to them, which really doesn't put them in the mood for forgiveness. So, it's my job to show them what they've done and hope they accept it and forgive. If they can forgive they will be allowed to move on to whatever comes next, if not, they'll either stay in limbo or they'll find themselves in Hell.
It's really hard work; there are many vengeance demons, but only one of me, as you can imagine my time is scarce. But when the Powers that Be ask...nay... demand you do a job for them, you'd better clear that calendar in a real hurry, cause they are not a patient lot. Who am I you might wonder? I am Clementia, the goddess of mercy and clemency, hence the name. I know, it sucks, believe me I'd much rather be Diana or Venus, even Hecate, but such is life.
A half an hour after sunset, I watch as the vampire leaves; I wave goodbye to him as he drives away. I'm out of the tree and on the roof in a flash, I sneak down through the unlocked roof door, I move down the corridor cautiously because I don't want to be seen before I'm ready. I finally get myself situated in a darkened corner, from my vantagepoint I can watch the meeting going on below as I wait to make contact.
It seems like hours before the anagogic demon finally shows up. I heard he ran a demon sanctuary called Caritas which means mercy in Latin, which also means me in Latin, kinda funny if your me and don't get out much. Anyway, this demon is connected to the mystic, but it's not his psychic abilities I'm interested in tonight. It's his empathy for the dark-haired slayer, which brings me here.
He is seemingly lost in his own thoughts, when he hears the meeting he stops and watches for a few moments, I take my cue and timidly sidle up next to him and ask, "Penny for your thoughts?"
I startle him and he jumps a little, "You scared the beejeezus out of me, we really need to put bells on all you slayers."
I shrug at him sheepishly, "Sorry...I just didn't want them to catch me listening in, they get really upset when us new slayers want to get involved."
"Well, I don't blame you for sneaking, that group doesn't let anyone in apparently..."
I play along and ask, "What do you mean?"
"Well, for instance, Faith. She's a slayer too, and yet all they do is pretend she doesn't exist. If they would just listen they would realize most of her ideas are really good, they could really help you newer slayers. At least Buffy is starting to hear her; I just wonder how long Buffy will keep doing it if her friends don't want to let Faith in. I just wish for once they could all see things from Faith's point of view..."
"Done."
He looks at me hard for a moment and asks, "What did you just say?"
"I said I think they're almost done. I'm gonna get out of here before they notice me."
He eyes me suspiciously for a moment, then looks down at the meeting to see if it's really breaking up and when he looks back, I'm gone. Unfortunately it's not anywhere pleasant, I have to help a man whose girlfriend is wishing that his no good, cheating, lying ass slides under a gas truck and tastes his own blood before he violently gets blown up. Damn...I really need a vacation...
POV Buffy
I can't believe how badly the meeting went; I never realized how much my friends ignore Faith and her opinions completely. It seems since I've more or less gotten control of my senses, they just wanna go back to treating Faith like her opinions and observations don't matter. This is just so unbelievable; maybe this is why she never came to any of our meetings. Well, that and we never actually invited her. I'm so pissed at them right now; it's like if a suggestion doesn't come from my mouth they don't wanna hear it. I'm most surprised at Giles; even he seemed to blow her off.
I tried everything I could think of to include her, which pretty much backfired. I just merely repeated one of Faith's suggestions and they jumped all over it, saying it was the best idea ever meanwhile when Faith said it they acted like it was a horrible idea. Needless to say, she's pretty upset and took off before I could get a chance to talk with her, so now I'm out here looking for her, hoping to make things right...again. It doesn't take me long to find her, she's only gotten a few blocks away from the hotel, she's busy fighting some vamps, four on one, not really good odds if they've been around for a while so I casually ask, "Want some help?"
"Nah, they're newbies, not really risky."
The vampires seem to be insulted and one of them yells at her, "We are not newbies, we've been vampires for two whole weeks now."
She just looks at me and shrugs, "Did ya hear that? Two whole weeks..."
"Yeah, better be careful..."
"Well you know me, careful is my middle name."
I roll my eyes and just stand there watching her, she is truly a sight to behold. I love watching her slay, she moves so fast and fluidly, and I wonder if I look that good when I'm slaying. A punch here, a kick there, damn she's not even really working up a sweat, so much for hoping they would make her hungry and horny. I watch her as she slowly takes them out one by one. Now there's only one vampire left and he's just completely clueless, he tries to start talking trash, "You will rue the day you ever messed with..."
I wonder what he was gonna say before she staked him, eh, it was probably something lame. "Are you rueing the day?"
"Yep, I'm rueing, whatever was I thinking messing with those bad ass vamps...I sure hope I've learned my lesson..."
"I'm sorry about my friends..."
She looks down and sighs, "Yeah, I'm used to it."
"Well you shouldn't be..."
"Forget it, let's just stake some more vamps and call it a night, yeah?"
At that point I knew it was pretty pointless to try and talk to her about it. So we patrolled around for another hour, unfortunately there were more vampire slayers out than actual vampires, but I guess that's to be expected these days. The girls were all following the suggested rules, no slayer out patrolling alone, so we steered clear of them not wanting them to think we were spying on them.
By the end of the week all the girls will be on their way back to their respective homes at least until we figure out what were gonna do. We've assigned them all email addresses so when we finally decide where the new base of operations will be we can contact them and see if they want to join us. If they don't choose to join us we are going to try to send them some kind of watcher person. Although there isn't much left of the old council, but Giles thinks we can find some people who'd be willing.
Faith and I both demanded we get to interview any potential watcher, I wanna make sure they aren't like the old council, meanwhile Faith said she wants to make sure they aren't dorks. Of course she was only kidding, hmmm...I think she was only kidding, it is quite possible she was serious. Finally Faith has had enough walking around, and calls it a night and we went back to the hotel.
I walk with her towards her room, it's kinda awkward, I don't know if I'm supposed to follow her inside or say goodnight or kiss her goodnight, or wait for her to do it. There isn't a chance to do any of those things as she quickly opens the door and steps inside. I just sigh and keep walking and then she calls out to me, "Buffy?"
"Yeah?" As I turn to look at her I just keep repeating, 'don't say nothing, don't say nothing, don't say nothing'. The moment seems to be dragging on and I'm thinking she's definitely gonna say nothing when she surprises me, "Stay with me?"
I feel her nervousness, I guess she thinks I might say no, but I say, "Sure..."
I feel even more nervousness from her as she looks everywhere but directly at me. "I-I don't wanna do anything, I just..."
I close the distance between us and make her look at me, "I know, it's ok." I give her a quick kiss and a little half smile before I follow her into her room.
CHAPTER SEVEN - The Shared Dream Experience
POV General
During the night, while Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy are fast asleep, safe in their warm little beds, unbeknownst to each other, they all start having the same dream. A dream that will show them the other side of the story, the side they were never supposed to see.
It's the old Sunnydale High School; Faith is pacing back and forth in front of the double library doors. She's muttering to herself, "just ask him, what's the worst he could say?"
After a few more minutes of pacing she finally takes a deep breath and walks into the library. Giles is behind the library counter, stamping in the returned library books, he looks up at Faith and smiles slightly and goes back to his work.
She walks up to the counter, "Giles? I was, uh, wondering, um, if the uh Council would consider...giving me some money?"
Giles stops what he is doing, looks at her, "You need money?"
"Well, um, not right this second, but if they could maybe give me something, I might actually be able to..." The rest of the gang comes in as Faith finishes, "eat..."
But it's too late, Giles full attention is on Buffy and the gang, "Ah, Buffy, I'm glad you are here..."
Faith looks upset as she watches them all walking over to the tables, she runs her hand through her hair, closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a breath, then another, when she opens her eyes; she no longer looks upset but looks rather bored. She wanders over to the rest of them and takes a seat on one of the tables.
The dream continues. Now it's the inside of a bar, Willy's Alibi Room to be exact. Willy is standing behind the bar and Faith comes walking in, she takes a seat at the far end of the bar. Not one of the demons or vampires in the place moves, they don't seem to view Faith as a serious threat. Willy comes over. "There's a game in the back..."
Faith grins, "High stakes?"
He nods, "For them..."
She smirks as she walks into the back room and grabs the open seat, "I'm in, what are we playing?"
Most of the Scoobies don't recognize any of the demons at the table, except for one big, tall, floppy-eared demon they all know to be Clem. They seem to be playing cards for a long while; Faith must have won most of the hands, which is obvious from the amount of chips piled up in front of her. The others seemingly admit defeat and start getting up and leaving the room.
Clem gets up and walks around the table, he looks totally upset, but he sighs and hands Faith a basket with two kittens in it, one of the kittens is mostly white with a little splash of black on its tail and the other is completely black. She looks at the kittens, then looks up at him, "What are these?"
Clem smiles helpfully, "They're kittens..."
She laughs slightly and shakes her head. "I KNOW that...why are you giving them to me?"
"These are your winnings..."
"What? Where's the cash?"
"Oh, we don't play for cash, we play for kittens."
"WHY?"
"Oh, well...I guess cause they are delicious when you cook them..."
Faith looks disgusted and yells, "YOU EAT THEM?"
Clem shakes his head yes and Faith sighs angrily. She pushes up from the table and goes to storm out, she gets halfway to the door and comes back over, gives Clem a defiant look and picks up the basket of kittens and walks back out into the bar.
"WILLY?"
She screams at him and he is falling down laughing at her, "You shoulda seen your face, that was so fucking priceless..."
"Man...you knew they were playing for kittens, you coulda told me ya fuck." She puts the basket on the bar and takes a seat. Willy is still laughing at her. She says, "Yeah real fucking funny, I don't need kittens, I need money, rent is due and I'm...really fucking hungry..."
Clem sits down next to her and says, "Well, you could always eat one of the kittens..."
She yells, "CLEM!" She looks at him angrily and sees his smiling, helpful face and she sighs and says more calmly, "You're really not helping..."
Willy comes back and puts a shot glass down in front of her and fills it up with Jack Daniels, "Have a JD and quit your bitching...in a few minutes some Kronos demons will be coming in here looking to play a little 9-ball..."
She looks hopeful, "Really?"
"Yep, I heard they got lots of cash, so you should make out alright. And in the meantime, I got some kegs that need to be changed out, so that should keep you occupied."
She asks sarcastically, "Whose gonna watch the kittens?"
Clem doesn't get it and offers, "I could watch them for you..."
"Fine...but I see one of those kittens anywhere near your mouth, we're fighting." She turns back toward the bar, "Uh...Willy?...Did you not hear me say I was hungry?"
Willy rolls his eyes and grabs a bag of popcorn from behind the bar and throws it to her, "I'm putting it on your tab."
She mumbles under her breath, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...what else is fucking new..."
The dream continues, Faith is standing on a porch with a box, an attractive, young, woman answers the door and asks, "May I help you?"
"Oh, um, hi, you don't really know me, but I heard that your daughter's cat kinda got run over the other day. And I happened to come across these kittens and I was wondering..."
The woman smiles widely, "That is so thoughtful, come in, you can give them to Tiffany yourself...she's gonna love them..."
"Well, I..."
The woman holds open the door, "No, no...come in...You know, it's weird, but I looked all over Sunnydale, can you believe not one kitten in this whole town..."
Faith is now inside the living room, she puts the box on the floor and squats down in front of a little girl playing with her Barbie dolls.
"Hey, you're Tiffany right?"
"Yeah...Who are you?"
"I'm Faith, I, uh, was hoping you could do me a favor."
The little girl eyes her suspiciously, "What kind of favor?"
Faith takes the kittens out of the box "Well, these little guys need someone to look out for them, I was wondering if you could do that for me."
The little girls eyes lit up, big smile on her face, she immediately drops the Barbie and takes the black kitten from Faith and holds it close to her, giving it kisses on the top of its head. "I could do that...What are they're names?"
"Well, they don't have names..."
"Oh..." She thinks about it for a moment and says, "how about we call this one Faith..."
Faith laughs slightly, "You wanna name the cat after me?"
"Yeah, it's got dark hair like yours...What do you think we should call the other one?"
Faith smiles at the kid, then picks up the white kitten, she looks at her little furry face, laughs slightly, "You could call this one Buffy..."
The little girl nods her consent and they put both kittens on the floor and the black one pounces on the white one and they roll around, biting and pawing at each other, the little girl asks worriedly, "Are they fighting?"
"Nah, they're just playing...See..." The white one is now on top of the black one and starts licking its ears. Faith grins at them; "They're just really good friends..."
The scene shifts back to Willy's Alibi Room again, this time there are some Christmas decorations hanging up. Faith is sitting at the bar slouched over with her hand holding up her head. She looks sad and depressed, Willy comes over to her, he's looking a little worse for wear. His arm is in a sling, all around his eyes are the yellowish, black color of fading black eyes, "You know, you should really find yourself a boyfriend, you are too good a catch to be single."
"Yeah...what am I gonna do with a boyfriend?"
A big red demon, with horns growing out of his head, takes a big sip of his beer and interjects, "The same thing women always do, take our money, leave us with nothing and then go and sleep with the first chaos demon you meet."
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says to him, "Ralphie that was over a year ago...get over it already..."
Willy jumps in again, "How about that kid, what's his name...Xander. That kid is going places."
"Why would I want to go out with Xander?"
"Well, first off, you could do worse. Second, you ain't gonna get the princess..."
"Who said I wanted her?"
"You did."
Faith rolls her eyes and answers, "Yeah...well...that was a long time ago..."
"It was like a week ago...on Christmas Eve...you were all happy, begging me to let you have the night off..."
"Whatever...I'm over it. Back to the land of the sane hetero's..."
"Well...I'm glad you're over it, I'm still wearing the evidence that I gave you the wrong night off."
Faith looks down, "I told I was sorry..."
Willy waves off the apology, but won't be deterred, "So, what about it?"
"I don't know, we'll see how it goes." Willy leaves to serve another customer as she thinks about it, she smiles slightly, "He is kinda funny though...not bad looking...single now that Cordy's done with him. He seems trustworthy, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't hurt me, not that he could make anything happen if I didn't want it to happen. And I really hate being alone all the time." Willy comes back with an expectant look, she says, "Maybe you're right Will, maybe Xander would make a good boyfriend..."
The scene shifts again, this time it's Faith's little crappy apartment. Her and Xander are lying there in post-coital bliss, he is gently running his hand up and down her arm, she's digging it. They smile at each other and he says, "Oh god Cordy..."
Faith stops and stares at him, "Who did you just call me?"
Xander looks confused for a moment and then it seems to dawn on him what he just did, and he answers nervously, "I-I said Faith...I called you Faith...Not Cordy...I never said Cordy..."
They're standing on opposite sides of the bed now, Faith has the sheet wrapped around her and Xander has his underwear on. She argues, "Yes you did, I heard you..."
"I-I don't think you heard me correctly, Cor..."
Xander slaps himself in the head at his stupid mistake yet again. Faith stares at him for a moment and points to the door and screams at him, "GET OUT!"
"What? No...come on. It was an honest mistake I didn't mean it Co...um...Faith? Why the fuck do I keep doing that?"
"I don't know but you can think about it outside..." She gathers up his stuff and pushes it into his arms and she pushes him out the door. He is standing outside her room now and he looks back in at her and she says sarcastically, "That was great...gotta shower..." Then she slams the door on him, he stares at the door for a long moment, then shrugs and starts getting dressed.
Back inside the room, Faith walks around, she's running her hand through her hair, she finally sits down on the bed. She pulls her knees up to her chest, she wraps her arms around them and puts her head down, it appears as if she's crying.
Now it's the Sunnydale High School Library, there is a big, huge demon stuck in the floor. It has huge tentacles with eyeballs on each of them, all around are the Sisterhood of the Jhe. Angel and Faith are fighting the sisterhood, the demon takes a swing at Angel, but he ducks and swings back at her hitting her dead in the face, breaking her neck, she falls back onto the ground dead, another one takes its place. Faith is beating one of the them, she stabs it in the chest and it falls to ground, she turns and starts helping Angel with his demon. Giles swings at the Hellmouth demon with an ax, trying to force it back into the Hellmouth as he recites the rest of the binding spell.
"Omnia...vasa...veritatis!" Then he screams at Buffy, "Now, Buffy!"
From high above him, at the stack level, Buffy swings a battleaxe at it, it tries to retreat from her back into the Hellmouth, it lashes out with its tentacles in its attempt to avoid Buffy's blows. One of the tentacles hits Angel hard, throwing him into a wall and knocking him unconscious. Meanwhile, another one lands a solid hit on Faith and she goes flying up and over the reception desk, she hits the wall behind it and you can hear the crack of bones breaking before she falls to the floor.
Buffy is madly cutting into the demon's tentacles as it quickly tries to slip the last of the way back through the Hellmouth into Hell, once inside the gateway seals itself behind it. Buffy runs to Angel's side, it takes a few minutes but he finally wakes up. Giles and Willow come over to them; they help Buffy get him to his feet and out the back library door into the fresh air.
A few minutes later, Faith stands up slowly behind the reception desk holding her arm and wincing a little in pain, her forehead is cut and bleeding. She says, "I, uh, shit...I think I broke my arm, guess I'm gonna need..." She looks around and notices that everyone is gone, her eyes are wide in disbelief. Finally she snorts a little disgusted laugh and starts walking around the reception desk toward the double doors, carefully avoiding the hole in the floor still holding her broken arm. "Don't mind me, I'm just the extra slayer, it's not like I have feelings..."
The dream changes again back to Faith's apartment. There is a knock at the door; she looks towards it frowning. She sighs as the knock comes again; she gets up off the bed and opens the door, "Yeah..."
Quentin Travers is standing there, he offers out his hand, "Hello, Ms. LeHane, I'm Quentin Travers from the Watcher's Council."
She looks at his hand for a moment, unsure what to do, finally she shakes it, "You must be lost, Buffy and Giles are at the high school."
"I assure you, I'm not lost, I'm here to see you. Do you mind if I come in?"
"I don't know...can you?"
He laughs slightly as he walks in, "You do know it's daytime..."
"Yeah...I was making a joke...I'm a funny girl..."
"Quite..."
Faith turns her back to him, headed back towards the bed; suddenly she is shot with two electrical probes from an EMD gun. As soon as the probes hit her she falls to the ground, muscles spasming for a few moments as she just lays there completely paralyzed. She's still conscious, her breathing is rapid and ragged, the look on her face is one of pure terror, tears stream down her face as Quentin calls out to the others waiting outside, "Quickly...get her into the truck so we can finish this before it wears off."
Faith is in the back of an armored car, she slowly regains consciousness and looks around. She looks down her body and her eyes widen in shock, she jumps up and immediately pulls back up her pants. She frantically looks around, she's freaking out. "What the fuck..." She's starting to hyperventilate, she spins around wildly, she doesn't know what to do, where to go. Suddenly she falls down on her hands and knees and throws up. When she's done she backs away into a corner of the truck. She pulls her knees up tight to her chest again and starts rocking back and forth until she finally loses it and starts crying, "Oh God..."
Now Faith is standing on Buffy's porch, she looks like she doesn't know what to do. One of her arms is wrapped around her stomach, the other one she's nervously biting on her thumbnail. She's really nervous, shifting back and forth on each foot, trying to decide what to do, finally she knocks, and after a few minutes Buffy answers the door.
"B...Buffy?"
Buffy looks really pissed, "Oh, you finally decide to show back up, finally decided to come back and do your fucking job."
"I-I...I..."
Buffy starts yelling at her, "God forbid you take any responsibility Faith. Do you have any idea what I've been through the past couple of days..."
Faith stares at the ground, she won't look up at Buffy. Buffy continues her tirade, wildly gesticulating with her arms, she's so into her responsibility speech she doesn't notice how Faith flinches every time Buffy's hands shoot out. Buffy finishes yelling and Faith just turns and slowly walks down the steps without saying anything, Buffy blows out an angry sigh, goes back into the house and slams the door shut.
The scene shifts again, it's the outside Giles' apartment building. Faith is standing there, she's looking at the door, and she walks over to it hesitantly and is about to knock when Giles comes down the stairs behind her, "Faith?"
Faith jumps back a little into the shadows and says, "G-Giles..."
"Oh, it is you. I suppose you're here to ask about the Cruciamentum test..."
"Test?"
"Oh...uh...it's a rite of passage...the...uh...Council..." Faith tries to back further into the wall when she hears the word council. Giles looks a little concerned, he takes a step closer to her, "You look really...bad, perhaps you should go home and get some rest."
Faith nods and cautiously moves past him, she gets to the stairs and Giles says, "I, uh, should probably inform you that the Council fired me tonight. They'll be sending another Watcher which means you should probably try to, uh, be a little more...like Buffy...I'm not saying you have to be her, but it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more responsible. You can't just come and go whenever you please, going out partying all the time..."
Faith looks stunned, "Partying? Yeah...that's what I've been doing...partying..."
Faith is standing outside Willy's Alibi Room talking with Willy. He says, "Look, I'm really sorry kid, but I can't let you hang around here no more. If you're smart you'll get your ass on the next bus outta town..."
Faith looks hurt and confused, "What? Why?"
"I'm talking about the fact you killed the main supplier for the entire demon underworld of Sunnydale. Allan Finch was the man to see if you needed to get things in this town, if say you needed an Asian virgin for a spell or ritual, or you needed to get fresh blood delivered to your bar, he could make it happen. Every demon and vampire in Sunnydale wants a piece of you now, as a matter of fact, I'm not all that happy with you right now either. The only person you've made happy is the Mayor."
"Why would he be happy about it? They worked together..."
Willy shook his head, "Obviously you've never met the Mayor, he's kinda...insane and completely unaware of Finch's little side business. The Mayor would probably view it as unsavory or lewd or pornographic, I don't know, apparently he's completely freaked out by germs and anything involving sex and women. Anyway, the word on the street is Finch came looking for you and the Princess to rat the Mayor out cause he's planning something that will most likely destroy all of Sunnydale. And that would have been awfully bad for Finch's business..." Willy laughs and shakes his head, "Apparently you should have talked first and staked later..."
Faith gets pissed, "Fuck you, all right. Believe me I'm already getting enough shit about it. It was a fucking accident, coulda just as easily been Buffy holding that stake. It won't take long for the superfriends to find out about it; no way Buffy will keep quiet. No way will they believe this was an accident. They'll probably call in the Council or something, I'm sure Willow would be the first one to suggest calling them, that girl really fucking hates me. They'll never protect me the way they would Buffy, and why would they, they never gave a shit about me before. And what's the Council gonna do, most likely put a bullet in my head, that way problem solved and they'll get a new slayer to boot. It's a win-win situation for them. Jesus...this...this is just...fucked..."
Willy just shrugs, "Well, I don't know what to tell ya. The best thing you can do is get the hell outta dodge, before it's too late..."
Faith looks at him and sighs, "After what you just told me that's not really an option."
"So what are ya gonna do?"
Faith turns and starts walking away, "I'll think of something..."
Faith is in a small room with lots of furniture piled up, she opens one of the drawers to a desk and looks around nervously. She takes a pencil out of her pocket and drops it in the drawer quickly and slides it shut again. She steps outside the room as a vampire brings in a scared looking Willow and pushes her into the room and shuts the door.
Faith turns to the guy, "You bite her and I swear I'll seriously torture your ass before tying you to a tree so you can watch the sun rise. Don't fucking think I won't..."
The vampire swallows nervously at the threat and nods his head in agreement and Faith turns and walks out. The vamp shoots the finger in the direction Faith just left and turns his attention toward the door.
Faith walks down the corridor inside City Hall, she stops as she sees Willow sitting on the floor looking through the Books of Ascension, she says to herself, "You gotta be fucking kidding me...This coulda all been over by now." She glances up at the camera, which is pointed directly at Willow, she sighs and mutters, "Fucking idiot..." She steps into the doorway, "Check out the bookworm."
Willow jumps up and turns toward her, "Faith!"
"Anyone with brains, anyone who knew what was going to happen to her, would try to claw her way out of this place. But you, you just can't stop Nancy Drew-ing, can you? Guess now you know too much and that kinda just naturally leads to killing."
"Faith, wait. I want to talk to you."
Faith glances at the doorway, she sees the Mayor standing there and says "Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
"It's way too late. You know it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy." Faith rolls her eyes at the mention of Buffy being her friend and Willow continues, "Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste."
Faith punches Willow in the jaw and she falls to the ground, "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient."
Willow climbs back to her feet, "Aw, here I just thought you didn't have a come back."
Faith says, "You're begging for some deep pain."
"I'm not afraid of you."
Faith pulls out the fancy knife, Willow's eyes go a little wide, "Let's see what we can do about that."
The Mayor finally interrupts, "Girls, I hope I don't have to separate you two. Faith, you can play with your new toy later. Something's come up." Faith keeps holding the knife to Willow's neck, staring into her eyes, The Mayor continues from the door, "Faith! You know I don't like repeating myself."
Faith looks Willow up and down and says, "I got someone. I got him."
The Mayor continues speaking, "I just received a heck of an interesting phone call."
The dream finally ends. The four continue to sleep, a little more restlessly than before the dream.
POV Faith
I look into the mirror, and I wonder out loud, "Why am I doing this again?" I think about it for a moment, "Oh yeah, cause I sold my soul for some money and a shiny red Porsche."
I really don't believe that, but I gotta admit, I don't like the fact Wolfram & Hart is involved. Not that Angel has me doing work for them, but I don't like them this close to me or Angel for that matter. I know this whole thing isn't going to end well, Team Angel working for evil incarnate...I'm gonna hafta do something about this.
I walk out of the bathroom, I look at the girl sleeping in my bed, it makes me smile. Buffy is really beautiful, she looks so peaceful sleeping, I kinda feel bad for having to duck out on her, but I'm sure she'll understand. When I get back, she'll know I did it for a good reason. I lean down and kiss her on her forehead and caress her check gently, she shifts slightly and smiles in her sleep.
I watch her sleep for a few more moments. I think about everything I told her last night, about my life before Sunnydale, all the abuse suffered at the hands of the people who should have loved me, who were supposed to protect me. I really wish I didn't have to leave right now, I don't want her to wake up and think I ran away. I left her a note though, letting her know that I'm not running away, I just had something to do. Also letting her know that I love her, I know it would be better to tell her to her face, but I want her to know and I'm just not ready to say it out loud yet.
POV Faith
I can hear Xander coming down the hallway, so I take one last look at the girl who has my heart. I hope she understands just how hard it was for me to give it, I hope she knows that it's more fragile than anyone would ever suspect. I turn and open the door before Xander has a chance to knock; I don't want him to wake Buffy up. He seems a little startled to see me. I ask as I quickly shut the door.
"Ready?"
He just nods, he seems too quiet, Xander's mouth is usually running a mile a minute, and it's kinda disturbing to see him so mellow. But he did just lose his chick so I won't call him on it. We step outside into the darkness, damn I really hate that it's still dark out, one thing I really don't like is getting up before the sun. I check my jacket pocket for a stake just in case, I really don't need Xander getting killed by a vamp while he's with me, cause somehow I don't think anybody would believe it was an accident, and well, been there, done that, got the long prison sentence.
Xander and I get into the car and I can't take the silent act any longer.
"So...Angel says you asked for me specifically...why?"
It takes a long while before he finally speaks.
"Because...I know if I ask you, you'll give me an honest opinion."
"Hmm...I guess that really would depend on what you asked me..."
I wonder where he's going with this. I wish he had spoken to somebody about this, if something should go wrong, how much trouble would I be in? I know I should be more worried about Xander, but he already has plenty of people to worry about him.
"I suppose so, it's just...I know you won't tell me what I want to hear. You won't just give me some lame pep talk and expect everything to go back to normal."
"Xander...they just want you to be ok..."
"Well in case you haven't noticed Faith I'm not ok, I'm a very long way away from ok...and apparently I've been fucked up for quite a long while..."
OK, I have no clue what he means or how to handle this situation; I'm the last person he should be with right now. I should probably turn around and take him back...
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea..."
He just sits there and doesn't say a word one way or another. I'm starting to get really worried about him, when he finally says, "I just...I'm sorry, Faith..."
OK, what did he just say? He's sorry? He's apologizing to me? Why?
"Huh? I think you got it backwards there, shouldn't I be apologizing to you?"
"To be honest, I don't think so, I don't think you owe me anything. I should have apologized to you a long time ago, I guess I didn't realize calling you by the wrong name..."
Oh...so that's what this is about. Yeah, you do owe me an apology for that...dickhead. Of course I let him off the hook and I just kinda shrug.
"It happens..."
"It shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I never realized how much we treated you like you didn't matter, and maybe if we had treated you better, maybe if I had tried to make things up to you before everything else happened... I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have seemed like such a jackass when I thought I could be the hero and save the day."
"Look...Xander, stop this, it's not your fault, a lot of things happened back then to contribute, it wasn't just you..."
He interrupts me, "You're right Faith, it wasn't just me. It was all of us, we were complete assholes and you deserved much better."
I wanna argue with him more, want to tell him it's entirely my fault. I'm the one to blame, I was wrong, I deserved exactly what happened, it's my fault cause I'm evil, I'm bad...my father taught me well didn't he? But I'm not that girl anymore.
"Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry too..."
"I know...I forgive you..."
I just nod at that, I'm not quite sure what else there is to do, I really don't think I'm ever gonna understand these people. When I wanted their forgiveness they couldn't be bothered, and now that I'm not looking for it, they're practically tripping over themselves to say it.
We drive a few more blocks before he looks over at me and smirks, "So, what's going on with you? You, uh, dating anyone?"
Ok, I wasn't expecting that question, actually I wasn't expecting any of this conversation. I'm not really sure what he means. Or how to even begin to answer so I just play it cool, "Why...you interested?"
He laughs slightly, "You know, don't think just because I only have one good eye at the moment I didn't notice the really hot, blonde slayer sleeping in your bed..."
Oh fuck...busted! I glance nervously over at him.
"You saw that?"
He's really laughing at me now, enjoying seeing me squirm, have I mentioned how much I don't like him?
"So? What of it? Come on let me have it...let's get this over with..."
"Nope...I got nothing to say."
I eye him suspiciously; I wonder why he's not saying anything. I can't help but say something sarcastic.
"Well that's a first..."
Fortunately he just laughs; he gets that I wasn't trying to be mean.
"Ouch...Are you always this cheerful in the morning?"
"Yep, especially when I'm really hungry, like right now..."
"You're hungry? Try only having water since 3 p.m. yesterday, then you can talk about hungry..."
"Oh...so these guys are like real doctor's then?"
"Yeah, I guess, it's a mystical/magical/medical kinda thing, or so I was told." A few more blocks go by and he asks, "Hey, is it true? Did you really take out the whole Sunnydale police force?"
I shrug defensively, "They started it..."
He laughs, I grin, I think this is probably the best conversation I've ever had with Xander, it's definitely the longest. "That's what I thought..." After a few minutes he finally asks, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing here?"
Ah, the question that requires the honest opinion. This is just totally weird, Xander wanting my opinion on something, wanting me to take him to the doctor. I seriously don't get it cause just last night the Scoobs were doing their whole 'pretend Faith doesn't matter' thing again. I wonder why they act like that one-minute then act like we're supposed to be friends the next. I know I don't have much experience when it comes to friendship, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Also, it really doesn't help me get over my trust issues with them, but as always, I try to help out.
"I don't know, Xander. I guess it depends on why you wanna do this...if you're doing it just to make Buffy or Willow feel better then this is definitely a bad idea. If you want this for yourself, then, why not? It's worth a try. But I guess the question you really need to ask yourself is: can you handle it if it doesn't work out?"
He just nods and takes in what I've said. I feel bad for the guy, this is kinda a tough decision. Who knows what could go wrong? I guess he gets it too.
"You think they might mistakenly give me an evil eye?"
"I'm not sure, I suppose it could happen, but this isn't Sunnydale, things might actually work out here. Hey, maybe you can get a cool x-ray vision eye. Check out all the girls, see if the carpet matches the drapes..."
I give him a grin and a nudge with the last comment. He smiles back at me and shakes his head.
"I can't believe you just said that..."
"Or...maybe you could get like a cool laser eye. Like the guy from X-Men, Cyclops. He's a major stud. You could probably dust vamps at like a thousand paces or something. Hmmm...Lasers? I'm gonna write that one down."
"You are one strange girl Faith..."
"Thanks..."
I really meant the last part, calling me strange means he at least has an opinion of me. And hey it's better than what I had imagined he thought of me. Maybe they're finally coming around, maybe Lorne was right. Maybe I will finally get something good going with these people.
We drove the rest of the way not really talking much; Xander kept pointing out all the food places that were open. I kept threatening to stop at one of them. It was good times.
POV Buffy
I woke up slowly and reached out for Faith and I realize she's not there with me. I sit up in a panic, remembering the conversation from last night. Remembering the awful things Faith had to deal with, feeling all that pain from her when she spoke about it. I kinda knew she didn't have a great life before Sunnydale, but I never knew how truly awful it was for her. I met some kids who went through some rough stuff at the high school, but nowhere near as horrifying as this.
The hardest thing about hearing it all was keeping strict control over my emotions, I didn't want her to feel pity, I wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to feel loved because up to this point, her watcher and Angel were the only people to ever show her that. I wanted her to know that I care about her too. And to let her know I won't be abandoning her that I will always be here for her, like I should have done when she first came to Sunnydale.
Speaking of which, I remember this dream I had last night, seeing the way Faith had to live in Sunnydale. Seeing everything from her point of view for pretty much the very first time. I realize now how very little we knew about the things Faith did, how she survived, how she managed to pay for her living expenses. I never thought how hard it must have been for her, being barely 18 with no family, no money, nobody left who cared about her. The only person to have ever given a shit about her was killed right in front of her all because of a stupid test, a stupid meaningless test.
And me, what did I do? Nothing. I never gave her much thought, well, that's not exactly true. I thought plenty about her, those thoughts mostly centered on Faith having sex with some random guy, enjoying herself, liking who she was, being the number one party girl. And goddamn it if I wasn't completely jealous, which is just ridiculous, I had everything and she had nothing. But I was jealous of her. And Faith just went along with it, she just acted like everything was 5 x 5 when it wasn't even close to resembling good. Or maybe 5 x 5 meant 'everything sucks, I need help.' You know she should really come with a dictionary.
I finally spy a note on her pillow, I'm almost afraid to read it, afraid it's gonna tell me that she left, she needed her space, she couldn't stay with me. Or any one of a thousand variations on that theme, and who would blame her for that. It takes me a few minutes but I finally get my courage together and reach for it.
Buffy,
Sorry I had to leave so early this morning. There's something I need to do this morning. I woulda told you about it, but it's kinda like a secret or something. Don't worry, I promise you I'm not doing anything illegal, it could possibly be immoral though--but this is me we are talking about, so...
You wouldn't believe how much time it took me to write this note, I spent about twenty minutes trying to decide the best way to start it and about another twenty to decide how to sign it. Weird, huh?
I just wanted to say thanks for everything you did for me last night, I appreciate it more than you'll probably ever know.
Love you,
Faith
Aww...she loves me...I knew it, I kinda love her too. I know if would seem to some that us admitting we love each other would seem like we're moving way too fast, but it doesn't feel that way to me. It just feels right to me; it feels like I've finally found someone I can be happy with, somebody I can share my life with. Sure, there's the whole, she's another girl thing, but I have to admit, her and I make a whole lot more sense than Riley and I, or Spike and I, it even makes more sense than Angel and I. Don't get me wrong, I loved Angel, I really did, but Faith and I connect on a level that those guys just can't touch, she understands me like no other person on this planet. And I know it's not just the slayer thing, it's more than that, a whole lot more than that, it always has been, I guess that's why it scared us both so much at first.
I probably would have stayed here in her bed waiting for her to return, but there's a knock at the door. I look around; I'm feeling a little brave surrounded by all of Faith's stuff, and I decide now is as good a time as any to have people find out about us.
I open the door and I'm kinda shocked to see Willow standing there. On second thought, perhaps this really wasn't the best time for people to find out. She sees me and says, "Oh...Buffy? I thought this was Faith's room?"
I smile a little and try to be brave; "It is..."
She looks confused for a moment, she takes in my just got out of bed appearance and then her eyes get really, really big, her mouth drops open as she realizes what I am inferring. She points her finger at me and says a little too loudly, "You slept with her again?" I pull her inside because I really don't want an audience and I close the door. She's just standing there and all of sudden she says nervously, "Um...maybe you g