Silence
by Mackenzie Anderson
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Faith or Buffy (blah) or the lyrics. 'Silence' belongs to the ever talented Delerium with Sarah McLachlan's vocals.
Notes: Eh... it's not as good as 'Short Stories with Tragic Endings' (the first part to this) but it's a try, right? I think this'll end up being three parts... This is for all the people who demanded I not leave it at a sad ending...
Notes (2): This is also in response to a Buffysmut challenge... ehm... it also fell short of the R/NC-17 rating... Sorries!
Words: maudlin, deus ex machina, lassitude, discomfit, privation.

	"give me release 
	witness me 
	i am outside 
	give me peace 
	heaven holds a sense of wonder 
	and i wanted to believe that i'd get caught up 
	when the rage in me subsides" 

It's over. Fuck you, Buffy. Fuck you for making me feel this way, lassitude overwhelming me, dead inside. I loved you. I love you. You were the only thing I cared about. The only damn thing I ever wanted, and you rejected me.

You could've told me that you at least understand.

Something...
Anything...

I hate you.

Well, you know what?

It's over.

	"passion 
	choke the flower 
	'til she cries no more 
	possessing all the beauty 
	hungry still for more" 

How could you do this? Just because I didn't want to be with you, you had to go out and try to get yourself killed. By a vampire.

A vampire, for god's sake! You could've easily taken her. So why didn't you?

You're so much better than that.

I'm not worth it, Faith!

	"heaven holds a sense of wonder 
	and i wanted to believe that i'd get caught up 
	when the rage in me subsides" 

Almost... over... god, it hurts so damn much.  
I wonder where I'll go... 
If there's even a heaven or hell.
I can't...
It hurts... Buffy... please...
One word escapes my lips as I pass out.
"Buffy."

	"in this white wave, i am sinking, in this silence 
	in this white wave, in this silence i believe" 

"Faith," I say. You look at me, so weak and little from the blood loss. Almost innocent. You almost died... you almost had yourself killed. If someone hadn't been walking there... if someone hadn't seen you...

You would've died.
And I would've lost my love forever.
I should've realized it... that you were just trying to be brave...

	"i can't help this longing 
	comfort me 
	i can't hold it all in 
	if you won't let me" 

You're here. You actually came to see me... to do what, yell more?

"Why are you here?" I ask quietly. If you say what I expect you to, I'm going to try again. And I'll succeed.

That person may have discomfitted me once, but it won't happen again.

Next time...
I want you to tell me it'll be okay.
I want you to tell me that you love me.
Please...

	"heaven holds a sense of wonder 
	and i wanted to believe that i'd get caught up 
	when the rage in me subsides" 

I love you...

Gods, I feel like some maudlin idiot. Here I am almost crying just because you're here, for no reason at all. I shouldn't cry.

Maybe you're here to tell me to do it right, maybe you're here to make amends, but I can't cry.

I just can't.

	"in this white wave, i am sinking, in this silence 
	in this white wave, in this silence i believe" 

"I'm sorry."

You look at me, so hopeful, yet trying not to-like you expect me to say the same words of privation. As if you think I'm going to hurt you again. I'm here now... like some deus ex machina from an old tale... but you don't think I'm here to save you.

"Me too," you say, unexpectively.

I look at you.
The silence is deafening.
Where do we go from here?

	"i have seen you, in this white wave, you are silent 
	you are breathing, in this white wave i am free."

...continued in More Like a River...