Breakdown
by Net Girl
Rating: R
Dedications: As always to Michele, for whom I could not have been able to write this fic without (okay did that make any sense? Well anyways... she's been my rock through this and puts up with my terrible way of writing *winks*) To Sway, welcome back to the land of fic and might I add that those two ficcies of yours were one hell of a way to make a comeback girl! To the many, many lists that have waited patiently for this next chapter...
“This better be good,” Lilly grumbled to herself walking up to the mansion. She was *this* close to kissing Kate when the phone rang and Kate had quickly walked away grabbing it. When Lilly had heard Kate say Faith’s name and told her to calm down, she knew something was up. It was selfish for her to only think about her ‘encounter’ with Kate, but at the time the phone rang her lips were literally less than an inch away from Kate’s and all she could think about since the damn phone rang was finishing what she had started in the kitchen with Kate.
Lilly had heard Kate gasp when she had moved her hands, brushing the skin under her breasts. The only thing that she didn’t know was if that was the good kind or the bad kind… she would’ve known if the damn phone hadn’t rung at the absolute worst possible time!
Every thought of kissing Kate flew away from her mind when Faith opened the door. She was a mess, red eyes, cheeks wet from crying, anger and sadness flashing in her eyes. Lilly was so stunned by the sight of Faith that she just stood there and watched helplessly as Kate brushed her hand through Faith’s hair before hugging her.
“What happened, Faith?” Kate’s worried voice cut through the silence. “Is Hope alright?”
“No… Hope is fine for now... It's Vinnie he… he took back his confession,” Faith roughly pushed Kate back all of a sudden, making her collide with Lilly. “He said you beat him up and made him confess!”
“WHAT? That stupid, idiotic, no good… I’d… I’d never… Faith I would never do that! I wanted to, would’ve had fun too… I know better and I didn’t…”
“Yeah right!”
“Faith listen to me,” Kate walked forward and grabbed Faith’s hand. “There’s a lot I would do to get him to confess, but I wouldn’t beat him up… he deserves worse than that. Alright?” Faith nodded at the blonde cop and moved aside to let her and Lilly inside.
She’s a mess, Faith has been a mess ever since I had to deliver the news that Vinnie is backing out of his confession. I could just kill the guy! And he’s even blaming Hope’s own parents, not that I don’t see them doing it… I mean, Hope’s mom was ‘crazy’ or so that’s what they said at the trial. And their dad… well I don’t know about that one, Faith never told me anything about him.
Ugh, she’s pacing again… making me dizzy, like real dizzy. Back and forth, back and forth. Every time any of us tries to make her sit down she gives us this look that says she will beat the hell out of anyone who touches or comes close to her. I can’t take this anymore though, it actually hurts me to see her upset like this.
“Kate, was there anything strange about him confessing?”
“Not that I know of Bu… oh wait a second!” What? What is it? "He was a little too eager to confess. The Judge asked me to go in there and ‘keep an eye on him’. I was barely through the door when he said he wanted to make a confession."
“Okay… I’m not likin’ this one bit,” I say and start pacing myself. I can feel their eyes following me, like I was following Faith just a second before. Then I notice they are looking at me with raised brows, I look up and see me and Faith pacing at the same time. If this wasn't so serious I would have burst out laughing... but it is, so I'm not.
“There is nothing in the world that could make that guy confess to what he did,” I look at them and… “Magic!”
“What?” Faith’s head snaps up and she looks at me.
“Of course!” I squeal. “That has to be it! Why else would he suddenly confess?!!!? Especially after…” Not going to finish, they all know what I mean.
“But they would never…”
“No, I don’t think so, it goes against everything Tara believes in and… no offence … Willow wouldn’t help Faith for anything. But we still have to ask, or a least see if they can find out who did," I look at Kate who gives a slight nod and then to Faith who just stands there.
“Okay, so now you know what happened. I’m sorry, but I have to ask this, did you or Willow have anything to do with this?”
“Of course w-we didn’t,” Tara replies to me. She looks me right in the eye, I know this is against everything that she believes in, but I had to ask. “Willow, tell her.”
Willow is fidgeting like crazy. It’s like she’s nervous or something, but she wouldn’t be not unless… “Oh no… please Willow, tell me you didn’t.”
“I did… it must have worn off… I…” Why the hell would she do that?
“Who the hell do you think you are!”
“Whoa hey Faith!”
“Why did you use magic to make him confess? He would’ve confessed eventually,” so are we spilling the magic thing with Lilly in the room? I look at her and she just shrugs and says we’ll talk later… right later.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen!” She squeals. Yeah tell me something new. “I just wanted it to be over. I’ve been to the trial and… and after seeing that… Buffy! You should’ve seen yourself. I could see how this was killing you inside! Every time you two came home without Hope you would go to your room and start crying! I could hear you… I just wanted this to be over. I don’t… you were hurting, I just wanted to make it stop. Don’t you understand that?”
I just look at her for a second before she opens her mouth again.
"Can’t you see I did this for you? For some reason you’ve got this ‘thing’ for Hope and Faith. Who knows… maybe you even care about them! I couldn’t stand seeing you hurting because of them. You're my best friend! All I wanted to do was make the hurt stop. That's all... I never..."
Okay, that was new…
“Yeah, I’ll be right there Captain,” I watch as Kate puts her cell phone away and then looks at us. “I have to go, they want to question me about my ‘interrogation methods’,” she says her goodbyes to everyone and I walk with her to the door. “Look after Faith, she can’t take much more… and try to talk some sense into the redhead will you?” I nod, watch her leave and close the door.
When I walk back in the room there’s a lot of tension, most of it is between Tara and Willow. I can understand why it’s there. Tara had asked Willow to cut back on the magic and so far Willow had been doing good, only using magic when we really need her to, like Tara does. It was always the two of them together… not alone. Tara told me once that she strongly believes in the wicca rules and she respects them and now with this happening, her trust in Willow doing, believing in the same thing has been broken. Willow has tried to apologize to Faith a couple of times, but Faith is too stunned and angry for even the smallest of replies, the only thing she did was glaring at Wills and now everyone is unhappy.
“Where are Hope and Dawn?”
“Upstairs, sleeping,” I reply to Lilly and sit down next to Faith. I put my hand on her shoulder and gently push her back against the couch, trying to calm her down. She turns and glares at me and I give back as good as I get from her… She leans back against the couch. At least, she’s a little bit calmer.
“Willow, Tara. I don’t think we’ll hear anymore about Vinnie’s rescinded confession tonight,” I say to the two of them. “If we do I’ll let you know. Just go home… I’ll talk to you later,” I get up again and walk them to the door. I already called Giles, Xander and Anya and told them we’d keep them up-to-date. Tara gives me a smile that says she’ll talk to Willow for me, I can’t deal with taking to Willow now… and I think that Tara has a few words of her own she'd like to say to Wills. Willow is sweet… but she doesn’t think about what she does sometimes… that’s gonna get her in real trouble one day.
I close the door and walk back in the room… oh… Lilly. “Uh, Lilly, if you want you can stay here tonight. It’s too late to go out, especially at night.”
“I know.”
“You know?” Now that was unexpected. “You know what?”
“Demons, vampires. They are real… I know you two are slayers,” Okay… now that got my attention, not to mention Faith’s. “It’s a long story and I’ll tell you after this is over. Alright?” I just nod. “So what about that room?”
“Upstairs, second on your right. Did you call Skye and Jackie yet?”
“Yeah, called them before we got here. They’ll be here in the morning, they were on a date. Alright, well I’m going to bed now. Wake me up if you hear anything from Kate, I want to be here for Faith.”
“I will… she’s kinda zoned out now though.”
“Yeah, she just too shocked to say anything now. She thought everything was over… Goodnight Buffy.”
“Goodnight Lilly” I watch her walk upstairs and turn back to Faith. She’s just sitting there on the couch, she’s not zoned out anymore… she's blinking now, like a deer caught in oncoming headlights...
She’s sitting in the middle of the couch so the only choice I have is to sit down close to her. I sit down with my legs drawn up under me and look at her. She turns her head to me and… those are the most defeated eyes I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen that look before, flashing in the eyes of many vampires just before I put the stake through their hearts. This runs even deeper than that.
“Faith listen to me,” I say and she just frowns at me. Like I’m bugging her or something. I don’t care, she’s going to listen to what I have to say. “Don’t give up on this, Hope isn’t going anywhere. So far we’ve proved all of them wrong; we both went to our classes, we didn’t get any complaints from Child Welfare. Hell, Hope even plays with the woman from Child Welfare when she comes here. That's got to be good. Nothing can take her away and he won’t get any visitation rights or whatever. She’s staying with us and I won’t let anyone or anything take her away, you got that?” She nods… good at least that got through her thick skull.
She puts her feet on the couch and moves a bit lower. She moves back against the couch and curls up against me placing her head on my thigh and pulling her legs up to her chest. I gently brush my fingers through her hair, moving her hair behind her ear. I’ve said it before and I’m gonna say it again… It hurts me to see her like this. I'm not sure when I started to care or how it happened, but it just hurts me to see her like this. She’s getting to me, they both are. Her and Hope. They are both getting to me. I started out caring only about Hope and somewhere along the line well..... well ah...
And Willow was right, I have started caring about Faith too…
And the funny thing? I don’t really mind it… at all…
Two Days Later
This is really fucked up, yeah I’m cursing… will be doing that a lot for a while, depends on how long this is going to go on. Things haven’t been good for the past two days, mostly because of Willow. Kate lost her temper when she was talking with her boss and she… well she pinned him against the wall and threatened to beat him up if he believed Vinnie and that led to her getting suspended until they find out what really happened in that interrogation room… and Kate, well Kate is still friggin pissed at Wills. I can't really blame her though, we would’ve found another way to make sure we got custody of Hope. She should have never used magic on Vinnie.
And for some other reason I have no idea of, Kate has been avoiding Lilly. The only time I even see the two together is if they are at the Mansion with us and they don’t even sit next to each other on the couch anymore. It's even worse than that, if the only place to sit is next to Lilly, Kate either grabs a chair out of the kitchen or makes up some lame excuse about being tired or something and goes upstairs. I hate to say it, but I'm really curious about what happened between them.
We have to fix the thing with Hope first though, then we’ll worry about the two of them. I’m not the only one going crazy; Faith hasn't slept at all since she fell asleep that very first night with her head in my lap. I didn't sleep at all that night, and for the most part haven't really slept much these last two days at all. Even if I tried to take a nap right now, I knew I wouldn't be able to because Faith is in the basement training and that damn slayer hearing doesn’t help when she’s beating the hell out of the punching bag. So for the past few nights we've spent most of our nights in the training room. Me watching her train and her watching me train.
We didn’t speak, there was this understanding between the both of us. I was keeping her on her feet, and she was doing the same for me. She knows I care more about Hope than I show to any of the others… hell she even knows I care more for her than the others think. We haven’t talked about it though, like so many things we’re keeping quiet at the moment. We agreed that we would get through this first and then we could talk about our lives as they are at this point.
“Has anyone seen Kate?”
“She’s in her room… what’s going on between you two anyway?” Buffy replied.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I know,” Lilly replied and ran upstairs. Once she got to Kate room, Lilly didn’t bother to knock, she just barged in. “We need to… whoa… turning around,” Lilly closed her eyes and turned around when she saw Kate standing with her back towards her naked, even if it was just her back… she still was NAKED, no clothes what so ever… NAKED.
“What the hell are you doing barging in here?”
“I’m sorry!” Lilly squeaked. “I didn’t know you were going to be naked! Lock your door next time!”
"Did you ever hear of knocking first. And who says there's gonna be a next time,” Kate slipped a sleeveless white man's undershirt on, though she thought of them as wife-beater or ginny-tee's because of the line of work she was in!
“Can I turn around?”
“Yes.”
“And what? What do you mean by that?”
“I shouldn’t have said that… I’m sorry.”
“What is going on with you? Was it something I did? Did I go too far the other night?” Lilly tried. “If you asked me to stop I would’ve, but you didn’t so I thought why not take the game the whole way. If I knew it would make you start to avoid me I wouldn't have done it in the first place.”
“I’ve never even looked at a woman that way,” Kate replied. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here. Up until now I didn’t even consider the possibility that a woman could be sending me all this stuff. I thought it was one of the very few men that aren’t afraid of me because I’m a cop!”
“Don’t know, don’t consider, don’t think… just feel.”
“I can’t do this… not now.”
“Why? What do you mean?” Lilly asked moving closer.
“Now with Faith and Vinnie, all of this.”
“Good, then it wasn’t me.”
“Of course it isn’t you!”
“Then why have you been avoiding me the past couple of days?” Lilly moved closer to the blonde cop. Kate started walking backwards until she was forced to stop when her back hit the wall. “If this…” Lilly reached towards Kate, and put her hand lightly on her upper arm, she started to move her fingers over Kate's skin with feather light touches. “… was too much. You should’ve told me, I can handle rejection, you know.”
“I needed some time to think… oh that’s… NO… we shouldn’t… you shouldn’t be doing this,” Kate was having trouble thinking, this was not anything she had ever thought about for herself. When she thought about what she wanted it was always the traditional type of dream. Finding a nice looking, kind man, getting married, having a kid or two, the whole white picket fence deal. This was not something she wanted. Right?
“Are you sure?”
“Uh…” Kate opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She couldn’t seem to concentrate, not while Lilly was planting those gentle kisses on her neck, her jawbone, her chin and all the way back. As if she were playing connect the dots, Lilly traced the line of her kisses with her fingers. She smiled a little when she heard Kate moan out more than once, 'Oh God, and it made her even more determined to keep on doing what she was doing.'
“Are you sure you don’t want this?” Lilly put her hands on Kate’s side holding her in place as she lightly brushed her lips against Kate’s before moving back. She placed her hands on either side of Kate’s head on the wall and looked at the blonde cop.
“I… ah…”
Lilly silenced her fellow blonde with another light kiss on her lips. She was surprised that Kate was still in the room and even more surprised that she hadn’t slapped her or something. Either Kate was too stunned to do anything or she was…
Lilly leaned forward and lightly rested her cheek against Kate, if either of them moved their head just a few inches to the side their lips would touch. Lilly closed her eyes, now came the part of her trying to… “Give me a chance Kate. I know this is something completely new for you… I can show you it’s not as scary as it seems. It’s basically the same, just two women instead of a man and a woman. Give me a chance and I’ll show you how amazing it can be.”
Kate didn’t say anything, she just stood there, eyes closed, letting everything Lilly had just said sink in.
Only Lilly wasn’t finished yet, she wanted to say more. She moved her head those few inches until their lips brushed against each other’s, she whispered: “Let me show you… amazing… I promise…” She gently pressed her lips against Kate’s, taking Kate’s bottom lip between hers, kissing it a few times until she captured Kate’s top lip and gave it the same gentle kisses. She kept up her gentle assault on Kate's lips and she smiled a little when she felt Kate finally start to return her kisses.
Kate was confused, she never, ever, had thought of another woman like this. But... But... There was something about Lilly that just got to her and she had no idea what it was. Maybe it was because she and Lilly talked all those nights, or because Lilly made her laugh, how she smiled. The way Lilly brought a smile on her face with just a word, a look, a gentle touch on the arm reassuring her Lilly was around just for her.
Something in Lilly's words touched her deep down, not her words really, but the sincerity, the wonder, in her tone. As if Lilly too was amazed by all of this as well. And much to her surprise Kate found she wanted to give Lilly the chance to prove the truth of her words.
Lilly couldn’t believe her luck, here she was… really kissing Kate… or well, almost really kissing Kate. Lilly flicked her tongue out against Kate’s lips and waited for her reaction. A smile crept on Lilly’s mouth when she felt Kate’s tongue slip out as well and brushed her top lip. Lilly slipped out her tongue again and was more than pleased when she met Kate’s halfway.
Lilly’s hands sneaked away from the wall and under Kate’s arms up to her shoulders gripping them lightly and pushing the two of them back harder against the wall behind Kate. Lilly pulled her mouth away from Kate’s and looked in her eyes, beautiful blue/gray eyes, beautiful eyes that looked deeply in return into her own deep blue eyes. No words were spoken but Lilly knew she was being given a chance by Kate and Kate knew that if she let herself she could fall in love with Lilly, even though she was a woman…
CHAPTER 12 - Nothing Else Matters
Sunnydale Courtroom
We’re sitting in the courtroom again and I have to say that I really hate these rooms. I really don’t like ‘em. Even though me and Faith could take Hope back home we still have to take the anger management classes. We’re doing fine with them, no complaints and all so that’s a good thing.
Faith would never hurt Hope and neither would I. Vinnie confessed… all right with the help of magic but that doesn’t mean they have to know about it. They wouldn’t even believe it anyway. The only down thing about this is that Kate is being accused of beating the confession out of him.… Just a few minutes alone with him in a room then I’ll show him what a real beating is!
“Buffy?” I look next to me and see Hope standing there with this innocent and confused look on her face. "Who are those people with Fay?"
“What people?”
“Those people,” she points to the door and I can see heaps of reporters trying to get in and yelling Faith’s name. “What do they want?”
“Just talk Sweetie, they just want to talk,” I reply. “Your sister is coming, she won’t talk to them.”
“But… They are all yelling at Fay. Make ‘em stop!”
“Fay can handle herself Sweetie. Those people are yelling at Faith because they want to ask her a lot of questions. See… she’s already coming back.”
She crawls on my lap and looks at Faith who is walking towards us. “You look really cute you know that Hope? More beautiful every day…” And it slips out before I know it. Stupid! You know how she reacts to that Buffy! You’re a real idiot sometimes! ---- Hey wait… No panic? There’s no panic! Hope is calm, totally calm. I look at Hope and she’s smiling! She’s actually smiling at me! Woo Hoo! Safe… no panic attack!
Owh… she’s hugging me now. I wrap my arms around her and place a kiss on the top of her head. She’s a real sweet kid, why would ‘he’ even hurt a sweet kid like this? As far as I'm concerned there is no excuse, no matter whether Hope did something bad or not for Vinnie or anyone to ever do what he, her father did to Hope. Ever!
“You two are looking mighty cute together,” What? Me cute? Okay blushing again. I look up at Faith and before she can actually sit down, Hope flies out of my arms and starts hugging her.
“She didn’t panic,” I blab it out without even explaining and now Faith is all frowny and confused, kinda cute… changing subject! “I told her she was getting more beautiful every day and she didn’t panic! She didn’t! Hope just smiled at me and then hugged me,” I calm down a bit from that outburst and look at Faith and by the look on her face she gets my serious look. “Was this the first time she didn’t panic? Because I didn’t mean to do it like this… I mean, I thought you might wanted to be the first one she didn’t panic with if you called her beautiful… Oh my god! It was the first time she didn’t panic! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to…”
The rest of it comes out muffled as Faith puts a hand over my mouth and smiles. “It wasn’t the first time B,” she says smiling… and I’m relieved, coz Faith is Hope’s sister and she should be the one that Hope doesn’t panic with. “It was actually the second time,” she kisses Hope’s cheek and looks at her when she bounces her way over to Kate.
“When?” I want to know.
“About a month ago,” she replies. "It just slipped out of my mouth and the only thing she did was smile at me and that smile god B, I didn't know a smile could make me feel that good, ya know?"
“No I didn't know a smile could do that to you until just now. You've been taking care of Hope for almost a year now. You've seen her at her worst and helped Hope to get through all of it. And even I can see how close the two of you have become. It should make you feel good, you deserve to feel good about all that you've done for Hope...”
She smiles at me and opens her mouth to say something as Briggie walks up to us. “Good afternoon Ladies.”
“Hey,” we both say and look at him.
“Where’s Hope?”
“With Kate,” I reply to him. “They can’t do anything can they?”
“No they can’t,” Woo Hoo, that’s a big relief! “You and Faith will retain temporary custody, you've passed all the evaluations so far and the court won't do anything until they determine the outcome of the investigation about the forced confession.
“We did? We passed?”
“Yes, you did. You didn't kn... ooops. Okay... forget I ever said anything,” Faith looks at me with this huge grin on her face. Everyone in the room is ordered to stand up and Hope comes running back to us and stands between me and Faith holding each of our hands.
Hey wait, that’s not the judge we met the first time. This is a woman and she… oh that’s sweet she waved at Hope. At least we know she’s on our side… how many judges wave at a kid like that? Even if they are women…
“Good afternoon,” she starts. I like her already, she doesn’t go all snappy like the other judges. “I’m taking over for Judge Williams, he had a family emergency. As I understand it, the following has happened; Mr. Vinnie Lugois has retracted his confession saying that Detective Kate Lockley assaulted him in order to get a false confession.
Yeah, that was it. Get with the program already, what’s going to happen?
“To tell you the truth… I’m not buying it. Not one bit of it,” she takes off her glasses and looks at each and everyone of us before putting them on again. “I’ve read the files a whole lot of times and I’m not buying it,” so is this bad or good? She has to give us something here, speak up already!
“In the files it is clearly stated that Mr. Lugois had custody over Hope before Faith found her and that there were scars on the child’s body from long before that. So can you see why that isn’t clicking inside my head?” Yeah we can see that very, very clearly… get on with it. “I am not sure what you want from all of this Mr. Lugois. So if you would be so kind to tell me that.”
“I want to see my baby sister. Isn’t that allowed? I want to tell the truth, I want to say how my parents hurt my little sister and not me,” can someone please shoot this guy? I can’t help but snort at the comments he’s making and I hear a low, almost animal like growling coming from the chair next to me. Faith has her eyes fixated on Vinnie and looks like she’s ready to kill him… who wouldn’t. I put my hand on her shoulder and look from her to Hope who is sitting on her lap, reminding her that she can’t do anything about it.
“I only confessed because Detective Lockley hurt me and I wanted Hope to have a place to stay and I realized that if it wasn’t with me then she should stay with her sister. It was wrong for me to blame Faithy for that.”
“What? What did you just call her?” I stand up and look at him. “Tell me you didn’t call her ‘Faithy’.”
“Of course I called her Faithy! She’s my sister and I can have a nickname for her if I want! Well, can't I?”
“No you can't, because you are the lowest of the low crawling around on this planet and you have NO RIGHT to call her that after what you did!” My blood is boiling and if I don’t take it easy I’m going to kill him in a matter of seconds. “First you hurt her sister, then you blame it on Faith. Then you have the nerve to take back your confession!”
“Miss Summers!” I stop and look at the judge, she’s got this look on her face. I can’t really describe it, one part understanding and one part furious at my outburst. “We’ll take a small break so Miss Summers can calm down, be back here in fifteen minutes. And I expect when we reconvene that there will be no further outbursts. From anyone.”
“But Fay… I don’t wanna!”
“If you do this Hope, then everything will be over,” Faith replied. “If you tell the lady what happened it will all be over.”
Briggs had asked the Slayers if he could put Hope on the stand and have her tell what happened. Neither Slayer liked the idea. It took a lot of convincing on Briggs' part to get them to even talk to Hope about testifying. Surprisingly it had been Buffy that had the most objections, while Faith had just sat back quietly and thought about what Briggs asked.
“No!” Hope yelled. “No! Vinnie hurt Fay if I tell!” Buffy looked at Faith and frowned. Every time Hope got upset she reverted to talking more like a child who was much younger, more like a two year old, than an almost eleven year old, and she would talk about herself as if it were someone else this had all happened to and not her. “Vinnie hurt Fay and Hope if Hope tells,” she said pointing at herself.
Faith lifted Hope up onto her lap “He won’t hurt you Hope. There are a lot of people around us in the room. I would reach you before he would even take the first step.”
“Girls… I can request to do it in Chambers,” Briggs cut in. “She won’t even have to see him. The Judge, me, Mr. Stenson and someone from Child Welfare will be the only ones in the room.”
“Why someone from Child Welfare?”
“Because that’s SOP, Standard Operating Procedure,” Briggs replied. “We can’t do anything unless someone from Child Welfare is present.”
“So I can’t come with her?” Faith asked.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t…” Briggs looked at Faith. “They won't allow anyone in Chambers that could possible influence her statement. We all know that Hope would do anything to help you, Faith.”
“I would never tell Hope what to say or try and make her say something!”
“I know that Faith.”
“Have Mrs. Bue be in there,” Buffy suddenly spoke up. “Hope likes her, at least make it someone she’s familiar with. Strange people in the room will only frighten her, no matter how far she has come.”
“Alright,” Briggie nodded.
“Fay?” Hope looked at her sister pulling her shirt to get her attention. “I don’t have to talk with them do I? I don’t want to talk to them… I won’t have to right?” Hope looked frantically between the three people, mostly directed at Buffy and Faith. “Vinnie says if Hope talks he’ll hurt her and Fay… he said so in Disneyland.”
“Hope listen to me,” Buffy crouched down before Faith and Hope, taking the young girl’s hands in her own. “Vinnie won’t hurt you or Faith. I won’t let him, I'll stop him, I swear, before he could hurt either one of you. You just have to go in a room somewhere and answer a few questions, telling them what happened. What Vinnie did… If you tell them what he did, Vinnie won’t even have a chance to hurt either one of you. Because if you do, Vinnie will be put away. He won’t find out it was you who told, he won’t be in the room with you, just you, Briggs, Mrs. Bue, the judge and Vinnie’s lawyer.”
“You promise?”
“I promise,” Buffy replied. Hope leaned in and hugged the blonde tightly. “I won’t let anything happen to either one of you.”
“Ah thanks for that B..."
"What?"
"For you know pretending for Hope's sake..."
"Pretending what?"
"That you care.… ah… that you know would protect bot… ah Hope… Cause I well… I know you would protect Hope…"
"Not just Hope, Faith… You too…"
"Right B ha ha… Like you really care…"
“I do…”
“Huh?” Faith looked at the blonde slayer. “Don’t give me that crap B, you and I both know that you don’t care about me. Thank you for making Hope believe it, but don’t pull that crap on me.”
“You really don’t get it do you?”
“Get what?” Faith replied. "There’s nothing to get here! Why would you care about me after what I put you and your friends through. I kidnapped your mother, put a knife to Red’s throat, choked Xander, almost killed him, and the list goes on and on. I... DON'T... DESERVE... IT!!!"
“You've changed Faith,” Buffy shifted her position on the chair so she was facing Faith. “I don’t know when, but you did… and Hope only made that change stronger. She gave you unconditional love even if Hope didn’t know you and the only reason she gave that to you was because you cared about her. You took her in without knowing how to properly take care of her and look at you now… You got a job, you got a roof over your head and you are taking care of a child that had been abused and you didn’t give a damn about what kind of consequences that might have. You risked going back to jail to take care of her. Who would have believed you, an ex-con that you weren't the one who was abusing Hope. But you proved them all wrong. Didn't you?”
“You done yet?”
“Not by a long shot Faith,” Buffy snapped. “I’ve seen you change even more since you got here. The way you are taking care of Hope… You are her sister, mother, best friend all rolled into one. She looks up to you big time, you have fun with her like a sister and best friend and yet you discipline her and raise her as a mother would and…”
“…and the list goes on and on. I... DON'T... DESERVE... IT!!!”
I really don’t… what did I ever do to deserve it? The only person that cares about me is Hope and I’m perfectly fine with that. I don’t need anyone else caring about me, me and Hope are perfectly fine together.
“You changed Faith,” she shifts her position and faces me. “I don’t know when, but you did… and Hope only made that change stronger. She gave you unconditional love even if Hope didn’t know you and the only reason she gave that to you was because you cared about her. You took her in without knowing how to properly take care of Hope and look at you know… You got a job, you got a roof over your head and you are taking care of a child that had been abused and you didn’t give a damn about what kind of consequences that might had. Who is going to believe an ex-con these days saying that she didn’t beat up a kid while she still looked like that back then.”
I wonder where she learned to babble like that… She’s getting better at it every time she does it. But at this point; Annoying. “You done yet?” I glance at the clock… already been an hour since Hope went into the Judges Chambers… oh… B opens her mouth, here we go again.
“Not by a long shot Faith,” Oh, snapping now are ya! “I’ve seen you change even more since you got here. The way you are taking care of Hope… You are her sister, mother, best friend in one. She looks up to you big time, you have fun with her like a sister and best friend and yet you discipline her and raise her as a mother would do and…”
Come on, babble away! What are you waiting for? Jeez, waiting for this chance a long time. Haven't you B? Why'd you stop babbling in the middle of your little speech about why I deserve to be cared about? She’s got some points on the me and Hope thing though… what the hell is she looking at?
I turn around and the door to the Judges Chamber has just opened, that was fast… Hope? Why is she running out of the room… AND... WHY... THE FUCK IS SHE... CRYING!!!!!
I stand up and see her running towards me wiping the tears away with her little hands. She crashes into me and I start to fall backwards, when I feel two hands on my waist keeping me steady. I look back and see B standing behind me smiling lightly. I return the smile and she helps me sit back down on the chair, which is hard to do when you have a crying child clinging to your legs.
Hope crawls on my lap and before I know it my head crashes into something and the pressure from that isn’t going away. I look at my side and see B’s face like really, really close up. When did that happen? I try to move away but I’m stuck, someone’s arms is holding me in place… then I figure it out; Hope is holding both me and B. Blondie made an impact with her little speech of protecting the both of us… maybe she did mean about the caring stuff…
Not right now Fay… focus on Hope. I take her hands and pull them away from mine and B’s neck and shift her in my lap so she’s sitting close to the both of us. I wipe away her tears and she just starts talking…
“He said Vinnie didn’t hurt me, that I didn’t tell the truth. They said Fay told me to say that stuff. You told me to tell the truth Fay. Buffy…” She wipes away her tears and looks at B. “Fay don’t lie! Fay wants me to tell truth. I did, he doesn’t believe me.”
B puts her hand on Hope’s cheek wiping away the tears. “We believe you Hope and so does Briggie.”
“I didn’t want to tell, they made me tell. Now Vinnie is going to hurt Hope and Fay… Vinnie hurt Buffy for making me tell! I don’t want Buffy hurt!”
No, wouldn’t want that happening. I look at B’s face and I can say without a doubt that she’s thinking the same thing… then again, they don’t know we’re slayers so we’ve got the advantage in the ‘not hurting’ department because we’re always the one hurting the bad guys.
“He said I lied Fay… I don’t lie,” I know you don’t lie kid. I told you not to. “You said no lying and I didn’t!” I know Sweetie, I know. She wraps her arm around me and pulls B closer with her other arm. “Buffy, Fay, Hope no hurting… ‘Kay?”
“No hurting,” I hear B whisper before she kisses Hope on her cheek.
All three of our heads snap up and look at the door where Hope just came running out of. There’s yelling going on. A lot of yelling going on. Damn I didn’t knew Briggie had such a foul mouth… my kinda guy, luckily it isn’t directed at the judge, but at Mr. Stenson. He’s yelling at him for treating Hope like that… oh, he’s also yelling at Mrs. Bue for not making Stenson stop his badgering Hope. You know… I like our lawyer. I like him a lot. He’s really one of the good guys here.
Sometimes lawyers play dirty tricks no matter what side they’re on… and Briggie… he plays the tricks by being smarter than them and it sure helped us through a lot of crap. It got us to the point of being able to get Hope back and now he’s going to help us by putting Vinnie behind bars… if word gets out about what he did… let’s just see how he likes it. They aren’t too fond of child molesters in jail.
“What are you smirking at?”
I look at B and she’s frowning… ‘cause I was smirking. Well those thoughts about Vinnie were good ones this time. “Nothing B.”
“Come on if it’s that fun I want to know. I can use a little fun here.”
“Vinnie… jail… they aren’t too fond of… well people like him.”
Oh! See that made her happy too! I know we shouldn’t be thinking about this, but what can we do? He hurt Hope and he won’t get away with it lightly… he’ll get what’s coming to him. Briggie will make sure of that, or well the judge will anyway… oh hey speaking of Briggie!
“What happened in there?” I ask as he walks up to us. “Why did Hope came running out here crying and what was it with the yelling?” You see I have to pretend I didn’t hear it all… coz you know… a normal person doesn’t have slayer hearing like me and B do. Before Briggie answers I look at Kate and she gets the message, taking Hope in her arms and taking her away from us for a few minutes.
“Stenson got a little… shall we say persistent,” what the hell is he talking about? “He kept badgering her with questions and saying that Vinnie didn’t do anything. He kept saying that you were the one that told her to say so… Luckily I got to do my thing first,” Kate comes back with Hope in her arms, it’s like she knows what to do and when to do it. Briggie looks at Hope and smiles lightly. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
He smiles and ruffles her hair. “Good, I’m sorry about what happened Hope, but Stenson is like that he goes a little too far sometimes.”
Hope just nods at him and Briggie tells us he needs to get back in there for a while. He tells us that the Judge wasn’t upset for her running out like that and that she is mad at Stenson… This is so not gonna help Vinnie. I have to smirk at that and watch Briggie leave, when I turn to B I know she’s thinking the same because she has the same grin on her face that I have.
We’re back in court again and Faith is fidgeting like crazy… you know, I didn’t know Faith could fidget like that. She makes everyone else look like a calm sea. Hope is sitting on my lap and giggling like crazy seeing Faith like that. She doesn’t really understand the real reason why Faith is doing that, Hope is just laughing because Faith is doing that. The only thing Hope knew is that she had to tell what happened at Disneyland. It’s not something you wish for a young girl like this, telling what happened and letting it replay in her head.
Everyone stands up as the Judge walks back in with… huh? Who’s that? Skinny looking woman, pitch black hair, pretty tall though. Who the hell is she? The judge sits down and this woman walks over to us, she smiling though and that’s a good sign right? She isn’t smirking at us so I’m guessing yes. This better be a good sign otherwise I’m going to kick some serious ass here.
So… okay, where’s Vinnie? Oh wait, he couldn’t be here because Hope did the testifying thing… right… got it.
The judge looks at me and Faith before she begins to talk. Dunno why she did that, but I guess we’ll find out. “In view of the new evidence presented by this witness, I am compelled to overthrow Vinnie Lugois’ petition to have his guardianship of Miss Hope Lugois restored,” Oh… that’s a good thing, that’s definitely a good thing!
Okay, so now what. We still get to keep Hope right? “As for the earlier ruling by Judge Williams regarding the guardianship over Hope Lugois…” Oh please, pretty please… “I see no reason to change that. Miss Faith Lugois and Miss Buffy Anne Summers still have temporary guardianship of Hope Lugois and will finish the remaining three months of evaluation and the Anger Management Classes.”
I feel like laughing, laughing so hard I can’t laugh no more. I feel like being a certain ten-year-old and stick my tongue out at someone because we got what we wanted, but I don’t I’m just sitting here with the biggest grin on my face in human history, the only one that could be possibly bigger than mine is Faith’s grin. We can keep Hope, finish our three months left and go for adoption. This is better than I could’ve hoped for.
Wait… what about Vinnie?
The judge finishes her speech and there was something about a DA or something. I didn’t really hear it that much. I’m being happy because we can keep Hope. Nothing else really matters, well besides the adoption of Hope and getting Vinnie behind bars… nothing else matters.
“Briggs, what’s going to happen to Vinnie?” I just had to ask.
“Ladies, this is Mrs. Mariah Stewart, the DA. I believe she has a few things to say.”
“Good afternoon Faith, Buffy,” she shakes our hands and crouches down before Hope, but all the kid does is bury her head in my stomach. I ruffle Hope’s hair as Mrs. Stewart stand up and smiles at us. “First I’d like to congratulate you on your winning,” Yeah, that’s all good, but what about Vinnie? “If we go to trial, we will need Hope to testify. However, I am afraid that this time it would not be in Chambers. She would have to testify here in the courtroom. I need to know, since you are her legal, though temporary guardians that you will let her testify."
“No,” that was Faith. I opened my mouth and she was first, I was about to say no, but she beat me to it. “I won’t put her through that… again. Hope has been through enough already, I won’t put her up there and expose her to all these people. Do you have any idea what I… what we have been through?” She looks at me as she says that. I can’t help but smile lightly, not to mention the fact that Hope is clinging to the both of us. “You have no idea how long it took, in the first place me, to get her out of that shell she has been in since… what happened at Disneyland. She would go crazy if we even told her she looked good in a dress. Do you know how painful that is to hear? Me and B had to calm her down after Stenson ‘interrogated’ her and blamed me for it, saying I was the one that told Hope to say those things.”
“I think in short she means that there is no way in hell Hope is going to take the stand. Find another way, you got a statement from earlier. Get a search warrant or something. Search his house for evidence or something, Hope is not going through that again.”
“Do you have enough to get a search warrant Mrs. Stewart?”
“Yes we do, along with the report from Child Welfare we should.”
“Good,” Briggie says. “Then get the warrant and search his home. I have to agree with my clients here. Hope is not going through that again,” Bless him… I mean it. Briggie is a doll, in a male form of course. She nods and walks to Mrs. Bue, who has been standing in the back of the room the whole time.
“Katie!” Hope releases both me and Faith and runs to Kate who walks back with this huge smile on her face. “Katie!” She lunges herself at Kate and Kate lifts Hope up and swirls her around.
Kate walks back with Hope in her arms and still that smile on her face. “So, she’s still yours huh?” Me and Faith both nod at her before she puts Hope back down and Hope grabs us both again. The kid has got some grip. “I heard they are going to press charges?”
"Yeah, the DA was saying they might need to put Hope on the stand if this goes to trial. Faith told her no, before I even got a chance to open my mouth."
“I don’t want her back up there,” Faith says. “You know how she’s been Kate.”
“I know,” she replied. “Don't worry Faith, we'll find another way to get the creep behind bars. Count on it.”
I look around me and there’s way too many people in this Mansion and I’m not talking about the people that actually live here. I haven’t stopped glaring at Spike since he, Willow and Tara got here. Why the hell didn’t he just call in an expert to fix the damn roof! I’m so pissed right now, why didn’t Willow and Tara stop him? Why did they let him talk them into it. My blood is boiling I can’t stand this! “You stupid…”
I lunge at him and reach for his throat… won’t kill him, just hurt him… a lot!
Hey! Shouldn’t my hands be on his neck by now? Grr…
“Faaaaithhhhh!”
Oh, that came out whining… I’m such a baby! Oh, but come on Faith, let me go… please!
"Calm down B, strangling him won't help anything," I’m being pulled back and I can’t see where I’m being pulled to. Whoa hey watch it! Falling back… on something soft. Oh look I got two pairs of legs! Nice… Wait, humans only have one pair of legs. Mine are to the side so whose are the other pair? Oh my god… Faith, I’m sitting on Faith’s lap! Comfy though, No! “Stake through the heart or beheading usually does the trick, not strangling.”
Oh, she has her arm draped over my lap? Why did she do that and why am I being all comfy with her… and why am I even wondering about that? What the hell does it matter if we sit like this? But I’m sure as hell gonna keep sitting like this if Will’s gonna keep glaring at me! Can’t she get it through her thick skull that Faith has changed, she has no right to think like that! Not until she and the others fix Mom’s roof anyway.
Speaking of the roof… Dawn was so pissed about that when she found out, yelling at me first for ever leaving our home and then yelling at Spike and our favorite wiccans, mostly at Spike because… well he’s a vampire so she can blame all the bad stuff on him, she told me that, she had laughing forever with that comment… I mean we do blame him a lot, but this time we had the right to blame him.
Okay, you know… Sitting on Faith’s lap is pretty comfy… Woo Hoo! Hands shifting. Gliding over my lower back forward and onto my thigh…
Wait… I’m excited about that? God, where the hell are my thoughts at? She was just moving forward to grab her drink! And why am I having thoughts like that about her? I mean friends is a big Yay at this moment but more than that? Please… She likes guys, I like guys, simple as that… actually there’s nothing simpler than that, so what if we kissed twice, which weren’t even kisses, more comfort pecks because we were hurt. Caught up in the moment, nothing more than a peck for comfort and… Buffy Anne Summers! Could you just SHUT. THE. HELL. UP. in that mind of yours? Jeez, now I know why people hate my babbling I even do it in my mind!
“Okay guys we need to talk about sleep arrangements here,” Okay, maybe that will get my thoughts off the whole kissing deal. “I’m guessing Faith will stay with Hope and…”
“No!” What? Why did she say no? I thought she wanted to stay with Faith. “I wanna stay with Dawnie.”
I feel Faith shift uncomfortably under me and grab something, she is probably trying to block from the others the disappointed look I am sure, no, know is on her face from Hope's words. I feel her lean back again and I know that she has her 'Bad Girl' mask back on. Hope has been sleeping in her own room for a while now and every time she had a nightmare Hope would still crawl into Faith’s bed and sleep the rest of the night there. Faith told me it went like that every time.
Dawn and Hope had ‘sleepovers’ though. Like almost every weekend Hope and Dawn would rent movies or play games on the playstation in Dawn's room until they both eventually fell asleep. Dawn would mumble something about going to her own room, but by the time we’d get there she would have already crawled into Dawn’s bed and the two would be sleeping soundly.
Hope bounces over to us and jumps on my lap. I hear Faith let out a small ‘oomph’ sound before giving her sister a small tickle almost letting me fall backwards from the sudden movement. “Gotcha B,” Oh yeah you got me alright, now could you please get me back up because you are holding me BY MY TANK TOP AND BRA! I don’t want any peep shows!
“So you want to stay with me?” Dawn walks up and looks at Hope with this annoyed look on her face… Ay… that’s not good. “We are going to have SO much fun!” Well that wasn’t what I expected… She pulls Hope up from me and Faith and practically drags her upstairs and Hope is all too willing, I think those two are going to have to be separated for at least one night so we can have a normal night’s sleep. Let’s just hope that roof gets fixed… like real soon!
“Okay, then Willow and Tara can have Hope’s room and me or B will bunk with Kate…” I look at Kate who is looking at us with the most shocked expression I have ever seen. Jeez, the girl likes her privacy… or wait rephrase, Kate and Lilly like their privacy. Kate is actually glaring at me for saying me or Faith will bunk with Kate.
I’m still kinda getting used to Kate and Lilly together. Must be because I caught the two in the middle of something… let’s say very intimate. I can’t even begin to say how embarrassing that was and I actually stared at the two, how weird was that. I tell you, as much as I liked to get it out of my head, their… uhm… ‘goods’ are forever imprinted in my mind. I thought I was gonna die of embarrassment.
“Okay, so neither me nor B will stay with Kate. Guess that means we're roomies B," I twist around on Faith's lap to glare at her as her hand comes up to punch me playfully. She changes her mind though after seeing my face. Good girl. “Jeez, cranky much?”
“Slayer hearing,” I whisper back at her statement. She is so forgetting about slayer hearing sometimes and she IS a slayer!
“Spike can have my room. I’ll bunk in yours B. The bed is big enough right?” Grr… what’s with the goddamn winking? Ever since we left the courtroom with a win she’s been doing her old self again… before Finch I mean… she’s been giving winks out if they were on sale and she’s flirting with absolutely every one. Well except for Dawn and Hope of course, speaks for itself…
I yelp as she suddenly slaps me on my thighs and pushes me off… and grabs me before I can fall down. It’s good that the girl knows her timing, one second too late and I would’ve been on the floor already.
“I’m gonna put Hope to bed, it’s still a school day.”
She looks at me and I already knows what she’s gonna ask. “Yeah, Dawn too, she needs to be up early, something about meeting someone here in the morning.”
“Alright, I’ll put the squirts to bed then.”
“Hey!” Did she just slap my butt? Oh she so did NOT slap my butt! Alright, it’s official ‘Faith the Vampire Slayer’ is back. She’s doing the flirting, she’s doing that slapping (which I hate by the way), she’s doing the winking… Miss Faith is back!
Oh so that you find that amusing Willow! You hate her guts, but you like it when she’s teasing me… I’m SO gonna get you back for that, just wait and see who’s laughing soon… it’s gonna be me and not you!
Oh god that was fun! I couldn’t believe the look on B’s face when I slapped her butt, not to mention Red who just burst out laughing. The girl hates my guts but loves it when I do things like that. I should tease like that more often, maybe Red will warm up a little.... and stop giving me those looks of hatred.
“Okay Hope, in bed,” I watch her jump in the bed and almost knock her head into Dawn’s bed again. She did that like twenty minutes ago, she just jumped in and fell to the side knocking her head against Dawn’s bed. Well that’s the story Dawn gave me anyway, the squirt was there for her and we didn’t even hear one little cry. Hope is learning to trust people again, but I’m going to keep the trust on a leash and me, B and Kate are the only ones going to hold that leash completely and well maybe Dawn coz she’s been great with Hope.
“Alright, you two are going to be quiet right? I don’t want to hear any giggling or Hope is staying with me and B, got it?” Hope nods at me and Dawn just raises a brow telling me to go away and that’s she’s too big to be giggling. “Good,” I give Hope a kiss and well hello! That’s a surprise. Just got a quick hug from Dawn. I just smile at her and walk out of the room closing the door behind me.
I walk in my room and grab some stuff so I can sleep on the couch. I’ll be fine on the couch, there’s no need for me and B to sleep in the same bed, even if it’s a fucking huge one. I walk out of my room and as I’m about to take the first step B calls me back. “What are you doing?”
“Shouldn’t I ask you that? What’s with the stuff?”
“Keep your voice down, the other are already in bed too!” Yeah, alright well. Going downstairs now. Hey! No pulling me! “Get in here,” she pulls me inside her room and looks at me. “Stay in here and take the bed I’ll sleep on the couch. Your back remember?”
“I had a lot worse in jail B, remember that?”
“Well yeah, but the couch is a killer! I spent one night on it when we just got here and I’m not trusting it with your back. We don’t need a cripple slayer in the house.”
“B, compared to the bunk I had in jail, the couch is heaven!”
“Forget it, you aren’t sleeping on the couch!”
“Fine, but you aren’t going to ruin your back by doing the same! What’s the fucking problem anyway? We spent the night in the same bed before, we had Hope in the middle. For Christ Sake! The bed is big enough.”
“Jeez, could you read my mind much?” I read your mind B? The bed was a given, it’s huge! And why are you looking at me like that? “Could you…” She raises a brow and… Oh! Getting it, turning around. Jeez B you are such a prude.
Well okay. I wouldn’t just get undressed with her in the room either. Well as long as we’re both turned around I guess I should get undressed too. I hate wearing clothes to bed, I haven’t been able to sleep in the buff… okay, smirking now. Wrong thoughts Fay! Anyway, haven’t been able to sleep in the buff, ha ha no pun intended, since before I went to jail. First, sleeping nude in jail, not a good idea and now with Hope and her nightmares well, need I say more. I actually miss it, but of course I barely wear anything, anyway, like now; skin tight stuff and for B’s sake it’s even a little longer than usual.
“Done yet?”
“Yeah.”
I turn around and… well hello! Now that’s tight. “Jeez B, can you even breath in that?” Okay, so it slipped, but I mean, damn look at what she’s wearing, now that's tight! "Jeez, god B, that’s like tight… real tight."
“I can breathe perfectly normal Faith, thank you very much.”
“Yeah, but I mean look at you! That's tighter than anything I even wear, anywhere, even to bed! You been sleeping naked or something?”
“No…”
Oh, now she's blushing, but she's gonna sleep like that anyway! Go B! Jeez, you were like the biggest prude in SunnyD, when did that change, and where the hell was I when it did? Maybe I should’ve been here when that happened, maybe we could have… Wow, rewind. So not thinkin’ like that! This is B we're talking about, she’s not into girls, said it herself. And I’m not into girls either, I’m into guys just like her. There’s no way in Hell we’d ever get together and OH MY GOD, could this babbling GET any worse? Faith, just shut up before your channeling of B and Red get any more out of control!
“Sure you haven’t B,” I wink at her and get into bed. She slips in next to me… well not exactly next to me, I’d say more like hanging off the edge of the bed, rather than next to me. “B, your bed is huge and I don’t bite. Don’t risk your butt falling out of bed.”
I find a comfy position and close my eyes. I desperately need sleep right now.
“Faith?”
I knew it! I knew that there was no way in hell she was going to let me go to sleep that easily! “Yeah?”
“Could you turn around for a sec? I don’t like talking to your back.”
I groan and turn around to face her. “What’s up? And this better be good because I’m dead tired.”
Ah no… she has her serious face on. Alright here we go. “I want to talk to you about earlier.”
“Earlier what?” Confusing much?
“About why I care about you,” Oh, going on that tour now. Fine show me what you got and again this better be good. “I know exactly the moment I decided to give you a second chance. It was when you started beating on Vinnie after Hope recognized him and I couldn’t get you off him. Only a second later you saw Hope and she was reaching out to you by just looking at you. The moment you locked eyes with her I saw your eyes and that was the moment I knew you had changed.”
“… I saw your eyes and that was the moment I knew you had changed,” it’s the truth, when I saw her eyes I knew she had changed and I knew she deserved a second chance. I didn’t let her know that yet though, she was nowhere near making up for her mistakes so I didn’t tell her that I was going to give her a second chance. Now that all of this is finally over I’m telling her because she has the right to know we’re on good terms again and that she can stop being so protective of herself and maybe let me in and tell me what’s going on in that head of hers.
“You’re kidding me right?”
“No I’m not Faith,” I reply to her. “I’ve seen the changes in you. Why do you even think I let you near Dawn in the first place, or near any of the others? I protect my family no matter what, like you would protect Hope no matter what. That’s how I get with my family and when I saw that in your eyes after you beat up Vinnie I knew I had to give you a second chance.”
Okay, so now it’s time for you to say something Faith, coz I can’t really keep babbling all by myself and I’m sure I made no sense at all just now so it’s definitely time for her to cut in. Not cutting in? Okay… well, I mean it’s a lot. It's not everyday that she's been that she’s been given a second chance now is it? “Goodnight Faith,” I put out the light and lay down on my pillow.
“Thanks for the chance B… goodnight.”
Wow, I knew I had a fast heartbeat, but I never knew it was this fast! Fuck me, this is like really loud and fast… and warm? Okay did I have too much to drink last night, coz I know I didn’t sleep with no one and yet I’m laying on top of someone. Oh, so there’s where the heartbeat came from them, man this guy is exited. I still got it, of course I got it… never lost it to say the least.
One thing though… my leg is draped over ‘that’ area and there’s nothing there, unlike what I’m looking at right now. That’s like a breast or something that shouldn’t be on a guy, so okay this is a woman then and I’m like draped over her; my head is on her chest, my hand, left arm over her waist and holding her close, my leg like well over that area as noted before and my other hand, well that’s kinda laying in a not too comfortable position seeing it’s like twisted and turned behind me. Okay Fay, just lift up your head and see who it is you are so desperately clinging to.
Okay head lifted, now open both your eyes and see if you can get a clear view… I’m still sticking with my statement that I wasn't drunk, coz I can handle alcohol a lot better than this. Alright one eye open and I see blonde hair, that’s good… blonde’s are usually the better looking, well except Cordelia and myself of course. Okay now open the other eye and… OH MY GOD… Get up, get up! Quietly don’t want to wake her.
I look at her and back at myself, phew… that a relief both fully dressed. Well tiny shirts and tiny shorts, but still dressed and oh my god how the hell did we end up in that position? You know, I’m beginning to doubt myself on my earlier insistence of not being drunk… because HOW THE HELL DID I END UP SPRAWLED OVER AND CUDDLING BUFFY SUMMERS!
CHAPTER 13 - Stranger Things Have Happened
Dedication: As always to Michele, who has helped me through a lot with this fic, even my many changes for Faith's last name! Or well... basically ANY last name I'm using in this fic...
Messina, Italy 1803
The sunrise was a magnificent sight for his deep blue eyes. Even more so because it would probably be his last on this earth as a human. He lay on the floor looking at the sun come up over the horizon. He turned his head slightly, wincing from the pain of where she had bitten and almost completely drained him of his blood. She had not made him drink her blood yet. The woman, Adriana, had taken her time explaining what would happen if he did. Adriana had given him a choice; the choice between eternal life or death. If he choose to take eternal life, she would let him drink her blood… if not… If he didn’t want eternal life, Adriana would feed until he was completely drained.
He had asked Adriana why she had chosen him, why she wanted to make him a creature of the night and Adriana had told him she found him attractive. That he had the potential to become big in her world. That he would, with her training and his natural skills, become a leader in the vampire world. Fulfilling the promise of the meaning of his name he would become a messenger, a just and wise vampire, leading others and that with her on his side, nothing could stop them.
Of course the offer sounded tempting and his life had been nothing more than always sticking up for people of every age, but he didn’t want to loose his family and the small group of friends he had. He didn’t want to give up living, he didn’t want to give up standing on a cliff every morning watching the sun rise over the horizon…
But the promises of this new life sounded better in his head as he repeated them over and over. He had been told he could become a leader amongst the vampires along with Adriana. She had told him everything he could be as a vampire, like his mother had promised him what he would be as a human. He had to admit… the dark side was tempting.
“Alejandro,” Adriana walked up to the twenty-year-old and kneeled in front of him. “What is it going to be?” She asked him. “And remember… I rarely give someone the choice between being a vampire or death. I usually just kill or turn them. The last time I gave someone a choice was a hundred years ago… my lover. Sad ending, a slayer staked him and I took my revenge for him by giving that slayer the same death.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Alejandro replied.
“It’s in the past,” Adriane lifted Alejandro to his feet and steadied him against the wall behind him. “Drink or die?”
Alejandro watched as Adriane lifted her hand and made a small cut just above her breast and blood dripped from it. He knew there was no turning back now, that he could become like her or die… and becoming like her sounded a lot more attractive than dying.
He was still afraid though, afraid of what would happen if he crossed that line. What would happen once he was a creature of the night? Would he indeed be the ‘great vampire’ both his mother and Adriane had said he would be, or would he be just another vampire waiting to truly die at the hands of a slayer… Yes, he knew all about the slayer. Adriane had ‘updated’ him in the few hours that she took him from his family and now. Explained to him what a slayer could do to their kind and why she did it.
But what if he could change that…
What if he could be the one ‘slaying’ the slayers… now that would be a treat…
Adriana watched the emotions flicker over Alejandro’s face, watched them change from confusion to fear and to… fascination? Now that wasn’t something Adriana anticipated seeing, but she was more than pleased to see that emotion cross his face and in his eyes…
Her gray eyes flashed bright white as Alejandro grabbed her with the last of his strength and pinned her under him on the floor. Gasping wasn’t something she had done in a long while and yet she did when Alejandro grinded himself against her, fastened his lips around the cut she had made and started drinking.
Somehow it felt different, more passionate than it ever did when she sired someone. Desire, passion, lust, Adriana felt it all. She knew he could feel it too because his drinking became more hungry, passionate, demanding as the seconds crept by… And the seconds did creep by, Adriana didn’t know how long he had been drinking but she had to put a stop to it. His lust for blood was already great and he wasn’t even one of her kind yet!
Adriane grabbed a handful of hair and pulled him off her and beside her. She brought up her other hand and closed Alejandro’s eyes…
Now he needed to rest and then…
Sunnydale, February 1st 2002
The situation with Vinnie? Well he’s in jail, apparently.
It’s been about four days since we won… or well, got back our six month temporary guardianship of Hope. Briggie called us yesterday telling us that Vinnie went to jail and I’m thinking some major conspiring went on with this one. People don’t just go to jail, there’s supposed to be this whole court deal with a jury and all. I watch television too, I’ve seen what goes on in courtrooms… If it’s all true, who knows? Comes pretty close to the reality as far as I’ve seen and heard.
My thoughts are interrupted as I hear two giggling people and I look up in the direction where it’s coming from… Ugh should’ve known… Kate and Lilly. “Guys, could you keep it down? We’ve got kids sleeping upstairs.”
“Sorry,” they run upstairs and actually manage to do it softly with almost no sound. Now if we can teach Faith to do that I’ll be more than happy. That girl can stomp! That’s not normal, if she keeps going like that and with the slayer strength she’s going to put holes in the damn stairs!
“B,” I look to my side and see Faith is holding up two movies and she’s smiling like crazy. You know that job of hers at the video store is really handy. She can bring home a few movies a week for free! “Which one first?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Wicked!”
“You such a kid sometimes Faith!”
“Whatever B,” Oh, but it’s true. She truly is a kid sometimes. When we rented some movies last week she went totally ballistic because it was Disney movie she hadn’t seen yet. Who knew big bad Faith has a weak spot when it comes to all things Disney. I should actually ask her about that. She couldn’t get that fixation on Disney from just that one trip, an awful trip to say the least with all that happened there.
She pops in the video and lets herself fall down on the couch next to me… like really next to me and almost on top of me! What is it with her and the sitting close deal? I look at her surprised and she mouths a sorry and grabs the blanket, pulling it over her and me. Getting snugly with Faith… who knew? And the funny thing is? She waited until everyone was gone, the kids are in bed, so are Willow, Tara, Spike, Kate and Lilly. It’s just me and her now.
The only thing that’s even keeping me up is knowing I have to patrol later on… and her. Something is bothering her or at least confusing her and I want to know what, so I’m going to sit here with her and hope she’ll talk to me. Which of course is highly unlikely, but a girl can dream right?
“Get your feet off the desk Lockley!”
“Shut up Cole! Not in the mood.”
“Grumpy much?” Cole greeted his partner. “Or maybe I should try and do the Captain’s voice like I did last time, scared the shit outta ya!”
“I said I wasn’t in the mood Cole, knock it off!!! And the Captain isn’t in so I would’ve know it was you,” she added. In the short weeks she and Cole had been partners he always joked around, there didn't seem to be a serious bone in his body. He could almost always see the joke in something and jokes were actually something they needed at this point.
“This case really has gotten to you hasn’t it?” Cole asked sitting down on Kate’s desk. “Not to mention you ain’t out in the field and stuck on desk duty for the time being.”
“Don’t remind me,” Kate grumbled.
“Keep your chin up Katie,” Cole said ruffling her hair… the one thing she really hated about him. “The Cap knows you didn’t beat him up, he’s just following procedure. You know that.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier,” Kate sighed and looked at her partner. “How about some lunch?”
“Follow me,” he said offering his arm. Kate stood up and linked her arm with his. “DMP?”
“God yes!”
“Buffy.”
“Kate,” Buffy subconsciously greeted the blonde before looking up extremely surprised. “Kate? Wh… what are you doing here?”
“What? A person can’t have lunch anymore?”
“Yeah… but you… here?” Buffy squeaked. “I thought you hated this type of food.”
“Let’s just say I needed a change.”
“Hey Katie, you know the kid?”
Kate rolled her eyes, while Buffy just glared at him. “She’s not a kid Cole. Buffy, meet my partner Cole, Cole this is Buffy Summers.”
“Oh so that’s…”
“Yeah that’s…”
“What did you tell him about m…?”
“About Hope…” Kate cut in. “I told him about Hope, he knows about what you and Faith are trying to do. Cole, go sit down and stop teasing that kid!” Kate smiled as her partner obeyed her like a hurt puppy and sat down in one of the booths. “If I didn’t know better I’d say he had an IQ of a ten year old,” the blonde said shaking her head.
“Are all the guys that cute?” Kate shuddered at the thought of her partner being ‘cute’ and comparing him to some of the others was only making it worse and clearly visible for Buffy. “I take it most of ‘em are all like the doughnut eating cops we met when Faith beat up Vinnie.”
“Yes!”
“How old is he?”
“He’s 30 and has a girlfriend, Buffy!” Kate shuddered. “Stop drooling over my partner!”
“I thought I was your partner?”
“Lilly?” Kate spun around. “W… wh… what are you doing here?” She stepped back when Lilly tried to hug her.
Raising a brow Lilly looked at the blonde detective. “Getting lunch, and I thought you hated this type of food?” She took another step closer but Kate backed away from her once again. Frowning she looked at Kate, not knowing why her girlfriend would back away like that. Lilly knew Kate wasn’t ready for anything more affectionate than a hug in public… so why wasn’t she allowed to hug her?
“Katie, this ex-con giving you a hard time?” Cole stepped in front of his partner, sizing up the blonde. “Get away from her or you’ll be back in the big house in no time. Harassing a detective isn’t a smart thing to do, especially not for an ex-con.”
“How did you…”
“We know a lot ab… hey OUCH!” Cole turned to his partner. “What the hell did you do that for!” He said rubbing the back of his head. “I was only protecting you!”
“She’s a friend,” Kate said hitting him again. “Leave her alone.”
“You hanging with an ex-con now? No wonder the Cap thought you hit that Vinnie guy… goddamn… KNOCK IT WITH THE HITTING!” He growled. “Now I’m beginning to think you actually… WOW… alright fine I’ll shut up!” Cole put his hands up defensively and retreated back to the booth.
“Lilly…” Kate reached out for the blonde, but quickly pulled her hand back remembering their deal ‘deal’ she had casually forced upon Lilly.
“No, it’s fine Kate… I’m fine, I know I can get this bantering from cops. I have to go anyway.” With that, no goodbyes, no nothing, Lilly left.
“Could you…” Kate said, silently asking if Buffy could bring their food to the booth. Buffy nodded and looked at the blonde cop, smirking as she once again hit Cole in the back of his head for his rudeness towards Lilly.
A few days earlier Kate had ‘happily’ announced that she wasn’t suspended anymore but was stuck on desk duty and the Captain was making her redo two months paperwork. There had been no clear message on why she wasn’t suspended anymore, all Kate knew was she would have to be at the station from 9 to 5 and that was it.
Cemetery
A patch of grass, a headstone, some freshly placed flowers… That was all Buffy wished she could see when she visited her Mother's grave. But when she closed her eyes and tried to remember how she looked all she could ever see was her Mother's lifeless body on the couch in the living room.
Buffy looked at the small bouquet of flowers in her hands and shook her head. This was stupid! She shouldn't be doing this, talking to her Mother, not like this, not here. She should be talking to her mother at home, not talking to some headstone in a cemetery!! It just wasn't right, she should have to come here to talk to her Mom, she should be able to open her front door, make her way to the kitchen, see her Mom sitting in the kitchen, be able to hold her…
Even if it had been over two years now, it was still hard. Every time she visited her mother’s grave she got a big lump in her throat, and she wanted, but never did, to run away, run and hide because she was ashamed to even say it to herself she was afraid to visit. She hadn’t even taken Dawn here once; her sister has been here a couple of time but never with her. It was always Willow or Tara that went with her… or more that Dawn wanted to go with one of the two, but Dawn had never asked her, and that hurt her more than anything.
She pulled out a small blanket and put it beside her mother’s grave; it was a sort of ritual she always did. Bring a small blanket, sit on it beside the grave and lean against the headstone. Buffy leaned back and closed her eyes thinking of the past couple of months. Faith’s return, Hope, the custody case… everything that happened. The night before Faith showed her face back in Sunnydale was the last night she had visited her mom. Meaning she had a lot to tell her from hating Faith still when she had first shown up, to meeting, then eventually caring about Hope, to now where she even cared about Faith as well.
“Where to start?” She mumbled to herself pulling up her knees and hugging them. “Oh, let’s say that first Faith came back into our lives and ruined them for lets say… about like a few days or so until of course the whole Hope thing came around. I think that was the biggest mistake I ever made,” Buffy groaned and placed her head on her knees.
“What was the biggest mistake you ever made? Having me and Hope in your life?”
“Faith!” Buffy squealed jumping up. “That wasn’t…”
“… wasn’t what you meant?”
“No and what are you doing here and what’s with the flowers?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied and put the flowers behind her. “… and don’t change the subject.”
“Not knowing you wouldn’t hurt Hope was a mistake. I should’ve seen you wouldn’t… I should have known that despite what you did, you would never hurt a child.”
Faith frowned, that wasn’t exactly the answer she was waiting for… she was hoping for that answer, but not waiting for it. Faith shrugged, got the flowers out of their hiding place behind her back and placed them on the grave. “I’ll leave you to it, go talk or… whatever it is you do here… I don’t know what I even… I’ll just go patrol… see ya later.” Faith frowned and walked away from the grave.
Buffy looked at the disappearing image of Faith, sometimes that girl was a total puzzle and lack of a solution to that puzzle was definitely a problem.
“Sorry Mom, tiny interruption… she got you flowers though. She’s still apologizing for what she did. Even to you, even if you’re… well not in the flesh anymore. Okay, bad statement. I’m making flesh jokes, while you’re… how sick is that?
“You know Mom, this used to be so much easier, talking to you… I don’t know when it got like this. And it didn’t help that I haven’t been here for the last couple of months. I don’t know… I just… I need help Mom. Willow, Tara and Spike are living at the house now and me, Hope, Faith and Dawn are living at the Mansion. And before you come back to haunt me, Spike bought the house, won’t change a thing about it and pays the bills and he decided to get the roof fixed by some of his ‘friends’ causing it to collapse so Will, Tara and Spike are still moving with us for the next couple of days… I could’ve killed him.
“What am I supposed to do here?” She asked. She couldn’t care less if she didn’t get an answer back; she knew her mother was listening. After all the things that had happened in Sunnydale and encountering a few ghosts herself, she knew that her mother was listening. “How am I supposed to raise Dawn? Not to mention Hope. I know Faith is doing a good job… a great job even, but we’ll both be adopting her. Faith is a kid herself sometimes and I still want to be a kid sometimes. I guess that can be good, but now we've also got the job of raising Hope and I still have the job of raising Dawn. And I really don’t know how you were doing that with Dawn… she’s a pain sometimes.”
Buffy sighed and sat cross-legged, playing with the grass. “She’s a sweet kid, she’s my sister and I love her… but sometimes… How did you do it Mom? How did you get her to listen to you? She listens to me like… well sometimes, not most of the times like it should be. She’s been great with Hope, you know helping and stuff, and that's why I haven’t said anything about her behavior, but she’s… She’s just a pain to me and she’s beginning to behave like that towards the others. I guess she’s just a normal teenager, but living on the Hellmouth… I can’t have her running off, if she’ll ever do that… How did you do it Mom? How did you make it sound and look so easy?”
Sighing Buffy looked up at the sky. Her mother did make everything sound and look easy, how was she supposed to live up to that? How was she supposed to make her mother proud and raise Dawn and now also Hope? “Go with your instincts,” Buffy mumbled to herself. “That’s something Mom would’ve said. Go with my instincts… yeah…”
Buffy groaned and got up from the blanket. It was already dark and despite the urge to slay a few vamps, she needed to go home and talk with her sister… “Things are about to change arou… Oomph!”
Buffy felt a hard blow against her back sending her flying against the nearest tree. Groaning she got up and looked at the vampire in front of her. “You know, I was about to let a few miserable vamps slip through my fingers because I want to go home. Attacking me wasn’t such a good idea.”
“Yeah well, whatever lady. It’s not like you’re the slayer or anything!” The vampire growled. “She would’ve killed me already.”
“Am I really slacking that much?” Buffy frowned and looked at the vampire. Was she really slacking? Of course she wasn’t! “Hey!” Buffy yelled at the insult. “I’m not slacking!”
“Whatever, out of my way…”
The vampire pushed Buffy out of his way, but before he even took a step further Buffy had him pinned against the nearest tree. “I. AM. NOT. SLACKING! I want an apology.”
“Sorry?”
“Good, now die…” Buffy cocked her head to the side and pushed Mr. Pointy through his heart. “Me slacking? I didn’t think so…”
Mansion | Buffy’s room
So Faith what does it feel like to wake up like you did earlier. God damn how stupid was that? How the hell did we ended up in that position anyway? My hand was on her waist holding her like, real close. My leg was over an area where it shouldn’t have been… at all…
Then why the fuck did it feel so natural?
Argh, not thinking like that. Nope, not doing it. What the fuck is taking B so long anyway? She should’ve been here by now. I saw her at her Mom’s grave, I put some flowers there. I actually came there to talk with Mrs. Summers. How silly is that? I don’t think I have the right to do so, but I need someone to talk to. I can’t talk to any of the others, not like this. I just want someone to talk to without them talking back at me. Mrs. S was the perfect choice… okay so now you are making jokes about it? Faith you are such an ass! What the hell are you thinking?
“What are you thinking?”
“B! I wasn’t… that wasn’t… wait, you didn’t hear my thoughts.”
She raises a brow and shakes her head. “You were in deep thought so I asked what you were thinking.”
“Yeah, got that. So what took you so long?”
“Since when do you care if I’m home on time?” She raises her brow at me but I just roll my eyes. “I had to fight off a vamp. He actually didn’t know I’m a slayer. To be exact, his words were ‘It’s not like you’re the slayer or anything’. You should have seen his face when I put Mr. Pointy through his heart.”
“You know B, it really gives me the creeps you naming that stake and before I forget what’s with the Anastacia shirt? I’ve been meaning to ask that question a long, long time now.”
“I did not name this stake, Kendra did,” she looks at me and goes all pouty. “Anastacia is a good singer you know!”
“The girl is hot B, but I figured you for something more like the Backstreet Boys or something.”
“You GOT to be kidding me right?” She raises her brow and turns around to change her clothes. I was already in bed when she got here, but I figured I’d stay up and ask how patrol went since she was doing her best to be late. “I’m so not into the Backstreet Boys, I mean… look at ‘em. They went from cute to yuck.”
“So what’s with the Anastacia shirt? Does it have a history?”
She finishes getting on her night stuff and slips next to me. “It was a gift,” pouting again. “And it wasn’t even mine. Dawn got it but she totally freaked about it so I took it instead.”
“Cute.”
“Whatever Faith,” she shakes her head, rolls her eyes and slaps me on the arm. When did I deserve to be treated like this? I smile at her and she lets out a small giggle. “Goodnight Faith.”
“Night B.”
I place my head against the side of the person’s face I’m laying against and my hand is on the stomach of that person. Hmm, this is nice. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this close to someone and I like it. It’s been forever since Angel or Riley and… okay wait, usually the guys are the ones spooning me, not the other way around.
I’m too tiny to do that, yeah go make fun of yourself now, when you are in a position like this… Stupid Much? Did I drink too much last night? Coz I sure as hell don’t remember going to bed with some guy smaller than me. Well okay, there was Parker, he was smaller than Angel… Brr, bad memories. Not going there…
Okay, so he’s got long hair… oh gross! What guy has long hair like this? Yuck! Okay anyway, he’s small, like real small, lean, muscular, nice ass! Okay so I got me a honey with a nice ass! Way to go Buff!
He shaves his legs?
Okay, something isn’t right here… unless he’s a swimmer coz they do that, or so I’ve heard. Who else shaves their legs? Well women… OH MY GOD Don’t tell me I’m spooning a girl! Please don’t tell me that. Okay Buffy Summers get up and see who this is.
Okay… that hand of mine is a little too close for comfort, get it off Buff! Head off his or her head, arm out from under this head. So far so good, no need in wakening the sleeping. Alright, now slowly get off the bed… right that’s good. Slowly, very slowly, no sounds… please no sounds. Alright! Off the bed I am. Okay now walk to the other side of the bed and see who this is. Okay walking, walking, almost there…
I WAS SPOONING FAITH?
“Get dressed, get downstairs. Get dressed, get downstairs…” It had become a complete new mantra for the blonde slayer after awakening the way she did. She couldn’t get her clothes on fast enough and stumbled against Faith’s nightstand, waking the brunette up.
“What are you doing B? It’s too early to get up.”
“I ah… it’s noon, have to go. Getting dressed, downstairs. Gotta go!” With those little stumbled sentences, Buffy ran out of the room as fast as she could. Faith frowned, shrugged and turned over burying her head in the pillows and closed her eyes again.
Downstairs Buffy still hadn’t gotten over the fact that she woke up spooning Faith. Or the fact that she had actually liked the way she woke up before she even knew it was Faith she was holding close against her own body. How her hand was on Faith’s stomach… like down… real close to…
“Okay, get out of the house Buff,” she grabbed her jacket, put it on and almost ran out of the house. Mumbling something about coffee and bagels she reached their usual hangout and ordered some. She couldn’t shake the image of herself holding Faith that close, it was almost like she was clinging to the raven haired woman, afraid of letting her go.
“Keep the change,” Buffy mumbled absently to the cashier, taking the coffee and bagels from him.
“Hey Buff! Wait up!”
“Gotta go…” Buffy mumbled as she passed Willow and Tara in a hurry, not even bothering to look up from the ground as she passed them. The two wiccans followed their friend with their eyes as she hurried away from the shop and crossed the street.
“That was weird…”
“Cole, could you stop it already???”
Kate’s partner had been picking on Lilly non-stop since she had sat down with them. Calling her names, glaring. Kate knew he hated, or rather had a great dislike for ex-cons, especially the females. And she had no idea why he was like this because he loved woman in general. Cole had already shown his dislike of Faith when Lilly mentioned them being cellmates in prison. Cole hadn’t even met Faith and he already disliked her!
“Jeez Kate, why are you so protective over that bitch? She’s an ex-con for crying out loud! You should know better than to hang with the likes of them! You’ve been hanging with X and those other two Jackie and Skye chicks and now I find out that there's another con named Faith that used to be X's cellmate. What is it with you and X’s?”
“Okay, that’s it. I’ve put up with a lot this lunch, but this is the final straw. Enough is ENOUGH!” Lilly stood up from the booth and gave Cole a cold stare. Her gaze softened a bit when she turned to Kate, but the ice was still in her eyes letting Kate know exactly what she was feeling.
“Lilly…”
“Don’t Kate, I’ll talk to you later. Have a nice day… ‘Cole’.”
Her voice dripping with venom, Lilly said his name as if to curse him for ever being born. Which of course, Cole couldn’t care less about.
“Good day ‘X’.”
“Cole!”
Cole stood up facing the blonde cop. “Goddamn it Kate! If you hit me one more time I’m going to…”
“You’re going to do what!” Lilly’s arm came forcefully around Kate’s waist pushing the blonde cop behind her.
“Go ahead and try it X…” Cole growled. “You’ll be back where you belong in no time. Just a snap of my fingers and it’s done.”
“Cole, get back in the booth. Lilly…” Kate walked towards the door, thinking Lilly would follow her, when she reached it she turned to say something to Lilly and realized she was wrong. She looked back at the booth and saw her girlfriend still facing off with Cole. "Lil!!!" she snarled, "Get your ass over here now!!!"
Cole watched as the two blonde’s stepped out of the Double Meat Palace and started arguing. Lilly was waving her hands up and down, obviously emphasizing her remarks that were, without a doubt, about him. Like he’d even care about that! The ex-con was no good, just another threat to society, especially with a wrap sheet like hers!
He could see both women had calmed a bit and were now talking. Well, his partner was talking anyway!
“What the fuck?” Cole growled to himself. He started walking towards the door, but stopped when he saw Kate step back before Lilly could kiss her.
“I’ll be… X is a dyke!” He almost glowed in delight. “Now this could come in handy,” Cole muttered. “Just glad Kate ain’t one of those.”
“Cole!” Kate growled as she walked back in the diner.
“What is it Lockley?”
“If you do that to her one more time I’m going to have you suspended. Understood?” Kate looked as if she was ready to knock his teeth out. “I know you don’t like ex-cons,” she continued. “But Lilly is a friend of mine, and don’t you ever forget it! And further I'm still a higher rank than you, maybe only a tiny rank higher but.... I'm still above you and don’t you forget that for one second!”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry alright,” he said holding up his hands. “I’m just glad you ain’t like her.”
“What? An ex-con? Did your brain get smashed again? Of course I’m not. If I was I wouldn’t be standing here as a detective,” Kate took a sip from her drink and watched Cole shake his head.
“Not that, a dyke!”
“Wh… what?” Kate spat out her drink and looked at Cole.
“I saw her trying to kiss you,” Cole said grabbing some napkins.
“Hello!” Kate said tapping his forehead, playing dumb. “I was there remember?”
“I’m just glad you ain’t one of them,” Cole muttered. “If there’s one thing worse than X’s, it’s dykes. Not to mention they'd make it really hard for you to want to be or stay a cop for long.”
“Thank god I ain’t one of them then,” Kate laughed half-heartedly, her heart sinking into her shoes.
This certainly wasn't something she expected. She had thought that her colleagues at the station would be more mature, open minded than to judge someone based on their sexual orientation. What if they weren’t? What if they found out that she was in a relationship with a woman. It could ruin her career, her chances at promotion, she might even become the brunt of all their sexist, stupid jokes.
Kate had heard stories about women and men who had come out to their coworkers and had been literally, harassed out of being a cop. Their coworker's had made them so miserable at work that they had wanted to quit their jobs and get away from the crude remarks, the name calling, the constant harassment and sometimes even beatings.
That wasn’t what she wanted, Kate loved her job. She loved being able to help people, solve things, give closure to people who’s child, parent, family member had been killed. Hell! She even loved the paperwork sometimes. She didn’t want to lose her job because of this…
But she didn’t want to lose Lilly either.
All she had to do was make a choice… but would she be able to make the right one?
Sunnydale Police Department - 2002
Kate walked in the building and headed directly to her desk, she wasn’t feeling all too well and wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed. ‘Just a few hours more,’ she thought to herself sitting down. “Randy could you get me the Crisp file? Randy?” Kate looked up at Randy, but he just stood up and walked away, never even looking in her direction. “Okay… Dave, could you… hello Dave talking to you!” Dave just raised his brow and walked away.
“Okay, what is going on here?” Kate looked around, but all the other cops either gave her the cold shoulder or looked away from her. “What is this?” She muttered to herself.
Throughout the rest of her shift, Kate was repeatedly given the cold shoulder by her colleagues. None of them spoke to her, the only one who did was her Captain and that wasn’t even all that. Just some talk about work, no jokes or small talk like usual.
“Katie! There you are!”
“Cole?” Kate turned around and looked at her partner. “What’s going on?” She whispered. “Why won’t anyone talk to me?”
“Uh… they kinda heard.”
“Heard what?”
“About you and X uhm… Lilly… how you stuck up for her at the diner and the Double Meat Palace,” Cole whispered back. “Apparently Randy was at both places when we were there and well, he told the whole department. Word of mouth you know.”
“So they’re acting like that because I defended a friend?”
“No… because you choose to back up an ex-con rather than a brother in blue,” his stare went cold for a few seconds before continuing. “Look I may not like Lilly that much, but I’ll stick by you.”
“Yeah thanks…” Kate replied absently. ‘Now what?’ She thought. This certainly was a dilemma that thickened the confusion surrounding the choice she thought she needed to make. Career, or Love…
Her career was the most important thing in her life, but she couldn’t deny her growing love for Lilly. Everyday she fell more in love with the blue-eyed woman who had done everything to make the cop fall in love with her, including a little game of seducing.
Kate loved everything about Lilly, the way she walked, the way her voice went all sexy when Lilly would play her little game of ‘sweeping Kate off her feet’, the three little freckles in a row below her left eye. The almost baby like, soft, sweet, tasty skin of her neck. Those little lines that looked like scars on her collarbone, a mystery Kate had yet to solve, and further down she had found…
“Okay… Kate,” the cop muttered to herself, turning beet red. “Stop thinking like that!”
So there was Lilly on one hand and then there was her job. She loved her job, she loved it to no end. Even if she was a woman detective, she earned a lot of respect from her colleagues by doing twice as many arrests as every other male cop on the force and now that respect might shot down the drain because she stood up for Lilly instead of backing up her own partner…
Sunnydale, California | Mansion | 2002
“Kate honey, what are you talking about? You can’t do this.”
“I’m sorry Lilly, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“You… can’t be with me?”
“No,” Kate shook her head sadly. “I can’t be with you. It’s… too much trouble and that’s already without knowing.”
Lilly frowned, Kate wasn’t making sense at all. What was she talking about? “Kate? I don’t get it… what are you talking about? What is too much trouble?”
“This… all of this, they… I just can’t,” Kate stammered. Her choice had been clear, why did Lilly have to make such a problem of it? Lilly would have done the same if she were in her place, of course Lilly would do the same. Wouldn't she? Who would want to lose a job that they had the respect of all of their fellow coworkers, no one would want that, especially when you are a woman doing what has always been described as man job.
“No… Kate, please,” Lilly knelt in front of the blonde cop. She placed her hands on Kate’s knees and buried her face in them. “You can’t do this… you can’t leave me. Why? Who is they? Please don’t leave… I can’t… I need you… I want you in my life… don’t leave me… every person… you can’t leave me… please don’t leave me Katie… please…”
Kate looked at what she had done; she had turned a confident woman into a crying little child. This is what she had done, but this is how it was supposed to be. She needed her life like this… she needed a normal life, away from everything that could hurt her, even if that meant away from and apart from Lilly.
Kate leaned forward and kissed the back of Lilly’s head, whispering how sorry she was but that she had to do this, that she had no other choice. “I’m so sorry Lilly…” She whispered one last time before standing up and leaving the room. She would come back later, after Lilly had gone so she wouldn’t have to face her now ex-girlfriend again… it just hurt too much to stay here right now.
Had she even made the right choice? What good was there in leaving Lilly like this?
Her job, of course her job, the one thing that she had loved since the beginning.
She had made the right choice… yes she had…
At least… that’s what she kept telling herself…
Morning… or afternoon, was good for Faith. She had the best dream ever and Buffy had actually let her sleep late… way late! It was already 12:30 when she got dressed and went to the kitchen. Buffy never let her sleep in this late, not even on the weekends. When they hadn't been sharing a room, Buffy used to come knocking on Faith's door shouting for her to get out of bed, they had lots to do... Faith still didn’t get it, weekends were for sleeping late, not waking up early and doing stuff you could always do.
Brushing her hand through her hair, Faith took a quick look in the mirror and groaned; she was a mess. She quickly looked in every bedroom of the mansion and much to her delight only three people were in the mansion; Lilly, Kate and herself. She knew Dawn and Hope were with Xander and Anya because they promised to take them to the Zoo. Lilly and Kate were… well doing whatever in Kate’s room, Willow and Tara were out on their usual Saturday coffee hour, Spike was probably at his old crypt or something. And Buffy… well she appeared to be… no where in sight, maybe she was out too.
“Great... Door slamming... gonna be a fun day...,” Faith mumbled to herself. “I guess she was grumpy and needed some air…” Faith’s head snapped up when she heard the door to the kitchen opening. “… or got it already?” Faith looked at the blonde slayer, she seemed much calmer than earlier when she was stumbling over the nightstand and her sentences. “I guess the fresh air did ya some good?”
“What? Oh yeah,” Buffy replied.
She grabbed some plates and gave one to Faith who just stared at her. Buffy opened the bag she had with her and took out two coffees and… a ton of bagels… “Planning to feed an army?”
“No, just you,” Buffy replied handing Faith her coffee.
Faith looked at the bagels and smirked. “Oh honey… just the way I like ‘em. That’s so sweet of you.” Without thinking, Faith leaned over and kissed Buffy on her cheek. The comment she made and the kiss on the cheek started out playfully, but Faith had no idea what kind of reaction it would cause the both of them… Blushing… she never blushed!
“I uh…”
“Sorry,” Faith mumbled before she started putting food in her mouth so she wouldn’t have to talk anymore. That of course, didn’t last long. “So, what was the hurry this morning? Can’t be just for the coffee and bagels.”
“Nothing.” Now it was Buffy’s turn to start mumbling. There was no way in hell Faith was going to know about how she woke up. “I was hungry.”
“The twenty-plus bagels prove that B,” Faith replied smirking. “Not that I’m complaining though… You got me my favorite!”
“Whatever…” Buffy mumbled.
“Jeez B! What’s gotten up your…”
“Finish that sentence and you won’t be getting anymore bagels anymore.”
“… ass.”
“You had to say it didn’t you?” Buffy grabbed Faith’s plate and put the Bagels back in the bag. “I told you I would do that.”
“Come on B! It was just a joke… give it back.”
“No…”
“Please! I’m hungry okay!”
“Look at you!” Buffy looked at the sight before her, Faith was giving her the saddest, pleading puppy dog eyes she had ever seen, not even, not even Dawn could make this face. “You’re begging for food!”
“I am not begging! I’m just hungry.”
“You are so begging!”
“Am not! Gimme my bagels!!”
“Come and get ‘em.” With that, Buffy started running out of the kitchen with the bag of bagels.
Faith looked at the retreating blonde and started smiling before running after her. She knew Buffy was going to lose in the end, they both might be slayers but she was just a notch faster than the blonde slayer.
Running around the mansion they were like little kids playing. Buffy actually managed to keep ahead of Faith for the most part, until she collided with the couch that is. “Oh… not good!”
“Got that right!” Faith replied laughing before she jumped on the petite slayer. Faith started tickling the blonde without mercy and if it was possible, she was the one laughing the most. “You give?”
“No!”
Buffy bolted upright gripping both of Faith’s arms in the process, sending both of them crashing to the ground. Faith was on top of Buffy, her head buried in Buffy’s neck, still laughing like her fellow slayer. “You okay?” Faith lifted herself up a little and leaned to the side, but she had no intention of moving off of Buffy… well her body had no intention of doing so.
“Yeah,” Buffy replied resting back on her arms. “Hit my head though, but it was worth it.”
“It was?”
“Yeah, I never heard you laugh that hard before, not even way back when.”
“Way back when I had no reason for laughing B,” Faith moved her head closer, looking intensely in Buffy’s green eyes. “You gave me a reason now...”
“Me? You were the one tickling me!” Buffy looked away from Faith’s eyes to her hand, that seemed to have crept its way up to Faith’s shoulder. “But hey, if I gave you that pleasure… you’re welcome,” she looked back at Faith who had moved her face closer again. Buffy couldn’t describe what she saw in Faith’s eyes, but she know she was feeling the same way. “We shouldn’t…”
“I know,” Faith breathed. “I can’t stop… my body won’t stop… I…” Next thing she knew her lips were on Buffy’s. She was kissing Buffy deeply, passionately, her hands tangled in Buffy’s hair pulling her closer. Faith was surprised when she felt Buffy's tongue gently run along her bottom lip seeking to deepen and make their kiss more intimate.
Both slayers suddenly bolted upright, breathing heavily.
“We have got to stop doing this!!”
Dedication: As always, Michele, the one who gets me through my little blocks and basically helps me with everything and shows me how to write. To Tig, whom I've been chatting to the last couple of weeks which I've enjoyed very much.
“Oh god,” Faith groaned. “Why do we keep doing this?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?” Buffy snapped. “Why the hell did I kiss you the first time, why the hell did you kiss me the second time? And how the hell did I wake up spooning you,” the last sentence slipped out below a whisper and Buffy immediately began praying that Faith hadn't heard it.
“Jeez B, I don’t know why! Spur of the mo… what did you just say?”
“Nothing,” Buffy mumbled.
“No, you said something... I definitely heard you say something about a spoon, why the hell are you bringing spoons into the conversation? What do spoons got to do with this?”
“Spoons? When did we start talking about spoons and kissing?”
“Since you brought them up B!”
“I didn’t say anything about no damn spoons! I was talking about spooning someone!”
“You were spooning someone?” The kissing part of their conversation was completely forgotten by Faith as she raised a brow and her grin spread into a full out wicked smile. “Who? When? We’ve been sleeping in the same bed every night since… oh…” Faith just stared at the blonde slayer. She knew exactly who it was by the coloring of Buffy’s cheeks. It could only be her, Buffy had been spooning.
Faith could feel a blush of her own creeping its way up from her toes, which was strange; she never blushed. Faith knew exactly the reason though, not only because Buffy had woken up spooning her, but she herself had woken up one morning sprawled over the blonde, holding her in a more than just a ‘friend’ way. It had seemed her body knew exactly what it wanted, exactly where it wanted to be and exactly what it wanted to do and exactly what it was doing at the time.
“What are you blushing about?” Buffy frowned at the brunette. “You weren’t the one that was spooning a girl that you care about in a non-girlfriendly way!”
“No, but does being sprawled over one count?”
“You were with a girl? But we haven’t been sleeping apart since… oh…” A perfect ‘o’ was formed by Buffy’s mouth as the meaning clicked inside her head. “Oh god, what the hell are we doing?” Buffy groaned. “Better yet, what the hell are our bodies doing?”
“Well I am pretty hot B, so I guess it’s only natural for your body to be attracted to mine,” Faith grinned, but it died as soon as she saw the look on Buffy’s face. Making jokes wasn’t a good thing to do at a time like this.
“We have to sleep apart, what if it happens again? What if someone catches us? What will they say?”
“Like we’ve got a choice B,” Faith snorted. “The gang is still crashing here and no one will let me in their room except Kate and she’s a little occupied at the moment don’t you think?”
“What about Spike? You can sleep with Spike! Well not in the sense of actually sleeping with him, coz that’s just yuck and we don’t want yuck in this mansion and… hmpf…”
“Shush,” Faith said placing her hand over Buffy’s mouth. “First, thank you for giving me the vision of sleeping with bleach boy,” Faith shivered as she continued. "Second, you’re babbling, third, I’ll put a mattress on the floor in your room and sleep on that."
“Yeah, but your back…”
“No buts. It’ll only be a couple of days, hopefully, until I’ll get my room back.”
“I…”
“Chill B, no worries.”
It’s not a surprise as I walk in the room and see B on the mattress. She worries too much about my back, it’s healed I can handle it perfectly. The only thing I don’t need is a kick there and all will be fine. I know I should have gone to bed before her, I shake my head as I change for bed. She’s already sleeping and I can honestly say it’s the most peaceful I’ve ever seen her since I got back to Sunnydale.
I finish changing and kneel down before B. I pull back the covers and gently lift her in my arms. She unconsciously puts her arms around my neck and holds me tightly, mumbling something about killing Spike for breaking the roof on the Summers home and I have to look away from her face to keep myself from laughing out loud. I walk to the bed and gently lay her down on her side of the bed and now I’m stuck.
I’m stuck major league big time, she doesn't want to let go of me. I pull back but she only pulls me closer to her and her arms tighten around my neck, thinkin' breathin' might become an issue soon. Now what? I can't stay bent over like this all night, which would definitely kill my back, she doesn't want to let go and she looks so peaceful I don't want to wake her up. So I have no other choice then.
I get into bed with her and make myself as comfortable as I possibly can with her hugging me like this.
After a few minutes, I’m able to loosen her grip a little and close my eyes. She’s laying in my arms like a lover would, one arm has moved down to my waist and wrapped itself around me. Her head is on my shoulder and I can feel her warm breath on my chest. Me, well my arms are around her, my hands resting on her lower back. What? It's the only way I can get comfortable...
It's not that I really mind that we’re laying like this, I really don’t give a fuck about it, all I want is for her to be comfortable. She’s always worried about me being comfortable because of my back. Why can't I be worried about her being comfortable too...
And I have no idea what she’ll be like when she wakes up and finds us, me and her like this...
I open my eyes and a bright light greets me in my face. I can’t move and I know why; B is still holding me like the night before. I don’t think either of us moved and I know I didn’t because my body is all, sore and stiff. My back well let's just say that being knifed in the gut felt like getting pinched compared to how my back feels. I desperately want to move and take care of my back, but somehow I can’t bear the thought of moving B and waking her up when she’s sleeping like this.
Somewhere in the night her hand has found its way under my shirt and it is actually over my scar at this moment. It’s like she feels what I’m feeling because those soft circles with her fingers ain’t for nothing!
“Morning,” she’s awake? Oh my god she’s awake and she knows what she’s doing!
“Morning…” I mumble back coolly. “Sleep well?”
“The best, but… how did we end up like this?” She asks me and I let out a giggle, I actually let out a giggle! “What’s so funny?”
“You were on the floor on the mattress and I picked you up and put you on the bed, but you wouldn’t let me go so I had no other choice but to get in with you and might I add that the next time I’m going to let you sleep on the floor.”
Suddenly she flies off me and goes all worried and as suspected… there goes the babble…
“Oh my god! Your back! Why didn’t you let me stay on the mattress, I was on it because then you wouldn’t have to hurt your back and now you went all stupid like, lifted me up and in the bed and… Faith! You’re an idiot! I'm not the one that needs to be comfortable, it's not my back that's trashed it's yours! You’re such an idiot!” She looks at me all mad and then her eyes go all soft and she lowers her voice below a whisper. “Are you okay?”
I sit up and move closer to her tucking some of that blonde hair behind her ear. “I’m fine B. My back is fine. Don’t worry about it, I can handle it, I've been handling it ever since it happened.”
She lowers her head and looks at her hands. “I do worry about you Faith. You act like you’re all fine, I know you aren’t but you won’t talk to me. How can I help if you won’t talk to me? I want to help you, I want to help you deal with whatever happened.”
Right now I want to hit her so hard that she’ll fly across the room… but I can’t. She has no right to mess around in my life. I was fine before she came into my life and I’ll be fine now. But I can’t hit her because I know she means well, all she wants to do is help. It’s what she does, she’s Buffy Summers. So what do I do? I put my hand on the back of her head, kiss her forehead and pull her close.
She moves back and tries to say something then we both hear the bedroom doorknob turning. She jumps away from me, not realizing how close to the edge of the bed she is and goes sailing off of it and lands on her butt on the floor. I just look at her and then at the person at the door and start laughing so hard and loud that everyone else in the mansion comes running to see what is going on. B just sits there, pouting, looking all sad but I know she thinks it's just as funny as me. I can see it in her eyes, that little glint telling me all too loudly.
Everyone is looking at us like we’re nuts or something and of course there is that damn look from Xander and Willow. It’s like they’re waiting for us to break into a fight and go for the other’s throats. Not gonna happen, I’m having way too much fun like this. If I had known would be like this I would have tried harder in keeping B as a friend. B looks at the gang telling them to go and that everything is fine. Xander and Willow still give us a skeptical look, but their girlfriends are pulling them away and out of the room. Dawn and Hope, once they saw nothing was really going on, had already left and Kate just grinned before walking away. I look at B and we both burst out laughing.
B sits back against the side of the bed and I lay down on my back on the bed with my head next to hers. “You okay?”
“My butt hurts like hell, but yeah I’m fine,” she laughs. “So, what do you want to do? Dawn and Hope are going to Xander and Anya, Will and Tara are going out. Kate is well, dunno what she’s doing. And Spike, he’s Spike.”
“You are actually asking me what I want to do?”
“Well yeah, it’s Saturday and I want to do something. Bronzing or staying in? We’ve got the mansion to ourselves… we could make a mess, but then we'd have to clean up the mess and that’s a no go. We could go dancing and drinking.”
As appealing as the drinking and dancing sounds… “How about some movies?”
“Movies?”
I raise a brow and look at her. “Yeah those kinda things you can see in theater or cozy on the couch in your own home.”
“I know what movies are, Faith!” She slaps my head softly and I just grin. “I thought you might want to go Bronzing or something.”
“Nah, not really. I’m up for movies though.”
“You been working at that video store way too long Fay.”
“What?”
“What, what?”
“You just called me Fay.”
"I did? Just slipped I guess, too lazy to say your full name. Wonder where I got that from?" She snickered, "Won’t do it again."
“I don’t mind,” I mumble below a whisper before quickly standing.
“You don’t?” And of course she heard it…
“No,” damn Fay what’s with the shyness?
“Good,” she looks at me and gives me one of the warmest smiles. The kind that makes you feel special, that makes you feel important to that person. It’s like the smiles Hope gives me.
“I’m taking a shower.”
“Alright, but hurry up I want to take one too and I'm not using the community bathroom...” She grins at me and throws me a towel. “Thank god I let you talk me changing the extra room into a bathroom.”
“Faith? You done yet?” She knocks on the door and just enters, not even waiting for me to answer her. I just stand here in my tiny towel looking at her stupidly, you think she could have waited until I at least opened the door or answered her. “Hurry up will you? Movie and popcorn await and I still need to shower too,” last time she saw me in a towel like this was when Mrs. Bue visited us for the first time. Then she had a hard time keeping her eyes away from me and now she’s just walking in acting like it’s nothing, what’s up with that?
“B, can a girl get some privacy?”
She raises her brow and looks at me. “Since when did you turn all shy? Jeez Faith we’re two girls here, there ain’t no parts I haven’t got my self… unless of course you grew a tail? You didn’t grow a tail did ya?”
I raise a brow at her and she just turns me around and looks at my ass. “Hey! Excuse me! No tail growing here!” I step back and she just grins that down right fucking evil grin of hers.
“Shy much?”
“Cordelia much?”
“Shut up!”
“You shut up!”
“We're acting like little kids!” She looks at me and just starts laughing, I can’t help it but join in.
“And your point is B???”
“I guess I don't really have one Fay... A point that is...” I look at her and frown. Does she even realize she’s saying my name like that? “What?”
“You did it again.”
“Did what again?” Dense much? “Oh… I said Fay again. I like the nickname and you said you didn’t mind.”
“I don’t… but I…” Jeez, what’s with all the shyness today? “I didn’t expect you’d actually keep up with it.”
“Neither did I. Do… do you really not mind it?”
“No… No I don’t.”
“Okay,” so… when again did she end up standing this close to me and back me up against the wall? She’s like practically on top of me now. A shadow comes over my arm and I look to my side and see B’s hand coming up. I look back at her but apparently she doesn’t know what she’s doing either coz she’s looking as amazed at her hand as I am.
I look back at B’s hand as it is still travelling upwards and is now tucking my hair behind my ear. What the hell is she doing? “B, what…?” She silences me by a thumb on my lips and her head resting on my shoulder.
I’m leaning back against the wall, my arms hanging at my sides. B’s head against my shoulder, her body resting lightly against mine. She moves her thumb away from my lips and slides her hand down to my shoulder, letting it rest on my collarbone. She moves her head a little, burying it deeper into my shoulder, nuzzling my neck.
Complete silence has never felt this good, never been so satisfying as it is at this moment…
I move my hands up, one of them resting on her hip and the other moving up further placing it on her neck pulling her even closer. There is something about her, something I can’t place. “I’m tired…”
“It's already mid-day B...” I reply. “But if you’re really tired, then you should go back to bed.”
“Not that… of pretending…”
What? Huh? Pretending what? I open my mouth to speak but she walks out before I can say anything. What just happened? Tired of pretending? Pretending what? What’s there to pretend? We’re friends, we like each other, we hug, we comfort each other? What’s pretending, she pretending all of this? Why did she walk away, tired of pretending to be friends. PRETENDING WHAT???
Okay, I’m officially going crazy here! I need to know what the hell that was about! I can’t stand this! Tired of pretending what?
I close the door behind me and lean back against it, watching what she is doing. After what happened in the bathroom I’m even more curious on what it is that’s going on in B’s mind. What she is thinking, where her thoughts lead to.
Before I know it we are in the same position as before, only now her arms are around me, holding me and my arms hang by my sides, afraid of touching her because I don’t know what she wants. I don’t know what she is doing, why she is doing this.
“I’m so tired,” she whispers against my neck. I lean my head against hers, a simple act that she replies to by telling me the one thing I didn’t want to hear. “They all think they did it for me, that they pulled me back from something bad. I can’t… pretend…”
“Can’t pretend what B?” I softly ask her. I put my hand on her lower back, rubbing my thumb up and down soothing her. “What is it you can’t pretend?”
“That they took me away from hell.”
I push her back and frown. “What?”
“They didn’t take me out of hell Faith! They ripped me away from the one fucking place I felt happy, safe!”
She leans back against me, her face buried deeply in my neck and her arms tightly around me as she continues. “They thought it was a good thing, what they did,” she whispers. "They didn’t even think about where I could have been instead of hell. They didn’t even consider the possibility that I could be in a good place and if they did, and if they did, they didn't think too hard or long about it, cause they still brought me back."
“B, they thought you were in some hell dimension, being tortured, living in pain forever.”
“Maybe... But Faith they didn't even try and find out where I was, they just assumed that I was in hell,” her hands move up towards my shoulders gripping me, pulling me closer, crawling inside me, away from all of this. “I can’t pretend everything is okay Faith, I can’t have them think they did a good thing when they didn’t.”
“You don’t want to be here?” I frown and look down on her still holding me tightly. “You don’t want to watch your sister grow up, see all the things your mom can’t?”
“I do, it’s just… I…”
I can feel my neck is wet and know B is crying and put my arms around her. She starts sobbing uncontrollably and I don’t know what to do, talk to her, soothe her, hold her closer? I’m not good with emotions, the only ones I know are fear and anger, and it’s all I’ve thrived on for years. Those I can deal with, not the other emotions.
“B… you have to tell them.”
She jumps away from me, horrified. “I can’t! Don’t you understand? If they know they’ll get upset, they’ll be mad at me for not telling, what kind of friend would I be to hurt them that way by telling them?”
“What kind of friends are they? They’re the ones who brought you back without even considering the possibility you might have been in a good place instead of a hell dimension.” She slumps her shoulder and sinks to the floor. “B, listen to me,” I sit down beside her, gently lifting her head. “You have to tell them, the longer you keep it a secret the more it will destroy you. And not only you, but them too. What do you think they’ll say if you keep it a secret for years? How upset do you think they’ll get then?”
“I thought you didn’t care about them?”
“I don’t,” I reply. “I care about you. And you have no idea how much it took me to say that. You cared about me and you got me through everything with Hope and now I’m going to get you through everything with this.”
“Since when did you get all caring and mushy?”
“They day I met Hope and caring about you the second you told me you cared about me,” she gives me this warm, gently, caring smile before leaning down and resting her head on my lap. “You have to tell them B.”
“I know,” she replies and puts her arms around my legs, holding me.
Kate walked into the station house, her stride purposeful as she headed straight for the Captain's office, her letter of resignation clutched in her hand. She wanted to show Lilly that she loved her and quit the force, just for Lilly, to be with her without the restraints she had now.
She walked up to the Captain’s office, and placed her hand on the doorknob.
“Lockley, she’s not in,” Kate turned around to face Cole. “She’ll be back in an hour or so. Got called in with the bosses. What’s that?” He said pointing at the letter.
“I’m resigning.”
"What? You nuts or something girl? You love this job! What the hell are you quitting for? The money? Afraid of getting hurt? What? I can't believe even the fear of getting hurt would make you quit. Not you..."
“It doesn't matter why. I'm resigning," Kate said with a stubborn tilt of her head.
“Come one Katie, you fucking love this job. At least explain to me why you want to quit.”
“Give it up Cole, I’m not changing my mind!" Kate looked at Cole debating whether or not she should tell him why she was resigning, she decided not to. It doesn't matter why, either you support my decision or you don't.
"Don't tell me you're quitting because of the way the other assholes were treating you because you stood up for that ex… ah… Lilly person…”
“No Cole, I’m quitting because I want to. It’s my choice, not yours and not anyone else's.” Kate replied getting angrier by the second. “And if you really need to know I haven't seen or spoken to Lilly in over two months. So this has nothing to do with her," Kate said lying through her teeth.
“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t leave.”
“Get over it Cole, I’ve left, not coming back. Now if you’ll excuse me there’s something I have to do.”
Kate walked out of the station, feeling better than she had been feeling the last two months. Leaving Lilly for her job had been the stupidest thing she had ever done in her life. She loved Lilly more than anything and instead she was worrying about what other people would think of that if it would come out.
At this point she couldn’t care about that anymore, all she wanted to do was be with Lilly, love her, kiss her, and touch her. She didn’t care about anything else, all she wanted to do was get Lilly back in her life and keep her there.
I’m sitting in my room waiting for Lilly, I know she’s coming because she called. The only thing she doesn’t know is that I’ll be here. Lilly wants to pick up the rest of her stuff, she thinks it’s really over. I said it was… and it had to be one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life and I need to let her know that. I never wanted it to be over, I’ve craved her the past two months. I wanted her more than anything or anyone ever before in my life. I want her in my life, forever. I want to be able to hold her, tell her how I feel, show her how I feel.
I’m a nervous wreck, I know exactly what I want to say and how I’m going to say it but it’s probably going to come out totally different than I had planned… and actually rehearsed, how stupid is that? Rehearsing what you want to say to the person you love. And I know it isn't going to be easy to get her back. I can't just snap my fingers and expect that she'll jump at the chance. Nor is it going to happen just because I am putting all of her clothes back in the closet, like I'm doing right now just to keep myself occupied while I wait for her.
I sit back down on my bed when I hear the door opening… there she is, wide eyed, never knew I was here. I smile but she doesn’t return it. “I thought you were going to be some place else Detective Lockley,” not good, sounded like venom to me… she called me Detective.
“Yes… No… I… Yes… No, I wanted to talk to you,” I look at her and smile again. “If I told you I was going to be here, you wouldn’t have come.”
“Smart girl, must be a Detective.”
“I don’t blame you,” see, it’s already starting with the wrong words. I wanted to say something completely else. I wanted to fall right in, tell her I love her. I look down at the floor, I can't look at her right now because I know what I did was wrong, and I make a simple statement of fact that we both know is true, "I hurt you."
I hear the door slam close and I already know that there is going to be a lot of yelling. "You didn't just hurt me! You fucking broke my heart." I don’t look up, I know she’s right and she has no idea how much that hurt. “I gave you everything, I put everything at stake to get you to even notice me in that way because I knew you weren’t the least bit interested! When I was finally able to give you my heart… you took it and broke it like it was nothing, just a snap of the fingers.”
“Lilly, I never meant to… I… you have no idea how much it hurt me to do that…” I can hear my voice breaking, it doesn’t feel like it is, but it sounds like it. I’m running on autopilot here.
“Then why the hell did you?! I gave you everything and you threw me away because you were afraid of what other people would think. At the same time telling me over and over again that you didn't care what other people thought at all. Just goes to show that you don’t love me at all.”
“What? I do love you Lilly. I love you more than anything in this fucked up world,” I look at her and tell her the one thing that was left to tell her. “That’s why I quit…”
And the reaction I get wasn’t at all what I was expecting. "What? You think by giving up the one thing in the world you love most, you job, proves that you love me? Bullshit! All that will do is make you resent me someday for having to give it up! If you really loved me you would have found a way for us to be together and keep your job! The problem was never your job, the problem is you. Your fear of being in a relationship with another woman. That's the problem, the Kate I love would never run away and that's exactly what you would be doing if you quit the force."
“So Red, you gonna keep staring at me like that all night or can I actually breathe without you looking at me like I’m gonna kill you?”
“Who knows? Maybe you are going to kill me,” Wills is really starting to annoy me, not only her, but Faith as well, they are both annoying me.
“Honey, stop it,” see, Tara is nice, she’s trying to make Willow stop too.
“No Tara, who knows, maybe she will kill us.”
“Willow stop