Breakdown
by Net Girl
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Faith, Buffy and all the others are all property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN,
the actors, and the other creators. I own nothing but my own imagination and every
character that I created for this fiction.
Spoilers: Everything (Including season 6)
Author's Notes: Everything happened! I’m not gonna alter anything, just gonna go from episode
nr 4 Flooded… but Buffy never told Spike about her being in heaven or what she thought was heaven.
This story deals with child abuse in several ways. If you don’t want to read about that,
then don’t read this. This story changes from Faith’s POV to the third person POV.
WARNING!!!: This fiction contains graphic rape and violence scenes. People that are offended by
this should not, and I repeat NOT read this story. I know that this can offend people so I am warning you
that if you do not want to read this, then please don’t.
Feedback: I’m an addict :-)
PROLOGUE
Sunnydale, California 2006
Did you ever have a breakdown? I’ve had a couple, three were most important. It made me come closer to the person I am today. One was in the arms of an Angel, no, I mean it, his name is Angel. Big broody vampire, lives, or rather un-lives, or well now lives again to protect the innocent and stuff. I was really messed up back then, I tried to kill him, begged him to kill me. He wouldn’t do it. He just wouldn’t give up on me when others already had. Now I’m thankful for it of course, it led me to my real life Angel. Thank god B ain’t as broody as Angel was. Did I say Angel *was* broody? I did, didn’t I, yup, soulboy is human again. What, you thought I was saying he got dusted? Not likely.
He made the ultimate sacrifice, and the PTB gave him his life back. They made his soul permanent. He’s still fighting for them, but hey he ain’t got problems with it. He’s actually happy about it. But I’ll get to that later. You are probably wondering how I found my blonde angel, and you’re probably even more curious about the second breakdown I had.
Then I guess I should give you a summed up history of what happened, and how I ended up here having my sweet angel in my arms. You’ll be hearing a lot more about a certain sister slayer, and her friends, Red, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles and believe it or not Spike. And of course who can forget about the sweetest kid, wait, the sweetest twenty-one-year-old girl named Dawn. She’s Buffy’s sister, we’ve always had the best time, then I found out she wasn’t real, or well she was real, but she was also some kind of key.
They way I heard it, was that a few monks created Dawn to house their key in, a key that could open portals. Enter one hell bitch, skanky, well I could start swearing again, but that would only lead to getting hit in the arms by three angels, one that’s laying in my arms, and the other who is now curled up against me sleeping and the third that’s playing on the grass. My little sister… yup that’s right, got a sister too, cutest thing. Has ironically enough the name ‘Hope’. Didn’t know I had a sister for ten years give or take a few minutes…
Okay, before I continue, let me just move a little coz… dang, my left arm is giving off vibes of tiredness. Then we’ve also got the left leg; which is itching like hell, okay gotta, oh yeah that feels good, nice, gotta keep up with the scratching there. Okay… now I’m getting looks from B, not good, she probably thinks I’m crazy or something.
And hey what do I do when she thinks that? Well like I’m gonna do right now, lean in kiss her lightly on the lips, then a playful kiss on the nose, and then pull her back in my arms. She’s happy to do that, so now I can go back to my story. Where was I? Oh right the skanky… ok no cursing… well that Glorificus gal she wanted the key to go back to her own hell dimension or something. And she needed Dawn to do that, so she made Tara a crazy gal, beat up Spikey, and kidnapped Dawn. Then there were those strange knights, I’m not sure if I’m getting this right, coz I hear a different, yet similar story from every Scooby around, so I’m not going into that one.
Well okay, back to the story, so Dawn got kidnapped. Then of course everyone to the rescue. Red got her girlfriend back with her normal mind, so no crazy stuff. The BuffyBot got her head torn off … by the way, don’t ask about that one … Anya got some rubble that fell on her, and Spike fell of an incredibly high, and might I add, unstable construction. He survived, being a vamp and all, but the sight he saw when he woke up… it broke his heart.
Did I say heart? Yup, I believe he’s got one, even if he denies it. Anyway… It broke his heart, what he was looking at… B, a very dead B. But hey, you can’t keep a good slayer down, well it was actually Red who couldn’t keep her down, so several months later they got her back. She wasn’t too happy about it though, she was in what she thought was Heaven. She didn’t tell them though, well not for some time after that. I was actually the first to hear.
So, you’re probably wondering why the hell I’m talking about that kind of stuff while you want to hear what happened to me. Well, I came into Sunnydale, being the second slayer called after Buffy had died saving the world and fighting ‘The Master’. I killed a guy, went evil, and ended up in jail. That’s the short version. The long version is too complicated. It’s the jail part you’ll hear about, and what happened after that. I was in prison for two years, or maybe it was one. I’m not sure, it’s the years I’d rather forget then bring all up again, but I said I would tell you. I’m warning you though, it ain’t no story for children, probably ain’t no story for teenagers either. Maybe for people who are 18 or maybe even older. I was only 19 when everything happened. 19… can you believe it? I was only 19 when it happened. And you’re probably still wondering what it was that I went through.
I went through every girl’s nightmare, and again I’m telling you that what I’m going to tell isn’t something for the weak hearted. So if you got a weak heart, or you can’t stand to see people hurt, then I’d say you turn around now and never look back. Or ask one of the others for the PG-Rated version, coz I’m gonna tell the full story, with every gory detail in it.
Still around? Brave very brave…
Well, you wanted to hear my story, you wanted to learn what I’ve been through, how I found my sister and how I got my angel. Listen carefully, no matter how hard it may seem at times. I’ll get you through it, I promise.
CHAPTER 1 - Sick Cycle Carousel
Started: October 28th 2001
Finished: December 10th 2001 (Chapter 1)
County Jail, Los Angeles 2000
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes / Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time / I tried to climb your stairs
I tried to chase you down / I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way / I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this
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“What brings you here?” I ask nonchalantly. I know why he’s here, just starting conversation.
“You know why I’m here Faith,” he replies knowing that I know. “How have you been doing?”
Hmm… let me think about that one, got in a fight the first day I got here, got hit in the nose the second day. Hit the girl back on the third day, got some girl following me around wherever I go. “Five by Five,” I reply as usual. Okay, now he’s studying me. He always does that, just looks at me. “I’m good Angel, don’t worry about me,” I add quickly before even more questions come.
“That’s good to hear Faith,” he replies.
I know I should be making conversation, make the best of the time he can visit. But then again, he was never one to make conversation, and neither am I. So here we are just sitting again, sometimes looking at each other, but mostly just sitting. I switch the phone to my other ear and look at him. “So how’s queen C doing? And the others?”
“Good,” he responds. Okay, that was good, any more information you can give me soulboy?
“Good,” I respond. I’m not sure if I really care about it, but he doesn’t seem to notice. That’s always a good thing; coz if he did noticed, then there would be questions. And I ain’t got answers to any of the questions he’ll ask. I was never one to answer questions, and he’s usually big in the asking department. I glance at the clock, ten minutes ‘till he has to go, so I’m bold, screw me. “How’s everything at SunnyD?”
He looks at me like I’m nuts.
That wasn’t quite what I’ve expected. I was just asking. Next time I’ll keep my mouth shut.
“Why?” He asks after a five-minute silence.
Well that’s a big duh, I’m curious. “Forget it,” I look at him letting him know not to ask any further. I quickly glance at the clock again; visiting hour is over. I look at him, and then back at the clock. He responses with an ‘I know’, before standing up and saying goodbye. I stand up too and wait for the guard to take me back to my cell. It’s strange… I can’t wait for him to visit me, and talk to me; after all… he’s my only connection to the outside world. But then again I can’t wait for him to leave, and let me go back to my cell… it’s strange.
Faith settled back on the bench in the courtyard, she had just actually stopped a fight from getting any worse. It made her smile slightly, she knew it wasn’t much; the other girls stopped a lot of fights. But for her it was something special, she was the one that usually created fights, not stopped them. She watched amused as a few girls nodded at her in thanks, and some other girls looked like they were about to kill her. Faith knew that by stopping the fight, she had gained favor with the girls that nodded, but she had become one of many girls on the black list by the girls that gave her the look.
In the place she was at, there were two big rival gangs, ‘The Ghosts’, and ‘The Crabs’. Faith still hadn’t found out why they would name their gang ‘The Crabs’, but she had asked once and gotten beaten up so bad that she ended up in the hospital. Asking once was enough. There were also smaller gangs, such as ‘The Panthers’, it was the Panthers that had gotten into trouble this time. A member of the Panthers had walked up to one of the Ghosts to issue a challenge for a Crab member. It was meant to be a distraction from the hit that would take place.
Faith had noticed, the Crabs had gone for the leader of the Ghosts, but her ‘bodyguard’ had seen it coming and sacrificed herself. It was then Faith had seen the girl and got her out of the fight. Apparently, Faith found out later, the girl was the younger sister of Kat, the leader of the Panthers. Ever since Faith had rescued the girl, the Panthers protected her any time an attack came her way. She was actually amazed they did it, seeing as the Panthers were one of the lesser gangs in jail.
“Newbies!” One of the girls shouted, snapping Faith out of her thoughts. Faith stood up and smiled, this was the time she liked. Whenever the new girls would arrive, she would get up and step up next to them, and watch the girls come in the courtyard one by one. She had done this many times before, and no one had ever bothered her while she was doing this. Faith heard several girls whistle at the newcomers, some who were shy, some who were arrogant. She had done it as well, only to fit in, but mostly it was just to watch the new girls.
“Well would you look at that,” a girl known as Sam said to one of the other women next to her.
“Ain’t she a cutie.”
“Sure is Sam,” the redhead replied. “So… get her in?”
“Definitely,” Sam replied. “I ain’t gonna let no Crab, Ghost or Panther get to her.”
Faith looked at the girl in question, she had golden brown hair, and blue eyes. The whitest skin she could ever imagine. She seemed shy and kept her gaze pointed at the ground. The brunette slayer noticed that as soon as she had fully walked in, the girl had looked around and immediately went to one of the corners.
“Come on,” she heard Sam say.
“Back off,” Faith suddenly said. “She’s mine,” Faith smiled as Sam and her crew backed away. They knew better than to mess with her. Sure they had hit her, but she had hit Sam back, AND put her in the infirmary for a week. “She’s mine,” Faith said again.
Faith smiled and turned her gaze back to the young girl, she couldn’t have been much older then 16, or at least she looked that way. Did they really put a 16 year old in a jail like this? ‘Not likely,’ Faith thought to herself, quickly making her way to the young girl. “Hey,” Faith greeted her when she finally reached the blue-eyed girl.
“H-hey,” she replied timidly.
“I’m Faith, and you are?” She looked at the girl, but no answer came. Her eyes were fixated on something, and on her face was a look of shock and horror. Faith turned around and stood next to the young girl, following her gaze. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” she said. “That’s just Kat’s way of saying hello. Won’t happen to you.”
“B-but,” the girl stammered.
“She won’t come up and kiss you, I promise.”
“Does s-she do that t-to all of t-them?”
“Usually yeah,” Faith snickered. “But only when the girls aren’t already taken by the Crab’s or the Ghost’s.” The girl raised a brow and looked at her questionly. “The Crabs and The Ghosts, rival gangs. The Panthers which Kat is the head of is third in this place… so you got a name?”
“J-Jackie,” the girl replied.
“Hi Jackie, nice to meet you,” Faith said holding out her hand. The younger girl took it, and Faith leaned in, her mouth by Jackie’s ear. “Don’t worry, they won’t get to you, I already established you as my own,” she whispered. Getting a horrified look from the blue-eyed girl, Faith started laughing. “Don’t worry Jackie, they’ll leave you alone. Already took care of that.”
“T-thanks I guess.”
“Only one thing you gotta do for me.”
“What?” The girl asked frightened.
Faith snickered. “Don’t worry, just involves hanging with me. Stay with me at all times if you want to make it here. What cell number did you get?”
“I’m on D, number 145,” she replied.
“No kidding,” Faith said in surprise. “So you’re my new roommate,” the girl gave a shy smile to Faith and continued watching the crowd before her, and watched as all the other new girls got either, patted on the butt, left alone, or recruited by a gang.
Okay, so it’s been a week since Jackie arrived here and it’s been actually really annoying, but I cope with it. Otherwise she probably would have been in the hands of one of the others, and she’s too sweet for that. Yeah, I said she was pretty annoying, but on the other hand she’s been really sweet. I’ve let everyone silently know that she’s mine and should be left alone, so far everyone has. Except of course the guards, calling her names like sweetie, cutie and baby.
She is of course still kinda a baby, but that isn’t the thing they mean by it. Unfortunatly I can’t even stop the guards, no one in this hellhole can, luckily they haven’t done anything to her yet. Probably because I bribed the Ghosts and the Crabs, god I hate those names, anyway … I bribed ‘em, telling them to leave the girl alone and I could get them anything they wanted. I have contacts too, you know, but I keep that a secret. Usually I get the things they want from girls that’ll be only in for like a month or three. That’s usually how it goes here, those girls want to get out alive and they do it by bribery, they just want to survive and go on with their lives.
In the beginning the girls always came to me, someone had said that I protected girls in here. Who said that? I just protected one girl from getting in with the gangs, coz she was too sweet to let them get her. I explained it, got slapped in the face and they turned to one of the main gangs. Of course it didn’t bother them, and because they went from me to them, they left me alone. Said I was providing them with girls, like hell I was. I can’t protect everyone in this joint. I don’t even want to protect everyone in here. Why would I want to do that? I just want to get out here alive, there ain’t no protecting of anyone going on here, just Jackie and that’s it.
“Faith,” I hear Jackie call my name, so I look up from my bunk. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure,” I reply. She has on a serious face, not sure what to make of that. “What is it?”
“Kat approached me this morning,” she says. I sit up straight and look her in the eye, what the hell does Kat want from her. It’s not like Kat’s the worst thing that could happen to her, but I’m still curious so I ask what she wanted. “She said something about a hit, and that you were to meet her where you first met me tomorrow during air.”
“A hit?” I say raising my brow. That’s a new one, since when has Kat ordered a hit? “Sure tell her I’ll meet her,” okay she’s smiling sweetly again and walks out. Just hoping they won’t hurt her, probably not.
What is it with these hits lately? Four people have been killed already, and no one seems to know which gang did it. They’re all pointing the finger at each other, so that’s a no go. Damn, this is getting tiring. I glance at the clock for a sec, and noticed Jackie’s been gone for over ten minutes, and our cells close in another ten. I lie down on my bunk and close my eyes; I hate this time. Usually I would go out and dance like I did back in SunnyD.
When I open my eyes again, I see Jackie standing over me. My vision is blurry coz they already put out the lights, then I feel something dripping on my shoulder. I reach out to her face; I can feel something is on it, something thick. Blood! “What the…?” I say sitting up.
“Faith…” She tries to whisper. It comes out more as a gurgle than a whisper. She sits down beside me on the bed and I put my arm around her shoulder. I ask her what happened. “She … she’s.”
“Kat did this to you?” I ask bluntly. What the hell was she thinking! I told her to leave Jackie alone. Then I remind myself that Kat would never do this. Then she says something else… she used the word dead. I don’t like the word dead. “Who’s dead?” I ask softly. I wipe some of the blood from her mouth and lift her chin to meet my eyes. Damn she looks bad.
“Kat…” She says hoarsely. Kat’s dead? Kat can’t be dead. Oh that came out loud, now she’s saying she really is dead. I ask her who did this to her, and something like Sam comes out. Why the hell would Sam do this? I specifically asked her to leave Jacky alone. “Sam … Ghosts.”
“Sam’s a part of The Ghosts?” I ask angry. She nods as an answer, okay that would explain her beating on Jackie.
“Kat… Panthers looking for you,” she chokes out. “They want…”
“What do they want sweets?” I ask laying her down on my bunk.
“You … be … boss,” she gets out.
Wait a second. “Me their boss?” I see her nod before she closes her eyes. She’s sleeping now, I let her. She’ll feel better in the morning. Okay rewind here, Kat’s dead, Sam joined the Ghosts. And the Panthers want me to be their boss. That’s a new one, and why would they want to kill Kat?
Faith had been up for most of the night, watching over Jackie and thinking. She couldn’t understand why the Panthers wanted her to be their new leader. She was no leader, the only thing she would do was screw everything up like she always did. Faith looked at Jackie when she heard the young girl groan in pain, after she had fallen asleep, Faith had examined her to see what kind of damage they had done to her. Jackie had some bruised ribs, probably even one broken; her upper lip had a cut on it. Faith could already see Jackie’s left eye was even more swollen than before.
She really had to get the brunette to a shower, and wash off all the blood. In two hours they were allowed to do their own thing for an hour, so she could take the girl to the showers and help her get cleaned up, but before that she was going to have a little chat with Kat’s sister, Skye was her name if Faith remembered correctly. She suited the name; she had the bluest eyes Faith ever remembered seeing. It almost looked like the sky itself was reflected in them, Kat had told Faith once that their mother already knew Skye’s name before she even was born.
Faith got up from her bunk, took another quick look at Jackie and left her cell. She knew that Skye would probably be in the gym, ever since she had been attacked she had been training like crazy, just to make sure that she was strong enough in case someone came after her again. Once she spotted Skye just walking out of the gym, she ran up to her.
“Skye,” she called out her name.
“Faith,” Skye greeted.
“We need to talk,” Skye nodded and led Faith to her own cell. Once they were in the cell, Faith immediately started talking in a defensive tone. “Why the hell do they want me to be their leader, aren’t you the obvious follow up?” She hissed.
“No I’m not,” Skye replied. “As much as I want to, I can’t.”
Now Faith was confused. “Why not?”
“I’m not leadership material,” she replied. “They won’t listen to what I say, the only reason they put up with me was because my sister was the leader. That’s why I told them to ask you, strangely they said yes immediately. Since you already approved, the only thing you need to do is get the tattoo.”
“Approved how? And I ain’t getting no tattoo.”
“You saved my life remember… and,” she hesitated.
“And what?”
“Kat wanted you to be her follow up.”
“She what?” Faith hissed. “Can’t they get another one? I’m not going to be the leader of a gang, the others already hate me, why make the hate any greater. I just want to do my time and get the fuck out of here. I’ve told that to Kat and you before when you offered me membership.”
“I know that!” Skye replied angry. “Don’t you think I know that? It’s what she wanted, if not, then the Panthers were supposed to break up. There wasn’t going to be a new leader after her if she didn’t point one out,” the blonde replied. “Do you even know what Kat had in mind of doing?” Skye asked keeping her gaze to the floor avoiding the urge to cry.
“What?” Faith asked in a soft voice. She sat next to her on the bunk; Faith knew the sisters had shared a cell. An unusual exception made by the guards, but Kat would have done anything to keep them together. She had told Faith she would do anything to protect her sister, and Faith already knew enough after she had said that.
“She wanted to keep the peace in this place,” Skye replied after a few seconds. “She wanted to make sure that the ghosts or the crabs wouldn’t get their way in this jail. That’s what she wanted to do Faith, Kat wanted to protect girls like Jackie and me. You know the others don’t give a shit about girls like me and her, they only care about their own pleasure.”
“Yeah,” Faith replied softly. “She might have mentioned something like that.” Truth was, she had. After she had rescued Kat’s sister, her and Faith had a little talk about what role Kat wanted the Panthers to have. “Look, I can’t be your new leader, I just can’t.”
“Why not?” Skye asked looking up.
“Because I’ve already got a lot of time to do in here as it is,” Faith replied honestly. “I don’t want the risk of getting another few months added to the two years I already have.”
“How’d you get two years? You only beat up a few people.”
“But I attempted to kill another few,” Faith added. “I’m not risking it Skye, I just can’t.”
“You’ve got something unfinished out there haven’t you?”
“I do,” Faith replied. “I’ve got a lot of things to make up for. And I intend to do that after my time in here.”
“Faith,” Skye began. “I’ve got about the same punishment as you got. I’m getting out in two years or even less if I keep my act together. In two years or less, I’m the one that’s going to have to tell our parents that Kat got killed. In the mean time I’m going to have to try and survive in this place, the truth Faith… I’m scared as hell, I’m scared that they’ll get me like they got Kat… and I can’t … I don’t want to die,” she said tears slipping down her cheeks.
“Come on Skye, you won’t die,” Faith tried to soothe the girl.
“How do you know that,” Skye asked. “Could happen today, tomorrow, two weeks. Who knows? But they’ll get me eventually, just like they did Kat. They will unless…”
“Unless I become the leader of the Panthers,” Faith said sighing. “You really think that don’t you?”
“I do,” Skye replied.
“Fine… I’ll THINK about it,” Faith said reluctantly. “Even if, and that’s a very huge if, I do become the new leader, I ain’t getting no tattoo.”
“We’ll see,” Skye said smiling through her tears.
“You don’t even know if I’ll become the new leader.”
“You will,” Skye said.
Faith shook her head and smiled, then turned serious again. “Could you come with me?”
“Why?”
“I need you to help me with a friend of mine.”
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Faith grumbled to herself.
“What was that?”
“Nothing Skye,” Faith replied. It had been a week since they had asked her to be their new leader, and she had actually said yes and now she was getting that damn tattoo. Only one problem, it couldn’t be too big, and absolutely not visible. There were the two things Faith had made very clear to them. Not big, not visible. Faith started muttering under her breath again as the others were choosing how big it was going to be and where the best place was on Faith’s body if she wanted it out of sight. “How ‘bout my lower back?” Faith finally said.
“Well, if you want it to be small, it would kinda look stupid.”
“Who cares if it would look stupid, I hate the damn tattoo anyway,” Faith groaned. “Why do I have to get it? Can’t I get a necklace or something?”
“Come on Faith, you already agreed to it,” Skye said. “Oh I know, how ‘bout…” She moved closer to Faith and whispered something in her ear.
“No way! Are you fucking crazy or something!” Faith yelled. “I ain’t getting a tattoo there!”
“Come on Faith,” Skye chuckled. “It won’t be visible by anyone but you … well and the one that places it for you, and it won’t have to be that big.”
“Are you deaf?” Faith asked. “I said no. The tattoo will not be on that spot!”
“Come on Faith, don’t be such a chicken.”
“Excuse me?” Faith asked raising a brow. “What did you just call me?”
“I called you a chicken.”
“Okay, fine that’s it,” Faith said folding her arms. “Bring it on, put the damn tattoo there.”
“Not here,” Skye said. “We’ll get you one that’s licensed.”
Faith only raised a brow at that and followed the blonde girl. She had no idea where they were taking her; the only thing Faith knew at the moment was that she was stupid enough to let people talk her into getting a tattoo. A tattoo of a panther, a tattoo of a panther on THAT place on her body. ‘Can a person be more stupid?’ She questioned herself. She rubbed her arm on the spot where she had already had a tattoo. 'Here we go again, only not on a place I’d be happy about it. And why the hell am I doing this again?'
“What is it?” Skye asked after Faith had sighed and groaned for the millionth time.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”
“Being the leader means you gotta have one.”
“I’ll get you back for this, you know that right?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Skye said waving her hand. “Come on, she’s over there.”
‘Well at least it’s a she and not some guy,’ Faith thought.
“So you’re Faith,” a blonde asked. “Been hearing a lot about you.”
“That popular huh?” Faith replied sarcastically.
“Funny too,” the woman chuckled. “I like her Skye, she’ll be a good one.”
“I know,” Skye replied smiling.
“So how big and where?” She asked.
“What’s you name?”
“Why?”
“I ain’t telling where I’m gonna get the damn tattoo unless you tell me your name.”
“Call me Lilly,” the woman replied.
“Fine… Lilly,” Faith said. “Skye, get out.”
“Why?” When Faith glared at her, Skye added, “Alright fine.”
“So just you and me huh?” Lilly laughed after Skye left.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Faith growled.
“So where’d you want the panther?”
“I usually don’t do this,” Faith pointed out.
“What? Getting a tat?” Lilly remarked. “Yeah right, your arm,” she added raising a brow.
“I was drunk,” Faith. “Still can’t believe I actually did that, can’t even believe that they would let a drunk person get tattooed, something about rush of alcohol or something.”
“I know,” Lilly replied. “So where’d you want the panther?” Faith looked at Lilly and raised a brow, she looked she really was enjoying this. Whether it was seeing her doubt the decision or waiting to put on the tattoo. Faith looked down and gave a small nod. “Lower body, okay, hips, thighs ankle?”
“Hip,” Faith responded quickly. ‘Why the fuck am I hesitating like this. It’s fucking nothing, just a damn tattoo.’
“Gotta be more specific,” Lilly responded.
Faith placed her hand over her hip. “There,” she said without hesitation. “Just get it over with.”
“Take ‘em down then,” Lilly said smirking.
“Don’t smile like that!” Faith hissed. “Just doing this as a favor, the only thing I’ll be regretting is the damn tattoo, coz that’ll stay on forever. I ain’t got the money to get it off by laser.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lilly replied. “Just take ‘em off and we’ll be done in no time,” she added.
Faith looked around and noticed for the first time they were actually in some kind of room, and not a cell. It was clean, really clean and there were needles, and ink everywhere. ‘Got their own tattoo shop, wicked,’ Faith thought. She watched as Lilly prepared everything, taking a new needle, putting on gloves and more preparation to make it as clean as possible. ‘I’m so gonna regret this,’ Faith sighed as she took down the pants of her oh so glamorous jail outfit.
“So which place again?” Lilly said laughing, Faith just glared at her. “Alright, alright, keep your pants on … hehe keep your pants on you get it? Okay, you get it!” Lilly quickly said when she saw Faith’s fist coming up. “Left or right?”
“Left,” Faith said without thinking. It was bad enough that she had to get the tattoo as it was, who cares on what side it would go. “How long is this gonna take?”
“Well it ain’t that big, and it will be mostly black and very dark blue, so probably no more than an hour.”
“So I’m gonna have to lie down here for an hour,” Faith asked dumbfounded. “When I got that other tattoo it didn’t take that long.”
“This is more detail Faith,” Lilly said. “Hop on,” she added and patted the bed thingy next to her.
Faith got on the bed thingy, and lay down on it. She looked at Lilly who took the machine she needed, and put the ink in it. ‘So, remember what you are doing here Faith. You’re getting a tattoo because you just joined a gang. God, Angel will be so proud,’ Faith laughed to herself.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied.
Lilly shrugged and then took down the strap of Faith’s panties a bit and put the drawing of the panther just a few inches to the left of her right hipbone. Lilly made sure the drawing was on Faith’s skin before removing the piece of paper. “Let me see,” Faith said leaning on her elbows. “That doesn’t even look too bad,” Faith said smiling. “Where’d you get the design?”
“Kat,” Lilly said sadly. “Kat created it, she was a fantastic artist. Made lots of the designs, you’ll see quite a few on the girls here.”
“You liked her didn’t you?” She got a nod, with only more sadness. “You … loved her?”
“I did,” Lilly replied. “Still do. She was the first person I loved in a very long time.”
“Did Skye know?” Faith asked softly.
“No, no one knew but us,” Lilly replied sadly, then snapped out of it. “Okay, let’s get that tattoo on you.”
“Alright,” Faith said respecting Lilly’s choice in avoiding the subject. Faith felt her own guilt surfacing again as she thought of Kat’s death. Kat was taken from her sister, and apparently her girlfriend Lilly, like she had taken Finch away from his family, friends and probably wife and kids. She flinched a little when she felt the coldness of the sterile gloves against her skin. “Cold,” she said to Lilly, who raised a brow.
Faith sunk back into her own thoughts as Lilly began to work. The tattoo didn’t look that bad, and it wasn’t even that big to begin with, it was just a small, but simple design of a panther. “The panther looks like you,” Lilly suddenly said.
“What?” Faith questioned leaning on her elbows again.
“It looks like you,” Lilly said again. “Calm on the outside, turmoil on the inside.”
“Excuse me?” Faith questioned.
“Never mind,” Lilly quickly said. It was obvious to her that whatever it was that Faith was thinking about, the brunette didn’t want to talk about it. “So what got you in this hell hole?”
“Violence,” Faith replied dryly. “You?”
“Violence, drugs and more of that,” Lilly replied.
“Oh,” Faith replied. She leaned on her elbows and concentrated on the outline of the tattoo Lilly was making. Then she got thinking, when Lilly bended over, her shirt got a little loose and Faith could clearly see not only Lilly’s breasts, but also two huge scars on her collarbones. They hadn’t even faded, and yet they seemed to be on there for a long time.
“Enjoying the view?”
“What?” Faith said shaking her head in confusion. Lilly looked up and raised a brow. “No! That wasn’t what I was looking at, well I mean, they were there, but No!” She started babbling. That wasn’t something she did… at all. ‘Babbling like an idiot, way to go Faith!’
“So you noticed the scars.”
“Uh yeah, kinda hard to miss … okay wrong choice of words,” Faith said frowning. “How’d you get ‘em?”
“Got in a fight, got hurt.”
“Okay…” Faith said then lay fully down on her back and got to thinking again. ‘I think way too much.’ Faith let out a small laugh. “Nothing,” she said to Lilly before sinking in her own thoughts again. It had been almost four months since she had been in prison, and she still had about twenty months to go. Yup they gave her 2 years, it wasn’t as much as Faith thought she deserved, but the sooner she got out … the sooner she could make up for all the mistakes she had made.
And there were a lot of those mistakes, she had fucked up big time back in Sunnydale. Not only Sunnydale, she had fucked up in L.A. too; hitting Wesley was another thing, but torturing him just went too far, and she knew it. And even after that Angel still wanted to help, wanted to help her get back on the right path. After all that had happened in Sunnydale, after all the hurt she inflicted upon the Scoobies and on the now L.A. gang … he still wanted to help her. If it wasn’t for him, she would probably be still out there hurting others and hurting herself.
“Faith, wake up,” Faith opened one eye and looked at Lilly. “Hello to you too.”
“I fell asleep?”
“You did,” Lilly said. “I’m not complaining. I finished the panther, welcome to the club.”
“You’re a member too?”
“Automatic, being Kat’s and all.”
“You don’t have the tattoo.”
“I do,” Lilly replied. “Same place you do.”
“What time is it?”
“Time to get your ass back in your cell before they close.”
“That time huh,” Faith smirked.
“Yup that time,” Lilly said smiling. “Be seeing ya,” she watched as Faith smiled and got her pants back on and quickly went back to her own cell.
“Hey Jackie,” Faith said as she entered her and Jackie’s cell. “How’s that eye healing?” Faith sat next to Jackie on her bunk and reached out her hand and touched Jackie’s eye just above the cut. Jackie only jumped at the contact and moved back from Faith’s touch. “Whoa there!” Faith said holding up her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” the suddenly shy Jackie replied.
“I don’t believe you,” Faith said reaching out for the girl again, only to have Jackie yet again move away. “What’s wrong J?”
“Leave me alone,” on the verge of tears she continued, “Just leave me alone.”
‘There’s something seriously wrong here,’ Faith thought as she looked at the young woman. ‘Really wrong,’ Jackie had never acted around her this way, she always was the one that initiated a conversation, or even a touch when she felt scared again. Not now, now Jackie was even getting further away from her when Faith tried to comfort her on whatever it was. “Jackie what is it?” She placed her hand on Jackie’s knee and released a sigh of happiness when the brunette didn’t move away.
“Please don’t,” Jackie pleaded. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Faith frowned and carefully moved closer to Jackie. When she didn’t move away, Faith placed her hand on Jackie’s cheek. She wiped away a single tear that fell from it and gently, even to her own surprise, pulled the brunette in her arms. Once Jackie was in Faith’s arms, the tears came willingly. “Shh, it’s okay,” Faith tried to soothe the young girl, but only succeeded in making her cry harder.
“They … I didn’t … you shouldn’t.”
“What is it Jackie? Tell me,” Faith gently stroked Jackie’s cheek with her thumb. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”
“You shouldn’t have joined them,” the girl finally got out. “They hurt … me … you … touched … tried to … got away.”
“The Panthers won’t hurt you,” Faith told her. “I’m their leader now, they won’t touch you.”
“No.”
“No?” Faith questioned.
“They didn’t,” Jackie moved away from Faith’s embrace and looked in the older girl’s eyes. “Ghosts, Lion tried to. She tried to … she … I tried … got away.”
“Okay Jackie, calm down,” Faith took Jackie’s hand and brushed a few stray hairs out of the girl's face with her free hand. “Calm down, try again.”
“Lion … she wanted to send a message to you. She touched me here…” Jackie’s hand traveled down her body and stopped just above her crotch.
“What!” Faith stood up from the bunk only to be pulled back by Jackie. “Did she?”
“No … I got away. Kicked her, she was alone.”
“I’m going to fucking kill her.” Faith hissed. “She’s dead.”
“Message.”
“What?”
“She wanted to give you a message,” Jackie said. “She said that she would come after you, me and all of the other Panthers. She said you shouldn’t have become Kat’s successor… no one is safe.”
It had been a week since Faith became the leader of the Panthers, and up until now they had kept it quiet. There had been rumors about a new leader for the Panthers, there even was a bet on who was the new leader. So far every one of the Panthers had been named, but Faith’s name never came up on the list and that’s the way she wanted it. She had made it very clear to both Lilly and Skye that, in no way, should her name come up as leader.
Now that, of all people, the leader of the Ghosts knew, everyone would find out Faith was the new leader of the Panthers, and for that Faith knew the others were going make the Panthers pay, and all because of something that happened in the past between her and the Ghosts.
They had already started, started by assaulting Jackie. “You will be,” Faith said after hearing the sad tone in Jackie’s voice when she said no one was safe.
“No,” Jackie sobbed. “They’ll get everyone, including you.”
“No they won’t,” Faith said sternly. “I promise you that they won’t get you … do you trust me?”
"Faith?"
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“Then trust me when I say they won’t get to you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” Faith said. “Tomorrow we’re gonna have a little chat with the others, for now… get some sleep,” the slayer moved off of her own bunk and let Jackie sleep in it once again. There had been many such times like this that Jackie had gotten scared. One had been after someone had called her a foul name, another time when she had gotten slapped. Usually Jackie would end up falling asleep with her head in Faith's lap, or, curled up into Faith. Faith would just lean against the wall, close her eyes, and fall into a light sleep, lit enough so that if Jackie woke with a nightmare, she would be able to wake up to comfort the young girl.
“I need you guys to approve of it,” Faith hissed at Skye and Lilly. “I need you to let her in, then the others will follow,” Faith had been trying to convince Skye and Lilly for almost a half hour to let Jackie into the Panthers, so far neither would concede. “You know I don’t actually need your approval, I’m the head of the Panthers now. I can let anyone in I want.”
“Then why ask?”
“Because I need you two to be on my side, I know you already are. I want the others to see that, and I want you to do it by letting Jackie in.”
“Why Jackie?” Skye wanted to know. “She nothing more than a shy girl, what can she do for us?”
“She’ll be with me, and that’s enough.”
“No it won’t be enough, she can’t be in just because she’s with you.”
“Lilly got in that way didn’t she?” Faith actually growled.
“What? You’re not actually saying you two are… oh god!”
“No I’m not ‘involved’ with her Skye,” Faith grinned. “But we’ll pretend we are, and then she’ll get in, and will be accepted and protected by the others. I can’t protect her correctly if she isn’t part of us.”
“What’s this protecting about?” Lilly eyed Faith curiously.
“Lion attacked her,” Faith growled, anger flashing in her eyes. “She touched her, Lion tried to… I can’t have my eye on Jackie 24/7, if she’s in the others can be my eyes for the times I can’t watch out for her.”
“You really care for her don’t you?” Lilly questioned.
“I don’t care about anyone,” Faith replied. “Just call it a weak spot.”
“Very well,” Lilly said. “Skye?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Skye sighed. “Just don’t expect me to look out for her.”
“If she’s in you won’t have to… just be nice, she’s kinda like you.”
“No she’s not!”
“Actually…” Lilly smirked. “She is, hated and loved by all members of the Panthers.”
“Rub it in why don’t you!”
“I need something from you now though,” Faith suddenly said. “I need you to watch Jackie for me while I take care of something.”
“Ah come on,” Skye whined. She really didn’t want to baby-sit right now.
“I swear Skye, sometimes I think you’re a 10-year old in the body of a twenty-two year old… Just go, talk to her a little, make her feel welcomed. Oh and if you’d like to see her squirm, ask her where she wants the tattoo.”
“Oh, this could be fun!” Skye suddenly exclaimed.
“Take it easy though,” Faith warned her. “She’s still scared after yesterday.”
“I’ll take it under consideration.”
“Skye…” Now, Lilly warned.
“Yeah, yeah … Go do your stuff already,” she said as she hurried to Faith and Jackie’s cell.
“So want to tell me what you’re gonna do?”
“Nope,” Faith began walking, but smiled as Lilly walked next to her.
“Can I stop you from killing someone then?”
“Yup.”
“I’ll let you hit her for a short while then,” Lilly said knowing exactly what Faith was up to. Faith was going to do exactly what Kat did when she took over the Panthers from the previous leader; mark her territory. Although Kat didn't have to take on Lion to mark her territory, Faith had a pair on her, that she had to admit.
“Why me?” Faith suddenly asked.
“Why what you?”
“Why did Kat want me as her successor?” Faith continued, “As far as I know, she had made it pretty clear that she wanted me in her place and not her sister.”
“Yeah I know,” Lilly said. “I’ve known it since the day you saved her sister, the second you turned away after receiving your thanks she whispered into my ear you were the one,” Lilly smiled sadly at the thought of her deceased lover. “I asked her why and she told me that you saved her sister. Of course I was there so I just looked at her funny, then Kat told me she had been watching you and that you didn’t have to save her sister, but you did anyway.”
"Like I haven’t been studied enough by the ‘Watcher’s Council," Faith mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Anyway,” Lilly continued. “When you ‘marked’ Jackie as yours, Kat knew it wasn’t because you wanted to form your own gang or pick on the shy, but because you didn’t want the others, or even us to get a hold of her.”
“True,” Faith replied. “Here we go,” she said as they got closer to Lion and two of her highest ranked members.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I am,” Lilly gave a small nod with her head, which Faith noted, wasn’t directed at her, but at several other people that were casually standing around them. Watching their backs. Faith suddenly began running towards Lion and her two companions. She punched one in the face with her fist, and gave the other a blow with her elbow in the stomach. “We meet again,” Faith said hitting Lion on her nose.
Lion stumbled back and reached for something to regain her stature. She glared at Faith who just smirked, then she turned to Lilly who also smirked at her. “Sorry, she’s the boss,” Lilly almost laughed.
Faith walked up to Lion again, grabbing her by the throat. “So Lion, been hearing a lot of things about you.” Pushing Lion against the wall she continued, “I’ve heard from a pretty reliable source that you touched one of my girls.” She couldn’t believe she was actually doing this, when it came to Lion, it would be her that was the one against the wall and not the other way around.
“Jackie ain’t no member of the Panthers,” Lion gasped.
“Oh, that ain’t right,” Faith smirked. “She is one of my girls, in fact, she has been my girl ever since she got here. And that’s what, about a month or 2 ago?” Faith smirked. “I’d say that’s a pretty damn long time and let me tell you… nobody touches my girl. Not even the big shot leader of the Ghosts. Oh yeah…” Faith said. “I know I’m risking my life by doing this, trust me it’s worth it. And I ain’t gonna die for a long time.”
“What the fuck do you want?”
“I want you to leave my girls, all of them, alone. Got it!?”
“Whatever.”
Faith stomped Lion in her stomach and squeezed a little harder on her throat. “Got it!?”
“Yes, got it.”
“Guards,” Lilly whispered as a warning.
“Remember that, anyone who touches them is going down,” she hit Lion one more time in the stomach before turning around and walking away as if nothing happened. But a lot of things happened, she had, once again, threatened someone and it made her sick. Even if it was for a good cause, even if it was to protect someone. It still made her sick, she had turned herself in to the police, so she couldn’t threaten or hurt anyone again.
“You okay?” Lilly asked running up to her. “Despite the fun you had, you don’t look that happy.”
“It’s nothing,” Faith replied. “Come on we need to discuss some things with Jackie and Skye.”
Faith and Lilly stood in silence outside of the cell and silently gazed at Skye and Jackie. Jackie had her head on Skye's shoulder and Skye had her arm thrown around Jackie. Both had smiles on their faces, it looked like they had fallen asleep after having too much fun. “I guess it’s only us talking then,” Lilly said as she walked in Faith and Jackie’s cell. “Top bunk?” After getting a nod from the brunette, Lilly climbed carefully on the twin bed. “So what is it that you wanted to say to us, and now only me.”
“How things are going to be,” Faith said and climbed up next to Lilly on the bunk. Then she started explaining in detail how everything was going to be, explained how they were slowly going to make sure that their numbers increased with every group of newcomers. Explained how they were going to make the Panthers not third, but first. Faith had called it a legacy for Kat, which made tears form in Lilly’s eyes, Faith wanted to make sure that there would be no more fear.
The brunette looked at Lilly the whole time she was saying all of these things, looked at her because she wanted the blonde woman to know that she was serious, Faith wanted Lilly to know that she was going to slowly change the way things worked here. She didn’t want them to have to live in fear anymore because of either the Crabs or the Ghosts. That there were going to be lookouts for every thing, making sure that not one of the Panthers was going to get killed by another one of the other gangs.
“How were you planning on doing this?” Lilly questioned.
“Kinda hoping with your help,” Faith responded to the blonde woman.
“Kat was right when she made her choice,” Lilly smiled. “You are one of the good ones.”
‘No I’m not,’ Faith responded silently. “You need to go now. Almost lock up time, and I still need to explain to Jackie that she’s getting a tattoo.”
“Skye probably told her already,” Lilly said.
“Somehow I doubt it,” Faith said as she jumped off the top bunk. “Look at ‘em,” Faith said after Lilly stood next to her. “You really think Jackie would be this happy if she knew she was getting a tattoo?”
“I guess not,” Lilly smiled. “Alright Skye, wake up. Lock up time.”
“No Kat, I don’t want to,” Skye groaned.
Faith was about to say that it wasn’t Kat but Lilly when Lilly told her not to do that. “She always does that. Me and Kat both said ‘Lock up time’ to her when she and Kat had to go back to their own cell. She’ll be only half awake when I carry her back now, and she won’t remember a thing.”
“Alright,” Faith said. “Goodnight then,” she watched as Lilly half carried, half walked Skye back to their cell. Then she turned to Jackie, now came the part where she had to tell her about getting the tattoo, which probably wouldn’t go all too well.
Faith waited until the next morning to tell Jackie that she was in and thus getting tattoo. She was actually sorry she’d mentioned it because Jackie went totally ballistic, she screamed, yelled, hit and pouted at Faith. The pouting part was after Jackie had calmed down a bit and after Faith had told her she got one too, being their leader now. It had calmed her down, but not completely, because she still didn’t want to get the tattoo. Faith tried to soothe Jackie by telling her she told Lion to leave her alone, but that alone sent the girl into another angry and upset mood. Now Jackie was convinced they would kill her. After another hour of calming her down and telling that she wouldn’t get killed because now she had the Panthers to protect her, Jackie finally agreed to get the tattoo.
It had been a very laughable situation, seeing how Jackie kept laughing and telling them it tickled, which only earned strange looks from Faith and Lilly. Faith asked her why it tickled and it didn’t hurt or irritate her, Jackie told them that getting the tattoo wasn’t the worse she’d been through in her life and this was nothing. Lilly had raised both eyebrows at that, and Faith had frowned in confusion and worry. It seemed like she wasn’t the only one that had a difficult childhood.
Even after what Jackie had been through, the tattoo should have hurt or at least irritated her a bit, but it didn’t at all. It was clear that it did nothing but tickle her and that was what worried Faith the most. If she would get a tickle fest out of this, then it would take a lot more to actually inflict any pain on her. Knowing any of the other gangs, it would be a lot more fun to do then. Faith gave Lilly a knowing look that they should be more watchful when it came to Jackie.
“Are you okay Jackie?”
“Oh I’m fine,” Jackie responded after sitting up. “This was so cool, can I do another?”
“What did you give her?”
Lilly looked at Faith strangely, “I didn’t give her anything.”
“Well she’s high on something, look at her,” Faith had to grab Jackie and keep her from falling. The girl was trying to get up from the chair, but was having little luck with it. “She’s all…”
“Strange? I’d say so.”
“Jackie?” Faith placed her arm around Jackie’s waist to hold her up and held her chin in the other hand, keeping her hand steady.
“Damn she’s like, really high or something.”
Jackie just started giggling again and throwing her hands in the air. “Faithy!”
“What Jackie?”
“There’s two of you.”
“Sorry?”
“There’s two of you!” Jackie exclaimed. “You and you,” she said pointing first at Faith and then the air next to Faith.
“Something is definitely not right here.”
“Let’s get her to a doctor,” Lilly said helping Faith carry the girl.
“Well?” Faith asked the doctor.
The doctor had been checking her for almost a half hour now and he still hadn’t said anything. He flashed a little light in front of Jackie’s eyes again, looking at how her pupils would respond to it.
“Where am I?” Jackie asked groggily as if just waking up.
“With the doctor Jackie, hold still.”
“Faith, I gotta…”
“Doc, better move out of the way.”
The doctor moved just in time before Jackie emptied her stomach in front of them. Faith moved to Jackie’s side and rubbed her back for comfort.
“Doc what’s going on here?”
“Drugs,” he simply said.
It had been a week since they found out that Jackie had drugs in her system. Faith had believed her immediately, but it took some time before Lilly, Skye or any of the others had believed her. Lilly told Faith that she wanted to believe her, but it was only Faith they knew really well; they didn’t know much about Jackie, who she was, where she came from, what she did before prison. Jackie never told, and the others didn’t care that much about it, the only people that had showed any interests were Lilly and even Skye.
Skye seemed to be growing closer to Jackie since they both fell asleep in Jackie and Faith’s cell. Ever since then the two had been looking each other up and having a lot of fun like two ten year olds. They would play practical jokes on each other and on Lilly and Faith to the point where it got annoying and they had to say something about it. Even Lilly, who seemed to be the calmest, had trouble keeping a smile on her face when the two would do something again.
“Faith!”
“Lilly…” Faith said turning around. “Wow what’s wrong with you?”
Lilly was trying to catch her breath, and had trouble doing so.
“Okay Lilly, sit down,” Faith helped Lilly on one of the chairs. “Deep breaths.”
“Jackie … drugs … Lion,” Lilly finally got out.
“Okay not making any sense here.”
“Lion put the drugs in Jackie,” Lilly breathed.
“I’m so going to kill her,” Faith was about to walk out of the room when Lilly stopped her.
“Don’t,” Lilly said. “If you’ll do that, you’re a goner.”
“Oh, trust me she’ll be the one that’s gone,” Faith let out in a low growl.
“Faith, you may kill her, but you’ll be next,” Lilly said. “You kill her… BANG!” Lilly said making a gun with her hand. “You’ll be dead the second after that.”
“Fine,” Faith grumbled.
“We’ll get her another way.”
The small girl looked in front of her, and then turned around and looked that way, she looked up and down. She was standing on a bridge, a bridge she recognized as a dangerous one from a previous experience. A full moon was providing the only light around, the only red light around.
‘Moons aren’t red,’ the girl thought looking up. ‘Where am I?’
“Don’t you remember dear?”
The ten-year-old turned around to the sound of a very familiar voice. She couldn’t believe who was standing in front of her; a brunette, with brown eyes. Eyes that looked really tired and empty. Eyes that had bags under them as if the person hadn’t slept in days. An old scar that went from the woman’s upper lip to her left cheekbone. Lips that had small cuts on them, some new, some old, all painful looking. A fresh bruise on the right jaw, hair ruffled. Other than that … still beautiful …
“Mommy?” The girl’s shaky response came.
“Hey sweetie,” the brunette softly replied.
“Mommy?” The young girl’s voice broke as a tear slid down her cheek. She looked at the woman again, especially at the cuts and bruises. “Did daddy…?”
“It’s okay honey, don’t worry about that.”
“No, daddy can’t do that!”
Seeing her mother like that brought back bad memories. Her mother had always protected her from her abusive father. Every time he wanted to hit her, the girl’s mother stepped in front of her and protected her.
“Mommy, you’re… is this a dream?”
“Yes dear it is,” her mother replied. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?” She brushed a few stray hairs out of her daughter’s face and pulled the young girl in her arms. “This is a dream, but I am very much real.”
“Then why … your face?” The girl asked holding her mother.
“I can’t answer that sweetie,” her mother replied. She let go of her daughter and looked in the young girl’s eyes. “It’s the way you brought me here.”
“It’s the way I remember you,” she spoke softly. “After the accident. I saw you, lying on the ground … with the blood a-and…”
“Shh, it’s okay sweetie … No it’s not! … What did you just say? … Leave her alone!”
“Mommy?” The young girl stepped back from her mother, as she seemed to be arguing with herself. Even with a different voice, another voice that sounded really familiar.
‘No no, please god no!’ The girl screamed in her mind. This wasn’t happening, it was supposed to be only her and her mother. Not him, so not him! ‘No, no, please!’ She begged in her mind.
“Beggin’ ain’t gonna work little one,” her mother said with the voice of her father.
“Mommy?” The girl’s breaking voice came.
“Mommy’s right here sweetie.”
“Like hell she is.”
“You have to wake up now.”
“Oh, she’s not going to wake up Love.” While that was said, the girl’s mother morphed into her father with an evil smirk on his face.
“No daddy don’t!” The young girl screamed when she saw her father’s fist coming towards her.
“Oh god…” Faith whispered shooting straight up in her bunk.
She was having trouble breathing and stood up from her bunk. She rested her forehead against the bars of her cell and took a few deep breaths. She could feel a tear sliding down her cheek, when she lifted her hands to her eyes, she could feel they were both wet from crying and franticly wiped them dry with the back of her hand. She wasn’t one that cried, and no one could see her like this.
Faith went back to her bunk and lay back down it. She didn’t know what kind of dream that was, she had had some fucked up dreams but never one like that.
“Hey, you okay?”
“What?” Faith lifted her head and looked at Lilly. “No I’m fine.”
“You seem a little … should I say, off?”
“I’m fine really.”
Sure Faith was fine, but she had been thinking about that dream the whole day. Lilly had been asking her if she was okay every ten minutes, and every ten minutes Faith had to tell her she was okay. While in fact she wasn’t completely fine, but she wasn’t about to let anyone know that.
“Come on, let’s get to my cell,” Faith said standing up.
“What do you want to do?”
“Just hang, I’m not feeling up for anything today.”
“Alright.” They walked to Faith and Jackie’s cell and sat down on the bottom bunk of the twin beds. “So, what is really bothering you?”
“I said I was fine Lilly.”
“Look I know you’re not fine Faith,” Lilly replied a bit angry. “You’ve been staring at nothing the whole goddamn day, every time I ask if something is wrong you say you’re fine. I can clearly see not all is well in the land of Faith. You don’t have to be strong all the time you know.”
“I know, I’m sorry okay,” Faith replied. “But this isn’t something I can talk to you about, it’s too complicated.”
“Try me.”
“Look Lilly, not now okay.”
“Fine, but you gotta talk one time.”
“And you’ll be the first I run to okay… just not now.”
“Alright.”
The young girl cursed as she saw yet again that same blood-red moon. It was always the same, the bridge, the moon, and the surroundings. She could remember the bridge as if it was yesterday, it was the same bridge where her mother had a car accident and had left her to live alone with her father. Life after her mother died had been like living in a hell; Her father would go out at night and drink, once he came home, it was her he put the blame on. ‘This is for not taking caring of your mother!’ He would yell every time he hit her.
The beatings were always directed at her body, never her face. Because then questions would be asked, ‘How did you get that bruise?’, ‘What happened to you?’, ‘Are you okay?’. No, her father would be careful enough not to hit her any place that was visible. That was how it had always went, day in day out getting beaten by her father. Getting beaten the way her mother used to get beaten because she protected her daughter.
“Don’t think about that cutie,” her mother’s voice came from behind her.
“I can’t help it.” Sighing she turned around and faced her mother. “I can’t help it, every night I come into this… in this world. And I try not to, but I can’t… I can’t get out of it.”
“Eventually you will,” her mother said.
“How?”
“I don’t know sweetie, that’s one thing you have to find out for yourself,” the woman took her daughter’s hands in her own and looked her in the eye. “The only thing I know is that you brought me here and that there is something you need to get through.”
“My dream mommy?” She chuckled.
“Your dream… little one…”
“Mom?”
“Guess again.”
She stepped away from her mother and once again saw her morph into her father. She had already known it was her father because he used that nickname again, ‘little one’, it wasn’t supposed to be scary at all for a normal child, but She wasn’t normal. Every time he used that nickname it made her feel small, ever time he used it she wanted to crawl in a corner and hide. He mostly used it when he was going to beat her once again after her mother had died. He would hit her and say thing like ‘see how little you are?’, ‘You are nothing, just a little annoying brat.’
“Hello little one,” her Father said. “Nice to see you again.”
“Stay away from me,” she tried to make it sound like a threat, but it came out more like a plea than anything else.
She didn’t like this. Her father was once more in control of her. She backed away from him until the railing of the bridge stopped her. She had nowhere left to go and he was still coming towards her. His stare was calm, yet looking deadly. The calmness that was in his eyes weren’t the only emotions she was getting from him. There was also anger … a-and lust? ‘No, not lust… no lust,’ she franticly looked for a way to escape him.
It was too late, he got to her in the blink of an eye, almost inhuman. But she knew he was human and this was still a dream. The only problem was that she wasn’t waking up from it. All the other times she would wake up just in time before he was going to hit her, but now he was far closer than he had ever been.
She felt him grab her wrist roughly and pulled her closer.
“Let me go!” She screamed.
“Now, now. That’s no way to treat your father is it?”
“Stay away from me!” When she saw her father’s fist coming towards her she closed her eyes and waited for his fist to land. Seconds later she felt an excruciating pain in her head. She tried to reach for the place where he had just hit her, but her arms were still held down by him.
When Faith forced her eyes open waking herself from her dream, it wasn’t her father she saw but a guard. He had her pinned to the bed and was grinning like a little child at her. She tried to break away from him, but her vision was too blurry after that blow to her head that she couldn’t see what she was doing. She tried to scream, but the second she opened her mouth pain shot through her jaw and she shut mouth. When Faith tried to open her mouth again, another sharp pain shot through it, letting her know the blow had been hard enough to break her lower left jaw.
When Faith gave her struggle up for just one second, the guard pinned her down harder on her bunk and placed his full weight on top of her. Her mind screamed at him when she felt him pin her hands above her head and he placed his filthy hand on her breast. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to her. She was a slayer, she was supposed to be stronger than this. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this; he wasn’t supposed to be violating her.
Faith heard him laugh when she let out a high-pitched scream of pain when he grabbed her breast hard. She tried to wriggle out from under him, but it made him only more determined. Faith heard a whimper escape from someone’s lips and forced herself to lift her head and look behind the guard on top of her. She saw Jackie was trying to free herself from the guard that was holding her. A soft, pleading ‘No’ escaped Faith’s lips.
“Oh don’t worry about your cellmate there,” the guard breathed on her. “It’s only you we want.”
“Let her go,” Faith hissed through clenched teeth trying to save her friend.
“Shut up,” the guard hit her again and Faith hissed in pain.
Faith was trying to stay conscious and get the guard off her, but he was beating her again. He aimed mostly at her head trying to make Faith as dazed as possible. She struggled even harder when she felt him trying to get her pants off, but to no avail, he was stronger and he knew it.
Faith looked at him with anger and fear, but mostly pain and he was getting a kick out of it. She could feel the lust radiating off him and it made her even angrier than she already was. But now her slayer strength was failing her, she couldn’t get out of his grip and it was killing her inside. ‘NoNoNo, get off me,’ she screamed in her mind.
A high-pitched scream came from Jackie and Faith already knew what it was for. The guard on top of her had managed to get her pants off and his loose. Her struggles became more fierce when she felt him spread her legs. She screamed again, not caring about the pain in her broken jaw, not caring if he hit her again. All she wanted was to get out of there, all she wanted to do was curl up in a small ball to protect herself as best as she could.
Faith cried out in pain as he first hit her and then forced himself in her. After that everything went blurry. In the background she heard faint sobs coming from her cellmate and the guard that was trying to stifle them. Even her attacker was a total blur to her; the only thing that was clear to her was his breath on her neck as he violated her. Faith was even a blur to herself as if she wasn’t even in her body and was some place else.
Faith wasn’t aware that he licked the side of her face before he left. She wasn’t aware of the other guard first slapping Jackie and then giving her one last blow to the face before he too left. She wasn’t aware of Jackie running towards her and taking her in her arms.
Faith wasn’t aware of anything anymore as she could no longer keep her eyes open and let the darkness that lay behind them take her away.
Faith stood silently next to Lilly and watched the ‘new flesh’ walk into the open area. Lilly kept looking at the brunette every minute or so, she knew something was off with the smaller girl, but she couldn’t figure it out. She had already asked Jackie if something was wrong, but Jackie had just shrugged.
“Faith, are you okay?” And now she was asking Faith herself… again.
“I’m fine,” Faith replied.
Yeah Faith was doing great. It had been two days since … ‘IT’ happened. She tried not to let anyone see what was wrong. Then no one would ask if there was something wrong with her. 'There is nothing wrong with me,' Faith kept telling herself over and over again, it had become her new mantra.
And that’s what Jackie had found out too that same night after Faith woke up again. Faith had woken up in her arms after … it happened and had been extremely distant. When Jackie confronted her on it, a small fight had occurred.
“Faith, you can’t just ignore what happened here.”
“Yes I can,” Faith had hissed between clenched teeth. Determined to get this said now, despite her broken jaw and the pain.
“Faith you were r…”
“Don’t you even fucking say the word!” Faith stopped Jackie from talking. She pushed the younger girl against the wall and held her there. “Nothing happened. Got that! Nothing happened,” Faith grabbed Jackie’s collar tightly and waited for the girl to nod. “Good,” Faith said after she did. Faith released Jackie’s collar and placed her hands on each side of the younger girl’s face. Then she leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Good,” she repeated again.
After that argument neither had spoken about ‘the incident’ and neither was ever going to.
Summers Residence | Sunnydale, California | November 25th 2001
Buffy had just gotten home from patrol and was dead tired. She opened the front door, as soon as she stepped inside she noticed the lights were still on. ‘Didn’t I leave them off?’ She wondered. Then she noticed why the lights were on. “Dawn what are you still doing up?”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing… right, go to bed.”
“I couldn’t sleep okay.”
“Come on Dawn, go to bed. I’m really tired.”
“I really couldn’t sleep okay! Jeez, don’t you ever believe me,” Dawn quickly ran to the stairs but before she got on the first step she got stopped by her sister.
“Dawn, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired,” she said. “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” She asked gently tucking some hair behind her sister’s ear.
“Yeah, no… I don’t know. It’s just, it was really weird,” Dawn replied.
“What happened?”
“I fell. You know those dreams when you fall down and just before you hit the floor you wake up?” Dawn looked at her sister who nodded. “Well I had one of ‘em except I didn’t hit the floor, I just kept falling.”
“That’s, well intense,” Buffy didn’t really know what else to say. She had no idea what was going on inside her sister’s head. This was the first time in a really long time they had actually talked about something ‘deeper’ than just the daily routine.
“I know, what if I do fall and then I die?”
“Hey!” Buffy said angrily. “Where did that came from? Who said anything about dying? Why are you talking like that?”
“Everyone dies sooner or later Buffy, you did… twice, and mom.”
“Again… why are you talking like that?”
“I don’t know, can I sleep in your room tonight.”
“Dawn don’t you think you’re a little too old for that?”
“Please?”
“Fine, and you’d better be sleeping when I come to bed!”
“Thanks.”
“Hey watch out!” Buffy suddenly yelled and pushed her sister out of the way and ducked just in time when she saw a fist coming towards her.
“Jeez Buffy, what’s your deal? There’s nothing here!”
Buffy stood up again and looked around. ‘Okay, now that was weird,’ she thought to herself. “Are you sure, coz I swear I saw a fist coming towards me.”
“I’m sure, did you get hit in the head again?”
Buffy unconsciously touched the spot where the vampire had hit her on her head towards the end of her patrol. It had been a free night for Buffy if it hadn’t been for that stupid vampire that came out of nowhere on her way home. He had hit her in the back of the neck and almost killed her, but she had gotten to her feet quickly and dusted him.
“Thought so,” Dawn said. “I’m going to bed, and yes I’m still sleeping in yours. I’m thinking I might as well take care of you if you keep getting hit in the head.”
“Just go smartass,” Buffy smiled.
“Goodnight,” Dawn said and briefly hugged her sister.
Once her sister was out of sight, Buffy did a quick sweep of the house and frowned. “That was really weird,” she said out loud. “I really need to watch my back more. These hits to the head are getting to me.”
She turned all the lights off, locked the doors and walked upstairs. When she reached her room she saw Dawn was already asleep and smiled. As her sister had done before, she had once again hogged all of the blankets and had her limbs stretched out to every corner of the bed. Buffy quickly untangled the blankets from her sister and moved her into a normal position. Then she quickly got in her pj’s and slipped under the covers next to her sister, who was again trying to steal all the blankets for herself.
Buffy took back some of the blankets and lay down in a comfortable position. At this point she was really glad she had gotten a bigger bed, especially since Dawn was now lying next to her. She knew her sister was going to hit her at least twice before she actually fell asleep. She always did that, first she’d take up all the space, then she’d take the blankets, and when Buffy would finally get some space and some parts of the blankets, she would get hit.
Thinking of getting hit, Buffy thought back about earlier. She could have sworn someone’s or something’s fist was going to hit her. She could clearly make out that it was a fist. A big fist, male hand with lots of hair on the arm attached to it. Okay, so maybe it was a guy. Then again, there wasn’t anyone to be seen in the Summers home. The only people that were in the house were her and Dawn and the two witches.
She had checked on them before she went to her own room and found them comfortably snuggled up against each other. No one was around but the four of them… maybe she did get hit in the head one too many time. ‘I’m gonna ask Giles for at least one night a week off,’ was her last thought before she fell asleep.
When will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here / I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this / I guess I was wrong
Now one more time
---------------------------------------------------------
*****
---------------------------------------------------------
I tried to climb your stairs / I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground / I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind / You better believe that I tried to beat this
---------------------------------------------------------
County Jail | Los Angeles | November 23’d 2001
“She got you good Faith, let me look at that.”
Lilly gently washed the blood off Faith’s eye. She looked at the small gash, and told Faith she was lucky that it didn’t need stitches. One of Lion’s closest friends had sucker punched her in front of most of The Panthers and of course Faith didn’t just take that lying down and had attacked the girl.
Faith and the girl had started fighting, but it didn’t take long before Faith had knocked the girl unconscious. “Why did she attack you anyway?”
“I don’t know,” Faith replied. “Lion is crazy, who knows why she sent her girl after me.”
“Look, I’m going to wash this off and get some bandages.”
“Take your time, I’m in no hurry.”
“Funny.”
Lilly walked out of Faith’s cell and quickly made her way to a friend of hers. When Lilly looked to her side, she noticed Lion and some of hers standing huddled together and talking about something, obviously laughing about something. She carefully walked closer and listened to the conversation between the girls.
“They got her good Lion!” One of the girls said. “How did you manage to do that.”
“One of the guards owed me a favor,” Lion replied to the brunette. “And I called in that favor.”
“They did her more than once,” the girl responded. “Last time was two days ago. Right?”
“They owed me a lot,” Lion smirked. “ …and it was the perfect chance for me to get back at Faith. And yeah they so got her two days a go.”
Lilly frowned, what had they done to Faith that was so laughable? They said they ‘did’ her, but Lilly hadn’t seen any bruises or cuts on her that could indicate a beating, especially not multiple times… ‘Oh god!’ Lilly screamed in her mind. Lilly forgot all about getting the bandages for Faith and hurried back to Faith’s cell.
“Why didn’t you tell me!”
“Tell you what?” Faith asked confused.
“About what happened … more than once… the last time was two days ago.”
“Nothing happened,” Faith replied as if in fact nothing had happened.
“How can you say that!” Lilly hissed. “Faith, they ra…”
“Nothing happened,” Faith looked at her with a calmness that surprised Lilly.
“Faith…”
“Nothing happened. The guards won’t have the satisfaction of laughing behind my back at what they did to me. I won’t give them that or the satisfaction of breaking me.”
“Fine, nothing happened,” Lilly said. She placed a hand on Faith’s and looked at her. “But they’re not the only one’s laughing.”
“What?”
“Lion and her gang. The guards owed her a favor and she collected them.”
After a few minutes silence, Lilly asked Faith what she was going to do.
“Nothing,” Faith replied bluntly. “Because it didn’t happen… and that’s all I’m going to say about it,” Lilly smiled sadly and walked out of the cell.
Faith pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at the wall in front of her. She brought her hand to her face to quickly wipe away a tear. No one was going to see her cry, she didn’t want to cry. She was too strong for that, no one was going to make her cry.
She wasn’t going to let it get to her what the guards did, ‘four times,’ she wasn’t going to let it get to her. That wasn’t an option. They couldn’t break her, they wouldn’t break her. ‘They can’t, they won’t,’ Faith kept saying over and over in her head. No one was going to get to her, she wasn’t going to let them break her. ‘They can’t, They won’t,’ Faith kept repeating the words before she fell asleep.
So when will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle carousel / Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle, yeah
---------------------------------------------------------
*****
Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | November 24th 2001 | 4 P.M.
“Buffy,” no answer. “Buffy?” No answer. “Buff?”
“What?”
“You zoned out,” Xander said. “Did you go to a good place or bad place?”
“Come again?”
“Never mind.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine Wills,” the blonde slayer replied. “Just thinking.”
“‘Bout what?”
“Nothing,” Buffy replied. That wasn’t the truth. Ever since she saw that fist coming towards her, she was thinking about that. That wasn’t normal, unless of course you’re a slayer and you live on a Hellmouth, but there had been nothing out of the ordinary. There was nothing that seemed out of place, no other ghostly activities in the house. And as far as she knew, Willow and Tara hadn’t been playing around with magic.
Maybe it was her imagination, but she was going to be more careful. And there had been only one incident so she didn’t need to worry the others about it.
“So what’s the what on our latest baddy?”
“Well,” Giles began. “It seems that it’s just vampires.”
“Just vampires that are extremely strong,” Buffy reminded him.
“Yes, you’ve told me that before.”
“And what’s with the red hair?”
“There’s nothing wrong with red hair, I’ve got red hair!”
Buffy raised a brow and looked at her best friend curiously. “Anyway… It all seemed natural, no paint or nothing. Someone’s been killing people with red hair… o-or something,” Buffy added when she saw the others look at her in confusion and a pained expression of Willow.
“No killing of people with red hair,” Tara said and Willow nodded furiously.
“Okay, so can we go now?” Anya asked.
“Yes you can, we’ll look into it.”
“Research?” Buffy groaned.
“Research,” Giles confirmed.
“Oh, why always the research?” Buffy complained. “I hate research … it’s no fun. Dawn!” Buffy suddenly yelped. “Hey Dawn,” Buffy walked to her sister who had just entered the shop. “Dawn, you said you needed clothes? Come on let’s go get clothes. Sorry Giles, clothes are more important, especially when your name is… duck!”
“My name is not.. hey!!” Dawn yelled when Buffy pushed her out of the way.
“Look out!” Buffy lifted her hands up to protect herself when she saw two hands coming towards her.
“Buffy what in gods name are you doing?” Giles inquired.
“Can’t you see him?” Buffy squealed. “Get off me!” She yelled at her attacker.
“Buffy there’s no one here but us,” Willow said as she rushed to the blonde.
The slayer blinked a few times and looked in front of her. No one was there. She looked around at her friends who all looked concerned. She quickly regained her composure and knelt down next to her sister. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine,” Dawn groggily replied while her sister helped her up. “What was that about?” She whispered to the blonde. “Last night, and now.”
“I don’t know … not a word about last night,” Buffy turned to the others again. “She’s fine, I’m fine. We’re going home. Giles I’m taking the night off.”
“Uh Buffy … sure okay, we’ll patrol,” Giles quickly said. He saw the pleading look in both of the Summers' women’s eyes which he couldn’t quite explain. “We’ll talk later.”
“Yeah sure,” Buffy said and grabbed Dawn’s arm and pulled her out of the shop.
“Now that… that was weird.”
“I hear ya Wills,” Xander replied looking at the door where just seconds ago the sisters went through.
“What the hell was that about?” Dawn yelled at her sister after slamming the front door shut.
“That was me not wanting to talk about it,” Buffy replied. There was just something about what happened that she didn’t like. Not only because she didn’t know what is was, but because she had a feeling it was exactly the same hands and arms she saw. The feelings that had come with the ‘illusion’ were frightening. It made her, for some odd reason feel dirty. She could still feel the tight grip of the hands on her. But just like last time it was over before it started.
“Buffy are you okay?”
Her sister’s voice snapped Buffy out of her reverie. The slayer noticed she was sitting on the sitting on the couch. She had her knees brought up to her chest and hugging herself. “I’m fine Dawn,” Buffy looked at her sister and smiled. “I’m fine really, why don’t you change into your pj’s and I’ll do the same and we’ll watch some movies.”
An hour later Buffy and Dawn were sitting on the couch together, Dawn was leaning against her sister with Buffy’s arm around her. It had taken them an hour to settle in because Dawn had insisted on some ice-cream and other snacks for their movie night. It had taken an hour for them to finally settle down and watch the movie. An hour because Dawn insisted they have some ice-cream and other snacks, but there was none, thanks to Xander. Since Dawn couldn't drive and it wasn't safe in good old Sunnydale at night it was Buffy who had to trudge out to the Stop –N- Shop for the snacks, swearing the whole way that she would make sure to get the money from Xander for the snacks.
Just when Buffy was about to hit the play-button, someone knocked on the door. Buffy groaned and yelled, “We’re not here!” But got up anyway.
“Sorry Buffy,” two voices said. “We forgot our key,” Tara finished.
Buffy opened the door and walked back to the couch. She nestled herself in the corner of the couch again and waited for Dawn to come back who had yelled she was going to get a blanket.
“Are you okay Buffy? You seemed kinda, you know off… not to mention pretty scared.”
“I’m fine Wills, I just wanted to get home. I’m tired.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fine Tara, promise.”
“So, what are you doing?”
“We’re gonna watch movies,” Dawn said as she walked down the stairs. “Wanna join us?”
“Uh sure,” Willow replied. “We’re gonna get changed first then.”
“Alright, but hurry up.”
Thirty minutes later and a lot of ‘No I want that flavor,‘ ‘Give me some of that blankets’ and ‘Get your own spoon!’ They were finally settled in their respective spots. Willow and Tara snuggled up on the small couch and Buffy in the corner of the large one with Dawn half on her lap and half on the couch. Buffy pressed the play-button and they could finally enjoy the movie.
Thirty minutes into the movie, Willow glanced at the two sisters. She softly elbowed Tara, nodding her head in the direction of the sisters. “I guess she really was tired,” Willow said smiling. Tara stood up from the couch and pressed the stop button on the remote. “Come on let’s go to bed.” Willow said before taking her lover’s hand and guiding her upstairs leaving the sisters sleeping.
The young girl looked at the scene just a few feet away. A man was shaking a young, brown haired girl violently. The brunette was crying and screaming ‘No daddy don’t!’ She couldn't believe how scared the kid was of her dad, how could a daddy do that to his own kid. He was holding the brunette off the ground and she winced as he drew his hand back and hit her. The young blonde girl didn’t know what to do, but something inside her told her to help the brunette. The only problem was that she didn’t know how to help her. The man scared her a little he was at least ten times bigger than her, which meant he had to be stronger than her too. He reminded her of Billy who lived down the street from her, he was a year older, and bigger than all the other kids on the block and liked to push them all around....
‘NoNoNoNoNo!’ She screamed in her mind when she saw the man raise his arm again. She ran as fast as she could at them, but before she got there, the man had slapped his daughter across her face again. The blonde saw him put her down, she reached them only a few seconds after that. As soon as she reached them, she grabbed the brunette’s hand and stomped on the man’s foot. As he grabbed his foot in pain, both girls made a run for it. And got away from the guy as fast as they could.
County Jail | Los Angeles | November 30th 2001
“Why are you in such a good mood?”
“I have no idea,” Faith replied. And she really didn’t. For some reason her dreams were different, more happy, but still sad. She couldn’t explain it, and wasn’t about to explain it to Lilly. Sure they had become good friends, but that didn’t mean she had to tell her everything. There were a lot of things that Lilly didn’t know and Faith was more than happy to keep it a secret from her.
Faith couldn’t just tell her about her past anyway, main issue… vampires. She couldn’t just blab out that vampires were real and that she was the one that slayed them. She couldn’t just tell that because of a mistake she made the deputy mayor of Sunnydale was dead, that SHE was the one that killed him. Lilly would probably laugh at her anyways, so why bother.
“Faith we got to discuss the plans here.”
“I know…” Faith looked around and found who she was looking for. “Angie! Come here a sec. Could you get Skye and Jackie, tell them to meet me and Lilly at my cell.”
They watched Angie get the two girls and walked to Faith’s cell. “So what has Lion been doing the past couple of days?”
“Well she’s been talking about you a lot.”
“So what else is new,” Faith scoffed. “I meant the real deal Lilly.”
“I am talking about the real deal Faith!” Lilly said Faith’s name with a hint of anger in her voice. Faith just looked at her curiously. She had no idea what Lilly was talking about and she really wanted to know what it was. Before Faith could ask Lilly what the hell she was talking about, Lilly started hissing furiously at her in concern. “How many times has it been now? How many times did they wake you in the middle of the night? Come on tell me!”
“It’s none of your goddamn business!” Faith yelled back. “I’ve said before that it didn’t happen. I am NOT talking about this!”
“How many times Faith?” Lilly asked again. “How many times has it been? Once a week? Every other day? every day?” It was hurting Lily to do this to Faith, but she wanted Faith to talk to her. “How many times? Did they hold Jackie back so she couldn’t help you. Did they hit her, did they hit you? Tell me!”
“Shut up!” Faith growled pushing Lilly out of her way.
“Come on Faith. I’m not the bad guy here,” Lilly suddenly grabbed Faith and pushed her against the wall. “What the hell did they do to you?”
Faith looked at Lilly with fury in her eyes. Before Lilly knew it she was thrown against the wall and pinned down by Faith who was only an inch away from her. “You want to know what happened?” Faith pushed Lilly against the wall again before speaking. “When I least expect it. That’s when it happens, when I think they won’t do it again. When I think they’ll leave me alone. And the only fucking thing I care about is that Jackie won’t have to see it again and that she won’t get hurt.”
Faith took a deep breath and yet again shoved Lilly against the wall. “They all think they can get inside my mind and break me. Lion, the guards, Kakis… all the others, and yet they failed. I’m not going to let anyone in my head,” Faith had almost said the name of the vampire that had killed her watcher, but stopped in time. She looked at Lilly and continued her rant. “No one will get inside my head. NO ONE will ever play fucking mind games with me. NO ONE will ever mind fuck me. NO ONE BECAUSE I WON'T LET THEM. EVER!”
“NO… ONE… WILL… FUCK… WITH… MY… MIND!” With every drawn out word Faith pushed Lilly against the wall. “NO… ONE!”
Faith released her death grip on Lilly’s shoulders, but still had her hands leaning on them. She leaned her forehead against Lilly’s collarbone and took in a long deep breath. Lilly let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and closed her eyes. Glad that Faith finally let out some of her frustration, but also glad that Faith wasn’t shoving her against the wall anymore because it had hurt like hell.
She placed her hand on the back of Faith’s head and gently rubbed her thumb up and down in comfort.
“What’s going on here?” Lilly and Faith looked to their right and saw Skye obviously upset and Jackie just standing there. “What are you doing?” Skye directed her question at Lilly.
“Doing?” Lilly asked confused.
“I thought you loved my sister!”
“Whoa… hey, hold up there!” Faith said backing away from Lilly. “Nothing is going on like that.”
“Yeah right!” Skye sneered. “Then what the hell was that about? I trusted you Faith. And you!” She said pointing at Lilly. “I thought my sister meant everything to you. I thought Kat was the only one for you.”
“Skye get in here now!” Lilly warned.
“Why should I?”
In the blink of an eye, both Faith and Lilly had grabbed Jackie and Skye and pulled them inside. Faith sat down Jackie on the bottom bunk and told her to stay there. Lilly pushed Skye against the wall like Faith had done to her a minute earlier. It killed her inside to do this, but the blonde had to get the truth in her head and know she would never betray Kat.
“Listen to me carefully Skye,” she whispered in the blonde’s ear. “I love your sister with all my heart and nothing is going to change that. Not even because she isn’t with us anymore. I don’t want you thinking something stupid like me and Faith being together. Don’t get me wrong, I could do that in a second, but I still love your sister and I always will. Nothing is going to change that. You got that sis?”
“I just… I didn’t mean to… I thought,” Skye took a deep breath and began to cry. “I miss her, I miss her so much.”
Skye began crying even harder as Lilly held her in her arms. It was a heartbreaking scene and not even Faith could keep her eyes dry. It seemed like Skye had been, in a part of her mind, denying the death of her sister. It was understandable under the circumstances, even if Skye had Lilly. Before that Kat was all she had and like Faith had heard from Lilly, she and Skye hadn’t always been the best of friends.
“No one can ever replace your sister Skye, no one,” she released the blonde and kissed her forehead. “Now can we act normal so I can take care of you like a normal sister… well a normal sister that’s in jail, but hey, can’t have it all,” Skye gave a small nod with her head and sat down on the bunk next to Jackie who had gotten a little lecture from Faith.
“So what you’re saying is that we point the finger as in blaming her?”
“Exactly,” Lilly replied to Jackie. She and Faith had been explaining how they would take out Lion and her gang for an hour or so and they finally seemed to be getting it. Faith had explained Jackie and Skye that they would be indeed pointing the finger at Lion. They would do something to the guards and say that it was Lion and her gang that did it. Let the guards think The Ghosts were double crossing them.
Lilly had told Faith it would work. It would be getting Lion at her own game. Lilly knew Lion had done the same thing to one other gang that obviously wasn’t there anymore. That crew had the guards playing for them like they were now being played by Lion.
“If we can make it look like Lion is double crossing them, then it’ll be a lot easier to eventually take them down.”
“How are we going to do that Faith?”
“I don’t know yet Skye, but we have to be careful. I don’t want any of them coming after you, Jackie or Lilly.”
“We’ve got the others to protect us Faith, don’t worry about that.”
“I’m not worried, just a…”
“Yes Faith, a weak spot,” Lilly laughed. “Heard it before.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | November 30th 2001
A loud groan came from the blonde slayer as she opened her eyes. Although the place where she was laying down wasn’t the most comfortable, she hadn’t slept really well. Buffy tried to sit up, but stopped because something was pinning her down. She looked down and saw her sister using her stomach as a pillow.
Buffy glanced at the clock and an even louder groan escaped. "Dawn!" She said nudging her sister, "Dawn! Get up! You're late for school already!" When Dawn didn't move Buffy grabbed her and started pushing her into a sitting position until Dawn managed to sit up all on her own.
“What? I’m awake!” Dawn yelled looking around sleepily.
“You’re late for school!”
“I’ll call in sick,” was the sleepy reply.
“Oh no you don’t,” Buffy pulled her sister off the couch and pushed her towards the stairs. “Up! Get dressed,” she said pointing to the second floor.
“I’m awake, I’m walking, I’m going upstairs.”
Buffy sighed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. ‘What the hell were we doing on the couch?’ “Right… movie night turned into slumber party,” she answered herself. She ruffled her hair and walked to the kitchen, the second she entered it her stomach started growling.
“Good morning to you too,” Willow said quirking her brow. “Does your tummy usually growl that much after the amount of ice cream you had last night?”
“Mornin’,” Buffy mumbled and grabbed a plate.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Considering the place and the position, pretty well.”
“Good,” Willow smiled.
“Dawn! Hurry up!” Buffy yelled.
Dawn didn’t respond so Buffy went upstairs. When Buffy entered her sister’s room, she found Dawn curled up on her bed asleep. “Guess she’s staying home from school.” She couldn’t really blame her sister for wanting to sleep. Even Buffy herself wanted to sleep, even if she had a good night’s rest, it obviously wasn’t enough.
“Asleep huh?” Tara said when Buffy walked back in the kitchen.
“Yeah, and I’m thinking I’m going to do the same.”
“You already slept ten hours straight.”
“I know Wills, but I’m still sleepy,” Buffy took a bite from her sandwich and got up, “I’m going to call the school and tell them Dawn’s sick. Then I’m going to bed, just another two hours or so. Could you wake up Dawn for me in an hour… okay thanks.”
The two witches were left behind in a confused state. They hadn’t replied and yet somehow Buffy had made them the ones that would be waking up Dawn. “Should we tell Giles? I mean with her behavior in the shop and now the sleeping.”
“I don’t think that necessary,” Willow replied. “Dawn’s tired too remember.”
“Yeah but still.”
“We’ll keep an eye on the both of them.”
County Jail | Los Angeles | December 10th 2001
Faith watched as Skye and Jackie were planning things for Christmas, or rather the ones they would be having when they finally got out. Christmas in prison wasn’t a complete hell, but it was for a lot of women a ‘reality check’. Faith promised herself not to make a big deal out of it since she never had a real Christmas… Well, that wasn’t entirely true, she had one real Christmas; at the Summers home.
Buffy had invited her and she first shrugged it off saying that she already had a party to go to. Of course that wasn’t true and she ended up going to the Summers house anyway. She had brought gifts and Buffy and Joyce had gotten her a gift. Faith could remember by heart what Buffy had given her; a necklace with a small cross on it, where the two lines crossed each other was imbedded a small diamond.
When Joyce had asked her to stay that night, she had accepted reluctantly. After Buffy had come back from saving Angel, Faith had tried to give the cross back to her saying it was too much to give her. Buffy had just smiled and told her that’s what Christmas was for. Faith had accepted the necklace with a small smile herself. Faith had never actually wore the necklace in public because she wasn’t really a jewelry girl, but every time she and Buffy were out together patrolling or just hanging out, she put it on.
Eventually she had to explain to Buffy why she didn’t wear it when she was with any of the other scoobs. Faith had told her that it was because they would have thought she stole it. The blonde slayer had told her then that she would tell them it wasn’t true, but Faith had shrugged it off by asking, ‘Why would you give anything to someone like me?’ Buffy had frowned at that comment, but decided not to say anything because she didn’t think Faith would appreciate it.
“How did you celebrate Christmas Faith?” Jackie asked the brunette snapping her out of her trip down memory lane.
“Like everyone,” Faith lied.
“Well I for one am going to celebrate it on the outside next year.”
“That’s nice Jackie,” Faith said absently.
“Jeez, thanks for listening,” Jackie mumbled sarcastically.
“Come on Jackie, let’s go,” Skye grabbed Jackie’s hand and walked out of the cell.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lilly asked after the two had left.
“Nothin’.” The brunette replied. “I don’t want to talk about it okay.”
“It’s not about…”
“No Lilly, it’s not about that. Just a trip down memory lane.”
Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | December 10th 2001
“So, Christmas at my house?”
“Already thinking about Christmas Buffy?” Xander questioned. “Not that I don’t like free food, but isn’t it a bit early for that?”
“It’s only a week or two away Xander,” Buffy laughed. “Besides… I like to plan. Mom always planned dinner and it went perfectly, so I want to plan it so it’ll be perfect too.”
Buffy and the others had been discussing what they were going go to do with Christmas. For Buffy and Dawn it would be their first without their mother. Which not only made it sadder, but more special. The eldest of the sisters wanted to make it special, it being the first without her mother. She wanted Dawn not to miss her mother during this time, but to remember her with love and she knew that was going to be a hard thing to do. Buffy wanted to make this Christmas as best as she could make it.
She knew Dawn had a hard time after their mother had died, so had she. That’s why she wanted to make sure that Christmas was going to be a loving one and not a sad one. Although she had no idea how to plan the huge dinner with all of her friends, she wanted to do it anyway. Buffy knew Dawn was going to help her and Giles if she asked him, but as he told her once before it was time for her to ‘learn’ how to cope with daily life as a ‘parent’ and ‘role-model’ for Dawn.
Now that their mother was gone, she was the one that was going to raise Dawn. Buffy was getting a lot of help from the others, but as Giles had pointed out, she was the one that in the end was responsible for her sister and not any of the others.
Buffy had taken up Tara’s offer one time, to talk. Neither Willow nor Dawn knew about the conversation, it was something they couldn’t understand. Well they could understand, but Tara and Buffy were more in the same situation then Dawn and Tara or Buffy and Willow. Both girls were left the responsibility taking care of a household and Buffy had found comfort and support in Tara on how she managed to do it.
“Well alright then, Christmas at the Buffster it is,” Xander smiled.
“Yup at our place.”
“What at our place?” Dawn questioned in the shop.
“Christmas,” Willow said happily.
“Cool,” was her only comment before she sat on the table and started on her homework.
“Alright, that’s settled then.”
Everyone went on with their own business again. Anya was helping a customer, Dawn was doing her homework, Willow and Tara were talking about something in a book, Giles was doing paperwork for the shop, and Xander was reading some books. Buffy looked at her friends and smiled. Then she grabbed a bottle with water and headed for the training area.
While she stretched her mind went to another place. It went to a place of missing her mother. She was healing, but with every celebration the void of her mother was clearly visible. That was the hard part, not being able to give her mother a good night kiss, not being able to hug her, not having her to go with problems, not her to referee the arguments between her and her sister. She couldn’t do anything that a mother and daughter did.
Dawn wouldn’t have the pleasure of smirking once again when their mother took her side, couldn’t get upset at her for not letting her go out. Buffy was even more upset about that then the things she wasn’t able to do with her mother. Now Buffy was the only one she could talk to about certain stuff.
“What the…!” Buffy cursed as she felt and saw two hands on her upper arms grabbing her hard. She started kicking and punching in the direction it came from, but it didn’t do any good. The hands were still there and squeezing even harder. “Let go!”
“Buffy?” Dawn questioned while walking in the training area. “What are you doing?”
She looked at her sister. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m fighting … no one?” She added when the grip on her upper arms wasn’t there anymore. She rubbed both arms and saw finger marks on them.
“What’s that?”
“Proof that I’m not going nuts!”
“You could have easily done that to yourself.”
“Hello! Reality check,” Buffy looked at her sister. “You really think I would do that?”
“Well no, but…”
“Forget it,” Buffy said. “Go get your stuff, I’m in a desperate need of a shower right now.”
Dawn walked out of the training area and Buffy took another good look around. There was something seriously wrong here, what was going on with her? Why was she seeing these hands all the time, hands that tried to grab her and hit her…
Buffy grabbed her stuff and looked around once more.
“I am SO NOT liking this!”
They were once again running away from the brunette’s father. It had been almost the same as last time the two girls met. The brunette was again being attacked by her father, but this time he wasn’t holding her, the blonde just grabbed the kid’s hand and ran away with her.
“Why does your daddy hurt you like that?” The blonde asked after the two had found a hiding spot.
“I-I don’t know,” the brunette replied. “He just gets m-mad and I … I don’t know,” the young girl sobbed.
“Don’t cry, you’re safe now,” the blonde girl smiled.
The brunette looked at her and frowned. “You look like Jean Grey.”
“What do you mean?” The blonde asked.
“The superhero!” The kid smiled. “You know, X-men, Jean Grey is one, she saves people. Like you saved me.. Jean.”
“K, Rogue.”
“Cool!” The girl smiled. “I like Rogue.”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Christmas Eve
“Dawn can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, what is it Tara?”
“Can we…” Tara nodded and looked at the stairs.
“Sure,” both girls walked up the stairs and went to Dawn’s bedroom. “So what’s up?”
“Your sister. She’s been acting… let’s say strange.”
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I don’t think so,” Tara said. “Willow, Xander and Anya have been saying it’s because she’s still adjusting to being alive again. But I’m not sure about that because she has been back for a few months now.”
“Well maybe it is about her getting back, she’s been through a lot you know,” Dawn defended her sister. She kinda knew what was going on with her sister, but Buffy had made her promise not to tell them because it would only make them worry more. “She probably WAS in some hell dimension you know.”
“Dawn I didn’t…”
“Dawn, Tara, you guys up there?” The voice of Buffy broke off whatever it was that Tara wanted to say. “Dinner’s ready!”
“Coming!” Dawn yelled back. She looked at Tara again who was going to continue her sentence, but Dawn stopped her. “Just ask Buffy, if she says she’s fine, then she’s fine. I trust her,” with that she quickly walked out of the room leaving a concerned blonde witch behind.
“There you are!” Willow exclaimed loudly as Tara walked in the dining room. “Where were you?”
“Upstairs, thinking,” came the short reply.
“You okay sweetie?”
“I’m fine Will,” Tara smiled and gave her girlfriend a kiss.
“So what’s for dinner?” Anya asked. “It’s gonna be good right, coz last time I ended up throwing up for a half hour. I swore that was the last time I was gonna eat something of Buffy’s, but Xander dragged me along.”
“Thank you for that piece of information Anya,” Buffy said as she put the food on the table. “And that wasn’t even my fault! The dressing was out of date… I didn’t know that.”
“I’m sure it’s fine Buff,” Xander quickly said. His girlfriend was already glaring at his best friend and usually that didn’t end too well. As much as he liked to see a good cat fight, Christmas wasn’t the time to do that. “So let’s dig in!”
“No!”
“Okay... one… OUCH! Two… Why’d you do that? It’s not like I don’t get hit enough by Anya!” He pouted.
“There’s supposed to be a toast!” Buffy said glaring at her friend. “So… toast already.”
“I’m supposed to toast?” Xander frowned. “Isn’t the eldest supposed to toast?”
“I think not!” Giles opposed. “It’s the host, or in this case the hostess, that’s supposed to toast.”
“Alright… fine, fine, I’ll toast.”
Buffy took a glass in her hand and looked at her friends… her family one by one. They were all dressed neatly, even Xander had hoist himself in a tuxedo and of course told them he brought other clothes so that he could change right after dinner. “I’m not sure where to begin,” Buffy started. “Well first I guess thank you for being here. And before anyone is going to argue, I bought all the food in time, and nothing was out of date, I made sure of that.”
She caught them all smiling, especially Anya, who seemed pleased with the lead in about the food. “On a more serious note… This is the first Christmas withou…” She looked at her sister who already had red eyes and swallowed her own tears then continued, ”… without mom. I just like to say that I’m glad for all of your help the past months. I couldn’t have done this without ALL of you.”
When she emphasized the word, Buffy looked at Anya who just smiled at her. “And I’d like to especially thank Tara and Willow for being there for Dawn when I was… you know. I would have thanked Spike, but he’s not here right now so… Anyways… I’d just like to say a thank you for that. I know mom would have wanted us to be happy and celebrate Christmas, as it should be. So that’s what we’re going to do now. We’re gonna have fun and remember all the good times.”
The only sound in the room was the clinking of glasses and the soft sobs of Buffy's little sister. Buffy sat back down next to her and wrapped an arm around her and gave Dawn a kiss on her forehead. Giles smiled sadly as he watched the Summers sisters. Anya leaned her head on Xander’s shoulder and received a kiss on her forehead and last but not least, Tara took Willow’s hand and kissed it and Willow did the same back.
County Jail | Los Angeles | Christmas Eve
“What’s this?” Faith questioned. She, Lilly, Jackie and Skye had just eaten and were now sitting in her and Jackie’s cell. “You got me a gift?”
“I can take it back if you want,” Lilly said already grabbing the small box.
“Oh no you don’t, you’ve given it and I’m keeping it,” Faith looked at Skye and Jackie, “Could you two go for a little while. I need to talk to Lilly for a second.”
“What’s up Faith?” Lilly asked.
“I need to discuss this with you, only you,” Faith replied. “We’re doing the switching again. Jackie you’re staying with Skye tonight.”
Skye looked at Faith with joy in her eyes. They had pulled the switching before when Lilly and Faith wanted to talk about the plans they had made in secret. So Jackie and Skye got to share a cell.
“Come on J!” Skye smiled grabbing her hand.
Lilly and Faith both smirked. The brunette had told them about her love of nicknames and Skye had taken it over. After the two had left, Lilly turned to Faith. “So what’s with the serious stuff?”
“I want to talk about Kat.”
“Why?”
“What she had planned, what she wanted to do?” The next hour and even after lockdown, Lilly talked about the ideas Kat had. What she wanted to do, what she wanted to accomplish in jail before she got out.
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Getting Gifts
“Where’d you get that?” Dawn questioned as she saw the pendant hanging from her sister’s necklace.
“Uh, bought it last year, just never wore it before,” Buffy grabbed the pendant and put it under her shirt and out of sight before any more questions were asked.
“It’s nice, don’t hide it.”
Buffy just smiled and grabbed the tray with the, as Dawn called it, ‘After Snacks’. Both women walked back into the living room and settled on to the couch amongst their friends. “So can we get to the presents already?” Anya cheerfully asked. “Coz besides money and sex, I like gifts a lot.”
“Uh sure,” Buffy surprisingly enough grabbed a rather large bag from behind the couch and put it in front of her. “Tax refund,” she smiled sheepishly upon seeing the look in her friend’s eyes. She emptied the bag and handed everyone except Dawn his or her presents. Buffy never said anything, but she did take Dawn’s hand in her own, making sure she wouldn’t freak out because she hadn’t gotten her anything.
This eased Dawn’s mind a little, but not enough and it was written all over her face. “Isn’t Dawn getting her present?” Willow questioned.
“Later,” Buffy answered.
“But now everyone is doing the present thing,” Anya frowned.
“She’ll get her present later Anya,” Buffy said. “This… it’s kinda between us.”
“Hey Dawn, come here for a sec,” Buffy called out to her sister. Dawn had gone upstairs after everyone left over two hours ago and hadn’t come down stairs since.
After the big gift exchanging, Xander and Anya went home, as did Giles. Willow and Tara already looked tired and were pretty much ordered upstairs by Buffy, who really wanted some time alone with her sister to finally give Dawn her present. “What?” Dawn asked her grumpily.
“Your present,” Buffy raised a brow at her sister’s grumpy look, but she didn’t think of it anymore when she led her sister to the couch. “You thought I wasn’t going to give it to you anymore!” She said as Dawn crossed her arms and had an even grumpier look on her face. “Dawn I told you I was gonna give it to you later. I had a good reason, here open it.”
Buffy handed her sister a small box and she quickly opened it with a smile. The smile faded as soon as she saw what was in it. “H-how… I thought you… is it the real one?”
“Yes Dawn, it’s really MOM’S ring.”
Buffy remembered the argument the two of them had when Buffy had to sell it. The fight didn’t begin well and it ended even worse.
“What the hell did you do!” Dawn cried.
“I’m sorry Dawn, but I had to,” Buffy replied tears also streaming down her face. “If I didn’t have enough money we would have lost the house!”
“You could have found another way. I bought her that ring for her birthday; it took me forever to save the money. And even then I didn’t have enough to buy it and Spike helped me out with it. How else did you think I bought it? I can’t afford a thing like that!”
“I’m sorry Dawn.”
“Sorry yeah right! If you loved Mom enough you wouldn’t have sold the ring.”
The next minutes were nothing but a blur to the both of them. Buffy slapped Dawn and Dawn returned the slap and ran upstairs crying. Buffy didn’t say anything and sunk to the floor crying as well. After that argument, neither had talked about it. Dawn had apologized for the slap, as did Buffy. They had both acted normal towards each other and tried to forget the incident.
Buffy got pulled out of her reverie when her sister curled up on her lap and cried softly, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again. It had broken Buffy’s heart when she had sold the ring because she knew how much it had meant to her sister. They had sold the gallery just to pay the hospital bills still needed more money to save the house. Buffy didn't say anything about selling the ring to her sister until after she sold it. Luckily the money from selling the ring was enough to save the house.
“How?” Dawn asked pulling Buffy back to the present. She leaned more into her sister, holding her as close as possible for comfort.
Buffy kissed the top of her head and put her arms around Dawn. “Spike,” Buffy answered shortly. “That’s why I also wanted to thank him, but he wasn’t here tonight. He was being himself again and had snooped around the house and found the bills we had.”
Buffy paused remembering the, strangely enough, comfort Spike had given her. “He told me he could help me with that and get the ring back. Of course I didn’t trust him at first, but eventually he convinced me. Spike told me I would be in his debt, but it wouldn’t be more than a simple request that he would ask one day. He told me that, and I actually had to force this out of him, that he did it because he like us.”
“He does you know.”
“Now I do,” Buffy replied gently stroking Dawn’s hair. “Anyway… he offered me the money to pay the bills and to buy back the ring. So I did. I knew how much it meant to you, especially because you bought it for Mom. I shouldn’t have ever sold it in the first place.”
“Thank you,” Dawn said again. She leaned back against her sister after she put on the ring and closed her eyes. “I love you Buffy.”
“I love you too sis,” Buffy replied.
As the two sisters fell asleep, they never noticed Spike standing in the room behind them with a content smile on his face. ‘That went better than I expected,’ he thought to himself before locking the door and walked upstairs to get out of the house through Buffy’s window.
“Rogue!” The young girl screamed. Rogue’s father was once again holding her and lifting his hand ready to hit the brunette again. The blonde ran as fast as she could towards them, but before she could reach them, he slapped Rogue across the face hard.
“Jean, no!” The brunette screamed.
“Hold on!” Jean screamed. She grabbed a rock and threw it towards him. It made impact against the back of his head, making him loosen his grip on Rogue. The blonde girl quickly grabbed the brunette’s hand and pulled her along, getting as far away as possible from Rogue’s father.
After what seemed like forever, the two girls finally stopped and looked around. Neither the bridge nor Rogue’s father was to be seen. Both girls sat down behind a large rock, it was big enough to hide the both of them, but they still sat against each other and tried to make themselves as small as possible.
Jean looked at the brunette; she lifted her hand and softly placed it on Rogue’s cheek. “D-does it hurt?” She questioned.
“No,” the brunette shook her head. “Not anymore. Thank you again.”
“You have a bad daddy,” the blonde remarked. “Me help you not to get hurt,” the blonde smiled. Rogue leaned her head on Jean’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “You always call me… I’ll help,” Jean whispered before leaning her head against the top of Rogue’s and closing her eyes as well.
Buffy opened her eyes and looked around. She noticed that once again her back was aching and she wasn’t in her room at all. She looked to her side where something was pressed against her and saw her sister sleeping soundly against her. Buffy sighed and nudged her sister awake.
“What?” A groggy reply came.
“We gotta stop sleeping on the couch, my back is killing me!”
“Did we sleep on the couch again?”
Buffy raised her brow and sighed. “We did,” Buffy replied. “I just bought a new bed and it has only been slept in like three times and it was supposed to be more comfortable than the other I had, not to mention bigger and yet here I am spending the night on the couch which is already uncomfortable.”
“I’m thinking our beds are more comfortable,” Dawn nodded in consent.
“You two look so cute and sisterly when you are sleeping!” Tara squealed as she walked in the living room.
“You saw us sleeping?” Buffy gawked. “You didn’t wake us up?”
“I was thirsty so I came down for a drink, then I saw you two lying on the couch… it was cute…” Tara pouted.
“Next time please wake us up,” Dawn said. “Buffy’s back is hurting and my neck.”
“So Dawnie… what did you get?”
Dawn showed her the ring and Tara smiled. Buffy had already told her what had happened, but a promise was made not to tell Dawn she knew. Buffy and Tara had talked about it and both of them had cried. The blonde witch was the only one with whom Buffy could really talk about the loss of her mother and she had been a lot of help. Buffy had given the ring temporarily to Tara when she bought it back and Tara had given it back to Buffy just before she and Willow went to bed so Buffy could give the ring back to her sister.
She had also seen the disappointed look on Dawn’s face when Buffy hadn’t given her a gift like the others and she had also seen the still disappointed look when Buffy told her she was getting it later. When everybody had gone home and both Willow and Dawn went upstairs for a few minutes, it was Tara who comforted Buffy when she started to cry. When Willow and Dawn had went upstairs, the slayer wasn’t able to keep her tears inside and just let them out while Tara had comforted her.
It had made their bond stronger and both were happy about that, especially since one was best friends with a certain redheaded and the other was the girlfriend.
County Jail | Los Angeles | February 2002
The death of Lion was the talk of the past two months. Killed by one of her own members and not even by accident. The girl had stabbed her to death. It had been a horrible sight to see, yes Faith was there, and she had even tried to stop the girl from killing Lion. When she tried to do that Lilly had grabbed her arm and pulled her away. She had already seen the other members of Lion’s gang making a protective shield around Lion and the girl.
Lilly had pulled Faith away from the scene and waited for it to be over. In the mean time they had argued about Faith wanting to help Lion after all that she had done. Faith didn’t even know it herself and had gotten angry with herself, she was angry with Lion but had taken it out on Lilly, who just waited patiently until Faith was done with the screaming before she nodded in the direction of the ending fight.
Faith had given a little smirk when someone had screamed that Lion was dead, but the smirk had dissolved quickly after not wanting to feel good about someone’s death, even if it was the person who had caused her nothing but misery for the time she was in jail.
A lot had changed in the two months after Lion’s death. Her gang was ‘officially’ dead (as official a gang gets); The Crabs had stopped their attacks on any of the member of the Ghosts or the Panthers and had called for a truce between the two. Faith didn’t know why they even gave up so fast, but Lilly explained that it mostly came because the only real reason The Crabs existed was so they could challenge The Ghosts now and then.
After that things went fast. The Panthers were increasing in numbers and were becoming the mean ‘gang’ around. Faith had given out ‘orders’ in making sure that there were no more gangs, trying to stop the fights, trying to stop everything that could destroy them and have someone else take over and begin the terror all over again, the terror that was now slowly dissolving.
Lilly walked in what was now unofficially her and Faith’s cell. She and Faith always had a lot to discuss and strangely enough the suggestion came from Jackie and Skye to switch cells. The guards didn’t even seem to notice that it had been done which was good for the four girls.
“Good news.”
“What?” Faith asked.
“The Crabs officially disbanded,” Lilly smiled. “Talked to their leader today. She didn’t want it anymore and eventually the others had agreed to just stop.”
“That’s good.”
“Now it’s just us then,” Lilly said. “Just us keeping the peace,” a sad smile crept on Faith’s mouth as she thought of the word peace. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Guys have you heard?!” Skye asked walking in with Jackie.
“What?” Lilly asked.
“The Crabs are officially over.”
“We heard; their leader already talked to me.”
“This is so cool!” Skye remarked. She hugged Faith and then Lilly. When she was about to hug Jackie, she felt someone pushing her and she more fell forward ending with her lips planted on Jackie’s. She quickly jumped away from Jackie avoiding the looks Faith and Lilly were giving.
Faith and Lilly were grinning like little children, but Jackie wasn’t portraying any emotions other than a slightly confused look. Skye felt uncomfortable and was highly confused on what had just happened. She had kissed Jackie. Even if it was by accident, she had still kissed Jackie. And who the hell pushed her anyway?
When she finally found her voice it was exactly the question she asked. “Who pushed me?”
“Uhm I did… kinda… I fell,” Lilly explained. “I’m so sorry,” it didn’t help at all, she and Faith were both still grinning like little children and the other two girls were, if possible, even more uncomfortable than before.
Sure the two had seen women kissing women. Hell, Skye’s sister had been involved with a girl. Neither she and Jackie were into women, they were both into men!!! They hadn't even thought about it, alright, that wasn't true. She had thought about it… The only time she had thought about it was in relation to her sister and Lilly being together, never her and Jackie, so not her and Jackie! Nope, never, just Lilly and Kat, never her and Jackie!
Faith softly nudged Lilly in her side and nodded her head towards both of the girls. They both smiled and left the cell to find some things to do and leave them to do some talking which both Lilly and Faith knew they had to do.
“So…”
“So…” Jackie followed.
“That was awkward,” Skye started. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t really my fault, Lil, pushing me and all. But still… sorry.”
“Apology accepted.”
Skye looked at Jackie, “So… now what?”
“Well we’re friends, that was a mistake, never would have happened if Lilly didn’t push you. No harm no foul.”
“You ever wondered what it would be like?”
“Sorry?”
“To kiss another woman.”
“No.. you?”
“Truth? I have,” Jackie smiled at Skye’s reply and looked at the wall in front of her. “I’ve always seen Kat and Lilly kiss. I asked them once. They said it was softer or something. I never kissed a woman so I wouldn’t know… Can I kiss you?”
“What?”
“I’m so sorry!” Skye looked shocked. “I don’t know where that came from. I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry!”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to kiss me?”
“Don’t know, guess I wanted to know what it’s like.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay let’s try it.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay… so… who starts?”
“Both of us?”
“Okay.”
Jackie moved closer to Skye on the bed and Skye moved closer to Jackie. They moved closer still until their faces were inches apart. Finally, before they chickened out, both leaned in until there lips met. Nothing much, just touching. After a few seconds Jackie moved back, “So we're doing this wrong. Right?
“Dunno, I guess we should do it like you’d normally kiss a guy or something?”
“Wanna try again?”
“Sure.”
Both girls moved forward again until their lips met. Now there was slightly more movement, just dry kissing, no tongue or nothing. It was Jackie who got bold and slipped her tongue out flicking it against Skye’s bottom lip. Slightly unsure, but still curious, Skye parted her lips and slipped her tongue out too, meeting Jackie’s half way. As the seconds crept by, both grew a little more confident and the kiss deepened.
Skye placed her hand on Jackie’s neck bringing her closer. Jackie placed one hand on Skye’s thigh and the other on Skye’s cheek stroking the cheekbone with her thumb. After a few seconds they parted, but didn’t move far. Their hands remaining where they were, their foreheads resting against each other's.
“That was softer,” Skye finally whispered.
“Uh huh,” was all Jackie said before mouth met mouth and tongue met tongue again.
Dedications: To Michele... you're the best. You've helped me a great deal with this fic and I love you for it. To Sway... Come back from your vacation girl! (Well unless you're having fun of course then I think I could go without our chats for a little while longer.) To Skye... The real person, for giving my character a name :-) To Miss K and Star... You guys rock with your stories... Keep 'em coming!!!!
County Jail | Los Angeles | January 10th 2002
“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting out,” walking in the cell. “It’s all over the place, everyone knows.”
“Guards?”
“Probably.”
“Great,” Faith mumbled under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied. “And yeah I’m getting out. March 18th, on probation of course. Had my parole hearing today.”
“Well don’t do