Passing Indifference
by Lowdeen
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox,
and Mutant Enemy. The story contains love between two women, so if
such things offend you, don't read it and upset yourself.
Spoilers: Up to and including the fourth season.
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to "Passing Time." I just hope it
measures up as well.
Faith wandered all over the west coast, never staying in a town or city for more than a week at the most. She hitched rides with truckers, complete strangers, basically whoever would take her on as an extra passenger. And during her travels, she dusted vampires, laid waste to demons, and did her part to fight the nasty things that came out at night, not only because she was the slayer and it was her job but also because she needed money and the bad guys always seemed to carry some. In that way at least, she profited from destiny and she never went hungry. But the thing was, she was also miserable the entire time too. In the beginning, she foolishly thought that the pain would pass. It didn't. There was a hole in her chest that never seemed to close. She knew exactly why the feeling enveloped her so completely but she wasn't ready to deal with it just yet. She had been tempted on endless occasions to go back to Sunnydale or to pick up the phone and call back. Each and every time, she backed down, unable to face the situation she'd left behind. And, not only that, she also harbored doubts as to her welcome should she decide to go back. It wasn't on the best of terms with which Sunnydale and she had parted ways but that wasn't what she was really worried about.. She'd never much cared about other people's opinions, mainly because she'd never cared for other people. But that was the exact opposite when it came to Buffy. Everything was different when it came to Buffy.
When it came down to it though, Faith just decided one day that it was time to go back. It took her a couple of days to actually get back and during that time, it was pure torture as the different potential scenarios of her reception played through her mind. As she stepped foot in the town for the first time in several months, it was almost akin to stepping back into a dream that she thought she'd abandoned a long time ago. One of the advantages of dying was the anonymity it garnered. Granted, not too many people came back to take advantage of it but for Faith, it worked out perfectly. People that thought they recognized her attributed it to nothing more than seeing things. Of course, there weren't many people that recognized her in the first place.
She didn't want to go right up to Buffy and announce she was back so she did what came naturally. She scoped out the situation beforehand. The first time she caught sight of the blonde, her heart sped up almost as if it knew something important was fast approaching. Apparently, Buffy still lived in the dorm and she was still as achingly beautiful as the memory ingrained in Faith's mind. She followed her, unable to tear her eyes away, nearly walking into class with the blonde before catching herself. Moving down the hall a few steps, she tried bringing her breathing back to normal and succeeded somewhat. It seemed that her body still reacted with a mind of its own when it came to Buffy Summers.
For the rest of the day, she maintained a fair amount of distance when watching the other girl. It was as if nothing had changed for either of them. Faith still felt as if her world revolved around Buffy cause even when she hiked a hundred miles to get away, her mind was still on the other slayer. She couldn't move on with her life no matter how hard she tried because her life was here and no amount of distance could change that fact. As for Buffy, she still acted the role of a normal young woman, going about the college routine. And it was with a fair amount of dismay that she realized Buffy was also back on the dating scene. There was no mistaking the look that lit up the other girl's eyes when Mystery Hunk appeared and pulled her into a loose hug. She was on the cusp right now, ready to take the swan dive from intense affection to new love. Faith really wanted to turn away from the scene but a masochistic fascination held her eyes glued. He was really a looker, she had to give him that. Had that whole air of tortured art student written all over him. Kinda looked like Angel but without the ever present scowl and all-black ensemble. All in all, Buffy had managed to hook herself another "normal" guy that had definite hunkadelic assets. You'd think that type grew on trees around here.
Faith didn't follow Buffy into patrol, afraid that with her senses heightened and on alert, the blonde would discover someone following her in the first half hour. Instead, the brunette waited at the Bronze. There was a 50/50 chance that Buffy and her friends would come here and since she'd already spied Xander and his girl seated at one of the tables, she thought, and rightly so, that the odds were in her favor. Buffy arrived an hour later and Mystery Hunk came in a few minutes after that. Faith was really starting to think that he resembled his namesake, the hunk of Mystery Meat that appeared on cafeteria menus across the country. Faith didn't really know what made him tick but she had an overwhelming desire to stick a fork in him irregardless. It was a stupid analogy but that's what he reminded her of more and more. Turning away before she made good on that desire, she walked out the door. She should've expected it. Buffy never could stay single for more than a few weeks at a time.
It wasn't so much that she was jealous because she honestly wasn't. At least not in the seeing red, I'm gonna kill the little bastard jealousy mode. She hadn't come back, hoping to win Buffy over so they could live happily ever after. That dream just wasn't going to come true so instead, she was content to settle for Buffy's friendship. And part of being friends was the desire to see that they were happy. So Faith wasn't jealous but neither was she clapping her hands and leading the cheering squad. She wasn't a saint after all so how could she be expected to act like one.
"Faith?"
She froze at the sound of her own name spoken by that familiar voice that graced her mind almost every night. She hadn't planned for them to meet for at least a few more days until she got acclimated again but obviously that plan was now out the window. Quickly spinning around, she smiled. "Buffy, what's up?"
"What's up? We don't see each other for three months and the first thing out of your mouth when you get back is 'What's up'?"
"It's pretty neutral, don't you think?" Spotting Mystery Hunk walking up behind Buffy, she greeted him with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. "Hi."
"Hello." He waited expectantly for Buffy to introduce her friend but instead got shoved ignominiously back in the direction of the club's entrance with a promise to see him the next day. Grabbing Faith's arm in a tight grasp, Buffy led the other girl away.
Three months ago, when Faith had said she was leaving Sunnydale, a good part of her refused to acknowledge it. Even after it became clear that Faith had definitely left, that part of her still refused to let go and it stood up and cheered now that the other slayer was back. The rest of her wasn't cheering though and she let Faith know it.
"What are you doing back here? What do you want this time Faith?"
The brunette visibly winced at the harsh tone. "I don't think I deserve that B."
Buffy scoffed at the statement. "So what do you think you deserve? You left Faith. You just up and left. I didn't even know if you were going to come back."
"I had to leave. If I stayed another day, I would have suffocated."
"Because of me?"
"No!" Faith quickly shook off that question. Placing her hands on Buffy's shoulders, she made sure she had the blonde's undivided attention before speaking. "You know that's not true. You're the only reason I stayed as long as I did. You're the only reason I'm here right now. I've been missing you for a long time Buffy."
To Faith's complete surprise, Buffy pulled her into a fierce hug that almost knocked the breath from her body.
"Welcome back slayer." She heard the other girl mumble.
After that momentous reconciliation, they ended up walking back to the campus together, trying to regain the easy rhythm they once had.
"So what's been happening around here?" Faith asked, genuinely curious.
"The same old, same old. Vampires, monsters, and demons, oh my. Sometimes, it seems like that's all there ever is around here."
"At least it's never boring."
"Yeah, and I could've used your help if you'd stuck around," she said, unable to censure the accusing tone from her voice.
"I'm around now," Faith countered, refusing to rise to the bait and enter another argument she didn't wish to engage in.
"But what if you decide to take off again? How do you expect me to trust that you're going to be around if I need you?"
"The same way you'll trust that I won't stab you in the back or betray you to the first person who offers me a decent apartment. Either you do or you don't Buffy. It's your call."
"That makes me feel a whole lot better," the blonde bit out sarcastically.
"If you want to feel better, go cuddle with your new boy. All I'm trying to do is be up front with you." Faith was definitely getting a bit too hot under the collar and delving further into this conversation would only defeat her efforts at reconciling as it was. "I'll meet you at the Bronze tomorrow night so you'll have time to debrief your friends...make sure they don't have a heart attack when they see me." Without giving Buffy a chance to answer, Faith left. It wasn't exactly what she'd envisioned the perfect homecoming would be but at least she was back at home, close to Buffy. And that was all that mattered in the end.
Watching in an impotent silence as Faith walked away, Buffy could literally feel her anger seeping away from every part of her body, leaving nothing more than a numbing lethargy to steal over her limbs. A strange sensation of displacement had accompanied her all day as if she was one step out of sync with everybody else. And not until she'd spotted Faith walking out of the club did her world snap back to normal. She'd nearly knocked over her chair in her haste to get up and run after the other girl, mindless of the astonished looks her friends threw after her retreating back. But her unmitigated elation at Faith's return dampened considerably at the other slayer's cavalier greeting which threw into question all of her own emotions. So she'd fallen back on the bitterness and anger that'd accompanied her in one form or another throughout the last three months until she finally got a rise out of Faith. Rubbing her forehead as if it hurt to even think, Buffy wondered why it was that her relationship with Faith always had to have an antagonistic edge to it. Confrontational was the last thing she'd wanted their conversational note to end on but that was exactly what was served up.
"Uhhnngh." Releasing a frustrated groan, she walked dejectedly into the dorms. But before she could step through the doors, she got tackled and tackled hard from the right side. Immediately rolling with the momentum, she dropped and quickly regained her vertical base, gasping slightly at the pain that no doubt was the result of a cracked rib. Buffy watched warily as whoever had attacked her slowly rose to its full height, silhouetted against the light from behind.
"You really caught me on a bad mood," she stated, getting ready to take it down.
"I timed it that way," the figure said in a decidedly feminine voice. "Wouldn't have been this much fun otherwise."
"Oh, you think this is fun, huh? Well, how about this--" Buffy aimed a roundhouse kick at its head but it flipped backwards, ending up a few feet away, directly under the fuzzy glow of the lights, affording Buffy a good look.
"The fun should be doled out. I'll see you again. Later." Waving in a taunting manner, it streaked away.
Trying to pursue was a useless endeavor as Buffy felt a sharp pain at her side at the slightest movement. It would heal over soon enough but not in time for her to go after that woman. The night was just getting better and better she thought wryly to herself. Next thing you know, she'll get jumped by the Pillsbury Dough Boy or something.
"So I got jumped by this woman with a leather fetish," Buffy summed up succinctly for Giles the next day.
"Can you describe this woman?" Giles asked, pacing slowly around his apartment.
"White, medium height, hair was in a braid, and she was dressed in leather---that I remember clearly."
"So it seems," he muttered.
"It was a hard thing to miss. I mean, it was a skin tight outfit; really showed off her..." Buffy made a gesturing motion with her hands.
"Assets?" Xander supplied, suddenly finding it hot in the room. The thought of Buffy getting it on with a leather clad, fully endowed woman made him gulp in what he hoped was a subtle manner. But glancing at his girlfriend, he knew it wasn't subtle enough.
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot," Buffy tried to slyly slip in. "Faith's back and she's going to meet us at the Bronze later." A moment of complete silence followed her announcement before everybody started speaking at once as if following an invisible cue. She patiently waited out the deluge of questions and in some cases, accusations.
"What is she doing back?" Seemed to be the main question everybody was wondering so as soon as the commotion abated somewhat, she tried to explain. "I don't know why she's back. She said she came back because of me."
"Buffy. You don't believe her, do you?" Willow asked harshly. "This from the same person who left you three months ago without so much as an explanation."
"Yeah, the same person who still refuses to tell you how exactly it was that she managed to come back from the dead," Xander chipped in with his two cents.
"So what do you expect me to do? Ask her to leave?" Buffy asked, her voice rising perceptibly. "Well, guess what? I don't want her to." She took a moment to review her own statement and found that she honestly didn't want Faith to leave...ever.
They spent several more minutes going over and over the Faith issue until Giles finally put a halt to it, reminding everyone that they had a more pressing problem on their hands, namely that of the mysterious woman who had attacked Buffy the previous night.
Faith swaggered into the Bronze, wholly aware of the attention she garnered with her entrance. Before she'd walked through, she had had to take a deep breath just to ground herself. Who would have thought she would get this nervous seeing the Super Friends again. Not so much nervous as apprehensive. After all, no matter how many times one gets glared at and slurred to ones face, you never really do get used to it, or like it for that matter.
Immediately spotting the close knit group, she walked over, showing none of the queasiness she was feeling inside. Standing as there were no chairs available, she waited for someone to say something. She didn't have to wait long.
"Hey, Faith, kill any people lately?" Xander spoke up with his irresistible charm.
"Yeah, I stored the leftovers in the fridge. You and me can have a late night snack later." Faith winked, smirking at Xander's evident unease. It seemed that everything had remained copacetic which was good cause she'd expected as much. Looking around to see if anybody had any other interesting comments to contribute, she received nothing but stonefaced silence. "Guess we're all talked out then." She extended a hand down to her fellow slayer. "Care to dance?"
Quirking an eyebrow at the unexpected request, Buffy nevertheless, accepted the invitation.
As soon as they got on the dance floor, Faith pulled her partner in close, surreptitiously taking a deep breath, filling her lungs with Buffy's scent. She knew it was wrong; she knew it would only lead to an edgy, restless night but Faith couldn't help but indulge herself...just this once. Running her hands lightly over Buffy's arms, she involuntarily licked her lips wanting desperately to taste the other slayer's flesh.
"Faith, why are you looking at me like that?" Buffy whispered in a husky tone of voice.
"Because I can't help looking at you any other way." Faith raked her eyes over every inch of the blonde's body, relishing the slow burn she felt creeping throughout her own body.
"I thought we couldn't..."
"If we could, would you want to?" Whichever answer Buffy chose would no doubt put a nail through her heart but she'd always harbored a masochistic streak for pain.
Buffy was just about to answer when a tap to her shoulder drew her attention away. Faith looked up, all ready to put a stake through whoever was stupid enough to interrupt them. Buffy's new boy stood, looking at them uncertainly and Faith finally took that as her cue to leave gracefully, no matter how much it hurt like a bitch to do so. She left abruptly, going to get herself a drink, relieving Buffy of having to make a decision that wouldn't do either of them any good. When the drink was in hand, she walked back to the Scooby table, taking a vacant seat and ignoring the looks still getting flashed her way. "So who's the new boy?" She asked no one in particular.
Willow finally supplied an answer, ending the silence that had accompanied the question. "His name's Jim. He's normal and he's perfect for Buffy," she stated as if that were a personal critique aimed at Faith, which it probably was.
"Isn't that exactly what you thought of Riley?" Faith threw back, smiling sweetly at the murderous look she got in return.
The rest of their conversation didn't go much better, with each person trying to one up the other. But they all realized even when they didn't want to admit it that Faith was back and she had no intention of leaving. Eventually, the not-so-friendly banter got interrupted by the other slayer's return with Jim in tow. Buffy hesitated only a moment before introducing him to the newcomer. It was a forced smile at best that Faith aimed his way but he didn't seem to notice, probably because every last bit of his attention was focused entirely on Buffy. She couldn't blame him really. If she had a choice, she'd do the exact same thing. Actually, it was about the only thing she could do without the risk of an awful death. Look but don't touch---that was her own personal mantra now whether she liked it or not. It made for a pretty uncomfortable group all sitting around a small table and even Jimbo seemed to take notice.
He glanced uncertainly around, trying to figure out what the problem was and it wasn't long before he took note of how everybody, minus Buffy, was staring daggers at Faith. And Buffy was acting strangely too, fidgeting with her drink, putting it down only to pick it back up again and then the whole cycle would repeat. Reaching out a hand, he placed it over hers, temporarily stopping the compulsive motion. He received a wan smile for his efforts but she immediately turned to Faith, asking the brunette if she'd walk her back to campus. That made him frown. It was the second straight night that Buffy had left the Bronze without him. Jim had to wonder if he had done something to upset her and, for whatever reason, she was trying to avoid him. Even when they were dancing, Buffy seemed distracted and not all there.
"Buffy, can we talk for a minute?" he asked hurriedly before she could get up.
"Yeah, sure. We'll talk tomorrow," she answered, already shrugging into her jacket and walking towards the door.
He watched her walk out with Faith and when he turned back around to the group, he received some looks that he could've sworn held nothing so much as pity.
The two slayers walked out the club's doors and it took Buffy only a few steps before she asked her first question.
"Faith, where are you staying? Because you can always stay in my room if you like...that is if you don't have anywhere else to go."
"I appreciate the offer, B but I'm fine. All set up. You don't have to worry about me. Besides, I don't think Red would appreciate the company."
"Willow's living with Tara now. They were already spending so much time together that it was the next natural step I guess."
Faith cocked her head, processing this new information.
"Oh and before I forget," Buffy added, "I got jumped yesterday right after you left--"
"What?" Faith came to an abrupt halt. "What happened? Are you all right?" Grasping Buffy's arms, she looked her up and down as if an injury would suddenly pop up right before her eyes.
"Faith, I'm fine," the blonde assured her. "My side's just a little sore. It was a woman, decked out in leather. Couldn't miss her if you tried."
Faith reluctantly let the other girl go. "So what did she want?"
"Besides some fashion tips? Didn't say but we should be on the lookout for her." Hooking her arm through the younger girl's own, Buffy started walking again. "Faith?"
"Yeah B?"
"I would like to...if we could."
Faith had to think a moment to figure out what Buffy was talking about. She sucked in a quick breath once she realized what that meant and deflated just as suddenly when she realized what she couldn't have---what they couldn't have. "What about Jim?" she asked absently.
"Jim's great, we have a good time together and he's the nicest person...but he's not you." She threw a sideways glance at Faith but the other girl didn't respond in the least. In fact, it was almost as if she hadn't even heard, continuing to put one foot in front of the other, eyes staring straight ahead.
"Do you know how much it hurts to hear you say that now?" Buffy could barely make out the strangled words as Faith finally looked her way with such a wounded expression on her face that it almost made her want to cry out in shared pain. "I want to be with you so badly. I dream about you every fucking night--" Faith choked up, unable to speak as months of pent up frustration chose that exact moment to rupture through the fine facade she'd built around herself.
Buffy immediately pulled the other girl into a hug in an effort to comfort both of them. She had absolutely no idea of what to do now so she ended up burying her head even more deeply into Faith's shoulder, not ever wanting to let go. And they didn't, at least not for a few minutes. When they did finally separate, it was only to come together once again as two pairs of lips found each other, hungrily devouring what they'd been starved of for so long.
"Am I mistaken or are you two not allowed to do that?" The familiar voice intruded, forcing Buffy to move away from Faith's still intent grasp. She swivelled her head, coming face to face with the same woman that had attacked her the previous night but instead of greeting her with a knockdown, the woman instead planted a kiss on Buffy's nose before swiftly moving a few steps back. Smiling wickedly, the woman held her arms behind her back and proceeded to lick her lips in a knowingly sensuous display. "My, you are a sweet one, aren't you?"
"Who the fuck are you?" Faith asked, menacingly taking a step forward.
The other woman's eyes peeled themselves away from the blonde slayer to stare intently at her companion. "Don't you remember Faith?" She asked, allowing a harsh edge to cover her tone. Whether that was intentional or not, she never let tell. "But I guess you wouldn't. You don't look like the type to keep track of the people you've screwed." Laughing at Buffy's horrified gaze, she amended, "No, not in that way sweetie. More like the stab you in the back and sell you down the river way. Isn't that right, Faith?"
"I've never met you in my life," Faith stated emphatically.
"And I hate you even more because of that!" She hissed before quickly regaining her ruptured composure. "But don't worry my dear. We'll have lots of time to get acquainted." Catching both slayers by surprise, she charged at the two of them, managing to knock Buffy to the ground with a hard backhand but, at the same time, receiving a kick to the back from Faith. She recovered quickly though, throwing an elbow back into Faith's face as the brunette all but walked into it in her haste to take the other woman down. Buffy got up and did some damage of her own, getting in some effective punches before getting kicked again when she left her side unprotected as she tried throwing those punches once too often. Unfortunately, it was the same side that had been so grievously mistreated just yesterday and although it had healed to a good degree, it was not yet a hundred percent and when the kick connected, she went down hard, fighting for breath. By the time Faith got up, shaking her head in an attempt to clear the double vision, the woman was just turning to run. She took a half step in pursuit but almost tripped over her own feet when she noticed that Buffy was down on the ground.
"B? Buffy? Are you all right?" She asked, crouching down next to the curled up body of her partner.
Buffy took a long, coughing breath, somehow managing to convey the fact that, yes, she was going to be all right, given enough time to hack up a lung or two. Helping her stand, Faith inadvertently bumped Buffy's injured side, making her double over in unbearable pain.
"Oh, shit...sorry," Faith apologized, wincing in sympathy. Supporting her more carefully, the two of them eventually made it up to Buffy's room without too much more additional pain. "I'm guessing that was the leather wearing woman who jumped you yesterday," Faith hazarded as she helped Buffy onto the bed.
The injured slayer grunted by ways of an answer, moving gingerly on the bed to avoid doing any more damage to her body. "I can't believe she got me two days straight."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. You were kinda...preoccupied this time around."
To her horror, Buffy could feel the start of a vicious blush creeping across her face at the other girl's reminder of what exactly they had been engaged in at the time. And she only reddened more at seeing the almost smug smile on Faith's face. "If I wasn't hurt, I'd kick your ass."
Faith smiled even more widely at that threat but finally made a conciliatory gesture towards the pissed off slayer. "Tell you what. As soon as you feel better, I'll stand real still and let you have a crack at my ass. Sound good?" She narrowly dodged the pillow that flew by her head as Buffy chose to respond in a physical manner. "I'll take that as a no," Faith guessed with a good-natured smirk prominently settled on her features.
That night, Faith got reacquainted with a fact pertaining to Buffy that she'd missed horribly in the months when they were apart. Buffy mumbled in her sleep. Not any complete sentences that made any kind of sense but more like half words and syllables accompanying the occasional grunt or moan. The brunette stared up at the ceiling of the dorm room, stretching a bit on the thin carpeting in an attempt to get more comfortable. The two slayers had mutually come upon the decision for Faith to stay the night---just to make sure that their attacker didn't come back of course. Another mumbled, half slurred word came floating down to the brunette's ears, bringing an involuntary smile to her face. Slowly sitting up, she turned her head, intently focusing on Buffy's sleeping countenance. She had to hug herself in order to keep from reaching out and touching what couldn't be hers anymore. Now she truly knew how Angel felt and it really blew the big one; not being able to love someone because of a stupid, little condition that held no rhyme or reason. It really sucked. And unlike Angel, she didn't have the will power to leave Buffy for good. No matter what happened, she always found herself coming back to Sunnydale and back to the one person who held her heart.
But with the situation like it was, she'd probably receive the Good Citizen's Award before she got some, coz that was all it boiled down to---sex. Not just any sex with a skanky ho or an available dick. No, that would be too easy. It had to be that the only person she wanted to make love to was the only person off limits to her. If she cared to think about it some more, she'd probably say that it pretty much summed up her life in a nutshell. Want, take, have? Never could take what she really wanted. Crouching on her knees, she gently brushed the hair from Buffy's face and placed a light kiss on a silky, smooth cheek. As she was backing away, fully chastising herself for getting so sentimental all of a sudden, a hand stopped her retreat. Not quite awake or asleep for that matter, Buffy had grabbed onto the front of Faith's T-shirt and was now insistently pulling on it. Faith tried resisting, she really did, but the blonde slayer would not be denied so she ended up happily ensconced in her love's warm embrace. Not so bad, she thought absently, feeling the drag of sleep weighing on her eyes. Not too bad at all.
Buffy sat in class, her pen tapping out a rhythmless beat on the open notebook in front of her. The professor was busily writing on the blackboard, lecturing on some arcane mathematical theorem that would do her no good whatsoever during the course of her life. Justifying it that way, she didn't feel so guilty not listening to a word he said. Instead, her whole attention was still focused on the girl she'd woken up next to earlier that day. She vaguely remembered waking up sometime in the night and feeling someone slip into the bed beside her. A small smile flitted across her features as she remembered the total sense of security she felt holding Faith in her arms and being held in return. Right now, she regretted ever leaving that room and coming to this class. Blowing out a soft sigh, she tried focusing back on the lecture when something even more pressing vied for her attention. The ground was shaking, and with it, everything else in the room. She heard several screams and yells as she tried to get out of her seat without ending up with her face planted on the ground. Everybody was really starting to panic and with good reason. The shaking had gotten even more violent as pieces of the ceiling began raining down. Buffy tried leaving the room but not before a piece of tile caught her on the forehead, right above the left eyebrow, tearing a gash in the skin which began to bleed profusely. Right then, she wished even more fervently that she'd never left her room that day.
Faith rolled out of bed, banging her shoulder hard against the sharp edge of the nightstand. The pain as opposed to the quaking was what brought her fully awake and cognizant of the fact that something was awry. Never having experienced anything like this before, she wasn't quite sure what to do. Was she supposed to get under a table or stand under a door frame or something? For the moment, she just decided to hold on because everything else was falling down around her. She thought it'd never stop but eventually, the shaking and shimmying ended and she slowly extricated her grip from the bedframe. Donning her pants and shoes, she opened the door and looked around the hallway, spotting several people with panicked expressions on their faces. The word "Quake" slipped from a couple of lips as everyone started collecting their wits about themselves. Rubbing her still hurting shoulder with one hand, she leaned against the open door and looked up blankly when someone rushed up to her.
"Faith?"
A few seconds passed before she realized that she should actually recognize this guy and it took a few seconds more for her to realize it was Jimbo. Mornings, especially mornings right after an earthquake were definitely not her best times.
"Where's Buffy? Is she all right?" He asked, trying to peer over her and into the room when she didn't respond right away.
"She's not here Jimmy. She went to class," Faith answered irritably, slamming the door shut behind her.
"Oh..." Looking quizzically at her rumpled clothes and putting that together with the fact that she'd just come out of Buffy's room, he opened his mouth to ask something but Faith beat him to the punch.
"Girl's night yesterday. Y'know, there was this whole slumber party deal."
"Oh," he repeated, looking satisfactorily enlightened.
They each looked around, not sure exactly what to say now that the 'where's Buffy' topic had been exhausted.
"Are you all right?" He asked finally noticing that she was gingerly rotating her shoulder.
"Could be better."
The awkwardness and general unease was relieved by the timely arrival of the blonde whom they had both been discussing.
"Is everyone okay?" Buffy asked, running up to the two of them.
Jim immediately took out his handkerchief and tried to press it to Buffy's still bleeding forehead as Faith ushered them both inside the room.
"It's worse than it looks," she said, trying to reassure the anxiously watching Jim. "Really." She nevertheless allowed him to sit her on the bed.
"I'm guessing that was an earthquake," Faith commented lightly, sitting on the bed next to the blonde. "Can't say my first experience with it was all that fun."
"You and me both," Buffy added, smiling despite the pain.
"Oh shit." Faith's sudden exclamation was accompanied by Buffy's sharp intake of breath. The slayers both felt it---the slight trembling beneath their feet that soon grew to a violent quaking that rivaled if not topped the earlier quake. Buffy grabbed onto Faith, Jim grabbed onto the dresser and Faith tried her damnedest not to topple over.
"Don't tell me that's gonna keep happening." Faith looked up as the last of the tremors subsided.
"I think that was an aftershock," Jim said, going over to stand shakily in front of the two girls. He couldn't help but look at them askance since Buffy was almost sitting atop Faith's lap. He had to wonder what their history together was given how comfortable they seemed together. But this was definitely not the greatest time to ask. "Hopefully that's the end of it."
Buffy continued using Faith as a comfortable seat cushion, blatantly ignorant of how it looked to anyone watching.
"We should get that gash looked at," Jim said, pointing at Buffy's bloody forehead. "I can take you to the hospital--"
"No, see it's stopped bleeding...almost. I really don't think we need to go to the hospital."
"C'mon Buffy. I know you hate doctors but that cut needs stitches." Jim held his hand out as Buffy reluctantly took it, finally vacating Faith's lap and looking none too happy for it either.
Even with her best puppy dog look pasted on her face, Buffy couldn't get Faith to accompany them to the ER. So they eventually left the brunette to her own devices. Before she walked out the door, she tossed one last pleading gaze to the seated slayer but Faith only looked up sweetly, giving her a little wave good-bye.
The emergency room was in total chaos. There were nearly a hundred people sitting around the usually empty waiting room, each with varying degrees of injuries. Nurses and doctors were frantically moving around, ignoring calls for help. There wasn't a vacant seat to be found so Jim and Buffy ended up standing, coupled with the further indignity of having to move whenever someone wanted to get past them. More and more people streamed in every minute and the room was really starting to split at the seams. Even Xander came in awhile later with Anya in tow, a really nasty gash on his own head.
"Hey, we can be twins," he exclaimed, spotting Buffy.
"Yeah, the needs medical attention cause we're bleeding from the forehead twins. Do you want to wear matching clothes too?" Buffy asked wryly.
"We can tour the country and charge people to see our hideously bloodied heads."
"Can we not joke at a time like this?" Anya interjected, visibly irritated. "We need some medical attention here." She went off in search of said attention, leaving Xander to press a rag to his open wound.
"It's a mad house in here," Xander commented just as he was pushed aside by a guy being pushed in a wheelchair.
"Should have expected it, considering this is the aftermath of a natural disaster."
"Speaking of which, do you know if Willow and Giles are all right?"
"No...I haven't spoken to them yet. You call Giles, I'll call Willow." Buffy and Xander immediately went to look for a public phone as Jim was left feeling the odd man out. He knew as soon as he was introduced to Buffy's friends that they were a close knit group but he never would have guessed it'd be this hard to break in. No matter what he did, it always seemed like he was being shut out of something. He didn't think they did it on purpose but it was disconcerting nonetheless. And now, there was the added element of Faith thrown into the mix. She didn't like him; it was clear enough. But what really bothered him was how close Faith and Buffy were---a little too close as he saw it.
Faith woke up slowly, feeling something hugging her side. Yawning and opening her eyes, she glanced down and saw Buffy burrowing her head on her chest. "Back from the doc?" She asked, folding one arm under her head.
"Yeah," Buffy muttered, snuggling even closer. "It was hell...never going to the hospital again."
"Went that well, huh?" Chuckling at the other girl's apparent misery, Faith cruelly moved, extricating her body from Buffy's grasp. "Let's go get something to eat, I'm hungry."
The blonde groaned loudly, choosing instead to bury her head under a pillow. After standing around for three hours waiting to get stitched up and suffering through a blistering headache to boot, she wasn't about to move now that she was comfortable. She heard Faith walk out the door a minute later, and promptly fell into an exhausted slumber.
She was rudely awoken by the harsh ringing of the telephone. Glancing around, she saw that darkness had already descended and before she picked up the phone, she briefly wondered where Faith was.
"Hello?"
An unanswered pause greeted her ears and just when she was about to repeat the standard greeting, a scream ripped through the line. "Know who that is?" A voice immediately asked. "C'mon guess."
Buffy's heart had started beating triple time as soon as she heard that pained scream. Choking out Faith's name, she received immediate praise from the mysterious caller. "Very good. You got that on the first try. Now here's another question for you. Do you know why she's screaming so pitifully right now?"
"I'll kill you if anything happens to her. I swear--"
"Don't waste your breath. She'll die, I guarantee it. The last question you have to ask yourself is when she's going to die." The line went dead abruptly in her hand as she replaced the handset on its cradle. She couldn't help but tremble slightly.
"We have to find her!" Buffy shouted, daring anyone to disagree. She'd spent nearly half an hour explaining what had happened to the assembled Scoobies but that wasn't what had taken up so much of their time. What was frustrating her beyond human limits was the manner in which everyone, including to a slight degree Giles, was reacting to the news. Nobody seemed to give a damn that Faith was being held prisoner somewhere and in all probability, being tortured. Xander even had the gall to put forth the suggestion that it could have been some kind of elaborate trick by Faith to further some devious ends. Buffy nearly blew up at him then but decided it wasn't worth it. "Look," she said in frustration. "If you're not going to help me, I'm just going to find her by myself." She was already moving towards the door when Giles stopped her, trying to calm her down somewhat.
"Buffy, we'll help you---all of us," he said, staring down everybody else in the room. "And I'm sure everyone here will agree on that with me." Receiving rather reluctant nods from Xander and Willow and a more enthusiastic one from Tara, he turned to the slayer once again. "Now, you say that the same woman who attacked you the last two days is the same person who called you about Faith?"
Buffy nodded, walking back towards the group. "I recognized her voice. It was her."
"Supposing that Faith _is_ being tortured," Giles pondered, folding his arms across his chest, "That would make for alot of noise which would require she be placed in an abandoned or somewhat abandoned space. That would be the likeliest place for us to start searching--- warehouses, the sewers, and anyplace else that fits the description. Meanwhile, Willow and Tara, would you please research a spell that could help us track her down?" He received two nods from the witches. "Good, everybody else with me."
Night had long since descended and was now in its waning hour before the light of day would once again make its routine appearance. The two groups had made no headway whatsoever in finding Faith or even finding so much as a lukewarm trail to follow. It was almost as if the other slayer had disappeared off the face of the earth. Willow and Tara hadn't been able to locate any sort of trace on the missing girl while the other group had turned up equally empty handed.
Buffy paced around the interior of Giles' apartment, growing ever more aggravated as the minutes ticked by and they were still as helpless as they had been when they'd started the search. "This isn't working," she said for the second time. "We don't even know who she is or what she wants. She doesn't even seem to want anything."
Giles poured himself another cup of tea as he tried coming up with any other avenues they hadn't explored yet.
"There was something blocking our spell," Willow said, speaking up. "It's almost as if someone's using magic to conceal Faith's location. We can't get a fix on her aura."
"So we'll just have to keep looking," Buffy stated. "Maybe--" The ringing of the phone stopped her in mid-sentence. It reached three rings before Giles walked over to pick it up.
"Hello?" He asked, listening intently to the voice at the other end of the line. Gripping the phone tightly, he held it away from his ear, indicating that Buffy should take it. Handing it over to the blonde slayer, he proceeded to sit down heavily on the couch. There was not a sound in the room as Buffy listened, her face growing ashen as her body coiled even tighter. The silence was finally shattered by the protracted scream that ripped through the lines which abruptly cut off after a few agonizing seconds. Buffy slammed down the phone and kicked it off the stand for good measure, her body visibly shaking.
"Was that Faith?" Xander asked, hesitatingly.
Buffy turned her head, staring through him as if he wasn't even there. "She has my mother."
"You can stop the pain anytime." This time, the voice was so close that she could feel the breath warm against her neck. "Just ask me and I'll make it all go away. No pain, no guilt, nothing but ecstasy." The voice had been all she'd heard since her world had gone black. There was something over her eyes, tied so tight that she could barely move her head an inch in any direction. She was seated on something hard which seemed to be fixed solidly to the ground. Her arms were tied behind her back. Her hands felt sticky and numb, probably because most of the circulation had been cut off and the ties were biting into her skin whenever she struggled which happened so rarely now. "Tell me, Faith. Tell me you want to be turned," the voice coaxed again in honey velvet tones. She wanted the voice to remain sweet because it never hurt her when it was sweet. But she knew it wouldn't last too long...it never did. Soon, it would turn harsh again and soon, the pain would rip through her body. A part of her wanted to give in, wanted what the voice promised and as she felt the knife cut slowly across her arm, that part of her gained strength. She doubted she could resist too much longer as a choked sob racked across her body as something hard slammed against the recently opened cut.
"Why do you make me do this to you!" The voice shouted in her ear. She couldn't even cringe back cause every part her body was tied down. A hard slap to the face caught her completely by surprise and she could feel the small trickle of blood running from her mouth pooling on the front of her shirt which already stuck to her body with the copious amount of blood already there. She heard as much as felt the air being displaced as something was swung at her. Faith prepared herself as best she could but whatever it was hit her savagely across the face and she could hear as the bones in her jaw and cheek broke under the impact. She wondered idly if it was a nightstick that had rearranged her face so effectively but it was only a brief thought that passed through her mind before she slumped in her seat, blessedly unconscious once again.
Joyce watched in terror as her captor efficiently swung the club, pushing down the sickening feeling inside as it connected solidly with Faith's face. No matter what Faith had done, she didn't deserve this punishment. Nobody did. Watching warily as the auburn haired girl proceeded to drop the weapon and turn her attention her way, she suppressed a quick shudder. The girl had changed from what she had on before to a black outfit which left nothing to the imagination. Joyce could do nothing as the girl slipped behind her chair. She couldn't move, being as tied down as Faith. All she could do was watch---watch as Faith was tortured, brought awake and tortured again. Joyce's mouth was gagged so she could make no noise. Her chair was not ten feet from Faith's, directly facing each other but Faith could never know that.
"Did you like that?" The voice hissed behind her. "Pretty soon, you'll be in her place and someone else will be in yours, watching...I'm sorry I had to hit you before. That was all for your daughter's benefit. I don't like to sample my toys too early," she said, walking to stand in front of Joyce. Leaning down slightly so that they were eye to eye, she continued. "We'll have fun together. Just as much as my Faith and I are having. I bet you can't wait." A huge grin spread across her face as her attention turned behind her once again. "I think it's time for Sleeping Beauty to wake up again."
Joyce's breaths were coming in short gasps as the cycle began to repeat itself. She couldn't even close her eyes though she desperately wanted to because if she did, their tormentor had promised to bring Faith additional pain. And even though she couldn't begin to imagine what else could be done to the poor girl, she knew their captor did so her eyes remained open and watching.
Buffy was working twice as hard in her search. Ignoring sleep, food, or anything else that didn't help move her towards her goal. She worked tirelessly to look for Faith and her mother. A focused air permeated the Scoobies and each one was now committed to the task at hand. Even so, they still were no closer to finding the missing pair than when they started. The frustration level mounted, especially for Buffy as they continued to come up empty each and every time. And then, like a bolt from the blue, they had an inspiration---actually it was Willow who had the inspiration. She was able to look up the number that had called Giles' apartment and, from that, she tracked down the location associated with the number. It was such a straightforward approach that nobody had even thought of doing it before. Buffy could've kissed her best friend if she wasn't already busily arming herself to the teeth in preparation for the imminent rescue attempt. The address pointed to a warehouse at the outer edge of town which Buffy had visited already. Her earlier search had revealed nothing but Willow insisted that was where the phone call had originated from. Leading the way through the large bay doors, Buffy clicked on her flashlight as the others followed suit. The place looked as desolately abandoned as the blonde remembered from her earlier foray but with Willow's assurance, the group began combing over every inch of the room.
It was Xander who finally shouted excitedly, pointing his flashlight at the floor for everybody to see. The outline of a trapdoor could vaguely be seen beneath the thick layer of dust that had collected over the years. Buffy immediately reached down and yanked with all her strength, feeling the door slowly creak open against her determination. Looking around at the resolute faces of the group, she nodded and began to descend the rungs lining the shaft.
"They're here," the blue green demon rasped out through the hole it called its mouth.
"I can see that." The auburn haired girl looked intently at the video screen which currently showed the group of humans walking cautiously down the corridor. At the head of the merry little band was the slayer---the original one, the one so beloved that her substitute had crawled back from death to be near her. She frowned, unable to see what was so special about this person. Snapping her attention out of its useless meandering, she ordered the demon to start evacuating. Much as she would like to destroy this group right then, it still was not the time for such foolhardy actions. Turning to walk away, she remembered the guarantee she'd made to the blonde. Yes, she had had every intention of killing Faith but that was just too easy. No, what she did accomplish and what pleased her was the knowledge that she'd broken the slayer. A tiny grin lifted the corners of her mouth. Yes, that was much more fun.
Buffy was stopped at the end of the tunnel by a steel door. The lights reflected off its polished surface as she tried to find a way to open the obstruction.
"Now what?" Xander asked, going to stand beside the slayer. "This thing doesn't look like it's--" There was an audible click and the door began to open of its own volition, moving slowly inwards. "I stand corrected but before we go in, we're all agreed this is a trap, right?"
Buffy didn't answer as she pushed the doors the rest of the way and stepped into the room that was revealed. She gasped, almost unable to take in what she was seeing with her own eyes. Her mother and Faith sat, strapped to two steel chairs facing each other. There was so much blood under the other slayer's chair, smeared and splattered across the white tile floor that it looked like it belonged to two people instead of just one. Faith was slumped over as far as she could, considering the ties binding her back but she sat motionless, not even seeming to breathe. The utter stillness contrasted harshly with her mother's anxious struggles as she tried uselessly to speak around the gag in her mouth. Giles and Xander hurried over to untie her while Buffy walked slowly over to the bloodied mess that had been Faith. She barely realized that words were coming out of her own mouth as she knelt in front of the seated girl.
"Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay..." The words were spoken in a whisper as she attempted to undo the binds that held Faith in place. She registered the presence of other people coming to her aid but couldn't, wouldn't acknowledge them in any way. She was focused entirely on undoing the tightly knotted ties because, to do otherwise would be to accept that her hands were growing sticky from the blood that covered almost everything and to accept that Faith still looked as lifeless as she had on first glance.
Faith's body sagged into her arms as the last binding was removed. She heard as if from a great distance, her mother calling for her to let go. The next thing she knew, she was sitting on the floor with Faith's body lying a few feet away being attended to by Giles. Rising to her feet with a maniacal purpose shining in her eyes, she took off for the door directly across from where they'd come in, unheeding the shouts and yells accompanying her abrupt departure. She was going to find the monster who had done this and kill it just as surely as it had done to Faith.
Running through the maze of tunnels, guided by pure instinct, she rounded a corner and almost collided with a scaly green demon. Using the demon's shock to her advantage, she slammed a foot into its gut and then rammed its head into a nearby wall. She looked up to see two more of its cohorts rushing up to her but it was almost as if everything around her was stuck in slow motion and only she was immune. Buffy moved with a speed and ferocity that she would have found frightening were she in a saner frame of mind. But it paid off as the two demons were swatted away as if they were nothing more than bothersome flies. She walked onwards, stepping over the bodies, intensely focused on one goal. She eventually came upon a small room that was dark except for the glowing screens of several closed circuit TV's. Her attention was drawn inexorably to one particular screen, not because of anything showing on its pixelated palette but by the note taped to the glass:
By the time you read this, I'll be long gone so if I were you, I'd look after my girlfriend rather than waste the time hunting me down. But don't worry, we'll get to meet soon enough. Then you can thank me for not killing your girl like I said I would. I usually like to keep my promises but leaving her like that is worse than killing her, don't you think?
Buffy crumpled up the note, ripping it apart as tears stung her eyes. Movement on one of the screens brought her head up as she saw Faith being quickly carried through the tunnel they'd taken to get down here. Dropping the note, she hurried out.
How much time had passed? How much time since the darkness had lifted? The questions bumped lazily around in her head but they never left her lips. They gave her so many pills and drugs...but it wasn't that which prevented her from speaking. It was almost as if that ability had been snatched away from her. Buffy was with her most times when she was awake, trying so hard to look happy and cheerful but she'd broken down on several occasions already, the strain evident in her every move. During those times, she would close her eyes because if she closed them, she wouldn't have to see Buffy in so miserable a position. It was comforting almost to go back to the darkness and she didn't know which was worse; finding comfort in a state that had so terrified her before or witnessing Buffy's anguish with her. Anger at her non-responsiveness would be her first guess. She was angry at it too...in a detached sort of way. Mad that she couldn't find her voice when she needed it the most. Mad that she could have let this happen to her. But especially mad at the little bitch that had tortured her to the point where she had to withdraw this much. That last thought became the focal point for all her anger and, drawing upon it, she was able to slowly crawl her way out of the mental shell she'd built around herself.
Faith was recovering---at least that's what she told herself. The other girl was now using crutches to get around and she was speaking again...but only if she were spoken to and then only to respond in the curtest possible manner.
Faith was recovering---at least that's what the doctors said. They were surprised she even made it the first night, let alone be able to walk around in only two weeks time. A medical miracle they coined it.
Faith was recovering---at least that's what her friends said. But they didn't spend nearly as much time with the girl as she did. They didn't see the rage and hatred building in her eyes and if they did, they chose not to comment.
Faith was recovering---yeah, what a crock of bull.
Buffy sat on the sofa, eyes staring straight ahead, uncomprehendingly viewing a daytime soap or some such trash. Faith sat next to her and you would've thought it was the most interesting program in history by the way their attention was focused, eyes unwavering. They were in her mother's house, Joyce having opted to go as quickly back to work as possible after the traumatic experience she'd gone through---go figure. She was off on one of her trips; had been for the last two days. Buffy had taken a hiatus from school, against her mother's wishes but even she didn't put up much more than a token fight.
The blonde slayer turned her head to look directly at Faith. There was so much to fix and she wasn't sure it could be done. And talking about it didn't help because every time she talked---for it would inevitably be her talking---Faith would zone out which would piss her off which in turn caused Faith to withdraw even more. Nothing seemed to help the situation and the more she tried to force it, the worse it got. Shelving those thoughts, she noticed that she'd been staring at the other girl. The wounds had healed completely on the exposed flesh of her arms but she'd carry the scars around forever. Her jaw and cheek which had been so swollen earlier had just the slightest purplish bruise now. And whichever way Buffy looked at it, she still thought her the most beautiful woman she'd ever met...now moreso than ever. Inching closer to the preternaturally still figure, Buffy tentatively rested her head on a tense shoulder. She was through with talking---talking didn't work and she was getting sick of her own voice anyway. All she wanted now was to feel Faith next to her, feel the girl's breath in its even measure. For some reason, her own breath started to hitch and before she knew it, she was sobbing quietly. Struggling to control emotions that were already riding high, she closed what remaining distance still existed between them and wrapped her arms gingerly around the other girl's waist, closing her eyes tightly shut when she received no response whatsoever.
Faith chanced to glance down when she was sure Buffy had fallen asleep, as fitful a slumber as it appeared to be. She was still wrapped up in the blonde's arms. Somehow or another, she would have to get out of the hold. She didn't ask herself why she felt the need to move away so desperately, only that the desire burned in the pit of her stomach like an unquenchable blaze. But how to do that without waking the other girl up? She couldn't---that was the final answer because if they became anymore entangled, they'd be lying on top of each other. So she sat, as still as ever, enduring the suffocating closeness of another human being. Truth be told, she didn't want to be touched; didn't even want to be around anyone that _might_ want to touch her. She couldn't even stand to be near Buffy sometimes because of the other girl's clinginess. All she wanted was to be alone so she could make sense of the cluttered mess in her head. Why couldn't everybody just leave her the fuck alone? Clenching her teeth together as Buffy moved impossibly closer, she tried her best to ignore the crawly feeling all over her skin. In the back of her mind, she knew she was acting, behaving, and thinking irrationally. But it was all in the back of her mind, overshadowed by new emotions that were also old friends all at the same time---anger and hate, the twin towers in her psyche that loomed ominously over everything else.
"Faith, you have to start talking to me." Another week had gone by and as Faith's physical injuries healed, her emotional ones still seemed stalled at the gate. Buffy had finally snapped, unable to take the cold and distant exterior the brunette had been putting up any longer.
Faith stood tall in the middle of the living room, eyes revealing none of the emotions behind them. "I know."
"I'm trying my best Faith but you have to meet me halfway. You have to let me help you and you have to want the help."
"You know how you can help me?" Faith asked, a spark of anger awakening in her eyes. "Help me find that bitch and then help me kill her. Then, I'll be fine."
"Faith, we'll find her but killing her won't--"Buffy stopped abruptly, the words dying on her lips. They'd been through this so many times already. It always ended the same way. Faith would close herself off and she would end up more frustrated than before. "I want you back so much," Buffy whispered, her eyes meeting those of the other slayer. "I miss you so much Faith."
Faith looked as if the words meant nothing to her but as Buffy watched, something interesting began to happen. The tiniest crack appeared on the fixed composure, revealing something underneath which threatened to close up just as quickly. Buffy reacted, knowing this was her chance and knowing too that she had to grab it before it slipped through her fingers. Placing her hands on Faith's shoulders, she looked steadily into the other girl's eyes, refusing to relinquish the grip or the gaze. "I saw that Faith. I know you're in there somewhere so please come back to me...I love you." Nothing like those three words to elicit a little emotion. "Faith?" She prompted quietly, now seeing the struggle clearly on the brunette's face.
After an interminable silence, Faith finally opened her mouth, taking in a few gulps of air before speaking. "You don't fight fair B." And for the first time in well over three weeks, a smirk, so characteristic of Faith before, accompanied the statement
Buffy immediately launched herself at the other girl, wrapping her arms tightly around Faith's neck and squeezing for all she was worth.
"B...Buffy...need...breath.." Faith gasped as Buffy loosened her hold somewhat.
"It's you right? It's really you?" She asked, her face buried in Faith's chest.
"Who else would it be?" Faith asked lightly, arms already around Buffy's body. "I...I haven't been myself lately. Could you tell? Anyway, as much as I really, really, really want to take that little bitch down, I don't want to lose you while I'm at it---that would be the biggest mistake of my life...I'm sorry Buffy."
And wouldn't you know it, that's the exact time Buffy woke up. Glancing sleepily around, she saw that she was still on the couch, her head resting comfortably on Faith's lap. Slowly getting up, she looked over at Faith and saw the same expression she'd come to dread, namely a blank indifference that could switch to cold fire in a second. Nothing had changed and only a fleeting dream could offer a sliver of hope.
The night air blew softly through the open window, blowing the curtains back and forth. Faith stood next to the opening, eyes fixed steadfastly on the darkness outside. She couldn't get to sleep; she rarely could anymore and staring out at the silent scene lulled her mind somewhat. But tonight, it wasn't working. Tonight, she felt like she was fidgeting out of her own skin because, truth be told, she didn't like this mask she wore anymore. This mask that kept her secure but alone. Ripping her gaze away, she walked as if in a daze out of the spare bedroom where Joyce had set her up in and padded with silent feet to Buffy's bedroom. Several false starts later, she finally grasped the door handle and pushed it inwards, wincing slightly at the creak accompanying the move. The soft glow of the hall light illuminated the barest outlines within the room. And one of those outlines happened to be snuggled cozily into bed, stuffed pig grasped tightly to her chest.
Faith hesitated briefly before stepping inside, leaving the door slightly ajar as she moved towards the bed. She didn't know how long she stood there watching Buffy sleep, only that she wished this moment would last forever---silent, peaceful, and simple like nothing else had been for such a long time. She found herself suddenly exhausted, physically and especially mentally. She was so tired--- tired of putting up an emotionless front, tired of seeing the guilt and frustration in Buffy's eyes whenever the blonde cast a gaze her way, and so damn tired of letting her life slip away from her control. She barely knew if she was living anymore. Awkwardly kneeling down, a sense of deja vu overwhelmed her as she remembered a night not too long ago when she assumed the same position to watch Buffy sleep. And as before, she ended up curled up around the blonde slayer. Funny that, since she didn't remember ever getting into the bed in the first place.
"Vampire, 2 o'clock---in the Hawaiian shirt," Buffy said, eyes fixed on the moving figure.
"Colorblind vamp," Faith added in a dry monotone. "Could he stand out anymore?"
Buffy spared her partner a glance that was equal parts wry and tentative. Ever since she'd woken up with Faith unexpectedly sleeping next to her, she had noticed that the brunette was really putting more effort in engaging the rest of the world and not just passing through it like an invisible entity. She was justifiably elated by the sudden change but tried to hold back the emotion for fear of retarding the budding breakthrough. After all, it had only been a day since the transformation---too early to tell and yet late enough to hope. The two slayers proceeded to follow the Day-Glo vamp, trailing a few steps behind him as he entered a narrow alley. Apparently, he was savvy enough to recognize the two women for what they were as they cornered him into a wall.
"Hey look, you don't want to stake me," he said, holding up two placating hands in front of his body as if that would be enough to ward them off.
"I seriously doubt that," the blond slayer replied with a stake already in hand.
The vampire's eyes widened considerably as he started to spill everything he knew in hopes of a reprieve. "I know you guys have been looking for someone, right? Well, I know where she is."
Faith immediately grabbed him by the collar and knocked him back hard into the wall. "Start talking before I pound your head so hard, your brain comes oozing out of your ear."
Unprepared for the vehemence of the response, the vamp hesitated before speaking which only earned him another hard shove. After that, he was more than willing to give the slayers a guided tour of exactly where he'd spotted the woman they seemed so eager to find.
"That's the building," the vampire pointed out, glancing around nervously after taking them on a twenty minute trek. "That's where I saw her."
"Are you sure it was her?" Buffy asked as the three of them lingered warily across the street.
"If the one you're looking for likes to wear leather, has her hair in a braid, and runs around with a pack of demons..."
"That's all I need to know," Faith said darkly, starting for the front door of the apartment building. Buffy darted after her and the vamp used that opportunity to get the heck out of there.
"Faith! You can't just go in there like this. You don't even know if-- -" She looked around and spotted that their informant had just beat a hasty retreat. "--you don't know if he was even telling the truth. And what if she _is_ in there? We don't know how many of her demony pals are also with her."
"Look, I'm going in there. You can either come with or stay out of my way." Faith hurried past the indecisive slayer to creep around the side of the house, disappearing into the shadows. Buffy stood uncertain for a moment, torn between wanting to go back and get some help and going into the unknown with her partner.
The guard posted at the door only had time to let out a low grunt before the fist connected square with his face. He didn't even have time to crumple to the ground before his assailant opened the door he'd been guarding and entered. The inside of the house was completely empty and barren of furnishings...that is, except for a poker table where six demons sat playing cards. They all turned as one at the sudden intrusion and it wasn't until someone dropped a chip on the floor that they all seemed to move at once. The demons charged and Faith ducked under the first onslaught only to be met by the second wave. She found herself surrounded by punching fists and kicking feet but it was almost as if she was on auto pilot, taking out one demon after another until nobody was left standing save herself. That state of affairs didn't last too long though as more demons poured down from upstairs, drawn by the noise.
Thrown hard against the far right wall, Faith recovered as fast as she could, lashing out at those close enough for her to take a swing at. Overwhelmed as she should have been by the sheer numbers, nevertheless, she was holding her own. But that didn't mean she wasn't taking a severe beating and as she knocked out the last of the demons, she almost dropped herself as the momentum of her swing brought her forward two huge steps. Breathing heavily, she took a few moments to take stock of the damage she'd sustained before moving to the stairs. Even in her current state, she could endure the pain knowing that she would be able to dish some out soon enough---and on the person she'd dreamed of killing a hundred times over these last few days. Killing the Deputy Mayor and Lester were some of the lowest points in her life; she knew it even as she killed them but there would be no remorse now. No guilt would plague her later either. Taking the stairs slowly, she moved to the top of the landing, seeing nothing and hearing less.
"You really do have the worst timing. Showing up with no notice is extremely rude, you know?" The taunting lilt of the voice suddenly broke the silence. Faith immediately turned to her left, crouching into a defensive posture. The woman she'd been looking for stood not ten feet away with a disgusted expression plastered on her face. "It's my own damn fault really. I should have killed you like I said I would."
"You can try again but you're the one who's going to beg to be killed when it's all said and done."
"Big words but let's see you back it up." She advanced cautiously knowing exactly what Faith was capable of.
The slayer didn't give her a chance to make another move as she launched herself at the other woman, a shoulder ramming squarely into an exposed midriff. The impact sent them both crashing to the floor, skidding several feet as Faith came out on top. Taking advantage of the position, Faith got in several punches before being thrown off. The brunette slayer jumped back to her feet, arm cocked and ready to take a swing again but froze at the sight of the pistol aimed directly at her face. Her eyes darted quickly between the gun and the mockingly triumphant expression appearing on her tormentor's face.
"Before I permanently put a dent in that pretty little face of yours, I just wanna ask you one thing...Do you have any idea who I am?"
Faith made no reply, her whole attention focused on the problem of how to take that gun away without getting shot in the process.
"You don't know or you're just too busy trying to figure out how to disarm me? Doesn't matter though, I want to tell you this---I've been dying to tell you...so to speak." But before she could continue, her explanation was cut short by the shattering of glass as the window behind them came crashing in, accompanied by a blur of motion that barreled into the armed figure, effectively knocking the gun from her hand.
Buffy sat up, straddling the woman she'd knocked down trying to quell the struggling that threatened to displace her position. Just when she was getting a handle on the situation, a hard shove from behind threw her off and before she had time to even look up, three loud bangs erupted and the next thing she knew she was being used as a human shield. An arm wrapped securely around her neck threatened to cut off her breathing and circulation as she was unceremoniously dragged up.
"Shoot me now, Faith! Why don't you shoot me?" The shout increased the ringing already in the blonde's ears caused by the earlier shots. A hysterical laughter followed the outburst as Buffy's eyes caught Faith's gaze and the slightest wave of fear ran down her spine when she realized she didn't s see a shred of her girlfriend in there anywhere. The person looking back at her was a stranger, devoid of any warmth or humanity. She watched almost disbelievingly as the gun in Faith's hand discharged another bullet with a deafening crack and a fiery pain burned through her side almost at the same time. What happened next wasn't so very clear as she laid there on the ground trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she had been shot. She vaguely registered that several more rounds were fired after that in quick succession. Buffy experienced a moment of displacement as she was lifted and carried from the house.
"Faith?" She asked, looking up into the face of the person that held her. She received no answer, not even a hint of recognition that the other slayer had heard her at all. After several more weak attempts to gain Faith's attention with no better success, Buffy slowly succumbed to the drag of sleep that was slowly washing over her.
"So you didn't get a look at the person that shot you?" The cop asked, tapping on his notepad with the tip of his pen.
"No, I didn't see anything. It was too dark." Buffy looked down at her hands which were fidgeting with the covers on the bed. From what she'd gathered from the officer, she'd been left at the entrance of the ER where the nurses had eventually found her.
The cop sighed as he closed the notepad and replaced it in his back pocket. "Thank you for your help Miss Summers. We'll try our best to find the person that did this to you. Your mother's already been contacted---she's flying back now." He watched Buffy nod distractedly as she delivered her thanks and he gave her a last comforting smile of his own before leaving.
As soon as he left, Buffy turned on her good side, wrapping her arms around her raised knees. Not a single thought crossed her mind and not a single emotion crossed her heart. And nothing more was left to say as Buffy continued to lay motionless, eyes wide open but unseeing.
Her lungs burned for air as her legs pumped relentlessly, propelling her mile after mile over unfamiliar ground. She ran as if her very life depended on it, as if guilt were a physical manifestation nipping at her heels, urging her to go forever faster. As long as she was running, she wouldn't have to face what she'd left behind and the person she'd abandoned. But the fleeting absolution of flight couldn't last forever no matter how much she pushed to go beyond her physical limits. Eventually, she collapsed in a quaking heap, trying to suck in air at a frantic pace as her body started shutting down, refusing to go any further. But as she laid there, her mind continued racing ahead trying to find some reason to stop the spiraling madness; anything to latch onto which would hold her up because to do otherwise would be to lose herself completely.
So she did something that she thought she'd never do again--- something she vowed she'd never do again. Faith did a 180; she started asking herself why she should feel guilty. She set out to kill someone who, in her mind, deserved what she got and more. She accomplished her goal. And yes, she did intentionally shoot Buffy in the process but...she'd live. All these and more rationalizations ran through her mind, parading themselves almost as if enticing her like a carnival barker to pick one, any one. And against the better part of herself, the part that still recognized that to embrace any excuse would be to dip back into the darkness she'd fought so hard to hold in control, she set herself up with a crutch. When it was all said and done, didn't one good act even out a bad one? She'd managed to take out a monster, several in fact. That was her job. That was what she was built for and no one on the side of good got killed. And aside from that little act of shooting her girlfriend---well, that was the most expedient way of taking out the enemy, to take down the hostage first. From that perspective, she thought almost desperately, the view wasn't nearly so bad.
Joyce was all concern and protective as only a mother could be when she arrived at Sunnydale Memorial. A slayer's life is always full of danger and the overshadowing presence of imminent death at every turn but a slayer is also human, and a daughter to someone. And right then, Buffy was her little girl and she wished not for the first time that her daughter had never been thrust into this role that placed so much responsibility on those frail shoulders.
Joyce sat down on the hospital bed, hands smoothing over the blanket. "What happened?" She asked, wondering at Buffy's severely dejected mood and her unfocused eyes.
"I guess the bad guys finally wandered into the twentieth century, mom." Buffy's listless reply earned her a furrowed brow but before her mother could question her further, she bluntly stated that she was tired and in not so many words, asked Joyce to leave. She didn't look up as her mother gently kissed her on the forehead and she didn't look up when she walked out the door a few minutes later. She could just imagine how it would be later when she'd have to explain what happened to Giles and the others---to look each one of her closest friends in the face and lie to them outright. Just thinking about the prospect twisted her stomach into knots and caused a grimace to form on her face.
But what else could she do? Tell them the truth? The very idea made her scoff out loud. If they knew, she could just picture them screaming for Faith's blood and she didn't need anymore people getting hurt on her behalf. Looking forlornly at the door, she almost wished that Faith would walk through them, her signature smile affixed in place and some kind of explanation on her lips. She wanted an explanation, however flimsy because she wanted to believe Faith cared about her enough to not just abandon her without a word. Angry tears stung her eyes as her hands involuntarily gripped the sheets tighter to her chest. She blinked rapidly, feeling the first wet drops splash across her cheeks and wished, somewhat impetuously that the other slayer had never come back to Sunnydale. It was a wish born from a moment of extreme disappointment and disillusioned belief that would have been tossed aside if Buffy were to think about it for even a second. But a wish, especially one made in Sunnydale can have some unforeseen effects as she was soon to find out.
Some time during the night, she must have fallen asleep cause she found herself slowly waking up, becoming aware of the tangled sheets around her legs and the cool air circulating around the room. Her eyes remained closed, trying to will herself back to sleep because she didn't want to deal with reality at the moment. But the sudden shrill chirp snapped her fully awake as her eyes roamed the hospital room for the source of the sound. She didn't have to roam too far since the source was standing beside her bed, a sheepish expression on his face.
"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked, truly surprised to see her ex standing next to the bed. Then, as if just realizing a fact that couldn't possibly exist outside the realms of an unsettled mind, she gasped and remained speechless until Angel spoke.
"Sorry about the beeper. I forgot to turn it off." Again, he made a contrite shrug of his shoulders as he clipped it back onto his belt. Dressed in a white buttoned down shirt and black slacks, he looked every bit the poster boy for vampire chic, much like he always did but there was something off about him. "Something the matter?" he asked, confused by Buffy's wide eyed expression.
The question seemed to snap her out of a temporary paralysis as she cried out, "Yes there's something the matter. You're black and white-- -Everything's black and white. _I'm_ black and white." She turned disbelieving eyes to her hands which seemed bleached of all color.
Angel looked around at his surroundings and nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I guess you're right. I don't really notice it anymore but it must be disconcerting for you."
Buffy stared at him as if he'd sprouted another head right before her eyes. 'You're not Angel," she stated with absolute conviction.
The Angel-lookalike smiled slightly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "No, I'm not Angel but I am an angel...kind of"
Buffy blinked a few times, trying to wrap her mind around that fact. "I must be dreaming. Come again?"
"Actually, that's not too far from the truth. On one level, you are dreaming but I'm getting too far ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning--"
"Please do."
Angel didn't miss a beat as he continued his explanation but he did look at her askance for a moment. "You wished for something earlier this evening...something along the lines of 'I wish Faith had never returned to Sunnydale.' Am I right?"
Buffy was silent as she tried to remember. "But that wasn't really--"
"Uh, uh, uh" Angel admonished, his finger wagging. "That's what you wished for and that's what you're going to get."
She shook her head. "This is a dream. This isn't real."
"Don't count on it."
Buffy watched in disbelief as everything around her started to dissipate and take on a hazy quality. The room, in addition to the bed she laid on, slowly disappeared to be replaced by the familiar surroundings of her college campus. She looked down at her body and, instead of a flimsy hospital gown, she was now dressed in jeans and a T-shirt.
"This IS a dream, yes," Angel said from behind her, sipping nonchalantly on an iced coffee. "But it could also be reality---your reality if you want it. And before you answer too hastily, just let me show you what it could be like."
"All right," she answered, taking a minute to reorient herself. "But does everything have to be monochromatic? I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of Leave it to Beaver and it's seriously starting to creep me out."
The complaint elicited a weary sigh from Angel but he snapped his fingers nonetheless in an irritated display and, suddenly, all the colors were back in startling clarity. In the back of her mind, she was thinking that this reminded her of 'The Wizard of Oz' when Dorothy came out of her farm house into a Technicolor Munchkin's paradise. "Okay, see? Color is a good thing." She glanced around approvingly, ignoring the slight frown on her companion's face. "So what are you going to show me and why do you look like Angel?"
"He has cool hair and I thought his image would put you more at ease but that's beside the point. You should be happy---Not many people have the opportunity to get their wish fulfilled."
As he went on about how grateful she should be, Buffy's attention wandered, tracking to the side. She still didn't believe any of this was for real but her eyebrows hiked up to her hairline when she saw herself walking across the quad. The only other time she felt this disconcerted was back when Faith switched their bodies. She pointed behind Angel, finally getting his attention to the more important matter at hand---namely, that there were now two of her occupying the same general space.
"She can't see us, you know," Angel pointed out, waving a dismissive hand and getting back to what he was saying. "So, like I was saying, this is kind of a cross between 'It's a Wonderful Life' and 'A Christmas Carol' only without the sanctimonious morality ending. Does that help?"
"Did I hit my head without my knowing?" She asked, still looking past him. "Is that what this is? A fevered dream chucked up by a bruised brain?"
Angel did not respond as he walked over to where Buffy number 2 was standing, wholly expecting number one to follow, which she eventually did.
The two of them stood there observing the blond haired girl which Buffy found much too weird an idea to spend too much time contemplating even if this were nothing more than a dream. "Why do I look so happy?" She asked, not trying to hide the irritation in her voice. It wasn't fair that she was so unbearably miserable while her counterpart looked so...content was the first word that came to mind.
Angel folded his arms across his chest as he replied in a most practical tone of voice that this other Buffy had no reason not to be happy.
As they continued to watch, Willow and Jim approached and a sudden stab of guilt pierced her heart. She'd avoided Jim ever since the earthquake and he'd eventually given up on trying to get in touch with her. It was wrong of her to just blow him off but she just couldn't deal with him or his expectations at the time. She watched as Buffy number 2 gave him a soft kiss on the lips after which all three of them left together.
"This would've been the present if Faith hadn't shown up," Angel said speaking up, his tone betraying nothing.
"It can't all be the land of milk and honey," Buffy muttered, still staring after the trio.
Angel shrugged. "When has it ever been like that. All I'm saying is that, in this time, you aren't laid up in a hospital bed and Faith isn't curled up in a god forsaken hole in the ground, getting in touch with her dark side."
Buffy turned to stare sharply at him. "What do you mean by that? What's happening to Faith?"
"Whoa, hold up Steely B." He received a questioning look at the use of the nickname. "Let me show you some more okay?" He waited for the nod, however reluctantly it was given and then smiled in relief.
Buffy wasn't too sure how to react since such a ludicrously wide smile had never graced the real Angel's face and seeing it now, freaked her out like no slimy demon ever could.
"Fine, you've shown me how happy I am but what about Faith? I want to see how she's doing."
"Uh..." Angel hesitated causing Buffy to stare stonily up at him. "That's not gonna be possible."
"Why not!" she nearly shouted.
"Cause when you wished that Faith had never come back...it's not just back to Sunnydale, it's back from the dead." He looked on nervously when Buffy didn't speak.
"Then, that's it," she finally said, waving him off. "I don't want to go any further--"
"Wait!" He interrupted, a strain of desperation running through his face. "Hold on..." With a resigned sigh, he again snapped his fingers. The scene changed once again but this time she was prepared for the shift and any disorientation was kept to a minimum. As soon as her surroundings stabilized, she immediately launched into Angel. "What do you think you're going to accomplish by showing me all this? You think if you show me a little piece of this and a little piece of that, I'll just give up on my life? On Faith?"
Angel immediately protested. "That's not what I'm trying to do."
"Then exactly what are you trying for? You say you're showing me alternatives but you never did tell me why. What's in it for you?"
"All right, look," he said, sitting down on the recliner behind him. "I'm going to level with you--"
"Oh, gee thanks," Buffy mumbled, taking a seat herself on the adjacent sofa.
Angel took a moment to collect his thoughts and then looked directly into the slayer's eyes. "Faith died," he stated bluntly. "...when people die, they don't usually come back to life. Haven't you ever wondered how she did it?"
"She's never told me," Buffy reluctantly admitted.
Angel nodded his head as he continued. "And you probably never thought to ask why it is that another slayer was never called after Faith died."
"We always assumed that the Council must have located her first."
"Not exactly."
"So what exactly did happen?" She pressed.
"I can't tell you all the specifics but, suffice it to say, Faith made a bargain with the wrong people. And now, it's time to rectify the situation...You have to make it right again Buffy."
"What? Why me? And what makes you think that I'm going to do anything that will endanger Faith?"
"Don't you remember? You're the one she came back for. You're the one who _asked_ her to come back. It's on your shoulders and you have to make the decision. I hate to beat a dead horse, but it's all you right now." At her still skeptical expression, he tried going in a different direction. "Buffy, you know Faith doesn't belong here. By all rights, she should already be dead and you'll only be balancing the scales again. You're the slayer---do the right thing."
Her expression changed, acquiring a hard edge as she gave him what she termed the slayer stare, reserved for use only in those rare circumstances when she was truly and wholly pissed off. "I won't do it. Get someone else to do your dirty work." She waited for him to respond and received nothing but stony silence.
"You have no idea what you're about to do," he quietly stated, not backing down one bit. "What you've already unleashed...and you sit there telling me that you feel no compulsion to fix your mistakes?" Her gaze turned downward, no longer willing to meet his accusatory stare as a creeping darkness started to steal across her vision. "I'll give you one week to think about it," she heard him say as if from an echoing distance. "It'll be your call. Make the right choice Buffy."
The next thing she knew, she was waking up back in her hospital room, wondering what it was about slayers and dreams that always produces such combustible results. She had no idea what time of day it was or how long she'd been asleep. But as disoriented as she was, she couldn't miss the person sitting next to her bed---staring vacantly up at the ceiling.
"Faith?" Her voice came out cracked and raw like she'd yelled for far too long at a football game or something.
Faith's attention immediately focused on her, eyes betraying the barest hint of panic before a wall came up in front of them, effectively shielding off any emotions she might be feeling.
"Welcome back to the land of the living B. How're you feeling?"
"Like I've been wracked on some medieval torture device."
"That good, huh?" The conversation pretty much stalled there, neither one knowing what else to say to the other. Faith finally broke the uneasy silence, not being one to endure any sort of quiet without wanting desperately to jump out of her own skin. "About what happened..." She faltered. What could she say to justify what she'd done?
"I know Faith...I know--You didn't mean to right?" Buffy asked, desperately needing to hear that no, her girlfriend hadn't meant to shoot her. "It was an accident." She said it more to comfort herself than anything else but watched as Faith's expression darkened to a dangerous level...to the point where she could almost measure the degrees.
"Where do you come off?" The dark haired slayer abruptly stood up, nearly overturning her chair in the process. "How is it that in your perfect little world I'm the one who's always wrong? How is it that I'm the one who makes all the mistakes and I'm always the one screwing up? What if I told you that I meant to shoot you?" She paused momentarily at the stricken expression crossing the other girl's face. "Yes, it's true. I meant to do it and if I had it to do all over again, I'd have shot you again because YOU WERE IN THE WAY!"
The last part came out an enraged shout as she stared fixedly down at her girlfriend who was on the brink of dissolving into tears.
"I...I didn't mean it like that," Buffy choked out over the lump in her throat. "Why are you saying this?"
"Cause it's true. Everything I've said is the honest to fucking God truth and I'm sick of it always going your way. You and your friends have already shown me how little you really think of me and I've had it up to here. I'm not your second stringer and you're not the end all and be all. It's taken a while for me to get that but I have-- gotten it." Faith angrily turned away, so filled with her own rage that she couldn't hear Buffy's weak protests to the contrary.
"Fuck it. I'm out of here," she snarled. stalking out the door. And not once, during that entire time, did she actually look Buffy in the eyes. If she had, she might still be in that room, apologizing for her outburst. As it was, she ended up angrily walking from the hospital, literally seeing red in front of her eyes. She'd never gotten over how their lives had worked out like they had---her and Buffy's that is. How did one person end up with a loving home and loyal friends and another one end up with a fucked up mother and no one but herself to depend on? The jealousy never did leave her heart and no matter how hard she fell for Buffy, she doubted it would ever truly disappear.
And now, in her mind, Buffy was doing the exact same thing she'd done when the Deputy Mayor died---namely, placing blame. And of course it was always Faith's fault. Fuck, it probably was. Even Faith knew that. But when you love someone, you're supposed to stand by them no matter what---even if they intentionally shoot you.
The truth was, Buffy could never love her like that. This was a fact she'd long ago resigned herself to. To expect Buffy to love someone like her was something she only hoped for in the deepest corners of her mind where the last shreds of her innocence still clung to with a death grip. She thought she could deal with it since even half of the blonde slayer's love was better than none at all.
She thought wrong.
Buffy almost got up in pursuit of the other slayer as she stormed out of the room but the pain refused to let her walk so easily or to even get up for that matter. What had just happened? Why did Faith react like that? Did she mean what she'd said? The questions swirled together making her head ache. Whatever the doctors had given her was starting to kick in again as she felt her mind starting to drift off. The last thing she puzzled over before succumbing was whether quasi- Angel was right. Did she need to put things back to the way they were? Did she have the strength to knowingly kill Faith again? Did she want to?
Faith spent the rest of the night walking aimlessly around Sunnydale, stopping at times to put a stake through an unlucky vamp. She did it with a cold efficiency she'd gotten used to for the last few weeks when it seemed nothing could rouse her from the cold place inside her own mind. It'd been created when she had needed it the most and now it lured her back like a siren's song.
She looked up into the faint rays of the emerging sun, closing her eyes at the start of another day she would have to claw through. Almost of its own accord, her mind returned to the girl she'd left lying in the hospital bed---the girl she'd PUT in the hospital bed.
It all seemed like a dream now in the light of day...a nightmare, really. Because it could only be in a nightmare that Faith could imagine herself saying the things she had said to Buffy. She winced even thinking about the harsh words that had passed her lips. The emotions had felt real enough---the jealousy, bitterness, and intense anger. Where were they now?
All she felt as she stood there in the weak morning sun was an empty hollowness almost like some integral part of herself was missing. Come to think of it, it would have been better to have just blown her brains out right after she laid that little bitch down, save everyone else the trouble of dealing with the shit that was her. Save Buffy the trouble of having to love someone who didn't deserve it. It's not too late though, a voice whispered inside her head. And her mind flashed to the gun she'd dropped in the apartment. Maybe she could finally do something right for a change, Faith thought, opening her eyes to a day that she might not have to struggle through after all.
Buffy accepted the flowers that Xander had thoughtfully gotten for her at the hospital gift shop with a distracted "Thanks."
"What happened?" Willow asked, concern evident on her face and in her voice. It was so like the redheaded witch to worry about her, even when it was clear that she was all right.
"I..I was shot by that woman who took my mom and Faith." Her eyes refused to focus on any one of them, afraid that they would see through her lie.
They all made the appropriate comments and agitated utterances in all the right places. But they didn't even know that it had been worse than that---a hundred times worse.
"Don't worry Buff," Xander said puffing himself up to his full height. "We'll get her. She'll be wishing she hadn't ever messed with the slayer--"
"Actually," Buffy said interrupting. "She's kinda dead. Shot full of holes and everything."
A moment of complete silence followed the announcement. She guessed they weren't used to her killing off anything that was actually human- --even though it wasn't actually her that took the shots.
"Good," Xander said, finally finding his voice. "Good riddance to bad villains...so what'd you do with the gun?"
"The gun?" The question of what had happened to the weapon hadn't ever crossed her mind. "What?"
"They find your prints on the handle, it could be a problem," he stated as if that were one of the most obvious points to anybody with half a brain. "Look, we can go over there and wipe the gun off before the police find the body. Just tell us where it is."
Willow and Giles nodded rather uncertainly, for once letting Xander take charge. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about. At least they hoped so.
"Did Buffy seem a little...off to you?" Xander asked glancing over at his best friend. He and Willow were given the task of going over to the place that the slayer had indicated the gun should still be. "I mean, granted she's just been shot but she just looks sorta..."
"Off," Willow supplied, recycling his earlier assessment. "Yeah, I know what you mean. She doesn't seem herself...kinda depressed even."
"And there was one person notably absent from the gathering."
They were both silent, neither one wanting to actually say the name of this person. Old wounds die hard and even harder on the hellmouth. The address they'd been looking for appeared after another ten minutes, looking no less hostile or menacing than any of the other buildings in the neighborhood. In fact, it looked downright normal and well maintained. Not the typical monster's nest at all.
Trying the door as Xander looked around for any lingering danger, Willow found the it unlocked. Walking in, they found several dead bodies decorating the barren interior. She swallowed uneasily, reaffirming her desire to not stay any longer than absolutely necessary.
"Buffy said it was upstairs," she quietly said, inching around the spread eagled corpse of one of the demons.
They climbed quickly up the stairs, each steeling themselves for what they were about to see. The two emerged into the wide open space that comprised the entirety of the second floor. Xander stopped dead in his tracks, not because the sight of the body on the floor in front of him was that shocking but because the gun they were looking for was now being pointed straight at his head. Willow, who was trailing behind, clambered up next to him, wondering why he'd stopped so suddenly.
Exhaling a soft breath, she tried to make sense of why Faith was sitting on a chair next to the body, holding a gun and aiming at Xander's head. Aside from the soft exhalation, there wasn't another sound until the dark slayer seemed to finally recognize who had come barging into her moment. A dull sort of recognition entered those brown eyes and a second later, the gun was lowered to rest in her lap.
"I'm busy," Faith said with all the energy of a heavily sedated corpse. "Come back in a half hour." Her right index finger never moved from its position over the trigger.
The Scoobies quickly glanced at each other, clearly unnerved by their current predicament.
"Faith," Xander said, speaking softly so as not to upset the girl any more than she appeared to be. "Why don't you put down that gun? They're dangerous, y'know. Never know when they might misfire or something."
Faith looked at him for a long moment before muttering, "I wasn't going to shoot you." Then she raised the muzzle of the gun until it was pointing straight up and not an inch underneath her chin. "I've been sitting here for two hours. I think I'm ready now." The most serene expression flashed across her face and just when she was about to close her eyes for what would've been the final time, Willow's shout interrupted her.
"NO! What are you doing?" The witch climbed up the remaining step, stopping when she saw the slayer's body tense slightly. "You can't -- you can't shoot yourself." At seeing Faith's small smirk, Willow decided to bring out the big guns, so to speak. "What about Buffy? I thought you cared for her. I thought you loved her. Do you know what she went through the last time you left? Are you going to make her go through all that again?"
For the first time, Faith's hand faltered uncertainly. "She's better off without me."
"Did you just pull that excuse out of your ass? Cause that's what it sounds like," Xander said, looking intently at Faith. "You know how much this hurts me to say but even I know Buffy needs you. Anybody with eyes can see that so don't try to play the martyr card. It doesn't suit you."
Faith looked disbelievingly at the two of them. "Don't you two know what I did to your golden slayer?" Seeing the confused expressions appearing on both their faces, her grip again tightened with purpose. "I guess she didn't tell you yet...who do you think put her in that hospital? Wasn't her." Eyes involuntarily moved to rest on the body lying lifeless on the ground in front of her. "You still think I'm good for Buffy?"
The unnerving sense of unease that had plagued her all morning suddenly flared up, making its presence known again. It was a nagging sensation. One that Buffy had learned to trust just as she did all her other instincts. That's why she found herself sneaking out of the hospital and overtly defying doctor's orders to make her way to the building where she'd been shot the night before.
There was definitely something wrong and as she got closer to the front door, the feeling just kept escalating until a sudden loud crack whipped through the air, making her reflexively jump back a step.
"Gun," she muttered under her breath, already moving through the apartment after having nearly ripped the door off its hinges in her haste. Quickly assessing that nobody was on the main floor, she took the stairs two at a time, hoping against all odds that nobody was hurt because in Sunnydale, every little bit helped...even if it WERE just a silent prayer.
"Try that again Harris and the bullet will be in you next time." Faith stared down the barrel of the gun at Xander's tense form, almost daring him to make another stupid move.
"You bitch," he spat out with venomous rage, "You're given chance after chance and this is how you repay us? How you repay her?"
The brunette said nothing, having nothing to counter his statements with. It was all true anyway. She kept screwing up. Over and over again, it was the same shit---get your hopes up that everything might turn out good for a change and you get kicked in the ass each and every time. At least this time around she was doing something about it. No more chances. No more screw ups. This was it.
She'd counted the chambered bullets nearly a hundred times by now.
Two at the start.
One left.
She doubted Willow and Xander would object to her putting it in her brain now.
One.
One last chance.
"Faith, stop!" Buffy shouted as soon as she got to the top of the stairs. "Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't."
Faith. Gun. Angry Xander. Angry Willow.
Situation sized up.
"Guys," she said, cutting off anything her two friends might have wanted to say. "Go downstairs---now." When they didn't move fast enough for her liking, she once again reiterated, "GO!" leaving no room in her tone for discussion. She knew she'd get an earful later but right now, that didn't matter in the least. She waited, eyes never leaving Faith's as Willow and Xander filed by her and down the stairs.
Once the two slayers were alone, Buffy immediately reached out a hand. "Give me the gun Faith," she said, her eyes pleading for the other girl to do just that.
"I can't do that B," the brunette answered sadly, raising the gun so that it pointed at her right temple.
Buffy took a shaking breath and when she spoke, a slight quaver had entered into her voice. "Faith, I've stood by you through everything that's come our way. I've supported you and loved you just like you've done for me...but if you do this...if you pull that trigger, I will hate you for the rest of my life." Tears welled up in her eyes, clouding her vision for a few brief moments before they fell.
"You don't understand--"
"And I don't want to. Not if it means you're going to die on me again. Don't make me go through that pain again Faith. Don't make me wish I was dead too." As she was talking, she was taking baby steps towards the volatile girl.
"I...Buffy..." Faith wanted to tell her to stop coming forwards. She wanted to pull the trigger so badly, she could feel her finger starting to cramp from all the inactivity. All she had to do was move one muscle.
But how could she do that when Buffy was looking at her like that.
How could she do that when the blonde's hand had wrapped around her own.
And how could she do that when the gun wasn't in her hand anymore.
"Buffy?" She questioned.
"It's all right Faith." The older slayer said, pulling her into an embrace. "Everything's going to be all right."
Faith nodded into the other girl's shoulder even though she knew it was a big fat lie. It hurt so much every time she let Buffy down. And in not pulling that trigger, she knew it would bring her down hard--- eventually. She was always such a screw up.
One.
One last chance.
Zero left.
Xander and Willow looked up as the two slayers made their ways down the stairs.
"I wiped the gun," Buffy said, leading Faith by the hand. "I think it's time to get out of here." She looked over at them, hoping they weren't going to bring up anything else to argue over. She'd had enough emotional distress for one day---enough for a week.
Her friends obliged, recognizing the weary expression on her face. Even though they looked ready to balk, they wordlessly allowed her to take the lead and exit the building. The walk back to the hospital was quiet and to say it wasn't tense would be an outright lie. Buffy really wanted to be left alone with Faith. She wanted the entire world and all its problems to disappear just this once so she could concentrate on her own life for a change. She cast a quick glance to the side again, seeing no change in Faith's slumped posture and downcast eyes. Had it really been just yesterday when she had actually thought things were looking up?
Now look at where they were. Fresh from tampering with a crime scene and a brush with a near suicide. All she'd wanted was for Faith to get better and for them to be together. Was it really that impossible a dream? No, she refused to believe that. They WOULD be together and no one, not Willow or Xander or Giles or even an erstwhile Angel would stop that. Glancing over at her partner again, she just hoped that Faith, the part of her which housed the insecurities and, at times, blind rage wouldn't come between them either.
After they got to the hospital and after having given a reasonably good explanation as to her disappearance and one not so good explanation as to why she didn't need to stay there anymore, Buffy took Faith home. Xander and Willow stubbornly refused to leave her side. She had a feeling they wouldn't be leaving her alone until she told them what happened...actually, they'd probably stick even closer to her then.
As soon as they walked through the door of the Summers' residence, Buffy immediately asked, "Why don't you go upstairs Faith? Get some rest, I'll be right up, okay?" She watched as Faith slowly made her way up. She was already steeling herself for the torrent of questions that was about to be unleashed and she guessed they were somewhat warranted. Cause if the situations were reversed, she'd definitely want to know the truth.
"So where do you want me to start?" She asked, finally turning around and hoping the question didn't sound too flippant.
The voices floated up. Sometimes raised in anger. Most times strained. Even if she weren't a slayer with super sensitive ears, she'd still be able to hear them.
Fuck.
That was basically the one word running through her brain...that and a couple of other nouns better left unsaid. She closed her eyes, futilely wishing she could close her ears off as well. Minutes more passed as she laid curled up on Buffy's bed. She wasn't sure how many minutes but eventually, the voices stopped followed moments later by the sound of the bedroom door opening. She heard the mattress springs depress as someone sat down and felt arms going around her waist as a warm body pressed against her back.
Everything was quiet for a time and Faith wished it could've just stayed that way. "I'm sorry," she said, voluntarily breaking the silence herself. "About everything. I'm sorry B..."
Buffy didn't say anything, instead opting to snuggle up a little bit more. And maybe that was the exact reply Faith needed at the time because sometimes, words just couldn't convey enough.
Faith must have fallen asleep wrapped up in Buffy's arms cause she found herself startled awake by someone's shouts. Turning her head around, she found a distressed Joyce, staring disbelievingly at them snuggled together in bed not twenty-four hours after her daughter was shot.
"Buffy, what is this?" Joyce asked with equal parts concern, irritation, and fear. "I get called back because they say you were hurt and when I get to the hospital, you're not even there?" She looked quickly between Faith and Buffy, waiting for someone to say something---to give her some kind of an explanation.
"Mom, I can explain." Buffy supplied the magic words, well used to the routine by now. "Let's talk downstairs." She got up off the bed and gave her girlfriend a reassuring smile before disappearing with her mother from the room.
Faith had a sudden intense urge to laugh out loud. She didn't know why the situation suddenly felt so funny---it just did. Dropping back down onto the bed, she grinned up at the ceiling, already imagining the exchange going on downstairs. And a minute later, upon turning her head at hearing a noise next to the bed, she almost smirked at the completely outlandish presence of Angel standing there, looking down at her. Angel---of all the bedrooms in all the houses in the whole of Sunnydale, the vamp turns up here.
"Hey Big Guy," she greeted as if she was used to him appearing out of the blue. "What's the up?"
"I see we're in a good mood today," he commented, his expression staying neutral.
"See, that's where you're wrong," Faith corrected with a smile. She sat up on the bed, her back against the wall. "But of course you WOULD be wrong cause you're not really Angel, now are you?"
A corner of Angel's mouth quirked up in response to the question. "Can you also guess why I'm here then?"
"I'm not into guessing games," Faith said with a shrug of her shoulder. "Either you cut the crap and tell me straight out or you can just remove your ass from this room. Either way..."
"Fair enough," he replied, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I've already spoken with Buffy and she's in agreement with me on this---you can't be here. You don't belong here Faith. This isn't your world anymore and it's high time you leave this mortal plane."
Faith just stared at him, trying not to crack up at his pronouncement. "And you said B's in tight with you on this?" She finally asked.
Angel squirmed under the patronizing gaze he was being subjected to. He was not used to this at all. "Not yet...but we both know Buffy and she'll do the right thing."
Faith continued her outright staring and Angel again squirmed, all the while wondering how it was that out of everybody, he got stuck with this particularly thorny assignment.
"Faith?" Buffy walked into the room, immediately spotting the brunette sitting up in bed with an amused smirk on her face---not exactly how she'd expected to find the other girl. "Everything all right?" She asked uncertainly, approaching the bed.
"Five by five," came the familiar response. "So what'd you tell your moms?"
Buffy tucked some errant strands of hair behind her ear, replaying the scene she'd just left behind. "Not the whole truth," she finally said, looking Faith in the eyes.
They spent a few moments sharing an intensely intimate gaze before Faith extended a hand, silently inviting Buffy onto the bed. The blonde slayer didn't hesitate as she moved forward, situating herself neatly between Faith's legs, her back leaning against the other girl's chest.
"You know what I realized?" The warm breath tickled Buffy's neck as Faith asked her question.
"What?"
"That no matter what we do to each other," Faith said, wrapping her arms securely around the other half of the Chosen Two, "we're still going to end up together. Cause that's what love is---it's a friggin glue that binds two people together. And damn but I love you B and nothing and no one is ever going to tear us apart."
Buffy half turned in Faith's embrace, staring intently into the deep brown depths of eyes which she thought at one time would be lost to her forever. "Faith..."
"Wait," Faith said, resting her forehead lightly against the blonde's. "I need to tell you this first." She took a deep breath. "I love you so damn much that I came back from hell to be with you again...and I did some pretty screwed up things to do it. Like that time with the demons where I stopped you from taking them down? I had to do it cause it was part of the deal I made."
"A deal? You made a deal to come back?"
Faith could see that the older slayer wasn't certain how to react on hearing this news. It was okay though cause, in the back of her mind, she wasn't certain how to react on telling this news either. What possible force was possessing her to spill all this shit now? But it was like she was finally taking this heavy weight off of her chest and she could breathe again...for the first time in a long time she could breathe again. She tried to pull Buffy back into an embrace but found resistance.
"Wait Faith. Tell me what you're talking about. Tell me what you did."
"That's all there is to tell B. I swear...that was what I had to do, plus the not ever being able to sleep with you part which really sucks by the way, about sums it all up." She blew out a soft frustrated sigh at dredging up THAT fact again.
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"Good question. I'm not too sure but I...I just don't want to keep things from you anymore." She looked earnestly at the blonde, letting all the walls and defenses she'd built around herself over the years drop. She'd never done that with anybody before---never trusted anybody so completely like she did Buffy.
And Buffy was quick to realize what Faith was giving to her so she didn't waste a moment in giving her a kiss that showed her the feeling was entirely reciprocal.
"I have something to tell you too," Buffy said, reluctantly separating after a enjoying couple of wonderful moments. "I had a dream the other night...well not exactly a dream per se..."
It was as if a switch had suddenly been flipped, and everything was starting to go right for a change. Almost like someone somewhere were trying to make up for everything else that had happened thus far. It wasn't totally clear skies and sunshiny days from that moment on but hey, in a town like Sunnydale, you can just look up if you wanted something like that.
What Faith wanted and what she started thinking about more and more was what she hadn't been getting for a long while now. She started fidgeting every time the thought entered her brain which was to say every other minute. Damn, but it was getting unbearable. Especially if Buffy were nearby---or in the next room---hell, even if she were across town, it really didn't matter cause she was hot for the other girl. Had been since she'd first met her but this was just getting ridiculous. If things didn't change soon---could someone die from a lack of sex? Maybe she'd be the first known case.
She'd been taking surreptitious glances at the other slayer since the start of the research party. Buffy was just too damn cute when she had her "serious" expression on. The one that said she was all business. Faith reluctantly turned her eyes once again back to the book she'd been leafing through for the last hour. It wasn't even like she knew what the heck she was reading but she was expected to sit here anyway, looking busy and turning the page every so often. The words meant nothing to her. If she stared at them long enough, they'd swim together, making interesting patterns, if nothing else.
A loud crash made her jerk her head back up. Xander picked up the book he'd dropped, sheepishly apologizing for dozing off. Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Maybe," he said, "it's time for all of us to retire for the evening. We can continue tomorrow." Slipping his glasses back on, he tried not to look too put off by the mock cheers going around the table.
Buffy walked down the street, sensitive to the eyes watching her. They'd been on her all evening and she knew exactly why. Looking up, she caught the appreciative gaze Faith was giving her and smiled. It wasn't too hard to figure out what the other girl was thinking--- what she always seemed to be thinking. If it wasn't sex, it was food and if it wasn't food, it was sex. The girl had a two track mind.
"I know what you're thinking Faith," she said smirking and voicing the thoughts in her head.
Faith stopped in the middle of the street and turned to face Buffy. "What gave it away?" She asked, stepping closer to the blonde. "Was it how I couldn't take my eyes off of you the entire night or how a little bit of drool kept coming out of my mouth every time you touched me?"
Buffy grinned as Faith's arms wrapped securely around her waist. Their lips came together in a kiss that was hot and wet and rough. So it was only with a self-restraint rivaling Buddha's that Buffy pushed the other girl away after a few minutes as she felt hands starting to wander places where they weren't supposed to.
Faith let out a low groan. One that went totally beyond frustration. "Damn, I don't think I can stand it any longer B. If I'm gonna kick the bucket, at least this way, I'll go out with a bang."
"You're not going anywhere without me," Buffy said in all seriousness. "C'mon, look at what we've been through already. This...this is nothing." At Faith's pointed look, she amended, "Well, it's not life and death."
"Not yet," Faith amended.
"Not yet," Buffy repeated in hushed tones almost as if saying it any louder would bring about doom on both their heads and she continued holding on tight to the other girl's waist. Exchanging the gentlest of kisses that belied the extent of the naked desire hiding just beneath the surface, they reluctantly let go, continuing on their walk back home.
That night, Buffy dreamed again...at least she thought it was a dream. Everything around her, including herself had that quality about it. The not-al-there, fuzzy around the edges quality. She was standing in the middle of the kitchen of all places, having no idea why or how she got to be there.
"I guess I don't really have to ask you your decision," Angel's voice said from behind her.
She slowly turned around to meet his gaze and her set expression told him all he needed to know. He looked resigned to the fact however and only nodded his head sadly. "What's going to happen now? What's going to happen to Faith?" She asked.
In response to the question, Angel only shook his head, shrugging slightly as if to say not even he knew the future. And, just like that he disappeared, not even sticking around to say a goodbye---so like the real Angel in that regard. But before she could compare this apparition with her ex any longer, she found herself waking up, cocooned safely in Faith's arms...and immediately found a lump forming in her throat. It was the same every time she looked at the younger girl but especially at times like these when the guarded expression left that beautiful face and only Faith was there. Not the slayer, not the tough girl, not the borderline psychotic that went off to jail, but Faith, plain and simple. And in those times, Buffy sincerely thought she was the happiest person in the world. Nothing else mattered as long as they were together. Nothing at all.
...continued in Past the Point: Dracula