Where The Heart Is
by Kelly Smith
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Author's Notes: Set post s7. Couple of years down the line. Everything’s the same except the last series of Angel. Never happened. Just like that. Spike never came back. Fred never went funky. Everything’s really hunky dory. Sweet like chocolate. Faith’s settled in LA. Buffy’s not settled. That’s about it. Does it sound exciting..?
Spoilers: Yep. Trillions.
Dedication: Most obviously to Mistress Martin. She finally gave it a title. She is SO clever. Also kinda hot. She gives me scorched panties.
The sun was setting. Slowly it began. Its descent from the top of the sky down to the horizon almost lazy, as if there was no rush to give up its place to the moon. Once it first touched the horizon though, then it sped up, almost like it was being tugged away, and no matter how beautiful it was… how many last rays it allowed to play across the sea, how many clouds it tinted with vibrant pink and reds, it still had to go. There was a natural order to things like this. Night always followed day, and in return, the sun would soon come back to reclaim its place in the sky.
Faith loved watching this part of the day unfold. Once upon a time, a long while ago, she would have watched this knowing that now was her time. That the hour had come for her to become a hunter, to search out and destroy all the nasties that believed that the night belonged to them. It didn’t. As long as there was a slayer there would always be someone to stand up and fight. And now there were lots of slayers. Too many to know all the names of, even though she tried hard to keep up with them all. It pleased her. Made her smile. There might have been a time when she was reluctant to give up her power to many, but she knew it had been the right thing to do. It was simply a case that there was just too much badness in the world for one girl to fight all alone. Too much for even two girls.
She loved this time of day now simply for its beauty. For the peacefulness that stretched out as the sun bid farewell. It wouldn’t last. Darkness bought noise and disruption. Parties of people looking for the fun, the secret joys that L.A. could offer them. There was plenty. Faith knew, she had found a good many fun times here herself. But she was different now. Life wasn’t always about partying hard. Sometimes it was just about kicking back and relaxing, about enjoying the beauties of a perfect sunset.
She hopped down from her perch and felt her bare feet touch the cooling sand, she wiggled her toes, the tickles from the grains still making her giggle. She raised her fingers to her mouth and let out a large whistle, calling forth her companion, letting them know that the peaceful times were over. She still had to slay. Not always for the sake of protecting the world, but because she was a slayer. It didn’t matter how many girls she shared this with now, SHE was still a slayer. And her blood still rushed quicker as darkness beckoned, her hands becoming twitchy as they longed to wrap around a solid piece of wood, the power of life and death in her hands.
She wouldn’t do a big sweep tonight, she didn’t feel like it. Tomorrow was coming and it played heavy on her mind. Not in a bad way. Just a heavy way. She hadn’t thought about the other for a long time, hadn’t needed to, her life was full, she had friends, she had purpose, she had a home. She was content. But now. Now that the time was here, the time to find a hello again, now it was a lot of all she could think about.
The ball of fluff which could otherwise have been called a puppy, came steaming towards her, yelping, jumping, chasing its tail… obviously just happy, in the way that dogs can be. Faith loved this animal. It had been a housewarming gift from Angel. He wanted to give her something she had always wanted. She chuckled as she thought about that, he had given her a home, how could he think that there was still more she needed? But in his own way he had been right. The puppy gave her companionship when she may otherwise have sought to be alone, gave her someone to think about, to care about other than herself.
Naming the thing had been hard. To her it felt like a huge responsibility. She didn’t wanna give it a dumb name, a girly name, but on the other hand she didn’t want to call it something butch and scary… it was too cute to do scary. For a little while she even thought about naming it Buffy, not for sentimental reasons, not really… but just because she had always thought the name more suitable for a puppy then a fully grown woman. Angel had vetoed that idea though, he had just said that some time in the future that could be a decision she regretted. Whatever. Maybe he knew best, what with the arrival of tomorrow and all.
In the end she HAD gone with sentimental. She thought about all the things in her life which had happened to her, all the things she made happen, times she had been happy, times she had been a whole lot less than happy, and it was decided. Her puppy, her friend would be called Scoobs. She liked it, it sounded right. After all, was there any greater example of friendship than the crazy mixed up bunch of people she had met in Sunnydale? She didn’t think so. And yes, that friendship hadn’t always been extended to her, but in the end… when it had counted, they had been the people that fought by her side, who taught her about what it meant to belong. To be a part of something.
She scooped up Scoobs into her arms, allowed him to take a long lick of her face, and then deposited him firmly within the safety of her house. Slaying was certainly no place for a ball of excitement as hyperactive as her little friend. Maybe one day, but definitely not this day.
Throwing on clothes more appropriate than the ones she had been wearing to kick back on the beach, she readied her mind and her body to take part in her nightly duties. She would swing by and see Angel, check if there was anything large and nasty which required attention or if this was just another normal nightly mission of dusting. She hoped for the latter. Just a distraction from tomorrow, nothing life and death. But if it was the former, so be it. She had found out that life had nothing to throw at her that she couldn’t readily handle. A realisation that had come with maturity. She liked the realisation. She liked it a lot.
At that moment, halfway round the world, someone else was weighing up their life, their maturity, and for them they were finding it a lot harder to find fulfilment. Not that they were unhappy, far from it… they just hadn’t found that niche. That certain place that is home, that place where you belong, the place that makes you smile because it’s yours.
It was half the reason that she was heading to L.A. It had been over two years since she had last set foot on American soil, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe she had fled from the one place that WAS home. So quick to distance herself from everything that she had thought held her prisoner, when all the time it was the one place that she truly belonged. She didn’t know. Answers were things she didn’t always have. Lots of questions. But not always answers.
Contact with Angel had been kept up across the miles. She knew all abut his Wolfram and Hart business. Didn’t really understand it, but it seemed from the outside at least, that he was managing to make it work. There were lots of slayers in L.A. and all of them in some way liased with Angel, he helped them equipment wise, and also with knowledge that he, as head of a great former evil empire was privy to.
At first she had wanted not to trust him, to not believe that he could be a part of something that ultimately bad, and still keep a semblance of good. But word had come from many that good indeed was being done, and her basic love of Angel had allowed her to give him her trust.
It was him now that was helping her with this ‘visit’. As soon as she mentioned to him that she felt like coming home, he had pounced on the idea. He had sorted her out a nice place to stay on the coast. Apparently when you head up a huge place like W&H you also get lots of perks, like beachfront properties. She wasn’t complaining. The thought of staying on the beach in her own place was a darn sight more appealing than staying in a hotel. He had even said that if she decided to stay on and make L.A. her home, then the place was hers to keep. Apparently it was in a rather upmarket part of town, private access and all that. Nice neighbours. And most importantly… not a local demon hangout!
Sitting on the plane, waiting for take off, she could feel her excitement building. This was a good idea. She was sure of it.
Leaving Dawn had been hard. Her last ‘real’ family. But Dawn was a woman now more than a girl, and she had made her place. London it seemed had everything she needed. Boys for a start, and lots more after. Giles was there, so she didn’t feel as if she was abandoning her… she just felt… sad? Being alone had been something she had always felt, less so lately with the sharing of her burdens… but still her, aside from the slaying, aside from her calling. She still felt lonely.
She cast her mind over the few relationships she had in the last couple of years. None of them had been serious, none of them had given her the feeling of togetherness. And she wouldn’t settle for less. Love was too important to her to play with it. Half of her suspected that until she had found a place that she could call home, she wouldn’t find a person she could share her love with.
Now that she felt that life wasn’t gonna end at some soon to be met point, she felt able to relax a little more. The words she had spoken to Angel before, about not being baked yet, not ready to make things work with someone, they had been true. But lately, watching people around her find happiness, she wondered if being baked wasn’t something you achieved WITH someone, like a joint baking session. She didn’t know. Another case of not having the answers. But maybe she was ready to learn?
Her ears popped as the plane raced through the clouds, heading into the dark night sky. She reached inside her jacket and fingered her stake, no matter where she was, darkness always made her think of slaying. A hazard of the job she guessed.
She thought also about the other slayers. So many of them now, bound together, working together, maybe finally turning the tide against all things evil. She wondered finally at her sister slayer. That’s how she always thought of her. It didn’t matter how big the extended family was now, no-one could ever feel like part of her the way that Faith had. She wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like they were unique anymore… but maybe it was just all those years when they were alone, the only two, the chosen two. Those years had made her value the bond in ways she could never hope to do with a ’new girl’.
Not that she had kept up the bond. Not that she had kept up anything. No words. No Christmas cards. Nothing.
She knew that she was in L.A. Angel had kept her informed as to her whereabouts. Her life. She knew for example that she made it her own duty to take the other slayers under her wing. To teach them the value of being a slayer. The things it did mean, but most importantly, the things it didn’t mean. That made her smile. Faith all responsible. It sat well with her. Almost in a way made her proud of her.
When they had left Sunnydale, or destroyed Sunnydale, there had been a moment then when she had thought that they could build friendship, but the past is a heavy cross to bear, and at that time the past was still waiting to jump up and take a bite from her ass.
Besides, she had known. That at any point, anywhere, any time, she would only have to say the words and Faith would have been there. Not in a lap dog kind of way. She had made THAT most clear. But as her sister slayer. Her partner. Her equal.
She lay her head back against the uncomfortable head rest and mused the idea that perhaps she should of let Angel spring for first class, instead of insisting she travel under her own steam. She had a lot of hours to be wedged into the confined space of economy, with its tin foil covered meals, and crappy little tv screens showing re-runs of old comedy shows.
Accepting help wasn’t always her best feature though, so refusal it had been. Plus she could always just sleep her way across the miles. Allow her eyes to settle on closed, her mind to stop wandering across memories new and old.
Her breathing slowed along with her thoughts. But the seeds had already been planted. As she gave up control to peaceful slumber it was her sister slayer that sought to carry her off to her dreams. Memories old. Memories new. And memories just waiting to be made.
Ten hours later the resounding bump of the wheels against the run way bought the oldest slayer fully to her senses. It hadn’t been the most pleasant of journeys, far from it. Every time that she had sought some form of peaceful slumber, an escape from the horrors of economy travel, something or someone had equally sought to prevent it from happening. If it wasn’t the nature of her dreams, it was the ever present stewardesses with offers of duty free or inedible meals, and when it wasn’t them it was the annoying torment of the young family behind her. Sure she didn’t have a problem with kids, but when those kids were kicking chunks out of the back of her chair it remained hard to find a smile.
But she was here now, and as long as she hadn’t developed some case of deep vein thrombosis she vowed to be happy. Her legs were itching to move, and she was almost first off the plane such was the desire to be free.
She breezed through baggage collection and customs and before she knew it was stood in the arrivals lounge looking for a sign. Not a sign from the gods, just a cardboard variety proclaiming her name. Angel had said there would be someone there to meet her, and he did not disappoint. There it was ‘Buffy Summers’. Her name. Her ride.
The luxury of the limo was welcome after her flight, and now she had to fight to keep sleep at bay. It would be easy to give in, but she wanted to some how seem refreshed for her meeting with Angel. Sure she didn’t still want him in the way she did in her youth, but it didn’t hurt to look good. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. So sleep was fought, and it was a very awake, if fading fast slayer that made the journey to the headquarters of W&H.
The sheer size of the building shocked her. She hadn’t known what to expect but this level of grandeur was not it. And so many people. All of them buzzing around with a purpose. It frightened her a little, she felt quite small amongst so many, but she was a slayer, so she squared her shoulders, made her way to the reception desk and asked for an audience with the boss.
The private elevator carried her up and up and possibly higher. She had made it to heaven once before and this journey possibly felt like it was heading that way again. She would bet money that the views were to die for. If they weren’t blocked by the clouds of course.
The doors finally opened and she was let out into Angel’s private quarters, and there he was, looking exactly the same as the last time, waiting with open arms.
“Buffy.”
The hearing of her name on his lips bought many things to the forefront of her mind, but she was quick to note that desire was not there. No need to rush with a bursting heart into those arms spread wide, no need to seek solace from the world at large.
“Hey Angel, great to see you.”
She did take the offered place in his embrace, but it was measured, it was friendship.
“How was your flight? Did you get picked up okay? Are you pleased to be home?”
“Crap, yes and we’ll wait and see on the last one!”
“I offered you first class.”
“And I’m a dope for not accepting. But it’s a lesson learnt, next time feel free to pick up the tab for luxury travel… heck, a private jet might be called for!”
“That’s not a problem.”
Buffy looked up and into the eyes staring back at her and realised this was no joke.
“You certainly have landed on your feet here haven’t you?”
“It’s a job.”
“With a private jet?”
“A man needs perks!”
Angel led her over to the comfy seating area and went about getting her a drink. There was much to catch up on. Sure they had been in contact, but nothing was the same as face to face interaction, and interacting with Buffy had been something he had mostly always enjoyed.
She filled him in on her travels around Europe, the demons she had come across, mostly the same dumb kind as found here in America. She told him about Dawn’s wish to stay in England, about Giles forming of a new council of watchers, and finally about her own inability to put down roots in any of the places she had been. And thus her feeling of needing to come home, to here.
In turn Angel told her of how his operations with W&H worked, how he helped the many slayers and co-ordinated efforts so as no demons were allowed to gain a stronghold in HIS city. He filled her in on Wes and Fred and their relationship, told her how she would no longer recognise the man that her former bumbling watcher had become. And lastly they spoke about Faith. About the woman she had grown into.
Buffy felt the familiar feelings of something as the talk turned to her slaying partner. It was almost the same as her buzz for slaying. The way electricity sought to find its way along her nerve endings looking for a release.
Times had certainly changed over the last two and some years, and now it was mostly nothing but excitement she felt as she looked forward to renewing her ties with Faith. Maybe the tiniest amount of trepidation, AND she found it kinda funny that she also wanted to look good for their first meeting. As if Faith would care at all what she looked like.
It was tomorrow. Tomorrow was today. And Faith was buzzing.
She knew how this was gonna go, kind of. She knew that the house next to hers, just along the beach, the one that Angel kept for visiting friends, was gonna be home to Buffy for a while. And that made her happy, and nervous, and kinda scared, in a way which wasn’t really scary but that made the hairs at the back of her neck all tingly. She also knew that Angel hadn’t told Buffy exactly who her new neighbour was gonna be. She had asked him not to.
He hadn’t been sure, thought that maybe keeping secrets from Buffy wasn’t the best way to go, but she had assured him. Told him that her and Buffy were ‘friends’ now… and the fact that they had not been in contact at all since the hell mouth went bang..? Didn’t mean shit to her. It would be a surprise, a pleasant surprise, and the tentative building of bridges that had begun in those last hours of Sunnydale would be built upon even more.
Faith didn’t doubt that for a second. Sure she expected the odd bout of fireworks… this was her and Buffy, darkness and light, and where would be the fun if you couldn’t have some fireworks? No fun, that’s where.
And aside from the fact that they hadn’t sent letters, made phone calls, she was absolutely sure that had there at any time during the last two years been a moment when she had needed her sister slayer, she would only have had to say the word. She KNEW that Buffy would have been there for her. It wasn’t even a question. An unspoken agreement that stood for more than words.
Now though, waiting for her to arrive, she didn’t know if not telling WAS the right thing to do. What if Buffy still had that stick up her ass, and took this as some kind of personal affront..? Wouldn’t be the biggest shock ever. Sometimes the smallest of things could make her spurt the comical steam from the ears. She hoped that it wasn’t like that. She felt it wasn’t… but who really knew?
She decided to walk the puppy to get rid of some of her energy. There was nothing else to do. There was plenty of time until the sun went down, there was no big scary thing to research. Not that she did research, but she liked to hang with Fred and Wes and pretend she was researching. They knew the truth, she knew the truth, but they still kept up the illusion.
Faith picked up a shirt to cover her otherwise bikini only body and whistled for Scoobs to come join her. She slung open the door to the beach and headed on off into the distance. The beach was long and much walking could be done. Sometimes she would stop to swim in the ocean… but once, about a year ago, she had a rather not so nice run in with some demon who liked to live in the sea. It put her off a bit. It was the slime. She HATED the slime. So now she only occasionally, if she was feeling brave and hot, took the dive into the waves.
Almost as if it was planned, Faith’s departure brought about Buffy’s arrival. She had taken ownership of a nice little jeep for the length of her stay, and with all her skills as a driver was now reversing it into the parking space in front of her new abode. So far only one flower pot had been sent to the flower pot heaven in the sky, but technically that was the fault of a wonky mirror, rather than the fault of a very competent Buffy. She was sure of it. And if the car was new, and the mirrors in all the right places..? Well then, maybe Angel needed to lodge a complaint with the people who supplied him with vehicles. Because something caused her to hit the pot. And it WASN’T bad driving!
She effortlessly grabbed her bags from the trunk and made her way up to the front door. It was beautiful. Not the front door, that was just red, but the place as a whole, THAT was beautiful. It was all white and wooden and small and inviting. And she could hear the waves from the ocean, her own backyard.
She let herself in with the key that Angel had supplied and took a tour of the place. It had one main bedroom, a smaller bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and a front room. Everything she needed and not too much space to rattle around alone in. It was all tastefully decorated too, seemingly quite airy without too much clutter, but at the same time offering a comforting feel most welcome to the weary slayer.
Finally Buffy made her way out of the large glass doors at the back. There it was. The beach, the ocean… vacation!!! She was tempted to run for the waves now, fully clothed, just to remind herself of how inviting it could be. But she didn’t. Not only was she feeling exhausted, but also she had a neighbour. A very nice neighbour from what Angel had said. And she didn’t want to embarrass herself straight away with crazy shows of exuberance.
Angel hadn’t mentioned a name, but from what she could make out, it was a girl of similar age to her, someone who worked with Angel and was fully aware of the things that go bump in the night. Buffy wondered if it was a slayer, one of the many, but hadn’t gotten round to asking… there had been way too much other stuff to get caught up on. Now she wondered again though, it would be nice to make a friend. And she would never need to be lonely if her and her new neighbour could get along.
Deciding to be brave she crossed the length of sand that separated the two properties, it wasn’t far, just far enough so as not to be on top of each other, and made her way up the little steps to the door at the back. She knocked lightly, and when no answer came, a little more firmly. Still no-one answered and she cupped her hands against the glass and peered in. It was mostly nice and tidy and looked well lived in. There was a bowl on the floor for feeding an animal and a few clothes thrown hap-hazardly across the furniture. Not in a slob way, just in a home kind of way. It made Buffy smile.
She decided to go back across to her own house and write a note for her new neighbour. Just to say hi, and suggest meeting later on. She supposed maybe the girl was at work, it was after all still a short while before evening came.
The note was brief and to the point, friendly without being freaky. Just a ‘Hello, I’m your new neighbour, feel free to pop over and say hi.’ Perfect.
With that she returned to her new home and went about unpacking, she also kind of fancied snoozing, and the large double bed, decorated all in crisp fresh white sheets was just calling to her to fall upon it.
She fell. And she slept.
‘Hello, I’m your new neighbour, just wanted to say hi, feel free to pop over when you’re home, looking forward to meeting you… Buffy.’
Well that was nice. Faith peeled the note from the glass of the door and made her way inside. She wondered what time Buffy had gotten there, she had walked for miles and played with Scoobs, even taken a dip in the ocean. Today was not a day for feeling scared. It was about bravery and being brave and… ‘feel free to pop over?’
Did that mean now..? Should she get washed up..? Maybe put on some fresh clothes..? Perhaps she should take a shower, she didn’t wanna smell all salty and sweaty, not that Buffy would care, the shock of meeting her neighbour would probably be enough for her to take in.
She decided to get a beer first. And then that was drained and she decided to get another. She wasn’t so much a big drinker nowadays, but a cold beer always helped to focus the mind.
But what was she focusing on..? This was Buffy for gods sake, not a stranger. They’d met a thousand times before, there was certainly no need to be feeling the steady stream of butterflies that were fluttering around in her stomach. But feel them she did. It almost felt the same as when you were going on a date, and just waiting at the door for their car to pull up in the drive. Not that she did much dating. After Robin had left town, she’d been happy to be alone. A couple of dates here and there, but nothing ever really serious.
She’d even given up on the cheap sex. It wasn’t that she’d suddenly found a great reserve of morals she hadn’t had before, she just couldn’t be bothered. And this was her home. She didn’t want any old person just wandering through her home.
She didn’t know if she missed it. Didn’t really think about it. She took care of her own needs, and for company she had her friends and Scoobs. It did. For now at least.
But Faith couldn’t deny the flutters she was feeling at the moment. So another beer made its way to her lips. And then the sun was starting to set, and she made her way out to her perch on the railings of her back porch.
As she relaxed herself back and allowed the days last warmth to wash over her, she stole a glance across the way to her neighbouring property. She couldn’t see any signs of life, no evidence of Buffy bustling around, making herself comfy in her new home. She wondered if perhaps she had gone out. Had maybe dumped her belongings and searched out food. She knew that if she had just travelled halfway round the world eating crappy plane food she’d be searching out something more substantial.
Half of her was just dying to make the trip across the sand, to raise her hand and knock on the door, but the other half..? That was nervous in the way that Buffy had always made her nervous. It was excitement and fear and need and longing. She pushed them thoughts down though. She was a woman now, not a girl. Not governed by wasted desire, the need to be held and made to feel whole. She would be to Buffy the friend that she always could have been. And if desire was still there, far away in the back of her mind… well she would deal with that. She would swallow it down and put it to bed.
She wasn’t stupid. Unrequited had been a word she had to learn a good many years ago, and now she was old enough and mature enough to cope with it. Time had taught her that sometimes it was best to just accept friendship. To make the most of what was on offer and to treasure it. So she would. Being Buffy’s friend was what she wanted most.
As lost as she was in her deep thoughts, Faith didn’t really see the sunset, wasn’t totally aware that the day had indeed passed and evening was upon them. It was Scoobs with all his pent up energy that finally roused her from her musings, barking away happily, looking for a playmate. She sighed an introspective sigh and made her body come to life again.
She didn’t feel like slaying. For the first time in ages the darkness didn’t pull at her like a slayer, it only made her think about slaying with Buffy. Nothing had ever compared. Even the last battle they had fought together, the one that had finally put to rest the hell hole that was Sunnydale had left her buzzing with the something that only shoulder to shoulder with Buffy could provide. There was a kinship between them that even her fellow slayer could not deny. Hell, even when they were at each others throats they had been bonded through dreams. Faith had never truly understood that. But then in her life there was so much she had never understood that to question everything would have driven her crazy. So she just accepted it. At times she had wondered if maybe this link meant ‘something’. More than just a slayer something. But she didn’t have the answers, so she just stopped asking the question.
She decided she would swing by and see Angel, pick up some food, maybe pop down to the lab and amuse herself with Fred’s insane form of conversation, and then she would come back and search out Buffy. It was a plan.
Faith picked up the pup, wandered through the house and out the front door. She couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as she noticed the broken flower pot in the neighbouring drive. Same old Buffy. Same old feelings.
“Every fucking time! It has to be the slime, right?”
Faith was stood in Angel’s office dripping with the gooey innards of some form of non-life form, staring at an equally gooed up Angel and Wes. She had known when she had arrived that sewer meant trouble. But why now? Why today when she had so much other shit to be thinking about.
“Well technically Faith, this is the first slime incident in the last two months, and not meaning to be pedantic, but that is not EVERYTIME.”
“Bite me, Wes.”
“Shower first?”
“Ha-freaking-ha! I tell ya, I don’t know what that sweet cheeks downstairs sees in you…”
“Charm, good looks, a dashing sense of humour…”
“An over extended ego..?”
They all turned to look at the new comer. Fred was dressed in her usual lab coat, but she still managed to make it look good. In her hand was a tube carrying the same slime that the rest of the room was wearing.
“So what have we got Fred? Just the usual sewer dweller, or something more substantial?”
“Not sure Angel, I thought it was usual, wasn’t even gonna go with the tests, but the smell was just…”
She looked around the room, noticed the murderous looks being pointed in her direction…
“…the smell was, uh… different. So I ran it through the normal range of analysis and I don’t know, it isn’t registering as anything we’ve seen before. Perhaps maybe Wes could get a team together to research..?”
“There goes dinner.”
“Dude, you could eat after that? You English types freak me out.”
“Faith, don’t even pretend that you’re not already thinking about which flavour sauce you’re gonna have on your ribs tonight.”
“Yeah, but I’m from Boston… that’s normal, plus… slayer! I NEED to eat after a good slay. There’s no excuse for you, except perhaps plain old abnormalities?”
Angel ignored the banter going on around him and put the word out to Harmony to have the head of one of the research divisions sent up to his office. He wouldn’t make Wes research tonight. As his friends they were always willing to keep at it, to put in the extra miles when they had already done enough. But sometimes he relented. They were human, they were alive, they had life. He would keep at it, and tomorrow they would reconvene at normal office hours.
“Guys, go home. You too Fred. We’re not gonna find out anything tonight that can’t wait until tomorrow. Go have fun, who knows where this slime thing is going to take us?”
Wesley smiled at his boss, at his friend, and made to leave the room. As the door closed behind him and his Texan beauty, the words ‘no’ and ‘shower first’ were heard ringing out in Fred’s firm tones. It made Angel and Faith smile. That Wes and Fred could exist in this world and make a relationship work..? It gave them hope.
“So why are you still here, Faith? I thought you’d be first out the door.”
Faith knew why she was here. Angel was her sounding board. Had been since he had saved her. More so since she had taken that little trip through his mind with him. Aside from Buffy, the bond she felt with him was the one she treasured the most.
“Ya know big guy, things on my mind.”
“Things?”
“Yeah. Things.”
“Buffy things?”
She thought for a moment. What exactly was on her mind? Ever since she had known that Buffy was coming here she had been plagued with memories of her. Not in a ‘bubonic plague, everyone’s gonna die’ kind of way… but in a ‘just can’t think about anything else’ kind of way.
“Yeah I guess. Buffy things.”
Angel looked at her, studied her, and took a moment. He had a question to ask, a hard question, and he decided that blunt was the only way to go.
“Are you still in love with her?”
“HUH?”
“Don’t act so shocked Faith. I may be old but my faculties are all still working.”
“Or not.”
She wiggled her eyebrows in a typical Faith way. It was still hard for her to talk about things which mattered. Which meant something to her. Didn’t matter that Angel knew her maybe better than anyone. It was still hard.
“No need to go below the belt, Faith.”
“But below the belt was exactly what I was talking about!”
Angel shook his head, maybe gave a sigh close to exasperated.
“I know how you feel, Faith. It’s ok. I’ve felt the same remember? I know how special Buffy is, I know the feelings she invokes in people. You don’t have to play coy with me. If anyone understands, then I’m your guy.”
She considered that. It held truth in it.
“Okay. Lets say for a moment that Buffy coming back is making me think about things I don’t wanna think about… what do I do? Cos I don’t wanna mess this up, ya know? I did that before, and yeah I was dumb, and young and a whole lot of stupid, but I’m scared. Scared that I won’t be able to ignore it.”
“Who said you have to ignore it?”
“Oh for fucks sake! Of course I have to ignore it. This is Buffy we‘re talking about, not some two dollar whore I can pick up and play with for five minutes… and hello? GIRL. You may not have the working faculties down there man, but at least you have the right bits! Aside from stopping at the sex shop on the corner and stocking up on silicone extras, I am NEVER gonna have the bits that she needs!”
Angel allowed his gaze to travel over the girl in front of him. The woman in front of him. Aside from the slime she was beautiful. But apart from that… she was special. More special than she ever gave herself credit for. It amazed him sometimes that people could ever make a go of things in this world. They looked at everything wrong, considered everything from the wrong angles. Sure he had the advantage of two hundred plus years of voyeurism, but still… he was often amazed at the shallow way people viewed the world.
“Do you really think it’s just about sex, Faith? Everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve seen… you really believe in your heart that this just comes down to sex?”
“NO! But… argh! This is stupid! You can’t tell me that it doesn’t matter. Of course it matters! Buffy likes guys. Just guys! Even dead guys!…”
She made a motion with her hand to acknowledge Angel, that Buffy had once been his did not escape her memory.
“…but she has never, and that bears repeating, NEVER had a thing for a girl. Not even a little thing that she could put down to a teenage crush. She’s straight. And that’s cool. This isn’t about her, this is about how to stop me from wanting what I can’t have. Could never have!”
Faith threw herself onto the sofa, at the last minute remembering the pints of slime covering her body.
“Ah shit! Sorry bout that dude.”
“Nothing that dry cleaning can’t sort out.”
Angel made his way to the sofa as well. He had words to say that he thought Faith needed to hear, and comfortable would be the best way to deliver them. Slime or no slime.
“Listen to me Faith, and listen good. Buffy isn’t an open book, there has never been a clear way of knowing what she was thinking, what she was feeling… but I KNOW her, not in the same way I used to know her, but enough to know that what you felt, what you feel… it isn’t all just you. Back then, when she was my girl, and you were all new and exciting and strutting through town with an air of invincibility, I felt it. I saw it. I recognised her need for you… because it felt like my need for her. Maybe I should have stepped back then. Maybe if I had, then some things that happened wouldn’t have happened, and we wouldn’t even be having this conversation now. But don’t ever think that she didn’t feel for you. I’m not saying it was love, I’m no-one to tell you that she loved you. But it WAS something. It was need.”
Faith was floored. Forever and longer she had considered what she felt for Buffy all one way. And now..? Now Angel of all people was telling her it wasn’t so. That maybe the glances she thought she had seen, the touches she imagined she had felt… the fire that she was sure had raged in Buffy’s eyes was real..? Could it be?
“I don’t know Angel. I just don’t know.”
He chuckled. So young. So innocent.
“You’re not supposed to know. If you knew then where would be the fun? Just take it easy Faith. Get to know the girl again. Maybe you won’t even feel the same for her anymore?”
The look that Faith gave him assured him that she had never felt different, and wasn’t going to start now.
“There was this moment ya know? In the Dale, before we shut up that shit pit… I was fucked, totally led the girls into a trap, nearly wasted myself… and she came to see me, on the bed, in the bed…”
She raised her eyebrows at the memory.
“…in HER bed, and I just… I don’t know, it was like I felt connected to her again, like I could say anything and she wouldn’t kill me, and I nearly said it, I nearly told her… all the times, looking at her, wanting her, needing her… but I couldn’t do it. And then it was gone. And there was Spike, and Robin. And the fight. And then she was gone, and I was here. Just… what if it isn’t meant to be? Maybe I missed the chance, if I had said then, maybe… argh! I just don’t know.”
She felt kind of melancholy. A whole lot of it.
“Forget sorry for yourself, Faith. Buffy doesn’t hold all the cards no matter what you think. You’re her equal, not just in slaying… but as a woman. You have as much to offer her as she has to offer you. And don’t forget that. Just talk to her, get to know her, catch up, have fun. You don’t need her to make you happy, you certainly don’t need her to validate you…”
“I didn’t say I needed her to 'validate' me!”
“Calm down. I didn’t mean that in a bad way, but you’ve always looked for some kind of acceptance from her. You don’t need it. You are important. You have friends. You have a life. When you think about it… it’s Buffy that’s come searching for something. Maybe you’re that something?”
“And maybe I’m not.”
Faith lifted herself from the sofa. All this talk was just helping to dredge up memories and feelings she had long put to rest. A lot of it still hurt. Still left her longing.
“I’m out of here big guy. I need to chill, get showered. Get sleep. I appreciate the chat, really… I just, I need time to think. Which scares me… cos thinking? Ouch!”
Angel laughed at the joke which was always there to cover feelings. To cover her pain.
“You take it easy. I might need you for the slime thing, ok?”
“Sure thing. But I want new clothes, I’m sick of my shit getting ruined for you!”
“You’re supposed to be doing this as a calling, Faith. Not for a new wardrobe.”
“Yeah, yeah… I got the memo.”
She made her way to the door and went to leave. He called her back again though and she steeled herself for one last piece of advice, one last nugget of knowledge.
“Faith..?”
“Yeah?”
“What sauce you getting on the ribs?”
She had to laugh. He wasn’t always the stuffy guy. Just most of the time.
“Hot and spicy baby! You know me!”
She winked at him as she left his office. He did know her. That was a given.
Note: I'm gonna dedicate this part to my Kevin. He shall never read it, would rather boil his head in a pan of hot oil... but when I needed his help, and asked him for a sexy car, he gave me an AC Cobra. Thankyou Kevin!!
Buffy rose dazed and confused from her slumber. At first she couldn’t remember where exactly she was, but the roaring of the ocean soon reminded her. She was in LA. City of Angels. Maybe home.
All outside was darkness and she soon discovered that what she had thought would be a short nap, had somehow turned into a few hours deep sleep. She didn’t mind, she had obviously needed it, and what with the time difference, and the jet lag, she had probably been sleeping when her body was most expecting it.
After she had made some calls to Dawn and to Giles to assure them of her safe arrival she turned her thoughts to food. She was starving. The crap on the plane had been laughable, and her tummy was growling in ways only fit for the most nasty of demons. She would’ve been embarrassed if there had been someone there to hear it, but there wasn’t. So she wasn’t. She just patted her stomach and assured it in placating tones that soon she would give it a whole lot of what it desired.
Searching the kitchen though didn’t bring much joy. There was a few token bits of food stuff, but nothing that could satisfy the need she had right now. There was of course some low fat yoghurt, and Buffy wasn’t entirely sure that this wasn’t some form of cheeky joke from Angel. She turned up her nose and decided she would have to leave the house and find something wholly more substantial.
Freshening up and grabbing her keys, she made her way to the front door. There was still no sign of a vehicle in her new neighbours drive, and that led Buffy to wonder again that maybe she was a slayer, out performing her nightly duties. For a second she was envious… jealous of the action she wasn’t a part of, but then she remembered… VACATION!!! And that made her feel a whole heap better. She could always call on Angel to provide her with action if she needed it.
Plus there was Faith. Buffy knew for sure that at some point she would be searching out her previous partner in crime, and that had to mean that they would slay together again. She allowed herself a smile at that, maybe more than a smile, a full wattage grin. Some things just couldn’t be forgotten or replaced, and the feeling of slaying with Faith was one of those things.
She pulled out of her parking space and headed on out to the road, and although she WAS concentrating on the flow of traffic and the road signs by the way, her mind couldn’t help but travel back to the times gone. Feelings gone. The absolute unmatched joy of being at one with Faith.
It was an unrivalled emotion. Knowing that the power you held so firm in your grasp was matched totally by the one beside you. That your thoughts, your feelings, your very mind was in total harmony with the other. Not like flip sides to a coin, but the SAME side to a coin. It had freaked her a little at first… it was Faith after all. Uncontrollable, unrestrained power. The kind that scorched you if you got too close. She knew. She had been scorched. Although it wasn’t her that had the scars to prove it.
But now it didn’t freak her. Hadn’t freaked her the last time they were together. The words that Faith had spoken to her, about understanding, the loneliness, those words had given her a strange feeling of..? She wasn’t sure. Maybe hope. Hope for something un-named.
She believed that Faith truly was her equal now. Not just in power held, but also in feelings felt. And she liked that. She looked forward to it. All she had to do now was work up the courage to seek her out. To renew the ties, renew the bond. Renew the feelings.
As she mindlessly pulled into the lot of a typical kind of highway restaurant she promised herself that tomorrow, as soon as could be, she would speak to Angel about speaking to Faith. He was after all Faith’s friend, and he would know best whether she wanted to hear from Buffy in the same way Buffy needed to hear from her. She hoped so.
Little did she know that she would be face to face with Faith a whole lot sooner than she expected. And it would be a meeting that went with a bang.
Faith waited at the counter for the waitress to deliver her take out ribs. She had been ready to sit in and eat, but the looks she had received, the turned up noses, she just couldn’t be bothered. She knew she stank. No need to inflict that on the public at large. Although if she thought about it she would maybe consider that the stench and slime had been gained whilst protecting these very people with the snooty noses. She didn’t really care. She wanted a shower badly. Getting home sooner rather than later was no real hardship.
The waitress approached her with the boxes held at arms length. There was enough food here to feed way more than the five thousand, and the woman had to wonder to herself who on earth was going to keep this rather unkempt and disgustingly smelly girl company whilst she ate.
“Is that everything?”
“I don’t know… err, maybe throw in a couple of slices of pie? I love the pie.”
“Two slices?”
Faith looked at the display of deserts on show, they all looked mouth watering, and maybe she could manage more than a couple of slices?
“Okay, throw in the whole thing. The cherry one… and a slice of that chocolate thing, wait… two slices.”
She cast an amused glance at the waitress who was stood with her mouth hanging open.
“What can I say..? I have a big appetite.”
The waitress rang up the purchases and held her hand out for money. When she saw the slime that encased the cash though she looked a bit unsure about whether to take it.
“Hey lady, it’s all that I got, if ya wanna give me this for free, I’m not gonna complain..?”
“No, no, that’s fine… although, if you don’t mind me asking, what IS that stuff?”
Faith wondered whether to tell her. ‘Well at the moment it’s some unclassified slime from some unclassified demon.’ But she thought better of it. She was already getting strange looks. No need to get committed too.
“Over active sweat gland?”
The waitress just gingerly took the money and offered a sympathetic gaze.
“You should see someone for that.”
“Don’t I know it lady, but medical insurance, who’s got the cash?”
With that she took her food and headed to her car. It hurt her to get in the car with the slime, but what was she to do? The car had been a birthday gift last year from Angel and Wes. It was a beautiful red and chrome AC Cobra. It purred. It sang. Hell, it made her cream. She’d put some makeshift plastic style covering over the seat and hoped for the best. If the car stank tomorrow though, then Angel was sure as hell gonna know about it. She LOVED her car!
She gunned the engine and listened to the familiar sounds as it kicked into life. Felt the throb as the car roared all around her. She checked her mirrors and reversed from her space, swung the nose round and went to leave the lot.
That’s when it happened. She felt it before she heard it. And she was screaming even before the metal finished meshing together. Someone had hit her car. Some absolute fucking moron had hit HER car. Some person who was very soon gonna be getting acquainted with the nasty side of her rage. Not much could make her lose it nowadays, but this..? This was akin to killing her first born. It was her car for gods sake!
She was up and out of her seat and cursing all around her in seconds. She didn’t care who the fuck was driving the other vehicle… and look at the thing! A fucking jeep! Probably a tourist, maybe a Brit, some mindless twerp that didn’t know which side of the road to drive on.
Faith stalked menacingly up to the driver's side door of the little jeep, she was gonna unload and she was gonna unload good. This person was gonna regret the day they messed with her prized Cobra. Hell yeah!
“For FUCKS sake, do you have fucking eyes? Do you have a fucking driver's license? Cos that there..? That was fucking bullshit dude, fucking bullshit!”
The driver of the other car looked up as the words were thrown at her. She had been lost in her thoughts, lost in Faith… and now, hearing the familiar Boston tones, she couldn’t believe it. Could it really be..?
“Faith..?”
Buffy spoke the word as her eyes travelled the distance to the ball of rage in front of her. It was Faith. It was the Faith from her nightmares. The one who could turn your insides to jelly for fear of what she was about to do.
It took a second longer for Faith to gain recognition. She was too busy pulling on the driver's door, intent to make the other person understand just how exactly pissed off she was.
“Buffy..? B..? I should have fucking known it, this is JUST great! Why the fuck people insist on still letting you in a car is beyond me. And a jeep..? What kind of bullshit is THAT? A prissy fucking car for a priss, is that it?”
Buffy was stunned into silence. This certainly was not the way she had hoped to be reintroduced to her fellow slayer. And for gods sake… it was a car! Just a car!
“I mean I saw the flower pot earlier, and I figured you still couldn’t drive for shit, but this..? This is beyond a joke. Nothing like funny!”
All the excitement that Faith had felt about seeing Buffy again was lost in the moment. All she felt was pissed off. Angry. Enraged.
“The flowerpot? How do you know about the flowerpot? And THAT so wasn’t my fault… it’s the mirrors or something, they’re faulty. Or the steering. MY driving is fine… maybe it was YOUR driving to blame here, huh?”
“My driving? You are joking yeah? I swear Buffy, you better tell me you’re joking, cos if you’re not, I am gonna be SO pissed.”
“As opposed to the calm nature you’re displaying now?”
Faith shook her head. This was all wrong. Buffy was joking with her? She had hit her car and she was making jokes?
Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Faith released her death grip on the door in front of her and took a step back.
“I AM CALM! Now back the hell up so I can see what the fuck you have done to my car… or maybe you need me to back up for you..? Maybe point out where the hell reverse is?”
“Oh for crying out loud! It’s a car, Faith, I’ll pay for the damage, ok? Just chill the hell out… AND I’m perfectly capable of reversing. I’m perfectly capable of driving full stop.”
“As the flowerpot will surely testify.”
Buffy waited for Faith to step back and duly reversed the jeep back off the front bumper of the little car in front. She did have to admit to herself… it was a beautiful car. Something she herself would be proud to drive.
She then got out of her own jeep and walked to the front to look at the damage done. In her opinion it wasn’t much. A scratch. A really deep scratch. With dents. A little bit of paint transference. Nothing really.
“Is it bad?”
Faith was just shaking her head. She looked close to tears. Buffy wasn’t sure, but maybe there WAS tears.
“Are you crying?”
“No I am not fucking crying. You’re lucky it’s you or you would be crying!”
“Is that a threat?”
“Oh shut up! Just shut the hell up!”
Faith looked again at the damage done. She felt it. Somewhere deep inside she felt it.
“Sorry.”
“You’re sorry?”
“That’s what I said isn’t it?”
“Forget it. Just… hell I don’t know, just don’t get in a car near me again, ok?”
She leant forward and ran her hand the length of her damaged bumper.
“I can’t believe you hurt my car.”
“I don’t think cars have feelings, Faith. They’re inanimate. Like flowerpots, which I still don’t know how you know about, but yes. Inanimate. No feelings.”
Faith huffed her way back to her own car, jumped in the driver's seat. Pretty soon Buffy would know how she knew about the flowerpot, and she wasn’t so sure that they would be such happy neighbours now.
As she turned the key in the ignition and again felt the familiar purr, she saw rather than heard Buffy mouthing her name. She cut the gas and raised her eyebrows questioningly.
“What is it now?”
“I uh… just well… you kinda stink, did you know that?”
Faith had no answer. None that she thought Buffy would want to hear anyway. As she floored the pedal and brought her baby to life she mouthed silently to her former partner and flipped her the finger. Then she was gone. Buffy had caught the words, it wasn’t a ‘great to see you’, no. It was a rather pleasant ‘fuck you Blondie’, but she had also caught the softening smile, the hint of a wink. This was going to be fun. She could tell.
A whole heap of fun.
Buffy stayed at the restaurant just long enough to eat her dinner. She didn’t take her time. Didn’t savour the flavour of the food. There would have been no point. She couldn’t think about food any more, her head was full of her meeting with Faith. Over and over again she replayed the events, the curses, the rage filled glances, the absolute venom which had filled Faith’s tones. But more than that, the thing which she was seeing on repeat, the thing that had filled her senses was the smile. The one Faith had thrown at her whilst driving away. Admittedly it had been kept company by the finger and the mouthed comment, but it was still special, it still made her smile in response.
Whenever she had thought about Faith over the last couple of years, her smile had always been something which Buffy’s mind had settled on. It was so full of promise, like she had a thousand secrets she was just dying to show you. It made the deep brown of her eyes just shine with life. Even when Buffy remembered the times when Faith had been ‘Evil Faith’, she still had visions of her smile, it’s sadistic nature not always able to cover the beauty underneath.
She was glad for the smile now, it reassured her that tonight’s incident wasn’t going to taint any future get together the two girls would inevitably have. Buffy would hate to go back to the tempestuous relationship they had shared in the past. It was too exhausting. Took too much energy, and with nothing but pain as a reward. No. This time her and Faith would be close, the way they always should have been. Because she, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, would make it so!
At least she really hoped so.
As she drove home she paid extra particular attention to the roads, she was no way convinced that the fender bender of earlier had been entirely her fault, but there was no need to get into anymore little mishaps. All the way home she followed the speed limits, kept correct distances between herself and the cars in front… she was a model driver. And then she pulled into the little private road where her own house for the time being was situated. Next, so distracted by the familiar little red car with slightly damaged bumper sitting in the parking space next door, she managed to hit the dustbin which sat alongside her own drive.
Buffy couldn’t believe it. Three accidents in one day..? It almost beat her record! More than that she couldn’t believe that there was exactly the same two cars in LA with exactly the same damage on the front right hand bumper. She didn’t believe in coincidences. It had to be Faith’s. And what did that mean..?
Maybe Faith was friends with the girl that lived there..? It lent weight to her theory that the girl next door was a slayer, because Faith would surely be her friend, and would maybe pop over to say ‘hi’, and ‘hello’. Maybe to have dinner… at past midnight.
Surely Faith didn’t live there herself..? Angel would have said something. Would have warned her. Checked that it was ok.
Buffy didn’t have long to wait to ask the girl herself. At that moment the front door opened, and there was Faith. Dressed in shorts and a bikini top, she was stood there with at first a puzzled frown adorning her features… then disbelief, and finally a smile, a smirk and a laugh!
“You TRYING to get my attention?”
Buffy eyes wandered over the vision in front of her. The teeny tiny shorts. The teenier tinier bikini top. She thought that maybe that comment should have been spoken by her… cos Faith surely HAD her attention.
“Earth to Buffy… come in Buffy?”
“Huh?… OH! Right… no I wasn’t, I just…”
She gestured to the dustbin lying on its side, as if maybe THAT had been the responsible party in the latest of little driving mishaps.
“…I wasn’t looking. I saw your car and I guess… well, the bin was just left there.”
“You sure it didn’t jump out at you?”
“Of course it didn’t, Faith. It’s a bin. And I guess you know that and I guess you were just making fun of me, right?”
“Right.”
Buffy considered her next actions. She could either try and negotiate herself into her parking space and suffer abject humiliation if she hit another flowerpot. Or she could abandon the car halfway on the sidewalk. It was a private road. What the heck..? She unfastened her seat belt, and exited the jeep. And there she was, face to face with a smiling Faith.
For a second or two no words were spoken. They just stood there, studying each other. Neither one knowing the thoughts of the other, but at the moment just happy to be lost in their own musings. It was Buffy that finally broke the standoff.
“So you live here, right?”
“Is that a problem?”
“Do you stay up all night playing loud music and generally upsetting the tranquil nature of the neighbourhood?”
“Not last time I checked… and this IS the neighbourhood. No one else for miles. Or a block or two. But it feels like miles.”
“Don’t ya get lonely?”
“Yeah. I just spend my nights craving human contact… someone to talk to, a friendly ear to bend.”
Faith certainly did not. She had Angel and the gang when she wanted company, at other times she craved the silence. She wasn’t always a people person. It didn’t bother her.
“You’re still the same I see.”
“Hot as hell?”
“Full of shit.”
“Aw thanks B, coming from you that’s almost a compliment.”
“It was meant to be.”
Again they sized each other up. Faith couldn’t help but look, Buffy was still beautiful, her hair slightly blonder than the last time she saw her… her body still looked firm and trim as she knew it would do. And again she felt the ache. The ache that being with Buffy always brought. The ache that would only ever go if she could one day hold the girl in her arms. Could whisper in her ear all the promises she wanted to make to her. But she couldn’t, so she got used to the feeling. Accepted it in the same way she accepted most things in life.
As for what Buffy was feeling..? It was almost the same. Seeing Faith brought to her an ache, a need. Maybe a longing. She was fighting to stop her legs from carrying her forward, from delivering her right up close and personal to the girl in front of her. Her hands wanted to raise. They wanted to travel the distance that was keeping them from the other and touch. Just a caress. Just a reaffirmation that this was indeed Faith in front of her. The Faith from her dreams. But she couldn’t do that. She wasn’t at all sure what Faith’s reaction would be if she sloped up the garden path and started caressing her. It didn’t bear thinking about, so instead she asked a question.
“Why are you wearing nothing?”
Faith looked down at her shorts and bikini top. It didn’t look like nothing.
“Hate to break it to ya, B, but these are clothes I’m wearing… if you wanted, I could do naked, never been afraid of some skin action, but hell… ya just got back, you sure you’re ready for nakedness?”
“I meant NEXT to nothing. Not ‘nothing’ nothing. Not NAKED nothing.”
Faith laughed at Buffy’s flustered answer. It had always been fun winding the girl up. And so SO easy.
“I know what ya meant. And I just got done showering, we had a fucked up run in with some sewer dwelling slime thing tonight… I was getting ready to turn in, heard the noise outside, figured you were here…”
“Came to welcome me… make fun of my driving?”
“It’s hard not to.”
Buffy just offered a pointed look which warned Faith not to comment further.
“So the slime thing, is that why you stank?”
“That or an over active sweat gland… depends who you ask.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“The sweat gland?”
“The slime thing, dork.”
“Don’t know yet. Angel’s got a team working on it, Fred says it’s nothing we’ve seen before, so it could be exciting… you sure you want in? It could ruin the whole meaning of vacation.”
Buffy thought for a moment… did she wanna get involved? Damn right she did. She wanted to hunt and slay and find some action. But more importantly, she wanted to do it with Faith.
“No rest for the wicked! And anyway… this might be more than a vacation. I haven’t decided yet. I need somewhere to put down roots, you know? Someone that feels like home.”
“Someone?”
“SOMEWHERE! I meant ‘somewhere’. And on that note I’ve gotta go, been great chatting… maybe we can catch up tomorrow, if you want to, I’m not saying you have to, but uh… it’ll be nice. Catching up.”
“Sure, B. Tomorrow.”
With that Buffy made her way to her own front door, careful to avoid the trashcan upturned on the sidewalk. She couldn’t resist one look back though, and what she saw was Faith staring right back at her. It made her smile, raise her hand to wiggle a wave goodnight. It also sent a million tingles shooting throughout her body.
Faith watched as Buffy went inside. It had certainly been fun meeting up with her again. And painful… the car would bear witness to THAT! Also kinda confusing. She had seen Buffy looking at her. Had FELT Buffy looking at her. And all the while Angel's words were ringing in her head… ‘It's Buffy that’s come searching for something. Maybe you’re that something.’ Faith had also heard Buffy’s own spoken words, her own slip of the tongue… ‘Someone that feels like home.’
She didn’t know what it all meant. Was terrified to even think about being in love with Buffy again… but if there was a chance, if she could be Buffy’s ‘something she was looking for’, if she could be that ‘someone who felt like home’… then she was damn sure gonna do everything she could to make it happen. She owed it to herself and she owed it to Buffy.
With one last gaze at the neighbouring house, and a last chuckle as she observed the abandoned jeep, she made her way back inside. She did turn in to bed. And she did fall into sleep. And as it was for Buffy, all her dreams were of the other slayer.
The next day arrived full of sunshine and blue skies. This was nothing that much different if you lived here all year round, but for Buffy it was a treat. She had of course been living in England for the last few months, and over there it was all grey skies and cloudyness. Rainfall, and then more rainfall. Possibly followed by a rainstorm or two.
The sunshine was putting an extra special spring in her step. Something that had been missing since she had left America for pastures new. Buffy felt it and acknowledged it. Not for what it truly was… excitement at seeing Faith again… but as some kind of confirmation that coming home was right. She had made the right decision.
After she had retrieved the jeep from its haphazard parking space and collected some groceries from the store, she made herself breakfast and then went to bathe in the sun on her back porch until Faith made some kind of appearance. Buffy hoped it wouldn’t be too long, already she was counting the minutes since their last meeting… had grown tired of going over and over the same words again and again in her head. She needed new material. Something else to analyse. At one point, as the sun beat down on her head, she had almost started to analyse her feelings for Faith. But she shook away her musings as sunstroke and went inside to fetch a cold drink.
It wouldn’t do to have feelings for Faith. Aside from the fact she was a girl… a very hot girl, a girl who excited her more than anyone else she had ever met, regardless of gender… she was also the biggest cause of hurt and confusion in her life. Possibly ever. And yes, Faith was different now, a new person almost, but maybe she could still hurt her, WOULD still hurt her? It was all too much to wonder upon. So she didn’t. She instead decided to wait and see, to let time tell if things were like THAT between the two of them. She wasn’t stupid… always. She knew that at a time before there had been something there more than friendship. A need to be with the other. Even in the throes of badness, she could recognise that the reason it all cut so deep was because she cared. She CARED about what Faith thought of her, and that made betrayal all the harder.
And now… years apart, she still cared.
Buffy looked longingly at the house across the way. Still no movement. Was it possible that Faith still slept..? At one in the afternoon. She wouldn’t have thought so, she herself could never sleep that long… had way too much energy to lay in bed all day. But as for Faith… who knew?
She placed her tall ice filled glass of tea by her side and closed her eyes again. The waves were beating a hypnotic rhythm as they lapped against the shore, and it was easy for Buffy to tune right out. She allowed her mind to play again amongst her memories, finding the ones of her and Faith in happiest times. Before it went wrong. Before they both fucked up.
In the distance she was vaguely aware of a dog barking. It sounded as though it was coming closer and closer. And then she could almost smell wet fur, as if the dog had swam in the ocean and was now coming to tell her about it. She ignored it of course. And then it was on her porch… she could hear its nails scrape along the surface, and the minute she opened her eyes and went to sit up, was the exact minute the dog knocked into her glass and upended a half pint of iced tea over her baking body.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
The scream would’ve woken the dead, if there had been any dead present.
Faith ran the distance to Buffy’s porch to see what the hell was the matter. She had seen Scoobs make his way onto the porch, but thought nothing of it. She couldn’t believe that Buffy was scared of dogs… of puppies?
What she saw on arrival brought nothing but laughter. Buffy covered in ice cubes and tea, desperately trying to stop Scoobs from licking the juice from her body.
“Is this YOUR beast, Faith? Can you call it off, cos I swear… one more second and this dog is gonna be a dead dog!”
“Whoa there girl… take it easy on the pup, he’s just happy to meet you, I’ve told him ALL about ya, he’s just excited.”
“Well let him be excited all over you, I need to get up and clean the mess that the thing spilt all over me!”
Faith whistled and the puppy returned to her side. She gave it a look which may or may not have been scolding. Then she patted its head and offered it a quick tickle. Watching Buffy getting all wet and flustered was not a bad vision to return home to. She had to admit, she was kinda grateful to her four legged friend!
She hung out on Buffy’s porch whilst she waited for the older girl to get herself cleaned up, and she couldn’t help the slight frown which crossed her features as she returned almost fully dressed. Damn drink spilling dog!
“So… you hear from Angel yet? You know what the demon thing was?”
“Is that all you want me for, B… a little bit of demon action?”
The sun chose that exact moment to shine full on in Buffy’s face, turning her skin an unnatural shade of red.
“You blushing?”
“NO! It’s the sun. And no to the demon thing, I don’t just want you for demon action, I want you for all sorts of action… like talking, and eating.”
“You wanna eat me?”
“Faith!”
“Yes, baby?”
“Oh god… my head hurts.”
“From the sun?”
“Can you just be quiet for two seconds..? Please?”
Faith was quiet. She didn’t wanna push too far, too fast, but it was hard. This banter, joking with Buffy… it was the best times she had ever had, and it was far too easy and comforting to fall back into it. But she would try. For two seconds.
“What I MEANT was… I don’t just want to go slaying with you, although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it a little bit, but apart from that... I wanna hang out with you. Catch up. Maybe get some lunch? Not the other thing, which I’m sure would also be all sorts of fun… but no. Lunch. Ok?”
“So you don’t wanna eat me?”
“Do you ever give it up?”
“I’d give it up to you.”
Buffy shook her head in defeat. It was always like this. Everything she said, no matter how innocuous, Faith had always found a way to make it suggestive. Sometimes yes, she maybe planted the thing because she enjoyed the banter… but even if she didn’t, Faith still found a way.
“Can we just start with lunch?”
“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t offer. And I want dessert!”
“I don’t have dessert… but I can do lunch.”
“No worries, you can have some of my cherry pie.”
“Will we ever have a conversation that isn’t a sexual innuendo?”
Faith raised her eyebrows in her patented way and travelled the distance back to her own house. There she picked up the leftover pie… innuendo indeed! It would be cool catching up with Buffy, and then this evening they could both go to Angel's and see about the slime. Faith hated the slime. HATED. But at this moment, the thought of getting all messed up with Buffy..? It had her all kinds of hot and all kinds of excited!!
They were up against it. Standing closed in at a dead end in the sewer system, Buffy, Faith, Angel, Gunn and Wes, were currently being faced down by six of the same slime demons they had come across last night. They hadn’t gone hunting, they had simply gone for information. The research team had found possible links between the demons and a very old, very evil demon king of the sea. These apparently were its minions, sent to do his bidding, clear the way for some sort of return to existence. From legend it was rather huge, able to swallow much of the western seaboard of North America in just one bite. The gang had decided that this wasn’t something they wanted to see and therefore had gone searching for a way of stopping it from coming to pass.
All they had found were the slime fiends. And now they were getting their asses kicked. The sewer was dark and dank, not a problem for the superheroes, but certainly some problem for Gunn and Wes. Also the slime demons seemed to have an innate understanding of exactly where they were heading, hence being able to corner the group of friends in their current predicament.
The fighting was fierce, the slayers and Angel were pretty much able to handle a demon each, but for Gunn and Wes, the most they could do was keep a demon at bay. Striking out blindly, but with speed, hoping the sheer flurry of movement would be enough to deter. It was working. Kind of, but unfortunately they were outnumbered, with two spare demons able to land blows.
Faith was rethinking her earlier thought that getting messy with Buffy would be fun. This wasn’t fun, this was dangerous. If she could take Gunn and Wes out of the fight, it would be easier, then the three of them left could just let rip, teach these slimy motherfuckers who was boss. Sure they had a king, but she was in the mood to teach them who was queen! Gunn and Wes were hard to persuade though, and she was getting hoarse from shouting.
“Guys… just clear the fuck out! There’s a manhole above us for Christ sake… climb the ladder and reach for the stars…”
“Not happening Faith… oomph!”
The air rushed from Wes’ body as he took a particularly hard hit, he fell to his knees and crawled back towards the ladder.
“Glad we see eye to eye, English boy… now Gunn, go with him, make sure he gets to the top… then call in the troops… I want three more slayers… ARGH!”
She broke off to sweep the legs from under the demon dumb enough to hit her face, she brought her boot down with such fury upon its head that it split like a grape. Squelchy.
“Go for the heads, guys…they split real nice!”
Laughing to herself, Faith turned again to the retreating Gunn and Wes.
“Make that two slayers, just in case… get Rhona… and maybe Ken… now motor!”
The two guys made haste to the top of the ladder and up into the street. There Wes used his cell to summon the reinforcements, and within minutes they arrived. Wasting no time they dove straight through the hole and into the sewer. They were experienced slayers now, and always ready to fight.
“Yo Faith… great to see ya!”
“Hey, Ken, Rhona… you remember Buffy?”
The two newcomers ran their appraising eyes over their former leader. They couldn’t help but feel respect for her command of the fight, her obvious superiority over her foes… but that didn’t mean that their memories were necessarily fond of the old slayer. They remembered her bossiness, her detatchment… her inability to bond with any of them.
“Yeah, Hi Buffy… great to see you too.”
It was said by both of them with sugary sweetness.
“Guys, great to see you… now maybe a little help? We can play catch ups later.”
Rhona and Kennedy looked to each other, raising their eyebrows as if to say, ‘same old Buffy’, then they did indeed join the fight. It was easy now. Four slayers and a vampire against five measly demons. No sweat. But a hell of a lot of slime.
They didn’t killed the last one straight away… had kept it alive to question, had pummelled it repeatedly until it gave up some words. They were not happy words, they had made the whole group uncomfortable, had turned their worlds upside down.
The demon spoke in a serpents tongue, hissing its words out, seeming to spit forth more slime with each one.
“The king will risssse… long livvve the king… when the vampire lossssesss his sssoul to the woman he lovessss… then he will ssshhhhow my master the way… will open the gatessss to hell… will let loossssse all manner of tormenntsss on… ARGHHHHHH!”
The demon screamed his death. His head squashed between the fingers of the dark slayer. She hadn’t liked his words. Not one bit. The vampire losing his soul to the woman he loved? Sounded like bullshit to her.
Angel was looking at Buffy, staring at her to gage a reaction, Buffy was staring at Faith, looking to see what effect the words had had on her… Faith was staring at her hands, covered in slime… wondering if she had the courage to look up at Buffy. Rhona and Kennedy were staring at each other, wondering what the hell was going on. A demon talks in riddles and everyone spaces out? Seemed odd to them.
“Uh… guys? We won. Can we go now? Maybe get cleaned up?”
“Huh? Oh yes. Go girls. Thanks for coming and helping. Ring through to personnel, get them to update your bonuses. Add expenses for clothes.”
“Hey, thanks man… that’s great.”
“No problem. Catch you later.”
“Right. Bye Faith… Buffy. We’ll catch up soon?”
Faith’s reverie was broken. She looked up. At Buffy. Caught the eyes staring back at her. But she couldn’t read what they meant, had no idea what Buffy was trying to say. Turning her attention to the others, she told them they would indeed catch up, to come out to the beach house on Sunday, they would have a party.
But she didn’t feel like partying. She felt like getting the hell out of there. Trying to make sense of the words spoken… cos they DIDN’T make sense. Buffy and Angel..? That was over wasn’t it? There had been Spike… and for Angel there was Cordelia. Kind of. They weren’t still into each other? And even if they were… they wouldn’t be THAT stupid, wouldn’t end the world to get laid. No lay was worth that.
She looked again at Buffy. Maybe ONE lay was worth that. One girl.
At that moment, Faith vowed to herself that she wouldn’t let it happen. She may have to stake Angel’s ass, hell… she’d stake Buffy’s ass too, but there was no way that the King of slimey shit was rising in her town. Her city. No way in hell.
“Guys, I think we should get out of here, obviously we need to talk, need to figure this shit out… get Wes on the case, get everyone on the case… just lets get the fuck out of here.”
“Faith… lets not panic. That demon didn’t know what it was talking about, I’m not gonna lose my soul to the woman I love, I can’t… I wouldn’t DO that. Nothing could make me do that.”
Faith’s face wore a wounded look as she spoke her reply. The words barely left her mouth a whisper, as if she almost didn’t want to speak them.
“But you ARE still in love with her..? She could still MAKE you lose your soul..?”
Buffy was frozen, the same question had crossed her mind when Angel had spoken his words. They had moved on… she had been sure of it. Had known that Angel had fallen in love with Cordelia. And now she waited to hear his reaction. Breath held, not daring to make a sound.
“Yes.”
He spoke the word as if he were ashamed. He HAD moved on. Had accepted that him and Buffy would never be. Could never be. But he hadn’t stopped loving her. Hadn’t stopped feeling his heart leap whenever he saw her, as if it was crying in his chest to beat out her name. To beat out his love. He had never thought he would speak the word though, but now, in this instant, it just seemed right. As if everyone should know the truth of the situation. If this threat was real, which he couldn’t believe it was… they had to know.
Faith turned away from his truth. This all felt so dangerously familiar, Angel and her in love with the same girl. Again. Part of her felt betrayed by Angel, feeling like he shouldn’t have spoken words to her about Buffy if he himself still loved her. She didn’t register the disbelief and confusion in Buffy’s eyes, she was already climbing the ladder to the street.
She didn’t wait for them there either. This hurt, and she didn’t need to hang around and make the pain worse. She would go home, sink a couple of beers. Maybe train. Wear herself out so she didn’t have to think.
Anything was better than seeing Buffy right now. Faith was certain she had let some of her feelings show for the other girl in her reaction to Angel’s words… and now she felt slightly lost. Fenced in by the weight of her fear of rejection. Of humiliation.
The Faith of old would have sought to take her pain out on someone else. But not this Faith. She would go home and she would push her body beyond all of its limitations. Would train until she collapsed. She owned her own pain these days. She owned it and she beat it.
As she pulled her car sharply into the space in front of her house, she looked forward to an evening of numbness. She hadn’t felt such a need to be numb in a long time… not since the last time Buffy had chosen Angel over her.
She would train. She would hurt. And she would make herself feel better.
Buffy had exited the sewer and been upset not to see Faith waiting for her. She had seen how hurt Faith looked when Angel had spoken his words… couldn’t miss her hasty retreat from the sewer tunnel. It all made her think that things WERE like that between the two of them. That Faith did have feelings for her that she had maybe been considering that she might possibly have for Faith. It confused her and she needed to see Faith. Now. Because the hasty retreat also told her that Faith was believing that her and Angel was a possibility… that she would ever sleep with him again. That she still loved him. She didn’t. Not anymore.
She looked at Angel uncomfortably as he followed up her rear into the street. She had to tell him that she didn’t love him, that things weren’t like that for her. He was still in her heart, always would be… but never like that. Not again. He deserved to know.
“Angel.”
“Buffy… wait, before you say anything that it’s gonna hurt me to hear… I know how you feel, or how you don’t feel…”
His shoulders slumped a little as he spoke. He had always harboured hope.
“…when I hugged you when you got here, I didn’t feel your heart race… didn’t feel excitement, I accepted it then and there… had been foolish to hope for any different. But I know. I didn’t say what I said to make you love me back, I said it so everyone knew… so we could deal with what’s coming.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you?”
He looked at her questioningly.
“For not making me say it, for not making me hurt you. I’d never want to hurt you, Angel.”
“I know…”
Angel took a moment, considered his words.
“…but now you have to make sure you’re not hurting Faith.”
“Hurting Faith? I wouldn’t hurt Faith.”
“Because you love her?”
Buffy’s face showed her shock. She hadn’t meant that. Hadn’t been thinking that.
“I love her?”
“You don’t? I saw how you reacted to my words in there, it confirmed what I thought. You didn’t look to me, you looked to her, I saw your eyes register her pain, I saw you reach out with your gaze… feel it Buffy, because she needs you…”
It hurt to push her towards another’s arms. But he wasn’t stupid. He also loved Faith, couldn’t stand the thought of her in pain because of him.
“…She’ll never admit it, but she’s hurting now, and only you can stop it. Let yourself feel. Tell her how you feel.”
Buffy stood there stunned. Did she love Faith? Was that the answer to her life’s conundrum? Could it really be that simple… or that complicated? She shook her head, looked to Angel.
“I don’t… how do you know? Why would you say that..? And she doesn’t, she wouldn’t… me?”
“Yes Buffy. You.”
Her face showed shocked again. Or fear. To finally totally recognise her feelings. Be told what she needed to hear. It scared the living shit out of her.
“I need to go to her.”
To make it better.
“So go.”
“Thank you, Angel. I mean it. Thank you!”
Buffy lent into the offered embrace. It felt warm. It felt safe.
She was mistaken.
As she made her way down the street, took off at a jog to make her way home, Angel studied her retreating form. His eyes narrowed. Her ass looked good. So tight. So firm. He could bite that ass. Sink his teeth straight into it and suck the very life force from her. It thrilled him, made him shudder with expectation. Made him want to lose his soul.
He shook his head clear. A confused look shadowing his face. He had spaced out for a minute. Blacked out. He didn’t know, but he certainly hadn’t a clue what he had just been thinking. Was aware only of a hissing.
The confusion worried him as he walked down the street. He would mention it to Wesley, no need to worry the others. He hoped it wasn’t something to do with the demons. An attempt to take over his mind… get him to lose his soul.
In the sewers underneath him, more minions of the king hissed their excitement. It was working.
The king would rise. Long live the king!
Dedication: To the number 26. Cos the number 26 does surely rock. And also to Chev, cos she does surely freaking rock too! Here it is.
Buffy had returned home as quick as her little legs would carry her. She was desperate to see Faith, to put things straight. She wasn’t thinking to pour out words of undying love, no, the idea was all too new to her to even think about speaking it to Faith, but she had to tell her that Angel wasn’t even a blip on her radar screen anymore. That was long past. It was history.
She took her time in the shower, made sure that all the slime deposited on her body was now firmly deposited down the plug hole. The smell was atrocious, and she had to lather, rinse and repeat many times until she was happy that the smell no longer lingered.
Then she dressed in just a nice comfy pair of joggers and a little white vest. Admittedly it wasn’t high style, but she looked good. She looked clean. And she felt refreshed. Ready to face Faith.
But facing Faith wouldn’t be that easy. It never really was.
First she had gone to her front door, knocked a few times, even hollered a little, but there was no answer. Even the hellhound, who had attacked her on the porch, only offered subdued whimpering instead of a full on bark fest.
Next she had gone back inside and manned the phone. Rang Angel, retrieved Faith’s cell number and then left maybe excessive messages on her answer phone urging her to call. No joy there. A return call wasn’t forthcoming.
Buffy was stuck for ideas. Had no clue where Faith would be likely to hang out. If she was the Faith of old she was probably out partying now, looking for the fun, maybe looking to get laid? But Angel had said Faith wasn’t so much the party girl now… so where was she?
She finally gave in. It was getting late, bed was calling, and tomorrow was another day. Sure she would rather see Faith now, get things nice and sorted, but it seemed as though that wasn’t an option. Buffy warmed herself some milk, added a couple of spoons of chocolate, took her mug and headed for the porch. She would sit outside and drink this, meditate under the stars, then she would sleep.
And that’s where she found Faith. Under the stars, working her ass off. She had moved a training dummy out onto the beach, and she was kicking the absolute shit out of it. Pounding on it. Unleashing a fury of moves so fierce that it was a wonder the dummy still stood. Or that its limbs were still attached.
Buffy could feel the anger coming from her, but more than that the raw power. It was as if she was in a trance, focussed wholly in the thing in front of her. Buffy had to wonder who it was she was seeing, who it was she was beating the crap out of. She kinda hoped it wasn’t her, but then she also knew it was a possibility.
For a while she decided to not say anything. To not make Faith aware that she was there and watching. She reasoned with herself that obviously Faith didn’t want to be interrupted… so she wouldn’t. Because that would be rude. And she wasn’t rude. So she sat back and watched. Observed. Thought.
Love was a funny thing to her. She was sure it had been real with Angel. Knew it had been real. But then it was doomed, so really..? Not fun. And then Riley. She had never felt that THING for him. Sure he had meant a lot, but never enough. Not enough to satisfy. And Spike..? Not love. Never love. Just need. A need to exist at first… and then the last days, the ones in Sunnydale. Maybe that had been as close to loving him as she had ever come, but even then it wasn’t with all her heart. It had been an acceptance that he was there for her, that he believed in her when others didn’t.
And now..? Did she love Faith?
Buffy watched as Faith executed her body through a stunning array of moves. Watched the way her muscles twisted and turned underneath her skin. Her perfect skin. In the moonlight she could just about make out a bruise above Faith’s right eye, probably from where the slime thing had caught her… it didn’t alter her beauty. For Buffy it maybe increased it. Knowing that it was an injury received whilst slaying. She didn’t mean to study so intently the curves of Faith’s figure, but she couldn’t help it. The dark haired girl was wearing so little, just those teeny shorts again which so perfectly hugged her firm little round butt, and a shirt so small, that for sure it had to have been just an afterthought. She felt desire when she looked at her. Not necessarily a desire to sleep with her, but a desire to go to her. To touch her. To hold her. It kinda felt like love.
For a moment she smiled to herself.
But how could it be love? She had been back for less then two days. If it was love now, did it mean it had always been love? All the times she had dismissed feelings, at first because Faith was a girl, then because Faith was so darn coarse all the time, then because she was evil… and then because she hadn’t said the words. All those times..? Had it been love?
When Faith had spoken to her before about the loneliness, and existing together… that had filled Buffy with hope that things would get better between them, but something else. At the time, even in the midst of all the First crap and the Spike crap… part of her had longed for Faith to say the words. To tell her that she had feelings. Real feelings. But she hadn’t. Had in fact told her about Robin. So she had forgotten the idea again.
In the end, she could see that it would have to be her that went to Faith. Her that spoke the words and asked the questions. She had to know. Had to know if this was love, if it was something else… if Faith even felt anything like the same way?
So lost was Buffy in her own little world that she had forgotten about the presence of the one she was thinking of. But the one she was thinking of was more than aware that SHE was there. Had been aware from the minute she had walked out onto the porch, all the minutes she had being staring into space, the minute she had sipped at her cup only to make a funny face cos the liquid had gone cold. Totally aware.
Faith hadn’t waved or spoke recognition because she wasn’t ready to deal with that crap yet. She still had a hell of a lot more pounding to do before she felt ready. But then she had looked over, had seen the wonderment on Buffy’s face as she stared out to sea, and for her, at that moment, the most important thing in her world was to know what Buffy was thinking about, what could make her face light up in such a way.
She stopped her punches, her kicks and walked slowly over.
“Hey, B… what ya thinking about?”
The words exited her mouth so softly, afraid to break the silence which had encapsulated the two of them.
It still caught Buffy unaware though. Made her look up in surprise and then pleasure.
“What am I thinking about?”
Her eyes went wide as she considered the multitude of things which had crossed through her mind in the last hour or so, it was all so deep, all so meaningful. All so Faith.
“I guess I was thinking about a lot of things. Life. Love. The usual.”
“The usual? Sounds kinda heavy to me. I pretty much think about food and slaying. Keeps it simpler.”
“I guess it would. But then I’m not hungry, and I’m done with slaying for the night…”
“Did you speak to Angel?”
Faith had to ask. Didn’t really want to know, but HAD to know.
“Yeah. And thanks for waiting for me, by the way.”
“I had to split, I smelt like shit AGAIN, needed a shower, needed fresh air.”
“And you couldn’t have that with me?”
“A shower..?”
Buffy mentally kicked herself. Of course she hadn’t meant a shower. The fresh air bit she had meant.
“No, Faith. Not the shower.”
“Tell ya the truth, B, I just didn’t wanna get caught up in ‘you and Angel’ shit. Figured you guys maybe needed to ‘talk’ or something…”
“About that, Faith…”
Buffy considered to herself what to say, how to say it. If she could find the words.
“…me and Angel. Well there ISN’T a me and Angel. Not anymore, not for a long time.”
“Not my business if there is. Unless of course you were planning on giving the guy a happy, then it’s my business, cos well… with the demons and stuff…”
“I’m not planning on giving Angel a happy.”
“Well then, I guess it’s not my business.”
Buffy couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Nothing was ever just easy.
“Faith, it IS your business, ok? All this talk about catching up, hanging out together… well in my head that’s all kind of the prelude to a friendship, a friendship which I want with you, so will you stop acting as if my life doesn’t concern you. It does. I WANT it to.”
“You want your life to concern me?”
“In my mind, Faith, it already DOES concern you. That’s kinda what I was thinking about.”
“Oh.”
Faith didn’t know what that meant exactly. But it sounded kind of good, kind of promising. And if thinking about that had been what had lit Buffy’s face..? Well that kind of made her feel a whole lot of happy.
For a couple of minutes there was silence, neither one really knowing what to say next. Buffy was scared at the realisation of her feelings, not scared of them, not now, but scared that Faith wouldn’t be able to give her what she needed, wouldn’t want to. So she was biting her tongue, trying desperately to think of something non related to say. Faith was just silently wondering. If this time was finally gonna be the right time. The time when it became necessary to say all the things she had always dreamed of saying, to whisper the words she had always longed to speak. But how did she know? And how did you start to say words you had kept prisoner for so long?
So neither of them spoke the words. They studied the floor, they studied the porch, and finally they silently studied each other.
Faith could feel her body tensing again. Straining. Her muscles winding tighter and tighter by the second. If something didn’t break the spell in a moment, then she would be mounting the porch and mounting Buffy.
“So, B..?”
But Buffy didn’t answer, was still lost in the eyes of Faith. The most she gave of acknowledgement was the slight dilating of her pupils as she spread her eyes to wordlessly encourage Faith to continue.
“…do you wanna, heck, I don’t know…”
She broke the eye contact, it was too much right now, she looked around for escape, spotted the dummy standing forlorn and alone on the beach.
“…do ya wanna train?”
Confusion registered on Buffy’s face. Did she want a train? Was that slang?
“Train? Why would I want a train?”
“You really are a spaz ain’t ya? I always remembered ya being one, but thought maybe I’d twisted things in my head, maybe knock some of that perfection off ya, but it’s all true.”
“Do I want a train and ‘I’ am the spaz? You lose me.”
Faith had to laugh. It was all so familiar in its own crazy way. Buffy was just so… Buffy like! And she loved it. And she loved her. And if she wanted a train, she’d steal her the biggest god damn locomotive the world had ever seen.
“I asked you if you wanted TO train. Dumbass!”
Buffy coloured red. It was a good colour on her.
“Right, which I knew really, and makes a lot more sense than wanting A train… but train? Now? In the middle of the night, in the dark, you want to train?”
Sure it was kinda dark, but the moon was out and bright, and yeah it was the middle of the night, but it wasn’t like they had jobs to go to in the morning. Faith thought that training was the best idea in the world. The second best at least.
“You scared of getting beat down, sweet cheeks? Cos if that’s the problem, well I guess I can go easy on ya, treat ya like a newbie… just a little tickle here and there.”
“Do you know how much I’m gonna have to hurt you for that, Faith?”
Buffy spoke the words, but truthfully? She had seen Faith, seen the power in her punch, speed in her moves… and she wasn’t so sure she COULD take her.
“Ya think so do ya? Well then…hurt me, baby.”
“I’m NOT your baby.”
“I know that, B… but come the end of this little sesh, I might just make ya me bitch!”
She wiggled her eyebrows, offered her sexiest smile. This could be fun. Something was happening between her and Buffy, not sure what, but things were getting there, the there she had always thought they should have gone to. And now they were gonna kick shit out of each other. The mating ritual of the slayer.
“Maybe you’ll be MY bitch, Faith.”
“Who knows..? Maybe I will.”
Buffy downed the remaining dregs of her cold chocolate drink and walked the steps from her porch to the beach. With each footstep her heartbeat increased, her excitement grew. Faith was waiting for her. Hands on hips, sizing her up. The funny thing was though, she didn’t look like she was sizing her up for a fight. Nope. It kinda looked like she was sizing her up for a whole lot more.
A hell of a whole lot more!
Angel had returned to W&H after the run in with the slime demons. It didn’t take long to shower and change… he didn’t need to primp himself to look good. He always looked good. After fielding a couple of calls from Buffy, looking for Faith, he headed down to fill in Wes on the words of the demon.
He hadn’t been able to get the words from his head. He KNEW that Buffy didn’t love him, didn’t want him, but still… somewhere, deep down, he could feel the words excite him. And that scared him. It was like something that he couldn’t control, in the pit of his being, coiling round, looking to strike, strangling his soul. He hoped that Buffy had found Faith. He hoped that they sorted it out, finally. More than anything, he hoped that he would do nothing to harm her. To hurt Buffy. He could never live with himself if he hurt her again.
Finding Wes was easy. Follow the Texan twang of Fred, and her cowboy was always just behind her.
“Hey Fred, Wes around?”
“Oh, hey Angel. Nice run in with the Nyloraci?… Don’t say anything, but you look a lot better off than Wesley did when he got back. And that smell..? I’ve got TWO divisions working on an odour neutraliser as we speak!”
“An odour neutraliser..?
“To stop the smell.”
“Of the… Nyloraci..?”
“Uh-huh. Of course, Angel. What else would it be for? Wes’ feet?”
She laughed away to herself as she negotiated her way round the lab. Always so much work to do, evil to stop. It exhausted her often, but she would never give it up. Couldn’t give it up. Not only would her own conscience not allow her to, but she was in love with Wes, and this was his life too.
“So where is he then, Fred?”
He had to marvel at her ditsyness. It was both endearing and welcome on one so clever.
“Oh right! Wes… I think he’s up in my office.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I think he’s sleeping. He said he was researching, but I don’t believe him. If I catch him he says it’s narcolepsy… he even used that excuse last year at Christmas dinner. My mom felt so sorry for him. And I drove.”
“Wes is a bad boy.”
He didn’t know what else to say.
“No silly! Just a little challenged.”
She winked as he walked away from her, and he was left thinking, as he did often, that he was so pleased that he had managed to bring her back from Pylea. Such a lovely girl. And kind of hot. He opened his nostrils and breathed in deep, allowed her scent to invade his senses… it prickled. It was sweet. Tempting.
He knocked on the door, and when there was no answer, felt free to enter. Wes quickly awoke, grabbing on to his upside down book, which he began to read most diligently.
“Uh… Angel, I was just researching…”
“Save it Wes. I know all about your narcolepsy. Maybe you should talk to medical, let one of our doctors look at you?”
“Ha ha. And let them transplant my brain for medical research? Don’t you worry about me Angel… the narcolepsy’s selective.”
“Around in-laws?”
Wes coloured, looked away. He really would have to speak with Fred about discussing personal medical conditions. HE hadn’t told anyone when she had an outbreak of Pylean warts, had he? No. Because HE was an English gentleman!
They discussed this and that, before coming down to business. The demons and Angel’s blacking out.
“So tell me, Wes… these Nyloraci..? Could they be making me lose focus, blackout?”
“Quite fascinatingly, Angel… it could be narcolepsy.”
“Right. Funny.., now really?”
“Yes, well, from what we’ve found out so far, these Nyloraci, or followers of King Nylorac… they do indeed possess telepathic powers, almost like sirens if you will… they emit a hiss, or a chant like hiss in the area of their victim… and Kapow! You’re out of there, under control. Like a guinea pig, really.”
“Kapow?”
“Fred is ‘Americanising’ me. She finds my use of American words ‘sexy’.”
Angel just nodded. Never sure if Fred was serious, or completely winding Wes up. He knew which he thought it was. ‘Kapow!’ Laughable.
“So these things want control of me?”
“It looks that way. Now we just have to figure out ‘why’?”
“I think we already have that one covered.”
He explained to Wes about what the demon had said. How he would lose his soul to the woman he loved and open the gates to hell.
“So did he mean that the gates would open at the simple act of intercourse… or that you would lose your soul and then as Angelus, show them how to open the gates?”
“Does it matter? There will be NO intercourse, NO soul losing.”
“Right. Of course.”
Wes paused. Studied a confused looking Angel.
“Are you okay? You look…”
“I’m fine. Just… tired.”
With that Angel turned and left the room, and a bemused Wes. It was only early in the night really. Much too early for Angel to feel tired. He decided he would research the demons more now, narcolepsy be damned! He was worried. No one would benefit from a return to Angelus.
Angel WAS tired. Unusually so. He had climbed straight into bed and was out in minutes. It wasn’t peaceful sleep though. Far below him, under the streets, more demons were gathering. Hundreds now, all hissing, all chanting. They wanted their King to rise. They needed him to. Without him to sustain them, they would die in this hostile world.
Angel’s body was sweat soaked. He twisted and turned under his sheets, wrapped tightly within a dream. An un-named emotion playing across his face.
In his mind he could see her. She was so real, so there, so his. He raised his palm to touch her, to feel her skin… and he could. It was warm to the touch, slick to the touch, bathed in the sweat that their love-making had produced.
He could feel her all around him. Feel himself inside her, sliding against her, her muscles tightening to keep him there. Hers. He opened his eyes. Felt love.
Buffy. His Buffy, riding him. Her head thrown back in total ecstasy, her hands down at her sides, clenching the sheets, balling them up in her fists as she fought to keep concentration. To keep focused on her goal.
Then it changed. She was gone from him, her weight lifted… her mouth taking the place of where her pussy had just been. She was sucking him. Her lips wrapped around his cock, reclaiming all the juices that she herself had just put there. She looked so perfect, so beautiful…
With that he was ripped from his place. He was above the bed, watching, nothing but the voyeur, again. It was still her. But now it was not him she was riding. It was Faith.
Her head was still thrown back, the ecstasy holding her firm in its grasp, from dream scene to dream scene, it stayed the same. He could see where Faith’s hand was touching her, could see where her fingers disappeared inside of her, could see the wetness spilling forth. Buffy’s wetness. HIS wetness.
Buffy was riding her hard. On her hands and knees above Faith, rocking mercilessly, slamming down, taking everything she could… and as she came, she screamed. Over and over. Faith's name. Just Faith.
He felt it tug at him. Felt it anger him.
When he looked again, they were pulling back. Together, their eyes meeting. Buffy and Faith. And he could see it, see the love, the real love, the true love. From deep within his soul he screamed. An animal's scream. A monster's scream.
With sudden force he was thrown back on the bed. And now HE was looking into Buffy’s eyes. He could see the fear there. Laughed. She struggled underneath him. He morphed. She began to scream. He bit her. Felt the power as her blood filled his veins. Spilt into his mouth as he spilt into her. As he drank her dry, he could feel the silent pleas fall unanswered from her lips. It made him smile as he awoke.
Slowly his eyes opened. Took in the room around him, took in the firm hand grasping his cock. The dream. Buffy. He let out a sigh as he lay his head back down and reclosed his eyes. Buffy.
He could see her again as he stole the blood from her veins, as her legs wrapped around him, trying to pull him from her. As he drunk her dry. Her screams. And he came, by his own hand, dreaming of her misery.
He was up and dressed quickly, ready to leave. Walking around, one last look. Pausing. For a minute, a moment, recognition in his eyes, pain, understanding. And then gone again. The sound of hissing all he was sure of.
He approached the elevator, pushed the down button. As it slowly climbed the floors to collect him, he laughed to himself. Manically. Spoke with the voice of Angelus.
“Looks like I got myself a hot date.”
...continued in part 11...