Finding Faith
by Lyn
Rating: R
Phones began ringing simultaneously at the Hyperion, at Angel's apartment and in San Francisco HQ.
Eventually Willow answered the phone at the Hyperion.
"It's 4 am" she grumbled as a greeting.
"Faith's hurt. Where is she?" a girl screamed at Willow.
"Wha? Faith? Who is this?" Willow questioned.
Georgette, one of the Slayers from New York was distraught as her Slayer sense had felt that Faith was hurt.
"I'm sure she's okay" Willow tried to calm the anxious Slayer, "She'll be in bed."
However, Georgette would not be consoled until Willow went and checked. Willow sleepily walked up the stairs to Faith's room and knocked on the door.
"Faith? Are you awake? Georgette is on the phone. Faith?" Willow opened the door to find Charlie looking up at her from Faith's bed.
"Where's Faith?" Charlie asked.
"I was about to ask you that. Georgette is on the phone saying she can sense Faith is hurt."
"Shit" Charlie yelled as she raced out of the room, "I left her and Buffy talking in the kitchen. If Buffy has hurt her…"
"Hey!" Willow exclaimed as she raced behind Charlie.
As they got down the stairs, Angel raced in the front door "Where's Faith? I've just had a call from Robin Wood."
"We're just looking" Willow said as they stepped towards the kitchen.
"Oh fuck! Fai!" Charlie yelled as she hugged the dark Slayer.
"Charlie, we need to look at Faith. Charlie!" Angel yelled. As Angel gently prised Faith from Charlie's arms, Charlie muttered angrily. "Where the fuck is Buffy? If she did this, I swear, Slayer or not, I'll break her fucking neck."
"Relax Charlie. A demon's claw did this. Really need to know what kind of demon though" Angel said as he picked Faith up, "Willow can you help me in her room?" Angel carried Faith upstairs.
"Charlie you'd better wake her family."
Whilst they were cleaning the huge gaping wound, Faith gained consciousness for a few moments.
"Hey Big Guy" she said almost calmly.
"Faith, what happened?" Angel asked her.
"Kolkos demon, hiding in a vamp nest. Killed it though, forgot they thrash about a bit. I think B would call this poetic justice" Faith grimaced.
"Kolkos, kolkos, why is that familiar?" Willow muttered.
"Angel?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks for everything. I'm sorry."
"Faith you don't have to say this. It's not your time. There's a cure I'm sure."
Faith chuckled, which turned into a cough, which turned into a full body spasm. When the spasm passed.
"Charlie? You there?" Faith called.
"Yeah Fai, I'm here" Charlie walked over and grabbed Faith's hand.
"I'm sorry, Charlie. Sorry I couldn't love you like you wanted me to. First love is the bitch, you know. But I'm glad we're friends. Tell the fam I'm so glad I got to know them OK?"
"Sure Fai, but you can tell them when you get better."
Faith smiled.
"Tell her for me Charlie, tell her everything. And tell her…. Tell her…" Faith began to fade, "I would have said yes."
"Who Fai?"
"B…" was the last sound Faith uttered as she lapsed back into unconsciousness, spasms and fever wracking her body.
"Fai? Fai? Why aren't we taking her to a hospital?"
"Charlie, calm down. You know hospitals can't help with demon wounds" Willow said "Now I'll call Giles about this Kolkos demon."
"Where the hell is Buffy?" Dawn muttered.
Willow returned from contacting Giles looking grim.
"It's the 'killer of the dead' Angel, same as used on you, the cure is…"
"The blood of the slayer" Angel finished.
There was a silence as the ramifications of the situation sank in. Faith needed the blood of a slayer to survive. Angel had all but drained Buffy when the same poison affected him. How much would they need to save Faith?
"Take mine" Kennedy suddenly said, "I'm a Slayer."
"Kennedy, no, it needs a lot of blood. You don't know her, you don't have to" Willow babbled.
"Willow, I know enough about Faith to know she wouldn't hesitate to give her blood for me. Take mine." Kennedy moved towards Faith, rolling up her sleeve.
"And mine."
"Me too" said the two LA based Slayers.
Dawn walked back into the room.
"Robin called again," she said, "Apparently the NY and Boston Slayers are on their way. Knew they would be needed. They should be here in a couple of hours."
Willow and Angel looked at each other, eyebrows raised.
"We could do small transfusions til they all get here. Could stave off the poison til we get enough," Willow said.
"Right you get started. I'll go find some more equipment and call Giles to see if some of the SF Slayers are willing."
"Where the fuck is Buffy?" Kennedy asked.
The transfusions began…
And as each of the Slayers gave blood, a look of peace crossed their faces.
"She spoke to me!" Kennedy explained as her transfusion was finished.
"What do you mean?" Willow was confused, she hadn't heard Faith speak.
"In my head, she talked to me. Made me feel… Good, peaceful and gave me some advice" Kennedy smiled as she kissed Willow.
The SF Slayers arrived and after each gave blood, they all began congregating in the Hyperion foyer, a strange calm about them, a quiet mumbling, and a look of contentment.
Frankie and the NY Slayers arrived and immediately spotted the content slayers.
"Ooh, they've had a 'Faith rinse'" Frankie exclaimed as they made their way to Faith's bed.
"Willow! Red!" a voice called.
"Faith" Willow stood up.
"I'm in your head, Red!"
"What? How?"
"Long story, something changed in me when you called the power of the First Slayer all those years ago. I was there. I saw but that's not important now. I need to you to go help Buffy. She's closed to me, has been for years, but I can feel her and she needs help."
"Of course, where?" Willow replied.
"She's passed out, drunk I think, in a hotel…um..Capri. Help her. Save her."
"Of course Faith. How about you? Are you going to be okay?"
"Hell of a battle in here Red. Time will tell. Oh, and Red, take a chance. Don't be afraid to feel. She's worth it" Willow felt a pleasant calm brush over her, as if someone had stroked her soul.
Three days later, Slayers were still milling around the Hyperion waiting for a sign that Faith was recovering. There was almost happiness in the air as the baby Slayers swapped 'war' stories about themselves, about Faith, about Buffy. They trained, they fought, they slayed. But there was an underlying sadness to all their activities.
Buffy occasionally joined them but spent most of her time keeping vigil, with Charlie, beside Faith's bed.
"SLAYERS! Enough with the Slayer fest. Go home, you have lives to save, vamps to kill! How can a girl get better with all this noise? GO HOME!" A voice roared in the Slayers minds.
A sound like thunder came as 20 baby Slayers raced upstairs to see Faith.
"Buffy did you hear?"
"Is she awake?"
"Hear what?" Buffy asked.
"She told us to go home and save lives."
"You didn't hear her?"
Buffy shook her head.
"She's closed her connection to us. We can't feel her now. I hope…"
"But she said she couldn't get better with all the noise."
"She's right, you should go" Buffy said, "We'll call if there's any change."
After the Slayers had gone, Buffy and Charlie talked.
"How can they hear her? Why can't I feel her like they can?" Buffy muttered.
"Um… I guess now is as good as time as any. Faith asked me to tell you some things about her" Charlie said.
"When?"
"The other night, she was conscious for a few minutes, when you weren't here" Charlie replied a little bitterly.
"Oh."
"Look, this is hard because at the time I didn't believe half of what Fai told me so I'll remember it as best I can. Apparently, not long after she went to jail, you guys did some slayer spell and it changed something in Faith. She was able to feel you more than she had previously, and if she concentrated, she could visualise what you were doing and what you were thinking. She couldn't handle it at the time and called it a 'cosmic joke', thought she was being punished by the Powers or something, so she tried to shut it off but shutting herself off, she was in some kinda depression I guess. I'm pretty sure she was suicidal by then, I didn't know Faith then, but something happened and Faith got some hope back. She got a letter from Sunnydale. Do you know about this?"
Buffy shook her head.
"Fai carries two things in her wallet apart from her cash and card, do you know what they are Buffy?"
Again, Buffy shook her head. She knew so little about Faith.
"She calls these her only worldly possessions," Charlie said as she handed Buffy, Faith's wallet that she had retrieved from Faith's jacket.
With shaking hands, Buffy opened Faith's wallet and found two things that shook her to the core. One was a photo, of Buffy, taken at the homecoming dance, Buffy looking a little dishevelled following her encounter with the slayer hunters. The other was a letter. Buffy gasped as she recognised the handwriting of the author of the letter.
Dear Faith,
I know this letter seems unexpected but I have been going through a bit of a personal crisis and wanted to share some thoughts I've been having about you, your predicament and my family.
I have been keeping track of you through Mr Giles and Angel and I know that things haven't been going so well for you so I wanted to tell you a few things.
Firstly, I wanted to apologise for the way you were treated by us all when you first came to Sunnydale. I did suggest once that a motel was no place for a young girl to live but I never pushed it and I should have. I should have offered you a place in our house, giving you a home, a place where you could feel safe and welcomed. I am truly sorry for failing you in that regard.
I think I understand you a little more now, from my brief discussions with Angel, and I wanted to share some thoughts with you. I know now, despite all the things that happened here in Sunnydale that you would never have hurt any of us, you had so many opportunities to physically hurt us and you didn't. Deep down I know you have a good heart and I believe in you and your desire to make things right. So stay strong, please.
We Summers women are stubborn, once we get an idea in our head it is very difficult for us to change our mind, but we can change our minds, and we will, but we have to do it at our own pace, in our own time. Give her time, Faith, it may well work out for you.
Finally, I wanted to ask something of you, something I know you would likely do in any case. When you return to us Faith, as I know you will, I want you to take care of my girls. They both show strong faces to the world, but underneath, we both know, they are young girls who need love and the strength of those around them. Promise me you will look after my girls.
I'm counting on you.
Joyce Summers
"Faith said she wrote back. She didn't use a greeting, didn't sign the letter, and just wrote 2 words on the middle of the page…."
"I promise," Buffy whispered, "I found that letter on my mother's dresser a couple of weeks after she died. I had no idea where it came from, who it came from, but it seemed significant so I kept it. Of course it's gone now, everything from Sunnydale has gone."
"But not the actual promise made" Charlie said.
They were quiet for a time as Buffy shed silent tears over the letter her mother had sent Faith, that her mother had seen the things that she had been unable to see, she had refused to see.
"There's more to tell" Charlie said quietly.
Buffy just nodded her head.
"The letter from Joyce gave her some hope again, that she could make it right with you all. Then she heard that Joyce died. It was a blow but she had a promise to keep so she kept up the good fight, which was when she started protecting us, fighting with the gangs in there, cleaning the place up, that was when I met her. She suffered when she felt you die, Fai said she felt like she'd been electrocuted and her reason for being no longer existed. She said she knew you were happy, felt you had gone to a better place, and that she would have no hope of ever joining you there. Things changed when she felt your return. But she had shut down her connection because she didn't want to make things harder for you. Fai waited for you instead, and you never came. She was so sure you'd come, that death would provide you with some clarity. But you never did, she'd almost given up again when she was called to save Angel."
"I saw, but I didn't want to, I wasn't ready" Buffy began sobbing.
"Have you noticed the tattoo on her chest, over her heart?" Charlie asked after Buffy had calmed a little.
"The yin / yang symbol?"
Charlie nodded.
"Yeah, why?"
"Take a closer look" Charlie indicated.
Buffy pulled down the sheet covering Faith and looked closely at the tattoo. She gasped as she noticed that instead of dots in the centre of each half of the symbol, the dark half contained a light letter B, and the light half contained a dark letter F.
"Fai had that done in prison. She said you were two parts, complementary opposites, always pushing and pulling at each other, but with a little of the opposite in each other. Together you would make a whole. She read up on the I Ching and ancient Chinese philosophy, and Master Wu confirmed her beliefs."
Charlie reached down beside her and passed a small velvet box to Buffy.
"Fai asked me to give you this if anything happened and she hadn't had a chance to give it to you herself."
Slowly Buffy opened the box, inside was a pendant with the same yin/yang symbol on it as Faith's tattoo, right down to the initials inside. Buffy cried again.
"She wanted you safe and protected Buffy. She wanted to give you the 'normal' life you so desperately craved. She was willing to be your Slayer so that you could be free to live your dreams, get married if you want to, and have the white picket fence and the kids. Fai wanted to give you those things. She was willing to forego love with you just for a chance to be your friend, to be part of your life, to give you your freedom.
"Sometimes I really hate you Buffy because I love Fai so much and she can't love me, and will never love me like she loves you."
"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered "I..."
"One more thing, before I storm off and cry... She was lucid for a few minutes the other morning... She called you B..."
"She did?"
"Yeah and then she said something about telling you she would have said yes. If you know what that means?"
"Oh God, Faith!" Buffy exclaimed and leaned over to embrace the unconscious Slayer.
The dream woke her. She could almost feel the pain where she had been stabbed but when she checked her abdomen, only a jagged scar remained. It looked old too, not recent, like her nightmare.
She noticed a blonde woman sitting in the chair beside her, asleep and mumbling. But it was not the blonde from her dreams!
Quietly she climbed out of the bed. She was naked so she went to the nearest closet and found some clothes, black jeans and a white t-shirt. She crept towards the door, avoiding waking the sleeping blonde. She moved down the corridor, it was late and dark but she could make out enough features to see she was in some kind of hotel.
She made her way to the top of the staircase when suddenly four people entered the foyer below. They were laughing. One of them was the blonde who had stabbed her, and she, that bitch, was covered in blood.
"That was amazing Buffy" the African American guy joked.
"Yeah, felt good to make the kill again. It's been a while."
"You did good out there Buffy. Are you okay?" the dark haired broody looking guy asked.
"Actually I am, I'm okay. I'm just gonna go check on Faith and take a shower. And then food, I need much food" the blonde smiled.
'She killed?' she thought 'God and when she finds me, she's gonna try and kill me again. What is this place?' She raced back to the room where she had awoken, Picking up the backpack she had spotted in the closet, she ran to the window. The window squeaked as she opened it, waking the sleeping blonde.
"Faith?" the sleeper asked.
The door to the room flew open.
"Faith!" the killer blonde shrieked.
Faith raised her hand.
"Stop right there" she yelled, panic at the edge of her voice.
"Faith, I…" the killer blonde began.
"Who are you?" Faith muttered.
"It's me Buffy… and Charlie, she's Charlie" Buffy said, uncertainty in her voice. She moved a step closer.
"Stop, I said Stop" Faith yelled as she edged further out of the window.
Faith shook her head if trying to clear it.
"You stabbed me!" a mixture of statement and question.
"Faith, that was…"
"Yes or no, Blondie, you tried to gut me?"
Buffy took a hesitant breath.
"Yes, but there…"
"What's going on?" a voice growled as at the entrance to the room.
Faith looked at the man who entered, her face a mixture of fear and surprise.
"What the fuck are you?" she gasped, "You people are freaks" and then she was gone.
Buffy ran to the window and saw Faith climbing down the fire escape.
"Faith? Please come back. Faith, stop please. FAI!" Buffy called into the night.
12 months later. Hawaii
As she walked home from work that night, she felt so tired.
"Who am I?" she muttered to herself as she kicked a can in the alley she was walking in.
Life was okay, she had a job teaching self-defence and tai chi at the resort, she had an okay apartment, she had some friends, but she couldn't get over the fact that she didn't know who she was before she'd woken up in that hotel in LA 12 months ago.
She had found 3 sets of ID and a large wad of cash in the backpack she had found in the closet and had used one of the IDs to get her self on the first flight out of LA, landing in Hawaii. Here she began to make a life for herself.
"But, who am I?" she muttered again.
"You would be dinner," a voice snarled behind her. She turned quickly to find herself facing an evil face; much like the one she had seen in LA.
"What are you?" she screamed in terror.
"I'm a vampire and you look real tasty," it said as it grabbed her and revealed its fangs and began to bear down on her neck.
"No! Not like this, not like this!" she pleaded.
And then she began to fight.
Her strength amazed herself and the vampire too. Using all the self- defence techniques, she remembered she tried to fight the vampire off. Suddenly he looked at her with fear, and awe.
"You're a Slayer?" he questioned.
She stopped suddenly as she heard the question.
'A what? A Slayer? Maybe, feels right.'
"I… I guess so!" she stated as she reached for the vampire again. She managed to unbalance the vampire and threw it against some packing crates that smashed under its weight. Walking up to it, she peered at the broken crates around him and bent down to the pieces of wood. Picking up a piece, she looked at him and said.
"That's right. I'm Faith, the Vampire Slayer" as she slammed the wood into the vampire's chest, watching as it disappeared into a cloud of dust.
Buffy looked up as the group of people entered the room. She had been sitting in the chair by the window Faith had jumped from.
"What is this? An intervention?" she grumbled at them.
"Actually yes" Angel replied, "It's time for you to snap out of this Buffy."
"I can't…"
"You can and you will" Giles replied.
"She's gone" Buffy said quietly.
"Buffy, she's been gone for 12 months. We've tried everything we know to find her. Locator spells, hacking police records and FBI files. Faith has gone. It's time you accepted that" Giles stated.
"But she might come back!"
"She might Buffy and won't she be pissed off when she does" Willow said.
"What do you mean, Will?"
"She spent all that time setting something up to help the baby Slayers, and talking you up as some great leader and you've spent the next 12 months slumped in a chair or disappearing for days on end, letting all her good work, her chance at redemption seem futile. Don't you think she'd be angry. You discounting her hard work. She did more than we did in 12 months. And some of the things the Slayers can do is amazing. We've got 8 Academies, and they need a leader."
"I know. It's just I've missed so many chances with her."
"Well show her Buffy, show her that she is worth the chance. Show her you are the inspiration, the leader she always thought you were. Show her she was right to have, uh, faith in you."
"And if she doesn't come back?" Buffy cried.
"Then be grateful for the legacy she has left you, left Dawn and the Slayers. You have Summers Academy. There's a gallery in your mother's name and the Lost Souls foundation. Continue the work she started. It's the least you can do" Willow said softly.
"You're right" Buffy said quietly, she jumped out of the chair "Of course you're right. I've wasted too much time. Where do I start?"
"Well Buffy," Giles began, "It appears a Slayer may have been called in Hawaii. No details and Hawaii seems a strange place as there has not been any demon activity there for years but the Slayer signs are there and we figured a visit might be in order."
"And a vacation?" Kennedy offered.
"Sounds like a plan!" Buffy smiled.
Faith had an afternoon tai chi class, but she'd woken early, she'd had the nightmare. It had been several weeks since she'd last had it and thought perhaps the nightmares had passed but it had returned, as vivid and as frightening as ever. And it was on mornings like this that she just wanted away from the world. Her escape was to go snorkelling with the tourists. The ocean offered a world away from her own, the freedom, the expansiveness, the weightlessness, she could just float away.
She got to the beach just as the tourists were entering the water. She smiled at Dave the beach lifeguard for the group as she grabbed some gear and entered the water.
Peace engulfed as she floated on the surface, spying the myriad of fish and sea creatures that made the Pacific Ocean their home.
A short while later she noticed one of the snorkellers had separated from the rest of the group.
'Fuck there's always one!' she thought as she followed.
The snorkeller seemed to be following a fish and plunged below the surface to get a closer look. The snorkeller, a woman, was getting closer to the reef and Faith knew she'd have to go and tell the woman to get back to the rest of the group.
Suddenly a reef shark flashed by, grabbing the fish the woman had been watching. Faith watched as the woman flailed in surprise, letting the snorkel slip from her mouth. Then the woman's ankle caught in a rock. Faith watched for a few moments as the woman struggled but she was panicking and unable to free herself.
'Fuck, I hate this' Faith thought as she took in a deep breath and swam down to the woman. The woman saw Faith, grabbed at her in panic, and tried to remove Faith's snorkel. Faith gripped the woman's shoulder firmly in an endeavour to calm her and it seemed to help a little. Faith swam lower and tried to remove the woman's ankle from between the rocks but it was not moving.
'This is not good' Faith thought. The woman's struggles were lessening as the lack of air kicked in. Faith tried to indicate that she was going to surface for air but this caused the woman to panic more and she began to take in water.
Faith powered her way to the surface, took a huge breath, and powered back to the woman. She grabbed the woman's head, placed her mouth over the woman's and emptied all the air from her lungs into the woman's mouth. The woman's eyes opened widely in shock.
Faith then reached down to the woman's ankle and with all the strength she could muster, tore at the rocks. They came apart in her hands, ripping and cutting into her skin. Grabbing the woman, Faith propelled them to the surface.
As they broke the surface, Faith noticed the woman did not appear to be breathing. 'Fuck, Fuck.'
She began administering mouth to mouth as she headed back towards shore. They had only moved a short way when Faith got the lifeguards attention and a crew came out to meet them. Faith was taken in a second ambulance to the hospital so that her hands could be bandaged.
"God that had to be one of the most scariest moments of my life" Buffy exclaimed to Willow.
"Come on Buffy, you've faced scarier things than that?"
"Yeah but I sort of knew they were coming. This was so unexpected. One minute it was all so beautiful and peaceful and then suddenly I'm trying not to drown… again" Buffy began to cry, "God I almost died again."
"Thank Goddess for that woman" Willow muttered as she embraced the sobbing Slayer.
"God, yes, is she okay?" Buffy asked through her sobs.
"Yeah, just cut her hands on the rocks apparently. She'd already gone by the time we got here" Kennedy replied.
"Oh God, that was weird too. I was panicking and then she was there, then she disappeared and I thought she was going to let me drown. Suddenly she is kissing me, pushing air into my lungs. I must have been close to blacking out, because for a moment, a fleeting moment, I thought it was Faith. Wishful thinking, huh?"
"Probably life flashing before your eyes stuff" Willow offered.
"Yeah, I guess, just never had that before. Anyway I'll have to find her and thank her."
"Shouldn't be too hard. She apparently is the tai chi instructor at the Resort so I guess we'll find her" Kennedy said.
She stood staring at the bed, trying to remember where she was, when it dawned on her. Faith's apartment!
"B?" a voice called from behind her.
Buffy turned and saw Faith peering at her uncertainly.
"I've missed you," Buffy said quietly.
Faith just shrugged her shoulders but took a step closer to Buffy.
"God Faith where have you been?"
Faith shrugged again.
"Around. I've been… I'm lost, B. I'm not sure where I am" Faith admitted.
"But we're sharing a dream, Faith."
"Actually B, I think this is just yours. I'm… I'm lost" Faith took another step closer to Buffy.
"Are you lost forever Faith?" Buffy asked taking a step towards Faith.
"I don't know," Faith shrugged once more, "Feels like hell though."
"Oh Faith" Buffy sighed as she drew Faith into her arms. Buffy couldn't remember if she'd held Faith before, she didn't think Faith had ever let her get that close, but the embrace felt warm, safe, protected, right. "Wow" Buffy said as she pulled away slowly, "that felt… that felt like…"
"Home" Faith completed.
"I'll find you Faith I promise."
"Not gonna be easy B!"
"Nothing ever is with you Fai."
"I know. I'm sorry… for everything," Faith said as she began to walk away.
"I'm sorry too," Buffy said as she watched Faith's departing back. And just as Faith disappeared, Buffy heard a quietly whispered "I love you". Or maybe that's what she hoped she heard.
Buffy woke from her dream, had herself discharged from the hospital, found Willow and Kennedy and then spoken to the night porter at the Resort about the tai chi instructor. Yes, her name was Faith; yes, she had dark hair but no she hadn't gone back to her room (she lived on the resort). He suggested they speak to her friend Bec, who would be finishing her shift at the bar.
After explaining who they were, friends of Faith from LA, and the one who Faith had saved, and that they had been looking for her for some time. Bec contemplated her response.
"She doesn't remember her past you know" Bec said to them.
"Anything?" Buffy asked.
"No, just waking up in LA and being afraid of the people there, especially one who haunts her dreams. God she was so scared when she got here. But she has a life here now. Are you sure you are here to help?"
"Promise, we don't want to hurt her in anyway" Willow replied assuringly.
"What if she doesn't want to remember?" Bec asked.
"I… I think she does" Buffy replied.
"You're right, she does. But you'd best leave it til tomorrow. Tonight's a bad night."
"No, we need to find her as soon as possible" Buffy said firmly.
"Look, Buffy, leave it. When she gets like this, there is no helping her. Wait until tomorrow."
"Like what? Drunk? High? We can handle that," Buffy said.
"No worse than that" Bec said quietly.
"Worse? How?"
"She… God I shouldn't tell you this. Look we hang out a bit, dance, drink, get high but sometimes she has these urges so we go to another club – a dark club."
Buffy just nodded.
"Dark club?" Willow asked.
"S & M" Bec said.
"Oh!" Willow was surprised.
"She's amazing there," Bec began explaining "Power, lust, desire. God I even want her to choose me, and the pleasure is supposed to be beyond anything…"
"Okay, I get that" Buffy said.
"No, wait... I've heard things, about how she gets on some nights, I think the nightmare triggers it. She challenges them, dares them to make her speak or scream, and if they do, they can possess her, do whatever they please to her. She swears she will be their sub. But she never speaks, never screams. She gets home bruised, battered, skin torn to shreds and with a strange calm. Like she has controlled the demons, for today."
There was silence as the Slayer and the witch absorbed what Bec had told them.
"The name of this club?" Buffy asked.
"Hellfire – on Akela and Third" Bec replied.
"Thanks" Buffy replied as they left the resort bar.
They began walking to the club.
"Buffy, are you sure about this? I mean an S&M club. That's kinda … uh…scary" Willow asked.
"Yeah I'm sure. I know what it's about. I understand" Buffy replied.
"You do?" Willow looked aghast.
"Yeah, look, I really do get it. It's like the whole 'hungry and horny' thing. It's true, always was, I was just scared back then to feel it, to let it happen, you know?" Buffy tried to explain.
"Yeah I get the hungry and horny. I live with a Slayer!"
"But it's more than that. We have power, great strength. And sometimes it's difficult to control it. Sometimes we need to seek other ways to express ourselves. Do you get that?"
"Umm, I'm not sure" Willow was hesitant.
"I do," Kennedy offered, "We do that sometimes! Sometimes the Witch wants to control the Slayer, sometimes the Slayer needs to show the Witch what's what!"
Willow blushed a little at Kennedy's confession.
"Don't be embarrassed Willow. I understand. I guess I've been guilty of the same sorts of desires. Those times when I'd be out for a day or two, it's usually to go visit this club in LA. Sometimes I feel the need to get back a little control, or to let myself go." Buffy confessed.
"Oh!" was Willow's response.
They entered the club, the music pounding in their eyes. There was no sign of Faith.
Buffy caught the attention of one of the people at the bar.
"I'm looking for someone special. I heard she was here tonight" Buffy said.
The barman indicated a corridor to the left of the bar. "Last door, downstairs."
The music lessened in volume as they progressed lower into the nightclub, but felt the vibrations in their bellies, heightening their anticipation and fear. They entered a room and were immediately assailed by the sound of a whip meeting flesh.
"C'mon bitch, I know you can scream" a man muttered as he raised the whip to strike again. But his arm was prevented from its downward stroke by a hand.
"That's enough, she's mine," a female growled.
He looked at the petite blonde, saw the menace in her eyes and felt the strength of her grip, and he nodded and lowered the whip.
Buffy circled the naked woman, chained spreadeagle in the middle of the room. She saw the tattoo on her chest and the marks from the evening's beatings. Buffy stifled a cry. Buffy reached out and caressed the tattoo, and was surprised by the electricity that snapped between them. The desire, the want, the need, the pain, the fear, the power. Faith was blindfolded but could she know? Just from a simple caress?
Buffy moved behind Faith, their bodies barely touching.
"Faith, can you hear me?" Buffy whispered.
Faith nodded.
"I know why you are here. I know what you want. They can't reach you with their whips and chains can they?"
Faith shook her head.
"I can reach you, Faith. I know who you are," Buffy saw Faith tense. "If I reach you Faith, will you come with me?" A few moments later, Faith nodded in agreement. "I will help you Faith. But you have to come with me to LA. Promise to come with me?" again, after a brief hesitation, Faith nodded.
Buffy moved around to face Faith. She leant in and whispered again.
"It's true Faith. I know who you are, where you come from." Again Faith tensed. "This scar, on your belly" Buffy gently caressed it, "I know how you got this. Do you know how I know?"
Faith stiffened then shook her head.
"I know because I gave it to you" Buffy removed Faith's blindfold. She watched as Faith slowly focused and continued. "I took your knife Faith, and plunged it into your stomach, killing you, killing me, killing love."
No one was prepared for the heart-wrenching scream that filled the room, nor for the chains pulled from their fixings, nor for Faith falling to the floor and sobbing like a child.
They had been back in LA for 6 weeks. For the first 2 weeks, Faith stayed in her room, appearing to wait for a signal from someone as to what she was to do next. Buffy finally convinced Faith, that she was not required to perform a sexually submissive role to anyone, that they just wanted to help her regain her memory and to train her to be a Slayer again.
Everyone had been welcoming to Faith, but tread carefully around some of the details of her past. She did not need to know all the things she had done, yet. Faith had been training with Buffy on a daily basis and sometimes Buffy could barely contain herself from kissing Faith. All the old emotions were surfacing, ones that had been carefully stored away, the sweat, the desire, the want, and the love.
One night Buffy woke to find Faith sitting on her bed.
"Faith, is everything okay?"
"No, it's not" Faith replied quietly.
"What is it? Are you hurt?"
"No… no, it's just that… everyone's been so nice but I… I feel there is so much more to be said. And you… I don't know what or how we were before but…"
"But…" Buffy gulped, fearing the worst, Faith was leaving again!
"But what I feel for you is so strong, so overwhelming. And training with you makes me want… I need… I love you and I want to make love with you!"
"Oh God, Faith, I know, I feel the same way, I love you too… but… when…"
"No! No buts… Is my past so bad that we can't deal with it if I get my memory back?"
"We can deal, we sort of did deal, and I…" Buffy's protestations were interrupted by Faith, who gently caressed Buffy's lips with her own. As the passion and desire coursed through them, both girls moaned with anticipation and expectation.
When Buffy woke, she was alone in the bed. A note lay beside her on the pillow.
Buffy,
Don't panic, I'm not running away but I need to do a couple of things and you looked so beautiful and peaceful so I didn't dare wake you. You look like you hadn't slept for months.
I want to ask you out on a date, kind of late, I know considering last night, but if you'll meet me here at the hotel at 5.00 pm on Monday, I'd like to talk.
Last night was amazing.
Faith
When Buffy went downstairs, Willow was making coffee in the kitchen.
"Hey, Good morning" Willow greeted her with a smile.
"Is it? Faith's gone again" Buffy replied morosely.
"I know, we spoke before she left."
"She could have talked to me!"
"I did suggest that, but after she explained what she wanted I supported her. Besides, you did need the sleep. You guys were up pretty late last night" Willow smiled knowingly.
Buffy blushed.
"You heard?"
"A little. How was it? Details aside."
"Amazing. The most…" Buffy just smiled.
"She'll only be gone 3 days. Trust her. I do."
"I do too. Thanks Will."
Monday came. Buffy was torn between excitement and apprehension as the hour of Faith's return drew near. 'What if she's changed her mind?', 'She said damn the consequences', 'But what is she remembers, maybe she did get over me. Oh God, no, I couldn't bear that, not now'. Buffy tortured herself with her own doubts.
She glanced at her watch; it was 5.15. Faith was already late. Buffy paced the foyer of the hotel, anxious for Faith's return.
Willow walked out of the office, and over to the neurotic slayer, pulling her into an embrace.
"Relax Buffy she'll be here" Willow assured.
"I know, she's just a little late" Buffy tried to sound calm but failed.
"She'll be… walking through the door right now!" Willow said, spying the dark Slayer entering the hotel entrance.
Buffy turned and watched as Faith walked through the Hyperion's front doors. Faith turned to gesture at someone behind her, Buffy watched, with surprise as Faith's sisters, and Dawn followed Faith into the building.
"Hey, B, I invited some gals I ran into, I hope you don't mind?" Faith smiled at Buffy when she saw her.
The smile caught Buffy with surprise as it appeared to have been given with genuine warmth and affection, and was not the trademark smirk Faith was known for. She relaxed as the smile wrapped itself around her and warmed her with its affection.
As Buffy greeted and hugged Dawn, Laura and Marie, she realised that most of all she wanted to embrace Faith, to feel safe in those strong arms again. But she was uncertain of how to be with Faith, of whether Faith would be a 'hugger'.
She was surprised when Faith, pulled her into a hug and whispered into her ear.
"I missed you."
"Oh God, me too" Buffy replied, a tear slowly falling down her cheek.
They stood, just holding each other, feeling the comfort and protection of each other's arms.
Suddenly Buffy pulled out of the embrace and slugged Faith on the arm.
"Ow, what was that for B?" Faith grimaced and rubbed her arm.
"That was for leaving without telling me and… hey you called me B!"
"Yeah, well, isn't that what you wanted?" Faith asked shyly.
"Yes, but… wait… you remember? You've got your memory back? When? What happened? Oh God, Faith, are you okay?"
"Woah, relax B, you are going to burst something." Faith joked at Buffy's babble.
"Okay, but how?"
"Look, sit here for a sec; I have a lot to tell you, a lot to say, okay?" Faith asked seriously, nervousness tinging her voice.
Buffy nodded and sat on the couch. Faith indicated to the others in the room including Willow to make themselves comfortable. Buffy seemed surprised that Faith was willing to say whatever she had to say in front of all these people. They watched as Faith paced a little, gathering the courage to begin her speech. And as Buffy watched Faith's nervous pacing, she started to say something to ease it when Faith turned to look at her and smiled.
"Yeah, I'm nervous B, that's easy to pick up but then I just have to think about how much I love you and it gives me strength, so here goes."
Buffy could not believe how hearing Faith say she loves her made her feel, so amazing, indescribable.
"Okay, yes I remember, was a bit freaky to wake up the other morning and have all my memories, my life, flood through my mind. That was part of the reason I left. I… I felt bad that it happened after… you know… and I didn't want you to get all sad or have memories of other first times!" Faith was being careful about not hurting Buffy by reminding her of what happened the first time, the only time Buffy had made love to Angel.
"So I got down here and had a coffee and was thinking about us and our lives and where we might end up from here and stuff and I knew what I wanted. So I had a quick chat with Red here and she seemed to think my idea was okay, though she was all for me talking to you before I split but I really wanted to save you a little pain. So I'm sorry for ducking out on you like that."
Buffy smiled "Yeah well I might save the forgiveness until I hear the rest of this sordid tale."
Faith smiled back and nodded in understanding. She took a deep breath and continued with her narrative.
"B… Buffy, I guess you know how I feel, I love you and I have since the day I met you, and yeah I had a wicked fucked up way of showing it back then, but if you can see past the insanity, the feelings were always there?"
"Yes, Faith, I know."
"Okay, well, it's like this. B, I know you once dreamed of the husband, the kids and the white picket fence and the damned Slayer gig seems to have stolen that dream from you but you can still have that if you want…"
"Wait, Faith.."
"No, B, please, let me finish? So I went to visit your family, I spoke to Willow first, and then to Angel, and then I drove down to San Francisco and spoke to Giles and Dawn. Finally, I spoke to Xander on the phone because he had a job in New Mexico. And to all these people, your family, I explained how I felt about you, how I loved you and wanted to do things right by you. And I told them as much as I could about how I felt in Sunnydale and asked them, again, for their forgiveness. Finally I asked their permission to ask you to marry me."
Buffy gasped. But Faith indicated she had more to say and continued.
"I also spoke to my family, I explained it all to them too, and I asked their permission as well. Because I knew, B that I could not ask you if any of our family had any concerns with me asking such a huge thing of you. So I wanted and needed to make sure that they were all OK with this… the asking that is."
Buffy watched amazed as Faith reached into her pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box. Faith then walked over and knelt in front of Buffy.
"B, the thing is, I do love you and I do so want to ask you to marry me. But, now as I look at you" Buffy's face dropped at the word 'but' so Faith hastened to add "I realise that I love you so much that what I really want is for you to be happy. I'm not sure what you want from me now but I'm happy to have whatever I get, be it friendship or love. So B… Buffy, I offer you this ring."
Faith opened the ring box to reveal a diamond engagement ring,
"… as a promise to make you happy, a promise to make sure we get to know each as women rather than as Slayers, and a promise that, if one day you choose to be with me, I will ask you to commit ourselves to each other in front of our family and friends."
Buffy sat flabbergasted, mouth open, totally stunned by Faith's amazing speech. It took a few moments to register as Faith pulled the ring out of the box and deftly placed the ring onto Buffy's left ring finger. She looked at the ring and then at Faith, and then threw her arms around Faith's neck in a crushing embrace.
As tears began to flow, Buffy said.
"Faith that has to be the most amazing thing anybody has ever said to me, ever asked me. I accept your promises; promise the same to you in return because I also love you. And when we're ready, I will ask you to marry me and we will commit ourselves to each other, exactly as you described it, in front of our family and friends."
Buffy and Faith were swamped in congratulatory hugs from their family.
After a while Buffy went into the office to telephone Giles, Xander and Angel and tell them of Faith's amazing speech.
It was now around 7.00 when Laura reminded Faith that she had something else to do.
"Aah, yeah. Hey B, we need to talk some more." Faith yelled to the older slayer who was chatting Dawn.
"Yeah, baby?" Buffy responded.
Faith smiled at the term of endearment.
"I'm glad my plan worked so well, but I did have a back up in case you knocked me back on this one!"
Buffy chuckled as she heard the playfulness in Faith's voice and the glint in Faith's eyes.
"Oh, do tell, what was plan B?" Buffy playfully challenged.
"Well, B, if honesty and love didn't work, I was gonna try and seduce you with fame and fortune!"
"Fame and fortune? What? Were you going to offer me your sister?" Buffy joked.
"Oh, very funny B, but check this out. Seems that whilst I was vacationing in Hawaii and you were moping on a chair for the last 12 months, my dear Sister was recording an album and releasing singles that were No. 1 hits."
"Yes, I've heard, so?"
"Well, one of those songs was such a hit that it's been nominated for a couple of Grammy awards, including Song of the Year."
"Wow, Laura that's fantastic, you must be so excited, when is the ceremony? What will you wear?"
Laura smiled and nodded as Faith interrupted Buffy's tirade of questions.
"Woah, B, I haven't finished, you can congratulate Laura in a minute. As I was saying, there's a nomination for Song of the Year, and those sorts of awards go to the performer, songwriters and producers of the song so all get invited to the awards ceremony. And it seems that my dear sister recorded a song that I helped write so, basically, what I'm saying is, I need a date for the awards ceremony and I was wondering if you would go with me?" Faith smiled.
"Your song, the one you sang? Oh my God, that is so amazing. I guess I should listen to the radio more. When's the ceremony, and god what would I wear?" Buffy started babbling, with Willow and Dawn joining in the excitement.
Faith just looked at Laura and Marie and shrugged her shoulders.
"Umm, B? One more thing and then you guys can continue your babblefest."
"Yeah, baby" Buffy replied, walking over to Faith and pulling her into her arms.
Faith cleared her throat.
"Umm, the Grammy's are tomorrow night…"
"Tomorrow? I won't find anything to wear…"
"B! Wait! Stop!" Faith tried to stem the panic before it began, "Buffy, there's a car coming in about 20 minutes to pick us up. We've organised a special dress fitting for us, we will be meeting the designer, she'll sort us all out okay?"
"Designer? Who?" Buffy seemed to be starting to daze from all the news and excitement that she had been presented with over the last couple of hours.
"Umm… some chick…." Faith looked at Laura for confirmation.
"Buffy, it's Vera Wang" Laura advised.
They all watched as Buffy's eyes rolled back into her head and she began to faint, but was caught gently by Faith lay her down on the couch.
When Buffy was roused a couple of minutes later she quietly joked.
"Consider me seduced, by you, and your fame and fortune."