Waking Hopes
by Lauren
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Buffy and Faith and all other characters are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox Productions.
Spoilers: General S3.
Author's Notes: Takes place before "This Year's Girl." My idea of
what could have happened when Faith woke up.
I loved her. I seriously did. It wasn't just lust, it was real. I knew it because whenever I saw her, I'd get those damn butterflies in my stomach. Whenever she looked at me, I would blush and get nervous. Lucky I'm good at covering it up. But the question is, does she love me? Does beautiful, smart, funny Buffy Summers love murderous, disgusting Faith? I'll never know now. Was it even hard for her to put me in this fucking coma? Did she get forced by her past feelings for Angel? So many questions!
I can feel her presence now. Although I can't see, hear, or smell her, I know she's here. I guess I'm coming back to consciousness. I strain myself, and slowly open my eyes. I squinted at the bright light even though the light was dim, and rubbed my eyes. They then were focused enough to be able to see her. Damn, she was as hot as ever. I could see the tears rolling silently down her cheeks, a slight smile dancing on her thin lips. Her smile was beautiful, just like everything else about her.
Her next action surprised me beyond belief. I saw her face descending slowly towards mine, and I felt her soft lips brush gently against mine. Shit man, major nervous time! Despite myself, my eyes opened wide, and she quickly pulled away.
She looked down at me with those entrancing big, green eyes and then looked away, fiddling nervously with her hands. "I-I'm sorry. I'm just so happy that you didn't leave me." She looked back down at me, a regretful look upon her features. "Faith, I am so sorry for .. for this."
I stared deep into her eyes for a few moments. They were so full of shame, and sorrow. "Buffy." My voice comes out husky, and I cough slightly. I clear my throat, but force myself to continue despite the dryness in my mouth. "I didn't want to turn on you, I really didn't. But once I killed that Allan guy, I realized that all the weight was off of my back, all the responsibility. I didn't feel any remorse to kill, it was easy for me. It was like an addiction. And the mayor .. he kills people. So what did I do? I went to him. I was gonna play both sides, but then I got screwed over. He cared for me. He treated me so good and he gave me things that I had never had before. He was the only one who ever cared for me." I looked into her eyes, and saw that there was no rage or anger, only regret and sorrow. I couldn't believe it, after all I had done.
"That's not true."
"You don't know the first thing about me."
"Well, I know this. I cared for you, Faith. I did all along. I guess I should have done a better job at showing it."
"No. No, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." I reached my arm up to touch her face. My muscles hadn't been moved in months, and shit they were sore! But the brush of her skin against my fingers made the pain go away. "I didn't realize you even gave a shit about me." My voice was soft, not wanting to break the moment.
"Don't you remember that day in your motel room, after we killed Gwen Post?"
"When you said that I could trust you. I know. But I thought that you were only saying that because you felt sorry for me."
"Well, yeah, I felt sorry for you. I didn't want you to be alone, Faith. I really do care. You're special to me."
A slight smile spreads across my face. "You're special to me too, B." I gulp, and hesitate before I continue. "But I just don't think we're meant to be." My smile is replaced with one of sadness.
She sighed, nodding slowly. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Because I believe that we are meant to be. 'We're the chosen two, girlfriend.'"
I shook my head slightly, rolling my eyes. I wanted to give into her so badly. I mean, this is Buffy! But I knew that things would never be the same between us, and I couldn't live with that. We just needed some time. "Sorry, Buffy." I couldn't look at her. I just knew that her eyes were reflecting the pain she felt right now, and I knew that if I looked at her, I would give in.
"Okay, then, goodbye Faith." She looked at me one last time and smiled. It wasn't a smile of happiness, but one as if to say "good luck, hope you'll be okay."
I nodded. "Bye, Buffy. Stay safe."
She smiled one last time and turned her back to me, walking away towards the door.
"I love you." I whispered to myself after she had left. Gone forever from my life. I closed my eyes and laid back into my bed, sighing. "I love you, Buffy Summers."