Damaged
by Mackenzie Anderson
Rating: R

Disclaimer: Don't own a thing. Damnit.
Author's Notes: Please don't hurt me! There will be another part after this... I promise...

	"Dreaming comes so easily 
	'Cause it's all that I've known 
	True love is a fairy tale 
	I'm damaged, so how would I know"

The ride back to Sunnyhell is long and silent. Neither of us talk; B's trying to take in what I'd said. I close my eyes, sighing softly, but she interrupts my peace abruptly.

"Faith."
"Yeah?" I ask, not looking at her.
"Who ... who was it?" she asks tentatively, and I freeze.
To my relief, Buffy's cell phone rings, and I don't have to answer.
She's silent, then nods.
"We'll be there in less than five."

	"I'm scared and I'm alone 
	I'm ashamed 
	And I need for you to know"

We pull up in front of Giles' house, sitting there for a moment before she speaks.
"Your father's here."
I look at her, my face blank, emotionless.
She watches me carefully, but I don't react.
"So what are we waiting for, B?" I ask, moving to open the door.

She grabs my wrist, making me pause. "You're not getting out of it that easily," she says softly.

I sigh, pushing a strand of beautiful blonde hair behind her ear. "I know."

She nods, and we get out of the car, walking inside.

And there he is.

	"I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say 
	And you can't take back what you've taken away 
	'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me"

My heart feels as if it's going to beat out of my chest, and I force myself to stay calm. If Buffy sees... it's all over. The careful facade I've constructed will be over.

"Dad."

"Faith..." He's in his concerned mode now, rushing to me and pulling me into his arms. "Come on, sweetie, we're going home."

I tense in his arms.

He feels it and lets go, a dangerous smile on his lips. Only I see the danger-only I know that the charming smile means something I don't want.

"No... Daddy... Can't we stay here?" I plead.

"Wait a minute," Buffy says. "She's old enough to decide for herself."

I hang my head.

"She's sixteen," he smugly says, and Buffy looks stunned. "She's my daughter, and we're going home. Thank you for your help, Rupert."

Giles looks uncomfortable, but nods, saying a bit uncomfortably, "You'll have to return to visit."

My father smiles. "And you'll have to come visit us. We have quite a nice home now. Thanks again." He begins to pull me to the door, not even asking if I have anything I want to bring.

I hear Buffy's voice saying my name a bit desperately, and I pause. His grip tightens on my arm, but I turn.

"I love you."

I briefly close my eyes, not allowing myself to react.

"Good luck, B," I say. "I'll call you."

You look devastated, and I leave you and Giles behind.

	"I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say 
	And you can't take back what you've taken away"

We don't say a word the entire plane ride. Honestly, I'm not paying any attention to where we're going-I'm too busy hating myself.

I could take him. And I could leave.

But I can't.

What is it about my father that makes me feel so weak, and helpless? I could beat the shit out of me, but I let him do that to me...

I let him do whatever he wants, because I'm afraid.
He's not the only one who's ever made me a victim.
But he was the first.

	"'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me"

He tests the ropes holding me down, and I can feel them painfully digging into my wrists and ankles.

"So you actually thought I wouldn't find you, Faith?" he taunts. "Stayed too long in one place this time. For what, that girl?"

I don't respond, my eyes closed.

Years ago I drifted away to my own fantasy world where I had superpowers and beat monsters up.

The fantasy came true...

So why can't I beat up the one monster that I hate more than anything in the world?

And why the hell didn't I tell Buffy? She couldn't helped me, I know she could've.

I can't help but be ashamed-I never told her my age.

Or my last name.
Or anything about me.
She knows nothing to find me...
I know he'll never let me call, or go back.  He has me back, and ...
Why the fuck can't I go??
I can break the ropes easy, take him on, and kill him.
But it's like it's always been... he has some hold over me, and I feel afraid.

	"Healing comes so painfully 
	And it chills to the bone 
	Will anyone get close to me? 
	I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know"

'Please, Buffy, make the connection,' I plead silently as he pounds into me. I refuse to cry, refuse to scream.

I refuse to give him that satisfaction.
But we both know he'll eventually get it.
He's worse than Kakistos.
Because he knows me.
He knows my fears, my pleasures, my pain.
And he'll use and abuse it.
A tear slides down my cheek as I stare at the ceiling.
Why didn't I tell you, B...
Why didn't I tell you that I love you?

	"There's mending for my soul 
	An ending to this fear 
	I was just a little girl, but I can't go back"

...to be continued...