Linkin Park Songfic
by Kayleigh
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters belong to the great and powerful Joss. The headers by the great and powerful Nikita, lol.
I sat on the couch in Angel's hotel foyer, "just help yourself to a room," I heard him say, but I barely acknowledged him speaking, let alone notice him leave the room. When I finally snapped out of my daze, I found it was too quiet. I was used to the noise of prison, the banging of metal doors, the other inmates screaming at each other in their cells. My slayer hearing was attuned so well that sometimes I could even here the guards chatting away in the staff room. I got up from the place I had been sitting for the last half an hour and turned on the radio that was standing on the reception desk.
"Next up is Linkin Park's In The End," the DJ's voice echoed through the speakers.
"My kind of music," Faith muttered to herself.
**It starts with one thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try**
*Sounds familiar,* I thought, *No matter how much I try to make it up to her, B is never gonna forgive me.*
**Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To explain in due time All I know**
The lyrics of the song struck a nerve with me, and I found myself listening intently.
**Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away**
*Only slayer's know how true that statement is, our time is less than most.*
**It's so unreal Didn't look out below Watch the time go right out the window Trying to hold on, but didn't even know Wasted it all just to watch you go**
*I did try, for you, I tried to stop myself, but time went so fast and you never did anything to stop it, and I wasted all I had just to be in your thoughts, sad I know.*
**I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart**
*You told me that I shouldn't keep everything locked up, that I should trust you, that I COULD trust you, but the thing is I already did trust you, that wasn't what i wanted, what I wanted, I couldn't have.*
**What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter**
*Does it matter? Yeah it does, I had you and the Scoobs as friends and then I screwed you all.*
**I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter **
*I fell alright, I fell into the great big pit of darkness and despair, I fell into the arms of evil, and you were the only who could bring me back, but you didn't, I didn't matter.*
**One thing, I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind I designed this rhyme, to remind myself how I tried so hard **
*I tried hard, to pull myself back, without your help, but the Mayor was like a Father, the father I never had.*
**In spite of the way you were mocking me Acting like I was part of your property**
*Was I? Was I your property? See I probably wouldn't of minded that, as long as you were mine, but I you weren't and I was just a charity case to you, a charity case that you and your friends could mock and use when it suited you.*
**Remembering all the times you fought with me I'm surprised it got so far**
*All the times? That's a hell of a lot, the first time, well the first big time, that would be when Angel came back, man, that was a bitch. Things would of turned out differently if he didn't turn up. But he's done a lot for me lately. Really he did a lot for me back then too, If it weren't for Wesley, GOD, it went way too far then, Why? Why did I torture him, my fight was with Angel. My jeaulosy was with Angel.*
**Things aren't the way they were before You wouldn't even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me in the end**
*I've changed, Angel helped me through everything, he knows me, he knows what it's like to have blood on your hands, you don't, you couldn't of helped me even if you tried, you couldn't understand this kind of pain.*
**You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart **
*It was your turn to keep it locked up inside, I tried to say sorry, but you threatened me, I tried to get through to YOU, but you were having none of it, all you wanted was your revenge.*
I noticed Angel standing in the door frame, and I turned and faced him, my face was streaked with tears I hadn't realised were there, "Sorry," I said as I wiped away the tears, "Did the music wake you up?"
"I wasn't asleep," he answered and approached me. "Go see her."
"Oh God, I can't," I began crying again.
"You can, you both need closure, get some sleep and we'll go tommorow after dusk." He put his hand on my shoulder as he said that, and he turned the radio off. But the last few lyrics that had been sung were stuck in my head.
**I've put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go And for all this There's only one thing you should know**
*I Love You B*
I had been glancing out the side window for what seemed hours, then Angel stopped the car.
"You ready?" he asked, bringing me out of my inner mantra of *I can do this! I can do this!* I nodded towards him dubiously. "You sure you want to go alone?" he questioned, always looking out for me.
I smiled, "Thanks, but I need to go alone, just stay here, if i have to bail." I leant in and kissed him gently on the cheek. As I got out of the car I felt the need to make some humour of the situation. "If I'm not out in 2 hours then I'm either dead, or it went very very well," I grinned, then closed the car door behind me and made my way to the Summers household.
Despite, the need to be strong, I couldn't keep it up, and by the time I reached the door, my inner mantra had started up again. My arm felt like lead as I lifted it up to knock on the door. As I waited patiently for Buffy to answer, things flashed through my mind.
*Flash* "Faith, No!" The stake sliding through warm flesh, the blood seeping through his shirt. "You killed a man." *Flash* Knives held at each others throats, the Scooby Gang watching, grabbing her neck and planting a kiss on her forehead. *Flash* A longing look in the darkness at a treasured knife. *Flash* That same knife sliding through my own flesh, no pain, just one last look at her before I jump. *Flash* Our hands held in each others, a warm white light radiating from them, and a look of of confusion shared on both our faces. *Flash* Her looking at me with disgust and contempt as, we argue on the rooftops of LA. *Flash*
The sequences ended abrubtly and I noticed B had opened the door, and was looking at me with indifference, she didn't know whether to be scared or happy. I rubbed at my forehead, trying to snap myself out of the daze I was in.
"You better come in," she offers, I attempt a smile, but it never quite reaches my eyes. I'm stepping into her terrortory. *There's no backing out now.*
Once inside I feel very very small, she's looking at me, trying to figure out what I'm here for. *If she hits me I won't fight back, I'm not here to fight.*
"Do you want a drink?" she offers, I shake my head. The room goes back to being silent.
*Oh God! What am I gonna say?* "Look, um... I should err... go." *NO* "Yeah I should go."
"At least tell me why you're here before you go?" She answered, by now she'd figured out that I'd come in peace and not to fight.
"To say I'm sorry." I said quickly and quietly so she couldn't pick it up.
"I can't forgive you," she said *Damn Slayer hearing, she heard me.*
"I know, I don't expect you to either, it's just I needed to get that and one other thing off my chest," I said, but would I have enough courage to say the 3 words.
"What other thing?" she looked at me in confusion.
"I....I....I...Love you." I got it out eventually *I said it! I said it!*
Buffy is gobsmacked, her jaw is hanging wide open. "You... You," she stuttered. "Love me."
I nodded, "I'm gonna go okay, Angel is waiting for me in the car."
And I left the house without looking back, and I made it all the way to the car before one tear escaped. Then they just came pouring out. I felt Angel's comforting arms wrap around me, and his hand brushing my tears away. "It's okay," he said over and over into my ear. When my sobs had almost ceased he started up the car. "Let's go home."
I looked in my side mirror, to check how bad I looked. *Oh God! I look like crap,* then she noticed a certain blonde standing in the road behind them. I blinked, I thought I was hallucinating.
"STOP!" I shouted, Angel did as I asked, well ordered and I rushed out the car so fast he probably didn't even see me go. It was B, and she was crying profusely.
I reached her and my arms instinctively went around her, "I'm so sorry," she said into my ear, "I love you too." We kissed in the middle of the dark street, both of us crying with happiness.
I sensed Angel behind us and I released B for a moment, "Thank you," I said, smiling more than I'd ever smiled before.
"No problem," he said and joined our embrace.
And that was it, 3 people embracing in the middle of the street, us 2 girls crying and all 3 of us smiling radiantly.