Resolution
by Kelly Smith
Rating: NC-17

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CHAPTER 41.

POV Buffy

Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.

“Miss Summers?”

Oh crap.

It’s the only thought that I can process. How totally and utterly crap this precise moment seems to be. I imagine that I look like something close resembling a rabbit caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler truck, but in reality I am sure that I look much worse. I feel much worse. All of my rage and anger towards this man seems to have been replaced by the complete shock of seeing him standing at my door so very much sooner than expected. Quentin Travers. And oh crap again.

I want to shout and holler, I want to throw punches that will land this man back in England before he can utter another word to me. Before he demands entrance to my home to unleash a train of events that I have no chance of even trying to predict. But I can’t. All that I can seem to do is to stand here feeling confused and dumbfounded. I try for words, I try for anything to make my mind work again, to stop me from appearing as blonde as my bottle of peroxide would suggest.

“You’re early.”

He looks annoyed at my obvious statement, his little weasel like eyebrows arching together in the middle of his face.

“Quite obviously Miss Summers.” The thumbs of both his hands coming up to tuck inside of his lapels. “It was decided that we arrive here as soon as possible. We were becoming concerned at your lack of progress…”

“Excuse me?”

“The rogue slayer has been on the run for an unacceptable amount of time now, all intelligence suggests to us that she has indeed made her way to this wretched little hell hole of a town, and yet she continues to evade you.” In my head I am squashing him underfoot. “We were assuming that you could enlighten us as to how this was so?” Just like a bug. A cockroach dressed in tweed.

Any shock that had momentarily rendered me passive has quite positively left the building. Seeing him here in front of me. Smelling him. It’s enough to have my stomach churning up a whole heap of sickness and distaste. It’s enough to remind me that I am a slayer, that this is the man who would happily destroy everything that we stand for, just for the chance to hold our power. To be the one in charge.

And I am the one in charge.

My eyes run over him derisively as I take the moment to compose my thoughts. Reminding myself of every crime I know this man has committed, but also reminding myself of the people who I wish to protect inside of the house. It would be no good to start a full out war now, when we have barely begun to prepare our battle plan. No. It would be much better to remain calm, to smile some dizzy compliance and fool him into believing that he is the man with all of the power.

“Enlighten you Quentin?” I let my shoulders slip to lessen my already non towering stature, turning my eyes to the floor in a sign of meekness. “We were hoping that the cavalry coming meant that you might be able to offer us a few pointers.”

Look at me all weak and pathetic.

The leader of the corrupt council has shoes shiny enough to let me see my reflection in them, and I study it now. Not trusting my acting abilities to hold if I have to look into his eyes. Just concentrating on holding the pose, being so much less than who I truly am.

“It’s apparent that you’re in need of some good solid leadership, it’s truly unfathomable that you haven’t been able to make any headway into this little search and find problem of ours.” My reflection moves in front of me and I realise that he has taken a step forwards, that he is assuming that entry will be afforded to him. “Now perhaps we can go inside and discuss this further, I don’t think that the porch is the correct place to continue this, do you?”

“Uh…” Think fast Buffy. “…you can’t come in.”

I amaze myself.

It seems I’ve also amazed him with my incredibly fast thinking and witty retorts. One of his thumbs leaves his lapel and travels up to his chin, his expression turning to one that you would give to a disobedient child. “Miss Summers, I’d rather hoped that your behaviour may have changed some, that you had learnt the value of giving respect to those whom deserve it.”

“I know, it’s really sad. But what can you do? I’m resigned to living a disrespectful life…”

“Quiet!”

I feel my eyes steel as he dares to shout at me. I may be playing at being less, but inside I am still so much more. He would do well to remember that. I’m just about to offer him these thoughts when a crash from behind me brings my head snapping round to search out the cause. All of my worry rising to the surface again.

“What was that?”

Damned if I know.

I wait out the seconds until I’m sure that nothing major is happening, turning again to face Travers, trying hard to cling onto the submissive mission before me. I can’t let him in, yet I can’t pound his head against the sidewalk. Life truly isn’t fair. I want to pound his head and then let him in. Soften him up for the punishment that I’m sure both Kennedy and Faith would be ready, willing and very able to give. I shrug my shoulders to show my complete lack of knowledge, affixing a ditzy smile to my face.

“Probably the cat, she’s always smashing up the furniture. Darn pesky animals. I wanted to get a budgie, but no. Dawn HAS to have a cat. Kids, what can ya do with them?”

I can see him getting agitated again, but really, not caring. As long as he buys into my lacking intellect and ditzy persona then everything will be okay. And for all he knows we do have a cat. We had a cat once.

“Perhaps you should satisfy my curiosity by letting me in. My colleagues and I are not used to doing our business in the street. It’s positively undignified.”

“Already told ya Quentin, no can do.” I shake my head in what I hope is a good impression of Dawn’s earlier dismissive Cordy flick. Preparing to add to the lies. “I have a hair appointment. It’s important that a slayer always looks her best, you never know who you might meet in the graveyard in the middle of the night.”

“You have a hair appointment?”

“Yep! Us Cali girls are all about the hair.” It’s surprising just how easy it is to slip back into a character that I used to play so well. Also a little scary.

“Do I need to remind you just how important this business is Miss Summers? How much damage a rogue slayer is capable of inflicting?”

“Oh lighten up old man!” I restrain myself from knocking him on the shoulder with a little of my slayer strength. It’s very tempting though. Very, very tempting. “What difference is a few hours going to make? Besides, for all you know the rogue girl… Kennedy?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Well this Kennedy might really be into the hair care routine. Could be useful.”

And could I talk more crap? His eyes are staring at me with a mixture of rage and confusion. I’m sure he’s remembering his last visit here, wondering at where that girl has disappeared to. Let him think I left her in the ground. Let him think whatever he wants, as long as he leaves my doorstep. I can feel the tension sliding into me from the room behind. Can hear with my ears the holding of breath, the listening to of words. I know that I need him to go, and I can feel that it would be much better off being soon.

“I’m going to ask you once more Miss Summers, may we come in?”

“What, no please?” His face is turning ruddy with displeasure, the henchmen standing behind him looking just as thoroughly impressed with me. “I told you Quentin, I have a hair appointment. Now if you leave me your number I can give you guys a call when I’m done, but until then you have to go. Please?”

I sugar sweet smile as I offer him my sarcastic plea, knowing as well as he does that he really has no choice. I may be acting meek and mindful, but everyone on this doorstep is well aware that if pushed I could take them all to pieces. One limb at a time.

“This is preposterously outrageous.”

Does he get paid per syllable?

“I was only going for a trim, you think that’s outrageous?”

“You’re trying my patience now.”

He huffs and puffs his way through a full range of derogatory looks, each one seeming to darken more as he realises that my tiny little bulk will not be making way for him. Eventually thrusting his hand inside of his jacket and producing a business card. Lots of numbers and email addresses. An office on every continent.

“Wow, I never knew that the council was quite so extensive. Been branching out Quentin?”

“The number that you will need is the field number.” He points out which one he means, an American cell number. “Make sure that your call is sooner rather than later, it would be in your benefit to work with us on this Miss Summers. I can’t be held accountable for what will happen otherwise.”

A cockroach in tweed with a head that’s as squishable as a grape. I centre myself on the vision in my mind. Not on the not so veiled threat that he has just issued to me.

“I understand.” My jaw aches as I aim for sugar sweet and stupid again. Plastering a smile to my face as he turns to go. My fingers digging into the doorframe with enough force to slide splinters into my skin.

“Good day Miss Summers.”

I do not answer. My performance is over. He will not recognise the ‘Miss Summers’ that he next lays his eyes upon. I watch as they all trundle down the steps, returning to a car that I have only just noticed. All big and imposing, tinted windows, really big rims. It reminds me of Kennedy’s story, the part where she was just a girl, and they were sick evil men. Pretending to be knights in shining armour rescuing her from a life of Mexican peasant poverty, but instead reducing her to mean nothing more than what she was worth as a possession to them. And wiping them all out still sounds like a viable option to me.

When the car has gone from sight I close the door and walk slowly back to my friends, my eyes flying wide when met with the vision of Faith straddling Kennedy, one hand across her mouth, the other hand fighting to keep her pinned to the ground.

“Have they gone?”

“Uh-huh.”

My gaze travels slowly around the room, the mere mortals cowering in the corner, and my girlfriend sat atop another woman. Angel is standing by too, only I’m not sure if he is planning on joining in and helping, or whether he is just there to play the voyeur.

“What the heck happened in here?”

I turn to Anya as her voice rings out. A little shaky. Uncomposed. “The crazy girl went crazy.” Her finger pointing at the obvious target of Kennedy, squirming like a worm on the floor. “Faith had to restrain her, I think she was going to kill someone.”

I bet I can guess who.

“Well they’ve gone now, so I’m thinking that Faith can probably unrestrain her.” At least I hope that she can. I’m well aware of the place that her groin is pressed against Kennedy’s midriff, and although I’m doing well in my squashing of pointless jealous feelings, this is one pose that I do not need to see. “Faith?”

“Can’t do it B, Ken said she’s gonna kick my ass as soon as she gets up, I’m protecting myself.”

“She did say that Buff. I think you should leave them down there… just till Kennedy uh… calms down.”

I ignore the pool of drool that is forming on Xander’s chin, and turn instead to the witches. “Guys, can you do something?”

“What would you like us to do?”

“I don’t know Tara… a separate-y thing. A restrainy, separate-y, magicy thing. You’re the witches, do something witchy!”

“OW!”

Huh? I flit my eyes back to Faith to see her holding her hand protectively to her chest and Kennedy smiling smugly beneath her.

“Fuck me! You bit my fucking hand.”

“I told you to let me up!”

“Fucking psycho!”

“Fucking bitch!”

When they both start laughing I wonder which dimension my brain has stopped off at today. Whether I left the sane part of myself in my idyllic dream time paradise. I keep on wondering as Faith jumps up and offers the hand out to Kennedy, lifts her up to standing with all talk of apology, and sorry she had to do that. Do what?

“Again, what the heck happened?”

“We were listening B, we heard who was at the door.” She leaves Kennedy’s side now to come closer to me, swinging out a kitchen chair and straddling that instead. Giving her eyes only to me. “Runt back there wanted to go all vengeful, someone had to keep her busy.”

“I’m not a runt, and they need sorting out. Why we have to wait to have a few hours chat about it is beyond me. We could have surprised them then, taken them out when they weren’t expecting it.”

“Taken them out?” Has no one explained the rules of engagement to our newest playmate?

“That is the plan, right?”

I’m seeing the same eyes that I saw on Dawn just a little while earlier, the ones which look at me as if they are daring me to disagree. To argue with her. And I will.

“No Kennedy, that isn’t the plan.”

She darts her gaze back and forth between me and Faith, her mouth spitting out her disgust. “You’re fucking joking? I thought you said you were going to help me, that you were going to protect me…”

“Calm down Ken,” Faith turns her chair Kennedy’s way now. “We are going to help you, but unfortunately that doesn’t mean we get to go all Mistress of Pain on the council.” She shrugs her shoulders at the girl, and I get to see just how ineffective a shrug can be.

“But what about what they have done…”

“Now Kennedy…” And now is not the time for Giles to become embroiled in the discussion. “…regardless of the council’s actions…”

“Don’t you start that crap with me!”

See. I knew it. Kennedy is in his face before he can compute her movement, her anger all directing one way now. Facing down the only visible sight of the council that she has to focus upon. Poor Giles.

“Uh… um…”

“That’s it? They kill my friends and you offer me an uh, and an um?”

“You want me to sit on her again B?”

NO!

“I don’t think that that will be necessary.” I hope. “Kennedy?”

She shakes her head as she turns to me, as if clearing her vision, reining in some of her bad thoughts. It’s nice to see that she can do it, that she has some kind of control. Her face isn’t exactly brimming with friendship, but she’s not killing Giles. It’s progress.

“Faith can sit on me if she wants to, it wasn’t all bad.”

Or not.

And I really want to ignore her leering looks. To put it down to the stupidity of the moment and slide right on by. I can’t though. Maybe it’s a build up of all of the pressure from today, the soreness of my dream, the soreness of Dawn, the crap of the council, but I can not carry on with a meek and stupid act any longer.

It’s me who moves before my actions can be computed now, up in her face where I feel destined to be. “I think it’s about time you cut the crap Kennedy, cos you’re flirting fantastically with a fist to the face right now and it’d be such a shame to smudge your mascara.”

Although a little smudge does feel deserved.

“Are you threatening me?”

“B..?”

“No Faith, it’s okay. Kennedy just needs to understand some things.” I pull my shoulders back into a commanding position, breathe the life of the slayer into my veins, understanding every single tweak of muscle as my body fizzes with the power that it has come to know so well. “I get that you’ve had it hard Kennedy, really I do.”

Her eyes roll heavenward as she tries to find sight of me down her nose. “Screw you.”

“Let me finish.” Spoken almost as a growl. Absolute authority seeping from my every pore. Her eyebrows knitting in response, a little wary, a little confused. “You’ve had it hard, but so have we all. Look around this room, there’s not one person here who can tell you a tale of a rose tinted childhood. All of us know what it feels like to suffer, to lose the things that we love…”

“But…”

“I said let me finish!” And now a definite growl. “You came here for us to help you, and I swear we’ll do everything that we can to make that happen. But I will not, and listen good here Kennedy because I absolutely mean this, I will not have you fucking about with my family. I will not have your self pitying vendetta against the world get in the way of the things that I hold dear.”

“Self pitying?”

“Yes, self pitying. So you lost some friends? Join the queue. You lost your family… well boo freaking hoo, seems we’ve all had some of that to deal with.” I can see the hate in her eyes, but it doesn’t stop me. “Nothing gives you the right to come in here and act as if you deserve special treatment. You don’t get in Giles’ face, you don’t get in Willow’s face, and you sure as hell don’t get in my face. Am I making myself clear?”

Complete and utter rage is boiling up on her face, and a part of me dreams that she will push me. That she will give me the opportunity to vent some of my feelings from the day in a satisfyingly violent way. I know that it’s a wrong thought, a bad thought, but I sure as hell can’t help it. The look in her eyes doing nothing to dispel the notion for me.

“Does that mean it’s okay to get in Faith’s face?”

Goodbye.

Just one punch. It’s what I tell myself as my arm leaves my side. Just one punch to shut her mouth, to give her the time to think about the things that she is going to say. Just one punch to ease my anger. And it’s a beautiful punch. My muscles singing out in sublime unison as they wield my power against her nose.

“Fuck B!”

“Buffy…”

I hear the outcry but it doesn’t matter. I feel a little better. And I can always rely on Anya to offer a sound bite to soften the serious.

“I think that her mascara is still in tact, but you might have broken her nose. Great punch Buffy!”

I catch Willow’s eyes and they have gone completely wide, astonishment soon replaced by a secret signal of thumbs up approval.

“See Faith? I told you that you wouldn’t need to sit on her anymore.”

“Damn B.” She shakes her head at me, but I think a lot of it is grudging respect for the punch. Like I said, it was beautiful. “Is she out cold?”

“Uh…” I nudge her a little with my toe, “…looks to be.”

“That was all kinds of harsh there, you could’ve just tapped her.” I offer an acknowledging nod as she comes to my side. Looks down at our fallen comrade.

“I could’ve done, but she would’ve probably kept right on going. Maybe she’ll calm down a little now…”

“Yeah, sure she will B.”

I have nothing to say. It’s not as if I can retract the punch, and quite honestly I don’t think I want to. Kennedy needed to be told. That she pushed me was her own fault. I didn’t ask her too.

“Perhaps you could move her onto the couch girls, and then we can get on with the commencement of planning. Time is even more pushed now, I suggest we get cracking.”

Get cracking? I thought I just took care of that.

I don’t say anything, I just take Kennedy’s feet while Faith takes her head. Trying to place her gently upon the sofa, easing her down with a placating look towards my girlfriend.

“Sorry I lost it there. Rough day, you know?”

“Ain’t me that’s gonna want a sorry, B.” She moves the hair from Kennedy’s face and studies her ballooning nose. A tiny smirk lighting up her features. “I’m just glad it wasn’t me who got you pissed. That’s one booboo that’s gonna hurt like hell.”

I study my handiwork too, and yes, it looks like it may hurt later. Luckily Kennedy has the healing powers of a slayer. Her nose might need them. It should stop her ‘fuck me’ eyes for a while though, I hear they don’t really look so good with swollen features.

Ooo bitchy Buffy.

I try and stop the bad thoughts by thinking instead of the business thoughts. Our lack of time to prepare for what will need to be done. Whatever that may be. “Do you think that we’ll be able to deal with the council before she comes back round?”

“Not likely, but we can give it a go. That was one meaty as fuck punch B, she’s gotta be out of it for a couple of hours at least.”

A couple of hours. Barely even time to get my hair done.

“I guess we should get to it then?”

“I guess we should.”

She gives one last faint touch to Kennedy’s swelling face. A little shake of the head, and whispered words of damn, punctuating the gesture. “You sure clocked her good B.”

“She kinda deserved it a little.” Or maybe a lot.

“Yeah… I get that.” She slaps her hand lightly against my ass as if to get me moving back towards the others. Or maybe as a small smack of chastisement. Either way it does get me moving, turning away from the sofa to try my hardest at making plans. Trying to ignore the clock. Feeling the weight of the embossed business card as it burns an impatient print against the seat of my pants. Time is precious, and for us it is running out.

*****

I stare into the mirror and run my hands through my hair for the one thousandth time this evening. Nervous as hell and showing the signs. I’m not so sure why I’m so nervous, what it is that has me fussing about my style as if it really makes a difference. But I know that it isn’t fear. I do not fear them. There is absolutely nothing that they can do to me that I cannot return to them a hundred fold. But still, there is something. Little niggling, nagging worries that just won’t fade away.

They wanted the power this bad, and I have to wonder what they will do once they realise that the power is lost to them forever. I can’t imagine that they will be pleased about it, not one bit. I can’t imagine that they will offer the handshake of an English gentleman and just turn and walk away. I do imagine that there are going to be repercussions… and that is where the worry lies. Just how far reaching the repercussions are going to be. Who else in my family is going to have to suffer.

When Dawn had arrived home with Cordy this evening, she had been in a much better mood, proving beyond doubt that Faith was right with her shopping fund instead of therapy fund idea. She squealed her way through showing me the shoes that had been bought for her, and then she squealed a whole lot louder when showing me the matching skirt and top that went with the shoes. There was lots of squealing. It didn’t hide the fact that there was still some sadness sitting in her eyes though, couldn’t hide the fact that she still had a head full of super sized apprehensions. I had tried to lift her spirits with whispered tales of Kennedy’s rapid descent from my fist, but even that could only bring a half sparkle to her eyes. Maybe her sadness is the real cause of my worry, my memory still so raw of the night that she had tried to call time on her suffering forever, wondering how far she can be pushed before she thinks about trying that kind of exit again. I couldn’t take losing Dawn.

There are lots of people that I could not bear to lose, but my sister sits firmly at the top of the tree. Losing her would be like losing mom all over again, the kind of pain that reminds you of its presence every morning upon waking… the time when your mouth actually opens to call out to them, your ears straining to pick up sounds of their movement down below. And then the realisation that you can never say hello to them again, can never moan about early waking on a Saturday morning due to excessive use of the vacuum cleaner. That they really are gone forever. Some mornings I can feel the pain of mom just as bad as in the very first moments. My throat constricting with the taste of bile, my skin clammy with the fear of what I was seeing. I couldn’t take the loss of my sister as well.

I wonder if I can take any of it anymore.

Looking into my own eyes and seeing the shadow of all of the things that they have seen, I feel a hundred years old. I may not have the wrinkles to prove it, but if you cracked open my body and looked at my soul, I’m sure that you could see exactly how aged I am. How exhausted.

“Buffy..?”

Her voice makes my gaze break away from its internal observations and switch to her instead, standing solitary in my room, a lopsided grin matching the sparkle of her eyes.

“Hey Tara, what’s up?”

“Nothing’s up, I just wondered how you’re going, how you’re feeling.” She comes closer as she speaks, resting when she is near enough to place a hand upon my shoulder. “That was some pretty big aggression earlier, it’s not like you to lose it like that.”

“She pushed me.”

“She’s just a girl. I don’t think she means to be quite so confrontational, she’s been through a lot…”

“No more sob stories Tara, please?” I walk over to my bed and offer her the seat beside me, making a grab for a pillow, something to hold onto. “It wasn’t like I planned to hit her so hard, it just… happened. I’ll…”

“Apologise?”

Eww. Do I really have to? But of course I know the answer. I have to apologise because we need the team to be together on this. Facing the might of the council is bad enough as it is, without making it harder by isolating the troops. Yep. Humble pie is on the menu.

“I will apologise for hitting her so hard.” I smile a little smile. “Not for hitting her in the first place though, she was pushing me. She knows what she was doing.”

She rolls her eyes at me, but she can not hide the amusement in them.

“You’re probably right. After her little show for Willow the other night, I’m sure she knows exactly what she was doing.”

“Has she come around yet?”

I expect that she has, after all, it’s been a few hours now since I rendered her unconscious.

“Kind of. She’s still a little groggy, feeling the effects.”

“Is she…”

“Yes. Faith and Angel took her down to the basement, Andrew’s there too. Once you’re ready, we’ll do the containment spell.” I nod along to her words and wonder at how much time we have left. “We’ll be able to hear everything, but unless you need us, we won’t be moving.”

We’ve decided that for the meeting with the council it will just be Giles, Angel and myself. Kennedy needs to be nowhere near them, and Faith isn’t overly keen on not killing them either. And maybe that is why I’m so worried. Knowing that Faith will not be at my side when I face them.

At least Dawn won’t be here. Xander and Anya have taken her over to theirs for a sleepover, protecting my sanity the smallest amount by assuring me that whatever repercussions do occur, they will not be touching my sister. Not tonight.

“I wish I knew what to expect.” I fall back onto the bed as I speak, closing my eyes for a second until her touch rests against my arm.

“Come on sweetie, you’re gonna give them hell, they won’t know what’s hit them.”

“It’s what they’re gonna hit us with in return that scares me.”

The room slips into a silence that isn’t peaceful, the noises in my head making sure that I don’t have a second to switch off. The endless possibilities flitting fast through my already melting mind. I almost jump when she says my name, hearing it echo a few times before I remember where I am, and who is here.

“Sorry Tara, what did you say?”

“I said that there could be another way.” It’s words that have me rising from my reclined position, words which have me staring deep into her eyes. Eyes which are shifting around the room, fixing upon the door, skittish and uncomfortable.

“What do you mean, another way?”

“Maybe a spell… we’re uh, we’re not sure.”

Her voice has dropped to a near whisper, her gaze as troubled as I have ever seen it. And I want to know.

“Tara?”

“It could be nothing, I wasn’t going to mention it… only, with the not knowing what’s going to happen, seeing you so worried…”

“Just tell me.” Her eyes catch mine, still doubtful. “Please?”

“Okay, but you have to promise not to jump all over it. Only… me and Willow have been researching our old texts, and with the tapping of Kennedy’s essence to locate potentials… we were just thinking…”

“Thinking what?”

“Oh goddess, I don’t even know if it can be done.” I am so darn confused, and yet she still looks so much more so. Her head dropping, her hair falling to cover her features, her voice reverting back to the Tara of old. Stuttering unsurely. “I don’t kn… know if it ‘should’ be done.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

I can’t take this much longer. I’ve never considered violence towards Tara, but at this precise second I can feel a slight leaning towards torturous interrogation. Just say what you have to say! “Tara..?”

“It’s about the potentials. We don’t just think that we can find them Buffy…” Her head raises now, bringing the sight of her troubled eyes back to mine. “…we think that we can activate them… we think that we can ‘make’ slayers.”

Holy freaking hell.

“Say that again?”

“It’s the essence, we think we know how to release it into the potentials.”

She falls silent and settles for staring at me, but I am silent too. We have only just found out that there were such things as potentials out there, now finding out that we have maybe the possibility of the ability to turn them all into slay girls… it’s mind boggling madness.

“Buffy?”

“Sorry, I just… oh my god Tara. Are you sure?”

“Not sure. Not positive. But with Willow’s abilities..?”

I know what she means. With Willow’s abilities, it is sure enough. “Holy cow.”

I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I barely know what to think.

“Does anybody else know, have you spoken to Giles, Faith?”

“We thought we should talk to you first. Faith is fantastic, but over excitable, and Giles, well, we worried that he might want to do it just to see if we could.”

“I’m sure that you could.”

My absolute belief does not bring a smile to her face. In fact she looks almost upset that her and Willow could harness this level of power. “What is it Tara, what’s wrong?”

“I’m worried.”

We should maybe start a club.

“Because of Wills right, you’re scared that the magic might hurt her?”

“No!” That does make her smile. “I have no worries there, she’s doing great Buffy, you must be able to tell?”

“She certainly seems better balanced.”

“She is better balanced.”

“So the worries…”

“Right. The worry.” I prepare my shoulders to carry more burden, to ease whatever woes she may have. “It just seems like an extremely big liberty to take, it seems to me that it would make us almost as bad as the council…”

“Huh?!” Because really. “Take me through that again?”

“Think about it, what’s the difference between the council taking them away from their families, and us turning them into slayers? Kennedy said she was taken at eight, imagine being a slayer at eight.”

No thank you.

“It’s why we weren’t sure about saying anything Buffy, we don’t want to end up doing something that we don’t believe is right.”

“Wills feel the same?”

She nods her head, and I believe her. “So why are you telling me?”

“I don’t know.”

I rise from the bed and start the ritual pacing. Trying to work out what this means to us, what it could mean to us. How it could change my future. “But you really think that you could do it?”

“Yes.”

Her head drops again as she says it, and I stop my pacing to approach her. Not having a clue what we are going to do, but determined to impress to Tara that I will suggest nothing rash. That she was right to tell me.

“Hey, come on.” I drop to my knees in front of her, reaching out my hands to rest upon her legs. “You were right to tell me Tara, you’ve done a good thing.”

“It doesn’t feel so good.”

“That’s because you’re over worrying. At least now I know that we have a fall back plan, that if the council decide to push it, then we have a way to ultimately beat them down.” She raises her eyebrows at me, not looking completely pleased that she has provided me with the plan. “And I promise you, no decision about what to do will be made without you. We wouldn’t ask something of you that you didn’t want to do. I wouldn’t ask that of you.”

It seems as if my words are what she needed to hear, because now she finds that Tara smile for me again. So soft and gentle. Such a loving smile. “I believe you Buffy. I trust you.”

She leans forward and places a chaste kiss atop my head, using the motion to pull herself up from the bed, to stretch her limbs out. “I should probably get back downstairs, make sure that Kennedy isn’t hitting on Willow in my absence.”

“If you’re worried, I could hit her again?”

She tinkles out a little laughter, flashes another glimpse of that lopsided grin. “Maybe you shouldn’t. I think I can handle it.”

“Well if you do need me, my fists of fury are more than ready.”

She keeps on smiling as she leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Leaving me with oh so much to think about. So much more to think about. Not plagued by worry of the council now, but plagued by worry about what I should decide about the potentials. I meant what I had said to Tara, I wouldn’t force anything upon them that they didn’t want to do, but I still have to make a decision for myself. An opinion to offer to the others, a point of view to share around.

That we could have a hoard of slayers, hell, an army of slayers… it’s a pretty euphoric kind of thought. Dismissing the negatives to think only of the positives, then it becomes one of the most euphoric thoughts that I have ever had. I mean… I could be finished. I could retire. I could dictate my hours of slaying, instead of the hours dictating me. And sure I would help with anything really big and bad, perhaps as a battle consultant or something, but the rest of the time I could rest. Perhaps on a beach, perhaps at sunset, and perhaps in the arms of the woman I love.

And then there are the negatives. The slivers of doubt that Tara had slipped into my mind as easily as the splinters from the door frame had slid into my palm earlier. Could we really knowingly activate children as slayers? Could we knowingly choose to activate anyone? The chances of any given potential ever coming to realise the extent of her hidden powers is ridiculously slim, and life is surely better that way. Could I stand at the front of the room and advocate taking that life away? Could I really be that selfish?

Can my mind really take much more?

For the moment it is saved by the door opening again, by Faith coming into view with her hair held up in a ponytail. She hardly ever has her hair up, it looks cute. She looks innocent.

“Hey girl, it’s nearly rumble time, you feeling up for it?”

“Getting there, I think.” I go back to sit on the bed, smiling as she pulls herself up behind me, her legs placed either side of mine. “You still not wanting to join in?”

“I don’t think I should B.” A sigh falls from my lips as she runs her fingers through my hair, starts weaving strands into a tiny braid. “I swear as soon as they start acting up, I’d be desperate to hurt them. It’s been a tough journey back to here, I’d hate to screw it up because of them.”

“I understand.” And I do. As much as I would give anything to have her at my side, I get how hard it would be for her to rein herself in. “You’ll just be down below if I need you, I know that.”

“Sure will be. But hopefully you won’t need us. Maybe they’ll do the decent thing and just fuck off.” The way she says it lets me know that she believes in that kind of outcome just as much as I do. It’s sweet that she says it though, that she’s trying to be so positive. Especially when she doesn’t even know about the ace that I hold up my sleeve, the talk of a spell that would surely end the council’s dominance over the slayer forever. And I want to tell her.

I want to whisper into her ear the secret that is whizzing round and around in circles in my brain. I want to discuss the possibilities, the downfalls and the highlights, I want to know what she thinks. I want to hear that it’s not completely wrong. That maybe, just maybe, the possibility of a happy ending has become a whole lot more possible. I can’t tell her though, not yet. I have to know what I think before I can begin to contemplate what it is that she thinks. And then there’s Kennedy to consider now, surely she will have to have an input, and Giles… probably everyone. I think I understand why Tara was so reluctant to say anything.

“What ya thinking B?” She tugs at the little braid she has made to get my attention. My mind working quick to cover my wayward thoughts.

“Just what to say, where to start. I don’t like Quentin Travers, I almost can’t wait to see him squirm when we tell him that we know.”

“Don’t take your eyes off of him B.” She starts untwiddling the little braid now, straightening my hair back out. “A monster that size is bound to carry a sting in its tail, keep watch for it.”

Her concern is as cute as her ponytail, softness seeping through the cracks in her business like tone.

“I’ll keep watch Faith, any sign of stinging tails and I’ll scream as loud as I can. I scream, you come. It’s a plan.”

“You scream, I come?” I nod my head. “It’s usually you coming when you scream B.”

And softness has gone, cute has gone, and innocence has sure as hell gone. Now there’s only husky and the definite feel of her fingertips creeping down across my head to slide across the expanse of my neckline. Looking for a way in, an entrance under a top that sits tight against my skin.

“Is someone feeling a little horny still?”

“I’m always feeling horny still.” I lean back as her touch becomes more insistent, a gasp escaping my throat as her hand slides straight under and around, her fingers closing firm around a nipple. “What about you B, are you horny?”

If I wasn’t, I am now. A moan slipping from my throat in response to her insistent touches. Arching back further as her other hand slides under my top to join in the fun. “Wait Faith, we don’t have time…”

“There’s always time for loving, B.”

If only. Instead there’s more noise at my door, a solid knock against wood. “Girls?”

Giles.

I reluctantly straighten myself up to sitting again, silently cursing as Faith’s hands slide from my breasts to my shoulders, just the innocence of a massage. “Come in Giles.”

And he does. All dressed in best in a suit and looking officious. “Right, I think it’s time that we get into our positions, the council are due in an hour, I’d hate to be caught out by them again.”

“Not gonna happen Giles.” I offer Faith my disappointed eyes as I raise from the bed, holding my hand out for her to pull up on. Loving, it seems, will have to wait until later. For now I only turn back to Giles, slipping my slayer persona firmly into place. “They will be the ones caught out this time, the ones on the back foot.”

“Yes, that would be the plan.”

I can see the whisper of worry in his eyes, can hear it in his tone. It makes me wish that I could share my secret with him as well, could reassure him just how much power we really do have in our corner. But no. Not yet.

“Well let’s get to it then, is everybody else ready?”

“Yes. The girls and Andrew are down below, Angel is in the front room. It’s just you and Faith that we’re waiting for.”

“Okay. We’ll be right down.”

He looks as if he isn’t sure to leave us, perhaps worrying that we won’t make it from the bedroom. A valid worry. I wish. Eventually turning to go with words like, be quick, and, do hurry.

“This is it then B, time to cut the apron strings for good.”

“I should’ve done it years ago, I never should have gone back to them.”

“You didn’t know.”

“The clues were all there Faith, the council have always been less than admirable.”

She agrees with a solemn nod. “Too right. And now you get to tell them that.”

It’s my turn to nod now as I go to the door, calling on all of my strength to wrench it open. To not just barricade myself in here with the feel good factor of being with Faith.

“Hey B?” I find her right behind me when I turn to face her, her eyes smiling as she drops a soft kiss against my lips. “For luck.”

And so I return the gesture. Maybe with a little more passion, a little more hunger, but then she does look so damn adorable with her hair all tied up like that.

She’s smiling even larger as I break away from her lips, pretending to fan her face gently from all of the heat. “Damn. I guess I must be really lucky.”

“No, just incredibly cute.”

“Whoa, first pretty, now cute? I’m gonna start thinking that you have a bit of a thing for me B.”

I want to call her an idiot, but I don’t. I listen instead to the sound of Giles huffing and puffing his impatient way back up the stairs. Knowing that the banter has to come to a close. “I’ll tell you all about it later Faith.”

“I can live with that.”

She shoots me a little wink as Giles comes into view, uses her voice to tell me to get a move on, apologising to Giles for the few seconds overtime we had taken. And I straighten my shoulders even more. My mind is still swirling, tossing up endless possibilities that I have yet to consider, but also flowing now with the promise of the later. Perhaps considering the selfish thoughts a little harder as I realise just how much I want the later to last forever.

Peace and comfort and Faith. It’s the hardest possibility to dismiss.

CHAPTER 42.

POV Buffy.

We sat in tense silence while we waited for the council to arrive at my door again, not exchanging looks, not exchanging words, each of us occupied by thoughts all our own. I’d seen Giles fervently wiping at the sparkling clean lenses of his glasses, had witnessed Angel staring off into a deep unknown, and again I had wanted to share the information that Tara had given to me. I am used to carrying burdens, I am used to my shoulders bearing down with the weight of the world upon them, but this was something that I did not want to carry alone. It was too big, too large a secret for just one girl, even a girl with the strength of a slayer.

As the minutes ticked by, my tongue was crying out to become loose, my fingers knotting in front of me as I considered again all of the things that this could mean. Not only for me, but for me and for Faith, for our family. For the whole damn world. A world of infinite evil, patrolled by an infinite number of slayers. It seemed fairer, it seemed right, it seemed as if it was something that could balance out the odds a little. Perhaps tip those odds straight into the favour of good. And how can that be wrong?

Maybe that was the hidden meaning of my exquisitely torturous dream, maybe the PTB were showing me the way that they wanted me to go, offering me the little glimpse of a future I could embrace if only I took the opportunity presented to us now. We could have an army in every corner of the globe, we could beat down evil wherever it rises, we could put a chokehold on the very cause of all evil. We could win once and for all. Forever.

I imagined myself at the front of the room advocating that very process. How I would look into each of my friends eyes and explain to them, no more. No more sadness, no more suffering, we can live now, we can just take our time and live. I imagined holding Dawn in my arms and expressing the same, being able to assure her that happy endings really do exist, that she would no longer have to be the poster child for bad things happening. She could breathe. She could be as free as the rest of us. It was every secret dream that I had ever had, it was every secret wish, every deep down desire. And it was still so very wrong.

Tara’s words were ringing heavy in my ears still, the look of absolute trust that she had given to me when I told her that no decision made would be a rash one, that I would never make them do something that they thought of as wrong. Would she be able to forgive me if I had lied to her, would I be able to forgive myself?

“Buffy?”

I don’t know how many times Giles had called my name, but by the time I looked up at him, his face was wrapped in fatherly concern, a little worried frown dominating his features. I tried to smile to reassure him, knowing that I could offer something so much better than reassurance if I only opened my mouth and spoke of what I knew.

“Are you quite sure that you are up to this?” My smile becoming tighter as he walked over to me, biting my tongue to stop myself from shouting out. “If you would prefer that I dealt with the council myself, I’m sure that I could manage.”

The words had broken Angel out of his own silent reverie, concern also present in his gaze as he nodded along to the sentiments that Giles was offering. “It’s okay Buffy, if it’s too much, then we can do this for you.”

It wasn’t that they thought I was weak, that I needed protecting, it was because they know that beneath my tough talking words, and shoulders of steel, I am just as vulnerable to hardship as any normal girl. Both men have seen my vulnerability, and both of them love me enough to want to protect me from it. It’s just a shame that I couldn’t spell out to them what it was that had me feeling quite so vulnerable. Not the threat of the council, but the knowledge of a secret that I would eventually have to give direction upon.

“No.” I had risen from the chair and fussed at my hair again, affixed the perky smile to my face, made my eyes shine with strength and leadership. “This isn’t a job that anyone else can do. I may not be the only slayer anymore, but I am the original, the one that they have jerked around for the longest. I want to see the look in their eyes Giles, I want to see how they look when I take back my power, when I take back Faith’s power, and especially when I take back Kennedy’s power.”

“If you are sure?”

“Believe me, I couldn’t be surer.”

About that I was certain. As much uncertainty that I had about the secret, I felt the complete opposite in regards to the council. I did want to see the look in their eyes, I did want to wipe the smarmy smiles from their self important faces.

“Just stick to the plan Giles, and everything will be fine.”

“As you wish.”

He had gone back to his glasses cleaning routine with renewed vigour, perhaps thinking through the part that he would play, the words that he would say. Angel wasn’t dismissed as easily though, for although I had lowered my eyes to continue my thinking, I could still sense his presence right before me. Making my head rise up, a questioning look gracing my face. “What?”

“I don’t know what.”

“Well you’re looking at me all pensively, there must be something.”

I had expected a smile, maybe a quick exchange of banter, but there was none of that. Just his gaze, penetrating me, making me feel uncomfortable with the secret that I was keeping. Held in place by his silent observation, and scared to open my mouth in case all of the wrong words came tumbling out.

“What is it Buffy?”

And damn. Did he really have to ask?

I thought about all of the arguments and answers playing tag through my mind, I thought about the safety that I had always found in Angel’s company, the surety, the security, and I thought about how eased I would feel if I could only speak the words. It would have been so simple to take him into my confidence, to gain the knowledge of all of his many years experience. Maybe he could direct me, maybe he could put me upon the proffered path marked freedom. And maybe it wasn’t his place to put me upon any path anymore.

I had shaken the thoughts of unburdening myself from my mind in the same way I had shaken my head at him. Assured him that really, there was nothing. Everything was just peachy. And then he had shaken his head at me.

“You don’t feel like sharing?”

I felt a lot like sharing, only I had known that he was not the one to share with anymore. The relationship that I have with Faith is so much more than anything I ever imagined I could have, but even so, it is still so young, so fresh, and I do not want to shake our early foundations by confiding in Angel what I hadn’t been able to confide in her. I know how I would feel if the positions were reversed, and I would never make the choice to have Faith feel that way. It meant that I could only offer him another empty shake of my head, an apologetic look that begged for him to back off, to understand that he wasn’t my confidante anymore.

“Sorry Angel.”

Dropping my eyes as he studied every emotion that was crossing my face. Perhaps still trying to see, to understand.

“I’m here if you need me. Don’t ever forget that.”

It is all that he said as he backed away, returning to his place by the wall, to his silent contemplation of the task that lay before us. I wanted to thank him for giving me the space, but I didn’t. I kept my head lowered and lost my thoughts again in the place that they wouldn’t be held back from. My ears keening in the quiet room to try and hear below me, to pick out the presence of Faith, to calm my turbulent spirit.

I think that by the time the knock at the door finally came I was lost within a trance, remembering all to clearly the feel of the sand as it crept between my toes, the feel of her hands as they wrapped me in a tight embrace, the feel of being finished. It wasn’t the best preparation, wasn’t the steely thoughts that I should have been thinking in the moments before answering the door on what was probably our oldest foe. And it took everything that I am to restrain myself from destroying him on sight, from ripping him to pieces for ever even imagining that he had the right to make our lives infinitely more difficult than destiny had already dictated.

“Good evening Miss Summers, I assume that it would be okay to enter now, that you have nothing else more pressing than your duty to take care of?”

“No, no, please Quentin, do come in.”

I felt like the spider offering refuge to the fly. Opening up my parlour with kind words and flattering faces, only to seek his doom upon arrival. It made me smile a little, it made me remember what I was here to achieve.

“Ah Rupert!” Just settling into the background as he remade his acquaintance with Giles, “It’s good to see you. I heard that you had recently returned here.”

Wanting to clap my hands together in glee at Giles’ sterling performance. Recognising the distaste on his features and yet proud of the way that he managed to keep his voice so steady and so even.

“Yes Quentin, you understand how it is. Those slayers need a watcher.”

Like a fish needs a bike. It was actually quite surreal to sit and observe the clasping of hands, and the clapping of shoulders. The goings on in the secret world of the watcher’s council. I bet that they have never experienced the solitude of destiny, have never lay alone at night wondering at being the only anything in all of the world. No, no way. They made sure that their own numbers swelled, that for every one of us, there would be a thousand more of them. Surrounding themselves in a bubble that I was waiting so eagerly to burst.

When Quentin Travers’ eyes had finally settled upon Angel, I knew that it was time to begin.

“What is ‘he’ doing here?”

“Oh, you know Angel?”

“Of course I know who he is Miss Summers, what I asked is why he is here?”

I had seen the little signal he had given to his henchmen then, the way that the four of them gathered around him as if he was something that needed protecting, something worthy of protecting. Just the thought made me want to choke.

“He’s here because I asked him to be here, which is a whole lot more than I can say for you.”

“We are here because of the rogue slayer! Believe me when I say I had no real desire to ever come back to Sunnydale, but the situation rather demanded it. Perhaps if you had fulfilled your duty properly, then it would not have been an issue.”

Oh yes. I had wanted to choke. Had wanted to wrap the strength in my fingers around the weakness of his neck, watching his eyes bulge as I spelt out in detail all of his inhumane crimes to him. That wasn’t allowed though, wasn’t right. Instead I was to try and keep things civilised, I was to tell him what we knew, but at the same time I was to try and not provoke. We didn’t want bloodshed, we wanted an end to bloodshed. We wanted to speak our demands and have them accepted graciously. I wouldn’t bite my tongue though, I wouldn’t hide from Quentin Travers again.

“Screw duty Quentin, and screw you.”

“Buffy…”

Giles’ warning tones had echoed across the stunned silent room, so I had turned to him to offer placation. “Sorry Giles, but please? If I had fulfilled my duty?”

What a joke. As if the council had any right to try and define what my duty may or may not be. Giles understood my feelings, and he smiled a little smile to calm my fraying nerves, straightening the tie that went with his suit as he turned back towards the leader of the council. “Perhaps we should all take a seat and discuss this properly.”

“Discuss this Rupert? Other than how we are going to track down the rogue slayer, I don’t see that we have too much to discuss at all. Miss Summers has made her feelings quite clear on the matter.” He sent a dismissive look of displeasure my way before pointing towards Angel. “And I quite simply refuse to discuss anything in a room with one of those present.”

“One of what, Quentin?”

“Have you really become as air headed as your slayer, Mr Giles? A vampire, I refuse to spend my time with a vampire. It’s an abomination, a total disregard for all that we stand for…”

“And what is it, exactly, that you stand for?” Angel’s tone was not threatening, there was nothing in it to suggest that a threat was coming, but still the henchmen surrounding my prey sought to remove wood from their pockets. Snarling worse than any beast as they ran their eyes over his form. It would be their first mistake of the evening.

I hadn’t lied when I said that it would be a different ‘Miss Summers’ that greeted these vermin when they next saw me, and in that moment I made the decision to remind them of the truth. I understood the game plan, the need to try and do this in a way which was non confrontational, and non violent, but they had just taken a very large liberty with my already strained hospitality. You do not come into my home and threaten my friends.

“Tell your flunkies to step down, Quentin.”

My voice had left no confusion over what I wanted, hard and brittle, as close to breaking as my non violent resolve.

“Tell your vampire to leave.”

And he chose not to hear it.

I had taken a quick look in Giles’ direction, seen the almost imperceptible nod that he had given to me, which told me he accepted what was coming, and then I was moving before the council goons knew what hit them. Hard and fast, the most effective way. My tiny bulk perfect for coming straight up between them, confusing them with the speed with which I could move, the gracefulness with which I could disarm them. Not breaking bones, not pushing the limit, but letting them know. Reminding them of just who exactly was the boss in this room. Who would be the one issuing orders.

“Now I’ve taken care of that, why don’t you have a seat Quentin?”

Me the one wearing the smarmy smiles as I held my arm out towards the sofa.

“A seat?” He had cast a fraught gaze over his now prostrated men, met my eyes with astonished bewilderment. “What on earth was the meaning of that?”

“Oh I don’t know, could be a culture difference thing. Assholes make me grouchy.”

“Quentin, I do think it would be best if you took a seat now, perhaps your men could wait outside?”

Giles waded in between us to try and diffuse the situation before we achieved nothing. Perfecting his concerned look as he tried to usher the council leader towards the sofa, taking large steps over the recovering forms of the humbled henchmen.

“Mr Giles, my men will not be going anywhere without me. We came here on the understanding that you would be cooperative when it came to tracking down the rogue slayer, now I see that that is not the case, I shall be taking my leave.” Icy cold eyes flicking quickly to me. “There is more than one way to skin a cat Miss Summers, and there is more than one way to catch a slayer.”

I didn’t like his tone nor his words. I chalked it down as his second mistake of the evening. “Tell me, ‘Mr Travers’…” Feeling the power of his flinch as I walked right into his space. “…how many ways are there to skin the leader of a corrupt watchers council?”

And bam! I saw it flit fast through his eyes. Complete understanding. So many different emotions playing out across his face. First shock, and then fear, and then a smile which reminded me of the deep depravity of Warren. The insanity. The belief that even though we thought we held all of the aces, he still believed that he would be the victor.

“Corrupt? Would you care to explain that comment?”

“Would you care to take a seat?”

I mimicked his condescending tone, the raise of the eyebrows as he did make his way over to the sofa. “I’ll take a seat, but I demand explanations. Need I remind you that as the head of the watchers council, I am, in fact, your superior?”

There was something so off about everything. His pompous attitude in the face of my display of strength, his total calm and relaxed demeanour. I had expected a little fear, a hint of resignation in his voice, but there was none. All that he was exuding was confidence, and it reminded me of my earlier worry. Faith’s caution.

“Well take this as my official resignation.” I sat down across from him, vowing not to move my eyes for a second. “I won’t be working for the council anymore Quentin, not in any form, ever again, so I think you’ll find that your superiority is kind of debatable right about now.”

“Stupid girl.”

“Sticks and stones.”

His weasely eyes narrowed upon me, his hand going inside of his jacket to retrieve his cell phone. “Unfortunately for you, this was a pre-empted move.” Sliding the cover down, pressing a few of the buttons on the keypad. “And what about you Mr Giles, should I take this as termination of your employment also?”

I wanted to catch Giles’ eyes and offer him my strength, but I refused to take my gaze away from the evil sat before me. Wondering what it was that his fingers spoke of as they typed a message to god knows who. Thankfully Giles didn’t need my strength, his voice ringing out with all of the authority that he has always possessed.

“Yes Quentin, please take this as my resignation also.”

“Right you are. A foolish decision, very foolish, but it’s always been noted how your affection for your degenerate slayer has clouded your mind when it came to making sensible decisions.” I watched him shake his head in mock sadness. “It’ll be a shame to lose you again.”

“Yep, boo hoo.” Making him look back towards me. “Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, how about we make a start on that corruption?”

“There is no corruption in the watchers council.”

“That’s not what Kennedy says.”

Again I didn’t get the reaction I expected. “Ah, Kennedy. How is she?”

“Traumatised. Pissed as hell. Wanting to seek justice.”

His eyebrows knotted in the centre of his head as he settled himself back into the sofa. Still sickly smiling, still unsettling. “Is she ready to return with us?”

“D-uh, hello! Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“What you said is of no consequence to me Miss Summers. As the official slayer it is her duty to be bound to the council. You may also like to note that I am legally her official guardian until she turns eighteen, and therefore I shall be demanding that she returns to us.”

“Demand my ass. I think we all know why you’re her guardian, not a pretty story.”

“I’m not in the business of telling stories, I am in the business of issuing orders. Now the rogue, where is she?”

I could feel Angel prickling across the room in much the same way that I was. To hear that man speaking about the things he had done in such a blasé manner was beyond sickening, and I could feel my resolve steadily shattering.

“So it is all true then?”

Giles’ voice broke through my silent plan of attack, drawing all of our attention back his way.

“I do believe you’ve just retired Mr Giles, I don’t see how this is relevant to you anymore.”

“Oh for gods sake man! Just answer the bloody question!”

“I will answer what and when I feel like it.” His voice was so calm, so detached. “As to whether the council has seen fit to amass potential slayers for advanced training and preparation, then yes. It was long ago decided that we needed to be forearmed, that reaching the girls as young as possible was the best direction to take in grooming them in the way of the slayer.”

“But your methods…”

“Our methods are no longer your concern. This is the fight against evil Rupert, not a playground scuffle. We use whatever means necessary.”

Whatever means necessary. A philosophy I wanted to adopt.

“It’s inhumane… it’s criminal…”

“Oh do stop blathering.” I noted as he looked down at his watch, looked across at his henchmen, back to me. “Now if we could get back to the whereabouts of the rogue slayer?”

I could sense his tail unwinding.

“I will not be telling you where Kennedy is.” Could feel the power as it washed over my body, no longer dormant or held back by a need to act ‘correctly’. “You’re finished Quentin, your whole messed up council is finished. The things you have done, the things that you have allowed to happen, it’s all wrong. It goes against everything that a slayer is, that a slayer stands for.” I had risen from my seat, was standing before him looking down, feeling inside as if I was towering above him. “And it will not be happening anymore. Ever again.”

“You think that you can dictate to me?”

“I know that I can dictate to you.”

Again he dismissed me with a look to his watch. “Your confidence is misplaced. The slayer only exists as a weapon to be wielded by the council Miss Summers, I know that you believe we are impotent without you, but on the contrary, I think you will find that we are the ones holding all of the power.” He rose himself from his seat then, standing before me, still content to smile. “Slayers are and always have been replaceable, the council has existed forever. Already we have the power to locate potentials, and now we have the ability to assure that one of our potentials will be the one called. Tell me, how long do you think it will be until we can activate all of the potentials at one time?”

Oh crap.

That phrase had broken straight back through to the front of my mind again. Tara’s words smashing fast into my consciousness.

‘We don’t just think that we can find them Buffy…we think that we can activate them… we think that we can ‘make’ slayers.’

So it seemed that the council were flirting with that thought also, and I could never imagine that they would have any of the moral drawbacks that we would have. Not caring about the consequences of their actions, just caring that they had been successful, that their aim was being achieved.

I do not know how long my silence stretched out, but it was Angel that eventually spoke my name, bringing my eyes back into focus upon the sickly smile before me.

“Yes, that’s right Miss Summers. Soon we will have a whole army of disciplined slayers, and I don’t think that even you with your annoying longevity would stand a chance of getting to us through them, do you?”

His longevity was all that I cared about, welcoming the anger as it flooded my system, letting the rage wrap itself around each of my limbs. He would pay for his crimes, and he would pay by whatever means necessary.

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you.”

The worm pre-empting my strike.

“And why would that be?”

“Because right now your house is being surrounded by a team of specialist field agents. Because I have two very highly gifted warlock waiting to reduce your existence to a pile of dust.” He looked not only at me, but at Giles and Angel as well. His sting all encompassing. “I want the rogue slayer Miss Summers, and I want her now.”

I wanted a simple life. Nothing was ever that easy.

“Are you threatening me?”

“I believe that I am, you would do well to take note.”

There was something that I didn’t know. I could feel it as sure as I could feel my fury, the sense that there was more, that his threat of field agents and warlocks was not all the poison that he had in his tail.

“I told you that I wouldn’t be giving you Kennedy. I meant it.”

The sudden intrusive ringing of his cell phone made me almost jump in surprise. I was coiled so tight, so on the edge, so ready to let go. And he was still so fucking calm. Practically turning his back to me as he flipped open the receiver, spoke one solitary word to whomever was listening.

“Proceed.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from flying to Angel, to Giles, trying to unravel the mystery with the strength of just a look.

“This is your last chance, where is the rogue slayer?”

“Go to hell.”

It was said so easily, with such feeling. What I thought would be the prelude to a fight, only being the prelude to a stiff knock on the front door, another of the sick smiles distorting Quentin’s features. “It would be in your best interest to answer that.”

I was about to repeat the phrase, maybe offer him directions to the hell I wanted him to visit, and then I heard her voice. Pathetically weak, soaked in tears, and seeping through the door to reach me. The real sting in the tail.

“Buffy? It’s me. Please, open the door?”

“Dawn?”

What the hell?

Call it a sucker punch, because it sure had me suckered. I had met his cold eyes for just one instant before I turned to the door, vowing with my glance to kill him in cold blood if even one hair had been harmed upon my sister’s head.

And she looked okay. If okay can be considered effective when you’re a teenage girl being held in the grasp of a gun wielding ‘field agent’.

“Let her go!”

“Now, Miss…”

“I said, let her go!”

I do not like guns. I have never liked guns. They kill without discrimination. They do not take the time to judge, to consider the possibilities of any situation, they are killing machines pure and simple. And right then, there was one pressed tight against my sister’s neck, making her eyes bulge, her tears run freely. I could see the trust in her gaze that I would come to her rescue, but more than that, I could see the fear that maybe I wouldn’t. That she would be gun fodder.

“I offer you an exchange.” His words sounding foreign, sounding ridiculous. He wanted me to trade Kennedy for Dawn? He wanted me to accept this? “If you hand over the whereabouts of the rogue, then your sister will remain unharmed and we shall be on our way.”

Underestimating me was his next mistake. His biggest mistake. And maybe underestimating him, was mine.

I had thought that I would scream, that I would bring into action the plan of earlier, that when I screamed Faith would come, and with her she would bring the witches and Kennedy. They would be no match for our force. But it didn’t happen that way. Instead it was me who was hearing screams from down below, sudden screams, screams of shock, of injury, of anger.

And then all hell broke loose.

*****

POV Faith.

We had sat in silence and listened to all of the fucked up words from up above us, the witches providing us with surround sound technology, no need for fancy speakers, when we had all of their words beamed directly into our ears. Sitting there getting angrier and angrier, knowing without question that there would be bloodshed somewhere here today. I had recognised as B edged closer and closer to the edge of her resolve, the tightness that had crept so surely into her voice, the calmness that had remained in the voice of the asshole that had caused all of this shit to happen. And I had pleaded with the witches.

“This is bullshit, you have to let us out of here.”

“Buffy said that she would signal us if she needed us…”

“Fuck that Red, she does need us!” Pacing around the basement like a caged up tiger, hearing my prey but not being able to see it. “Let me out!”

She had cast her little worried look over to Tara, giving some stupid shrug as if that would pacify me. I couldn’t even look at Kennedy, I knew that if I caught even a sniff of her bloodlust, it would be enough to have me pounding on the witches to get me out of here, and fast.

“Let’s just calm down, wait and see what happens.”

And I could never pound on Tara. I had let her words reach me for a while, throwing myself back down as I was forced to listen to the bullshit of Quentin up above. His disregard of B, of me, of all slayers. His demands that Buffy should give up the ‘rogue’ slayer.

When he had spoken of his warlocks and field agents, I had turned again to Willow. “Well?”

And again she had shrugged, shared another look with Tara, and implored me to wait.

Maybe warlocks weren’t such a big deal to them, being all down with the mojo, but the thought of a bunch of highly trained wizards, waiting to turn my girlfriend to dust, was a little more screwy for me. It took everything I had to remain silent, to hear what more was happening. To set a grim line across my mouth as Buffy had been directed to go to the door. My knuckles cracking when I heard Dawn’s voice, my look no longer questioning when I had turned my eyes to Willow that time.

“Let me the fuck out!”

Growling. Absolute fury flowing from me to her. And I think that I had her. Think that she would’ve let me out, would’ve released the binds that held us, if only she had had the chance. But there was no chance. The only thing I remember is the sound of breaking glass. My eyes flying wide as the windows that ran across the top of the basement all broke inwards, as the unmistakable sound of gunfire filled the echoing walls of the basement.

“Everybody up, hands above your head!”

We didn’t know who the fuck was shouting at us, only that it came from the same windows as the gunshots, and that they came in a coarse English accent. The council. The sting in the tail that I had warned Buffy about, proof that Quentin Travers would not do the decent thing and just fuck off. Using guns was about as indecent as things got in my mind. The cowards way out. Making someone scream, making Andrew cry.

And I did the only thing that I could right then, my hands going above my head in a gesture of surrender, my eyes trying to count how many barrels were pointing down at us, wondering how fast I could move, if I could disarm them all.

“Guys, stay calm, we’ve got this.”

Willow whispering her words into the fearful void, her eyes steady with belief as she sent silent signals to Tara. They had this? Well thank fuck for that.

I didn’t know how they had this, but I trusted their words. I know that Red’s one mean mother when it comes to the magic, and I had seen before the lengths that she could go to when protecting those that she loves. For a brief second I pitied the council goons, and then I counted the seconds until I could join in the fight. Seeing the shield as it went up around us, a shimmering gold force-field, humming with the power that the witches possessed.

“Put your guns down.”

Red’s voice issuing a stern command.

“Put your hands up!”

A little smile spreading across her face as the gunmen ignored what she said. As they fired again into the basement to get us to comply with their wishes. My own smile spreading wide as their bullets bounced uselessly against the side of the shield.

I kinda thought that that would be it. That they would give up, that Willow would let us out of the basement, and that I could then go and collect my pound of flesh from Quentin Travers. Some fucking chance. I’d forgotten about the council warlocks for a minute, been dazzled by the power of our own witches. And then the basement had started to shake. An earthquake style shuddering making us all fall back to our knees, making Red and Tara thrust out their hands to bring them together…

“Looks like show time sweetie, you ready?”

“Let’s fry them.”

A whole fucking light show exploding from the ends of their fingertips. I didn’t have a clue, not one fucking clue what was happening. I was powerless. A little scared. Hunching back into the wall with Kennedy and Andrew, feeling the slayer wanting to go fight crazy, but having nowhere to direct the feeling. All that I could do was watch.

The ends of the guns all glowing red, screams from the people holding them as they became too hot to hang on to. A couple fell through the windows, disintegrated into nothing. And then return fire. Energy which shone just as bright as our girl’s sliding through the holes in the glass, exploding with intensity every time that they rattled against the shield that looked to be weakening.

“Can you hold that thing Red?”

My nervous words shouted out to a witch who was in no way listening. All of her concentration going into keeping hold with Tara, deflecting whatever it was that the warlocks were throwing at us.

“I want to go home…”

Andrew’s voice swung my gaze for a second, offering him what I thought might be a reassuring look, words of comfort. “Just try and stay alive.” Hoping that everybody was listening.

I had no fucking clue what was going on upstairs, what B was doing, whether she was under attack in the same way as we were, knowing that she had no power packed witches to be deflecting blows sent her way. It was driving me mad, I wanted to be at her side, I needed to be at her side. Screaming empty words of let me out, as the girls stayed focused on their task. My mouth eventually closing as I saw Tara drop limp in front of me, saw Red glance down at her before going completely rigid. Her arms stretching out in front of her, her head thrown back. Unknown words being chanted, a chilling wind blowing up around us.

I had no fucking clue, but I was damn right fucking afraid. Tara was down, Red was unreachable, Andrew was sobbing, and Kennedy was lights on, no one home. I had to risk it. I had to take the chance and try to break free, I had to get the fuck out of there. Climbing the stairs to the door, ignoring the burning sensation when I wrapped my fingers around the knob, wrenching it back with a scream, and hollering when it ripped free from its hinges.

I didn’t wait to see if anyone followed me, I just made my way to the front room, my blood boiling with hatred, my sights fixing upon one man, taking in the whole picture, but resting solely upon him. It was easy to know which one he was, stood confidently with his goons, more guns in sight, a helpless Dawn held firmly in one guy’s grasp.

“You fucking asshole.”

Stalking him. My movements quiet, non alarmist, but stalking him all the same.

“Ah, Faith. What a displeasure it is to meet you. Please, do take a seat.”

I caught Dawn’s eyes and offered a wink, caught Buffy’s eyes and offered a smile. “It’s world war three down below Quent, and my girl’s on top…” At least I figured she was. “…maybe you should be the one taking a seat. You can unhand Dawn while you’re at it.”

“I was just explaining to Miss Summers that I would be willing to exchange her sister for the whereabouts of the rogue slayer, now it seems we know where the rogue slayer is, that deal has become rather irrelevant. Wouldn‘t you agree?” He didn’t wait for my answer, just offered a nod of his head to one of his gun carrying bitches, sent down yet another order for my extermination. And it’s a good fucking job that I’m quick.

I recognised the look in his eye, the dismissive glint I had seen in so many eyes before his, and I moved before he had a chance to even think about it. Dropping to the ground and rolling, coming to rest at the feet of the asshole holding Dawn, cracking his knee with my elbow, making them both scream, pulling him down to the floor. I had no plan, no words to shout at the others, I just trusted that they would be backing me up. Buffy, Angel, Kennedy. Hell, maybe even Giles. The room exploding with gunfire like the basement before it, no time to take stock, just time to keep moving. I saw Dawn take cover in the corner, I saw Andrew emerge from the stairs to take a bullet to his body, dropping as fast as he had risen. I saw Kennedy join the fight, her limbs just as agile as mine and B’s, her moves just as fluid. The punch of earlier forgotten, as the three of us fought side by side. Not stopping until the explosion of bullets had ceased, until the only sound left ringing through the front room was the scream of Kennedy’s anguish, her burning rage, her call for justice.

“Ken… let him go.”

Maybe I knew that she wouldn’t, but I had known that I had to try. We’d disarmed every fucker in the room, and every stupid fucker that had tried to follow them. Not killing, that wasn’t our job, but rendering them useless. Taking away their cowardly weapons and leaving only the option to fight with their fists. Not surprisingly, none of them took it. Just sitting or laying where they had fallen, some casting their eyes towards Kennedy and Quentin with paralysing fear. I guessed it must hurt to see your leader reduced to nothing but a quivering rag doll in the hands of a vengeful slayer.

“No Faith, he has to pay.”

Her words left no room for argument, but I tried again. I understood too well the consequences of what she was about to do. Not defending herself, not forced into action, but about to commit a murder in cold blood. I appealed to her, Buffy appealed to her… but she only shook more as our voices spoke up. She kept looking down at his head in between her hands, the way that her fingers were braced and ready to turn. Her brow sweating, her breaths coming in short violent gasps.

It had felt like the end. The crack that split our ears from down below reminding us suddenly, and with force, that this was not the only fight still raging. My mind flew to Willow and to Tara, turning to face the basement again, to go below to help if needed, frozen in my spot when the space of the door had filled with a shape. The shape of Red supporting her girl up the stairs, stopping at the top and placing her gently on the floor.

“Red…”

“It’s okay Faith. I dealt with it.”

I had no fucking clue again. Didn’t ask how she had dealt, what she had done, just smiled and pointed towards the front room. “We could use your help in here.”

“Yippee.”

Her sarcasm obvious, but not harmful. Her tired eyes widening as they fell upon the scene that greeted her. Dawn now held in Buffy’s arms, Andrew bleeding and being tended to by Giles, and Angel trying to talk down Kennedy, her hands still held tight around the head of that piece of crap Travers. “Never a dull day, right Faith?”

“You said it. Can you stop it?”

She ran her eyes that way again, her mouth starting to move with unknown words, some more of the mumbo jumbo that she seems to wield so well. And again I thought that it was over, that she would stop her. But she didn’t. Or she couldn’t. The way that she tells it, Kennedy’s rage was too strong to restrain, her power to raw to be deflected. I just remember the fucked up howl Kennedy gave as she twisted his head in her hands, the sickening pop as his neck broke, the sound of flesh ripping as she tore it clean from his falling torso.

“Holy fucking crap.”

The curses not mine, but B’s. The shock belonging to everybody. The field agents had been stunned into silence, eventually rounded up and placed in the basement until Giles could get to deal with them. It was one hell of a mess. A fucked up fucking mess.

*****

I let it all go on around me, barely speaking, barely moving, until finally, now, Buffy was stood in front of me. Standing there and shining, looking like my saviour, her fingers reaching out to tuck a little piece of hair back behind my ear.

“Hey, you sure took your time getting up here.”

“You never screamed, Red wouldn’t let me out unless you screamed.”

“You okay?”

No.

“Yeah.” Slipping my eyes away from hers. “What about Dawn, she okay?”

“She will be. I still can’t believe they did that… I can’t believe they took Dawn.”

“They’re evil.”

“That’s an understatement.”

I nod along as she tells me about how they had taken her sister, watching the house, and following Xander’s car when he had left. It seems that Quentin had pre-empted our plans, had guessed that we had the newest slayer already under our protective wing, and he was not prepared to let her go. I wonder if he had been prepared to lose his head over it.

“What the fuck are we gonna do with Ken?”

“I don’t know Faith. Angel has her upstairs, talking to her…”

“Right. That’ll help.”

Although I don’t know if it will. I hope that this is her anger vented, that this one act of vengeance will be enough to calm her rage, to let her lay her demons to rest.

“Hey…” Her fingers slip between mine, warmth against my skin. “…are you sure you’re okay?”

And no again.

“I’ll be cool B, it’s just a lot to handle. Man, I knew this was all bullshit, but what the fuck?” I try and think of how to say it. “They wanted to kill me again, they would have killed all of us.” She gives me the gentlest little smile in reply, a tiny shake of her head.

“Well they didn’t manage it, did they?”

“No, but…”

“No buts baby. Andrew’s got a little girly flesh wound and other than that we’re fine. Wills obliterated the warlocks and the leader of the council is currently missing his head. Stop thinking.”

Stop thinking?

How the fuck do you stop thinking?

“How?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could try kissing me.”

My eyes travel around the decimated room, pausing on bullet holes in furniture, upended sofas, general chaos. “You think it’s appropriate?”

And smiling at her laughter.

“When have you ever worried about appropriate?”

Good point.

“Come here.”

My arms going out to encircle her body, feeling the silent shakes as she quivers under my touch. “What about you, are you okay B?”

She goes to nod yes, but then stops herself, takes one huge fucking breath and blows it out as a sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t think so, but then I don’t really care. We can do okay later, just now, just for this minute, just kiss me Faith. Please?”

And I can be happy with that. We’ll do okay later. Not as good as the other kind of later that I was looking forward to, but it will do. I can live with it. All that I want now is the promise in her lips, the reassuring touch of her mouth. We have so much shit to sort through, so much of what happened to still understand. But as far as this moment goes, it is over. We won. And I want to taste our victory.

CHAPTER 43.

POV Faith.

I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom. To go to sleep every night with the hollow feel of desperation grinding a hole through your guts. To have every pillow case you rest your head upon, drenched through with the bitter tears of disappointment. Wanting so bad to wake up and have it all be a horrible nightmare, but instead, only ever opening your eyes on the same old sorry story that is your existence. Yeah. I remember exactly what that feels like. The panic in believing that you’ve kissed your only chance goodbye, that the shit that you’re wallowing in is gonna be your shit forever.

And damn. I can’t help but feel sorry for her.

The first day after the shambled showdown, all that I had wanted to do was to pound on her. She was so fucking defiant, so full of the exuberance of beheading an ogre.

“But you killed someone!”

“I. Don’t. Care.”

Her shining eyes haunting me just as much as her words. It was like she had almost expected us to get down on our knees and praise the fucking lord that she had done what she did.

“I neutralised the threat. You should be thanking me; I only did what you and Buffy were too scared to do.”

As fucking if.

I had stalked around the kitchen in front of her just dying to get in her face, my fingers itching to dish out some slayer style, power packed punches. It was all so fucking painful. I had stood in exactly the same place as her, my boots had marched their way down the same path marked bullshit, and watching her trying to commit the same stupid mistakes as me had me filling with intense fury. In truth, the only thing that had managed to hold me back had been Angel’s quiet words. His reminder that attacking her at this time would only push her further away from us. We needed to accept what had happened and then make her accept it. Easy as that.

The next couple of days had been mostly uneventful. She had lost the look of crazed and manic, had even stopped with the shaking a little bit. There were no more words though. Her eyes had switched to dull and her conversation wasn’t any better. Just grunts. Stupid fucking shrugs of shoulders and gazes which centred on the same slice of ceiling for hours on end. I voted that she’d had a breakdown, that maybe what she’d done had sent her totally over the edge, but then Red had poked her thoughts a little and assured us that her mind was definitely in working order. She was just hiding. Taking a moment. A moment that lasted three fucking long days.

I’d stayed well out of the mix during that time. Much happier keeping watch on a comatose slayer, than dealing with the aftermath of what had happened. Leave that to the thinking men, the guys that wanna know how the council’s gonna be disassembled, I just care that it’s gone. That there’s gonna be no more evil dictating the legacy of the slayer. This is our gig now, our rules, our way.

Sure I’d caught snatches of conversations when I’d wandered my way through their midst to go get a soda, or when I’d interrupted their thoughts to switch on the TV, but it was all just words which meant very little;

‘We’re gonna try and get the Angel Investigations thing off the ground…’ Blah, blah, blah… ‘Giles is gonna deal with the remaining structure of the council…’ More blahs… ‘Gather resources, recruit good watchers…’

And on and on it went. I’d voiced a curse of concern at the whole watchers thing, but really I was happy to stay well away. Buffy has been wading her way through the thick of it and I trust that if I need to know anything, then she will tell me. It works for me. And like I said, I’m much happier just keeping watch over the comatose Kennedy, standing at the side of the barrel and wondering when she’ll hit the bottom. Speaking endless sentences that she never has any answer to.

But today has been different.

Today I’ve felt her skittered glances when she thinks that I’m not watching. The little pause of eye contact when I had offered her some lunch. Today it feels like we might just get somewhere, like maybe someone is ready to give up the bullshit and begin to accept the truth. Those tapping fingers stilling on the bed sheets as another glance is thrown my way.

“You got something on your mind Ken?”

And how quick she removes those eyes from me.

A part of me still wants to ride her hard, remembering the sneers of the first few hours, the sound of a human head ripping from shoulders. But then I centre again on what this feels like and I remember everything that she doesn’t need.

“You know that if you’re ready to talk then I’m here to listen.” Fingers tapping again. “I’ve been where you are, remember? I get what you’re going through.”

I’ve already used this tactic to try and break through to her, the ‘oh look-we’re both cold blooded murderers’ line, but so far it’s gotten me nowhere. Usually a couple of grunts, never anything more substantial. It makes me think that I’m not cut out for this caring and sharing crap anymore than I used to be, but then if it’s a choice between being here and the downstairs planning committee, then here is where I’m at.

“How do you know it’s the same?”

Her voice makes my head turn quickly back her way. My eyes straining wide with surprise that she had spoken.

“Wow, it talks.”

“Fuck you Faith.”

“Don’t let B hear you talking that way, you know how well that will end.” I make my way over to the bed all the time that I’m talking, letting my cocky voice keep the situation normal. We’re not gonna chat about murdering evil scumbags and the consequences of that action, noooo; this is just your normal Friday evening pow-wow. Hanging out on Buffy’s bed and just shooting our mouths off. Uh-huh.

She doesn’t speak again and I lay myself on my back beside her, not too close, not threatening, but letting her know that someone is there. That I’m here for her.

“So how’s it going?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Course not Ken. Straight up, how you going?”

The rhythm that she’s making with her fingers on the bed is only getting faster. Like little angry stabs into the softness of the duvet. “I’m great. Just fucking great.”

“Serious? Cos you know you look like shit?”

“Are you trying to piss me off?”

“No.” Well, not really. I’m just trying to keep her talking. This is a breakthrough. “I’m just trying to find out if you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“I meant what I said about looking like shit.”

The words make her turn her head my way, anger and defiance still lighting her eyes.

“And I meant what I said.” Maybe deepening a little to rage. “Fuck you.”

“Sweet sentiment, really.” I offer her my brightest smile. “But I’m still sticking to B. Maybe if I get desperate in the next few years I’ll give ya a call. Don’t go counting on it though.”

It’s fun to watch the fight go on across her face. All that wanting to strike out, all that wanting to play the game. Wondering which will win.

“It’s your loss.”

And there she is. Willing to play.

“You really think so? I’m thinking you’re a bit too bratty for me. Probably selfish in bed… I know the type.”

“Yeah? I bet Buffy does too.”

I flick my glance to her fingers, noting the sudden steadiness. The silence. “Not from me she doesn’t, I’m all about the giving.”

“That’s not what I heard her saying to Willow.”

Her eyes flash a welcome twinkle and I show some mock shock. As sure as I am that the sun rises in the morning, I KNOW that there’s no-one out there complaining about my skills. Some things just don’t happen. I’m keeping her talking though. Just showing her the way back.

“Bullshit. I got mad skills Ken, ain’t no-one arguing with that fact.”

“Who’s arguing? I’m just saying what I heard…”

I nudge her with my arm and pull myself up to sitting, not too close still, just close enough to observe her faces, what she’s thinking.

“So aside from hearing Buffy trashing my loving, you heard anything else?”

“Like what?”

“Like council stuff, what’s happening next stuff?”

And there go the faces. All the anger and defiance, the loss and the confusion.

“I don’t care about the council. Quentin’s dead. That’s all that counts.”

“You took care of that.”

“Yep.”

She turns her head the opposite way, denies me the sight of what flashes through her eyes. I just carry on talking. Not letting it lie.

“I don’t know much myself, too busy hanging with you. I know that Giles is planning a major coup, gonna go in there and take what’s good, get the knowledge and leave what’s bad.”

“It’s all bad.”

She keeps her head turned away. Her words of finality steeling back across her shoulder.

“You don’t know that, none of us knows that. If there is any good though, then Giles is the guy for the job.”

Silence greets my belief in Giles. And again I go on talking.

“Then there’s the whole Angel gig. We’re gonna get that working for us here, and you guys are gonna keep it going in LA…” I pause as her shoulders stiffen. “…you are still going to LA, right?”

“Anywhere’s gotta be better than here.”

I used to think that too.

“You’ll be surprised how much it grows on you.”

“The only thing growing on me here is the fungus.”

I nudge her again, this time with my elbow. “That’ll explain the smell then. Wicked gross.”

“Funny.”

“More like funky. You do know we have bathrooms?”

She doesn’t answer, but throws her head back my way. Angry again, still defiant.

“Can’t you just fuck off!?”

Tempting, but no. Her words make me drop my joking tone, my easy shift of shoulders. My resolve and stance stiffening, but my eyes gently softening. I remember her feelings so well.

“Not gonna happen Ken. I know where you’re at and I’m not going nowhere.”

She holds my gaze.

“Anywhere.”

“What?”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Her voice is hushed, her eyes unsure. “Otherwise it’s a double negative, it would mean that you were going somewhere.”

“Right.” I shrug off her correction. Whatever. “Well I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

I know that she wants to tell me to ‘fuck off’, some more. Can feel the buzzing from her body as the force inside argues to be let out. But her eyes don’t move. So I don’t move. Keeping my gaze firm upon her face as she looks for whatever it is that she needs to see.

Can she trust me? With her life. Do I want to help? Abso-fucking-lutely. Does she need the help?

And there’s the stumper.

I know that she does. It’s why I am here. But does she believe it?

I try and keep my eyes steady, opening them up, letting her see, remembering every bad thing, every misdeed. Take a look Kennedy. See just how bad it gets…

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

She shifts herself up the bed to sit alongside me, her head dropping down to investigate the sheets between her legs. ‘Boston Check’, I want to inform her, but I don’t. I just sit and I wait.

“Okay. I don’t want you to go ‘nowhere’.” She grins a little. I grin too. “Stay up here with me?”

“I told ya Ken, I’m not going ‘anywhere’”

And she grins a whole lot more. Not shifting the sadness that’s settled in her eyes, but at least she’s letting me see. Sharing her own demons.

“You ready to talk about it?”

“I hate talking.”

“I get that.” I touch her knee gently in a gesture of solidarity. “You do have to though, it’s like a rule thing; you can’t start healing till you spew up the sickness.”

No matter how bad the sickness tastes.

Her fingers strike up with the damn tip-tapping again and I want to tell her to stop. Want to urge her into speaking. Smiling when she does it all on her own, whispering down to the duvet.

“I know that I was wrong.”

“You do?”

“I think that I do. In my head I hear it was wrong… but…”

“But what?”

The silence of waiting hums steadily through the room. Her eyes meeting mine and showing the battle that’s raging inside. So many emotions and all of them fighting hard for dominance.

“Fucking hell!” She balls her fingers up into fists, pounds a punch of frustration down onto the bed. “It felt right. It FEELS right!” Placing my hand on her arm to steady her anger. “Inside Faith, it doesn’t matter what I know, what you tell me… inside I’m still screaming in victory.”

Yet she doesn’t look so victorious.

“You’re sure about that?”

She shakes my hand loose and crosses her arms across her chest. Holding them tight about her. “Yes.”

“I don’t believe you. I think you’re full of crap.”

“Fuck you.”

“We’re back to that then?”

My body tenses in response to hers. Hearing the whisper of a challenge. Relaxing only when she raises herself up from the bed. Pacing footsteps across the carpet.

“I’m just telling you how it is! Fuck you if you don’t believe me!”

“Damn. I bet you spend a whole lot of time fucking yourself.” She halts, spins and glares. “Cos you don’t believe what you’re saying, anymore than I do.”

Rage coiling tight around her. My words prickling. Those same panicked breaths as in the instant before Quentin.

“You wanna throw down Ken? Is that it?” I pull my own bulk up from the bed. Getting right in her face. “Cos if you need me to pound the sense into you, then I can sure as hell do it.”

Matching her breath for breath. Mimicking the danger that sits in her eyes.

I bring my hand up to nudge her shoulder again, giving her a little push. A gentle shove. “What do ya say? Wanna rumble?”

Flexing every muscle for good measure.

“No.”

“No?” She shakes her head. Steps back into space. “Well stop acting like such a fucking idiot then and sit your ass back down.” I meet her one last look, the final fleeting thought of combat. “Sit!” Using my arm not to nudge her this time, but sliding it behind her shoulders to guide her back over to the bed. “I know this sounds like crap Ken, but really, you start spewing and it does get easier.”

“I was… spewing.”

“No, you were talking crap.”

I know that I’m pushing her, tripping all of her defences, but I damn well want to get in there. Want to know how she’s feeling, how I can help her. Tightening my grasp as she goes to shake away my arm again, bringing her down to sit.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“For fucks sake Ken.” Releasing my hold to run my hands through my hair, flopping back on the bed in something like frustration. “Just tell me what the fuck happened! You have to know that it was wrong… Jeez, at least tell me that you’re a tiny bit remorseful?”

“You expect me to feel remorse for Quentin? You expect me to care?”

“Damn fucking right I do.”

“But what he did…”

“What he did was evil. What you did is cranking up a close second.”

I roll onto my side to gain a better view, not surprised to see her gaze locked onto the hands that still shake in front of her. More memories. More pain.

“It takes a while to shift the stains.”

“What?”

“It takes a while for the blood to come off.”

Her fingers ball back into fists and she rams them under her knees. Locking that gaze straight onto me now. “I told you, I don’t care about Quentin. If his blood stains my hands then I’ll wear it like a fucking tattoo. There’s nothing that happened to him that he didn’t deserve…”

Ignoring her words to catch her tears. Her eyes that look so lost.

“I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it Ken. I’m saying that you shouldn’t have done it.”

“Right. I should’ve let him get away with what he did… forget my friends, my comrades… he should’ve just walked away.”

It pains me to say it.

“Yes.”

“That’s not…”

“Fair?”

“Right. It’s not right.”

Her eyes are pleading with me to tell her that she is right. That what she did is excusable. That it was the lesser of two evils. That she can walk away unscathed. And I can’t tell her any of that.

“Jesus Ken. Don’t you get it?” Moving from the bed again to stand in front of her. “We don’t get to make the call on right and wrong, we don’t get to balance the scales…”

“He had to pay.”

“He would have paid!”

“No he wouldn’t!”

God damn it.

Remembering with pain the feeling of hell. How it had crept inside of my senses, how it had held me down and tortured me with the knowledge of every bad thing I had ever done, every ounce of hurt I had ever inflicted. And damn right he would have paid.

I blow out the feeling that the memory gives me, the sickening stench, the sensation of failure. My sigh echoing through the silent room, making her eyes question me. Demanding answers.

“Believe me Ken, there’s places, places I hope you never have to go to… places I’ve been to. Quentin would have got his.” She rolls her eyes in dramatic fashion, dismisses my words. “Now you just have to figure out if you’re gonna get yours.”

“Whatever.”

“You think I’m joking?”

“You think I care?”

And again I want to pound on her.

“Why the fuck am I even bothering?” Her gaze asks me the same and I throw a look towards the door. Considering not bothering, the easiness of walking away. I can’t do that though, can’t let her hit the bottom without at least doing my best to pull her up. Straightening my shoulders to continue the onslaught. “Are you really that stupid to think that you’re something special? You think the rules don’t apply to you, that you can do whatever the fuck you want and damn the consequences?”

And she isn’t so sure when she meets my eyes this time. Not so cocky with her glances.

“It isn’t like that.”

“Screw you. You can’t kid a kidder, Ken.”

“It isn’t.”

And now it’s my turn to do the dismissive roll of eyes. Partnered with a sneer. Doing whatever it takes to bait her into dropping her walls. Just telling the truth like the damn truth is. “Sure it isn’t.”

“You don’t even know me Faith. Don’t talk to me like you think you know me.”

“You really believe that?“ A dangerous smile alighting my lips. “Because here’s the fucking beauty of it all; I was you.”

Slapping her in the face with the reminder that I know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t kid a kidder. You can’t dismiss someone who has walked in your shoes.

“You think I don’t know what you’re feeling, that I can’t remember the taste of the darkness?”

“Shut up!”

“What, you don’t wanna talk about it?” My tone mocking her attempt to make me stop. “The things that are there when you close your eyes… the voices that make it okay, that tell you it doesn’t matter… whispering how powerful you are, how much better you are…”

“I said shut up!”

“You felt the power didn’t ya Ken? Holding pathetic little Quentin right there in your hands, knowing that you could end his life, that you had the strength to stop his heart beating, just like that…” I mimic the twisting of hands, the cracking of necks. “…I bet it feels really good, bet that victory party of yours is one hell of a funfest.”

Her breaths are going manic again, not just her arms shaking but her whole fucking body shaking. Her eyes routing around me to find a way of escape.

“No, come on, settle down girl. Let’s kick back and swap stories.” I lean against the door, an easy pose blocking her only exit. “Tell me how good it felt to rip off his head and I’ll tell you how fucking great it felt to slice and dice a harmless old scientist.”

And silence.

“You want me to start? Cos I can remember it like it was yesterday. Holding the knife in my hand, how little effort it took to slice through all the major organs…” No reaction. “…damn, maybe you wanna know how he sounded? How he looked? Is that where you get your kicks from?”

“Please…” It slides out a whisper, no more defiance in her tone, just weariness. “…can you stop? Can you please just stop?”

Not a chance.

“What?” I move from the door and return to standing in front of her. “I thought you were down with this shit Ken? Nothing matters right, killing humans doesn’t matter?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Sure ya did, cos believe it or not, Quentin was human. Doesn’t matter what he did, he was still what he was.”

I wait for the comeback, the argument.

“I know.”

My eyebrows arching in surprise. “Huh?”

“I said I know!” Not anger making her voice raise, just the desperate sound of defeat. “I know that he was human! I know that I was wrong! I know that I screwed up!”

And now I don’t say a word. I don’t need to say anymore.

“I couldn’t help it okay? It was just… I had him, right there… and I could feel it, how he was laughing at me… how he looked at me…” Her hands are stretching out in front of her, her eyes fixed and vacant. “…and I could hear you, I could hear Buffy and Angel… over and over, don’t do it. I knew I shouldn’t do it, I knew I should’ve just let go… just dropped him. But I couldn’t… just one twist. Just one twist to make him stop, just one twist to make him feel how much he hurt me…” She stiffens up as her voice breaks, crossing her arms back across her chest. “I know how wrong I am Faith. I know how bad this feels… I just had no self control. I knew that it was wrong and I couldn’t stop myself… I just couldn’t stop myself…”

“It’s okay.” My voice is hoarse and I choke to clear it. “You’ll be okay.”

Her head not lifting, her eyes not meeting mine.

“I know what it’s like to not be able to hold back Ken. I know that feeling, that rage… and I learnt to control it. You can learn too.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s all I can give ya.” She looks up at me and still she looks lost. I try to give more. “What you did Ken, that was bullshit, crazy shit… ain’t no use in denying that. But it’s what you do now that counts. I stood in your shoes and did it the hard way, reached the bottom and dug down for more… don’t go making the same mistakes as I did. Don’t pretend you don’t give a shit.”

“What difference does it make?”

“It makes the world of difference.” I find another sigh as I settle back down onto the bed beside her. “You can learn self control, but no-one can teach you to care. You said that you know you were wrong, well cling onto that. Nurture it. What you don’t do is go walking around here as if you’re something special, as if killing in cold blood makes you some kind of super warrior. It doesn’t.” I lift up her hands, take them in mine. “All it does is make you a murderer Kennedy, and there is nothing special in that.”

I don’t know if holding onto her hands will let her feel the honesty in my words, but I hope so. Hope that she will be able to take something from my truth and make it count.

“I’m sorry.”

“You what?”

“I said I’m sorry. I’m such a jerk.” Her head is shaking as if she can’t believe how much of a jerk she has been. “I never… I just…”

“It’s pretty hard admitting you fucked up?”

“I really fucked up.”

“You really did.”

I let go of her hands and she runs them across her face. Her breath no longer coming in panicked gasps but in long drawn out sighs. And this is the Kennedy I have been waiting to see. The reason that I pushed and pulled at her defences, the reason that I kept my compassion hard and resolute. You can’t take baby steps around murder, it doesn’t work that way. I learnt that in a dingy, dark, rain soaked alleyway. Maybe she will take the easy option and accept it now.

I watch as her posture seeps down into humble. Observing in silence as she wipes at a stray tear creeping out from the edge of her eyes. Sorry is just a word. You can say it a thousand different ways and it still means nothing… but real sorry is something that you can’t ever hide. The pain that wraps around tired eyes, the hopeless hunch of weary shoulders…

“Yeah. You’re gonna be just fine.”

I say it as I think it, my arm reaching around to offer comfort, to back up my absolute belief in her chances of redemption. My eyes changing direction as the door to the bedroom opens.

“Oh…” And there’s my girl. “…not interrupting anything am I?” I don’t move my arm and she doesn’t move her gaze. Not quite scorching me with its intensity, but pretty damn close to burning. “Because if I am interrupting, I can go away again, come back later?”

And fuck me she’s gorgeous.

Her gaze wrapped in cuteness as it flits back and forth over my arm holding Kennedy. Keeping her smile in place the whole time that her mind is no doubt jumping to all sorts of crazy explanations. Yeah. My girl has green eyes for a reason.

“Nah B. You stay. I’m just imparting some wisdom on the young.”

Smiling as she closes the door behind her. Her head cocking to the side. “Oh yeah? And how’s that working out for ya?”

“Turns out I’m kind of wise.”

Wise enough to know how much I love her. Wise enough to pick myself up from the bed now to greet her on the carpet. Not throwing myself into her arms like some sapped out movie script, but freezing in front of her. Just feeling her presence.

“I knew that already Faith.”

“You did?” She nods. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Your ego is hard enough to manage as it is. Why fuel the fire?”

She is the fuel to my fire. I offer a grin as my eyes drop her gaze, as they start the lazy journey down across the smooth line of her neck, sliding along her jaw line and up to her lips. Perfect pink lips. Wanting to groan as her tongue peeks out to tempt me the last step forwards.

“Right. I think I’ll go… uh… maybe get some food.”

Groaning instead at the reminder of Kennedy.

“It’s okay Ken, you’re cool.”

“No, you two hang out, I’ll go find Angel…”

She looks so uncomfortable and I think to let her have her way. Alone time with B would be kinda nice. There’s something been a little… off, or something, with Buffy the last few days. Not off, off. Not like being an ass… but something. Like she’s thinking even more than usual… like there’s sadness in her eyes for reasons that I don’t know of. That I want to know of.

I don’t get to give my approval though, because the girl in question speaks before me, denies me the alone time that I so very much want. “No Kennedy. Stay.” Stepping around me to stand before Ken, straightening her shoulders out. “Angel’s gone for the night and besides, I wanted to talk to you.”

“You did?”

Kennedy looks about as surprised as I am. Buffy’s made no real effort to be near her at all since the other night. Staying with the planning crew, hanging with Dawn.

“I do.”

“Oh.”

“Hey, don’t look so shocked. I know this is a few days late, I’ve been kinda busy dealing with the decapitation aftermath… but about the punching…”

Her tone is doing that always perky thing. No matter the sitch, it keeps on bouncing.

“The punching?”

“Right. I punched you for running your mouth off and acting like a brat.”

I wonder if this is the prelude to an apology.

“Oh. That. It’s forgotten.”

“No. I don’t want you to forget it.” Maybe not an apology? “What I did was wrong, I accept that. You had me pissed and I let my emotions control me. I’m a slayer, I should know better…”

I watch Kennedy’s face. See the understanding that’s going on there. Look to Buffy and marvel at how damn smart she can be. I know what she’s doing.

“We all make mistakes?”

“Exactly, Kennedy. We all make mistakes. Then we accept them and then we make amends.” They lock eyes and I try to follow them. “I’m sorry I hit you, it won’t happen again.”

“Thanks. And I’ll try not to be such a brat, it’s hard sometimes… I blame it on my upbringing.”

“I blame it on your age. You’ll grow out of it.”

And how has she got to where I was with just a few simple words? It’s taken me days to get more than a fucking grunt out of Ken, and now B is number one gal pal after, ‘we all make mistakes’? I need to work on perky, maybe it’s the perky.

“So how are you bearing up?”

“I’m okay. Kind of. Faith’s been helping…” Her voice has snuck back to unsure again, her head nodding softly up and down. “…I guess it’s nice to feel understood. Like I’m not alone.”

“You have no chance of that Ken. You need to put in a written request to get alone time around here…”

“No.” She straightens up again, gives meaning to her words. Her hand tapping a steady beat against her chest. “In here. I mean in here… when they killed my friends I thought that that was it. Me against the world. And now… not so much, now I don’t feel so alone.”

“You’re not alone Kennedy. I promise you that.”

And maybe it’s not perky. Maybe it’s just Buffy. A quality she has that makes people listen, a need to believe in what she says.

I leave my consideration behind when the door opens again, Tara creeping in with the phone receiver held tight in her grasp.

“It’s Dawnie, she wants to know if she can stay over with Cordy?”

“She doesn’t want to come home?”

“They’re leaving on Monday, Buffy, she wants to spend some quality time…”

“Does she have bedclothes?”

Tara shrugs and speaks back into the phone, repeating to us what Dawn says;

“Cordy is lending her a T-shirt and she’s getting a manicure and please, please, please can she stay?”

“Okay, okay… tell her I’ll call later. And don’t forget to floss!”

We watch as the news is relayed, as Tara ends the call with a smile, telling Dawn to have a nice time.

“She’s sounding happy.” Speaking with confidence, knowing what the words will mean to Buffy.

“It’d make a nice change.”

“Just give her time, she’s gonna be fine.” Tara tosses the phone easily onto the bed, smiling when it lands near Kennedy. “What about you guys, anybody want anything?”

“A soda would be good.”

“You’re kidding me B?”

“What?” She breaks her gaze from Tara to throw confusion my way. “Is there something wrong with wanting a soda?”

“Jeez, after the week we’ve had?” She still doesn’t get it, so I look to spell it out. “It’s Friday night, we’ve been through hell, the kid’s just let us know that she’s staying out and you wanna drink a soda? It’s wrong.”

“I’m tired.”

“Nah-uh. More like dull.” I wink at her disgruntled face, passing my eyes to Tara to find a comrade in arms. “Tara’s gonna have a beer with me, ain’t ya T?”

“I am?”

“Hell yeah!”

She offers me a lopsided grin, a quick sparkle of her blue eyes. “I suppose I could have a beer or two, just for relaxation purposes. It has been a tough week.”

I turn to catch Kennedy’s affirming nod. “Right then, that’s three beers and a nice tasty soda for Buffy.”

“Wait… I’ll have a beer.”

“You sure you can handle it?”

God, I love teasing her. Narrowing my eyes as she tries to stare me down, blowing her a kiss when she flips me the bird.

“Four beers please Tara.” And laughing out loud at the tone in her voice.

“Fuck B, I love it when you’re playing pissed.”

“Who’s playing, F?”

Damn right I love it. The energy that sparks across the room, that makes my throat raw with anticipation.

“Right... okay… that’s four beers then?”

That makes my subconscious growl as the spell is momentarily broken.

“Thank you Tara.”

Or not.

I try and calm my libido by counting the seconds that it takes her to return, maybe the idea that she was leaving Kennedy stuck between us making her move even faster, bringing the beer back as quick as if by magic…

“Willow is just finishing her homework, then she’ll be up to join us.”

“Thanks Tara.”

We all offer appreciation as she hands round the refreshments, my fingers popping the top as soon as I catch it, drawing long, hard and deep from the liquid inside. No words for the moment. Just each of us sitting here and lost in our bottles, private thoughts enforcing the silence. When Buffy starts to speak, I have to shake my head to clear my mind, making my ears hear.

“…didn’t really know what that was all about. What about now? Are you feeling better?”

And she’s talking to Tara. Magic talk again, questions about what happened down there in the basement. Why she collapsed, what Willow had done. And I’ve asked her myself a couple of times.

“It was nothing. I wasn’t strong enough to channel the power, those warlocks were pretty fierce. Willow just took what she needed…”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“What do you think Buffy, wouldn’t you be?”

“Me be?”

“Exactly. If Faith and you were in a fight and you were weakening, if she could take your strength and finish the fight… wouldn’t you let her? Wouldn’t you force her to?”

I meet Buffy’s eyes and raise my bottle in salute, absolutely knowing that she could take anything that she ever needed from me, her return raise of beer assuring me of the same.

“Well I wouldn’t let anyone take MY power, no chance. I don’t care who they are, it’s not gonna happen.”

I can’t get a reply out quick enough to beat Tara’s fast words. Breaking it down and explaining for the young one. More wisdom for the youth.

“I love her, Kennedy.”

The simplest explanation.

“That’s it?”

She looks to me and I nod my agreement, chuckling at the distaste that crosses her features. “You wait till you find yourself a honey… a ‘single’ honey, then you’ll see. Love makes ya do the wacky Ken, that’s all there is to it.”

“You can count me out then, the only thing I wanna go wacky on is the undead.”

“Kinky. You and B have something in common!”

It’s not like I think before I speak.

“Faith!”

Cos if I did think, then I would’ve known which words were coming and I would’ve kept it clamped. I offer an apologetic smile Buffy’s way, topping it off with a cocky wink and then turning back to Kennedy.

“Serious though Ken, it gets ya when you’re least expecting it.”

“It does?”

“Hell yes. Take me and B and the here and now. I didn’t come back here looking for the warm and fuzzy feelings and I damn well didn’t come back here looking to find them with Buffy. It still bit me on the fucking ass though.”

“You carry on Faith and it’ll be me biting you on the ass.”

Sounds good.

“Promises, promises, B.”

I duck to avoid the flying cushion, rolling to my left and grabbing a pillow of my own, pulling back my arm…

“Don’t do it!”

“Or what?” My eyebrows hitting all the horny notes. “You’ll bite me harder?”

I freeze on my throw as the door opens up again, Willow struggling through with five bottles of fresh beer.

“Guys, I brought refreshments…” Her eyes widening as she takes in my mid-throw stance on the bed. “…ooo spectator sports. My favourite. Who’s up?”

Restraining my urge to toss the pillow Willow’s way, only because she is carrying the beer. Instead vowing to Buffy with my eyes that she will get hers later.

“We were just instructing Kennedy in the art of love, sweetie. She’s a cynic.”

“She is?” We all sombrely agree with the nodding of heads. “Maybe the pillow throwing put her off? Did you tell her about the good stuff too?”

“They told me about biting asses and then the pillow throwing… I can’t help but be cynical.”

Red rolls her eyes and hands out the beers, me and Kennedy perched on the bed being the last to receive. Waiting expectantly as she stands in front of us looking down.

“You’re feeling better?”

Not asking me. Asking Kennedy.

“Uh… yeah. Thanks.”

“That’s good.” Taking the time to say a bit more. “I know what it’s like to go a little crazy with the power… if you, uh… maybe if you needed someone to talk things through with and Faith was busy or Angel, or anyone else that you asked, well then, if you wanted to, you could talk to me…”

Ken’s mouth is just hanging open, maybe surprised at how fast that came out, or maybe shocked at the little pinkish tint that crossed Red’s cheeks when she had looked at her. Looks like B isn’t the only slayer that Willow’s thought about at bedtime…

“Hey Red, you ever had the naughty thoughts about me?”

“Huh?”

And I won’t torture any truths out of her. Not now. I will be though. If she’s had the low down rumbles for B and for Ken, makes me wonder if I haven’t starred in there somewhere myself. It’s always the quiet ones.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll ask you later.” Smiling serenely now. Nudging Ken with my elbow again. “And you’re right, this girl is feeling a little bit better. I’m sure she’d love to…” How can I phrase it?

I catch Tara’s eyes and phrase it the nice way. “…‘talk’ with you. Yep. She loves the chit chat does our Ken.”

It’s a good job that everybody doesn’t have pillows, because I think that Red would be getting her spectator sport and it would all be aimed at me. There is no violence though, only silence. My words seemingly robbing the room of the easy chit chat.

“So what happened?”

Until Kennedy’s voice raises all of our heads, sounding soft beside me.

“What happened what?”

“You and Buffy. How did it bite you on your ass? What happened?”

What did happen. There’s a question. Destiny happened? Fate happened? Fuck knows what happened. I look across to the girl that carried the bite, her sparkling eyes, questioning smile. And does everyone expect an answer?

“I dunno Ken. Buffy happened.”

I can’t say better than that.

I block out the groan from beside me and settle into sharing a secret smile with my girlfriend.

“They’re skipping the hard part Kennedy…” Flicking my eyes to Willow. “…they had to go all death, hate and horridness before they got to here. Be glad you missed that part.”

“Be glad?” And I have to ask, because, hello… “That was just foreplay Red, it was all about the getting to here.”

“It was?” She looks a little bewildered at that.

“Sure it was. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

I don’t know if I’ve suddenly grown an extra limb, but Willow is now peering at me like I’m some kind of freak.

“You’re turning all kinds of mushy Faith, did you know that?”

And what?!

I spit the beer from my mouth in a perfect arc across the room. “Screw you!”

“No, I like it. It’s really kinda cute…”

“Red!”

“All hard on the outside, soft on the inside…”

“I’m warning you.”

“Uh-huh.” She raises her bottle and clinks it with B. “What you gonna do, hug me to death?”

Both of them cracking up at my expense. “Bitches.”

“Hey baby, how about we leave Faith alone now..?”

“Nah, it’s cool Tara, I can take those two on.” My confident smile flashing across the room at her.

“I’m sure you can, I’m just worried that your new softer self might start crying.”

And what the fuck?

“Okay, that’s it. You’re all bitches and I’m through with ya.” I turn Kennedy’s way. “You want a roommate in LA, I’m thinking on heading out…”

“Fungus. Right?”

She casts a conspiring eye over my tormentors, my own following her path. All three of them huddled together and laughing so hard. So fucking funny. Bitches.

“Yeah, fungus.”

And it’s a shame she has to go. I could use someone in my corner, facing down the cackling threesome with some ammo of my own.

The thought has my damn softer side sneaking up on me again, my eyes serious as I turn to face her. “You know, it’s a shame you can’t stay Ken. This is… nice.” I throw my arm out to encompass the now far too happy with themselves threesome. All smirking at my apparent tenderness. “You will come back right? For visits and shit?”

“Yeah, of course I will.” And maybe it is me and her who really have something in common. Her voice searching out that something that she has never really had. “We’re like family now, aren’t we?”

So much hope. So much need.

“We’re fucking sisters, girlfriend.” Toasting her with my beer, accepting her soft high five.

It has me believing again that she will be okay. She’s like me, yet not like me. I never could have accepted all of this when I was her. I’d have been trying to rip it apart for being what I’d never had, not smiling out gratitude with the force of a thousand watt light-bulb.

“Hey, ‘girlfriend’?”

Buffy’s voice brings my smile her way, my mouth raising higher to match the pattern of her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“That was kind of beautiful.” Not sure if she is teasing me still, needing to check the gentle faces of the other two before I can accept it for what it is.

“Right. Uh… thanks.”

Her eyes rolling as she makes her stand, comes over to sit on the bed with me and Kennedy. Her hand resting snugly on my ass. “Well it was. And it goes for me too Kennedy. I think LA will be good for you… Angel will be too, but we all need a break sometimes. If you ever want a home in Sunnydale, then you have a home in Sunnydale.”

And that was kind of beautiful too. We’re all fucking sap heads.

I’m saved from the outpouring of emotion by a right on cue Buffy special. Releasing the serious with talk all light. Leaning across me to tap a reminder against Kennedy’s shoulder.

“You do realise though, that if we’re all family now, then you get Dawnie as a younger sister by way of default? Enjoy yourself with that!”

Sending mock horror creeping across Kennedy’s face. “Yo, that’s harsh.”

“Aw, the kid’s cool. She grows on you as well.”

“More fungus?”

“The nicer kind.”

She catches my eye and I hold it. “I’m just kidding Faith. I like family. It’s nice.”

“Yeah, it’s special.”

And Jesus Faith! Shut the hell up.

My cheeks threatening to turn red with all of the soft speech that is falling from my mouth. I swear my rep is shot to shit. Everyone in the room fully aware that when it comes right down to it, I’m about as hard as fucking marshmallows. Yeah. Fucking beautiful.

“To family then, yeah?”

“Huh?”

I glance back up from my pensive stare at the bed, to catch Kennedy holding her bottle aloft, not just to me, but to the room. Asking them all to accept her now, to forgive her and to welcome her. None of us met Kennedy under the best circumstances and she never tried hard to make us like her, alienating us with lustful glares and defiant bullshit. A whole lot closer to making enemies than friends. But this is different. This is asking for that fresh slate, this is asking to forge a bond with everyone.

I swear I know who will be first to accept her toast and I am not disappointed. Tara’s bottle raised in the air and accompanied by her special kind of smile.

“To family, Kennedy.”

“To family.”

Five voices joining together. Not to find the fun or to joke and to laugh, but to reaffirm the truth of what it is that’s most important. People who will love you, who will always be there for you, who will pick you up when you just can’t stop falling.

And I can’t help that my eyes have fallen on B. Sat by my side and with her hand still resting snugly on my ass. I keep my bottle raised just that second longer, my silent toast of To Buffy, etched upon my lips. My silent kiss wanting to etch itself upon hers.

Damn right family is important. And to me, the heart of my family is Buffy.

And holy fuck.

I am so much softer than marshmallow.

CHAPTER 44.

POV Buffy.

I love it when she's sleeping and I can touch her without her knowing. Not looking for approval in purred out words of love and acceptance, just the silent surveying of all that I have been granted. Faith. So much more than faith. I bring my head up to rest on my hand, eager to catch more than an angled sight of her, my fingers creeping across the distance to swipe the hair that dares to fall across her face. So calm and peaceful. So intensely beautiful.

"Hmmm, that tickles."

And she is awake?

I pull my touch away from the rising corners of her mouth, settling instead for tracing a slow pattern across the arc of her exposed shoulder.

"You're awake?"

Her eyes remain closed, but her lips twitch higher. "Looks that way. What time is it?"

Late. Early. Take your pick.

A glance at the clock on the side lets me know that it's nearing four in the morning. Just a few hours left to try and find some sleep, just a few hours more to be tormented by a dreamscape that won't disappear.

"It's early… go back to sleep."

My wandering hand finds her face again, a peaceful pass along her cheek, stilling as her eyes slowly drift to open.

"Why are you awake?"

"Cos I'm not asleep."

It has her eyebrow raising, has her head turning fully to face me in the half light.

"Hey…" I don't move as she narrows her eyes to peer at me, barely breathe as she settles her features into a face of concern. "…are you okay?"

And I want to tell her that sure, I'm okay. That the excited chit chat of the early evening beerfest in my bedroom has me tap dancing on the top of the world… but…

"I'm okay."

"Promise me?" Her concern doesn't lessen, it only intensifies as she rolls onto her side, a hand appearing from the sheets, as if by magic, to steady my gaze on hers. "Buffy?"

And what? What to say?

I say nothing. I just lean into the safety of her touch. Close my eyes on her locked tight stare.

"You know you have to tell me what's wrong, I'm not stupid B, I know that something's been bothering you…"

My thoughts flash again to that place just out of reach, to all of the places that we'll never get to go to together. To everything that is bothering me.

"It's nothing Faith."

"Look at me."

"I said it's nothing." I can't disguise the tetchy tone of my voice, the sleep deprived harshness that refuses to stay hidden.

"B..?" Her hand steadies at the back of my head, unseen strength demanding that I comply with her wishes. "I said look at me."

So I look.

And I see.

Everything that I have now, everything that makes the waking hours bearable So much more than I would have ever dared to wish for.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise B, I can handle the tantrums." Her touch loosens on my head now, goes to soothing instead. Just tangling strands of hair between her fingers, running them through until the ends fall away. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"It really isn't anything…"

"Just tell me, okay." I can feel my eyes moistening at her gentle insistence, a deep breath taken in and released as a sigh. "Please?"

Her own eyes are deep and pleading with me, imploring me to share everything with her. To keep our promises about no more secrets, no more hiding. And they give me the power to speak.

"It's four in the morning baby, we'll talk tomorrow…"

"I don't care what time it is."

"You don't?"

She shrugs her naked shoulder to back up her words. Her voice dropping to a whisper, still wrapped in the hoarseness of sleep. "No, I don't. I DO care about you."

"I care about you too."

"That's a given." I lower my head down to meet hers as it rises. Our lips fleeting for a quick silent kiss. "Now spit it out girlfriend, why so solemn?"

Another sigh of mine fills the next few seconds, her face patiently waiting for me to speak. "There's some things I haven't told you…"

"Okay." She waits for an instant for me to say more. I don't. "Are they 'bad' things?"

"Not so bad… maybe bad for not sharing…"

"So share."

"You promise not to get mad?"

My words make her smile a little, pretending that she is taking the time to consider it. "It's too early to get mad, don't worry about it."

"Right... so…"

"So?"

"Do you remember Faith, with Quentin, do you remember the things that he said to me?"

"What… Travers?"

"Yeah. Travers." I can't stop the distaste that crosses my face. He may be gone, Kennedy may have erased that problem permanently from the list, but just the thought of him still curdles my stomach. Still makes me rage from the things that he had done. "Did you hear what he said to me?"

She looks to be considering, maybe wondering at what I could mean. "The guy's toast, can't see how anything he said means anything now."

But of course it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple.

"Something he said meant something… what he said to me at the door."

I watch as she draws a blank. "Nope, ya got me. What did he say?"

"About the potentials… finding the potentials…"

I can't believe how hard it is to say the words. Words I've kept hidden inside for all of the last few days, buried deep down where they could only seek to torment me.

"We already knew that B. They found Kennedy." She shifts and settles herself up on an arm, peering closer at me again. Searching for clues. "I thought you guys had that covered? Giles is gonna do his thing, right?"

"No Faith, there's more than that."

"More?"

I know that I'm only confusing her, concern edging away to be replaced by doubt. So I vow to try harder, to make it make sense. "Yeah. More. What Quentin said, not about finding the potentials Faith… what he said about an army… what he said about activating potentials…"

All of her attention is focused onto me. Into me. "Go on…"

"He wasn't lying."

It's like a delayed reaction as I watch the words fall onto her ears.

"Damn."

And you can say that again.

"You're shitting me B? Those morons really thought that they could do that?" I nod my head yes. "No way. It's bullshit. The guy was trying to mess with you…"

"No Faith. It's the truth."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

She inhales deeply, but doesn't move her eyes from me. Doesn't dampen the intensity of her stare. "How do you know?"

Ah. The million dollar question.

"I know because… I know because WE can do it. Willow can do it."

"Fuck." Her arm collapses beneath her as she rolls over onto her back, comes up to slowly wipe over her eyes. Dislodging the last traces of sleep, dismissing the final faces of concern. "Who knows about this..?"

"What do you mean? The council..?"

"Screw the council, I don't give a shit about the council." She flings the covers away from her body as if they offend her, pulling herself up from the warmth of the bed to march towards the chair in the corner. To the place that her clothes lay. "Who knows about this apart from me B, who's important enough to share in the secret?"

And boy am I glad I didn't confide in Angel.

"Faith, come here?"

I wrap the sheet across my chest as I move to sitting, holding out a hand for her to take, trying to implore with my own eyes. "We were gonna talk about this, remember? You weren't gonna get mad…" Cocking my head, giving her my beseeching gaze…

"Who knows?"

And sighing at the hardness in her voice.

It's not a sigh that makes her come closer, it only serves to make her turn away from me. Grabbing at her vest and pulling it over her head. Not caring that it's now on inside out. "When the hell are you gonna get that we're supposed to be a team B?"

"Will you please just come here? Maybe hear me out for a minute?" She snatches up her pants and I realise that I am going to be the one that goes to her. Pulling the Boston Check snugly around me as I lift myself up. Reaching out a hand as she struggles to right the inside outness of one of her pant legs. "Stop."

She doesn't.

"Faith?" My fingers hover above the skin of her shoulder, dipping down softly to offer a placating caress, my sorry in a touch. Jumping as she throws the pants down in frustration, as she shakes my hand away and spins to face me.

"Fuck B. After everything we've been through, and you're still cutting me out of the loop… man, I hate that shit. What the hell am I `sposed to do with that?!"

Keeping calm would be appreciated.

"I didn't cut you out of any loop. There was no loop. Is no loop…"

"Well it damn sure feels like it from the outside."

I watch as the anger dissipates from her stance. As it turns into a deep sigh, a lost look that pulls at all of my heart strings. "So who knows?"

"Come back to bed?"

"You can't just tell me, I need to lay down to hear it?"

She speaks in a joking tone that doesn't make her smile. Still clinging onto the face full of hurt.

"Just come and sit down. Please?"

And luckily my imploring abilities have heightened in the last few minutes, because now she does do as I ask. Waiting for me to move and then joining me in finding a seat. Cross legged. Nearly naked. And facing me. Just perfect for keeping my thoughts in order. Really. Just perfect.

"I'm sitting B, so what's the what?"

Right. The what. My eyes dipping. My tongue sticking. The roof of my mouth as dry and parched as any dessert.

"Buffy…"

"Right. Okay. The what."

"Yeah. What is it?"

I tear my eyes up from where they have fallen, noting with a private smile the smirk that sits on her face. Letting me know that she knows where my gaze was centred, letting me know that even though she is pissed right now, she still wants my eyes on her. Still wants me wanting her. It's another given.

"First of all Faith, there really is no loop. No secret Scooby meets, no covert group pow-wows… nobody knows, we haven't told anybody."

"Well what about Giles? Angel..?"

"No Faith. Nobody."

She nods silently as I speak and again I'm so glad that I didn't seek to confide in Angel. Not so glad I didn't seek to confide in Faith.

"So why the big deal, why didn't you just tell me?"

"I don't know. Everything was happening so fast and I just couldn't get my head around it." The bed moves beneath me as she shifts in her seat, relaxing her posture, leaning back on her elbows. "Tara was worried I'd want to do the spell, I was worried I wanted to do the spell…"

"They can really do it?"

"Yeah. Crazy right?"

"Fucked up, more like."

I wait till she stops shaking her head and then continue on. "After Kennedy… after she… 'disposed' of Quentin, then I guessed it wasn't even an issue anymore… I agreed with Will not to say anything…"

"Why not?"

I think back over the reasons that sounded so valid at the time.

"It's too much Faith. She's only just getting control of her magic, she doesn't want to think about the power she has… she doesn't want everyone else thinking about it, the things that she's capable of doing."

A wry chuckle falls from her lips. A hand rising from behind her to fuss about her hair. "I can understand that. It's hard when people know how dangerous you can be."

"Exactly. She doesn't want to deal with that, she doesn't want anyone else making her deal with it."

"It IS messed up powerful. The power to change destiny…"

I give her the moment to take it all in. Watch all the wonderment as it crosses her features. The knowledge of exactly what our shy little red head is capable of achieving. It's mind boggling. Totally.

When she focuses on me again her eyes are soft, but still questioning. Knowing perhaps that what I had told her isn't all that there is to tell. "I don't get why you couldn't tell me though, you don't think I can keep a secret?"

"Of course I do. I just…"

…I just can't bear the thought of telling you how selfish I am. How I lay awake each night wishing that I could make the choice to create the army. To take my duty and offload it onto a thousand girls just as able as me…

"Hey."

"Sorry…"

"Buffy?"

Her concern returning a thousand fold.

"I've been having these dreams Faith, these visions… I don't know…"

"Dreams? Like slayer dreams?"

"Exactly like slayer dreams."

"Damn… another apocalypse?"

It makes me almost giggle. Even through the teary eyed pain of the moment it makes me giggle. An apocalypse would be so much easier to deal with. So much less heart breaking.

"No Faith. The opposite, the complete opposite."

And I think her confusion just returned a million fold. I'm good at this. The confusing.

"I think I get why you wanted me to lay down." As she says it, she unwraps her legs from their lotus like position and lays them out in front of her, either side of me. Her shoulders falling to rest on the bed. "Jeez B, could you make less sense?"

Probably. Definitely.

I try and tear my eyes away from the 'what' again, much harder now that she is laid out before me. Practically offering herself to me. "Sense isn't one of my strong points."

She laughs as she brings herself up again, not re-crossing her legs, but sitting up to face me. "Yeah, I get that. So what's the deal with the dreams if they're not all hairy and scary..?"

"They're perfect Faith. They're…" I try and think how to describe it and there is only one way I know, only one thing that compares. "… they're like heaven."

My voice falls on the final word, my head falling too.

"I don't get it… heaven? Like when you were dead, heaven?"

"Not dead Faith, believe me, I am so over wanting to be dead again."

"That's cool."

And she has me lifting my head. Smiling at her words.

"Very cool." A smile that she finds too. "But they're like heaven… so peaceful, so warm… so full of love."

"And that's bad?"

I feel my brow furrowing, a frown appearing that tries to figure my thoughts. "No, not bad… maybe sad? Yeah… sad."

"Okay. So… we have heaven like dreams that are sad, that have got something to do with Red being all hot with the mojo, and a whole army of slay girls. Right?"

"See, I do make sense!"

"No, I just get your weirdness. I'm still not getting the point though… why are good dreams sad, and what the heck has any of it got to do with Red?"

In actual fact, I think that she has made more sense of it than me so far. I try and draw a breath big enough to get it all out. Interrupted before I can speak…

"Oh! Wait… you've been having the down and dirty dreams about Willow, haven't you?! Fuck B… no wonder ya didn't wanna tell me… damn."

"Idiot."

"I'm onto you girl, ya can't hide it."

My hand finds hers in front of me without thinking. A gentle squeeze urging me to continue even while she makes fun of me.

"The dreams ARE slayer dreams Faith, and they show me every single thing that I want, all that I could ever want… that's why they're so sad. Having to wake up, having to know that it can't ever be. It hurts."

"It hurts?" Her thumb is rubbing softly in the palm of my hand. Lulling me into a sense of comfort. "What's in the dreams B, what do you want so bad?"

"You."

"Me?"

Her bewildered look is so endearing. "I thought you already had me. Did I miss something?"

"No, I definitely have you. But there was more, so much more. So much less. Just us… nothing else, no world, no duty, no killing. No death. Just us Faith. Peace and comfort and us."

"Sounds kinda nice."

"It's perfect."

The corners of her mouth are set in smiling, obviously pleased with everything I could ever want. Maybe not understanding what that has to do with anything. "How does Red tie in though, and the potentials? Don't tell me they were there too?"

"No. Like I said, just us." The reassuring tickle in my palm becomes more like a solid pressure, rubbing intently, massaging. Making my blood run faster. "I had the dream first, right before Tara told me about the spell, before Quentin told me… I just dismissed it as something that could never be… just a fantasy."

"Nice fantasy. Maybe you should tell me a few more." Her tone regains the huskiness of when she had first woken, her character ensuring that nothing could ever get too sad.

"Maybe later Faith. We can swap…"

Her hand tightens around mine and pulls me nearer, leaning dangerously close to falling on top of her, my mouth yielding as I feel her lips against mine. A gentle probing kiss. A wanting moan rising up from the depths of my stomach.

"I'm gonna hold you to that B, you know that right?"

"You better do."

"I will do."

Her eyes guarantee the fact to me. "But now back to the dreaming… where's Red come into it?"

"I guess the fact that she could make it happen. The power to change destiny… MY destiny. It all seemed so perfect… the PTB sent me the dream and then Tara tells me it can happen… I've never been one for coincidences."

"I'm not a big believer either B… maybe you are on to something? Maybe it does mean something…"

I'm surprised by how she is reacting. I expected shouts of selfish. Admonishment for ever thinking that way. "You don't think I'm bad?"

"Huh… bad?"

"For thinking like that… for wanting an army of slayers, for wanting to change so many girls' lives…"

"You think that you're bad for wanting a rest, for wanting a break from all this shit? You don't think I want that… you don't think it's all I could ever ask for too?"

"It is?" I don't know. I hadn't imagined that peace was something Faith would ever crave. I know that she craves me, her lingering look of heat from just seconds ago assures me of that, but that she craves peace with me, that she could want that too..?

"Course it is. I hate having to always put us second. To put you second. I wanna be free to just love you Buffy… forget redemption and balancing scales, forget duty… sometimes I just want you. All the time, I just want you."

And never have I ever felt so loved. Never.

"Do you know how much I love you Faith?"

"Yeah. I know."

She pulls her hand away from mine and stretches her arms back above her head. The inside-out vest riding up over her ribs, exposing her stomach, drawing my eyes. I think maybe I purr, but it's covered by the sound of her stifled yawn.

"Tired baby?"

"Something like that." Her legs pull up beside me, knees bent, somewhere to rest her head. "I can't believe you didn't tell me any of this."

"Maybe I thought you'd think I was silly… that the dream was dumb, that I shouldn't get upset by it…"

"Well, you shouldn't."

"See, I knew you wouldn't understand." Her rolling eyes make me smile again.

"Serious B, why let it upset you? So we can't have it in real time, I say make the most of it when you're sleeping. It's gotta beat the nightmares."

"Maybe. Still hurts though… still makes me wonder if we should do the spell. Should spread the burden."

"Not a chance."

"I know." I let out a rueful little laugh. "I won't do it, would never make Wills do it… I know how wrong it is. Doesn't stop me wanting though."

And it's a sad smile that sits on her face now, a wistful smile. A little shrug of the shoulders that tells me she doesn't have an answer, no solution. Our duty is still our duty.

"I hope you never stop wanting it B. I know I won't."

She effortlessly changes the tone again. Banishing my sadness as easy as she banishes the night time baddies. Turned to dust. Just like that. Her body shifting, leaning forwards, her eyes telegraphing her intentions to touch me.

"So you're not mad?"

I break the moment to ask. To check.

"Do I look mad?"

"Not now so much, earlier… maybe."

"I was pissed. Short fuse syndrome." Her hands have come to rest either side of my hips, her weight held on her knees, pausing just in front of me. "I'm over it now."

"Were you really gonna leave?"

"What do you think?"

"No."

She grins at my answer. "Besides, I have a way you can make it up to me."

And I can guess where I will be starting. I play the game though. I want to.

"You do? But I thought you weren't mad?"

"I'm a little bit burnt… it bugs me that ya didn't talk to me…"

Her eyes do not move from mine, do not change expression. Her lips speaking words that my head barely hears. It's too busy catching the meaning in her stare, answering the request that she makes without words…

"Faith..?"

The breath catching in my throat as she leans the last inches forwards, a hand sliding up to cup the back of my head, to bring my lips close enough to dance along hers. So soft, almost gliding, so faint is the touch. "I want you B… I want you…"

My mouth opening to answer, only giving entrance to her tongue. So deliciously hot. The strength held within her kiss pushing me back into the bed, my legs opening beneath the sheet to give access to her body.

"I'm yours." And it's all I can find to say before she carries me up and away with her, hands frantic as they wrap in my hair, hips more so as she grinds her way down into me.

I hear whispered words of baby as her mouth opens to claim my neck, her heated tongue now drawing out a path which tickles at my ear, which travels across my collar bone to the top of the sheet, grunting when her progress is halted.

"Too much sheet."

I laugh as she speaks, her eyes looking frustrated, yet her hips still grinding me down as her prisoner. Unable to move, unable to remove the barrier. "Shift and we'll lift it."

My words making her sit herself up, her legs either side of me ensuring that I still keep my place. And me just wishing that she'd hurry the hell up. I want to feel her against me. I need to.

I go to move with her, straining to sit. Letting out another small laugh as she pushes me back down, catches the edge of the sheet and begins to peel it away. "You stay right there B, I think I can handle this…"

"You sure?"

I feel the air as it hits my breasts, skin instantly puckering, watch her eyes as they focus their attention. "I'm sure."

And it's my cue to give up control. She can handle this.

I sigh softly as her weight moves above me, her hips sliding against me as she lowers her head to take my flesh between her lips, my nipple hardening more as her tongue makes gentle flicks across it's tautness. I can feel my heart quickening, pounding out a beat that I seek to match with my own hips, my silent demands becoming instantly more urgent.

"Slow down B, I wanna take my time."

Just my luck when I want her so now. Reconsidering already the loss of control. And finally remembering that I have hands… that I have ways of getting what I want.

She's so into lavishing attention on me, that she doesn't even know that I'm moving until my palms come to rest against her back, beneath the edge of her vest and rising fast. Urging that her top comes with me, uncovers all of her to me.

"B..?" Her arms lift to help, but she still asks.

"I'm not taking my time Faith." Using all of my power to pull her back down against me, the momentum of my actions having her rolling underneath me. Changing positions, putting me on top. "There, that's better."

The sheet has fallen totally away and she seems happy just to lay below and admire the view, her fingers taking a slow tormenting walk up each of my sides, making me shiver. Making me gasp.

"So what ya gonna do now B..?"

"Hmm. I was thinking, maybe… this."

I raise my ass a little and drag the cover completely away, leaving me naked, touching her nakedness. Already beginning to slide myself against her. Little touches designed to have her wanting more.

"Fuck."

My hips moving in tight circles as my pussy shoots sparks right through my body. A sweat building between my shoulder blades, looking to mark a path down my back. Her hands using their strength to pull me closer, breasts crushing down onto hers as she invades my mouth with a kiss steeped in passion, her tongue filling me, my mind swirling with the headiness of her actions. I can feel the tension building already, the rigidity that sets my muscles on fire, screaming for more, for harder…

"Faith, baby…" My words losing themselves in endless kisses, but demanding to be heard. Repeating until she listens, her lips finding a place by my ear… breathing out to me…

"God B, you feel so good… so fucking good…"

My fingers wrap tight in her hair, trying to transfer my depth of longing to her, my urgency. Groaning as she catches my need, her hand moving to find a space between our bodies, rolling slightly to make an angle, an entrance. Practically screaming as she strokes her fingers hard across my clit, sliding down to push herself deep inside my aching pussy.

"Oh god."

And I mean it. Nothing feeling as much as this. Nothing ever feeling as much as this.

My hips fall easily into her rhythm, rising fast to meet her, my insides clenching every time on the down stroke, praying that she doesn't remove herself, doesn't tease me into begging out my desire.

"Touch me B."

And at first I don't hear. Not sure if I have heard, only sure as she moves herself to make it easier… my hand sliding down by its own volition. The need to have her just as strong as the need to be had.

My thoughts scatter as we touch this way. Losing everything except the sounds of our bodies as deft fingers keep up the steady fucking, the sound of our breaths as they break the early morning silence, the determination present in each of our touches to reach that somewhere sacred.

"Fuck B… I'm gonna come… oh fuck…" The desperation in her voice, the matching tone of mine as I assure her I'm right here with her. My mouth seeking hers to keep it as hushed as I can, losing the sense to care as my body surges with enough energy to fuel a thousand forest fires. It's all happening. Her fingers still slamming inside of me, curling up to stroke that special spot, the one which brings screams no matter the time of day.

"Oh god…" Over and over.

My spare hand clawing hard at her shoulder, my tongue crashing firm against her teeth. Trying to find sense, but losing everything. Just knowing that I'm kissing her, touching her. Lost in her.

It's like a thousand crashing waves wash over me as I lose the battle to hang on, to make it last just one second longer. Riding her hand as she rides mine, lips searching and finding again. Bringing us down within the safety of this touch.

"Holy fuck."

Her words like little whispers of panting breath as she speaks them into my ear.

"Heavenly."

Making her chuckle. Her body sliding against mine as she positions herself tight against my centre again, pulling me down on top of her. "Better than a dream?"

"Better than anything."

And I mean it.

Knowing that she wants the same as me, that her fantasies are just as vivid… it makes me hurt less not to have it. It's still there, wistful desire, but right here I have answered desire. It counts for so much more. It doesn't hurt at all.

I kiss her lips for a final time before I roll off of her, reaching down to retrieve the twisted sheets to stop her body from cooling in the now morning air. Tucking them around her and then tucking myself around her.

"You feel sleepy?"

"Nope. Kinda energised."

I laugh at the yawn which comes right after she says it. Snuggling a little closer. Just relaxing to the sounds of her steadying heartbeat.

"I love you." And smiling on my own stifled yawn as she speaks her words.

I may not have much of the night left to sleep. Barely even an hour, if I'm lucky I'll get two. But at least I feel as if I CAN sleep now. As if the dreams that torment me won't be so bad. Won't hurt so much. I'll make the most of them. Revel in them. And when I awake in Faith's arms, just for those first few moments, I'll assure myself that I'm living them.

Peace and comfort and Faith? I have them right here.

*****

POV Faith.

I push her further back into the counter as my tongue devours the soft flesh at the base of her neck. My hunger fuelled by the slight whimpers that are slipping from her lips, the way that her hands are wrapping so fucking tight in my hair, clawing at my scalp.

It's been like this for two days now, this constant need to be touching. Her eyes desperate every time that she looks at me, demanding that I give to her, pleading that I be with her. I don't know what it is… I think maybe the dream thing. The way that she is taunted each night by the things she can't have, making her cling even tighter to the things that she can. Maybe it's simply the fuck- ability of me. That's definitely possible too. Either way I'm not complaining.

No. I'm sliding my hand down from her back to grasp firm at her ass, dropping my voice somewhere close to sultry as I ask her, "Do you want this B, do you want me?"

Crashing my mouth against hers as the hands on my head drag me closer again. Revelling in the urgency of it. Her tongue as it wraps itself firm around mine, her body as it moulds itself to the heat of my skin.

I work my fingers steadily to the button on her pants, popping her fly, sliding the calloused pads of fingertips along the delicacy of lace underwear. The unmistakable sensation as my own underwear feels tighter at the touch. "Shit B…"

My other hand wrapping one of her legs tight around my hips, slamming the seam of my jeans hard into the junction of her thighs… feeling how wet she is, my fingers sliding inside of panties…

"Holy cow! Do you guys ever quit?"

What? Quit?

The sound of Red's questioning has B pulling fast away from me, nowhere to go except the hard edges of the counter top, my hand still holding firm against the swell of her pussy. Easy circles still traced with a fingertip…

"Oh god… stop."

Her mouth making sounds, yet her body disagreeing. Hips jutting forwards asking for more. Ignoring Red just as easily as I am…

"Okay… so that would be a 'no'. No quitting. And I can see why… that's a pretty big case of the sexy you've got going there. What do YOU think Xander?"

"Uh… water…"

And I think the sound of Xander is not so easy to ignore. Her hands finally breaking from my hair to threaten at breaking my arm. Practically twisting my wrist to get me to ease off. To remove my hand and give her back a small stab at dignity.

"Aww, Buffy… you look so cute when you're flushed."

"Wills, I… we, you see…"

"Uh-huh. I certainly saw. Again." I turn my head to throw her a wink. There's people out there that would pay for this show. She got the freebie. She's a lucky girl. "And really… do you EVER stop?"

"Water..?"

Xander's bemused look and quiet question save me from answering. Instead, just watching as he drinks straight from the tap, gallons of cooling liquid pouring down his throat…

"You okay there Xan, feeling a little thirsty?"

Buffy pinches my arm as I speak, almost as if she expects me not to tease him about what he just saw. Uh-huh. Yeah. As if. Directing embarrassment away from us, to throw at him, is a much better option than just standing around looking all flushed and flustered.

Although… B does look kinda hot with the flushing. Her skin still sparkling with an urgent sheen, all that unabated horniness…

"What!?" I ask in an injured tone. "I only asked if he was thirsty. Man, I didn't even mention anything about whether he enjoyed the show…"

And that was more like a punch than a pinch.

"Look, guys… Buff…" Xander wipes his mouth, maybe the water, maybe the drool, and then turns himself to face us. "I… I didn't see anything. I don't want to see anything… I just announced my wedding date, I REALLY don't need to see anything…"

Ahhh. I get it. He doesn't want Anya to know that he sneaked a peek. Or that he got hit full in the face with a peek. Either way she wouldn't like it. It's making him squirm a little. Edge back towards the doorway.

"…we'll just forget this. We're going now anyway…"

He stops and looks confused. Not sure if he should approach us for a hugged goodbye. Maybe he wants to shake hands?

"…uh, the party was great. Really great party, really great…"

"Fucking?"

And you know I can't help it.

The guys a fricking puddle of goo on the floor, and damn, I want the respect where the respect is deserved. It WAS really great fucking. It always is.

I prepare myself for the pinches and punches, fixing the smirk to my features as I turn to face B. Wondering why the hell her mouth is stuck in a perfect 'O'.

"Who's fucking?"

Oh.

"An… honey…"

This should be interesting.

"What's going on Xander?"

Her look flits across each of us. Red turning red. B still stuck on the 'O'. And me. Yep. Still smirking.

"Nothing! Nothing is going on…" Xander's eyes spin to me. Back to Anya. "…Faith was just saying how late it is…"

"She said 'fucking'. What has 'fucking' got to do with late?"

"It's… she…"

"It's really fucking late." I decide to rescue him. Shower Anya with my sugar sweet smile. "Just stating it like it is."

And is she buying it?

I follow her suspicious gaze as it silently questions the room. Red nodding like a rocker in a mosh pit. Buffy wading in with some super sized babble;

"Yep! Boy is it late… would you look at that?" Actually turning to point at the clock. "…wow, half past ten. Err… I guess you should get going?"

Half past ten, huh? Sheesh. Way past my bed time.

It's hard not to crack as Anya keeps up the inquisition with her eyes. Buffy's pinch holding tight on my arm again, my gaze no longer daring to glance up and meet Red's.

"Yes Buffy. It IS late. Some of us have jobs to go in the morning. An economy to support, import taxes to be exploited…" She walks forward and latches onto Xander's arm, reaches up to plant a small kiss by his ear. "…a wedding to pay for."

Diversion complete.

I rub my arm as B releases her hold, my look promising her that there will be payback, her look maybe suggesting that she has some hard hits heading my way instead. And what did I do? I saved the sitch didn't I?

She doesn't return the wink as I leave her side, ambling up to the wedding planners to wish a fond farewell. My eyes locking into the man of the moment. Making a show of holding out my hand to offer warm congratulations. "Xander, buddy… serious dude, congrats on the date setting." And he doesn't know what to do. His eyes flitting between my hand and my stare. Maybe my shit eating grin.

"I… uh…"

"Oh for gods sake!" His girl grabbing the offending limb and shaking like all ex-demons should. Kinda hard. "Can we leave now?"

I swear I can't hold it in. Red is snorting the laughter out at my side, obviously finding the fun in Anya grabbing the hand. And really, I'm done for. My own chuckles quickly becoming full on laughter as even Buffy lets go off the pissed in favour of a smile…

"What..?! Why's that funny? Xander!"

She releases my hand and swipes his arm hard, only succeeding in bringing more of the howling. Grabbing his shirt and dragging him through the door. "I don't get you people. Really, I try…" Her words only fuelling the funfest in the kitchen. "…and you keep saying that MY friends are weird…"

I wait until I hear the front door close, clutching my sides to stop the crazed laughter.

"Fuck that was funny."

"You're bad Faith."

"Ah, come on Red?" I motion my hands to highlight her humour. Her own clenching of tummy muscles. "Admit it, I'm funny."

She smiles again… face twitching as she tries to hide it. Finally giving it up, cheeks flushing… "Fucking funny?"

And shit. I can't stop this time. B's whispers of 'oh god' just fanning the flames. My body doubling as I lose myself in the hysterical. Gasping to find a breath. Trying even harder as Tara comes into view, her face wearing a puzzled smile, her eyes all curious.

"Did I miss something? Is there more party… did everyone come back?"

Her gaze stopping on her girlfriend, waiting for answers.

"No baby. No more party… no one came…"

"Right! Wills…" My stomach feels like it's cramping as I turn to catch Buffy struggling to sneakily re-button her pants, and at the same time stop anymore jokes and teasing from being directed her way. "…I have to go, uh, patrol! Gotta keep those night time nasties all under control…" She meets my eyes. "Faith?"

"Huh?"

"Patrol?"

"Oh. Yeah… sure. Patrol."

I didn't have plans to patrol. We did a little sweep earlier before the LA bound came to say goodbye. A final chance for the three slayers to kick some ass together. I don't see that anything would be brave or stupid enough to still be out there. I don't say nothing though… Buffy looks as though she might throttle me if I do. Not sexy.

Tara takes the moment to speak up again, her voice maybe tinged with disappointment that she won`t be getting the low down. "So I'm not gonna get to hear what all the laughter was for?"

"It was nothing sweetie. We just caught these two at it on the counter… Xander was traumatised, it was funny."

"At it? On the counter?"

I watch her soft eyes as they travel to Buffy's position, noting the quiet respect, the little raise of eyebrow. "You really ARE embracing the girly loving, aren't you?"

And damn if everyone doesn't just think they're a freaking comedian. Her little raise of eyebrow now turning into a full on suggestive wink. Making Willow giggle as she comes to join her girl.

As for my girl, she just looks happy. Forget the mock mortification, the little embarrassed flush of the cheeks… just look at her eyes. See the shine. The sparkle. She's happy. It makes me happy.

"Hey, B?" I draw her attention with an almost silent whisper. "You wanna go?"

Her shine encompassing me as she nods her head yes. "Guys, do you mind?"

"What? No way. You go fight the beasties, me and Tara will watch Dawn."

"Thank you."

Red just shrugs her shoulders, joins Tara in making some hot chocolate. Getting out three mugs, going to the cupboard for some animal cookies. "No worries. Now go." She starts to usher us out of the back door, standing and watching as we walk out into the darkness. "Be careful."

"You got it."

I chuck back a wave and then centre my gaze in front of me. Ignoring the slip of hand that's covering my ass, massaging me gently through the seam of my pants. Just walking, head down. Waiting for her to speak.

"You know Faith, that was kind of mean in there…"

And here we go, the necessary telling off for the bad girl.

"Yeah. Sorry bout that."

My routine response.

"Just sorry..?"

And I think I fucking whelp as her fingers find a soft spot. My insides involuntarily clenching, my step slightly faltering. "Jeez B, what you trying to do?"

Making her the one who is laughing now. Pulling her hands away and settling for a slap on my ass instead. A sharp crack filling the peaceful night air.

"What you did to me." I know I look confused. "Earlier… the kitchen… god, do you know how horny I was?"

I remember the silky feel of the wetness hidden inside of her panties, her urgent whimpers into my ear… "A little bit?"

"A real big bit!" She shakes her head, releases some tension by taking out her stake to twirl. Tossing it up and catching, spinning it in her palm. "And having to stop… listening to you guys… just wanting to touch you…"

Her eyes are fixed on her stake as she speaks, following its arc up into the air and down again, a repetitive motion, her lips held in open suspension as she forgets to make words.

"B..?" I question her as I reach out to catch the stake. My grasp getting there just before hers, making her jump as our fingers make contact. "You okay?"

And I have to ask. Just a moment ago she was sparkling and now she is… spazzing?

"No… no, I'm not."

"You're not?" And now what is it? I slow my heart rate, look for the peace inside that allows concentration. An awareness of my surroundings. Searching out anything that could be affecting my girl's sparkle ratio. "What is it?"

I turn my eyes back to her and catch her staring. A huge fucking smile mocking my concern, her face crumbling into all sorts of happiness. "Nothing you dope! I'm just concerned at my hornies… I'm turning into a hussy!"

"That's it?"

And I can look happy too. I know that I do.

"It's a big thing. One minute I'm all focused on the day, focused on making popcorn, and then the next I'm getting my ticket punched up against the counter in the kitchen. It's… crazy…"

"It's hot as hell."

I'm being honest.

Her eyes look to be contemplating for a second or two, her fingers slipping to slide between mine, holding a little tighter than needed. "Hmmm, yeah. I didn't enjoy the free for all afterwards though. And I don't think Xander's ever gonna be able to look me in the eyes again…"

"He'll get over it."

"Hopefully before the wedding."

She swings our hands between us as we walk, her other hand still doing little baton like twists with her stake. Talking nonsense, talking about nothing. About friends getting hitched, about friends leaving for LA. Just hashing over all the stuff that's happened, that's still gonna be happening.

And I was right about the happy. It's probably why she's so horny. All those endorphins flooding the system. I just know that this isn't the Buffy I found when I first made my bitter return to Sunnydale. Nowhere close. Not even a sniff of that girl remaining. This is the Buffy that I first fell in love with. The shining eyes, the easy smile. The ditzy mind that trips from one subject onto the next without thought for pausing.

She's better.

I smile like I've never smiled before as I realise it. Heart soaring. Fucking flying. All those weeks where I wanted nothing more than to make her better. To make her happy. And here it happened without me even noticing the passing of the sad. Too lost in crisis after crisis. In thoughts of duty and danger, disaster and death.

It makes me stop walking, maybe holding onto her hand tighter now, getting her to turn and stop, her eyebrows arching in question.

"I love you B, I so fucking love you."

I think I'm kinda laughing and shaking my head all at once. Spun for a loop and loving the sensation. Feeling better too. Feeling perfect. Her lips finding their place against mine, just the sweetest of small kisses, a whisper of she knows. She loves me too.

She takes my hand, kisses my knuckles, and swings it back down between us. Leading me into the night, into another cemetery. Meeting our destiny head on.

CHAPTER 45.

POV Faith

She's doing those fancy moves with her stake again. Executing perfect little flips and catches, her nimble fingers making the wood twirl effortlessly in her palm. It's cool to watch. I mean, I can do that shit too, of course I can… but when she's doing it, it just looks so damn graceful. With me it's more like an intimidation thing; I show off some skills and the beasties decide if they fancy their chances.

Buffy looks nothing like intimidation.

I switch my gaze from her fingers to her face, catch the other world stare that I know will sit there. Letting a sexy little smile find my own face and then looking to engage her. That's the other thing with her twirly, whirly exhibition of ambidextrous expertise ya see… it means she's thinking. Not necessarily bad thoughts, but usually the deep kind. The frownful kind. And the best way to re-route the direction of her brain is to flash her the sexy. She can't resist me when I'm doing sexy. Not many can.

"You know you're kinda cute when you frown?"

I watch as the frown dips deeper for a second and then softens out around the edges, her eyes catching mine before they travel the way that I wanted them too. My chosen route. Just the quickest pass. Taking it all in and then returning my gaze.

"I am?"

"Damn right you are." A small smile tugs at her lips and I aim to take it higher. Leaning back a little in my stance and giving her the full once over. A long, slow and very full once over. "You're even kinda cute without the frown. Definitely a nice package."

My eyes remain serious even as hers widen in question. "A 'nice' package?"

"Definitely."

"Gee Faith, you sure know how to compliment a girl."

I let her sarcasm wash over me, not looking to return it, just shooting her a wink. An easy shrug of the shoulders. "Yeah, it's a thing. I'm good at it."

"You're an ass."

"I have a good ass."

"Hmmm." Her hand slides her stake back into the rim of her pants, comes to settle on her chin as if she is contemplating, considering… "I'd say 'nice' ass."

And I can contemplate too. Can stand and mock her pose, can slide my tongue into cheek and consider my words. "Yeah? You love it."

Daring her to disagree. To lower my ass to a realm other than heavenly. Knowing that she can't. That even her babble riddled brain can't form a sentence that could deny any of her love for me.

"There is love." She walks a little closer, just the one step needed to deliver her into my space. Her hand sliding down to reacquaint itself with the contours and angles, with the swell that sits ripe and tight in my jeans. A firm grasp of solid muscle, a cooing noise of approval. "In fact, I think that you have the perfect ass…"

My ears pricking at the teasing tone that laces her words. My eyes barely seeing the movement before it has passed. Her body twirling as fast as her stake, my hands not quick enough to catch her foot before it lands on the seat of my pants.

And oh yes. Her laughter.

"What the hell was that for?"

I wait until she has put a lid on the giggling, the snorts that still sneak out from behind the hands that cover her mouth. "I'm sorry Faith, really, it's just your ass…"

She points to the injured party.

"It IS perfect." My arms crossing in front of my chest as I wait for the punch line. "The perfect ass for kicking!"

And come on? That was lame. Or my ass is lame. She has one hell of a kick.

"Am I meant to be impressed by that?"

"A little bit. I'd say the speed was impressive… definite improvement in my surprise tactics…" Her eyes animate as she breaks into a rapid fire monologue. "…and I KNEW that you'd be regretting the speed training; 'Oh B, I'm soooo much quicker than you', 'You call THAT fast? I could die a slow death quicker than you can throw a punch', well HA! Time to taste the humble pie, girlfriend!"

The hand on hips pose is kinda cute too. I don't say that though, I'm much too busy agreeing with her words. Silently. When she had first asked me to share the style that Angel had taught me, I readily agreed. Having extra speed is always a good thing. But I had also mocked her all through the training. I couldn't help myself. Goading her into pushing that much harder, teaching her muscles to give all of the effort that is locked up inside. And now my ass is paying the price. Payback's a bitch. But then, so am I.

I affix the grin to my face that the situation deserves. "Does humble come in cherry flavour? Cos ya know I love the cherry pie, B."

Re-routing again. Directing her eyes with the tip of my tongue. A slow moistening of lips…

"God I'm hungry."

"I bet you are." Dropping my voice down to husky. Inviting her in.

"No, seriously. I'm starving Faith. You wanna go get something to eat?"

And just who the hell is directing this conversation!?

I think I'm sighing. A sigh to mark the passing of my feminine wiles. I'm also stretching though. Bringing my arms up over my head, just working the kinks out. Not ready to give it up.

"What ya hungry for B?"

"Pizza. A couple of side-orders."

And I give up. Another sigh. "I think I might skip out. I don't wanna be too late, the old guy will only start worrying."

"You have to stop calling Giles old. He's starting to get a complex."

"Okay. The 'ancient' guy will only start worrying. Better?"

"Possibly not."

She turns and starts to head out of the cemetery, not a single kill under our belts. The spell the witches have done certainly seeming to ensure that the wedding really will pass without a hitch. Or only with the right kind of hitching.

"So what do ya say B? You okay with getting something alone?"

"Yay, a booth for one."

Her direction stays in front of me, not turning to deliver her words. My eyes catching her stake as it flits up into the air again. And I think I kind of guessed the reason for her twirling and whirling display. Now I know that I did.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

I follow HER perfect ass through the gates of the cemetery, back out onto the street, just a few steps away from civilisation. Lengthening my stride to catch up to her, my hand reaching out to rest on her shoulder. Slowing her progress.

"You're still pissed about tonight?"

"I'm not pissed. There is no pissing. I just…" She screws her face up into a funny little look of distaste. "…I don't like it!"

"Come on, we talked about this already. It makes sense."

"That depends on your definition of sense Faith."

She could have me there. It's not like her definition of sense is anything close to normal. I lay out the reasons again, just in case she forgot. "Look, you're with the girls tomorrow… you got that bridesmaid gig, I got the guy's side. If I stay with you then we're both gonna be late in the morning…"

"I can set the alarm."

"That never works B."

Her eyes roll off and I know that she knows it. Me and her in a bed together means lateness. Also hotness and a whole lot of horny. But definitely lateness.

Her feet start taking small steps in the direction of food. Waiting for me to walk with her, still listening to the reasons that I'm intent on laying out.

"The guys are getting in from LA before sunrise and you know I wanna be there to meet them… Angel's gonna love what we did with the office space. I need to see that first hand."

"I don't really like all this sense making."

"Plus, Cordy's all take charge girl with my outfit…"

"Okay, okay. I get it. You're abandoning me and I can't talk you out of it. We could still get pizza though…"

I know the time without needing a watch. I know that I haven't got a lot of hours to seek sleep before I need to be up again to greet the guests. And where is the point in knocking myself out to look drop dead gorgeous, if I get no sleep and just end up looking drop dead?

No point. It seals the deal.

"I can't." It makes her shoulders drop. "I'll see you tomorrow though. There's that wedding thing, remember? Bright and early… just a few hours from now?"

"Do you think Anya made it an early wedding on purpose, like a conspiracy to stop us from sleeping together?"

Err. No.

"Actually, I think it's cos she said her breasts look perkier in the morning."

She really did.

I watch B's lips form the perfect petulant pout. Opening to speak and then shutting as the silence is broken by the ringing of her cell phone.

"Hello?"

Turning her back to me to carry on the conversation.

"Oh hey Wills, what's up?"

Perking up her voice.

"How long? I don't know… not long, long. Is everyone sleeping yet?"

I settle back against a handily placed sign post. Trying to figure out Willow's words from Buffy's.

"You did? Is that safe?" Not having a chance.

I let my ears tune out for the moment. Still half listening but not paying attention. My mind wandering without any real purpose. Instantly alert again as Buffy's voice drops somewhere close to conspiring.

"No… she didn't."

Who didn't?

"I tried that, not even food knocked her from her path."

I smile wide as she turns back to facing me. Her eyes running slowly down my body as she carries on speaking into the phone.

"Hmmm… that could maybe work. I don't think knocking her out and throwing her across my shoulder is really responsible behaviour though. What if I got caught?"

And what darn planet do these two come from?

"Yeah… we have friends in the police force now, but I say it's better to keep them that way. Getting arrested is no fun."

She can see my grin and she matches it. Making final comments into the handset and clicking it closed. Coming to stand beside me.

"That was Wills, she thinks I need to knock you out to get you to stay with me. Would it work?"

And she spoke to Red about it? It upsets her that much?

"You really don't want me to go?"

"Are you crazy?"

Sometimes.

"Not lately. I don't think so."

"Well you are if you don't get just how much I don't want you to go." Her fingers are soft as they slide between mine, her body facing me, close enough to feel. "It feels all lonely. Like you're leaving me."

"You know that's never gonna happen. Even I'm not that crazy."

"But…"

I cut her off before she gets there. My resolve weakening all too fast. My determination doubling. "Look, we have plans. Stuff that needs to get done, people that we can't let down. It's not about leaving you, you know I wouldn't choose not to be with you if there was another option…"

"And it's only one night."

She finishes the sentence for me. Already knowing exactly what I was going to say.

"It's only one night. And just think how nice tomorrow night is gonna be."

I try and resurrect the feminine wiles to get her smiling again. My shoulders pulling back, my pose being struck…

"Tomorrow…" She whispers it as her eyes follow the trails that my fingers are taking. Nothing too obvious. Just sliding up under my top to pretend at finding an itch. Hinting at something else.

"You alright there B?"

"Uh-huh." She shakes her head to clear it. More cuteness. "Just having an 'Annie' moment."

"You gonna break into song?"

"Been there, done that. Not so pretty." I feel my insides shiver as her breath blows out across my neck, leaning up to whisper into my ear. "I'm just loving the thought of tomorrow."

Totally whipping me in the wiles stakes. Her own fingers creeping up to fuss at the spot I had been pretending to fuss at. Under my top, dragging slowly across my skin.

"Damn it B. You're good."

She smirks as she pulls back. "I learnt from you Faith, what do you expect?"

"After that, I'm expecting a whole lot."

"Then it's a good job I'm in a position to give it."

Did I say my resolve is weakening? I have no resolve. I have melting. I have goose-bumps that raise in anticipation of her touch. My hips moving forwards as she reaches a hand round to nestle against my ass.

"So what do ya say Faith, you wanna get a pizza?"

"I think I want the side orders."

She works her advantage to the full. Her lips smiling as they reach up to tease mine. Small whispered kisses, promises of everything else that's on offer…

"We could get take out, eat it in bed…" Her tongue hot as it slides against my ear. "…I know you like it when I feed you…"

Holy fuck. Who is this girl?

But I know who she is.

My body melding to hers as she gives up the teasing. Finally filling her kisses with the same heat as her words. Liquid heat. Melt down complete.

Hell yeah. This is the girl who has learnt all of my flicks and switches. Who knows how to turn me on even better than I do. How to drop her voice just right to get me leaning in, how to touch my body just right to have me falling over.

I steady myself now as she slowly pulls back again, my arms going around her waist to keep her close, to keep me upright.

"I think I'm upgrading you from 'nice package' B." My voice is doing its hoarse thing as her eyes are doing the deep and intense.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. That was 'really' nice."

My throat feels raw as her eyes narrow to take the stare even deeper into intensity. "Really nice?"

"Fucking amazing."

And I'm not playing anymore. I only play when I can win, and I know that I have lost this one. I'm like putty in her hands, each attempt at banter, beaten down by her attempts at seduction. She IS fucking amazing and it's only fair to tell her so.

"So you're gonna come home with me?"

"Buffy…" I steel myself for my final stand. The only stand I have left. Taking the smallest step back to make the room to breathe. "…I thought we agreed?"

"There was agreeing? I don't remember agreeing."

"With the 'Annie' thing, and the nice tomorrow thing?"

"That wasn't agreeing, that was considering. I've considered now, and the considerably best thing that you could be considered to do is to come home. It's agreed."

Is my head shaking or nodding? I can't tell through the spinning.

"I never agreed to that B… I was still being responsible. Admittedly I was swayed for a moment, the side orders were tempting…"

I yelp as she slaps me on the ass.

"What? They WERE tempting!"

"So that's it. You're staying out?"

"That's it."

Her body moves further away from me, giving us both a little distance. Maybe finally accepting that I do wanna stick to the plan. I really do wanna look drop dead gorgeous tomorrow. Sure, she doesn't know that that's the plan, but it's the main one I'm concentrating on.

I've never played dress ups with B before.

Well… you know. In fancy clothes and stuff.

The closest I ever got was homecoming that one time, and then my intentions were a whole lot different. That time I wanted her to look at me and want me. To see what was kept hidden beneath and taste all of my dark delights. This time… I don't know. It sounds fucking stupid, but I kind of wanna look all… damn. Like pretty and shit.

Not hot. I know I own hot. Not fuckable. I own that too. But maybe beautiful. Cordy assures me that we can do it, that she has the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, the perfect hair style… so yeah. That's the plan.

And that's why I'm sticking to it.

It still makes me frown when she gives me that sad little smile though, still makes me feel just as lonely as her at the thought of spending the night alone.

"Call me when you get in?"

"Sure thing B."

"And then I'll see you at the wedding?"

"I'll be front row centre. There's no way I'm gonna miss seeing you in that sexy little green number…"

"Bitch."

They all tried to get Anya to reconsider the colour scheme. They all failed.

"Yep. Now give me a kiss… something to get me through the night."

She blows it to me across the breeze, laughing at my un-amused face, my pouting lips.

"That`s it, that's all I'm getting?"

"You wanna spend the night away Faith, then you suffer the consequences."

And maybe she is the biggest bitch of all.

I concede the point gracefully though. Catching her kiss and blowing one back. In truth knowing how dangerous it would be to meet her lips for real again. It's safer this way. For the plan.

"Night baby."

"Night B."

Just watching her walk away from me. Backwards. Her working senses allowing her to negotiate obstacles without looking. Keeping those eyes on me.

"Sleep tight."

"You too."

Catching another kiss. Feeling the pull as she pauses at the corner. Wanting nothing more than to go to her.

"Sweet dreams."

The sweetest. Her words echoing in the empty street even as she turns from view. My heartbeat matching her step as I feel her getting further away. The air around me shifting as I'm left all alone.

It's a good plan, but a bad plan.

I can't wait to surprise her by scrubbing up all nice. But this leaving her crap is one hell of a price to pay. Since I moved in officially, I haven't spent a night away. I don't want to. I don't need to. Everything I need is in being with her. Every day beginning and ending in just the right way.

And damn. I really think I am still crazy.

It's a solemn little walk that my feet now begin. Heading off in the direction of the old apartment, Giles' new apartment. Consoling myself with the knowledge that thankfully, tomorrow really IS only a day away.

*****

I sweep my eyes around the room and try to imagine what it would be like to view this all for the first time. Wondering whether it's gonna be up to scratch. If Angel will find the same pride in the surroundings that I have found here. I know that I hope he does. It's just all so different than when we first rented it, a dilapidated building which smelt strangely like boiled cabbage and lemons, now turned into the Sunnydale headquarters for Angel Investigations.

And check me out, all up in the world.

It means so much for me to have Angel's approval. He gave me this chance, this opportunity to really make a life for myself, and all I want is to have him tell me, good job. That would pretty much make everything perfect.

I jangle the keys obsessively in my hands while I wait. Straightening up the desktop, sprucing up the plant, making sure that all of Giles' books sit at perfect angles with the rest of the furnishings. And I'm no longer just Marsha Brady. Nope. No way. I'm Marsha Brady on fucking crack. It's nice.

The car pulling up outside is enough to have my palms sweaty and my mouth dry. This is it. The boss is back in town. A couple of seconds passing as I hear them all getting out, then a knock on the door, and then my feet moving.

Just like it, Angel. Just like it.

"Hey."

"Hey..? That's it?" I should have known that Queen Cordy would be at the front. Looking like a million dollars, sounding like a million decibels. "Come here you moron and give me a hug!"

Enveloped before I can move, arms holding tight and then pushing me back, observing me at arms length with a gaze all insightful.

"You look really well. All happy. It suits you."

And how could I not look happy? I have a hot chick giving me the once over.

"You're looking good too Cor, it's great to see ya."

"Of course it is."

She moves past me through the door and I look straight ahead. My saviour now stood before me. Looking up at the sign, back down to me, his eyes full of warmth.

"Faith."

"Hey big guy, you missed me?"

"You want the truth?"

He cocks his head with a small smile and I know my grin steadily grows. I love this guy. I can't help it.

"If the truth involves a hug and a yes, then yeah, hit me with the truth."

His powerful arms only feel gentle as they wrap me up and hold me safe. His chin resting on my head, his words drifting down to my ears…

"There's a lot less noise. Less whisky bottles taking up counter space. A whole lot less prank phone calls. And the cable bill has halved…"

"No way! That's Gunn with the cable. You know I don't need no two dollar porn to get me going."

He laughs as he steps back, his eyes starting to drift across the walls of our reception room. The friendly little desk which holds Tara's pictures, the book shelves which could only ever be Giles'. "So this is it then?"

"This is it." I hope my arm doesn't shake as I hold it out to encompass the space. "We've got the reception bit here, and then back there through that door is the office…"

I'm interrupted by a noise behind, a small knock on the door.

"Is it okay to come in?"

And there she is. My sister slayer. One of the triplets.

"Ken! Come here you dork!"

I grab her in a tight hug before she's knows what has hit her, so not my style to be throwing out the love, but my nervousness dictating that I act all crazy. Any minute I'll be babbling. I know it.

"I uh…" She pulls herself gingerly back, eyes timidly searching behind me. "…is Buffy here?"

Aw. She's still scared of B?

"No way girlfriend. You're free to feel me up to your heart's content."

And that switches her eyes from timid to playful. Turning her nose up. Offering me a smart ass smile. "She's not here? But it's Buffy I've been wanting to feel up."

Earning her a friendly slap. A little slayer special.

"Nice to see you haven't changed Kennedy."

"Nice to see you still slap like a girl."

I let her walk past me and check the door to see if there's anymore arrivals. Anymore of the LA gang to amuse and abuse me. "Hey, is no one else coming?"

"Nope. There's a little demon problem that needed sorting. You're lucky that Angel and Kennedy came, there was kicking and screaming…"

"What kind of demon problem?"

Angel breaks from his office observations to stand next to Cordy, settling his ass back against the desk, sighing out a breath he doesn't have. "It's a clan war. As if we don't already have enough to worry about, now we have gang-banging demons."

"You need help?"

And no, I haven't gone all superhero, it's just been ages since our last big knees up. Nothing crazy apocalyptic, just run of the mill vamps and demons. Easy for the business, not so challenging for a slayer.

"You have time to help us? Do I need to check the pay sheets?"

"Chill Angel. The business is ticking along nicely… I'm just saying…" I can't help but crack my knuckles at the thought of some serious action. "…if you need some kick ass slayer…"

"Hey! They have me!"

I turn and make a whole show of checking out the girl that makes jokes about feeling up my girlfriend. Letting my eyes roam all over her small frame. "Like I said, if you need a kick ass slayer…"

It's enough to bring laughter. Easy conversation. Them laying out the deal with the demon turf war, and me laying out the plans for the wedding. Catching them up on everything they had missed, the ins and outs of your average sleepy town on an active hell mouth.

It was nice. It is nice. Having them here again. Kinda sucks that the demon problem means they can only stay for the day, but even so, they are here, and I'm happy. Just leaning back in the chair behind the desk in the office, my feet finding their usual place, my arms back behind my head.

Life is good.

I swing the chair round a little as Angel walks into the room, resting his frame against another bookcase, his eyes full of eager smiles.

"You always sit like that?"

"That all depends on the customer. If it's a hottie, then yeah… I give them something to look at."

"No wonder business is booming."

"Exactly!" He comes closer and I drop my feet, giving him somewhere to sit on the desktop. Waiting while he fingers the photo which sits prominently next to the computer. The happy family snap. Buffy, me and Dawn in the midst of a food fight. I remember being pissed at Red when she took it, objecting to any pictures anywhere with me covered in mozzarella and anchovies, but afterwards, once the picture had come back… then I was all full of the smiles. Bagging the photo to keep on the desk. A reminder of why I'm here.

"This is nice."

"Yeah, it is. And I know it looks like I'm losing…" I look again at the picture. Me underneath both of them and covered in the cheese. "… but I swear man, once that was taken… I kicked ass."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

His raised eyebrow tells me he doesn't quite believe me, but what does it matter? I know who won. I know who ended up on dish duty for the next three nights. And it sure as hell wasn't me.

"I don't think I've ever seen Buffy smiling like that. She looks so…"

"Happy?"

"Yes. Happy." He resets the photo frame back in its place. Me not being able to resist reaching out to straighten it up. Placing it so that her eyes are on me. The way I like it. "So I guess I don't need to ask how you're doing Faith?"

And now my eyes meeting his. Barrier free. Nothing to hide.

"Not really. You could still ask though."

"Right. How are you doing?"

I know that my smile says it all, but I find the words anyway. "Great. Really great. Honestly Angel, I ain't never been this happy. Kinda freaks me, I'm still getting used to it. But yeah… it's the best."

"I'm glad." I know all of his looks and I know that he has now switched to serious. His voice dropping softly to match the tone. "You deserve it Faith."

"Don't we all?"

Because I can do serious too, and I know that I'm not the only one who has fought in the trenches, the only one who deserves the special kind of happiness that comes with being in love. With being loved. I flit my eyes quick to the doorway, check that the girls are still nosing around in the backroom. The sleeping quarters.

"So how are things with you Angel. Still lacking the happy?"

"I don't lack happy."

"Sure ya don't. It's why with the brooding."

I point out the brooding with a wave of my hands. Taking in his still sombrely black attire, the same hunch to the shoulder. "I've seen dead people that look happier…"

"Technically Faith, I am dead."

So he is.

"Right. Vampire. But you get where I'm coming from..?"

"Not often."

And isn't this just a huge old reversal of roles? Him the one doing avoidance and me the one seeking answers. "Stop dodging. Serious Angel, are you doing okay?"

"You want serious?" He continues the avoidance by rising from his seat. Sneaking close to the blinds where sunrise is threatening to burst through. "What happened to finding the fun?"

"If you'd found the fun then I'd be all for it. I'm worried about the lack of fun… no man's an island, right?"

He chances just a tiny glimpse out on the early morning, a sad smile tracing his lips when he turns to me. "For whom the bell tolls?"

"It tolls for thee." I slip myself up from the chair, my boots heavy on the carpet as I come to stand by his side. Facing a window that he dare not look out of. "You know I read everything you sent me?"

"I hoped that you would."

It's not like I had anything else to do. Stuck in juvenile detention with no need to make friends. Damn right I read everything he sent. And everything that he sent included a whole lot of everything. I liked the John Donne. All that stuff about being connected, not being alone… I think it comforted me even when I didn't want comfort. Made me see a bigger picture.

"So what about it, you still resisting the feeling?"

He knows what I'm talking about. The feeling I allude to.

"It's not that easy Faith."

"It's a yes or no question, how much easier can it get?"

"The situation… the… it's not easy. It's just not easy."

I respect the hopelessness that he brings to his words and take a step back. An easy decision to let him off the hook. To not bring too much pain to a day that should be happy. A day when we should all be smiling. Not saying anything as he walks back into the shadows, as he lowers his bulk into my chair. His feet finding the exact same spot as mine had.

"So aside from all the eternal angst, how's the gang doing, what's new in the big bad smoke?"

"Not so much. Kennedy's fitting in well. She was a hard one at first, she really doesn't like authority too much, but now she's doing fine. I cracked the whip."

Uh-huh.

"What did ya do, buy her an ice cream and give her a hug?"

"No… there wasn't any hugging. Maybe the one ice cream."

If he could he would blush. Mr softy pants.

"It's cool she's settled. I was worried, ya know… in case she went all darkness, death and destruction…"

"No. Nowhere near. She's forged a real bond with Fred, I think they keep each other grounded."

"Everybody needs somebody."

He shoots me a bemused look. Another raised eyebrow. "Now you're quoting the Blues Brothers at me?"

"Just nudging you in the right direction."

And exchange bemused for depressed. Letting me know just how deep it goes with his feelings. Urging me to back off again.

"Dude, forget it okay. I'm not gonna say nothing else…"

I don't get to say anything else as the other two to come back to the office. Breezing through the door as if they have not a care in the world. It's nice to see Kennedy that way, but for Cordelia, I'm not buying it. Catching her eyes as they slip quietly to Angel, noting her sadness and concern.

"What's going on, why's the atmosphere all dark and gloomy?"

"Not gloomy Cor, I was just asking the boss for a raise. He didn't take it so well."

"Angel?"

"I offered her store cards, they always worked with you."

And the sitch is saved by a smile. I can't pretend to know what they go through, but I do remember all too well the feeling of love being bound and broken. That they can still find smiles for each other, even through the crap, it gives me hope. I don't know if there is a solution, but fuck knows they deserve it. Both of them.

I slide my way through a little more banter before it gets to the time when we need to be shifting. Anya really did want an early wedding. Maybe for the perky breasts thing, possibly to cut down on Xander's chances of skipping out, but either way it's an early one. All of us needing to be suited, booted and seated by eight o clock.

The arrangements are easy enough. Us girls going to the apartment to get all pretty and Giles coming here to pick up Angel.

And I think I'm getting kinda excited. Kinda nervous. Waiting to see the dress that is meant to be able to knock Buffy's socks off. Just hoping that I can manage beautiful.

"You ready to roll?"

Cordy's voice pulls me towards the door. Offering Angel a wave as we leave, turning as his words call me back again.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"This place, all that you've done?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Great job."

And how can I not smile. It's all that I wanted.

*****

"Jesus, Cor, you're hurting me!"

"Just sit still and stop moaning, you wanna be beautiful then you have to pay the price."

I pull my head in the general direction of away from her, and her fingers, and the endless fucking pins that she's sticking up in my hair. I mean Christ, yeah, I wanted to look pretty… but pins? In my hair?!

"I said, sit still!"

A tug which borders on violent has me back in her range. My bottom lip popping out in an attempt at pouting, my fingers digging hard into my knees to stop me from crying out.

"But it hurts."

"No Faith, hurt would be what's gonna happen if you don't quit fidgeting. Hurt would be me impaling your ass on this hairbrush."

She gives another tug and I give another yelp. Not used to my hair feeling as if each and every individual strand is being teased to within an inch of its life. Not used to being held so helpless at someone else's mercy. I'm not a fan of it. No fucking way. In fact, if I hadn't just spent the whole night away from B just so I could hit her with the surprise of me being all stunning, then it would be me doing the impaling on the hairbrushes right now.

"Anyway, I thought you slayers had that high pain thresh hold thing working for ya?"

"And I thought you had that gentle touch thing working for you. I guess we're both wrong."

"I'll try and be gentler."

She gives a pained sigh and I match it with one of my own. Her touch does soften. Her fingers do move a little slower about her task, but the pain is no less. Heck, I wouldn't be lying if I said it felt worse. Longer to anticipate each twist and turn, longer to count the seconds until we're done.

"Okay. I think we're done!"

YES! And thank fuck for that!

"You sure..?"

I can feel myself edging away from her again, scared inside that this is a nasty trick, a lulling into a sense of false security. Flinching as she comes closer to fuss at the front, giving a shaky smile as she gives me a lingering appraisal with her eyes.

"I think I am. You look perfect."

"Perfect?"

"Uh-huh. Perfect." Her mouth flashes a full on Cordy special, reaching up to light her eyes, making everything about her seem somehow softer. "If Buffy Summers has a tongue left in her mouth when she sees you, then I wanna know what's wrong with her! You look gorgeous Faith. You ARE gorgeous."

Damn. I don't even try and edge away from her now, as she brings a hand up to my face, so gentle, careful not to ruin any of the barely there make-up that she took so much time on before doing my hair. No. I lean into her touch, let her feel the blush that her words have created.

"Thank you."

"I'm happy to help." She gives a little tweak to my nose as she pulls her hand away. Standing back again to admire her creation. "Who ever would have thought?"

I know what she means.

A silent wonder passing between us as we both remember the start package. What I was on my arrival. And I don't think gorgeous would have been top of anyone's list. Skanky ho, maybe. But not gorgeous.

"Angel probably already gave you the big proud speech in the office, but you know me, I like to have my say…"

"You about to get mushy on me?"

"No. Yes. A little."

"Well I hope the mascara's waterproof, there's no way I'm sitting through more of the makeover."

She leaves me sitting on the stool and takes a seat on my old bed. Her arms going out to rest on her knees, looking up at me, her eyes earnest and true. "I'll keep it short Faith, I promise. I just want you to know how proud we ALL are of you. Angel may have saved that murky little soul of yours, but all of us came to care about it. You are doing a great job here, an amazing job, and all of us see it. All of us are happy for you."

Shit. I wasn't joking about the mascara.

"Cordy, I…"

"Don't say anything Faith. You know you'll only ruin it."

And I'll let her have her little jibes, because everything that she just said to me was so damn beautiful. Means so much. "Thank you. Again."

"Like I said, happy to help."

I can't stop my mind from doing a little drift now to my first thoughts of Cordy, and I am absolutely certain that she has changed herself just as much as I have. Just as perfectly.

I think to say it. Wonder at how to make the words. Which ones to choose.

"You know Cordy, you're doing an amazing job too."

I hope that covers it.

Catching her unguarded smile and then seeing it replaced by the Cordy grin. Rising up from the bed and then fussing at her own wedding outfit in the mirror. "Just doing what I can. Paying the bills."

"Right. You're in it for the cash."

"Yep. 'How to make a million, before you die a horrible death', all the consorts to the higher powers get to read it. Fascinating stuff."

The reflection that I study is still smiling, but I am never one to dismiss a joke about horrible deaths. I've seen too many.

"Gee, I see that you're all full of the deep down cheery too." She turns back to face me, eyes inquisitive. "Honestly, it's a good thing Kennedy's still so plucky, or I'd be calling it an epidemic."

"Am I supposed to be able to guess what you're talking about?"

"You." I motion my hands across her form. "You're less zesty. Almost broody… what's the deal?"

"I'm not broody!"

"Uh-huh. You can try and sell it, but this girl ain't buying. I know what's up."

I totally do. I witnessed the soulful stares at the office, have had the last couple of hours full of disjointed breaks in banter that have never been there before. My friends are hurting. My two dearest friends are hurting. And it hurts me to feel it.

"I know you don't believe this Faith, but trust me when I tell you that you can't fix everything. Not everyone gets the happy ending, all of their dreams come true. Just leave this one okay, you can't make this one better. Just leave it."

A hurt that grows.

Her eyes are pleading that I just walk away. Insisting with unshed tears, and a woeful sigh, that she truly believes the situation is hopeless. That she is helpless. It's fucked up ironic when you consider everything that she does. Everyone that SHE helps.

And I can't walk away. She would never walk away from me. Never.

"You could talk to me."

"You don't think I do enough talking?! You don't think I'm so damn sick of talking!? Talking's all I can do Faith. All we can ever do."

Ouch.

We.

I knew that there was a 'we' in there somewhere.

"Have you told him how you feel?"

Her eyes break my heart. As if she needs to tell him. It was there without being said. My understanding of that having a small smile lifting her lips. Still breaking my heart.

"Angel knows how I feel. Why make it hurt more by saying it?"

Because saying it is the greatest freedom that you will ever know? The deepest joy?

I don't offer my sermon on happy endings though. I don't offer John Donne nor a nifty little burst of the Blues Brothers. No. None of that would mean anything to her. What I do though is rise from the stool and take her in my arms. Trying my hardest to impress with my hug how much I care for her, how much I feel for her.

"I'm so sorry Cordy, I am so damn sorry."

Letting her cling as hard as she needs to, drawing endless deep breaths to stop from releasing her tears. This shit sucks. It so fucking sucks.

I just wish that I could do something. That all of my power counted for anything when it comes to helping my friends. That I could just do something to make it better. To make it hurt less.

She pulls back without saying a word. Trusting me to do the same.

"Okay?"

And I can't stop from asking. She's a fool if she thought that I could.

"As okay as I'm gonna be."

"If you ever…"

"Please? Can we leave it now. Talking doesn't help. Don't think about it. It's what I do."

She picks up her lipstick and starts reapplying. Turning back to the mirror, away from me.

"What time is it, shouldn't we be thinking about leaving soon?"

Conversation over.

Leaving the false perky of her expression to glance to the clock. Immediately becoming nervous again at the closeness of hour. The closeness of fricking minutes.

"Yeah." My mouth void of saliva yet again. "You want me to give Ken a shout?"

"No, I'll do it… KENNEDY!?"

Fuck. I forgot how loud she can be. How authoritive she can sound. The tone of her voice having my favourite little protégé come running through the door. Stumbling in her dainty heels, grabbing at the door frame to keep some balance. Her gaze flicking from Cordy and then to me.

"Oh wow."

Still on me.

"I mean… oh wow, I knew you were… but, wow."

Did she leave her brain in LA?

"Ken?"

Cordy is laughing behind me, so I turn to her to find sense.

"I knew it! One look at you and Buffy is gonna be tasting the floor. I amaze myself, really, I do…"

I glance back to Ken, her absolute open approval of me.

"You mean, I did that?"

Whoa. I get checked out all the time. But this?

"Oh yes. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"

And no. I was kinda scared to. Not sure of what I would see. Shifting now to get a proper look, some close up scrutiny.

And wow.

I mean… wow!

"Fuck. Is that me?"

"The language makes me think, yes."

"Sorry Cor, but… Jeez. I look good. I look…"

"Amazing? Gorgeous?"

No.

"I look beautiful."

"I second that." And it looks like Kennedy got her senses back. After seeing myself in the mirror I'm kinda impressed with her recovery. I can't stop checking myself out. I really can't stop.

"Faith..?"

The dress is just mind blowing. Nothing like I would have chosen. For a start it's not black… And my hair? Fuck. I love every pin. I worship every pin. All holding it up, releasing just the fewest of tendrils that slip to tickle my neck.

"Faith!?"

I rip my gaze away from myself to turn to her, matching the grin that's splitting her face. The amusement that sits in her eyes.

"You're supposed to be knocking Buffy's socks off, not your own!"

Both of them finding that funny. Laughing at my open self appraisal.

"Can it guys, you both know if you looked as good as this, then you'd be all with the checking out."

And ha! That shuts them up. Because yeah, them girls, they GOT the goodies. But check me out. I'm beautiful.

And forget nervous. I've got a wedding to go to. A girl to impress.

I just hope that Anya won't mind me stealing her thunder.

Yeah. And bring back the nervous!

*****

Faith wasn't the only one to be appraising their reflection so openly in the mirror that morning. There was someone else who was taking a good look at all they could see. Thinking about what they had been. What they were now. Pleased with the change.

Halfrek was, in fact, more than pleased with the change.

It had been so long since she had visited this plane of existence. Not caring to return, since she had left the last time, since she had crawled away from that basement with barely a shred of dignity hanging around her shoulders. But now she was back.

And such a great day for it. A wedding. Anyanka's wedding!

The thought brought a smile to her face. Glad that she was able to multi-task in such an efficient way. Not only would she be able to celebrate with one of her oldest friends, she would, much more importantly, be able to settle her scores. Because she still had scores that needed settling in Sunnydale.

Her new employers were so much more powerful than the last. D'hoffryn cast aside with the same ease that he had cast her away to Warren's clutches. Yes. They were powerful, they had powerful demands. And it was her job to channel that power to make sure that the demands were carried through.

One final roll of the dice. One final wish to grant.

She only hoped that it was the right one. That they would get everything that they deserved.

CHAPTER 46.

POV Faith

I've never been to a wedding before. Truth be told, I've never even been invited to a wedding before. Add in all other important life events and I've pretty much been overlooked for all of them. Never a girl to stand on ceremony. Never a girl to give a shit. And ain't it funny how life can change..? I'm all about the ceremony now. As dusty eyed as the rest of them as Anya had first glided past, as entranced as I have ever been by the look of pure love in Xander's waiting eyes. Man, it was some kind of perfect. Even the birds seeming to extend their dawn chorus for today, a pretty little twitter to accompany the bride and her maids down the aisle.

If I was the marrying type, then this is definitely the kind of gig I would want.

None of that big fancy shit, just a few close friends, just the people who really care. Anya was gonna go with the big blast at first, all consumed with ideas from glossy mags, all intent on inviting half of the demon underworld. But Xander put his foot down. Not worried about the demons, just freaking about inviting his family. And I can get that. They say you can't choose your family, but there's nothing to say you have to invite them to your wedding. I just wish he'd put his foot down a little firmer, hadn't caved to Anya's insistence of having at least one old friend here.

I mean, seriously, who invites a vengeance demon to their wedding?

Talk about mixed messages. One minute swearing to be someone's adoring sex poodle for all of eternity, and then the next, swearing that your bosom chum can, if needed, reduce your existence to nothing more than a slimy pool of rotting entrails. Cute. Definitely my favourite of all the wedding speeches. And people say that I have issues..?

My only issue has been keeping my eye on the demon. Both of my eyes. At all times. Forget seducing the socks off of Buffy, that mission changed as soon as I saw the guest list. As soon as I saw Hal-freak walking through my door.

"What the fuck is she doing here?!"

My thoughts torn from the adoring gaze of my smitten girlfriend. No longer basking in the looks that she was caressing my dress with, no longer feeling the fingers she was caressing my flesh with.

"What, who…" Her eyes forced to follow the same path as mine, feeling her stiffen at my side. "…Halfrek?"

"Yeah. Her. What's she doing here?"

Buffy had shrugged a little, gone back to making the cooing noises as her fingers drifted slowly across silk. "Anya wanted her here. She promised no funny business…"

"And you're okay with that?" Taking her hand away from my dress and holding it tight in mine. "You're not worried..?"

Her gaze had flitted between the two of us. Taking in Hal as she was embraced by Anya, taking in me as I tensed a notch higher. "No. I'm not worried. She'd be a fool to try anything stupid."

Right. And demons are never stupid. Never foolish.

I'd had to voice my concern some more. Trying to get Buffy to understand the tingling of my slayer senses. The nasty wicked vibe that having her here was bringing to me. The memory of the time when she had brought pain into our home. When she had preceded death. When she had invited evil in.

But had she listened?

No fucking way. Shaking off her stiffness to replace it with that perky thing. Bouncing over to the new 'guest' and offering her a welcome. It was bullshit. It still is bullshit. The demon may have everyone else fooled, may have them all believing that she is here for a celebration, but not me. I'm still following her every move, straining to hear her every word. Wondering how much damage I can do with the pins which are keeping my hair all nicely piled.

I'd go for the eyes first. The eyes which are meeting my stare now. Across the twilight dusk of the garden, beneath the fairy lights that I had spent hours diligently hanging with Buffy. And I bet she feels it too. Surely demons feel the call of the night as strongly as slayers do. The keening of senses, the quickening of a pulse, the stale stench of evil…

"A penny for them?"

"Huh?" I reluctantly break my stare from demon gal to fix it upon B. Joining me in the fast growing shadows, her head tilting to the side as she gives me the once over.

"You, looking all doom, gloom and thoughtful… what's up?"

"Nothing's up."

"Riiight." Her lips curve into a smile as she doubts me, but I can't let it calm me. My eyes shifting again. The air shifting again. No surprise as I find the demon still stalking me with her gaze. "Faith?"

No doubt looking for pain. Something to quench her thirst for misery.

"What the fuck is her problem?"

"Problem..? Who?"

And I know that she isn't that dumb. Not even close. "Quit the shit B. I know that you can feel it."

"Apart from the champagne giddies, all that I'm feeling is the neglect…"

Her moves are purposeful as she breaks my line of sight. Getting between me and my prey. Interrupting my focus.

"…you spent last night away from me, made yourself all pretty, and then you spent the whole of today stalking Halfrek… a girl could start to worry."

I wish that she would.

Whoa. Scrap that. I'm not making any wishes… it's not safe.

"I'm not stalking her B, she's stalking me."

I'm certain of the fact. All day feeling her penetrative gaze. Sure that her eyes will still be on me now.

Only…

"Well, where is she then, Miss Paranoia?"

And that's just fucking great. Truly. Fucking perfect.

B moving aside only showing me that I've lost her. Not assuring me that I'm wrong. That I have nothing to worry about.

My eyes scan quick. Darting amongst our friends, searching out our foe. "Where'd she go?"

"Probably to the bathroom. I heard that demons need to pee too. Crazy huh?"

"I'm not joking B."

"I got that." She still tries to distract me with that smile, her eyes shining to match the green of her dress. "It prompted my concern. You do remember the whole 'what's up' comment?"

And only B would aim for cute in the middle of a crisis. A cute I aim to displace with the nudging of her memory.

"Do you remember how dangerous Halfrek can be?"

"Yes Faith. I remember… but today, this is a good day, a happy day. Why do you wanna change that?"

Me?

"I don't wanna change that. I'm protecting that."

"And if we don't need protecting?"

"And if you do?"

She rolls her eyes and does that exasperated sigh thing she learnt from Giles. Her lips still looking to find a curve, her hand reaching out to touch mine. "You really think that there's something to worry about?"

YES!!!

"Err… yeah."

"Even though she's been here all day and nothing has gone wrong?"

"Yet. Nothing has gone wrong yet."

Her thumb rubs soft against the silk of my dress, imploring me to forget worry, to remember her.

"You sure you're not just a little bit paranoid?"

Dropping her voice to entice me forwards.

"Better paranoid than dead."

And my words instantly stop her silent assault. I won't be steamrollered by her seduction. I might like to be, but I won't be. There's just something… damn, not right. I know there's more to the demon being here other than celebrating a wedding. Screw paranoid. I'm sure of it.

"Faith…"

"No B, just think about it. What better time to catch us off guard than today? Everyone too happy to remember to be aware…" Her face drops the smile and grabs at resigned. Resigned to listening to what I have to say, her eyes clouding over to hide the happiness. And I hate to do it, I love to see her smile, but this is important. "…I've seen too much to hide behind the good times Buffy. If something is going down today, then I wanna know about it first."

And I do. My eyes leaving her again to search out the shadows. The hairs on my neck raising in the darkness to let me know that she is here. Somewhere. Watching me as closely as I want to watch her.

It's a sick feeling. A churning feeling.

My fingers lace between B's to run across the silk of my dress again. Not for comfort, or seduction, but to feel it. To understand. Nestling her hand against the uneasiness of my stomach… "Do you feel that..?"

"I… maybe?" I watch as her own eyes flit fast across the garden, straining hard to see the things which trouble me. "What about Wills, the spell… no monsters?"

"This one's invited B, I think it makes a difference."

The moonlight catches her face as it changes, sliding from curious concern, to the first lines of worry. Her gaze travelling again, rooting amongst the friends that we have sight of. Finally resting back on me, her voice now tainted with urgency.

"Where's Dawn?"

I have it covered.

"With Cordy. They're inside."

"Well what if she's inside… what if you're right?"

My body feels the hum of hers as muscles tense and coil, as she realises the full threat that the vengeance demon may possess.

"Chill B, she's not inside." Not knowing how I know other than the sensation of being watched, observed. Still feeling the weight of her hidden stare as it sits upon me.

"Chill..? You're telling me to chill?!" The pitch of her voice hints at hysterical, so I move to pull her further back into the shadows. "You freak me out and now you want me to chill, how does that work exactly..?"

"It works by being calm, not freaking anyone else out. We can handle this alone… it's like you said; people wanna be happy today…" And no matter what comes to pass, I wanna keep it that way. We're the slayers, we deal with demons. "…let's just find her and sort out the sitch. Yeah?"

"I should've known. Nothing can ever just be nice, right? There always has to be some form of major disaster…"

It's almost like she was waiting on an entrance as Buffy speaks her words, the chill spreading right through me as soon as I see her. Just outside reaching distance, shrouded in darkness. Still set on that fucked up stare.

"B…" I nudge her softly to get her to shut up. To focus. To draw her attention to where it needs to be resting.

"Halfrek..?" The soft whisper of her voice calling out the demon.

"Finally I have you together."

And what the fuck does that mean? She thinks she can take us both on? She doesn't realise that I could pulverise her body with barely a touch?

I step forward to remind her, swapping my shadows for hers, my danger laced tones forewarning her of what she faces. "You shouldn't be here. You should leave."

Pretending at a politeness I don't feel, giving her the opportunity to avoid my anger.

"I was invited here, Anyanka wanted me here…"

She says it as if it makes a fucking difference. As if I care. Her use of Anya's old name making me reach out a hand to grab, finding the front of her dress and slamming her back hard into the fence.

"So I'm gonna have to make you leave..? Suits me fine."

"Let go."

"Eat shit."

My face is in her face and I get to see it first hand. The way her eyes begin to glow, almost kaleidoscopic, nothing I've ever seen before…

"Faith… let go…"

Buffy's words not mattering as I seek to see what it is that burns so bright in the demon's eyes. Realising too late that it's power… that she has a whole heap of slayer smashing power.

I think maybe I yelp a little as she reverses our positions, my back tensing as she pushes me forward against the tree I had hid behind, bark scratching my back through the silk of my dress. And I can't move, I can't fucking move. Struggling to break free of her hold, urging Buffy with my eyes to wade into the fight…

"Don't. I'm not here to hurt anyone."

Demon words meaning nothing as she holds me so submissive.

"Fuck you."

My knee trying to raise in the confines of the Cordy picked outfit, hearing a rip as my muscles obey the basic commands. And yelping again as she slams me again.

"Do you have a hearing problem?" Spoken so matter of fact that I have to wonder what the hell is going on…

"What?"

"I said I'm not here to hurt anyone, you don't have to fight me."

And the ease with which she holds me makes me hope that there is some truth to that. She's s'posed to be a vengeance demon for fuck sake, I can subdue vengeance demons with the strength in one finger…

"Maybe we should hear her out."

"Maybe she should let me the fuck go." And as I say it, she does it. A smile gracing her lips as she releases me with the same ease she held me. Making my mouth work in tandem with my brain. "What the hell 'are' you..?"

Because she ain't no vengeance demon. No fucking way.

She waits until Buffy is at my side before she begins speaking. Soothing fingers across my back doing nothing to distract me from the eyes which still peer into me. My senses still tingling, my gut still churning.

"I think the question should be, what are you?"

And what the fuck?

Feeling the irritation as she deflects my question with some obscure bullshit. Thankful that B has the composure to speak when all that I want to do is fight.

"Faith asked first."

Oh great. Schoolyard logic is sure to win.

"What I am isn't that important, it's what you are that counts."

"Me are? I thought you said that Faith is?"

And that draws a blank from the demon. Maybe not subdued by schoolyard logic, but certainly rendered confused by Buffy's choice of speech. It gives me an opening, another chance to get a question in, something else I want answered.

"Why are you here..? And forget the wedding crap… why are you really here?"

"Weddings are good. Well, they start off good… usually end in tears and torture, someone seeking justice…"

I bring my hand up to run through the hair that isn't hanging, frustrated by her avoidance, remembering the hair pins as my weapons of choice. This is fucking pointless. She's probably just stalling us while she thinks of ways to boil our brains.

"…justice that I used to seek to give."

"Used to? What does that mean?" Buffy asks her, but I already know. The force in her body has already spilt that secret to me.

"Used to. No longer am. Out of the vengeance gig." Oh man. She does this stupid little twirl thing, jazz hands accompanying her movement, all pleased with herself. "I have new bosses now… different orders."

I just settle back and watch. My body still humming to the tingle inside, happy to stand back and let B do the talking.

"Orders? From who?"

"That would be telling."

And isn't that what you do when someone asks?

"Do you practice being this cryptic?"

"It comes with the job."

And where's that tree again? How hard can I bang my head against it?

B looks like she might want to join me. Her eyes rolling, then stopping. Her face scrunching into her thinking face, her bottom lip caught between the vice grip of her teeth. "B..?"

"Wait… being cryptic comes with the job?"

"Exactly."

Am I the only one lost?

Not knowing why the demon's eyes light at Buffy's words. I just know I fucking hate cryptic. Cordy's visions are always so damn cryptic, slayer dreams are always so fucking cryptic… I don't see why Hal- Freak has to jump on the bandwagon.

"You mean…" I stop my thoughts to listen to Buffy, urging her to shed light onto the sitch. To make it make sense. "…you, you're… working for 'them' now?"

Who now?

"Well done."

Hal congratulates. Buffy smiles. And in my next life I'm coming back as a tortoise. With a shell. A shell that can be hidden inside when nothing in the world makes a damn bit of sense!

"Okay, call me stupid B, but what the fuck are you two talking about?"

"It's easy Faith… who do you know that deals only in cryptic?"

Cordy?

"Uh… she works for Cordy?" It sounds dumb as I say it and I'm prepared for the little teasing smile that tugs Buffy's mouth higher.

"No. Silly. Think about it… who does Cordy work for?"

Oh. Oh oh oh! Now that makes a little more sense. Maybe. Though…

"You mean, the PTB… right?"

Cos I have to check. For as much sense as any of this makes, she could of meant Angel. Cordy does work for him too. Though that would make even less sense. I think.

Fuck, I'm confused.

"Yes Faith. Correct."

Yay?

"So why the mystery bullshit, why not just tell us… before you made me rip my dress?"

I point out the tear that my jerking knee had caused, narrowing my eyes again on the… err… not so sure what she is now. But narrowing them anyway. Pissed at all the confusion.

"It's how they like things done. They don't like to get too involved… all of this is highly unusual..."

You think?

"…in all my years on the bad side of good, I have never seen the Powers grant anyone what they are willing to grant you. It's unheard of for them to take such a personal interest…"

Buffy's voice breaks through her vague attempt at explanations. Picking up on the stand out phrase. "What they are willing to grant us… what does that mean?"

"That comes later. First you have to understand. Have to know the debt that is owed to you."

Understanding sounds good. Really fucking good.

I wait in the silence that comes for her to say more, holding tight to the hand that Buffy places in mine, my confusion calming in the surety of her presence at my side. I'm still tingling, distrust is still fuelling my deep blown out breaths… but the danger feels less. I'm ready to listen.

"I can talk about all of this because it's already passed, my suggestion to you would be to listen very closely… it may sound cryptic, but there really are clues in all of this. Pointers to the things that are yet to come to pass."

Words making me turn my head towards B, my eyes matching hers in a complete lack of understanding. "You as confused as me B?"

"Probably more confused. I was doing so well with getting the PTB part worked out… now I'm just lost."

At least that makes two of us. I switch my attention back to Hal, arching my eyebrows in a signal for her to continue. Hoping that some of it means more than nothing to me.

"Destiny is what binds the universe together. Everything has a destiny, a path which marks a life until death… it's what allows the Powers to exist. Without destiny there would be no power, no order… no nothing."

"We know all about destiny Hallie, me and Faith have both been imprisoned by destiny… what's your point?"

She tuts her displeasure. A sad shake of the head. "Always so keen to have answers, when the answers already lay in the telling. You saved the world. That is the point. Should I go now?"

"I saved the world a heap of times, you wanna be more specific?"

My hand feels the tenseness as it races through her body, clenching just that little bit harder. Her voice steeling in her quest to know. Probably as sick of all the bullshit as I am. And it's my turn to try at calming, my thumb dancing circles in her palm, my words whispered with the intention of being only for her ears. "Calm down B, let's just listen to what she has to say."

Somehow knowing that I need to listen to what is being said. Perhaps recognising the tingle now… a memory pricking far back in my mind, places that I push to forget, sensations that it hurts me to feel…

"Do you remember, Faith?"

Her words sending me further down the path. Fighting to keep my eyes open so that I don't have to see. I don't want to remember, I already know. "The leech… you're talking about the leech."

"The Hirudo Beluosa. Evil's attempt to destroy the path of destiny."

My palms building a sweat as my heart pumps double. Crashing against my chest in a frantic rhythm which seeks to never stop beating. My ears straining hard to hear above the onslaught.

"It was a battle that should never have been fought, a false prophecy sought to send you in the wrong direction… fooling everyone. The boy. Your council. Almost yourselves."

"What the fuck has the council got to do with the leech? They weren't even involved in that shit…"

"Everything is involved. Everything matters. False destiny can be just as easy to follow as the true kind… surely you understand that Faith?"

And was that a dig? A yanking of my chain?

Maybe she's trying to wind us up. Maybe she's the false fucking prophet.

"Since time began, the very beginning… before the beginning even, it's been destined. The battles that would rage, the first and the last. The winner not mattering as long as the destiny was adhered to." She breaks the monotone to stare straight at me again, making me uneasy again. "No one noticed the false path being laid until it was already there… until you were already walking upon it."

"Should've guessed I'd be the one doing the walking. Big bad Faith strikes again, right?"

"You were misled by evil." And now her stare does drop from penetrating, it softens, her eyes inviting instead of piercing. "That is something that I understand."

"Well maybe we can start a club sometime or something, just as soon as you tell me what the hell any of this means." My hand breaks from Buffy's to try and tug at my hair again, frustrated more as I'm met by pins. "I get the cryptic, okay? But Jesus, give us a break…"

"I'm trying to."

I must have missed that part.

"Evil knows the fight that is coming and because of destiny it knows the way that the battle will rage. Everything that you have faced has sought to change that. The Hirudo Beluosa, Warren, your Council… all of it permeated by the source of all evil, everything meant to destroy the way that things must be." Again she breaks her speech to engage in a stare. My eyes forgotten as she focuses on B, as she speaks words meant solely for her. "Even you Buffy."

"Even me?"

"When your witch resurrected your soul, it was evil that allowed it. The Powers had given you rest… only you could have requested to change that."

"Oh." And I second that oh. "You mean… I'm not meant to be here. I was meant to be dead?"

Not a comforting thought.

"You made the choice, you followed your destiny. You know the answer."

"Oh."

She repeats her previous thought and I seek to second it again. Seeking her hand also, remembering my comfort role.

"So let me get this straight… you're saying that none of this should of happened, B's meant to be…" A thought I can't speak. "…uh, not here… and me?"

She looks at me to fill the gap, not willing to speak of a future that's not yet come to pass.

"I'm…" Remembering what she said. The answers are in what has been said. "…I'm guessing that I'm all destined to fight in this big battle royale against the source of all evil… right?"

Her eyes confirm to me what her words won't. "Destiny takes many turns, I can't tell you what will occur in the future."

But I can feel the way that my card has been marked. The persistent tingle. The roar of the slayer in the back of my mind.

"Is that it?" I speak it dismissively, as if I haven't just been made aware of an importance I had never guessed I would own. Maybe once I would've wished for it, sometime long before I understood the gravity of duty. "Are we done now?"

"No Faith. We are not done. Not by a long way."

"Well maybe you could speed it up a bit, cos as thrilling as this shit is, I've got a wedding to celebrate… friends that might wonder where the fuck we are."

And that makes her smile. Makes her wave her hands in the direction of a scene that sits motionless. "You have to love the benefits of working for a higher power…"

Uh-huh.

My eyes widening as my gaze falls on each of our unanimated guests. The air around me still moving, yet the people in front of me frozen in time. It's kinda freaky. Only making me want to get this done with. Over with. All of it.

"Are they okay?"

"They're fine Buffy. They're… paused. When we are finished they will never even know that they stopped."

"Wow. Why don't we get nifty little powers like that..? Do you know how easy it would be to fight evil if we could freeze the damn frame whenever we felt like it?"

"Which brings me back to destiny."

"Well, whoop-dee-fucking-doo."

I whisper it somewhere beneath my breath, but she still hears. Still turns her eyes back my way. "It's not supposed to be easy, it is what it is. The choice only yours whether you rise to your destiny. Whether you rise above it."

My shoulders slumping as I realise there will be no end to the confusion. Maybe ever. Maybe it's my destiny to be stuck here listening to this bullshit for all of eternity. Fantastic. Really.

"Both of you have risen above your destiny. Both of you have fought a battle that should never have existed… not only fought the battle but also solved the consequences."

"There's consequences now? You hear that Faith…"

"I'm still lost B."

"The third slayer was not destined, not yet… you died in a false battle, it never should have been. All of it was manufactured, a plan laid by evil to taint the coming of the future. Even your mighty council not pure enough to resist the depravity." She takes a moment and shakes her head, her eyes looking to reach into the very depths of my soul. "An army of slayers, at this time, would have ripped apart the very fabric which holds all of your destinies together. The slayer line would have been destroyed forever, right along with your witch. It was evil's last stand, a last attempt to poison the river of time. To prevent the tide from turning."

And there was me thinking we objected due to a moral stand. I never guessed we were stitching together the fabric of destiny.

I wonder if it comes in silk…

"I knew it!"

She did?

I flick my gaze to Buffy to witness her triumphant smile. A grin that soars further as she turns to explain. "I knew that I was right to get the wiggins over Kennedy! There IS only meant to be the two of us…"

"Dork."

"I'm just saying…"

A totally lovable dork.

"Could you please let me finish?"

Oh, right. Lets get back to the crap. Can't wait.

"Go ahead."

She shakes her head again at my blasé tone, my disinterested face.

"I don't think either of you are grasping the magnitude of what is happening here. You're being let in on the very secrets of the universe, do you understand that?"

Whatever.

"Yeah, sure… keep going."

And I can't help the cocky, I have to do something to keep myself sane. And I don't think that she can help the enraged. The way that her voice rises above the tone befitting an envoy to the boys upstairs. The way that she loses her composure.

"This is ridiculous! Can you believe that I requested this, that I thought I had scores which I could settle, that I wanted to bring you happiness in return for what happened in the basement…" Her hands flapping about her head bringing more meaning to her words. "… just listen, for all of your sakes, can you please just listen!?"

And I'm listening.

"When you defeated the Hirudo Beluosa, Faith, then the Powers were given their wake up call. It was only then that they understood the shattering of destiny… most of the time they don't pay attention. Things run as things should and they amuse themselves by sending a few mysterious messages. It works. For them it's worked since time immortal… when you wrapped your hands in a choke hold around evil, then they heard your call. They saw what was happening…"

And what is her deal with stoking up the bad memories? The stench of burning flesh so fresh in my mind. The slide of my skin as evil had crept beneath it, inside of me…

"Hey… wait a minute…"

I speak without thought. My hands creeping up to cover my eyes, remembering more than the burning… something more intense than the stench of frying flesh…

"The light… it was them?"

The light that had erupted from me when I had thought that the end had finally arrived. A surge running through me, delivered straight to the heart of evil. Funny how you can forget about things like that amongst the things that happen everyday.

"What light?"

"Huh?"

"What light Faith, I don't remember any lights… you never mentioned any lights."

And I guess she forgot too. The time that I remembered… being sick, talking nonsense… asking about the light. Fuck. And fuck again.

"I'll tell ya later B, I promise…" Cos right now I really wanna hear the rest. Now that some things make sense, I need sense for all of it. "…Hal?"

"Yes. It was them. Like I said, when you plunged your fists into evil it woke the Powers up. They had no idea that destiny was dying…"

"No, wait… I had dreams, slayer dreams…" Buffy breaks in, and she is right. She did have dreams. I remember not having them.

"You really believe that those dreams are all sent by the powers of good..?"

"I assumed."

"Wrong assumption. It's why Faith never had the dreams, there were no dreams to be had, the Powers knew nothing about it."

And maybe she does have explanations for everything.

"This is all really messed up."

"It is Buffy. And that is why I am here. You slayers have sorted out a mess that even the Powers That Be could not hope to have sorted. They helped with the power when Faith was in hell, but that was all that they could do, channel their power through a source of good…"

Hey, hey, check me out! Source of good. Has a nice ring to it.

"…Everything else was done by you two alone. You Buffy, you were brought back here only to bring pain… to self destruct along with your family and your friends. But you didn't, you beat it, you found love instead, a love that brought Faith back, that released her from the final grasp of the evil. It was both of you who stood firm against a desire to create an army of slayers… you protected not only your own destiny, but the destiny of the world. Maybe of all worlds."

"Is this where you tell us 'well done', and offer us a bonus?"

"No way B, that'd be far too simple. Plus, ya know, with your destiny being all not meant to be here… gotta figure it's my bonus, right?"

Slipping away from serious again to talk shit with B. Something familiar. Something that makes sense.

"It's not a bonus. The PTB don't do bonuses, I know. Three claims for overtime and all of them dismissed. No, this is more like… let's say a wish. The opportunity to mould just a little bit of destiny your own way."

"But you just said that we all have a destiny that shouldn't be messed with, now you're offering us a wish to change destiny? Am I the only one seeing a flaw in that logic?"

"It all depends on what you wish for Buffy. You can't change destiny, even the most powerful source of all evil couldn't change destiny… you are being given the chance to sweeten destiny. It's different."

It is?

She stands back now and falls silent. As if she has said all that needs to be said. As if she believes that she has enlightened us.

"So we can wish for anything?"

"Yes, you can."

And does B have something in mind?

I turn to her and seek direction, a clue as to what we should do. "You got something you're wanting B?"

"I don't know. I think so." She gazes at me and it feels kinda peaceful, kinda serene. Ending the feeling to turn back to Hal, to ask another question. "How long do we have, to make up our minds?"

Making the ex-demon smile again. Her hands floating out again. "What is time?"

Our frozen friends. Time eternal.

"Can we at least think about it, maybe have a little alone time to figure out what to do… what we want?"

"As you wish."

And she goes. Just like that. Leaving us standing confused in shadows that no longer move. Not growing and shifting, not creeping out further with the passing of time. Cos time isn't passing. Cos everything is fucked up.

"Pinch me B?"

"You what?"

"Pinch me."

Needing her to at least let me know that I am still here. That something has remained constant throughout the insanity. Relieved when her fingers do stroke across my skin in a little light pinch.

"Okay?"

"Yeah… I think. Although… what the fucking hell was THAT all about?"

"You know what?" I shake my head. "I have no clue. I don't… this isn't… I mean, even for us, this is kinda weird, right?"

"Totally. Bizarre."

My eyes can't help but look to our friends again, still stood as almost comical statues, sure that Buffy's eyes are searching out the same path. "Ya know what would be really cool?" A breezy thought crossing my mind in an attempt at lightening the air.

I switch my gaze back to her and I was right. Her own eyes stuck fast on her stuck fast friends. "Nah-uh… what would be cool?"

"We call Hal back, wish for everyone to be naked, and then switch the power back on. Man, imagine their faces B… funny as hell."

And she laughs. Kinda shakes her head and rolls her eyes too. But she does laugh.

"You don't think we should take the wish thing more serious?"

Why?

"I dunno… what ya thinking?"

Memories resurfacing again as I watch emotion cross her face. Her eyes that can tear in an instant, hurt and pain that she usually manages to keep pretty well hidden. And I really am an idiot if I don't know what she would wish for. Her best dream. Her worst dream. I know what she wants.

"I was… if you don't mind, maybe…"

Shocked by the fact that she still has insecurities, that she could ever still think that I don't want the same things as her. "B… I know."

Loving it as her eyes come back to me. Not teary, not sad. But alive. Alight.

"You mean… you think we can ask for that?"

"She said anything. Why not vacation time?"

"Oh wow. We could go anywhere…"

"Do anything…"

"Oh my god. I'm getting a vacation."

Did I say alight? I meant popping from her skull! My smile being squeezed out of me as she wraps her hold so tight around my body. Not caressing or sexy, just damn hard, full of the joy. The good stuff.

"Easy B, squeeze any tighter and you'll need a new vacation buddy."

But I've lost her. My ears awash with crazy chatter, insane banter. What to take, what to wear, where to go, beach or ski, hotel or villa, aeroplane or boat…

Her mind may be able to take the onslaught, but mine is fading fast. Only caring that she can have what she wants. That life can get to be this perfect.

"…and I haven't ever had a chance to wear that bikini! Oh god, I have these sandals as well… definitely beach. I think beach. You think beach?"

I think bikini. I think yes.

"Whatever you want B… whatever you want."

Sliding a little of the sexy that I have kept hidden all day into my words now. My fingers wanting to remember how her flesh feels under the green of her dress. Wondering if I could rip it from her as easy as my own dress ripped. Fuelled by her happiness, urged on by my own. And gasping as she squeezes me tight again. As her mouth crashes against mine and quietens all of my thoughts.

"I love you Faith…"

Whispered as she pulls back from me, as her forehead comes to rest against my own.

"I love you too B."

"Shall we call her back?"

"Yeah. Although…" I can feel another thought forming. Arriving unbidden. Like a flash of inspiration. "…lets go play with the statues first, best pose wins?"

"That's mean!"

"Yeah. You in?"

And I know that she will be. Sometimes liking to pretend that she still has that sharp stick wedged up her ass, but we both know I yanked that out a long while ago. She loves finding the fun. She instigates finding fun. Playing it coy now though…

"What would we do to them exactly..?"

"Nothing bad. Not bad bad. Just, ya know… posing and stuff."

"Can we even do that? Is it okay to move them?"

"One way to find out."

I let her fingers find mine and then pull her out of the shadows. For some reason sneaking even though there is no one to see us. All lost in their frozen thoughts. Eyes fixed and unmoving.

"This is kinda creepy… I don't know…"

"Stop being a wuss. Pass me Anya…"

Cos I have Xander and I wanna have fun. Yeah it's a little creepy, manoeuvring my friends like mannequins is a whole lot of weird… but it's a whole lot of the good times too. They'll be totally freaked when time starts passing again and the bride has her hands wedged firmly inside Xander's pants. And the witches should be scared too. I have heaps of embarrassment to pay them back for. All the times they've caught me and B in the sexual situations…

We finish with the first happy couple and move onto the next. Laying Red down gently on the floor, making sure she doesn't hit her head. Pondering our next move.

"So where shall I put Tara?"

"I dunno B, you're creative… what do you reckon?"

I stand back and admire as she places Tara straddling her girlfriend. As she raises her arms above her head in a victorious gesture of having conquered. And I like it. It's cute.

"Who next?"

"I say Dawnie." Making me laugh at her lack of hesitation. At her finding of the fun.

"You enjoying yourself?"

"If I said yes, would I be bad?"

"Only as bad as me."

I wink to confirm it. Grabbing her hand to drag her inside, hunting down our next prey. Laughing hard as we walk through the kitchen, as we catch sight of Dawn sitting on the couch next to Andrew, as the same plan formulates in each of our evil little minds…

"Do they look like they wanna be kissing to you, B?"

Knowing that we would kill anyone that actually ever tried to really kiss our little Dawn, but also knowing the weeks of torturous joy we can get from modelling the scene in exactly that way. Priceless.

"I think so. I definitely think so."

Her smile matching mine as we slide them closer together, as we make their lips meet. And really it's too fucking funny! Not knowing which of them will be more disgusted when they come round. Dawn for kissing Andrew, or him for kissing a girl. I can not wait.

"Is that it?"

"Hell no!" She turns and catches my eye with a shrug, looking around her at the otherwise empty room. "Cordy?"

My word bringing the biggest smirk yet to her lips.

"Oh god. THIS is going to be perfect! Queen Cordelia at my mercy…"

"Nothing too mean B, she's…"

I go to say that she is going through a lot. I go to say that she isn't happy. I go to say a lot of things that never make it past my lips.

"She's what?"

But my words have been stopped by the thoughts that seek to cram my mind. The memory of her pain. How much it hurts me.

"Faith..? You okay?"

"I… shit." My eyes searching the empty space now. Seeing the two that are missing.

And seeing Buffy's confusion.

Somehow this feels right though, somehow I know that my thoughts are leading me in the right direction. My hand reaching out to B to urge her into taking my lead. To follow me where my senses are dictating that I go. Not knowing how I know, but absolutely sure of who I will find out on the porch. Feeling the sadness already sinking through my skin, aching in my bones. Opening the door on a scene which sits exactly the way that destiny dictates. Which is everything other than sweet.

Which hurts me again to see.

I let go of Buffy's hand to circle them. Angel leaning up against a post, arms crossed in a pose of brooding defensiveness, and Cordy below him. Sat forlornly alone on the step. Her head tilted to look up at him. The message in her eyes not dulled by the freezing of time. Not hidden behind the mask of unshed tears.

"Ouch."

Buffy's simple word capturing everything that is on show. Somehow pleasing me that I don't need to explain it. That she understands what she sees. Maybe remembering herself how painful love can be when it isn't spoken. When it can't be spoken.

And I have to say it. Believe me, I do not want to say it. Parts of me screaming inside that I have no right to say it. To seek to take from her everything that I want to give to her. But I have to say it. I wouldn't be me if I didn't say it.

"Buffy?" Drawing her eyes from the tragic scene to listen to my tragic words. "You still want that vacation..?"

First the smile. Then the nod. Then the pause. And then the realisation.

"Faith."

Just my name whispered from her lips as she sinks down. Her green dress billowing around her like a deflated parachute. Nothing cushioning her fall back to reality.

"Do you hate me?"

Words I speak as I kneel beside her, no longer caring about the fabric of my dress, about the fabric of destiny. Just caring what she thinks. How she feels.

"Do you want a one word answer?"

"As many words as you need."

But she isn't speaking. She's looking at me with tears in her eyes. Breaking her gaze to look over at them again. Eventually breaking the silence with a question I hadn't yet considered…

"What exactly would we wish for… what can we do?"

"I dunno. I haven't thought that far ahead."

"I guess… it has to be the curse. We have to ask them to lift his curse."

And that makes sense.

"You think they'll do it Faith?"

"Halfrek said anything, I don't see why they wouldn't."

"Yeah."

She sighs as she says it, her silent nod confirming my reasoning. It's not too much to ask. He deserves it. Both of them deserve it.

A pain in my heart as I allow that to mean more than what Buffy deserves. What I maybe deserve. The idea of a vacation paling beside the idea of helping our friends.

"You ready to call back Hallie?"

"I guess."

Cos nothing really seems like finding the fun anymore. It's like I know I'm doing the right thing, the only thing, but I know exactly what I'm sacrificing too. Peace. Comfort. All of the things that Buffy speaks about. All of the dreams that she longed to come true. And it fucking sucks.

I watch her as she pulls herself up from the ground, as she takes another lingering look at the friends frozen before us. As her shoulders steel and her head nods. Accepting the way things ought to be. The way that destiny should be sweetened.

"Okay Hal… you can, uh… come back now?"

But even that not hiding the sorrow in her voice. The giving up of her dreams.

I want to ask if she's alright. If she is okay with this. But of course I don't get the time. Just a second ago we had all the time in the world and now we have none. Hal stood before us in an instant, her eyes taking in the scene, her head nodding, her mouth opening.

"I take it you're ready..?"

"As ready as we'll ever be."

I lift myself up as I say it, determined to be by Buffy's side as we speak our request. Wondering by the look in Hal's eyes if she doesn't already know.

"What do you wish for?"

Just like that. My hand sliding down to find B, sighing as she grabs hard, not sure who's really applying the pressure.

"Angel." Surprised as she clears her throat and speaks before me. "We want his curse lifted. You said we could ask for anything, that we had a debt to be repaid… well that's it. That's what we want. Lift Angel's curse. Let him have love."

My pride surging as fast as my heart is sinking. Buoyed by her strength, yet drowning in her sorrow. It's crap being a super hero. Being a source of good.

"As you wish."

I expect a flash. A boom. Anything to show us that this is even real. But there is nothing. Just her words spoken into the silence. The smile that graces her face as she turns her eyes back to us.

"I know you won't know this, I know you will likely not believe it, but you made the right choice. You done what the Powers themselves could never do alone."

And I'm really not caring.

"They really were right about you. Thank you." Her words meant to make us feel good.

"Maybe we could have another wish… you know, another slice of gratitude?"

"I truly am sorry Buffy… but like I said, this is all highly unusual as it is."

No one seeks to break the silence that hangs heavy around us now. Not sure what else is left to be said. If there is anything.

"Are you ready? Shall I wake your friends?"

And I clench B's hand just a little bit tighter. Not saying anything.

"Oh come on girls! Less with the morbid… you did good. You did the right thing."

Then why does it feel like I just screwed up the happy ending?

"You'll see. You don't see now, but you'll see."

Whatever.

"Okay Hallie, we're ready. Do whatever you need to do."

And now there is a flash. And a boom. And I'm stood beneath a tree in the garden, staring out at the fairy lights, hidden deep in the shadows. The world returned to the way it should be. Not a comical pose in sight.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Pinch me?"

Somehow finding a little chuckle as perky is forced into her tone.

"That was messed up B. I'm never going to another wedding. Never."

Smiling as she finds her own chuckle, a little nod of agreement.

"I guess we should go talk to Angel. Share the good news."

And this time I follow her lead. Passing amongst our friends to make our way to the porch. Fixing a smile to my face the closer that we get.

This is good. We made the right decision.

Yet nothing I tell myself can distract me from the truth. From knowing that I had waved goodbye to the dreams of my girlfriend. To my dreams.

And Cordy was right. Not everybody does get to have their dreams come true.

CHAPTER 47.

POV Buffy

I hear the door as it opens softly behind me, not turning to give welcome, but standing completely still. Back turned. Determined to shield my sadness. My eyes staying fixed on the same branch, on the same tree, as it sways effortlessly in the breeze outside of my window.

I know that I should turn. The sounds of her breath in the stillness are urging me to turn. But I can't. Not yet. I need this moment of silence. Not only to accustom myself to the loss of broken dreams, but most importantly, to remember the dream that I already possess. To be able to turn and face her with eyes which only hold the happy. That offer her everything she deserves for being the person that she is.

She is amazing.

More amazing than any act of craziness that happened here today. More amazing than anything.

Last night, I had felt so much emptiness without her sleeping at my side. The bed seeming ten times larger. The dreams seeming ten times harsher. They're easy to take when her smile is what wakes me in the mornings, but to wake without her… god. Harsh isn't even the word. It doesn't come close.

And I never want to face another night without her.

It was all that I could think as I followed Anya down the aisle. Smiling as wide as anyone can when all encased in green, my eyes tracking the heads that turned until they had finally fallen upon her. The dose of perky instantly received. My step starting to bounce until I was sure that I was gonna skip down the aisle and overtake the bride.

I didn't though. I offered her my shy smile. Feeling the knot of butterflies in my stomach that always gathers when I'm going to see her. No matter that we live together now, no matter that I see her everyday… still the feeling stays the same. Shyness, nerves, and then a need to touch. To talk. To just be in her presence. Her eyes not showing any nerves, just gliding down across my form, a wink which hinted at lewdness being tossed in my direction. And maybe I would have retaliated, would have given her a look of my own. But I was done for. Lost. My eyes enraptured by the way that her hair was piled so gracefully atop her head. Just a few tendrils escaping. Framing her face. Framing her smile.

It really wasn't my fault that I froze. That Dawn piled into me from behind and caused me to stumble forward. That if I didn't have the reactions of a slayer, then Anya would have probably met her groom to be, sliding on her ass. Nope. If you had seen the beauty that I had seen, you would be pretty darn frozen too.

And so I had ignored the little giggles behind me, Anya's turn and tut in front of me, and just focused on reaching the end of the aisle. On getting closer to the girl that sends my head all ditzy.

Then came the dress. And then came the wow!

Cordy may be hard to take sometimes, but there is no doubting her ability to conquer the fashion. To be able to pick a piece of clothing and turn it into perfection. She did that today. Faith sat in front of me looking like the most perfect form of perfection I have ever seen. And don't you just know that she had found some shyness of her own then. Sat beneath my awestruck gaze, her blush tinted cheeks had flushed even pinker. Maybe not used to being adored so openly, maybe not used to seeing my jaw stuck so firmly to the floor.

Speechless.

Even now, hours passed, and I can't find the right words to describe just how delectable she looked. If Tara hadn't found the strength to tug me forward into place, then I am sure that I would still be stood before her, looking dumbstruck. Not stood before her offering only my back. I'm getting there though. Listening to her movements behind me. Wondering at the words that she also can't seem to find.

And maybe still being stood dumbstruck this morning would be a good thing. Believing that the day would yield only happiness. Not a clue that the day had so many secrets to be revealed. So many surprises in store.

I don't like surprises. They catch you off guard. Fate waiting until you're smiling, to hit you with a frown. And I don't like fate either. Or destiny. I guess you could say that I'm not too happy with any of them.

I mean, the dreams… I've learnt to live with the dreams. Taking Faith's advice to revel in the peace I found at bedtime instead of torturing myself with the knowledge that I would never have it when I awoke. I've almost gotten used to them. Expecting the same dreamscape whenever I seek rest. Knowing that come morning it will be her lips which kiss me awake, which bring me back to reality. Pushing aside all of the pain in my heart to feel the love in my heart.

And thank you Hallie for delivering so much more of the pain.

Me too stupid to believe Faith's warnings. Not accepting that anything would swoop down to steal the joy from our perfect day. You'd think that I'd know better. That I would've learnt by now. But nope. I didn't have a clue what was in store until Faith had rested my hands upon her stomach, had shared with me the uneasy feeling that was flooding fast through her system. Then I had felt it. The air prickling about me. The hairs standing to attention on the back of my neck.

"I'm not here to hurt anyone…"

That's what she had said. Yet here I am, feeling hurt.

For those few moments, the moments when I still believed in happy endings, I don't think that I have ever been happier. More excited. The thought of spending vacation time with Faith, the equivalent of hitting a double rollover lottery win. A win that lasted all of about ten minutes. Just the time it takes to realise that the destiny you are supposed to be sweetening, will always remain bitter. Will always hold you prisoner.

"You made the right choice… you did the right thing…"

More nuggets of highly useless information that Hallie had seen fit to serve. Not making me feel any better, just assuring me that the PTB really are sick bastards. They had to know… with the things they have shown to me, they had to know what I would desire, the one thing that I would be sure to wish for. But they never wanted that. We did the right thing. We gave our wish away.

I swallow down the little lump that rises in my throat, still banishing my tears, urging myself to grow a backbone. It's crazy. I have so much to be thankful for… you'd think I'd get over these little pity parties I throw for myself. But honestly. It hurts. And no amount of slaps on the back, well dones, or thank yous, will ever stop that from hurting.

Not that we had been bowled over with thanks. Oh no. We had to be treated like idiots first. Eyes looking at us as if we had over indulged in the champagne, as if we'd popped off the planet and beamed back in from the land of the insane.

"Okay… call me crazy Faith, but what the hell are you talking about..?"

Cordy rising up from her step on the porch to question all of the things that had fallen from Faith's lips.

"You're telling me that time froze, the PTB popped down to grant you a wish… and…" Her voice dropping on the final part, not willing to believe. "…and Angel's curse, it's lifted?"

"Yeah. Cool, right?"

"Have you been drinking?"

Her eyes not trusting. Flitting between Faith and myself, even Angel, as if we had somehow got together and conspired to trick her.

"No, no drinking. I swear Cordy, it's what happened. Can't you have a vision or something, get some confirmation..?"

I had broken my gaze from Cordy's surprise to centre instead on Angel. Still leant against the post, his eyes still brooding, his posture still defensive. And I knew that we had another non- believer. Someone else who accepts just how hard life really is. I wanted to shake him. I wanted him to look happy. I had just given away my wishes to give this gift to him and I wanted to see smiles.

"Angel?"

My voice not feeling strong, whispering to him as I crept into his space.

"What's going on Buffy?"

"Good question. With a really long and really cryptic answer."

"The curse is lifted?"

"Yes."

Or not so long and cryptic when you boil it down to the bare bones. If you forget all about the weirdness that came with it. It still wasn't enough to make him smile though, as if he still doubted us, as if it really was too hard to believe. It had prompted the group gathering, me and Faith ushering everybody into the front room to relay the things that they had missed. To try and explain the things that neither of us really understood. All talk of events that weren't meant to have happened, battles that were never meant to have been fought. Dreams that would never be made true, the ones that would.

"This is extraordinary. Highly unusual…"

"We got that Giles, trust us we got that." Faith being the one who took the lead with the telling. Whispering about evil's deceit, how I was never supposed to come back, the stuff about the slayers…

"I don't understand. What spell?"

"Ooops."

Her mouth clamping shut as she remembered that the spell had been a secret. That we had never filled Giles in on the dilemma we had faced alone. There was no need to. We had already made the right decision. It didn't stop his eyes from pinning her down then though, waiting for an overdue explanation to the spell that would've ended the slayer line, would have completely destroyed Willow.

And so I had stepped in. Finding my place at Faith's side and covering her back. "The spell isn't important Giles, it's not what matters."

"I beg to differ…"

"Don't bother. It's taken care of, we don't need to talk about it now."

My words firm and certain. Letting him know that my view wouldn't change. After all, it wasn't only Faith's back I was covering, but also Willow's. There was a reason that she didn't want to share her secrets, and they are reasons that I still respect. She knows what she is capable of, Tara knows, and we know. That is enough.

"Excuse me, Buffy… but I have a question."

"Yes Anya?"

I had imagined that she was about to ask about Halfrek. Maybe doubting our truth too.

"What I don't understand, and I've been trying, believe me I have, is why you made that wish for Angel… it's MY wedding day, and surely if there were wishes to be made, they should've been made for me!"

Yes. That is what she had said. Freezing the room in a disbelief even more pronounced than the moments before.

"Pardon me?"

Guessing that I had heard her wrong. That I was mistaken.

"The wish! Why didn't you make a wish for me?!"

But I wasn't. She really was pissed that our focus hadn't been on her, that she wasn't the total centre of our attention. And she's lucky that she had Xander willing to tidy up her blunder, or her wedding day could've been ending in all sorts of pain. A pain to drown out the pain I was feeling. Am feeling.

"Hey honey, you got me! What else could you have wished for?"

Her eyes wandering, no doubt her thoughts doing the same. But then seeing sense, turning to him with all the radiance of a new blushing bride. Remembering that she already has her happy ending.

"Nothing Xander. I have everything I wished for."

Sugary sweet smiles only lifting my bitter one. Not able to stop my words from slipping out. Sounding harsh amongst the happiness. "Well, aren't you just the lucky ones."

Seeing the shock thrown my way. Ignoring it. Seeing Faith's eyebrows knot in concern on her forehead and offering a grin. A grimace. Offering something though. More than I'm offering now.

If I drag my focus from the solitary branch swaying before me, then I can catch her reflection in the window. Still so beautiful in that dress, still so amazing. Still staring at my back and waiting for me to turn.

Not pressuring me though. Allowing me to take my time in the silence. To think through the thoughts which I still need to think through. My gaze drifting away from her and back to the branch, back to earlier. The minutes that passed until it had been time for Angel and Cordy to leave. Nothing resolved. Their awkwardness obvious to everyone watching.

"Right. So… bye then."

Probably feeling how closely they were being examined. All of us wondering what would happen next, whether the lifting of the curse was due to be confirmed.

"Yeah, see ya Angel." Faith the one rising to see him to the door, turning and waiting for Cordy to leave too.

"We'll talk soon, Faith."

"Talk..? Thought you were done with the talking Cor?"

The colour rising to her cheeks, her eyes flying around us as she had edged her way out of the door.

"Go get him tiger!" Faith's final farewell. That and the purr which had vibrated from her throat, her final act of torment before she pushed the door to closed.

"That was mean. Making fun."

"Ease off Red, I'm allowed to make fun."

"You are?"

"Sure I am. Now the sitch has lost the tragic, well… it'd be wrong to not make the fun."

And Wills had smiled. Had laughed along with the rest of them. Speculation and jokes being tossed around about just how long Angel would have to wait to test out whether the curse really was lifted, whether they would make it back to LA, or whether they would pull over into a convenient and dimly lit side street. I think it struck a chord with Anya, reminding her where she should be, what she should be doing.

"Right! We're leaving!"

"Right now?" Xander's bowtie hanging limp around his neck, a last glass of champagne still clutched in his hand.

"Yes Xander. I already missed out on my wishes thanks to Buffy. I will NOT be missing out on my wedding night orgasms!"

Making me wonder if she will ever learn the value of the phrase; Too Much Information?

I doubt it.

Either way, that was them leaving. Taking Andrew with them, promising to drop him off by the roadside somewhere safe. And then Giles was gone, the room was cleared, and I took Dawn up the stairs to her bed. Not that she isn't old enough to take herself, but I could see the need in her eyes. The need to talk. To get some things from her chest.

Waiting until the duvet was wrapped snug around her to say the things which she wanted to say. "So the wish… you could have asked for anything?"

"That's what Halfrek said."

My mind already assuming that Dawn had a list of goodies we should have wished for her. My heart not stupid enough to assume the same.

"So you could of…" Catching her pause. The deep breath. The eyes meeting mine with such sadness. Just a whisper. "…Mom?"

And please, take my pain and multiply it a million fold. A trillion. Heck, why stop there? Let's just apply a vice grip to my heart and see how hard we can squeeze.

"Dawn…"

"Cos that would have been a good wish, right? And you could have done it… you could have at least asked…"

And how do you answer that one? How do you even begin to?

I hadn't answered. I hadn't known how to. Instead I had found my arms reaching around her, comforting the hurt that her sobs had held, trying to explain the crapped out reasoning of destiny. That Mom was at peace now, that she deserved her peace. That words could never ease a broken heart.

"Do you understand?"

Though how I could have expected her to, when I don't have a clue, is beyond me.

"Yeah. Destiny sucks."

"You got it."

I held her for as long as she would let me. Pretending that I could fill the void she still ached to replace. Sighing right along with her when she eventually pulled away. Her nose turning up at her sisterly show of affection.

"I'm comforted Buffy. You can stop clinging now."

Letting her play it that way. Anyway she wanted.

"I'm clingy. My bad." Standing up to give her space. "You forgive me?"

And just waiting while her face changed through every thought that she was wanting to give voice to. The cocky teenage reply, the grieving daughter reply, and finally a smile. A shrug. "I guess so."

"You guess so?"

"Yeah. If you let me go to the mall with Janice on Sunday, then I'll make it a done deal?"

"You're bartering with forgiveness?"

"Uh-huh. Is that bad?"

And I had smiled. "No, it's fine. I'll talk to Janice's mom tomorrow, but provisionally… you can go."

"Cool."

"Now sleep."

"Okay." My hand rising automatically to switch out her lights, flicking back to on as her voice had softly risen up again. "Buffy..?"

"Now what?"

"I'm glad. About the wish… if you couldn't, with mom. Then I'm glad."

"About Angel?"

Because I wasn't so sure that I wanted Dawn considering the question of whether Angel could get his happy going. I wanted to pretend that she didn't know quite what a happy was just yet.

"No. About us. I'm glad you didn't change anything… I like our life now. I like things the way that they are."

Easing the vice grip on my heart. Not caring about her cool as I stepped forward to find another hug. Clinging as hard as I wanted to. "I like it too. I love it."

And that is the truth.

Mom is where she is meant to be. And we are where we are meant to be.

I had expected that that was that. Closing the door on Dawn's room and finding a path to my own. Only there was more. One more voice in my head to help me order my thoughts.

"Buffy… do you have a minute?"

"Tara. I thought you went to bed?"

"I did. I'm just waiting for Willow, she's still downstairs with Faith."

"Oh, right. What's up?"

I'd let her join me on the path to my bedroom, inviting her inside, sitting down next to her on the bed.

"Nothing's up, I just wanted to check on you. Are you doing okay?"

"Me? Sure I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Loading my voice with perky even though I know that she sees through all of that. She always has done. Possessing some innate gift that allows her to see all of the little things that most other people miss.

"I know how much it meant to you. I know what you gave up."

See? Proof positive. She had just said it as though it was the most obvious thing to say. Seeing that I had pain, wanting to ease it.

"It's nothing. What else could we do?"

Other than resurrect the dead or get cool things for Anya.

"Sweetie, this is me. You told me all about your dream, remember?"

And of course I had remembered. She was the first person who I had spoken to about the dream, the prelude to a conversation about the spell. The first time that I had thought maybe my fantasy could come true. And what is the deal with that?! All this carrot dangling, making me believe that it's somewhere within reach, when all it will ever be is something that seeks to taunt me?

"You think I should've gone with wishing for a vacation?"

"No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I understand. I know it must hurt."

"Is that what they call it?"

Letting her know that yes, she was right. There was something like hurt involved.

"So what made you wish for Angel, out of everything… why that?"

And I knew the answer to that one. I could keep my eyes steady on hers as I spoke the truth.

"Faith. I saw how much it meant to her… the love she felt, the pain at their lack of it. And you know Tara..?"

The movement of her head saying no.

"I felt it too. If you could have seen them… frozen like they were, looking like they were, the longing… the pain. It was the only thing we could ask for. The right thing."

"Well, just so you know, I think it was an amazing thing." Her blue eyes lighting up the dark of the hallway. Her voice so calm and comforting. "They're lucky to have friends like you. Like Faith."

"It's nothing. Really. Angel would do the same for me and for Faith. I just hope he finds happiness… I hope it's all worth it."

"The way Cordy was looking..? I'm sure of it."

And that made me smile again. Makes me smile now. Because if we have erased the sadness that I witnessed on the porch, then yes, it will have all been worth it. All of life's sadness can be beaten back by happiness. Even mine.

A thought that I focus on as steady as my eyes are focused through the window. Missing the reflection of Faith until the moment that she moves, my eyes flitting fast to the changing of the shapes behind me. And I guess she's had enough of waiting. Letting me wallow. Her breath falling heavy upon my neck as she moves in tight behind me, her arms going around my waist to hold me safe.

"You okay baby?" My voice sounding a little tired, a little hoarse from all the thinking.

"Yeah. It's been a long day. I'm pretty beat."

Her hands link in front of me, pulling me closer, her thumbs rubbing a soothing rhythm in circles on my tummy. "What about you B, are you okay?"

I'm getting there.

I don't answer in words though. I catch her eyes in the window, I offer her the smile that I wanted to give. Letting her know it's okay. That even a day like today cannot steal my happiness away. Not when I have her. Not when I have this.

For a long moment I let it be enough. Content just to study her reflection in front of me. Feeling her behind me. Listening to the steady beat of her heart.

"Do you think they'll be happy… do you think they'll find love?"

"Cordy and Angel?" I nod my yes, wait for her answer. "I think so. I hope so. They've been working so damn hard to keep it all hidden though, I dunno… maybe it'll take a while…"

"Hey, I thought you voted for the dimly lit side street..? You changed your mind?"

Her body vibrates against mine as she chuckles. My eyes catching the rise and fall of her eyebrows, the smirk that settles upon her lips. "Nah, I didn't mean it. It's fun to mess with Red. She acts so frigid sometimes, when we all know she's nothing but a horndog at heart."

"She's not the only one."

And she chuckles again. Her hands sliding down from my stomach to rest on my hips, pulling my ass firm against her, hinting at the smallest of grinding rhythms. "You calling me a horndog B?"

"Maybe… definitely. You have a problem with that?"

"No. No problem. It is a little pot, kettle and black though, don't ya think?"

But I don't think. I just feel. Closing my eyes on the perfect mirrored reflection and letting the sensation of her touch fill my senses. The hot breath on my neck, the heated hands through my dress… and the sudden stoppage of touching…

"So you're really okay, with everything today… you're okay?"

And why are we back to that..? I was just getting past that.

"I was just about to get my okay."

My hands insistent as they go to hers, returning them to their place on my hips, my ass nudging back against her groin. And I like this feeling, the way that the silk of her dress slides so easily across the silk of mine. A different friction than the rough denim of jeans, a more tantalising friction than her skin against my skin.

A friction that promises to make me forget about anything I have ever lost.

"You'll be getting your okay B, no doubts about that… but first, seriously…" If only she would stop with the stopping! "…I know how much you wanted that wish…"

Nope. That's it. My thoughts are now no longer wanting refuge in my pants! So much for horndog…

"Faith…" I take the moment as my cue to turn. Not willing to only catch her gaze as a reflection, wanting her to see for real how much I value the dream I already have. "…of course I'm okay. Sure, I admit, the thought of spending beach time with you was pretty damn thrilling… and yes, I am possibly slightly bummed that I won't be modelling my never worn, barely there, yet highly fashionable bikini anytime soon… but so what? What's a bikini when you weigh it up against the happiness of our friends?"

My stare stays solid. Showing the truth.

"Damn, you put it like that and maybe we did do it wrong."

"Huh? We did?"

Did I miss something?

"Every time you say bikini, my libido says yes."

"Bikini."

"Yes."

I can't help the laughter, the little tinkle that falls from my lips. From my smile. "You're an idiot."

"A horndog…an idiot… my repertoire is building." Her repertoire is pretty damn special if you ask me. She doesn't though. She just keeps on doing what she does. Making me happy. Her hands set back to wandering as she recognises the validity of my smile. Cupping my ass through the silk, her eyes deep and sure as she pulls me in close again. "You wanna see some more of my skills B?"

"There's more, is that even possible?"

My voice teasing her the whole time that her hands are rising, leaving the curve of my ass to follow the curve of my dress. Up to the top. Up to the zip. Her fingers fleeting above material to tease the skin of my neck. So sensitive to her touch. Goosebumps rising. "What do you think?"

I think? I think I won the double rollover lottery. I think I remembered that I'm so not passive. That my hands don't need to be urged into demonstrating my thoughts. Oh no. They have curves of their own to be sliding against, the pattern of that perfect dress leading me up to the straps that sit on her shoulders.

"I think you should show me."

Setting a tone of challenge in my voice. An invitation.

"There's the most sense I've heard all day."

There's laughter there behind her words, but also seriousness. Her eyes fixed on mine as she does slide my zipper slowly down, exposing my back to the cool night air. Exposing my skin to her fingers.

Her gaze still strong as she traces the line of my spine, so gently, so softly… feeling the rough pads of her fingertips in barely there caresses. "You're so beautiful. You know that B?"

"You make me feel beautiful."

Speaking above the roar of my heart. The way her words make it pound so fiercely against my chest. She does make me feel beautiful, she makes me feel perfect.

She smiles in response to my words. Her head dipping to kiss the flesh she's exposing, my dress sliding down over my shoulders and dropping to pool on the floor at my feet. And there is some more of that cool night air. More of the goosebumps as she stands back to see what she has done. The way I'm nearly naked.

And I can't speak. Can't move. Only sighing as her hands come up to release the clasp on my bra. More exposure. Her palms cupping my breasts, her thumbs sliding in mesmerising circles around my hardening nipples.

"This isn't fair…" Fighting to speak. To point out the obvious lack of equality in our state of dress situation. "…you have clothes."

Not stopping her actions, just making her murmur. Something unintelligible, her focus somewhere else. And they say that actions speak louder than words… well I can do actions. I'm not passive.

I'm aggressive.

My hands grabbing at hers and taking them from my skin, using surprise to clasp them behind her back, pulling her tight against me…

And holy wow! That dress that looks so nice, feels a whole lot better than nice when it's sliding over aching nakedness. My body slammed with the shock of the sensation. Making me gasp. Making me understand why she wanted silk sheets…

Making me forget everything except the need to be with her.

And my girl is on the same page. No longer teasing me with touches so soft. Her hands hard and insistent as she turns me towards the bed, pushing me down and falling on top of me. Every inch of skin feeling the sensuality of the silk.

"You like that B?"

Her grinding motion remembered as she strikes up the friction again. Her lips sneaking to give me kisses, my lips open to return everything that she has to give. And I can't stop to tell her yes. I can't stop to tell her that as hot and horny as this feels, I'd like it a whole lot more if she lost the dress. My tongue is swirling hard against hers, my teeth straining to take nips each time she pulls away…

And where did she go..?!

I'm forced to open my eyes to find her. On her knees, straddling me, and lifting herself up to remove her dress. Only how do you shed something that fits as snugly as skin..?

It's a question that becomes more valid with each second. Each heartbeat of time that she's not touching my body. That I'm not touching hers.

"Baby..?" I bring myself up so I can use my hands to help. Finding the rip that was started in her struggle against Halfrek, and gripping the sides with both of my fists.

Let me do it Faith. I wanna unwrap my prize.

"Whoa… you know what Cordy will do if you rip that dress?"

And don't pretend at fear Faith. I can see the excitement in your eyes.

"I think after today, she'll forgive you anything."

And I start to pull the edges, not too hard, just creating the smallest sound of a tear. Making the slit just a little more enticing, uncovering just a little more skin.

"I love this dress."

She says it with the slightest pout and I think not to prolong her pain. Like pulling off a plaster. The faster you do it, the quicker the recovery. My eyes delighting as my hands complete the job. The shredding of the dress is complete and I feel like I just hit the lottery again. I will never lose my appreciation of this sight. This feeling.

"God, you're perfect. Have I ever mentioned that you're perfect?"

And I know that I have, but it's a babble I can't hold in as my eyes feast fast upon her skin. Her own eyes hinting at the pout on her lips. Not listening to my compliments.

"You ripped my dress."

Awww.

I run my hands across the skin of her navel to help her forget. Tracing slowly the underside of her breasts, finding the redundant shoulder straps of the now ruined dress and easing them down over her arms. "You forgive me?"

Hoping she doesn't need the mall on Sunday with Janice to make it all okay.

"I really loved that dress."

My fingers racing down to trace the now exposed skin of her thighs. And I can feel her quivers, the silent shivers that she could never hide from me. But I'll play her game. I'll make it up to her.

"I'll buy you a new dress baby, okay?"

Laying myself back down, looking up, fixing seductive in my eyes, in the smile on my face.

"It was a pretty expensive dress… probably one of a kind."

"I'll buy you a different dress then… any dress you want."

My voice is dropping, starting to whisper, knowing that when I do, she will reach forward to hear me. She always does. Not disappointing me now. Biting my lips to stop the cry that wants to break free as her breasts tease touches against mine.

"Maybe I don't want another dress."

Her own voice dropping. My body straining to get closer. "What do you want Faith?"

Asking a question I already know the answer to. That I don't need to hear spoken confirmation of. Her body pressing down onto mine, her thigh sliding sweet between my thighs…

"This."

The last thing I'm sure of as her mouth claims my lips in affirming kisses. Every fibre of my being responding to the way that her skin is sliding against me. Building a sweat, the air no longer cool as it caresses my nakedness. It's hot. The hotness of her breath on my neck, the hotness of her hands as they struggle to find a way between us. Breaking an insistent rhythm to finger the top of panties, to slip inside and touch the real source of my heat.

"Fuck B."

And that sounds like a great idea. Her exclamation at my wetness sounding sweet to my ears. Sounding perfect. My legs spreading to give her the room, her fingers spreading to open me up. Soft touches, teasing touches. Hips rising. My requests being met.

Filled with Faith. With happiness. Her fingers sliding them both deep inside.

And I know that I'm clinging. My fingers wrapping hard as they seek to pull her further against me, wanting her to feel how deeply she touches me… "God Faith…"

Like a prayer. Repeating it into the stillness of the night, as her pace quickens, as my mind trips out. Seeing stars. The way that colours pinprick the darkness behind tightly closed eyes. God… over and over. Feeling the urgency in her touch. Hearing the need breathing out from between her lips. Teeth grazing my skin, a thumb grazing hard across my clit… God…

"Faith…"

And knowing when I'm done for. Muscles tightening hard around toes, firing fast up my thighs. Clenching. My heart hammering. Hands grabbing. Everything concentrating on the feeling inside. Fireworks. Explosions. Her teeth as they crash against mine, her mouth as it steals the last breath I have left…

Done for.

Just kissing. My body trying to still as the tremors still travel through each of my limbs. Her fingers still happy to twist slowly inside. Gently in, gentler out. Her lips soft as they urge my eyes to open. To witness the smirk that sits so satisfied on her face.

"Damn, I'm good."

And she's lucky that she stole my breath or I'd be answering that little gem with a word or two of my own. Or I wouldn't. I don't have an answer to the love in her eyes. Nothing other than the obvious.

"I love you Faith."

Raising the smirk higher, inviting her eyebrows to join in the fun.

"Course ya do B. I just hit you with a damn fine dose of the happy, how could you not love me?"

Good question. "I couldn't."

And the smirk settles down into a smile, shifting her body, rolling from atop me to beside me. Her fingers creeping out to trace patterns in the wetness of my thighs.

"I still can't believe you ripped my dress."

"I did..? I don't remember."

Hoping to plead my ignorance behind a mind shattering orgasm. I shouldn't be expected to remember anything. With the way that she touches me, I'm lucky to remember my name.

But no. She's not that silly. Her eyebrows showing me the menacing dip now as she points her hand in the general direction of discarded silk. "Yes. You definitely did."

"Well, maybe I just wanted to check out the goodies. It was your fault for keeping them covered."

I punctuate my words by rolling onto my side, bringing my fingers up to graze across the tautness of her deliciously dark nipples. And is it wrong to want to have a Homer Simpson moment..? To let the drool pool from my lips as I whisper a vacant 'Mmmmm… nipples…'

"Mmmmm…"

The sound rises from her throat and I have to wonder if she's reading my thoughts. Though she's probably just appreciating my touches. Finding a pinch between thumb and finger, lowering my head to offer her my lips.

And I can do this forever. Offering, having, taking, touching. Tasting the sweat of her skin salty against my lips, tracing patterns more intricate than any torn apart dress.

She shivers as my tongue dips inside her navel, my fingers making deft work of sneaking inside her panties. "Shit B…"

Such sweet sentiment.

Her voice hoarse the way I like it, bringing music to my ears. My lips descending to kiss away the last barrier of clothing that covers her skin. My tongue sliding between my fingers to wrap in the smooth folds of her pussy.

And did I mention done for?

This is more done for. This is the craziest feeling in the world. My fingers firm as they slip inside, my pulse racing as her hands wrap about my head. Pulling me closer, urging me harder.

"That's it B…" Making prayers of her own. "…god, that's it."

And I give. Everything I am. My arm going across her navel now to hold her in place, the bucking of her hips matching the crashing of my fingers perfectly… but I need her still. My slayer strength demanding that she lay back, that she lets me fuck her exactly how I need to. How I want to. My lips dying to kiss her pussy with every ounce of passion I have ever owned. Wanting her to come that way. To lose herself in the rhythm of my tongue.

"Easy Faith. Easy…" Placating her with words as I slide my fingers from her body. Not giving her the time to protest before I lower my head back down. Tasting her properly. All of her open to me. Offered to me.

And I feast. And I taste. And I was wrong.

There is nothing bitter about my destiny. It is the sweetest taste I could ever have imagined. It's the taste of Faith.

CHAPTER 48.

Dedication: The end is of course dedicated to all of you fantastically wonderful persons that have found the time to give the feedback. You make this rather strange obsession I have for writing lesbian love stories about other people's characters truly satisfying and wholly justifiable! Ha ha. I love you guys.
Extra special love goes to those that went above and beyond the call of duty to regularly stoke my brightly burning obsession.
That's uh... *shuffles notes* ... Chev for all of her love at the beginning. Reese for the rather encouraging woooots in the middle. Diva for your fb throughout... err... Chris for the endless fountain of ideas. Mint for the fantastically thought out feedback you always provide. Poet for constantly making me horny... grrrrrr... *drools*
And finally, and most importantly, for Bobbi. The chick with more dedication to this story than even me. Seriously. Without her it would never have been finished. Plus, she's sending me weekly DVD recordings of season three the L word. I have decided to dedicate my life to her.
That's all. Thanks for reading. And enjoy!

POV: Faith.

If you sit in the same seat long enough, then it eventually moulds to your ass. It learns the contours, the shape and the size, then it wraps you up and offers endless hours of comfort. Its arms always ready to provide support, the lever on the back always ready to provide the perfect angle to kick right back. Feet up. Heels resting in their familiar spot, head laid back against the cushion of leather.

And I think it's called the easy life. Everything that I have now.

Kinda crazy when you think how I tried to make it so hard. Everything about me designed to be bad, the lip gloss and leather, the nasty snarl on my face. I relished the nasty, I was gonna be the nastiest. And now I have the world's comfiest office chair and the world's coolest office. Shit. Mention the fresh flowers, the family photos, and then you can see just how nasty I really turned out in the end.

It's bad.

My hands as used to doing dishes now as they are to slaying demons. I flip a mean pancake. I bake a mean muffin. And you know what..?

I fucking love it. Every minute of it. Every flour dusted, cherry glazed, sugar coated second of it. Don't get me wrong, I still thrust and thrive on the energy of slaying the evil undead, but I've learnt to appreciate the other stuff now. I've learnt to treasure it. There was a time, not so long ago, that I didn't know how to appreciate anything at all. I wanted to call bum deal on my whole deck and start the hand again. Pissed when I couldn't. My scowl only deepening in juvie, my heart hardening to everything I assumed it was never meant to feel.

I believed in destiny and I knew my destiny.

Sure, I would've tried. I would've done my best to make the change. Hanging tight to Angel's coat tails, trying to fake my way through forgiveness. I would've done the whole bit, but none of it would've mattered. I was sure of my destiny back then. I'd screwed every slot and got screwed straight back. I never saw the happy ending. That's something that I never would've believed in. Never. Asked to guess and I would've said grisly death. Probably the result of a fucked up drinking session, one bottle too many, reactions shot to shit. I expect a part of me would have welcomed it. Back then I would've welcomed anything that felt like kindness. An end to a life that was doomed from the start.

Never in a million years, not in a fucking lifetime of millions, would I have guessed that I was destined to be a source of all good. Even now, with all of this around me, it seems like I stumbled and fell into another dimension. Someone else's life.

Me. Faith. The bad ass slayer. The skanky ho. The bitch with a death wish…

If I open my eyes, if I let them stray down to the boots on my feet, then I will see the same boots. Same style. Steel capped for effect. The feet that walk in them though, they have changed beyond recognition. I'm not that girl anymore. I wonder if I ever wanted to be that girl in the first place.

My heart says no, but then, my heart's not hardened anymore.

Another of destiny's freaky little mind melts. Me and Buffy Summers.

It's a thought that still brings smiles to my face. Maybe a smirk, a hint of the naughty. Fingers itching to remember her curves, blood racing, pulse pumping, toes curling in these steel capped boots as I think about the real source of my goodness. Buffy Summers and me. Damn right I'm smiling.

Sometimes, when I'm holding her, I dunno… just chilling, sometimes she gets this look in her eyes. And it's love. And I get that. I know how much she loves me. But more than that… full of awe. Of thanks. Words all scripted in whispers.

'I'm lucky I had you to save me Faith…'

And when she says that, when I see that look in her eyes… all I can do then is thank god, thank everyone, that I had her to save me. Life was nothing without her in it. Now it's everything. It's the fresh cut flowers that Tara keeps in the vase, it's the family snaps that adorn every surface. Giles' books piled high, Red's books piled higher. It's the perfect office chair that cradles my ass. The sign above the door with my name stencilled so sweetly next to hers.

Maybe easy life wasn't quite right. Perfect life sounds so much more like the truth.

It's the words I used to console Buffy after the wish. The days that followed. Never quite believing her that everything was peachy, everything was fine. No. I caught the extra pensive twirling of the stake, the way her eyes sat woeful, staring, fixed and vacant… a girl still dreaming of vacation.

It's gonna make all of this even better. Hal-freak not the only one who can make a dream come true, not the only one who can sweeten destiny…

A thought fragmented by the ringing of the phone. The flashing light letting me know that it's Dawn on the other end. Sat at the front desk and too lazy assed to walk to the office. I ought to dock her wages. Allowance. Whatever it's called.

"What's up Dawn?"

My feet thumping on the floor as I move myself from slouching to sitting.

"I'm starving! How much longer do we have to be here?"

A look to the clock lets me know it's nearing six. She should be here by now. We should be out of here by now.

"Hang tight kiddo, not much longer."

I hope.

I hear her blow a disgruntled breath down the phone, a teenage sigh echoing in the empty reception. "It's SO not fair. I should be out there enjoying my young life, not cooped up in here, the victim of child slavery… do you know the punishment for child slavery Faith..?"

"I'll shoot you a bonus, okay?"

"I'm starving!"

"And a pizza?"

Man. Kids are fucking hard. When we were setting up this deal, she begged to be a part of it. Pleading not to be left out 'again', to be taught how to fight, how to slay, how to be a member of our bona- fide family business. I said that once she had fully mastered the art of the filing, I would maybe consider the fighting. It's not a deal that she loves.

"Extra large pizza, with extra toppings… and a shake. Super sized."

"You drive a hard bargain."

"Is that a yes?"

And I laugh a little at the victorious tone of her voice. So sure she has me beat. Wrapped around that cute little pinky of hers. Me so sure that she's probably right.

"Yeah. I'll shout for the pizza. But Dawn..?"

"What?"

"Keep the phone free. You want something, take a walk… you never know who's trying to call."

Because you don't.

I drop the phone back into its cradle and snatch another look at the clock. I can't cope if something's fucked up. This has to all go perfect. The execution of two months planning. Getting schedules sorted, funds in place, everything the way it's supposed to be.

Makes me wonder if I should phone through now. If I should play the helpless card and cut a call to LA. 'Help me Angel, I'm getting nervous…'

Sounds kinda dumb though. Like I should learn to chill out. Everything is planned to perfection and everything is going to go fine. Angel said so and I trust him. Cordy said so and I trust her too.

They couldn't wait to help of course. Damn… they practically fell over themselves trying to help me out.

'Anything you need Faith, anything. Ever. Ever, ever… you just let me know…'

Cordy's gratitude flowing fast as soon as the awkwardness had been displaced. As soon as she had proved beyond all doubts that the curse was well and truly lifted. She gave Angel his happy, a whole weekend full of happiness, and his soul had stayed firmly in place. Eight weeks on and he's still all about the smiles. The words that he used longer and a little more weighted, but the sentiment was the same…

'You did this for me Faith. You took my eternity and made it bearable… you allowed me to be a man again, to have feelings… if there's anyway I can ever repay this debt…'

And hell yeah!! It's called ten days in Hawaii.

Not that I had asked them straight away. I had to think it through first. Tara my secret ally in a plan to make Buffy's smile permanent. Trying to figure out the logistics of taking the slayers out of Sunnydale. Leaving the hellmouth unguarded. In the end there had only been one way, the obvious way…

The light on the phone breaks through my thoughts again. Dawn too lazy to use her legs again.

"Now what, you forgot how to walk..?"

"No!" Her voice all full of the righteous anger. "Maybe I shouldn't bother telling you that they're here… that you can go get your honey now and whisk her off to paradise. Jeez, you try and do something right around here…"

"Chill kiddo."

"And stop calling me kiddo! Do you ever think how embarrassing it's gonna be when you're still calling me kiddo at graduation?"

"Wicked embarrassing." I guess. "So she's here?"

"THEY are here." They are? Who are? "I'll send them through."

"Right… thanks."

And now I move the comfy chair back just a little. Straightening myself, straightening my shirt. Ready to look all professional to the 'they' that are walking through the door.

"Faith!"

She yelps it as she throws herself in my direction. All that same energy, all that same enthusiasm. Maybe slightly less of the touchy feely.

"Ken… uh, hey. How's things?"

I try and pull her arms from round me as I speak, my eyes drifting up from my plight to catch sight of Fred lurking by the doorway. Bumbling with her glasses, with the blush that turns her cheeks bright red.

"Fred..? What the..?"

Cos she wasn't meant to be coming, right? No point in having some kooky math genius guarding the hellmouth. Some chick who's scared of her own shadow…

"I asked her to come Faith, you don't mind, do you?"

Oh… wait…

Angel's words from before sliding fast into my mind. How Fred was keeping Kennedy grounded. How they were hanging out, getting close…

"I dunno Ken, the office only has the one bed…" My sensuous smile now making her squirm, my eyebrows holding her hypnotized. "…and what if things get rough, can she handle herself?"

"Uh… Faith?"

I break my gaze from my prey to glance across to my former buddy. The crazy girl who had kept me company when no one else wanted to remember my name.

"What's up Fred?"

"If something happens, I'll be okay, I'll be safe… Kennedy taught me some moves…"

Oh, I bet she did. Only I don't say it. I don't increase the blushes in the room. I just wink and say okay then. I throw my arm across her shoulder and ask how's things. And most importantly of all, I thank them both for helping me out. For taking time out of their lives to let me do this thing for Buffy.

And then I'm interrupted by the god damn blinking light on the phone. Again!

"Jesus Dawn, now what!?!"

"I rang ahead for pizza, I ordered Hawaiian, we're leaving in five!"

The tone cuts through as she cuts the connection. And how the heck do you like that..? Hanging up on me. It sucks. If I wasn't so firmly wrapped around her finger I'd probably be making a stab at pissed. I am though and I know it.

Plus her call makes me check the clock. Makes me realise the time. My goodbyes hastily given and Dawn hastily grabbed. Only waiting the seconds it takes to make the call. To set the wheels in motion.

'Hello..?'

'B, it's me. We've got a sitch, I'm coming home…'

'What's going on..? Faith..?'

'I can't explain now, it's too big, too fucked up… I'll be back soon. Throw some shit in a bag.'

On a mission to sweeten her destiny.

*****

And boy had it been hard going.

I should've guessed really, I mean, it's not like she likes to do things the easy way is it? No. She had to make me sweat first, had to make me think that the whole damn deal was gonna go up in smoke…

"Faith, what the heck is going on..?!"

Her words thrust at me as soon as I had stepped through the door. Foot tapping, arms crossed. A whole world of pissed obvious in her pose.

"It's major shit B. Angel called, there's a demon problem… some mass spawning…" Her eyes only hardening as I launched into my unsure spiel about some fantasy demon. "…he said he wants you to deal with it. Figures you're the best for the job…"

"Me..?"

"Uh-huh."

I held her stare as she gave me the once over. Determined to stay in character. To not reach forward and ease the frown lines from her face. Sighing inside as her arms had dropped, as she leant back against the sofa to await all the details that I had.

"He only just heard about it, some distress call came in and he got straight on the phone to me… he sounded pretty worried B."

"And he can't deal with it, why?"

Cos the sun shines fucking bright in Hawaii.

"LA needs him. He can't leave right now. I guess he figured cos there's two of us here…"

"Where is it?"

Ah. That was a sticky moment. Trying to keep the smile under wraps, trying to banish the brochures from my thoughts, the idyllic pictures of idyllic islands. Instead glancing away as if I was wounded. As if the thought of her leaving me was too much to talk about.

"It's far."

"How far?"

Biting so hard on the inside of my lip. Tasting blood. Turning from her stare just to relieve the pain of pretending to be pissed. "You have to fly."

"Faith..?"

Remembering to hunch my shoulders. To drop my voice. "Hawaii."

And fuck me, it was difficult. The way she had echoed my word in that high pitched squeal of hers… 'Hawaii..?'

"Yeah. I know it sucks… I hate that you have to go…"

"No. No way! I don't HAVE to go anywhere."

The vehemence in her voice making me turn back to face her. Seeing the arms crossed again, the way she was holding herself ramrod straight. Not bending. Making it harder for me.

"B, come on… someone has to go." But she just arched her eyebrow. Cocked her hip. Made me deal the death blow. "It's our job."

Because I knew that there was no running from that, and I knew that she knew it. It is our job. And now Angel is our boss, he can pretty much ask us to do what needs to be done. We help the helpless. There are no boundaries to helplessness.

"Are you coming?"

"No. Can't leave the hell mouth B, one of us has to stay."

"Why can't I stay?"

And I had thought about that one. Why would Angel choose B over me? "Dunno, I guess he doesn't trust me enough. Maybe he's worried I'll go surfing instead of slaying."

"Maybe he's an ass."

Again I'd had to bite down hard. Her solemn expression killing me just as much as her jibes at Angel. He's an ass? He's my fucking hero.

I'd pulled it off though. Stayed sensible long enough to convince her that this was all real. That there really was some big kahuna demon who was spawning just off the coast of Hawaii. Thousands of little demonic tadpoles waiting to feed on the locals if she couldn't get there and stop it.

It appealed to the super hero in her. The part that makes us strive to do the right thing even though we want to do the exact opposite. Her stance losing challenging to embrace acceptance. Wanting details, logistics…

"When do I go?"

"As soon as possible. Angel has a plane waiting at the airstrip… is your bag ready?"

"My own plane?"

And yeah. That appealed to a different part of her.

"Your own plane."

Easing her burden. Lifting her shoulders a little.

"Cooool."

Maybe a lot.

The house coming alive as everyone else had stepped up to play their part. Tara and Willow gathering around. Dawn taking dramatic to the limit, almost blowing it for me.

"Oh my god! You have to go… but… how will we cope, without you…"

The whole time shoving that thin based Hawaiian into her mouth and buzzing from the excitement of knowing a secret her sister had no clue to. A Cheshire cat grin splitting her cheeks, cheese flying from her lips as she attempted to pretend she was blubbering out her sadness.

And I had done the only thing I could. Stepping up close and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Really freaking tight around her shoulders. "Come on Dawnie, it'll be okay. I'm here to look after you."

"Right Dawn, she is. And I'll only be gone one night, maybe two. You'll be okay… yeah?"

And I had gripped even tighter.

Do not blow it Dawn. Do not blow it.

"I…uh… uh-huh."

It had been tempting to reach up and grab her ponytail. Force her head into a frantic gesture of compliance. I could see the wavering in Buffy's eyes. Worried about Dawn. Worried about leaving her.

"She'll be fine B, I promise. Now come on, you have to get going."

"I have to get going? I'm driving myself?"

It was the second minefield. Another slip up that nearly cost me.

"No sweetie, I'm driving you."

Such a sweet girl that Tara. Always there to help.

"You..? You know about this?"

It had sent manic glances flying for a moment. Tara freezing in front of her, me silently screaming behind her. And Red wading in to try and make it better. Only succeeding in sending it skitting somewhere close to disaster.

"Yes! Err, Cordy just rang… a vision… you have to hurry…"

Admittedly she was trying her best. Flapping her arms all around, brainless banter speeding from her lips. I wanted to duck and take cover. I could see the signs of suspicion… Buffy's eyebrows as they began to dip in the centre of her head…

"Wills, what's going on..?"

Not even asking me. Fixing her stare on Red and waiting expectantly.

"I… we… Tara?"

Her mouth pointing out in a pout. Turning to face our blonde witch.

And I was sure that was it. Really it. Busted. Shot down in flames.

"It's just like Willow said, Buffy. Cordelia rang, she told us she had a vision and you need to get going straight away. It sounded urgent…"

"It sounds fishy."

A seafood supreme. I'd known then that I had to play the only hand I had left. Calling in the big guns. My pocket ace.

"Give Angel a call. If you really think I'd lie to you, then call the boss. You do have trust in him, right..?"

Calling on all of my memories of hurt. Remembering the role to play. Slumping my shoulders down, masquerading as the girl I used to be.

"Faith…"

"No, it's cool B." Pulling the cell phone from my pocket, tossing it in her direction. "I get it."

And I didn't like doing it. Didn't want to put any sadness in her eyes, but what else could I do? This is important. Worth the few extra ounces of hurting, just to get to the point where I can give her a whole world of happiness. Concentrating that thought into my eyes… begging her to trust me…

"I don't need to call Angel. I trust you."

Superb!

Not needing to pretend at the smile which lit my face up then. Papering over any inconsistencies in our story with an embrace of goodbye. Carrying her bag for her, pulling her in close as she went to get in the car.

"I'm gonna miss you B."

My hands drifting down to nestle her ass, my cheek sliding across hers as I had whispered my sorrowful farewell. Clinging as hard as she had. Anything to stop the victorious chuckle from rising up out of my throat.

I got her. I got her good.

Unable to stop the giddiness of that feeling as she had driven out of sight, punching the air, hollering a cry of success.

"Are you gonna spend all night out there, displaying on the sidewalk, or are you gonna get a move on..?"

And I had displayed for a few minutes more. Capturing Red in my happiness, spinning her round. Slapping Dawn's hand with a neat high five…

"Is everything ready, are we good to go..?"

"Check! I packed Buffy's bag, ten days of beach wear. I don't even think she noticed anything was missing."

"Nice one. Red..?"

"All set to go. Tara's gonna get Buffy settled on the plane and then we stow you away. Though…" I had awaited her question, already known the answer. "…are you sure she won't see you?"

"Absolutely. She's got tons of fake files on a fake demon to read, and I'm gonna be sitting up front with the pilot… Angel's briefed the guys the other end. It's all taken care of."

"And you're just gonna surprise her… at the hotel?"

"Sure." I had thought again then of the brochures. The Four Seasons resort in Lanai. There was no way that Buffy was gonna believe the bullshit after seeing where she was staying. That was gonna be my moment. I explained it all to Red, laid out the final parts to my plan.

"Yikes. This is all so romantic, you do know that?"

"Just trying to make the girl happy."

And then she had explained it all to me. "You already did that Faith. This IS romantic, a whole heap of romantic, just suck it up and accept it."

So I did. Smiling again. Whooping again. My excitement threatening to boil over the whole time that I was heading to the airstrip. Waiting on Tara's signal and creeping my way into the cockpit. Not able to speak. Barely breathing the entire journey. Knowing that she was sat so close to me, that I could give it all up, there and then, and be at her side.

But I didn't.

I worked too hard to get this all right. I spent too many weeks rehearsing my line. Practising my moment.

Swallowing down my nerves now as I speak to the bell boy. Sitting with the bags and shooting shit. Waiting on the call that I know is gonna come any moment.

And here it is. I guess she found her room.

"Hello?"

"Faith, it's me. You are not gonna believe this!"

"What's up, you there yet?"

"I think there's been a mix up… you should see this place, it's crazy. The room, god… it's huge! And the balcony… I'm on the balcony right now Faith and let me tell you, the stars in Hawaii are way better than the stars in California…"

"I think they're the same stars."

"No way. You need to see these, they're…"

Shiny?

Only I know what she means. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't cast my own glance up over the sky outside. But that's not why she's here. She's here on a mission.

"So what about the demon, have you made a start on that yet?"

"That's the other thing Faith. The files on the demon read more like a travel brochure than a write up on something mean and nasty, just listen to this…"

I cover my snigger as she rustles some papers at her end. My eyes wandering back to the bell boy and giving him a wink, a signal to say that we'd be moving in just a few. That he wouldn't have to stand idle with my bags for too much longer. My attention drifting back to the phone as she begins to read her file notes to me. But then I don't really need to listen. After all, it was me that wrote them.

"…Lana'i is home to one of the largest schools of spinner dolphins in Hawaii, and from December to April it is also the calving and breeding grounds for hundreds of migrating humpback whales. Also popular with spawning demons. Watch out for the tentacles…"

"Sounds treacherous."

"No Faith, it sounds ridiculous. And fishy."

"Fish have tentacles? I thought that was an octopus thing."

"Faith."

Her voice gets stern and I can just imagine the look on her face. Not caring about stars anymore, just wondering what the hell is happening.

"Yeah..?"

And I feel the moment coming closer. The smile already starting to raise my lips.

"What's going on?"

"What do ya mean?"

"I'm standing on the balcony in the swankiest hotel room I have ever seen, looking at stars and hearing the ocean… what's going on?"

My cue to get moving. Urging the bellboy to wheel the cases behind me as I head to the elevator, speaking my last line into the phone. The last lie.

"No idea B. I'll tell ya what, give me a few and I'll call Angel, see if he can't sort this out."

"And then you'll call me back?"

"Of course. Just sit tight. Enjoy the view or something."

"Cute."

"I try. I'll speak to you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

I listen as she cuts the call. Imagining her face as I ride the elevator the short journey up to the second floor. My feet sinking into the plush carpeting that leads me to her door. The Prime Ocean Front suite. Only the best for my girl.

Only the deepest of nerves for me. This is it. My hand shaking as I lift it to knock. My mouth incomprehensively dry.

"Who is it..?"

And her voice. So suspicious as she shouts through the door. Making me nudge the ever suffering bellboy, convincing him to play along with my smile.

"Room service ma'am, your complimentary champagne and hamper are here."

"Oh… okay. Just give me a minute."

I offer him my thanks and gladly accept the bags from the trolley. Ushering him away now. Just standing and awaiting entry. Trying to strike a pose as the door starts to open before me…

Seeing as her eyes do the double take, as her mouth drops even further open than when I had worn that dress to Anya's wedding.

"Hey B."

And what else can I say?

She's not saying anything. Still stood frozen in shock. Mouth moving now but no sound coming out. Makes me think I should take the initiative, should somehow get this party moving.

"Can I come in?"

"Huh..? Yeah… come in."

She pulls the door wide open to let me get through with the bags. Stepping to the side so I have somewhere to put them. And fuck me, what a room. None of the brochures did this justice, no picture came close to how amazing this looks.

"Holy shit."

And then some. My mouth gaping now as I walk through to the balcony, almost forgetting that I need to do some explaining first. That Buffy still has no clue as to what's going on.

I'm reminded by the harshness of her voice though. Cutting through my exploration of a sky that's shining with more stars than I have ever seen anywhere ever. No city lights to dampen the brightness, nothing but the waves to break the sound of tranquillity…

"You want to tell me what's going on now?"

"Sweet view B."

"I don't care about the view, just tell me what's going on… what are you doing here?"

"You forgot something."

She really did. And I know this because it's bulging a soft lump inside of my jacket. Maybe the whole reason behind me bringing her here. Wanting to show her how much I care, how much I love her. Wanting her to have everything that she needs.

"I forgot something?"

"Sure ya did."

I pat the lump affectionately, in line with my heart, my eyes already drifting over her body, over the curves which lay hidden beneath clothes.

"What is it?"

And her confusion is so god damn adorable. Her voice dropping any tone other than curious, her face screwing up into all sorts of bewildered expressions.

It's beautiful. A beauty that doesn't decrease as I slide my hand inside of my jacket, reaching into my pocket and producing my prize. As good a reason as any to hoodwink my girl into taking an unexpected surprise vacation.

"My bikini?"

"Damn right your bikini."

"You followed me to Hawaii to deliver my bikini, even though I'm only supposed to be here to fight a spawning sea demon with…" She drops my gaze to glance down at the file still held in her hand. Quoting my own words to me. "…orange spotted tentacles."

"Yep."

I hold my hand up in the distance between us, offering the barely there bikini that she had been so desperate to wear. That I had been so desperate to see. "You wanna go get changed?"

And I know she's gonna beat me if I don't explain things soon, but this is so good. Just how I imagined it would be. Her stood before me looking lost, and me knowing that any minute now she is gonna be screaming out in ecstasy.

For the moment though she just looks un-amused. Reaching out and taking the bikini, tossing it to the side, slapping me with the Buffy stare. "Last chance, what's going on?"

"Last chance? Sounds dangerous."

Looks dangerous too.

"Faith."

"Okay, okay… I'll fess up."

Because I like my limbs in the position they're in. No remodelling needed.

I wait till she bridges the gap that keeps us apart, joining me in resting back against the balcony, a warm breeze blowing in from the ocean. Not a tentacled demon in sight.

"I guess you've figured out that there's no demon problem to fix?"

"I was starting to wonder."

"Right. Well, there's not. I decided, we decided, that you needed some time off."

"Huh? Who's we?"

Everyone.

I lift my ass up a little to perch up on the railing. Swinging my feet. Relaxing now that I can tell her the truth. Two months of planning finally paying off.

"All of us. It was my idea, I asked Angel, but he made it all happen. Got some friend who owed him a favour to sort out this place… the plane, it was mostly him really…"

I can see that she's still not quite there. She hasn't figured out why she's here yet.

"But the hellmouth, who's guarding the hellmouth? Oh god, Dawn…"

"Kennedy. And Fred. It's all covered B. Nothing to worry about."

"Right… nothing to worry about." She starts a little pace now in front of me, three tiny steps forward, stop, spin, turn, and three tiny steps back. The deep green of her eyes piercing me in the moonlight. So serious. So beautiful. "What's going on?"

Her voice just a whisper above the crashing of the waves. And I have to tell her. Have to let her know how perfect this life is.

"Vacation."

Just one word. Eight little letters which join together to give her the thing that she dreams of the most. Her eyes narrowing, flying wide. Her hand rising up to cover her mouth as it gapes out her shock.

"Surprise..?"

I don't know what else to say. I've rendered her dumbstruck. She's not moving. Standing dead still as the tears form in her eyes.

"Buffy?"

Have I broken her..? I start to wonder as she continues to just stand and stare. Movement eventually coming in the form of a shaking head. Backwards and forwards. And I can't leave her standing so unsure. My perch forgotten as I slide down to join her, my arms sliding into their favourite place, holding her tight against me.

"It's the truth B, I promise you. This… all of this, it's for you. There is no demon, never was any demon, I just… I needed a way to surprise you."

She doesn't speak. Doesn't move.

My head pulling back so as I can see her. Witnessing as her tears break free, sliding a path down her cheeks. Making me lift my thumb to trace them, to wipe them away.

"B, are you okay?"

Because this wasn't meant to be sad. I wasn't meant to make her cry.

I hold my breath as she squeezes her eyes tight, letting her fingers slip between mine to pull them from her face. Down by our sides. The corners of her mouth raising just the slightest. A hint of a smile before she speaks.

"You did this for me?"

"Yeah… is it okay, do you like it..?"

"Do I like it?"

There's disbelief wrapped around her words. Her shiny eyes looking at me as if I am crazy. So I nod. I confirm my question.

"I don't think I can believe it…" Her gaze leaves me for a moment to take in the view. The stars shining down, the waves crashing against the rocks below us. "…are you sure this is real. Am I dreaming again?"

"It's real."

"Really, really, real?"

A chuckle accompanying my nod this time. "Yes B. It's really, really, REALLY, real. You girl, are on vacation."

"Shit."

Shit..?!

"You what?"

"Good shit. I mean… holy crap. I'm on vacation?"

"Yep."

And she's not hinting at a smile now, she's hitting me full on with a Buffy Summers special. The kind of smile that could make you fall in love. That made me fall in love.

"How long?"

"Ten days."

Her mouth forms a wow without sound. Maybe silent at the thought of ten days peace and quiet. Ten days where we have nothing to worry about except each other. Nothing to focus upon except each other.

"Ten days..? But how… this is crazy. How did you do this?"

With a little help from my friends.

"It was easy really. We all knew how much you wanted this, how much it meant to you…"

"But…"

"No buts, just listen. You deserved this, we got together to give you it. Angel paid for everything… he said it's a bonus for all the dollar we've raked in Sunnydale. Kennedy offered to play slayer in charge and the gang are gonna all pull together to take care of Dawn…"

"Just like that?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Wow." Now she does speak it. Still shaking her head, caught somewhere in a disbelieving place. Probably still expecting the bad that always accompanies the good.

"Oh no!" And I guess she found it. "Clothes! I haven't got clothes!"

Oh man.

"Clothes?"

"Yes clothes! You never said I was going away for ten days! I have clothes for two. I have one pair of jeans. One pair of SHOES! This is a disaster!"

This is fucking hilarious.

"Don't forget the bikini B, I brought your bikini."

I pick it up and hand it to her, just to illustrate the point. "And hey, not like you're gonna be needing much else."

A little lewd wink. A suggestive raise of the eyebrow.

"Faith, this is serious. Can we focus please?"

I can try. My eyes focusing on all the places that they want to focus upon. That hint of naughty rising again as I think long and hard about all the things I want to do to those focused upon places.

"I'm focused."

"Did you see any shops, any place I can buy some clothes?"

We're still on the clothes?

I tear my gaze away from her body to marvel instead at the look in her eyes. At the completely unique way her mind seems to function.

"I brought your clothes, you dope."

As if I'd really just bring the bikini. No way. Tara ordered that I bring clothes as well.

"You did?" I point to the two suitcases I was carrying when she opened the door on me, nod my head slowly up and down. "Oh… guess that explains the baggage then."

"That explains the baggage."

She casts her eyes over the cases, drags them back to me. Out towards the view again. Slowly back to me. Getting wider on each pass. Her smile growing ever bigger. "I can't believe it."

"Believe it B."

I know what's coming. I can see it building in her. I can feel it. The excitement as it encompasses her body from the face down. The way she's starting to bounce. "I'm on vacation?"

And how many times do I have to say it?

"Yes B! You. Are. On. Vacation." Each word spoken slowly. Each syllable broken down to send the message home.

"I'm on vacation?"

Oh god. I want to nudge her. Worried that she's a record stuck on repeat. That I've somehow scrambled her brain. I don't though. I keep my smile, I nod again. "Yeah."

And I cover my ears on the loudest god damn screech I have ever heard. Ever. Peeling out and echoing back on the cliffs that surround us. Loud enough to wake all of the dead in all of the worlds in every dimension.

Just waiting till she has finished. Laughing along with her exuberance. "I guess you're happy?"

"I guess you're right." And she laughs too. Taking my hand again and facing me out towards the sea. "I can't believe you did this… I can't believe I didn't know you were doing this. It's kinda sneaky."

"It was super sneaky B. I totally got you."

Making her giggle now. A carefree sound. Her shoulders already relaxing. "Hey, I was suspicious… I knew something was up."

"No way! I got you good."

"You really think so?"

Her voice drops down below the crashing waves and I have to lean closer to hear her. Her body turning to face me, my arms reaching round to hold her.

"I know so." Affirming my statement with the gentlest of kisses. Just my lips meeting hers. No demands. No offerings. Just a simple kiss. Making her sigh against me, her hands lifting to tangle in my hair, to pull me a little closer.

"Now that you have me Faith…" Close enough to hear the words whispered enticingly into my ear. Close enough for her to stoke the fire which is always waiting to burn for her. "…what are you planning on doing with me?"

And there's a question. With only one obvious answer.

I start with the tease, the little pull back that brings her pout, darkening my eyes, deepening my intentions. Hands reaching out to pick up the bikini again…

"I was kinda hoping you might model this for me now." The brightest grin shooting her way, the cockiest of winks. "After all, it is the reason I hauled our asses down here…"

"You're incorrigible. You know that?"

In-what-able?

"I'm also highly fuckable, that has to count for something, right?"

She just shakes her head and recovers the distance I had put between us. Her lips refinding mine, her hands remembering how they like to play in my hair. Taking my breath away. Impressing me that she can still find words after a kiss that deep.

"You're highly and totally lovable Faith. Everything else pales beside that."

Impressing me with the words that she finds. Making me breathless again. Not needing to find my own words as she seeks to rekindle the kissing. Leading me backwards, into the room, towards a bed. Hands moving to remove my jacket, fingers sliding under my shirt to rake patterns hard across my back…

Floating. Falling. The bed breaking my landing with the softest of mattress. And her. Buffy. Stood above me. Eyes smiling but dangerous. Pinning me to the bed.

"Looks like I got you now."

And I can barely talk when her voice finds that tone. Each one of my senses sent jangling. Knowing her intentions. My body clenching in anticipation of her touch, my mouth drying. Fighting to find the words. To play the game.

"Yeah… what you planning on doing with me?"

My eyes begging her to touch me. She has to know. Has to know how desperate I am for her, how much I need her…

"Everything Faith. Everything."

Just what I wanted to hear. The last thing I hear as she joins me on the bed. Not launching herself at me in a fit of franticness, but gently, easing herself down to cover me. Her gaze steady. Her smile sure. Ready to kiss. Ready to love.

And I have to say it. I waited so long to say it.

"Happy vacation B."

"The happiest."

*****

I watch her as she nestles in those last few minutes of sleep. Her nose twitching. Her eyes scrunching just a little at the sudden invasion of light. And I couldn't help it. Opening the blinds so that the dawn breaking sun could shine steadily through. Illuminating her nakedness as it wraps around the sheets.

Every morning I've done this. From the first morning, to this, our last morning. Ten days which seemed to stretch before us, now suddenly passed so quick. And it's true what they say about time flying and having fun. I have never known time to pass so quickly and I have never had so much fun.

Buffy wasn't the only one who hadn't been big with vacations. This was my first one too. I never even thought about them before I was with her. Why would I..? A vacation to me meant the couple of days that went missing when I was hanging out with the whisky. Not ten days of absolute heaven spent wholly with the person who I love more than anything.

I like it. I love it. I want yearly vacations. Maybe seasonal ones. Skiing in the winter. New England in the fall.

The sound of her stirring brings me back to here and now. Watching as her eyes drift open, as she looks to find me in my place by the window. The chair I always sit in. Waiting to hear the words she says every morning.

"Come back to bed?"

Almost hidden beneath her yawn. Her yawn almost hidden beneath her smile.

"Sure thing B."

My words the same as well. Every day has started like this. Me watching her sleep, watching her wake, and then her calling me back to bed. Time spent just being together. Nowhere to rush to. No one needing us. Silly words exchanged, silly thoughts. Dreams, aspirations. The kind of things that you can only ever tell to someone special. The person who shares your dreams.

"What day is it Faith?"

But I know she knows. "It's Monday. Home day."

"I knew you were gonna say that."

See? She knew.

"Do we really have to go home today..? Can't you ring Angel, tell him that a lifetime of smoogles is worth more than ten days?"

"I don't think he'll go for it, I can try though, if you really want me to?"

She lets out a husky morning laugh as I wrap myself around her and the sheets. Turning her body to face mine, her hands already helping me to remove the vest I had worn when watching her. "I don't think he'd go for it either. I'm definitely demanding more vacation next year though…"

"Me too." I cut her off with my words. "This has been awesome B, totally fucking awesome."

"There has been some awesome fucking."

"Language."

Her eyes leave mine as she tinkles another laugh, fixing her gaze on the finger that's tickling its way up my arm, across my shoulder, teasing its way down to a breast. Circling a nipple. "Just telling the truth Faith."

Hmmm. I like her truth. My head arching back as I let out a soft moan, my body coming alive to each of her touches. My morning ritual ready to begin…

"What time do we have to go?"

Huh?

"B…"

I know I look disappointed, I feel it. My mind already travelling to the places it wanted to go, wanted to stay. We can talk schedules later. I want her now.

"What? I only asked."

And she knows what she is doing. Her smirk making it obvious, more of her laughter making it definite.

"We're leaving later. Much later. Now if you don't mind…"

"I do mind."

The hand that I am trying to urge back into action is suddenly pulled away. Her body rolling to lay on top of me, her lips soft as they push against me. "I have something to say first."

"Shit, you can't say it after?"

"There won't be anything to be after if you don't shut up and listen."

And her serious look chastens me. Kind of. My fingers still determined in their efforts, just stroking up her back, giving her a steady rhythm to talk to. "What's up?"

"Nothing's up. I just wanted to say thank you…"

"There are better ways to say thank you, if you just…" I find the base of her spine, tickling the dip that leads to her ass. Hands travelling down.

Grunting as she grabs at those hands, holds them firm in place either side of my head. "You never learn do ya? Listen for five minutes Faith, and then you get the goodies. Come on baby… I know you can do it."

Making me fake a pout of my own. "Okay. Five minutes. Time starts now."

"You're such an ass sometimes."

Yep.

"Time's wasting B…"

"Totally infuriating."

"Is this meant to be turning me on?"

And I'm lucky she loves me or she might just throttle me. She does love me though, so she smiles through my infuriating moment and waits for me to stop grinning my shit eating grin. "You're always turned on. And no, this isn't that."

"Okay."

"It's thank you. Seriously… thank you. You don't know what this meant to me."

Sure I do. It meant the same to me.

"Was it like you thought it would be, was it as good as the dreams?"

My question has her pausing, using up more talk time. Making me wait on an answer, starting to wonder if I didn't deliver. "It was better."

And thank fuck for that!

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. This was real. I have the postcards to prove it."

She leans down to kiss me, but now I turn my head. Delaying her course of action.

"And you're okay about going home, you're not bummed?"

"No. I can't wait to see Dawn and the others…" Me either. You start to miss them when they're not around. "…this was great, but home is home."

I couldn't have said it better.

"Also…" I think it's a grimace that she's pulling as she thinks to speak again. A kind of pained sigh escaping her lips, a disbelieving shake of the head. "…I kind of…"

Yes..?

"What?"

"The slaying… I kind of miss the slaying."

No way!

"You miss slaying?"

"Just a little, not too much…"

"Bullshit!" And fuck me do I laugh. "You're totally itching to kick undead ass, admit it B… you can't wait to slay!"

And that's definitely something I never would have guessed. Buffy misses slaying. No matter that her head is shaking, that she's trying to downplay it now. She's busted.

"I'm kind of looking forward to it… but only in a protect the world kind of way."

"Buffy loves slaying… Buffy loves slaying…" Sing-songing it out. Tormenting her with my tunelessness.

"Quit it Faith, I'm warning you."

She pushes hard against me as she warns me. Her body tight against mine. Distracting my thoughts…. Almost. "Just admit you love it and I'll stop."

"I don't love slaying."

Her hips starting to grind. Reminding me what I love.

"Admit it." Trying to hold my body still. Not giving in to her.

"Okay! I kind of a little bit love the slaying. Happy now?"

And am I?

Most definitely. The part of me that loves the thrill of the chase, the thrill of the kill, delighting in her words. Ecstatic that my partner is feeling the vibe like I am. Arm itching to be holding wood, hands restless to be making dust.

"It's major cool! We're gonna be kicking some serious un-dead ass when we get home."

"You wanna pull an all nighter, hunt out some nests..?"

"Now you're really turning me on."

All that sexy talk. My blood racing. My hips matching hers as they hit that rhythm again. And this really is perfect. Her learning to love the slaying, me learning to love the homemaking…

Something I want to say as her grinding becomes more purposeful. Laid out underneath her and everything bare. "I love you B."

"I know you do baby… now fuck me."

And forget thoughts of language, mock shock at her curse words. I'm too busy laughing at her face, her demands, losing myself to kisses. Our bodies twisting even further in the sheets as the sun rises high outside of our window. Starting the day the proper way.

And it's an easy life. It's a perfect life. It's my life.

Hard to believe. Yet the absolute truth. I have everything I have ever wanted. Everyone I have ever needed. And I know that she feels the same. It doesn't matter what destiny dictates. What fate demands. We did it our own way. We did it together. We made our happy ending.

The End