Breakdown
by Net Girl
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Faith, Buffy and all the others are all property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN,
the actors, and the other creators. I own nothing but my own imagination and every
character that I created for this fiction.
Spoilers: Everything (Including season 6)
Author's Notes: Everything happened! I’m not gonna alter anything, just gonna go from episode
nr 4 Flooded… but Buffy never told Spike about her being in heaven or what she thought was heaven.
This story deals with child abuse in several ways. If you don’t want to read about that,
then don’t read this. This story changes from Faith’s POV to the third person POV.
WARNING!!!: This fiction contains graphic rape and violence scenes. People that are offended by
this should not, and I repeat NOT read this story. I know that this can offend people so I am warning you
that if you do not want to read this, then please don’t.
Feedback: I’m an addict :-)
PROLOGUE
Sunnydale, California 2006
Did you ever have a breakdown? I’ve had a couple, three were most important. It made me come closer to the person I am today. One was in the arms of an Angel, no, I mean it, his name is Angel. Big broody vampire, lives, or rather un-lives, or well now lives again to protect the innocent and stuff. I was really messed up back then, I tried to kill him, begged him to kill me. He wouldn’t do it. He just wouldn’t give up on me when others already had. Now I’m thankful for it of course, it led me to my real life Angel. Thank god B ain’t as broody as Angel was. Did I say Angel *was* broody? I did, didn’t I, yup, soulboy is human again. What, you thought I was saying he got dusted? Not likely.
He made the ultimate sacrifice, and the PTB gave him his life back. They made his soul permanent. He’s still fighting for them, but hey he ain’t got problems with it. He’s actually happy about it. But I’ll get to that later. You are probably wondering how I found my blonde angel, and you’re probably even more curious about the second breakdown I had.
Then I guess I should give you a summed up history of what happened, and how I ended up here having my sweet angel in my arms. You’ll be hearing a lot more about a certain sister slayer, and her friends, Red, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles and believe it or not Spike. And of course who can forget about the sweetest kid, wait, the sweetest twenty-one-year-old girl named Dawn. She’s Buffy’s sister, we’ve always had the best time, then I found out she wasn’t real, or well she was real, but she was also some kind of key.
They way I heard it, was that a few monks created Dawn to house their key in, a key that could open portals. Enter one hell bitch, skanky, well I could start swearing again, but that would only lead to getting hit in the arms by three angels, one that’s laying in my arms, and the other who is now curled up against me sleeping and the third that’s playing on the grass. My little sister… yup that’s right, got a sister too, cutest thing. Has ironically enough the name ‘Hope’. Didn’t know I had a sister for ten years give or take a few minutes…
Okay, before I continue, let me just move a little coz… dang, my left arm is giving off vibes of tiredness. Then we’ve also got the left leg; which is itching like hell, okay gotta, oh yeah that feels good, nice, gotta keep up with the scratching there. Okay… now I’m getting looks from B, not good, she probably thinks I’m crazy or something.
And hey what do I do when she thinks that? Well like I’m gonna do right now, lean in kiss her lightly on the lips, then a playful kiss on the nose, and then pull her back in my arms. She’s happy to do that, so now I can go back to my story. Where was I? Oh right the skanky… ok no cursing… well that Glorificus gal she wanted the key to go back to her own hell dimension or something. And she needed Dawn to do that, so she made Tara a crazy gal, beat up Spikey, and kidnapped Dawn. Then there were those strange knights, I’m not sure if I’m getting this right, coz I hear a different, yet similar story from every Scooby around, so I’m not going into that one.
Well okay, back to the story, so Dawn got kidnapped. Then of course everyone to the rescue. Red got her girlfriend back with her normal mind, so no crazy stuff. The BuffyBot got her head torn off … by the way, don’t ask about that one … Anya got some rubble that fell on her, and Spike fell of an incredibly high, and might I add, unstable construction. He survived, being a vamp and all, but the sight he saw when he woke up… it broke his heart.
Did I say heart? Yup, I believe he’s got one, even if he denies it. Anyway… It broke his heart, what he was looking at… B, a very dead B. But hey, you can’t keep a good slayer down, well it was actually Red who couldn’t keep her down, so several months later they got her back. She wasn’t too happy about it though, she was in what she thought was Heaven. She didn’t tell them though, well not for some time after that. I was actually the first to hear.
So, you’re probably wondering why the hell I’m talking about that kind of stuff while you want to hear what happened to me. Well, I came into Sunnydale, being the second slayer called after Buffy had died saving the world and fighting ‘The Master’. I killed a guy, went evil, and ended up in jail. That’s the short version. The long version is too complicated. It’s the jail part you’ll hear about, and what happened after that. I was in prison for two years, or maybe it was one. I’m not sure, it’s the years I’d rather forget then bring all up again, but I said I would tell you. I’m warning you though, it ain’t no story for children, probably ain’t no story for teenagers either. Maybe for people who are 18 or maybe even older. I was only 19 when everything happened. 19… can you believe it? I was only 19 when it happened. And you’re probably still wondering what it was that I went through.
I went through every girl’s nightmare, and again I’m telling you that what I’m going to tell isn’t something for the weak hearted. So if you got a weak heart, or you can’t stand to see people hurt, then I’d say you turn around now and never look back. Or ask one of the others for the PG-Rated version, coz I’m gonna tell the full story, with every gory detail in it.
Still around? Brave very brave…
Well, you wanted to hear my story, you wanted to learn what I’ve been through, how I found my sister and how I got my angel. Listen carefully, no matter how hard it may seem at times. I’ll get you through it, I promise.
CHAPTER 1 - Sick Cycle Carousel
Started: October 28th 2001
Finished: December 10th 2001 (Chapter 1)
County Jail, Los Angeles 2000
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes / Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time / I tried to climb your stairs
I tried to chase you down / I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way / I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this
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“What brings you here?” I ask nonchalantly. I know why he’s here, just starting conversation.
“You know why I’m here Faith,” he replies knowing that I know. “How have you been doing?”
Hmm… let me think about that one, got in a fight the first day I got here, got hit in the nose the second day. Hit the girl back on the third day, got some girl following me around wherever I go. “Five by Five,” I reply as usual. Okay, now he’s studying me. He always does that, just looks at me. “I’m good Angel, don’t worry about me,” I add quickly before even more questions come.
“That’s good to hear Faith,” he replies.
I know I should be making conversation, make the best of the time he can visit. But then again, he was never one to make conversation, and neither am I. So here we are just sitting again, sometimes looking at each other, but mostly just sitting. I switch the phone to my other ear and look at him. “So how’s queen C doing? And the others?”
“Good,” he responds. Okay, that was good, any more information you can give me soulboy?
“Good,” I respond. I’m not sure if I really care about it, but he doesn’t seem to notice. That’s always a good thing; coz if he did noticed, then there would be questions. And I ain’t got answers to any of the questions he’ll ask. I was never one to answer questions, and he’s usually big in the asking department. I glance at the clock, ten minutes ‘till he has to go, so I’m bold, screw me. “How’s everything at SunnyD?”
He looks at me like I’m nuts.
That wasn’t quite what I’ve expected. I was just asking. Next time I’ll keep my mouth shut.
“Why?” He asks after a five-minute silence.
Well that’s a big duh, I’m curious. “Forget it,” I look at him letting him know not to ask any further. I quickly glance at the clock again; visiting hour is over. I look at him, and then back at the clock. He responses with an ‘I know’, before standing up and saying goodbye. I stand up too and wait for the guard to take me back to my cell. It’s strange… I can’t wait for him to visit me, and talk to me; after all… he’s my only connection to the outside world. But then again I can’t wait for him to leave, and let me go back to my cell… it’s strange.
Faith settled back on the bench in the courtyard, she had just actually stopped a fight from getting any worse. It made her smile slightly, she knew it wasn’t much; the other girls stopped a lot of fights. But for her it was something special, she was the one that usually created fights, not stopped them. She watched amused as a few girls nodded at her in thanks, and some other girls looked like they were about to kill her. Faith knew that by stopping the fight, she had gained favor with the girls that nodded, but she had become one of many girls on the black list by the girls that gave her the look.
In the place she was at, there were two big rival gangs, ‘The Ghosts’, and ‘The Crabs’. Faith still hadn’t found out why they would name their gang ‘The Crabs’, but she had asked once and gotten beaten up so bad that she ended up in the hospital. Asking once was enough. There were also smaller gangs, such as ‘The Panthers’, it was the Panthers that had gotten into trouble this time. A member of the Panthers had walked up to one of the Ghosts to issue a challenge for a Crab member. It was meant to be a distraction from the hit that would take place.
Faith had noticed, the Crabs had gone for the leader of the Ghosts, but her ‘bodyguard’ had seen it coming and sacrificed herself. It was then Faith had seen the girl and got her out of the fight. Apparently, Faith found out later, the girl was the younger sister of Kat, the leader of the Panthers. Ever since Faith had rescued the girl, the Panthers protected her any time an attack came her way. She was actually amazed they did it, seeing as the Panthers were one of the lesser gangs in jail.
“Newbies!” One of the girls shouted, snapping Faith out of her thoughts. Faith stood up and smiled, this was the time she liked. Whenever the new girls would arrive, she would get up and step up next to them, and watch the girls come in the courtyard one by one. She had done this many times before, and no one had ever bothered her while she was doing this. Faith heard several girls whistle at the newcomers, some who were shy, some who were arrogant. She had done it as well, only to fit in, but mostly it was just to watch the new girls.
“Well would you look at that,” a girl known as Sam said to one of the other women next to her.
“Ain’t she a cutie.”
“Sure is Sam,” the redhead replied. “So… get her in?”
“Definitely,” Sam replied. “I ain’t gonna let no Crab, Ghost or Panther get to her.”
Faith looked at the girl in question, she had golden brown hair, and blue eyes. The whitest skin she could ever imagine. She seemed shy and kept her gaze pointed at the ground. The brunette slayer noticed that as soon as she had fully walked in, the girl had looked around and immediately went to one of the corners.
“Come on,” she heard Sam say.
“Back off,” Faith suddenly said. “She’s mine,” Faith smiled as Sam and her crew backed away. They knew better than to mess with her. Sure they had hit her, but she had hit Sam back, AND put her in the infirmary for a week. “She’s mine,” Faith said again.
Faith smiled and turned her gaze back to the young girl, she couldn’t have been much older then 16, or at least she looked that way. Did they really put a 16 year old in a jail like this? ‘Not likely,’ Faith thought to herself, quickly making her way to the young girl. “Hey,” Faith greeted her when she finally reached the blue-eyed girl.
“H-hey,” she replied timidly.
“I’m Faith, and you are?” She looked at the girl, but no answer came. Her eyes were fixated on something, and on her face was a look of shock and horror. Faith turned around and stood next to the young girl, following her gaze. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” she said. “That’s just Kat’s way of saying hello. Won’t happen to you.”
“B-but,” the girl stammered.
“She won’t come up and kiss you, I promise.”
“Does s-she do that t-to all of t-them?”
“Usually yeah,” Faith snickered. “But only when the girls aren’t already taken by the Crab’s or the Ghost’s.” The girl raised a brow and looked at her questionly. “The Crabs and The Ghosts, rival gangs. The Panthers which Kat is the head of is third in this place… so you got a name?”
“J-Jackie,” the girl replied.
“Hi Jackie, nice to meet you,” Faith said holding out her hand. The younger girl took it, and Faith leaned in, her mouth by Jackie’s ear. “Don’t worry, they won’t get to you, I already established you as my own,” she whispered. Getting a horrified look from the blue-eyed girl, Faith started laughing. “Don’t worry Jackie, they’ll leave you alone. Already took care of that.”
“T-thanks I guess.”
“Only one thing you gotta do for me.”
“What?” The girl asked frightened.
Faith snickered. “Don’t worry, just involves hanging with me. Stay with me at all times if you want to make it here. What cell number did you get?”
“I’m on D, number 145,” she replied.
“No kidding,” Faith said in surprise. “So you’re my new roommate,” the girl gave a shy smile to Faith and continued watching the crowd before her, and watched as all the other new girls got either, patted on the butt, left alone, or recruited by a gang.
Okay, so it’s been a week since Jackie arrived here and it’s been actually really annoying, but I cope with it. Otherwise she probably would have been in the hands of one of the others, and she’s too sweet for that. Yeah, I said she was pretty annoying, but on the other hand she’s been really sweet. I’ve let everyone silently know that she’s mine and should be left alone, so far everyone has. Except of course the guards, calling her names like sweetie, cutie and baby.
She is of course still kinda a baby, but that isn’t the thing they mean by it. Unfortunatly I can’t even stop the guards, no one in this hellhole can, luckily they haven’t done anything to her yet. Probably because I bribed the Ghosts and the Crabs, god I hate those names, anyway … I bribed ‘em, telling them to leave the girl alone and I could get them anything they wanted. I have contacts too, you know, but I keep that a secret. Usually I get the things they want from girls that’ll be only in for like a month or three. That’s usually how it goes here, those girls want to get out alive and they do it by bribery, they just want to survive and go on with their lives.
In the beginning the girls always came to me, someone had said that I protected girls in here. Who said that? I just protected one girl from getting in with the gangs, coz she was too sweet to let them get her. I explained it, got slapped in the face and they turned to one of the main gangs. Of course it didn’t bother them, and because they went from me to them, they left me alone. Said I was providing them with girls, like hell I was. I can’t protect everyone in this joint. I don’t even want to protect everyone in here. Why would I want to do that? I just want to get out here alive, there ain’t no protecting of anyone going on here, just Jackie and that’s it.
“Faith,” I hear Jackie call my name, so I look up from my bunk. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure,” I reply. She has on a serious face, not sure what to make of that. “What is it?”
“Kat approached me this morning,” she says. I sit up straight and look her in the eye, what the hell does Kat want from her. It’s not like Kat’s the worst thing that could happen to her, but I’m still curious so I ask what she wanted. “She said something about a hit, and that you were to meet her where you first met me tomorrow during air.”
“A hit?” I say raising my brow. That’s a new one, since when has Kat ordered a hit? “Sure tell her I’ll meet her,” okay she’s smiling sweetly again and walks out. Just hoping they won’t hurt her, probably not.
What is it with these hits lately? Four people have been killed already, and no one seems to know which gang did it. They’re all pointing the finger at each other, so that’s a no go. Damn, this is getting tiring. I glance at the clock for a sec, and noticed Jackie’s been gone for over ten minutes, and our cells close in another ten. I lie down on my bunk and close my eyes; I hate this time. Usually I would go out and dance like I did back in SunnyD.
When I open my eyes again, I see Jackie standing over me. My vision is blurry coz they already put out the lights, then I feel something dripping on my shoulder. I reach out to her face; I can feel something is on it, something thick. Blood! “What the…?” I say sitting up.
“Faith…” She tries to whisper. It comes out more as a gurgle than a whisper. She sits down beside me on the bed and I put my arm around her shoulder. I ask her what happened. “She … she’s.”
“Kat did this to you?” I ask bluntly. What the hell was she thinking! I told her to leave Jackie alone. Then I remind myself that Kat would never do this. Then she says something else… she used the word dead. I don’t like the word dead. “Who’s dead?” I ask softly. I wipe some of the blood from her mouth and lift her chin to meet my eyes. Damn she looks bad.
“Kat…” She says hoarsely. Kat’s dead? Kat can’t be dead. Oh that came out loud, now she’s saying she really is dead. I ask her who did this to her, and something like Sam comes out. Why the hell would Sam do this? I specifically asked her to leave Jacky alone. “Sam … Ghosts.”
“Sam’s a part of The Ghosts?” I ask angry. She nods as an answer, okay that would explain her beating on Jackie.
“Kat… Panthers looking for you,” she chokes out. “They want…”
“What do they want sweets?” I ask laying her down on my bunk.
“You … be … boss,” she gets out.
Wait a second. “Me their boss?” I see her nod before she closes her eyes. She’s sleeping now, I let her. She’ll feel better in the morning. Okay rewind here, Kat’s dead, Sam joined the Ghosts. And the Panthers want me to be their boss. That’s a new one, and why would they want to kill Kat?
Faith had been up for most of the night, watching over Jackie and thinking. She couldn’t understand why the Panthers wanted her to be their new leader. She was no leader, the only thing she would do was screw everything up like she always did. Faith looked at Jackie when she heard the young girl groan in pain, after she had fallen asleep, Faith had examined her to see what kind of damage they had done to her. Jackie had some bruised ribs, probably even one broken; her upper lip had a cut on it. Faith could already see Jackie’s left eye was even more swollen than before.
She really had to get the brunette to a shower, and wash off all the blood. In two hours they were allowed to do their own thing for an hour, so she could take the girl to the showers and help her get cleaned up, but before that she was going to have a little chat with Kat’s sister, Skye was her name if Faith remembered correctly. She suited the name; she had the bluest eyes Faith ever remembered seeing. It almost looked like the sky itself was reflected in them, Kat had told Faith once that their mother already knew Skye’s name before she even was born.
Faith got up from her bunk, took another quick look at Jackie and left her cell. She knew that Skye would probably be in the gym, ever since she had been attacked she had been training like crazy, just to make sure that she was strong enough in case someone came after her again. Once she spotted Skye just walking out of the gym, she ran up to her.
“Skye,” she called out her name.
“Faith,” Skye greeted.
“We need to talk,” Skye nodded and led Faith to her own cell. Once they were in the cell, Faith immediately started talking in a defensive tone. “Why the hell do they want me to be their leader, aren’t you the obvious follow up?” She hissed.
“No I’m not,” Skye replied. “As much as I want to, I can’t.”
Now Faith was confused. “Why not?”
“I’m not leadership material,” she replied. “They won’t listen to what I say, the only reason they put up with me was because my sister was the leader. That’s why I told them to ask you, strangely they said yes immediately. Since you already approved, the only thing you need to do is get the tattoo.”
“Approved how? And I ain’t getting no tattoo.”
“You saved my life remember… and,” she hesitated.
“And what?”
“Kat wanted you to be her follow up.”
“She what?” Faith hissed. “Can’t they get another one? I’m not going to be the leader of a gang, the others already hate me, why make the hate any greater. I just want to do my time and get the fuck out of here. I’ve told that to Kat and you before when you offered me membership.”
“I know that!” Skye replied angry. “Don’t you think I know that? It’s what she wanted, if not, then the Panthers were supposed to break up. There wasn’t going to be a new leader after her if she didn’t point one out,” the blonde replied. “Do you even know what Kat had in mind of doing?” Skye asked keeping her gaze to the floor avoiding the urge to cry.
“What?” Faith asked in a soft voice. She sat next to her on the bunk; Faith knew the sisters had shared a cell. An unusual exception made by the guards, but Kat would have done anything to keep them together. She had told Faith she would do anything to protect her sister, and Faith already knew enough after she had said that.
“She wanted to keep the peace in this place,” Skye replied after a few seconds. “She wanted to make sure that the ghosts or the crabs wouldn’t get their way in this jail. That’s what she wanted to do Faith, Kat wanted to protect girls like Jackie and me. You know the others don’t give a shit about girls like me and her, they only care about their own pleasure.”
“Yeah,” Faith replied softly. “She might have mentioned something like that.” Truth was, she had. After she had rescued Kat’s sister, her and Faith had a little talk about what role Kat wanted the Panthers to have. “Look, I can’t be your new leader, I just can’t.”
“Why not?” Skye asked looking up.
“Because I’ve already got a lot of time to do in here as it is,” Faith replied honestly. “I don’t want the risk of getting another few months added to the two years I already have.”
“How’d you get two years? You only beat up a few people.”
“But I attempted to kill another few,” Faith added. “I’m not risking it Skye, I just can’t.”
“You’ve got something unfinished out there haven’t you?”
“I do,” Faith replied. “I’ve got a lot of things to make up for. And I intend to do that after my time in here.”
“Faith,” Skye began. “I’ve got about the same punishment as you got. I’m getting out in two years or even less if I keep my act together. In two years or less, I’m the one that’s going to have to tell our parents that Kat got killed. In the mean time I’m going to have to try and survive in this place, the truth Faith… I’m scared as hell, I’m scared that they’ll get me like they got Kat… and I can’t … I don’t want to die,” she said tears slipping down her cheeks.
“Come on Skye, you won’t die,” Faith tried to soothe the girl.
“How do you know that,” Skye asked. “Could happen today, tomorrow, two weeks. Who knows? But they’ll get me eventually, just like they did Kat. They will unless…”
“Unless I become the leader of the Panthers,” Faith said sighing. “You really think that don’t you?”
“I do,” Skye replied.
“Fine… I’ll THINK about it,” Faith said reluctantly. “Even if, and that’s a very huge if, I do become the new leader, I ain’t getting no tattoo.”
“We’ll see,” Skye said smiling through her tears.
“You don’t even know if I’ll become the new leader.”
“You will,” Skye said.
Faith shook her head and smiled, then turned serious again. “Could you come with me?”
“Why?”
“I need you to help me with a friend of mine.”
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Faith grumbled to herself.
“What was that?”
“Nothing Skye,” Faith replied. It had been a week since they had asked her to be their new leader, and she had actually said yes and now she was getting that damn tattoo. Only one problem, it couldn’t be too big, and absolutely not visible. There were the two things Faith had made very clear to them. Not big, not visible. Faith started muttering under her breath again as the others were choosing how big it was going to be and where the best place was on Faith’s body if she wanted it out of sight. “How ‘bout my lower back?” Faith finally said.
“Well, if you want it to be small, it would kinda look stupid.”
“Who cares if it would look stupid, I hate the damn tattoo anyway,” Faith groaned. “Why do I have to get it? Can’t I get a necklace or something?”
“Come on Faith, you already agreed to it,” Skye said. “Oh I know, how ‘bout…” She moved closer to Faith and whispered something in her ear.
“No way! Are you fucking crazy or something!” Faith yelled. “I ain’t getting a tattoo there!”
“Come on Faith,” Skye chuckled. “It won’t be visible by anyone but you … well and the one that places it for you, and it won’t have to be that big.”
“Are you deaf?” Faith asked. “I said no. The tattoo will not be on that spot!”
“Come on Faith, don’t be such a chicken.”
“Excuse me?” Faith asked raising a brow. “What did you just call me?”
“I called you a chicken.”
“Okay, fine that’s it,” Faith said folding her arms. “Bring it on, put the damn tattoo there.”
“Not here,” Skye said. “We’ll get you one that’s licensed.”
Faith only raised a brow at that and followed the blonde girl. She had no idea where they were taking her; the only thing Faith knew at the moment was that she was stupid enough to let people talk her into getting a tattoo. A tattoo of a panther, a tattoo of a panther on THAT place on her body. ‘Can a person be more stupid?’ She questioned herself. She rubbed her arm on the spot where she had already had a tattoo. 'Here we go again, only not on a place I’d be happy about it. And why the hell am I doing this again?'
“What is it?” Skye asked after Faith had sighed and groaned for the millionth time.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”
“Being the leader means you gotta have one.”
“I’ll get you back for this, you know that right?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Skye said waving her hand. “Come on, she’s over there.”
‘Well at least it’s a she and not some guy,’ Faith thought.
“So you’re Faith,” a blonde asked. “Been hearing a lot about you.”
“That popular huh?” Faith replied sarcastically.
“Funny too,” the woman chuckled. “I like her Skye, she’ll be a good one.”
“I know,” Skye replied smiling.
“So how big and where?” She asked.
“What’s you name?”
“Why?”
“I ain’t telling where I’m gonna get the damn tattoo unless you tell me your name.”
“Call me Lilly,” the woman replied.
“Fine… Lilly,” Faith said. “Skye, get out.”
“Why?” When Faith glared at her, Skye added, “Alright fine.”
“So just you and me huh?” Lilly laughed after Skye left.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Faith growled.
“So where’d you want the panther?”
“I usually don’t do this,” Faith pointed out.
“What? Getting a tat?” Lilly remarked. “Yeah right, your arm,” she added raising a brow.
“I was drunk,” Faith. “Still can’t believe I actually did that, can’t even believe that they would let a drunk person get tattooed, something about rush of alcohol or something.”
“I know,” Lilly replied. “So where’d you want the panther?” Faith looked at Lilly and raised a brow, she looked she really was enjoying this. Whether it was seeing her doubt the decision or waiting to put on the tattoo. Faith looked down and gave a small nod. “Lower body, okay, hips, thighs ankle?”
“Hip,” Faith responded quickly. ‘Why the fuck am I hesitating like this. It’s fucking nothing, just a damn tattoo.’
“Gotta be more specific,” Lilly responded.
Faith placed her hand over her hip. “There,” she said without hesitation. “Just get it over with.”
“Take ‘em down then,” Lilly said smirking.
“Don’t smile like that!” Faith hissed. “Just doing this as a favor, the only thing I’ll be regretting is the damn tattoo, coz that’ll stay on forever. I ain’t got the money to get it off by laser.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lilly replied. “Just take ‘em off and we’ll be done in no time,” she added.
Faith looked around and noticed for the first time they were actually in some kind of room, and not a cell. It was clean, really clean and there were needles, and ink everywhere. ‘Got their own tattoo shop, wicked,’ Faith thought. She watched as Lilly prepared everything, taking a new needle, putting on gloves and more preparation to make it as clean as possible. ‘I’m so gonna regret this,’ Faith sighed as she took down the pants of her oh so glamorous jail outfit.
“So which place again?” Lilly said laughing, Faith just glared at her. “Alright, alright, keep your pants on … hehe keep your pants on you get it? Okay, you get it!” Lilly quickly said when she saw Faith’s fist coming up. “Left or right?”
“Left,” Faith said without thinking. It was bad enough that she had to get the tattoo as it was, who cares on what side it would go. “How long is this gonna take?”
“Well it ain’t that big, and it will be mostly black and very dark blue, so probably no more than an hour.”
“So I’m gonna have to lie down here for an hour,” Faith asked dumbfounded. “When I got that other tattoo it didn’t take that long.”
“This is more detail Faith,” Lilly said. “Hop on,” she added and patted the bed thingy next to her.
Faith got on the bed thingy, and lay down on it. She looked at Lilly who took the machine she needed, and put the ink in it. ‘So, remember what you are doing here Faith. You’re getting a tattoo because you just joined a gang. God, Angel will be so proud,’ Faith laughed to herself.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied.
Lilly shrugged and then took down the strap of Faith’s panties a bit and put the drawing of the panther just a few inches to the left of her right hipbone. Lilly made sure the drawing was on Faith’s skin before removing the piece of paper. “Let me see,” Faith said leaning on her elbows. “That doesn’t even look too bad,” Faith said smiling. “Where’d you get the design?”
“Kat,” Lilly said sadly. “Kat created it, she was a fantastic artist. Made lots of the designs, you’ll see quite a few on the girls here.”
“You liked her didn’t you?” She got a nod, with only more sadness. “You … loved her?”
“I did,” Lilly replied. “Still do. She was the first person I loved in a very long time.”
“Did Skye know?” Faith asked softly.
“No, no one knew but us,” Lilly replied sadly, then snapped out of it. “Okay, let’s get that tattoo on you.”
“Alright,” Faith said respecting Lilly’s choice in avoiding the subject. Faith felt her own guilt surfacing again as she thought of Kat’s death. Kat was taken from her sister, and apparently her girlfriend Lilly, like she had taken Finch away from his family, friends and probably wife and kids. She flinched a little when she felt the coldness of the sterile gloves against her skin. “Cold,” she said to Lilly, who raised a brow.
Faith sunk back into her own thoughts as Lilly began to work. The tattoo didn’t look that bad, and it wasn’t even that big to begin with, it was just a small, but simple design of a panther. “The panther looks like you,” Lilly suddenly said.
“What?” Faith questioned leaning on her elbows again.
“It looks like you,” Lilly said again. “Calm on the outside, turmoil on the inside.”
“Excuse me?” Faith questioned.
“Never mind,” Lilly quickly said. It was obvious to her that whatever it was that Faith was thinking about, the brunette didn’t want to talk about it. “So what got you in this hell hole?”
“Violence,” Faith replied dryly. “You?”
“Violence, drugs and more of that,” Lilly replied.
“Oh,” Faith replied. She leaned on her elbows and concentrated on the outline of the tattoo Lilly was making. Then she got thinking, when Lilly bended over, her shirt got a little loose and Faith could clearly see not only Lilly’s breasts, but also two huge scars on her collarbones. They hadn’t even faded, and yet they seemed to be on there for a long time.
“Enjoying the view?”
“What?” Faith said shaking her head in confusion. Lilly looked up and raised a brow. “No! That wasn’t what I was looking at, well I mean, they were there, but No!” She started babbling. That wasn’t something she did… at all. ‘Babbling like an idiot, way to go Faith!’
“So you noticed the scars.”
“Uh yeah, kinda hard to miss … okay wrong choice of words,” Faith said frowning. “How’d you get ‘em?”
“Got in a fight, got hurt.”
“Okay…” Faith said then lay fully down on her back and got to thinking again. ‘I think way too much.’ Faith let out a small laugh. “Nothing,” she said to Lilly before sinking in her own thoughts again. It had been almost four months since she had been in prison, and she still had about twenty months to go. Yup they gave her 2 years, it wasn’t as much as Faith thought she deserved, but the sooner she got out … the sooner she could make up for all the mistakes she had made.
And there were a lot of those mistakes, she had fucked up big time back in Sunnydale. Not only Sunnydale, she had fucked up in L.A. too; hitting Wesley was another thing, but torturing him just went too far, and she knew it. And even after that Angel still wanted to help, wanted to help her get back on the right path. After all that had happened in Sunnydale, after all the hurt she inflicted upon the Scoobies and on the now L.A. gang … he still wanted to help her. If it wasn’t for him, she would probably be still out there hurting others and hurting herself.
“Faith, wake up,” Faith opened one eye and looked at Lilly. “Hello to you too.”
“I fell asleep?”
“You did,” Lilly said. “I’m not complaining. I finished the panther, welcome to the club.”
“You’re a member too?”
“Automatic, being Kat’s and all.”
“You don’t have the tattoo.”
“I do,” Lilly replied. “Same place you do.”
“What time is it?”
“Time to get your ass back in your cell before they close.”
“That time huh,” Faith smirked.
“Yup that time,” Lilly said smiling. “Be seeing ya,” she watched as Faith smiled and got her pants back on and quickly went back to her own cell.
“Hey Jackie,” Faith said as she entered her and Jackie’s cell. “How’s that eye healing?” Faith sat next to Jackie on her bunk and reached out her hand and touched Jackie’s eye just above the cut. Jackie only jumped at the contact and moved back from Faith’s touch. “Whoa there!” Faith said holding up her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” the suddenly shy Jackie replied.
“I don’t believe you,” Faith said reaching out for the girl again, only to have Jackie yet again move away. “What’s wrong J?”
“Leave me alone,” on the verge of tears she continued, “Just leave me alone.”
‘There’s something seriously wrong here,’ Faith thought as she looked at the young woman. ‘Really wrong,’ Jackie had never acted around her this way, she always was the one that initiated a conversation, or even a touch when she felt scared again. Not now, now Jackie was even getting further away from her when Faith tried to comfort her on whatever it was. “Jackie what is it?” She placed her hand on Jackie’s knee and released a sigh of happiness when the brunette didn’t move away.
“Please don’t,” Jackie pleaded. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Faith frowned and carefully moved closer to Jackie. When she didn’t move away, Faith placed her hand on Jackie’s cheek. She wiped away a single tear that fell from it and gently, even to her own surprise, pulled the brunette in her arms. Once Jackie was in Faith’s arms, the tears came willingly. “Shh, it’s okay,” Faith tried to soothe the young girl, but only succeeded in making her cry harder.
“They … I didn’t … you shouldn’t.”
“What is it Jackie? Tell me,” Faith gently stroked Jackie’s cheek with her thumb. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”
“You shouldn’t have joined them,” the girl finally got out. “They hurt … me … you … touched … tried to … got away.”
“The Panthers won’t hurt you,” Faith told her. “I’m their leader now, they won’t touch you.”
“No.”
“No?” Faith questioned.
“They didn’t,” Jackie moved away from Faith’s embrace and looked in the older girl’s eyes. “Ghosts, Lion tried to. She tried to … she … I tried … got away.”
“Okay Jackie, calm down,” Faith took Jackie’s hand and brushed a few stray hairs out of the girl's face with her free hand. “Calm down, try again.”
“Lion … she wanted to send a message to you. She touched me here…” Jackie’s hand traveled down her body and stopped just above her crotch.
“What!” Faith stood up from the bunk only to be pulled back by Jackie. “Did she?”
“No … I got away. Kicked her, she was alone.”
“I’m going to fucking kill her.” Faith hissed. “She’s dead.”
“Message.”
“What?”
“She wanted to give you a message,” Jackie said. “She said that she would come after you, me and all of the other Panthers. She said you shouldn’t have become Kat’s successor… no one is safe.”
It had been a week since Faith became the leader of the Panthers, and up until now they had kept it quiet. There had been rumors about a new leader for the Panthers, there even was a bet on who was the new leader. So far every one of the Panthers had been named, but Faith’s name never came up on the list and that’s the way she wanted it. She had made it very clear to both Lilly and Skye that, in no way, should her name come up as leader.
Now that, of all people, the leader of the Ghosts knew, everyone would find out Faith was the new leader of the Panthers, and for that Faith knew the others were going make the Panthers pay, and all because of something that happened in the past between her and the Ghosts.
They had already started, started by assaulting Jackie. “You will be,” Faith said after hearing the sad tone in Jackie’s voice when she said no one was safe.
“No,” Jackie sobbed. “They’ll get everyone, including you.”
“No they won’t,” Faith said sternly. “I promise you that they won’t get you … do you trust me?”
"Faith?"
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“Then trust me when I say they won’t get to you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” Faith said. “Tomorrow we’re gonna have a little chat with the others, for now… get some sleep,” the slayer moved off of her own bunk and let Jackie sleep in it once again. There had been many such times like this that Jackie had gotten scared. One had been after someone had called her a foul name, another time when she had gotten slapped. Usually Jackie would end up falling asleep with her head in Faith's lap, or, curled up into Faith. Faith would just lean against the wall, close her eyes, and fall into a light sleep, lit enough so that if Jackie woke with a nightmare, she would be able to wake up to comfort the young girl.
“I need you guys to approve of it,” Faith hissed at Skye and Lilly. “I need you to let her in, then the others will follow,” Faith had been trying to convince Skye and Lilly for almost a half hour to let Jackie into the Panthers, so far neither would concede. “You know I don’t actually need your approval, I’m the head of the Panthers now. I can let anyone in I want.”
“Then why ask?”
“Because I need you two to be on my side, I know you already are. I want the others to see that, and I want you to do it by letting Jackie in.”
“Why Jackie?” Skye wanted to know. “She nothing more than a shy girl, what can she do for us?”
“She’ll be with me, and that’s enough.”
“No it won’t be enough, she can’t be in just because she’s with you.”
“Lilly got in that way didn’t she?” Faith actually growled.
“What? You’re not actually saying you two are… oh god!”
“No I’m not ‘involved’ with her Skye,” Faith grinned. “But we’ll pretend we are, and then she’ll get in, and will be accepted and protected by the others. I can’t protect her correctly if she isn’t part of us.”
“What’s this protecting about?” Lilly eyed Faith curiously.
“Lion attacked her,” Faith growled, anger flashing in her eyes. “She touched her, Lion tried to… I can’t have my eye on Jackie 24/7, if she’s in the others can be my eyes for the times I can’t watch out for her.”
“You really care for her don’t you?” Lilly questioned.
“I don’t care about anyone,” Faith replied. “Just call it a weak spot.”
“Very well,” Lilly said. “Skye?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Skye sighed. “Just don’t expect me to look out for her.”
“If she’s in you won’t have to… just be nice, she’s kinda like you.”
“No she’s not!”
“Actually…” Lilly smirked. “She is, hated and loved by all members of the Panthers.”
“Rub it in why don’t you!”
“I need something from you now though,” Faith suddenly said. “I need you to watch Jackie for me while I take care of something.”
“Ah come on,” Skye whined. She really didn’t want to baby-sit right now.
“I swear Skye, sometimes I think you’re a 10-year old in the body of a twenty-two year old… Just go, talk to her a little, make her feel welcomed. Oh and if you’d like to see her squirm, ask her where she wants the tattoo.”
“Oh, this could be fun!” Skye suddenly exclaimed.
“Take it easy though,” Faith warned her. “She’s still scared after yesterday.”
“I’ll take it under consideration.”
“Skye…” Now, Lilly warned.
“Yeah, yeah … Go do your stuff already,” she said as she hurried to Faith and Jackie’s cell.
“So want to tell me what you’re gonna do?”
“Nope,” Faith began walking, but smiled as Lilly walked next to her.
“Can I stop you from killing someone then?”
“Yup.”
“I’ll let you hit her for a short while then,” Lilly said knowing exactly what Faith was up to. Faith was going to do exactly what Kat did when she took over the Panthers from the previous leader; mark her territory. Although Kat didn't have to take on Lion to mark her territory, Faith had a pair on her, that she had to admit.
“Why me?” Faith suddenly asked.
“Why what you?”
“Why did Kat want me as her successor?” Faith continued, “As far as I know, she had made it pretty clear that she wanted me in her place and not her sister.”
“Yeah I know,” Lilly said. “I’ve known it since the day you saved her sister, the second you turned away after receiving your thanks she whispered into my ear you were the one,” Lilly smiled sadly at the thought of her deceased lover. “I asked her why and she told me that you saved her sister. Of course I was there so I just looked at her funny, then Kat told me she had been watching you and that you didn’t have to save her sister, but you did anyway.”
"Like I haven’t been studied enough by the ‘Watcher’s Council," Faith mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Anyway,” Lilly continued. “When you ‘marked’ Jackie as yours, Kat knew it wasn’t because you wanted to form your own gang or pick on the shy, but because you didn’t want the others, or even us to get a hold of her.”
“True,” Faith replied. “Here we go,” she said as they got closer to Lion and two of her highest ranked members.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I am,” Lilly gave a small nod with her head, which Faith noted, wasn’t directed at her, but at several other people that were casually standing around them. Watching their backs. Faith suddenly began running towards Lion and her two companions. She punched one in the face with her fist, and gave the other a blow with her elbow in the stomach. “We meet again,” Faith said hitting Lion on her nose.
Lion stumbled back and reached for something to regain her stature. She glared at Faith who just smirked, then she turned to Lilly who also smirked at her. “Sorry, she’s the boss,” Lilly almost laughed.
Faith walked up to Lion again, grabbing her by the throat. “So Lion, been hearing a lot of things about you.” Pushing Lion against the wall she continued, “I’ve heard from a pretty reliable source that you touched one of my girls.” She couldn’t believe she was actually doing this, when it came to Lion, it would be her that was the one against the wall and not the other way around.
“Jackie ain’t no member of the Panthers,” Lion gasped.
“Oh, that ain’t right,” Faith smirked. “She is one of my girls, in fact, she has been my girl ever since she got here. And that’s what, about a month or 2 ago?” Faith smirked. “I’d say that’s a pretty damn long time and let me tell you… nobody touches my girl. Not even the big shot leader of the Ghosts. Oh yeah…” Faith said. “I know I’m risking my life by doing this, trust me it’s worth it. And I ain’t gonna die for a long time.”
“What the fuck do you want?”
“I want you to leave my girls, all of them, alone. Got it!?”
“Whatever.”
Faith stomped Lion in her stomach and squeezed a little harder on her throat. “Got it!?”
“Yes, got it.”
“Guards,” Lilly whispered as a warning.
“Remember that, anyone who touches them is going down,” she hit Lion one more time in the stomach before turning around and walking away as if nothing happened. But a lot of things happened, she had, once again, threatened someone and it made her sick. Even if it was for a good cause, even if it was to protect someone. It still made her sick, she had turned herself in to the police, so she couldn’t threaten or hurt anyone again.
“You okay?” Lilly asked running up to her. “Despite the fun you had, you don’t look that happy.”
“It’s nothing,” Faith replied. “Come on we need to discuss some things with Jackie and Skye.”
Faith and Lilly stood in silence outside of the cell and silently gazed at Skye and Jackie. Jackie had her head on Skye's shoulder and Skye had her arm thrown around Jackie. Both had smiles on their faces, it looked like they had fallen asleep after having too much fun. “I guess it’s only us talking then,” Lilly said as she walked in Faith and Jackie’s cell. “Top bunk?” After getting a nod from the brunette, Lilly climbed carefully on the twin bed. “So what is it that you wanted to say to us, and now only me.”
“How things are going to be,” Faith said and climbed up next to Lilly on the bunk. Then she started explaining in detail how everything was going to be, explained how they were slowly going to make sure that their numbers increased with every group of newcomers. Explained how they were going to make the Panthers not third, but first. Faith had called it a legacy for Kat, which made tears form in Lilly’s eyes, Faith wanted to make sure that there would be no more fear.
The brunette looked at Lilly the whole time she was saying all of these things, looked at her because she wanted the blonde woman to know that she was serious, Faith wanted Lilly to know that she was going to slowly change the way things worked here. She didn’t want them to have to live in fear anymore because of either the Crabs or the Ghosts. That there were going to be lookouts for every thing, making sure that not one of the Panthers was going to get killed by another one of the other gangs.
“How were you planning on doing this?” Lilly questioned.
“Kinda hoping with your help,” Faith responded to the blonde woman.
“Kat was right when she made her choice,” Lilly smiled. “You are one of the good ones.”
‘No I’m not,’ Faith responded silently. “You need to go now. Almost lock up time, and I still need to explain to Jackie that she’s getting a tattoo.”
“Skye probably told her already,” Lilly said.
“Somehow I doubt it,” Faith said as she jumped off the top bunk. “Look at ‘em,” Faith said after Lilly stood next to her. “You really think Jackie would be this happy if she knew she was getting a tattoo?”
“I guess not,” Lilly smiled. “Alright Skye, wake up. Lock up time.”
“No Kat, I don’t want to,” Skye groaned.
Faith was about to say that it wasn’t Kat but Lilly when Lilly told her not to do that. “She always does that. Me and Kat both said ‘Lock up time’ to her when she and Kat had to go back to their own cell. She’ll be only half awake when I carry her back now, and she won’t remember a thing.”
“Alright,” Faith said. “Goodnight then,” she watched as Lilly half carried, half walked Skye back to their cell. Then she turned to Jackie, now came the part where she had to tell her about getting the tattoo, which probably wouldn’t go all too well.
Faith waited until the next morning to tell Jackie that she was in and thus getting tattoo. She was actually sorry she’d mentioned it because Jackie went totally ballistic, she screamed, yelled, hit and pouted at Faith. The pouting part was after Jackie had calmed down a bit and after Faith had told her she got one too, being their leader now. It had calmed her down, but not completely, because she still didn’t want to get the tattoo. Faith tried to soothe Jackie by telling her she told Lion to leave her alone, but that alone sent the girl into another angry and upset mood. Now Jackie was convinced they would kill her. After another hour of calming her down and telling that she wouldn’t get killed because now she had the Panthers to protect her, Jackie finally agreed to get the tattoo.
It had been a very laughable situation, seeing how Jackie kept laughing and telling them it tickled, which only earned strange looks from Faith and Lilly. Faith asked her why it tickled and it didn’t hurt or irritate her, Jackie told them that getting the tattoo wasn’t the worse she’d been through in her life and this was nothing. Lilly had raised both eyebrows at that, and Faith had frowned in confusion and worry. It seemed like she wasn’t the only one that had a difficult childhood.
Even after what Jackie had been through, the tattoo should have hurt or at least irritated her a bit, but it didn’t at all. It was clear that it did nothing but tickle her and that was what worried Faith the most. If she would get a tickle fest out of this, then it would take a lot more to actually inflict any pain on her. Knowing any of the other gangs, it would be a lot more fun to do then. Faith gave Lilly a knowing look that they should be more watchful when it came to Jackie.
“Are you okay Jackie?”
“Oh I’m fine,” Jackie responded after sitting up. “This was so cool, can I do another?”
“What did you give her?”
Lilly looked at Faith strangely, “I didn’t give her anything.”
“Well she’s high on something, look at her,” Faith had to grab Jackie and keep her from falling. The girl was trying to get up from the chair, but was having little luck with it. “She’s all…”
“Strange? I’d say so.”
“Jackie?” Faith placed her arm around Jackie’s waist to hold her up and held her chin in the other hand, keeping her hand steady.
“Damn she’s like, really high or something.”
Jackie just started giggling again and throwing her hands in the air. “Faithy!”
“What Jackie?”
“There’s two of you.”
“Sorry?”
“There’s two of you!” Jackie exclaimed. “You and you,” she said pointing first at Faith and then the air next to Faith.
“Something is definitely not right here.”
“Let’s get her to a doctor,” Lilly said helping Faith carry the girl.
“Well?” Faith asked the doctor.
The doctor had been checking her for almost a half hour now and he still hadn’t said anything. He flashed a little light in front of Jackie’s eyes again, looking at how her pupils would respond to it.
“Where am I?” Jackie asked groggily as if just waking up.
“With the doctor Jackie, hold still.”
“Faith, I gotta…”
“Doc, better move out of the way.”
The doctor moved just in time before Jackie emptied her stomach in front of them. Faith moved to Jackie’s side and rubbed her back for comfort.
“Doc what’s going on here?”
“Drugs,” he simply said.
It had been a week since they found out that Jackie had drugs in her system. Faith had believed her immediately, but it took some time before Lilly, Skye or any of the others had believed her. Lilly told Faith that she wanted to believe her, but it was only Faith they knew really well; they didn’t know much about Jackie, who she was, where she came from, what she did before prison. Jackie never told, and the others didn’t care that much about it, the only people that had showed any interests were Lilly and even Skye.
Skye seemed to be growing closer to Jackie since they both fell asleep in Jackie and Faith’s cell. Ever since then the two had been looking each other up and having a lot of fun like two ten year olds. They would play practical jokes on each other and on Lilly and Faith to the point where it got annoying and they had to say something about it. Even Lilly, who seemed to be the calmest, had trouble keeping a smile on her face when the two would do something again.
“Faith!”
“Lilly…” Faith said turning around. “Wow what’s wrong with you?”
Lilly was trying to catch her breath, and had trouble doing so.
“Okay Lilly, sit down,” Faith helped Lilly on one of the chairs. “Deep breaths.”
“Jackie … drugs … Lion,” Lilly finally got out.
“Okay not making any sense here.”
“Lion put the drugs in Jackie,” Lilly breathed.
“I’m so going to kill her,” Faith was about to walk out of the room when Lilly stopped her.
“Don’t,” Lilly said. “If you’ll do that, you’re a goner.”
“Oh, trust me she’ll be the one that’s gone,” Faith let out in a low growl.
“Faith, you may kill her, but you’ll be next,” Lilly said. “You kill her… BANG!” Lilly said making a gun with her hand. “You’ll be dead the second after that.”
“Fine,” Faith grumbled.
“We’ll get her another way.”
The small girl looked in front of her, and then turned around and looked that way, she looked up and down. She was standing on a bridge, a bridge she recognized as a dangerous one from a previous experience. A full moon was providing the only light around, the only red light around.
‘Moons aren’t red,’ the girl thought looking up. ‘Where am I?’
“Don’t you remember dear?”
The ten-year-old turned around to the sound of a very familiar voice. She couldn’t believe who was standing in front of her; a brunette, with brown eyes. Eyes that looked really tired and empty. Eyes that had bags under them as if the person hadn’t slept in days. An old scar that went from the woman’s upper lip to her left cheekbone. Lips that had small cuts on them, some new, some old, all painful looking. A fresh bruise on the right jaw, hair ruffled. Other than that … still beautiful …
“Mommy?” The girl’s shaky response came.
“Hey sweetie,” the brunette softly replied.
“Mommy?” The young girl’s voice broke as a tear slid down her cheek. She looked at the woman again, especially at the cuts and bruises. “Did daddy…?”
“It’s okay honey, don’t worry about that.”
“No, daddy can’t do that!”
Seeing her mother like that brought back bad memories. Her mother had always protected her from her abusive father. Every time he wanted to hit her, the girl’s mother stepped in front of her and protected her.
“Mommy, you’re… is this a dream?”
“Yes dear it is,” her mother replied. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?” She brushed a few stray hairs out of her daughter’s face and pulled the young girl in her arms. “This is a dream, but I am very much real.”
“Then why … your face?” The girl asked holding her mother.
“I can’t answer that sweetie,” her mother replied. She let go of her daughter and looked in the young girl’s eyes. “It’s the way you brought me here.”
“It’s the way I remember you,” she spoke softly. “After the accident. I saw you, lying on the ground … with the blood a-and…”
“Shh, it’s okay sweetie … No it’s not! … What did you just say? … Leave her alone!”
“Mommy?” The young girl stepped back from her mother, as she seemed to be arguing with herself. Even with a different voice, another voice that sounded really familiar.
‘No no, please god no!’ The girl screamed in her mind. This wasn’t happening, it was supposed to be only her and her mother. Not him, so not him! ‘No, no, please!’ She begged in her mind.
“Beggin’ ain’t gonna work little one,” her mother said with the voice of her father.
“Mommy?” The girl’s breaking voice came.
“Mommy’s right here sweetie.”
“Like hell she is.”
“You have to wake up now.”
“Oh, she’s not going to wake up Love.” While that was said, the girl’s mother morphed into her father with an evil smirk on his face.
“No daddy don’t!” The young girl screamed when she saw her father’s fist coming towards her.
“Oh god…” Faith whispered shooting straight up in her bunk.
She was having trouble breathing and stood up from her bunk. She rested her forehead against the bars of her cell and took a few deep breaths. She could feel a tear sliding down her cheek, when she lifted her hands to her eyes, she could feel they were both wet from crying and franticly wiped them dry with the back of her hand. She wasn’t one that cried, and no one could see her like this.
Faith went back to her bunk and lay back down it. She didn’t know what kind of dream that was, she had had some fucked up dreams but never one like that.
“Hey, you okay?”
“What?” Faith lifted her head and looked at Lilly. “No I’m fine.”
“You seem a little … should I say, off?”
“I’m fine really.”
Sure Faith was fine, but she had been thinking about that dream the whole day. Lilly had been asking her if she was okay every ten minutes, and every ten minutes Faith had to tell her she was okay. While in fact she wasn’t completely fine, but she wasn’t about to let anyone know that.
“Come on, let’s get to my cell,” Faith said standing up.
“What do you want to do?”
“Just hang, I’m not feeling up for anything today.”
“Alright.” They walked to Faith and Jackie’s cell and sat down on the bottom bunk of the twin beds. “So, what is really bothering you?”
“I said I was fine Lilly.”
“Look I know you’re not fine Faith,” Lilly replied a bit angry. “You’ve been staring at nothing the whole goddamn day, every time I ask if something is wrong you say you’re fine. I can clearly see not all is well in the land of Faith. You don’t have to be strong all the time you know.”
“I know, I’m sorry okay,” Faith replied. “But this isn’t something I can talk to you about, it’s too complicated.”
“Try me.”
“Look Lilly, not now okay.”
“Fine, but you gotta talk one time.”
“And you’ll be the first I run to okay… just not now.”
“Alright.”
The young girl cursed as she saw yet again that same blood-red moon. It was always the same, the bridge, the moon, and the surroundings. She could remember the bridge as if it was yesterday, it was the same bridge where her mother had a car accident and had left her to live alone with her father. Life after her mother died had been like living in a hell; Her father would go out at night and drink, once he came home, it was her he put the blame on. ‘This is for not taking caring of your mother!’ He would yell every time he hit her.
The beatings were always directed at her body, never her face. Because then questions would be asked, ‘How did you get that bruise?’, ‘What happened to you?’, ‘Are you okay?’. No, her father would be careful enough not to hit her any place that was visible. That was how it had always went, day in day out getting beaten by her father. Getting beaten the way her mother used to get beaten because she protected her daughter.
“Don’t think about that cutie,” her mother’s voice came from behind her.
“I can’t help it.” Sighing she turned around and faced her mother. “I can’t help it, every night I come into this… in this world. And I try not to, but I can’t… I can’t get out of it.”
“Eventually you will,” her mother said.
“How?”
“I don’t know sweetie, that’s one thing you have to find out for yourself,” the woman took her daughter’s hands in her own and looked her in the eye. “The only thing I know is that you brought me here and that there is something you need to get through.”
“My dream mommy?” She chuckled.
“Your dream… little one…”
“Mom?”
“Guess again.”
She stepped away from her mother and once again saw her morph into her father. She had already known it was her father because he used that nickname again, ‘little one’, it wasn’t supposed to be scary at all for a normal child, but She wasn’t normal. Every time he used that nickname it made her feel small, ever time he used it she wanted to crawl in a corner and hide. He mostly used it when he was going to beat her once again after her mother had died. He would hit her and say thing like ‘see how little you are?’, ‘You are nothing, just a little annoying brat.’
“Hello little one,” her Father said. “Nice to see you again.”
“Stay away from me,” she tried to make it sound like a threat, but it came out more like a plea than anything else.
She didn’t like this. Her father was once more in control of her. She backed away from him until the railing of the bridge stopped her. She had nowhere left to go and he was still coming towards her. His stare was calm, yet looking deadly. The calmness that was in his eyes weren’t the only emotions she was getting from him. There was also anger … a-and lust? ‘No, not lust… no lust,’ she franticly looked for a way to escape him.
It was too late, he got to her in the blink of an eye, almost inhuman. But she knew he was human and this was still a dream. The only problem was that she wasn’t waking up from it. All the other times she would wake up just in time before he was going to hit her, but now he was far closer than he had ever been.
She felt him grab her wrist roughly and pulled her closer.
“Let me go!” She screamed.
“Now, now. That’s no way to treat your father is it?”
“Stay away from me!” When she saw her father’s fist coming towards her she closed her eyes and waited for his fist to land. Seconds later she felt an excruciating pain in her head. She tried to reach for the place where he had just hit her, but her arms were still held down by him.
When Faith forced her eyes open waking herself from her dream, it wasn’t her father she saw but a guard. He had her pinned to the bed and was grinning like a little child at her. She tried to break away from him, but her vision was too blurry after that blow to her head that she couldn’t see what she was doing. She tried to scream, but the second she opened her mouth pain shot through her jaw and she shut mouth. When Faith tried to open her mouth again, another sharp pain shot through it, letting her know the blow had been hard enough to break her lower left jaw.
When Faith gave her struggle up for just one second, the guard pinned her down harder on her bunk and placed his full weight on top of her. Her mind screamed at him when she felt him pin her hands above her head and he placed his filthy hand on her breast. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to her. She was a slayer, she was supposed to be stronger than this. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this; he wasn’t supposed to be violating her.
Faith heard him laugh when she let out a high-pitched scream of pain when he grabbed her breast hard. She tried to wriggle out from under him, but it made him only more determined. Faith heard a whimper escape from someone’s lips and forced herself to lift her head and look behind the guard on top of her. She saw Jackie was trying to free herself from the guard that was holding her. A soft, pleading ‘No’ escaped Faith’s lips.
“Oh don’t worry about your cellmate there,” the guard breathed on her. “It’s only you we want.”
“Let her go,” Faith hissed through clenched teeth trying to save her friend.
“Shut up,” the guard hit her again and Faith hissed in pain.
Faith was trying to stay conscious and get the guard off her, but he was beating her again. He aimed mostly at her head trying to make Faith as dazed as possible. She struggled even harder when she felt him trying to get her pants off, but to no avail, he was stronger and he knew it.
Faith looked at him with anger and fear, but mostly pain and he was getting a kick out of it. She could feel the lust radiating off him and it made her even angrier than she already was. But now her slayer strength was failing her, she couldn’t get out of his grip and it was killing her inside. ‘NoNoNo, get off me,’ she screamed in her mind.
A high-pitched scream came from Jackie and Faith already knew what it was for. The guard on top of her had managed to get her pants off and his loose. Her struggles became more fierce when she felt him spread her legs. She screamed again, not caring about the pain in her broken jaw, not caring if he hit her again. All she wanted was to get out of there, all she wanted to do was curl up in a small ball to protect herself as best as she could.
Faith cried out in pain as he first hit her and then forced himself in her. After that everything went blurry. In the background she heard faint sobs coming from her cellmate and the guard that was trying to stifle them. Even her attacker was a total blur to her; the only thing that was clear to her was his breath on her neck as he violated her. Faith was even a blur to herself as if she wasn’t even in her body and was some place else.
Faith wasn’t aware that he licked the side of her face before he left. She wasn’t aware of the other guard first slapping Jackie and then giving her one last blow to the face before he too left. She wasn’t aware of Jackie running towards her and taking her in her arms.
Faith wasn’t aware of anything anymore as she could no longer keep her eyes open and let the darkness that lay behind them take her away.
Faith stood silently next to Lilly and watched the ‘new flesh’ walk into the open area. Lilly kept looking at the brunette every minute or so, she knew something was off with the smaller girl, but she couldn’t figure it out. She had already asked Jackie if something was wrong, but Jackie had just shrugged.
“Faith, are you okay?” And now she was asking Faith herself… again.
“I’m fine,” Faith replied.
Yeah Faith was doing great. It had been two days since … ‘IT’ happened. She tried not to let anyone see what was wrong. Then no one would ask if there was something wrong with her. 'There is nothing wrong with me,' Faith kept telling herself over and over again, it had become her new mantra.
And that’s what Jackie had found out too that same night after Faith woke up again. Faith had woken up in her arms after … it happened and had been extremely distant. When Jackie confronted her on it, a small fight had occurred.
“Faith, you can’t just ignore what happened here.”
“Yes I can,” Faith had hissed between clenched teeth. Determined to get this said now, despite her broken jaw and the pain.
“Faith you were r…”
“Don’t you even fucking say the word!” Faith stopped Jackie from talking. She pushed the younger girl against the wall and held her there. “Nothing happened. Got that! Nothing happened,” Faith grabbed Jackie’s collar tightly and waited for the girl to nod. “Good,” Faith said after she did. Faith released Jackie’s collar and placed her hands on each side of the younger girl’s face. Then she leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Good,” she repeated again.
After that argument neither had spoken about ‘the incident’ and neither was ever going to.
Summers Residence | Sunnydale, California | November 25th 2001
Buffy had just gotten home from patrol and was dead tired. She opened the front door, as soon as she stepped inside she noticed the lights were still on. ‘Didn’t I leave them off?’ She wondered. Then she noticed why the lights were on. “Dawn what are you still doing up?”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing… right, go to bed.”
“I couldn’t sleep okay.”
“Come on Dawn, go to bed. I’m really tired.”
“I really couldn’t sleep okay! Jeez, don’t you ever believe me,” Dawn quickly ran to the stairs but before she got on the first step she got stopped by her sister.
“Dawn, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired,” she said. “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” She asked gently tucking some hair behind her sister’s ear.
“Yeah, no… I don’t know. It’s just, it was really weird,” Dawn replied.
“What happened?”
“I fell. You know those dreams when you fall down and just before you hit the floor you wake up?” Dawn looked at her sister who nodded. “Well I had one of ‘em except I didn’t hit the floor, I just kept falling.”
“That’s, well intense,” Buffy didn’t really know what else to say. She had no idea what was going on inside her sister’s head. This was the first time in a really long time they had actually talked about something ‘deeper’ than just the daily routine.
“I know, what if I do fall and then I die?”
“Hey!” Buffy said angrily. “Where did that came from? Who said anything about dying? Why are you talking like that?”
“Everyone dies sooner or later Buffy, you did… twice, and mom.”
“Again… why are you talking like that?”
“I don’t know, can I sleep in your room tonight.”
“Dawn don’t you think you’re a little too old for that?”
“Please?”
“Fine, and you’d better be sleeping when I come to bed!”
“Thanks.”
“Hey watch out!” Buffy suddenly yelled and pushed her sister out of the way and ducked just in time when she saw a fist coming towards her.
“Jeez Buffy, what’s your deal? There’s nothing here!”
Buffy stood up again and looked around. ‘Okay, now that was weird,’ she thought to herself. “Are you sure, coz I swear I saw a fist coming towards me.”
“I’m sure, did you get hit in the head again?”
Buffy unconsciously touched the spot where the vampire had hit her on her head towards the end of her patrol. It had been a free night for Buffy if it hadn’t been for that stupid vampire that came out of nowhere on her way home. He had hit her in the back of the neck and almost killed her, but she had gotten to her feet quickly and dusted him.
“Thought so,” Dawn said. “I’m going to bed, and yes I’m still sleeping in yours. I’m thinking I might as well take care of you if you keep getting hit in the head.”
“Just go smartass,” Buffy smiled.
“Goodnight,” Dawn said and briefly hugged her sister.
Once her sister was out of sight, Buffy did a quick sweep of the house and frowned. “That was really weird,” she said out loud. “I really need to watch my back more. These hits to the head are getting to me.”
She turned all the lights off, locked the doors and walked upstairs. When she reached her room she saw Dawn was already asleep and smiled. As her sister had done before, she had once again hogged all of the blankets and had her limbs stretched out to every corner of the bed. Buffy quickly untangled the blankets from her sister and moved her into a normal position. Then she quickly got in her pj’s and slipped under the covers next to her sister, who was again trying to steal all the blankets for herself.
Buffy took back some of the blankets and lay down in a comfortable position. At this point she was really glad she had gotten a bigger bed, especially since Dawn was now lying next to her. She knew her sister was going to hit her at least twice before she actually fell asleep. She always did that, first she’d take up all the space, then she’d take the blankets, and when Buffy would finally get some space and some parts of the blankets, she would get hit.
Thinking of getting hit, Buffy thought back about earlier. She could have sworn someone’s or something’s fist was going to hit her. She could clearly make out that it was a fist. A big fist, male hand with lots of hair on the arm attached to it. Okay, so maybe it was a guy. Then again, there wasn’t anyone to be seen in the Summers home. The only people that were in the house were her and Dawn and the two witches.
She had checked on them before she went to her own room and found them comfortably snuggled up against each other. No one was around but the four of them… maybe she did get hit in the head one too many time. ‘I’m gonna ask Giles for at least one night a week off,’ was her last thought before she fell asleep.
When will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here / I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this / I guess I was wrong
Now one more time
---------------------------------------------------------
*****
---------------------------------------------------------
I tried to climb your stairs / I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground / I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind / You better believe that I tried to beat this
---------------------------------------------------------
County Jail | Los Angeles | November 23’d 2001
“She got you good Faith, let me look at that.”
Lilly gently washed the blood off Faith’s eye. She looked at the small gash, and told Faith she was lucky that it didn’t need stitches. One of Lion’s closest friends had sucker punched her in front of most of The Panthers and of course Faith didn’t just take that lying down and had attacked the girl.
Faith and the girl had started fighting, but it didn’t take long before Faith had knocked the girl unconscious. “Why did she attack you anyway?”
“I don’t know,” Faith replied. “Lion is crazy, who knows why she sent her girl after me.”
“Look, I’m going to wash this off and get some bandages.”
“Take your time, I’m in no hurry.”
“Funny.”
Lilly walked out of Faith’s cell and quickly made her way to a friend of hers. When Lilly looked to her side, she noticed Lion and some of hers standing huddled together and talking about something, obviously laughing about something. She carefully walked closer and listened to the conversation between the girls.
“They got her good Lion!” One of the girls said. “How did you manage to do that.”
“One of the guards owed me a favor,” Lion replied to the brunette. “And I called in that favor.”
“They did her more than once,” the girl responded. “Last time was two days ago. Right?”
“They owed me a lot,” Lion smirked. “ …and it was the perfect chance for me to get back at Faith. And yeah they so got her two days a go.”
Lilly frowned, what had they done to Faith that was so laughable? They said they ‘did’ her, but Lilly hadn’t seen any bruises or cuts on her that could indicate a beating, especially not multiple times… ‘Oh god!’ Lilly screamed in her mind. Lilly forgot all about getting the bandages for Faith and hurried back to Faith’s cell.
“Why didn’t you tell me!”
“Tell you what?” Faith asked confused.
“About what happened … more than once… the last time was two days ago.”
“Nothing happened,” Faith replied as if in fact nothing had happened.
“How can you say that!” Lilly hissed. “Faith, they ra…”
“Nothing happened,” Faith looked at her with a calmness that surprised Lilly.
“Faith…”
“Nothing happened. The guards won’t have the satisfaction of laughing behind my back at what they did to me. I won’t give them that or the satisfaction of breaking me.”
“Fine, nothing happened,” Lilly said. She placed a hand on Faith’s and looked at her. “But they’re not the only one’s laughing.”
“What?”
“Lion and her gang. The guards owed her a favor and she collected them.”
After a few minutes silence, Lilly asked Faith what she was going to do.
“Nothing,” Faith replied bluntly. “Because it didn’t happen… and that’s all I’m going to say about it,” Lilly smiled sadly and walked out of the cell.
Faith pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at the wall in front of her. She brought her hand to her face to quickly wipe away a tear. No one was going to see her cry, she didn’t want to cry. She was too strong for that, no one was going to make her cry.
She wasn’t going to let it get to her what the guards did, ‘four times,’ she wasn’t going to let it get to her. That wasn’t an option. They couldn’t break her, they wouldn’t break her. ‘They can’t, they won’t,’ Faith kept saying over and over in her head. No one was going to get to her, she wasn’t going to let them break her. ‘They can’t, They won’t,’ Faith kept repeating the words before she fell asleep.
So when will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle carousel / Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle, yeah
---------------------------------------------------------
*****
Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | November 24th 2001 | 4 P.M.
“Buffy,” no answer. “Buffy?” No answer. “Buff?”
“What?”
“You zoned out,” Xander said. “Did you go to a good place or bad place?”
“Come again?”
“Never mind.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine Wills,” the blonde slayer replied. “Just thinking.”
“‘Bout what?”
“Nothing,” Buffy replied. That wasn’t the truth. Ever since she saw that fist coming towards her, she was thinking about that. That wasn’t normal, unless of course you’re a slayer and you live on a Hellmouth, but there had been nothing out of the ordinary. There was nothing that seemed out of place, no other ghostly activities in the house. And as far as she knew, Willow and Tara hadn’t been playing around with magic.
Maybe it was her imagination, but she was going to be more careful. And there had been only one incident so she didn’t need to worry the others about it.
“So what’s the what on our latest baddy?”
“Well,” Giles began. “It seems that it’s just vampires.”
“Just vampires that are extremely strong,” Buffy reminded him.
“Yes, you’ve told me that before.”
“And what’s with the red hair?”
“There’s nothing wrong with red hair, I’ve got red hair!”
Buffy raised a brow and looked at her best friend curiously. “Anyway… It all seemed natural, no paint or nothing. Someone’s been killing people with red hair… o-or something,” Buffy added when she saw the others look at her in confusion and a pained expression of Willow.
“No killing of people with red hair,” Tara said and Willow nodded furiously.
“Okay, so can we go now?” Anya asked.
“Yes you can, we’ll look into it.”
“Research?” Buffy groaned.
“Research,” Giles confirmed.
“Oh, why always the research?” Buffy complained. “I hate research … it’s no fun. Dawn!” Buffy suddenly yelped. “Hey Dawn,” Buffy walked to her sister who had just entered the shop. “Dawn, you said you needed clothes? Come on let’s go get clothes. Sorry Giles, clothes are more important, especially when your name is… duck!”
“My name is not.. hey!!” Dawn yelled when Buffy pushed her out of the way.
“Look out!” Buffy lifted her hands up to protect herself when she saw two hands coming towards her.
“Buffy what in gods name are you doing?” Giles inquired.
“Can’t you see him?” Buffy squealed. “Get off me!” She yelled at her attacker.
“Buffy there’s no one here but us,” Willow said as she rushed to the blonde.
The slayer blinked a few times and looked in front of her. No one was there. She looked around at her friends who all looked concerned. She quickly regained her composure and knelt down next to her sister. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine,” Dawn groggily replied while her sister helped her up. “What was that about?” She whispered to the blonde. “Last night, and now.”
“I don’t know … not a word about last night,” Buffy turned to the others again. “She’s fine, I’m fine. We’re going home. Giles I’m taking the night off.”
“Uh Buffy … sure okay, we’ll patrol,” Giles quickly said. He saw the pleading look in both of the Summers' women’s eyes which he couldn’t quite explain. “We’ll talk later.”
“Yeah sure,” Buffy said and grabbed Dawn’s arm and pulled her out of the shop.
“Now that… that was weird.”
“I hear ya Wills,” Xander replied looking at the door where just seconds ago the sisters went through.
“What the hell was that about?” Dawn yelled at her sister after slamming the front door shut.
“That was me not wanting to talk about it,” Buffy replied. There was just something about what happened that she didn’t like. Not only because she didn’t know what is was, but because she had a feeling it was exactly the same hands and arms she saw. The feelings that had come with the ‘illusion’ were frightening. It made her, for some odd reason feel dirty. She could still feel the tight grip of the hands on her. But just like last time it was over before it started.
“Buffy are you okay?”
Her sister’s voice snapped Buffy out of her reverie. The slayer noticed she was sitting on the sitting on the couch. She had her knees brought up to her chest and hugging herself. “I’m fine Dawn,” Buffy looked at her sister and smiled. “I’m fine really, why don’t you change into your pj’s and I’ll do the same and we’ll watch some movies.”
An hour later Buffy and Dawn were sitting on the couch together, Dawn was leaning against her sister with Buffy’s arm around her. It had taken them an hour to settle in because Dawn had insisted on some ice-cream and other snacks for their movie night. It had taken an hour for them to finally settle down and watch the movie. An hour because Dawn insisted they have some ice-cream and other snacks, but there was none, thanks to Xander. Since Dawn couldn't drive and it wasn't safe in good old Sunnydale at night it was Buffy who had to trudge out to the Stop –N- Shop for the snacks, swearing the whole way that she would make sure to get the money from Xander for the snacks.
Just when Buffy was about to hit the play-button, someone knocked on the door. Buffy groaned and yelled, “We’re not here!” But got up anyway.
“Sorry Buffy,” two voices said. “We forgot our key,” Tara finished.
Buffy opened the door and walked back to the couch. She nestled herself in the corner of the couch again and waited for Dawn to come back who had yelled she was going to get a blanket.
“Are you okay Buffy? You seemed kinda, you know off… not to mention pretty scared.”
“I’m fine Wills, I just wanted to get home. I’m tired.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fine Tara, promise.”
“So, what are you doing?”
“We’re gonna watch movies,” Dawn said as she walked down the stairs. “Wanna join us?”
“Uh sure,” Willow replied. “We’re gonna get changed first then.”
“Alright, but hurry up.”
Thirty minutes later and a lot of ‘No I want that flavor,‘ ‘Give me some of that blankets’ and ‘Get your own spoon!’ They were finally settled in their respective spots. Willow and Tara snuggled up on the small couch and Buffy in the corner of the large one with Dawn half on her lap and half on the couch. Buffy pressed the play-button and they could finally enjoy the movie.
Thirty minutes into the movie, Willow glanced at the two sisters. She softly elbowed Tara, nodding her head in the direction of the sisters. “I guess she really was tired,” Willow said smiling. Tara stood up from the couch and pressed the stop button on the remote. “Come on let’s go to bed.” Willow said before taking her lover’s hand and guiding her upstairs leaving the sisters sleeping.
The young girl looked at the scene just a few feet away. A man was shaking a young, brown haired girl violently. The brunette was crying and screaming ‘No daddy don’t!’ She couldn't believe how scared the kid was of her dad, how could a daddy do that to his own kid. He was holding the brunette off the ground and she winced as he drew his hand back and hit her. The young blonde girl didn’t know what to do, but something inside her told her to help the brunette. The only problem was that she didn’t know how to help her. The man scared her a little he was at least ten times bigger than her, which meant he had to be stronger than her too. He reminded her of Billy who lived down the street from her, he was a year older, and bigger than all the other kids on the block and liked to push them all around....
‘NoNoNoNoNo!’ She screamed in her mind when she saw the man raise his arm again. She ran as fast as she could at them, but before she got there, the man had slapped his daughter across her face again. The blonde saw him put her down, she reached them only a few seconds after that. As soon as she reached them, she grabbed the brunette’s hand and stomped on the man’s foot. As he grabbed his foot in pain, both girls made a run for it. And got away from the guy as fast as they could.
County Jail | Los Angeles | November 30th 2001
“Why are you in such a good mood?”
“I have no idea,” Faith replied. And she really didn’t. For some reason her dreams were different, more happy, but still sad. She couldn’t explain it, and wasn’t about to explain it to Lilly. Sure they had become good friends, but that didn’t mean she had to tell her everything. There were a lot of things that Lilly didn’t know and Faith was more than happy to keep it a secret from her.
Faith couldn’t just tell her about her past anyway, main issue… vampires. She couldn’t just blab out that vampires were real and that she was the one that slayed them. She couldn’t just tell that because of a mistake she made the deputy mayor of Sunnydale was dead, that SHE was the one that killed him. Lilly would probably laugh at her anyways, so why bother.
“Faith we got to discuss the plans here.”
“I know…” Faith looked around and found who she was looking for. “Angie! Come here a sec. Could you get Skye and Jackie, tell them to meet me and Lilly at my cell.”
They watched Angie get the two girls and walked to Faith’s cell. “So what has Lion been doing the past couple of days?”
“Well she’s been talking about you a lot.”
“So what else is new,” Faith scoffed. “I meant the real deal Lilly.”
“I am talking about the real deal Faith!” Lilly said Faith’s name with a hint of anger in her voice. Faith just looked at her curiously. She had no idea what Lilly was talking about and she really wanted to know what it was. Before Faith could ask Lilly what the hell she was talking about, Lilly started hissing furiously at her in concern. “How many times has it been now? How many times did they wake you in the middle of the night? Come on tell me!”
“It’s none of your goddamn business!” Faith yelled back. “I’ve said before that it didn’t happen. I am NOT talking about this!”
“How many times Faith?” Lilly asked again. “How many times has it been? Once a week? Every other day? every day?” It was hurting Lily to do this to Faith, but she wanted Faith to talk to her. “How many times? Did they hold Jackie back so she couldn’t help you. Did they hit her, did they hit you? Tell me!”
“Shut up!” Faith growled pushing Lilly out of her way.
“Come on Faith. I’m not the bad guy here,” Lilly suddenly grabbed Faith and pushed her against the wall. “What the hell did they do to you?”
Faith looked at Lilly with fury in her eyes. Before Lilly knew it she was thrown against the wall and pinned down by Faith who was only an inch away from her. “You want to know what happened?” Faith pushed Lilly against the wall again before speaking. “When I least expect it. That’s when it happens, when I think they won’t do it again. When I think they’ll leave me alone. And the only fucking thing I care about is that Jackie won’t have to see it again and that she won’t get hurt.”
Faith took a deep breath and yet again shoved Lilly against the wall. “They all think they can get inside my mind and break me. Lion, the guards, Kakis… all the others, and yet they failed. I’m not going to let anyone in my head,” Faith had almost said the name of the vampire that had killed her watcher, but stopped in time. She looked at Lilly and continued her rant. “No one will get inside my head. NO ONE will ever play fucking mind games with me. NO ONE will ever mind fuck me. NO ONE BECAUSE I WON'T LET THEM. EVER!”
“NO… ONE… WILL… FUCK… WITH… MY… MIND!” With every drawn out word Faith pushed Lilly against the wall. “NO… ONE!”
Faith released her death grip on Lilly’s shoulders, but still had her hands leaning on them. She leaned her forehead against Lilly’s collarbone and took in a long deep breath. Lilly let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and closed her eyes. Glad that Faith finally let out some of her frustration, but also glad that Faith wasn’t shoving her against the wall anymore because it had hurt like hell.
She placed her hand on the back of Faith’s head and gently rubbed her thumb up and down in comfort.
“What’s going on here?” Lilly and Faith looked to their right and saw Skye obviously upset and Jackie just standing there. “What are you doing?” Skye directed her question at Lilly.
“Doing?” Lilly asked confused.
“I thought you loved my sister!”
“Whoa… hey, hold up there!” Faith said backing away from Lilly. “Nothing is going on like that.”
“Yeah right!” Skye sneered. “Then what the hell was that about? I trusted you Faith. And you!” She said pointing at Lilly. “I thought my sister meant everything to you. I thought Kat was the only one for you.”
“Skye get in here now!” Lilly warned.
“Why should I?”
In the blink of an eye, both Faith and Lilly had grabbed Jackie and Skye and pulled them inside. Faith sat down Jackie on the bottom bunk and told her to stay there. Lilly pushed Skye against the wall like Faith had done to her a minute earlier. It killed her inside to do this, but the blonde had to get the truth in her head and know she would never betray Kat.
“Listen to me carefully Skye,” she whispered in the blonde’s ear. “I love your sister with all my heart and nothing is going to change that. Not even because she isn’t with us anymore. I don’t want you thinking something stupid like me and Faith being together. Don’t get me wrong, I could do that in a second, but I still love your sister and I always will. Nothing is going to change that. You got that sis?”
“I just… I didn’t mean to… I thought,” Skye took a deep breath and began to cry. “I miss her, I miss her so much.”
Skye began crying even harder as Lilly held her in her arms. It was a heartbreaking scene and not even Faith could keep her eyes dry. It seemed like Skye had been, in a part of her mind, denying the death of her sister. It was understandable under the circumstances, even if Skye had Lilly. Before that Kat was all she had and like Faith had heard from Lilly, she and Skye hadn’t always been the best of friends.
“No one can ever replace your sister Skye, no one,” she released the blonde and kissed her forehead. “Now can we act normal so I can take care of you like a normal sister… well a normal sister that’s in jail, but hey, can’t have it all,” Skye gave a small nod with her head and sat down on the bunk next to Jackie who had gotten a little lecture from Faith.
“So what you’re saying is that we point the finger as in blaming her?”
“Exactly,” Lilly replied to Jackie. She and Faith had been explaining how they would take out Lion and her gang for an hour or so and they finally seemed to be getting it. Faith had explained Jackie and Skye that they would be indeed pointing the finger at Lion. They would do something to the guards and say that it was Lion and her gang that did it. Let the guards think The Ghosts were double crossing them.
Lilly had told Faith it would work. It would be getting Lion at her own game. Lilly knew Lion had done the same thing to one other gang that obviously wasn’t there anymore. That crew had the guards playing for them like they were now being played by Lion.
“If we can make it look like Lion is double crossing them, then it’ll be a lot easier to eventually take them down.”
“How are we going to do that Faith?”
“I don’t know yet Skye, but we have to be careful. I don’t want any of them coming after you, Jackie or Lilly.”
“We’ve got the others to protect us Faith, don’t worry about that.”
“I’m not worried, just a…”
“Yes Faith, a weak spot,” Lilly laughed. “Heard it before.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | November 30th 2001
A loud groan came from the blonde slayer as she opened her eyes. Although the place where she was laying down wasn’t the most comfortable, she hadn’t slept really well. Buffy tried to sit up, but stopped because something was pinning her down. She looked down and saw her sister using her stomach as a pillow.
Buffy glanced at the clock and an even louder groan escaped. "Dawn!" She said nudging her sister, "Dawn! Get up! You're late for school already!" When Dawn didn't move Buffy grabbed her and started pushing her into a sitting position until Dawn managed to sit up all on her own.
“What? I’m awake!” Dawn yelled looking around sleepily.
“You’re late for school!”
“I’ll call in sick,” was the sleepy reply.
“Oh no you don’t,” Buffy pulled her sister off the couch and pushed her towards the stairs. “Up! Get dressed,” she said pointing to the second floor.
“I’m awake, I’m walking, I’m going upstairs.”
Buffy sighed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. ‘What the hell were we doing on the couch?’ “Right… movie night turned into slumber party,” she answered herself. She ruffled her hair and walked to the kitchen, the second she entered it her stomach started growling.
“Good morning to you too,” Willow said quirking her brow. “Does your tummy usually growl that much after the amount of ice cream you had last night?”
“Mornin’,” Buffy mumbled and grabbed a plate.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Considering the place and the position, pretty well.”
“Good,” Willow smiled.
“Dawn! Hurry up!” Buffy yelled.
Dawn didn’t respond so Buffy went upstairs. When Buffy entered her sister’s room, she found Dawn curled up on her bed asleep. “Guess she’s staying home from school.” She couldn’t really blame her sister for wanting to sleep. Even Buffy herself wanted to sleep, even if she had a good night’s rest, it obviously wasn’t enough.
“Asleep huh?” Tara said when Buffy walked back in the kitchen.
“Yeah, and I’m thinking I’m going to do the same.”
“You already slept ten hours straight.”
“I know Wills, but I’m still sleepy,” Buffy took a bite from her sandwich and got up, “I’m going to call the school and tell them Dawn’s sick. Then I’m going to bed, just another two hours or so. Could you wake up Dawn for me in an hour… okay thanks.”
The two witches were left behind in a confused state. They hadn’t replied and yet somehow Buffy had made them the ones that would be waking up Dawn. “Should we tell Giles? I mean with her behavior in the shop and now the sleeping.”
“I don’t think that necessary,” Willow replied. “Dawn’s tired too remember.”
“Yeah but still.”
“We’ll keep an eye on the both of them.”
County Jail | Los Angeles | December 10th 2001
Faith watched as Skye and Jackie were planning things for Christmas, or rather the ones they would be having when they finally got out. Christmas in prison wasn’t a complete hell, but it was for a lot of women a ‘reality check’. Faith promised herself not to make a big deal out of it since she never had a real Christmas… Well, that wasn’t entirely true, she had one real Christmas; at the Summers home.
Buffy had invited her and she first shrugged it off saying that she already had a party to go to. Of course that wasn’t true and she ended up going to the Summers house anyway. She had brought gifts and Buffy and Joyce had gotten her a gift. Faith could remember by heart what Buffy had given her; a necklace with a small cross on it, where the two lines crossed each other was imbedded a small diamond.
When Joyce had asked her to stay that night, she had accepted reluctantly. After Buffy had come back from saving Angel, Faith had tried to give the cross back to her saying it was too much to give her. Buffy had just smiled and told her that’s what Christmas was for. Faith had accepted the necklace with a small smile herself. Faith had never actually wore the necklace in public because she wasn’t really a jewelry girl, but every time she and Buffy were out together patrolling or just hanging out, she put it on.
Eventually she had to explain to Buffy why she didn’t wear it when she was with any of the other scoobs. Faith had told her that it was because they would have thought she stole it. The blonde slayer had told her then that she would tell them it wasn’t true, but Faith had shrugged it off by asking, ‘Why would you give anything to someone like me?’ Buffy had frowned at that comment, but decided not to say anything because she didn’t think Faith would appreciate it.
“How did you celebrate Christmas Faith?” Jackie asked the brunette snapping her out of her trip down memory lane.
“Like everyone,” Faith lied.
“Well I for one am going to celebrate it on the outside next year.”
“That’s nice Jackie,” Faith said absently.
“Jeez, thanks for listening,” Jackie mumbled sarcastically.
“Come on Jackie, let’s go,” Skye grabbed Jackie’s hand and walked out of the cell.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lilly asked after the two had left.
“Nothin’.” The brunette replied. “I don’t want to talk about it okay.”
“It’s not about…”
“No Lilly, it’s not about that. Just a trip down memory lane.”
Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | December 10th 2001
“So, Christmas at my house?”
“Already thinking about Christmas Buffy?” Xander questioned. “Not that I don’t like free food, but isn’t it a bit early for that?”
“It’s only a week or two away Xander,” Buffy laughed. “Besides… I like to plan. Mom always planned dinner and it went perfectly, so I want to plan it so it’ll be perfect too.”
Buffy and the others had been discussing what they were going go to do with Christmas. For Buffy and Dawn it would be their first without their mother. Which not only made it sadder, but more special. The eldest of the sisters wanted to make it special, it being the first without her mother. She wanted Dawn not to miss her mother during this time, but to remember her with love and she knew that was going to be a hard thing to do. Buffy wanted to make this Christmas as best as she could make it.
She knew Dawn had a hard time after their mother had died, so had she. That’s why she wanted to make sure that Christmas was going to be a loving one and not a sad one. Although she had no idea how to plan the huge dinner with all of her friends, she wanted to do it anyway. Buffy knew Dawn was going to help her and Giles if she asked him, but as he told her once before it was time for her to ‘learn’ how to cope with daily life as a ‘parent’ and ‘role-model’ for Dawn.
Now that their mother was gone, she was the one that was going to raise Dawn. Buffy was getting a lot of help from the others, but as Giles had pointed out, she was the one that in the end was responsible for her sister and not any of the others.
Buffy had taken up Tara’s offer one time, to talk. Neither Willow nor Dawn knew about the conversation, it was something they couldn’t understand. Well they could understand, but Tara and Buffy were more in the same situation then Dawn and Tara or Buffy and Willow. Both girls were left the responsibility taking care of a household and Buffy had found comfort and support in Tara on how she managed to do it.
“Well alright then, Christmas at the Buffster it is,” Xander smiled.
“Yup at our place.”
“What at our place?” Dawn questioned in the shop.
“Christmas,” Willow said happily.
“Cool,” was her only comment before she sat on the table and started on her homework.
“Alright, that’s settled then.”
Everyone went on with their own business again. Anya was helping a customer, Dawn was doing her homework, Willow and Tara were talking about something in a book, Giles was doing paperwork for the shop, and Xander was reading some books. Buffy looked at her friends and smiled. Then she grabbed a bottle with water and headed for the training area.
While she stretched her mind went to another place. It went to a place of missing her mother. She was healing, but with every celebration the void of her mother was clearly visible. That was the hard part, not being able to give her mother a good night kiss, not being able to hug her, not having her to go with problems, not her to referee the arguments between her and her sister. She couldn’t do anything that a mother and daughter did.
Dawn wouldn’t have the pleasure of smirking once again when their mother took her side, couldn’t get upset at her for not letting her go out. Buffy was even more upset about that then the things she wasn’t able to do with her mother. Now Buffy was the only one she could talk to about certain stuff.
“What the…!” Buffy cursed as she felt and saw two hands on her upper arms grabbing her hard. She started kicking and punching in the direction it came from, but it didn’t do any good. The hands were still there and squeezing even harder. “Let go!”
“Buffy?” Dawn questioned while walking in the training area. “What are you doing?”
She looked at her sister. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m fighting … no one?” She added when the grip on her upper arms wasn’t there anymore. She rubbed both arms and saw finger marks on them.
“What’s that?”
“Proof that I’m not going nuts!”
“You could have easily done that to yourself.”
“Hello! Reality check,” Buffy looked at her sister. “You really think I would do that?”
“Well no, but…”
“Forget it,” Buffy said. “Go get your stuff, I’m in a desperate need of a shower right now.”
Dawn walked out of the training area and Buffy took another good look around. There was something seriously wrong here, what was going on with her? Why was she seeing these hands all the time, hands that tried to grab her and hit her…
Buffy grabbed her stuff and looked around once more.
“I am SO NOT liking this!”
They were once again running away from the brunette’s father. It had been almost the same as last time the two girls met. The brunette was again being attacked by her father, but this time he wasn’t holding her, the blonde just grabbed the kid’s hand and ran away with her.
“Why does your daddy hurt you like that?” The blonde asked after the two had found a hiding spot.
“I-I don’t know,” the brunette replied. “He just gets m-mad and I … I don’t know,” the young girl sobbed.
“Don’t cry, you’re safe now,” the blonde girl smiled.
The brunette looked at her and frowned. “You look like Jean Grey.”
“What do you mean?” The blonde asked.
“The superhero!” The kid smiled. “You know, X-men, Jean Grey is one, she saves people. Like you saved me.. Jean.”
“K, Rogue.”
“Cool!” The girl smiled. “I like Rogue.”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Christmas Eve
“Dawn can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, what is it Tara?”
“Can we…” Tara nodded and looked at the stairs.
“Sure,” both girls walked up the stairs and went to Dawn’s bedroom. “So what’s up?”
“Your sister. She’s been acting… let’s say strange.”
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I don’t think so,” Tara said. “Willow, Xander and Anya have been saying it’s because she’s still adjusting to being alive again. But I’m not sure about that because she has been back for a few months now.”
“Well maybe it is about her getting back, she’s been through a lot you know,” Dawn defended her sister. She kinda knew what was going on with her sister, but Buffy had made her promise not to tell them because it would only make them worry more. “She probably WAS in some hell dimension you know.”
“Dawn I didn’t…”
“Dawn, Tara, you guys up there?” The voice of Buffy broke off whatever it was that Tara wanted to say. “Dinner’s ready!”
“Coming!” Dawn yelled back. She looked at Tara again who was going to continue her sentence, but Dawn stopped her. “Just ask Buffy, if she says she’s fine, then she’s fine. I trust her,” with that she quickly walked out of the room leaving a concerned blonde witch behind.
“There you are!” Willow exclaimed loudly as Tara walked in the dining room. “Where were you?”
“Upstairs, thinking,” came the short reply.
“You okay sweetie?”
“I’m fine Will,” Tara smiled and gave her girlfriend a kiss.
“So what’s for dinner?” Anya asked. “It’s gonna be good right, coz last time I ended up throwing up for a half hour. I swore that was the last time I was gonna eat something of Buffy’s, but Xander dragged me along.”
“Thank you for that piece of information Anya,” Buffy said as she put the food on the table. “And that wasn’t even my fault! The dressing was out of date… I didn’t know that.”
“I’m sure it’s fine Buff,” Xander quickly said. His girlfriend was already glaring at his best friend and usually that didn’t end too well. As much as he liked to see a good cat fight, Christmas wasn’t the time to do that. “So let’s dig in!”
“No!”
“Okay... one… OUCH! Two… Why’d you do that? It’s not like I don’t get hit enough by Anya!” He pouted.
“There’s supposed to be a toast!” Buffy said glaring at her friend. “So… toast already.”
“I’m supposed to toast?” Xander frowned. “Isn’t the eldest supposed to toast?”
“I think not!” Giles opposed. “It’s the host, or in this case the hostess, that’s supposed to toast.”
“Alright… fine, fine, I’ll toast.”
Buffy took a glass in her hand and looked at her friends… her family one by one. They were all dressed neatly, even Xander had hoist himself in a tuxedo and of course told them he brought other clothes so that he could change right after dinner. “I’m not sure where to begin,” Buffy started. “Well first I guess thank you for being here. And before anyone is going to argue, I bought all the food in time, and nothing was out of date, I made sure of that.”
She caught them all smiling, especially Anya, who seemed pleased with the lead in about the food. “On a more serious note… This is the first Christmas withou…” She looked at her sister who already had red eyes and swallowed her own tears then continued, ”… without mom. I just like to say that I’m glad for all of your help the past months. I couldn’t have done this without ALL of you.”
When she emphasized the word, Buffy looked at Anya who just smiled at her. “And I’d like to especially thank Tara and Willow for being there for Dawn when I was… you know. I would have thanked Spike, but he’s not here right now so… Anyways… I’d just like to say a thank you for that. I know mom would have wanted us to be happy and celebrate Christmas, as it should be. So that’s what we’re going to do now. We’re gonna have fun and remember all the good times.”
The only sound in the room was the clinking of glasses and the soft sobs of Buffy's little sister. Buffy sat back down next to her and wrapped an arm around her and gave Dawn a kiss on her forehead. Giles smiled sadly as he watched the Summers sisters. Anya leaned her head on Xander’s shoulder and received a kiss on her forehead and last but not least, Tara took Willow’s hand and kissed it and Willow did the same back.
County Jail | Los Angeles | Christmas Eve
“What’s this?” Faith questioned. She, Lilly, Jackie and Skye had just eaten and were now sitting in her and Jackie’s cell. “You got me a gift?”
“I can take it back if you want,” Lilly said already grabbing the small box.
“Oh no you don’t, you’ve given it and I’m keeping it,” Faith looked at Skye and Jackie, “Could you two go for a little while. I need to talk to Lilly for a second.”
“What’s up Faith?” Lilly asked.
“I need to discuss this with you, only you,” Faith replied. “We’re doing the switching again. Jackie you’re staying with Skye tonight.”
Skye looked at Faith with joy in her eyes. They had pulled the switching before when Lilly and Faith wanted to talk about the plans they had made in secret. So Jackie and Skye got to share a cell.
“Come on J!” Skye smiled grabbing her hand.
Lilly and Faith both smirked. The brunette had told them about her love of nicknames and Skye had taken it over. After the two had left, Lilly turned to Faith. “So what’s with the serious stuff?”
“I want to talk about Kat.”
“Why?”
“What she had planned, what she wanted to do?” The next hour and even after lockdown, Lilly talked about the ideas Kat had. What she wanted to do, what she wanted to accomplish in jail before she got out.
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Getting Gifts
“Where’d you get that?” Dawn questioned as she saw the pendant hanging from her sister’s necklace.
“Uh, bought it last year, just never wore it before,” Buffy grabbed the pendant and put it under her shirt and out of sight before any more questions were asked.
“It’s nice, don’t hide it.”
Buffy just smiled and grabbed the tray with the, as Dawn called it, ‘After Snacks’. Both women walked back into the living room and settled on to the couch amongst their friends. “So can we get to the presents already?” Anya cheerfully asked. “Coz besides money and sex, I like gifts a lot.”
“Uh sure,” Buffy surprisingly enough grabbed a rather large bag from behind the couch and put it in front of her. “Tax refund,” she smiled sheepishly upon seeing the look in her friend’s eyes. She emptied the bag and handed everyone except Dawn his or her presents. Buffy never said anything, but she did take Dawn’s hand in her own, making sure she wouldn’t freak out because she hadn’t gotten her anything.
This eased Dawn’s mind a little, but not enough and it was written all over her face. “Isn’t Dawn getting her present?” Willow questioned.
“Later,” Buffy answered.
“But now everyone is doing the present thing,” Anya frowned.
“She’ll get her present later Anya,” Buffy said. “This… it’s kinda between us.”
“Hey Dawn, come here for a sec,” Buffy called out to her sister. Dawn had gone upstairs after everyone left over two hours ago and hadn’t come down stairs since.
After the big gift exchanging, Xander and Anya went home, as did Giles. Willow and Tara already looked tired and were pretty much ordered upstairs by Buffy, who really wanted some time alone with her sister to finally give Dawn her present. “What?” Dawn asked her grumpily.
“Your present,” Buffy raised a brow at her sister’s grumpy look, but she didn’t think of it anymore when she led her sister to the couch. “You thought I wasn’t going to give it to you anymore!” She said as Dawn crossed her arms and had an even grumpier look on her face. “Dawn I told you I was gonna give it to you later. I had a good reason, here open it.”
Buffy handed her sister a small box and she quickly opened it with a smile. The smile faded as soon as she saw what was in it. “H-how… I thought you… is it the real one?”
“Yes Dawn, it’s really MOM’S ring.”
Buffy remembered the argument the two of them had when Buffy had to sell it. The fight didn’t begin well and it ended even worse.
“What the hell did you do!” Dawn cried.
“I’m sorry Dawn, but I had to,” Buffy replied tears also streaming down her face. “If I didn’t have enough money we would have lost the house!”
“You could have found another way. I bought her that ring for her birthday; it took me forever to save the money. And even then I didn’t have enough to buy it and Spike helped me out with it. How else did you think I bought it? I can’t afford a thing like that!”
“I’m sorry Dawn.”
“Sorry yeah right! If you loved Mom enough you wouldn’t have sold the ring.”
The next minutes were nothing but a blur to the both of them. Buffy slapped Dawn and Dawn returned the slap and ran upstairs crying. Buffy didn’t say anything and sunk to the floor crying as well. After that argument, neither had talked about it. Dawn had apologized for the slap, as did Buffy. They had both acted normal towards each other and tried to forget the incident.
Buffy got pulled out of her reverie when her sister curled up on her lap and cried softly, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again. It had broken Buffy’s heart when she had sold the ring because she knew how much it had meant to her sister. They had sold the gallery just to pay the hospital bills still needed more money to save the house. Buffy didn't say anything about selling the ring to her sister until after she sold it. Luckily the money from selling the ring was enough to save the house.
“How?” Dawn asked pulling Buffy back to the present. She leaned more into her sister, holding her as close as possible for comfort.
Buffy kissed the top of her head and put her arms around Dawn. “Spike,” Buffy answered shortly. “That’s why I also wanted to thank him, but he wasn’t here tonight. He was being himself again and had snooped around the house and found the bills we had.”
Buffy paused remembering the, strangely enough, comfort Spike had given her. “He told me he could help me with that and get the ring back. Of course I didn’t trust him at first, but eventually he convinced me. Spike told me I would be in his debt, but it wouldn’t be more than a simple request that he would ask one day. He told me that, and I actually had to force this out of him, that he did it because he like us.”
“He does you know.”
“Now I do,” Buffy replied gently stroking Dawn’s hair. “Anyway… he offered me the money to pay the bills and to buy back the ring. So I did. I knew how much it meant to you, especially because you bought it for Mom. I shouldn’t have ever sold it in the first place.”
“Thank you,” Dawn said again. She leaned back against her sister after she put on the ring and closed her eyes. “I love you Buffy.”
“I love you too sis,” Buffy replied.
As the two sisters fell asleep, they never noticed Spike standing in the room behind them with a content smile on his face. ‘That went better than I expected,’ he thought to himself before locking the door and walked upstairs to get out of the house through Buffy’s window.
“Rogue!” The young girl screamed. Rogue’s father was once again holding her and lifting his hand ready to hit the brunette again. The blonde ran as fast as she could towards them, but before she could reach them, he slapped Rogue across the face hard.
“Jean, no!” The brunette screamed.
“Hold on!” Jean screamed. She grabbed a rock and threw it towards him. It made impact against the back of his head, making him loosen his grip on Rogue. The blonde girl quickly grabbed the brunette’s hand and pulled her along, getting as far away as possible from Rogue’s father.
After what seemed like forever, the two girls finally stopped and looked around. Neither the bridge nor Rogue’s father was to be seen. Both girls sat down behind a large rock, it was big enough to hide the both of them, but they still sat against each other and tried to make themselves as small as possible.
Jean looked at the brunette; she lifted her hand and softly placed it on Rogue’s cheek. “D-does it hurt?” She questioned.
“No,” the brunette shook her head. “Not anymore. Thank you again.”
“You have a bad daddy,” the blonde remarked. “Me help you not to get hurt,” the blonde smiled. Rogue leaned her head on Jean’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “You always call me… I’ll help,” Jean whispered before leaning her head against the top of Rogue’s and closing her eyes as well.
Buffy opened her eyes and looked around. She noticed that once again her back was aching and she wasn’t in her room at all. She looked to her side where something was pressed against her and saw her sister sleeping soundly against her. Buffy sighed and nudged her sister awake.
“What?” A groggy reply came.
“We gotta stop sleeping on the couch, my back is killing me!”
“Did we sleep on the couch again?”
Buffy raised her brow and sighed. “We did,” Buffy replied. “I just bought a new bed and it has only been slept in like three times and it was supposed to be more comfortable than the other I had, not to mention bigger and yet here I am spending the night on the couch which is already uncomfortable.”
“I’m thinking our beds are more comfortable,” Dawn nodded in consent.
“You two look so cute and sisterly when you are sleeping!” Tara squealed as she walked in the living room.
“You saw us sleeping?” Buffy gawked. “You didn’t wake us up?”
“I was thirsty so I came down for a drink, then I saw you two lying on the couch… it was cute…” Tara pouted.
“Next time please wake us up,” Dawn said. “Buffy’s back is hurting and my neck.”
“So Dawnie… what did you get?”
Dawn showed her the ring and Tara smiled. Buffy had already told her what had happened, but a promise was made not to tell Dawn she knew. Buffy and Tara had talked about it and both of them had cried. The blonde witch was the only one with whom Buffy could really talk about the loss of her mother and she had been a lot of help. Buffy had given the ring temporarily to Tara when she bought it back and Tara had given it back to Buffy just before she and Willow went to bed so Buffy could give the ring back to her sister.
She had also seen the disappointed look on Dawn’s face when Buffy hadn’t given her a gift like the others and she had also seen the still disappointed look when Buffy told her she was getting it later. When everybody had gone home and both Willow and Dawn went upstairs for a few minutes, it was Tara who comforted Buffy when she started to cry. When Willow and Dawn had went upstairs, the slayer wasn’t able to keep her tears inside and just let them out while Tara had comforted her.
It had made their bond stronger and both were happy about that, especially since one was best friends with a certain redheaded and the other was the girlfriend.
County Jail | Los Angeles | February 2002
The death of Lion was the talk of the past two months. Killed by one of her own members and not even by accident. The girl had stabbed her to death. It had been a horrible sight to see, yes Faith was there, and she had even tried to stop the girl from killing Lion. When she tried to do that Lilly had grabbed her arm and pulled her away. She had already seen the other members of Lion’s gang making a protective shield around Lion and the girl.
Lilly had pulled Faith away from the scene and waited for it to be over. In the mean time they had argued about Faith wanting to help Lion after all that she had done. Faith didn’t even know it herself and had gotten angry with herself, she was angry with Lion but had taken it out on Lilly, who just waited patiently until Faith was done with the screaming before she nodded in the direction of the ending fight.
Faith had given a little smirk when someone had screamed that Lion was dead, but the smirk had dissolved quickly after not wanting to feel good about someone’s death, even if it was the person who had caused her nothing but misery for the time she was in jail.
A lot had changed in the two months after Lion’s death. Her gang was ‘officially’ dead (as official a gang gets); The Crabs had stopped their attacks on any of the member of the Ghosts or the Panthers and had called for a truce between the two. Faith didn’t know why they even gave up so fast, but Lilly explained that it mostly came because the only real reason The Crabs existed was so they could challenge The Ghosts now and then.
After that things went fast. The Panthers were increasing in numbers and were becoming the mean ‘gang’ around. Faith had given out ‘orders’ in making sure that there were no more gangs, trying to stop the fights, trying to stop everything that could destroy them and have someone else take over and begin the terror all over again, the terror that was now slowly dissolving.
Lilly walked in what was now unofficially her and Faith’s cell. She and Faith always had a lot to discuss and strangely enough the suggestion came from Jackie and Skye to switch cells. The guards didn’t even seem to notice that it had been done which was good for the four girls.
“Good news.”
“What?” Faith asked.
“The Crabs officially disbanded,” Lilly smiled. “Talked to their leader today. She didn’t want it anymore and eventually the others had agreed to just stop.”
“That’s good.”
“Now it’s just us then,” Lilly said. “Just us keeping the peace,” a sad smile crept on Faith’s mouth as she thought of the word peace. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Guys have you heard?!” Skye asked walking in with Jackie.
“What?” Lilly asked.
“The Crabs are officially over.”
“We heard; their leader already talked to me.”
“This is so cool!” Skye remarked. She hugged Faith and then Lilly. When she was about to hug Jackie, she felt someone pushing her and she more fell forward ending with her lips planted on Jackie’s. She quickly jumped away from Jackie avoiding the looks Faith and Lilly were giving.
Faith and Lilly were grinning like little children, but Jackie wasn’t portraying any emotions other than a slightly confused look. Skye felt uncomfortable and was highly confused on what had just happened. She had kissed Jackie. Even if it was by accident, she had still kissed Jackie. And who the hell pushed her anyway?
When she finally found her voice it was exactly the question she asked. “Who pushed me?”
“Uhm I did… kinda… I fell,” Lilly explained. “I’m so sorry,” it didn’t help at all, she and Faith were both still grinning like little children and the other two girls were, if possible, even more uncomfortable than before.
Sure the two had seen women kissing women. Hell, Skye’s sister had been involved with a girl. Neither she and Jackie were into women, they were both into men!!! They hadn't even thought about it, alright, that wasn't true. She had thought about it… The only time she had thought about it was in relation to her sister and Lilly being together, never her and Jackie, so not her and Jackie! Nope, never, just Lilly and Kat, never her and Jackie!
Faith softly nudged Lilly in her side and nodded her head towards both of the girls. They both smiled and left the cell to find some things to do and leave them to do some talking which both Lilly and Faith knew they had to do.
“So…”
“So…” Jackie followed.
“That was awkward,” Skye started. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t really my fault, Lil, pushing me and all. But still… sorry.”
“Apology accepted.”
Skye looked at Jackie, “So… now what?”
“Well we’re friends, that was a mistake, never would have happened if Lilly didn’t push you. No harm no foul.”
“You ever wondered what it would be like?”
“Sorry?”
“To kiss another woman.”
“No.. you?”
“Truth? I have,” Jackie smiled at Skye’s reply and looked at the wall in front of her. “I’ve always seen Kat and Lilly kiss. I asked them once. They said it was softer or something. I never kissed a woman so I wouldn’t know… Can I kiss you?”
“What?”
“I’m so sorry!” Skye looked shocked. “I don’t know where that came from. I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry!”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to kiss me?”
“Don’t know, guess I wanted to know what it’s like.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay let’s try it.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay… so… who starts?”
“Both of us?”
“Okay.”
Jackie moved closer to Skye on the bed and Skye moved closer to Jackie. They moved closer still until their faces were inches apart. Finally, before they chickened out, both leaned in until there lips met. Nothing much, just touching. After a few seconds Jackie moved back, “So we're doing this wrong. Right?
“Dunno, I guess we should do it like you’d normally kiss a guy or something?”
“Wanna try again?”
“Sure.”
Both girls moved forward again until their lips met. Now there was slightly more movement, just dry kissing, no tongue or nothing. It was Jackie who got bold and slipped her tongue out flicking it against Skye’s bottom lip. Slightly unsure, but still curious, Skye parted her lips and slipped her tongue out too, meeting Jackie’s half way. As the seconds crept by, both grew a little more confident and the kiss deepened.
Skye placed her hand on Jackie’s neck bringing her closer. Jackie placed one hand on Skye’s thigh and the other on Skye’s cheek stroking the cheekbone with her thumb. After a few seconds they parted, but didn’t move far. Their hands remaining where they were, their foreheads resting against each other's.
“That was softer,” Skye finally whispered.
“Uh huh,” was all Jackie said before mouth met mouth and tongue met tongue again.
Dedications: To Michele... you're the best. You've helped me a great deal with this fic and I love you for it. To Sway... Come back from your vacation girl! (Well unless you're having fun of course then I think I could go without our chats for a little while longer.) To Skye... The real person, for giving my character a name :-) To Miss K and Star... You guys rock with your stories... Keep 'em coming!!!!
County Jail | Los Angeles | January 10th 2002
“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting out,” walking in the cell. “It’s all over the place, everyone knows.”
“Guards?”
“Probably.”
“Great,” Faith mumbled under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied. “And yeah I’m getting out. March 18th, on probation of course. Had my parole hearing today.”
“Well don’t do anything stupid to get back here,” Faith glared at Lilly who just kept talking. “Don’t let freedom get taken away from you again.”
“Like I can enjoy freedom,” Faith grumbled. She was still a slayer and there was no doubt in her mind that the Watcher’s Council would come after her again. “Nothing,” she said when Lilly give her a ‘what’s wrong’ look.
“How do you feel?”
“Me getting out? ‘Oh the Joy!’” Faith replied sarcastically.
“You’d actually hate to get out? That’s a new one.”
“Not hate getting out. There’s just nothing better out there.”
“Come on Faith, there’s something out there. Just go live your life out there and it will come, trust me it will.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
Lilly sighed, there was just no way of knowing what Faith thought sometimes. Anyone would be glad to get out, especially the way Faith was treated in jail. Not to mention what the guards had done to her, ‘She’s gotta talk sometime,’ Lilly thought to herself. She couldn’t believe Faith was denying what had happened. It was sure to come back and haunt her if she didn’t deal with it.
“Come on, let’s go find Jackie and Skye,” Lilly grabbed Faith’s hand and pulled her out of the cell. Then she actually started running playfully like a little child which made the brunette smirk. “Jeez, if had know that doing this would make you laugh I would have done it sooner,” she drooped her arm around Faith’s waist and steered her towards Lilly’s former cell.
When they finally got there, the sight that greeted them made them smile. Although it wasn’t something they had expected to see so soon, Lilly had anticipated it. After all, it was her who ‘accidentally’ pushed Skye which made Jackie and Skye kiss.
Jackie was sitting with her back against the wall, she had one leg bent and Skye was currently leaning against it. But that wasn’t what Lilly and Faith were actually smiling about. They were smiling because the two were kissing. Even Faith could tell they had done so before, it made her wonder what it exactly was that the two had done after the ‘accidental’ kiss a few days earlier.
Faith looked at Lilly who was despite her grinning crying some. The brunette knew that it reminded Lilly of how she and Kat were. Skye had almost the same physical appearance as her sister, except for the hair color and the fact that she was younger. She nudged the older girl, letting her know she was going to say something to the two and Lilly quickly wiped her tears away mouthing a thank you.
“Well it’s about time!” Faith smirked. She started laughing when the two rushed away from each other. “Jeez, jumpy much?”
“Faith!” Jackie squealed.
“What?” The brunette grinned. “It was about time you two got together. Just don’t be all over each other when we’re around.”
“Faith!” Now all three other women squealed.
“What?” The brunette replied innocently.
“Tell them the news.”
“We already know Lilly,” Skye replied. “She’s getting out. We were celebrating.”
“And I can’t have any?” Faith replied seriously. When Skye and Jackie both turned bright red, Faith burst out laughing and Lilly quickly joined her Skye buried her head in Jackie’s shoulder in embarrassment and as soon as Jackie made sure Faith was joking, she burst into laughter as well.
Magic Shop | Sunnydale California | January 10th 2002
Buffy was thinking, she needed to think. Think of what she was planning to do with her life. She actually wanted to go back to school, but she needed a job so she could pay the bills. Plus that there was a sister to take care of. Willow and Tara had been helping her out, and the money Spike had lent her was enough for now. But there was going to be a time, soon, where she had to do it herself.
Buffy got pulled out of her thoughts when a hand was gently placed on her shoulder. “How’s Dawn doing?”
“Oh hey Tara,” Buffy said looking up from her seat. “Uhm, she doing okay I guess.”
“She may haven’t showed it much after you gave the ring, but she’s very happy you bought it back.”
“I know that,” Buffy replied. “It’s just that… sometimes I have no idea what she’s thinking you know.”
“I know,” Tara replied. “But she’ll tell you what she’s thinking when she ready for it. Be patient, you’re her sister and she knows that.”
The sound of the bell ringing at the door, made both girls turn around and saw a very happy Dawn entering the shop. “Hey guys.”
“Hey Dawn,” Buffy greeted her. “How was school?”
“Good,” Dawn smiled. She walked to her sister and to Buffy’s surprise gave her a hug before sitting at the table and taking out her homework. Tara smiled at Buffy before walking back to Willow, who was currently involved in a book that apparently involved frowning… a lot…
“So, how’s it going at school, good grades?”
“Yeah,” Dawn replied uneasy. Even if she and Buffy were getting closer, she wasn’t used to this kind of attention. Buffy never took interest in how she was doing at school, that’s used to be her mother’s job.
“Look Dawn,” Buffy waited for Dawn to look up before continuing, “I know I haven’t been the best sister lately. But that’s going to change okay? From now on I’m going to be a better sister to you, help you and stuff. And whatever you need. I’m new at this too remember?”
“I remember,” Dawn smiled.
“So, you’re gonna have to help me out now and then. We’ll do this together.”
“Okay… together.”
“Together.”
An awkward silence fell between the two and neither knew how to pick up the conversation again. Dawn tried to go with the most logical thing. “Were you ever good at biology?”
Buffy smirked and took the chair next to her sister. “I know a thing or two. What’s the problem?”
“Bugs.”
“Ugh, I hate bugs.”
“Why do you think I hate biology?”
Willow and Tara smiled as they watched the two sisters bicker about biology. It gave them great pleasure to see them act this way, they had drifted apart far apart since their mother had died. And it seemed like Buffy dying had made the rift between them, that had formed after their Mother’s death, even harder to close. It appeared that things were looking up at the moment.
County Jail | Los Angeles | January 10th 2002
“What was the urgency Faith?” Angel questioned as he took a seat across from her.
“I’m getting out.”
“You are?”
“Had my parole hearing today, just thought you should know.”
“When?” Angel asked.
“March 25th,” Faith lied. “But uhm, I don’t want you to visit me.”
“I’m sorry?” Angel asked confused.
“The week before, from the 17th,” Faith said. “I just want a week of myself. No visits, no nothing. Just to think you know.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure A,” Faith said. “Just some time to get my thoughts straight. Just me thinking.”
“Alright,” Angel said nodding. “I’ll have someone pick you up on the 25th then. Can’t come. Sun’s not good for my look.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Running… that’s what they always seemed to be doing when they met each other. Running away from Rogue’s father because he was once again trying to hurt her. Jean was growing tired of it and so was Rogue. They weren’t supposed to be running away from a father. A father was supposed to be loving and caring, not the monster that Rogue’s father seemed to be.
“Jean, wait,” Rogue pleaded out of breath. “Can’t run anymore. Tired.”
“We have to Rogue,” Jean took Rogue’s other hand and started pulling the brunette with her. “He’s coming! Hurry up,” she yelled pulling Rogue with her.
Rogue started running again and that’s exactly what the two children would be doing for the next half hour. Running away from a man that was supposed to be loving and caring. A man that was supposed to treat his daughter nice, but was doing none of it. The only thing that he was doing, was frightening the two children, hurting the dark haired child. Giving her bruises that would eventually fade away, but forever be imprinted on her soul.
“Jean please,” Rogue pleaded. “I can’t walk anymore. I’m to tired.”
Jean looked around to see if Rogue's father was still in sight, she didn't see him anywhere. She pulled Rogue towards a small shed she had spotted a few seconds earlier. The two climbed up to the second floor and let themselves fall on the mattress that was there. Breathing heavily, Jean got up from the mattress in search of some blankets. After a short search she found some and brought them back to Rogue. The brunette was trembling, she was cold, tired and terrified. Jean put some of the blankets over the mattress and pulled Rogue in her arms laying down.
“Where’s your Mommy?” Jean blurted out.
“My Mommy died,” Rogue replied sadly.
“I’m sorry.”
“It happened at the bridge where you saved me from daddy the first time we met,” Rogue explained. “I’ve seen her once.”
“Your Mommy?”
“I know she’s not here anymore, b-but I saw her,” her voice sounded more like a five-year-old rather than the ten-year-old that she was.
“Your Mommy’s a ghost?”
“I-I don’t know,” Rogue replied. “She was nice though… u-until she…”
“What?”
“She turned into Daddy.”
“Your Mommy is your Daddy?”
“No!” Rogue yelled bolting out of Jean’s arms. “Mommy would never hurt me. See this?” Rogue turned around and pulled up her shirt. “Mommy would never do this! Never ever!”
“Okay,” Jean’s shaky reply came. She was even more afraid of the man than she was before. Rogue’s back had all kinds of red stripes on them. The red welts were surrounded by vividly coloured bruises, both old and new. Jean knew they must have hurt real bad…
“I’m so tired,” Rogue said laying down next to Jean again. “Scared… Daddy… he’s going to find me again, hurt me like before.”
“No, don’t talk like that,” Jean replied hugging her friend. “Your Daddy is not here. I won’t let him hurt you okay?” The blonde felt Rogue nod and kept whispering ‘it’s okay’ in the brunette’s ear until she was certain that her friend was sleeping.
She knew there had to be a way to take her away from her father so he couldn’t hurt her again. If only she could figure out how to do it and Jean knew it wasn't going to easy either. Jean also closed her eyes and fell asleep. They could rest now… had to run again when they woke up or he would find them.
County Jail | Los Angeles | January 10th 2002
Lilly watched as Faith once again let herself fall on her bunk almost asleep immediately. It had been several times a week now that she would do this. Only come out to eat or when the guards made her come out of her cell again. “Faith,” she nudged the younger girl a little more awake. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been sleeping most of the day.”
Faith groggily got up and leaned against Lilly who had settled herself next to the brunette. “Dunno, all I know… I’m wicked tired. I need sl…”
Before she knew it, Lilly’s lap was being used as a pillow. ‘God she must be really tired. Didn’t even finish her sentence,’ it made Lilly worry about Faith a lot. The brunette seemed exhausted and getting more tired by the day. The nightmares that had plagued Faith earlier, had seemed to become less frequent since Lilly became her roommate.
For one thing Lilly was extremely grateful; ever since she and Faith shared their cell, the guards hadn’t laid a hand on Faith. Lilly thought that maybe Faith’s tiredness also came from emotional stress. Not being able to fully heal from the attacks on her.
When Faith woke up a half hour later, she didn't make any effort to move off of Lilly's lap. She just stayed on the bunk, curled up against Lilly. “Won’t be long till you can go home Faith,” Lilly said carefully. “Won’t be long and you’ll be out of here, away from them,” mentioning ‘them’ Faith unconsciously flinched and leaned in closer to Lilly.
Lilly mentally kicked herself for even mentioning them. “Why don’t you press charges?”
“And be dead before I get out?” Faith replied sitting up. “If I do that I’ll be dead before I even start running for the gate.”
Lilly sighed, Faith had a point. If Faith did press charges and they found out, they would lose it on her. Either beat her until she couldn't walk or talk or if they could get away with it Lilly knew they would kill Faith. “I’m sorry Faith,” Lilly said. “It’s just that they don’t deserve to be out.”
“I’m not the first they did this to Lil,” Lilly rested her head against Faith shoulder and closed her eyes. “And trust me when I say I won’t be the last.”
“I know,” Lilly replied. “I’m just saying that… maybe if someone does stand up to them, then maybe they would replace the male guards with female guards.”
“That would be a blast wouldn’t it,” Faith laughed. “Maybe it would be better,” Faith considered the thought, but it wasn’t her choice to make. She didn’t want to talk about it, she had put the memories away, she buried them deeply and didn’t want to bring them up again.
No one could know what they did to her. That would only result in having pity for her and that was something she didn’t want to have, she didn’t want people to pity her. They weren’t supposed to say they were sorry it happened to her. To ‘them’ she was probably another ‘slut’ they could add to their list.
Both girls got up when they heard the call for dinner. They both quickly smiled at each other and went in search for Skye and Jackie who were probably all over each other again.
County Jail | Los Angeles | January 10th 2002
// 7 p.m. \\
“Lilly can we talk?”
“Sure,” Lilly replied to Faith.
“I wanted to ask you…” Faith hesitated. “Could you take care of Jackie for me?” She blurted out. “I know she can take care of herself, but I want someone watching over her. Now with Skye… I know she’ll be protected. I’ve seen the love between the two, but she gets hurt easily Lil,” Faith took a breath and continued, “I know Skye won’t hurt her. But it’s new for the both of them… Fuck…. Could you take of the both of them after I’m out?”
Faith was about to say more but was stopped when Lilly placed a finger on the brunette’s lips and shushed her. “I’ll take care of both Faith. Don’t worry about that. Skye is like a sister to me and I’m fond of Jackie. They’ll be fine. Don’t worry about them.”
// 07:10 p.m. \\
“Lilly?”
“Yes Faith?”
“When are you getting out of here?”
“I have a parole hearing about two months after you get out. Jackie and Skye one and two weeks earlier respectively to answer your next question.”
// 07:20 p.m. \\
“Lilly?”
“What?”
“Where are they?”
“In their cell.”
// 07:25 p.m. \\
“Lilly?”
“Faith…” Lilly replied slightly annoyed with all the questions.
“What’s that?” Faith said pointing at the ceiling of the recreation room.
“Don’t know. Inmates often scribe things in the ceiling or walls.”
“Ok.”
// 07:30 p.m. \\
“Lilly?”
“Shut the fuck up Faith!” Lilly growled. “What the fuck is it with the questions already? I’m seriously considering knocking you out and get myself some sleep,” Lilly was pissed. Real pissed. Faith had been asking questions for over a half hour now and it was getting really annoying. Not to mention it wasn’t like Faith at all.
“What the fuck are you so nervous about that you have to keep asking me these goddamn questions,” she continued. “You shouldn’t be nervous until the day you get out and still about two months from now. So please… shut up.”
Even if Faith was the one always to make a killer comeback, she hadn’t expected that outburst from Lilly.
And she wasn’t nervous about anything at all!
// 07:35 p.m. \\
“Come on Faith, let’s get back to our cell.”
On their way to the cell, Faith mentioned again how tired she was and didn’t know where it was coming from. Lilly replied that she had already seen that Faith was tired and blamed it on not getting enough sleep. “But I get enough sleep,” Faith replied. “You know I fall asleep about thirty minutes after they turn off the light and trust me. That’s early for me.”
“Then I have no idea why you are so tired,” Lilly said. “What’s on your mind lately? Worrying about something?”
“Nothing in particular,” Faith said. It was true. The only thing she worried about was that Jackie was going to be okay after she left. Since Lilly already said she would take care of her and Skye. That wasn’t much of a problem anymore.
“Then I have truly no idea why you’re so tired.”
// 07:40 p.m. \\
Lilly and Faith walked back in silence, both thinking about stuff. They were nearing their cell and Lilly started walking faster and hurried to the cell. As soon as she got in, she plopped down on the bottom bunk and waited for Faith.
She looked out of her cell and noticed Faith talking, or rather listening to some guards. She looked almost frightened, Lilly could tell she was hiding the emotions really well. ‘Wait,’ Lilly thought. ‘If she’s looking like that, then those guards…’
She didn’t finish her thought and did the only thing that would get Faith away from them. “Faith you coming or what?” She called out angrily. If there was one thing the guards knew, it was never to mess between two inmates, especially if those two inmates were friends. One of the many guards had learned that the hard way when two of the women had an argument with each other.
He had tried to calm them down, but one of them hit him and continued yelling at the woman she was having the fight with.
To make it look even worse, Lilly stepped outside the cell and put her hands on her hips and gave her best ‘get over here or I’ll drag your ass here’ look that she could do and waited for Faith to walk over.
She watched as Faith FORCED herself to smile…
She watched as Faith WALKED AWAY from the two guards…
She watched as Faith walked towards her with A SMILE on her face…
She watched as one of the guards turned around with an EVIL grin on his face…
She watched as the other guard turned around as well. His smile EVEN WORSE…
She watched as Faith seemed to NOTICE that the guards had turned around and were looking at her.
She watched as Faith started walking faster almost in PANIC…
She watched as Faith looked around for someone, there was NO ONE, except for Lilly who was too far away…
She watched as Faith truly expressed FEAR for the first time she had known her…
She watched as one of the guards walked TOWARDS Faith…
She watched as Faith suddenly GASPED FOR AIR…
She watched as one of the guards whispered to her, “HERE’S YOUR GOING AWAY PRESENT…”
She watched as Faith’s facial expression went from FEAR TO EXTREME PAIN…
She watched as the other guard looked at her and DARED her to come closer to Faith…
She watched as the two guards WALKED AWAY…
She watched as Faith’s facial expression went BLANK…
She watched as Faith FELL forward onto the hard concrete floor…
She watched as RED LIQUID poured out from somewhere on her lower back..
She screamed for HELP as she watched Faith bleed…
She RAN towards Faith, kneeling in front of her, telling her to HOLD ON…
Dedication: To Michele for… just being you and helping me with some of the issues in this story… and no we don’t want any lawyers correcting me or rather us now would we *winks* You know what I mean. To Sway… You rock! To Discord and the person that gave her life, Miss K *winks* Keep it coming.
Summers Home | Sunnydale California | January 10th 2002
// 07:35 p.m. \\
“Why the late dinner?” Dawn asked walking in the kitchen.
“Coz I wasn’t hungry yet.”
“Buffy, *I* was hungry.”
"We eat together, so until I'm hungry we don't eat!"
“Fine if I starve it’s your fault,” Dawn looked at her sister, who just stuck her tongue out at her. Dawn took a chair and waited for Buffy to finish cooking dinner. They usually ate in the kitchen at the ‘island’ as Dawn kept referring to it. Dawn smiled as she remembered a food fight with Buffy and herself against the two witches. The kitchen had been a total mess.
Dawn watched as Buffy suddenly stopped moving and grabbed the counter. “Buffy?” She asked. The blonde slayer turned around with a look of pain on her face. Not only pain, but amazement as well. “Are you okay?”
Buffy couldn’t believe what was happening. She could never remember being in this much pain before, ever. It felt like a knife was being pushed in forcefully and who or whatever was doing it knew exactly how to cause the most pain. She gasped for air and looked at her younger sister.
Dawn jumped off her chair as Buffy reached for her back and pleaded with her eyes for Dawn to help her. She got to Buffy as fast as she could, catching her, Dawn wasn’t able to carry the full weight of Buffy and fell down with her sister in her arms. “Willow! Tara!” Dawn screamed in panic and pain from falling.
Only a second later Dawn could hear both witches run down the stairs with a hurry. “Dawn?”
“Kitchen!” They heard the young girl yell.
Both witches ran in the kitchen and saw the two sisters lying on the floor. “Oh my god, what happened?” Willow said.
“I don’t know,” Dawn replied. “She just… she was making dinner and then… she reached for her back and then suddenly fell down…”
“Lets get her to a doctor.”
The second they tried to lift up Buffy, the slayer opened her eyes and stared at the first person she saw. “Dawn? What happened?”
“Y-you fell... past out or something,” Dawn replied upset. “You reached for your back, was it hurting or something?” Dawn helped her sister up, but she didn’t believe her. “Buffy, you were looking seriously freaked.”
“I don’t know what it was Dawn,” Buffy replied sitting on a stool. “Just got this freaky pain in my back all of a sudden. Like someone stuck a knife in it or something.”
“That’s… freaked Buff.”
“I know Willow,” the slayer replied. “But it’s over now. No more pain, still freaked though… so what you wanna do tonight Dawn?”
“Well, as much as I hate to say it… school… got some tests tomorrow,” Dawn couldn’t help but notice that Buffy was avoiding the subject. She was so going to have a talk about that with her sister later.
County Jail | Los Angeles | Two Days Later
Sitting in the corner on the floor, legs drawn up to her chest, crying softly. That’s how Skye and Jackie found Lilly. Lilly hadn’t been out of her cell since it happened two days earlier, not even the guards could get her out. Jackie had already wanted to get Lilly out of the cell, but Skye had told her not too. That Lilly had also been like this when Kat had died. Skye told Jackie to give Lilly some time, but now Skye was also worrying about her.
Skye sat down next to the blue-eyed women and gently placed her hand on Lilly’s knee. The teary-eyed blonde woman looked up at Skye and started crying again. Skye put her arms around Lilly and comforted her as best as she could. “I couldn’t stop them,” Lilly sobbed.
“They were… a-and I couldn’t stop them!” Lilly whimpered. “I just stood there. I didn’t even move a muscle; I didn’t go out to help her. I chickened out and waited until they left!”
Skye placed a kiss on the top of Lilly’s head. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“I just froze… a-and now she’s…”
“It’s not your fault Lilly,” Jackie tried to calm Lilly as best as she could with Skye. But the blonde was still crying heavily and it seemed like it never stopped.
“I didn’t help her and now she’s…"
Rogue looked at her friend teary-eyed. “Where were you!”
“Rogue I’m so sorry,” Jean tried. The brunette looked at Jean angrily. The blonde could understand why, she had said something long ago to Rogue and now she hadn’t done what she said. “I’m so sorry.”
“You said I could always call you and you would be there… I did!” Rogue cried. “Where were you!”
“I didn’t… you never…” Jean was confused now. She was upset because Rogue’s father had once again hit the brunette, but she hadn’t heard her calling out or she would have been there. “I didn’t hear you Rogue,” the blonde tried.
“How?” Rogue sobbed. “You said you’d always hear me. I called, I screamed, I yelled, I cried. I did everything and still you weren’t there.”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Jean was now crying as well. She should have been there to take her away from her father, but she wasn’t. It was her fault that the brunette had a black eye, it was her fault that Rogue had a cut on her arm, it was her fault she was bleeding.
She reached out to Rogue, but the brunette winced away from her and huddled in the corner of the small shed they had been before. “Rogue please,” the blonde pleaded. “I didn’t hear you…” She whispered. “I’m so sorry,” she walked closer to Rogue who didn’t move away this time and let her be held as she cried in pain. “I’m so sorry,” Jean kept whispering.
Orthopaedic Hospital | Los Angeles | January 20th 2002
“It’s a shame.”
“What is?” The woman replied.
“That young and already in prison,” she replied. “Can’t you take the cuffs off her, she’s not going anywhere you know.”
“No.”
“Come on Miss,” the redheaded doctor replied. When the blonde shook her head again, the redhead got angry. “What is she going to do!? Walk out of here? She won’t be walking anywhere anytime soon. As far as we can tell for now she’s paralyzed from the waist down!”
“Look Miss, whatever your name is,” the blonde responded furiously. “As much as I’d like to I can’t do it. One, I’m not a cop anymore, and two they’ve already got a cop standing outside making sure I won’t,” she replied. “I’m only here because for some reason they listed ME, her arresting officer, as next of kin.”
“What about that other person that visits her?”
“Angel…” Kate Lockley sighed. “No, he wasn’t listed as next of kin. Which is confusing as it sounds, he has a lot more to do with her then I do. That still confuses me.”
“So why are you here?”
Kate sighed, “Good question.”
It really was a good question. Kate had no idea what she was doing here, maybe it was because she was listed as next of kin and she felt obligated to be there. Or maybe it was because she was finally seeing behind the tough girl act that was Faith, but the only reason she was doing that was none other than Angel.
He had been keeping her up to date on Faith’s current situation. Kate told him she didn’t care on what was going to happen to her after what she did, but she found herself listening to the souled vampire every time he called. It was strange, for some reason she found it interesting to know about Faith. Know about how she let this happen and how she was trying to make amends for what she did. After all… she turned herself in, no one forced her to do so. Faith is a slayer; she could have just run away like she always did. Faith CHOSE the hard way, she CHOSE to turn herself in and make amends for her mistakes.
Kate looked at the sleeping slayer. This was a girl who had probably been more through stuff you can’t even relate to before she became a slayer and that stuff become even more AFTER she was called. CHOSEN to protect the innocent from ‘things that go bump in the night’. As she watched the brunette sleep, Kate couldn't help but think, if she didn't already know better, she would have thought Faith was just a young innocent girl. At that moment, Kate CHOSE to be there for Faith no matter what.
“How is she doing?” After a waiting a few seconds, Kate never got a reply and turned around. The doctor, that had been there before she started daydreaming, was gone again. Kate sighed and grabbed a chair. She looked at the brunette face; it was filled with pain, anger, fear and innocence at the same time.
The redheaded doctor had told her Faith had been one lucky girl. If the knife had penetrated her back one inch to the left it would have cut through the nerves in her lower back. The knife still had done a lot of damage to Faith’s nerves and they weren’t even sure if she could walk again.
For now… it seemed like she couldn’t
PAIN. That was the first thought that filled Faith’s mind when she woke up. An almost inhuman pain was streaking through her back. So much pain that she wasn't able to even move her legs. .. Couldn't move her legs.... a lot as in not being able to move… not being able to move… her legs! ‘What the fuck is going on. I’m not moving, I can’t move… I can’t move my legs! I can’t FEEL my legs!’
Faith tried again to move; the only thing she got back for it was the ‘inhuman’ pain in her back. ‘What's going on? I can’t move my legs, can’t feel them… This isn’t right, what happened? NoNoNoNoNo! This isn’t happening. What the fuck is going on!’ An eerie scream came out of Faith as she tried to move again and as before failed to do so.
“Calm down!”
‘Who said that?’ Faith thought in her mind.
“Faith calm down!”
Someone was pinning her down to her bed, trying to make her lie still. ‘No, they can’t keep me here!’ “Let me go!” Faith screamed. Her vision was still blurry and she couldn’t see who or what was holding her down to the bed. “Let go of me!” Faith yelled trying to struggle out of the grip of whoever was holding her down. “Not again! Leave me alone!”
“Faith I’m not going to hurt you! Calm down!”
Faith found herself unable to struggle, not only because she couldn’t move her legs but also because the pain in her was beginning to get even worse. She calmed down, not knowing what else to do and waited for her vision to return without the fuzzy lines and non-clearness. As her vision got cleared, she saw blonde hair. “B?” She questioned despite already knowing the answer.
“No.”
“Who?”
“Kate Lockley, your…”
“… My arresting officer. You think I’d forget that?” Faith replied angrily. “What the fuck are you doing here! Came to see poor little hurt Faith? Fuck off!”
“I’m here because I’m listed at your next of kin and for some stupid fucked up reason I thought I cared. Now shut the fuck up and lay still,” Kate snapped. “Yes Faith you’re not the only who can curse. I’m going to call a doctor.”
After a few minutes the redheaded doctor came in Faith’s room and introduced herself as Dr. Maria Massey. She checked Faith’s vital signs and strangely enough welcomed her back to the land of the awake. “What the fuck are you welcoming me back for?”
“You’ve been in a coma for twelve days Faith,” Dr. Massey replied. “And good with the cursing again I heard from your friend here.”
“She’s not my friend,” Kate and Faith said at the same time.
“I find that intriguing,” the doctor said. “You’ve been here ever since she got here.”
Kate found herself blushing for no reason as the other two women flashed a grin at her. “I’m listed as her next of kin. Was the nicest thing to do.”
“Cute,” Dr. Massey replied. Her smile grew wider when Kate blushed furiously, “So Faith, how are you feeling?”
“Like a fucking knife went through my back! That’s how I feel. And why the fuck can’t I move my legs?” Faith cursed. “And another thing. What the hell were you talking about a coma?”
“Well that could mostly be because a knife went in your back,” Maria explained. “Severe blood loss is what caused the coma. We were concerned about your wellbeing, I understand you’ve been in a coma before.”
“For eight fucking months I’ve been in a coma!” Faith cursed. “What the fuck is going on?” She hissed. “Why can’t I move my legs?”
“Because the knife damaged some nerves in your back,” Dr. Massey explained. “We have been able to repair them, but we couldn’t tell for sure if you were able to walk or not since you were in a coma. And seeing now that you haven’t been able to do so…”
“What doc?”
“There’s little hope you will,” she replied sadly. “We still need to run some tests, but as far as you have proven, there’s no feeling whatsoever in your legs.”
“No,” Faith growled. “I will walk. You can’t keep me down! They are just trying to control me that’s all,” Faith hissed. “I won’t let them, you hear me!” She grabbed the closest hand she could get and pulled the body that belonged to it closer. “You hear me?” Faith hissed. She grabbed the hand she was holding even harder and heard the person whom it belonged to cry out in pain. “They WON’T fucking CONTROL ME!”
“Guards!” Dr. Massey yelled.
Even though Kate was in some tremendous pain, she told the guards to stay out of this because it would only upset Faith even more. “Get out!” Kate yelled at the redhead.
“What!”
“Just get out!” Kate hissed. When she heard the door open and close, Kate let herself fully concentrate on Faith and tried to get her hand loose. “Faith look at me,” she tried.
Nothing…
“Faith!” Kate hissed in pain as the brunette squeezed even harder. “God,” tears were now streaming down her face. Being a cop, she’d had some injuries before that had hurt, but this was fucking insane! “Please Faith, let go!” She sobbed. “God… Please Faith, just let go of my hand!”
Next thing Kate knew she collapsed on the bed on top of Faith who had started crying herself. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Faith cried. “I didn’t mean to… FuckFuckFuckFuck!”
Kate pulled herself up a little. She rested her elbow next to Faith’s head and placed her hand on the left side of the brunette’s face. Kate brushed a few damp hairs out of the slayer’s face, “Shh, it’s okay,” Kate comforted Faith as best as she could with pain shooting through her right wrist. She held her arm to her side and tried not to move it. Faith was still crying as Kate kept brushing her fingers through the brunette’s hair in comfort.
“It’s okay,” Kate kept saying to the crying slayer. “Who did this Faith? Who stabbed you?”
“I don’t…” Faith sobbed. “I can’t remember.”
“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it,” Kate smiled softly. She was looking directly into Faith’s eyes, she knew that the brunette would either repress it or she just plain didn’t remember what happened. She wasn’t going to push Faith into telling because that way it might never come out. There’s just one thing she wanted to know and she knew that even if Faith couldn’t remember the rest… this was something she wouldn’t. “Fellow inmate or guard? Tell me Faith, inmate or guard.”
“Guard.”
Kate smiled sadly at the brunette. She gently wiped the tears out of Faith’s eyes and kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep Faith,” she said. Faith closed her eyes and was gone in an instant. Kate wiped the tears off her own face and sat up straight. “What happened to you?” She questioned. It was a question that could be directed to every part of Faith’s life; her childhood, the time she was in Sunnydale and her time in prison.
Kate cursed lightly as another bolt of pain shot through her wrist and stood up from the bed. She gently caressed Faith’s cheek with the back of her hand and left the room to get her hand checked out and to tell Dr. Massey and the guards that everything was fine.
The next two weeks Kate spent all her time in the hospital helping Faith. The brunette was doing a little better every day, it even amazed the doctors. But there was one thing that they didn’t know. Faith was a slayer and with that came slayer healing.
The first few days were spent trying to get more strength in Faith’s upper-body, mostly her arms. She would be spending some time in a wheelchair and Faith had already told the nurses she wanted to be able to do everything herself. Lifting herself in bed, lifting herself in a wheel chair, lifting herself in a chair. She wanted to be able to do it all by herself. And that’s exactly what she had been doing. She wouldn’t let the nurses near her, only if she was having so much pain she could move and even then the nurses had trouble getting closer to her. It was eventually Kate who would be lifting her up and putting her either back in bed or in a wheelchair.
“I am going to walk again you know,” Faith said full of self-confidence. “I’ll be walking out of prison.”
“I know you will Faith,” Kate replied.
“How’s the hand?”
“It’ll heal,” Kate smiled.
“Why?” Faith suddenly asked.
“Why what?”
“This,” Faith replied. “Why are you doing this? Being here, helping me.”
“Because I know you’ve turned your life around. I know you’re trying to make amends for the pain you’ve caused.”
“Been talking to Angel?”
“Yes.”
“How is soulboy?” Faith asked. “He hasn’t come to visit me once since I woke up.”
“I don’t know where he is.”
“Right here,” the vampire said stepping out of the shadows. “Hey.”
“Where you been?”
“Demons.”
“That bad?”
“Remember that monster in high school… apocalypse… Twice as much trouble.”
“That bad,” Faith confirmed.
Kate looked at the two with a raised brow. Their connection seemed so much easier then Kate would have ever thought. Just a few simple words could explain everything. It was a connection that lay deep down within them, Kate knew it was mostly because they understood each other. From what she heard, Angel had been through similar things.
“What?” Faith asked the blonde.
“I’m missing something here,” Kate replied frowning.
“High school tales,” Faith smirked. "I’ll tell you about them later."
County Jail | Los Angeles | February 15th 2002
‘Oh yeah, this is great!’ Faith thought sarcastically as she was being pushed inside prison walls again. She could see the evil smirks on some of the inmates. Some however didn’t… one in particular. The brunette looked at the face that was looking at her with compassion, care and love. Faith looked as Lilly nodded and smiled. It was as if she was saying to keep her head high and not let anyone get to her. To not let anyone under her skin by their looks, to just ignore them and not say anything to anyone. Faith turned her head and looked up to the person that was pushing her wheelchair. Kate had also seen the looks the other inmates were giving Faith.
Kate wasn’t supposed to be doing this, but she had insisted with her former boss to let her come with the officers that were taking Faith back to prison and he had after two hours finally relented as a ‘thank you’ for saving his life when she was still with the LAPD. Kate had ‘casually’ brought it up that he owed her his life and that he could do this for her. Of course knowing that the guy was cheating on his wife also helped...
“Are you going to be okay?” Kate asked after they finally got in.
“I’ll be fine,” Faith grumpily replied then sighed, “Yeah. I’m okay. Got Lilly to help me.”
“Good. You should have seen the face of Dr. Massey when you were already starting to walk. I’m sure she wanted to keep you or something,” Kate replied. “I’ll come back later this week to see how you are doing.”
“You don’t have to you know,” Faith said. “I’ll be fine.”
“I know,” Kate placed a hand on Faith’s shoulder, then turned around and walked out.
Once inside, two female guards brought Faith to her cell, where Lilly was already waiting with the biggest grin on her face Faith had ever seen anyone wear. Faith just gave Lilly her standard ‘shit eating grin’. That grin grew even bigger when Faith helped herself on the bunk and left the blonde watching with amazement.
“H-how did you… do that?” She said gesturing what Faith just did.
“I’m a fast healer.”
“Apparently,” Lilly replied. “How are you?”
Lilly sat beside Faith on the bunk and waited for her answer. “Still hurts like hell,” Faith replied.
“They’re gone,” Lilly blurted out. “The two guards that… stabbed you.”
“What?” Faith asked with a quizzical look on her face.
“I uhm. Well I turned them in,” the blonde replied. “Three days after they took you to the hospital, I got so angry at myself that I didn’t help you… SO I turned them in. They were fired. Those two female guards that brought you in are their replacements.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind!” Faith yelled. She grabbed Lilly’s shoulder and pushed her back against the wall, hissing in pain while she did so. “You could have gotten yourself killed! Do you know what they do to the women that do that?”
“Let go Faith!” Lilly yelled pushing the brunette away. She immediately regretted doing so because Faith was hissing in pain. “Oh god, I’m sorry!” Lilly squealed. She helped Faith to lie down on the bunk and kneeled next to her on the floor. "Are you okay?"
“I’m fine,” Faith let out a low growl when she continued with her rant from seconds earlier. “Are you fucking nuts? You have no idea what they’ll do to you when they find out you did that to them. Not to mention what the other male guards will do to you.”
“That’s why they are replacing the male guards with the female guards,” Lilly grinned. Seeing the quizzical expression on Faith’s face she explained, “A lot has happened in the month you were gone Faith. Apparently after I turned those two in, other complaints came rolling in. And not only about the guards that stabbed you and raped you,” Faith glared at her when she mentioned the rape again, but Lilly ignored her. “All the other guards had done something, if it was selling drugs, raping or beating someone. It seemed like every guard in this place had done something.”
“And now?”
“And now they are replacing them by female guards,” Lilly continued. “They are of course trying to cover it up, so they are replacing them like once every month. They are afraid of their reputation. By the time I get out, they will all be replaced by female guards."
Faith smiled. At least something good happened during her stay here.
County Jail | Los Angeles | March 15th 2002
Since February 15th everything went fast. Faster than any of the doctors could have hoped. Faith was walking again… Well you couldn’t exactly call it walking it was more stumbling than any other thing, but Faith was sure of it that she would be walking out normally and she let Kate, Angel, Lilly, Skye and Jackie know that many timed. It was in fact so much that it was almost driving them nuts!
Neither Angel nor Kate were going to be visiting her the last week in prison. She had made sure of that. She had actually told Angel and Kate that she would be getting out on the 25th and not on the 20th she wanted one week of total freedom. Just one week to herself, to get her groove back.
“So Faith,” Lilly started. “Just one more week.”
“One more week,” Faith smiled. Although she was probably better off inside with the new guards than outside. She couldn’t wait to get on the outside.
County Jail | Los Angeles | March 20th 2002
Lilly, Jackie and Skye were all standing outside Lilly and Faith’s cell waiting for Faith to get her things. Today was the day she was finally getting out. She had been in more than a happy mood, teasing again, bickering with the three most important women in this place. Training more and more. With Lilly’s help, she had been able to get her limping down to a minimum.
The only problem Faith was having was that it sometimes still hurt like hell while she was working out. She had been given medicine by the doctors and a regular check up by Dr. Massey herself. Who had taken the time to do that in her free time thinking that the prison doctors weren’t the ones to deal with it.
But according to Lilly, the doc just had a crush on Faith. They had a good laugh about it and eventually Lilly actually proved them right. Dr. Massey DID had a crush on Faith. The brunette had told the doc that she wasn’t having a ‘crush’ or anything else with the her. The redheaded woman had been upset about it and had asked Faith for the strangest request ever… A kiss…
Faith had told her she would think about it. When she had told that to Lilly, the blonde had started laughing, but then in all seriousness just told her to do it. ‘Give the doc a happy,’ she told Faith then. And so Faith had kissed her doctor on her final visit. Maria Massey had only said a ‘thank you’ after that and had left with the biggest grin on her face.
“Faith, hurry up,” one of the female guards said.
“Coming blondie,” Faith replied. A nickname given by Faith herself after the guard had went from red to blonde hair. Faith finished grabbing her stuff and walked out of the cell.
“So…” Skye began. “See you on the outside then. Don’t be a stranger to visit.”
Faith grinned at the young girl and gave her a hug. She gave Jackie a longer hug, the girl had already had tears in her eyes and even though Faith told her not to cry, she did. Skye took Jackie over from Faith hugging her girlfriend furiously. Then Faith turned to Lilly.
“Well…” Lilly grinned.
“Take care of my girls Lil,” Faith said. “You’re officially the leader now,” the brunette grinned. “I’ll see you on the outside. Or sooner if I decide to visit this place again… on the visitors side that is,” Faith winked at the older women and smiled.
“I’ll take care of them for you… here’s something for luck,” Lilly placed her hand on Faith’s cheek, caressing the brunette’s cheekbone with her thumb. She leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against Faith’s. Then she hugged the brunette and said. “That’s all you’re gonna get… I’m still young and don’t like to be dead yet.”
“Exactly,” Skye said grinning. She knew Lilly wanted to do that and she also knew that Lilly wouldn’t want to go any further than that.
“Take care Faith,” Lilly whispered before letting go of her friend and stepping aside so the guards could take her away.
Away to freedom…
Away to a new beginning…
So when will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this for good.
When will this end? / It goes on and on over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop / Till I step down from this for good.
---------------------------------------------------------
Started: October 28th 2001
Finished: December 22, 2001
secrets I kept inside me / no one can understand
secrets I had to hide / 'cause no one would hold my hand when
secrets for me to know / and never for you to see
secrets for only me
---------------------------------------------------------
Faith looked up at the sky. This was the first time she could actually see the sky in its fullest glory unlike the view in prison. When she looked up at the sky in the prison barb wire always cut across the bottom of the skyline. Not this time, this time she could see it and enjoy it. After two years paying for her crimes in prison she was free. Free to go wherever she wanted and do whatever she wanted. The goodbyes had been a little hard, but no one had made a really big scene out of it. Lilly and Skye had both promised to visit her when they would get out, which for Skye was a month after her and for Lilly six months after her.
One thing bad about this was that Faith had already begun to lie. She had lied to Angel about when she was getting out. She had told him that it wouldn’t be for another week, but all Faith wanted was some time on her own, some time to get back in the life of a free girl. One week of getting to know the feeling of being free, starting with some actual GOOD food instead of the food she got in prison. Then she was going to do what she had always liked; dancing. Only for one night, dance until she couldn’t dance no more. Dance until her mind, body, heart and soul knew and felt she was free again.
Faith opened the envelope with her stuff in it. A necklace with a small cross with a small diamond in the center where the two lines crossed, some keys and a wallet. It wasn’t much, but then again she had never had much. Faith opened the wallet to find about ten dollars in it and a credit card. She took the credit card out and recognized it as the one that the Mayor had given her one time.
‘Still good for something,’ Faith thought and called out for a taxi. The ten bucks would get her to the nearest pizza place, she was SO incredibly hungry.
A couple at the table in front of Faith watched in amazement as the brunette wolfed down her second pizza. They hadn’t been able to eat half of a pizza the two of them, and here was this girl who was eating her second one.
Faith looked up at the couple and grinned like a little child that had just been given permission by her parents to go to the circus. Then she went back to her pizza finishing the last slice of it. She paid the waitress for the food and stood up. The couple was still looking at her, mouths partly open. “What?” She asked innocently. She raised a brow at the two and walked out of the pizza place.
‘Now, to find a place to stay,’ Faith thought to herself and started walking. After about a half hour walk, Faith walked into a motel. This was the best so far she had seen but still one of the cheapest, not wanting to draw attention to herself. Which she surely would be doing if she would check in some fancy motel. Sure the mayor was paying for it, but having people look at you because they suspected there was something else with you, wasn’t quite what she was looking for.
Faith stood in front of the door and opened it. She kicked the door close behind her and jumped on the bed. Sure she said she was hungry, already ate. Sure she said she was going out to dance, but first … first she was going to have a good sleep. She threw all of her clothes off and got under the covers. She rested her head in the soft pillows and closed her eyes.
Now it was time for something she hadn’t done since… get some real rest.
Faith woke up from the sound of a siren not far. She quickly got up and went to the window checking it out. She saw there were way too many police cars there to just be a normal situation and got dressed. She got out of the room and walked across the street where the scene was.
“What happened?” She asked one of the bystanders.
“Some girl got murdered,” the guy responded. “They said she had two tiny holes in her neck and her blood drained from her. Wicked gross!”
“It is,” Faith replied sighing. ‘Great just what I need,’ Faith shook her head and went back to her room. An hour later she was showered, dressed and headed for a club.
Faith had been dancing for an hour or so now, amazed by it herself, before she went to the bar and ordered a drink. The rest she had been much needed and got her all energized again. Since she didn’t want to go slaying or anything else, she went to the nearest club with the best beats and had surrendered herself in them.
She emptied her glass and glanced at the clock. ‘Damn!’ She cursed in her mind. ‘Three AM already?’
Faith cursed a few times more and paid the bartender. She got up and walked out of the club. Faith took a deep breath and let the fresh air, despite the smog, fill her nostrils. It truly was great to be out again. It would take her about ten minutes to get back to her motel, unless of course something intervene with that. Which it always did, she didn’t get her hopes up, but for once she’d like to get to her motel without interruptions.
Her hopes were definitely flushed down the toilet when she heard a muffled scream coming from an alley. A scream that she wouldn’t have been able to hear if it wasn’t for her slayer hearing. Faith rushed to the alley and saw a man, or vampire, drag a small girl behind a dumpster.
“Hey there, can I join in?” Faith’s slayer’s instinct told her that the man was a vampire. The vampire threw the small girl away and snarled at Faith.
“Now, now,” Faith mused. “Keep it down, someone might hear you.”
The vampire only growled at Faith as he attacked her. He tried to kick Faith, but she caught his leg and threw him against the wall. “God I missed this,” she said before grabbing the vampire and throwing him against the other wall.
Even though she was having fun beating the vamp, she was tired again and wanted it over quickly. She grabbed a wooden crate and smashed it, then grabbed one of the pieces. “Nice and pointy, just the way I like it.” She said before plunging it into the vampire’s heart.
“Good to be back,” Faith mumbled to herself. She started walking out of the alley when she remembered the small girl. “Hey kid!”
“Y-yes?” Came the frightened reply.
“Go home, you should be in bed.”
“Yes, m-miss.”
Faith started walking again. Her head got filled with a happy tune and she started whistling it. She still had the ten minutes to walk home and decided that with that tune she could make it a happy trip home. Her senses got tingling again and she turned around.
Nothing.
She could have sworn there was someone or something behind her. Faith started walking again, but that tingling feeling didn’t leave and it still hadn’t left her when she returned to the motel. She stood still in front of her room and listened to the sounds around her.
“Go away kid.”
She was right, someone had been following her. It was that little kid she saved from a vampire in the alley.
“Miss, I…”
“Go away kid, don’t make me chase you away. Go home.”
“What home?” The small child mumbled to herself.
‘Oh great!’ Faith thought. “Look kid,” Faith turned around. “What’s your name?”
“Hope.”
‘Right… very funny!’ Faith raised a brow and looked at the small girl. “How old are you?”
“I’m ten miss.”
“Okay… Hope…” Faith began. “You shouldn’t be hanging around on the streets. You should go home to your parents, or brother, sister or who ever are taking care of you. I’m sorry, but you can’t stay with me, it’s not s… you just can’t okay.”
Faith opened the door to her motel and stepped inside. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a second. She was about to walk to her bed when she heard a soft knock against the door and even softer sobs coming from behind it.
‘Oh, this is just great.’ Faith sighed and opened the door again. “Look kid, you can’t…” Faith stopped talking when she saw the child was crying a little harder than before. Faith closed her eyes for a second. After she opened them again, she took the child’s hand in her own and led the crying child in her room.
Once inside, Faith tried to get the small child to sit on the bed, but she wouldn’t let go of her and was still crying. “Hope,” Faith whispered remembering her name. “Let go of me for a second.”
Hope did as she was told and let go of Faith. The slayer then lifted the child up and put her softly down on the bed. She took of the child’s coat and saw the child was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and some shorts that had been covered by the long coat she was wearing.
But the other things that she saw shocked her more. Hope’s legs were covered in bruises, as were her arms and neck. The bruises couldn’t have come from the vampire; these bruises were already fading.
“What the fuck,” Faith hissed as she lifted Hope’s shirt to only reveal more bruises, some cuts and something that looked suspiciously like a cigarette burn. She raised a brow when she heard the small child giggling. “What?”
“You said the f word,” Hope giggled.
“Well don’t let me hear you do that,” Faith smirked. “Who did this to you?” Faith whispered to herself.
“I… I…”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it,” Faith said realizing the girl had heard her. She looked at the child’s chest and could actually count the ribs; the kid probably hadn’t eaten in days, or hadn’t eaten much in weeks. “You hungry?”
The child nodded slightly and smiled.
“Want some pizza?”
“Y-yes miss.”
“Call me Faith, it’s my name.”
“Yes miss Faith.”
“And drop the miss, kid.”
A few minutes later both sat on the bed eating pizza. But Faith was more watching the small child than eating her pizza. Hope was, like herself earlier that day, wolfing down the pizza as if she hadn’t had anything to eat in a long while. “Eat a little slower.”
“Okay,” Hope replied, indeed eating a little slower than before. It was like the child was used to be given orders. She followed them blindly.
“So, where are you from?” Faith asked trying to start conversation, which probably wouldn’t be that easy seeing she was trying to do that with a ten year old.
“New York.”
“Watcha doin’ here then?”
“Moved.”
‘Okay, this is going good.’
“I like the pizza.”
“Me too,” Faith said smiling.
They both finished the pizza and cleaned up. Faith looked at the child and noticed that she probably hadn’t had a shower in days. “Come on,” Faith said and lifted the child up and carried her to the bathroom. “Go take your clothes off I’ll make the bath for you. Lots of bubbles right?” Faith let the water run in the bath. She had bought the bubbles earlier that day, because she had always loved them.
“You ready?”
Faith turned around and saw Hope huddled up in a corner looking at her with fear in her eyes. Faith frowned and stepped closer to her, but the child only moved away from her in fear.
“I’m not going to hurt you Hope,” Faith said stepping closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t,” the girl sobbed.
“Hope, I’m not going to hurt you.”
“No please,” the girl pleaded.
Faith looked at the child, pain and fear was written all over her face. The brunette moved closer to Hope and told her constantly that she wasn’t going to hurt her. After a while she finally let Faith near her, undress her and lift her in the bathtub.
‘What the hell happened to her?’ Faith thought as she washed Hope’s hair. She carefully finished the child’s hair and let Hope do the rest herself. After she finished, Hope stood up in the bathtub and let herself be wrapped in the towels that Faith had grabbed a few seconds earlier.
“Finish drying, I’ll lend you a t-shirt to wear for tonight. We’ll do some shopping tomorrow and get you some new clothes. Then you’ll have to tell me where your parents are and I’ll take you to them.”
“Mommy’s in heaven.”
“Sorry?”
“Mommy’s in heaven and daddy too.”
‘Oh great,’ Faith thought. “How ‘bout a sister?”
“No.”
“Brother?”
“N-no,” the girl replied having again that hint of fear in her voice.
“You have a brother don’t you?”
“N-no,” the girl sobbed.
“Okay, calm down. No brother then,” ‘Like hell she hasn’t,’ Faith added in her mind.
“Cold.”
“Come on then,” Faith lifted Hope up and brought her to the bedroom. For a ten year old she sure was small and weightless. A normal ten year old would have at least weighed a little more, but this hardly seemed the weight of well, basically anything. “Here’s the t-shirt.”
Hope took the t-shirt and quickly dressed herself. Faith had to chuckle at that. It looked like the kid was wearing a dress instead of a t-shirt.
“Sleepy,” Hope said rubbing her eyes.
“Well I don’t have an extra bed, but this one is big enough for the two of us… you okay with that?”
“Warm?”
“Very warm, thick blankets,” ‘Why the hell am I talking like that?’ Faith questioned herself.
“Okay,” Hope replied.
Faith took some boxers and a t-shirt for herself and quickly changed in them. She got under the covers and glanced at the clock, 4 AM, ‘I’m sleeping late!’ She thought to herself. She felt movement on the other side of the bed and turned around. Hope shyly got under the covers and curled up in a fetal position.
She had never seen anyone so scared in her life not even… ‘SO not going there.’
Hope had already closed her eyes. Faith noticed she was shaking slightly and gave the girl a bit more of the blankets and wrapped her in it. Then she too closed her eyes and fell into a restless sleep.
emotions so bothered my soul / to know that I felt such pain
I thought it would go far away /it did for the moment
find truth in what I'm sayin' / they thought it was all a lie
how could they deny it when I was just a child
---------------------------------------------------------
Faith opened one eye when she felt a small tap on her stomach. She tried to move but couldn’t do that easily. She lifted her head a little and lifted the blankets. What she saw there wasn’t only the cutest thing she ever saw, but also the saddest thing. Hope was huddled up under the blankets, one arm over Faith’s waist and the rest of her body curled up against her. She could see her posture was nothing but fear, every second Hope tried to move even closer and curl up even more against her.
The brunette tried to get up, but it made Hope only cling to her more than the second before. Faith sighed and looked at the clock. ‘Noon already?’ She thought to herself. Then Faith remembered she was going to take Hope out to buy some clothes.
Faith slowly untangled herself from the kid and went to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and got dressed. ‘Some jeans and a t-shirt have to do for now,’ Faith thought as she looked in the mirror. She too needed some new clothes. When she stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes immediately went to the bed. She noticed Hope was slowly waking up. The small girl rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked around in confusion.
“Hey sleepyhead,” Faith smiled as Hope’s face immediately lit up from only hearing her voice.
Those things had never happened before. The only thing people did when they heard her voice was either look at her in lust or fear, or not look at her at all.
“Want some breakfast?” When Hope smiled, Faith lifted her in the air and let her jump a few times on the bed before telling the girl to get dressed. “After breakfast we’re gonna get you some clothes.”
“Okay miss… uh Faith,” she quickly said after Faith raised a brow.
“Good, and I’m not a miss. I’m just Faith, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Go put your clothes on,” Faith turned around when noticing the girl was slightly uncomfortable with Faith facing her way.
Faith had to smile when she thought about the mayor, or to be more precisely, the mayor’s money. Without that, she couldn’t have even afforded the motel room. And she wouldn’t have been able to buy Hope some new clothes instead of the things she was wearing now. “You ready?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, come on let’s get something to eat, I’m wicked hungry,” Faith looked at the girl who was giggling again. “Now what are you laughing about?”
“Wicked.”
Faith sighed and shook her head. “Come on,” Faith held out her hand and Hope took it gladly, knowing that if she did, food would follow not long after that.
The female part of the couple in the pizza place had also been sitting in the place where Faith and Hope had breakfast earlier. Now she had to look at two people who were wolfing down their meal. Faith had only raised a brow at her, but Hope had seemed amused by it, which made the slayer laugh and had almost choked on her drink.
Everyone in the place seemed to be looking at Hope and Faith. They gave Faith questioning looks; as if to say 'Aren't you ashamed to let a child out of the house dressed like that?' Faith just glared at the people. As if sensing Faith's unease Hope got up and stood next to Faith and asked if she could sit on her lap. Faith lifted Hope and put her on her lap. Faith was surprised when Hope threw her arms around her giving her a hug and kiss on her cheek.
Now the only person that was looking at them was the salesclerk helping them to pick out some clothes for Hope. Faith was careful not to let the salesclerk see the bruises on the child, because if she did then she’d probably call the police or something. So Faith made sure Hope changed the clothes alone or with her help. And only jeans and long sleeved thing because otherwise the bruises would have still shown and that was the last thing Faith wanted.
She wasn’t sure what to do at all at the moment. A kid that came out of nowhere, deceased parents, a brother she didn’t want to go to, under weight and covered in bruises. All Faith knew at the moment was that she was going to take care of the little girl. There was only one problem with this… ‘How the hell am I going to explain this broody?’ It was a thing she was going to worry about later, right now she had just paid for the clothes and they were on their way back to the motel.
Once they arrived, Hope started jumping up and down, anxious to wear some of the new clothes Faith had bought for her. Faith looked at the young girl and smiled. So far everything was going good, only three more days until the day Faith had told Angel she was getting out. And seeing now there was Hope, she had a lot of explaining to do.
Three days later | Los Angeles, California | March 25th 2002
“So…” Cordelia began. “She’s going to stay here then, if she’ll be waiting once she get out.”
“Yes,” Angel replied. “Until she’s ready to go back. And of course until they’re ready to have her back.”
“Fine, just don’t expect me to be nice to her.”
“I’m only asking you not to ignore her and act normal.”
“Yeah, yeah.. so when are you picking her up?”
“I’m not, Gunn is picking her up as we speak.”
Cordelia nodded leaving Angel to his thoughts once more. He had been thinking about Faith a lot lately. Had she really changed? Was she just playing a game? But all those doubts went away a few days before Faith’s release and were replaced with the thoughts that Faith had changed and that she wasn’t playing a game. The only strange thing about the last week was that Faith had told him not to visit her because she wanted to spend her last week alone.
Angel had arranged a room for her at the Hyperion and bought some clothes. He chuckled at the memory; he had sent Gunn shopping for Faith because Wesley had left the room once the name Faith was mentioned and Cordelia had simply glared at him, almost as if daring him to ask her to go shopping. Gunn had done more than just glaring at him for that, the next two days he had ignored him completely for what had happened at the store. After three days Gunn had finally told him, and only him, what had happened.
Gunn had gone into one of the shops and told one of the ladies Faith’s size. Once she showed him the pants, a guy that was standing close to him had gave him a small pat on his butt. Standing in a completely full shop, Gunn had only glared at the guy before paying for the pants and getting out of the shop as quick as he could. When Gunn had told Angel, the vampire couldn’t stop laughing and of course, Cordelia and Wesley knew shortly after and burst out in laughing instead.
“Angel!”
The vampire turned around and saw Gunn standing in the doorway breathing heavily.
“What is it?”
“She split.”
“What?”
“She wasn’t there man,” Gunn got out. “I was there on time, but she wasn’t there.”
“Told you,” Cordelia walked in the room with the biggest smirk on her face. “Did you really expect her to be there?” She questioned.
“Don’t,” Angel glared at Cordelia. “Find her, check credit card bills by Mayor Wilkins, he gave her one. I’ll be upstairs.”
“Oh, great so you’re making us look for YOUR lost rogue slayer.”
“Just do it!”
Gunn and Cordelia got wide eyed by that outburst. They mumbled an ‘okay’ to him and got to work.
Faith was looking at Hope, who was currently intrigued by the small television set that was in the motel room. She had been pushing the buttons for over a half hour now and still wasn’t tired of it. Her smile grew even wider when she found some cartoons on it. Faith thought it was great that Hope was getting so much joy from just pushing some buttons and watching some silly cartoons dancing across the screen. Hope jumped back on the bed and plopped down between Faith’s legs. She leaned back against the brunette and grabbed the robe Faith had bought for her. Hope kept wriggling in a good position to see the television but so far it wasn’t working. Faith brought up one knee and let Hope lean against her leg so she could see the television better.
She and Hope had grown a lot closer over the past three days. They had grown so close that Faith didn’t know what to do without the young girl. It sounded crazy, but it was the truth. They had a lot of fun the past three days. Every day after breakfast Faith had been taking Hope to the playground to play on the swings. She had found that they had both laughed and shared a few tears together there.
Faith thought that maybe Hope would start talking while they were laughing and playing at the park. Unfortunately she hadn’t. Hope always started crying when Faith even came near questions about her bruises. Not to mention the nightmares Hope had while she slept… strangely enough only during daytime. The girl slept a lot, a little too much if you would have asked Faith. Even Faith didn’t sleep that much, and a ten-year-old should have had a lot more energy to burn.
Today had been a tiring day for the both of them, they had went shopping again to buy some everyday stuff like toothpaste, soap and more of that. But more tiring because Hope decided Faith was going to have to catch her in order to get back to the motel. Hope had been laughing and screaming ‘Can’t catch me!’ and Faith just said ‘Oh yes I can!’ Anyone that saw it wouldn’t have thought any better than that they were two sisters having fun and for Faith, the child began to be like a sister to her.
While they were sprinting around the mall, people had stopped and watched. They had a good laugh and a sigh of relief when Faith bumped into one of the benches and fell forward, only to catch herself on her hands and do a flip and land on her feet again. Hope had come running towards her and screaming her name and asking if she was okay, Faith’s only reply was to lift her up and say ‘Yes I can!’ one more time. Hope had burst out laughing, quickly followed by Faith herself.
Faith looked at Hope. She was now leaning against her chest again, head resting against her shoulder. It didn’t surprise Faith that Hope was asleep, she had practically fallen asleep the minute they got home.
Faith put the television on another channel. There wasn’t much on at this hour, only some reruns of that day’s talk show. She pulled the covers up over both of them and moved herself into a more comfortable position. Well, as comfortable as possible considering she was still sitting up with Hope curled up in her lap, her head resting against Faith's chest. The brunette lowered the volume on the TV and rested her head back against the wall.
Faith fell asleep only a few minutes later…
“Angel! We found her!”
Cordelia waited for Angel to walk in the room, finding Faith wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard either. Sure she wasn’t Willow, but her skills were getting better each time Angel had her do something on the computer.
“Where?” Angel said walking in.
“Right here,” Gunn handed him a paper with an address scribbled on it. “Should I come?”
“No, I can handle this.”
“Suit yourself.”
Angel grabbed his coat and left the building. He couldn’t believe Faith hadn’t been there at the gate of Los Angeles County Jail. She had told him many times that she wanted and was going to change, that’s why it shocked him so much that she wasn’t there. By showing this behavior, Angel didn’t know what to think anymore. Sure he wanted to help her, and he truly believed that she wanted to be helped. She had said it to him herself.
After twenty minutes Angel pulled up on a small parking lot in front of a motel. He went to the front desk of the motel and walked up to the woman behind it. “Have you seen a brunette, name of Faith. Pretty muscular, about this high,” Angel continued his description of Faith.
“Yes I’ve seen the girl,” the woman said in a thick Irish accent that reminded him of Doyle, “but she isn’t alone as you said she was. She has a small child with her. The two have been a lot of trouble to me.”
“Did she do anything to you?” Angel immediately asked without thinking.
“No, no dear,” the old woman replied. “Not that kind of trouble. Just having fun kind of trouble, wearing me out. The two have a lot of energy, specially the small one.”
“Can you tell me their room number?”
“Not to sound suspicious or anything, but who are you?”
“I’m a friend and Private Investigator,” Angel took out one of his cards and gave it the Irish woman.
“Look I’m not suspicious, but I don’t trust just anyone you know,” she said in her Irish accent.
“It’s really important that I speak to her.”
“Come on then, I’ll take you to her, but I’m going in first understood?” When Angel nodded the lady continued, “You can wait outside until I spoke to her. I promised the girl not to let anyone in except her and the kid.”
“Fair enough.”
Angel followed the woman to one of the rooms and waited outside for her to return. After a few minutes the old lady opened the door again and motioned Angel to come inside. “Be quiet,” the lady shushed him before he could speak. “They’re both asleep.”
Angel looked at the bed. What he saw there wasn’t what he had expected to see. Faith was in a sitting/lying position on the bed with a young girl curled up on her lap. The young girl was clinging to Faith and the slayer was comforting her in her sleep. She was gently rubbing the child’s back in a soothing way. A faint hint of proud-ness washed through him as he saw Faith protecting the girl like that.
Angel looked a little closer, and thanks to his vampire night vision, he could see faint bruises on the young girl’s skin. “What happened to her?”
“I don’t know,” the old lady replied. “She never told me … and before you get any ideas mister, the girl didn’t do that to Hope, she would never do that.”
“Faith and Hope,” Angel chuckled. When he reached for the light, the old lady told him not to but it was too late and he pushed the button. And it wasn’t Faith who reacted to it, but the young child. She was suddenly screaming not to hurt her.
Faith quickly jumped up from the bed and protectively pushed the girl behind her. Hope threw her arms around Faith from behind, clinging to her for dear life.
“God Angel!” Faith yelled after recognizing the vampire. “Are you nuts! Turn off the goddamn light, you can see in the dark can’t you!”
Angel just stood there a little amazed at what just happened and it was the old lady who turned the light back off. “I told you not to do that.”
“How was I supposed to know that would happen?”
“Miss Faith, you want me to call the police?”
“No it’s okay CJ, I know him.”
“I leave you to it then,” CJ walked out of the room leaving Angel, a frightened child and Faith alone.
“Hope look at me,” Faith said turning around. “It’s okay, he’s not going to hurt you,” Faith took the child in her arms and got back under the covers.
“Where were you?” Angel asked.
“Oh fuck!”
“Faith!”
“Sorry Hope,” Faith said giving the child a kiss on the top of her head. “Look I’m sorry Angel, I just needed some time.”
“Now I know what you meant by that time, being out without me knowing so. What was the real date of your release Faith?”
“Twentieth,” Faith replied. “Look Angel, I did my time. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I didn’t do anything illegal if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I didn’t…”
But Faith cut him off, “Of course you did! I was free to do whatever I want and I didn’t tell you the right date. I just wanted some time alone Angel.”
“Let’s not do this here, come back to the hotel with me. Your room is ready.”
“Fine,” Faith sighed. “Come on Hope, we gotta go, get dressed. You can sleep later, Angel turn around.”
“Huh?”
“I’m not one of the shyest,” Faith winked before turning serious again. “…but this kid… I don’t know… just turn around will you!”
... the little ones that could not escape / the pain and misery / would no one ever set them free?
why do you pretend to see / all the pain they had to go through / can't you hear them cry to you?
secrets I kept inside me / no one can understand / secrets I had to hide
'cause no one would hold my hand when / secrets for me to know
and never for you to see / secrets for only me
oh babies crying / people are dying / the secrets inside their heart no one ever yeah
I know / there's nobody up in here
that can hear the cries I hear inside my mind / but I cry
---------------------------------------------------------
When they arrived at the Hyperion, Faith had immediately asked him where their room was. Angel had told her and let them go to it to get some sleep and they would talk later. Now Angel was remembering the ride to the hotel. And an interesting ride it was. Faith wouldn’t let Hope out of her sight and Hope wouldn’t let Faith out of her sight. The second Faith would move, Hope would follow and the second Hope moved, Faith would follow.
In the car both girls had sat in the back, Faith using the full length of it and Hope on her lap asleep. Faith had ‘borrowed’ a blanket from CJ promising to return and pay the rest of the rent. The slayer had wrapped the blanket around Hope trying to trying to hide Hope from Angel's all seeing eyes. Faith knew why he was looking, even if the small child had been eating properly now, you could still easily count the ribs. But most important for Faith was that Angel wouldn’t see the bruises and ask too many questions Faith knew she couldn’t answer.
When they had arrived at the hotel, Faith picked up the child in her strong arms, despite her own obvious exhaustion. Angel could tell the brunette slayer hadn’t been sleeping well and Hope was the obvious reason for that. He was going to talk with her in the morning and find out what exactly was going on, who the child was and most importantly how the child came to be in Faith’s care. There was something strange about the two, something he just couldn’t quite get.
Faith woke up to the sound of a telephone ringing somewhere and got up groaning. She looked at the clock and noticed it was 11 a.m. Way too early for her to actually be up. She leaned down to give what she thought was a sleeping Hope a small kiss on her forehead, but the girl was already awake, “Hey, go back to sleep,” Faith said before the young girl got up. “Remember the stairs from yesterday? When you wake up again just go there and go down and walk straight through the door and into the kitchen, I’ll be there,” she whispered and kissed Hope’s forehead.
It didn’t take long before Hope was asleep again. Faith took a quick shower, got dressed and went downstairs. She found four people doing their morning rituals which was obviously eating slightly burned toast with a lot of coffee.
When she entered the kitchen Cordelia immediately glared at her getting a glare back from Angel before Faith could make a snide remark. Wesley didn’t even look up and completely ignored her. Angel nodded and Gunn just started mumbling something about leather and men.
“Morning,” Faith mumbled as she ruffled her hair a bit. Faith knew that everything was going to be uncomfortable between all of them and the brunette knew she had to apologize for everything she had done to them. She knew that Cordelia probably wasn’t going to be that big of a problem, just a ‘ever touch me again and I’m gonna kill you’ kinda deal. She was more afraid of what Wesley was going to do to her. For now though it seemed as if like he was just going to ignore her.
Faith sat down next to Cordelia and Gunn, who was still grumbling about leather and men. Faith couldn’t help it, she just had to say something about it, “What’s wrong with you? Boyfriend stole your leather pants?”
To her surprise, Cordelia spat out her drink and just started laughing hysterically. Angel just smirked, Gunn glared at her and if her day wasn’t already turning out for the good by insulting the tough guy… Wesley had to stifle a grin. It was as much to his surprise as to her own, but Wesley didn’t try to hide it. He just walked out the room and the remaining people in the kitchen could actually hear him chuckle.
After Cordelia calmed down and the vampire got his normal broody face on, Gunn looked at Faith. “For your information slayer,” he began. “Broody had me buying clothes for you. Do you have any idea what kind of looks I got from the men in that shop?”
“Sure do, get ‘em all the time.”
“Do they also ‘pat’ you on your butt?”
“Usually yeah,” Faith grinned. “I just hit them in the face and continue shopping.”
“Thanks I’ll keep that in mind!” Gunn grumbled and walked out of the kitchen.
“So what does a girl have to do to get some breakfast around here?”
“Get it yourself,” Cordelia snapped.
“And just when I thought I was getting on the good side of Queen C, shoulda known she wasn’t THAT easy,” Faith grinned as she got up and fixed some breakfast for herself.
“Faith!” Angel warned as the brunette slayer finished making breakfast for herself.
“I can take care of myself Angel,” Cordelia snapped at the vampire. Just before Faith was going to make another remark, Cordelia was saved by the kitchen door opening. “And you are?” Cordelia snapped at the person.
Faith looked at Cordelia as if she was ready to beat her to a bloody pulp. “Shut up,” she growled before turning to the person who had walked in. “Did you sleep okay?” The young girl nodded and sprinted towards Faith and hugged her. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Faith said and lifted the young girl onto her lap. Faith received a kiss and another hug from Hope before turning so both were sitting correctly at the table.
She flashed a grin at the seer before returning to her breakfast… which she thought she had. “Hope!” The brunette squealed. “If you wanted to eat, you could’ve told me. I would have made you something. Not eat MY breakfast.”
“I was hungry!” The young girl pouted.
“You know I can’t resist that face,” she tickled the young girl lightly. “Want something to drink?” The girl nodded and smiled. “C got any orange juice?”
“Fridge,” Cordelia said still amazed by the interaction between the two.
“Like sisters huh,” Angel whispered looking at the two.
“Angel, you’ve got to get more OJ than this!” Faith said. “The kid loves it.”
“I’ll have Cordelia get some more.”
“Why do I have to…” She got cut of by not one, not two, but three pouting people. First Angel made his pout face… or the thing that resembled it, then Faith actually pouted. But Cordelia broke when she saw the little girl pout as well. “You learned that from Faith didn’t you?” Hope's smile was all the answer Cordelia needed to her question. “Fine, fine… I’ll get the juice.”
“Can I go with?” Hope asked, surprising everyone in the room. Then she silently added. “I just want to make sure she gets what I want and what you want,” she looked at Faith and smiled.
Faith looked at the child and then to Cordelia, who merely shrugged, implying it didn’t matter to her if she went with or not. “Alright, get your coat upstairs then.”
After a few seconds Hope returned from her and Faith’s room and asked Faith to help her put it on. Faith knew that moving some parts of Hope’s body still hurt the child so she made it look as natural as possible for Cordelia, who didn’t know about Hope yet. After she got her coat on, Hope ran to Cordelia grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the kitchen… Faith and Angel both shared a laugh when they heard Cordelia yelling not to run so fast.
It didn’t take long for Angel to start his questions, which were already anticipated by Faith who gave her answers before he could a full sentence out. “I saved her from fangy,” Faith replied to the vampire. “And no, she doesn’t know what they are I haven’t told her that yet. So don’t go all grr on us.”
“Did you take her in?”
“I tried not to,” Faith explained. “She followed me back to my motel and when I closed the door on her she started crying… So I kinda had to take her in, couldn’t leave a crying kid outside the door now could I?” Faith smirked. “Then when I took off her coat I saw what was done to her..."
“And what was that?”
“Beaten up badly. She is covered in bruises and welts Angel, nothing but skin and bones,” Faith replied sadly. “God Angel you should have seen her. She was just. I don’t know who or what did this to her, whoever it was is going to pay.”
“Faith…” Angel tried to soothe the angry slayer.
“Don’t Faith me!” The brunette growled. She stood up from her chair. “You have no idea in what kind of condition she was in Angel. The only part of her body that wasn’t covered in bruises were her face and neck,” Faith hissed. “She fucking has cigarette burns on her body! She has them on her legs, hips… mostly in that area,” Faith took a deep breath and continued.
“She even has one just above… God, Angel… When I gave her a bath… she looked better before the bath, then after..." Faith repeated, softly almost as if she were talking to herself... "Pale, she was so fucking pale and the marks…" Faith hissed. “If I find the fuck-up who did this to her I swear I’m going to kill them. Not C, not Wesley, not Gunn, and not even YOU can stop me from doing that!” Faith screamed. “She looked better without the bath Angel… cleaning her just made her look worse…”
“Faith!” The brunette slayer looked to her side and saw Hope running through the kitchen door. Apparently she and Cordelia hadn’t left yet. Faith leaned forward ready to catch Hope who was almost flying towards her, looking terrified. The brunette slayer grabbed the kid and lifted her in her arms. She kissed Hope’s cheek and held her close as she comforted the young girl. “I forgot Teddy…” The young girl sobbed. “T-then you were yelling…” Hope continued crying as the kitchen door opened again and Faith saw Cordelia walk through it with a horrified look on her face.
Faith glared at both the seer and the vampire before walking out of the kitchen with a crying Hope in her arms. Angel stared at the door a long time before wiping away a single tear that was making its way down his cheek.
“Please tell me that isn’t true…” Cordelia asked with a pleading look in her eyes.
“Are you okay Hope?”
“Y-yes,” the shaky reply came.
Faith knew she had frightened the girl by yelling like that. She didn’t mean to lose it like that, but she couldn’t help it. “Bath is ready,” Faith said and helped the young girl in it. As Hope played in the water, the slayer looked at her smiling. A simple bath could make the girl feel ten times better, the only thing it didn’t do was make her look ten times better.
Every time Faith gave Hope a bath she was reminded of the first time she bathed the young girl. The brunette had started to count the new and old bruises and scars, but after a while she just stopped because for every new scar she would find, at least two had been there previously. They were just new scars on old wounds. Even a week later Hope’s body was still lightly covered in bruises, making her look like a badly coloured cartoon. Yellow, red, blue, black, purple. Every colour you could think of was somewhere on the kid’s body.
Faith looked up when she heard a soft whimpering and saw Hope was crying. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked the young girl,” Faith looked at the direction Hope was looking in and noticed the colour of the bathwater. ‘What the fuck?’ Faith questioned. “Oh god…” She whispered after lifting the young girl out of the tub and saw what had caused the water to turn from clear to red…
An agonized scream of her name came from upstairs, she took off running as fast as she could towards the sound of the scream. The seer had recognised the voice the second the scream started. Despite her hatred towards the Slayer, she couldn’t ignore this. Cordelia had a feeling this wasn’t about the slayer herself.
Once she arrived at Faith and Hope’s room, Cordelia didn’t wait for the slayer to open the door, she just burst through it… “Get some gauzes, and clean warm water!” Faith yelled at the seer before she could go any further.
Cordelia did as she was told and hurried back to the slayer and the child. What she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. The seer could see what Faith was yelling at Angel about earlier today. She was frozen to the spot, afraid to take another step. How could anyone do that to a little girl. Cordelia didn’t notice until now how thin the girl really was and it made her gasp in horror.
“Help me or get out!” Faith suddenly yelled. “Don’t just stand there feeling sorry for her and thinking how to help. Do something about this if you want to help!”
Cordelia blinked a few times and quickly helped the young girl. She took a good look at Faith and how she was caring for the small child. How she, even though she’d probably never admit it, loved the young girl like a sister. Someone she could take care of. It made her smile a little and for the slightest second forget what Faith had done to them.
A second that made her see everything clearly. In that second Cordelia decided not to judge Faith for who she had been but for the person she was now. The person who was taking care of a young girl that had obviously been severely beaten by someone. A girl that looked… ‘a lot like Faith!’ The seer added in her mind. ‘Damn that girl looks a lot like Faith.’
She shook her head dismissing her thoughts about the resemblance and helped Faith take care of the young girl. Cordelia took a quick glance at the bathwater and noticed it unusual colour. “Where is she bleeding,” Cordelia asked carefully, not wanting another round of Faith yelling at her.
“Just below her navel,” Faith replied. “Hope… Hope look at me,” she said again after Hope didn’t reacted. “What happened? Why did it open again… It was healing…”
“I… I just…”
“What is it Hope? I won’t be mad I promise.”
“It was itching… a-and I scratched… I didn’t mean to!” The last part came out as a cry and Faith took the young girl in her arms.
“Shh, it’s okay. I know you didn’t…”
Cordelia watched the two with amazement. She had never thought Faith could be affectionate like this with anyone. The seer cleaned the wound as Faith calmed the young girl down and told her that Cordelia was there to help her, not to hurt her. After asking a few times if this was true, Hope flashed a beautiful smile at the former Sunnydale High Cheerleader. A smile that melted Cordelia’s heart, how could a girl that had been hurt the way she had been, give such a beautiful smile.
She watched as Faith gently put the girl on the bed and placed her flat on her back. Cordelia followed every movement made by Faith as she cleaned the wound some more, then gently dried it. Faith put on some antiseptic and gently put some bandages on it. Cordelia watched with a smile as Faith leaned forward and kissed the bandage and yet again watched as Hope's whole face lit up from the simple gesture.
“Better now?”
Faith smiled as Hope nodded and sat up. “Can I go play now?”
“Yes you can… but,” Faith stopped the young girl before she walked out of the room. “If anything itches again… don’t scratch it, don’t touch it at all. Just come to me and I’ll take care of it okay?”
The girl nodded furiously and Cordelia chuckled as she bounced out of the room. Faith yelled a ‘be careful’ before starting to clean up the room. Some blood had dripped on the floor and Faith furiously started cleaning it. Cordelia didn’t say anything and started to help her fellow brunette. “Thanks I got it… and thanks,” Faith looked at Cordelia and smiled… sadly if you would have asked the seer.
“Let me help you.”
“C… don’t. I know you still hate my guts so don’t be all nice to me because there’s a little kid running around here now that happens to like me and you think you have to be,” Faith suddenly snapped. “I can take care of it myself. Been doin' it since before I met her, so don't worry about it… Thanks for your help… but just… just go…” She looked at the seer. “Please… just go,” she almost pleaded.
‘What did she mean she had been doing that before she met Hope?’ Cordelia wondered idly. The seer mentally slapped herself, ‘Duh Cordy… Faith is a Slayer…’ After all this time Faith still didn’t know how to take a hand that was offering help.
Angel watched as Faith and Cordelia were playing with Hope. Over the past five days Cordelia had been ‘playing nice’ towards Faith. Whether she was just acting or genuine, he didn’t know. Cordelia had been really careful not to show it, but she did care about the young child. That was the one thing Angel knew for sure.
Everyone had grown attached to the little girl including him. Gunn had been a sucker for the hazel eyes from the beginning and Wesley had followed shortly after. And him? He was getting closer and closer to her. But there was just something he couldn’t seem to shake it off. Ever since Cordelia told him that the two girls looked alike, he had been seeing it too. Same eyes, same hair colour, Faith’s hair just a little bit darker than Hope’s. The same little dent in both their bottom lips.
“Angel.”
“Kate,” the vampire said not bothering to turn around, already knowing who it was. “Anything?”
“Nothing,” Kate replied. Angel had asked Kate if she could find out anything about the young girl. Even if she didn’t work with the LAPD anymore, there were still some buddies of hers at the LAPD and Angel knew Kate would find away to get them to help her. “It’s like she hasn’t got a background or nothing.”
Angel kept his gaze on the three women on the floor before answering the ex-cop, "Absolutely nothing?"
“Nothing at all,” Kate replied. “It’s like she never even existed before Faith met her.”
“I really need to know where she came from. Or even where we can take her.”
“What?” Kate asked confused. “You’re not saying…”
“I am,” Angel replied. “Faith can’t take care of a little child. She’s barely twenty years old,” the vampire continued. “She doesn’t have a job. And even though she has a place here to stay, she isn’t going to stay long. I can’t take care of Hope. And none of the others are even ready to take care of a child.”
“Isn’t that something Faith has to decide?”
“No.”
“Excuse me!” Kate raised her voice. “The child has clearly grown attached to her over the past two weeks. Wherever it is she came from, I don’t think she want to go back there and I know Faith won’t allow that to happen. You don’t even have a good reason for Faith not to keep her.”
“She can let someone adopt her,” the vampire replied.
“And then what?” Kate asked angrily. “Have two very upset people? Not to mention Faith would stake your ass if she knew what you were up to.”
“Look, I like Hope,” Angel said. “But she can’t stay… There’s something about those two together… I can’t pinpoint it, but I don’t like it.”
“Don’t like what Angel?” Kate questioned. “That for once she doesn’t need YOU to get her through darker times. That she now has Hope, a kid that when she smiles can light up an entire hotel?” She looked at the souled vampire and smiled. “Thought so,” she said before walking to join the three on the floor.
Angel let out a low growl. Nothing that Kate said was true… was it? He was glad for Faith, glad that she had found someone else to help her through the darker times. She still talked to him, but he didn't make her smile anymore, at least not the way Hope did… did he? “There’s still something about her and I’m going to find out what,” he mumbled before walking off to his office.
“Faith!”
Angel hurried to the stairs as quick as he could after hearing Hope cry out for the slayer. Faith had taken over patrolling for him because she needed to let out some steam, so he promised her he would take care of the child. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Angel let out quickly.
“I… I…”
“It’s okay Hope, I’m Faith’s friend remember. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Hope nodded and pointed to her belly. “Faith said no scratching… Will she be mad?”
“No of course she won’t be mad,” Angel replied. He had absolutely no idea what to do and the child was already on the verge of tears. He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he didn’t know how Hope would react to that. So he just stood there clumsily trying to figure out what to do.
“Mr. Angel… I’m bleeding…”
“Right, you’re bleeding…” ‘Need to clean that then… wait… this could be the perfect…’ Angel grabbed the first aid kit. He lifted the kid up and on a chair and told her to lift her shirt a little. “I’m going to clean it now okay… and stop the bleeding…”
Hope nodded.
The smell of blood was filling his whole body, making him growl lightly. Not only because of the smell, but also because of the bastard that did this to the child. He could now see why Faith would never let go of this child. It made him never want to let go of her himself, made him want to protect her and kill the person who did this, just like Faith wanted to. But there was also another thing he wanted to find out… Hope’s blood somehow smelled familiar, he just couldn’t place it. He finished cleaning the wound and changing the bandages. “There you go, good as new,” Angel looked at the girl and smiled. Hope smiled back and he saw at that moment, what Kate, Faith, Gunn, Wesley and Cordelia had seen before; a smile that brightened the entire hotel.
“Can I stay with you?”
“Uh sure,” Angel replied. “Go in there and I’ll be in there in a second,” he smiled as she nodded and bounced off to his office. He quickly grabbed the bloodied gauze, put it in a plastic bag and in his pocket. ‘Don’t want Faith finding out,’ the vampire thought before he finished cleaning up.
“God I’m beat!” Faith announced walking in the hotel with Gunn. “It’s been a while since I’ve had some good slayin’. What about you?”
“Me what?”
“Slaying… when was the last time you had a good one? One that made you so tired you just want to get in your bed and never get out.”
“Last week. Huge ass demon,” the young man replied. “I’m going though, promised my crew I’d swing by.”
“Alright, see ya later ‘leathers’” Faith laughed when she heard Gunn groan.
“Knock it off with the ‘leathers’… please.”
“Nah, too funny.”
Gunn let out a low growl and said goodbye. Faith just started laughing again and went in search for her little friend. “Hope?” She questioned walking in their room. Not there… “Hope?” She asked again. “Where is she?” Faith walked back downstairs and into Angel’s office, “Hey, have you seen…”
She got cut off by Angel who gestured her to be quiet. When Faith walked into the vampire’s office she noticed why. Hope was curled up under Angel’s coat with a small doglike cuddle toy clutched tight in her little hands. “You get her that?”
“Found it in my desk…” Angel sniffed the air. “You’re hurt,” he looked at Faith who smiled and showed him her shoulder. “What happened?”
“Vamp got a lucky shot,” Faith explained. “There were four of them… didn’t noticed the fourth one ‘till it was too late. He got a lucky shot, wiped that grin off his crunchy face as fast as I could ever remembered doing it.”
“Let me clean it,” Angel grabbed again the first aid kit and Faith plopped down on his desk. It made him frown… why always the desk? Doyle couldn’t keep his feet off it before he died, Gunn still had trouble keeping his feet off it. Wesley stopped doing that after he fell backwards, and Cordelia either sat down on it or emptied her bag on it for the thousandth time looking for something.
Angel grabbed a gauze and cleaned the wound. Unbeknown to the brunette slayer, Angel slipped the gauze inside his pocket after cleaning the wound. ‘This is too easy,’ he grinned to himself. He put on some antiseptic and some bandages. “All done,” he said and sat back down on his chair. “How is your back?” Angel asked out of nowhere.
“It’s fine,” Faith quickly said before lifting Hope in her arms and walking out of the vampire’s office and to their room.
Angel frowned as he watched the two leave. Then he picked up the phone, dialled a number and waited impatiently for it to be picked up on the other end. “Kate, it’s me. I need a favour.”
“You are asking for a whole lot here Angel,” Kate said looking at the two objects in her hand.
“I just need to know if it’s the same,” the vampire replied. “I’ve got this feeling about it.”
“Why bother?” Kate asked. “You’re not letting her stay anyway.”
“Changed my mind,” Angel quickly dismissed it. “Could you see if someone could check if it’s the same? I need to know for sure.”
“I’ll try,” Kate replied and went into the building they were standing in front.
After a half hour, Kate returned smiling. “Four days,” she said. “You owe me though. Couldn’t get it done without paying.”
“How much?”
“Don’t let Cordelia hear this…” Kate wondered off with Angel chuckling after Kate made another few comments about the seer.
“Angel can I talk to you?”
“What is it Faith?”
“I want to go back to Sunnydale.”
“This soon?” Angel quirked his brow. “Do they even know you’re out?”
“Don’t know, don’t care,” Faith replied. “I’m afraid to go back there, but I want to. Plus, they won’t ask too many questions about Hope. Here I have the risk of her being taken away. I don’t want that.”
“Are you sure you want this?”
“I’m sure… no I’m not,” she quickly said. “I have no other choice broody,” Faith grinned as she saw him frown at the nickname. She quickly turned serious again, “The longer I wait to do this, the harder it will be. I’m not gonna step up to them the second I get there, but once I’m there I know there’s no turning back and I plan on staying there. Get a job and take care of my little friend.”
“When?”
“I don’t know yet,” Faith replied. “I just… I have to make it up to them. I fucked up bad Angel. B tried to help, they all did and I still fucked it up. I have to make it right. I just have to,” she explained. “They didn’t include me in all of their things, I wanted badly to just… you know belong or something. In the beginning sure everything was fine… then it all went wrong… then came Alan Finch, then came me pushing away B’s offer for help. I just have to make it right.”
“I know you do,” Angel looked at the brunette. “But I can’t say they’ll just accept it. They probably won’t even let you near them. Even if they do let you talk, you’re going to be crawling until they say it’s good enough,” the vampire saw Faith wince at his words. They were harsh, but they were the truth. “I know Faith. Redemption is a rocky road, you know that.”
“I know, I’m just not sure I’ll make it,” with that, Faith walked out of his office and went back upstairs.
“You will Faith,” Angel quietly said. “You will…”
The next morning when Faith woke up, she heard splashing in the bathroom. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and got out of the bed. She walked to the bathroom and opened the door, looking inside she saw Hope playing in the tub, which she had obviously filled herself.
Faith leaned against the doorpost and watched as Hope splashed the water all around the bathtub. She started laughing when Hope splashed hard on the water and it flew up in her face leaving a shocked child behind. “Not funny!” Hope pouted.
“Yes it is,” Faith replied walking up to the younger girl. She crouched down beside the tub and brushed Hope’s hair behind her ear. “How are you doing?”
“They’re itchy,” Hope pouted.
“That means they’re healing,” Faith smiled.
“Then why do I look ugly!” Hope said a little louder.
“What? No Hope, you are NOT ugly,” Faith took Hope’s hands in her own. “You are a beautiful little girl. There’s nothing ugly about you.”
“I am ugly!” Hope yelled. “He says I’m ugly! Ugly, Ugly, Ugly!” Hope started screaming and thrashing in the bath. ”UglyUglyUgly!” She kept repeating.
“Hope listen to me,” Faith grabbed the child from the bath and put her on the ground. She grabbed a towel and silently cursed the man that told her she was ugly and did these things to her as Hope thrashed her arms wildly around her. “You are not ugly!” Faith wrapped the towel around the young child and held her until she calmed down a bit.
“UglyUglyUgly,” the child kept repeating. “Look,” she showed Faith her belly. “UglyUglyUgly!”
“No sweetie, listen to me. You are NOT ugly okay?” Faith tried to soothe the young girl as she held her. How could anyone call Hope ugly? She was a beautiful young child, chocolate coloured eyes, soft innocent cheeks. A few freckles on her left cheekbone that made her look younger than she actually was. A beautiful smile. Everything was beautiful about the young child, how could anyone call a heavenly creature like her ugly. It just didn’t make sense. Faith knew that if she’d ever found the bastard who did this to her… it would take more than a full police department to keep her from hurting him. She would kill him if she had the chance. Faith knew she shouldn’t be thinking like that but she couldn’t help it.
Faith lifted Hope up and brought her back to the room. She sat the child on the bed and decided to make her laugh and feel good about herself again. Opening the closet she looked at Hope and grinned. The kid smiled back already knowing what Faith was going to do. “Alright! It’s show time!” Faith grabbed some underwear for Hope and threw them at her lightly. "Put this on and let’s see what you’ve got in the closet."
Faith grabbed one of the dresses, she turned around and held it in front of her. She playfully grabbed some of her hair and twisted it around her finger. Then she started dancing like a kid. “Do you like this dress ma’am?” She playfully asked. “Look what you can do with it,” Faith started hopping around like a small kid laughing loudly.
Faith looked at Hope, who was trying to hide her smile and Faith’s own smile grew wider. She knew this would get through to the young girl. It did every time. She would hold clothes in front of herself and acted like a ten-year-old herself and make Hope see what it was like to wear the clothes.
Faith grabbed a pair of mini leather pants and a tank top… It was her favorite outfit for Hope and it wasn’t even one Faith had picked out for the child! Hope had done it herself, she had almost begged Faith to buy it for her. When Faith asked her why, Hope told her that she wanted to look like Faith, the brunette slayer had smiled at her, didn’t say anything and just bought the clothes.
From that moment, Faith knew that without Hope… her life would be a lot lonelier…
Cordelia was having a fantastic time. She and Hope had gone shopping for that day, buying clothes and stuff. But according to Cordelia, the fantastic time about this shopping spree was that it wasn’t her money she could spend. It was Faith’s… or rather the money Faith had gotten from the mayor. Which of course, since he ruined her graduation, was all the more fun to spend. At the moment, she and Hope were trying out the outfits in Hope and Faith’s room. Faith had asked Cordelia to watch over her while she did some slaying. The enthusiasm that Cordelia replied with, not only surprised herself, but Faith and Kate as well.
It seemed that not only Cordelia was having fun with Hope around, but Kate as well. The ex-cop had at first reluctantly accepted Angel’s offer to stay at the hotel, but finally relented when Hope had asked her ‘pretty please’. The child was almost ‘ruling’ over the hotel, she could get anyone to do anything for her by using her famous ‘pout face’ and saying ‘pretty please’ along with it. The only person that was able to resist that face some of the time was Faith. Not even Angel could resist Hope’s famous ‘pout face’.
It was Faith’s fault Hope even had a 'pout face'. The brunette slayer had taught the little girl exactly how to pout when she wanted something. From past experiences, Faith knew that it took a lot to get Angel to say yes to something. The Slayer usually got it done by pouting and looking innocently at him. When Hope came to her one day telling Faith that Angel didn’t want her watching television for some reason, Faith had taught her the famous pout face. Faith couldn't help but to think she had taught Hope a little too well…
Kate had been the first to succumb to it, she had given the kid everything she wanted and in return, Kate had been the only one other than Faith who she would let near her if she needed her bandages changed or her wounds cleaned. Even though Cordelia had helped Faith after the small incident in the bathtub, it was the first and only time that Hope had let her do so.
Kate however was different, or so Hope had told Faith. The little girl had told Faith that Kate was nice, the she was patient with her and that she would play together with her toys more than Cordelia did… it was the one thing that had actually mattered to the little girl… that Kate would play with her and her toys. Kate had done so, and according to Hope truly enjoyed doing so.
Hope had also told Faith that Cordy was nice and bitchy… she mostly liked the bitchy part and she was learning more and more about that. Which, of course, Faith didn’t like at all. It didn’t matter to the brunette slayer that Cordelia was bitchy about things, but she had to keep it down when she was around Hope because she didn’t want the girl to get the same attitude that Cordelia could sometimes have.
“What is it with you and the leather?” Cordelia wondered. “You have been dragging me to all the stores that have leather pants, tank tops or anything in them.”
“I like it,” Hope pouted. “Makes me look like Faith.”
“Well you do look cute in ‘em,” Cordelia smiled at the young girl and gave her the once-over. “You really look cute in that leather mini pants and white tank top. Good enough to be a model… look at you.”
Hope stepped up to the mirror in her and Faith’s room. She looked at her face, moving down to her neck. Looking at how the straps on her shoulder fitted, then to her chest following the line to her belly where… “No!” Hope yelled. “I’m not a model… NoNoNo!”
“What?” Cordelia looked confused at the little girl. “What are you talking about? You could so easily be a model!” The seer exclaimed.
“NoNoNo!” Hope yelled again. “UglyUglyUgly!” Cordelia watched as Hope started yelling she was ugly and kicking and punching wildly around her. When Hope started rubbing one of her wounds, the seer stepped closer, knowing that if she didn’t stop the girl, Hope would start bleeding again Hope flinched away from her and started yelling even louder.
Cordelia had no idea what she was supposed to do here. This had never happened before and the seer had no idea how to stop it. She tried to get closer to the girl but every time she did Hope would flinch away and start flailing at her wildly. She did the only thing she could do… “Angel! Gunn! Someone!” Cordelia screamed in full panic mode.
It didn’t take long before help arrived. “Wesley I can’t stop her… make her stop!”
Wesley looked wide-eyed at the situation before him. “How?” He asked. “This wasn’t supposed to be in the package.” He sputtered inanely. “How am I supposed to stop it?”
Cordelia grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the wall. “She’s not a package!” She screamed.
“Cordelia!” Wesley squealed. “It was a matter of speech, of course she isn’t a package. Who the bloody hell do you think I am!”
“Just stop it!”
“Hope…” Wesley said softly after Cordelia released him from her grip. “It’s okay… nothing is going to hurt you.”
“Go away! You bad!” Hope screamed.
“Okay… that didn’t work… ANGEL, GUNN, FRED, KATE!” Now Wesley was in full panic mode as well. He screamed out the name of everyone that lived in the hotel. And could only hope that one of them came running. He listened to Hope’s quiet sobs now… “Why is she saying she’s ugly?” He questioned the seer.
“I don’t know!” Cordelia squealed. “We were talking about clothes, how they looked good on her. I told her she looked good enough to be a model!”
Wesley looked at the little girl again. When he was about to try and talk to her, something that sounded like a tank hit the door. They all jumped. Gunn came flying through the door practically ripping it off its hinges, Angel came in behind him in full 'game face', followed quickly by Kate and Fred. “What the hell is going on!” Angel snarled.
“No!” Hope screamed. “BadBadBad!” She kept pointing at Angel.
The vampire looked at the others and shrugged. None of them knew what was going on. The souled vampire wasn’t even around when Hope started panicking. Kate looked back and forth between the young girl and the vampire, who’s eyes were glowing… that’s when she made the connection. “Angel! Face!” She yelled. “Faith told me, she got attacked! Your face!”
Angel’s eyes went wide as he too made the connection. He quickly turned around and calmed himself down, which was hard to do with a terrified screaming child in the room. Once her turned around his face was normal again and he tried to get closer to the frightened child. “Hope, it’s me Angel,” the girl did nothing but flinch back and saying the man was ‘Bad’. In between the yelling at Angel and trembling, she kept whispering that she was ugly.
“Kate do something!” Fred said pushing the ex-cop towards the young girl.
Kate tried but it didn’t work…
Faith had noticed none of the people that lived at the hotel were in the lobby or anywhere else so she had started going upstairs. “Hey guys!” She said walking in the hallway close to her room. “Wicked night of slayin’, got about five of… oomph!” Faith’s sentence got cut of by a young girl crashing into her. Faith was so surprised when Hope crashed into her that she lost her balance and they both tumbled to the floor.
Faith put one of her arms around the girl’s body and one on the back of her head. “Hope?” She questioned. “What’s going on?” Hope didn’t answer and just started crying even harder… screaming she was ugly and that there was a bad man in the room.
The brunette slayer looked up with almost black eyes of anger. “WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. GOING. ON. HERE,” she hissed through clenched teeth. “Where the fuck is that bastard who did this!”
Both Cordelia and Angel stepped forward, a little shocked and more than afraid of the furious Slayer. “Uh.. we kinda did… I guess…” Angel whispered.
“What the fuck are you two talking about!” Faith yelled. She shifted Hope in a different position in her arms as the young girl started holding her even tighter.
“I told her she looked like a model…”
“I showed up in vamp face when I heard Wesley scream,” the vampire finished after Cordelia.
“Kate, could you help me up,” the blonde woman nodded at Faith’s request and helped her up. “Get out…” She hissed at all of them. “Not you K,” Faith’s voice softened a bit as Kate was about to walk out of the room as well. “I need your help.”
“Faith… I… “
“We’ll talk later guys,” the brunette said absently at Cordelia’s pleading voice.
An hour later Faith was standing in front of the L.A. Crew, minus Kate who had to go somewhere because of some test results. Now came the part of explaining to them what happened earlier with Hope. Faith hadn’t told them about it before and she didn’t think it was needed because it only happened once before and Faith had calmed the girl down, convincing Hope that she was indeed a beautiful girl.
“Guys… I uhm…” Faith looked at them one at the time and decided she’d just tell them about what happened the first time. “She did that once before, it wasn’t Angel’s or Cordelia’s fault. When I first met Hope, she was being attacked by a vampire… thus her fear of Angel. And Cordelia… well that’s a little more complicated,” Faith said.
“Yeah, like it’s ever easy,” Cordelia muttered.
Faith looked at the seer with a raised brow before continuing. “It was a really innocent thing really,” she said. “I asked her how her wounds were, she said they were itching. I told her they were healing and she asked me why she looked so ugly then if they were healing… that’s when she started panicking like you saw earlier,” Faith explained to all.
“It’s hard for her,” Faith continued. “Seeing herself like this… I know… most of the time she's just a happy kid, but sometimes when she walks by a mirror or I change her bandages, she gets silent, broody like Angel…" Faith paused and looked at Angel, "… no offence… sometimes though it's worse.. Today was her second major panic attack."
“Haven’t you brought her to a doctor yet?” Gunn asked.
“No,” Faith replied. “And I didn’t because they might take her away from me… and… then she’d just get worse. You saw how she was when she first got here, and I…”
“You really should take her to a doctor Faith,” Wesley said. “She need real medical care with her wounds, not to mention the emotional ones.”
“She’s fine with me.”
“That’s because she’s attached to you Faith,” Cordelia said. “You are the one that got her out of wherever it was she came from… you have to get some professional help.”
“She’s fine with me,” Faith repeated. “I know how to take care of her wounds.”
“I think it’s best to give her over to the proper authorities,” Angel spoke. "She really needs the right medical care, they can give it to her… We can’t."
“What?” Everyone in the room said surprised.
“I’m not giving her to anyone,” Faith said trying to remain calm.
“I think it’s best that way,” Angel said. “They can provide her with the care she needs, we can’t.”
“We’ve been doing fine so far!” Cordelia hissed.
“Fine isn’t good enough Cordy,” Angel replied calmly. “Hope needs the best. I’m sure that if Kate was here she would agree with me too.”
“No I wouldn’t,” Kate said walking in the room. “Right now I think the best thing she has is Faith. Without Faith, Hope would be a lot worse.”
“Come on Kate,” Angel said. “She needs the right care, Faith can’t give her that.”
“If I was still a cop,” Kate replied. “I would have grabbed the child in a seconds and turned her over to child welfare, but I’m not. Now I’m thinking about what’s best for that child and that is Faith.”
Faith glared at the vampire. “Remember, what I told you earlier? I’ll be gone tomorrow morning,” with that, she left the room and went back upstairs to her and Hope’s room.
“Why the hell did you disagree with me like that!” Angel growled. “I thought you saw it my way.”
“I never saw it your way Angel,” Kate hissed. “Remember the blood you gave me for testing. You never told me whose blood it was. You said that there was something familiar about the two types. You being a vampire and all you could smell it… well guess what… I’m NOT breaking up half sisters.”
“What?” Cordelia said facing Kate and then Angel. “You did what? You had their blood tested without them knowing?”
“There was something I couldn’t get through… they looked alike TOO MUCH. You saw it!” Angel pointed out.
“He had me looking in at it,” Kate said. “They are half sisters Angel, they’ve got the same blood. Faith told me once her mother died when she was about ten years old so I knew they didn’t have the same mother. They have the same father, they’re sisters and I’m not breaking them apart.”
“When are you going to tell them?” Fred asked curiously.
“I’m not sure I’m going to,” Kate said. “Faith can’t deal with the past just yet.”
Wesley looked at the ex-cop. “But they are sisters for Christ sake!”
CHAPTER 3 - Who’s Gonna Stop The Rain
Dedication: As always to Michele, thank you for sticking through this with me. Couldn't have done it without you. To Sway for our little talks and uhm... do you have to move ALL the way to good ol' Aussie? Damn, it seems like I'm gonna make long, long nights... everyone I chat to is like 6 hours ahead of me or 6 hours behind me... I'm SO moving to another country to chat on normal times *grins*. Miss K! There's no forgetting you in here, especially since you write such killer stories, Lucy and Cordy *laughs* totally love it!
There is no rose without a thorn / No rain without the storm
There is no laughter without tears / No wisdom without years
In a world gone crazy / Torn between the roads / That we must choose / Win or lose
If every soul should lose its way / If every face should lose its name
Tell me who's gonna stop the rain?
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California | September 14th 2002
“Where are we going?” The little girl asked the brunette next to her. They were sitting on a bus, moving away from the home they had lived in for the past six months. The home they had grown to love...despite what they had been through. Away from the man that wanted to rip the two apart.
“Sunnydale,” the brunette answered. “Got some… what you might call ‘old friends’ there Hope.”
“Nice?”
“Uh… yeah… kinda,” Faith replied. “We’ll be staying at a big place though,” Faith changing the subject about the Scooby gang. “It’s a mansion, belonged… or still belongs to Angel. I’m not sure. It’s pretty big.”
“Got TV?”
“Uh yeah. I think so.”
“Okay,” Hope smiled. She took Faith’s arm and put it around her, snuggling closer to the older brunette. “What’s Sunnydale like?”
“Sunny?” Faith shrugged earning a giggle from Hope. “Some good things happened when I was there… and some bad things. Mostly my fault… some of it I didn’t mean to do it and some of it I couldn’t get around it,” Faith told her little friend.
“You did it on purpose?”
“Some of it yes.”
“You sorry ‘bout what happened?” Hope asked putting her arm around Faith’s waist.
“I am Hope, more than I could ever say or explain.”
“Okay,” Hope simply answered. She held on to Faith a little tighter and closed her eyes. “Sleepy.”
“Go to sleep then silly,” Faith kissed the top of Hope’s head and closed her eyes as well. "Won’t be long ‘till we get there and then you can sleep in a bed," Faith heard the little girl murmur something before she felt a steady breathing against her side where Hope was leaning against.
Sunnydale, California | September 14th 2002
“I’ll get it!” Dawn yelled running for the phone. There was always this big contest on who was going to be the first to pick up the phone and so far Dawn had always won. She didn’t get nothing for it, but the pleasure of seeing Buffy, Willow and Tara’s defeated faces was enough for her. “Hello?”
“Dawn.”
“Angel?” Dawn questioned. “I’ll get Buffy.”
“No wait,” Angel quickly said. “I need to talk to you, are you alone?”
“Yes… why?”
“Faith.”
“What the hell does she want?”
Angel sighed, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy. So far he thought that Dawn was the only one that he knew of wasn’t going to be extremely pissed at him for this. “She’s out,” he started. “On her way to Sunnydale. I want to you to keep an eye on her.”
“What!” Dawn yelled.
“Please keep it down someone might hear you.”
“What’s wrong!” Buffy yelled running in the room.
“N-nothing,” Dawn said wide-eyed. “Just some school gossip.”
“Oh…”
Dawn waited for her sister to leave the room again before answering Angel. “Why do you want ME to look out for her?”
“She has changed Dawn,” Angel replied. “I just want to make sure nothing happens to her, like Buffy.”
“Buffy can take care of herself.”
“I wasn’t talking about Buffy.”
“Oh… well Faith can take care of herself then!”
“I know that, I just want you to look out for her, tell me if anything happens, that’s all.”
“Yeah sure, whatever.”
“Thanks, bye Dawn… Oh… wait…”
“Bye,” Dawn hung up the phone and walked out of the house. “Like hell I’m going to look out for her, she tried to kill my mother and sister,” Dawn snorted at the idea and walked across the street to her friends house.
California | September 14th 2002
“Hope, sweetie. Wake up,” Faith nudged her little friend awake and stood up. “We need to switch busses.”
“Fay?”
“Yeah?”
“Where are we going Fay?”
Faith grinned. She had a big surprise for the kid and with this kind of surprise she was glad the mayor had left her all that money because without it she could have never do it. “You’ll see,” Faith smiled and grabbed their bags. “Come on then, It’s a nice surprise. I promise.”
Faith looked to her side where Hope was sleeping. She had done a lot of sleeping and it helped with the healing a lot. She was almost completely healed, the bruises were gone, the cuts were nothing but faint scars. The only thing that still looked slightly bad were the cigarette burns, but they were closed and pretty much healed.
Faith smiled as Hope groaned lightly and opened her eyes. “Are we there yet Fay?”
“Almost,” Faith smirked. “Come here,” she grabbed Hope and let her sit on her lap and look out of the window. “See if you find anything familiar.”
Hope watched as cars passed the bus and the bus passed other cars. She looked at everything and anything that was moving past the bus window. And then suddenly… Hope pressed her little hands on the window and leaned her head against it. “Wow!” She yelled. “Fay!”
“I thought me might have some fun before we go to Sunnydale,” Faith grinned. She tried to calm Hope a little when the kid decided to jump up and down on her lap. “Okay… Hope I get it. Big fun… calm down,” she laughed. Hope was nowhere near calming down, this was the best thing anyone had ever done for her. She had been dreaming about going here one day and she had told Faith about it too. And now Faith had done it, they were going to Disneyland!
“Look, look!” Hope yelled pointing at the fairytale looking buildings.
“I see them Hope,” Faith smiled as Hope continued hopping up and down on her lap excitedly. She heard several people laughing and giggling at Hope’s reaction on seeing Disneyland. Faith smirked and shrugged at the woman sitting on the other side of the bus.
The woman had been looking at the two since Faith told Hope to look outside for something familiar and she had started laughing the second Hope started hopping up and down on Faith’s lap. “Never been to Disneyland?”
“No she hasn’t,” Faith answered, then grinned. “And neither have I.”
“Trust me… you and her will both love it,” the woman said. “It’s a great place to forget some of the stress of every day life.”
“So I’ve heard,” Faith smiled one more time at the woman before returning her attention to a certain brunette who had her little hands and face plastered to the glass looking outside.
Disneyland | California | Faith’s POV
Hope has been jumping up and down for almost half an hour now. I swear if she doesn’t stop soon she’s going to hit something and hurt herself. We arrived about 15 minutes ago and it’s like she’s on a sugar rush or something, bouncing all over the place. She hasn’t even SEEN any characters yet, just some posters on the wall and ooh… Minnie!
“Fay!”
“I know,” man this is crazy. I’m almost bouncing around with her. It’s stupid, I’m all grown and yet here I am, ALMOST bouncing around… at Disneyland. Hope suddenly takes off in front of me and I run after her, I know where she is headed, but I’d still like to keep an eye on her.
Did I tell you that Disney Characters are so… let’s say nice. Minnie just lifted up Hope and twirled her around before squatting down and hugging her. The look on her Hope’s face was priceless. I really need to get a camera and take some pictures, Kodak Moments!
Oh no… don’t… hug me… I put on a fake smile as Minnie hugs me. I swear Hope told Minnie to hug me. I had warned her that I don’t want to get the hugs, the hugs are for her. SO not me I’m not the hugging kind of gal. Okay.. we got to go now… need to get a camera. I nod and smile at Minnie and take Hope’s hand in my own. We walk to some kind of shop thingy and I buy a disposable camera.
I turn around and… where’s she going now? Ooh, Goofy! She found Goofy! I run after her and she turns to me with this huge grin on her face reminding me why I took her here in the first place.
“Goofy is fun!” She squeals after we took a few pictures and walked away. The kid is bouncing and we haven’t even been in the room yet. I actually got someone to put our stuff in the room so I could give her a small tour.
“I know Goofy is fun,” I reply. He really is… he kinda reminds me of Xander. Always making jokes, always the joker, if he meant it or not. Just as clumsy as Goofy too. I take Hope’s hand and look around. This place is fucking huge! “Yeah Hope?” I look down at her after she pulled on my arm a little.
“I’m tired,” I raise a brow and look at her. One point there’s the hyper kid and then there’s the tired kid. Oh, she’s yawning now. Hope really is tired. I guess she’s still kinda healing, mostly inside.
“Then we’ll go to our room… if I can find it,” I look around desperately searching for someone that can show us the way.
“Hope! Look out where you’re going!” Oh.. too late. Total crash with the bed. I told her to watch where she was going. “Come here,” I lift her in my arms and look where she’s hurt herself. “Just a little scratch, it’ll go away soon Sweetie.”
I put her back down on her feet and she’s hopping around the room already. See, it was nothing. Nothing at all. The rooms are great, there’s these huge beds in ‘em. It’s all pink, I hate pink. All happy right… yup all happy. Ugh, I hate pink. This would be a total blast for B though. She likes pink and Ooh!! Big TV! “Hope!” She hops over to me like a little bunny or something. I point at the TV and she actually squeals, my kinda girl.
I flick on the TV… oh, Disney Cartoons. I see Hope happily sits back against the headboard enjoying Donald Duck getting pestered by his nephews Angel, Gunn and Wesley… Wait, shit… I mean Huey, Louie and Dewey. Where the hell did I came up with that one?
Two Days Later | Disneyland | California
“Hurry up Hope or we’re going to miss our bus ride to SunnyD,” Faith stood outside their door waiting for the little kid. They still had the room for the whole day, but Faith decided she wanted to go back early so they could get settled in at the Mansion.
“I’m coming Fay,” Hope yelled back not long before she ran out of the room and into the hallway. “I forgot Minnie,” she said pouting.
Faith smiled at Hope and took her hand. She had bought the doll earlier that day, wanting to give Hope a real reminder to their trip, next to the memories. “Come on then, let’s go,” they walked out of the hotel and to the parking lot where the buses were already there, people where departing while others, like them stood around waiting to get on.
“How long until we get there?”
“Dunno Hope,” Faith put down the suitcases next to the bus and got in with Hope. “Okay, you sit here while I put the suitcases away. Don’t talk to anyone,” she waited for Hope to nod and got out of the bus again. She gave the bags to the driver and he put them in the baggage room. She quickly got back to Hope not wanting to leave her alone for too long.
She walked to the back of the bus where Hope was seated… or not… “Hope?” She questioned. She looked around but couldn’t find her. “You’d better not be playing around,” Faith looked around worriedly, she was already near panic because she knew Hope wouldn’t go anywhere without her… Especially not in a place like this where you could get lost so easily.
“Have you seen a little girl. Brown hair, brown eyes, cute little freckles, dent in her bottom lip?” She asked a bystander. When the guy shook his head Faith growled low and asked a few other people. They hadn’t seen her either… “Come on Hope, don’t do this,” she whispered to herself.
Faith silently cursed herself for even leaving her alone on the bus. She should have never left her alone like that! ‘Fuck!’ She cursed in her mind. Faith searched the whole bus with help from the driver, but they didn’t find her. She asked him to get her bags out again and searched the parking lot with lightning speed. Hope wasn’t there, she was gone!!!!
“We have to go miss,” the driver said.
“Go without me,” she hissed. “I’m not leaving without her.”
“Have it your way,” he replied. “She isn’t on the bus, I double checked it.”
“Thanks,” she let out a sigh. She watched the bus go and walked back to the entrance of the parking lot with the bags. She crouched down and looked around. Left, right… In search for the little boots Hope was wearing… the same boots she was wearing. She found none…
Faith dropped herself on the bed, exhausted. She had been through most of the parking lot the whole day, rented a bike so she could take a fast tour around Disneyland in search for Hope, with little luck. She got back around dinnertime and searched through the park as well, but came up with nothing.
It was now about 4am and she had been searching the whole time, but she was too tired to go on any further. To her surprise and with the help of a lot of money, they had given her back the room she had stayed in with Hope. If there was one place that Hope could get to and know how to get it was that room… not to mention she had gotten her own keycard for it… and never returned it. Surprisingly enough they hadn’t said anything to Faith about it… probably because they didn’t want to risk the amount of money Faith had spent at the hotel.
‘Call the police,’ Faith thought and grabbed the phone. She dialed the number but then remembered something and threw it back. “Fuck, I can’t call the cops coz if I do, they’ll take her away from me. Fuck!” She cursed out loud.
Faith sat on the bed against the headboard. Knees drawn up to her chest and hugging herself. Faith knew she couldn’t go back out there now, everything was closed. This was too much, she had lost Hope. All her fault. She shouldn’t have left her alone on the bus, she shouldn’t have let her out of her eyesight for a second. Yet she did, she told Hope to wait on the bus and that’s how she lost her. Because of her own stupidity.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen this little girl?” Faith showed the guy behind the counter a picture of Hope and Minnie. She had the film developed to help with her search. This was already taking too long, she should have found Hope the second she got away, but she hadn’t and it killed her inside knowing that she hadn’t found her. Faith had been showing the picture all day to try and find the little girl.
She had slept no more than three hours before Faith went on her search for Hope again. First she had the pictures developed and then she had searched for Hope again. Faith still wasn’t having much luck with her search, it seemed like Hope had completely vanished. Faith sighed and walked back to the hotel, she needed a shower badly.
When Faith got to the door she noticed it was slightly ajar. She looked around her, but no one was on the floor except for a few little kids playing dress up. Faith clenched her fists and slowly pushed the door open. She looked around the room quickly until her eyes fell on something or rather someone huddled on the bed, shivering like a leaf.
“Hope?” Faith whispered as she rushed towards the bed, terror rising up the back of her throat.
“Hope…” Faith whispered. She closed… or rather slammed the door close and ran towards the bed. Faith kneeled down on the floor and tentatively reached to brush away some damp, stray hairs out of Hope’s face. Hope was shaking terribly on the bed, sweating as if having a horrible nightmare that she had just woken up from… only one problem; Hope wasn’t awake.
Hope was laying in a fetal position on the bed. When Faith carefully rolled her onto her back, the sight that greeted Faith made her want to throw up in disgust and kill the person who did this. The t-shirt Hope had been wearing was ripped and covered in Hope’s blood. Faith carefully tried to peel away the ripped t-shirt that clung to the child’s body. The blood had mostly dried up and the shirt was almost fused with Hope’s skin. Faith knew she couldn’t get it off of Hope’s body without hurting her. The slayer knew she had to get Hope in a lukewarm bath so it would soak off. Faith cradled the young girl in her arms and lifted her up. She brought Hope to the bathroom and held onto Hope as she started the bath for the young girl.
What Faith didn’t know however, was that Hope had woken up and had no recognition what so ever of where she was or that it was Faith that was holding her. Suddenly she started thrashing and Faith lost her balance by the sudden movement, dropping them both to the floor.
Hope broke free of the arms that were holding her, all she knew was she had to get away from 'him'. She crawled as fast as she could to the nearest corner and curled up in a small protective ball...
“Hope,” Faith whispered when she realized that Hope didn't recognize her. “Hope, it’s me Fay.”
The ten-year-old peeked through her arms and tried to focus on the person in front of her. “Fay?” She let out in a croaky, dry voice.
“It’s me,” Faith whispered, keeping her voice down so she wouldn’t scare Hope. Faith sat down on the floor against the bathtub and cautiously held out a hand for Hope. “It’s me Hope. No one is going to hurt you,” Faith said. She nodded and held out her hand a little further waiting for Hope to take it.
“Fay?” Hope said again reaching out her tiny, bloody hand. Faith nodded and finally took Hope’s hand in her own, gently pulling her closer and into her arms.
Hope let herself be pulled between Faith’s legs and buried her head in Faith’s shoulder. She put her small arms around Faith, hugging her tightly, afraid to let go. Faith placed her hand on the back of Hope’s head and pulled her closer, carefully not to hurt her anymore. Tiny sobs escaped the young child as Faith soothed her. “It’s okay… cry,” she whispered lovingly to the crying child. “It’s okay, no one is going to hurt you anymore. I’m here now… I’m sorry Hope, I never should have let you out of my sight.”
One week later, September 14th 2002 | Angel’s Mansion | Sunnydale, California
“Fay… this is heavy. Can’t you help?” Hope whined.
“Sweetie I’m already carrying ten times more than you and all you are carrying is a little tiny bag and you are saying it’s heavy? Don’t give me that.”
“Okay, okay. I just don’t like carrying stuff.”
“Who does?” Faith muttered carrying the rest of the bags inside. She threw the suitcases in a corner and collapsed in the first chair she came across. “Fuck that hurts,” she groaned closing her eyes. Faith had almost forgotten about her back, pretending nothing had happened, which of course had. It wasn’t something she thought about a lot, she had her little friend to take care of and nothing was getting in the way of that. She lazily opened her eyes when she felt someone crawl on her lap. “Hello to you too.”
“What are we going to do?” Hope asked leaning her head against the brunette’s shoulder. “I-I mean… I don’t know, uhm…”
“It’s okay Hope, we’ll figure it out somehow,” Faith replied. She kissed the little girl's head and rubbed her back in comfort. “I guess I’ll be needing a job and we have to figure out a way to get you in school or something.”
“School?” Hope asked wide-eyed.
“Well obviously that isn’t going to happen for a long time,” Faith said then got in her own thoughts. School for Hope was indeed not going to happen for a long time. She couldn’t risk Hope being taken away from her. Faith would probably end up in jail again.
Faith needed to find a way to keep Hope and still give her the proper education. ‘Adoption,’ Faith briefly thought, then slumped further in the chair. ‘Tell us Miss, how exactly did she get those cuts and bruises?’ Faith snorted. ‘Well, we were at Disneyland and she got kidnapped and I found her like that in our room a day later.’
“I’m hungry,” Hope said putting her arms around Faith’s neck.
“Well, let’s get something to eat then,” Faith grinned. “She’s probably training right now anyway.”
“Who?”
“Nothing,” Faith quickly said. “Come on, grab your coat and let’s get something to eat. And might I add, you really look good in that outfit Miss Hope.”
“Why thank you Miss Faith,” Hope returned with a smile. “You should like it, I look just like you!”
Faith grinned, lifted Hope in the air and twirled her around. “You do don’t you?” She said before putting her down.
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | September 14th 2002
“Guys, I’m going on a quick patrol,” Buffy yelled. “Dawn stay in the house, Willow and Tara are here to keep you company… which is strange coz they actually live here so they wouldn’t be keeping you company, just being home,” Buffy frowned.
“Just go slaying before you get confused again,” Dawn snorted. “You really are taking too many hits to the head. I am going to beg Giles MYSELF to get you at least one night off.”
“I know, he’s like drilling me into doing more,” Buffy grumbled. “I asked him a couple of times already.”
“Go, we’ll come up with something later.”
“For once sis,” Buffy said smiling. “You are actually getting somewhere. Be nice and maybe I’ll let you go to that party after all,” Dawn squealed and ran upstairs to behave like a good girl of her age. “She is so easy!” Buffy said to herself before grabbing her coat and walking out of the house. She sighed and turned around. “What is it Spike? I’m not in the mood for bickering like little kids right now.”
“Nothing Luv, thought you might need some help slayin’.” He said stepping out from behind a tree.
“I don’t need your help,” she barked then softened her tone. “But thanks. Take the night off.”
Spike grinned. “Need to do some thinking eh luv?”
“Spike… in your own words… Bugger of!” Spike muttered something and left, leaving a sighing Buffy behind. “Okay, quick sweep of one or two cemeteries and then to the Mansion and then home.”
Buffy picked up the pace and walked a little faster. There were only one or to cemeteries on her way to the mansion so she decided those were the ones she was going to check. She really wasn’t in the mood for much more. Hell, she wasn’t even in the mood for going to the Mansion.
As it turned out, Dawn and some of her friends had thought it to be fun running around there in the dark the night earlier. And of course they had to get into trouble. Three just risen vamps had followed them there and were about to make Dawn their first victim when Buffy had heard about it from a friend that her little brother was there along with Dawn.
Buffy had defeated the vampires, sent the kids home and had pulled a furious and frightened Dawn back home. Once they got home, Dawn had started yelling at her sister for not listening to her. Dawn had been trying to explain that she had left her schoolbag there. Since it was weekend, Buffy told her she would get her bag on Sunday so she would have it when she had to go to school the next day.
The blonde slayer noticed she was already at the mansion and there hadn’t been a vampire in sight. She opened the door and walked inside in search of the bag. Dawn had told Buffy that she had left it in the bedroom, so that’s where she headed first. She opened the door and looked inside to find… a child?
“Hope? You got the sungla…” Faith stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the bedroom. “B?”
Buffy looked at the two brunettes’. “Oh god Faith… this is really sick. First beat her up and then dress her up like you?” Buffy snorted. “I knew you hit rock bottom… didn’t know it was THAT deep.”
“B, I didn’t…”
“Oh spare me the details,” Faith took a step forward and reached for Hope. “And stay away from the kid!” Buffy grabbed the little girl by her wrist and pulled her behind her, shielding her from Faith. “Stay away, I think you’ve done enough damage here!”
“I didn’t…” Faith said through clenched jaws.
“Oh yeah right,” Buffy snorted. “First you beat her up, then you dress her like yourself and then you actually have the nerve to say you didn’t! You really DID hit rock bottom,” Faith sprinted forward and tried to grab Hope before Buffy would take her away, but Buffy anticipated her move and kicked her in the chest, sending her flying on the bed. “Soft landing, lucky y…”
Buffy couldn’t finish her sentence because Faith was already back on her feet and knocking her down. Faith grabbed Buffy’s shoulders, pinning her to the floor. “B, listen to me I didn’t…”
Faith let out a low cry as Buffy punched the brunette as hard as she could. She jumped up, kicking Faith in her face making the brunette spin around, giving Buffy the opportunity to kick her again in the back. She grabbed the other slayer’s hand and punched her in the face a few times. “Not even fighting back then?” Buffy said as she saw Faith slump to the floor, looking defeated. “Good,” she added and kicked Faith one more time in her chest, sending her flying against the wall behind her.
Buffy lifted the child up, who was to her surprise, protesting mightily. Hope was kicking and screaming as Buffy carried her out of the house she never heard Faith....
“Hope…” Faith sobbed before the pain in her back became too much and the darkness took her away.
Each day another boy and girl / Sets foot into this world / One reaches out to touch the sky
One never learns to fly / Where is it written in the stone / That any child should walk alone
Out on their own? / If no one tries to end this game / Or find a way to ease the pain
Tell me who's gonna stop the rain?
---------------------------------------------------------
How many rivers must we cross before we learn / That the flood is rising high
And the bridges all have burned / Each time another dream is washed into the sea
It's another piece of you / It's another piece of Me
---------------------------------------------------------
Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | September 15th 2002
“Okay… so what happened exactly?” Xander asked confused.
“I found the kid all bruised and dressed like Faith. Then Faith shows up… dressed the same. Apparently she was the one that did this to the kid. Even got the fucking same sunglasses!” Buffy explained with a sigh, her throat was dry she had been talking for almost an hour.
Neither her nor Dawn had gotten any sleep last night because the kid had started crying and nothing either of them did could get her to stop. It had irritated the hell out of both of them. Sure she was glad that she had saved the kid from Faith, but all she got back for it was a crying kid… that wasn’t supposed to happen. The kid should be happy to be away from a monster like that.
“And this is first fucking time she stopped crying!”
“Dawn!” Buffy yelled at her sister.
“Well it’s true!” Dawn yelled back. “She thankfully stopped crying the minute we got here. Should’ve seen the looks from the people on the streets… god that was so embarrassing. And I can’t believe you two slept through that,” she said pointing at Willow and Tara.
“Enough Dawn,” Buffy warned her sister. “But yeah she has been crying all night, wouldn’t eat this morning and looks at me like I did something to her when all I did was save her from Faith.”
“And how exactly did you end up at the Mansion?” Willow asked.
“Because Sis here left her bag that night with those vamps.”
“Uh guys…” Dawn said remembering something. “I kinda knew she came back…”
“What!”
“Uh yeah… Angel called,” Dawn said. “Asked me if I could keep an eye on her. I said sure whatever and never did.”
“And the reason you didn’t tell me this was because…?”
“Well if Angel said she was back because she was out of prison, doesn’t that mean she can take care of herself? Why bother us with it.”
“Looks like Dead-boy doesn’t trust her that much either.”
“I don’t know Xand,” Buffy said. “Angel ‘believed’ in Faith and all that.”
Hope watched the interaction between the blonde girl and what appeared to be her friends. She didn’t know what was going on. They were constantly talking about Faith as if she had done something bad to her… but Faith would never hurt her! The only time Faith had ever hurt her was when she had cleaned the boo-boo on her tummy, and that hadn't even been on purpose. ‘Faith never hurt me,’ she said in her mind before turning on her full force ‘angry pout face’.
“Oh look at that,” Willow squealed.
“What is it Honey?” Tara asked.
“She’s pouting…” Willow exclaimed. “That is so cute!”
‘Not pouting!’ Hope yelled in her mind. ‘Angry! Not Pouting!’
“Oh, look at that,” Anya said smiling. “That is cute. Xander can we have one?”
“Uh… I… uh.”
“Guys, could we stick to the main point here… Faith..”
Angel’s Mansion | Sunnydale, California | September 15th 2002 | Faith’s POV
Oh God… I grab my head and sit up straight.
“That was a hard landing. What the hell happened?” I look around me and notice I’m in the mansion. You see, I was doing something here. I was WITH someone here and now I’m alone. There’s no one here.
I try to stand up… Whoa! Dizzy… better sit on the bed or something. I lean back against the headboard and close my eyes. Oh yeah that’s better… way better. I flick my eyes open in an instant… wait… I was with someone here, little girl… brunette, dent in lower lip, cute little freckles on left cheek… “HOPE!”
I jump off the bed remembering everything from the night before. Me calling out to Hope if she got her sunglasses. Me looking at a sickened B. Her telling me that I’m sick for hurting Hope and dressing her like me. Me trying to tell B that I didn’t hit Hope… How the fuck could I ever hurt Hope? She’s been hurt too many times in her life. I have to get her back, she’ll get hurt more if she stays there. They don’t know what to do with her. Hope doesn’t like being around anyone else but me… I don’t like her being around anyone else but me, I don’t like being around anyone else but her!
I run forward almost falling down… forgot the part about being dizzy. I walk to the sink, shake my head and splash some water over my face. I look in the mirror and see dried blood and purple like bruises on my face... or something that looks like it. Damn she hit me hard!
‘Hope, gotta get Hope back,’ I grab my coat. Where would they take her. Not to B’s place. Not to Xander’s. Far as I heard, Red and Blondie live with B now. Giles’ … no… wait, what was that place Angel talked about. “Magic Shop,” I say it out loud, only to make sure that Angel really said it. I put my coat on and hurry out of the mansion.
On the street I see people staring at my face, either smiling sadly or looking sorry that I got beat up. Well boo-fucking-hoo, who gives a fuck about that. I just want Hope back… where the fuck is that Shop! I stop someone as he walks by. “Excuse me, you know where the Magic Box is?”
“Go around the corner, you’ll see it when you get there,” he says. I thank him and hurry to the corner of the street and look around me… then I spot it… “Magic Shop,” I snort running towards it. I open the door and look around… whoa… Magic Shop alright… Hope, get Hope back!
I only get halfway across the store when something invisible catches me by surprise and I can’t move. “What the…” I look up and see Willow staring at me, holding up her hand and muttering something in a language I don't understand. “Let me go Red.”
“Oh Fuck!” Is the last thing I say before she launches me to the other side of the shop. Gotta keep my big mouth shut. She’s like this kick ass witch now. I run forward and actually get a foot further than the spot I was at seconds before. I grin, not bad… still not close though. Where’s Hope? I can’t find her… She’s gone, where’d they take her? Okay Fay… deep breath… calm down… WHERE IS SHE!
“FaithFaithFaith!” I snap my head to the side at the familiar voice and see Hope running towards me. I feel that Red has released me and I kneel down opening my arms waiting for the impact I know Hope is going to make… still not used to that. Even if she is just little… she’s got some major strength in her. I close my eyes…
Wow… what happened here… No impact! I slowly open one eye and see that Hope’s being held back by Buffy, who is actually having some major trouble holding her back. That’s my girl! Don’t let her get you. Come on Hope… break free… and that’s exactly what she does. Only a second later I hear a sharp cry, see a blonde slayer in pain and my little brunette running towards me.
I open my arms again and this time I DO get the impact I was waiting for as she slams her body against mine. God it feels good, I missed her. She was only gone for one night and I still fucking missed her like crazy. Wait… she’s trembling… what happened? “What the fuck did you do to her!” I yell at no one in particular.
I take a good look at their faces… They are fucking surprised she hugged me like that. They really believed I could beat Hope until she looks like this... That’s sick. I did a lot of things back then. But I would NEVER, EVER HURT A CHILD!! Okay… now get the guts to say that out loud. I open my mouth to do so, but then SHE says something.
“You should talk!” B snaps back at me. “Look at her, she’s covered in bruises.”
“That’s what I tried to tell you last night!" I snap back. “Until you went all commando and attacked me. Leftovers from Capt. Cardboard?” Oh, score one for Faith.
“Excuse me?”
“Of course,” I grin… score two for Faith.
“Looks who’s talking… what’s with the mini-me?” What did she just do? She didn’t bring her pinky up to her mouth did she? Oh god, she did… come on B! Can’t you come up with anything better than that? That was lame… really lame… not even the scoobies thought it was funny.
I’m about to give a killer comeback when my little friend here does it for me. “Shut up Barbie,” Oh… good… that’s good Hope. Another score for Team Faith. I see me and Cordelia taught you well then. She looks back at me and flashes a fucking down right HUGE grin at me. Hope KNOWS she did good. She fucking knows she did.
“Barbie…” She grins again. Oh, this kid is priceless. I look at B whose face is redder than Red’s hair… oh she’s pissed alright! Go Hope!
I look at B again… Oh Boy… seen that face before… that’s the face she would get before she usually exploded and got mad at Dawn… wait.. Who’s Dawn? Right, Dawn’s her sister… Must still be that wall B made me fly against… head first!
"Who are you kidding Faith pretending to care for the kid. We all know the real you. What your new boss need a virgin sacrifice?" Willow steps in.
I open my mouth to say something, and when I do I notice my voice strikes some real resemblance to Hope’s. Oh wait… that IS her voice… she’s doing it again. “Faith is nice,” I hear her say. “Faith, not hit me,” why is she talking like that? She can form a normal sentence can’t she? Hell, even a five-year-old can form a better sentence than THAT.
I see her shake her head before continuing. “Fay…” I SO like the nickname she gave me. “…didn’t hit me,” see, now those are sentences. You go girl.
“What’s the matter Faith?” Oh great now B starts her taunting again. Tell me what should I do? Run and hide or sit here and take it like a man… uhm girl… still dizzy from the headache. “Can’t you talk back yourself? You used be so good at that. First you got the mini-me going on, then you let her talk for you… that’s sick ‘Fay’.”
Jesus B, there was more venom in pronouncing my nickname from Hope than ten rattle snakes got together… but that was low B, real low. “Fay can talk for herself,” Damn girl… She did it again. I had a killer comeback ready and Hope got to say something before I got out even the word ‘I’.
“SO I notice.”
“Barbie is not being nice… where’s Ken? Shouldn’t you be playing with him. Oh wait there he is, Ken!” She waves at someone and I look up to who it is… oh, this is too good… she just waved at Xander. I can’t help it I just have to… LAUGH! And that’s exactly what I do… I just start laughing. Hope beams proudly as she hugs me and start laughing herself. God, she may be a ten-year-old… but she’s got a mouth on her.
The look on their faces… it’s priceless. Wish I had my camera with me… I really do… that was so funny. I can’t believe she actually pointed at Xander… that’s so… Can’t find the right words now. Oh, that demon chick steps forward. “He’s mine!” She snaps at the kid. I can’t believe the look on her face as she turns to Xander. “I don’t want one any more, she’s not cute anymore.”
She thought Hope was cute? Well who doesn’t…
“Sandwich action.”
I look at Hope… she’s grinning. What did she just say? “What did you just say?”
“Sandwich,” she replies. Oh, if I find out Cordy has been teaching her… “I saw something on television. Cordy said it was a sandwich when people do that. I’m ten years old… I know what that is.”
I look wide-eyed at the kid. I’m not the only one. Cordy is going to pay for this. I never should have left Hope alone with her that day. She’s too young for this kind of stuff.
Oh wait… I think they are looking more wide-eyed at the mention of Cordy than anything else… I see Xander is in a happy place. Anya is furious and hitting Xander. And I don’t think that there is a colour for the way B is blushing at the moment. So okay, it’s kinda funny if you look at it that w… Wow hold up. I feel something. Sticky, wet, little bit thick. I look down and see a red fluid on my hands. Fuck!!
“Boo-boo,” great… now she says something about it. Must’ve happened on impact.
“Come on,” I lift Hope up carefully and place her on the table. “Get the first aid kit,” I snap at no one in particular. No one moves… when I’m about to yell at them for not listening, Tara walks over to me with the kit in her hand. “Thanks,” okay so it’s nice to thank people when they give you something.
“Can I help?” She asks me… Uh… should I say yes to that? God I wish Kate was here. I just flash her a small smile and I hand her the cloth with antiseptic. I gently push Hope down on the table and grab a chair to sit on. Tara starts cleaning the boo-boo… oh yeah talking like Hope… I grab Hope’s hands and kiss them lightly. That’ll show them, I won’t ever hurt this girl… She feels like blood to me. She feels like a real sister to me and I’m gonna make sure they see that.
Hope tugs on my arm lightly telling me Blondie is hurting her. I look at her. “Don’t hurt her!” Okay… that came out more as a frightened little girl than a threat… good show Faith. God, I can already hear B snorting in the back. She probably thinks I can’t love someone… or ever care about someone. Well I love Hope like she’s my little sister and I’m going to show it to her. I glare at her for snorting and keep her eyes locked with mine.
“Fay,” my head suddenly snaps to the side when I hear Hope calling. “Boo-Boo fixed,” she flashes that beautiful smile of hers again, sits up and hugs me. See, she cares for me, she loves me. I care for her, I love her. That’s all that matters.
“Why are you really here Faith?” The venom in B’s voice makes me sick. “What game are you playing now? Trying to be friends with us again using ‘her’.”
Okay that’s it, she’s dead. I step forward… what the… I look at my arm which has Hope attached to it. She just stopped me from killing B. I give her a reassuring smile. Okay, so I won’t kill B right now. Hope’s a wise little girl, she knows more than we think she does.
“She’s like a dog on a leash,” oh, funny Xander… real funny.
“Oh, go look in the mirror and TRY to look cute Ken,” oh Hope… what would I do without you… that was good. I think that was actually a line Dawn would use. That was good.
“I’m sick of this,” Buffy suddenly says walking closer to me. “What the fuck do you want.”
Okay, here goes. “I want to apolo…”
“Don’t even fucking say it,” wow, hold up… Dawn? What’s she doing? “You know, Angel told me you were out and that you changed. I can see that,” okay fine… you see that. Why the painful look then? “But don’t you apologize to us. You hurt us real bad Faith. I used to think you were the coolest that walked around. I was so wrong. You hurt the scoobies, you hurt mom and kidnapped her in her own home. You tried to kill Buffy and Angel. That’s not something you just apologize for.”
Yeah… Mrs. S… never should have done that. That’s one of the things I REALLY, REALLY regret doing. She never judged me, she was always nice to me. I look down at the floor for a second before facing them again… I guess I should go then… not working here. “We’ll go,” I simply say.
I take Hope’s hand, smile at Blondie for helping me and start walking towards the door. B suddenly grabs my arm and spins me around. “She’s not going anywhere. You may have Angel convinced, but not me!”
Oh fuck B, shouldn’t have done that. I place my finger at her collarbone, pushing it hard, still holding Hope with my other hand. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me,” I hiss. “Get it through your thick skull. Hope is NOT staying here. I’m not the one that hurt her, someone else did. A bigger fuck up than me… so don’t even start that shit with me.”
Alright, Go Faith! She actually looks shocked, and a little scared too. God that felt good. “Fay?” I look behind me and I see Hope pleading for me to go. “Can we go?” And then she actually has to say it. Okay, I’m sold we’re done here.
“You want to know the truth B? I’m sorry, for everything that I did. Sorry for almost killing you and Angel, sorry for hurting your mom and kidnapping her, sorry for hurting any of you,” I do a quick round around the room, making sure I looked at all of them. “I’m sorry I killed Finch, I’m sorry for everything. The only thing I’m not sorry for is taking Hope in with me to give her a better life. Think about it B… if you let me apologize, maybe then you’ll get the complete story on Hope, until then…” I poke her one more time to make sure she gets it. “… stay out of it.”
I feel Hope jump behind me when she brings her hand up and I immediately take a defensive stand. I calm down when B is only doing that to rub the spot I just poked hard with my finger. I calm down again and start to open my mouth again… jeez I’m a real talking girl at the moment. “I’m not really the one to say, but I’ve changed B. If you give me a chance I can prove it to you… if not… well then I’m still sorry.”
I gently tug on Hope’s arm and motion her to walk along with me out of the door, the second I put my hand on the handle… Giles speaks up. “Tomorrow morning, eight thirty training here at the shop, be there,” I don’t turn around, give a small nod with my head and open the door. I can hear everyone yell Giles’ name as I walk out. He’s in a lot of trouble… that I know.
Sure as the blood runs through your veins / Sure as the falling rain, oh yeah
We'll taste the tears of each defeat / The bitter and the sweet
---------------------------------------------------------
As the days grow colder / Wonder if we'll ever see the sun / When winter comes
If no one stands to take the weight / If no one answers to the blame
Tell me who's gonna stop the rain?
---------------------------------------------------------
8:30 AM | Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | September 15th 2002
Who said you can’t feel like a sheep walking amongst wolves? Coz I’m sure doing that right now. The second I walked in this place with Hope I could feel their eyes on me. I don’t think there’s been a moment in the last half hour that they haven’t had their eyes on me. Can’t say I blame them, but still… ‘Sides, Hope is getting uneasy by it. I casually let it slip that their stares were making Hope uneasy, only no one listened to me. I can understand their staring at me, but do they have to do this to her....?
Buffy’s the worst. I don’t think she’s taken her eyes off me since I got here. Even when she talks to any of the others she’s watching me, only me. She hasn’t even said Hi to Hope while the kid has said Hi to her several times. Couldn’t she at least nod or something? It’s just a little girl saying Hi for Christ sake! You think ‘Miss Hero’ could at least nod. Probably still pissed about yesterday… okay knock it off Faith before you start laughing again.
“Faith, training room now,” Yes Ma’am. I mentally salute her before asking Hope to come with me. “Leave the kid,” What? “They won’t hurt her,” oh yeah like that’s supposed to be comforting. Fine! I talk to Hope, she’s already upset before I say anything, the kid has got good ears. I tell her not to worry about me and follow B into the room. I close the door behind me and she turns around. “No talking just fighting… Training… just training,” okay… you want to kick my butt Go ahead and try.
Oh, this is fun. I’m sitting on top of her now, pinning her arms to the floor with my knees. She thought she could beat me… Fat chance!
Whoa!! Flying wasn’t in the package! I land against the wall and fall down on my butt… Okay now that hurt… What did she do anyway? I felt two feet on my neck and suddenly I went flying… Stretchy! She’s been working out… real good. I could never bend my legs the way she just did, gotta find out how. Might come in handy fighting off a vamp.
Oh, get up Faith, she’s coming again. Okay got up, took a fighting pose and now… I’m on the floor again, how’d she do that. Oh, right… leg sweep, must’ve been that knock against the wall that’s got me off balance. Fine, you feel what it’s like. I kick out my left leg and send her flying against the nearest wall. Go Faith! “Wow B, what’s the screaming for!” I put my hands over my ears as she continues to scream. God that girl has some vocal cords.
I run towards her, jump on her and hold my hand over her mouth. “Shut up B, the cords are working… jeez.”
“Get off me!” Oh, hissing now are we. ‘Fine just shut the fuck up with the screaming already…’ Oh, said that out loud. No, don’t… hit me on the nose.
I grab my nose in pain, growling at her as best as I can… and apparently I screamed a bit seeing now EVERYONE is in the goddamn room now. Both me and B turn around hissing at them. “What!” We scream. Oh, I’m going soft again, Hope just ran towards me. NoNoNo! “Hope, don’t kick…” Too late. “B…”
“You little…” I glare at B, she immediately shuts up. She knows her sister would have done the same thing if it was her bleeding like that.
“Boo-Boo?” Hope asks me. I nod. She’s never gonna grow out of that Boo-Boo stuff. It’s cute. She reaches out her tiny hand, I pull my hand away from my nose and she touches the bridge of my nose lightly. I try not to look like it hurts, but it fucking hurts like hell! God, the things I’d do for this kid. Okay, please stop touching it… what’s she doing? She’s kissing my Boo-Boo… I really sound pathetic right now. She kissed the bridge of my nose lightly, kissing the pain away. “Better?” She asks me.
“Better,” I reply with a smile. What else are you gonna do? The kid is cute, can’t help it.
I look at B who is rubbing her head where she hit the wall and her ankle where Hope kicked her. I look at Hope and then back at B, hoping she got the message… She didn’t. I look at her and wrinkle my brows to try and look angry at her, doing a damn good job to! She hangs her head and walks over to B. She taps her on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I kicked you,” B looks up at Hope and smiles lightly saying it’s okay. “But you’re not getting a kiss for the Boo-Boo!” She giggles and runs back to me. Okay… so I’m working on the part where she actually doesn’t say things like that.
I hear a few giggles and turn my head to the door where I see Dawn quickly turning around and walking out of the room. Apparently the others already left after they saw everything was alright with B. Can’t blame ‘em, but I’ve got Hope to look out after me and she’s doing a damn good job too. I can’t believe she actually kicked B. And neither does B herself. She’s still a little shocked about that part.
I can see she’s already tired, I am too. And we haven’t even begun yet. Mostly coz I put my energy elsewhere than training. I do some push up and sit ups to keep all the muscles nice. And of course who can forget the grueling morning ritual I have to go through thanks to those stupid guards. I still can’t fucking get up right away after being asleep, they fucked up the nerves in my back real good.
Just gotta make sure that the others don’t see it. “I’m done B, don’t feel like fighting anymore,” damn right I’m done with the fighting. I’ve got to get back to the mansion and get my pain killers. Yeah I’ve had ‘em since the attack, don’t know what I would do without ‘em at the moment. Fucking idiotic guards.
“What’s the matter ‘F’. Wearing you out?”
Did she had to go with that? “I’m just tired B, fucking leave it alone will you,” that came out more snappy than planned. At least she got the message.
I grab Hope’s hand and start walking. I grab my back for a second and rub the spot where the knife went in. Huge fucking scar too… I quickly hold my hand to my side remembering B can still see me. I open the door, walk in the shop and walk to the exit. I get out and go to the mansion as quick as I can and let my back have some rest. Stupid. Fucking. Guards!
Training Room, Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | September 15th 2002 | Buffy’s POV
Okay, so what happened here? Faith is tired? Probably just too chicken to fight me. I gave her a bloody nose. Definitely chickened out alright. What’s wrong with her back? I frown and remember her hand going to her back, rubbing it, almost like it’s an old wound hurting. Don’t think about that Buff, no need. Her problems not mine.
What the hell is she even doing back here in good Old Sunnydale anyway? Cause some more trouble? That would fit her, that’s for sure. I walk out of the training room and ask Giles for something cold… my head is hurting… like really hurting. Not to mention my ankle… little brat…
‘Whatever it was that was done to her she probably deserved it.’ What the… did I just think that? Oh smooth Buffy, real smooth. Wish a beating like that on a small kid real smooth. I sit down on a chair at the table and let my head fall on it… wrong move… I groan and before I know it everyone is at my side demanding to know what happened in the training area.
I can’t deal with this now. I have to go home… take a nice long bath… bubbles, foamy, soapy and getting clean. Yeah that’s good. Bubble bath… oh yeah, that sounds good, real good. I’m going home, run water in the bath, nice bubbles, foamy… I mentioned foamy already. I’m going home.
I’m halfway to the door when I hear someone calling out for me. “Buffy wait up!” It’s Dawn. My sister, sweet sometimes, pain in the ass most of the times. Yeah sure I promised I’d be here for her, but she’s getting on my nerves again. I can’t help it, she’s so annoying sometimes. We’re fighting more and more again. We even get on Tara's nerves with all the fighting.
And that’s hard to do, you know, she’s like the sweetest person ever and WE, me and Dawn, get on her nerves with our fighting. It was never this bad before, not even before the whole ring deal. It’s getting worse too, I actually almost hit her. The only thing that stopped me was the look on her face. Yeah I know, I promised to take care of her… I’m trying okay? This is not good, now that Faith is back I have to keep an eye on her as well.
I look up and see that we’re almost home already… the first thing I’m going to do though is take a bath… a nice long, hot bath… with bubbles… foamy and all.
They weren’t friends yet, in fact, they weren’t even close to becoming it. Buffy was still mad at her and Faith still hadn’t accepted the apology by the blonde slayer for taking Hope like that and assuming Faith was hurting her. Of all the things Faith had done, she would never hurt a child. After the scene in the Magic Box, Buffy had apologized multiple times and yet remained … 'quietly pissed' at her for everything that she had done.
And yet here they were… walking to the mall, the three of them, Buffy, Faith and Hope. The two slayers didn’t speak, they only said something if Hope asked either one of them a question. The one thing that was fun about coming to Sunnydale was the way that Hope had ‘out-talked’ every witty and painful remark by either Buffy or any of the others towards Faith in the shop. Whenever Faith would try to talk back to them, she got cut off by Hope. Even that was material for Buffy to go on with, saying Faith wasn’t smart enough that she would let Hope talk for her. Hope had stepped forward, like a brave ten-year-old, poked Buffy in her stomach and told her that Faith could indeed talk, but that Hope herself enjoyed seeing the ‘Barbie-doll’ outwitted by a ten-year-old.
The only thing that had kept Faith from laughing out loud, was the pleasure she got from hearing Hope talk like that, Buffy’s flustered face and a grinning Scooby gang.
“We there yet?” Hope whined. She grabbed both of the slayers' hands and started pulling them forward.
“I see she’s got your patience,” Buffy remarked. She quickly stopped any further comments when she saw both brunettes glaring at her. “Almost there,” she muttered instead.
A handsome young man caught the attention of both slayers as he walked down the street. They both actually stopped walking and just watched him. He had the face of an angel, blonde hair, blue-eyed, perfect suntanned skin… just perfect. He sensed them looking at him, looked to his side and flashed the most perfect smile at them… almost grinning, like he knew they were watching.
As much as the two slayers had noticed the young man, so had Hope. “Faith…” She whispered.
“Hmm,” Faith replied absently, still following the guy with her eyes. Hope released both Slayers’ hands and grabbed the hem of Faith’s tank top, clutching it in her little hands. She moved to stand behind Faith’s back and buried her face in Faith’s lower back. “Hope, sweetie could you let go, you’re tearing my…” Faith looked behind her at her little friend who stared right back at her, eyes haunted as if she had just seen the devil himself.
“Faith look at him, he’s … god he’s cute… Faith?” Buffy turned to her side to see her fellow slayer trying to get Hope to let go of her tank top. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Faith replied. “She’s holding me really tight here and she’s looking at that cutie… well haunted and…”
Faith didn’t finish her sentence, she almost threw Hope into Buffy’s arms and sprinted towards the cute guy they just saw. The move not only surprised Buffy, but also every person around them. Her next move surprised them more as she began to beat the hell out of him, starting with his cute face. She stood hovering over the fallen man, continuing to hit him in the face.
“Faith!” Buffy screamed. “What the hell are you doing!” The blonde lifted Hope in her arms, sprinted to the other side of the road. “Stay here,” she turned to a bystander and practically ordered her to call an ambulance.
Buffy turned around and grabbed Faith. The brunette slayer however, kicked her off and continued her assault on the guy. Buffy quickly got up and just in time caught Faith’s hand that was getting ready for another blow. ”Let me go!” Faith’s heartbreaking scream came.
“He’s already unconscious, what the hell do you want more!”
“Kill him,” Faith’s ice-cold reply came. The brunette was about to hit Buffy away and then the guy again when she saw Hope looking at her terrified like a cornered animal. The features on her face immediately softened as she opened her arms and waited for Hope.
Buffy watched as Hope sprinted into Faith’s waiting arms. Faith lifted Hope up and carried her the few feet over to the brick wall. Buffy didn’t miss the look in Hope’s eyes when she saw the guy on the sidewalk and neither did she miss Faith whispering to her not to look at him and getting in her line of sight… a connection quickly followed. “Watch him,” Buffy hissed at a few bystanders, then walked back to the two brunettes’. She gently put her hand on Faith’s shoulder, who looked up at her. “It’s him isn’t it? The one that…”
Faith nodded. She was sitting on the ground, back against the wall, Hope in her arms, protecting and shielding her from the guy even though he was unconscious. Buffy knelt down next to Faith, putting one hand on Hope’s head and the other, surprisingly enough, on Faith’s neck.
And if the day wasn’t bad enough… it started to rain…
Who's gonna stop the rain? / If every soul should lose its way
If every face should lose its name / If no one tries to end this game
Or find a way to ease the pain / Who's gonna stop the rain?
If no one stands to take the weight / If no one answers to the blame
Who's gonna stop The rain? / Who's gonna stop The Rain…
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CHAPTER 4 - Somewhere In Between
Started: October 28th 2001
Finished: December 27th 2001
Dedication: Once again to of course Michele, who's been helping me through this
and get me through the unfortunately many blocks I've been having at the moment. Of course
there's the dedication to Sway... Who can forget her, I know I can't (did you have fun
tonight?) Miss K, I totally adore your fic and because you sent out the first part of Elle
& Dizzy I decided to put out chapter 4 especially for you and the others. To everyone who's
ever sent me feedback... Thanks a bunch, love ya'll. And for the other people who read this
story... Love you too! To Eden....
I can't keep losing sleep over this, no, I can't / And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out / If my mind would just stop racing
'Cause I cannot stand still / I can't be this unsturdy / This cannot be happening
This is over my head but underneath my feet / 'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was / I wish that it was just that easy
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Sunnydale Police Department | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
We’re at the Police Station right now, me, Faith and Hope. Done it again, I’ve seen enough of this place already. I’m so not enjoying this visit. The first thing the guy said when he woke up when the ambulance arrived was that was going to sue Faith. Like she has anything to sue for. She’s probably going right back to jail anyway… Oh, wrong thinking, what about Hope. I surely can’t take care of her. I’ve already got Dawn to take care for. I hate the job I’m working at and I’m not going to take a second job.
She looked so lost, Faith looked so lost. Even when Faith was beating down the guy, she looked lost. Like she was reacting on instinct. Not revenge or anything else, just reacting on instinct. Protecting Hope. I’m not really getting it, but then again… I’m not the one that spend apparently six months around the kid. Why didn’t Angel call me? Oh right I forgot… he called Dawn.
He told my sister that Faith is back in Sunnydale and not me… then again I would have probably kicked her ass all the way back to L.A. but that’s beside the point. Oh, guard is back with Faith… cuffed? Why is she cuffed? She did her time didn’t she? Why the hell did they do that and where is Hope? I can’t see Hope, oh there she is, behind the guard holding Faith’s hand… and WHY am I even worrying about this?
“Why is she cuffed?” And still it slipped out of my mouth. Now not only the guards are looking at me if I’ve gone nuts, but also Faith. “What?” I ask.
“Because she beat that young man in a hospital for no reason.”
‘No reason my ass!’ Oh… Oops, that came out loud. “No I don’t know what the reason is, but Faith doesn’t beat up someone for no reason,” and Oh My God did I just say that! Apparently I’m not the only one thinking that. Faith just looked at me like I’ve gone nuts or something. Okay maybe I did, but still that’s no reason to look at me like that.
“As I heard it you’ve had some trouble with her in the past,” the officer says to me. Yeah trouble… Big Ass trouble as in killing that deputy, threatening my family, almost killing Angel, almost killing ME… but I don’t say that and just nod my head a little. “What’s your business in this besides being a witness to the whole scene? Get that kid away from here!”
“Hope get here,” I say. She obeys, that’s new. I raise a brow and look at Faith. Faith’s look instantly tells me she had something to do with this. Great now I can take care of the kid, okay a cute kid, but still. I take her hand and look at the two cops. Still, why did they have her cuffed. And why are some lowlife, crappy cops looking out for her, she should be getting something better than that.
Oh god that guy is disgusting. He’s holding Faith’s arm with one hand and with the other hand he’s holding two friggin’ HUGE donuts in his hands and… oh god I’m gonna barf! He’s eating them at the same time! That’s disgusting, thank god the other one is a bit nicer a-and cleaner… he’s only holding a coffee, and oh my god he just sneezed in it… I really need to get out of this place. Sunnydale finest my ass!
“Alright let her go gentlemen,” I twirl around almost knocking Hope down. Hey! Isn’t she that the blonde lady I met in L.A… Kate… what’s her name?
“Yes Detective Lockley,” oh right, Kate Lockley, that was her name. What’s she doing here?
“Kate what are you doing here?” So okay, Faith’s got a thing for asking the questions I have in my head. “I thought you were in L.A.?”
“I was, got a job here,” she takes the handcuffs off Faith and Hope immediately throws her arms around her waist. Faith bents over and kisses the top Hope’s head and… “Hey, don’t look at her butt like that!” God those cops are disgusting!
“What are you? The girlfriend?”
Oh, okay… blushing… next time I’m keeping my mouth shut. Definitely keeping my mouth shut. “Don’t look at me like that. They WERE checking out your butt you know,” okay, more blushing… color is good, the tan kind, not the reddish kind.
“My butt is worth to be checked out B,” winking! Oh okay, nice going Buff, now you’ve got her all worked up. Add more blushing to your list why don’t you! God knock it off. I still don’t like her, she’s still a dislikeable person. “Thanks Kate,” yeah Kate thanks. Whatever. I don’t get a thanks for defending you? “Thanks B,” reading my mind now are you?
“What happened Faith?”
Kate being her detective self again. Okay, here we go, complete story again. Fine, I can wait go ahead and babble the story to Kate. What are YOU looking at shorty! She’s playing peek-a-boo with me! Well two can play that game. I mouth a ‘boo’ to Hope and she quickly hides behind Faith. Oh, that’s so cute. There she comes again. Again I’m doing the ‘boo’ face and again with the hiding. She really is cute! Okay, show me what you got shorty! I lean back a little and look behind Faith. Hope’s leaning her head against Faith’s lower back, she really is short… or Faith is that tall, anyways… Leaning her head against her lower back right above her… ooh nice… Shut up! “Checking out my butt B?”
“What?” I didn’t… I wasn’t… I so wasn’t… “I didn’t, I wasn’t. I so wasn’t!” Nice Buffy, way to go. Why the hell are you even checking out her butt? You hate her guts for Christ sake! No looking or even thinking about butts… although… Ryan Phillipe has a nice one… Cruel Intentions… oh yeah… wait no, don’t go there! “What?” Someone said something to me…
“I said… ‘Buffy, can Faith and Hope stay at your place?’”
Oh, okay, so that was Kate. Okay, back to butts… No don’t go back to butts… wait that was a question I was asked. Faith staying at my house… No fucking way! “Why?”
“They need a place to stay while this is going to court.”
She’s staying at the mansion and who said anything about a court? “What?”
“He’s suing me B, he went through with it,” Faith tells me. Oh great! So she’s staying in Sunnydale, that’s just great. Now how am I supposed to live a normal butt life. Argh! No butts! “B? B! Buffy!”
What? “What!”
“Jeez, call you by your real name and you pay attention,” oh shut up!
“Can they stay at your house?”
“I,” oh, yeah good one… I really don’t want them staying at my house. Someone catches my eye. “Who’s that smirking guy walking towards us?”
“Dunno B,” I see Kate shrug, and well Hope certainly wouldn’t know who it is and to tell you the truth I haven’t seen him either.
“Anyone named Faith in this little group?”
She is. “I am,” Faith looks the guy up and down. Doesn’t trust him, neither do I.
“I’m here to take a certain young lady to Child Welfare, goes by the name of Hope Lugois?”
“Hope Lugois?” I snort… sorry I couldn’t help it. Who’s name is Lugois… that’s so funny. Oh wait… “Isn’t that the same last name as Bella Lugois?”
“No that is L-O-G-O-S-I, this is spelled L-O-G-O-I-S. You pronounce it the same.”
Oh, okay. Still what does that have to do with Hope? I knew there was something about this guy… Oh, not good. Faith is looking panicked. I don’t think the guy can handle a panicked Faith. This is not looking good. “Why do you want to take Hope?” Oh, way to go Faith, rat yourself out why don’t you. You could’ve said the kid was my sister, under the circumstances I wouldn’t even have minded it, but NO… Faith has to blab.
“Because she’s been listed as a missing person in L.A. and the trail leads here,” smart ass, shut up before I beat you up… wait listed as a missing person? I glare at Faith who looks wide-eyed at me… right I forgot, she wouldn’t hurt the kid. “Come with me Hope.”
Nuh uh, over my dead body. I step in front of the guy and he looks me up and down and lets out a chuckle… I really need to grow, mom didn’t give me enough kicks on the butt. “They are staying with me,” I blurt that out. Don’t know why, but at Child Welfare the kid is probably off worse than with Faith, at least she’ll be loved. Wow, rewind… Faith and love? Uh… guess so. Ok focus, keeping the kid from being taken away.
“Excuse me Mr. Whatever your name is,” he interrupts Kate telling her it’s Roger Rogers… ain’t that a laugh. “Fine, Mr. Roger Rogers,” good one Kate, laugh a little too. Oh yeah that’s good! “This child isn’t going anywhere.”
“Don’t make me go to court to settle this,” Rogers says. Court my ass! One court is enough… please! “This is kidnapping.”
“Don’t make me go to court,” Kate suddenly says. “No court would deny guardianship to Hope’s older sister,” Yeah that’s right! Nobody would deny guardianship to her older sister!
“No one can take two sisters apart,” I’m proud saying that. No one can take me and Dawn apart, she’s a brat, but she’s my sister. WOW, wait… rewind… sisters? “Wow, what did you just say?” I grab Kate’s shoulders and force her to look at me. “What was that?”
“They’re sisters,” Kate replies to me.
I look at Hope and Faith who are just as shocked as I and Rogers are. I decide to take the comedic line. “Well they DO look alike…” Uh Faith… you can speak now. No answer… wait, didn’t say that out loud, try again. “Faith?” No answer… okay, again. “Faith!” Grumble… okay, one more time. “Faith!!” Still no answer… okay she’s officially zoned out. I’m NOT carrying her back no way! That’s Kate job, she broke the news, now she can break Faith, I’m not doing that.
Okay, so now what? Okay, Kate’s talking to the so NOT nice guy who wanted to take Hope away. That leaves me to look after a zoned out Faith and a kid that doesn’t seem to know what we’re talking about. “Me and Faith sisters,” okay huge grin from the kid! She does know what Kate was talking about.
“All settled,” Kate walks back to us and the nice, puke, guy has left the building. “Uhm, is she going to be okay?”
“I guess,” I reply looking at Faith.
She’s still pretty much zoned out, I’m wondering how she can still stand. I would have fainted if I was her… oh wait there she goes… oh no she doesn’t… she does… doesn’t… Make up your damn mind Faith! “Sisters?”
“Yup,” oh great a cheery reply from Kate… and she’s zoned out again. Still standing. I take her hand and pull her forward… Okay so she can walk, that makes my part a bit easier. Kate can take the kid. “So Buffy, your place?”
Uh yeah I guess. “Uh yeah…” I’m still pretty much shocked about this. Faith has a sister… I start chuckling… I start giggling… I start laughing… oh not good. Shut up Buffy. OUCH!! Watch the ankle! Fine I won’t laugh anymore. A kick to the ankle will do that for you. Damn, Hope is a hard kicker.
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in / Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this / I know that I just don't need this
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Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
I blink, once, twice, three times. Where the fuck am I? Wasn’t I at the police department? I was, last thing I remembered was seeing Kate again. Sweet, she came back and got me out of there… still a whole blank gap to fill up though. I look around and notice I’m at B’s house, still looks the same… well not exactly. They kinda moved around a bit, I guess that happened after Mrs. S died. Angel told me about that, that was the first in a long while that I cried. I liked the woman.
Wow, where’s Hope! I look around but I can’t find her. I hear some familiar giggles, kitchen! I stand up from the couch and ran to the kitchen almost bumping into Dawn on my way who just came out of the kitchen. I mumble a sorry at her before stopping dead in my tracks at what I see.
That’s so cute. B has Hope sitting in her lap and making figures with their food. Food… my stomach grumbles at me at the thought. I’m so fucking hungry. Oh, got noticed by Hope, she jumps off B’s lap and runs towards me. I lift her up in my arms and twirls me around… then it hits me. The blank gap just filled itself… She’s my sister.
I put my hands on her side and just lift her up for a second, looking at her. I have a sister. I have a sister. It keeps repeating over and over in my head. How? “How did you find out?” I look at Kate who is looking at me with a smile on her face.
“Angel,” she replies. What the fuck does he got to do with it? “He thought her blood smelled familiar somehow,” and that’s why he had to go and do that… how did he do that? “He had to clean her wound and kept the gauze. Then after that he had to clean the wound on your shoulder and also kept the cloth. He gave them to me and I had them compared.”
He did what! “He did what?” Okay, that came more out as a question then being angry… and wait Kate helped him? “And you helped him?”
“Faith…” Oh soothing me now are you. “I wanted to say it to you, but he kept me from doing so. I wish I could have told you Faith.”
Okay, so she isn’t THAT bad. They were all good intentions… but Angel has got to keep out of my life! I look down at the floor, what else can I do. I’m fucking dead tired, I can’t take this anymore. I don’t need this right now, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Hope is my sister. Gives me legal reasons to keep her with me. Now no one can take her away from me anymore. “I know,” oh, that was a whisper. Look up again, okay I looked up again… Now what?
Wait, I have a question in my head somewhere, frowning now. Oh right, that’s it. “Do we have the same mother?”
“No, the same father,” Kate replies to me. I growl, a low growl but it still came out loud enough for B to hear and Hope who is now sitting on my lap. Nice going Faith… now you probably got that babble head of B going off again. “I had Hope’s DNA compared to that of your mother’s.”
“Do you want to go to bed?” Who said that? I look up and look at B, oh she said that. Why did she say that? She’s not supposed to be nice to me. B is supposed to hate my guts… I’m tired. “Do you?” She asks again. I nod, the only thing I can do for now. “Kate can you look out for Hope for a while? I’ll make some dinner later on after Faith woke up again.”
I feel like falling down right here and now. I can’t take this no more but I can’t let them know that. I give Hope a hug and kiss, then I silently follow B upstairs, to her bedroom… wait… her bedroom? “B?”
“You’re not staying in my sister’s room and I don’t think Willow would enjoy having you in her room,” that makes sense. “So my room is the only option. Hope can stay here too,” she’s being too nice… way too nice. She’s going to do her screaming and kicking soon. I know it… as long as I can sleep now I don’t mind… oh no not at all as long as I can… Oh, soft bed.
When did I fall on it? I hear B stifle a giggle, I guess I did fall down on it. I can’t help it, I’m tired. Tired of it all, tired of what happened in jail, tired of fighting, tired of keeping up my wall, tired of my seriously aching back. The only thing I’m not tired of is taking care of Hope, but Kate’s here now. She can do it while I sleep. I yawn and somehow I managed to get out of my pants, top and into an Anastacia t-shirt.
Wait… Anastacia t-shirt? I look down at it and raise a brow. Sure, the chick is hot, but why does B have a t-shirt of her. Whatever, I’m tired. I’ll ask her later.
Oh, I’m already in the bed and someone is putting the covers over me. I turn lightly and B is looking down at me. No expression on her face, none that I can read anyway. I bury my head in the pillow and close my eyes. That’s all I need right now… sleep. Then I’ll handle a screaming B and a hyperactive Hope. Goodnight world, see you tomorrow.
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“What the fuck is she doing here!”
“Dawn! Language!” God my sister’s got such a foul mouth. I’m not even the one that taught her to do that. I really should be keeping an eye out at that school of her, don’t know what they are teaching Dawn there, but I’m not liking it at all.
“Shut up! I asked you something.”
“Excuse me?” Did she just say that to me? “Go up to your room and MAYBE we’ll talk when you cooled down,” I see her look at me, hands on her hips, thinking that she’s everything. Like I was that age, only for me it was more the attitude I had for slaying. She doesn’t even make a move towards the stairs. If mom would see this… “Now!” I growl at her. She goes all wide-eyed at me, now I’LL put my hands on my side. I’m not going to let her run over me like that. I raise a brow just to show I’m not budging. She gives me this ‘I’m pissed at you and will be for the next month’ look and walks up the stairs… well lets rephrase that, she stomps up the stairs. “And be quiet, she’s sleeping,” she is, Faith has been sleeping for the past three hours. I can’t believe she can sleep that much, she DID look exhausted though. Must be the kid, she’s pretty active.
I walk back into the kitchen and see a pissed off Willow looking at me when I enter. Can anyone say Uh Oh! I’m in deep shit. “What the hell is *she* doing here?” Okay, that came out with a lot of venom. “She’s getting to you Buffy. And when Faith has you, she’s going to fuck you over like she did last time.”
“Jeez Will, what’s with all the cursing,” really, what is it with the cursing; there’s a small kid in the room! “Hope is in the room.”
“So what?”
“Honey, calm down.”
Thank you Tara… oh wait not good Tara, Willow is looking pretty pissed at you. “Don’t look at Tara like that, Willow. I’m the one getting Faith in the house not her,” good Buffy, defend the girlfriend. Tara did nothing, she even helped Faith… oh, and maybe that’s why Willow pissed at her.
“What is she doing here?” Willow is demanding to know things now. This is not good. Guess I should say what happened earlier today. I’ll do it while cooking dinner; Faith is going to be hungry as always when she wakes up. I can see Hope is hungry; she’s been eyeing the cookies ever since she got in the kitchen. Oh all right, she can have one. I grab the cookie jar, open it and hand one to her. Oh, she smiles. That’s a cute smile. Okay, so cooking dinner it is. Oh, stomach is grumbling, now I know where that urge to cook came from.
“Okay, so I guess you want to hear the whole story then,” I sigh and grab some pots and pans. Fine, she wants the story, she can have the story.
An hour later | Buffy’s Bedroom | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
I groan as I open my eyes. How long have I been a sleep? I look at the clock and see that it’s 7pm. I look down at my stomach when it starts to grumble about not being fed. Well gonna feed my stomach then. I don’t bother to get changed. I’m still dead tired, probably gonna go back to sleep after I ate. I open B’s door and walk downstairs and into the kitchen.
When I take a good look, B is in an overheated discussion with Red about me. I’m honored… not really. Sure talking about me is fun, but only if it’s in a good way… NOT the way they, or rather Willow, is talking about me. It doesn’t really bother me, what gets me more upset is, “What the fuck are you two screaming about with Hope in the room with you?”
I lift Hope up and walk out of the kitchen extremely pissed at the two. I don’t want them talking about me like that when she’s in the room. They’ve probably covered my whole history here in Sunnydale, I don’t want her to know that yet. I’ll tell her that myself when I’m ready for it. Not when they think it’s a good thing to do while arguing.
“Barbie was being nice,” you call screaming nice Hope? Now that’s a question I’d like to ask her, but she’s already talking again. “She was being nice about you. No bad things.”
B is being nice about me? That can’t be. Curiosity gets to me. “What did she say?”
“About today, with Katie and the dirty men at the police station,” she says to me. Okay, I guess that was a little bit nice, she let me stay here. I sit down on the couch and Hope immediately lets herself fall down on my lap and leans her head against my chest. She’s such a sweet kid, she can be a pain too but she’s mostly sweet.
I can only guess why. Probably didn’t want to get beaten again. Well I’m not here to beat her and she probably knows that too because she’s got something nasty going on every now and then. She just goes bad all of a sudden and I let her, she couldn’t when she was still with him so I let her do it. Hope knows when she’s gone too far and she’ll apologize to me.
I turn my head at some noise and see Willow and Tara walking out of the kitchen. Tara gives me a shy smile and Willow glares at me. I just return the glare at her and before they walked out of the house I give a small smile to Tara.
My head snaps back towards the same spot again when I hear another noise. It’s B, carrying two plates of food. She hands one of them to me and sits down next to me with the other. As if hearing my thoughts, she answers. “Hope already ate,” okay good.
“Hope, sit next me. I’m going to eat my dinner,” Hope does as she is told and slides on the spot next to me and B. Yup, the girl is actually sitting on the same couch as mine. I grab a fork and start filling my mouth with food. I’m wicked hungry.
Oh, not good… not good at all. B’s gone serious. She puts down her plate and sits cross-legged in the corner of the couch, looking at me. I look at her still shoveling food down my throat. I’m sorry, but I’m hungry. She can get serious as long as I can eat. “We need to talk,” don’t I know it B. We really need to talk.
I nod at her and continue to eat. “We’re not okay Faith, we are far from it to be exact,” I know, I know. Tell me something new here. “You staying here means a lot of sacrifices from both sides,” okay, that’s a little bit new. Could’ve guessed it though.
I see it coming… I can fucking see it coming… her babble mode. “As you’ve probably noticed I’m not yelling at you, I’m not kicking or hitting you. That’ll probably still come, trust me it will. There will be a time when I’ll kick your ass all over the training room and don’t stop yelling at you until the last foul word I know has left my mouth,” yup, told you babble mode… and there’s more. “Willow is not happy you’ll be staying here. I explained it to her and she doesn’t want anything to do with it. Tara won’t be a problem, I can work on Dawn and Kate… well that’s Kate. You know her, I don’t. Probably will know her now she’s working here.”
Okay, deep breaths B. Good girl oh, there she goes again.
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“You are going to be on a 24-hour watch, well more like sixteen hour watch since we do need sleep and all,” get to the point Buff. “I’ll be keeping an eye on you every second of the day, you’ll be with me every second of the day. You don’t go anywhere without ME knowing so. The others won’t and don’t want to be bothered with it, except for Giles because you’ll be training again. All you’ll be patrolling again, with me.”
Okay, now what? I’ve pretty much covered it all haven’t I? Let’s see. I’m watching her, she’ll be training and patrolling, yup got those. The others don’t care that much, uh huh that too. Let’s see. She doesn’t go anywhere without me knowing so. Yeah, got it pretty much covered. Just think I might say a few things more, not sure what, but it’ll come out.
“That it B?”
“Uhm,” think Buffy, think. “Yeah… No! Wait, uhm. You’ll be staying here… that I told you already. You’ll be staying in my room. Don’t know about sleeping arrangements yet because I’m guessing Hope doesn’t want to leave your side.”
“She doesn’t. Tried it once, didn’t work,” okay… then we definitely need to find a solution.
“Uhm… you take the bed with Hope then,” oh yeah, real smooth Buffy, give up your own nice and comfy bed for HER!
“You don’t have to do that B,” she tells me… good! “We’ll sleep on the floor or something if you have some extra mattresses.”
“Uh yeah I do… wait… My bed is big enough,” okay, so it’ll be the three of us in there. “When you fell in the bed earlier, you were in from head to toe in the width, so I’m guessing it can take the three of us,” why the hell am I offering her my bed… Why the HELL do the three of us have to sleep in it?
“Are you sure B? Coz I can go back to the mansion.”
“You can’t, because of the court thing… oh Shit, the court thing! You need a lawyer!” Oh, great tell her that THE DAY BEFORE she has to go to court.
“What?”
“He’s suing you Faith, you need a lawyer.”
“Why do I need a lawyer? He’s the one that’s gonna need one. He’s going to be locked away after they know what happened.”
“What happened Faith?” I ask her. She has to tell someone eventually.
“He beat her up,” she replies to me. Come on Faith I need more than that. Oh, that was out loud. “You want more than that? Hope get upstairs I showed you the bathroom already. Bath time.”
I see Hope running upstairs smiling. She likes to bath, more than I can say for Dawn when she was that age. Hey! “Hey!” What is she doing? Let go of my arm. Why the hell is she pulling me that hard? I didn’t do anything.
She stops halfway on the stairs and turns around to me. “You wanted more B.”
She drags me upstairs and onto the bathroom. I can hear Hope calling Faith’s name to hurry up because she wants to take a bath. Oh, she’s really hurting me. She’s almost pulling off my arm here. “Hey!” I yell again. Doesn’t work, she just keeps pulling me towards the bathroom. Why do I need to watch Hope bathe? She can do it by herself can’t she? She opens the door and pushes me inside the bathroom roughly. Hey, Ouch! Watch… What?
I have to hold myself up against the wall when I see it. I avert my eyes but Faith grabs my chin and forces me to look at what’s in front of me. Hope… cuts, welts. From the chest down she’s covered in old cuts and new ones a-and what’s that? Oh god… I’m gagging now. This is sick, how can anyone do this to a little girl. Cigarette burns… that’s fucking sick…
I have to get out of here. I mean it. If I don’t I’m going to throw up right here on the floor. I struggle to get out of Faith’s grip, but she’s holding me. Forcing me to look at Hope. I knew she had some bruises, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Even at the shop she didn’t show it to us. The only one to see it must have been Tara when she helped Faith cleaning up Hope’s wound.
“Let me go,” I hiss at her.
“You wanted to see more. Well this is what you get!” She hisses at me. “I took her to Disneyland. Left her alone for five seconds and the bastard took her again,” she pushes me in the door opening, she still has a death grip on my arms. “You got more,” she hisses at me again and pushes me back against the wall hard. “Now fuck off!” Then she slams the door shut and I sink to the floor, tears flowing.
I’m not crying… the tears just flow from my eyes. I just sit there.
“Buffy! What did she do to you?”
I look to my side and see Willow standing next to me… obviously very pissed at Faith. “No Wills,” she didn’t, she really didn’t. “Not her,” I say. “What that guy did to Hope.”
'Cause I cannot stand still / I can't be this unsturdy / This cannot be happening
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Dedication: As always to Michele, you've helped me through out this fic a lot, filling in some of the blanks with your knowledge of certain things and I'm forever in your debt. To Sway how did the directing go? Fun isn't it, being in control? Miss K you already know what I think of your stories and why I put you in my dedication. Keep up the good work and keep it coming!
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
I step out of the bathroom with Hope in my arms. I see B sitting against the wall opposite the bathroom, with a shocked expression still on her face. I walk Hope over to B’s room and get her in her pj’s. “Do I have to go to bed?”
“Yes Hope,” I sigh. “I explained it already. Tonight you’re going early because we have to be somewhere in the morning, okay?”
“Okay,” she smiles that million dollar smile at me and I can’t help but smile back at her. I put her under the covers and she immediately goes to the middle of the bed. My guess is she’ll be using the whole bed by the time I get there or even B gets in.
I kiss her forehead and she puts her little arms around my neck hugging me. I sit down on the bed and pull her up and put my arms around her waist. She’s so thin, even after all this time… she’s still thin. And the cuts… Fuck, who would have thought a trip to Disneyland would end up like that. If I could just hand her a little bit of slayer healing I’d do it. Unfortunately I can’t. Hope is already sleeping. We’ve done this before; she hugs me, I pull her in my arms and she falls asleep. I lie her down on the bed and put the covers up to her neck. I kiss her forehead again and leave the room.
B is still sitting on the floor, just staring at the bathroom door. I walk up to her and sit down next to her. I put a hand through my hair and ruffle it a bit. “B… I uh…” It’s all that gets out. I really want to tell her I’m sorry for handling her so hard and hurting her arms but it didn’t came out that way.
She’s looking at me now. I’m not sure what’s she’s going to do, yell at me, hit me or well basically anything. There’s no expression on her face besides the red eyes and tear stained cheeks. She wiped her eyes and turns her gaze back to the door. “B… I’m sorry for earlier… I didn’t meant to… that hard,” I lean my head back against the wall and sigh. “It’s just… whenever ‘it’ comes up… I get angry. I get angry at the bastard who did this to her… and now I know she’s my sister,” I pause a bit and swallow. “Now I know she’s my sister, it gets me even angrier.”
“I know.”
What? “What?”
She turns her head and looks at me. “When I saw her I couldn’t stop thinking of Dawn and what I would do if this happened to her. So… yeah, I would have reacted the same way,” I smile lightly and when I’m about to stand up she twists and sits cross legged next to me. I do the same and face her.
“How have you been?” Now that’s a new one. I raise a brow at her and she smiles. “I mean it Faith. How have you been?”
“Uh… good,” I’m still pretty much shocked by her asking so don’t expect any more than that. “Why?” Ok, that wasn’t supposed to come out, but it did.
“No reason,” she replies. Okay, no reason… fine no reason. Okay… so this is awkward. “This is awkward,” oh, reading my mind now. “We should go to bed. We have to be up early for court.”
“Yeah,” I nod and get up. I know B is gonna do the locking the doors thing so I’m going to the room. I quickly put on some hot pants too. Still got the Anastacia shirt on. I really have to say something to B about this. I get into one side of the bed and Hope immediately hugs me. She always does that, the second I get in bed is the second she hugs me.
I get in a comfortable position and close my eyes. A few seconds later I hear the door opening softly. I open one eye and see it’s B. I close my eye again and put my arm around Hope. I hear her go through her closet and a few seconds later she’s in bed on Hope’s other side.
She flicks off her nightlight and I turn my head to her side and open my eyes. Oh… killer shock effect! She looks right at me. Man that gave me a scare… NEVER, EVER open your eyes in the dark when you know someone might stare right back at you. I can see it scared her too, she’s all breathing heavily and such. “Goodnight Faith.”
“Night B.”
Courthouse | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
Okay, so this morning was fun. Wait, did I say fun? It was so not fun! Today was the one day I could have slept late even though there was the whole court thing and guess who decided to jump up and down on the mattress waking both me and Faith. Exactly… it was Hope. That kid has a lot of energy. Ugh… and now we’re here in Sunnydale’s Courthouse waiting for the judge and all.
Oh, there he is… yeah, yeah stand up I know the drill. I watch movies too you know. I stand up and nudge Hope to do the same. After the judge sits down we all sit down and then it’s time to move on. I see the guy’s lawyer and Faith’s are already bickering about what happened.
I see Faith doesn’t give a damn what happens, she just wants the guy away and he’s the one suing HER! That’s not exactly how it should go, but then again… Faith DID beat him up. The system is strange that way, sometimes they take down the wrong people. Especially in this case… but no on knows about that yet.
“Young lady, it appears that you have been in this situation before,” the judge says. Yup, that’s the truth, but this has a reason get on with it. “What exactly is the reason you decided to take your anger out on this innocent man?”
“Innocent my ass!” You go Faith. You tell him. “He’s not as innocent as you all have been saying!” Oh yeah Faith, stand up and show you mean it. “I’m glad I beat this guy up. He deserved it,” yeah you go girl… oh no… don’t go girl. Stay behind the table…
Faith, you idiot, get back behind the table. I watch as two guards try to pull her back but they fail miserably and land a few feet away from the exit. Oh, Faith you idiot! Her lawyer is trying to get her back to and even Kate stands up. I know they can’t handle her. “Kate, hold Hope for a sec,” I jump over the small fence that stands in between and walk to Faith. When I get to her, she’s almost at the judge himself. I grab her arm and pull her against me. She struggling like crazy and actually trying to work her way to that guy again. I would gladly let her go, but that probably means jail time for Faith and I know that’s not what she wants.
I put my right arm around her waist and start pulling her back to the table. She still struggling, but not as much as before. I put my left hand on her stomach and pull her back gently. She’s calming down now and a sigh escapes her lip and I feel her whole body relax. She’s not the only one that is relaxing. Everyone just let out a breath, including myself. I’m definitely glad that she calmed down.
The judge looks at me gratefully. “Uhm… could you,” oh, the man definitely fears for his life. He just asked me to sit on the chair next to Faith. “Just incase. We don’t want Miss Lugois doing that again.”
“The name is Faith,” oh and Faith… don’t growl at the judge.
“I was referring to your last name Miss Lugois.”
Uh Oh… Bad move Judge… real bad move. She stands up again and starts walking, but I put my arm around her waist and pull her back. “The name is Faith… F-A-I-T-H, Faith… That’s not hard to remember. My name is not Miss – friggin’ – Lugois.”
I pull Faith back and push her down on the chair again. I sit down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. I lean in to her ear. “Faith calm down, this is not helping you,” I whisper. She turns her head to mine and whispers something back. No Faith… don’t do that. “Faith you can’t do that. Just tell them what happened to Hope and why you reacted that way.”
“B, I can’t… she can’t do this. I won’t do it to her.”
“The only thing that can help you is telling or getting a confession from him,” I whisper. “And I don’t see that happening.”
“I don’t want to go to jail B, I didn’t do anything.”
“Are you two finished with your little ‘get together’?” The judge asks us. I look up and nod at him. “Good then we can continue.”
I look at him and frown. I still have my hand of Faith’s shoulder as they bring in the first witness… They’ve got a lot of witnesses, including me. They didn’t even call me to testify about what happened. And I’m really hoping they don’t. But they probably won’t, they’ve got a lot of witnesses.
I look at them as each and everyone tells the lawyers and judge that Faith brutally attacked the guy for no reason… well there was a reason, but she doesn’t want to say it. I get it that she wants to protect Hope, but she can’t do that if she’s locked up inside and that guy is out.
Four Days Later | Courthouse | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
I’m fucked, I’m totally fucked. Maybe think twice the next time before you attack someone, even if he is the one that hurt your sister.
I grin, I have a sister. I still can’t believe it. But it’s true, Kate got the papers from Angel. Then the judge ordered another blood test and that came out positive too. She really is my sister. Yeah and what kind of a sister am I? Getting locked away after this is over.
B has been great these past four days, I’m not sure why she goes out on a limb for me but she does it anyway. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. We’re both dealing with everything, she still hates me and made that very clear, then I told B I hated her too and that was our argument for the tenth time of that day. The only thing we seem to agree on is getting the guy behind bars. I still don’t fucking know his name but I could probably guess it with ease.
I look up when I see a plastic cup with water being shoved in front of my face. It’s B. I take the water and take a small sip. The judge called in a thirty minute break… things got a little… shall we say ‘heated’ in there. If B wasn’t there to stop me I probably would have killed the guy. He was taking the stand, he kept smiling at me and I wanted to rip that smile off his face and shove it down his throat. Almost did if it wasn’t for B. I was fast, I almost had him when B pulled me in her arms and dragged me back.
I don’t know why she’s doing all of this. She hasn’t even heard the whole story, all B knows is what she asked me after I attacked him and apparently it's good enough for her. I should tell B, tell her what she’s fighting for. Tell her that Hope looked at me when she saw him walking outside, tell her that she looked terrified and that the only other time she looked like that was when I mentioned Hope’s brother.
I see Kate looking at me all worriedly as she plays with Hope. I still haven’t told her about Hope getting kidnapped at Disneyland. Kate hasn’t seen the new bruises either so I guess that’s a good thing, I want to tell her myself before she finds out on herself.
“You okay?”
Huh? “What?” I force my eyes off the floor and towards the sound. “Yeah, I’m fine B,” okay, so that’s a total lie. I have a chance of going back to jail AND loose Hope on the process.
“Are you sure? Coz you don’t seem okay to me.”
“B! I’m fine alright!” I yell at her. She looks shocked and so do other people around me. Hope just sits across from me with Kate. It doesn’t bother her, she knows I can do the yelling thing, did it a couple of times when we were still in L.A. “I’m fine,” I whisper telling her I’m sorry.
Been doing the sorry part a lot lately. They need to know it though and I’m slipping it every now and then. Anya’s been cool, she thinks Hope is cute again. Xander is still giving me the weird looks. Giles is one of the nicest of them all actually. He’s talking normally to me. Tara has been good to me, she talks to me like I’m a normal person.
Dawn… well Dawn is a teenager and she’s still pissed at me. But sometimes, just sometimes everything is back to where she liked me and we have fun. Then B walks in and it’s gone again, simple as that. And Red… well she’s been ignoring me basically. Can’t say I blame her, but it gives a lot of tension at the Summers Home so that’s the downside of it.
B… she’s been great. We talk normally most of the time. Then suddenly we have our fights which almost leads to physical violence at some point. But I’m guessing she won’t give me the satisfaction of it. It’s like she knows I want her to fight me, want her to beat me up for what I did. I deserve it all. No doubt about that one.
I look up as B gets up from her chair and walks away to some place. I follow her and see she’s heading to that guy. What the hell is she doing? I get up from my chair and walk up to them and stop only a foot away. I clench my jaw and look at the guy, daring him to make a move. Then B speaks up. “Drop the charges,” she hissed at him. What the hell does B think she’s doing?
“She beat me up, don’t think I will,” I’m glad B is standing in front of me because I sure would like to wipe that grin off his face.
“You know why she beat you up,” I hear some cracking and look down seeing B’s hand is clenched into a fist. She’s squeezing so hard her knuckles are going white. She’s ready to pop one on this guy! “Why don’t you just admit you did and drop the charges.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I let out a low growl as he said that. He did something already, and there’s going to be done something to him. I hear B growling low as she turns around and pulls me back with her. “Hey girls,” we turn around and see him smiling at us. B steps in front of me as he opens his mouth again and winks. “She tasted good too.”
‘NoNoNo!’ Faith screamed in her mind. “You mother fucking…” She ran towards him and pulled her hand back ready to make him feel what it was to have the strength of ten men, possible more, in her. Launching her fist forward she smiled when she felt her hand make impact on something. She looked up, but it was the bloodied face of the young man she saw but Buffy standing in front of her, gripping her hand tightly and making sure she couldn’t hit the guy. “What the fuck? Let me go B.”
‘He touched Hope,’ Faith hissed in her mind. ‘I’m going to rip his balls off and feed them to the first beast I encounter.’
Faith let out a scream and hit Buffy in her stomach, making her gasp for air. Faith pushed the blonde slayer out of her way and launched herself at the dangerously handsome young man. However, she didn’t get far. Something was holding her back and she found herself inches away from the man that touched her sister the way she shouldn’t have been touched…
Buffy was having a hard time holding Faith back. She had grabbed the waistband of Faith’s leather pants in panic. It had been the first thing that she could get her hands on while still struggling for breath. Faith had literally punched the air out of her for a second. She pulled the younger slayer back and her arm around her waist for a better grip on the struggling brunette. “Let me go!” Faith screamed. Buffy grabbed the hand that was coming towards her again and pressed it hard against Faith’s chest. Buffy released Faith’s waist and grabbed her other arm and prevented Faith from hitting her again. The blonde was pinning Faith’s back against her, struggling to hold the fighting slayer down.
The older slayer grabbed both of Faith’s wrists and turned her around pressing herself against Faith and trying to calm her down. Buffy knew that if she didn’t stop Faith, the brunette would kill the guy and as much as she’d like to do it herself. She couldn’t, and neither could Faith. “Let me go B!” Faith screamed.
Buffy wouldn’t have it. She couldn’t risk it. “No!!” Both slayers looked at the direction of the scream. It was Hope, her whole face was red with anger. Then she started running. Running towards the guy that had hurt her. Already throwing punches.
“Get her!” Buffy yelled letting go of Faith in the process. The brunette slayer ran after her and grabbed Hope just before she reached him. Buffy ran after the two and grabbed Faith back before she could do any damage. “Leave it!” She hissed pulling Faith back roughly. “He’ll get what’s coming to him.”
Kate had rushed to the side of the slayers when Hope ran out of her grip and towards the guy. She stepped in front of the two and made sure that neither of the sides could get any closer to each other. “You okay?” She asked Faith, who nodded. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have let go of Hope.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Faith hissed still drilling her eyes in his soul. Hope was clinging to Faith desperately, her little arms holding on to Faith’s left arm. Faith still badly wanted to beat the guy to a bloody pulp. There were two things stopping her, Hope clinging to her and Buffy’s fingers hooked into the belt loops of her leather pants holding her back.
Faith looked at her side where Buffy’s hand was and then looked up at Buffy. The blonde slayer tilted her head to the side and looked at the bathroom. “Time to calm down,” she whispered. Buffy looked at the guy. “I’ll get you,” she hissed.
“I already got something,” he said with a smirk on his face. Buffy glared at the guy and pulled Faith back, knowing that if she didn’t Faith would jump forward and grab the guy.
Kate walked into the bathroom where Buffy and Faith were cleaning something. She walked closer and saw it was Hope… but that didn’t make sense. Hope should’ve been healed after seven months. “Faith?” The cop questioned. “What’s going on here?”
“Kate… shit… I…”
“What’s going on?” Kate demanded to know.
“I didn’t do this.”
“I know you didn’t Faith… who did?”
“I think he did it again,” Faith answered. “We went to Disneyland… mayor’s money if you want to know… Then when we were about to leave, I took her to our seats on the bus. Then I put the bags in the luggage compartment and when I went back she wasn’t there anymore…” Faith was on the verge of panicking again. She always had that whenever she thought back at that or other things that was done to Hope.
“I searched, had photo’s…” Faith continued. “Still couldn’t find her… for a whole fucking day,” Faith started pacing back and forth, her hands running through her hair roughly. “I wanted to take a shower before I went on with the search,” she said. “My door was open… when I got in… she was on the bed. Blood, clothes ripped… It seemed to be almost fused with her body,” she whispered.
Faith kept pacing as Kate remained still not knowing what to say. Buffy kept cleaning the cut that Hope had scratched open. Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud crash, all three turned back to Faith just taking her hand away from the wall and left a small hole in it.
Buffy sighed and finished with Hope’s bandages. “Kate, could you take Hope with you?”
“Yeah,” Kate replied lifting Hope up from the counter and took her outside. Faith wanted to follow, but got stopped by Buffy. She looked at the counter and practically ordered Faith to sit on it. After Faith did so, she took the hand Faith had hit the wall with and grabbed some towel and held one corner of it under water.
The blonde slayer carefully cleaned Faith’s hand off the blood. “B… why are you doing this?”
“Because you hurt your hand, now it’s covered in blood and you should clean it,” Buffy babbled.
“No… well yeah, but all of this,” Faith said. “Helping me like this. I’m the last person you should be helping, you should hate me. I don’t deserve this treatment.”
Buffy sighed, she knew they still had a long way to go and that she shouldn’t be helping Faith like this. But she couldn’t help it, she had never helped her before.
“Talk to me,” Faith said. Buffy remained silent. “Talk to me!” Faith yelled, roughly pushing Buffy to the side. “Talk to me! Yell at me, scream at me. Hit me, kick me. Beat me into a bloody pulp! Anything but this treatment! I don’t deserve it!” Faith pushed Buffy again making her hit the wall behind her.
Buffy’s head snapped up and let out a low growl before she swung at Faith and hit her with full slayer force in the stomach. “That’s for pushing me against the wall,” she hissed and hit Faith again. “This is for trying to kill Angel,” Buffy swept Faith’s feet from under her and the brunette slayer landed on her back. Faith groaned as a bolt of pain shot up her spine, before she could get up Buffy was already hovering above her with a feral look in her eyes. She punched Faith in her face. “This is for my mom, for my friends… for Me!” Buffy said as she continued hitting Faith in her face. “You hurt me… my family… friends.”
Faith grabbed Buffy’s wrists so suddenly it surprised the older slayer and she fell down on Faith’s stomach, making the brunette hiss in pain and gasping for air. She pushed Buffy off and rolled onto her left side leaving Buffy facing her back. Her tank top was rolled up a bit exposing her lower back to the blonde slayer. She quickly held her hand over the scar, trying to stop the pain and hoping Buffy hadn’t seen it.
When she felt a hand on top of her own, Faith knew she had failed miserably. Faith quickly sat up and tried to turn around but Buffy stopped her from doing so. “Let it go B,” Faith whispered.
Courthouse Bathroom | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
I’m not letting it go Faith. Yeah, that’s something I should say out loud.. NOT. She’ll think I’m nuts or something.
I scoot closer to her and pull her hand away from the scar. Located only a few inches away from her spine… damn that must have hurt real bad. Yeah and that’s why it also hurt when your and your big ass let itself fall on her stomach. She tries to cover the scar again, but I swat her hand away getting a low growl from her. I don’t care. I want to know how she got that scar. I’ve seen her back a couple of times before she went to jail, but the scar wasn’t there. Must have gotten it in jail then.
My fingers brush against the length of the scar and she flinches. I didn’t mean to make her flinch at that, just a touch.
That’s a big DUH in the stupid Buffy department. Of course she’s going to flinch, she probably thinks you’re going to hurt her or something… well I want to hurt her, but I don’t attack people from behind. That’s like being a coward or something. That’s the lowest a person can do, attack someone from behind.
I brush my thumb across the scar and I see her relax a little more. It’s kinda shaped funny. I tilt my head to the side and look at it again. I trace my thumb over the funny shape. Looks a lot like a lightning bolt, but not at the same time. I can’t figure out what it is exactly, I know they didn’t cut it like that. No one can cut it like that and not have the person walk again. They must have done that on the operation table or something, thought it was their way of being funny… or just of course they closed it just that way.
I look up from the scar and see her looking back at me, smiling… what is she smiling for? “What?”
“Thanks.”
She’s thanking me. I raise a brow. “For what?”
“Finally beating me,” I frown at her, but she just keeps smiling at me for some reason. She really is glad that I beat her up, she must have been expecting it. I’m thinking she actually WANTED me to hit her.
I keep my frown on as I look back at the scar and notice that my thumb hasn’t stopped what it was doing. It’s still gently caressing the place on her back where the scar is located.
Court House | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
Okay, so we’re back in the room again. That was friggin weird back there in the bathroom. B was being all nice and touchy… she was constantly rubbing her thumb up and down the scar. That was fucking weird the way she kept doing that, but I… dunno, it was kinda comforting. That was the strangest part, it was comforting the way she traced the scar up and down and soft, real soft.
It was like she cared, but the minute before she was beating me. I deserved it, finally got what I wanted she punished me for everything I did and I’m glad for it. Then she got all weird with the scar… I didn’t get that.
“What?” I growl at B who just poked me in the side… I was happy with my thoughts there. She points in the direction of the judge who is glaring at me. I’m guessing he was saying something to me and I didn’t pay attention.
“How did your face get like that young lady?”
Okay… didn’t expect that one.
“I kinda tripped her in the bathroom,” B? Yeah, that was her alright… why’d she do that. “I opened the door and she was standing behind it. I hit her and then she fell to the floor face first.”
Fuck B, why are you doing all of this?
“Is that the truth young lady?”
“Yes,” I say. I can’t say B beat me up because I did all those things to her now can I?
“Very well, let’s continue,” yeah, let’s do that and make sure that guy gets behind bars. “Vinnie Lugois, Tell us what happened in your own words.”
What the fuck? B and I look at each other, she’s obviously just as confused as I am. Did the judge just say Lugois? “Can I ask something?” B raises her hand and the judge nods. “Did you just say Vinnie Lugois? As in L-U-G-O-I-S?” Great, as if hating the name wasn’t already good enough… she had to SPELL it.
“Yes I did young lady,” the judge answers her. “Why?”
“They… uhm she’s his sisters, uhm… Hope’s their sister… uhm… they’re family?” Reality check! Great I didn’t believe it and she had to say it out loud. I think I’m going to be sick, how can HE be my brother. Half brother? She’s my half sister.
“That’s right judge, I’m their brother and SHE has hit not only me but my baby sister as well.”
“What!” Me and B both turn to him anger blazing in our eyes.
“Thank god she’s only half,” what the fuck is he talking about. “Must have gotten it from her mother. Dad surely didn’t do any of this.”
Okay, that’s it! “No one talks about my mom like that!” B’s holding me back now, confusion in her eyes. I can already see her question. “B. My Mom never hit me, I just said she hits harder coz it makes them feel like wusses,” I had to whisper this to them, certainly don’t want to give the impression that I hit more people other than vamps of course.
“This certainly complicates things,” the judge says and both B and I turn to him.
“Check Hope, and you’ll see the scars on her, probably new wounds as well,” you fucking bastard! I’m going to kill you, nice and slow.
Courthouse | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
I see the judge saying something to the bailiff and he disappears through the door the judge walked out form before. What’s he doing? What’s going on? I’m going to kill that guy… Vinnie, whatever his name is.
I look to my side and Faith has this panic look all over her face. She doesn’t know what’s going on and neither do I. My hand places itself automatically on her shoulder and I tell her to sit down. Hope comes running from the audience out of Kate’s grip. Kate is equally dumbfounded on what is happening and just sits there. Hope jumps on Faith’s lap and hugs her tightly.
“Why are they talking about me Fay?” Faith doesn’t answer Hope, she’s truly out of it. They’re gonna take her away and she knows it.
Hey, what are you doing! I step in front of Hope and Faith as another guard comes up and reaches for Hope. I glare at him and all he does is look at the judge. I turn my head also and he nods at the guard giving him permission to go ahead and take Hope away from Faith. I can’t do anything but watch as he does so and hold Faith down. Attacking the guard won’t help her so I have to do hold Faith back. I wish I could let her go beat up Vinnie and then get Hope back, but I can’t. Even I want to do that, but I can’t.
I’ve been helpless in my life before, but for some reason it never struck me so hard and close to home. I know what it’s like to almost lose a sister. I’ve almost lost Dawn and I couldn’t do anything about it and now I can’t help Faith either. For some reason it’s eating me up from the inside. It’s ripping my heart out to see Hope like this, she’s crying and yelling for the guard to let her go. She’s constantly yelling for Faith… or Fay as she calls her.
“Kate Lockley?” I turn my head at the sound of the judge’s voice and then back at Kate who stands and listens to him. “You’ve been taking care of the child all this time in court, could you please take her and sit in the back of this room and wait for the bailiff to return. I want to do this the right way and I certainly don’t want Child Welfare breathing down MY neck when they arrive here.”
Kate nods and takes Hope in her arms. At least she’s with someone she trusts. “B? What’s going on?”
I turn my head to answer Faith, but I really don’t know what to say. And it seems like I don’t have to say anything because the whole room falls silent as we see the door opening again and the bailiff enters with… THAT GUY! “Fuck,” I mumble under my breath. Oh, shouldn’t have said that… Faith’s a slayer… with slayer hearing. Stupid Buffy. She looks at me wide-eyed and turns back to ‘Mr. Roger Rogers’ who is walking directly to Hope and Kate with this huge grin on his face. He crouches down in front of Kate and Hope and wants to pull up her shirt. Kate hits his hand away and does it herself and closes her eyes. She knows what is coming and so do I.
I look at her as she stands up and has this ‘sorry’ look on her face directed at both me and Faith. It’s taking me all my strength to keep Faith down, and to make it even worse Hope is screaming for Faith. She doesn’t know what’s going on and that’s frightening for a ten-year-old. It’s frightening for all kids, but for her it’s worse because she’s being taken away from the one person she truly trusts, by one of the few people that she truly lets near her.
“Hope!” Don’t scream Faith, my heart is already breaking and hearing you isn’t something I can take coz then my heart will break in two. “Hope! Let me go B!”
“Fay!”
Faith turns to me with a look I can’t describe. It’s fear, panic, disbelief, anger and much more. It’s one look with a thousand described in it and it’s frightening. It’s scaring me a lot, she’s begging me to let her go. I can’t because I know the guards will be there to hold her back. Even with her slayer speed she won’t reach them in time. She turns back to the door, but they’re already gone. We can still hear Hope screaming for Faith and it’s agonizing. I can truly say it’s tearing up my soul.
Faith suddenly turns to Vinnie and the look on her face… it’s frightening… even more so than the look she had just now. I’m scared of her right now and he has this evil smirk plastered on his face. I don’t think it has left ever since he got in this courthouse. He knew exactly what cards he held in his hands and how to play them.
It’s taking all my slayer strength to hold Faith down… and that’s a lot considering she’s a slayer too. I can’t blame her for it. I want to wipe that grin off his face, but at this point anger would only make things worse and that’s not how I want it to go because it won’t help Faith or Hope one bit.
“Guards! Contain Miss Lugois and take her away.”
“No!” I yell. “She’ll be fine. I can calm her, she’ll stay calm and her name is FAITH!”
“Then do so!” The judge yells at me. I. Don’t. Like. People. Yelling. At. Me. Even if it’s the friggin’ judge.
I grab Faith’s shoulders and I shove her down on the chair hard. She has this look of disbelief on her face for doing so. “Calm the fuck down Faith,” I whisper in her ear as I sit down next to her. “This is not helping you to get Hope back.”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“Buffy!”
“Not now Dawn,” I growl at her. I walk Faith to the couch and sit her down on it. She’s been like this ever since we left the Courthouse. “Get me some water.”
“After you talked to me like that?”
“Now Dawn!” I yell and she hurries to the kitchen. I look at the door opening and see Willow walk in. Great just what I need right now. She’s sweet and all… but not when it comes to Faith at this point. Someone taps me on the shoulder and I see Dawn hold out a glass of water and I take it. “Thanks.”
She gives me this little smile. I really was a little harsh at her, she doesn’t know what’s going on. I stand up give her a small hug and turn my attention back to Faith. “Faith, take this water,” she suddenly snaps her head up and has gone all feral on me… can we say uh oh! She slaps the glass out of my hand making it land just in front of Willow who’s been looking totally confused at us the whole time. Not now though, now she’s angry. I hold my hand up as Willow starts muttering something and it immediately shuts her up.
“I don’t need no friggin’ water!” Faith yells at me. Okay, she’s back… not the way I wanted, but still. “I don’t want anything. I just want to kill my…” She can’t even get it out of her mouth, it disgusts her and me to too. “… ‘brother’…” She hisses.
“I know Faith,” calm and soothing, try that way.
Whoa! Okay, now on my back Faith on top of me and her hands around my throat. I hold my hand up towards Willow before she kills Faith and I hear Dawn’s panicking voice. Okay, so the calm thing didn’t work. Okay… really painful here. I grab her wrists and try to get her off me… not working.
“I want my sister back!”
“Faith…” Oh gasping… not good. Very bad… “Faith!” Whoa… that took all of the air I had. She has to let go now… not good… need air… like really bad… “Air…” I gasp. Wow, still had some left I guess. But not anymore, this is not going good……… Suddenly I feel her hands loosen around my neck and she collapses on top of me, crying. I hold her in my arms and I hear both Willow and Dawn release some air in relief. I want to do that too, but I kinda need the air right now.
Things went from bad to worse in court. The only reason she’s out right now is because Kate told them she would be around Faith 24/7 and Spike was kind enough to ‘lend’ me the money for bail if I ever needed it for Faith.
Vinnie decided to drop the charges. He told the Judge that he already had legal guardianship of Hope since their father was dead. The Judge wanted to see the papers before he would release Hope to him. Luckily for us Vinnie didn't have them with him. So basically the Judge had bought us some time.
And for some reason Faith grinned when Vinnie was done talking, what was that all about? Need to ask her later...
Then I opened my big mouth for Faith and told the judge we’d be fighting him over it. Faith looked at me like I was nuts or something, but I stood by it. The judge wanted to give Hope to Vinnie in the mean time, but I uh… kinda went ballistic at that and so did Faith. Then that ass Mr. Roger Rogers steps back in just in time to hear us going ballistic at the Judge for wanting to turn Hope in Vinnie’s care.
It makes total sense though. He said that the Judge can’t do that until Child Welfare makes its evaluation. Especially since they don’t know who was the one that abused Hope.
Then of course we had to hear what Child Welfare has to say, but not after Vinnie was Oh so nice to explain to the judge that Hope disappeared the day Faith got out AND he reminded the judge of Faith’s past. So now they’ve placed her in the care of some family just outside Sunnydale and we’re going to Family Court!
“Buffy?”
“I’m okay Dawn,” still the need for some air, but I’m good. “Really I’m okay.”
I sit up with Faith still in my arms crying. She just sobbing right now and I think she’s beyond caring about any of them seeing her, she just wants Hope back. I put my hand on the back of her head, rubbing my thumb up and down in comfort. I don’t think she notices it though, she's too far gone. I look down at her face, tears streaming down it, all red.
“What happened?”
I look at Willow and sigh. She’s probably not going to understand it fully, but I’m going to try it anyway. So I tell her everything that happened. Her ‘brother’, dropping the charges, the new fight over the custody of Hope. “We’re going for adoption.”
“What?” Willow asks me confused.
Hell, I’m even confused. But I know one thing for sure and that there is no fucking way Hope is going back to Vinnie and certainly not to some foster home. “I’m not letting Hope go back to him,” I say hoping she’ll understand. “So I told Faith we’ll be fighting him for custody and adopt Hope.”
“But you… How will you… I mean… huh?”
“I know I’ve already got Dawn to take care of and well… Hopefully I’ll get some help from Spike. He’s already done a lot… Oh fuck!”
“What?” Dawn yells at me.
“Call Angel and the others. We need witnesses,” they all look at me strangely. “For the judge, we need them to testify Faith wouldn’t hurt Hope and that’s she’s been taking care of her all this time.”
“Oh… Buffy, can I speak to you for a second?”
“What is it Willow?”
“Alone.”
I sigh and carefully lift myself up from the couch and place Faith on it. Faith fell a sleep a few minutes ago. “Dawn, could you?”
“Yeah.”
I give her a small smile and follow Willow to the kitchen. The second the door closes is the second she starts rambling in anger. “What do you think you’re doing?” She yells at me. “She’s a killer! Can’t you see that she’s just playing you?”
“She’s not doing that Wills,” I try.
“Did you get too many hits in the head or something?” Yeah, that’s the theme lately. “Can’t you see she’s playing you? Doing a damn good job too! She’s even got some stranger that she could beat up and then the kid. Probably beat the kid up herself.”
Oh, that’s it Will. I’m sorry. I push her against the wall pinning her against it with her shoulders. Don’t care she’s a witch, but even I can see Faith is not faking this. “Listen to me Willow,” I say. “I KNOW she’s not faking this. You weren’t there in the court room Wills, you didn’t hear the heart wrenching screams they both were giving. You didn’t hear Hope calling for Faith and you certainly didn’t hear Faith’s screams for Hope!” I hiss at her. “She may have been kind of an actress in the past… but NO ONE can act the way those two did.”
I release my grip on Willow and walk away. I hear her trying to say something and turn around. “Unless there’s a really good reason that you won’t come to court and see for yourself what’s going on… I don’t want to hear it.”
It’s harsh I know… but she hasn’t seen or heard what I have. I turn around and walk out of the kitchen and make my way to the couch where Faith is… awake again. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she replies to me. I sit down next to Faith and she looks at my neck. Then she reaches out and runs her fingers along the marks that she left. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, it’s okay. You were upset. I get that,” I smile at her and she smile back and she looks ashamed. Ashamed of almost choking me like that. She still has her fingers on my neck on the bruises, I take her hand in mine and look at her. “He, no biggie, they’ll be gone tomorrow. Slayer healing remember?”
“Buffy!” I jump up at Dawn’s voice and turn around. “Uh… jeez jumpy much? Anyways, they’ll be here tonight. I didn’t explain it to them, just told them to hurry up. Cordelia was freaking,” she’s giggling and I frown at her. “Sorry. It’s just… I can completely see Cordy’s face right about now.”
That must have been really funny coz Faith is laughing as well. I really missed something here… then again, never paid that much attention to Cordy or what kind of looks she has on her face. “I’ll be right back,” I walk to the kitchen to get the first aid kit. Still kinda need to clean up Faith’s face, she took some hard blows from me. I still can’t believe she let me do that.
I grab the kit and walk back to the room to see Faith sitting by herself again. “Where did Dawn go?”
“Upstairs,” she replies and looks at the kit. “What’s that for?”
“Your face,” I smile a little at her confused look. “I hit you remember?”
“I’ll be fine B.”
I groan. “Just let me do this will you,” I sit down next to her and grab a cloth. I dip it in some water and bring it up to her mouth, cleaning the dried blood from the cut on her bottom lip. “Sorry,” I see her wince at the contact and pull back.
“No it’s okay,” she grabs my hand and brings it up to her mouth again. “Go clean.”
Two Days Later | Family Court | Sunnydale, California
Faith was waiting for Hope and Kate. She had been given permission to see her here if the judge or a representative from Child Welfare were present. It had been two days now since the last time that she had seen Hope. Kate telling them how the kid was doing had helped, but Faith had missed her like crazy. Her head snapped to the side as a door opened and stood up.
“Just me guys,” Buffy said as she entered the room. “They’re on their way. Kate just called, Hope had made her go to the store and buy something for Faith,” Buffy grinned and looked at the brunette slayer. Her smile had died when it was Buffy who entered the room, but was alive again when Buffy told her about Hope’s plans.
“How’s the case going?” Buffy asked their lawyer, Leo Briggs.
“So far so good,” he replied. “They’ll be putting Miss Chase and Mr. Gunn on the stand tomorrow. You have to remember that the D.A. will do everything to put Faith in a bad light. Also including her past with them, or rather Miss Chase.”
“I know,” Faith replied. “We already talked about that and I told her to be honest.”
“Good,” Briggs replied.
“How’s that good?” Buffy frowned.
“Because when they’ll come to Faith and Hope’s relationship she’ll look more credible,” the lawyer explained. “If she’s been telling the truth the judge has no other choice then to believe Miss Chase.”
“That’s good then,” Buffy smiled.
All heads turned to the door when they heard a sound.
“Fay!” The small child came running through the door and directly into Faith’s arm. “Fay!” She yelled again and started crying. “They took me away from you! Don’t let them take me away from you.”
“Hope…” Faith sighed as she held the child in her arms. “After all this is finished you’ll be back with me. I promise you.”
“How long?” Hope pouted.
“I don’t know Hope,” Faith replied kissing the girl’s forehead. “Soon, I promise.”
“Don’t make me go with Vinnie. I don’t want to go with Vinnie. I want to stay with you.”
“You’re not going with him Hope,” Buffy said ruffling Hope’s hair. “You’ll be staying with the nice family you’ve been with for these past two days and Kate will be there with you every day.”
“It’s a dream job,” Kate said sitting on the chair next to Faith. “She’s fun to be around AND I’m getting extra money for it… oh, this is the lady from the child welfare… Miss Roberts.”
“Why don’t you give us some of that money?” Faith grumbled and completely ignoring the woman. “We could use it.”
Buffy took Faith’s hand. “We don’t need to. Spike’s paying for this, the only thing I’m worried is how I’m gonna have to pay him back.”
“You mean Spike, bleached boy?”
“That’s the one.”
“Why’s he doing this?”
“Beats me,” Buffy replied. “He already helped me with the house and Mom’s ring.”
Faith frowned and turned her attention back to Hope who was pulling her arm to get Faith’s attention. “What is it?” Faith smiled at the young child as she handed her a small box. “That for me?” Hope started nodding furiously. “Well let’s open it then,” Faith opened the package and frowned. “How’d you get the money for it?”
Hope immediately looked upset and crossed her little arms. “You don’t like it,” she pouted.
“No Hope, I love it… I just… never mind. I love it Sweetie.”
“Put it on!” Hope giggled.
“Read the description,” Kate said.
Faith looked inside the box where a small white space was with an inscription.
“Faith: loyalty, conviction, belief, assurance, devotion, confidence, trust reliance,
commitment, dedication and trust.
Hope: expect, trust, anticipate, wish, look forward to, expectation, optimism and desire.”
Under the inscription was another thing inscribed; The Twin Sisters of Faith & Hope -
Salvation.
(http://www.capricornslair.com/twinsisoffai.html)
“How did you get this? Where did you get the information from?” Faith asked. The question was mostly directed at Kate because Faith knew she had helped Hope pick it out. Hope jumped off Faith’s lap and put the necklace around Faith.
They were two beautiful silver angels, each looking in the opposite direction towards the heavens, wings spread out fully.
Faith looked at the inscription on the box again and got stuck on the word ‘salvation’. “Who put that word on it?”
“What word?” Kate asked.
“This one,” Faith said and showed it to the blonde cop.
“I did.”
“What does it mean?”
“You’ll find out,” Kate replied smiling.
“Look Fay!” Hope jumped on Faith’s lap again and took something out of her shirt that was hanging from a necklace. “I got one too,” she exclaimed happily. Faith hugged Hope again and turned to Buffy and Leo Briggs, their lawyer, who were involved in what seemed to be for them an interesting conversation. Faith raised a brow and looked at Hope. “Can I?” Hope whispered at her.
Faith nodded and Hope slipped off her lap and silently walked up to Buffy’s back and then… “God!” Buffy yelled jumping up. She turned around and saw Hope just jumping on Faith’s lap, a laughing cop and a laughing slayer. Hope had poked Buffy in her side making her jump up. “Little devil,” Buffy said smiling. “You know, this was actually an interesting conversation!” Buffy pouted.
“Come on B,” Faith laughed. “Was it really THAT interesting.”
“It was!” Buffy exclaimed, but she quickly started laughing as well.
Kate looked at her watch and sighed. This was going to be hard. “Faith… it’s time,” she said standing up.
“What? No… can’t be this fast,” Faith said standing up and lifting Hope on her arms. “It’s only been fifteen minutes!”
Miss Roberts stood up as well. She had been silent all this time and already knew the place where Hope belonged. She’d had a talk with Vinnie Lugois and didn’t like the young man. Unfortunately she had a job to do.
“I’m sorry Faith, but it’s all they were willing to give,” Kate said holding walking up to her.
The brunette slayer looked at Buffy who just nodded at her. Faith had no other choice but to let Hope be taken away… again. This was all for the better now, she would be back again soon after they won the fight. “Hey Hope,” Faith said putting the little girl down. “Go with Katie okay? We’ll see each other again soon. I promise.”
“I don’t want to leave you Fay,” Hope replied tears already in her eyes.
“You won’t leave her Hope,” Buffy said crouching down before Hope. “You’ll just go with Katie and you’ll see Faith real soon. ‘K?”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” both Faith and Buffy said.
Hope crushed the two slayers in a hug and gave them both a kiss on the cheek. “Remember you promised,” Hope said walking to Kate and taking her hand.
“I know Hope, we promised,” and with that the two were gone leaving two defeated slayers and a lawyer behind.
CHAPTER 6 - Portrait Of Authority
Dedicication: To Michele, I don't know where you get all the knowledge from but I know it helped me through this chapter a lot. I watched a lot of shows and I still got it wrong at some points. Thanx a bunch... To Sway aka Cutie, 1 more day and you'll be heading down under *giggles*. Miss K, Cordy and Lucy rock! Keep it coming and you know what *winks*. Snoe, chapter 10 of WWCM was great! And oh my god, how stupid is Buffy anyway? Why the hell did you make her go out? Please let her have some feeling of what Faith is doing and dump Capt. Cardboard! Star, I Wish.... you would continue with that story soon! Eden...
Day 1 | Family Court | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“Tell us Miss Chase. Did Miss Lu… uh… Faith… show any violent behavior when she was in Sunnydale,” Oh, that was funny, he doesn’t even tried to say her name because the last time she went nuts, but does he really need to go there? I just keep my frown face on and see that Cordelia is having trouble answering that question coz she knows she can’t tell anything about the vamps and all.
“Uh, not necessarily?” Cordy replies… in question form. Good, go girl, why don’t you hang us yourself.
“And what about Los Angeles when she let’s say… ‘visited’ you.”
“She hit me in the face with her elbow!” I see Cordy immediately regrets her answer. “But she was having troubles.”
“And did these troubles also lead to the severe beatings that your colleague Wesley Wyndham-Price got from his encounter with her?”
“Yes… No… Y-yes?” Oh, she’s really having trouble with this. Cordelia is stuttering… that’s a new one. If Vinnie’s lawyer is going to continue with these sorts of questions she’s going to pop and have an go with him.
I look at Faith next to me and she’s fidgeting, Faith doesn’t do fidgeting. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing B,” she replies to me. I place my hand on her forearm a second and give her a small smile saying it will be fine, because it will be. She won’t lose Hope, I won’t let that happen.
I turn back to Cordelia, whose face is getting more and more angrier. She’s ready and any second she going to ‘pop’ and have her go at Vinnie’s lawyer. “So you are saying that Faith beat up an innocent man because she had ‘troubles’? Why didn’t she just get a councilor then, would have saved her a lot of trouble… not to mention a lot of hospital bills for Mr. Wyndham-Price.”
“There she goes…” I mutter and get a look from Faith. But she knows exactly what I’m talking about when Cordelia opens her mouth.
“Listen you Mr. What-ever-your-name-is…” There goes… watch out lawyer boy… “Faith was having troubles and she got over them! This is about getting custody of Hope and not about Faith’s past. She’s done her time already and she more than made up for it! She gave that little girl a home after she found her all beat up on her doorstep. Not many people would do that… She has changed, if you people would just get it through your thick skulls!”
“Then why did young Miss Lugois disappeared the day Faith got out?”
And things just got worse…
Briggie’s up. Yeah I’ve been calling him Briggie, he doesn’t like it but lives with it. He walks up to Cordelia and then turns around smiling at Faith. “So Miss Chase, you’ve lived a little over six months with Faith haven’t you?”
“Yes,” Cordelia replies to him. See, now this is good. He’s gonna ask her questions about her relationship with Hope and she’s gonna reply it was good… only more in depth of course.
“So you spent a lot of time in their company?” Cordelia nodding, good. “How would you describe the sisters relationship.”
“Good, very good,” Cordelia a little bit more please? “When they first got there Hope didn’t trust anyone except Faith. Every time Faith would go out and she had to stay with either me or any of the others, Hope just sat in a chair playing with the Minnie Mouse doll Faith had given her. The second Faith returned Hope's whole face would light up.”
“So you are saying their relationship is a very loving one?”
“Very,” Cordy replies… see, now that’s what it’s all about. Show them how Hope and Faith’s relationship is.
“Tell us about the ‘panic-incident’,” Panic-incident? I never heard about that one.
“When Hope and Faith were in Los Angels with us, Hope still had a lot of healing to do from her wounds. One day I had taken her shopping with me because she finally trusted Kate and me to go near her and even take her out. So I took her to the mall shopping.” So Cordy took Hope shopping, what does that have to do with panicking?
“Of course the first thing Hope wanted to do was put on her new clothes and play with her toys at the same time. So we went back to Hope and Faith’s room to try her new clothes on. Then I said she looked pretty enough to be a model… a-and that’s when she freaked.”
Oh, so that’s the freaking part. I look at Faith who was just sitting there watching Cordelia. She has this sad look on her face. “What happened next?” Briggie asks Cordelia.
“Well I tried to calm Hope down but that wasn’t working. So I yelled for help. Hope kept screaming she was ugly because of the scars and wounds on her body. We tried to tell Hope she wasn’t, but she wouldn’t listen. Kate also tried to calm Hope down because she was the one person other than Faith that Hope truly lets near, but Kate couldn’t do a thing… and then Faith.”
“What about Faith?” He asks her.
“Faith came in and it was just… heartbreaking… Faith walked in the room and Hope immediately sprinted towards her for comfort. Faith knew how to calm Hope down by just holding her in her arms.”
“Faith wouldn’t hurt Hope would she?”
Cordelia turns her head to the judge and gives him this ice-cold: stare, colder than when she was 'The Queen C of Sunnydale High' and then she says something that makes me smile because I already found out that’s the truth. “Not even if her life depended on it.”
We just had a small break because things were getting a bit emotional. Well I asked Briggie if he could get a break because I knew Faith couldn’t stay in the room anymore or she would’ve exploded and attacked Vinnie. Not that it would bother me, but I don’t think the judge would have liked it that much.
I turn my head when I hear the door open for the millionth time, but this time I’m shocked to see the person walking through the door… or well there are two of ‘em, but I’m more shocked about the redhead. Willow actually came here to see for herself how Faith has changed. Did I just say that? Yes I did. She has… it’s unbelievable how well she’s around Hope. She’s a totally different person, still got the attitude though. And I’ve heard it’s been rubbing off on Hope, not to mention Cordy’s cute little nicknames… so NOT funny.
“Buffy, Faith,” Will's voice was still so cold. “How’s it going?”
“Good I guess.”
“How about her?”
“That’s a first. You actually care how she’s feeling?”
“B, don’t…” I turn to Faith who’s standing behind me and looking at Willow. I think they just came to an understanding or something. I raise a brow and look at Tara who just shrugs, she doesn’t know what’s going on either. “Five by Five,” she replies to Willow and walks back to her chair.
Okay… so didn’t she usually say ‘five by five’ when it’s NOT going good? “Uh guys, sit here or wherever, the judge should be coming back any minute now,” Willow and Tara sit down in the fourth row from the back and I turn back to Faith who’s standing and looking at Vinnie. She’s got this really dangerous look on her face, that’s because she knows exactly what he is going to do. *I* know exactly what he is going to do… Put the blame on Faith.
I walk up to Faith and put my hand on her lower back. She turns to me with this freaky look on her face, like she knows that the only things stopping her from killing Vinnie are Hope and me. She knows I would reach him before she does and Faith doesn’t want to give him the pleasure of me saving his sorry little ass.
The Judge walks back in and we sit down, time for round two.
Vinnie's lawyer just finished questioning him. Between the two of them they managed to blame Faith for everything that had happened to Hope. Well it's our turn now, lets just see how well Vinnie does with Briggie, the truth, the truth will come out I know it…
“So what you are telling us Vinnie, I can call you Vinnie right? Good,” I love this; Briggie isn’t even letting Vinnie answer him. “So you are telling us that Faith abused Hope?”
“Yes I am and not only hit her… s-she t-t-touched h-h-her.”
“What!” I stand up from my chair and look Vinnie in the eye. Oh, that stutter is so not going to work… will it? He can’t be blaming Faith for doing THAT to Hope. He’s just a little tiny cockroach of a man that blames others for his ‘dirty work’. “She didn’t do that! Did Faith hit you too hard in the head or something? Are you out of your mind! If I would’ve known you were going to say THAT then I would have taken a punch at you!”
“B sit down,” Faith hisses at me and pulls me down.
“You can’t just let him say that Faith.”
“I know, jeez I was about ready to deck him when you jumped up,” Faith says to me and makes me smile.
“Are you two young ladies done?”
“Yes!” We both growl at the judge.
“Good, then Mr. Briggs here can continue WITHOUT interruptions.”
Briggie looks at us to keep quiet and he continues his talk with Vinnie. “Okay, where was I. Oh yes. You’re saying she ‘touched’ Hope? What do you mean by touched?”
“Do I have to say it? It already makes me sick knowing she did.”
I look to my side after hearing a low growl coming from Faith. She’s gripping the armrests tight… like really tight any second and she’s going to break them into tiny little ‘only-slayers-can-do’ pieces. I put my hand on her hand, slipping my fingers between hers. She looks at me with a raised brow, but I take her hand and place it on her lap. I take my hand back but she holds onto my hand… Big tough Faith ain’t that big and tough. She’s just as scared as anyone.
We both turn back to Vinnie and Briggie and notice that now Briggie is the one grinning. We missed a lot in these few seconds. “You’ve got to explain one thing to me though Vinnie. Some of the scars on Hope’s body are over two years old and during that time Faith was in jail… so tell us… How did she get them? Because I think it’s strange that Faith could have given them to Hope while she was in prison.”
“How am I supposed to know that?” Yeah Vinnie tell us please… I’m really curious about that one. “I certainly didn’t do it!! I would never hurt my baby sister!!”
“Tell me then Vinnie,” Oh, I’m loving this. “Your father has been dead for four years, your mother is let’s say ‘crazy’… You have been taking care of Hope all that time. Don’t you think it’s strange that even if you say Faith is the one abusing her, Hope has scars over two years old?”
“Why are you turning this on me?” Vinnie yells. “I’m not the one abusing my little sister.”
“I think you are…” Briggie mutters and walks back.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing Your Honor, no further questions.”
Uh oh… judge is looking mighty pissed. “Mr. Briggs, please tell me what that was about. What did you just say?”
“I said… Your Honor… ‘I think you are’ and it was directed at Vinnie Lugois.”
“Would you care to clarify that statement Mr. Briggs?” Now that wasn’t a question I’d expected from the judge there. But this is good, real good.
“Because I think that Vinnie is the one that has been abusing Hope, physically, sexually and mentally.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind! I would never hurt my sister,” I look to my side and see Vinnie screaming at Briggie.
“Don’t give me that shit ‘Vinnie’, you know you did!”
“Mr. Briggs! One more time and you will be found in Contempt of Court.”
“You’re just a sick little guy ‘Vinnie’,” Oh Briggie watch your language.
“Objection!” Oh shut up. Vinnie’s lawyer is just as much of an ass as Vinnie is.
“Objection my ass!” Go Briggie!
“Mr. Briggs and Mr. Stenson! Side bar… now!” Briggie and Stenson both walk up to the bench. If I wasn’t a slayer I wouldn’t have been able to hear what they’re saying. Thank god I can.
The Judge is saying that Briggie is in Contempt of Court and he has to pay 500 dollars! Jeez, Briggie. Oh… and the next isn’t good. Briggie has to show respect or he’s going to be locked up next time and not just fined. Then Stenson starts hissing at the Judge that Briggie can't slander Vinnie like that. I hear the Judge ask if Briggie has any proof to support what he is accusing Vinnie of. Now he's asking if he can confer with Faith. Well I say go! He walks back to the table and looks at Faith. We both have to pretend we didn’t hear anything, but we did anyway. “Faith, will you testify about this. Tell him what happened on your trip to Disneyland.”
Briggie opens his suitcase and gets some papers out of it. What is that? I try to look at it, but he snatches it away just before I can… Grumble… no fun. If he’s gonna have proof at least let me see it.
“Yeah I will,” I put my hand on her shoulder and she nods saying she has to do this.
“You may step down now Mr. Lugois,” I hear the judge say.
Briggie looks at the judge. "At this time Your Honor, if it pleases the court I would like to call Faith Lugois to the stand."
Faith gets up and stands in that box thingy getting sworn in, she had the whole ‘under oath’ thing. Briggie looks at Faith and when he’s about to ask a question, the Judge stops him. “I’ll ask the questions this time Mr. Briggs,” Briggie sits down next to me and shrugs. Then the judge turns to Faith. “Tell me Faith, how do you explain the fresh cuts on Hope’s body?”
Faith looks directly into Vinnie’s eyes. “Hope and I have stayed with Cordelia and the others for little over six months before I decided to come back here and tell the people I hurt how sorry I am for what I did.”
She hasn’t taken her eyes of Vinnie, but then she looks back and directly into my eyes. She’s showing me her soul, showing everything that’s in it and it catches my breath. Just as fast as she showed it, she takes it away again and turns back to Vinnie. In that second… just a second… she let down that wall of steel that has surrounded her since I met her.
I look at Vinnie who is now looking at me but I give him the same ice-cold stare Faith is giving him and he quickly looks back to Faith. “I wanted to have some fun with Hope and decided to take her to Disneyland,” she continues. “When we were about to go home, I told her to stay on the bus so I could put our stuff away when I got back on the bus… she was gone.”
She’s going to cry again, I know she is. “I searched the bus and I couldn’t find her. I searched the parking lot and I couldn’t find her,” Oh god. I can’t stand this. She’s crying alright, tears just streaming down her face, no sounds… just the tears. She’s desperate when it comes to Hope, truly desperate. “I searched through the whole friggin’ park… TWICE… and I couldn’t find her.”
“And you know what’s so funny Judge?” Faith what are you doing?
“What is Miss?”
“I was about to give up on ever finding her,” she says to him and starts laughing and crying at the same time. “I’ve heard of children disappearing at small parking lots and never to be found again, what do you think would happen at a parking lot like the size of Disney’s?” Faith sighs and looks the judge directly in his eyes. She’s going for the, not literal, kill. “Then the next day I found her… on the bed… beat up…” Tears are streaming down her face and it makes me want to kill Vinnie slow and painfully… make him suffer for what he did. I can’t possibly imagine what he did to her, but judging from the scars Hope has, I’ve got a pretty good idea.
That was it… she’s done. Totally done, she can’t go on anymore. "You can step down Miss Lugois."
I look at the judge and answer his silent question by shaking my head, so does Briggie. She can’t stay in; we all need a break anyway. Especially after this. “This case has taken an entirely different route,” I look at the judge with my best DUH look on as he continues. “We’ll take a break for now, I’ve got a lot of things to go through. None of you will leave this building until I’ve sorted out what to do. This is a serious matter and I will find out the truth. One of you is telling the truth and one is a very good actor. Be back here in two hours.”
We all walk outside the courtroom and Faith almost collapses onto the bench outside the room. I sit down next to her and place my hand on her cheek, gently forcing her to look up. I brush away the tears from under her eyes and just look at her for a second. She looks so lost, I’ve seen someone lost before, never like this, no one has ever looked like this. I smile gently and pull her in my arms, hugging her tightly.
“Briggs!” Kate? What’s she doing here, I thought she was supposed to be with Hope. “Here’s the info.”
She hands him some papers and Briggie starts smiling, like a real smile, not a fake lawyer smile…
“Ladies… I’ll be right back.”
Courthouse | Sunnydale, California
“This is all wrong B,” Faith said as she walked in the bathroom. They had been waiting for three hours now instead of the two that the judge had said at first. According to Kate he wanted to have more time to think about it. “What the fuck does he want to think about?” Faith turned around and looked at her fellow slayer.
“I don’t know Faith,” Buffy replied.
“Why don’t they just give her back to me?” Faith hissed. “I told them what happened. I filled in the gaps, I did the thing I needed to do. Why can’t they give her back to me?”
Buffy sat down on a stool that was by the wall opposite the door. She watched the brunette pace and followed her every move. Back and forth… one wall to the other… back and forth… back and forth… “Faith! Stop moving… just a second… making me dizzy here.”
“It’s just… B… I want her back. Hope doesn’t belong with him. She belongs with me… see…” Faith showed Buffy the pendant Hope had given her. “The Twin Sisters Of Faith and Hope, Salvation.”
“Faith, sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down,” Faith hissed and started pacing again.
‘I can’t take this,’ Buffy grabbed Faith and sat her down on the stool next to her. “Sit down,” Buffy growled. “You are making ME more nervous than I already am.”
Faith sighed and buried her face in her hands. Buffy placed her hand between Faith’s shoulder blades and rubbed gently from side to side. “I know you’re worried about her, so am I,” Buffy said. Faith looked up at the blonde slayer with tears in her eyes. “Hey! Don’t give me that!” Buffy placed her hands on each side of Faith’s face wiping the tears away with her thumbs.
“I don’t know what to do B,” Faith sighed. “I’m loosing the battle and I’m not sure if I could have won it in the first place.”
“Oh don’t give me that crap,” Buffy replied. “You’re Faith, even if you don’t know what to do you don’t give up until you get back what’s yours.”
“Why are you being so nice?”
“Because I know that you’ve changed. We've still got a long way to go, but we can’t do that with you behind bars or going crazy coz Hope isn’t with you… and to tell you the truth, I like the kid. But don’t let her know that,” she added winking.
“I’m just so afraid I’m going to lose her,” Faith said closing her eyes.
"You're not going to lose her Faith," Buffy looked at the brunette, her hands were still on each side of Faith's face. Her thumbs still gently wiping away the tears. The blonde slayer leaned forward, she waited for Faith to open her eyes. When she did, Buffy's eyes searched Faith's, she hesitated. Then she leaned further towards Faith and softly, gently pressed her lips to Faith's for a second, whispering against her mouth, "I promise you."
Day 1 | Family Court | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
Me and B walk back in the courtroom, the judge finally decided to come out and tell us how it’s going to be. Whether I can get Hope back or not. If I’m not getting her back then I’m going to trash this whole place and not even B won’t be able to stop me. Speaking of her… what the hell did she do back there in the bathroom?
She kissed me… why did she kiss me? She as straight as they come! Why am I thinking about this, she still hates my guts. She knows I’ve changed, but she still hates me. Well B hasn’t exactly said she hated me, but I can guess it's all the same, I know she still does. I hurt her too much for that.
But again… she kissed me? She kissed me… She touched my lips with hers… Oh this is way too freaky!
Day 1 | Family Court | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
Okay brain … calm down, we don’t need you on overload right now. I so don’t need a brain overload right now… OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod.
Okay, calm down, breath… deep breaths. In and out, in and out. Okay calm, that’s it. Go Buffy, you’re calm again. I KISSED FAITH! What am I a total idiot or something? You hate her guts! She has changed… but you still hate her guts!
Why am I even worrying about this? It was a friendly kiss! Nothing more than a small peck On. Her. Friggin’. Lips! You could’ve gone for the cheek, but NO! You had to complicate things by giving her a tiny kiss on the lips! This is it; I’ve officially gone nuts!
“Buffy?”
“Huh what?” Oh Willow.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“We need to talk when we get back.”
“I know… oh, there’s the judge, I have to go back,” I quickly run back to our side of the courtroom and look around. So… where’s Vinnie?
“Where is he?” Faith asks me and I look around the room again. Our head both snap to the side as we see a door opening and out comes… Vinnie… handcuffed. What is this heaven or something? "B…"
“I see it Faith,” I reply to her. I see it all right. He’s friggin’ handcuffed, that’s good news… I hope.
“As you all probably have seen, Mr. Vinnie Lugois has been taken into custody,” the judge starts out. Yay! It’s true, we won… right? “Detective Kate Lockley had a chat with Mr. Lugois and made him confess to the allegation of abusing young Miss Lugois physically, sexually and mentally.”
Woo friggin’ Hoo!! Oh, this is definitely good and I'm SO gonna be thanking Kate later on. How the hell did she do that? And in three hours… maybe that’s why he needed the extra hour or something… “This is why it took so long before we could go on with this case,” so is EVERYONE reading my thoughts now?
“This of course changes everything now,” he starts, well DUH. Faith can have Hope back now. “However…” Oh great… I knew it! “There are still other things that are at play here. As for example, Miss Faith’s violent past,” Oh, I knew this was going to bite us in the ass.
I look at Faith, who had been almost jumping up and down with joy, is now slumped in her chair again waiting for the judge to say how it’s going to be. “Faith, stand up please,” Faith stands and looks at the judge. “Miss Summers?” What? Oh, I have to stand up too? Right we’re fighting over the custody together. “Is it correct to say that Faith is living with you and your sister and two other young ladies?”
“Yes,” I reply. “Well she was living at the mansion before this, but I thought it was better to…”
“Miss Summers!”
“Yes?” I squeal.
“You’re babbling,” Faith whispers to me and I look at the judge… Oh, I was babbling… or going to anyway.
“It is important for children to have a solid home where they can live and someone that has a job to take care of that child,” I almost want to say I have a job, but then I know this isn’t directed to me. Faith is already looking down at this. “Children need a loving home and not one of abuse… Faith, can you honestly say that you can give that young Miss Lugois?”
Faith nods, but I don’t think that’s enough for the Judge. I nudge her and she looks at me with this ‘what!’ face. Then she gets it… “I can get a job, I can take care of her. I love my sister more than anything. I would never hurt her the way my … ‘he’ did.”
The judge is still looking at her and now also at me, like I should know the answer to that one… Oh, wait Oh, Oh, Oh. I know that one! "Anger management classes!" Again with the squealing, what is it with me and the squealing?
“Correct Miss Summers,” he says and I can feel my mouth curl up into a smile. Faith looks at me like I’ve gone nuts or something, she’s so gonna hate me for that one. “I’m not doubting your love for the child Faith, I am however doubting your temper. I’ve seen how you are when you’re angry… several times to be exact, not to mention yourself Miss Summers.”
More biting in the ass… Oh, this is not good, not good at all. We all turn back when a door gets opened and I see Kate walking in. She’s looking at something outside of my line of sight… Please let it be Hope, please let it be her. Then lots of commotion going on and… “Fay!” I have to physically restrain myself from doing a jump of joy here, coz there she is running towards Fay… uh Faith, Yup, running towards Faith.
“Hope!” I hold Faith back coz Hope is already coming and I’m not sure how the guards will react to Faith running away from the table. Only seconds later Hope is in Faith’s arms and they’re hugging each other madly.
“Calm down everyone!” And of course SOMEONE has to spoil the fun… except this time it’s the judge so… I’m just gonna stop glaring at him and smile instead.
“I’m sorry Your Honor, but Hope really wanted to see Faith,” Kate says walking up to us. She takes Hope from Faith again and winks at us before sitting in the audience behind us.
“Quite alright Detective,” the judge says a fake smile playing across his face. “Based upon testimony and the physical evidence presented to me in chambers this is what is going to happen. Anger Management Classes," he starts again. Let’s see how he’s going to handle this one. “For the next six months, twice a week,” that’s not so bad is it?
I grin when I see Faith’s face, she’s so not liking this. Pf, at least she’ll get Hope back… right?
“As for the adoption of young Miss Lugois…” Okay here goes, pretty please… please, please… begging here!
“Joint temporary custody will be given to Miss Summers as well as Faith,” Yay! Big double Yay! Wait… no, not good… there’s always a but! “However…”
See there’s the however… it’s sort of a form for but!
“Don’t forget that the child has been abused in more ways than she should have been. So this is how it’s going to be. For the next six months Miss Summers and Miss Lugois will have joint custody of Hope Lugois. There will be an evaluation every month to see how things are going with Miss Summers and Miss Lugois. You will BOTH take Anger Management Classes, if either of you fail or drop out you will lose custody of the child.”
Okay… now that was a lot. Wait a second. I have to take Anger Management Classes? Is he out of his fucking mind? Wait… I did kinda slip… once or twice…
“At the end of the six months there will be a re-evaluation and at that time it will be decided if Miss Summers and Miss Lugois will be granted guardianship of young Miss Lugois. If guardianship has been granted you can then file for adoption.”
Wait… was that a hint? That was a hint! OH MY GOD. The Judge just gave us a hint!
“Yes Your Honor.”
“Detective Lockley,” I turn around and see Kate stepping forward. “Even though I feel you are too involved personally. I am going to ignore that for the time being and appoint you to monitor both Faith and Hope's situation. Given that that you have already have established trust with both the child and it would appear Faith as well.”
Kate nods and sits back down. I raise my hand… “Uhm… you know… uhm… I’m guessing Kate will be staying with us… I need a bigger house…” I finally get out. I really do. It’s been big enough for this time, but if EVERYONE is going to be living at my place, then I DO need a bigger house. We’ve got Willow, Tara, Dawn, Faith, Hope, Kate and Me… that’s more than the three bedrooms I have!
“That is not my problem young lady… but didn’t you mention something about a mansion earlier?”
Stupid! How could I forget about that one… but wait… I don’t want to lose the house! “Uh yeah… sorry,” I say. Okay so now what then?
Can we take her home now?
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“Buffy!”
The second I get in the house I’m being crushed by my sister. I wasn’t away that long was I? What’s with the hugging? I hug her back and then push her back quickly, coz I know she did something… or she wants something. “Spill.”
“Nothing,” she says. Yeah right! I give her a look saying not to play around with me coz I’m tired, as in real tired. “Fine, fine… can I go to that party tomorrow?”
“You really want to go to that party don’t you?”
“Yeah, it’s so cool. Melissa’s dad rented the Bronze for one night and entire class is going to be there… and her cute nephew,” Oh, so THAT’S the reason she wants to go to the party that desperately. “There’s gonna be bodyguards and everything.”
Bodyguards, yeah Melissa’s dad is like a celebrity in our town. I couldn’t care less, as long as Dawn is safe. “Fine, but I’m bringing you AND picking you up.”
“Oh come on Buffy! That’s so un-cool.”
“Either that or no party.”
“Alright, alright,” she sighs and looks behind me. “Where’s Sto… Hope and Faith?”
What was that? What was she going to say? Storm? Why does that ring a bell… “Faith and Kate are getting Hope’s stuff at the family she stayed at… and you got a niece…”
She looks at me and raises a brow, then frowns, then confusion. “Huh?”
“Uhm… we won, so you’ve got a niece. Adopted, but still.”
“So Hope’s my niece?”
Summers Home | Sunnydale, California | Dawn’s POV
“I’ve got a niece?” I have to ask her again.
“Yes Dawn,” Oh, this is fun. Storm is my niece now, she’s like this 24/7 sugar rush. “We won the custody case. Kate got Vinnie to confess, which I still have to thank her for.”
“So he’s the one that hurt Hope?” She nods. “Hate him already,” I put on my best ‘angry’ face and sit down on the couch. “So what are the terms?”
“What?”
“Come on Buffy, I watch TV you know. There are always things you have to do in return.”
She sighs and lets herself fall down next to me on the couch. “Well for one, Faith has to take Anger Management Classes, she has to have a job. And they have to check in with Child Welfare every other day. And then we’ve also got Kate who has to report on Faith and Hope. And then there’s me…”
Well, that’s… a lot. Faith is SO going to hate the Anger Management thing and the job part. Wait a second! “Something about you?”
“Yes, I have to take Anger Management Classes too,” Oh… that’s good. That’s just real good! “But enough about that. Kate will also be staying here with us.”
“Our house isn’t big enough for all of us!”
“I figured that out already Dawn,” she rolls her eyes grabs some of MY M&M’s. “I have to think on what we are going to do next. There is already one option.”
“Which is?”
“The Mansion. We can go there, it will be big enough for the seven of us.”
“Have you talked with Angel about this?”
She nods. “I have, he doesn’t mind, as long as Faith and Hope are okay.”
“What about the house?” I squeak. “You can’t just leave the house… this is where I’ve lived and where Mom…” I’m not going to finish that sentence coz I know I’m going to cry if I do.
“I know Dawn,” she takes my hand and looks at me. “But there are other options for the house. One… sell it, which I don’t want to do. Let Willow and Tara live in it, which is a better option. Or sell it to Spike and use the money for renovating the mansion, which I’m also liking as an option.”
“No selling the house to anyone else!” I pout, but I manage to stay serious. I don’t want the house to go away. This is where I’ve lived for all my life… well life as a HUMAN that is but still. I’ve got the memories and all. “Somehow I doubt Willow's gonna want to move into the Mansion with Faith, she doesn't like living here with her as it is…”
“I know that, so it will be either letting them stay or sell it to Spike and convince him to let them stay.”
“Where am I supposed to be going?” Like she ever thinks about me! Does that every time, doesn’t even think about what I feel. Especially lately, only thinks about Faith and Storm.
“Hey! Don’t you think I forgot about you.”
Jeez, who thought you how to read minds. “I wasn’t. I’m just saying…”
“Well don’t go doing all that… well what do you want to do?” She asks me. What I want to do? Good question. “We’ll make this decision together.”
“Yeah, but what about Faith and Sto… Hope?” I SO need to be careful with what I’m saying here.
“Faith will do anything that’s good for the kid so don’t worry about that,” she says. Well that’s true… Faith will do ANYTHING for Storm, that’s one thing I know for sure. Pf, look at me going all caring about Faith. I still hate her… but she’s been nice and apologized. Storm has been fun too.
“Well the Mansion IS big enough,” I look at her and she’s smiling. “But I’d miss it here. This is Home you know?”
“I know, and I promise you that it will always be Home,” she says to me. I know it’s true. It would be cool to live at the Mansion, but this is Home. “You’ll have a bigger room at the Mansion. Coz you know renovating and all. Since Willow and Tara are staying here you can come back as often as you want.”
“Can I think about it?” I ask… then another thing jumps in my mind. “How ‘bout me staying here. You know, live here with Willow and Tara instead of the Mansion?” Oh… that hurt her feelings. Now I’m feeling all down. “Or I could… Can I think about it?” I ask again.
“Sure.”
“Okay, I’m going to Melissa’s place now okay?”
“Yeah sure, be home before dinner.”
“Sure, bye!” I rush out of the front door slamming it close in the process… she SO going to kill me for that!
One Week Later | Summers Home | Sunnydale, California
“B! Could you gimme a hand here?” Faith yelled walking through the front door. “She’s sleeping and I had to carry her and the bags.”
“Where’s Kate?”
“She got called to the station or something. Police business,” Faith replied. “You mind if I put her in your bed?”
“Go a head,” she replied. “It’s not like we’ll be moving in a while anyway,” Buffy added muttering to herself.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, okay hand me Hope before you drop her or the bags,” Buffy took Hope upstairs quickly followed by Faith. “Put the stuff in the corner, we’ll sort it out tomorrow.”
“Why bother?” Faith said. “We’ll be moving to the Mansion anyways… we are moving to the Mansion right?”
Buffy shrugged and finished putting Hope under the covers. “Dawn hasn’t said anything to me yet.”
“It’s already been a week B!” Faith said looking at the blonde. “We can’t keep sleeping in the same bed. I need my space and so does Hope… when she’ll finally sleep alone.”
“Don’t you think I know that!” Buffy pushed Faith out of the room before their argument got heated and they wake up Hope. “It’s not easy to do this you know,” Buffy hissed. “This is the only place Dawn has known as a home since she became human and Mom… We can’t just give up the house this easily.”
“Have you even talked about it with bleach boy or Red and Blondie?”
“Could you stop with the the nicknames for a while?” Buffy walked downstairs and plopped down on the couch followed by Faith. “And no I haven’t talked about it with them yet. I don’t want to do anything behind Dawn’s back, I want her in on everything. I promised her that some time ago and I plan to stick to it.”
“Buffy! You here?”
“What is it Dawn?” Buffy asked turning her head towards the door.
“Let’s move.”
“What?”
“To the Mansion, let’s do it,” Dawn said letting herself fall on the couch between the two slayers. “One thing though. The house can absolutely NOT be destroyed, under no circumstances what so ever.”
“Uh… okay…” Buffy raised a brow at her fellow slayer who just shrugged at her. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Coz it would be SO cool to give parties at the Mansion,” Dawn pushed both slayers back on the couch, placed her head on Buffy’s lap and legs on Faith’s. “I will be THE most popular girl at school. I won’t be the girl with a freak for a sister or the other freaks that live here,” she said making all sorts of movements with her hands explaining it all.
“You think we’re freaks?” Buffy frowned.
“Well yeah!” Dawn exclaimed. “I mean look at you all. You only wear pastel colors, Faith’s all with the leathers. Willow and Tara… well they are the only people normal here and then there’s Hope, who’s like this 24/7 sugar-rush. Where is she anyway?”
“Sleeping,” Faith answered.
“That’s a first… anyway,” Dawn continued. “Of course you’re freaks. You don’t get with the program and I have to like work extra hard to be with the ‘in-crowd’. Jeez don’t you remember High School?”
“Blew it up.”
“Never finished.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”
Two Weeks Later | Angel’s Mansion | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
Okay, so here we are at the mansion. B took care of everything, Spike bought the house from her and he actually let Red and Blondie stay there. Dawn is pissed coz she still hadn’t had her first party at the Mansion, but as B put it ‘No parties until everything is finished!’
This is wicked, I have my own space here and so does Hope when she’ll finally be able to sleep on her own again. She’s still having the nightmares every now and then. I managed to have a total of four nights in a row to myself… well downstairs staying up late waiting for B to return from slaying. I should be helping her, but now that B, Dawn, me and Hope live here, someone has got to watch out for Dawn and Hope. And since no one can calm Hope down after her nightmare but me… I’m the one staying home, if you can call it a home at this moment.
Outside there’s like tons of people, construction workers mostly, having a break from their work. I have no idea where they all came from and so fast even. I think it has something to do with either one of the jobs B has had or… the fact that Xander is standing amongst them! Oh my god! He’s a construction worker… That’s so… actually kinda like Xander. He has talented hands, I should know… I can’t believe he was a virgin back then… Okay, side tracking…
Anyways, they first did B’s room, coz the only thing that had to happen there was put up some walls. Then they did my room and now they’re doing Dawn’s room. Squirt has been sleeping in B’s bed the whole time and they’re both getting sick of it. Late nights of ‘move over!’ and ‘give me the blankets!’ proved that. They’re even driving ME nuts.
After Dawn’s room they’ll be slowly starting on Hope’s room because I know that it’ll take some time before she’ll be even sleeping in another room other than mine. At least everything is as good as healed. There’s still the scars though, not only the physical, but also the emotional ones. It’s hard seeing her after she’s had a nightmare, she just lays in my arms shivering like a leaf. Sometimes the whole night and it even woke up B a few times.
When we first moved in the mansion we all slept in Angel’s old bedroom. Dawn took Angel’s bed and Me, B and Hope slept in B’s bed that had already been brought here. Those nights were often spent awake, me and B taking turns on the sleeping part so we could look out for Hope. B did the most sleeping though, I could never unwrap Hope from my body.
“You know Faith, I’ll really glad when they are gone,” Buffy says stepping in front me and pulling me out of my thoughts. “We’ve got like NO privacy here. All these ‘men’ in the house while we’re here, thank god Xander is with them.”
I just raise brow at her and she grabs my feet, lifting them up as she sits down on the couch where my feet used to be. “How was your class?”
“Sucked,” really did. I hate it, all talk about calming yourself, counting to ten. Telling them about my problems… which I SO don’t want to talk about. “Yours?”
“Sucked,” she replies smiling. “But we have to so I’m going to keep going to them and we can get our frustrations about the classes out by killing demons and dusting vamps.”
“You mean YOU can,” I reply to her. “Hey, what time is it?”
“It’s ten past three. “
“I have to pick up Hope in twenty minutes… hey you know… wanna come with?”
“Me? The last time I did that she freaked coz I wasn’t you!”
“I’m asking you to come WITH me,” sometimes she can be so dense. “It’s the first day she made it through alone and without freaking out. I haven’t gotten any calls.”
“Are you sure? Maybe it should be only you going.”
“B, you have to be involved in these sort of things if we have to make it through the evaluation and all,” I hold my hand out for her. “So what do you say? Let’s pick up one little brunette…” I smile as she takes my hand and pull her up from the couch.
Dedications: As always, Michele, my rock. Couldn't have done this without you. Sway! How's Australia? Miss K Oh My God! You had Elle finding out! Well good for her too know... damn, is this ever going to end well? And of course... Eden.
October 2002 | Mansion | Sunnydale, California
“Fay!”
“Hey little one!” Faith replied hugging her sister. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought her here,” Buffy replied stepping in the store. Faith had managed to get a job at a video store. Faith had told Buffy it wasn’t like her at all, but she had fun doing it. “I thought maybe we could rent a movie and watch it tonight with Dawn and Hope.”
“Sure, sounds good,” Faith replied. “So what do you wanna see Hope?” Faith lifted the child on the counter and continued to help other people as well as talking to her sister. “Disney?”
“I wanna see the one with that island under water.”
“You mean Atlantis?” Buffy asked. “Sounds good, Dawn has been begging me to rent it anyway. She’s like 16 now and still likes Disney movies.”
“B, who doesn’t like Disney? It’s like for EVERYONE, I haven’t met a single person yet that doesn’t like Disney movies,” Faith looked at the last customer leaving the video store and her smile faded immediately. “Ugh, I am SO tired. I’ve been working here for like two weeks and I’m still not used to the times.”
“Hello! Earth to Faith… who has been doing you-know-what at night also?”
“We definitely need a schedule if we want to keep this up,” Faith replied. “You work like what? Monday’s to Friday’s? And with me working weekends and on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, we’ve hardly got time to do any fun things coz we’ve got Dawn and Hope to take care of.”
“You make us sound like a couple Faith,” Buffy giggled, playfully swatting Faith’s arm. “You’re right though, with the work and the slaying we’ve got like NO time left to do any fun things with our sisters.”
“Thank god I was able to get tonight off,” Faith grabbed the video ‘Atlantis’ from behind the counter and put it in its box. “And no work tomorrow so I’ll bring Hope to school and see if ‘our’ construction workers are finally done with the bathroom. I don’t want to keep going to Red and Blondie’s for a shower.”
“What the hell was this talking all about?” Buffy asked raising her brow. “Wow… we’re like total members of society!” Suddenly she started laughing quickly followed by the brunette, leaving Hope with a confused look behind. “Come one kiddo,” Buffy said putting Hope on the floor. “Let’s wait for your sister outside so she can lock up.”
Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
“B… why the hell are we taking a detour through the friggin’ cemetery WITH Hope?” I hiss at her. I have no idea how she got me into this, but here we are, walking through the cemetery to see if there are any new vampires around.
“I’m sorry,” B replies to me. “But we, or rather I, still had to patrol and with the two of us it’ll be faster. Even if we have Hope with us.”
“You know I won’t fight anything with her here,” I hiss back at her. “I don’t want to lose Hope because of some stupid vamp… Hmph,” why the hell does she have her hand over my mouth, what the hell is she doing? I lift up Hope as B pulls me behind some bushes. “If this is some kind of sick joke I’m gonna…” Again with the hand over my mouth!
“Shut up and look,” she hisses at me.
I look in front of me and I see some guy walking up from behind a mausoleum. Oh… he’s tall… real tall. He’s at least a head taller than Giles is. He’s got a creep factor of 10, even more. Like the leather pants though, and he’s wearing a white blouse and… a raincoat? Jeez couldn’t you get any better protection than that? “Oh man, that’s wicked…”
“What is?” B asks me.
“Wow, I mean look at it,” I say. I’m in too much of an awe state to reply to her. That thing… wow, that’s just wow. If he’s an enemy and we defeat him, I’m gonna keep that thing.
“Look at what?” She hisses at me.
“The sword,” I hiss back. “It’s a Scottish Claymore Broad Sword or something that looks like it. It’s not an original,” I say as I get a better look at it when he walks in our direction. Wait… there’s something different. Damn! That’s one rich guy… unless of course he stole it. The fucking blade is completely gold!
“What’s so special about that?”
“It’s me and swords B… fetish kind of deal,” I reply. “You should see the collection I’ve got. I still need one of those though. Except well now I’ve gotta have that one,” Jeez, I’m practically drooling over here. “It’s got a golden blade B… look at it.”
“Yeah, nice. Expensive.”
“B… look at the guy. He isn’t someone who bought the sword. Unless he’s like a vamp or something he does have the ancient clothing going on… well except for the leather part.”
“Come on we have to tell Giles about this.”
I really want that sword. “Can’t I?”
“No,” Jeez, grumpy much. Oh… I’m so hoping he’s an enemy. I can kick his ass AND get the sword. “We wait until he’s gone and we’ll check in with Giles tomorrow. He was visiting a friend or something tonight.”
“Yeah whatever.”
I really want that sword…
Next Day | Magic Shop | Sunnydale, California | Faith’s POV
“So if he’s an enemy and we defeat him I can have the sword?”
“IF he’s an enemy, then yes Faith you can,” Giles you rock! At least you appreciate a good sword. B gave him the full description on what the guy looked like last night when Giles called to say he was back and I had a go at the sword.
I look to my side and see Anya standing next to me with a book in her hands. “Is this the one?”
Fuck me! It is the same one… well the original anyway. “Except the handle was shorter and it had some kind of lion head on it with ruby eyes,” I reply describing it again. I love that sword. “The blade was pure gold, well it looked that way. It also had some sort of inscription on the handle I couldn’t see it, too small. I really need to have that sword.”
“So you can chop of our heads.”
“Excuse me?” I look at Red who’s returning my glare with one of her own. “I’m not chopping off anything.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Oh yes you did!” I hiss back. “Slayer hearing remember?” Willow is about to say something back when her girl stops her. Thank you Tara. Jeez, Red’s been a bit cranky lately. I thought she thawed a little, but I guess she hasn’t. Have to work harder then.
“Can we get back to the issue at hand here?” Giles… impatient as ever.
“Fuck, what time is it!”
“Three O’ Clock,” Giles replies to me. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to get Hope from school she’s out early and go home. B’s waiting for me,” I reply. “Hope is out in ten minutes and I have to be at the Mansion ten minutes after that.”
“You know…” Anya looks at me and I just give her this look to tell her to hurry up. “Buy a watch,” I give her a grin and walk out of the shop.
Angel’s Mansion | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
“Come on Faith, hurry up,” I’m pacing… she’s making me. Why the hell don’t they hurry up? “That woman is going to be here any minute now.”
“Okay Hope now you gotta get off my back.”
“Faith is that you?”
“Who else?”
“Jeez, she’s going to be here any minute now. I want to make a good impression here and tell her we’ve been doing fine. Especially since it’s the first evaluation!” I look at the two and can’t help but to laugh. The both of them are absolutely covered in ice-cream. “What happened to you two?”
“I bought her an ice-cream and she decided to throw it at me, so I threw some back at her,” Faith replies to me. “That’s why we’re late.”
“Okay, Hope, upstairs,” I say pointing at the stairs. “You two are SO in luck today. Xander and the others finished the bathroom this morning. He called about four hours after I left for work.”
“I’ll go give Hope a hand with that shower and take one myself.”
“Hurry up,” Ugh… I hate it when those two are slow. First Hope takes a shower and she HAS to take a bath so she can play with this stuff Faith bought for her and then Faith’s still has to take a bath… although sometimes it seems like Hope is giving her a bath with all the splattering. I swear there’s always more water on the floor than in the bathtub.
After some time I see Hope coming down the stairs and I glance at the clock. Only took her ten minutes, that’s fast. Even for Hope… and wait, that lady still isn’t here.
Doorbell
Jeez, are these people psychic or something? I open the door and let her in.
“Mrs. Bue,” she introduces herself.
I take her hand. “Buffy Summers,” I say. “Have a seat. Do you want anything to drink? A cookie?” She shakes her head. Oh, my heart is racing… okay, calm down. You’ll do fine. “Faith! Get your butt down here!” Not if you start screaming like that of course. “I’m sorry Mrs. Bue… but she’s been in there for well forever.”
“Keep your pants on B! I’ll be right there.”
A few seconds later I hear Faith coming down the stairs and I look up and… Oh… Nice… Faith… wrapped in a towel, nothing but a towel.
Buff! Snap out of it. God that’s so… I mean, hello! It’s Faith we’re talking about. Still not completely liking her, ESPECIALLY not in THAT way. God! I fall for guys, not girls. Okay Buffy… just SHUT UP!
“Why aren’t you dressed?”
“Because you were calling me to get my butt… uh… down here, so I did,” she replies to me. Argh, that’s so not what I meant.
“Faith, meet Mrs. Bue… Child Welfare, she’s doing our evaluation.”
“Uh… hi,” Faith says as she takes her hand. “I’ll just go upstairs and get dressed then.” Yeah you do that.
My eyes follow her upstairs and I turn back to Mrs. Bue. “So where’s the child then?”
“Her name is Hope,” I say as I walk into the kitchen to get her. I walk back with Hope holding on to me. “Hope, meet Mrs. Bue.”
“Hi,” she waves… that’s cute. Shy little thing.
“Hello Hope, how are you doing?”
“Fine,” she replies before standing behind me to hide. I swear sometimes she’s like a five-year-old or something. I shrug and sit down on the couch opposite Mrs. Bue. “Where did Fay go?”
“She’ll be right down,” I reply to her as she hops on my lap. “Are you sure you don’t want anything Mrs. Bue?” She declined my earlier offer before Faith came downstairs in nothing but a towel, maybe she wants something to cool down, coz that was HOT! Wait… No, not hot! So not hot!
After a few minutes I see Faith walking down in some sweatpants and tank top… MY sweatpants and tank top. She couldn’t even dress up nicely in HER OWN clothes? “Uh B… we have a problem.”
“What?”
“My stuff,” she begins… why am I not liking this? “It’s all dirty, some… I think one of the guys dropped his complete lunch package on it.”
“Xander,” I grumble. “I’ll put it in the washer later.”
Faith walks up to Mrs. Bue and introduces herself again this time with more clothing on… my clothing none the less. I told her not to leave her whole closet on the bed or something would happen.
Faith sits herself down next to me on the couch and Hope immediately jumps on her lap and curls up on it. Oh, Mrs. Bue smiles… that’s a good sign, real good sign. Wait now she’s looking around. “We’re renovating,” Faith says. “We needed more rooms and some walls and a bigger bathroom.”
“It looks good,” Phew… that’s good. That’s really good. “Where’s Hope’s room?” Uh oh… not good.
“Not completely finished yet,” Faith says before I can say anything. “She’s still having nightmares and is afraid of sleeping alone so she sleeps in my bed for now. I hope to get her sleeping in her own bed when the room is finished.”
“She’s still having nightmares?”
“Yeah,” Faith answers the lady. “She wakes me up in the middle of the night sometimes.”
“These things take time Faith, I can call you Faith right?” Faith nods and Mrs. Bue continues. “She’s been through a great deal and especially the incident has put more on her.”
“I know,” I put my hand on Faith’s. She looks so defeated when talking about that. Hurts me to see that. “It’s painful to see her cry.”
“Fay?”
“Yes Hope?”
“Why are you talking about me?”
Faith starts laughing as she lifts up Hope and puts her down between us. “Because the lady asked a few questions and it’s nice to answer them,” Oh, she’s so good with the kid. “Why don’t you show Mrs. Bue the present you got from B.”
Hope runs upstairs and a few seconds later she returns with the playstation I got her. “Look!” She holds it up for Mrs. Bue to see, that’s so cute.
“I see,” Mrs. Bue replies. “What kind of games do you have?”
“These,” Hope hands the woman a box full of games… okay so the stuff is expensive. I had a little help from a certain bleached vampire. Well... he lent me the money on the condition that he got to play games with the Playstation too! I swear that he skipped his childhood or something. Then again… in his days they didn’t have those things. “Look, Lion King.”
I look to my side and see Faith has been hooking up the playstation so Hope can play downstairs. “All done,” Faith sits back down next to me and we watch as Hope starts up ‘The Lion King’. So far this meeting is good, Mrs. Bue can see Faith’s interaction with Hope and that this place is as good as finished and it looks good. It’s big and when Xander and his boys are completely finished it’ll be completely safe… Like it wasn’t already, with two slayers living in the house, but that’s not something we’ll mention to her.
“Fay, come play with me.”
“I can’t now Hope, we’re talking to Mrs. Bue.”
“But Fay I want you to play.”
“Hope, what did I tell you about this?”
“If you’re talking to someone then I shouldn’t push you?”
“See, you remember that,” Faith replies to Hope with a smile. Damn where did she get all that patience from? “I will play with you after the lady leaves okay?”
“Okay.”
We talk some more with Mrs. Bue. She's asking us a ton of different questions; like how the Classes are going, how Hope is doing. Ugh, I hate all these questions, but we have to answer them. After another half hour of ‘chatting’ Mrs. Bue announces that she has to go.
“Well, it was nice meeting you two. And of course Hope,” she says shaking first mine and then Faith’s hand. “Goodbye Hope and maybe I’ll see you another time.”
The kid just keeps playing and I have to giggle at that, but Faith doesn’t think it’s that funny as she glares at me. “Hope? Aren’t we going to say goodbye to Mrs. Bue?” Hope jumps up, shakes Mrs. Bue’s hand and runs back to the game. “I’m trying,” Faith smiles at the lady before walking with her to the door.
I’m glad that’s over… for now…
Note: ++++++ = Change of view
Faith sat straight up in bed the nightmare waking her for the seventh night in a row. She hated waking up like this. Her first reaction upon waking from the nightmares was to take a shower to rid herself of the dirty feelings they caused.
Faith looked to her side and found Hope curled up with her pillow and sleeping soundly. She moved to the edge of the bed and let her legs dangle on the side, waiting for that familiar tingling she always got when waking up from the nightmares. It didn’t take long before that feeling was there again, was kind of funny too. Felt like someone was having their go with a feather on her legs.
Leaning against the nightstand, she carefully got up and steadied herself. Faith looked at Hope one more time and walked out of the room and made her way downstairs. She grabbed a compress and warmed it up. This was beginning to become a ritual. Faith had stopped using the painkillers she was afraid of becoming addicted to them. Instead she had started using compresses.....
“Faith?”
Faith looked in front of her and saw Buffy sitting on the couch. “Yeah, it’s me,” she replied and walked up to the couch. “What are you doing up so late? It’s five in the morning.”
“I couldn’t sleep…” Buffy noticed the pain-filled look on Faith’s face, immediately worrying her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Faith grabbed the armrest of the couch and squeezed it… hard, so hard that Buffy could hear the fabric ripping. “B…” She looked at the blonde with pleading eyes.
Buffy already saw it coming and stood up from the couch. She put her arm around Faith’s waist and helped her to the couch, gently easing her down on it. Buffy had no idea what was going on, whatever it was… it was causing a great deal of pain for Faith, and it was almost as if Buffy could feel it herself.
“Could you hand me the compress?”
Buffy grabbed the compress and gave if to Faith. She watched as Faith put it behind her lower back and carefully leaned back against it, sighing as she did so.
“What happened to your back?”
“Nothing.”
‘Bullshit,’ Buffy thought taking place next to Faith. “I’ve seen the scar Faith, that’s not nothing.”
“It’s just another scar, leave it alone.”
“And have you walking around in pain?” Buffy questioned worriedly.
“Since when did you care?”
“Since we all moved in together!” Buffy hissed. How could Faith be so stubborn? She was just trying to help her and acting like this didn’t help at all.
“Too bad you’re stuck with us then.”
Faith somewhat awkwardly got up from the couch and walked to the stairs. Before she could take the first step, Buffy was already standing in front of her stopping her movement. “Why are you so stubborn?” Buffy questioned angry. “I’m only trying to help you.”
“Maybe I don’t need or want your help. Ever think of that B?”
“Tough, cause you’re gonna get it whether you like it or not Faith” Buffy paused and took a deep breath getting control of her anger before she continued. “We’re going to the doctor tomorrow,” Buffy put her arm around Faith’s waist and helped her to get upstairs. “I don’t want any arguments, I’ve seen you in pain before because of your back and I don’t even have to know what it is as long as you get it checked by a doctor.”
“And you say I’m the one that’s stubborn?”
Christmas 2002 | Angel’s Mansion | Sunnydale, California | Buffy’s POV
Christmas … great. Lot’s and lots of Willow and Faith glaring contests. Xander getting slapped for looking at Faith and Tara warning Willow not to glare at Faith that much. Everyone is arguing about everything, Me, Dawn, Faith, Hope, Tara and Spike are just sitting next to each other looking at Willow, Giles, Anya, Xander. I look at Faith who’s just amused by it all, even if most of the bickering is about her. Spike has this evil glint in his eyes, I know he loves a good fight, especially when it involves the Scoobs going at each other. Dawn is looking terribly annoyed by it all, she just wants a normal Christmas like I do.
I look back at Faith who is suddenly looking way more angry than seconds before… I follow her gaze from the Scoobs to Hope and the kid… “Okay.. everyone… Shut up,” they didn’t even listen. “Shut up!” I scream. “Could you just stop it! It’s Christmas. The first normal Christmas Hope is going to have and look at her, she’s crying because you are too childish to get over the fact that Faith HAS changed. I’ve lived with her for a long time now so I can tell. Faith is everything to Hope and you are ragging about her sister like she’s STILL some kind of monster.”
Okay… deep breath… continue. “Faith has apologized to all of you over and over again. She has been trying to make amends for the stuff she did back then.
“For god’s sake Willow… She saved your life from five vampires three weeks ago!” Oh that got their attention. “I want this to be a happy Christmas! Not a Christmas where all Hope does is cry because you are all a bunch of immature people who have nothing to do but bicker and talk bad about Faith! So just shut up!”
God, they are such babies sometimes, that’s annoying when they do that. Especially since they’re talking about Faith as if she isn’t even there, that’s so child like. This is too much I can’t take it anymore. I feel tears collecting in my eyes and make my way out of the room and run upstairs slamming the door once I get in my room. I sit down on the edge of my bed and bury my face in my hands and just start crying.
It feels like I’ve been crying forever when I hear my door opening. I don’t even look up to see who it is because I don’t give a fuck. I feel a hand brushing through my hair, soothing me, trying to calm me. I don’t want to be calm, I want to scream until I have no voice left to scream with, but then I’ll keep screaming anyway. What’s wrong with me? Why am I acting like this, I’m supposed to be the one solving the problems, not running away because I can’t handle them. I’m Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I’ve averted apocalypses… This should be a piece of cake.
The same hand that was brushing through my hair is now resting on my neck, the thumb that belongs to it making lazy circles on my neck. Still the calming, soothing approach and I just keep crying, the tears are rolling down my cheeks and onto my hands where my face is still buried.
“What’s going on B?” I look up and see the person that the hand belongs to, Faith. The person that hurt me and my friends deeply, that changed after her time in prison, the person whom I sided with over my own friends.
I tilt my head to the side and close my eyes as she starts massaging my neck gently with that same hand. Definitely easing away any thoughts I had in my mind… and I should probably answer her. “Nothing Faith…” Hey! Where did the calming and soothing hands go? I open my eyes and she’s like right there in front of me. Way too close, I jump back and she looks at me with a raised brow. Was that for the jumping away or saying that nothing is going on while there is something going on?
“You can’t fool me B,” she says… Crying didn’t help huh? “First you go off on your friends because of me and then you run upstairs with tears in your eyes.”
“I just want a normal Christmas, is that too much to ask?” She moves closer to me and looks at me with this sad smile on her face, like she knows what I’m talking about.
She has both hands on my face now, brushing away the tears on my cheeks. Her right hand starts moving away my hair and her left keeps tracing the lines of my cheekbones, to my ear and then moves over my jaw and ends at my mouth before taking the same path once again… God’s she’s got soft hands… Oh my god! What am I thinking? Stop it!
But her hands?
What? No… not her hands… am I really having this conversation with myself?
She’s moving even closer and I can feel her warm breath on my face.
Then before I know it Faith is…
Even the dumbest of the dumb could have figured out that B was crying and I hurry after her. I open the door and see her sitting on the bed with her face buried in her hands. She looks so young and innocent there… and that’s REALLY dumb coming from me, coz I’m the younger one. I can’t help it, she's reminds me of a little lost child sitting on the edge of her bed crying.
I walk up to her and brush my hand through her hair. Some call it soothing, some call it calming, I say it's caring… Funny coming from me, but it’s true. That’s one thing I learned being around Hope… caring. I can almost hear her thinking, why she is acting like this, why she’s running away from problems. I know… I’ve been there.
I place my hand on her neck, making lazy circles with my thumb on her neck. She just keeps crying, tears are rolling down her face. “What’s going on B?” I say softly. She looks up at me, red and puffy eyed like she’s been crying for hours. I can see the thoughts flickering in her eyes, she’s probably wondering why I’m the one here in her bedroom.
I start to rub the tension away from her neck and she tilts her head to the side. Jeez B, when was the last time someone cared or did anything for you like this? Probably no one since Capt. Cardboard, why wouldn’t anyone? I sit next down to her on the bed, still massaging her neck when I get my answer. “Nothing Faith.” I pull my hand away from her neck and lean on it. She opens her eyes and just jumps back! What did she do that for? I’m not going to hurt her if that’s what she thinks. I wouldn’t do that, not now. I raise my brow and just look at her.
“You can’t fool me B,” I tell her. She can’t. I can look right through her, she let it all out by crying like that. “First you go off at your friends because of me and then you run upstairs with tears in your eyes.”
I look at her and it just comes out:
“I just want a normal Christmas, is that too much to ask?”
Oh god B… I move closer to her, smiling sadly. I know exactly what it’s like to want a normal Christmas. And you can’t ever have one again because your Mom isn’t here anymore and your dad certainly doesn’t pay attention to any of it.
I look at her face, all of it… her nose, her eyes, forehead, cheeks, mouth… Wait… no not the mouth. I glance at my hands which are coming up. I can’t see myself doing this, but somehow my thumbs are brushing away her tears. Then my right hand starts brushing away her hair from her face and… what the hell is my left hand doing! My left hand is stroking from her cheekbones, to her ear and then her jaw and back up again… What the hell is my hand doing?
I'm moving closer again, I can feel myself doing it... and... and I can't stop myself...
And before I know what’s happening I’m…
Before she could think about it, before she knew what was happening, Faith leaned in toward Buffy, noticing for the first time the spray of freckles across her nose, the little flecks of gold and green in her eyes.... the softness of Buffy's lips against her own...
Faith's eyes opened wide in amazement when she realized she was kissing Buffy, and saw that the blonde slayer was staring right back at her with the same wide-eyed amazement.
Faith moved back abruptly trying to find a coherent thought in her head but all she could come up with were a few stammered words.. "Uhm… I… That wasn't… I mean…"
Buffy had a lot more trouble with her words seeing she was doing the best imitation of a fish ever made. Which Faith thought was the cutest thing. Both slayers stood up abruptly and just stared at each other for a while. “We have to…”
“… get back.”
“Definitely,” Buffy said nodding her head furiously.
Both slayers got out of the room as quickly as they could and joined the others downstairs again.
Okay… so that was… Faith kissing me? What the hell was that about, I mean I kissed her before, b-b-but that was just a small kiss for comfort! That was nothing compared to what she thought of as a comfort kiss. That was like a… a… a real kiss! No not a real kiss, coz that involves tongue… usually, but this was WAY longer than the one I did.
My legs are all wobbly, who made them like that? Okay I need something to hold on to… wait… I’m sitting down, I’m downstairs sitting on the couch and my legs are still shaky… I don’t like this one itty bitty bit.
What’s with the staring everyone? Jeez, they’re all looking at me worriedly and freaky. And I’m fine! “WHAT?”
Willow looks at me and opens her mouth to say something. “Buffy we’re sorry about earlier,” wait… that didn’t sound like Wills. I turn my head and Xander is talking to me. “It’s Christmas and we shouldn’t have gone off at each other like that.”
“It’s okay guys… I’m a little tense…”
“No really Buffy we’re sorry,” I turn back and now Wills is talking. “We shouldn’t have done that, it’s Christmas and we shouldn’t fight like that coz that’s not what Christmas is about … even if we had a good reason for that… but that doesn’t matter. Won’t happen again, Promise.”
I open my mouth to say something about the ‘good reason’ deal, but suddenly Hope jumps on my lap. “I saw two girls kissing,” What! No way… there’s no way she could’ve seen me and Faith! Faith closed the door… right? I look at Faith and she’s choking in her drink.
I frantically look around ready to explain myself, but then I see Willow and Tara… both are redder than Willow’s hair. Oh My God, they kissed with her in the room. Like Xander and Anya aren’t enough!
“Could you two NOT do that with her in the room, I already warned Xander and Anya… and they grope!”
“We SO do NOT grope!” Whatever Xander, you do and you know it!
“We didn’t kiss with her near,” Willow squeals at me.
Wait… but that means… She DID see me and Faith! No, but she couldn’t have! We didn’t even really kiss, that was SO NOT a kiss. Nuh uh… so NOT a kiss.
“Was on TV yesterday. I was watching and it showed two girls kissing.”
What was that? She saw it on TV? Oh.. There IS a god, thank you, thank you, thank you! That was so embarrassing! What if they would’ve found out… I mean it was nothing but still. Kissing your enemy… or well not enemy exactly, but still. Jeez what if the others would’ve found out, they would SO not speak to me ever again.
I mean it was soft a-a-and her hands were soft… No! So not thinking like that. It was nothing like that, Jeez what am I thinking, that’s Faith… F-A-I-T-H… she who ‘gets some and gets gone’, the one that is SO interested in guys… like me… I’m interested in guys. I’m a guy’s kinda gal. Riley, Angel, dickhead Parker. All guys.
“B, you okay there. Need some air or something, coz you are making a good impression of a fish that needs it.”
“What? No, I’m fine,” Jeez shut up, it’s your fault I’m doing that. You decided to kiss me, it was nice… No not nice! Argh! I give up, no more thoughts on that subject… ever!
She is such a spaz! That was the best and cutest imitation of a fish I’ve ever seen… Wait, did I just say cute? What the hell is wrong with me? That wasn’t cute, that was nowhere near cute. That was annoying, obnoxious, soft, sweet, tender… what? Knock it off with the mushy stuff already!
What the hell has gotten into me? Like I’d even give a fuck what happened, I was just comforting her, nothing more, nothing less. That was all, comfort. She was crying and I comforted her… and if she’s going all fishy like I did a damn good job of it too.
You know if that kiss didn’t happen between us, Hope’s comment would’ve been damn funny! Got me some scary moments there, actually thought she had seen us upstairs doing that. And I DID close the door so that’s a no go for Hope. ‘Sides, she said that it was on television so I have nothing to be afraid of… probably that rerun of the Ally McBeal episode where Ally and Ling do a little tongue duel.
Who cares if I kissed B, it was just for comfort. Who cares if her eyes were filled with emotion and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, or that she has the softest skin that I ever touched or even that her lips were on mine and I craved for more contact than just that soft kiss.
Why am I even worrying about this? I like guys. I did girls, but I like guys… right?
Note: ++++++ = Change of view
“Oh great work Sis! Just fantastic!” This is fantastic! No food because she burnt it. Well I did, but she was the cause of it. She can’t keep that mouth of her shut for ten minutes. Ten friggin minutes is all I ask for.
“Well if you would’ve paid attention to what you were doing!” That’s so not fair I WAS paying attention to what I was doing. “Do you have some cute guy on your mind that’s keeping you from paying attention?”
Well… not a cute guy, but.. No! Could you just stop it with that already. We agreed no more thinking like that… You see, now I’m having a conversation with myself again. That’s just great. Like I’m not insane enough already I have to be thinking about that kiss… soft… sweet… tender… NO!! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
“Now what are we supposed to do?”
“Hey guys, could you hurry up?” I turn around and see Faith standing behind me. That line came out of her mouth before she actually saw what going on in the kitchen. Now she’s probably gonna have some witty comment about it. “What happened here?”
Okay… that wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but it’s more than okay with me coz she didn’t laugh. “My sister here burned our dinner because she was thinking about some cutie instead of dinner!”
“Dawn!”
“What? You didn’t gave me an answer so I assumed you were! Nothing I say is good enough,” Dawn stop it or you are SO going upstairs with NO dinner. “I suggest this, I do that and it’s still not good enough. And you know what! I quit, do it on your own!”
No Dawn! You can’t… I can’t do this alone. Okay, now I’m getting mad. She throws her hands in the air and walks out of the kitchen. She did not walk out of the kitchen, that’s it she’s dead! I put out my arms in front of me and storm after her or at least I think I did… I’m walking but I’m not getting out of the kitchen…
“B… Calm down,” I look down and see Faith has her arm around my waist holding me back. “I’ll let go of if you promise me you won’t go after the squirt.”
“Let me go.”
“Promise you won’t go after Dawn.”
“Ugh! Alright fine I promise, just let me go!” She lets go of me and I turn around facing her. “Don’t ever do that again!” I poke her in the shoulder for effort. “If I want to kill my sister then let me do it.”
“No B, coz you’d miss her too much and you wouldn’t have anyone else to bicker about or even with,” since when did you became such a know it all… Okay I didn’t really want to kill my sister, but still, she’s so annoying sometimes. “So what are you going to do about dinner now?”
“I don’t know, everything is either burnt or on the floor so that’s a no go.”
“You could order in, I dunno… Pizza or something.”
Well Pizza is a good idea, not really a traditional Christmas dinner, but it could do for now. “Why did you kiss me?” Oh boy… that just slipped out. I can’t believe I said that! It slipped out after thinking about Pizza… why does a thing like that slip out after thinking of Pizza?
“What?”
Okay… now go through with it, you started it Buff. “Why did you kiss me?”
“Shit B, does it really matter? You were hurting and I tried to comfort you. It’s not that big of a deal you know. You did!”
“That was a peck! That was not the thing you did!”
“B forget it, doesn’t matter.”
“You’re not… liking me are you?”
“I don't swing that way… I did girls, but I like guys… you know.”
“’Did’… Girls?”
“’Did’… as in went the whole way, not just a kiss, fucked their brains out… that kind of ‘did’” Faith… subtle as ever… nice thing to know now I still have to eat my dinner! “What’s the big deal anyway? You don’t like me do you B?”
“Oh, as if!” Cordelia channeling through. “I like guys F… remember Angel and Riley?”
“Yeah, but those never worked out did they?”
“What… you… you… I would so kick your ass if I didn’t have to worry about dinner.”
“Chill B, it was a joke… you know the ones where you laugh at?”
“Haha… I laughed. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a dinner to take care of.”
So that was a big mistake, that totally blew up in my face. I just went in there to ask how dinner was going coz me and the others were getting hungry and BOOM, B goes off at me because I made a joke. I’m Faith… I make jokes, doesn’t anyone get that… at all?
Why did she ask about the kiss anyway? I was just comforting her, it’s not that big of a deal. But NO… she has to make it a big deal and ask me about it. I told her already that I don’t like girls. I fuck their brains out because I can, but I like guys… so what’s with the confusion in my head then? I don’t like this confusion in my head, it’s not healthy…
Okay, back in the living room now… Whoa! What was that? Red smiled at me. Damn that’s a good one. I sit on the couch cross-legged and look around the room. Xander and Anya are being all cute again, so are Tara and Willow only like in a virgin state without the groping, just looking all cute at each other. Oh, and there’s my girl annoying B’s kid sister. Well not exactly annoying, just kicking her ass in some game… I guess that’s annoying for the squirt coz she’s got that face on and well… who can blame her. Her butt is being kicked by someone that’s younger than her.
“B! When’s that Pizza getting here? I’m hungry!” Oh, speak of the devil and the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it!”
I hear B yelling her wallet is in her jacket, I take it and walk to the door. I open it and…
Oh… that’s great. That’s just… Big smile creeping up on my face. That’s hilarious… I can’t… I just have to laugh and it’s exactly what I do. That’s so funny! I mean… look at her. She’s got the outfit, she’s got the helmet thingy… that’s just priceless.
“What’s so funny?” I look back and B is standing behind me. She doesn’t see the fun in it at all. “Faith, don’t laugh at the poor girl and pay her the money.”
“Neh, it’s okay, on the house. Last delivery can I come in?”
“Of course you can silly!” I look at B who’s just pissed at me for doing that… guess I have to explain right… “B… meet Skye. One of my girls in jail. Skye this is Buffy.”
“Girls you… you know… did?”
Oh, laughing again. So is Skye… B you are priceless. “No B. One of my crew… never mind. I’ll explain it later.”
Skye walks in and I can’t help it. I have to give her a big hug and so I do. It’s been like what? Eight months or something… well whatever it’s been a while. “Faith… air… please…” Oh right… sorry. I let go of her and she looks me up and down. “Jeez, you’re still strong girl… you look good.”
“So where’s Jackie and Lil?”
“Home… Should I call them? Big reunion?”
“Sure!” Would be fun to see them again. “So how are you and Jackie? Still together?”
“Uh no…” What? How? What? Man that’s a bummer I thought they would be together forever or something! “We decided to end it when we got out. Just a thing in prison you know.”
“Are you nuts?” I tap her nose and she blushes… cute. “The girl has been crazy about you ever since you two kissed! You think she’d give that up?”
“We both decided it was best to leave it at our jail time. She said so and I feel that way too.”
She’s nuts… absolutely nuts. “You are one fool you know that Skye? Jeez, if Jackie was my girl or you I would never let you go,” except I don’t swing that way so… Knock it off already with the which way you swing!
“Yeah well,” she looks at me and smiles. Smiles that don’t reach her eyes though, it’s sad. They were a cute couple together. I know they still love each other. It’s stupid to see things like that. A lot of girls that hook up in jail think it has to end once they get out. Stupid…
“Fay who’s that?” I turn around and see my sister’s face peeping around the corner. “Who’s that lady?”
“Come here Hope, I’ll introduce ya,” she bounces over to me with this big smile… that’s so cute. “Hope, meet Skye, she’s a friend of mine,” I turn to Skye who is totally wide-eyed… the kid looks a lot like me. “That’s why she’s my sister Skye. Meet Hope, she’s my half sister.”
“Wow… I mean, jeez the kid… look at her!” Why are you all frowny? “You never told us you had a sister.”
“I never knew until a couple of months ago,” I answer. “Come on I’ll introduce you to the others.”
We walk back in the living room, B has taken off with the Pizza and went to the kitchen. If she doesn’t leave us anything I’m gonna kill her. Sure it’s nice to see Skye and all, but I’m hungry and I want food. “Okay… here goes. That’s Xander and the one who is totally on top of him is Anya. That’s Red and her girl Tara, that’s B’s sister Dawn and well you met B already. Kate should’ve been here ten minutes ago, but she’s a cop so could get late. That’s Giles.”
“I’m Skye, me and Faith know each other from jail… and Red, what kind of a name is that?”
“It’s not Red, my name is Willow. Faith calls me that.”
“Willow… suits you.”
“Uh… thanks I guess,” Red looks at Tara and shrugs.
“B! Hurry up will you!”
Okay, so here we are sitting on the couch eating Pizza on Christmas. I’m still a little shocked by Faith’s friends. We’ve got Skye who I met earlier coz she was the one delivering the Pizza. Then we got Lilly… She’s like constantly looking at Faith. Then we got Jackie who is constantly stealing looks with Skye, I can see what Faith meant that they were cute together… except well the lack of ‘together’ is the big word here.
“Buffy?”
“Yeah Hope?”
I look at the kid and she definitely has something to say to me, she’s got those eyes. I take a sip from my drink and she leans close to my ear and whispers… “Faith has a pussy cat too.”
I spit out my drink all over Anya who is mightily pissed at me for doing that. I start choking, coughing, trying to breath all at the same time. I look at Faith wide-eyed and she’s rubbing my back. “Jeez B, not that I don’t mind a show like that… but Anya didn’t at all. What’s up with you?”
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Oh my god, I can’t believe Hope actually said that. I turn to the kid and look at her. “What are you talking about?”
“That was funny,” she laughs… yeah whatever… funny. I glare at her and she swallows. “F-Faith h-has a pussy cat like J-J-Jackie,” she chokes out. I’m still not getting what she’s saying here.
I turn to my side and Faith is like totally clutching her sides from laughing. “What the hell is she talking about Faith?”
“Show your back Jackie.”
Jackie turns around and wow… nice tattoo she got that. Panther… Oh wait, THAT’S what she meant by pussy cat. “I told you!”
Hope pokes me in the side and I just start laughing. She told me alright… wait… Faith has a tattoo? Where? “You have a tattoo of a panther? Where?”
“I do have one. Wanna see?”
She stand up and begins opening her pants. “No!” I shout.
“B… it’s on the hip! Jeez…” She pushes aside one side and shows us the tattoo. “That’s why I said Skye is one from my crew. It’s a prison gang, the Panthers.”
“Oh… you were in a gang?”
“We did good things B,” she says to me. “They begged me to take over after Kat died. Kat was Lilly’s girlfriend. Skye is Kat’s sister and Jackie was my roommate until she and Skye got together.”
“So a family thing?”
“Not exactly B. I’ll tell you another time… we’ve got a young audience… and the others don’t need to hear it,” okay… that last bit was only so I could hear it thanks to my slayer hearing. What’s that all about? What happened to her?
“Too bad Kate wasn’t here, you would’ve liked her Lil,” I say leaning back against the couch. It’s just me, B, Lil and Jackie now. The others went home and Dawn and Hope are in bed. Skye suddenly announced she had to go home after a heavily protest by me and Lilly. Jackie looked disappointed you can clearly she’s still in love with Skye and I know Skye is in love with Jackie so all we need to do is get them back together. Maybe B can help me with that.
“I know.”
I raise a brow at Lil and so do B and Jackie. That’s news alright. “Okay… connect the dots for us here.”
“Well Faith… Kate visited me a few times after it happened to keep me up to date,” good girl… not telling about my ‘injury’. “I like her.”
“So are you two… you know?” Wow B, didn’t expect that one from you.
“No we’re not,” Lilly replies. “I may be attracted to women, but I don’t think she is.”
“Who knows,” I reply. “Go with the whole wooing, leave the casual notes that you like her. Give her a reason to fall in love with you. Maybe she’ll surprise you,” I wriggle my brows to prove my point and get a slap from B for the effort. I slap her back lightly on the arm and she starts pouting! Now that’s cute.
“But what if she doesn’t surprise me?” My god Lil, where’s that confident woman I met in jail? “I can’t do that, if I do I know I’ll fall in love with her. I’m just liking her now and if I do all that ‘wooing’… I know I’m gonna fall in love with her.”
“What’s so bad about falling in love?”
“I’ve been in love before Buffy. I was and still am in love with Kat, she was my life and now she’s gone. I can’t do that again even IF there is a slim chance that me and Kate will get together. I can’t do it.”
Ugh… with the sad look again. Is there then NO ONE that can be happy… okay wait… unless you mean the two giggling children upstairs. We all look at the ceiling and hear Dawn and Hope giggling and we can’t help but laughing ourselves too. They are too funny.
Okay… all is calm again… now I gotta ask… “Jackie, what’s up with you and Skye?”
“Nothing,” she replies. “We’re not together if that’s what you mean.”
“Well yeah, that’s what I mean… Why not? You two are so cute together.”
“It was just a jail thing, she said so.”
“Only her?”
“Well no, me too… but…” Nuh uh Jackie, you spilled. “Jeez, even if she’s still in love with me she’d probably think I’m not in love with her anymore!”
“You’re still in love with her?”
“Of course I’m in love with her!” Wow… alright calm down. B asked you a question, that’s all. “How can I not be in love with her, she’s the most caring and loving person I ever met.”
“Then why the hell did you break up with me!” Skye? What is she doing here? I thought she went home. Oh boy… big trouble.
“Because I thought that’s what you wanted! And I didn’t break up with you… you broke up with me!”
Hands on hips, stepping forward, looking mighty pissed at each other. “Fine we broke up together then! It doesn’t matter anymore remember. Things stopped mattering the moment we broke up!”
“Uh girls…”
“Shut up Faith!” Oh… both of them. Okay, fine fight it out on your own.
I sit back down next to B who’s… giggling? Why is she giggling. Right the fact that I got walked over that easily, well if there’s one thing I learned it is to NOT interfere with two women fighting over each other coz there ain’t no getting in between that one. Lilly sure seems amused by this all… what’s up with that?
“Who said I even wanted to break up!” Go Skye… go tell her.
“You did!” Okay, yeah technically they both did.
“Well you did too!” See now EVERYONE is reading my mind!
“So let me get this uhm.. straight…” Nice choice of words B! “You are still in love with each other… why the hell are you yelling about it in here! Kiss and make up already!”
What’s. With. The. Constant. Screaming. Already! Oh… they did listen though… Nice action girls… okay… girls, that’s enough. Way too much kissing there and WOW. Eyes closed! Way too much skin. “You two! Knock it off and go home!”
“Sorry,” yeah apologize now the damage has been done. Look at B, she’s redder than Red’s hair! Cute though… again with the cute… Knock. It. Off!
CHAPTER 10 - She Walks In Beauty
Note: ++++++ = Change of view. The poem is ‘She walks in Beauty’ by Lord Byron.
This was, to say the least, different. Kate had walked in her room and found it filled with flowers, her first reaction was blushing of course, but then her cop instinct kicked in and a warning bell went off in her head, shouting Stalker loud and clear. Although she didn’t want to think of such a thing, this was after all Sunnydale. And there were more ‘baddies’ in the world than just the demons and vampires that lived on the Hellmouth.
“Well, well. You got it going on there Kate,” Faith said as she stepped in Kate’s room beside her. “Who’s the lucky one that got your attention like this?”
“I have no idea,” Kate replied. She really didn’t, who would send her flowers anyway? She wasn't dating anyone and most of the guys she met were to scared to ask her out because she was a cop. “Has someone been in my room?”
“Not that I know of… oh hey Lilly wants to talk to you.”
“’Bout what?”
Faith shrugged. “Beats me, just delivering the message.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“No problem,” with that, Faith was gone leaving Kate behind with the mystery of literally dozens of flowers in her bedroom. All red roses.
Kate shook her head and walked downstairs. “What’s with the confusion?”
“What? Oh hey Lilly,” Kate sat down next to the blonde woman. “Faith said you wanted to talk to me?”
“Uh yeah, how ‘bout some coffee sometime? You know catch up on life.”
“Sure, when did you have in mind?”
“Tomorrow? Lunch?” When Kate nodded her consent, Lilly smiled from ear to ear, but hid it from the cop. “So what’s with the confusion?”
“My room, someone left dozens of red roses in it.”
“Oh really?”
“Faith hey, can I talk to you?” I walk in Faith’s room where she’s sprawled out on her bed reading some magazine.
“Sure B, what’s up?” I sit down on the bed and she sits up cross-legged. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out… and I know why too… I mean look at her! She’s wearing like almost nothing! She’s got these teeny, tiny hot pants on… they look small enough to be Hope's and a tank top that definitely shrunk in the wash! “B, close your mouth and say what ever it is you came to say.”
Was my mouth open then? Apparently so… I close my mouth but I came here to say something so I open it again. “I uh… want to apologize for yesterday.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No I did, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“You had every right to ask that B, don’t bother that pretty little head of yours over it.”
Did she just say that? She did, didn’t she? Okay… blushing time again. Maybe I should get a tan or something so that every time I blush no one will notice it… yeah, that’s a good thing to do. She stands up and puts on a robe. She’s got an evil glint in her eyes and I don’t like it. Oh no… she’s NOT going to do what I think she’s going to do! If she does that I’ll be on the floor.
“No Faith!”
Too late…I can feel myself falling back and my back hits the floor and… oh… the head…
ShitShitShit! Stupid move Faith! Well done, have a little fun, jump on the bed and knock B backwards… real smooth there. Keep it up and you’ll be out of here in no time! “Oh God B… I’m so sorry!” I jump over the bed and kneel down next to her. She’s groaning and grabbing her head. What am I stupid or something? She was sitting on the edge of the bed and I jumped on it causing her to fall over.
“Faith I’m fine… could you just help me up?” She holds out her arm and I put my arm around her waist and take her hand with my other hand. We both stand up and she’s doing the wobbly thing with her legs. “Whoa… okay, I think sitting down is a better option.” You think B? We sit down on the edge of the bed and she looks at me. Like real funny, expecting something from me.
“Jeez that was one hell of a fall you took.” It just slips out, I really should think before I say something. It was my fault she fell in the first place. “That wasn’t what I meant. I mean, it was my fault you fell in the first place.”
“Nah, ‘s okay Faith,” nice smile B, real nice. “Just got another bump on that pretty little head of mine,” Oh winking. Well okay I did make that ‘pretty little head’ comment so yeah. “I’m a slayer, it’ll heal.”
Oh, and aren’t we glad for that. We would’ve died like a hundred times if it wasn’t for the slayer healing. I gently brush my hand through her hair and stroke the sore spot on her head with my thumb. That’s actually a pretty big bump she got there, that’s gonna hurt for some time even with her slayer healing.
She suddenly jumps away from me and I can’t help it but frown. What did I do now? “I have to… Dawn is waiting for me,” and with that she’s gone.
Now THAT was weird. I didn’t do anything did I… I mean I just did the caring thing, after all I was the one that hurt her, didn't mean to but I did anyway. That’s what you supposed to do right? Taking care of people, tend the wounds when they’re there and other people aren’t supposed to be walking away from that… right?
What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I jump away from her like that? It’s not like she’s never touched me before, she was taking care of my head for god’s sake! Faith must think something is wrong with me or something. It’s not like she didn’t do it before with the kiss and all when I was upset… okay the kiss again Grr… But seriously, why the hell is it so hard for me to let Faith show that caring side? She proved it over and over again when it comes to Hope… why can’t I see that she is able to care for other people, why is it so hard to put Faith and caring in one sentence?
Well she cares about Hope, she even loves her and that was before they found out they were sisters, I think that makes her capable of caring for another person… doesn’t it? I slap my own head at that… and that wasn’t such a good idea coz the headache is worse now… but I had to do that, of course she’s capable of caring for someone other than Hope. She may not have shown it, but she even saved Willow some time ago… that doesn't make her and Wills best friends, even so it still shows she cares even about people that don't even like her, and that means a lot! She’s back on the right path, she won’t let an innocent get hurt or even die. Yeah… that makes her a caring person, at least I think so.
Oh… need some aspirin, really, really need some of that. I grab some water and an aspirin and walk back to the living room. Lilly and Kate are sitting on the couch… oh, and they look so comfortable…
They look at me with worried eyes as soon as I sit down, was that fall worse than I thought it was? “Uh… what’s with the looks?”
“You’re way too pale Buffy.”
Thanks for the warning Lilly. “Yeah, Faith decided to jump on the bed and I fell backwards hit my head.”
“You and Faith on the bed?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter Lilly,” I laugh at her. That was really funny. “We’re SO not together. I like guys, she likes guys. No, I wanted to talk to her and sat on the edge of the bed, we talked and she decided to jump on it sending me flying backwards.”
“Oh.”
What was that? Disappointment? You’ve got to be kidding me… she thinks of me and Faith… as a couple? Yeah right. As if! Oh, payback time. “What about you two? You two sure look cozy enough,” Oh… that was hilarious, they must’ve jumped like five feet away from each other.
I feel kind guilty doing that though… Lilly really likes Kate and I’m making fun of it. Now I’ve probably ruined it for the both of them. Once again your mouth opens before you think Summers! I mean, she didn’t tease me, she just said oh with a little disappointment in it, not like she made a total joke of it and I did. That’s SO smooth…
“So Kate, did you ever find out who put the roses in your bedroom?”
“No I haven’t Buffy,” she replies to me. I have to stop myself from laughing because I know who did that. That’s like the sweetest thing ever… I wish someone would do that for me, and you know the mystery makes it even more romantic… well the mystery for Kate that is. “It’s kinda freaky and romantic at the same time. So you two don’t know anything?”
Me and Lilly both shake our head fiercely and we have to keep ourselves from laughing. If we do that everything will be for nothing because it’ll drive Kate away and leave Lilly with a broken heart. They are cute together, just sitting there, Kate having no idea what is going on, Lilly knowing exactly what is going on. A true mystery and a mystery that Kate will hopefully solve and accept and even love in return.
“Buffy! Buffy!”
Oomph… “Well hello to you too Hope,” damn that was a crash alright. “Why are you so happy?”
“Can I have an ice-cream?”
“Uh… Shouldn’t you ask Faith that?”
“I already ask Faith. She said yes.”
“I’m not buying that. Go ask Faith again and bring her with you if you have to,” I’m so not buying that. Not after the last time she did that. “Remember what happened last time? You didn’t get any ice-cream for a week because you told me you asked Faith and you really didn’t,” she climbs off my lap and runs upstairs.
“Yo B! Give the kid some ice-cream!”
Hope comes running back with a huge grin on her face and an ‘I–told-you-so’ look. Grumble… Fine let’s get her some ice-cream then. “What kind?” She excitedly starts telling me what kind of flavors she wants. We’ve got like dozens of ‘em, Hope isn’t the only one that likes ice-cream… a certain dark haired slayer comes to mind with ice-cream. They’re sisters so I think it’s in their genes.
Sunnydale, California | One Week Later
Kate watched as Lilly made her way over to her. She had enjoyed Lilly’s company very much for the past couple of days. The ex-con was, to say the least, intriguing. The way she moved, the way she talked, the way she made everything sound so simple and easy.
Together they had fun and like now, they had been hanging out at Lilly, Skye and Jackie’s apartment. Just hanging out, talking about stuff. Lilly telling her how everything was with her job, how she had been adapting to life outside prison and even Lilly’s relationship with Skye’s sister Kat. Kate in return told her about her job at SPD, her relationship with the two slayers and the two children… and about the ‘gifts’ she had been getting from someone.
Over the week she had received various things; flowers, chocolate. The basic stuff. But it wasn’t until Kate had received a poem that she started to like the mysterious stranger that was giving her all these things. It was a simple poem, just a few words telling Kate what that person felt about her. She could recite the words by heart…
‘She walks in beauty, like the night / Of cloudless climes and starry skies; / And all that's best of dark and bright / Meet in her aspect and her eyes: / Thus mellow'd to that tender light / Which heaven to gaudy day denies. / One shade the more, one ray the less, / Had half impair'd the nameless grace / Which waves in every raven tress, / Or softly lightens o'er her face; / Where thoughts serenely sweet express / How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. / And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, / So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, / The smiles that win, the tints that glow, / But tell of days in goodness spent, / A mind at peace with all below, / A heart whose love is innocent!’
When Kate had read those words she melted, melted on the spot. Not even knowing from whom it was, not even caring… everything that went against her cop instinct, everything that went against her nature and she loved it.
Kate got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to get something to drink for Lilly and herself. It was Lilly who lived here, but she felt very at home at the apartment. The times she and Lilly had stayed up talking about their lives were some of the best moments she had ever had in her life. They had both helped each other through some hard things; from Lilly telling her about how Skye and Jackie kept her up all night her problems at work or to Kate telling Lilly about some of the more difficult cases she was on.
Kate was so deep in her thoughts that the feeling of two hands on her shoulders startled her. She didn’t turn around because she knew who it was… Lilly.
“Taking an awful lot of time to get those two drinks,” Lilly squeezed Kate’s shoulders lightly before taking her drink.
“Sorry… I was thinking.”
“Good thoughts I hope.”
“Always… just thinking about that poem.”
“It’s a nice poem.”
Lilly put her drink down on the counter and placed her hands on Kate’s shoulders again. She started a circular motion with her thumb against Kate’s shoulder blades working her way from left to right and back again, easing any tension out of Kate’s shoulders. Lilly knew she shouldn’t be doing this but she couldn’t help herself. She didn't know how Kate was going to react when she found out who was sending the stuff to her, especially if she found out it was a woman doing it.
Working her way down Kate’s spine, she was rewarded with a low, almost silent moan escaping from Kate. Lilly knew she shouldn’t be touching Kate like this, her hands moving over her back, feather light touches on Kate’s lower back, working up to her shoulders and back again. Applying light pressure when reaching Kate’s shoulders, easing out the tension, giving her a taste of what it would be like if Lilly touched her like that in other places. Thoughts that shouldn’t be having, it was too early to have these kinds of thoughts. She moved her hands up again squeezing Kate’s shoulders lightly before pulling away.
“What if it was a woman sending you that stuff?” Okay.. so it wasn’t exactly a question she’d expected to ask, but it slipped out. Bold, that she had to admit.
“What about it?”
“Would it bother you?”
Kate shrugged, she really didn’t know how to answer that question. The thought had never crossed her mind actually. Would it really bother her if her mysterious admirer was a woman? Would she turn down the person because she was a woman or would she accept it and maybe even love the woman in return.
“Trust me.”
“What?” Kate frowned at the slightly taller blonde woman.
“Trust me.”
When Lilly got a nod in return she stepped in front of the cop. Mimicking her words with her actions, she started talking in a very low, husky voice. “Would you mind it if that woman put her hands on your hips like this,” she started doing exactly that. “Would it startle you if she gently pushed you back against the table, moving her hands up and down your sides like I’m doing now?”
Kate was frozen to the spot, if it were anyone else doing this, she would have run, but it was Lilly. A warm tingling feeling ran down the length of her spine when Lilly started moving up and down her sides. It almost didn’t even felt like real touches, it was more something like someone was brushing her sides with a feather. Kate opened her mouth to say something, but got cut off by Lilly.
“What if that woman gently pressed herself against you like what I’m doing now. Would it bother you if that woman stroked your back with circular movements of her fingers, up and down, side to side, slowly moving to your waist.”
Kate gasped as Lilly’s hands slowly made their way to her waist, moving up slightly and brushing her thumbs against the skin just under her breasts.
“And what if that woman leaned closer so you could feel her warm breath on your face, what if there were just a few inches separating her lips from yours… what if she…”
Mansion
“Fay! I can’t find Buffy!”
Hope runs towards me and jumps in my arms. B, Hope and Dawn have been playing hide and seek for the past couple of hours. I have no idea how they got to that point, but they did. Kinda funny ‘cause they all have tried to hide behind me. “Come on let’s find her then,” okay, so I’ll go along for the ride. It’s Hope who’s asking me for help… but I’m so NOT into playing hide and seek.
I put her down and she pulls me with her towards B’s room. “Look, she’s not here! I got her here four times, but she's not here this time Fay!"
“Maybe she decided to have a change of scenery and make it a little more difficult for you.”
“But look!” And now I’m being pulled towards Dawn’s room. “Dawnie's not here!”
“Well maybe Dawn thought the same thing as B, they are sisters you know.”
“But I want to find them. It's been my turn three times now. I can never find them!"
“B! Squirt! Get your butts down here!” They are so NOT letting my sister be IT three times in a row. No fucking way… I’ll show them how to really play hide and seek. I look up and see two pouting faces peek around the kitchen door. “Get here,” I’m SO gonna love this. “Did you two make my sister be IT three times?”
“Uh yeah… but she wanted to!”
“Dawn, do you really think it’s fun for someone to play if they are the one searching every time? Of course it isn’t.”
“Yeah, but…”
“No B, we’re gonna play this game my way,” I look at Hope and give her an evil grin which she returns all too gladly. I turn back and B is pouting at me and Dawnie is glaring at me. “So… up for the challenge… Squirt?” I’m gonna love this! She is so not gonna find me and Hope.
Okay… so here we are thirty minutes later laughing our asses off. After me and B ended up searching for Hope and Dawn, it ended up in a tickle fight ALL of us tickling B. It was fun to see B squirm like that to get away from our touch. And I wasn’t even doing the tickling, I just had to hold her down and let the two kids do all the tickling and that was even more fun.
“I’ll get it!” B jumps up from the couch and sprints towards the telephone before any of us can reach it. “Get Dawn and Hope to go to bed Faith cause it's already late!” She yells at me before she picks up the phone.
Grumbling now… “Ok, come on you two, bed time.”
“But Faith, it’s the weekend!”
“Dawn… it’s almost midnight. This is way too later for Hope and for you, be glad we let you stay up this late.”
“Speaking of Hope…”
She points towards the couch and there’s my sister curled up in a little ball sleeping with a smile on her face, not that it’s the first I’ve ever seen that happen. I pick her up in my arms and her tiny arms drape around my shoulder holding onto me tightly. I motion for Dawn to go up and follow quickly with Hope in my arms.
I put the two to bed and walk back downstairs. Just as I sit down on the couch B walks back in. I look at her face, but… “B? What’s wrong?” That haunted look doesn’t suit her.
“He… uh… He…” Come on B, spill it. What’s going on? “He said Kate beat him up.”
“Don’t mind the Cordelia-ism, but… vague much?”
Then comes the one thing I didn’t want to hear.
“Vinnie… he… he said that Kate beat him up to get him to confess. He’s taking back his confession… and he’s blaming Hope’s parents.”
...continued in chapter 11...