Is It Possible To Move On?
by Lorri
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Post Joss Buffyverse finale. A brief encore ensues, and I mean brief. Italics=flashback, 3rd person.
Dedication & Author's Note: Dedicated to Joss for creating something of which I could invest my time and energy! I haven't written anything for eons as I haven't felt inspired enough to sit behind a computer! Hopefully this fic is a catalyst for more writing, that is if you want it? This was meant to be longer.
I stood outside her apartment door. It is the first time in my life I don't welcome the tingling feeling I get when she's near. For the last 4/5 years I'd lied waiting for it, every night trying to find it. The warmth that would spread through my body, the hairs on my arms stand on end as if they're trying to reach out to her, trying to get as much of her essence on them as possible.
I have been chosen all over again. The first time it was welcomed, it gave me something to believe and hold onto when I was being beaten and constantly put down. Sure there were drawbacks, reduced life expectancy and losing the right to be selfish are but to name two. I hated that I was chosen for this though, this had no positives, this was the worst thing I'd ever been chosen for by a wide margin.
I'm still exhausted and aching from my 3000-mile economy flight, the outcome of the last few days were the weight of the world on my shoulders. Soon my time to stop and reflect would come, I will be allowed to let go. Firstly though, I owe Buffy this, I will be the one to tell her and try and hold her world together as I'd made a promise to my greatest friend.
"Just fucking hang on, I'll get there in a minute." A wet and freshly showered Faith scrambled across the smallish apartment with a towel wrapped around her to answer the shrilly-ringing phone. "Yep?" As soon as she heard the monotone 'hi' in the earpiece she knew it wasn't a courtesy call. The reasoning behind the call had to be pretty dire and Faith felt her throat clinch and her stomach start to spasm. Disguising her uneasiness was not as natural as she would have liked when she greeted one of her now closest friends. "So the big guys got with the program and now knows how to work the evilest of inventions in the mobile phone. However I can tell that this little revelation isn't what has you calling at...one thirty in the morning. So what's the what?"
As Faith listened to what Angel was explaining to her, she fell onto the comfort chair in the living space. She felt bile fighting its way up from her empty stomach and put her hand to her mouth as if to prevent is escape, she didn't even notice the salty fluid tracking down her cheeks as if trying to purge all the disturbing information from her broken mind. Nothing she was being told made sense, this wasn't a plan, this was Angel doing what she'd done four years earlier, and in the same way he didn't let her fall, she was going to catch him and stop this madness. She had to.
Faith left her apartment as quickly as she possibly could after getting dressed and packing some essentials. As she glided her bike down the interstate she kept running through her earlier conversation that had triggered this crazy and dangerous driving at an obscene time in the morning. Little snippets kept running through her mind; 'got to step up the fight', 'take it to the partners', however, the last thing he said though, that hurt her as much as everything else; 'tell her that I'll always love her'. Faith wasn't ready to make that call yet, not if she could prevent it.
The possessed girl directed the bike off the empty road and pointed it towards the bright lights of Los Angeles city and prayed she wasn't too late. She went straight to Wolfram and Hart, switching off the bike on the main entrance's steps. Not even bothering to remove her helmet, she ran through the overly large glass doors, stopping when she saw all the destruction and blood everywhere. She screamed for Angel and the other members of the L.A. team, no noise met her desperate cries, the entire remained quiet and honouring the dead, Faith frantically looked over the bodies trying to find someone she recognised. As fast as she searched, she couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched, the feeling getting the better of her; she spun round and looked out to the scene unfolding in the street in front of the law firm. Demons were running everywhere, some scared, others looking in glee at the carnage opportunities, wherever they were coming from, Faith knew that's where she had to get to.
Looking down at the bodies around her feet, she straightened herself and gained new resolve and strode out the doors with danger radiating off of her strong body in waves. As she moved she picked up an axe of the floor and beheaded a runty looking demon as it run past her, every step she took, she took out more of the retreating demons by hacking off body parts, not even bothering to engage in battle.
She turned the corner to the building and what she saw froze her in her tracks, Angel and who must be Illyria from what Angel told her, were standing, barely, and fighting amongst a pile of body parts which where pooling blood onto the ground. Most of the limbs were demonic, but a few were clearly human, or once were, and Faith really didn't want to think about who's they were. A cry of pain from Angel as a claw reached into his torso, broke Faith from her frozen state and made her break into a sprint to reach her sponsor. Everything in her way was torn down, but it was slowing her, as if in slow motion and watching from without her body, she saw a demon standing nearly 9 foot walk up behind Angel. She heard the scream of warning and didn't recognise it as from her own mouth. Angel heard it too and his eyes met hers and he gave her a slight smile, that was the last thing she saw before a blind rage engulfed her as she watched Angel head torn from his body and became dust that gently blew its way down the street.
When Faith regained herself, she couldn't remember much. She tried to piece things together afterwards from her ripped clothes and bloodied body, but it was Illyria who told her what happened, and held her together as the memories flooded back and clawed at her leaving a sobbing and broken shell. It was this shell that was standing outside the apartment door and knocking, whilst fighting her own personal pain. As the door opened and she looked into the green eyes that seemed both shocked and pleased to see her she felt her heart fall a little further and break a little more. Life just wasn't fair.
"It's Angel..."