What Comes Next?
by Kat
Rating: R

POV Dawn

Anya's back...wow. I wonder how long Buffy will let me stay here, she sometimes sends me away within five minutes of Anya being around. I guess it's because of all the sex talk, but I already know about it. She acts like I'm still a little kid, like I'm not supposed to know about sex. Hello...I'm in high school, I've heard worse in the locker room; I've heard worse stories from Johnny Morgan. The guy I had to sit next to in Geometry, he always had some wild story about his weekend. Usually involving hookers and/or strippers, I knew they weren't true, but he kept telling them anyway. I guess he just wanted people to pay attention to him, and hey, I can relate to that.

It's not easy being around Buffy and her friends; they either treat me like I'm ten or ignore me altogether. Out of all of them, there was only one person who never did that to me and that was Faith. She always talked to me like I was an equal, not some stupid little kid who didn't know anything. If she thought I was doing something wrong, she never yelled at me or lost her temper; she'd just give me something else to do. Like when I questioned Buffy about Xander's state of mind, it must have really been bothering Buffy cause Faith asked me to check in with Giles. She did it quietly and quickly without bringing attention to whatever stupid thing I said or did.

I'm really glad she's back, well I wasn't so happy at first, but I'm really happy now, I missed her a lot. We really understand each other, I guess it's because we both know what it's like to be ignored by Buffy and her friends.

I remember the night I kicked Buffy out of the house, the night I told her she had to leave. The night started out really great, going to the Bronze, having fun, hanging with Faith then everything went downhill very rapidly. I felt horrible at what I had done to Buffy, telling her to leave, I know I only did it for her own good, but still. I remember after everyone went to bed, I still felt bad, I needed to talk to somebody. Everyone was busy doing his or her own thing, so I went to the only person I knew would listen to me.

Flashback of the night in question...

Oh god, what did I do? I shouldn't have sent Buffy away. This guilt is making my stomach all upset, feel like I'm going to be sick. If anything happens to her because I sent her away...I can't even finish the thought. I need to talk to somebody, somebody who can do something; I need to talk to Faith. We need to check up on Buffy, make sure she's ok. As I come down the hallway I see Robin close the door to Buffy's room, crap... Now what am I going to do? You know what I don't care, I need Faith and it's my house so I knock on the door.

The door opens just a fraction and Robin asks, "What?"

"I need to talk to Faith..."

"Well, she's a little busy, and shouldn't you be in bed anyway. You can talk to her in the morning."

Suddenly the door opens wider and Faith says to Robin, "Don't you dare talk to her like that, this is her fucking house. As a matter of fact, I think you should be leaving, perhaps it's past your bedtime."

Robin says, "But..."

Faith gives me a wink and turns back to him, "Bu, Bu, BYE!"

For a moment I swear it looked like Robin wanted to hurt us, and at that moment I had no doubt that he could. Faith doesn't seem to notice or maybe she's just not worried. Although that might be a bluff cause he looks damn scary at the moment, but he doesn't do anything, he doesn't say a word, he just walks past me and goes down the stairs. He's got to be pretty angry, hope he won't be my principal after the apocalypse, cause I might be in some trouble if he is.

Faith walks us out on the back porch, she lights up the tiki torches Xander stole from one of the neighbors, which is good cause it's pretty dark out here. We probably shouldn't be outside with everything that's going on, but I just wanna be outside, there are way too many people inside. Also, I don't want them to hear me talking about Buffy, they won't understand. I watch Faith as she lights up a cigarette takes a long drag off it then asks, "What's on your mind, kiddo?"

"I...well...um...I hope I didn't interrupt you and Princi...um...Robin..."

She laughs a little, "No of course not, he's really not my type..."

I look at her in disbelief, "Yeah I can see how you might say that, he's smart, funny, attractive..."

"And totally creepy..."

I laugh slightly cause he is kinda creepy. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so, Buffy seems to think he's ok, even though when we researched him we found out nothing. It's like before Sunnydale, he didn't exist, I think that makes him highly suspicious. So his mom was a slayer, big deal it doesn't explain why he has basically no past. And I'm not buying that he didn't know what was in that box, everybody was busy worrying how to get Buffy back after she jumped into that time portal. But I was focused on him, he didn't seem surprised there was a portal, nor that a demon had switched places with her. Yet, nobody wanted to listen to me when I told them all this, you know just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know anything.

"Yeah, he is totally creepy." I can't help but laugh a little as I add, "Buffy went out on a date with him..."

Faith smiled, "See, reeeeally not my type then...So come on...spill...what's the problem?"

"I'm worried about Buffy..."

She sighs and takes a seat next to me, "Yeah...me too..."

I can't help but cry, "What if...what if something bad happens to her, it'll be all my fault..."

She quietly put her arm around me, rested her head against mine, "Nothing bad is gonna happen. She'll be ok; big Sis is quite capable of taking care of herself. And by now, I'm sure Spike is with her, he'll be there to make sure she stays ok...And don't worry in a couple of days she'll be back. Hell, she'll probably wake up tomorrow and realize she left me in charge and come running right back."

I just nod slowly; I'm really not too convinced. Faith gives me another quick squeeze before letting me go. "I'll tell you what, once it's daylight, we'll have Willow try and track her so we can make sure she's ok. How's that?"

I guess that's ok, daylight is only a couple of hours away, and Faith is right, Buffy can take care of herself, and I'm sure Spike is with her, although I'm not sure that's a good idea. Buffy has been acting really wacky when it comes to Spike lately, and Spike has always been wacky when it comes to Buffy. But what do I know, I'm just a kid, right? I look over at Faith and she still seems distracted by something, I know she's just as worried about Buffy as I am, which isn't as weird as it sounds. Although I'm certain Buffy is responsible for that bruise on Faith's cheek, and yet Faith is still worried about her, I wonder what that means.

Seeing the bruise makes me ask, "Does your face hurt?"

Typical Faith pretends it doesn't bother her, "Nah...it's fine..."

I can't help but grin as I say, "Well it's killing me..."

I knew I shouldn't have said that, I knew that would be a big mistake, in a second she's on me, tickling me, "Why you little..."

End of Flashback

I remember how Faith and I spent the rest of the night talking and joking around about stuff. Well, ok...mostly it was me talking and Faith just sat there smiling, listening, making funny comments. She made me forget how bad everything was, at least for a little while. I look over at Buffy and Faith, I see they are sitting really close together, their legs are touching, they keep exchanging nervous little glances with each other. I watch them for a few minutes and I blurt out, "OH MY GOD, Buffy and Faith are dating? Oh wow, that is so cool..."

OK now everyone is staring at them, opps...I can't believe I just said that out loud. Giles just spurted tea out of his nose, wow that was cool too. Willow and Xander are grinning at them and Buffy and Faith are both turning red. WOW, I never saw Faith blush before...that's kinda funny.

Then Anya turns to them, "Yes, and don't forget Buffy, give her lots and lots of orgasms so she'll stay away from my Xander."

Again more blushing from Buffy who tries to look toward Faith for support, boy, that's a mistake cause Faith grins, "Lots and lots..."

Faith gets a punch in the arm for not helping her, but she's still laughing as she rubs her arm. So is everyone else, even Angel seems to find this funny. Apparently Buffy doesn't think it's so funny, she glares at everyone until they stop. "Ok, yes, fine...Faith and I are dating, anybody got a problem with that? Anybody else want to comment on my sex life...Anybody?" She looks at everyone pointedly and when nobody says anything, "GOOD! Anya why are you back?"

POV Faith

I can't believe we got outed by the pipsqueak. It seems to have gone pretty well, nobody seems to object. Other than the rather large bruise starting to form on my arm, things are looking pretty good. Although Wesley's shirt has seen better days, thanks to Giles and his tea. I'm still a little freaked about all this me and Buffy stuff, but she takes my hand and gives me a wink, let's me know she's got no problems. Which is all that matters, as long as she's cool with it I could give a rat's ass what everyone else thought, well, except for the kid, I'm glad she's ok with it.

It seems Anya is finally ready to explain how she's back here among the living, "Oh...I'm back because the Powers made me an offer I couldn't refuse..." She looks around at all of us like she's waiting for something, then sighs, "Pop culture reference...and I even used it correctly..."

Xander gives her a big smile, like it was an accomplishment or something, that chick is really weird, she just might actually be the perfect woman for Xander.

"Ah...yes...very nice Anya, we, uh, are all sure to be proud, can you tell us the offer?"

Thank you Giles for getting vengeance chick back on topic or we could be here all day, cause she's sure to start on her ode to Xander in about...oh five seconds. I'm sure that will inevitably end with me getting more bruises, which I'd like to avoid if at all possible.

"They told me I could spend the rest of eternity in Hell or I could come back and help. Make some amends, try to make up for a thousand years of vengeance. Of course I jumped at the chance, the chance to do something for myself and I get to be with Xander."

They exchange a smile, and I'm kinda happy for them, and I don't begrudge anyone trying to make amends. Again it's Giles who gets her to focus, "What is it that you will be doing, uh, exactly."

"I'm supposed to help, supposed to relay information from them. Wait...I have a list of the things I'm supposed to tell you..."

She pulls out a notebook, flips it open, she turns a couple of pages, seemingly reading it to herself instead of telling us stuff. I wonder how long that list is, I wonder how long this is going to take cause I'd prefer to get Buffy alone in my room. I have some unfinished business with her and I'd like to get back to it. I so wanna..."Ow..." Buffy just hit me on my bruised arm.

All right, that's it, this reading of emotions thing officially sucks right about now. Those feelings are supposed to be private and not get me hit. I think I'm going to sit somewhere else, somewhere out of arm's reach. I look around for another open seat, but her grip tightens on my hand and I realize I'm outta luck, guess I'm going to have to behave myself.

"Anya...could you perhaps read them out loud?"

"Wait a minute Giles, I'm trying to get organized." She flips a couple of more pages, "Oh, here's some interesting facts, Buffy and Faith are soul mates...their souls are connected. Oh...and Dawn is part of both of them, and..."

OK, what!? "Um...what?"

Dawn asks, "I have two mommies?"

Anya nods, "Yes...Buffy already knew this..."

Everyone turns to look at Buffy as do I, I just cross my arms and I give her a look like 'you've got some splaining to do'. "Whoa...hold on...Buffy didn't know this. Buffy is just as shocked as everyone else..."

They all go back to staring at crazy chick, like they're watching some sort of tennis match, but I keep looking at Buffy. She's trying really hard not to look at me right now, too bad that doesn't really matter cause I already know she's lying. From the shocked looks on the other's faces, I'm guessing she didn't tell them the truth either. Then again, I can kinda understand why she didn't, it's kinda unbelievable, actually it's totally unbelievable. I'm sure if she had told me, there is no way I woulda believed it.

"But the monk told you...oh, no, wait...I see here, I wrote that the monk should have told you...opps..."

I just roll my eyes at Anya. Dawn makes her feelings known, "Wait...so now, not only am I related to one slayer, I'm related to both of them? Damn...there goes my social life...not just one overprotective slayer, now I got two...life is so not fair. All I know is one of you better get a good job cause I'm definitely gonna need therapy."

Buffy nods at her thoughtfully, "Maybe we can get a family discount, or maybe they offer group rates."

"Wait...so when the monks took a part of Buffy's soul to make Dawn, they also took a part of Faith's soul. I guess that explains why it looked like Dawn might be a potential. Being the product of two slayers, I can see how some of that energy would come over." Willow explains a little further since Anya doesn't seem to be paying any attention to us right now, too busy giving Xander crude sexual hand gestures. Goddamn that chick is horny, she takes horny to a whole new level of horniness, a level that even I have yet to achieve.

Dawn continues to complain, "Meanwhile, my social life is on the critical list..."

I can't help but tease her a little, "Cheer up kid, there are lots of people who don't date until they're 40..."

Giles has his glasses off, and is rubbing his temple like he's got a massive headache. With this group, I'm sure he's had lots of headaches over the years. "Is there anything else Anya?"

"Yes, the Powers have decided to back a new champion." She looks over at Angel, "Sorry Angel, they can't support you while you are the CEO of Wolfram & Hart, they know you will continue to fight for them, but they can't provide you with help. Your connection to them has been severed."

I look over at him, wondering how he's going to take that news. Knowing his connection to them was Cordy, I wonder what that means for her. We're on the same wave length cause he asks, "What does that mean for Cordelia? She helped them and now what? They're just gonna let her die..."

"She's negotiating her own deal with them, I don't really know much about it."

Apparently not wanting to dwell on the whole Cordy subject because that could lead to some questions he probably doesn't want to answer. He asks, "So the Powers are gonna back Buffy now?"

"No, they aren't going to be backing Buffy, the Powers chose Faith. And wherever Faith goes, I have to go. I'm her connection to the Powers."

Huh? What? The Powers chose me? Wait a second...did she just say...Fuck! I really don't wanna be stuck with Anya for any amount of time, "Whoa...wait a freaking minute...don't I get a say? A vote? Something?"

Buffy snickers at my new predicament, while Anya just glares at me as she scoots closer to Xander. Ok, this whole Xander thing is seriously starting to get on my nerves.

"I don't like it any better than you do Faith, believe me. But the Powers seem to think you deserve this or something, they really like the way you manage to save the other champions. The way you were so willing to sacrifice your life for Angel's..."

Uh-oh, I quickly try to change the subject and I cringe at my lame attempt, "So, uh...did ya meet Elvis?"

Anya won't be deterred, she's like some unstoppable force, she just won't shut the fuck up. "They like that you managed to save Angel, yourself and fight the Beast. Of course they think you're a little crazy, a slayer going up against the Beast, that was just...crazy. No slayer would ever be able to defeat the Beast especially the way you went about it, but they admire the fact you tried anyway."

Ok, maybe she won't mention anything else. Maybe she's done giving out the information, maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

"They also liked how you saved Buffy..."

OK, it is possible that Anya only knows about the last time I saved Buffy...

Everyone looks confused, Buffy smiles at me slightly, takes my hand again and says, "Yeah...Faith saved me when we were fighting the First..."

Anya shakes her head, "I wasn't talking about that, although she did save you there too. I meant..."

Oh fuck...why can't I ever catch a fucking break. I know I have to do something to stop her; this is not how Buffy should find out. "Anya!"

She stops and looks at me weirdly, but I don't care, at least she stopped. I know everyone is staring at me, Buffy included, I try not to look at any of them. But the damage has already been done because Buffy asks, "What are you talking about Anya? When else did Faith save me?" Anya looks back and forth between me and Buffy, I just shake my head no, but Buffy is persistent not to mention angry, "Don't fucking listen to her, I think I have a right to know."

I try to reason with her, "Buffy don't..."

She gives me an angry look, which stops me in mid-sentence. I understand completely, she wants to know, and she's angry with me for not telling her myself. I know she won't be dissuaded, so it's useless to argue. Slayers really don't like to be kept in the dark; it goes against our nature or something.

"Faith saved you from Hell, your soul was really stuck inside a Hell dimension. You contacted Faith in a dream and she saved you. Well, she didn't personally save you, the rest of us did that, but she convinced Tara you needed saving, and Tara put the idea in Willow's head, and five months later, we brought you back from Hell. I don't know why you thought you were in heaven, those two places couldn't be any more different from each other."

Angel and I exchange a look, I really hate how right he was, he knew she'd find out. Although he couldn't have imagined it would happen so soon, I know I didn't. I look at her, her hand has slipped from mine, and she's confused, I can feel it. She gets up and walks around for a minute, I stand too, not knowing how this is going to play out.

Somebody calls out to her, "Buffy?"

She's not paying attention to anything; I feel flashes of terror, and pain. She's remembering, and it's not going to be pleasant. I know because I remember what happened to her there, it fucked me up, and I wasn't the one who was physically in Hell. She's pacing, faster and faster, images of her suffering, her torment are coming back to her, her emotions are coming faster and faster, I can hardly keep up with them all. Pain, horror, anguish, misery, all those horrible emotions just keep building and building, and then nothing, poof, all her emotions just vanished. It's like she's completely gone, I don't feel her at all right now, I don't feel her emotions, I don't feel our slayer connection, I feel nothing, I feel empty, if I wasn't staring right at her, I'd think she was...dead.

She turns toward me, the look in her eyes, it's pure hatred, and I really can't stand that it's directed right at me. I had hoped never to be on the receiving end of one of Buffy's hate filled stares ever again. But I know it's not really her, I get that she's not in control right now and truthfully, I'm not all that surprised. I kinda knew that she had something in her that wasn't supposed to be there, and now it's decided to come out and play. I was lying before when I said I didn't see it, I've seen it since the moment I came back to Sunnydale. The first time I looked into her eyes, I knew something was wrong, she was...wrong. But she was getting better ever since the Hellmouth imploded, she'd be so close to being her old self I'd think I had imagined it, then she'd do something to remind me, but I guess there's no denying it now. I had hoped there'd be another way to fix this--that it could be done without her even knowing about it. I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Fight it Buffy..."

"Sorry...Buffy's not in any condition to fight right now." She...it...laughed at us, "I just need a little more. So? Who wants to be first?"

I see Willow starting to move, ready to do something. I don't know how I know, but I know whatever she's planning would be a grave mistake. I practically growl at her, "Don't do it! Whatever you were thinking, just fucking stop..."

I don't want to sound like my old self, I never wanted to be her again, but right now, I think it's my only option, the only way to do what I know I have to do.

"Aw...Faithie...let the little witch play...she's a more formidable enemy anyway...you're kinda like nothing. And say, isn't that what your mother used to say about you...you're nothing..."

"Oh...pulling out the mother jokes now are we? Seems a little elementary school doesn't it?"

"Don't act like it doesn't bother you Faith...you forget I know, I know what you told her. I know how you're feeling about it; you can't hide that from me. I know you're pathetic, I know you let your mother die, you let your watcher die and now you can watch Buffy die too..."

I push back all the guilt I feel about those things, all the hurt and pain those words bring me. I try to remember that those things probably didn't really happen, those memories aren't real.

"You won't get whatever it is you need...I won't allow it, so how about you just give up. Let her go..."

"See, that's your problem Faith, always so fucking overconfident, always thinking you knew everything. Kinda how you managed to stake a human, isn't it? You are nothing but a screw up, you can't do anything right, and as Daddy used to tell you, there's only one thing you're good for."

Everything I ever learned in therapy goes down the drain as I feel myself slipping back into the girl I used to be, because it's easier, it's what I know, it's how I deal. I just keep repeating 'I don't care' over and over again, cause I know if I say it enough, I'll start to believe it.

"Nice walls you're trying to build up, too bad they won't help you, I'll find a way to get through them. I'll just keep this body and feed off you...Or maybe killing you is the way to go..."

The thing occupying Buffy's body, strikes out at me, hits me in the face; I fall back a little from the force. I hit her back with as much force, knock her back a little. I gotta let the instinct take over or I'm done, it'll win, it'll get what it needs and I can't let that happen.

It stops and stares at me, trying to gauge my abilities, it knows I can move just like it can. It decides to go after someone weaker first and it lunges toward Dawn, I lunge at it. There is a flurry of activity now as the fight is on in earnest. I'm on it now, trying to pin it down, trying to get it to stop, it rolls us over and it's on me, its hands...her hands wrapping around my throat, so willing to kill me. It brings back all those memories from the rooftop, her wanting me dead, and me hoping she'd choose me over Angel for once. Making her decide: slayer or vampire, the killer in me or the killer in him. I struggle to remove her hands; her grip is too tight, I know I have to do something quick before she chokes me to death. I try to punch her, but it doesn't faze her, I don't have enough momentum to make a dent.

Angel jumps in and kicks her off of me. She's up in an instant and has moved onto him next, she punches him and knocks him back, I take the opportunity to take her legs out. She goes down hard, Angel grabs her and throws her toward the wall, I wince when I hear the thud of her head hitting the wall. She gets to her feet slowly, shaking slightly, seemingly out of it and he goes after her again and I know it's a mistake, it's what she wants. I see the stake come from behind her back, I see the grin spreading across her face, I know he doesn't see the stake, he has no fucking idea. Why is he moving so slowly?

I push him out of the way and get the stake that would have dusted him, in the shoulder. Good thing he's taller than me, if we were the same height, I'd be dying just like Allan Finch. Wouldn't that have been some more poetic justice for me, huh? She slams me hard into the wall, my shoulder throbs as she pulls the stake back out, fucking A that really hurts, why does it always hurt more on the way out? That makes me angry, I embrace that anger and use it to kick her back from me, then I punch her with as much force as I can muster. It knocks her away from me and onto the floor, the stake goes flying out of her hand and slides across the floor, Xander grabs it and backs away. She's up in a flash, she looks towards Xander, thinking about it, but she knows what I know I can't keep this up much longer, not with a shoulder that's bleeding this badly. My blood is running down my arm, dripping onto the floor. I know Angel is trying hard not to lose it, slayer blood running freely has to be driving him nuts. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wesley with the tranq gun, thankfully it's still here and loaded for bear. I circle around her, make her move so her back is to Wesley, cause I don't want her to see it coming.

I sincerely hope Wesley has better luck hitting Buffy than we did trying to hit Angelus. The first shot hits her high on the shoulder, it doesn't stop her, she doesn't even know she's been hit. She punches me hard in the face, I punch her back, just trying to buy some time and she keeps coming. The second shot hits her in the back of the thigh, still not stopping her. She punches me again and this time I lose my balance, damn, I'm slipping on my own fucking blood. Somehow that seems really wrong to me. She kicks me hard in the ribs knocking all the wind out of me, and jumps on top of me; I guess third times the charm because it hits her in the ass and she finally just slumps on top of me. A few seconds later Wes and Gunn are pulling her off of me, and help me to my feet, I look at them.

"Shackle her and put her in the cage downstairs until we figure out what we're dealing with..."

They just nod and start to move her, Angel is already gathering the shackles, I guess I'm slayer in charge again, lucky me.

CHAPTER TWELVE - Breaking the Girl

POV Faith

Buffy's gone...Buffy's gone...every beat of my heart is saying the same thing over and over again. Why does everything always have to get fucked up? We were doing so good, things were going so well. I sit there watching the monitors, watching Angel chain her up, feeling that sense of déjà vu all over again. I remember the last time I watched Angel chain her up...I try not to think about it.

I wince as Wesley pulls another splinter out of my new stab wound; another stab wound courtesy of Buffy. I embrace the physical pain though; it's easier to deal with than the emotional pain I feel right now. I watch Fred on the monitor taking her blood, guess she's gonna run it through the lab at Wolfram & Hart. I watch Buffy lying there, looking so much like she's just sleeping, so much like everything is fine. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever get to hold her again, or if I'll ever get to tell her how much I love her, how much I need her.

The Sunnydale gang is all sitting quietly, trying to comprehend what has just happened to their chosen one. I look over at Dawn; she's calmer now, letting Willow and Xander offer her what little comfort they can. She kinda freaked out, I guess that's understandable, Buffy did just try to attack her. I guess this sort of thing has happened before, poor kid, I wish she didn't have to see all this crap. Sure the monks might have kept her safe by sending her to the slayer for protection, but this is no kind of life for her. She should be living it up, having fun, thinking about boys and stuff, hanging out at the mall; she shouldn't be worrying about people trying to kill her, or the world ending. I think about it and wonder if this is what being a parent feels like, to want something better for your kid. Is that even what Dawn is to me? My kid?

After he's done cleaning and bandaging my shoulder, Wesley steers me toward the couch, I look back at the monitor, he whispers to me, "It's ok, Angel will stay with her."

I just nod and take a seat, I know I've got some explaining to do. I know they have lots of questions, I have a couple myself too, mainly as to why Giles has been glaring at me for a while now. I can tell he's about to say something so I quickly take a deep breath and begin cause I'm not ready for whatever he's gonna say. And I'm in no mood to play 20 fucking questions, so I'm gonna tell this story from the very beginning. Hopefully, it'll provide some clues to help Buffy, but at the very least it'll help clear the air between all of us, which is long overdue.

"I felt Buffy die, I was sitting in my cell, and I felt it. I felt this sense of falling, this really painful surge of electricity, a ripping sensation and then a brief surge of adrenaline. I knew at that moment, I was the only slayer, and she was gone. I was awake for hours that night wondering what it all meant, wondering how it happened, wondering if I had been there, would things have ended the same way. At some point I must have fallen asleep, cause I dreamt it. We had shared dreams before, twice, I think. I was a little sketchy on the details cause I was kinda unconscious at the time."

I take another deep breath, try to will myself not to cry. Breaking down is a luxury I can't afford right now. Buffy needs me to be strong, needs me to be tough, she needs me to save her again.

"The first dream wasn't a shared one, at least I don't think so. I saw her, on the tower, saw her talking to Dawn, it was confusing because I didn't know who Dawn was, I had never seen her before. I don't know if this is important or not, but I don't have any memories of Dawn, I don't know why."

I see the confusion and hurt on poor Dawn's face, it's pretty obvious that she remembers me. She so doesn't need any more crap right now so I try to explain it away.

"Maybe there's a limit on how many made up memories a person can have."

I know that explanation totally sucks but I'm not quite up to par at the moment. I look over at Dawn; she gives me a slight nod so I continue.

"The only reason I know about Dawn is because Buffy told me, but that came later, during one of the shared dreams. Anyway, she's on the tower, the portal had already opened, I heard the things she said to Dawn and then I watched as she jumped. I felt the whole thing over again, the surge of electricity when she hit the portal, her body continuing to fall. Then I felt the ripping sensation as I saw something like a light being pulled from her inside the portal. I'm thinking it must have been her soul that got sucked into the portal as it closed up. Or maybe the soul is what closed the portal, I don't really know."

"Um...she was stuck and I knew it. I tried to contact Angel, but I couldn't track him down. I tried calling Sunnydale, but I couldn't reach any of you either, I left a message. I'm guessing the message is what caused you to visit me, huh Will?"

I look over at her, and she looks down, I would have liked to keep her out of it, but she's got a part in all this and it's way past time to get everything out in the open. Xander prods her, "You went to ask Faith if she would come back with you, right? Faith said no that's what you told us. You came back and said that Faith refused to help us."

Willow finally looks in my direction, tears sliding down her cheeks. I wish there was another way, but she needs to tell them, she needs to admit her part in all of this, so she can move on.

"I'm so sorry Faith." I just nod, I know this already. "I-I went there as we all had discussed, to ask for her help. To bring the slayer back to Sunnydale, but when I saw her...I couldn't do it. I just snapped, I..."

"What did you do?"

Xander's tone is angry, accusing, and totally not needed right now, "Hey...take it down a notch or two..."

He shoots me an angry look, then gets it, this really isn't about blame. He looks a little contrite as he quietly says, "Sorry Will..."

He gives her a weak smile and she continues sobbing slightly, "I went off on Faith, told her it was all her fault, told her it should have been her. I told her we wouldn't accept her help, she wasn't wanted. That even though she was the Slayer we didn't need or want her around. Then I came back to Sunnydale and told you guys she refused to help us. Told you she laughed when I told her Buffy was gone...oh God...I'm so sorry..."

I know she's sorry, we hashed out all of our issues on the way from LA to Sunnydale. We talked about her slide to the dark side that started with her refusal to help me way back when, her sheer delight at thinking I was caught by the Council. Not at all concerned the Council was just going to kill me, God how she hated me, at the time I really didn't understand it, but I think I'm starting to get it now. Maybe Willow would have hated me anyway, maybe she would went down the same path, maybe it had nothing to do with the spell the Council put on her and the rest of them, and maybe, just maybe, the Pope ain't Catholic. Willow's dark side just continued to grow, and grow until she murdered two people in cold blood to exact her revenge.

I know the people Willow and I killed were scumbags, and something needed to be done to stop them. Nobody is really crying that these men are gone, but even killing the bad guys leads to some dark scary places. It makes you take a long hard look at yourself, makes you doubt everything you've ever thought about yourself. We've kinda agreed to work it like the alcoholics do, by sponsoring each other. If at any point we ever feel like we're losing it, we've agreed to talk to each other, help each other. I give Willow a quick smile, letting her know we're still good, no hard feelings. The past is the past. And not to mention she's pretty powerful now and I really don't wanna spend the rest of my life as a newt.

I pick up the story from there. "OK, so I knew I wouldn't be able to get help from you guys by asking directly, kinda figured Willow would have told you some stories. I figured nobody would believe me, and I didn't have any real proof, just that dream and a general feeling her soul was where it didn't belong. I even thought that maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, thinking I could somehow make things up to her, so I tried to forget about it. Then the shared dreams started, and they were brutal. I saw everything she went through, I felt everything she went through. Every night for five months we shared dreams. Sometimes she'd just beg me to save her, sometimes she'd yell and scream because she thought I wouldn't help her, other times she'd just show me things.

"I decided there was only one option left, one person who I might actually be able to convince. The one person I hardly knew, and who hardly knew me, well, she knew I was an asshole who made fun of her, but I hoped she didn't really know much else. She was scary talented when it came to all things witchy, no offense Will."

She nods, smiles a little, she knows I'm talking about her girl, Tara. I'm glad Willow and I had a chance to talk about Tara. I needed to tell Willow who was really responsible for her death. I had told Tara how hard it was to do the right thing when the one person you wanted to notice the most doesn't seem to care. I couldn't mind my own fucking business and wound up talking Tara into being in the place where she was shot and killed. Even while in prison I still managed to wreck people's lives. I still feel bad about it, even though Willow told me that if it wasn't for me, they might not of had that night together, she might have died before they made up. I didn't really buy it until she told me Tara's death was inevitable, if it wasn't the bullet from Warren's gun; it would have been the aneurysm they didn't see until the autopsy. Life really fucking has a way of sucking sometimes don't it?

"It took a lot of fast talking to get Tara to agree to see me, she really didn't want to do it. She really didn't like the fact she couldn't tell anyone about it, but she finally agreed. I told her the things that were going on, she was skeptical to say the least. She knew what Willow had told her, she wanted to believe I was the liar. After about twenty minutes she finally agreed to help, she said my aura told her I wasn't lying. I told her it didn't matter what Willow had said about me, she had her reasons for not wanting me around, and the only thing that mattered was to save Buffy. Of course when Buffy came back and started talking about being in heaven, I got another visit from Tara. This one was far less pleasant, I seriously had her pegged wrong cause that chick was wicked scary...

"Anyway...she'd e-mail me once a week to let me know how the plans were progressing, and to find out if anything had changed. By the time the summer was over I was in pretty bad shape, sent to the hospital for a little while. When you brought her back, I felt it, sorta lived it for a few minutes, then I woke up, got in touch with Angel, and I told him she was back, I also had to tell him my part in it. As to what is wrong with Buffy right now, I don't know. Angel kinda thought she might have brought something back with her, I'm inclined to believe that also.

"Buffy had thought something was wrong with her ever since she came back, she knew her behavior wasn't...'normal', after a few months she finally asked Tara to look into the spell. Tara looked but couldn't find anything wrong, although she only really looked into the spell; she didn't have a chance to look into any other possibilities. I kinda thought that was the end of it, and my help wasn't really helping, so I didn't pursue it anymore. But now we know, perhaps my new connection to the powers can find out some more information, yeah?"

I look over at her and she just stares back blankly. I wait a few seconds for her to realize I was talking to her. "OH..." She flips through her notebook again, I really need to get that book away from her if I ever want to know what's going on.

She writes down some information on the Hell dimension Buffy was in. She hands the info to Giles who confers with Wesley. She looks over at me, knows I wanted a little more on the information front and gives me an annoyed sigh.

"Fine, I'll go ask the Powers...try not to do anything terribly interesting while I'm gone."

She kissed Xander goodbye and with a poof, she was gone, off to confer with the Powers, or maybe she was just off to take a really long hot bath. Doesn't really matter, as long as she's not here being a distraction. Also, it's a good thing Cordy ain't around to see that, I got a feeling she'd be plenty pissed she had to deal with migraines while Anya gets to actually poof herself back and forth. Yeah, here's a little tidbit of information nobody knows not even Angel. Cordy actually came to visit me, although before she'd really talk to me, I did have to let her try to give me a black eye first, cause payback is a bitch and so is Cordelia, her words, not mine. But don't get me wrong, Cordy and I weren't like best buds or anything, but we did swap emails every once in a while.

Xander shakes his head and asks, "Here is something I don't get...and I know this is slightly off topic, but how is it that you and Buffy move so fast now?"

I wonder what the hell Xander is talking about as Giles finally stops glaring and starts asking rather angrily, "Ah...yes, Faith...how did you manage that?"

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?"

"The fact that you moved so fast we could hardly see it..."

I'm really fucking confused until Giles finally asks a direct question. "How about you tell us what happened in the Hellmouth? What did YOU do, exactly?"

Oh shit, I think I know where this is heading, I guess feeling each other's emotions isn't the only thing we got from the scythe. Goddamn it I knew we should have told them before this, freaking Buffy leaves me alone holding the bag yet again. I knew this was going to wind up being entirely my fault, that I'd be the one to get all the blame. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but it still shocks me sometimes. Might as well get it over with. "We...uh... we held the scythe at the same time..."

I flinch, cause damn, Giles is pretty fucking pissed at me, "WHY!? Why would you do something you were specifically told not to do? These are serious magics we invoked, Faith, who knows what consequences it could have...you're still the same irresponsible..."

Fuck that shit, fuck him. I just yell back, "She was dying Giles...she held it out to me...what the fuck was I suppose to do? Tell her to drop it. Just turn around and let her die. Just leave her there like everything she's ever done doesn't fucking matter? We took a chance..."

He scoffs at me so I continue angrily, "You know what, you weren't fucking there, you have no fucking clue..."

He's still so angry he just won't let it go. "No, Faith, you have NO fucking clue... whatever is happening to Buffy now could be a direct result of that..."

Hey...Giles cursed...he cursed at me. That can't be a good thing. I try to calm down a bit and wind up being a bit nastier than I had intended. "No, it's not. Whatever is going on with Buffy was happening long before the First came along. Perhaps if you weren't so busy running off to England, abandoning her when she needed you the most, you would have seen it, just like Angel saw it and just like I saw it."

He just glares angrily at me, apparently he doesn't like being called out, especially by someone who wasn't even there at the time. I never would have done it to him if he had just backed off a little. I glare right back at him, and I cannot help being a bitch. "How about you start doing some research, try to solve the problem instead of just looking to lay blame?"

Everyone is quiet, trying not to look at Giles or me as we stare each other down. I'm not really all that upset with Giles, I get that this wasn't really personal, he's just really worried about Buffy, but I'm through taking shit from these people. He finally sighs, clears his throat, "Faith's right, we...uh...should really...get to work."

He gives Willow a list of things she should look up on the net, and then he and Wesley go to look through the research material here. I hope we have more luck fixing this then they had while trying to sort of my little family issues, which are officially on the back burner. If that woman really is my mother, then she'll understand and if not...oh well, I don't have time to worry about it. I'm used to having no family so you can't miss what you never had.

There's a lot of stuff Giles wants Willow to look up, so I run upstairs to grab my laptop cause I need to do something. When I come back down, Xander and Dawn are busy reading through some seriously large texts. Willow just stops and stares when I open the laptop and start tapping away. I give her a wink; "I've got layers..."

After about three hours with nothing to show for it, Xander decided we needed food and took Dawn with him, the ex-Watcher's decided they needed more books and went over to Wes' new office, meanwhile, Willow and I kept looking on the net, we weren't having much luck though. She knew a lot of places to look, I knew only a few, Internet research really isn't my thing. Oh, I know how and where to download illegal movies and music, I know how to email and google, but that's about it. She pointed me in the right direction though; found a ton of stuff I really didn't need to know. Like how liquefied eye of newt will help the Christmas cactus to flower, so I filed that under useless shit that is going to take up valuable space in my brain.

"This computer is too freaking slow...it's making me cranky..."

I push my computer toward her, "Here, use this one, it's way faster, and I seriously need a break."

She switches seats, and immediately starts working again, I just sit there and stare across at the monitor, Buffy is sleeping again. Not much excitement going on down there at the moment, an hour ago, she got up and threw herself at the bars and wouldn't stop. She threatened Angel, yelled more shit out about me, which was great cause I sure wanted everyone to know what my father did to me in graphic detail. Then she screamed all sorts of obscenities, ones that would even make a sailor blush, until he finally shot her again, and this time he used stronger tranquilizers, hopefully that will keep her out for a long time.

So far we've complied a list of over 200 things that can travel transdimensionally, although only about 5 of them take over their hosts, and none of them would be able to stay fairly undetected for a long period of time. Mostly they get inside you and grow and grow until they kill you, then eat their way out. Hey...don't look at me, I wasn't thrilled to have that information either, and the pictures were completely unnecessary.

After a few minutes of awkward silence I ask, "So, uh, how's Ken?"

"Oh...um...she's good. Sorta glad to be back to New York...although she's not happy to be back in school."

"Yeah, it is kinda hard to focus on school after fighting to save the world..."

"Yeah..." I can feel her eyes on me, "Um...how are you holding up?"

I'm kinda at a loss for words. I'm holding up, for now. Who knows how long that will last? "Um...I'm..."

"Faith?"

"I'm fine...just fix her and I'll be fine..."

I get up and start pacing around; I feel so fucking useless right now. There is nothing at all I can do to fix this situation, there are no demons to beat up or threaten within in inch of their lives. I step closer to the monitor, I watch her for a few moments, I put my hand on the monitor wishing things were different. I don't know how long I stood there before Willow finally called out to me.

"I think I've found it."

I came back over to her, "What? You found something..."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure this is the one. Ascariasis, it's a highly opportunistic parasitic organism, usually latches on to a host when a host crosses over dimensions. It gets inside and it feeds off the misery and suffering of its host. It doesn't really grow much in size; it uses the suffering until it gains enough power so that it can take over its host. In most cases it doesn't normally manage to get strong enough to take over a human host, but in some rare cases it's managed it..."

"I'm guessing memories of Hell were a seven course meal, huh?"

"Yeah...more than likely. It can alter a person's memories, create false environments..."

She just stops and I wonder what's wrong, "Will?"

"Huh? Oh...sorry, it's just...it did that to Buffy... It made her think that she was crazy and that Sunnydale wasn't real, it was just some weird world she made up. We researched and I really thought it was something else. I gave her the cure...then she tried to kill us and I just thought she hadn't been given enough of it. I didn't realize..."

She just trailed off, I could see she was blaming herself for not seeing it sooner, for not knowing Buffy wasn't quite right. None of this is really her fault; Buffy hasn't always been Ms. Open and Honest about her life, and yes, I realize pot, kettle, black and all that. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I rub her back slightly and tell her, "It's ok, Will, don't beat yourself up...you didn't have all the information. It's kinda hard to find out the solution when you don't really know what the problem is, but we do now..."

She gives me an odd look, damn...I'm really not good at this shit, and what kinda lame crap was that... I just shrug at her; "I'm kinda bad at the whole comfort thing..."

She shook her head at me; "No...you're not bad at it. It was good, really..." She smiled at me, "Thanks Faith..."

I just nod along like a retard and mumble out, "No problem..." I hate that I always feel like an idiot in these situations, I never really know what I'm supposed to do or say. Thankfully, she just goes back to reading the screen.

"Um...it usually dies way before it gets strong enough to do much of anything."

"What kills it?"

"Normally, just plain alcohol..."

Well that makes sense; usually unhappy people tend to drink a lot. "OK, so we just get Buffy drunk..."

"I wish it were that easy, but once it's taken over, there's not a whole lot of things that can be done. Plain alcohol is too weak and most other things will give it permanent residence, so we definitely can't use magic directly."

"Don't fucking tell me it's hopeless Will..."

She looks up at me, now it's her trying to reassure me. "No, it's not hopeless...there's lots of hope, hope a plenty. We'll get her back, don't worry. There's a cure, although it's not pleasant. It's a combination of a pint of blood from a Strom demon, a pint of wood alcohol, and some magical enchantments..."

"Um...I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but isn't wood alcohol like extremely poisonous...don't they like use that stuff to make like...formaldehyde."

She looks over at me with a confused little smirk, "When did you become knowledge girl?" I just give her a non-amused look and a shrug, Willow smiles slightly, "Um...anyway... normally, yes, it's fatal, but with the added ingredients, it's only...slightly toxic."

"Slightly toxic? Is that in any way like slightly pregnant?"

She ignores me and continues, "It kills the parasite, then when it starts to burn the stomach lining, the host becomes violently ill, and in all cases the dead organism is ejected, along with everything else. Eww..."

"What?"

Willow doesn't say anything just stares at the screen, I prompt her again, "What?"

She turns the screen toward me, my stomach lurches slightly, "I sure hope Xander ain't bringing back pizza..."

"Yeah...seriously..."

Within a half an hour everyone has reconvened, all except Anya, I swear if I find out she was hanging out at a coffee shop somewhere, I'll send her back to the Powers personally. It's been decided that Angel and Xander will go after the Strom demon, get him to donate a pint of his blood. And since we don't necessarily need him dead, I'm gonna sit that one out. Angel didn't seem too thrilled to have to work with Xander, especially when Xander called him 'Dead Boy' again. Xander looked over at me, I pointed at my eye, a gentle reminder to him that it was Angel that arranged and paid to have his eye fixed, so he should really play nice. He rolled his eyes at me but nodded that he understood.

Wes is on his way to England, he found out his Dad had some involvement with the Council's special project. Fucking special project, like I wasn't a real person, that I was only some sort of tool for them-fucking bastards. I don't even want to think about it right now. I really would have preferred if he hadn't left, I want everyone working on helping Buffy, I could give a rat's ass about me right now. But, Angel assures me he's not really needed, and wouldn't call him back even if I asked him to, so I didn't.

Gunn is keeping watch on Buffy, making sure she doesn't cause any more problems, hopefully the sedatives will keep her out of it. Giles, Fred and Willow are going over the other ingredients, which leaves the kid and me with nothing to do but worry.

She's just sitting there, staring at the monitor; so I take a seat next to her. She's trying so hard not to lose it again, to not just start crying. She looks at me and doesn't say a word, just puts her head in my lap, and I just gently stroke her hair. It's kinda weird me doing this, I'm not what you would call maternal by nature. At least that's what I've been led to believe, but sitting here with her, I really feel it now. I feel this strong connection with her, kinda along the same lines as my connection to Buffy. It's not exactly the same, it's a little different, because it's like she's a part of both of us, and she really is, she's mine and Buffy's. Wow, that should feel more weird shouldn't it, I hardly know this kid, and I've spent zero time with her since I came back yet there is a connection here that I can't deny. One that I didn't feel yesterday or even this afternoon, I mean sure, I liked the kid, she's Buffy's sister, I kinda had to like her, but now I...I feel like...I love her. Like I said, just plain weird.

I don't know how long we sat there but I must have dosed off because I had a nightmare. That's really not unusual for me though, I've always had them, just not so much in recent weeks. I had thought I was done with them, but apparently not.

I was back in my old apartment back in Boston, and even though I've been told this didn't really happen, it doesn't seem to make this any easier to take. My mom and Ronnie drinking and getting high--fucking heroin, I fucking hate drugs. I sneak out of my room and into the kitchen, I'm so fucking thirsty, I just want a fucking glass of water. How many times had I done that, had a glass of fucking water with no fucking problems, had I known the shit that was gonna happen I woulda stayed locked in my room feeling thirsty. I didn't even fucking hear him coming, I had thought they passed out, but here he comes, putting his arms around me from behind. Pressing me up against the sink, running his hands in places I really didn't want them, but had no choice, he was bigger than me, stronger than me, he'd win, like he always did. Didn't mean I stopped fighting him though, I dropped the glass and it broke, I tried to grab one of the shards of glass, but I wasn't fast enough.

He grabbed my arm and jerked it behind my back, he kept pulling it up and up, the pain was unbearable, I did the only thing I could do, I slammed the back of my head into his face, broke his nose. He pushed off of me and backed up, I turned and kicked him in the balls as hard as I could. I'm sure the expression on my face was just as surprised as his, I had never really hurt him before. Seeing him howling in pain kinda made me smile, until he grabbed the knife off the counter. We stared at each other for a moment, and then she came in, she always did have bad timing.

She looked over at him, surprise on her face too, she had gotten some beat downs from him too over the years, guess she liked seeing him bleeding for a change, cause she smiled at him.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Your little cunt of a daughter..."

She turned to look at me, disbelief etched her face, and then she turned back to look at him, blood dripping down his face, his one hand holding onto the jewels for dear life and just started laughing. She laughed at him, was she crazy, or just too high to notice the knife in his other hand, I'll never fucking know. Everything happened so fast that I wasn't sure he'd actually stabbed her, until he said, "Think that's funny?" And she didn't answer him, she just kinda gurgled, then he really started stabbing her, over and over again, screaming at her, "Still fucking funny? You ain't fucking laughing now are you bitch?"

I just stood there, I couldn't move, I was frozen to my spot. After what seemed like hours of him kneeling over her body, slicing away, he turned his eyes on me. He looked right at me and said, "What? What the fuck are you gonna do?"

I was too scared to say anything; I just kept looking down at all the blood on the floor, and back to his eyes. There was a blood stream on the floor; it kept inching its way closer and closer to me. I didn't want it to touch me, didn't want her blood getting on me, I thought something really bad would happen if it touched me. Like seeing your crazy stepfather kill your mother wasn't bad enough. Of course I didn't realize it at the time and wouldn't for a few more hours, I already had her blood all over me, kinda got sprayed in the frenzy, and yeah, I freaked the fuck out when I realized it.

I heard the sirens in the background, the cops were coming, hopefully they were coming here, hopefully Ms. Diaz called them again. I looked back up at Ronnie, he was covered in her blood, he wiped his hand over his face, spreading it all around, I wanted to throw up right there. "You want a piece of me now? You wanna kill me?"

He tossed the knife over toward me and I jumped back as it skittered across the cheap linoleum, I looked at it, and looked back at him and he said, "Go ahead...take the knife...kill me. Just remember...you kill me, you become me..."

I felt someone shaking me and I awoke with a start, I couldn't see anything through the tears in my eyes. Thinking it was her blood all over me I frantically wiped my eyes, screaming, "Get it off me, get it off me..."

I felt strong hands grabbing at me and I whimpered, "no..." Then I heard him, I heard Angel talking me, soothing me, trying to get me to calm down, to bring me back to reality. I finally focused my attention on the here and now, Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn looking worried and confused. Angel just looking at me with concern, I finally managed to speak, "I'm ok..."

I heard Buffy's laughter through the monitor, "I knew I'd get through Faithie, I told you I would..."

She was on her feet looking directly at the camera, Gunn must have tried to shoot her cause she grabbed at something and held the dart up for all of us to see. "Opps...guess you forgot about slayer speed...sorry Charlie..." She threw the dart back and we heard Gunn yell, "Oh...fuck!"

Guess she hit her target. She immediately started pulling apart the rest of the shackles and Angel ran for the basement door, with me following closely behind. By the time we got down there she was out of the shackles and starting to push apart the bars, god damn she's really strong, wonder if I'm that strong. Angel grabbed the tranq gun and tried to shoot her again, but once again she caught it, she grinned and threw it back at Angel and I tried to grab for it and was shocked to see it grasped in my hand. Shit...I didn't even see me grab it...that is so cool.

I was about to hit her with it when I was dropped to the ground by another memory. My father doing things to me no father should ever do to his daughter, I pushed it away, reminding myself it wasn't real, it didn't happen, my real dad's a good man. I threw the dart at her and hit her; she looked down, "Oh fuc..." before she collapsed onto the floor.

I blew out a long breath and looked up the stairs, "How long until that cure is ready cause I really don't wanna go down memory lane again?"

Willow nods, "It should take about 20 or 30 minutes...we'll...get started..."

I nodded as Willow started pushing everyone else up the stairs; I slumped heavily to the floor. Angel is right there with me, "You ok?"

"Peachy..." He laughs slightly as do I, then I say, "I thought you said this redemption shit was easy..."

He just says, "Piece of cake..."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN - The Remedy

POV Faith

After a few minutes of recuperation time, I helped Angel get Gunn back upstairs in the main lobby; we laid him down on one of the couches to sleep it off. I was about to go and check in with Willow when Giles called me over to the side.

"Uh...Faith, might I have a word?"

I just nod and follow him, hopefully this won't lead to another screaming match cause the last one kinda took it out of me. I don't wanna go off on Giles again, cause it's not productive and it makes me feel bad. I don't know why, it's not like Giles has done anything for me, although he did tell me I was doing a good job back in Sunnydale. The weird part was I think he actually meant it at the time.

"Uh...I just wanted to...uh...say I'm..."

"Yeah...I know."

"Faith..."

"Look Giles, it's cool, you're worried about Buffy, I get it. So don't worry, no hard feelings...k?"

He looks like he's about to say something else so I just keep talking. People apologizing to me makes me uneasy, so I try to avoid them if possible. And truthfully he didn't really say anything that upset me all that much, although that 'irresponsible' comment he made kinda stung a little bit.

"Look...I didn't mean it, you didn't mean it, let's just chalk it up to the heat of the moment and move on. We'll get this remedy thing together and bring our girl back..."

He gives me a slight smile, and a small nod. "I'll...uh...see if Willow needs any help."

Ok, so here's the deal, Angel and I have the cure; we even have it in a squeezable bottle so as to shoot it right down her throat. Kinda thinking the parasite won't wanna willingly swallow something that's gonna kill it.

The whole situation is kinda bizarre. We need Buffy to be awake for this, but we don't know how long she's gonna stay out this time. Also, we don't want to have to wrestle her when she does wake up, so... I straddle Buffy's waist, making sure to keep her arms firmly at her sides with my legs, and Angel is sitting behind me, right on her legs so she won't be able to move them either, like I said...bizarre. I mean, I know I've wanted to be in this position with Buffy pretty much since the first moment I saw her, but I never imagined it would be with clothes on and with her ex sitting right behind me.

I'm pretty sure it looks at bad as I was thinking cause I heard the gasp from the onlookers as we got into position. Ah...the things you do for love...maybe that's why I haven't done the whole love thing before. Or...at least I don't think I've done it before, I might have... Kinda makes me wonder what my life was like before. Who was I? What was I like? Did I have friends? Did people like me? I guess I could ask my...mom. Ah...who am I kidding? She won't be stupid enough to come back for me again; she's probably halfway back to New York by now. And who would blame her for it?

After a while of waiting for sleeping beauty to wake up, my legs are cramping up, and I'm feeling really restless as my mind continues wandering, thinking about all the bad shit I've been through, the things that were done to me, the things I've done. I'm starting to feel like shit when I realize what's happening, the parasite is trying to get into my head. It wants me to feel miserable, to feel sorry for myself, it's trying to feed off my emotions, which means she's waking up.

She's still lying there with her eyes closed, playing possum, but she can't keep the smirk off her face. I look down at her until she finally opens her eyes. I move fast, don't want to give her any opportunity to escape, I put my hand over her nose, pinch it shut and just wait cause sooner or later she'll need to breathe, and she'll open her mouth. She's struggling against us big time, I feel like I'm in some sort of crazy rodeo. She's trying to throw us off of her or to at least get my hand off of her nose, but I don't give in, finally she takes a big gasp for air and I squirt all the liquid into her mouth, then quickly cover it over. She continues to struggle, but finally has no choice but to swallow the liquid. She looks at me wide-eyed for a moment, our slayer connection hits me like a sledgehammer, a second later I feel her emotions again, uh- oh...

I quickly jump over her head, turn and lift her up a little, unfortunately for my buddy, he doesn't move as fast as us, he is only just starting to get an idea as to what's about to happen. I'd like to save him from his fate, but then I'd get it and I don't want that to happen. I don't have much more time to worry about it cause there she blows.

Yep...that's right...she puked all over Angel, and then promptly passed out. I really have to suppress a laugh, cause the look on his face is really fucking funny. I don't think I've ever seen a vampire look quite as disgusted as he looks right now.

I try hard not to laugh or at least not do it out loud, but I realize he can probably see my shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. I look up at him, biting my lip so I don't laugh in his face. He glares at me as he gets to his feet, he walks out of the cage and up the stairs and I can hear him muttering, "That's fucking mature..."

It's not like I did it on purpose, well, not exactly. I can't help it, I start laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes, I know I'm gonna hafta apologize profusely later, but I just can't stop it. It didn't take long after Angel left before the others started laughing as well.

Giles and Xander came down and carried Buffy upstairs and into one of the other rooms; they picked the first door on the right. I told them we shouldn't be using that room, it wasn't right, but they didn't listen to me. Poor Angel came out of the shower in time to see her puke all over his bed and the rug in his room, I haven't seen Angel really pissed and I know now why everyone was so afraid of him. Damn that's a scary look, although it does kinda lose something when he's standing there in just a towel. I let tweedle dee and tweedle dum remove Buffy quickly and onto yet another room, my room, they better have a bucket close by cause Homey don't play that.

I try to calm him down a little with an offer of help. "I'll help ya clean up. Got any more towels?"

I try to look as helpful as I possibly can, and not laugh at him but it's hard. He lets out an angry sigh, "Yeah...just give me a minute."

He goes back into the bathroom to change, I just look around the room and try not to breathe, hope he doesn't take to long. When he finally comes out he reaches around my shoulder to wipe his wet hand on my cheek as he says, "Ran out of toilet paper..."

Gross! "Ewww....GROSS!..."

Now he's laughing at me, I smile along and nod at the joke, cause that's comedy gold right there. When he's done laughing, I tell him, "Since you're in a better mood, I guess you won't be needing me..."

In a flash I was out of his room and down the hall. Heh! Gotta love this new speed thing. And seriously, it's not like he has to breathe like the rest of us, cleaning it up won't be such a chore to him, like it would be to us.

I come into my room as Willow is asking the group, "Do ya think it worked? M-maybe it's not the best idea to leave her unshackled..."

"It worked, she's back."

They all look at me quizzically wondering how I can be so sure; so I sigh, might as well tell them the rest of it.

"I can feel her..." They look even more confused and I laugh slightly, "Her emotions...I can feel her emotions, scythe side effect. And also, I can feel our slayer connection. It was gone before, but now it's back so..." Finally they all nod and now it's my turn to ask the questions, "How come she's not awake yet? That a side effect of the magic potion?" I see the nervous glances back and forth and I'm starting to get a little freaked out, "What?"

Willow starts, "Well...um...yeah...it-it's probably the..."

"Probably!"

Giles jumps in, "There's no need to panic or...or get upset...magic...uh...isn't always exact, and there, uh, is the fact that she's a slayer...and, uh..."

"Oh...so you're saying you just don't know, she could wake up any minute or she could be out of it for a while?" They all nod nervously, why are they so nervous? Do they think I might go all psycho on them? "Hey guys...what's going on here? What aren't you telling me?"

I look to Giles, but it's Willow who answers me, "We aren't sure why she's not awake right now. It could just be from everything that happened..."

"Or?"

"Well...finding out about being in Hell might make her not want to wake up. The last time something really traumatic happened she kinda...hid inside her head for a while. I literally had to go in and drag her back out again."

"Oh...well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see...I don't think it'll come to that, but it's good to know it can be done."

We all sat around the room and watched Buffy for signs of her waking up, but she wasn't having any of it. Things took a turn for the worse when Anya came back; she gave us all the information we already knew. I was starting to feel bad I had thought she wasn't helping Buffy until Willow told her we already found the cure. She got all sorts of mad and started yelling at us. Then she grabbed Xander and announced her intentions, poor Xander, I don't think I've ever seen that shade of red on a person before. Dumbass shoulda ran while he had the chance.

Giles and Willow left a few minutes later leaving just the kid and me to keep watch.

We've been sitting here for hours; Dawn has been dozing in and out for most of the night. I knew she wouldn't want to leave so I wrapped a blanket around her and just let her sleep. It was early the next morning when Buffy finally opened her eyes and looked around.

I could feel how terrified she was, she didn't know where she was, and I'm not quite sure she even knew who she was at that moment. I slowly came over to her and knelt down next to the bed. It took a few attempts before she actually let me touch her arm, a couple of more before she let me stroke her hair gently. All the while I kept trying to re-assure her, let her know she was safe, nothing was going to hurt her.

After a while she had calmed down enough to talk, but only a single word. "Hurts..."

Still speaking softly, "Yeah...it's gonna...for a little while, but it'll get better. I promise."

She nodded slightly, managed a small weak smile. After a few more minutes she asked, "Water?"

I got up and poured some water for her, as she struggled to sit upright, she's kinda weak from all the puking, fighting and remembering. I handed her the water and she started drinking it way too fast, and I do have strict rules about puking in my room.

"Hey slow down on the water, your stomach's kinda..."

She nodded and I went to move away from the bed and she grabbed my arm, she looked completely freaked out, "...d-don't leave me..."

That phrase brings back a flood of memories. I remember how many times she said that to me, how many times she'd beg me not to go, not to leave her. But it wasn't like I had a choice, I was in prison, it wasn't like I could choose to sleep in and stay. I did try to stay with her as long as possible, for months I'd be woken up by either the guards or by the prison doctor, once I even woke up in the hospital, and by the time August was over, I just stopped waking up all together. I stayed with her, I didn't leave her side, which meant we were both stuck in hell until the gang pulled her out and I finally woke up again.

I sat back down on the bed, "I won't leave...I'm right here...Wanna talk about it?"

"No..."

Kinda what I was thinking she'd say. Not that it matters cause I can't help her with this. There is one person here who can help her, the same person who helped me deal with all that Hell shit. Angel can help her cause he's been there himself, he's the only other person to have been to hell and back...literally.

"Well...you're gonna have to at some point, cause a thing like this...is too big to bury, too big to try and forget, it needs to be dealt with Buffy."

I can see how upset she is at the prospect of dealing with all that shit, I can feel it, I can also feel her trying to distance herself emotionally. I know how dangerous that is, and I wish a thousand times over she didn't ever have to deal with any of this bad stuff, but she does, there just ain't no way around it.

"It's ok baby. I'm not saying you have to do it right this second, or that you should even do it with me, but at some point you'll need to deal, and I'm pretty sure you know who can help you. So when the time comes, let him help you."

She won't look at me; she's looking everywhere else but at me. It's kinda funny how much alike we are, how much we'll both hide from our emotions, from our feelings for as long as possible. It's like pulling off a Band-Aid, you know if you do it quickly it won't hurt as much, but there's just something inside us that makes us wanna drag it out hoping it won't have to hurt at all.

We just try to ignore it, until it eventually goes away. That works for a little bit, but after a while things start piling up, and piling up, until you just can't deal with anything anymore. The good news for us is that we can feel each other's emotions, we can hide it from everyone else, but there is no more hiding from each other.

After a few moments, she reached out slowly and touched my shoulder; her eyes were wet with tears.

"It's fine, it's all healed...good as new. And hey, better me than Angel, right?"

I smiled at her, trying to show her it was ok, we weren't gonna be going 20 rounds over it. But she wasn't looking at me. She slid her hand down my arm and then reached out to touch my stomach. I didn't mean to do it, I would have liked to play it cool, but I couldn't help it, I flinched when she tried to touch me. It's not like she was going to hurt me, not like she had a knife this time.

She caught the flinch and started to cry, "I'm so sorry..."

"I know baby, I know...but it's ok...I forgive you..." This moment is way too intense for me; I have to do something to break up the tension. I reach up and wipe her tears away, "Besides, if you start bawling, then I'll start, and I think it would be really bad for our images...us slayers with wicked cool new superpowers can't be sitting around bawling like a coupla crybabies, now can we?" I'm worried that my attempt at humor wouldn't be appreciated when she laughed slightly, and I wanted to hear that laugh again, so I continued joking, "Although I have to ask, you do know I'm not really a pincushion right?"

She laughed a little more this time; then shook her head at me, "You're an ass..."

I give her a big smile, "Ya think?"

She smiles back at me and asks, "New superpowers?"

I can't help being all excited about the prospect of having new powers, which is the coolest part of this gig. It's like being a superhero without the dorky alter ego thing. "Oh hell yeah...Dude...we're like twice as fast as we used to be..."

"Really?"

Deep down I know Buffy digs that part too, although she might never admit it. But she doesn't have to anymore; I can feel it, and right now she's curious about these powers, curious and more than a little apprehensive at the same time. "Yep, and I'm guessing we also heal faster than we used to...explains why my shoulder healed in a few hours, also explains why getting run through with a sword didn't stop you from kicking some major ass back in Sunnydale."

Her smile fades a little as she thinks about these new powers and what they mean. They mean she's not as done as she thought she was, that even though there are lots of new slayers, they don't have near the capabilities that we do now. Her and I are still the last defense against all the bad shit, the everyday demons and vamps probably won't be our concern anymore, but those damn apocalypses will still be our problem.

I wonder how she is going to deal with all this, she's never been happy about being a slayer, she's never really accepted it. Don't get me wrong, she did the job, she did it better than any other, but she was never happy about it. Now me on the other hand, was always happy about being a slayer, it could even be said that I was a little too enthusiastic about it. But, in my head, this was always my chance to be something, my chance to not be as useless as everyone in my life told me I was, or more importantly as the Council led me to believe. Of course, I have no idea how I'll react if I ever get my memories back; maybe I'll suddenly hate it, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when and if I get to it.

She looks up at me with that half little smile that I love so much, "I guess the forces of evil better get their asses to Defcon One, cause the Chosen Two are back in business."

Although I know she's not as happy as she's pretending to be right now I just grin back at her. We both know she's lying, but we've got plenty of time to deal with her issues later; right now she just needs a break. I just can't wait to see how mad the newbies will be, I wonder how pissed Kennedy will be when she finds out Buffy and I can still kick her ass, I can't wait to see her face, cause that's gonna be lots of fun. I know she was seriously pissing Buffy off when she kept talking about how she could kick our asses now, how we were going to have to listen to her in the future. That girl has got lots of balls, huh? I kinda like it though, she'll make life really interesting or annoying, depending on which day of the week it is.

I was just about to remind her of the fun we'll have when Kennedy finds out, when she suddenly got up quickly and ran for the bathroom, I think she's puking again, I'm gonna try not to take that personally. A few minutes later I heard the flush, heard her brush her teeth, then turn on the shower; and I realized she didn't have any clean clothes in there. Not to mention the fact that there wasn't any towels in there either, I got up and picked out some stuff for her to wear, I guess I figured out what Lorne did yesterday, cause there are actually clothes for her in my closet. I also grabbed a towel and laid them inside the bathroom on the edge of the sink. I picked up her old clothes and held them at arm's length as I carried them out of the bathroom and dropped them into the garbage. I quickly realized that wouldn't be enough, I tied up the bag and tossed it out the window to the garbage cans below. I took a seat on the bed and waited for her to finish up in the bathroom.

I was just starting to doze when she came out of the bathroom. She looks a thousand times better; I can sense she's feeling a little better as well. Although there is that underlying current of uneasiness running through her, but I'm content to let her pretend for a little while longer. She has been through a lot in a short period of time, I think she deserves some kind of reprieve. She smiles at me, "Thanks for the clothes...and the towel..."

"No problem...I think Lorne and Angel deserve most of the credit though..."

She nods and then smirks at me; "Did ya peek?"

Interesting question isn't it? I don't have the heart to remind her there was no need to peek; I'd already seen the goodies, sorta sampled them as well, although that was a few years ago. And I did have a different perspective at the time. Yeah, it's probably best not to bring that up, nothing good can come from that. "Nope..." She looks skeptical, so I hold up two fingers; "Scouts honor..."

She laughs, "Um...that's the boy scouts sign, I believe the girl scouts was actually three fingers..."

She holds up three fingers, and I nod, "Oh...I thought that was read between the lines..."

She frowns, looks at her fingers, and realizes what I meant then promptly shakes her head, "You're impossible...and I know you peeked..."

I give her a wink, "Just a little bit, cause you know this being good thing is a work in progress right?"

She smiles, "Uh-huh..." She looks down at Dawn still sleeping peacefully, "I can't believe she hasn't woken up yet, I swear she could sleep through anything..." She comes closer and sits on the bed, looks a little serious, "I kinda lied..."

"I know."

"You feel it now, don't you?"

"Yeah, it's kinda...freaky. The only other person I've ever felt that connected to..."

"Was me?"

I look away from her; "I had a funny way of showing it didn't I?"

"Stop it, I'm fairly certain we're gonna find out that most of the things you did were a direct result of the Council's interference. They are completely responsible for everything."

"But..."

She puts her finger on my lips to stop me from continuing, "No buts, if they hadn't interfered, if you woulda had your family, you wouldn't have done the things you did." I want to tell her she's wrong, I'm a fuck up, it's what I do, I really don't see how having a family woulda made a difference. Only woulda been more people for me to hurt is all. But she kept her finger on my lips as she continued, "And...you're looking at everything all wrong. You're failing to see the big picture Faith...."

I just shake my head at her because I've got no clue what she's talking about. I pull her hand away and say, "What big picture? I fucked over the only person I've ever felt close to, the only person I ever had a connection with..." Before I can even process where my mind is going, I ask softly, "How can you forgive me?"

I'm worried I just fucked things up, worried that my questioning her about it will make her question herself. I'm so very scared this will cause her to leave me. But Buffy doesn't even hesitate one second, she immediately says, "I can because you never let me down..."

I just look at her like she's nuts, and add sarcastically, "Did ya hit your fucking head?"

She looks at me slightly annoyed, "No, I didn't hit my head. Except that I actually did hit my head...but that's beside the point. The point is...I forgive you because you never let me down." I was about to seriously deny that, when she put her finger on my lips again as she continued, "...not when it counted. After everything that we did to each other, after I nearly stabbed you to death, you still helped me defeat the Mayor. I get it now, I understand how hard that was for you to do, how hard it was for you to betray the person who cared about you, who believed in you."

I don't want to cry at that; I don't want to cry because I know I did the right thing by betraying him. I did what needed to be done, but it doesn't make it easier to take. He was nice to me; he genuinely cared about me, in his own weird and crazy way. But none of that changed the facts; he was trying to become a demon, and needed to be put down.

"When I was stuck...where I was stuck...you stayed with me; you risked your life to stay with me. And just a few weeks ago, I needed your help and you came back, you came back...for me, to help me. I'm sure Sunnydale was the last place on earth you wanted to come back to, but you did. And you stayed and showed remarkable restraint by not hitting me back, although I would have deserved it."

Before I can interrupt, she continues, "And in the Hellmouth, I held the scythe out to you, and you took it, both of us knowing it was the only shot I had to survive that battle. You took it without a moment's hesitation; you understood exactly what I was asking by holding it out to you. And you took it knowing that it might not work, knowing there could be serious consequences afterwards. You saved me yet again Faith..."

I won't look at her cause I still don't think I've done anything to make up for the shit I put her through. Mostly because I didn't do any those things to make it up, I did those things because they were the right things to do. Also, going back to Sunnydale wasn't that big a deal cause I had inside information. Of course to get that information I had to make certain sacrifices, I had to sing, which wasn't nearly as embarrassing for me as it was for Angel cause at least I didn't have to do it in a bar with everyone staring at me.

"And if you need any more convincing that you deserve my forgiveness, just look at Dawn over there, she's someone you helped to create. She's a part of you and a part of me; she's...ours. How could I not forgive you when you're a part of the best gift I've ever received..."

Buffy leaned in and gave me the softest, sweetest kiss anybody has ever given me. She pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear, "We're a family now...you, me and Dawn..."

I can't believe I'm so fucking pathetic that I'm actually crying. Crying because she wants me to be a part of her life, a part of her and Dawn's life. And just when I thought this moment couldn't get any more intense, she whispers in my ear again, "I love you Faith..."

Ok, so I'm not gonna stop crying for a while now, because she just gave me the one thing I never thought I'd be lucky enough to ever receive...her love. It's kinda frightening that the First was actually right, because I have always wanted her to love me.

I'm not sure when the moment ended and the kissing began, but I'm not complaining, not even complaining that we got interrupted...again.

Dawn called out from the chair, "Buffy?"

She jumped off the chair and launched herself at Buffy and I, giving us both a great big hug, then proceeded to start babbling away at a hundred miles an hour. I'm thinking that must be from Buffy's genes, cause I certainly don't babble.

POV Buffy

As I sat on the bed for awhile talking and joking with Dawn and Faith, I thought about how badly I have treated both Dawn and Faith in the past. Actually, it wasn't just me treating them that way, all of us did, Willow, Xander, and Giles too. I guess the spell the Council put on us to ignore Faith affected Dawn too. Kinda obvious when you consider she is half Faith, and half me. Guess that means we only ignored her half as much.

I'm interrupted from my thoughts by a pillow striking me about the head. I look up to see that Faith is the guilty party here, Dawn and I exchange a knowing look and go about launching a counterattack. It was a lot of fun, until they teamed up against me.

"Hey...no fair...two against one..."

Faith stopped and quirked a eyebrow at me, "I didn't hear you yelling that when it was you two against me, now did I Princess..."

Oh my god, she found a nickname I despise even more than B, I surely didn't think it was possible. I ask sharply, "Princess?"

Faith just smirks and says, "Yep...deal with it..."

Dawn started laughing at me, "Ha! Princess..."

Faith turned to her, "What are you laughing at...Squeaks?"

Dawn's face was a mixture of shock and horror, she squeaked at Faith, "Squeaks?"

I look at Faith still smiling, and rub my ear, "I think you nailed that one..."

"Thank you..."

"Oh no...you guys are so not gonna call me Squeaks, it's not happening..."

Faith and I moved as a team, she held her down and I tickled her until she finally agreed, "Ok, ok, I'm Squeaks...I'm Squeaks..."

I'm thoroughly enjoying hanging out with Dawn and Faith. Dawn is back to talking a mile a minute, loving having both mine and Faith's full attention. She's talking so fast I had to ask her to repeat what she just said, and of course she just can't help doing the fake sign language thing as she repeats slowly. See? That must be from Faith's genes. "I said...Buffy? Did Faith tell you what she did to Robin?"

I looked over at Faith more than a little shocked, and asked, "You told her?"

Faith looked back at me totally confused as Dawn continued, "She didn't have to tell me anything, I was there, I had a front row seat."

Uh, ok, I'd like to wake up now please...

The look of horror on my face prompts Faith to interject, "Whoa! Hold on...I don't think she's talking about what you think she's talking about. And I seriously can't believe you'd actually think I did that..."

Uh-oh, Faith looks kinda hurt, way to go Buffy that's the way to fuck everything in a matter of seconds. Of course I don't really think she would have done that.

Dawn interrupts, "Wait, what are you guys talking about?"

Both of us turn to her and say at the same time, "Nothing..."

After our little synchronized parenting, we just looked at each other and laughed slightly, it was kind of funny, it's almost like we're real parents. Finally somebody asks a sensible question, "What are you talking about kiddo?"

Dawn looks curiously at us for a moment then says, "I think I'd rather know what you guys are talking about."

"Dawn..."

She rolls her eyes at me, but she does explain what she was talking about. "I was talking about how Faith defended me to Robin. I cannot tell you guys how glad I am he's not gonna be my principal any more, he was a jerk."

I can see the confusion on Faith's face, she doesn't know what Dawn is talking about and I'm feeling that sinking sensation again. "Dawn...what exactly happened and when did it happen?"

She looks back and forth at both of us for a moment, "It was the night I kicked you out of the house, and have I mentioned how sorry I am for that..."

I just nod cause I know she's sorry, but I also know I needed to not be there. I needed time alone to regroup and get a good night's sleep.

"I was kinda freaking out and everyone was doing their own thing and I needed someone to talk to, and Faith was the only person to ever take me seriously although she doesn't even remember any of that..."

I look over at Faith as that realization hits me, I had just assumed everyone had memories of Dawn. And Faith acted like she knew her when I brought her back to the house; she even referred to Dawn as brat like she used to. It's also weird cause I remember Dawn meeting Faith, I remember being jealous that Dawn liked Faith better than me, how she was completely in awe of Faith. That's just kinda weird.

"Anyway, I went to your room and as I was walking down the hallway I saw Robin close the door, and I was just gonna forget about it but I was really upset. So I knocked anyway cause it was your room, and our house and I needed Faith. He opened the door and he was mean to me and then Faith opened the door even wider and told him off. Then he left, and Faith hung out with me on the back porch until the sun came up and then I made something to eat and Faith went to take a shower."

I'm still trying to process everything, but apparently Faith has already figured things out. I can feel how upset she is as she asks, "Just the high school principal huh? Who the fuck is he?"

CHAPTER FOURTEEN - Sex, Lies and Photographs

POV Buffy

That is indeed the million-dollar question now isn't it? Who the fuck is Robin Wood? In my bid to stay as far away from Faith as possible back in Sunnydale, I had only mentioned he was the new high school principal, I hadn't mentioned his mother the slayer, or him being raised by a Watcher. I hadn't mentioned anything that might have put Faith on alert to Robin nor had anyone else apparently, cause if she knew about him being raised by a Watcher I'm certain she would have avoided being around him.

I turn to Dawn and ask, "Dawn, can you go get Willow and Giles?"

She nodded and left quickly. I turned to Faith wondering what I was going to say to her, I'm sure telling her I'm sorry again isn't going to help, cause after a while it kinda loses its meaning. I told her about Robin and she just sat there taking it all in, not commenting, not criticizing, just listening.

I'm actually rather surprised she's not yelling and screaming at me for not telling her about him. She's much calmer about the whole situation than I would have thought, she asks, "You think Robin or maybe his Mom's Watcher was involved in what the Council did to me?"

I just shrug, "I don't know, but they'd have to be, wouldn't they? It's a little too much of a coincidence for him not to be connected somehow."

"Why though? Why would he do that to me? What could he possibly gain from that?"

It's a good question, a great question actually; it's a question that deserves some serious attention. Unfortunately, it's a question that doesn't have an answer at the moment, "I don't know..."

Her forehead is all scrunched up; I wonder what she's thinking. I don't have to wonder long because she says, "Although I have to admit, I'm kinda glad it didn't happen..."

"Well yeah..." I realize how that might sound to her, it might make her think I was pissed about it, and I wasn't, I'm not, and even if I was it doesn't matter because it didn't happen anyway. "Um...you were saying?"

"I was just saying that I'm glad it didn't happen. You have no idea how pissed I've been at myself for doing that. You know...I've worked so hard these past three years to get better, to get my shit together, and the first minute I'm alone with some guy, I'm just wanting to jump all over him. Kinda pissed me off to think that those three years were wasted, like...I didn't change one fucking bit..."

OK, this is gonna sound weird coming from me, especially since this is exactly opposite of how all these conversations have gone in the past. "It really wasn't that big a deal Faith. As you told me just a few days ago, people have sex it's not..."

She interrupts me; "It is a big deal...it's a big deal because I knew..."

Now I'm a little confused, "You knew what?"

"I knew I was going to get a chance with you."

"What do you mean you knew?"

"I mean...Lorne told me some things that were gonna happen, or would happen if I stayed on the 'path', and I didn't necessarily believe him...and it seriously would have been helpful if he coulda told me about this part..."

I'm starting to understand a few things, starting to get that Faith had some help deciding to come back to me. Can I even be upset about that? End result is she came back, we kicked ass, we got together...well almost together. One of these times we're actually going to get to the sex and...OK, I guess I'm not upset about it, still thinking about having sex with her, that's gotta be a good sign, right? I wonder how much Faith knew before coming back? I wonder how much she wanted to kick Lorne's ass when she found out about Spike and me or maybe he told her about that, but then how would he have known?

"Earth to Buffy...want some audience participation or do ya got it all covered?"

I look at Faith thoughtfully for a moment, I'm really curious to know what exactly Lorne told her and how he knew about it because Angel told me the only way Lorne can read people is by hearing them...oh my God...Faith must have sang for him. This I have to know, I can't help grinning at her, "What did you sing?"

She's quite a little embarrassed at the moment and now I know I really need to hear about it. Unfortunately, I don't get the chance to give her the third degree about it now because Dawn has come back with Willow and Giles in tow. But you can bet I'm not going to forget about it, guess it'll just have to wait until later.

Once they were settled and stopped asking me how I was doing, we relayed the information we discovered about Robin and what he did to Faith. Or didn't do, as the case may be. Giles didn't say anything, he was a mixture of embarrassment and thoughtfulness, like he was trying to piece together something while not thinking about the sex stuff. Willow wasn't so quiet though; she had some interesting information to add.

Willow glanced at Faith, who was busy counting carpet fibers I assume, and then she asked me, "Wait a minute...what night was this?"

"It was the night I was...uh...I wasn't there..."

No sense dragging up bad memories right? No need to talk about the night I almost made a gigantic mistake and if it wasn't for the fact that my friends love me enough to stand up to me and tell me 'no'... Yep, don't wanna bring that up.

"The next morning I saw Robin going into Faith's...um...your bedroom as I was going into the bathroom to take a quick shower, when I came out a few minutes later, he was coming out of the room. It was odd because when he saw me, he stopped for a moment and then he starting walking towards me and for a second I was actually kinda...afraid of him..."

Dawn nods her head vigorously and jumps in; "Did it seem like he was going to attack you? Cause I thought he was going to attack after Faith went off on him..."

Willow looks thoughtful for a moment, "Well...he seemed a little...I don't know...strange, but then Kennedy came out of the room and he just turned around and went back downstairs without saying a word."

OK, well, I've heard enough, time to go and talk to the man himself, perhaps give him a sound thrashing for messing with my girl. "Well that settles it, Faith and I will go up and have a chat with him."

"Buffy...I don't think that's really the best idea."

What? Not this again, why is Giles still fighting with me over this stuff? Um, hello, slayer in charge being all...um...chargeful or something. "Look, Giles...we need some answers and he's got them..."

"I wasn't suggesting that we wait, what I was going to suggest was..."

"What? Call Andrew? Let him know we're coming but tell him to keep it a secret? You really think that..."

I'm cut off in mid-rant when Faith taps me on the shoulder, I just look at her, "What?"

"Can you let Giles finish? I'm fairly certain he's on the same page I am..."

Same page she's on? What page is that? Is she referring to the Slayer Handbook again? How come I'm not on that page? Oh wait, I know...because Giles never gave it to me.

"I was merely going to mention, if Robin can perform memory spells he's a bit more than a beginner. Also, if he thought about going to go up against Willow, he'd either have to be remarkably stupid, or he would need to be at least as powerful as she."

Oh...that page...yeah, that makes sense, Willow is pretty dangerous herself. And even though she wasn't actively pursing magic at the time, if she was pushed there is no doubt in my mind she woulda pushed back.

Willow piped up, "And let's not forget we looked up Robin on the net and basically found out nothing..."

Huh? Wait a minute, "You researched him?"

Willow looked down nervously, "Well...um...kinda."

"Why?"

"Um...because you went out with him, and you thought he...um...might have possibly been evil?"

She looked up apologetically, as Faith jumped in, "So...let me get this straight, you thought he might be evil, and you found out nothing about him when you researched him...but you guys let him in on everything anyway?"

Willow wasn't helping me at all by adding, "And he did plot to kill Spike..."

Faith stood there with her arms folded, waiting for an explanation; I blew out the breath I was holding cause this isn't going to be easy to explain. Not to mention that in light of all these facts, Robin should have at least been treated cautiously. Then again, we were in the middle of an apocalypse, what did these people want from me? A guarantee? I'm not perfect. And I don't mean to sound so defensive and angry, but I can't help it. "I fucked up ok? Is that what you want to hear?" I turned away from Faith and looked at the others, "In the middle of an apocalypse I trusted somebody I shouldn't have...I'm sorry I let you all down...I..."

Then Faith did something I totally didn't expect; she came up behind me, and put her arms around me, which effectively stopped me in mid- rant. It also stopped the tears from coming; which is good because I hate crying in front of other people even if they are my friends. "You didn't let anyone down, I wasn't blaming you, I was just...um...clarifying. But I was out of line...you're right, it was an apocalypse and he did appear to be helping. And it's obvious you didn't know about the research...and his mother was a slayer, which I would assume is correct?"

She looked toward Giles, "Um...well...yes...Nikki Wood was a slayer who had a son named Robin and he was raised by her Watcher, Bernard Crowley after she died. Unfortunately, by the time Robin introduced himself, the Council had already been blown up, so there was no way to verify that Robin was indeed who he said he was. Nor was there any other way to find out about him, but there were other priorities at the time. However since we have the time now, I'll see if Wesley can find out any information about Robin from the Council's backup files."

Faith gave me a final little squeeze before letting me go, and I swear I don't know how I ever lived without her, I just know I don't wanna ever do it again. Who else would have known that was just the right amount of comforting for me? It was the perfect gesture at the perfect time, no other person I dated would have been able to pull that off without making me cringe inside.

I suppose now is probably a good time to try to get myself back in good with Giles, I smile at him hopefully. "Ah...ok, so, Giles...what do you suggest we do about Robin?"

He doesn't acknowledge my hopeful look, and I'm about to find out why. "I would suggest Willow should probably go with you, she could at least bind him from doing magic, and that along with your new powers, which we will be discussing at some point in the very near future, should be enough to gain some information."

Oh damn, he's mad at me. I hate when Giles is mad at me; and he has every right to be, I shoulda told him about Faith and I and holding the scythe. I don't do guilt all that well. And being a slayer, I should probably be embarrassed that I'm afraid to face an angry Giles alone, not to mention it is kinda throwing my girlfriend under the bus, but...

"You, Faith and I?"

"Yes Buffy, the three of us need to discuss these new powers and what it might mean."

I'm guessing that means it's going to be a long guilt-racked speech about my scared duty...opps...our sacred duty. Gotta remember I'm not the only chosen one, I'm half of the chosen two. I glanced over to see if I managed to piss Faith off when I shamelessly got her involved in that future conversation, but she's clearly not paying any attention to me or Giles. She's busy slipping weapons into every available pocket in her jacket, making sure she's ready to go. As I watched her hide those various weapons, I wondered when Faith ever went anywhere prepared. Cause she always borrowed mine, even in the cemetery with Spike... Hey....I bet she didn't really need my stake at all, she just used that opportunity to cop a feel of my thigh. Well, this is Faith I'm talking about, so I guess anything is possible, and I shouldn't forget the fact that I actually enjoyed it.

Willow seemed to be willing to participate, "All right, I guess I'm in. Give me 15 minutes to shower and change and I'll be ready to go."

Faith and I are waiting outside in the car, as Willow's fifteen minutes are slowly but surely turning into twenty minutes and counting. Giles is probably making sure she knows whatever spells might be helpful in dealing with Robin. But that does leave Faith and I sitting out here with nothing to do. Hmmm...what to do while we wait? Oh yeah, gorgeous slayer sitting next to me, I look over at her and after a few seconds she looks at me, "What?"

"Nothing...it's just that you got this..."

I motion her closer, that's right Faithie...come closer, a little more, ok, right...there. Mmmm...I love kissing this girl. She laughs into the kiss cause she knows I maneuvered her to be right where I wanted her. It doesn't take long before this little make out session needs to be kicked up a notch. I gently slide my hand inside her jacket, running my hand along her side, I feel her tremble slightly as I touch her. Oh yeah, she wants this just as much as I do, so I continue to move slowly, teasing her a bit. I'm moving my hand ever so slowly up her side, running it up and over...running my fingertips across her breast, she moans softly as I add more pressure, she's so freaking sexy right now...

KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!

Damn it... I turn to look out the window and Willow is standing outside the car with a big grin on her face, dang witch has really rotten timing. I open the door to let her inside and she says, "Oh, don't let me interrupt...that was kinda hot..."

OK, now she's done it, I'm blushing furiously as Faith laughs and grins at Willow. Oh no, these two ganging up on me is not gonna be fun, wait a sec, since when do Willow and Faith do anything together?

"All right, let's go...fasten your seatbelts ladies..."

I had thought Faith was just joking, but seatbelts seem like a really good idea while we are going mock 10 toward the 101 North. I don't know where Faith the safe driver is at the moment; hopefully she'll be back soon. Jeez, at this rate we'll probably arrive at the hospital before we left the hotel. When we got to the 101 North we saw all the traffic snarled on the highway, you know California really sucks sometimes. We look at all the food places we are about to leave behind and everybody's stomach is growling for some food, so we decide to stop.

Faith is halfway to the door of the restaurant before she realizes we aren't with her, she comes trudging back and gives me an expectant look. I can't believe how much her and Dawn's mannerisms are the same, I never noticed that before, that's really funny. We slowly get out of the car and I tell her the problem, "Um...I don't know about you, but Will and I are kinda...broke..."

Faith grins at us, "Broke ass bitches..."

"Come on, seriously, what are we gonna do?"

Faith pulls out a wad of cash and says, "I suppose...I could treat..."

Some nuns come out of the restaurant and walk by us, they stare at the wad of cash, then us, then the cash again, I guess they suspect we got this money illegally or something. I just know this isn't going to be good as one of them is about to say something to us, probably about following Jesus or we need to change our wicked ways. Faith just turns to them, gives them a wink, and a cheeky grin, "Saw my pimp today...and hey if any of you girls are interested, I'm sure he could find a spot for ya..."

They gasped at Faith and decided our souls aren't worth it and quickly got into their station wagon, and drove away. I frowned at Faith and I was about to give her a hard time about harassing innocent nuns, when Willow interrupted me, "You really DO need to find the fun, B..."

They both started laughing slightly like little kids who know they shouldn't be laughing but just can't help it. I gave them each an exasperated look, shake my head again and I walked toward the door. That's when they really started laughing, and here I thought that those two not getting along was going to be a problem. I'm not really all that upset, it was kinda funny and I'm happy Faith and Willow are bonding. Although I seriously wish they weren't bonding by making fun of me, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made.

We got our food without further incident, and got back into the car to continue our journey northward. We had a lot of laughs on the drive; Faith was regaling us with tales from prison. As usual with Faith you don't know whether she's making them up as she goes along or if those things actually happened. I don't know how she managed to make prison sound like nothing more than summer camp, but she did, and I don't know how she got me wishing I had been there with her, although, prison had to be a lot more fun than my life these past three years.

Two hours later, we arrived at the Pismo Beach hospital. As we were about to go inside Faith stopped us and said, "Look, whatever happens in there, just follow my lead, ok?"

I was a little apprehensive about Faith taking the lead here, usually whenever we went on slayer missions; I was the one in charge. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't trust her, or don't think she can do it, I just don't have a lot of experience in following. It's one thing to let her be in charge when I'm not around, but when I gotta follow orders it becomes something else entirely. You know, this just might be the hardest part about being with Faith, learning how to take a lesser role and not be bitter about it or second-guess her all the time.

Willow and I nod our consent, and follow her inside. I sure hope she's better at undercover work than I am, otherwise we could be in a bit of trouble. We had decided that sneaking inside was our best option, we didn't wanna alert Robin we were there, or get turned away. If it was up to me I would have opted for sneaking in through the back, by the kitchen or basement. I'm wondering why we are going in the main entrance, cause usually front entrances don't lend themselves to sneaking. If we get turned away it's only gonna make sneaking in that much harder, maybe I should...OK, I need to relax, I need to sit back and see what she's gonna do, I at least need to give her a chance.

Faith walked up to the reception desk with purpose and looked at the two old women sitting at the front desk. She smiled a little uncertainly at them and said, "I've got an appointment in Radiology...the first of many..." Faith's smile grew a little more uncertain and the women looked at Willow and I and Faith added, "They're with me...moral support..."

One of the women looked up at Faith and patted her hand in sympathy, calling her 'dear' when she asked Faith to sign in, which Faith did without question or hesitation. I cannot believe these old ladies are actually buying this shit, especially when I see the name she used to sign in, 'Jen Lindley'. I almost started laughing but then remembered I'm supposed to be 'moral support girl', but I couldn't help but go along with the joke as I signed 'Joey Potter'. Willow rolled her eyes at us, but played along too by signing in as 'Dana Scully', Faith raised an eyebrow and Willow just pointed to her red hair. The women told us to just follow the green dots, and wished Faith well, to which she thanked them with a small, sad smile.

We walked away solemnly following the green dots, after we got out of their eyesight we quickly ducked into the stairwell.

I just look at Faith, and I have to say I'm a little impressed. Not to mention rather thrilled that sneaking didn't mean cutting through the kitchen or the dirty boiler room. "I can't believe those women actually bought that. How'd you know that would work? What if they had asked for ID or something?"

She waved me off. "Ah...those women are just there to hand out the patient visiting passes they really don't care about anything else. Basically the just wanna get out of the house and find out what their neighbors are doing. Also Radiology is pretty much always a separate department, they make their own appointments..."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

Faith just shrugged, "Um...I watch ER?"

I seriously don't buy that's the reason she knows this stuff and I look to Willow to see if she was buying into this, when she said, "Ohhh, did you see the episode where Dr. Romano got too close to the helicopter?"

Faith nodded along smiling, "Yeah, that was crazy. One minutes he's just..."

I clear my throat to get their attention, "Um...can you guys come back to reality, this is real life, not some stupid TV show."

They both gave me an apologetic look, and Faith re- focused, "Um...right...ok, all we need to do is locate Room 212...Now remember you guys, act like you belong. Nobody ever thinks to question people who look like they belong."

She started up the stairs and Willow and I quickly followed. We found Room 212 with relative ease, unfortunately the room was completely unoccupied. A check of the surrounding rooms found some patients but no Robin, and there was no Andrew around either which had us feeling a little apprehensive. Andrew had volunteered to stay at the hospital with Robin, making sure to keep us updated on Robin's status. He had mumbled something about trying to do something useful with his life, I tried to tell him he didn't have to stay, he was more than welcome to join us at Angel's, but he seemed like he really wanted to stay. I didn't really think much about it at the time, somebody needed to stay and he volunteered so we left him here. I'm seriously hoping that there is some reasonable explanation for all this, that there is a perfectly good reason why both Robin and Andrew seem to be missing from this hospital.

Faith, Willow and I re-convened in the stairwell to plot our next move.

Willow volunteered to help, "I can use the old Jedi mind trick again, get the nurse to just give us the information we want, like I did with the Sunnydale police."

Faith asked, "A thing like that takes a lot of energy from you though, doesn't it?"

Willow nodded although she looked a little confused so I explained, "We'd prefer to keep our Willow weapon fully charged."

She smiled and nodded her understanding, I turned to ask Faith what we should do but she was already halfway down the hallway and to the nurse's station. I couldn't really make out exactly what she was saying, I caught enough to figure out Faith was making up some story to get the information we needed. In less than fifteen minutes, she was back with all the information the hospital had on Robin. I'm seriously floored at the relative ease Faith has with getting people to buy into whatever she's told them.

As Faith relayed the information, the mystery of Robin deepened. It turns out there is a record of Robin being in this hospital, but not in the emergency room on the day we dropped him off. He was here yesterday, apparently he didn't have surgery to repair the damage he sustained in the battle with the First, his records show he was admitted to ambulatory surgery to remove some pre-cancerous moles from his back. Willow and I both cried, "Ewww..." when she told us how many moles were supposed to be removed. I bet Faith is even happier she didn't really sleep with Moleboy now. Seriously, his whole back must have been covered with them, oh God that is totally gross. I mean one or two is fine, but whole clusters? I can't believe I actually went out on a date with him, I can't believe I was actually that close to all those moles. Ugh, I feel so skeevy right now. Ok, really need to focus on something other than Moleboy.

We managed to catch a break, the nurse was sympathetic to Faith's cause, whatever that may have been, because she gave us the name of the pharmacy where they called in Robin's pain medication prescription. Hopefully the pharmacy has another address for Robin because the hospital listed him as living in Sunnydale and covered under the high school's insurance plan. Something was seriously not right here; who the hell takes time to make an appointment to remove moles when there is an apocalypse going on. Did he just have a lot of confidence in me or did he have some kind of inside information or was he just plain crazy?

A half-hour later, we were casing the pharmacy, the pharmacist on duty was a young guy, in his middle twenties, early thirties maybe. While we watched him he was giving an old lady a hard time about picking up her prescription without proper identification. He flat out refused to hand over her pills because and I quote, "It's against our company policy." That guy really needs to lighten up, she's a cute little old lady for chrissakes. It's not like she's Pablo Escobar trying to start up her own drug syndicate, I mean really. This positively sucks cause I'm thinking getting any kind of personal information about Robin from this guy is going to be impossible.

I asked Faith, "What are you gonna do? I don't think this guy is gonna wanna willingly give up any information."

"Ah...don't worry, this guy's gonna be easy...all I have to do is ask him."

I looked at her skeptically and I couldn't help but ask, "What makes you think you can just walk up there and get him to look up personal information and give just it to you?"

She looked back at me with a smirk; "They're called boobs, Buffy."

With that she handed me her jacket, pulled down the front of her shirt, pushed up said boobs and sauntered over to the pharmacist. Meanwhile, as Willow and I stood there and watched I was the picture of calm even though the guy kept his focus on Faith's breasts and didn't look up from there once. OK, that's a lie, Willow had to threatened to use magic on me to stop me from pouncing on the guy. Apparently I have some jealousy issues I have to work through.

Ten minutes later we were walking out with an address for Robin, which was located right here in beautiful downtown Pismo Beach. It seems Mr. Stick-in-the-Ass Pharmacist made Robin give him an address that wasn't at the bottom of the pit that used to be Sunnydale. Meanwhile, Faith walked out of there with Todd's phone number, do you believe that's actually his name? I seriously didn't think it was funny when she put the number in her pants pocket. Although, Faith seemed to be enjoying herself when I pushed her up against the car and retrieved the number from her pocket, and ok, I might have lingered there for a moment, all right, a long moment, at least until Willow told us to get a room.

We got back into the car and found the address easily enough; the house was larger and much nicer than we thought it should be, much nicer than a high school principal could afford. Especially when you consider he had an apartment in Sunnydale too. We got out of the car and walked 'like we belonged' up to the front door, a ring of the doorbell produced no results, nor did a check of the mailbox.

Faith tried the doorknob and found it to be unlocked, which made us a little nervous, but we continued on inside the house anyway. The house was sparsely furnished in the living room, the kitchen had some dishes in the drain board, and the refrigerator had some beer, a half- finished gallon of milk, and a wilted piece of lettuce. The rest of the downstairs area had nothing else of interest; neither did the first bedroom we checked nor the bathroom. It wasn't until we hit the master bedroom that we discovered this had indeed been Robin's house.

Willow and I followed Faith inside the master bedroom, the bed was made, there weren't any clothes on the floor, we hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary then we heard Faith mutter the word, "Fucker..."

Willow and I looked up and noticed the closet door was actually one of those mirror doors, designed to make the room look bigger than it was, the part that pissed off Faith was that Robin had spray painted one single solitary word across it.

SURPRISE

I don't know why that word upset Faith so much, but one second we're looking at the door and the next we are watching as the shards of the mirror rained down onto the carpet. Yep, Faith punched the doors.

I frowned at her and added sarcastically, "That's talented..."

Although it wasn't so much sarcastic as true, because I looked back at the closet and I realized it wasn't a closet after all, but another room all together. Faith was the first to walk inside, with me following closely behind her. There was a string hanging from a light fixture attached to the ceiling. Faith was about to pull the string and asked me, "Did you ever see the movie The Longest Yard?"

"Um...no...why?"

"Oh, well then you won't find this amusing...nevermind..."

I heard her mumble, 'where's Xander when I need him', she hesitated a moment before she reached out and pulled it, illuminating the small room.

What we saw made us both gasp...The entire room was covered in pictures of Faith and I, sometimes we were together in the pictures, but mostly the were pictures of us separately. I saw pictures of me with my mom outside our house, at the mall, at the gallery, in front of the Expresso Pump, there were also pictures of me with Willow and Xander, there were even pictures of me with Tara and Willow. It would seem that Robin has been following us both around for a long while.

I turned to see how Faith was reacting to all this, she was over in the corner staring at photos of her with her family. I guess it's one thing to be told you have a family, but it's another when there are pictures proving it to be true. I went over to her and stood next to her and looked at the pictures. Some were of her and her brothers, some with her and her mom and dad, there was even one where Faith had her arms wrapped around some hot girl who looked an awful lot like Jennifer Anniston. They were both smiling big stupid cheesy grins for the camera, the thing that stood out about the picture to me was that they were both sporting identical tattoos, Faith's tattoo was on her right arm, and this girl's tat was on the left. How fucking cute is that? I panicked slightly, wondering if tattoo girl was Faith's girlfriend back in Boston. I wondered if that girl had moved on with her life, wondered if Faith would wanna go back to her, would that girl take her back? What would happen to me if they did wanna get back together?

Willow walked in and said, "What the f...?

For Willow, that's as close as you got to hearing her curse. I'm guessing she was more than a little freaked out at seeing all these pictures of Faith and I. I pointed over at the wall and Willow walked over and saw pictures of her, Tara and I. She stood there not moving for a moment, then she starting pulling out the pushpins. I thought it was odd until I remembered all the pictures she had of her and Tara were destroyed when the Hellmouth imploded. It also occurred to me that all the pictures I had of my mom were long gone too, it didn't take long before Willow and I were going nuts collecting the pictures. After a few minutes, I spared a glance over to where Faith had been standing, I noticed she was no longer there, and neither were the pictures of her family. She hadn't taken any other photos but those. I started to worry about her when I saw her sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her pictures. She looked so sad and lost; I just didn't know what to do. Willow turned and watched my gaze, "Go on Buffy, go to her, I'll get the rest of the pictures."

I just nodded and walked over to her, and sat down on the bed next to her. She spoke so softly I almost didn't hear her. "I was happy..."

She flipped through the pictures showing me her smiling face in every single one of the photos she had taken from inside the room. She looked so happy, so innocent, so completely opposite of the girl who first showed up in Sunnydale. She just looked like a regular teenager who hadn't a clue of how fucked up life could be, which just completely emphasizes how much the Council took away from her. I didn't know what to do for her; all I wanted to do was to take the pain away. It was breaking my heart to see her so sad, to feel how much pain seeing these pictures brought her.

I wanted to make her feel better, so I handed her the one picture I still had in my hand. It was one she hadn't noticed because it was on the opposite side of the room. It's a picture of her and I with our arms around Dawn in front of the Christmas tree. Robin must have stolen that picture from my room cause the last time I saw that picture it had been in a frame in my top dresser drawer. I'd be really pissed about that but if he hadn't taken it, it would be amongst the rubble of Sunnydale.

The picture hadn't originally included Dawn because she wasn't really there then; it had just been of the two of us. Faith had just arrived at the house and before we could do anything; my mom made us take that picture in front of the tree. I remember thinking that Faith would never go for the corny, in front of the tree picture, but she just smiled and happily complied. I was completely flustered afterward, being all hugged up next to Faith had me thinking all sorts of things, which is when I went up to my room and found Angel there and that was the end of that. By the time I came home the next afternoon, Faith had already left, my mom was seriously pissed at me and I was well on my way to breaking my promise to tell Faith everything. Faith took the picture from me and looked at it, she smiled slightly, and since I knew Faith didn't have any memories of that Christmas with Dawn being there, I proceeded to tell her what I remember and what Dawn had told me.

"You had said you weren't coming and Dawn was so mad at me, she told me the reason you said no was because I must not have sounded sincere when I invited you over. Which was pretty accurate, wasn't it?" I coughed slightly, then continued, "Um...She wouldn't talk to me the entire time we set up the Christmas tree, and then you showed up. You really saved my ass there too, because let me just say that Dawn not talking to you is way worse than Dawn non-stop talking to you. She was so thrilled that you showed up, she was jumping up and down, demanding that we take a picture with her in front of the tree. And then I went to help Angel, and you stayed there, hung out with her, you watched TV with her, and played monopoly all night, and then it snowed and you showed her how to make a proper snowball, and a mini snow man. I'm not quite sure why it had to be a mini snow man, there was enough snow to make a big snow man."

Faith shrugged, "No gloves, no winter coat, I suppose."

"Yeah well who would have expected snow in Sunnydale..."

She stared at the picture for a few more minutes, then asked, "Can I keep this?"

I nodded, "Sure..."

She put that picture along with another one in her jacket pocket, there was no need to ask, I already had a feeling what other picture made it into her pocket. I didn't say anything about the other picture, what would be the point, right? She doesn't remember who that girl is or why she was important to her, of course the identical tattoos say they were at the very least friends, I'm seriously hoping that's all they were to each other. Although permanent ink would suggest they were more than friends, right? But Faith and I are soul mates that has to count for something right? She wouldn't just choose some bimbo from five years ago over me, would she?

Faith interrupted my dark thoughts, with a quick kiss; "She'll never be able to replace you, so it doesn't really matter who or what she was to me." Said the girl who couldn't remember. I just nodded and tried not to think about it. She gave me a more serious kiss, and said, "We should probably help Willow take down the rest of the pictures, see if there's anything else of interest in there."

With the three of us working together, we quickly took down the rest of the pictures, went through the desk and filing cabinet. We found more photos, some spell books with lots of information about memory spells, several notebooks detailing the memories Faith was given, and a laptop which Willow will go through. The only thing we didn't find was a note telling us everything we needed to know, but I guess that would have been too easy now wouldn't it.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN - A Council Story

POV Buffy

The next few hours seemed to have flown by, as soon as we got back to the hotel we assembled the troops for some heavy-duty research. Even Faith's mother helped out on the research front, to which Faith seemed utterly indifferent, on the outside. On the inside however, she seemed happy and more than a little shocked her mother was actually here and was willing to help with the research. Did she really think her mother wouldn't come back for her?

Of course she did, family loyalty isn't something Faith knows a lot about at the moment. It still really pisses me off to think that the good guys did this to her, they were supposed to be working on our side. They were supposed to help the slayer save the world, not treat her like she was an inanimate object, like a sword you could use to behead a demon. A sword that you'd just put away and forget about until the next time you needed a demon taken out. It's no wonder slayers never lived that long, they didn't want to. Spike had told me that it's because all slayers have a death wish, they are so obsessed with death and dying that eventually they just give into it. As per usual, Spike was sorta right and mostly wrong. It's not because we're obsessed with death or because we love death; it has more to do with how we are treated. I believe it's because they got tired of being used, tired of not having a life, of never being allowed to actually live.

After a while of just existing like that, it is very easy to lose sight of what you are fighting to save, of who you are fighting to save and most importantly why you are fighting to begin with. And that is the reason Faith took the potentials to the Bronze, it wasn't because she was being irresponsible, it's because she knew what could happen if they were just kept cooped up, constantly being reminded they were going to have to fight, or more than likely die trying. Making them live like that with no reprieve, fuck if I wasn't exactly like the Council.

I also stopped getting close to them because they were more than likely gonna die and there wasn't anything I could really do to prevent it, and I couldn't deal with losing somebody else I cared about. Maybe that's how it happened with the Council too, maybe they just got too close too many times, yeah right, naïve much Buffy. At least I've realized that no matter how much it hurts to lose a potential or how much it will hurt to lose one of the new slayers, it would hurt that girl even more if we didn't get to know her. Faith understood this more than I did, but I guess she would considering the fact that she was once the new slayer who nobody wanted to take the time to get to know. I swear that won't ever happen again cause Faith and I are going to work together, and with our past experiences, we won't let ourselves ever be like the old Council. Unfortunately all the plans we've come up with cost money we don't have right now. Hopefully, Wesley can help us track down the Council's funds, and whatever organization they have left.

We still aren't sure where or what we are gonna be doing, thankfully Giles was just joking about there being a hellmouth in Cleveland. I'm definitely leaning toward New York, cause I'm fairly certain that's where Faith is going to want to go. I'm actually kinda excited about it, New York is really awesome, I've always wanted to go there and hey it's a city so nice they named it twice. Yeah, I'm a dork, whatever. I also know that Willow already has plans to relocate to New York, although she hasn't told me about yet, but I heard her and Kennedy talking about it. And Xander will go where Anya goes, and Anya has to go where Faith goes, so he'll be with us. And if Giles goes back to London, it's a shorter flight from New York than California so he'll be closer, but I am hoping he's going to stay with us. I also think moving will be good for Faith and I too, we can go into a new town with a fresh start, it won't be like Sunnydale. It won't be she's in my town, or I'm in her town, we'll both be in our town.

As we researched I felt really bad for Faith because a lot of the research centered on the memories in her head, none of which were pleasant, happy memories. This really must be her worst nightmare, having everyone find out about her past, complete with all the gory details, and let me just say that whoever came up with these scenarios is one sick and demented bastard. And sure Faith has been told none of those memories are real, but in her head it's still very real, it's still very much a part of her, it still affects her deeply. Everyone in this room has read some of the memories she was given. It certainly didn't help that whenever anybody read those transcripts they would just look over at Faith in absolute shock and horror, which made Faith shift uncomfortably in her seat, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, even me. I could feel how upset she was about it, the depression, the shame, and the utter disgust she felt toward herself about those memories. I just wanted to wrap her up and take her far away from here, far from those awful memories in her head.

I also felt bad for her mother, I can't imagine how hard this is for her, seeing how upset her daughter is and not being able to go to her or comfort her, or just show her that she cares. Even though Faith is happy her mother is here, she is still completely untrusting and suspicious of her, which meant she wouldn't let Rose touch her at all or even get near her. It's like Faith doesn't want to get her hopes up about her mom only to be completely disappointed, so she's keeping her distance. I can certainly understand that because if my father was ever inclined to show up, wanting to participate in Dawn's life, or mine I know I would be acting the same way. But it's not like that's ever likely to happen, he's got a new family now, he doesn't need or care about me at all. And he apparently never even showed up to my funeral, imagine that, my own father couldn't be bothered to even show up then. My friends and Dawn have been really good at keeping that little fact from me, but Spike was only too happy to share that piece of information.

It was getting late, and I had read the same freaking paragraph over like fifty times and still had no idea what it said. Faith had gone up to the room a few minutes before to use the bathroom and hadn't returned yet. I was wondering what was taking her so long when Rose got up and announced she was gonna take off for the night.

Since research wasn't working for me, and I wanted to know why she wasn't waiting for Faith to come back downstairs so she could say goodnight to her, I got up too. I walked her outside, and as we stepped out into the cool night air, I had to ask, "Are you sure you don't wanna wait for Faith to come back down before you leave?"

She chuckled slightly and looked amused, "Faith isn't coming back down...at least not tonight..."

What the hell does that mean? I decide to be a little less confrontational so I ask, "What do you mean?"

"I'm sure she's asleep..." I must have looked confused because she explained further, "My daughter always has a lot of energy, but when that energy runs out, she's done, she'll fall asleep as soon as she stops moving. She's always been that way, when she was little naptime and bedtime were always a problem; her brothers were so much easier. Faith never wanted to sleep; there was always something else she just had to do. Usually she'd just sit quietly and play with her toys for a few minutes and then she'd just fall asleep. My husband and I used to joke that she must have narcolepsy or something because one minute she'd be playing and the next she'd just fall over asleep."

I laughed at that, "Awwww..."

Rose smiled a little as she continued, "I guarantee she's sprawled out on her bed, with her jacket and shoes still on, fast asleep. She probably figured she lay down and just close her eyes for five minutes, and get up again."

Rose paused for a moment losing her smile before she continued, "I'm really worried about her, about how she's gonna handle everything if she gets her memories back. Our family isn't the same as it was five years ago; a lot of things have changed since she's been gone. I just don't know what she'll do when she finds out about..."

She didn't get a chance to finish because Gunn came out and asked, "You ready?"

She smiled at him and replied, "I'm all set..." I looked at her not understanding why she and Gunn were going anywhere together; she must have caught my confused look because she chuckled again. It was so weird to hear that chuckle come from somebody other than Faith, she and her mother don't look a lot alike, but the eyes are the same, and obviously the chuckle. But it was the eyes that had made me realize she was indeed Faith's mother, of that fact I was absolutely certain. Rose explained about her and Gunn leaving together, "Angel seems to think I need a body guard, and since finding out about what goes bump in the night, I have to say, I'm more than happy to accept his offer."

Oh, that makes a lot of sense actually, thank God at least Angel was thinking clearly, it certainly would be fucked up if Rose were to be attacked by vampires cause Faith and I forgot to make sure she got back to her hotel in one piece. I gave her a hug goodbye, partly for her benefit because I'm sure she missed being able to hug her daughter, and partly for mine cause I really missed getting motherly hugs. Somehow I don't think my mom would mind me getting them elsewhere, she'd probably be happy somebody could do it while she couldn't. Rose reminded me to look out for Faith while she was gone. Unfortunately that reminder was about five years too late, and after last night I can't believe she's still trusting me to do that but I pushed the thought aside and promised her I would look after her daughter. I stood and watched Gunn's truck as it drove down the street until I could no longer make it out and then made my way back inside.

I told the gang I was done with research and was gonna head to bed, they all looked at me with smirks, knowing Faith had already gone upstairs and hadn't returned. Xander had to kiss Anya so she wouldn't say out loud what everybody else was thinking. Even Angel was making with the smirk, you'd think he'd be a little jealous or something cause back in Sunnydale he practically had a kitten when he smelled I had been with Spike. And I can't believe I just thought that cause the whole smelling thing is really gross... I just shook my head and continued up the stairs, ignoring all of them and their smirkiness.

I opened the door to our room, yes that's right, our room. As in Faith and I were sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing...all right I gotta stop being a dork even if it is only in my head. Rose was absolutely right, Faith was sprawled out on her side of the bed, jacket and boots still on. She looked so beautiful lying there asleep I just had to stop and watch her.

After a few minutes, I stepped over to the bed; I wanted to at least take off Faith's boots, mainly cause I didn't wanna get accidentally kicked by one as I slept next to her. I got the first one off no problem, but as I was just getting the second one off, she started whimpering in her sleep. I wasn't sure if I should wake her up, so I just sat down next to her and caressed her arm gently, speaking soft soothing words, trying to calm her down instead which seemed to work until I got up and then it started up all over again.

She kept whimpering and then she started crying, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, please stop...please don't do this...I'll be good..."

I stood there for a moment watching, not being able to move, in her restlessness she had rolled onto her side, begging whatever images she had in her mind not to hurt her anymore. I finally broke out my frozen state, I slide onto the bed behind her and put my arm around her and pulled her body close to mine, the crying and whimpering stopped as soon as I laid down. A few minutes later, she slid her arm around mine, keeping me wrapped firmly around her. This so wasn't how I saw this relationship working, whenever I would imagine Faith and I sleeping together, I never imagined that I'd be the one holding her, I always kinda thought she'd be the one to hold me. Not that I'm complaining cause either way there's some holding going on.

The last thing I thought before I drifted off to sleep was that I had forgotten to turn off the light and I was wondering if I'd be able to sleep with it on. I woke up sometime during the night to realize she wasn't in bed with me, she wasn't even in the room and the light had been turned off. I got up slowly, stretching slightly, I noticed the CD player was missing and it didn't take me long to figure out where Faith most likely was...the roof. What is that girl's obsession with rooftops?

I slowly made my way up to the roof, I opened the door and stepped outside, and she wasn't very hard to spot. She had on headphones and the music could be heard blaring out of them as she danced around on the roof, lost in her own little world. I made a mental note not to tap her on the shoulder, remembering what happened last time I did that, I rubbed my jaw absently as I continued to watch her.

I was mesmerized watching her, watching the way she moved her body; the way her movements seemed to just blend with the music. I was so into watching her, thinking thoughts that are probably illegal in about ten different states, I hadn't noticed the vampire that had snuck up behind me. I'm really falling off my game cause he scared the crap out of me when he said, "Hey..."

I nearly fell down as I tried to back away from him, he gently grabbed me to stop me from falling and he joked, "Are you really that afraid to talk to me?"

I quickly disengaged myself from him; I was afraid Faith would turn around and see me hugging Angel. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea I didn't want her to think I still wanted to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I love Angel, I probably always will, but I'm no longer 'in love' with him. I'm not sure that I ever really was 'in love' with him, oh sure I loved the idea of being in love. It was all very much like those trashy romance novels my mom used to read, all star-crossed lovers, and heaving bosoms, which doesn't even grab my attention on soap operas anymore. And truthfully, I cried more over Faith joining the Mayor than I did over Angel leaving, now if that doesn't tell me something, nothing ever will. It felt really awkward all of a sudden and I had to say something, "No...I...uh... guess I didn't hear you come outside..."

"Um, I didn't just come outside, I've been standing next to you for a few minutes now..."

I just look around nervously cause that meant he saw me watching Faith dance, "Oh..."

I got even more nervous when he looked at me seriously and said, "We need to talk Buffy..."

I figured here comes the speech, a thousand reasons why Faith and I will never work out as a couple and how we're crazy to even try it, "Angel...uh...if this is about Faith..."

"We don't need to talk about Faith, she's fine, for now. And just so you know, I don't have a problem with you and Faith getting together, I'm really happy for both of you Buffy, and I know you two will be good for each other. I think you know what we need to talk about. The fact you were in..."

Before he can finish I interrupt because I really don't wanna hear it; I don't wanna be reminded where I was and what happened there. "Look, I'm fine, there's no need to talk about anything...ok?"

I tried to hold his gaze, tried to convey I was really all right and didn't need to talk about anything, but I had to look away. I'm really not good with the whole lying thing.

"Tomorrow morning, 8 am, in the back garden, we'll talk, work out...it will get better Buffy..."

Yeah, of course it will get better cause we're not gonna be talking about anything. "I'm fine Angel, really...I don't need..."

He didn't seem to take 'no' as an answer, he just looked right at me and said, "Please don't make me come looking for you..."

He was seriously starting to piss me off, "I don't need anything...I'm fine. I can handle everything on my own, I don't need anybody..."

He interrupted me, "Yeah, I can see you're all...5 x 5..."

OK, that was low, telling me that I'm acting like Faith, although it does give me an idea, "You know what Angel, I don't think Faith would be too happy about me spending all that time with you..."

From across the roof, a voice said matter-of-factly, "Faith doesn't have a problem with it."

Huh? Uh...how'd she hear that? The music is still blaring out of the headphones, so I have no clue how she heard me. I have no clue how much she heard, and I also wonder if this whole rooftop thing was a set-up. Yeah, I'm a little paranoid, and you know just because you're paranoid doesn't necessarily mean nobody's after you.

Ah crap! I sighed in defeat cause I know this is just hopeless, they'll never give up, I'll never win this argument. Plus I'm sure the rest of the gang would be in full agreement with them so I gave up trying to argue. Of course that didn't mean I was actually gonna cooperate, maybe I could pull off this lying thing after all, "OK, fine...whatever..."

Faith shut the music off and the rooftop became eerily quiet; the only sound that could be heard was Faith sitting down on the picnic table, lighting up a cigarette. Again, I wonder if this is all an elaborate set up, I know it's not, but I do know they've been discussing me, I know they decided Angel should help me. I just don't get why it's him helping me and not her. The smell of the cigarette got to me and even though I had quit, a cigarette seemed like a good idea about now, so I quietly took the pack and the lighter from her as I sat down on the picnic table next to her.

If either one of them were shocked by my lighting up, they didn't say anything about it to me. I had quit smoking, and Spike at the same time, which was only fair cause I started them at the same time. I probably should have done the whole drowning my sorrows thing instead, because maybe that woulda prevented the other two from happening at all, not to mention it would have killed my little hitchhiker buddy. OK, probably shouldn't bring that up again, before I bring dinner up again, cause just thinking about it makes me wanna puke. And I'm sure Angel will not appreciate that, Willow told me that I puked all over him, his bed, and his carpet, I'm actually surprised he's still speaking to me.

I was, at the very least, expecting a lecture about smoking from Angel, but there was none, although maybe that will happen tomorrow, or today in a couple of hours. Or maybe they just realize I'm stressed nearly out of my mind, and I seriously need the distraction. The only thing Angel said was, "Wesley called a little while ago."

Faith asked him, "What did he find out?"

I was still a little freaked out thinking about everything, so Faith quietly started rubbing small circles on my back, which did make me feel a little better. The gesture was not lost on Angel but he didn't say anything, he just smiled at us. God my life just keeps getting weirder and weirder doesn't it? I mean, the three of us sitting here having a civilized conversation? Not to mention the fact, I've dated one of them and am currently dating the other and at the moment she's rubbing my back right in front of him. You'd think there would be some serious hurt feelings going on here, but nope, Angel seems to be genuinely fine with the whole me and Faith thing. It's just really...comfortable, and since when is my life comfortable?

As Angel began his story, Faith and I tried to keep our interruptions to a minimum, no need to drag this story out any more than it needs to be. "It seems the Council went through some serious political upheavals right around the time Buffy became the slayer. It seemed there was a power struggle when the previous head of the Council died abruptly, the struggle ended with Quentin Travers being appointed as head of the Council. Wesley's father, Roger, had also been in the running, and he wasn't so happy with the new leadership. Roger and his cronies thought the Council should revert back to its older traditional ways, mainly treating the slayer like she wasn't anything more than a convenient tool to be used to fight evil as the Council saw fit. He also believed that if a slayer didn't perform up to par, they should be allowed to 'euthanize' them, he also thought that a slayer shouldn't be allowed family, or friends as they would get in the way of the slaying duties. While his ideas were a bit too radical for most Council members, there were some that seemed to buy into his ideas. When the second slayer was activated, the demands for stricter Council control became too much and Quentin caved. He didn't wanna lose the top spot at the Council, so he threw the second slayer to the wolves to protect his job."

I wasn't really too shocked at Quentin actions, he didn't strike me as the stand up type of guy when I met him, either time. I'm kinda surprised the Council never really came after me, then again, they would have had to deal with my Mom, and she could be downright scary at times. Also, Willow, Xander and Giles could be equally scary if I had been threatened in a serious way. I had thought that Wesley's ominous words about not turning my back on the Council, about me not knowing what I was doing was just him trying to save his job. But I guess that was one time Wesley knew more than I did, after all that fucking moron Roger Wyndam-Pryce raised him, believe me when I say if I ever meet that man, it's gonna be hard not to 'euthanize' him.

"Roger didn't oversee the project himself, he appointed, Bernard Crowley and his adopted son, Robin Wood to the project." At hearing his name, Faith and I exchanged a glance but didn't interrupt as Angel continued, "The only guidelines they were given was to make Kendra into the perfect fighting weapon by any means necessary. They used memory spells, brainwashing techniques, their training methods consisted of putting her in a cage with a vampire or demon and making her fight for her life. As if all that wasn't bad enough, they found a way to locate the next slayer, which of course was Faith. They kidnapped her like they had done with other slayers through the years, but when it seemed her disappearance was going to make national news, Roger didn't want to risk getting found out, so he sent the Council's special team to Boston. Where they found a girl about Faith's age, height and weight, and used a glamour to make her look like Faith and then pumped her full of enough heroin to kill her and left her to die."

Oh God, I can't believe they would just kill some poor girl to cover their tracks. How could they do that? I wonder how they picked that girl; I wonder who she was, or how her family must feel horrible wondering what happened to her. I also wonder why Faith isn't shocked the Council would kill, then again, the Council had been willing to kill her so maybe that's why she's not shocked.

Faith looked up at Angel and quietly asked, "Do you know who she was?"

Angel nodded and added, "I had some people from Wolfram & Hart notify the Boston Police of her identity and where to find her. They also managed to arrange it so the police don't need to talk to you about your disappearance or why this girl was buried under your name. Oh, and I used the firm to have your death certificate removed, and insert copies of income tax statements for you for the last five years, as well as a history of withdrawals from your account. If anyone ever asks, you spent the last five years on the island of St. John in the Caribbean living off your trust fund."

Faith asked curiously, "Trust fund?"

"Yeah, your mother has all the information about it when you're ready to deal with all that."

Faith nodded slightly but didn't say anything, so I asked the question instead, "What about the people responsible for murdering that girl? Are they all dead?"

"Everyone involved is now dead, except for this Robin guy and Wesley's dad, but there is absolutely no evidence to connect either of them to the kidnapping nor the murder."

Faith quietly asked, "How's Wes? Finding out all this stuff must be rough on him..."

"He's...pretty upset about it but he's dealing. This whole thing might actually be good for him, he's always kinda been under his dad's control, and finding out about this stuff has enabled him to stand up to him. Especially when Roger announced his intentions on reorganizing the Council, Wesley told him there was no way in hell that would ever happen. He told them that the Council's funds had already been turned over to Giles, you, and Buffy. Roger was told you both know about the memory spells, and if he wanted to discuss any future Council business he'd have to go through you and Buffy, so I don't think he's gonna be a problem anymore."

Faith and I just nodded, I wouldn't have minded putting Roger straight on a few issues personally, but at least Wesley did it. Angel continued telling us about the Council, which I almost would prefer he didn't cause I'm sure we won't like what we hear.

"After they took Faith, they readjusted her memories, and then they stopped Kendra's heart long enough to activate Faith as a slayer. A couple of months later when Kendra died, there was another shake up at the Council when Quentin found out what Roger had done and he used that to oust him from the Council altogether. But Quentin didn't put an end to the project; he kept both Bernard and Robin on board and let them continue their work. Although, he didn't like the fact of two men being the only people around a young slayer, so he sent a female watcher, his own daughter, to be part of the team, and to keep an eye on the situation.

"Everything went well throughout the summer, Faith was making a big dent in the demon/vampire population of St. Louis, and then September came, along with Faith's 18th birthday, when all hell broke loose. Kakistos had been captured by a team from the Watcher's Council and was to be used for Faith's test. Unfortunately, they didn't take into account his crew would be looking to get him back, which they did, and while they were at it they took Faith, Anna and Bernard with them, Robin supposedly barely managed to escape using magic. By the time he notified the Council and they assembled their team, Bernard and Anna were already dead and Faith was on the run with Kakistos following close behind.

"Quentin became irrationally angry at Faith because his daughter died, so he didn't send anyone from the Council to help Faith. Two weeks later when she showed up in Sunnydale, and Kakistos was history, he sent Robin there to continue keeping track of her. He ordered Robin to make sure Faith stayed isolated, and alone, and to put spells on us to make us keep our distance, it seems Quentin wanted Faith to suffer because of Anna. And this is where the Council's records and Robin's records deviate from each other, and from what actually happened.

"Even though Quentin was acting irrationally, he and the others became suspicious of Robin when Gwendolyn Post showed up in Sunnydale. They knew Robin was in Sunnydale, and he knew that Gwendolyn Post wasn't a real Watcher, but he didn't notify them. Then later with the whole Finch situation, Robin never notified the Council then either, Wesley notified them instead, and with Wirth, same thing, Wesley let them know about that too. There is only one thing that happened in Sunnydale that is the same in both accounts. The Council ordered Faith to shoot me with the poisoned arrow, she had no choice in the matter, Robin made her do it. Wesley finally confessed that he knew that fact all along. When he had called the Council about getting the cure, they told him they wouldn't help stop something they had ordered. He was told if he kept quiet about it he might get to keep his job, so he didn't mention it, then he got fired and left town. And by the time he started working for me there really was no reason to mention it. And well, later he was sorta angry at Faith so he didn't mention it then either. It wasn't until he found out about the memory spells that he felt the need to tell me about it."

Faith and I just sat there in stunned silence, I don't know if Wesley mentioning it would have made a difference, it might have but it might not have, cause I remember how angry I was when Faith casually asked if Angel was dead yet. Telling me the Mayor gave her the poison, and I know without a doubt she didn't know about the cure cause she faltered slightly when I casually mentioned it. I never gave a thought about why the Mayor, who cared so much about Faith, would do that to her. And if he could do that to her, then why was he so upset that Faith was hurt, shouldn't he have been expecting that phone call? I'd like to solve the puzzle please; the answer is because it wasn't him.

The Council ordered the use of a poison that only a slayer's blood could cure. What were they playing at? They had to know finding out that fact would make me go after her, was that their plan? To make us fight until there was only one of us left standing. I remember how she wasn't fighting hard, she was holding back, but how she won in spite of that fact, how she held me at the edge of the roof and hesitated. Did she hesitate because they wanted her to? Because that's not how it was supposed to go, I was supposed to win and she was supposed to die.

The small circles have started up again on my back, how is it possible she could care about me after being reminded I tried to kill her? I look up at her and our eyes meet and I have my answer, she cares about me because she loves me. It's kinda scary to look at someone and realize that no matter what you do to them they'll always love you. I could abuse her a thousand different ways and she'd never stop loving me. Having that much power over somebody is thoroughly frightening, and the only reason I could live with it is because she has just as much power over me. My eyes are saying the same things as hers, it doesn't matter what you do to me, I'm always going to love you.

Of course my eyes haven't always said that, cause mostly I tried to pretend my feelings for her didn't exist. How upsetting must that have been? In all her memories, everybody she has tried to love has used that love against her, and abused her with it. And there she was again stuck wanting to love somebody who acted like they could care less, all I can do now is just swear never to let her feel that way again.

It is right at this moment I realize why it's so important that I talk about everything, I can't keep all that pain inside because sooner or later it'll find its way out. And who will bear the brunt of all that pain inside me, Faith will, and she'll put up with it because she loves me. I also realize why it has to be Angel helping me and not Faith. It's because she won't force me to deal with it, she'd try to protect me from it, and wind up being the target. So I guess it's time for me to step up to the plate, deal with everything now, so I won't hurt her later.

I wanted to kiss her so badly right then, but I didn't wanna do it right in front of Angel, but I noticed he had turned his back to us, so I kissed her, slowly, reassuringly. Trying to convey we were gonna be ok, neither one of us would use our love to make the other suffer. And she kissed me back with just as much tenderness and affection, which is something that I wouldn't have thought her capable of just a few weeks ago. When we broke apart she had the softest, sweetest smile on her face and I just wanted to see that over and over again. I gave her my best smile to match hers, and we stayed like that for a few minutes, just sitting and smiling at each other.

Then she called out to Angel, "Ok, you can turn around now, all activities that might cause you to lose your soul have ceased for the moment."

Angel laughed in spite of himself as he turned around to face us again. He shook his head at Faith in a 'what am I gonna do with you' gesture, Faith just shrugged as if to say 'what did I do?'

Angel continued his story, "Anyway, after Faith ended up in a coma, Robin was ordered to report back to Council headquarters, but he failed to show up. So they declared him a rogue and have been looking for him ever since then. And since they had no idea what he had done to Faith, they decided they couldn't trust her so they sent a team to the Sunnydale hospital to take her out, but they weren't able to enter her room in the hospital."

Faith asked, "What do you mean? Who stopped them?"

"Magic stopped them, there was a spell on your room. They couldn't physically get inside the room, they tried to pay off several orderlies to do it, but then the orderlies weren't able to enter the room anymore. The Council assumed Robin had done it, but I don't think so. I think the Mayor was more than likely responsible for that, he would have tried to protect her while she couldn't protect herself. That's pretty much everything the Council had on Faith, once she turned herself in, they stopped trying to kill her, but they monitored her progress carefully, paying off one of the guards to gain information about her. When the First persisted in killing off the potentials, the Council had planned to send a team to the prison to enlist Faith's help and then respond directly to the Hellmouth. But then the entire headquarters blew up, as well as several of their field offices, so they never got the chance to do it.

"Oh, and here's something that's interesting, not sure if it is important, but it is interesting. Throughout its existence, the Watcher's Council was never able to determine who the next slayer would be, they could only find her after she was activated."

I had to jump in because I knew that information was inaccurate, "What a second that's not true. The Council pointed Giles in the direction of a lot of potentials..."

"That's where the interesting part comes in. It seems that once they activated Faith, the Council tried the re-use the spell so that they could find out who the next slayer would be, but when they used the spell they couldn't see the next slayer. They could see hundreds of potential slayers, but they had no idea which one would be the next slayer or even if there would be a new slayer. Quentin and the rest of them believed that by using the spell to find Faith and then activating her the way they did compromised the entire slayer line, and allowed a lot of bad things to happen, like allowing the First gain access to this dimension."

I had to ask, "Huh? I thought the First got into our dimension because I died..."

"It wasn't your death, it was Kendra's because she didn't die in the 'line of duty' like you did, they purposely stopped her heart to activate Faith."

Faith couldn't help adding, "So the Council not only doesn't help us do our job, but they allowed the First to get into our dimension...boy I'm sure gonna miss those guys."

Angel smiled at that and said, "There was even some speculation that Faith might have been the last slayer, although they couldn't actually find that out cause Faith is really hard to kill."

Faith grinned at that, "Yeah, great...you can put that on my headstone. Oh hey, maybe I'm like immortal or something."

Angel added, "Yeah, we could start calling you 'The Immortal', or not cause that name is already taken...

I couldn't help grinning either, "Well I don't know about immortal but she is pretty durable for a slayer, maybe she could teach me that skill..."

"I don't know, the Immortal doesn't tell just anyone, you'd have to be worthy. And well with you dying at the drop of a hat all the time, we'll have to wait and see. Maybe if you go five years without dying again, I'll think about it."

God she's a pain in the ass, but she is a funny pain in the ass, so I just mock scowl at her.

She ignores my scowl and continues, "But seriously, can you both do me a favor?" She paused and waited to make sure she had our full attention before continuing, "Can you two please hold onto your souls for awhile, cause I'm really getting tired of having to track them down for you guys all the time..." Angel and I exchanged a look, and we both starting walking toward the door, Faith didn't take the hint and kept right on talking. "Immortal people have got lots of important things to do ya know, can't always be following you two around, trying to save your souls all the time...."

CHAPTER SIXTEEN - Sorting Things Out

POV Faith

The next morning Buffy and I got up in time for her to meet with Angel, to say that she wasn't looking forward to talking with him was an understatement. You'd have thought she was going off to face a Mexican death squad with the way she looked this morning. It's understandable though, I know exactly how she feels, I wasn't all that thrilled to talk about my life either, but at the time I really needed to, just like she does now. I have to admit it was a lot easier getting her to go than I thought it would be, and maybe it would have been more difficult if we hadn't had that little moment of understanding last night.

At least now she knows why it's so important for her to talk about it, to try to put her past behind her and move on. She's got a lot of issues to work through, father issues, slayer issues, general life issues. She's been blaming everything on being a slayer, even though things were pretty fucked up before she became the slayer. And then on top of all that, there's the fact she literally went to Hell.

It's kinda hard to explain what Hell was really like; you can't describe the magnitude of it to somebody who hasn't been there. The closest explanation is how JK Rowling describes the Dementors in Harry Potter, how they suck everything good out of you; all the peace, happiness and good feelings are replaced by utter darkness and despair. But even that sounds like a picnic compared to what it's really like.

The good news is the longer you are out of there, the more time that passes, the less you remember about it. Angel said that after a while the only thing he remembers about it is he was there and he never wants to go back again.

But enough about that fucked up shit, it's time to get moving, I got some things to do before Buffy finishes with Angel. I want us to do something fun, to get her mind off everything for a little while, so I'm taking her somewhere she hasn't been to in a really long time. Angel took her once, I was a little leery of going there because of that, and because I don't wanna look like an idiot. But a simple phone call should let me know about the idiot part, plus Willow and Dawn thought it was a great idea, so there ya go. And I made sure the others would be joining us at some point during the afternoon, cause they want to spend time with her too.

I made my way downstairs to Angel's office, I didn't think anybody would be using it, seeing as he was outside with Buffy. And even though I wanted to check up on them, to see if everything was going ok, I didn't cause it's probably best if I keep out of it. I also didn't want to see anything that would upset me, I'm kinda working off the principle if I don't see it, I can't get upset about it. I want to trust both of them, but trust doesn't come easy for me, it never really has, so I'll just stick to ignorance and avoidance.

Unfortunately Giles was in the office going through some paperwork, and he was kinda the last person I wanted to run into. Word around the hotel, and by that I mean Anya and Xander told me, he was looking to talk to me. I think I really need to work on my stealth skills cause he caught me as I was trying to casually make a break for it.

"Oh...hello Faith...I was hoping we could talk about a few things..."

I decided to play it cool, get him out of the office in the hopes I could make a quick getaway after. "Um...ok. But do you think I could use the phone real quick first, I kinda gotta make a call."

He looked like he didn't want to leave, not sure if he was just worried I'd mess up his paperwork or if he was afraid I wouldn't be here when he got back. But he finally gave in, "Sure, I'll just, uh, go get some more tea, would you like me to bring you back anything?"

I wasn't expecting that, but I quickly covered, "Uh, no...I'm good. Thanks..."

Yep, that's right Giles, you just go to the kitchen, don't you worry about me. I tried to look sincere, even smiled at him as he made his way out of the door.

I closed the door behind him, I was nervous enough about calling; I didn't need an audience. I quickly sat down at the desk and took the number out of my pocket and dialed.

"Good morning, thank you for calling the Century Wilshire Hotel and Suites, my name is Russ, how may I help you?"

"Room 312."

"Thank you, please hold."

Oh great, the muzak version of the 'Light My Fire' by the Doors, could this morning get any worse?

"Hello?"

"Hey...um...Mom?"

I could hear her laugh slightly on the other end of the phone, "You can question it all you want to Faith, it won't change the facts."

"Oh great...sarcasm, do you really think that's the way to go?"

She laughed again, but this time so did I, at least this mother has a sense of humor and hasn't once sent me to fetch her a beer, so go me.

"I assume you're calling because you need something..."

OK, are mothers always this scary with their intuition? "No...I...you know I could just be calling to say good morning to my dear sweet mother..."

"Well that settles it, now I'm even more convinced you need something."

"Ok, Ok, you're right, I am calling because I need to ask you something..."

"No, you can't get a tattoo..."

I seriously wasn't expecting that and laughed, "Yeah, you're a little too late on that one. And how did I get a tattoo anyway? Seriously, what kind of mother lets her underage daughter get a tattoo? That's gonna cost you valuable good parenting points ya know..."

I was worried that perhaps I went too far, I know I meant it as a joke, but maybe she doesn't. But it doesn't seem to bother her as she answers me.

"Well, first of all, I wouldn't use the word 'let'. Second of all, it wasn't just you, you and your older brothers all came back from a 'road trip' to New York City with them, and before you ask, no, none of you had permission for that either."

"Now that sounds like an interesting story."

"Yes it was, and so was the two month punishment you got for it."

"Two months? That's kinda harsh don't ya think?"

She laughed again, "You said that then too. So what was it you wanted to know?"

"Oh...um...I know this might sound weird, than again it's not nearly as weird as you telling me I'm gay, but...um do I know how to ice skate?"

"Yes, you do know how to ice skate, as a matter of fact you actually took figure skating lessons."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

I took figure skating lessons? What kinda geek girl was I? Great, now I want to kick my own ass. "Oh, that's...good cause I'm taking Buffy ice-skating this afternoon. I kinda wanted to make sure I wouldn't look stupid or something."

"Ah...now I understand. So is this like the first date?"

I don't know why I felt so comfortable with her on the phone, especially when it feels like anything but comfortable in person. But it did feel really comfortable, so I kept talking to her, forgetting about trying to get away from Giles for the moment. "Yeah kinda, I guess it could be considered our first official date."

"Are you nervous?"

"Extremely...I think the butterflies in my stomach had kittens or something, kinda crazy huh?"

"No, it's just...it's normal Faith, everybody gets nervous before a first date. I bet Buffy is nervous too."

"No, she's not. She doesn't know about it yet, it's kinda like a surprise date, she's having a rough time lately so I thought it would be cool to surprise her with it. And then everybody else is gonna meet up with us around 3:30, if you wanted to...um stop by, we're...uh going to the Culver Ice Rink."

Now I'm even more nervous, not sure if I want her to say yes or no here. God, I'm so freaking retarded, of course she's gonna say no, it was stupid to even ask her. I'm sure she's got better things to do than to hang out and watch us ice skate. I'm such a freaking idiot sometimes I even surprise myself.

"Sure, I'd love to stop by."

Huh? What happened? "Ok, so...I guess I'll see you then?"

"Yes...have fun sweetheart, I'm sure you'll be fine..."

Again I say, huh? "O-Ok...bye..."

After I hung up the phone I just sat there, I'm kinda stunned she called me 'sweetheart', even more stunned she said she'd love to stop by. Great now what am I gonna do? She's gonna be bored out of her mind, sitting there all alone with nobody to talk to cause we'll all be skating, or trying to. The soft knock on the door gives me an idea; and since I'm gonna be stuck talking to him anyway, might as well use the opportunity to rope him into coming with us. It will be good; they can sit and chat about, uh, whatever British types chat about, maybe they can compare notes about tea brands or something.

I take a deep breath as he opens the door slowly and sees me sitting behind the desk, "Oh...you are still here..." Gotta give Giles some credit there, he knew I was planning on ditching the chat session. He looks almost confused until he notices the large smile on my face and he says, "I should be worried shouldn't I?"

I continue smiling, "Very..."

He closes the door behind him and comes all the way over to the desk, setting his tea down before taking off his glasses to clean them in the trademark Giles way. "Ok?"

Guess that's my cue, "Well, ya see, I'm kinda taking Buffy out this afternoon ice skating and, everybody else is gonna join us later and I sorta invited my mom, I don't know why I did that but I did and she said she'd come but I don't want her sitting there all by herself bored out of her mind so I was wondering if you'd come too cause that way she has somebody to talk to, and..."

I finally make myself stop so I can catch my breath, where the hell did all that come from. Maybe hanging out with Buffy and Willow isn't such a good idea, cause since when do I babble? Giles looks like he'd rather face a horde of horny demons than come with us. Horny as in they have horns not the other one, or actually I'm sure he wouldn't want to face a horde of either one now that I think about.

Giles isn't saying anything, just vigorously cleaning his glasses, I'm a little worried he'll say no, so I ask as sweetly as I possibly can, "Please Giles?"

"Oh all right, I'll be there this afternoon, but only if you agree to sit and talk with me now..." I was about to agree, but he held up his hand to stop me and added, "However, no topic is off limits..."

I wonder about all the topics I would consider off limits, there are quite a few of them, but I'm thinking this off limits stuff is most likely about Buffy. It might be a good thing to get it all out in the open, get that conversation over with. I can also work the no off limits clause to my advantage as well.

"OK, deal cause I want to talk to you about stuff too and the no off limits stuff might come in handy."

"Good...I...uh...what?" I just give him a take it or leave it look and he sighs, "Fine...fine..."

I take a moment to think about how to word this without coming off like well...me. "You're gonna come with us right? This new organization for the newbies, you're gonna be a part of it right?"

"I...uh...well, I haven't really given it a lot of thought."

Yeah, sure he hasn't, I know he's got some sort of idea what he's gonna do, he's not one to live all spur of the moment is he? I give him a look that clearly says 'I don't believe this bullshit.'

"All right, yes, I have given it some thought, I'm probably not going to be involved."

"So you're just gonna go running back to England?"

He sighs again, "Faith...I'm not running anywhere. I-I've got a life in England and I would like to get back to it, and..."

"Oh please Giles, I'm not buying it. What did you do in England? Sit around reading books, drinking tea, feeling lonely?"

He doesn't make eye contact and sighs and I know I was right, he had no life back in England, he missed them just as much as they missed him. Man these people really do need me, they need me to cut through all the bullshit and find the happy. There will be no moping while I'm around.

"You should be where you're needed, and you're needed right there with them. Don't you get it Giles, you are the only positive father figure those four have ever had, they look up to you, they need you. Buffy needs you..."

"Buffy doesn't need me..."

"Yes, she does Giles. Don't buy into all the bullshit she was spewing back in Sunnydale, she wants you to stick around. She'd never ask you to stay, but believe me she wants you to. Like it or not Giles, you're like a father to her, much better than her own who couldn't even be bothered to come to her funeral."

He looks shocked, "She...how do you know about that?"

"I know because she told me, she's known for a long time..."

"How? Who would have..."

"I'll give you one guess..."

He says the name with disdain, "Spike...of course. I should have known he wouldn't keep quiet about it. If he wasn't..."

"Yeah, well, if he wasn't dead already, I'd be looking to stake his sorry ass too...if ya know one of the others hadn't already."

He laughed slightly, I'm not sure if he knows how much truth was in my last statement. Some of the girls really did have plans to stake him after everything was over. Ok, most of them probably wouldn't have done it, but there was one in particular who I believe would have, and that girl just might share her name with a famous family from Massachusetts. But I ain't one to gossip so you didn't hear that from me.

"And you know, Willow might be impressive with the magics and the books and stuff, but she's not you. She doesn't have the experience nor the training that you do, so get over yourself and just come with us."

"Faith it's not that easy..."

"Yes, it is, you just get on the same plane we do, you find a place to live around where we do and you show up everyday and be the young, cute ex-librarian we all know and love."

He blushed and smiled, I knew that would get him. He's still a sucker for the young and cute line.

"Ok...I'll come with everyone for a little while, help get things up and running, but I'm not promising I'm going to stay."

"That's good enough for now."

He turned a little more serious, "You...really care about her?"

I nod and add, "I more than care about her. You know...I...It won't be like before, I won't..."

"I know you won't Faith. But I am curious to know why you stayed in prison after you found out the man you were convicted of murdering was alive and well?"

Damn, my turn on the hot seat. "I...I stayed for a couple of reasons, I needed to get over the things that happened to me. I just...I couldn't handle slaying anymore. And there was no way I could afford all the help I needed, and I needed to be where I couldn't go out slaying. Angel said that I could stay with him, but if I was with him, I woulda helped him and that wouldn't have helped me. It just...it was the best option available to me at that time and after I was inside it was just easier to stay there. So I tried to get everything out of it that I could and basically for the last few months I've just been hiding in there. Angel had been bugging me to admit that I was done, I was ready to move on but I still wasn't convinced until Wesley told me Angelus was back and I knew ready or not I had to help him."

He smiled warmly at me, "That's pretty much what Angel told me, but I wanted to hear it from you. You have a lot to be proud of Faith, and I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that. I know you may not want to hear it right now, but I am truly sorry I wasn't a better Watcher to you. If it hadn't been for that spell I'd like to think I would have done a better job. And if I had known any of the things the Council was doing to you I would have done my utmost to put a stop to it."

There are a lot of things I thought about saying to him, but I settled on just saying, "Thanks...

He nodded in acknowledgement but changed the subject. "I also wanted to let you know that between Willow, Fred and I, we have managed to design a spell that will unlock your memories. It's fairly innocuous; there might be some mild dizziness, but that's it. So now it's up to you, when do you want to do it?"

I can feel the panic starting already; I'm not ready for this. I know my mother seems like a nice person, but I don't know. I mean I know it's something that I should really want, but actually doing it? And the whole magic thing kinda freaks me a little, not the actual magic, just the part that gets all fucked up and comes out wrong. What if it doesn't work, what if I don't remember anything? Then again, what if I do, and it's bad? And what do I do when memories I think are made up turn out to be real? I hate hearing the panic in my voice as I answer him; "I don't want to do it, I-I'm just not ready..."

He didn't seem surprised; he didn't even argue about it, which kinda surprised me. He just asked, "When do you think you'll be ready?"

"I don't...I don't know Giles, next week? Next year? Maybe never? I don't..."

"It's ok, Faith. Nobody is going to force you to do something you don't want to do. When you're ready, just let me know."

I really want to get away; I feel so very trapped right now. God I wish Angel was here doing this and not Giles; cause Angel understands me, he gets me. He always knows exactly what to say to me, he could make this seem like no big deal.

I'm hoping Giles is all talked out, "Is that it?"

"Um...no, not quite, I also wanted to talk to you about Anna Travers..."

And the hits just keep on coming. "It's ancient history..."

"Nothing off limits..." I just sigh cause I knew he was gonna say that, and then he says, "I just...I knew her..."

Oh shit, here we go. "I'm sorry Giles..."

"Don't be...she was a real...bitch."

I never heard Giles talk about somebody like that, but I thought he was testing me, so I didn't take the bait. "Yeah, she had her moments..."

"Quentin never should have sent her to anyone, she failed the entrance examination into the Watcher's program several times. I didn't know she was your watcher until last night, they never told me her name, now I understand why. Do you still blame yourself for her death?"

Swing and a miss for the watcher...guess I should just explain this and get it over with, "I don't blame myself for her death, I never did."

Now Giles looks confused. I guess he thought he had me all figured out, he's not the first person to get it twisted. Everybody always assumes I loved my watcher, they assumed I would blame myself for what happened to her, like she was something I didn't want to lose. But she was really nasty and mean, and those were her most likeable personality traits.

"I hated her Giles. I wanna her gone in the worst possible way, of course that doesn't mean I wouldn't have saved her if I could have, and it didn't mean I wanted her to suffer like she did, but I didn't mourn that loss. I think that's what upset me the most about it was that she died, I watched it all and a part of me didn't care. I wanted to, I thought I should have cared but I just couldn't get past the things she said and did to me."

He prompts me quietly, "What did she do to you?"

"Are we really going to do this now, after all this time? Look Giles, I don't need to talk about her; all my issues with her are long since over. It's a dead issue...literally." I looked up at Giles and he didn't seem to be buying it, I could tell he was three seconds away from reminding me again how I agreed to a 'nothing off limits' discussion with him, so I kept talking. "I wanted to finish high school, I wasn't aware I had already graduated, but I asked her if I could go back. I thought I only had like 5 credits left to get, but she just laughed at me. Told me I wasn't going to live long enough for a high school diploma to make a difference. She followed that up by telling me I probably wasn't smart enough to finish anyway. And for the finale she told me it was strictly prohibited for a slayer to attend school anyway. Imagine my surprise when I got to Sunnydale and saw Buffy still attending school, kinda pissed me off."

"I can imagine how difficult that must have been..."

"Yeah, thanks..."

I let out a long sigh, I know I could just get up and walk out, he wouldn't stop me, he'd let me leave. I even know he'd still show up this afternoon. But I did agree to this so I'll stay and answer his questions. I understand he's not doing this for his benefit, he's doing it for mine. I'm mostly over this stuff, but going through it is just...really painful; I know now that I had no control over the situation. There was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to Michael. I sorta lied to Buffy, telling her I never had any friends or buddies, I did have one, I had Mikey, of course in the end, he wound up hating me, wishing he had never met me. I'm thinking that negates the whole being friends thing, which means I didn't really lie all that much.

I had met him in St. Louis, every night I'd blow off an hour or two of patrolling time to hang out at this club, The Complex. Yeah, some things are the same no matter where you go, but I wanted to be around kids my own age. I just wanted to fit in somewhere, I always feel like such an outsider to everything, I was never like other kids. Nobody ever taught me to ride a bike, or to play board games, or read to me, or well you get the idea. I'd go and hang out and while I hardly talked to any of them, for a little while I could pretend that I knew them all, that I was just like them.

Then came Mikeyboy, he was totally gay, but a really good dancer, after a few nights of dancing together we kinda started talking, starting hanging out. He felt like an outsider too, although he told me it didn't bother him one bit, he liked being different. We hung out for weeks at the club, he eventually followed me, he got tired of my whole 'I'm mysterious, don't ask a lot of questions' bit and wound up needing to be saved from some vamps. After that he wanted to come patrolling with me. I didn't really see the harm, he told me he was gonna be following me anyhow so I figured I might as well enjoy his company ya know. Also if he was with me I could keep an eye on him, make sure the vamps didn't get to him. He was just 14, but he seemed a lot older sometimes. Guess he got that from being on the run from his family, he had to learn to take care of himself. He told me the reason he left was because his stepfather pulled a gun on him and pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed and he was able to get away.

Unfortunately, Anna somehow found out about us hanging out, and since friends are strictly prohibited for slayers who aren't named Buffy Summers, the bitch called the cops who immediately picked him up and called his family. By the time I found out he was already in custody, but they let me talk to him for a few minutes and I really wish they hadn't because he was pissed at me. He blamed me for getting caught, apparently they told him I ratted on him. He told me his stepfather was going to kill him and it would be my fault. And he wasn't kidding either because Michael never made it out of St. Louis alive. His step-dad came to pick him up and when they got outside he fucking shot him. Anna was only too happy to let me know about it, after that I stopped giving a shit because it hurt too much. It wasn't like I stopped caring all at once, everything that happened cause me to lose another part of myself, until one day I looked in the mirror and I had no idea who I was anymore.

I was lost in my own thoughts, I almost missed it when Giles prompted me, "Faith?"

I wiped away the tears quickly, not really caring if he saw them or not, "Sorry...I was just...thinking about this kid I used to know..."

"He didn't exist Faith."

"Huh?"

"Your friend, Michael, he didn't exist. He's just a memory they gave you."

Suddenly I understand the reason for this whole conversation, Giles didn't give up on the spell, he just wanted me to realize on my own why I should want to do it. I can't believe I let Giles play me like that, I can't believe I've spent the last five years remembering shit that didn't happen. What a fucking joke...I got therapy for shit that never happened. Boy I'm really glad I didn't actually pay for it because then I'd be pissed.

I might not be all that enthusiastic about the family issues, but I can't keep wondering which memory is real and which isn't. I have to put my reservations about it aside and just do it, after all fortune favors the brave.

I take a deep breath and tell him exactly what he wants to hear. "How soon will the spell be ready?"

"We'll probably have it all ready to go sometime this afternoon."

"Fine. We can do it tomorrow."

I got up and walked out of the office, whether we were done talking or not, I had enough for now. I wanted some time to deal with all that shit, I really wanted to talk to Angel but he was with Buffy and she needed him more than I did. In the lobby both Dawn and Willow were waiting for me. I was going to tell them to go without me, but Dawn looked so excited to be going to the mall with me, I just couldn't do it, I didn't wanna break my promise to her. She's had enough disappointment in her short life I couldn't bear to add to it. So I pushed all that crap to the back of my mind, put on a happy face and went shopping.

In search of ice skates for Buffy cause apparently she wants a special kind of ice skate. Yeah, of course the princess needs some sort of special skates. I swear one of these days I'm gonna put a pea under the mattress just to check and see if she can feel it. I'd bet the trust fund, she'd at least be uncomfortable.

I'm not really upset with Buffy, and I shouldn't take it out on her, she didn't do anything wrong, it's just because I really wanted to talk to Angel. But come on, she really does act like a princess sometimes, doesn't she?

After the whole mall thing, Willow and Dawn took off for the Starbucks down the street, mumbling something about Iced Caramel Macchiatos, whatever the fuck that is, I'm guessing it's something loaded with sugar and coffee so I jumped all over that. Unfortunately, I had to play the mommy and dole out some more cash to buy Macchiatos for the kid, Willow, me and surprise surprise the princess.

As I walked inside the hotel still grumbling about her being a princess, I saw Buffy walking down the stairs. She must have just finished taking a shower cause she looked all clean and shiny with her hair up in a ponytail. I took one look at her and stopped in my tracks because she looked very much like every princess in every fairy tale I ever heard about or read. When she noticed me standing at the bottom of the stairs she gave me this really huge smile, it's kinda weird to realize that smile is just for me. She's happy to see me, damn I feel like I've waited forever for her to look at me that way.

But I'm way too cool to tell her everything going through my mind whenever I look at her. "Hey baby..."

She stopped a few mere inches away from me, still smiling, "I think you owe me something?"

I almost forgot I had to promise her lots of hugs in return for her talking to Angel. Did I mention she's a really bad negotiator? I gave her a hug and a long, lingering kiss, then promptly said, "Mmm...I really love the smell of Pantene."

Her eyes widened in fake surprise, "What a coincidence, so do I. And it's been like forever since I've been able to use it. Do you have any idea how much a house full of teenagers costs to feed? I was never so relived when the owner's of the grocery store left town and the grocery store became free. Of course by the time I got there all the Pantene was gone as well as most of the other good stuff. And you know I think the Bringer's stole all the Häagen-Dazs and that's just plain evil."

I just smile at her; I could listen to her talk about nothing all fucking day. Anybody else I'd be like, I gotta go, but her, she's so freaking cute sometimes. I'm glad she's feeling better now, she's not as disjointed as she has been since finding out about being in Hell.

She realizes she was in full on babble mode, stops, looks a little embarrassed, "So, uh, anyway, where were you coming from?"

"I can't tell you. That information is classified, top secret. As are the plans I have for us this afternoon."

She smiles really big again as she asks, "Plans? There's plans?" I just nod in confirmation and she says, "Would that plan include some kind of caramel macchiato?"

"No...and what is the obsession with this macchiato thing anyway? What the fuck is it?"

"The Carmel Macchiato is only the best thing like ever. It's espresso shots and caramel in a bath of cool comforting milk which all fuse together to create a cup of absolute deliciousness."

"What do you work for Starbucks now?"

"No, I just go there..." I give her a look, and she admits, "um...a lot. You never had one?"

"Oh, of course I did, didn't I tell you about Macchiato Thursdays at the prison?"

She looks at me with confusion, "They have macchiato's in prison?"

I sigh, shake my head and say, "You're a real blonde aren't you?"

She gives me a scowl, "Hey!!! You know what, keep it up and you ain't getting any..."

Have I mentioned how much I like this girl? Trying to cut me off before I've even gotten any, isn't she just the cutest. "I ain't getting any now."

"Well that's not my fault sleepyhead."

I figured that was my cue, cause I ain't sleepy now so I started pushing her back up the stairs, making sure to kiss her with every step we take up the stairway. Then the Macchiato's arrived, I almost ended up in a heap on the stairs as she ducked out of my arms and took off down the stairs. Damn...tossed over for iced espresso shots, I don't know if my ego can handle that.

I came back down the stairs and she came bouncing back over to me, yes, she was literally bouncing, telling me to drink up.

I took a sip and could feel the rush of the caffeine and sugar hit my system, "Holy shit! This is gonna keep me awake for like a week."

Buffy gave me a wicked grin as her eyes traveled up and down my body, "That's what I'm hoping..." I was momentarily stunned, she doesn't usually make comments like that, that's usually my job, and where'd she learn to look like that. I think I now know how gazelle's feel right before the hungry lions pounce them on. I'm really not used to feeling like the prey, usually I'm the predator, but the thought doesn't freak me like it would if that look would have come from anybody else. I don't have time to make any additional comments cause she just kept right on going, "So, what are the plans? Where are we going? When do we leave? Can we go now? Tell me, tell me, tell me..."

She's all giddy and shit and I don't think it's possible for me not to love this girl. I took her by the hand and starting walking us toward the door. We both yelled our good-byes as we stepped outside.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – Up in Smoke

POV Buffy

How is it possible that I could have one of the greatest days of my life yesterday and feel like total crap today?

We were hanging around waiting for the finishing touches on the spell they were about to do on Faith. I'm not sure what they were doing but why does magic always involve burning something that smells really bad? It's like a rule or something, if it stinks, then it's probably magical.

Faith was completely tense and anxious, and I was too, but my fear was more about losing her than about the spell. It's probably irrational to feel that way; she's done so much to prove her love for me. The girl freaking saved my soul for chrissakes, how does a person say thank you for that? I'm pretty sure it's not by doubting them, I really should have more confidence in her. She is turning out to be more than I ever thought she could be, which kinda scares me a little.

Sure I know I should just be happy, she's everything I ever wanted, she could give me everything I need in life, but what if she leaves? What if she doesn't need or want me as much as I need and want her? I know she wants me now, but there might come a day when she doesn't feel that way anymore, and where would I be then? I'm trying hard not to be that way, not to think that way, but I don't know it's like I can't stop it. None of my relationships ever work out so what makes me think this will be any different? I know it's stupid, I hate my brain sometimes, it doesn't know when to shut up.

And Faith gave me such a wonderful day yesterday; I hadn't been ice skating in like six years. I made her promise to take me skating in Rockefeller Center when the Christmas tree is there. I've always wanted to do that ever since I can remember.

I really missed ice-skating, and I had wanted to start skating regularly again, but money was really tight. I was barely able to afford to keep the freaking house, and any left over money was spent either paying Giles back or fixing the house from the latest demon disaster that struck. And of course there were things that Dawn needed to have, needless to say that meant a lot of economizing and me learning to do without the things I wanted.

Like the last time Dawn and I were at the mall, she needed a new pair of sneakers and I saw the ice skate display, I really wanted to buy a new pair, mine were ruined from being in the basement. They kinda got soaked when the basement got flooded then came the mold and a trip to the garbage can.

Dawn kept telling me I should buy them, she said she didn't really need new sneakers but I think she was just trying to get out of going to gym class. Actually that's not true, she was saying it because she wanted me to have something I wanted for a change, have I mentioned what a great kid she is? Probably not. But she is a great kid, she loves me so much and all I seem to do is mess things up. I've tried so hard to be there for her, to be somebody she can rely on, but I always screw things up when it comes to her. I've made so many mistakes, there were so many times when I just wasn't there. The only person since Mom who was really there for her was Tara and then to have her taken away too, it's too much. But maybe now that Faith is here…maybe together we can give her everything she needs and deserves.

Anyway, I bought her the sneakers and forgot all about the skates, but apparently Dawn didn't. And when Faith mentioned she was thinking of taking me skating, Dawn told her about the skates I had wanted and Faith bought them for me. How sweet is that? Dawn and Faith teaming up to buy me stuff. I think I could get used to that kind of attention.

But back to yesterday, it was so much fun, we skated, and Faith is really good at it. I didn't understand why until later when her mom let it slip she took figure skating lessons; Faith looked completely horrified that information got out which was pretty funny. The only person who didn't know how to ice skate was Anya, which was also funny. It didn't start out that way, Anya tried skating for all of five minutes and when she fell down for the tenth time she started complaining and telling Xander they had to leave. And Xander was about to cave in to her wishes as usual, but then Faith intervened, she kept pulling Xander back out on the ice and kept flirting with him, which pissed off Anya to no end. I have to admit it wasn't making me too happy either, but Willow and Dawn pointed out that Faith was only flirting for the greater good and I didn't wanna be all crazy jealous like some people.

Anya chased after them, forgetting all about the ice and the skates and before you knew it, Anya was skating around pretty good for a beginner; she even managed to stop glaring at Faith after a while. And Rose managed to harass Giles into skating as well, it was just really great to have everyone together without there being a world ending event, or something demon or vamp-related to spoil everything.

Even my talk with Angel yesterday made me feel really good, we don't have a lot of time to discuss everything, but he wanted to get me started. He told me that Giles had arranged to have an old friend of his come to work with us. Giles thought it would be a good idea to have a licensed therapist available for the new slayers, as well as Faith and I, and even Willow. I was seriously considering talking to her; although I hadn't had a lot of good experiences with therapists in the past. The high school psychologist seemed like he could have helped me but then he got killed. But this woman would be different, she knows all about slayers, and magic and stuff, we could be free to talk about it without worrying about being sent away to the nut hut.

But for as good as I felt yesterday, today I felt really bad. Some of the bad feelings were because of the spell, but a lot of it had to do with my conversation with Angel this morning. It stirred up a lot of things I would have preferred to keep buried. Today we talked a lot about my father and how my fucked up relationship with him is the cause of most of my problems.

Angel told me about his father and how those issues don't go away by themselves, no matter how long you've been alive. I think his dad and mine probably have a lot in common. It was hard to admit to him that my dad abused me, not like how Faith thought she was abused, thank God, but there was a fair amount of psychological abuse. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him, and he never held back on letting me know it. Whenever something wasn't to his liking, he'd just look at me with such disappointment in his eyes, like I had let him down. And I would try so hard to please him, just once it would have been nice for him to say it didn't matter, that he loved me anyway.

And then came all the slayer related bullshit and I know that being a slayer didn't cause all my problems, but it definitely didn't help. A lot of things happened in LA and I just couldn't handle it. My Watcher was killed, my friends stopped talking to me, I got kicked out of school and my parents were fighting like all the time. One night I just had enough, I went into the bathroom and sliced up the length of both my arms with a razor blade. My mom didn't even know I was home, she walked in and there I was on the floor covered in blood, needless to say she freaked out and had me taken to the hospital. The psychologist at the hospital labeled it a 'cry for help' not an actual suicide attempt because by the time I got to the hospital my arms were mostly healed, it didn't even leave a scar.

I was only supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days, but when I tried to tell them everything, I soon found out I would be there for a lot longer. After a month I finally convinced them that I no longer believed vampires were out to 'get' me. And I had very nearly convinced myself too until I got to Sunnydale.

This was also when my relationship with my father changed dramatically, he finally stopped telling me everything I did was wrong. His solution was to just stop talking to me altogether, I guess he figured if he ignored the problem I would go away. He never once came to see me in the hospital; my mom was the only person to ever visit me there. When I got out of the hospital I found out my parents were getting a divorce and we were going to have to move.

The last time I saw my dad, it was my 17th birthday and he took me to the Ice Capades as usual, but it was horrible because he spent the entire time we were together on his cell phone, stopping every few seconds to check his watch impatiently. I felt so horrible, like such a burden I told him I was sick and wanted to go home after only an hour. And my next birthday he didn't even bother to show up or even call, he did send me a card with money in it about a month after my birthday and that was pretty much the last time I had any contact with him.

A couple of months ago I found out he remarried and I now have two half brothers that I've never met and most likely won't ever meet. I'm sure they know nothing about me or Dawn for that matter. It doesn't seem to bother Dawn all that much, she had told Tara and Willow that she doesn't care about him, she says she refuses to feel bad about being ignored by somebody she's never really met.

I guess I should pay attention, seems like we're finally about ready to start. Faith asked me to wish her luck and I did, I gave her a kiss and told her to stop worrying everything would be fine. When they were ready to perform the spell, they put Faith under some sort of light hypnosis, once the spell was over she'd wake up and she'd remember everything. Sounds a little too easy right? That's because nothing ever works out like it should and this was no exception.

Everything seemed to be going well, until Faith woke back up, at first she seemed fine. She told us she didn't remember anything, but she felt ok, a little thirsty but otherwise good. She got up and I handed her a bottle of water, she drank most of the water in one shot and then all hell broke loose. Not literally of course, cause that I could have actually dealt with. She suddenly dropped the water and fell on the floor clutching her head in pain. I can't imagine how much it hurt her because even I felt it. The pain was so bad in my head, I almost fell to the floor as well, I watched Angel immediately go to her, trying to help her. He hadn't even looked in my direction, he was solely focused on helping Faith. When the pain finally subsided, I was able to walk over to them as Faith tried to sit up; she looked at Angel, then at me. I felt panic and fear go through her as she scrambled back away from us quickly, saying, "Get away…don't touch me…" I was stunned at first, not understanding what was wrong, so I walked toward her, she had literally backed herself into the corner and when she realized it, her eyes went wide with alarm, and she was shaking as she looked back and forth from my hand to my face. She started crying and begging me, "Please don't kill me…"

The utter panic and absolute fear in her eyes made me feel like I had been punched in the stomach. I felt like I couldn't breathe, she was terrified that I was going to hurt her. A flash of memory went through my head. I'm showing her the knife telling her she's about to get it back. She kept staring at my hand like it still held the knife from that awful night four years ago. It was ironic the reason we fought that night was the very person who was desperately trying to reach her now.

Angel moved closer and tried to calm her down, it took a moment for her to realize he was there. She looked at him and she whispered, "I'm sorry…I-I didn't mean…"

He held her stare, reaching out to touch her as he whispered, "Shh… it's ok, I forgive you Faith, remember?"

She shook her head, "No…I'm just…I'm sorry…" She started crying, "I don't want to die, please…" She started sobbing harder as she begged him, "Help me?"

Before he could answer her another bolt of pain went through her and she fell back onto the floor crying out in pain as she was writhing around on the floor. The pain in my head was so intense, as were all the emotions I was feeling from her, it was so bad I fell back onto the couch. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't move, every time I tried the pain in my head would stop me. Angel moved her out of the corner so she wouldn't hurt herself; he started rubbing her arm, telling her he wouldn't let anybody hurt her.

Her mother picked that exact moment to show up. She breezed into the room quickly, apologizing, "Sorry I'm late, I got stuck at the conference and…"

The pain had hit us quickly and left the same way. Her mother saw Faith on the ground, Angel trying to help her sit up now that the pain had passed, Rose looked around the room, taking in the fact that I was just sitting on the couch and Willow and Giles were there with me. Angel was the only one currently doing anything to help her daughter, I swear I think I saw a flash of anger in her eyes as she looked at me before she turned her attention to Faith. I'm sure it must have looked bad from her point of view, I'm sure it looked like nobody but Angel cared about what was happening to Faith.

Rose slowly made her way closer to her daughter and called her name. "Faith?" Faith didn't answer her; I don't know if she even heard her. She was breathing raggedly, struggling to catch her breath from the latest bought with the pain. Angel was right there with her, talking softly, telling her she was going to be ok. He nodded for Rose to come closer and she knelt down next to her, put her hand on her arm and called her name again, "Faith?"

Faith finally seemed to notice somebody else was there, she looked up at her mother, comprehension slowly dawning on her and she asked softly, "Mom?"

"That's right sweetheart…"

"Oh God…"

She totally lost it again and just starting crying and her mother put her arms around her and held her. They were both crying now and I wanted to feel happy that Faith remembered her mother, but all I felt was bitter disappointment. Faith wouldn't let me near her; she was scared I was going to hurt her again. All the doubts and insecurities I ever had about Faith and I came rushing back to me, nagging me, pointing out that all I ever do is hurt the people who love me. It reminded me how I killed Angel, stabbed Faith, just plain ignored Riley and sent Spike to his death in the Hellmouth.

I watched as her mother quietly whispered to her, "It's ok, I'm here, you're ok…"

I heard Faith say between sobs, "I-I wanna go home…"

"Ok, honey, we'll go home soon, I promise…" Her mother looked over at Angel and didn't ask, she told him, "I'm taking her with me." I wanted Angel to argue with her, to tell her no she couldn't take Faith with her, Faith had to stay here, but he just nodded in agreement. I figured I would have to be the one to say something to stop this, but I had only opened my mouth to speak when her mother continued, "She needs to be with me right now."

I just closed my mouth and didn't try to say anything else. For a brief moment I wondered if letting her go would be the best thing I could do for her, just let her go before I could hurt her anymore. Angel got up and looked over at Gunn who had come in after Rose, Angel didn't even ask, Gunn just nodded, "I can take them."

Angel helped Rose and Faith up off the floor and walked them out of the room. I just sat there like a jerk, not saying anything while her mother took her away. Faith had stopped crying but she didn't look at any of us, she didn't say anything, and neither did her mother, they just left without a word or a second glance.

Willow and Giles tried to talk to me, they tried to make the situation seem bearable, but I wasn't even listening. I walked out without a word and went straight to my old room; I didn't want my friends, or Dawn or Angel, I just wanted to be alone. I had a lot of things to think about.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Memories

POV Faith

I feel like the world is spinning out of control, not the whole world, just my world. Every thought, every memory is flooding back to me at an alarming rate, all the while my head is pounding and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. The first thing I remembered was when the Council came for me. You always think you know how you would react in certain situations. You think if anyone ever tried to kidnap me I would fight, I would get away, no way they would take me without a fight. But the reality is that you just don't know until it happens to you. Everything happened so fast I didn't even get a chance to think, I was zapped and thrown into the back of a van and driven away. Away from everything I had ever known, away from my life, my family, my friends, from everyone who loved me.

"Faith, are you ok? Do you want to lay down?" my mom's voice brings me out of the memories running through my head. I finally notice where I am, in her hotel room, fuck…suite, it's so fucking huge, as I look around she mentions there are two bedrooms here and did I want to see my room. I nod and let her lead me into the bedroom, hopefully I can get some sleep and stop these memories of my life that are constantly running through my mind.

I sit down on the bed and look up at her, it feels like I've been here before and then it occurs to me this is like the time Angel helped me all those years ago. But unlike then, I say, "I'm cold…"

I don't know why I always feel so cold, it's like I can never get warm. She wraps a blanket around me and I lie down. I know I don't want to be alone, but I can't find the words to ask her to stay. My mom gently sits on the bed next to me and reaches out to push my hair back out of my eyes and says, "You rest…I'll be right here when you wake up, ok?"

I nod slowly and close my eyes and I think I fall almost instantly asleep. Unfortunately I don't get a restful sleep, instead I got to relive my last day in Boston.

It was February 16, 1998, and it was a frigid 9 degrees that morning and it was only going up to 17 degrees for the day. I had lent my nice warm leather bomber jacket to Jessica this morning cause she forgot hers and we didn't have time to stop at her apartment. Unfortunately, the only other things I could find was my old ski jacket which was kinda old and dirty and a light jean jacket and yeah, I was freezing my fucking ass off, but at least I looked good. The ten minute walk from the BU Bookstore to the Espresso Royale had seemed like an eternity on the frozen tundra.

I got a cup a coffee and snagged the semi-private booth towards the back part of the shop, I had hoped that the semi-private part might save me some embarrassment when I broke the news to Christine that it was over. Hopefully she wouldn't cause a scene, but that was highly doubtful as she wasn't the most understanding person to put it mildly. Then again my relationships usually end in a huge embarrassing affair so why should this be different. I tried to put the bad break up with Ashley out of my mind cause that was totally different, this time wouldn't be like that time. I wouldn't be finding my girlfriend fucking some loser beefstick jock at a party that nearly the entire high school was attending. Oh yeah, my pain on display for the entire school, what a great night that was, but this time I was the one in control, I was the one breaking things off. And besides, it was off hours at the shop, not a lot of other students around and if things got really ugly I could just never come back here. There are plenty of other overpriced coffee shops around campus, losing one wouldn't make a whole lot of difference in my life.

I had barely put my ass in the seat before my cell phone was chirping away at me, I frowned when I saw the number, Christine. I knew it couldn't be good news as she was supposed to be here shortly. I just kept reminding myself that I had to get her out of her apartment cause if we were alone together my thoughts wouldn't be on breaking up, it would be on getting some and that's what caused all the problems to begin with. I seriously have to learn to just say no sometimes, cause if I had I wouldn't be here right now.

I answered the phone, "Hey Chris…where are you?"

"I'm home, still trying to get the kids ready for school…" I could hear her telling Stephen to put his cereal bowl in the sink and to go brush his teeth. "Look Faith, why don't we just meet up here, I gotta drop Stephen off at school and Nicole is staying home sick today so I'm dropping her off at Steve's and then I can be all yours all day…"

The last part of the sentence dropped off into something that might have turned me on a few weeks ago, but now it made me cringe. What was supposed to just be some really good sex with a really hot woman, turned into a relationship that I was not prepared for, nor did I want. The only reason I hadn't broken it off sooner was because I was feeling guilty, guilty that Chris lost her job because of me and I felt that I owed her something. But after much whining to Jessica about everything, I finally made my decision to get out. OK…Jess actually threatened and badgered me until I admitted I wasn't happy, and I was in way over my head and couldn't figure out how to get out of it. Yeah I really screwed up royally and I was trying to get out from under everything all the while trying to keep my parents in the dark about it. I mean how the fuck do you tell your parents you nearly got expelled from school cause you got caught fucking a teacher on school property when you were supposed to be in class. And the only reason I wasn't expelled is because my best friend talked to the Principal and got my expulsion turned into a diploma. I have no idea what she could of said or done to get that accomplished and she's not likely gonna tell me anytime soon either, but I am grateful for it. Anyway…the point is, the more my parents don't know the better it is for everyone concerned.

So here I am, poised to dump my so-called girlfriend in person rather than over the phone. I had suggested a tasteful email but Jess quickly pointed out that an email or a phone call break up would most likely result in Chris coming to my house and telling my parents everything, so hence the coffee house. And although this didn't guarantee she wouldn't do that anyway, at least I might have a clue ahead of time and could tell them myself, or you know I could grab a plane to Tahiti.

"I'm kinda without a car still so I'd hafta bus it all the way over, and then it's a really long walk to yours, could ya pick me up at Dunkin Donuts, at say around 10ish? We could still grab some breakfast…"

OK, I'm desperate to stay out of her apartment, and I'm pretty determined to finish this today because I just can't deal with this shit anymore.

"Your uncle still isn't finished with your car…what the fuck is taking so long?"

I sighed, I was so tired of her constantly bitching at me and everything I did. Nothing I did and nothing my family did was ever good enough for her, she always finds something negative to say about it. I just wanna tell her to shut the fuck up, but I'm trying not to push her to far over the edge. Sometimes I really envy her husband because he actually got away from her. "I told you…the rotors need to be cut, that takes time."

"The rotors can be cut in less than a hour, he's had the car for over a week, what the hell is he doing? You should really take it somewhere else…"

"I'm sure he's just taking care of his paying customers…"

"Whatever…you're his niece, he should take care of your car first. Or he shouldn't have volunteered to fix it. And what the hell is wrong with your brother…he shouldn't have let the car get so bad, why didn't he get it fixed?"

"I'm sure B was just studying and didn't have time to get it worked on and then he probably forgot."

She scoffed, but I ignored her and continued, "It doesn't matter, it's fine, I don't mind waiting for the car, I'm not in a rush. He'll get to it…but forget about that, can you meet me or not?"

She sighed like she was annoyed at me, ignored my attempt to hurry this conversation along and moved on to her next favorite subject, "You know, you should sell that crap car and the Mustang and buy something more practical for winter. I mean having a sports car is nice, but it's impractical, you can't drive it for four months out of the year. And since you're staying on the East Coast an SUV makes more sense. And with the kids and everything, the Ford Expedition we looked at would be better for you."

Better for me? Yeah right…like that's what she's worried about. I never should have let her drag me to the Ford dealership cause now she won't let it go. "I'm not selling my Mustang…"

No fucking way would I ever sell that car. It's beautiful, and fast, and shiny and MINE, there's no way I'm gonna sell my baby. I fucking love that car.

"Well. We'll see…maybe you could just buy the SUV too, it's not like you don't have the money..." And that ladies and gentlemen is what it all boils down to with her, the money. I'm not fucking stupid, I get that she's more interested in my trust fund than me. OK, I am kinda stupid cause it was Jessica that pointed this out to me. And Jess is right, I don't think I can recall one conversation with Christine after she got fired that didn't involve money one way or another. I just can't believe how much she's changed since then, she used to be really nice to me. Jess told me that it doesn't matter how people act at first, they never show you their real face until it's way too late, so best not to trust people. I really don't want to believe that's true about all people, but it seems to fit this situation. The stupidest thing about all this is that I don't have the money. My brothers and I won't be seeing a dime of that money until we're 21, and if my mom gets her way, we won't see it until we're 25. Before I could say anything Christine quickly moved onto yet another topic, "So, did you tell your mom you've decided to enroll full-time at BU?"

Uh…no…cause I'm not…"Uh…we were just discussing colleges this morning actually…"

OK, that's not technically a lie cause we were discussing it, of course I'm not gonna mention I was telling my mom I wanted to go to UCLA. Nor would I mention that my mom was not happy about it or that we fought about it the whole way to school that morning. Probably best not to give Chris any more ammunition to use against me.

Christine continued, "That's great, she should be really happy about that. And I think in a couple of weeks we can finally tell her about us, I'm sure she will appreciate the way I've gotten you in line."

I rolled my eyes at the phone, she got me in line? She got herself fired and nearly got me expelled from school because she just had to do it in the teacher's lounge. And also, she's way off base about my mother. My mom will mostly likely blow a gasket, finding out I'm dating one of my high school teachers, not to mention the fact she's 13 years older than me and has two kids and is only separated from her husband. My mother is not stupid, there's is no way she'd believe all this happened after I finished high school. Suddenly everything would make sense to my mom and she'd go ballistic. Christine would be lucky if any other schools in this area would hire her to be crossing guard by the time my mom was through with her. And I'd probably be lucky to be off punishment for my 40th birthday. I didn't have a chance to answer Chris because my other line buzzed and she was less than thrilled when I told her Jessica was on the other line.

"I don't know what you see in that girl, she's nothing but trouble Faith. Her whole family is nothing but trouble, and that mother of hers…"

I really didn't want to hear the rant against Jessica again so I interrupted, "Look Chris, I gotta go, see you at Dunkin Donuts around 10 ok?"

She huffed, "Fine…but we aren't done discussing this…"

I rolled my eyes again and hung up on her, and clicked over to Jessica.

"Hey Jess…"

"Did ya dump the bitch yet?"

I laughed slightly at that. Jessica and I have been best friends since kindergarten, since the very first day when I was nervous to be all alone without my parents or my brothers. My mom and Jessica like to tell people I was crying and begging my mom to take me back home, I deny that ever happened of course, but anyway, Jessica came over and said she'd be my friend so I wouldn't be all by myself. Ever since then we've been pretty much inseparable, I couldn't possibly imagine not having her around. She might be a little rough around the edges, but deep down she's a really a good person. Which is pretty amazing considering her mother pretty much sucks, but there's really nothing we can do about it. If we reported her mother they might send Jessica far away and into a worse situation, so we kinda sorta unofficially adopted her. We consider her part of the family cause she practically lives with us, and I can't remember a dinner or holiday or vacation where she wasn't with us.

"Um…not quite yet…but I'm working on it. Slight change in plans, I'm meeting her over at the Dunkin Donuts on Auburn by the bus stop."

"Don't back down, you need to tell her to fuck off. Or I could tell her…"

"I don't think that will be necessary." That's Jessica, always ready to kick someone's ass for me, she's quite chivalrous isn't she? "Hey, why aren't you in class right now?"

"I'm blowing off gym so I can meet with Todd…"

Blowing off gym was not unusual for Jess and I, we had our male gym teachers completely in our pocket. Not really difficult when you're a girl, you just mention cramps and you get a free pass to the library. Although god forbid if you had the female gym teachers, there was no getting out of that one. Fortunately we were both lucky to have avoided that all four years. "Todd? What happened to Bobby?"

"Uh…he's still around…for now..."

Jess went through guys like some people go through tissues, so sometimes it was hard to keep track. Although she had kept this Bobby guy around for the last few weeks, so maybe she was changing her ways. "When do I get to meet the infamous Bobby?"

She hesitated a moment and I wondered why she wouldn't want me to meet her newest boytoy, it's not like I'd want him. "Um…maybe this weekend…"

"Cool. So…who's Todd then?"

"Todd is going to help me finish my Trig homework since we didn't get to it last night because of the whole "I'm miserable, help me dump my girlfriend" convo. So did your mom stop giving you shit about UCLA after I got out of the car?"

"No…that bad conversation lasted all the way to school, and then she got mad at me cause I refused to go to see Brown this weekend, it doesn't seem to matter to her that I don't wanna go to Brown. She just keeps on pushing it and the more she pushes the more I push and we just wind up pissing each other off."

"Well don't worry about it, I'm sure she'll come around."

"Yeah I guess…"

"Aww…sweetie…what's wrong?"

"I don't know…I'm just…I guess I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately…"

"The nightmares are back huh?"

"Yeah…"

"You should really tell your mom they're back…"

"No…cause then she's gonna make a big deal about it like she did last time and I don't wanna deal with all that. So sometimes I don't sleep very well, it's really not that big a deal."

She laughed slightly, "I think you are more afraid if the nightmares go away so will your dream girl…am I right?"

"No…"

"Liar…"

"Whatever…"

"This girl must be something special huh?"

I smiled for the first time that day, thinking about my dream girl always made me smile. "Oh yeah, she is…"

I call her my dream girl cause that's where we meet, in my dreams. I know it sounds totally bizarre and corny, but ever since I was 8 years old I've dreamt of this girl. I don't know her name, but I know she has blonde hair and green eyes and lives in California, and had a whole Dorothy Hamill obsession when she was a kid. Hence the wanting to attend UCLA, I'm hoping I'll go to class and wind up sitting next to her and then everything will just fall into place.

The first time I met her was a few weeks after the nightmares started. And they started because I had almost drowned when I was showing off in front of my brothers and their friends down at the quarry. For weeks afterwards I had this dream about being drowned by a vampire, until one day I dreamt of her. She told me the vamp wouldn't be coming after me, he would be coming after her, but it was ok because she'd win and it would guarantee we would meet in person. And that together we would change the world.

Believe me, I get that it sounds like something a crazy person would tell you, especially the vampire part but it feels so real. It's kinda hard to explain, but those dreams are always more intense, they feel real, like I'm actually there. Sometimes in these dreams we're fighting vampires together, and sometimes when I dream of her we're having sex. Those are some 5 alarm dreams I'll tell you, if the sex is half as good in person it will be un-fucking-believable.

"Damn girl…you got it bad huh?"

"Oh yeah…kinda crazy huh?"

"Just a little. I'm telling you, when you find her, Blondie better take good care of you or I'm gonna kick her ass."

"I don't think you need to worry about that…"

"Well good, we won't have any problems then, now will we?"

"Nope…no problems… And speaking of problems, how are you doing? Anything you want to talk about?"

"Smooth FJ, real smooth…nope I'm fine, I'm 5 x 5..."

"You're loud and clear? You do realize that phrase makes absolutely no sense…"

"Yeah, yeah…you're just mad you didn't think to use it first…"

"Whatever… Seriously though, you can tell me anything…"

She didn't say anything for a few seconds and I thought she might finally be ready to tell me why she was acting so weird lately, but instead she said rather icily, "I told you I'm fine, now let it go already."

Opps…pushed too hard. I knew Jess would tell me eventually, but she didn't like to be pushed, so I backed off. "Alright, ok, I'll let it go… I just wanted you to know…"

"I know…thanks Faith…"

"Welcome. Should I pick you up when I get Luke?"

"No, it's ok…I got some stuff to do, but I'll be home for dinner."

"What kinda stuff?"

She paused, "Uh…just got some stuff to do… Hey FJ what bus were you planning on getting?"

"The 9:36 why?"

She laughed, "Yeah, it's 9:40…you might want to buy a watch that actually works…"

I looked at my watch and sure enough it's still said 9:15, "Shit…that means I gotta wait for the 10:36, damn it I don't have time for this…"

"If you run across the bridge, you can get the 9:59 Cambridge bus back here."

"Yeah…good idea…I'll do that…See ya laters Jess…"

"Yep bye…oh…and FJ?"

"Yeah?"

"If you can't be good, be bad baby…"

I chuckled as I hung up with her, Jessica and her fifty million catchphrases. I swear I don't know where that girl hears some of these things. As I made my way outside, I thought that if I took the bike path by the Charles it would be faster than having to walk all the way around to get on the bridge.

I didn't give a thought to the fact that the bike path would be completely deserted on this very cold day in February, which was just the opportunity the Council was waiting for.

I made my way along the bike path, mostly thinking about how cold I was and how long it would take for my numb toes to get warm. I hadn't really paid attention to the van coming the other way, it didn't seem all that strange to me. We had a really bad ice storm a few weeks ago and repairs were still going on all around the area so I didn't even think about it. It wasn't until one of them started walking toward me that I noticed he wasn't wearing any kind of uniform, then my eyes zeroed in on his hands which had big black leather gloves on them. A wave of fear ran over me at the sight of those gloves, they looked a lot like…well…the kind of gloves a serial killer might wear. Suddenly pain exploded in my left shoulder and I fell face first into the snow and my only thought at that moment was "fuck that's cold". Panic set in immediately when I realized I couldn't move at all, there was nothing I could do. Two of the men picked me up as a third opened the back door to the van and they literally threw me into the back of the van. I landed hard on my shoulder and head, which brought a whole lot more pain as I tried not to pass out.

"By the order of the Watcher's Council of Britain…"

By order of the who of what…I didn't really hear the rest of what he said as the doors where slammed shut and the engine started up and we were moving to God knows where. The thing that was really scaring me about these guys is that they weren't wearing masks of any kind, and I knew that didn't mean good news for me. I would know what they looked like, so most likely they had already decided I wasn't going to get out of this alive. Whatever they wanted from me, they'd probably take and then kill me. Images of my parents and brothers went through my mind as I thought of the possibility of never seeing them all again. I tried not to cry at the thought of dying, but the thing is I'm only 17, it's not supposed to be this way. I have things to do, I have to pick up my little brother from school, this can't be happening, can it? Is this really how my life ends? And would death be the worst thing they could do to me? The man in the back with me pulled out a syringe and came towards me, I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I watched him pull out my arm, jab the needle in it and release whatever drugs they were using into my system.

As he pulled the needle back out he said, "Nighty night slayer…"

Huh? What did he…

That was my last thought as everything faded into blackness.

CHAPTER NINETEEN - Memories Part Deux

POV Faith

I woke up to realize I was alone in the van, the only sound that could be heard was the pinging noises of the engine cooling. I sat up slowly trying not to aggravate my head anymore than I had to, I gently felt around my shoulder trying to assess the damage to it. Thankfully it was only bruised and not dislocated. My clothes were still damp from falling in the snow, I was beyond cold now.

I had no idea where my captors had gone, nor any idea who they were, I did, however, remember they said something about Britain. Therefore I was pretty sure this had something to do with my grandparents but fuck if I knew what. The safe bet was on they wanted money and thought my grandparents would give it to them. That thought did make me stop and pause, would my grandparents part with money for my safe return. I'm sure you're thinking they would, but I really wasn't too sure, I wasn't their favorite grandchild.

OK Faith, let's start trying to get out of this mess. Who really cares why, time to focus on the important thing, getting the fuck out of here. I looked around the van looking for something I could use as a weapon should they come back while I was trying to leave. I didn't know if I'd have the guts to use it when it came time, hopefully I just wouldn't see them again. There really wasn't anything in here on the weapon front, but I did spy a package that had a medical insignia on it. I grabbed it and inside I discovered three needles filled with a yellowish liquid and one suspiciously empty. Didn't take a rocket scientist to figure this is what they used on me. Thinking it would probably be best to dump the drugs just in case they caught me again. I wouldn't be able to try to get away if I was drugged. I emptied two of the syringes but decided to hang onto the last one thinking that maybe I could use against them if I had to. I was pretty sure I wouldn't have time to inject all three of them, this little trick would most likely only work once. Although with my luck, I'll probably wind up injecting myself.

I quietly opened the back door to the van and freaked out when the light popped on, it was dark outside and that light seemed as bright as the sun, I hurriedly got out and closed the door as fast as I could, hoping nobody had noticed. I looked around, we seemed to be at a rest stop, unfortunately it was completely deserted. I could see the headlights of the traffic on the highway, thinking I'd be able to flag someone down I started in that direction.

I took three steps when I heard him, "Going somewhere?"

I stopped dead in my tracks at the sound of the voice, I turned around and noticed it was just one of them. So far luck was working for me. I tried not to panic, trying to be more like Jessie than me. Jess always seemed to know what exactly to do in any given situation. The man was a lot bigger than me, it fucking figured the one who would come back would be the biggest one of the three. He held up his hand and showed me what was in it, a taser gun, I'm guessing that's what got me in the shoulder earlier. He flicked it on and fired it up, I could see his face in the white electric light of the machine. As nervous as I was about being shot with that thing again, I was more worried by the look on the man's face, it disgusted me and frightened me at the same time. It was the way his eyes looked me over, combined with the way he licked his lips, there was no question what he wanted to do to me. And I was certain there wouldn't be a damn thing I could do about it either.

I felt the adrenaline start pumping through my veins, suddenly remembering it was the sympathetic nervous system in action. Reacting to the danger, telling me to fight or run. Pretty weird to be thinking about science class at a time like this, and yet... I was sure my body was telling me to run in this particular case, but my mind understood that my chances of outrunning him were slim to none since my knee was still fucked up, my MCL wasn't 100% yet. I thought of Jess again and tried to calm myself down. I took a deep breath, never taking my eyes off of him as I slowly slid the cap off the needle with my thumb. I needed him off guard so I said quietly, but with the desperation I really felt, "Please...just let me go..."

He laughed slightly and kept advancing on me, every few seconds he'd press the button on the taser, showing me how much he was going to enjoy using it on me again. It took every ounce of strength I had to not back away and run as he closed the distance between us. He reached his hand out and touched my cheek and said, "You and me...we're gonna have some fun..."

I looked back at him, forced a smile and said, "Sure...let's get it on..."

Faster than I thought possible, I jabbed the needle into his neck and depressed the plunger, and forced out the liquid. Surprise and alarm etch his face as he said, "You little fucking..."

I didn't get to hear what he was planning on calling me as he collapsed onto the pavement. I reached down and grabbed the taser and chucked it as far as I could, I watched as it hit the pavement and broke into a thousand pieces. I took off towards the woods, suddenly hiding seemed like a much better idea then trying to flag down cars. I didn't wanna end up in an even worse situation.

And then I don't know what happened. One minute I was running, the next minute I felt unbelievable pain in my nose, and I saw stars as I fell backwards onto the pavement. I felt a whole bunch of warmth as blood gushed out of my nose, onto my hands and all over my shirt and jeans. I looked up at the other two in confusion when I heard the familiar click slide of a bullet entering the chamber of a 9 millimeter hand gun. From the sound of it I was guessing it was a Sig Sauer 9, but I may have been mistaken. The reason I would have any clue is because my uncle was a big gun nut, he had thousands, he used to take my brothers and I to the shooting range all the time.

I started shaking as much from the temperature and sudden blood loss as from fear, I kept looking between his eyes and the hand holding the gun. I'd never really seen the view from this side before, and I can tell you, I was not enjoying it. I tried not to cry but my body just wasn't cooperating with me. Tears slid down my cheeks as I begged for my life, "Please don't kill me...I'm sorry...I didn't..."

The one with the gun said to me, "Shut your mouth..." He looked over toward the van and asked the other guy, "Check on Nigel, make sure he's not dead."

As the guy went to check on Nigel, I said to the guy with the gun, "I'm just...I'm sorry..."

He looked at me without an ounce of compassion, "I told you to shut the fuck up...I'd have no problems shooting you and burying you in the woods."

I sat on the ground trying not to move, or speak or even breathe too loudly, as we waited for the other guy to come back. He was extremely angry and agitated, "She shot him up and dumped the rest of the drugs..."

I knew what was coming a second before I felt the hard kick in the kidneys and I tumbled a few feet away, I started crying harder as he kept kicking and punching me over and over again. I tried to pull myself into a ball, hoping to avoid the worst of the blows. Finally the man with the gun fired off a shot in the air, "Trevor! That's enough...Let's not have a repeat of the last time shall we? We can't afford to lose this one."

My mind was reeling in pain, I felt a rough hand on my arm as the guy said, "Get up..."

I struggled to stand up but was finding it very hard, my legs wouldn't support me, Trevor, grabbed my other arm and together they dragged me back to the van. Once again they threw me inside, I crawled up into a ball silently praying for the pain to stop.

I must have dozed off, I'm not sure how long I've been sleeping. I feel really achy, like I'm getting the flu or something. I was trying to remember what happened when I felt a hand slide across my stomach and smiled as I thought I must of fucked up and gone to Chris' house and one thing lead to another.

It wasn't until I heard his voice in my ear that I remembered everything that was going on. He said, "I hear you don't like boys...maybe you just haven't met the right one..."

He started unbuttoning my pants and I didn't do anything. I was in such pain, I was hurting so bad, all I could do was lay there and cry. I hoped it wouldn't last too long or hurt too much. He was in the middle of pulling my pants down when I heard someone say, "Just what the fuck do you think you're doing..."

Nigel stopped what he was doing and turned to look out of the van, "Hey...Robbie...be a good boy and go away and maybe when I'm done you can have a go..."

I struggled to look out the door to see who was speaking, hoping whoever it was would prevent this from happening. I didn't see anyone but a flash of bright light that hurt my head really bad, the van lurched slightly and I heard a body hitting the floor and sliding away. I'm really hoping that was Nigel and not my would be hero. The same voice said again, "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that?"

"Aye..." came the groaned response from Nigel.

The smooth calm voice continued, "Now, I suggest you leave before I really get angry..."

I didn't hear any response but footsteps running away from the van. I felt instant relief that Nigel had left without getting what he wanted. I had hoped I would never, ever see him again.

Of course I wasn't that lucky, the next time I saw him nobody came to my rescue, nobody was there to stop it from happening. I remember what Quentin Travers said before he left me alone with that monster..."make her suffer, like Anna, but don't kill her..."

The guy came closer to the van and gasped a little, "Oh god, what did they do to you Faith?"

The calm and concern in his voice caused me to remember home and my mom which made me just start crying all over again. I briefly wondered when I became such a cry baby. Some tough girl from Boston I am, huh?

The voice came again, "I'm so sorry...They weren't supposed to hurt you. Let's get you out of the van, ok."

I finally looked up at him and I noticed he wasn't as old as the other guys, maybe somewhere in his mid to late 20's, black, with a shaved head and an earring. His eyes held a look of concern and caring, but I was wary of his slight British accent, so I backed further away.

He came inside and I couldn't back any further away, he crouched down next to me, "Hey...it's ok, I'm not gonna hurt you Faith. My name is Robin and I'm here to help you ok?" I had no idea how or why he knew my name, nor why he was being so nice to me. I still wasn't convinced he was on my side as he continued, "Come on, let's get you out of this van and cleaned up a little and then we can call your parents. They must be really worried about you..."

I felt so tired, so overwhelmed with everything, I really wanted to believe him, and all I really wanted at that moment was to talk to my mom. She could make it all better, cause that's what mom's do.

"Help me?"

He nodded and helped me out of the van which took awhile cause every move seem to bring about more pain, but he just kept talking to me, telling me everything was going to be ok. He walked me out of the garage and into a long corridor, I'm not really sure how long we walked before he steered me through another doorway. The room was a bedroom, and the second we walked in I started freaking out, but he calmly spoke to me, "I'm not going to be doing anything like you're thinking. I just thought we could get you some warmer clothes." The room had two twin beds set on either side of the room, one side was decorated slightly, a tri-colored Bob Marley poster was on the wall, and a small brown teddy bear on the bed. He walked me over to the bed without the bear and I sat down, and he went rummaging through the drawers and finally handed me a fresh set of clothes. I looked up at him, still a little freaked and he smiled, "Oh..of course...you change, I'll go grab a first aid kit and we'll fix you up a little and then we can call home, ok?"

I nodded and he turned to go out and I called out to him, "Robin?"

He turned to me and he looked so sincere, and I really believed he was going to help me so I said, "T-t-thank you..."

He smiled, nodded and closed the door. I looked around the room, I looked into the mirror on the wall and it took me a moment to realize it was reflecting me. I looked really bad, I had cuts and bruises and dried blood all over my face. After a few seconds I finally looked away and started changing, a shower might not have been a bad idea, I was all sticky with blood, but maybe I could shower after I talked to my mom, or got home.

I was surprised to find that the clothes were exactly my size, but didn't really think about it. I put the clothes I took off into a pile, all except my jacket. It was rather dirty now, but I suddenly didn't want to be without it. Wearing it made me feel a little closer to home, so I put it on and waited for Robin.

He knocked softly and I told him he could come in. He gave me a big smile, "Hey...while I was looking for the first aid kit, look what I found...it's weird right?"

In his hand he held something about the size of a softball, but it was kinda glowing. He tossed it over to me, "Here have a look..."

I stupidly caught it and that was the moment Faith Christos died and Faith LeHane was born.

The dream quickly broke apart, but I didn't wake up. I just kinda drifted there, thinking of the things that had happened to me. Realizing that I had spent a lot of time with Kendra, the slayer who I thought I never met. We shared that room until she left for Sunnydale and never came back. And then the whole Robin thing, so weird to realize that we actually knew each other before Sunnydale. Although it's hard for me to actually remember what happened there in St. Louis, those memories have been manipulated so many times I don't know what's real and what isn't. There are so many different versions of the things that happened I'll probably never be able to sort it all out.

Soon another dream beings to form, but it's not like the other one. I know before it even starts it's a slayer dream, but it's just mine, Buffy isn't here to share it.

I'm in total darkness, there is no light whatsoever, I'm fairly freaked out, I don't really like the dark especially this darkness, it feels different. I have a deep sense of dread, like something bad is about to happen. I reach out with my mind, letting my slayer senses work. Over the last few years I've learned to use them to their full potential, partly because prison life is boring, but mostly because I never wanted to make the same mistake again.

I'm not sure if the dream has changed or if my senses have pointed out that it's not completely dark, there is a small sliver of light, so I start walking toward it. I'm walking for just a short while when I hear a noise, it's the sound of a dog crying and whining. Like it's hurt and needs help, so I take off running toward it. I'm running at full slayer speed now, but I don't seem to be getting any closer to the light nor the dog or anything for that matter. I try to push myself even more, every muscle in my legs is straining to move faster, my lungs are burning and still I'm not getting any closer.

I'm nowhere near the light when suddenly I'm outside, I'm in the woods. I know exactly where I am, I'm in the woods behind our house in Boston. If I take the path to the right I'll end up in our backyard, but if I take the left path it will lead me to the rock quarry. I looked around, this place has so many memories of growing up and that should make me feel comfortable, but it doesn't. It feels different here, colder, darker than I ever remember it being. I heard the dog again, this time it actually barked, I realize it's not just any dog...it's my dog...Max. Part of me wanted to go immediately and see what was making her sound like that, but another part, a deep down part told me I shouldn't go, that I didn't want to see. The feeling of dread kept getting stronger by the minute.

Of course I didn't listen to that feeling, I'm a slayer, I can handle whatever is doing this so I took off for the quarry. I came out of the woods by the slope that ran down towards the water. I scanned the perimeter, I saw the dog, and my little brother, Luke. They were directly across from me, on the 40 foot ledge where I had made my infamous leap so many years ago. I call out to Luke but of course he didn't hear me for some reason. I let out a sigh, fucking dreams, nothing is ever easy in them is it?

I run towards them, in reality, there is a path that runs along the top of the quarry, but in this dream it isn't there. I have to run through the underbrush, pushing branches out of my way as I go, and again it's like I'm running through snow, I just can't seem to get there fast enough. I finally break through the brush into the little clearing. It's like somebody just hit me in the stomach, all the air goes out of my lungs, all sounds seemed to have stopped and I immediately fall to my knees in shock and horror, I feel such pain, my heart feels like it's just been broken into a million pieces and I wonder if I'll ever be able to put it all back together.

I just take one look at her and I know it's too late...nothing can help her now...she's gone. I wanna try to pretend it's not happening, that I'm wrong, I just want to think that she's just sleeping but her eyes are open and vacant, there's nothing behind them anymore, they stare out lifeless and empty.

I can't stop staring at her, even in death she's still so pretty... I can't believe this is happening to me...to us. We had plans...we were going to California, certain we'd be discovered by some talent agent in a Starbucks and then we'd be famous.

This is perhaps the cruelest joke of all, to finally get my life back, to finally remember her, and to find out she's dead. I know without a doubt this is all real, this is exactly what happened after the Council took me. I also know that this isn't even all that happened, there's more...so much more that happened.

The longer I stay here, the more I see, there's a needle is still in her arm, a nearly empty bottle of tequila lies at her feet. Why? Why did she do this?

The sounds come rushing back to me, like somebody just turned off the mute button. I see now that the dog, Max is running back and forth between Jessie's body and Luke. Oh God...Luke, he shouldn't have had to see this. He's just sitting there not moving, not blinking, if I didn't see the steady rising and falling of his chest I'd be worried he was dead too. He's just a little boy, he never should have seen this. None of this should have happened, this...this is...this is fucked up.

Luke looks over at me and says in a voice that sounds so cold, so distant, so seething with hate and anger that I never would have thought he could be like this. The part that scares me worse than anything is that he sounds exactly like I did back in Sunnydale, back when everything was bad. "I fucking hate you, FJ. Everything that has happened...EVERYTHING...is you're fault...YOU did this...I'll never fucking forgive you..."

I can't take it, I have to get away and I start running, I have no idea where I'm going, or what I'm going to do. I'm stuck, the woods seem to be closing in on me, the tree branches seem to be reaching out trying to stop me. I can't stop hearing Luke's voice in my head, telling me this is my fault. I'm responsible for all of this bad stuff. But it's not true...it can't be true...this isn't my fault...I didn't do anything wrong...

The branches are grabbing at me, trying to hurt me, I try to push them off of me, to back away from them. It doesn't seem to be working, I can't get away, tears of hurt, and frustration sting my eyes, I start panicking. Suddenly I feel like I'm falling, and I land with a hard thump on the ground. Everything is getting worse, the branches are crowding me I feel like I can't breathe...

"Faith!"

I woke up on the floor of the hotel room, my mom was there holding onto me, trying to calm me down. She's telling me it was just a dream, I was tangled in the blanket and fell off the bed. I look up at her and say, "Jessica..."

I watch the pain flash across her features, that confirms what I already learned in the dream. She looks at me with tears in her eyes, "We need to talk."

CHAPTER TWENTY - Aftermath

POV Rosemarie

She's finally calmer now, laying here on the couch with me, Casablanca is playing on the television. It was one of her favorites. We used to do this all the time when she was growing up, she'd have bad dreams, and we'd sit up for awhile just watching old movies on television, just the two of us. I'm trying to get her to remember some of the good things from her life, things that will remind her she is loved, that she's not alone anymore.

I hadn't wanted to tell her everything right away; I had wanted to wait for a few days at least. Angel and Giles seemed to think waiting was a good idea, that she'd have enough just dealing with remembering everything. So we thought it would be better to wait, but when she woke up, I realized I didn't have a choice, I had to tell her. She somehow already knew something had happened, so I told her everything.

I'm not sure if I did the right thing, I know a few days without knowing about it all would have been better for her. But there is no sense worrying about it now, it's all out there, she knows everything.

I'm very worried about her; she's having a really hard time dealing with everything right now. In the middle of finding out everything, her father called and wanted to talk to her, but she wouldn't take the phone. She completely panicked at the thought of talking to him. And after spending days on the phone arguing with me that he should be out here with us, I think he finally understands why it wasn't a good idea. Faith couldn't have handled having him here, and I know that he definitely couldn't have handled hearing about some of the things Faith went through since she was taken from us.

I'm also worried about the fact that it has been hours since we left the other hotel and Buffy has yet to call or show up. Everyone else has at least called and inquired about Faith, and Angel is coming over soon, hopefully he can get Buffy to come with him.

The movie ended and she got up off the couch and put on her jacket, "Where are you going?"

She didn't look at me, but answered, "Need a cigarette…"

I just nodded, biting my tongue; she didn't need to hear the anti- smoking speech right now, besides it hadn't yet worked on Brian, so it probably wouldn't make Faith stop either.

She went to walk past me and I reached out and took her hand and looked up at her, "Love you…"

She hesitated for a moment, reluctantly looking at me, I gave her a small smile, gave her hand a squeeze and she smiled slightly, "Love you too mom…"

I let her go and she went out on the balcony. I didn't really want to watch the movie over again so I changed the channel and picked up the laptop. I really didn't want to work right now either, but I had to give this paper the day after tomorrow and I wasn't completely done writing it yet.

I'm not sure how long I was working before I heard the knock at the door, I looked toward the balcony, but Faith wasn't making any effort to get up, so I answered the door myself.

It was Angel, unfortunately it was just Angel, Buffy didn't seem to be anywhere around. I invited him in and couldn't help but ask immediately, "Where's Buffy?"

He looked down and sighed, "I don't know…Fred saw her leave this afternoon, but Buffy wouldn't say where she was going or when she'd be back. I had hoped she was coming over here, but I guess not."

I shook my head no; suddenly worrying she had left for good, wondering what that would do to Faith. She's already dealing with so much; she really didn't need her girlfriend leaving her as well. And I knew Buffy was dealing with some issues herself and I was worried for her too. How long would she last being separated from her friends and family? And then there's Dawn, what happens to her if Buffy leaves? "Do you think she's gone for good?"

"No, I…" he sighed, "I really hope not…"

I just nodded, Angel looked as upset as I felt about it, we both knew it was the last thing either girl needed. I could see how relaxed the girls were around each other, that there is an inherent trust between them, that just being around each other is good for them. I have no idea how things could have ever been bad between them to see them these last few days. And I've heard all the stories of what happened between them, but it is just so hard to fathom it.

I can see how good they are together, so can everyone else, but life is strange sometimes, things don't always work out like they should. It is possible to love someone, to feel that close to someone and still not be with them, to still have distance between them. Nick and I were proof of that, we had been the perfect couple, had everything going for us and when things went bad, we just drifted apart and before we knew it, we were talking about divorce. It wasn't until this latest incident with Luke that we really started trying to work things out between us.

POV Angel

Rose seemed to lose herself for a moment there, and I tried to be respectful and wait for her to come back. I have to admit I'm a little unsure how to act here, it's not like I have a whole lot of experience talking to someone's mother. We seemed to get along pretty well, but then again, I'm close with Faith, Rose had to go through me to get to her. But now that Faith has her memories back, I'm not really needed any more, so I'm really unsure how to act. The only other experience I've had with someone's mother was the one brief conversation I had with Joyce that didn't really go as well as I wanted. But then again, Joyce was telling me to stop dating her daughter and leave town. Conversations like that rarely go very well, but in the end I knew she was right, I had to leave. But Rose on the other hand didn't seem to have a problem with me; she seemed relieved I was here.

"She knows everything, I told her…"

Ah shit. Faith really didn't need anymore to deal with right now, and with Buffy seemingly missing, what condition would Faith be in? And now I'm about to add even more stress, but it's not like I have a choice.

"Before you go to her I just wanted to talk to you…"

She paused and I got nervous, I figured here's where the conversation goes badly, she's gonna say something about not trusting me with her, or about not really wanting me here or…

"I wanted to thank you; these past five years have been horrible for my daughter. It pains me to think that she spent all this time thinking that nobody cared about her, that nobody loved her, that she was all alone in the world." I was going to say something but she held up her hand to stop me, "So, thank you for being there for her when nobody else could or would do it. If you hadn't she might have ended up dead, thinking she was unloved and uncared for and I cannot imagine anything worse than that, so thank you."

I shifted uncomfortably, for as many times as I've heard it these past few years; I'm still not used to receiving thanks. Also no thanks is necessary, especially since it had been a pleasure being there for Faith. It didn't take much time or effort to get past her defenses, she let me in quickly, which made me a little suspicious. Until it occurred to me it wasn't me Faith trusted it was the fact that Buffy trusted me and Faith trusted Buffy. And of course that lead to other questions, and me being odd man out. I didn't really react all that well to that information, went a little dark, scary Angel for awhile. I fired Cordy, Gunn and Wes, acted like a class A jerk. I took out my frustrations on everyone except Faith, I never blamed her for any of it. I knew it wasn't her fault, knew that she was struggling to come to terms with it on her own. So I took it out on everyone else around me, and in the end, it was something Faith said to me that helped to bring me back. She's helped me just as much as I helped her.

"She's out on the balcony, let me know if you need anything…"

With that her mother sat back down on the couch and picked up the laptop, I took that as my cue to head outside.

I stepped out onto the balcony and took a seat in the chair next to Faith. While I don't know exactly how she's feeling right now, I can imagine it. Her situation is not unlike mine, getting my soul back, remembering everything I did without it, remembering everything I did before I lost it. Knowing that I wasn't the person I was before I became a vampire, and I was no longer Angelus, but just who the hell was I? And that is exactly where Faith is now, she isn't the girl who was taken from Boston, she isn't the Faith that tried to kill me and went to prison, she isn't even the Faith who left here for Sunnydale barely 4 weeks ago. And then there's all the stuff that happened to her family after she was taken, so much to deal with, and five years away is a long time.

And then there's Buffy, who has all but disappeared. I have a feeling she hasn't left the LA area yet, but she could at any moment. I didn't realize that making Buffy face her past was the wrong thing to do, I was just trying to help her. I hadn't realized there are things in her past that have been hidden from even her, things the Council never wanted her to know about, to even think about. I know now why talking about Hell was so hard for her, she's been programmed not to talk about anything. She's been fed this bullshit that being a slayer means never letting anyone in, it means being all alone, it means never getting to be truly happy.

We hadn't realized the depth of the Council's mind control program when we found out about Faith, we didn't know how long they had been doing it. Thanks to Wesley and his research, we've discovered that their mind control program dates back to the early 1970's, in all, there were eighteen slayers and about twenty-three potentials affected. It wasn't used on all slayers, but on the slayers and potentials they deemed to be problems. Buffy caught their attention when she cut herself and ended up in the hospital, and the Council was worried about the things she could tell the doctors. They didn't like that she was going to be transferred to a mental health hospital for a few months, and they especially didn't like that she was trying to come to terms with her sexuality. They decided the best way to deal with Buffy was to take her back to England with them. They didn't quite get away with that, but they did manage to get close enough to cause damage.

Faith's voice threw me for a second, I was so lost in my thoughts I had forgotten she was even here.

"Where is she? Why isn't she here with me?"

I wondered how best to answer the question, I hadn't a clue where Buffy was nor when or if she'd be coming back. Looking for her hadn't worked out for me, hopefully the location spell Willow was working on would help us find her. "Um…she…"

Faith interrupted, "How am I supposed to take that? How am I supposed to feel about it? I need her and as usual she's nowhere around."

"Faith…"

"No, don't…don't you dare defend her…not this time."

"I wasn't defending her, but…"

"If I was important to her, if I really meant something to her…she'd fucking be here. Apparently she meant more to me than I ever meant to her and…"

"It's not her fault she doesn't remember you."

That sentence stopped her cold, but she still asked me, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

I took out the folder I had in my jacket and held it out to her, from the look on her face you'd think I was trying to hand her a box of snakes. She sighed and finally took the folder; she lit up a cigarette and began to read.

I watched her as she read, feeling bad that I was adding yet more crap to the long list of things she was dealing with, but there was little choice in the matter. When she finished, she looked at me and asked, "And she knows fuck all about this?"

I shook my head, "She doesn't have a clue about any of it, just like you."

She sat there quietly for a long time, and I sat there next to her, waiting for her to come to the same conclusions Giles and I already arrived at this afternoon. "This" she pointed down at the file still on her lap, "is going to hurt her a lot." I nodded and she half sighed, half laughed, "And now you want me to help you find her?"

I nodded again.

"You know she's gonna freak the fuck out when she finds this out, probably beat the crap outta whoever tells her this shit, and I cannot stress enough how much I don't want to be that person."

"Who would you suggest then? Me? Giles? We can't match her strength and speed, you know that. Faith, it has to be you, there's just no other way."

Faith looked like she was about to blow, I worried that I just might have added the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. But instead she closed her eyes for a minute, steadied her breathing and just sat there for a long while. She didn't speak or move unless it was to light up yet another cigarette. I wanted to shake her and demand she come to some sort of a decision, but I knew it was useless to push her; I just had to wait until she either came up with a better plan, or agreed to help me find her.

After what seemed like an hour she finally turned to me and started explaining her plan for helping Buffy and more importantly, my part in the plan for helping Buffy. I didn't wholeheartedly agree with the plan, waiting for Buffy to come back on her own seemed a bit risky. Actually it seemed like one of the worst possible ideas ever, and I had no intention of stopping my search for Buffy. I even went so far as to question Faith's motivation for not helping me, and I wasn't all that nice about it either.

But Faith didn't get angry or upset at being second guessed, she gave me an understanding smile and said, "If it makes you feel better to look, then by all means Angel, continue looking, but you won't find her."

We didn't speak any more about it, what would have been the point; Faith had already made up her mind. So I left shortly thereafter, continuing my search for Buffy, even though I knew Faith was right, I wouldn't find her.

The next day…

POV Faith

After everything I've been through these past few weeks, being at the mall feels kinda…surreal. And I'm not just talking about everything that happened with me, I'm just talking about the world nearly ending yet again. But looking around this place, at all these clueless people, you'd have never thought the world was ever in peril. Life goes on as if nothing ever happened.

So what am I doing here, sitting at the mall? Currently I am waiting for Dawn and my mom to finish shopping, trying not to think about anything, which is nearly impossible. I really hadn't planned on doing anything today, still trying to wrap my head around everything, but Dawn called this morning and she seemed really upset about Buffy and before you knew it I was inviting her out for an afternoon to take her mind off things. It's not her fault Buffy and I are fucked up, she shouldn't have to suffer because of it. And I know my mom really wants to spend time with Dawn, it was only a matter of time before she started bugging me about it, so I figured I can make two people happy by doing something I despise. Yes, it's true, I despise shopping at the mall, and Jessie told me many times, it's like totally un-American to not like shopping at the mall. And I'd say to her…

Ah fuck…Jessie…I won't be saying anything to her anymore, now will I? And that's just completely fucked up. You know the more I think about it, the less I understand. I'm still stuck on why, as in why the fuck would she do it, just why, why, why? Jessica's death is not something I'm likely to get over anytime soon. Never in a million years would I have ever thought she would kill herself. I just don't understand what she was thinking; I don't get how she could do it. I guess I'll never really know all the reasons behind it, the only person who knows why is Jessica herself and she's way past being able to tell me about it, and it's way past me being able to do anything about it.

I just can't believe she's been gone for five years, and I feel like she just died yesterday. I just keep thinking about all the stuff we used to do together, how she was like always there you know. I remember how she was the first person I ever admitted to that I liked girls. She didn't bat an eyelash, she gave me a hug and proceeded to grill me on which girls in our class I liked. And now she's gone, just like that, I'll never see her again. I'll never talk to her again.

I found out she had been dating Brian for a couple of months before everything went bad. Neither one of them had said anything, they just both thought everyone would think it was weird, seeing as how we all grew up together. I don't know why she thought I'd be upset about it, I woulda been happy for them.

This whole situation has me on an emotional roller coaster, one minute I'm so fucking sad she's gone, sad I'll never get to talk to her again. Then the next I'm mad at her for doing it, for letting my little brother see all that, because that really fucked him up. I'm mad for her hurting Brian, because after she died he just basically gave up, and now he spends his time with the other two. I'd be mad at her for the way Mark and Matt are turning out, dropping out of college, just playing video games and drinking their nights and weekends away. To be fair though, they'd probably be this way no matter what. And actually that doesn't sound half-bad, it actually sounds like a lot of fun right about now. Pretty much anything that doesn't require a whole lot of thought is very appealing right now.

I'm also mad at her for leaving me. Although technically I guess it was me who left her, but it's not like I choose to leave. And even though I had no control over the situation, it doesn't stop me from feeling like a failure, from feeling like I let her down, like I wasn't there for her when she needed me.

And on top of all that stuff, Buffy is MIA, I was pretty bitter about it at first, thinking like I have in the past, that I just never mattered to her as much as she mattered to me. I was so angry and upset about everything that I actually thought about not going after her at all. Just letting her go and trying to move on with my life. And I'm not even really sure how I'd go about moving on with my life, I don't know who I am anymore. I just want so much to step back into my old life, but five years away is a long fucking time. And not even five good years, five really long fucked up years. I can't even talk to my dad on the phone without freaking out. I just keep seeing these fucked up images and I know that my dad never did anything like that, but it still freaks me out.

And just when I think my life can't get any more fucked up, Angel lays all this Council bullshit on me. I swear it's a god thing they are all gone, cause man…what I wouldn't do to them. I know I'm supposed to be all reformed and stuff, but they screwed up my life beyond all recognition, and now I find out they fucked with Buffy too, not to mention all the others. Oh yeah payback would definitely be called for, and I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself from going after them and that really scares me.

At least I know that Buffy is still around, not even all that far away because I can still feel her presence. I can still feel what she's feeling, she's all conflicted and angry and bitter too. If she feels that way now I cannot imagine how bad it's gonna be when she finds out that it wasn't just the Council's doing, her dad played a big part in it all too. It's really no bullshit, coming out of the closet is like the hardest thing you can do, I mean my parents were the coolest parents, but I was still freaked out about telling them. Jesus, they had gay friends, my fucking uncle was gay too, but I was still freaked. And poor Buffy finally gets up the courage to admit it only to be shoved right back in the closet by those Council assholes. I shudder to think what would have happened had the Council actually succeeded in taking Buffy back to England with them.

Although, I have to admit that reading it did make me sorta happy. No, I'm not happy they fucked with Buffy, I'm happy that at least I'm not crazy; we really did have something going there. I mean she did tell her mom she thought she was in love with me, that has to mean something right? I can't just let her go now, not when we are so close to finally getting together.

POV Willow

A trip to six different magic shops in the LA area and I finally got all the ingredients I need to do the location spell. It seems our little group is split on the best way to deal with Buffy. Faith and Xander seem to think it's best to wait for Buffy to come back on her own. Giles, Angel and I seem to want to do everything we can to find her immediately. And Anya could care less what we do, I swear I don't know what planet she came from, but if I ever find it, it's gonna be hard for me not to send her back.

Xander and I were stunned to learn what the Council had done to Buffy and the others, not that we weren't stunned they had done it to Faith. But with Buffy it's different, we've known her for years, we've pretty much just accepted that Buffy pulling away from us was just something she did cause she was the slayer, or cause she was trying to protect us. And yeah, at times her attitude towards us wears a little thin, like back in Sunnydale dealing with the First. But we just assumed that it was something about Buffy that we just needed to accept, we never thought it was because it was something the Council had implanted in her.

The thing with mind control is that it only affects the conscious brain, the subconscious isn't as easily manipulated, it knows that something was done, that something isn't quite computing. So when the subconscious takes over, while we sleep, some of those memories or thoughts and feelings from those memories seep into our dreams. I know this because this was how Tara caught me that time I did it to her. When Tara found the Lethe's Bramble, she immediately knew what I did. Of course it wasn't that easy in this case, the Council was much more adept at it than I was, but it does explain some things. I think that explains why Buffy and Faith sharing that dream about how to beat the Mayor seemed so bizarre to Buffy. She had told me about it, how they had fought so hard to kill each other, and yet in this dream they felt entirely comfortable with each other. Like the real world was the fake one and the dream world was how it should be. Back then I scoffed at it cause I hated Faith so much, but now, it seems to make sense. In essence the real world was fake to them.

Dang it…I must have done something wrong, the stupid spell has her sitting right where I am, and that can't be right. I mean if Buffy were right on top of me I'd kinda notice wouldn't I? Be hard to miss a slayer being all right on top of you. Heh. I really miss Kennedy.

Oh…duh… This is a hotel, with lots of floors, Buffy can be right on top of me without me noticing. She must be upstairs, and since she came back on her own I'm thinking this is a good sign.

I went upstairs, and I could hear somebody moving around in one of the rooms, the door to the room was half open, and I could see that Buffy was indeed back. The first two things that hit me when I went inside is the fact that she's packing a suitcase and smoking a cigarette.

"Hey Buffy…"

She doesn't even look up as she stubs out the cigarette quickly she says, "Hey…"

"Um…What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm packing…"

I laugh slightly and shake my head, I'm quite confused, I also trying very hard to ignore the fact she's got major attitude. "Um…we aren't leaving for New York for a few days, not that you can't pack early, cause being prepared is good and…"

"I'm not going to New York."

Her words caught me completely off guard, "W-what?"

"You heard me…"

OK, the attitude is getting harder to ignore, and the fact that she hasn't looked at me once since I came in and the fact that she keeps on putting stuff into her bags. I'm starting to feel a little angry, I know I should try to calm down, getting angry at her isn't going to help matters. And I know this attitude of hers isn't really all her doing, but I don't seem to be able to stop myself from getting angry. I think what Buffy is about to throw away, and I just can't help being anything other than livid. She has the opportunity to have what I lost, a chance to be with her soul mate. What I wouldn't give to have that chance again, what I wouldn't give to see Tara one more time. To tell her how much I love her still, how much I miss her…

I was so worked up and angry and feeling slightly guilty because I have Kennedy to consider now that I couldn't help myself, before I knew it Buffy was bouncing off the wall and her clothes were strewn all over the room.

She's up off the floor and in my face in a flash, a normal person would be scared out of their wits at the quickness of her movement and that look on her face. But I'm not a normal person now am I, so I don't move a muscle.

"What the FUCK is your problem Willow?"

"My problem? My problem is you acting like a…a fucking idiot."

For a brief moment she looks surprised at my language, yeah that's right Buffy, little Willow knows bad words too.

Her surprise fades back into anger, her jaw is clenched tight and her voice is low and mean, "You attacked me…"

POV Angel

No sooner then I get back to the hotel, I hear a lot of commotion going on upstairs. Doesn't take long to find the source of the problem, it seems while I was out looking for Buffy she decided to come back. And now she and Willow are fighting, they're screaming at each other, something about who needs to have every square inch of their ass kicked and by whom. Xander is trying to push Willow out of the room, and Giles is trying to keep Buffy in the room so that they don't start exchanging blows. When I walk in Giles helps Xander get Willow out of the room, leaving me alone to deal with a pissed off slayer. You know what? Some days it really doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Once Willow is out of the room, I close the door gently behind them, Buffy is muttering to herself as she picks up the empty duffel bag and her clothes that are strewn all over the room.

"Just who the fuck does she think she is? She really is full of herself; she needs to be taken down a notch or two, thinking she can take on me? Me? And would you look at this mess, I just packed all this stuff too, now I gotta re-pack. That's just great, like I have time for this…"

While I could listen to her mutter all day long, I chose to interrupt, "Um…what's going on here Buffy?"

Buffy stops her rant, looks a little self conscious and then gives me her best fake smile, "Oh…Angel, glad you're here, I, uh, I need a favor…several actually…"

I sigh and take a seat cause this is probably gonna take awhile.

"First, I need you to have Faith appointed as Dawn's guardian. I'm really not sure where I'm going or what I'll be doing, but I can't take care of her while I'm doing it. And Faith is Dawn's other… parent I guess. And look, I know Faith and her family will take good care of her, probably a lot better than I ever could."

"You're leaving?"

"Angel…what I said in Sunnydale…it's true, I'm not…ready. I just can't… So I'm gonna go. It would be helpful if you could lend me some cash, and maybe give me a ride to the airport."

There are a lot of things I want to say to her right now, but pushing her will only make her run farther faster. So I continue to play along, keep her talking, get her to think I'm on her side without raising her suspicions. So I ask, "Where are you gonna go?"

"Wherever the first plane I can get onto is going…the where part doesn't matter…"

"As long as it's away from Faith?"

"Look Angel…trust me, it'll be better for Faith to have me gone. She doesn't need me…"

"Are you kidding me? Faith needs you now more than ever, she's dealing with a lot right now…

"No, Angel, she doesn't need me, she's got it all now. She's got everything she's ever wanted. She's got the life now, the family, the destiny, it's all hers now, and I got nothing. Everything I've ever worked for, fought for, and the Powers give her everything and me a big fat nothing…"

"Is that what this is about? The Powers picked Faith not you so now you are gonna leave? And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this what you always wanted? To get out of being THE slayer."

"Whatever…it doesn't matter…I'm leaving."

"So you're just gonna leave town tonight and you aren't even going to speak to her?

"Believe me a clean break is what is best for everyone."

"Buffy…don't do this to her, she deserves better than this."

"Oh wait, that's right…I forgot…apart from everything else she's got, she's got you too."

Huh? "Buffy…that's not fair. Faith is my friend…"

Buffy turns away in disgust and mumbles, "Yeah I bet…what are friends for?"

Again I say, huh? "What? Buffy…Faith and I never even came close to that, not even…"

"Not even when the Mayor wanted to steal your soul? When you were pretending to be all Angelus, you mean to tell me you didn't even kiss her?"

Whoa…how'd we get on this topic? It is true, Faith and I did kiss each other, but it wasn't…good, neither one of us really enjoyed it. And for a girl who supposedly wanted to get it on with me, she certainly made sure we weren't alone long enough to even think about doing it. "Well…I"

"I fucking knew it. Look…are you gonna help me or not?"

Wow…was Buffy always this hard to deal with? Oh wait, I get it now. She's deflecting me away from the real topic, onto something she knows makes me uncomfortable. "Look Buffy, just stay here tonight and sleep on this. If you still feel the same way in the morning I'll help you do whatever it is you want to do."

Uh oh, she looks suspicious, wondering why I want her to stay here, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned sleep. "No, I'm leaving tonight, with or without your help."

Shit…, "Alright, fine, I'll help you."

"Great…thanks…"

I wait until Buffy goes back to picking up her stuff, so she's only half paying attention to what I'm doing. I make like I'm gonna leave, but I say, "Oh just one more thing Buffy…"

I know I only have one shot at this, she's a lot quicker than me now. She looks up at me just in time to see my fist as it connects with her face. Unfortunately for her, it's just a second too late and she falls back onto the floor.

"No, no…I insist…stay the night…"

...continued in chapter 21...

What Comes Next? by Kat Rating: R

What Comes Next?
by Kat
Rating: R