Resolution
by Kelly Smith
Rating: NC-17

+21=22=23=24=25=26=27=28=29=30+

CHAPTER 21.

POV Faith.

Walking through the door to the Bronze had been like stepping straight through a door to another world. Our very own portal. A good portal. The bass which was thumping from more than a block away, had been steadily calling to me, calling to all of us. Feet moving faster to just join us to the sound. Like a hushed buzz that hummed the senses, the others reluctant to embrace it because of all of the bad.

Well fuck the bad! I’ve seen more than enough bad to know that you have to grab at the fun times. You have to grab them, magnify them, and damn well make sure that you remember them. It’s what keeps me going. The thought of more.

The doors had fallen open upon a sea of smiling faces. Not one even caring that there was a world left outside, for them the only world was in here. The here and the now. Girls looking pretty, looking harder for the hook up, boys swarming like flies around each of the girls. Not looking for a hook up, but desperate for it. All of them swaying in time to the music. Brows sweating, energy pumping. It was my kind of world.

We gravitated as a group towards some seats, staked a claim on some sofas. Comfortable seats but not comfortable poses. I sat back and watched them as they watched each other. Saw them wondering what was safe to say, what was right to say. It was like so much tension of the wrong kind, places like this are meant to be full of the other kind of tension, the fun tension… not that. Not the heavy laden silence, the only conversations being ones of the private kind. I’d shown my eyes to Cordy, let her see just what I thought of the Scooby fun times. They were lacking. Completely lacking.

She caught my drift, she always does. Was the first to speak up with any kind of volume. “So…guys..?” It took a moment, but they did all look up. “What’s the deal with drinks around here? I have to get my own?”

Well THAT would be a first.

I held in the obvious, watched Xander be the man that stood at the plate. “I was just gonna bust a groove to the bar, what do ya want?”

She smiled large and gave him her order. I watched him turn and ask his girl, the witches, Giles. I watched him ask Dawn. Then I saw him stumble.

“What about me Xander? This girl not worthy of a drink or two?” He swung round from Buffy to face me. Joviality back in place, assurances that of course I was worth a drink. Probably not two. I took the wink that went with it though. Gave him my order. Offered a bit more. “And what about B? What’s she drinking?”

His eyes buried themselves in mine. All that uncertainty about what to do. How to do it. Whether things really were ok. I wanted him to know that it wasn’t about that… ok or not, things to be worked out or not. We were in this together, all of us. And tonight we were finding the fun. We deserved that. Needed it. I smiled as I saw his acceptance. He has a heart probably bigger than all of ours, and I offered him back his wink as he turned around to face her.

“Buffster? What you drinking?” It came out soft. And it was obvious that he cared.

Dawn’s words came out harsh. “We’re just letting her off with it? Just like that..?”

“Dawnie…”

“NO Tara! Why is it that everything Buffy does wrong, gets to be ok?”

“It’s not ok.”

It slowed Dawn’s rage, made her face the sister that was now talking words to her.

“What I did will never be ok Dawn. You don’t know how much I know that. How much I’m sorry for that...”

I could feel my panic meters all lighting up. Flashing the signs of impending disaster. This wasn’t fun! This was sliding towards angst faster than I cared for. I wanted them to get better, to sort things through… but not right now! Not caring and sharing time when we should be having the fun times. I wouldn’t allow it. I had to speak up.

“Hold up there B, all of you… just hold up.”

And then I had the attention. It made me plaster on my favourite smile, let it shine bright in my eyes. I had the solution here. Not the answer to the problems, but a damn good fix for the next couple of hours. I focused it all on Dawn. I know that she is having the hardest time making sense out of all of the nonsense. She’s a kid being forced to deal with grown up emotions. And I remember how much that sucks.

“Dawn… over there, what do ya see?” I pointed back towards the entrance, the door that we had just come through.

“Is this eye spy?”

And ex-demons are freaks. “No Anya, not eye spy.”

“It’s the ‘door’ Faith, it’s got a handle and everything… oh, and look…a sign, it says ‘Exit’…” The faked amusement slipped from her voice to be replaced by sullen teenager. “…why?”

“Because outside that door kiddo, is a whole lot of bad stuff. Nasty stuff, the kinda scary shit that keeps me and your sister up at night. The kinds of stuff that we come in here to get away from.” And you know that I had to quickly scan the crowd, had to make sure the undead weren’t bursting my bubble. I was safe. My words were true. “I know it’s hard Dawn, but just for tonight… just let it slide. Forget it. Forget all of the bad stuff and get with the good times. We all deserve a break, ok? All of us.”

I saw the brave smile she tugged to her lips. The soft smile she showed to her sister.

“Were you always so full of good ideas?”

“No way Red, it’s a new addition, I’m still getting used to it myself.” I shot her a grin and sly looked at Cordy. I had meant the words that I said, of course I did. Cordy had heard them before though, I had used pretty much the same speech the last time Angel had caught me goofing off when I was supposed to have been working the books. I went dancing instead. I just don’t do so well with books. Show me a fight and I’ll fight all day, but books..? Not so much.

But it did paper the cracks. Allowed Xander to get Buffy a drink without Dawn biting his arm off. Let the witches grab at hands and pull people up to dance. You know who refused though right? Mr ‘stiff stick up my ass’ English guy.

Sure he was cool, kind of… not really digging the sexy, but either way, he hadn’t loosened up enough. Worked full of kinks, the most strenuous of activity the cursing of the music. And there was no way I was letting him off that easy! Fun was for everyone, not just the willing! I had grabbed him up out of his seat, slayer strength just perfect for the occasion, not anyone able to resist the tug when it was me doing all of the pulling. Led him ominously to the dance floor and damn well forced him to find the groove. Or something.

I dunno what they call it. The funky chicken? But whatever it was he was spazzing it out all over the floor. It added to the occasion, made them laugh, maybe cry tears of down right hysteria…

They WERE all in the right place though. All of them. Each of us helping to show the others the way. Every smile given was gladly returned, encouraging more. Every word spoken without pain being the keys to conversation. As plans go, this one was a good one, it was working. It was working so well that even I was forgetting.

I have this wild side you see, a whole lot of wild sides, but I’ve learnt to tame them, control them. Taught all of them their places, where they belong. But I still know that they’re there. Just waiting for the signal of release. The driving bass line of a song slipping fast through my veins, the techno beat of a hardened classic pulling me off into a trance. And I was letting it seduce me into a frenzy. Every step placed with an absolute assurance that it was the right one, my body gyrating with the pace of the music and yet feeling so much more. It wasn’t just music, it was energy. So much energy to feed from, to add to. I caught eyes as I span, hands latching through mine to join me in a dance, arms swaying with mine, feet stepping with mine. I didn’t even look for her. She was just there.

There wasn’t a moments discomfort, not a moments recognition for anything other than the truth. We just found each other. Maybe because our energy is the strongest? I don’t know… but mine wanted hers, and she was with me before I had to ask. Before I had to wonder. Before I had to doubt. I lost the point of songs, the words of meaning behind them. Didn’t even register as one beat would swing its way into the next. It was just about the moving. About the forgetting. And before I even knew it, it was about the remembering.

Like a tease, something pulling at the back of my mind. The way that her shape curved tight into mine, the way her touches burnt themselves across my skin, just the faintest of touches, pulling back… slide in further, pulling back, eyes locking, pulling back. It was all there. And I revelled in it. Rose to the challenge the way that I always had done. My own caresses feathering across flesh, the heat of my breath finding solace on her neck… breathing in her essence. Her power. Offering the eyes under lashes that had always been for her… always open when we danced together. Always harder to hide. Murmuring words softly on the tip of my tongue, pulling her in closer with each unheard sound. It was our dance.

It was more than a dance. It always had been. And she knows it. I see it.

It’s a silent challenge with a whole heap of promises. Promises that used to keep me up all night sweating, dreams tormented by constant wonder… the offer of just something, enough to keep me intrigued. I had never seen an acceptance to take it further though. Had always been the one that ended the dances last, her first to waltz from the floor, and me just left tapping my toes on my own. But tonight my feet hadn’t been left tapping. They had moved with the assurance of knowing the steps. Her place and my place. Had continued to move until she had stopped pulling back. Until every step closer was the intended step nearer. Until her breath sat as heavy on my neck as mine did on hers. Words heard because they were meant to be heard. To be accepted.

“You always were a great dancer Faith.”

We had always danced well together.

I had laughed a little, the chuckle of exuberance. “You remember?”

My eyes sitting sly, asking if she remembered everything. “You think I could ever forget?”

And that had kept the door with the ‘exit’ sign firmly shut on closed. Validated the way that dancing with her was making me feel. Making all of the little touches mean everything that they had ever meant. As the floor had shook with the thump of a thousand feet all dancing to the same tune, I recognised that finally maybe, regardless of what was back outside that door… me and her truly were in synch.

Those touches she was giving were not teasing touches, filling me with wonder. No. They weren’t tormenting me with what we were not, but rather tantalizing me with what we were, what we could be. The sheen of sweat building across my skin more than the effect of fevered dancing, of pushing my body… it was all a reaction to hers. The tight curve of her flesh no longer sliding into mine, but grinding into mine. Not feeling the essence of her power, but experiencing the full force of it. Demanding, aggressive. Her moves turning into the ones that led mine. Her own eyes sneaking peeks through lashes, her hands gliding through hair, down across flesh. Fingertips tracing the skin of my arms to the beat of the song.

Sometimes just standing next to her is enough to make the world fade. When I danced with her tonight my world exploded. Came back together with us at the centre. Me and her. Everyone else revolving slowly around us. I caught glimpses of their looks, just tossed them back with smiles. I wasn’t ready to find the exit door. Not yet. I really did like this world. The things that it offered.

We span and we span until we couldn’t spin no more. Me the first to break ranks this time. Bringing my hand up to my mouth in the classic ‘get me a drink now or I’m gonna pass out’ manoeuvre. I heard something like a giggle, all girly and cute. Followed her ass as it swayed to the bar.

And in the seconds of respite her eyes took in all of the surroundings. “You know Faith? I never thought I’d dance like that in here again.”

Her voice had hinted a hidden meaning, her gaze slipping up to the balconies and back down to me. A slip of the facade, a nod towards pain. I followed her gaze, just saw people watching. Looking down onto the sea of people below them. I didn’t get it. “What do ya mean B?”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter…”

“Buffy?” I didn’t want more mysteries. More secrets not told. And I needn’t have worried. I had set the rules, she was just following the game plan.

“Not tonight Faith, okay? Tonight’s for the fun times… remember?”

I recognised the look, the one that said ‘please’. The look that assured me that she did need this fun. As much as me. As much as all of us. Probably even more.

“I remember.” I allowed our eyes to lock for a moment, to show her that I would be there. And then I forced them back into role. Raised my eyebrows up in their arches. “Now is it your round, or should I start calling you the ‘stingy slayer’… it has a ring to it…”

“You think I’m stingy?”

“Well I guess the double meat deli only pays in dimes, but serious B? Normally I dance like that with someone, they can’t wait to buy me a drink.”

“So what are you wanting?”

And was that a low blow? Because her eyes had started dipping their gaze, stealing glances at all of the merchandise. It made me wonder at who’s game plan we were following now, it certainly made me step up to the plate. I could swing with the best of them, I’d never missed a home run. “What am I wanting B? Sounds like a loaded question…” I was slowly backing her into the bar, edging my toes forwards to edge hers ever backwards. My words wrapped in a huskiness that desire always provoked. “…cos if you’re asking about a drink, well… anything with a kick in it.” I lifted my arm to motion at any of the spirits sitting pretty on the wall. Let my hand slip to skin as I brought it back down. Her skin. Just a shoulder. Every touch meant with solid intent. “But if you were asking about something else B, about what I really want… what I need..?”

I could feel my heart pounding with each word I spoke, letting them pull me in, work me up. The buzz of the dance still racing through veins, still pumping with energy. Still looking for release.

“I need a coke Faith, Dawn’s is a lemonade and the witches are on the heavy stuff.”

I had swung round so fast it’s a wonder I didn’t leave my head behind. “Cordy.”

“Uh-huh, Cordy… now drinks?”

Talk about bad timing. By the glint in her eye I guessed that she thought it was good timing. Bitch. I also knew that I would be getting the drinks. I shrugged at Buffy and turned to the tender. Found it increasingly hard to keep my focus as I noticed Cordy slowly stalking B. Let my eyes bulge wide as she dragged her off for a little one on one. Had she forgotten the fun?? No. Not Cordy!

It maybe soured my way back towards the sofa. Handing out the water for the witches and placing the other drinks on the table. Trying desperately hard to keep up my bravado with the gang as I sought out where they had gone. Counting the seconds until they came back again. Showing my worry as only Cordy returned.

“Where’s B?”

“Calm it hound dog, she’s just at the bar, she’ll be back before you know it.”

“In one piece?” I had to ask. I had my doubts.

Her eyes only rolled and went to ignore me. Engaging Giles in some quality chat, all about the visions. So I waited. Counted too many seconds and had quite enough. “Cordy? Bathroom. Now.”

I wanted to know what was said. Where Buffy had got to. I didn’t care for her sigh as she started to rise. I had said fun! Why couldn’t she just have left it for tonight, maybe put on her warrior suit tomorrow?

I questioned her as soon as the door swung shut, turning to face her. “What did you say?”

“You what?”

“I’m not playing Cor, what did you say to her?”

“Oh for crying out loud! Calm it Faith. I told her that it was nice to see her smiling, that I was glad she was doing okay…” And then she smiled this fucking huge smile, so uniquely hers. “…and I told her that if she ever hurts you, even just a little… then I will beat every single inch of her sweet slayer ass. LOTS of times. Is that alright?”

“You really said that?”

“Well what did you think I was saying? ‘Hey Buffy, I think you’re a whinging whining freak and you’ll never ever be good enough for Faith’?”

I smiled my yes. I smiled my sorry. “I’m an idiot.”

“It’s good that you know it.”

I turned towards the sinks and found some cool water for my hands, for my face. “With you and Angel on my case, I can never forget it.”

“We’re just looking out for you.”

And the sincerity behind her words said all that I needed to hear. “You guys are my heroes. You know that Cordy.”

I let the appropriate seconds fall into space, let her know that I meant it. And then I let her know that I was still on my mission for fun times. The night wasn’t over yet. The door marked ‘exit’ was still firmly closed. “So…”

“So what?”

“‘Your Angel’ then huh?” I put all of my emphasis into it.

And her eyes in the mirror shot wide with the horror. “Faith…”

“No Cordy, it’s cool, I get it. You’ve been buying shares in the big guy…”

“No! It’s not like that.”

“It’s not? Cos ya know… ‘My Angel’, in your phone book, it’s got me thinking.”

I could see the warning lights flashing in her eyes. See the banter building in the curve of her smile. “That’s a phone book thing, I have ‘Angel Investigations’ under ‘A’, I needed something different for his personal line…”

“‘My Angel’? That is pretty personal Cor, all kinds of cute.” And my reward was all in her blush.

“Do you take pleasure in tormenting me Faith? Is that it?” I wanted to laugh out loud, mock the innocence that she was sliding into her tone. This girl played the big leagues, a tiny bit of banter would never keep her down. I stalked my way a little closer. Sexy Faith with her eyes on a target. The role I could play in my sleep.

“I take pleasure in every bit of you Cordy, you know it’s the truth.” I winked her a good one. My gaze potent with the pretence of desire.

And she did begin with the laughing. It started me off. Both of us finding so much fun in our oh so familiar game. It covered the sound of the stall unlocking, the little click as it slid to open. It was barely a second before she spoke though. Let us know that she was there.

“You… and Angel? And pleasure with Faith..? What the hell do you guys get up to in LA?”

“B?”

I was kinda surprised to see her standing there. If I’d known where she was I would’ve come looking. On my own. Her surprise was all directing one way though. One target, one focus. “Cordy?”

And what? It hit me suddenly what the question was about, so ready to jump to wrong conclusions, already memories of forever ago, memories of just days ago… so much rejection wanting to take hold. I figured she was pissed about Angel. Cordy had been jealous of the big guy’s feelings for B, maybe this was my time to remember my jealousy of Buffy’s feelings towards him.

“It’s nothing Buffy, we’re friends… ‘good’ friends.”

“It’s nothing..? But I just heard that cute little ‘My Angel’ thingy, that’s a little past ‘good’, right?”

And don’t ya just know that she was damn well laughing too!

“I give up, I swear… Angel and I are just ‘close’ friends.”

“And what about pleasuring Faith? Is that a ‘close friend’ thing too?”

I wanted to bust a gut. I think I nearly did.

“More like ‘in her dreams’, but hey… even slayers have ambition, right girls?”

I was losing it. Not quite sure who I was supposed to be sparring with. Chose my partner carefully. “So what was you doing hiding in the stalls then B? Listening in is a really bad habit.”

“I was not listening in!” I saw how quick she flustered, her grab for an excuse. “I was peeing!”

“ALL that time? You sneaking drinks on the sly?”

And we all knew that she was busted. “Ok, I started with the peeing… then I started listening, and I would’ve come out, really… but with the whining and whinging comments…”

It set me off laughing again. Set Cordy off with some words. “Oh god… I didn’t mean it okay, I was just saying…”

“That I was a whinging whining freak… I caught that bit.”

And in all of the ways that it could have been bad it wasn’t. Instead it was smiles, words of acceptance, banter flowing until it was time to move on. Back to the crowd. Cordy walking first, me following, Buffy taking up the rear. I caught the whisper of words to stop me from leaving. “Faith, wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Can we talk?”

I looked at her, looked at Cordy. “I’ll be out in a minute, I’m just gonna…”

“Whupped!”

And she turned again and left. What could I say?

“What do ya wanna talk about B?” I kept it light, tried for no heavy looks of longing.

“You.”

“Me?”

She was smiling all sweet, heading my way. “I just wanted to say thank you for tonight, for making it easier for me… for everything.”

“No sweat B, we all needed to let off the steam, it was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing. It was amazing.” The sweetness was fading fast. Being replaced by something I knew much better. Something that tasted so much spicier than sweet. I stood my ground, let her find her way to me. Followed her mouth with my eyes as she carried on speaking. “You’re amazing Faith.”

I saw her say it. I heard her say it. I looked inside of her and knew that she meant it. ‘I’m amazing’? It didn’t sit so well, I was still getting used to it myself, the being something other than bad. I hid my embarrassment behind my own cock sure words. My own change of accent. My own hint of spice. “I can show you the place that I am amazing B… you show me your sheets and you know I’ll be showing you a wicked hot time!”

And she did smile, but she stopped advancing. Forgot the quiet dance into my space. “No… you’re amazing in lots of places.”

“Well yeah, I’ve rocked a few locations, never was one to stick to the bedroom…”

She leant forwards the distance she hadn’t crossed, and put her finger to my lips. “You were amazing with Dawn, you were amazing with Tara, with Willow… you’ve been amazing with everyone Faith, and tonight, this… giving us all this time off.”

I opened my mouth to make it less. To make it no big deal. Her finger still there though, my tongue flicking out just the tiniest of hints… just less than an instant. I saw as her eyes flew to her hand as I dared to risk my small taste. Her pupils widening as she felt the close contact. When she had spoken again her voice was raw, honest. Just emotion.

“And you’ve been amazing to me Faith, past amazing… I just wanted you to know that, to know that I thought that.”

I took her hand into mine and down from my lips, it was hard to speak when all I wanted to do was to taste. “Thank you. I… uh, I’m speechless?”

And I was. How do you answer that? What can you say to that?

“Speechless?”

“Uh-huh.”

I didn’t say a lot. I did feel a lot. I felt as that last solid space of distance was crossed, as her other hand slid down to join me, both locked, both holding tight. I felt the intensity as her face came closer to mine, as her breath fell onto my lips in the second before contact.

And I spooked.

Me of the always confident and sure. Me of the take before it’s given. I had looked into her eyes in that moment and seen everything that I needed to see, everything I wanted to see, and it had scared the absolute crap out of me. Made the world spin in so many ways. My feet stepping back as I tried to gain a foothold, a level of sense. “B…wait…we can’t…”

Her mouth was set on gaping, her eyes losing the battle between desire and pleading.

“…I said we would save the world first, then this… then…”

“Then ‘us’ Faith, I remember.”

“And we can’t.., we can’t just forget about all that…” I had started to pace again, my boots falling heavy on the floor as I stamped out my logic. “…there’s the witches, and Dawn… you can’t forget about Dawn, she’s so pissed at you.”

She was sat against the sink humouring me. Seriously. A grin in place upon her lips as I argued the case of world savage. “And not just that, we have the prophesy shit to get into, that always needs a clear head… and , and… don’t forget Anya!”

It sounded like I was making a proclamation. I don’t have a clue what I was doing. I hadn’t spoken such crap all in one sentence in ages. None of it making the grin lessen. Her amusement pass. “Anya..? We can’t kiss because of Anya?”

Yeah it sounded ridiculous. It was. “With the wedding B… the game plan?” It didn’t stop me from defending my corner though… from going for more of the ridiculous. “Imagine if she knew we weren’t a hundred percent focused..?”

“She’d be devastated… really, you’re right.” Her words saying one thing as she came steadily closer. And was my heart really supposed to beat that fast? Was it safe? Not just pounding louder, but threatening to crack open my chest cavity. In that moment I had felt desperate. Desperate for her, desperate to stay away from her. Had made a final case in my argument. A good case. A really fucking bad case.

I knew as soon as I said it, that it broke all of my rules. Pushing my own self towards that exit door faster than I could ever have wanted. “What about Spike? We still have to deal with the Spike thing.”

I don’t know if it was my words, or if it was the permanent sneer that sits on my face whenever his name crosses my mind. Falls from my mouth coated in venom. Either way she stopped. Looked at me as if I’d just sucker punched her straight in the guts. It felt like I had.

“Right, Spike!… You’re right.” And her tone hit every business note that I’d just been desperate for her to hit. I hated it. I didn’t mean it. Not now. Not here. “I guess I forgot…”

And I wish it had stayed that way. “It’s cool B, I’m just saying… with everything going on, it’s probably best not to…”

“Yes! Definitely of the bad, really… we should just…”

“Go back to the others… get our drinks.”

“I am feeling thirsty.”

“Yeah… thirsty.”

But neither of us was moving, I couldn’t… it just didn’t seem over. As if everything inside was telling me to stay in this moment. As if it was telling her the same. That vampires didn’t exist in here. Nothing existed beyond the ‘us’.

“Faith.”

I looked up into her eyes, pooling green, pouring into me. Urged her to continue, my own gaze pleading with her to find the right words. To make this ok. Just for now. Just this moment. And she did. Stepping into my space with a soft smile on her lips, sparkling under cheap lighting as she gave me the words that I wanted to hear. Needed to hear. Found me a solution. Reminded me of the game plan. “That over there Faith? What do ya see?”

“I see a door B.” And I gave her the smile that let her continue. Such wise words. The words of a master.

“Well outside that door is all of the bad stuff, nasty stuff… the kind of stuff that keeps me awake at night.”

“Me too.”

“Keeps BOTH of us awake at night…” I shot her a wink, she was doing real well. “…but inside here Faith, we can forget about the bad stuff, just for a minute… just for a moment. In here it’s just the good stuff…” She had slid far enough into my space for me to reach out and touch her. To find her hip with my hand. Sitting so snugly. It made her breath hitch on the last of her words, made her lips quiver. “…the good times.”

I was all about them. We deserved them.

I have never touched anything so tenderly than the way that I touched her right then. Not a challenge or a promise, just the way that I felt. I stopped fighting it. Allowed it to be. My spare hand rose up to slide into hair, my other tightening on her hip to pull her in closer, to meet me in the middle. Sliding finger tips across the small of her back, as I slid my tongue across the expanse of her lips. Teasing them open, showing her the way. I felt her seconds hesitance, maybe wondering if it really was okay, if we could really just let this be. And it made me kiss her harder. Made tender just a memory in the back of my mind as I urged her back against the door, something solid to push against. To push her against. My mouth was consumed with the feel of her tongue inside of me, tasting me, claiming me… everything I had wanted and then some. Her own hands finding purchase on my skin, dragging me so far into her that I knew I would never get out. Would never want to. Wanted more.

It was so fucking easy to just let my hand fall blindly against the curve of her ass, to test the smoothness that I could feel through the tightness of her jeans. Straining out, calling to me. I wrapped my grasp around her leg, forced it up and around me, my kisses more fierce as I felt our centres make contact. The roughness of seams causing friction that aches. That burns. I felt the flood in my panties as I pushed in harder against her, as she matched every beat of my urgency, every push of my hips, her own hand sliding down to cup my ass, pulling me ever more close, as close as we could get. It was fucking crazy, so fucking intense.

My mouth left hers as I found myself soaring. Hid itself against that smooth base of neck, finally able to whisper my words there… to strangle out the sounds rough with hoarseness and desire. “I want you Buffy…”

Losing it again as I sucked hard against her pulse, felt it beating beneath my lips, the heat of the blood that rushed through her veins. I could barely hold on as her voice rang heavy through my ears, the rhythm of her frantic breathing stopping to accentuate words. Words of HER wants, of HER needs. It was driving me fucking insane. Had me looking for an outlet. She bent into my touch as I fixed her other leg around me, lent herself back against the door as my fingers found the way to the base of her top. Sliding up across her navel so taut and tight, up into places I barely remembered as a reflection. But she had never looked this perfect then. Not when I shouldn’t have been looking.

My other hand rested flat, pushing up against her back, something for her to lean against as my searching fingers inched ever upwards to meet the laciness of a bra. It seemed right that she would be in laciness, it made me want to see, to bring her silky top up over her head. To fix my eyes on a place where I was having no trouble finding the fun. I didn’t though. I couldn’t put her down long enough, not even a chance. I placated my mind with a slide of my hand, cupping around her breasts as my mouth again sought hers, each suck she made on my tongue growing harder as I twirled a rock solid nipple within the grasp of my fingertips. Brought them up through lace to graze rough against my palm, the only thing as hard as the push of my hips.

It all made me so unaware of all of the thumping, lost in the belief that only we existed, only this existed. Pretending that it was my heart, not the steady increase of hands against the door, others demanding entry, no way as important as the entry that I was demanding. I kissed her harder to lose it, this was OUR door, no one else’s to open, to break this moment. The hands pulling me into her demanded the same. Knew the consequence of stopping, of letting the world come crashing back. Her mouth tore away from mine as the roughness of seam against seam became ever more insistent, as my hands became harder in the places they stayed. One hand to her breast, one hand on her back. Just let it be. Just breathe it.

It all heightened the moment, knowing what was waiting for us. All the shit that was waiting for us. Made her say my name as I found her pulse point with lips again, my tongue running rampant across the curve of sweet skin, drinking up her goodness, my mind spinning in the reality. I didn’t even notice as my hand left the lace, as it tore out from under barriers to expose her skin to fresh air. Her top pulling down as I glided the same way, not a moment to even look as my mouth wrapped around the hardness of her nipple, sucking, swirling… drawing it all out of her. My name still breathing out from her lips was taking me over the edges, over all of my edges. I felt her back muscles tighten as I slid harder against her, my last insistence, answered the knock on the door with a knock of our own. Just feeling it.

Her legs in a death grip, my mouth in the same. The last of my senses had raised my hand to her lips, felt her teeth as they bit solidly down across my thumb. I may have yelped. I don’t fucking care. It stopped her from screaming.

I tried to draw breath again as she slowly rode it out. The most fucking intense moment of my whole entire life. I had all of my clothes on, she had all of her clothes on, and I’d never felt more naked with anyone. More open, more honest. Every feeling that I had ever had for her was resting just at the back of my throat, just waiting to be voiced. I did everything I could to find some composure, held my arms as firm as I could as she slid herself down, her feet touching ground again… unsteady but not unsure. The satisfied smile that crossed her lips in the instant before she spoke was the surest thing that I had ever seen.

“I think I just found the fun.”

And damn, I just put my head to her head and laughed out my feelings instead. She had spoken the words with such innocent bemusement, an innocence I would’ve bet that she didn’t possess anymore… an innocence I didn’t think I would ever be able to feel. “As a game plan it was good.”

“Gooder than good.”

“Great?”

“Just kiss me again Faith.” And there was no more innocence left anywhere in that tone. There was hunger, hunger for more. A hunger that I couldn’t refuse. Didn’t refuse. My lips wrapped around hers again without need for more invitation, her mouth sliding open, her tongue duelling against mine. Hands back to asses, seams back to seams.

So fucking painful. I just wanted her, I god damn, straight out, needed her. My body demanded it, my mind demanded it. And my heart absolutely demanded it. The fuckers outside the door to our existence though, they demanded a whole lot different.

“LADIES! OPEN UP! NOW!”

And that had sounded like one hell of a pissed butch dyke, waiting on taking a whiz. What was there to do, other than laugh right? There was no way I was opening this door with tears in my eyes. I could take the pain. It came out more a high pitched chuckle, B’s eyes locking with mine in complete understanding. Her own laugh finding form too.

And it’s messed up when the world comes crashing back. When you look around the room where you just gave everything up, and only see the starkness of a restroom. The peeling paint, the cracks in the mirrors. It distorts the reflection, makes it seem less real. Makes you wonder how you ever came to have Buffy Summers still standing, breathing heavy in your arms. How you could ever have the slickness of her skin finding the heat against your own. “You think we should open the door?”

And her eyes flying too. Catching all of those cracks, the refractions of light. “Oh my god.”

Like her soft little mantra. I had to agree. What the fuck were we doing? This was never my game plan, I was sure it wasn’t hers. “That was… intense.., right?”

She did a highpitched insanity sound. Confirmed it with her words. “That was insane.”

And I kept on agreeing. I agreed until I thought my sides would split, until we had to hold each other upright to stop from falling over in the ridiculousness of it all. Our mistake was moving away from the door. Allowing the big butch security guard who was all sorts of man to come crashing through to find us. The pissed gaze just making it harder to stop laughing. It was sobering to see the Scoobs though. Made us both try our hardest at standing. At appearing ready for chastisment.

Oh, if only they knew. Which of course most of them did.

“Faith.” And it was Cordy who hit ice cold. Freezing fucking cold. Was there anything other than shrugging my shoulders?

“I needed to pee Cor… I’m sorry alright?”

“And the Buffster was helping you?” I had winced at Xander’s quickly falling sense of ignorance. As Anya punched hard in the arm, shocking the truth into him. “OH!”

Oh indeed. “If you were doing what half of this club assumes that you were doing…” I looked around, and there were a few spectators. A whole queue of desperate chicks all needing to pee. Shooting me death glares, not one of them as fierce as Cordy’s. “…what I KNOW you were doing, I’m not impressed Faith.”

Would it have been wrong to say that I had been? Had just been all sorts of impressed?

I didn’t act the jerk though, I tried placating. Tried softening a scene which I didn’t need the world watching. “Cordy, can we just leave it for now… please?”

“Oh I don’t know Faith… it just seems so much more fun to torment you!”

“Oh god.” And the mantra was back from the girl at my side, my hysterical chuckles returning with gusto.

“We heard that phrase a minute ago Buffy, and ya know… for a second? I was worried you guys were killing each other, then I remembered that we were over that now… kinda makes me wonder…”

“Wills, please. Stop!”

The guy with ‘security’ emblazoned across his chest was less with the fun times. More with the, “You ladies have caused enough of a disturbance for tonight, both of you out, now!”

And we marched that messed up walk of shame. Back to the sofas, picking up coats, not picking up gazes. Giles the sitting stalwart, not even commenting on the fact of the matters. I guessed his English knickers were all up in a twist. My American ones were twisted all over the place.

Real sobriety came with Dawn though. The bubble threatening to burst in that instant. The hurt in her gaze which was all for me. And yes. I felt that moment of oh so fucking guilty. I came here for this kid, and now I was hooking up with her sister in the bathrooms of The Bronze. Hardly the right thing to do. Not something to laugh about. It stopped me cold. Tara’s understanding smile doing nothing to ease my conscience.

I sat down next to Dawn, tried to pretend that she wasn’t inching away from me, ducking her head as I ruffled at her hair. “Hey kid.”

“My name’s Dawn. You remember?”

And yes I felt that. All the way through. Understood it. “Hey, look at me.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Dawn?” I placed my fingers to her head, turned her around, sighed at the sight of the pain on her face. “Look I’m sorry, that was really dumb of me… I didn’t think.” She looked so defiant, so angry. “It had nothing to do with you okay? Anything between me and your sister is nothing to do with you and me.”

The whole of the gang were hanging onto each of my words. It was all kinda crazy in itself. As if they believed in the things that I said. And it certainly didn’t make me feel comfortable, baring myself. Opening up to an audience.

“I thought that you came here for me.”

“Hey, you KNOW that I did.”

“And you just…what? You ‘accidentally’ fell for my sister? For Buffy? No matter what she’s done?”

“That’s more truth there than you know kid.” She didn’t argue my choice of name this time, just looked down at the floor. Refused to meet my eyes. “I promise ya Dawn, when I came here it was all about you. I would never have come back otherwise.” I looked at all of the others, looked at Buffy. “I mean it.”

“That guard is still ogling us, if we plan on leaving without the beating we should probably start moving about now…”

Xander’s words brought it back into focus. Tara being the one that stayed at Dawn’s side. All of us marching steadfastly to the door marked ‘exit’. I hung back for a moment, maybe one breath more. She was right at my side and she did just the same.

“Are you ready for this B?”

“Am I allowed to say no?”

I chuckled, no joy. “Afraid not.”

“Right, of course not. Duty always calls.”

“Loud and clear.”

All the things holding me back were all the reasons that I needed to step forwards. Both of our reasons. I didn’t expect her hand to slip down to mine. Didn’t expect the fingers to curl and wrap soft against my own. I know that I smiled at that. Not hysterically, just contentedly. When we had first walked through those doors I had wanted to find some fun. Wanted everyone to have a moments break. Some rest and recoup before the bad shit hit. I thought I could bring the gang closer again, that I could help build the bridges there. I had never ever imagined that I would be facing the real world again with my hand held so firmly in Buffy’s. I didn’t feel the chill as we hit the darkness of night. Felt a little in Dawn’s gaze, but nothing that told me I couldn’t repair it. And I didn’t stumble as B’s hand left mine to go seek out her sister… nope. I just gave her a smile and waited on a return. Whenever that was. Whenever the world faded again.

My step was matched by the witches and Cordy. Anya and Giles filling the rear with shop talk. Xander still lost in the daze he had found outside of the restroom. I didn’t say anything, I had nothing to say.

“Are we heading back to Buffy’s or do you wanna head straight home, fit in a patrol?”

“Uh..?” I shrugged out my lack of knowledge to Cordy. How did I know what Buffy wanted me to do? I knew what I wanted. Where I wanted.

“Of course you’ll come back to ours Faith!”

“I will?” The red head was full of smirks, still clinging to the last of that fun that we had found.

“Oh yeah! You can’t possibly have shown Buffy the whole of the alphabet yet, you were only in there… what? 20 minutes? Half an hour?”

“26 minutes, I was counting.”

“Sweet Cordy.”

“Not as sweet as your face when the bouncer swung open the door.”

It had them all amusing themselves with the memory. I found my eyes fixing on the place that wasn’t amused. On the sisters up front. “Dawn’s pretty pissed though, huh?”

“She’s just shocked… it’s been a tough couple of days for her. You should talk to her. Straighten it out.”

“I will do Tara, we really didn’t mean… you know?”

“To go panty wrangling in the bathroom?”

“Hey! No panties were wrangled!”

It was a weak argument, but it was the truth. All that fun and not a panty removed. I wasn’t sure if I should smile or sob. Settled on the smiling. I think it encouraged all the rest of their banter, remarks which they all found to laugh at. I swear when Buffy had headed off to Dawn I had thought that she was being all sisterly and responsible. Now I wonder if she wasn’t just being damn clever. Avoiding the barrage of all the teasing remarks. It was a good job I had a tough skin, a lesser girl may have been reduced to her knees. It was unrelenting. Especially Willow. Maybe she needed the laughs the most, felt the bad stuff the closest. I was almost happy to be able give them. To let her have her fun.

“We have a whole lotta food back at ours Faith… that’s gotta sway ya?”

“Food?”

“Well you took care of one half of the H’s, you must be hitting on starving…”

And I laughed right along with her because I knew that she was right. I WAS fucking starving. Not released from the other H. Not a chance. Still aware of Buffy’s every move, the rise and fall of her feet, the curve of her ass. The small of her back just peeking out from that soft silky top. I swear I could still feel my handprint there. Holding her up. Holding her firm. I sighed all the way home. Silently sighing. I stayed behind to let them go in first, knowing that she would come back to me. I just knew it.

“You not coming in Faith?”

“Apparently I have to, I need to teach you the alphabet and take care of the hungry.” I threw my look to the door. “Not sure what order, you’ll have to check with Red.”

“They give you a hard time huh?”

And I could only roll my eyes somewhere to the back of my head. It had been taunting at its best. The teasing kind. “All that and then some.”

“I’m sorry, I just… with Dawn.”

“Yeah I figured.” This time my sigh wasn’t silent. I didn’t feel like I needed to hide myself so much anymore. “How is she?”

“She’ll be fine, she loves you. It’s just a shock. Another shock.”

“This world is full of them.”

I guess the tone in my voice slipped the smile from her lips. I didn’t mean to. I had to. I could feel the badness out here. Watched understanding slip into her eyes as she registered the same.

“I guess the fun times are over.”

“I can feel the bad stuff B, it’s making me itch.”

She stepped closer and I let her. Not to scratch my itch, thoughts flying from there to the thoughts of the now. The world. “You know that we’re gonna beat it all. It doesn’t stand a chance.”

“This is me here Buffy. I know how bad it feels, how big it feels.”

Her sigh was a match for mine as she found my hand again. Silence enough to confirm that she felt it. Understood it. The only other person that could. The sharer of my burdens. “‘We’re gonna save the world and then we’re gonna save ourselves’, you said it Faith, I believe it.”

And I let myself calm in the strength of her presence. In the right words that she knew how to say. “Then I guess I believe you too.”

“You better do!”

“I kinda do.”

“Faith!”

I laughed at the expression that sat on her face. My chuckles fading fast as her gaze only intensified. As she showed me again how hot desire looked upon her. How it made her pulse, made me pulse.

I tried to suck in a breath, a last shout at reason. “We’re not inside that door anymore B… are you sure this is safe?”

“I’m sure this is right.” She shrugged as she leant up and kissed me softly on my lips. “Lets just take it slow...”

And damn right my eyebrows raised! Was she ‘forgetting’ the last hour of existence?

“Ok… slower.” She giggled a touch of nervous laughter. “That back there, in the bathroom..? Kinda wow! All known kinds of ‘wow’… maybe some unknown kinds of ‘wow’ too…”

I nodded my approval.

“…but you were right. We have so much else to think about, to worry about. A whole damn world pressed down upon our shoulders… and me.” Her voice still carried a slither of the distaste. Disbelief. “I have so much to make up for… I don’t want you to think I forget how wrong I was. I don’t expect this to be too easy.”

“It just is what it is B.” I tucked a stray hair back behind her ear. Let my fingertips rest softly against her. “We’ve got so much to fight, there’s always so much to fight… maybe fighting this is just a waste of resources… I don’t… I’m not saying I’ve forgotten, I wish that I had… but damn it… has anything ever felt this right to you before?” I just said what wanted to be said, not thinking thoughts just speaking them. I trusted my instincts. I trusted myself. “I want to be with you Buffy, whether that’s slowly, surely, an inch at a time… I know what I want. I know who I want.”

“And did I tell you that you’re amazing?”

“And didn’t I promise that I’d show ya?”

I broke the moment of heaviness. It wasn’t needed, not right then. We have so much to face, big bads, our bads, a whole fucked up world of bads. And at this moment, in this night, I know that facing it all with her is the best way to go. The only way to go. I won’t promise her slow, I won’t show her fast. I’ll let the world set the pace. Put my trust in us knowing which steps we should take. Which bridges to cross. Let each and every minute show us how to get better.

I had known when I crossed the threshold, back into the house, that it wasn’t an escape. That this door could never shield us from the badness of all of the world. Maybe tonight I had realised that it didn’t really matter… that we could shield each other. It’s what we are here for. The chosen two.

CHAPTER 22.

Dedication: Oh oh oh... also, this is for Katrien. Cos she kicks such solid ASS! You rock girl. You are still my hero of the Latin. Thank you :)

POV Buffy.

It’s really, really hard to remember the fun times, when the bad times won’t stop nipping at your ass. When duty is the only thing that’s allowed to fill your head from the minute you wake up, till the minute you fall wearily back to bed. And even then, no respite. No escape from dreams which haunt the periphery of your night vision. Screaming. So much damn screaming. My head would toss and turn with it, my limbs would tense and tighten with it, and in amongst all of that noise, I just couldn’t get a fix on what the source of the problem was. Slayer dreams at their sweetest. Why the PTB couldn’t just send us a detailed itinerary I’ll never know. No. Way too easy. A much better plan would be to send disjointed fragments of dreams, which leave me trembling with such fear, that fighting evil is the last thing I want to do. Yep! Full marks of planning to the PTB!

At least they have a plan. Our plans involve babysitting. Watching over the witches and waiting for a bad that we’re still not sure we believe in. Faith is sure. After she had spoken again to Angel, she had assured us all that it was the truth. It didn’t matter what Giles had to say, what Anya had to say. She has complete conviction in Angel. I have complete conviction in her. And of course the dreams. Hopefully not the kind that come true.

All it leaves us with is the name of a thing that we can barely pronounce. That we can’t even begin to understand. It sounds something like ‘Geraldo’. Straight up, the talk show host on the telly? I always thought that he was a little off… but not soul sucking evil leech off. It gives Dawn more excuse to watch the tragedy that is that talk show though, her eyes glazing over as she concentrates fully on the traumas of alcoholic parents and the affect that it has on the kids. I wonder if she thinks it would be a better life. Definitely more stable. I argued with her that it wasn’t really valid research, but she just raised her eyebrows and said she was doing research into the leechy moustache that sits just under the guy’s nose. What can you say to that?

As plans go she was leading the field. Cordy had hightailed it back to LA, going to retrieve Angel’s extensive information… but for us good guys here in Sunnydale? Nothing.

Every single second since the Bronze has been a torturous round of research, watching the witches, and working the Doublemeat. I’ve read more Latin than I’ll ever understand, but again, we aren’t getting anywhere. We’ve had snippets of information from Spike, all the news from the undead grave-vine. I almost resent it. Hate it so much. I see the way that he revels in it, the way that he almost taunts us with it before he’ll give it up. It’s not like we can beat it out of him, he is all that we have to go on right now. So I accept his predatory gazes, the darkness in his eyes as he tries to pretend that it’s all okay. That I can still even look at him without wanting to tear out my eyes. Erase every memory.

Maybe he thinks that it holds sway with me. That I’m on his side. That we shared something special..? All I know is that to me it feels like sickness, a sickness that I don’t ever want to remember, something that I never want to feel again.

I let the breeze in the air carry my thoughts away. Lean myself back against the wall and look for some sunshine. It is there, just behind the clouds. You only have to know where to look for it. I search out the tiny rays that have found a way to break through, let them caress my bare shoulders and infuse me with a little warmth. Let my mind wander for just a second, just one minute away from duty. I have ten minutes before Wills finishes classes, I can indulge.

Indulge is a word that makes me smile. I don’t care if I look like the crazy girl with a manic sized grin plastered firmly from ear to ear. I am insane. It’s almost official. And I love it. I love the way that just one flash to the memory of kissing her lips is enough to make me feel that everything is worth living for. I had felt the beginnings of it on my birthday, and in that murky little bathroom in the Bronze, I had found my truth in it. Just breathing in that same space of air as her makes me feel alive. Maybe more alive than I ever felt. I don’t know.

I remember touches of feelings I had never let grow. The touches before all of the bad ones had come. Touches in sparring, in training, in dancing. They had always meant something to me, a thing which I treasured, a thing that I had held dear. And now in my state of indulgence I have to wonder if they hadn’t always meant this. That somewhere underneath it all, we weren’t always destined to have this strength of feeling for each other. It had just always seemed so… naughty? Yeah. It was wrong. Wrong the way that slaying at her side had always made me rush home with thoughts about laying at her side. The surety in Angel’s presence, being knocked sideways by the complete confusion in hers. The danger scared me, the ride thrilled me. And it all ended up so badly. I stopped trying to work it through a long, long time ago. I spent that first few months after grad trying to understand what had happened, how so much had gone wrong. Why?

I think I had even started accepting some of the responsibility. So much so that when she had come back to us from that coma, I would have forgiven her everything. Would have offered her the hand that I had always meant to offer. Maybe offered everything that I had always meant to offer?

And I can’t take the blame for the next one. For what happened then. It still hurts to remember. It still feels like a blur.

It’s a time that I will never understand until I have had the time to talk to her about it. It certainly killed my sense of forgiveness, my need to bring her back to us. I hated what she did. How she did it. The ways that she hurt me. I hated it so much that it was more than easy to forget how much I had hurt her too. It didn’t matter… I had been ready to forgive, to accept, and she had thrown that back at me. In the end, all I had gained from that whole experience was more confusion. Not knowing what any of the feelings which invaded me meant. What she meant.

Could I really hate this girl in front of me, the one who was broken, who was asking for just the shot at making it right? Making it better. Could I hate the girl who had turned herself over to the police, because she believed that it was what I wanted? That it would prove that she was changing. That she was sorry.

God. I tried to make it hate. I succeeded in making it hate. It was so much easier than ever crossing the boundaries to the truth.

I hear Willow’s incessant chatter in the distance and look to see her walking my way surrounded by friends. Not people I know, nothing to do with the Scoobs. Just friends. Her eyes not bearing the worry of the world, but rather lighting with the thrill of the intellectual banter. It makes her shine, it makes me smile my greeting to her.

“Hey Wills, hard day at the office?”

She makes her goodbyes to the crowd and turns to me with a smile of her own. “Hey Buffy, you got the ‘babysitting Willow’ job for today then?”

“I requested it… I thought we could maybe get coffee?”

There hasn’t been the time yet to make my apology to Willow. To recover the connection that as best friends we have let slip. I have let slip. All the times that she had sought to see that I was okay, and I had brushed her aside to find my okay in him. It’s kind of repulsive. A repulsion I can imagine in her eyes, in the way that we have barely spoken since the other night. It forces my tone to embrace perky, my hand to clasp around hers as I try to cling on to the idea of friendship.

“Coffee’s good… although with the crazy super strong handholding, I may have to take mine through a straw…”

“Huh..? Oh… oh, right!” I let go of her hand and wince as she shakes some feeling back through it. “So how were classes?”

“Surprisingly good. I was worried I’d be distracted by the impending doomyness, but nope! It was nice to have something else to focus on… I’m SO losing my love of the Latin.”

“I hear ya Wills.” I lead her off in the direction of the coffee house. “No more love for Latin, and no more love of Geraldo.”

“Hirudo.”

“See!” I open my eyes wide, use my hands to exclaim it too. “I still can’t even remember the thing’s name… I have Dawn’s obsession with a chat show host, Faith’s insistence on calling it ‘rude dude’… Giles insisting it probably isn’t even real. I need a vacation.”

“The end of the world pretty much includes the whole world though Buffy, where ya gonna go to?”

Was I supposed to have answers for everything? “Oh, I don’t know, I just… a break would be nice.”

I see her gaze take on a faraway look, imagining her own kind of break. Her own time away from all of the crap. When her words come they sound like pleading. “Hey, you think that when all this is over, we’ll be able to get away for a few days? Maybe visit the guys in LA?”

“When all this is over Wills, we can do whatever we like. I’m gonna decree it.”

“See… you are mastering the Latin! Today a ‘decree’, tomorrow the, ‘Hirudo Beluosa.’”

It sounds so poetic, the way she lets it fall from her tongue. Shame it’s a great big soul sucking demon leech from the very pits of evil itself. “How about we abandon the foreign languages for today and concentrate on the coffee?”

“It’s a plan!”

And I KNEW I had a good plan in me somewhere! I take her arm and pull her the last of the distance to the house of the caffeine induced goodyness. Slide her into a booth and make my way to the counter. It’s fun to watch Wills get sloshed on the heavy stuff, but today we’ll keep it light. No crazy twitching and face pulling whilst I’m trying to work my way through apologies and explanations. I set the cups down and settle myself down. I don’t have to pretend anymore, I don’t have to offer my best friend the eyes that lack all sorts of anything. Don’t have to banish the real words behind the false ones. Her eyes are soft and green as they fall to rest on me, and I can see how hard she isn’t going to make this. How reassuring it is as her hand drops to mine and gives me the squeeze to continue.

“I guess you know what this is right?”

“My senses tell me coffee, but I’m gonna say we’re going with deep and meaningful.”

“Always so smart.” I draw in that breath that needs to be drawn, let it flow out. “I’m sorry Wills, I’m sorry for all of it… sorry for abandoning you, the others, sorry for lying to you…”

“It’s ok.”

It is?

“No Will, it’s not okay, I have to face up to what I did, the people I’ve hurt.”

“Yeah, facing up is of the good, but if you start, we all have to start… could take some time.”

“I don’t think anyone else comes close to touching my badness.”

She shakes her head a little, not morosely, more in disbelief. “Oh wow, you always have to be the front runner… Faith kills people, I go super suped up on the big bad mojo, Dawn gets all hari-kari with the whisky, Anya’s an ex-demon who took joy in evisceration… but you still think you’re leading the field for badness. Is it ego?”

And is she serious?

“You’re not mad at me? You don’t wanna turn me into a toad or something?”

“Nothing amphibious!”

Her eyes have flown wide and I forgot all about the frog fear. “Back up, breathe!”

It’s funny in the way that she just is funny. The Willow way.

“Breathing, backed up…” She slides me a little wink and I slide her a huge fat smile. “…but no, no turning, no madness… a little confusion, hurt. Definite wigging.”

“You’re wigging?”

“Double wigging.”

I let my face show the gravity of the double wiggings. “That’s pretty bad huh?”

“Well, it’s not everyday that you find out that your best friend is sleeping with a blood guzzling dead guy…” She pauses as I nod. “…OH! Wait!”

And now I think I’ll knot my brows in confusion, “Huh?”

“I guess I should be used to it. You and the blood sucking dead guys…” In the end I settle for shaking my head and holding in the laughter. Letting her continue on her merry journey of humiliation. “…honestly Buffy? I’ve been thinking, and maybe you have an addiction too? Me and you could be sponsors… with the meetings, the twelve step path to recovery…”

“You’re a dope Will.”

She raises her eyebrows to tell me that she knows, that she plays it on purpose. That she wanted this to be bathed in light and not all about the heavy. It is a little heavy though. I still want to make it better.

“I never meant to go there, to go to him… I just, with everything.” And the sighs make their expected return. “I felt so bad being back, you guys were so… happy, so into the good times… at first I just didn’t want to break that. To ruin it for you.”

“You could of told us Buffy. We would’ve worked it out… there was gonna be movie nights…”

“I wish that I had. But he was there… and it felt like he understood me, knew the place I had come from…”

“The ground?”

“Death. It’s all I could taste at first, all that I could see.”

“And I was too wrapped up in my magic to even notice… I’m sorry Buffy.”

Huh? Her voice is soft and solemn and she’s speaking out of turn. This is my apology to make. Me who was wrong. I accept that. “No way. It wouldn’t have made a difference, I just… all I wanted was to be dead again, to be back where I had come from… to feel safe.”

I can feel the familiar feeling again. The warmth and the comfort. It did feel like my mother's arms, and I did miss it terribly.

“We didn’t realise Buffy, we thought… or I thought, that you were somewhere kinda helly… I never would of taken you from there if we had known.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore Wills, I’m happy to be back… it’s taken a while, I can admit that, but now I’m firmly of the happy.” I smile to prove it, she smiles right back. “All I want to do now is to beat this thing and get on with living. Not too much to ask?”

“The perfect thing to ask.”

We chink our cardboard cups together, as if we can confirm it with the gesture. Both of us wanting to get back to the happy times. “Anyway, enough of my grossly morosely bad stuff, what about you… what have you been up to?”

“Mostly just Tara.”

I can’t help but laugh a little. “It didn’t have to be sex Wills, I meant in general…”

“But it IS all I’ve been doing.” Her grin is all sexy and cute. “We’re practically under house arrest, we’re still getting used to the being back togetherness… and oh yeah, somehow we’re the key to big honking bad evil… what do you think we do Buffy? Talk politics?”

“Okay, point taken.” I had thought that all the hours spent up in their room was avoidance of me, or a deep devotion to research. It made more sense to think that they were just a pair of wanton hussy horn dogs. Made me realise that all the time I had been spending thinking about Faith, didn’t make me such a bad person after all. The easiness with which the duty thoughts were replaced.

“And you and Faith? You past the talking about politics stage yet?”

The coffee flies from my mouth in a perfect stream through the air. “Uh… politics?”

“Oh come on. The Bronze… you must know we’re not all stupid. Except Xander… he still isn’t sure he believes it.”

“I… we…” I know my mouth is trying hard to work, but what to say? How to explain it?

“I know, I know… you finally slipped out the stick and got with the girly loving… it’s great, right?”

“NO!” I turn red as the whole establishment looks towards us. Throw my widened eyes straight to Willow’s in a way that says, ‘Stop. Now. Or face the wrath of a pissed off slayer’. It’s good to see her laughing, catching the gazes of the onlookers.

“Nothing to see here folks. It’s tourettes… she’s medicated.”

And god, how does she sound so serious? I follow the shakes of heads from the crowd. The sympathetic glances. She is SO bad! “Thanks Will, as if the people of this town didn’t already think I was strange enough.”

“You can never be too strange!”

I nod my supposed agreement. Wonder what it would ever be like to be normal. “You do know though, we didn’t… you know… in the bathroom… we weren’t…”

“I know that silly, just teasing.” She arches the devilish eyebrows again. “Faith filled us in, just a little kissy kissy… nothing more, nothing less.”

“She filled you in?”

“We threatened to put a truth spell on her, she had no choice.”

I had thought that Faith had the better deal the last couple of days, watching the witches whilst I flipped the burgers. Now maybe I’m not so sure. The witches are evil. “That’s kinda mean.”

“And you’re kinda dopey.”

I am? I don’t know. I know I’m losing the thread of the conversation. I just vaguely nod, hope it covers it.

“Faith was just setting us straight… I think we over-teased her, she isn’t so keen on teasing, you should remember that.” And devilish again. “She really thinks a lot of you…”

“And I think a lot of her.” She’s almost all I think about in fact. “I don’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t come back when she had… if she hadn’t been there for everyone…” My voice slips right back into the tone of solemn. Not sad, just honest. A truth that shouldn’t be laughed at. “…it was her Wills, seeing her again… remembering her, it all made me want more… made me want to live again, she just made me feel like living. Crazy right?”

“Not crazy.” She smiles so I continue.

“And then realising that she felt how she did, seeing the ways that she looked at me… god it scared me so much. I knew the truth. Knew how bad I was, how disgusting.”

“Hold up on the big words Buffy, it was a mistake. We all make them.”

“Exactly!” My head was nodding like a rocker in a mosh pit. “I saw how much she had changed, the way that she had made herself better, beaten her mistakes… and it just, I believed in her. I believed that I could get better… and the way she made me feel Wills?” She is hanging onto my words. Hearing each of them. “All I want now is to be good enough for her.” And it’s the truth. I wanna wash all of the bad stuff away, banish the disgust so that I can stand in front of her and offer her everything that she deserves.

“Buffy!”

What? My mind is still offering everything that Faith deserves. She deserves a lot. I shake it though, regain some focus. “Huh?”

“You are good enough! You’re super good, like the goodest…”

“Not a chance, but thanks for saying it.” Now her eyes flash something other than happy. I don’t need sympathy, I’m not on a downer, I just know the truth. “Look Willow, these last few months I’ve been doing everything I can to make myself less, to make myself nothing… it’s a long way back, I get that.”

“I think that you’re wrong.”

“You do?”

“I know how she feels about you, regardless of the bad stuff.”

I have to sigh, and again it’s not sad. It’s just realisation of truths. “I abused her feelings before Wills, I don’t want to do that again.”

And it’s her turn to look confused. “Huh?”

I settle myself down, get ready to impart some ‘Buffy and Faith 101’. History for the masses. “You think I don’t know how she felt about me back then? The things that she offered me, the way that she made me feel?… I knew it all Wills, god, I couldn’t stand next to her without feeling the heat of it, the burning…”

And I do remember. The sparring. The training. The dancing.

“…and I took that, I played it, and I ignored it. I told her that she had made me a victim…” I pause to draw breath, to bitter laugh the truth to myself. “…yet all the time I knew how much that I had hurt her too. I let myself believe I was innocent, that I was better… could I have been more stupid?”

“Well, to be fair… she went psycho and killed people.”

“Besides the point!” And I know it isn’t, but it isn’t the point for now. “I just don’t want to play her again. I want this to be real.”

She gives me all the compassion, all the friendship, everything I could need with the look in her eyes. In the touch of her hand that sits warm against mine. “It is real Buffy, we all see it. From the minute she came back we saw it…”

“I hope so.”

“I KNOW so! In fact I decree it!”

My heart is pounding with the thought of love with Faith. Like my whole life it wanted to beat this way and I never let it, and now I have, it’s working overtime to compensate. My hormones are doing the same. I’m trying to ignore them. It’s all about the love. Uh-huh.

“I double decree it.”

I think back to the bathroom in the Bronze. So much and so little. And barely a minute to see her since. Lots of phone time. But no real time. No physical time. No ‘god damn it Faith, if you don’t touch me now I swear I shall explode… and hey, when ya do touch me..? I’m gonna be exploding anyway!’… no. Not a minute of time for that reality. I guess the world of badness decrees it. I slurp on my coffee till the noise which signals the empty cup, becomes annoying. Wiggle it at Willow, get up to get more. It feels so good to be in her space again… my best friend, and it feels like the first time I have spoken to her in months. It feels like a lifetime. I look back to her and smile, see her return it with gusto. I didn’t know how much I had missed her. How much I had missed everything in this crazy little thing called life.

I slide my way back to the seat after securing the caffeine. It’s probably not such a hot idea, more of the hard stuff, sleeping with the nightmares is bad enough. Extra stimulants definitely won’t help. I’m feeling carefree though. Like I could take on the world and win.

“So aside from the heavy stuff Buff, what’s it like?”

“Huh?”

“Well ya know, you… and Faith. Together. Kinda kooky right?”

I grin and shake my head back and forth. “Not so much with the kooky, to tell you the truth it feels a whole lot like destiny… that sounds insane right?”

“I guess it makes sense, ‘the chosen two’. Kinda puts you together whether you like it or not… definitely all destined.”

“It’s more than that Wills, it’s the power, the strength… the whole damn calling. They always say ‘one girl in all the world’… well we changed that, and it feels like we changed it for a reason. Like we knew how lonely it was, how hard it could be…and we said screw it. Almost like we were made for each other.”

And that was heartfelt. Doesn’t stop the giggles. The rolling of eyes. “You are so whupped, as in bad… as in ‘oh this feels like destiny’… smoted!”

And I don’t care. If this is whupped, then I love whupped. I love Faith. I can feel it.

“Thanks for your support and mockery of my heartfelt emotion!” I poke her in the side, just a little dig. “I forgot how good sharing with best friends was.”

“Hey, I do support you! Anything you want help with… any tips you might need? I’m happy to share, I‘m share gal!”

“Tips?”

“For the action stations. The girly loving baby!”

She thinks she can embarrass me. And I wanna cry out my laughter. Instead I force out the words. “Really Wills, that is SO nice of you to offer, but ya know?” She shakes her head, looks intrigued. I lift my hand, wiggle my fingers. “I’ve been practicing on myself for years now, really… I’m sure I can figure it out!”

And I wink, and I crow. Victory to the slayer. She just nods. And she looks. And she blushes. And I am SO the winner here. Take on Buffy and you know you’re going down.

I watch her compose herself, watch her mouth open in defeat. “I always knew you were super with the flexible.”

“Huh?”

“Well I wasn’t offering finger tips.” She lets her tongue peek out from between her pale pink lips, lets it run all the way around in the smallest dance of seduction. Barely there. Definitely noticeable. “And hey Buffy, if you’ve been practising ‘that’ on yourself for years… totally flexible. Big with.”

What can I do? I poke out my tongue.

“Well it looks to be in working order… you want to demonstrate further?”

And I laugh. And I admit defeat. It wasn’t really a fair fight, she does have more experience than me. “I’m saving the demonstrations Wills, and believe me, if I need tips?”

She smiles, she feels like a winner.

“I’ll be sure to ask Tara!”

And we descend again into giggles and fun. I love this. I love every minute of this.

“Tara is good, the best even… I’m thinking with Faith though, she’ll show you the way.” Her eyes go wide as she thinks it through. “Hey, maybe you’ll be giving us the tips!”

And I don’t want to think it, because if I start to think it I won’t be able to stop. My body keeps screaming out this need to go to her, and I have to keep dulling it with the needs of the world. With duty. With the other kind of destiny. We finish up our second coffee and head off into the early evening warmth. I have to get Willow home, then I have to go to work. If I’m lucky I’ll get to see Dawn for five minutes, if I’m super lucky I’ll get to see Faith for maybe one. I won’t let it get me down though, we have a deal. Save the world and then save us.

Me and Wills make the fun talk all the way to the house, my senses on full alert, yet my attention still resting with her. Still bantering, still having fun. Still just being Buffy and Willow. Not ‘big bad mojo witch’ and her vampire screwing side kick. Just us. Just friends.

Just slipping the key into the lock and turning the door handle. Still smiles, still fun. And then seeing what had happened in the front room! It was beyond apocalyptic. It looked like a massacre on a dairy farm. There was Anya and Faith and Dawn and Tara. All of them armed with a can of squeezy cream, all of them not caring where it went or how it got there. I didn’t know what to do, whether to laugh or to cry.

“Guys? Anyone… guys… argh!”

And yeah. Straight in the face, courtesy of Dawn.

It changed my mind about wanting to see her for five minutes. For any minutes. Made me throw off the worry of work and dive my way across the sofa to get to her, to hold her down and grab the can from her hands. To not care that it would stink later if we didn’t clean up properly… I was going to work. Not my bad.

She screamed as I got her, as the nozzle ended up embedded in her hair. It was the best scream I’ve heard in months. Pure unadulterated joy. It sounded like fun times. And then it sounded like scolding.

“Oh for crying out loud!”

It wasn’t so much the volume as the tone. Either way we all stopped dead. All hung our heads like naughty children and turned to face Giles.

“I go out of the room for ten minutes and chaos descends?” He stomped his way to the coffee table, to the texts that lay slightly rumpled from the onslaught. “Honestly, I don’t know if any of you understands the seriousness of this situation…”

“Hey, chill Giles, it was my fault… I was just trying to lighten the tone, I didn’t mean for the stuff to get…”

“Faith, do I have to point out that we’re facing a possible apocalypse here? I thought surely that you would understand the gravity of the situation!”

He really was busting a gut. Maybe it was the cream stained literature, maybe it really was just the gravity of the situation, whichever… he was standing in front of Faith like an irate father, looking to give a lecture. Her face was a picture. Head slanted to the side as if she was taking his measure. Almost amusement shining bright through her eyes. I could picture a confrontation, could see how these two sides could collide at any moment. I felt like I wanted to protect her. Defend her.

I was over by Faith before I knew it, offering her a smile which brought her eyes round to me, took them from him. It raised my mouth further. Set my senses alight. I really have missed her. The stolen seconds between shift changes, the moments when we swapped witches, swapped duties. It wasn’t enough. Late night phone calls nothing compared to the wonderment of standing before her. Of knowing her truths and her knowing mine. I love her. And every single second that her gaze rests upon me I am falling in love with her, crazy madly deeply in love. So in love that I almost forgot Giles, forgot that I had started with a purpose other than smiling at her.

“Giles!” I remembered with shock, a nervous laugh. Turned to give him my full attention. This was my house, my home… and I had waited for far too long to hear laughter within it. “We all understand the gravity of the situation, we’ve been living with it for weeks.”

He cast his look back to the table, to chaos. “Your behaviour could better reflect that, I don’t think childish food fights are the right way to combat the forces of darkness. Do you?”

Oh come off it. He has no idea. I looked him straight in the eye, raised the can in my hand up to face level. His face level. Watched that moment of horror as he realised what I was going to do.

“Buffy…”

“Uh-huh.” I smiled as I let rip, as I covered my former watcher in the goodness of compressed cream. It was a sweet moment, made all the more sweeter by the look on his face. The disbelief, the shock… and then the smile. The taking off of glasses and the laughter in the eyes.

The room fell on a hush for a beat, no one quite sure if it was safe to laugh, if he really would accept this from me. I had no doubt. Not a worry. I know him well enough to know the glint that shines in his own eyes. The mischief. He held his hand out to Faith, collected the can from her and returned to me. And yes, I could have run, I could have slayer whupped his ass… but it wasn’t about that. I stood there and let him squirt me and I smiled right through it. Revelled in the laughter that Dawn found again, in the slaps on the back offered by Faith. In the happiness of the instant. I was learning. Every second with her I was learning.

It didn’t prompt a return to full on madness, it signalled the end of it. Everyone moving to clean up the mess. Me moving my ass up the stairs to find the fastest shower ever before work. Scrubbing away at my hair now and wishing maybe that I HAD diverted the attack with slayer speed. I was going to be late, of that I was certain.

I stand under the jets and let them do their job, let them run the almost too hot streams of water down my back. Kinda feels like heaven. I kinda know. Not taking the time to lose myself in it, just appreciating it. The floor is cold under my feet as I step out of the shower, grab blindly for a towel and wipe off the mirror. It’s always nice to see the smile now, so long I had forgotten what it looked like, and now I see nothing else. I wrap the towel around me, start fussing with my hair. If I tie it up now it’ll be easier to stick under the hat later. Always planning.

The knock doesn’t bother me, it’s a house full of girls, it would never bother me. “Uh-huh?”

“B, it’s me… can I come in?”

Oh hell yes! Not a negative in sight. “Err… sure Faith.”

I drop my voice to coy, it isn’t good to let her know just how much I want her. Like now. Step back so as she can get through the door without me falling upon her. On purpose.

“Hey.”

I just look. Watch her eyes as they slide over me in the best kind of way, chills of the nicest variety. She’s still kinda coated in all that cream, and I guess that’s why she’s here.

“Hey yourself, you come for the clean up?”

“I thought I did.” She moves a little closer, just the tiniest of steps into my space. And I stop breathing. I can’t breathe. She’s so intoxicating, the way that her eyes tell me everything she is going to do me. Everyway she is going to touch me. I think I gasp as her hand reaches my naked shoulder, as her fingers slide up to rest behind my head. “I missed you Buffy… duty sucks.”

And I don’t answer because I’m kissing her. My mouth so quick to quiet her words, my tongue demanding that she opens up to me. Shows me how much. And then I am lost. Feeling nothing past the way her touches smooth over skin, the way her kisses slip from hard to soft, from insistent to begging. I feel it all. As my back touches the solidness of wall, as I feel her body pressed up against mine. I want this so much. More than anything, more than ever.

It’s not just a sigh that spills from my mouth as she pulls back, as her kisses become the gentlest flutterings against my lips. “You have to go to work.”

And she sounds so husky, so god damn sexy. “Don’t wanna.”

“You don’t?”

“Uh-uh.” I lean forwards to try and catch her lips again, scowl as she teases me, letting me so far and then pulling back. “Kiss me Faith?”

And of course she does. One last thing to remember her by, something to flip burgers to. It’s not enough, it’s nothing near what I want from her, what I need from her. But I can wait. She steps away from me and leaves me panting by the wall. Reaches into the shower and turns the knob all the way. Full steam ahead. And I don’t believe she’s going to…

Damn!

She is going to.

Her eyes are fixed on me, watching my reaction as she peels off her top, as she shows me exactly what she keeps hidden in her ample and rather pert box of treasures. And if I drool is that good? Cos I’m drooling.

“You see something nice B?”

She isn’t coming closer again, she really is getting ready for the shower, but wow! And more wow. And do all breasts look that good?

“Uh…”

“Oh come on B, you never seen a pair of tits before?” She’s laughing. I am pooling on the floor and she is laughing? I drag my eyes back to her face, that little triumphant gaze she holds over me. Oh yes. She got me good. And I love a challenge. I love it so much that I feel my fingers wrap around the top of my towel. Feel the fire race through my own eyes as I offer her a look at all that she is getting. A full look. An ‘oh my god, my towel is all falling open’ kind of look. “Uh…”

And now who is drooling! “You see something you like Faith?”

And she doesn’t answer, she takes defeat. She fixes me fully with her gaze and just nods her head. Up and down. “There ain’t even words B.”

“Shower?”

And I know I’m bad, but she makes me that way. I offer her a wink, wrap the towel back around me and head out the door. I’m burning. I am burning all over. If I hadn’t have left the room then, I would be naked now on the floor begging that she consumes me, that she takes that look and turns it into a touch. She may have accepted her defeat, but we both know that it is me who has run from victory. Duty REALLY sucks!

I pass Wills in the passage back to my room. See that she has some of her own mischief flashing in the eyes. “Where’s Faith?”

“In the shower.”

She lets her gaze trail over my towel, over my flushed face. Dead set on my eyes. “Do you and her have a thing for bathrooms? Is THAT where the bond comes in?”

Oh what to do? I just flip her the bird.

Then I listen to her laughter all the way to my room. I love the sound. My home is feeling like a happy one again.

CHAPTER 23.

The gloom in the room wasn’t an effect of bad lighting, but rather the impending sense of upcoming evil. As if it coated the very walls themselves, the air hanging stale with the odour of death. And Warren liked it, he wrapped himself in it. Had been doing his up most to feed it, to make it stronger. Since he had begun to realise the strength of the power infusing him, it had taken all of his self control not to go out and proclaim it to the world. Had settled for proclaiming it to just a select few instead. Random victims. A sadistic way to spend a Saturday night. His master revelled in it, growing stronger with every evil act committed, its own hunger growing, its own need to break free and to feed. The time was coming. The whole room could feel it.

Andrew could feel it as a chill to his bones. As tears which rolled down his face every time no one was looking. He felt guilt, he felt a sense of blame… but nothing could touch the fear. Could block out the sounds of the screaming as Warren had demonstrated the new levels of depravity to which he could sink. It had been bad with the Demon woman, but at least she still lived, still appeared useful. For the others they weren’t so lucky. Or maybe death WAS luckier. He hadn’t wanted to see, to acknowledge the malevolence that flowed so strong from the aura of his former friend, his former partner. But he couldn’t not look. Warren demanded it.

He watched him now. Watched him standing in the centre of the room as he was fawned over by Johnathan. As even the vampire seemed to sink down in his presence. He just looked so powerful, so strong. So unbeatable. Even his voice resonated with nothing but strength and determination. His plans forming like webs of evil in the depths of his mind, ready to catch them all. Destroy them all.

“I don’t understand why it’s taking so long? We had a deal… if you can’t keep to the deal…”

“It’s not that bloody easy! They all think I’m the lowest sort of pariah, touching their precious damn slayer…”

“You are the lowest the form of pariah. You’re a vampire.”

The beast within the façade of the man wanted to rise up, wanted to snarl out all his regained power and show this tossing idiot of a boy what a vampire could do. How it liked to feed. To rip out a throat and drink from the source of life. He knew that he couldn’t though. What Warren represented, the thing that he served… it was huge. It surpassed anything that the bloody Scooby’s could ever hope to fight against! It helped him to keep a focus, to remember that he was here for a reason, to smile slyly at the boy and accept his smug put downs. It didn’t matter in the long run.

Once the beast was raised, was set free, the boy wouldn’t stand a chance. He may think he was all big shot with the power now, but Spike understood evil. It didn’t respect partnerships, it didn’t respect anything. It destroyed everything. It was quite simply, evil.

“That may be, but it’s me who’s getting you your witches, you should remember that.”

“You’re getting me one witch Spike, the other I can get for myself.”

The thought of the witches excited Warren no end. The one with the innocence, who was the key to the one with the darkness. It made him smile. Made him blindly caress Johnathan’s cheek as his mind wandered through the endless possibilities. “We need a plan, you obviously can’t get me what I need without help, and I am not prepared to wait any longer. My master isn’t prepared to wait any longer.”

“What kind of plan?”

But he didn’t answer the vampire, turned instead to his meekest follower. “Do you fancy some more conjuring, some more of the big bad beast?”

“The same as before master?”

A grin wrapped tight around his lips. “Maybe stronger, can you do stronger?”

“Uh…I…” Johnathan withered ever further under his gaze. “…I can try.”

“You had better succeed.”

The hand which had been caressing, held tight now to the boy's face, making him nod his head in acceptance. “I will succeed.”

“And what about me?”

“You Spike are gonna be a hero! There on hand to save the witches.” He laughed manically as he said it. Amused by his own lack of wit. “The slayers can deal with the beast, and you my friend… you can bring me Tara.”

“The red head will fry me if I try and touch her sweetie pie.”

“And I’ll fry you if you don’t get me what I want! I’ve set you free from your binds, surely a demon as ferocious as you can handle two girls..?”

Spike preened under the praise. Didn’t realise he was being patronised. “Of course I can handle two girls, I handled more than that last night.” His thoughts fell back to the previous evening, since his power had been restored he hadn’t wasted time on waiting to see if he worked properly again… he proved that he did. Found the sweetest little things that Sunnydale had to offer and proved it in all sorts of ways. Practised the unmatched pleasure in drinking fresh, draining life. It was all a rehearsal, a practice until he could take her blood. Buffy’s blood. He’d been close enough to taste it on many occasions, drawing her steadily but slowly in, every time just one time nearer. But now that that had changed he wouldn’t care for slowly and softly. He would take what was his. Her.

“Well it’s settled then! All we need now is opportunity… the right circumstance.”

“I know their routine, I’ve been following them for days. Bloody idiots.” He let his mind wander over what he knew. When Buffy worked. When Buffy slayed. “Tomorrow night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” He had functioned by her shift pattern for months, he knew it by heart. And now he knew enough to know the other’s one pattern as well. The way she hung around his slayer every chance she got. The way she looked at her. Wanted her. It made his blood boil. Made the demon in him howl. “They’ll be alone tomorrow night. The witches and the slayers… ”

“Perfect! Johnathan?”

“Yes master?”

“Be ready for tomorrow! This is it… the moment we have planned for.” Warren’s gaze was wistful, joyous. So much planning. So many months. And now finally she would be here. Tara. Almost the final step. So close.

Andrew’s tears were falling again. Soft tracks down his face. Memories of the girl playing fresh through his mind. He couldn’t stand it if it happened. Knew that he would crumble if he saw her here. Saw Warren touch her. He tried so hard to hold it in. To make it something that it wasn’t.

The noise of the demon at his side drew his gaze, made him slide his head around to take in her almost broken form. Her eyes held firm and he sought the comfort within them. It was strange the way a bond had grown between the two, no words spoken, but the tiniest amount of strength found in just knowing that someone was there. The demon was grateful for it. She had never believed that she would find strength in a human. A human boy at that. But he had held her gaze after everything that Warren had put her through, had offered her sorrow and understanding. Had shown empathy in his eyes. And it had held her up. Had stopped her from breaking.

When William the Bloody had walked through the door she had been thrown for a loop. He had recognised her almost immediately, taken delight in seeing her that way. He hadn’t assaulted her with verse though, and that was the biggest mercy. Instead he had sneered, had joined Warren in his quest of degradation. Had used one of her other names as he had taken his pleasure there. A name she hadn’t heard in a long time. And all that she wanted now, all that she could hold on to, was a chance. The hope of a chance. She would wreak vengeance worse than anything they had ever seen! She tried to show Andrew with her look, with the set of her shoulders. No. They were not beaten yet. A woman scorned had nothing on a demon scorned!

“What’s going on here?”

They both broke the look and shot their eyes to Warren. Neither able to speak. To do anything but cower back.

“Andrew..? Is it time to die?”

He shook his head with all the vigour that the binds would allow. Couldn’t stop the fear from sliding down his leg, the shivers that wracked his body.

“That’s good… I still have a plan for you. A role. A final chance to prove that you are useful.”

Andrew’s eyes swam with more tears, more snivels behind the gag which bound him. All he wanted was the chance. Just one chance. He stopped his body from shaking more as Warren touched him. “I want you to be useful Andrew, you’ve always been special to me.”

His smile carried all the way to the demon. “Hallie, Hallie… or should I say… Cecily?”

She only found a sneer for him. He really thought that he knew it all. He knew nothing.

“I can’t decide if you’re still useful… I don’t see that I’ll be needing you, and yet I’ve come to like you…” He slid his hand across the front of her body, the shards of material that still hung there. “…maybe you have one good ride left in you?” He turned back to the vampire, “What do you think Spikey? Have you finished with her yet?”

“I don’t care, a couple of days and it won’t sodding matter.”

The words were enough to distract Warren. Not intentionally, Spike really didn’t care about the woman, the demon… whatever she was now. All he cared about was Buffy. Getting Buffy. The words still made the leader turn away though, made him speak more about the days which were soon to come. The time which would soon pass.

Spike let him, let him believe in his own self importance. As long as he was gonna help with the slayers then it didn’t really matter to him. It was like he had said… in a few days nothing would matter. It would be a world just for evil. For demons. And he would bring Buffy with him. Finally free the demon that wanted to live in her body. It would be perfect. He stood with his eyes steady as Warren gave him the last of his instructions. He wanted Tara, but he didn’t want Willow harmed. No unnecessary force. He needed her strong. Ready to perform.

By the time that the vampire had left, the gloom had hung even heavier in the air than before. But it was more than that now, it was anticipation. It was excitement. Like a hum, like a buzz. Rising up through the room until it almost sang with it. A tune for evil to march to.

*****

POV Faith

I circle her slowly, around and around. Keep myself focused. Let my eyes travel up over her body, let my senses register her every move. Look for the telegraph. An easy way in.

“Are you ever gonna come close enough to hit, Faith?”

And I smile at her.

“You think you can hit me?”

She edges a little nearer, I can tell she feels a little braver. Her stance still tense, her muscles still held, but closer. Taking the risk. “I know I can.”

Her leg swings out exactly where I’ve been expecting it, aiming for my soft parts, my midriff. She’s really fast… but she isn’t fast enough. I catch her leg without any effort, hold her steady for a heartbeat, my grasp firm, yet my fingers soft. “You were saying?”

I give a chuckle as I let her go, as she drops back from me again. Not close enough to hit. Not close enough to touch. And it’s an easy spar, not even training really. Just a chance to work the tension out. To give aim to something that won’t disappear.

“I’m just softening you up Faith.” She smiles that smile that I want to trace. Meets my eyes with hers, nothing but challenge. “It’s my false sense of security plan, you DO know you’re walking right into it?”

And I circle her some more. I don’t know how long we have down here. Sent away from the others because our banter was distracting. Because the way that I couldn’t stop fidgeting and the way she couldn’t stop following me was, ‘making them dizzy’. They wanna crawl inside my head for a moment, understand just how dizzy, dizzy can be.

“Only thing I’m walking into is victory B.”

“I love the confident ones, they fall so much harder. Such satisfaction.”

I feel as she comes close enough again. Feint with my right, toss her my left. And she catches it, swings it and brings it straight up behind me. My shoulder blade screaming as she exerts just the right amount pressure. I know I could move, could drop her from me in less than a second, but I don’t. I let her hold on, let her have the power for just a minute, just to see what she does with it. What her next move is gonna be.

“Are you gonna say ‘mercy’, Faith?”

And what? That was it?

“Not a chance!”

I twist in her grasp and break from her hold, push the distance back to too far. My ears picking up the sound of heavy breathing, the steady beating of her heart. I let my eyes consume her, concentrate for seconds on the rise and fall of her chest, the flush that sits across her skin. Always stalking, always looking. Deciding my own next move. The places I want to touch her, to hold her. It makes me step forwards. Makes me dance into her space with one thought on my mind. Exerting my own power.

I see her mouth go to open as she notices me coming closer, no doubt some more banter to soften the occasion. But I don’t want soft. I want to touch her. To feel her. I slice through her defences with a speed which I am proud of, my hands latching onto her arms and spinning her round into a hold. Backed up against me, ass nestling tight. The strength in one arm enough to restrain her as I feel her yielding into my touch. Letting me feel the intimacy of her body pressed tight against mine. My lips falling to her neck to savour the taste of her skin, slowly up to her ear to whisper my words.

“Are ‘you’ gonna say mercy, B?”

And she whimpers… and it’s fucking touches me places I can’t even name. As if every one of my senses is keened to hear that sound, to feel it. Giving me nothing but the need to hear it again. Over and over. I feel her back pressing hard into my chest as she takes in a deep breath, my grip softening to let her turn in my hold. No longer her ass nestling against me, but the whole of her body. Her arms sliding down to meet at my back.

“And what if I don’t want mercy, Faith? What happens then?”

“Then I’ll just have to take you down.”

I show her the best that my eyebrows have to offer, wiggling their insistence that they would LOVE to take her down. And she takes it as an invitation. Her lips pressing firm against mine, softly sucking, drawing my lower lip into her mouth just so as she can run her tongue the length of it. Nip gently with her teeth. “You think you can take me Faith?”

My hormones are demanding it.

This slow dance of seduction that we have going, is perfect when you think about all of the things which we still have to work through, all of the things which we still have to face. It’s not perfect though when you consider how god damn much I just fucking want her! I want to hear her whimper all night from the way that I’m touching her, my name on her lips as I take her to all of the places that I’ve ever wanted to take her. It feels like the most intense need I have ever felt, burning straight through me. And I know that she feels it.

I wrap my leg around hers and swipe it away, my arm reaching out to brace us as we fall to the mat. Me against her, in the only kind of way that it has ever made sense. My thigh is resting hard between her legs, my chest pressing firm against her chest. And I can’t help but strike up the smallest of rhythms, just slow grinding pressure as I look into her eyes. “Do you want this B?”

And I know that we can’t, that this won’t be the time or the place… but I just want to hear the words. I want to hear the confirmation that she feels it too. That her body demands just as much from me as I am demanding from her. She drops her hand across my back leaving a trail of fire through my top, pausing at the gap of skin, the slightest glance of finger tip there. And then cupping my ass, pulling my rhythm harder against her, forcing my thigh to give her all kinds of friction.

“I need this Faith.”

Her eyes bare the truth as I close in for a kiss. Not able to stop my tongue from crashing straight through her lips, from filling her mouth. I just need to be inside of her. I don’t need to breathe, to take air, I just need this. This feeling like I’m burning from the inside out, all of me on red hot fire and all of it for her. The insistent rhythm dragging me along to feel things that I have never even felt with my clothes off. I break the kiss as I feel her hand slide down lower, caressing the crack of my ass with the ends of her fingers. Gasping as she sinks lower still, the slightest of teases running soft along the seam, tight across my pussy. “Jesus B…”

And it’s all that I can manage before my head sinks down, before I lose my focus in the feel of her fingers. No matter through pants, that it isn’t as close as I need… it’s still touching me. Just the gentlest of circles now, my breathing harsh and haggard against her neck as everything goes into concentrating my thoughts, to feeling the slip and the slide and urging for more. Her hips rising to meet every single plea that I am thrusting down into her. I forget where I am, I forget who I am. It’s all about the point of contact, about the way that her body is responding to mine. The way that her hands are still pulling me in, pulling me firm. The fingertips that are keeping steady rhythm, back and forth across the seam of my pants, constant applied pressure. I don’t even realise how close I am, would never believe that so little could bring me so close, not until I hear her ragged whispers in my ear.

“Come on baby…”

Over and over. Better than the whimpering. Calling me forth. Calling me baby?

It intensifies every second of it, hearing her words and giving her what she wants. As if she’s in tune with me, as if she knows just how close she is taking me. It’s not fucking, it’s not even that close to fucking… but damn it I don’t care. It feels fucking perfect. I bite down onto my lip as the pressure reaches an almost aching crescendo, as her fingers rub as harshly against my pussy as I am pushing down onto hers. Sounds exploding in my ears, colours fucking bursting in front of my eyes. And I push more. Crushing her beneath me with the size of my want.

“Do you feel me B, uh… can you feel this..?”

Her whole fucking body is telling me she feels this, but damn it, her voice. It sounds like nothing I’ve heard before. All of that wanting. And all of it for me.

She breathes her ‘yes’ into my ear as she goes rigid beneath me, holding me tight, and holding me firm. Just in one place, pushing her hips up as hard as she can, pulling me in as tight as she can. As close to breaking point as I am. As desperate as I am. And I fucking love it. Love the sigh that breaks from the back of her throat as it crashes straight through her. The sigh that matches from my own throat. It’s pressure I don’t want to break, still softly grinding, knowing that I need more. Lips finding lips again as she seeks the kiss to bring her back down, her steady rocking against me becoming less and less. And finally stopping. Coming to rest. Just me above her, nibbling my way from her mouth to her neck, my tongue stretching out to taste the sheen on her skin. I can’t even try and make sense out of what she is saying, my face still buried in the crook of her shoulder as I attempt to grab back onto reality. Feeling the smile that slides across my lips as I become aware of every place that her body still touches mine. How easy she lays underneath me. How well it all fits. And I want to say something. I have so many things to say, things that I want to say. Not even knowing how to start.

“This is messed up.”

“Hmmmm… huh?” I try not to laugh as she stiffens beneath me, as she moves her head to find my face. “You what?”

And it is ok, I do have more to the sentence. “This, I mean… a girl like me, normally I have trouble keeping my pants on…” I offer her the cockiest of grins. “…now it seems like I can’t get my pants off.”

She just returns my grin with one of her own. “We’re taking it slow remember..?”

And that makes me laugh a little of the frustration away. Makes her start sliding the hand that was nestled snug against the swell of my pussy, all up and away. Leaving me to hiss with the last of the contact. Then creeping to a new destination. Fingertips running along the edge of my pants, just dipping beneath… “Did you wanna take your pants off Faith?”

Singsonging it with the sweetest of teases. And I just answer with a growl. Cos god yes! I so fucking wanna take my pants off!

It makes her laugh now, a real laugh. Makes me bring my face close to hers again to wrap her up in a kiss. An affirmation of everything I am feeling for her. Losing myself again in a need which still seeks to be sated.

“Ooh… will you two be taming the big bad evil with all of the kisses?”

And what the fuck?

I swing my head to the door and find Anya standing there watching us, the gleam in her eyes making me wonder just how long she has been playing the voyeur. My senses have been totally lost in all that is Buffy. The same Buffy who is now squirming underneath me and looking for an out. And I’m not moving. Happy to have her resting there. Not caring so much who knows it. I turn my attention back to the peeper.

“Do you think it would work Anya?”

I drawl it out slow, maybe try and bring some flush to her cheeks with the tone in my voice. Flick any embarrasment away from the two of us laying prone on the floor, straight over to her. I see her considering, the unhindered gaze taking its time to process the sights. Finally meeting my eyes with anything but embarassment.

“It would work better with your clothes off.”

And she’s good. And she’s right!

Buffy is practically begging me to get up off of her now, and I have to comply. Ease myself slowly up to let her rise to her feet. I wanna moan the loss of contact, of closeness. Settle instead for grinning at the cute little pink flush that B HAS found to cover her cheeks.

“We were just sparring Anya, uh… why would we ever spar naked..?”

Yeah Buffy. Even I believe you. JUST sparring.

“Well if that was sparring then I want to get in on this training regime!… The research is getting beyond tedious…”

She walks down into our space as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to stumble across two girls dry humping in the basement. “…and speaking of tedious, Giles wants you back upstairs… he has some more of those frightfully interesting facts that he just can’t wait to share.”

And that totally just bitch slapped the hornies.

“So what’s the what?”

“Oh it’s nothing important!” She’s nodding her head as if she’s the sage on all things important. “He’s been reading some old medical books, I think he wants to impart some general leechy knowledge…”

“Can life get any better?”

“Come on B, it’ll be fun…”

“No it won’t.” She looks pretty sure of herself. Doesn’t stop her from moving though. Sighing her exit from our innocent little ‘sparring’ session. And I know just how she feels. It makes me hook my fingers into the back of her pants as she goes to leave, tugging her softly, just to get her to turn and to look. Watching Anya leave as she gives us this last second of goodbye.

“Hey.”

She fixes me with a smile, a softening of her eyes. Lets herself relax as I bring my arms up around her.

“Do you think this will ever be over Faith? That we’ll ever get the time to actually be together.”

It’s all that I want. “Sure we will.”

“When?” And I can hear all of my own need hidden within her one word.

“Soon.”

It’s the best that I can do. She reaches the small distance to place a sweet kiss to my lips. Slips her hand down into mine as we turn back towards the others, back amongst the bad stuff. Coming up through the door and finding all of their eyes lost in the research. It was Giles who turned first, the one who had called us back.

“Ah girls, was the training session good? Do you think you’ll be able to concentrate now?”

“Sure thing Giles, it was a wicked work out… slayed some of that tension, you know?”

I could hear Buffy stifling something behind me. Anya offering a sly grin in front of me. And everyone else oblivious. All of them dulled by the endless pages of words that they had been forced to endure. It made me feel guilty for a moment, until I remembered how long I had waited on the moments. Then I just smiled some. Even as I was forced to listen to the lecture on the leeches I kept smiling. Trying hard not to close my eyes as I was forced to turn pages with the rest of them. Nothing to distract us until Dawn arrived home from school.

Things with me and Dawn are kinda cool. I haven’t had the chance to sit her down and sort it through, but she’s not holding it against me. We don’t flaunt anything in front of her, and so far she hasn’t brought it up. Has been happy to just hang with me without getting into the heavy. But I am just waiting on a chance to speak to her, I want to reassure her again. I did come here for her.

We kept at the tedious awaiting the sundown. An excuse to stop, to order food, to make arrangements for slaying. For babysitting. And it was me that offered to stay. I wanted more than anything to go scratch my itch on the undead bastards of the world, knowing my pent up energy would make light work of all of them. But I really did wanna have that chat with Dawn, wanted to make sure that things really are okay. Buffy isn’t the only Summers girl that I have grown a gigantic soft spot for, and I want Dawn to realise that. To know that she still means so much to me. And I’d come armed for the occasion. Remembering the gift I’d brought with me all those weeks ago that I still hadn’t gotten round to imparting. Figuring that the grotty state I had put it in would leave it pretty much undesirable.

I waited until Buffy had left to seek out her sister, finding her up in her room, hitting the school books. “Hey Dawn, whatcha working on?”

“Algebra. It sucks. I can feel my brain melting.”

“For real?”

It sounded kinda painful.

“Totally, you think you guys have it bad with the research? Ha! You wanna spend a day working out the values of your X’s and Y’s.”

I just nodded. Cos yeah, like I knew what the fuck she was talking about. Math genius was never my thing. I walked my way fully into her room and joined her on the bed. Plopped the worse for wear soft toy straight down on top of her text book.

Saw her face wrinkle in something close to… disgust? “What IS that?”

“It’s for you… it’s a gift.”

I kept my face straight and solemn. It was nice to always find a little fun.

“Uh… right. A gift.” I could see her eyes trying to understand the what’s and the why’s. “Is it my birthday… a really bad birthday?”

“No, I just wanted to get you something… do you like it?” I kept my voice steady, pretended like I couldn’t see any reason for her obvious apprehension.

“Yeah… it’s great, it’s erm… what exactly is it?”

And then I had to laugh, had to ruffle the Cordy styled hair that sat straight on her shoulders. “It’s a soft toy ya dork, I bought it for you when I got here… never got round to giving it to you, figured that now was the perfect time.”

“Right… and where did you buy it Faith? The toy shop in hell?”

I looked it over, and yeah…it was kinda messed up. Caked in some of the blood from the night I had issues with the mirror. It had helped me through that night though, crazy as that sounds. It was something to hang on to. Something soft amongst the shards. “Yeah, sorry bout that… it did look better, a lot better.”

“Hard to believe.”

“And yet it’s still true.”

She picked it up gingerly in her hands, turned it slowly around. “Why did you get me a soft toy anyway? Did you forget how old I am?”

“No…” I took it back off of her, let it rest in my own hold for a moment. “…I just, when I was coming here… I knew how much things sucked for you and I wanted to make it better… I guessed you’d either laugh at it, or love it.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Either way I figured it’s a winner.”

She went quiet in the way that let me know that she knew we were having a chat. A serious conversation.

“You do know that I meant it when I said that I came here for you? No matter about B and me, I came here for you.”

“I know that, really… but Buffy? I just don’t get why… and how..?”

I thought about the birds and the bees talk. Instead I decided to be honest. To tell her the things that I haven’t even had the chance to say to B yet. She deserved it. To not be lied to. “Because I love her Dawn, I kinda always loved her…”

She scrunched up her face to let me know that she thought it was all kinda gross.

“…before when you asked about the aggro? Well that was it. I loved her, it made me kinda wacky.”

I looked at her and waited for the truth to sink in. The knowledge that it had always been Buffy for me. I expected some shock, some gasped surprise.

“I knew it!”

“You what?”

“Seriously… I always used to tease Buffy about you and her… but then, with the uh… killing and stuff…” I nodded my okay. “…I figured I was wrong, and when you came back and things were..?”

“Not of the good.”

“Yeah, not so good… then I thought I was WAY wrong. I’m a kid, like what do I know about signals?”

“I’m an adult, and I don’t know shit.”

“Well obviously not… not if you want Buffy!”

She laughed, and I looked hurt. Then I joined in the laughter. I know she’s only teasing, I know how much she adores her sister.

“But you’re okay with it, yeah? Not full of the anger, a little resentment?”

“I’m okay with it. Really.” She offered me a sincere little smile. Quickly turning into a cheeky Dawn style grin. “I am kinda shocked that Buffy could ever pull a hot chick like you though!”

And that made me laugh. “Aw Dawn, you think I’m hot?”

“Not really, not like… Brad Pitt hot. But for a girl you’re not that bad.”

I took the compliment and assured her she was pretty darn hot as well. JUST as hot as her sister. She wanted me to say more, but there was not a chance in hell. No one was hotter than Buffy. It was the truth.

We talked a little more of the love stuff, her asking questions, me offering answers. It was strange being so open, but it all felt so easy. Kinda natural. I promised her with my most honest tone, that I would never hurt Buffy. That I really was in love with her, that I wanted to make her happy. It’s when the scales were tipped over into super serious. Crazy heavy. Her words sounding as child like as I had ever heard them.

“Does that mean after… that after you guys have beaten the big bad… will you be staying here Faith? You won’t be leaving us?”

Fuck.

That was where my mind had run then. I hadn’t even given it a thought, had just focused on beating the bad and then being with Buffy. I hadn’t logicked it through to include living arrangements and relocations. I liked LA. I had found a place for myself there. Could I really just leave it all behind for this? I had run my eyes over to hers. Seen all the worry and the fear. Not of a big bad, of an evil monster. But of abandonment. Of being left behind again. And my heart gave me the only answer that I could ever offer.

“I’ll be here for as long as you need me kid… I told you that before. If you and Buffy want me to stay here… then yeah. I’ll sort my stuff and I’ll be here.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” And it did feel like the only words to say. Not listening to my worries, to my own fears of everything to do with families and structure and love and commitment. I knew that I could make a home here. It already felt like home here.

I stayed up in Dawn’s room, just hanging out whilst she did her work. Offering as much helpful advice as I could to get her to finish quicker, played her a couple of hands of cards once she was done. When Buffy got back from the slaying we coerced her into joining us. Ignoring Giles’ stern gaze to make just fifteen more minutes for the smiles and the sunshine. And it did make me see how good it could be. How normal it could be. What this real home could feel like.

I didn’t mention any of that to B before I left though. Before I came back to my apartment. I haven’t even told her how crazy in love with her I am, it’s hardly right to tell her that I’m thinking about moving in. No. I’ll wait until the time is right. Give it a day or two.

I made sure to ring the gang in LA before I went to my bed, I wanted to catch up with the info process and see how much longer till Cordy brought all the good stuff back. The lack of real knowledge here is getting folks down. And of course I wanted to talk to Angel. I may not be ready to tell Buffy yet about my grand moving plans, but I was ready to tell him. To see what he would think if I moved on from LA, if I stayed here in Sunnydale. It was amusing to hear his laugh. His words.

“Since when did you start asking for permission Faith?”

And it did seem kind of funny. But I just wanted him to be alright with it. I owe him so much, damn it, I admit it… I fucking love him so much, and I don’t ever want to just walk out on him.

He gave me every assurance I needed that Angel Investigations could cope without me, that he could cope without me. Yes he would miss me, he missed me now, but I had to do what was right for me. He said that all I needed to do was to work out if this was what I really wanted. Family life in the suburbs. Was it for me?

He said that I should be sure before I offered it. And I know that, and I promised. And I am sure. It is what I want. To be with Buffy and to be with Dawn. A place where I know I can be happy. A place where I can know love.

I had lots to think over as I went to my bed. Not near enough room for duty thoughts, as all I could feel were Buffy thoughts. So easy to let my mind drift back to earlier, to let my hand drift down my body. To feel fingers slide deep inside of my pussy as I panted out her name. I want it so damn much, to feel her… to really feel her. I’m fucking aching for her. No self fulfilling climax even coming close to dampening my need. And I wonder if she feels it too. If her mind wanders over my body the same way that mine wanders over hers. If her own fingers seek to make good on the promises we had been offering each other since the Bronze.

Fuck. I just want to taste her. To touch her.

To erase everything bad in the truth of how good we are together. How well it all works now that we want it to work. Now that we’ve finally grown up enough to accept all that it means. Jesus… all I really want to do is to tell her that I love her. For the moment to sit perfect, for the whole fucking world to quiet just long enough for me to get it out. Just long enough for her to hear me.

“I love you Buffy.”

It feels so right to speak it out loud. It’s the most right I’ve ever felt my whole life. And it lulls me into the most perfect sleep. Finally dreaming my sweet dreams.

CHAPTER 24.

POV Tara.

“So are you guys nearly finished then?”

It was about the tenth time she had asked in just as many minutes. Glancing up to the clock, back down to us, standing up to pace for a few steps, absently running her hands along the faces of the books. Staring back at the clock with deeply impassioned sighs. All stretches and yawns.

“You know if you stop asking, we’ll get done a lot sooner.”

“Well if you just got done already, then I could stop asking.”

And we weren’t taking our time on purpose. We have an assignment due in on Monday, and coming to the library tonight means that we can get all of the information we need to work on it over the weekend. It’s how we always do things. Meeting Buffy after her double shift at the Doublemeat Palace. It was routine, and at this time when the whole world feels a little wacky, it’s important to keep a routine. A semblance of something normal. Something to return to.

I had skimmed my eyes one last time over the rest of the text, made sure I had everything that we needed to do a good job, and then I had slammed it solidly to closed. Offered Faith the smile she had been waiting on. Obsessively waiting on.

“Okay, that’s me done. Willow?”

“Two more minutes sweetie…”

“Oh for fucks sake Red!”

It had sounded like a child’s whine, like we were depriving her of her favourite toy, her favourite plaything. It only made me smile at her more. Made me place my hand across the table and close Willow’s textbook. “Come on baby, if we want to meet Buffy we have to get going… we have all the notes we need.”

She’d looked about ready to protest, to argue the need to soak up one last drop of knowledge, one more unknown fact, but I had diverted her with my eyes. A slight raise of eyebrow, the smile that makes her go all mushy.

“Please?”

And then she was the one who was smiling, going off to return the books that she had just been so eagerly looking through, happy to take my hand into hers and set off together with Faith. To forget the scholarly pleasure and to lose herself in the pleasure of friendship. Conversation flowing between the three of us as if it had always flowed that way. At least as if it had always meant to flow that way.

“So I saw the toy you got for Dawn, it was cute…a little gross, but definitely cute.”

“She showed you it?”

I wouldn’t have said that she had started blushing, that she was giving any outward sign of feeling a little exposed, but there was just that sense of hidden vulnerability… it made her words sound guarded.

“Wasn’t she meant to?” I had watched her shrug her shoulders, offer a disaffected grunt. “She told us that you spoke to her…”

“It’s no big deal Tara.”

“Well I thought it was a big deal Faith, I thought it was ALL kinds of cute…”

I turned my gaze to Willow to witness the rolling of her eyes. The little impish grin that sat upon her lips. And yes, she WAS looking to tease her again. It amazed me how easy she found it to tease her now, when just a few weeks ago she would have assured us that teasing Faith meant probable death. That the girl was definitely psycho.

“Red, I don’t do cute…”

My overblown exasperated sigh had been enough to get her to stop. To make her look my way and await the reasons for the obvious dramatics.

“Oh just deal with it Faith, we know you’re all big and bad and tough, but you’re also all kinds of cute… embrace it, it’s a good thing.”

She didn’t look too convinced, maybe not so comfortable to be wearing the ‘cute’ label. But the soft toy WAS cute, and thoughtful. And most of all, it was nice. A good thing to do. Maybe a little nicer if you ignored some of the bloodstains and general grottyness… but either way, the thought was a good one.

“I wasn’t trying to be cute, I just wanted to…”

I filled up the blank that her un-ended sentence had left “To let her know that you care?”

And she didn’t shrug again that time, she nodded her acceptance of the truth.

“Yeah, I know she was pissed at me… cos of the B thing. I’d meant to give it to her weeks ago, I just forgot.”

I moved the step over to link my arm through hers. The three of us walking along together. Cocooned within our conversation.

“She told us that Faith, and she told us how not pissed she is…”

“Oh it was WAY more than not pissed! We got the full on Faith-festical. Complete with the odes… impressions… all out hero worship…”

It made me giggle a little, just softly, made me nudge Willow a bit more firmly in the side. Dawn wasn’t that bad. She was just excited. Tempted by the happiness.

“So she really doesn’t mind, cos I thought maybe she was just saying it… not wanting to upset me, to upset B.”

I paused in the walking, held firm to pause the two of them as well. I waited until she had turned to me, showed me those deep brown pools of emotion. Really such beautiful eyes. “Faith, she was no where near upset… this last week, just feeling the tiniest touch of happiness in the house..? She’s smiling again, like she used to smile… Buffy is smiling again…” And she looked a little shy again, as if she didn’t want to take all of the credit. But I give credit where it is due, and it is so long overdue here. “It’s all true, whatever it is that made you come back… Dawn OR Buffy, it doesn’t matter. You’ve made them both better Faith. It’s all getting better.”

I started dragging them both back along before either of them could say more words. I didn’t want banter to cheapen the feeling. We all talk together behind Faith’s back, we have done since she has got here… and I know that we all feel the same. No hesitation to toast the idea of ‘Buffy and Faith’, because seeing it for real just makes so much darn sense. It’s in the way that their eyes shine at each other . The way their mouths smile for each other. We can all appreciate the good in it.

“Did Dawn tell you I’m thinking about staying? After all the ‘big bad’, shit?”

“Hey… she told us you WERE staying…” Willow looked at me a little confused, waiting on the confirmation of Dawn’s words. “…didn’t she baby?”

“Yes, she said you kinda… promised?”

“Right... yeah.” She undid her arm from mine and started with the tossing of her stake. Running it over and over, around and around in her grasp. “I did say that, the thing is I haven’t spoken to B yet, I don’t want to assume…”

I had stifled my laughter, Willow didn’t even try. “Oh come on, you are joking?!”

“What Red?”

“Buffy is full of the ideas of you staying in Sunnydale! Before you know it you’ll be picking out the fabrics together, dish towels… bed spreads…”

Faith’s eyes had widened with each new domestic shopping spree being suggested. And I knew just how she felt. The idea of happy families was foreign to me too, the trusting people to treat you right, to love you like you love them. I made a grab for her arm again, snuggled her back into the threesome.

“Don’t worry Faith, Buffy doesn’t do the whole picking out fabrics thing… everything will be fine. Trust me.”

“You really think that she wants me to stay.., like forever stay?”

“I think she’d be offended if you wanted to go.” I smiled my softest at her. Offered her as much reassurance as I could with one look. And she smiled in return, her own soft smile before her eyes had left mine. Focusing into the distance as the Doublemeat Palace first became visible on the horizon. As the smell first started creeping up to greet us. I always wondered how Buffy coped, especially with the super sensitive senses.

“What’s the time?”

“Five to, we’re a little early.”

“Cool… it’s better than late.”

I nodded my agreement. Willow choosing to speak up.

“Yeah, so much for the pacing at the library, the, ‘oh, you don’t have time to copy the rest of the notes Wills, don’t worry about the dangers of academic failure’… nope, just gotta get there early…”

But she wasn’t listening. I was barely listening. My eyes trapped and held by the look that was flowing through hers. Not to me, not for me. But for Buffy. The littlest of our slayers choosing that moment to walk through the doors, to come across the car park to meet with us. Her own eyes shining. Both of them wearing the love.

“Hey B, you got off a little early…”

“Better than late!”

And you see? They even speak the same thoughts.

“So how was the library then guys, what did I miss… how’s things at home, is Dawn okay?”

“Whoa… slow down there Buffster! You been hitting the caffeine again?”

She hadn’t really spoken that fast, but she did maybe look a little wired, her eyes straining just a little red around the edges.

“Argh, long story… no sleep. Double shift at the Doublemeat, just give me something normal to think about…”

Our laughter rose a little, Faith moving in to walk at Buffy’s side. No longer a threesome but a foursome. Willow taking the time to fill her in on the happenings of the day. Nothing much. Just routine normalness. Probably a thing we should treasure; The monotony of a normal day.

“So why with the not sleeping, you still having the nightmares?”

“The slayer dreams aren’t the prettiest.” The weariness of her tone was easy to hear, the obvious hours she spent tossing and turning, bearing the weight of the world upon her shoulders. She offered us a little smile, the tiniest of grins. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the heads up, I do, really… but why can’t they actually tell me something that we can use? I don’t have the mind for the cryptic…”

“Pesky little powers that be!”

“You said it Wills.”

She brought her hand up to her hair and smoothed it back behind her ears, took another little rub at the bloodshot eyes. “It’s all part of the job though, I can cope.”

As her hand dropped down again she let it brush softly against Faith’s. Waited for the fingers to open up and enclose her own. Just a little turn of the head, a meeting of gazes. Those silent looks that say so much.

“I still don’t get why Faith isn’t having the dreams, it’s kinda weird…” Willow gave us all her best thinking face, turned towards the two slayers. “…you are still not getting them, right?”

“Yeah.”

And I know I wasn’t the only one that saw the slump to accompany the word. Buffy quick to jump in and refute any self doubt that was possibly brewing.

“Hey, it doesn’t mean anything. They’re probably keeping you all fresh for the battle, it wouldn’t do to have two exhausted slayers on the job.”

“It’s cool B. I know the deal. I fucked up big, the PTB don’t trust me yet to do it right.” She offered a shrug that begged to be indifferent, to shield us from the privat