Make Me Forget
by Niki
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Yeah, these aren't mine, they're Joss', but I think you already knew that.
Note: This is my first Fuffy fic. Let me know what you think and whether is should be continued.
Note 2: This is slightly AU in the Angelverse. Angel somehow got the necklace to give to Buffy earlier on, and they are still dealing with the Cordelia mess. No Wolfram and Hart offer.

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CHAPTER ONE:

The entire Sunnydale crew, except Anya and Spike, cause they're dead and all, has been staying at the Hyperion for two weeks. After Sunnydale sank in and turned into a giant crater, we got on the bus and tried to decide what we were gonna do….

2 weeks ago:

"Buff, where are we going now?"

"We need to get these girls to a hospital."

"I am so hungry."

"I think I'm gonna pass out."

"Buffy, what do you want to do?"

God, don't these people ever shut up? They've been shooting out questions for a good 20 minutes now and none of them get that B just isn't listening. She completely spaced out and I think maybe she's sleeping with her eyes shut. They're also so packed around B's seat, it's a wonder she can breathe. Jesus, my fucking head hurts.

"Yo, just shut up!" I suddenly yell at everyone, and yep, that got their attention. They all turn and look at me in the back seat. "Red, you got a cell?"

She looks at me in a weird way and then pulls a cell phone out of her pocket. "Who are you calling?" Red asks suspiciously, but I just wiggle my eyebrows at her and say, "Wouldn't you like to know."

I start dialing an all-too familiar number and then wait for someone to pick up.

"Angel Investigations, we normally help the helpless but we're currently trying to figure out what the hell kinda demon's possessed Cordy."

"Hey Gunn," I say, smiling. Man this guy cracks me up. "It's me, Faith. Angel around?"

"Yeah, but he's kinda busy right now. Connor's run off with an evil Cordy and we really don't know what to do."

"Listen babe, you put Angel on the phone and I will personally come over there and smack Connor down for you." Everyone just gave me a really weird look when I said that. Fuck it, what do I care what they think?

Gunn finally puts Angel's undead ass on the phone and the first thing Angel does is bark, "What is it Faith?!?"

"Oh hell no, you are not talking to me like that. I just helped your ass out and this is how you're gonna act? Tell you what, I call back and you answer with an inside voice," I say, feeling really pissed off. I'm wicked tense from the fight and all and he is definitely not helping.

I hear Angel sigh out some breath he doesn't even have. "Faith, things are really bad right now, and I really don't have time for this. Just, please, tell me what you want."

"Fine," I give in. "We just fought a huge battle and shut down the entire fucking Hellmouth. We got a lot of injured people, so we're gonna drop `em off at a hospital and then just stay the night at a motel or something. But, like, in a day or two, we're gonna need somewhere to go cause we have no cash. Anyway, what I'm askin' is if you can spare some room at the hotel."

"Yeah, it's fine Faith, but it would be better if you could come in a couple days because of this Cordelia thing. We need to focus right now and I don't want you guys having to deal with this right now."

I smile a little and tell him it's cool. When I hang up with Deadboy everyone kind of looks around for a minute, and then Giles says, "Well, I guess that's settled then." Everyone then just turns around and goes to find a seat.

I stretch out on the seat, relieved that everyone's gone, and close my eyes to see if I can catch a nap. I can hear everything on the bus. I hear Giles telling Robin to go to the nearest hospital. Why is he driving, anyway? He has a huge fucking gut wound and he's operating a huge cheese bus. Unbelievable. I try and zone everyone out when I feel that tingle that only B can give me. I don't know why I don't have it with all these new slayers. I guess cause none of them were called proper, they aren't real slayers, and therefore, no tingly spine feelings. I open my eyes and find B's gorgeous hazel eyes looking at me. No, take that back, she's studying me. Looking me up in down in what I would call lust if I didn't know better. Not that I don't want it to be lust. I've been into B since the night I first met her. After the things Spike told me, I'm no longer delusional enough to think that she would be weirded out by being with a girl. It's more that she would never look at me that way because I'm a murderer who spent a good chunk of time obsessing over making her life miserable.

B finally looks up at my face and she looks kinda embarrassed, like she's been caught doing something bad. Whatever. "You need something, B?" I ask, kind of wanting to get back to my sleep and not wanting to think about how wound up I am.

She smiles, moves my feet, and then sits down in the seat next to me. Great, this is just what I need. Buffy looks at me a minute and then says, "You know, I wasn't really spaced out. I was just pretending to be so that they might take a hint and realize I don't have any answers. I guess you're the only one that got it. Thanks."

"No problem, B, just doin' my job as second-in-command slayer. That's what I do."

B looks at me like she wants to say something, but then shuts her mouth. She looks off to the side and then says, "You know, everything is gone. My house, all my pictures, and Mr. Gordo. I saved your knife also. That's gone. Giles's favorite green mug and Dawn's autographed Britney Spears cd. Mr. Pointy's gone, and so's my favorite leather jacket. Mom's grave is gone and so is the Bronze." B starts to get tears in her eyes and her voice gets teary when she says, "Restfield Cemetery is gone, Faith. My home, my job as the Slayer, my life is gone. Everything is gone. What am I going to do now? Everyone's always looked to me for answers because I was the only one, but there are so many options now that they'll see that I'm not the best. I'm not important anymore. I don't matter and no one needs me anymore."

God, this girl breaks my heart. No one has ever been able to make me love or hate the way that she does. I slowly raise my hand up to her cheek and wipe away some one the tears that are streaming down her face. When B finally meets my eyes, I whisper to her, "B, no matter how many girls there are now with superpowers, you are The Slayer. You always will be. You did something so great today, you don't even know. You have saved so many people and changed so many lives. B, you are so important it's ridiculous. And you know what? Even if you don't know what a difference you've made, remember me. You are the most important person in my life and you always will be. Just remember that to me, you're the world. Never doubt it."

Buffy looks at me and then bursts into a new round of tears. I can't believe I just poured my heart out and all it did was make her cry harder. But then I feel B wrap her arms around my waist, pull me in tight, and bury her face in my neck, and it all becomes worth it. I pull us both back against the window and hold B while she calms down. I hear her breathing even out and I know she's fallen asleep. I lean down and kiss the top of her dirty hair and I know that I've never loved her more. Shit. I thought I was over this. I am so screwed.

CHAPTER TWO:

After riding on the bus for about an hour and an hour of me listening to B breathe, we reach a town with actual people living in it. That was something I had always taken advantage of but I now appreciate after this last week in the Dale. We go straight to the hospital, and when we pull up in the front Giles rushes out and starts yelling for help. Luckily, these people seem to know that there was a disaster in Sunnydale so they don't ask too many questions when they take the girls in. We have 27 girls on the bus and only 12 of them aren't injured. Giles gets someone to come over and help Robin, and that's when I remember that be got stabbed in the stomach with a sword. I quickly find her standing next to the bus and rush over.

"Jesus Christ B!! You got stabbed. I'm so sorry, somehow I fucking forgot. Are you Ok? Do you need to go in and get some help?" I ask, slightly panicked. B just smiles a sad little smile and lifts her shirt up, showing that the wound is almost closed and healing really quickly. I sigh, relieved, but then I start to feel really bad about myself. How pussy am I? I got stabbed, not even as deeply as B did, and I was so weak that I had to throw myself off the side of a building to get away and put myself in a coma. She really is better than me. She got up and kept fighting.

B looks around at the bloody and broken girls and her smile quickly disappears. She looks kind of upset, and then wanders off, looking lost. I would go check on her, but I have to pee really badly. After I find the bathroom and do my business, I find out that Robin's in room 223.

I wander down the hall looking for Robin's room. I get a few weird looks from people, and I have no idea why. I find the room and walk in to find Robin in a bed hooked up to blood and lots of drips. He looks pretty washed out. I hate hospitals. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask.

Robin's eyes are a little droopy. The drugs they have him on look like they're starting to work. "Uh, I'm OK. Feeling kinda slow, but I'm fine," he responds.

I smile down at him with what I like to call my 'I'm a cock tease but not actually a tease' smile and tell him, "Well, when you feel better, know that you've got a good time coming to you. You were real bad-ass today. Also, you look wicked sexy all beaten-up."

He laughs slightly and groans in pain. Note to self: don't make injured people laugh. Robin looks up at me and opens to his mouth to say something, but his eyes shut before he gets a chance. Yep, he's definitely out. I walk out of the room, thinking about Robin. He's a good guy with some mom issues, but still a good guy. I haven't met too many guys in my life who genuinely liked me. Xander and the Boss did, but even the two of them were getting something or wanted something from me. I guess Robin wants something too, though. He wants a relationship. He could want worse things. I know all about that too. Maybe I'll try it with him. He likes me and wants to show me a better life. The guy's not that bad a fuck either. What the hell, I'll try this. He deserves that much.

I slowly approach Giles and tell him I'm ready to go. He nods and the two of us head to the bus. We get on and I see that everyone there has been waiting for me. Oops, my bad. I head to the back and sit back in the seat with B. She seems to have composed herself a lot more. She smiles at me and looks out the window. She then proceeds to annoy the shit out of me by looking out the window for the rest of the ride. Really fucking annoying. I just held her while she sobbed and she can't even pay a little attention to me. Typical Buffy behavior.

We eventually pull up at some motel that looks a lot nicer than the one I stayed at when I first rolled into Sunny-D. Giles comes to the back and tells us that we don't have much money so some of us are gonna have to squeeze into the few rooms that we can afford. Fuck that, I need some space.

I tell Giles, "Just give me the cash, I'll handle it. I used to do shit like this all the time." Giles looks at me slightly alarmed, so I quickly tell him, "God, calm down G. It ain't anything illegal. I just need B and Dawn for a second." I grab B's wrist before she can ask me what the hell I'm talking about and head for the front of the bus.

"Dawnie, we need you a minute," B says to D. Hah, 'B says to D.' I crack myself up. The three of us get off the bus and I pull us off to the side where no one will see us.

"Alright girls, time to slut it up. B, take off the jacket, push your boobs out, and try to look sexy." Hah, like that'll be a problem. B looks kinda offended, and even more so when I add, "Yeah, and wipe some of the dirt off your face. You look like you've been sleeping in a dumpster." Ok, maybe not the best thing to say. I turn to Dawn and tell her, "Now listen kid, act older. Be hot, make him want you. You know what? Fold your shirt under so we can see your stomach." Dawn tries to fix it but I get impatient fast so I grab the bottom of her shirt and rip it off. She looks slightly horrified, so I grab the top and rip that off too so now it just looks like a toob top. Perfect. I look back over at B, and wow, a few touch ups do wonders. She looks so hot. And when did she get tits again? Last time I checked in those babies were gone.

"And what exactly are you gonna do, Faith? Your outfit really isn't fitting in with ours," B says, eyeing my long-sleeve top with a neck that's just a little too high for my liking. I didn't have many options, what with Wesley supplying my clothes and all. I grin at her a second and then pull the shirt over my, revealing my black wonderbra and nothing else. Well, scratch that, I do have pants on.

"Will this do?" I ask, laughing at the shocked looks on B and Dawn's face. I sigh when they just keep staring. "Guys, time to move on. You've seen tits before. Not the end of the world. Now, let me do the talking. Just be cute and sexy, yeah?"

They both nod at me and then the three of us walk into the reception area of the motel. A young stud about 20 years old looks up when we come in, and the look on his face is priceless. He looks like his wildest dreams have come true. We walk up to the counter and B gives this hilarious look that I would imagine she thinks is sexy. Gotta talk to her about that one later. B props her boobs up on the counter and Dawn gives him a sultry look that she's just a little too good at. They're wasting their time, though, cause this boy cannot take his eyes off of me. He moves his eyes from my chest, to my stomach, back to my chest, to my lips, to my chest, to my eyes, and then back to, you guessed it, my chest. I give him a really sexy smile and then tell him in my huskiest voice, "Hey baby, my friends and I need a few rooms, but we're kinda short on cash. Do you think there's anything you can do to help us out?"

He keeps staring at my chest when he asks how many rooms we need. I tell him ten and he just gets the keys and then walks to where we're standing to hand them to me personally.

"Thanks," I whisper, getting really close to him. Might as well. Maybe he could help me scratch this itch later. I really need to get rid of it.

He finally seems to get his brain back and says, "Anytime, sweetheart. You need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"I'll keep that in mind," I say, winking at him and then turn and walk out the door. Dawn and B rush out behind me.

"God, why were we even there? He was all over you. It was disgusting," B says, sounding pretty pissed off.

"Hey, I got us the rooms, didn't I? That's what matters. We didn't even have to pay," I point out.

B seems to accept this and we climb back onto the bus while I pull my shirt back on. I hand the key to Giles. He looks at me questioningly, but I just say, "I handled it. No charge. Take the money and go buy some clothes. We really need it."

Giles nods and then yells to everyone on the bus, "Alright people, we have 10 rooms and 20 people that means paring up so everyone get a roommate and check in with me to tell me who you're with and to get a key."

The girls all get up and file to the front, grabbing keys from Giles and racing off the bus. I guess they're all feeling their Hungries and Hornies. Willow and Kennedy grab a key and leave, then Dawn and Xander grab a key. That seems a little weird, but whatever. I guess Xander's grieving cause of that Anya chick. Giles then hands a key to Buffy and she turns to me, asking, "You coming?" Well hot damn, this should be interesting.

CHAPTER THREE:

We get into our room, and of course, there's only one bed. The PTB gotta think of new ways to torture daily, right? B drops down onto the bed, and I suddenly get a very vivid image in my head of me fucking her from behind with a strap-on. Super.

"B, do you mind if I get first shower? I promise I'll be quick."

"Sure Faith, take your time. I'm gonna call Giles, see about some clothes," she says, moving over to the phone.

I go into the tiny bathroom and turn the water up as hot as it will go. I love a hot shower, and these motels don't give you the hottest water. Gotta make sure not to use it all up, though. I don't want B to be mad. I strip and get in, feeling the water hit my sore body and heal the bruises. After a few minutes, I once again start to feel wicked horny. Maybe I'll just get myself off quickly to relieve some of this monster tension. Just as this thought enters my mind, I hear B opening drawers and talking to Giles on the phone. Great, there goes that plan. I'm not quiet when I come, and B will definitely be able to hear me. SHIT. I finish my shower and come out in a towel. I find B flipping though the channels and she looks up when I come in.

"Giles can't get any clothes for us tonight, so we're gonna have to sleep in out underwear." This just gets better and better, doesn't it? All night in bed with Buffy wearing only her underwear. Somebody shoot me.

"Whatever, B. I'm 5x5. I left you some hot water."

She smiles and gets off of the bed. She closes the bathroom door and a second later I hear the shower start. It's then that I realize I left my underwear in the bathroom. Great. I open the door to the bathroom and say, "Sorry B, forgot my shit. Don't mind me, I'm not looking."

I get the stuff and slam the door behind me. OK, I have a confession to make. I peaked. God, B's body is fucking better than I remembered. I put on the underwear and get on the bed, continuing to flip from where Buffy left off. A little while later, Buffy walks out of the bathroom in her adorable, lilac, lacy underwear set. She wore those to fight in the Apocalypse? Damn.

B plops down on the bed and says, "So, it occurs to me that you and I have never really shared. I mean, we've shared fists, but we don't really know each other. I know nothing about you. I don't even know your last name! Anyway, my point is that I want to get to know you this time around. So let's play a game. Or even, let's just ask each other questions. And you have to answer truthfully. And don't think I won't know if you're lying, Faith. You're a horrible liar. Keep that in mind. OK, so you wanna start?"

I just sit there speechless. She wants to know about me? Shit. I can't lie to her. And even if I wanted to, B was right. I can't lie for shit. I can't get out of this. If I say no, she'll be pissed and take back her offer to start over. I sigh and say, "Fine, B. I'll play 20 questions. But you start first. I need to think of a question."

"Ok, cool. Alright, um, let's start with name, birthday, and birthplace."

"Ok, my name's Faith Lehane. I was born April 2, 1982 in Boston. Got all that?" B nods happily at me like she's discovered some big secret. God, she's fucking cute. "Ok B, tell me in detail about the best sex that you've ever had."

B starts blushing like crazy and looking off to the side. When she's finally gotten over some of her embarrassment, she looks up at me with a grin. "Well, I'm gonna have to go with this one time with Spike. Actually, it was the first time with Spike. We were fighting and we ended up in this rundown building. We were in the middle of our fight when all of the sudden we were all over each other. We were going at it so hard that we knocked the building down. Literally, he pounded into me against the wall until it fell down." B gets a far away look on her face and continues, "I think Spike was so good because he was strong. He could do deeper and harder than anyone I've ever been with and I could just let go with him because I knew I wouldn't hurt him. Actually, I take that back. I think I actually wanted to hurt him. In that case, I was able to let go because I didn't care about what happened to him."

Shit. I'm a little shocked that B could be so dark. I guess she really isn't the same girl I used to know. To cover my shock, I look at B with a huge grin on my face and say, "Well, B. You could get that strength from other people without having to sacrifice talent and body heat." I give B a serious look that makes it impossible for her to not catch my drift. Yeah, she's got it now. B clears her throat and looks kind of awkward. Yeah, she wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot poll. I cut her a break and say, "God, take a joke B. Anyway, ask your question. It's your turn."

B sighs and then asks, "Ok F, while we're on the subject of sex, what's the best sex you've ever had?"

Wow, original B. This one's easy. "I think the best sex I've ever had was about two years ago. A chick, Drea, she was in the cell next to mine. She was gorgeous, amazing, almost perfect looking. She'd been giving me these looks for a while, and one day she followed me from my cell to the showers. She didn't say anything. She just took her clothes off and started kissing me. She shoved me up against the wall and ate me out to the point I couldn't remember my name. Then she gave me my first fisting, and let me tell you, the soreness afterward was totally worth it. It was so fucking good. After wasn't so good cause it turned out the guard hadn't broken it up cause he was watching. But can you blame him? It was fucking hot."

B is staring at me like I've grown a second head. Ok, maybe I overestimated her ease with the idea of being with a girl. "You've had sex with a girl?" She gasps. "You like girls?" OK, I thought she already knew this.

"B, you didn't know?" I ask. Buffy shakes her head now in a 'Duh! Of course not!' kind of way. "B, I would have thought that you'd realize that I'm pretty easy going about sex. Fucking is fucking, regardless if they have a dick or not. Come on! You can't tell me you've never been into a chick before!"

Buffy gets red again and quickly says, "Even if I have, it doesn't mean I'd actually have sex with them. But if you must know, yes. I have been attracted to a girl before."

Oh yeah, I'm getting curious now. My heart's fluttering. God, stop it Faith! She can't like you. Ok, sure, she just confirmed your suspicion, but you know she wouldn't want you. Get over it, pussy. "Wanna tell me who?"

"How bout, no?"

"Ok, I'll guess then. It's Red, isn't it? Ooh! No! It's Queen C. She's pretty fuckable."

"No, it's not Cordy. She is hot, though. Not Willow either. But I still don't wanna tell you."

I laugh. "Aw, you wound me, B. Fine, fine, be that way. Alright. I wanna ask a question now. Tell me what your top five most intense fights were. The ones you were most into and passionate about."

B gets a contemplative look on her face and then says, "Um, ok, let me think. Number five, I'd actually have to put the fight today. Even though I got stabbed through the gut, having so many people there fighting helped. The vamps seemed easier to kill during the fight and the scythe gave me a lot of strength. So yeah, that's five. Number four, um, I'm gonna say that's the fight with Glory. While she was probably my toughest opponent, she was stupid and after Will sucked some of her power, she didn't seem so tough. I beat that hellbitch down. That fight, I was fighting for Dawn. I had to win." B pauses, gets a sad look on her face, and then continues, "Number three was my fight with Angel at the mansion. Actually, with Angelus."

B sees that I have no idea what she's talking about, so she explains, "When Angel lost his soul my junior year, he stalked me for a while and then he killed Giles' girlfriend, Jenny Calendar. I had to end it then, so I went to fight him one night but it turned out it was a trap. He distracted me while Drusilla went to the library with some minions to kill Kendra and kidnap Giles. So I guess that's the night you were called. Angel needed Giles to tell him how to open this demon that would suck the world into hell. Anyway, Willow had been put in a coma from the attack and when she woke up she was going to re-ensoul Angel. She couldn't tell me herself because I was hiding from the cops, who wanted me for Kendra's murder. Oh, and my mom had kicked me out of the house when she found out I was the Slayer. Xander didn't tell me Willow was doing the spell, so I went to the mansion to fight Angelus to the death. It was the most intense fight. I had months of built up rage against him and after what had happened that day, I wanted him dead. I was through playing games. We fought with swords, and let me tell you, it was impressive. We were like stunt doubles from Xena. Then, Willow's spell worked at the last second and I had to kill Angel to keep the world from getting sucked into Hell. Emotionally, I think it was the most intense fight. God, talking about it now makes me want to cry."

I stare in awe at B, feeling even more love for her. "Wow, B. That's unbelievable. I didn't know it went down like that. The Scoobies don't share much. Are you sure you want to keep going? You don't look like you're having fun."

Buffy blinks away the oncoming tears and then shakes her head. "No, we're bonding. Where were we? Oh yeah, number two. I'm making the fight against Adam number two. When Willow, Xander, Giles, and me combined essences to summon the First Slayer. The power of the First Slayer actually possessed me and I was basically invincible. It was such an intense feeling, a rush, sort of. But it's number two because I was possessed so all of those emotions weren't mine. The fight was wicked, though. I was turning bullets into doves. It was awesome."

Ok, now I'm scared to ask what the number one fight was. Either it's me, or I'm not even important enough to put on the list. Neither seems too appealing. I ask, "And number one, B?"

B gets a serious look on her face. "What do you think, Faith? Any other fight I've ever had can't compare to fights with you. And the one at your apartment? That was the ultimate. For one thing, every time we touch, regardless of if it's friendly or punching, I feel a tingle. An amazing tingle goes up and down my spine. So when I punched you, it felt good." God, I turn her into a pervert like me who gets off on hurting people. Great. "You're a slayer, so fighting you is thrilling and difficult. You were my equal, and you were unpredictable. I was fighting to save Angel's life and to stop you from helping the Mayor and killing innocents. But do you know why that fight tops my list, Faith? Do you know why fighting you was the most unbelievably hard?"

I look into B's eyes, and I see pain. Do I ever stop causing her pain? How did this conversation become so bad?

B doesn't wait long for me to answer, and continues, "It was so hard for me, Faith, because you were my friend. I felt close to you. You were like a sister that I could finally share with and who would understand me. When I stabbed you, a part of me, the 'you' part of me, died, because there was no going back. You wanted me dead, Faith. You betrayed me. Why did you betray me?" Tears are streaming down her face, and I wish I was dead. I should just kill myself. "Why, Faith? All of it. Why did you go to him? Why did you try to choke Xander, one of the sweetest guys in the world? Why did you kill Lester Wirth? Why did you say you didn't care? You obviously did care. Why did you want Angel dead? Why did you hurt my mother? Why didn't you let me help you?"

Oh boy, this is it. The big conversation that I've been dreading. She's gonna hate me when this is over. I'm gonna to reveal my soul to her. Nothing terrifies me more than that prospect. But one look at her gorgeous, teary, hazel eyes, and I would tell her anything to stop her tears. I breathe in deeply and begin the hardest confession of my life.

"B, I'm gonna answer your questions, but please, just let me say it all straight through before you say anything. First thing, why did I want to hurt Xander? Xander represented every guy in my life that had ever fucked me over. Guys that just want in your pants. He reminded me of the nice guys who act like they like you until you either fuck them or turn them down. If it's the latter, they think it's alright to just force you instead. I-"

"Wait," B interrupts, "what exactly are you saying? Are you saying that you were forced?"

I can't even look at her while I say this. "Yeah B, I've been forced, raped, whatever you wanna call it, more times than I want to mention. That's part of the reason I don't trust guys. Why I didn't trust Xander. I thought he was just using the situation to get me to fuck him again. Then when he told me he thought we had a connection, I thought of all the guys who said they loved me and had a connection with me. I was through getting fucked over, so, at the time, the logical solution was to make him stop talking, and to hurt him. I guess I succeeded in that, huh?"

B nods, and I keep going. "Just to let you know, the thing that happened with, it's probably one of the things I regret most. And I have a lot of regrets. It's pretty much up there with killing Wirth and torturing Wes…. Ok, I think the rest of your questions can be explained by what I'm about to tell you. So, just, let me get through it all."

B's looking at me expectantly and she reaches out to hold my hand. God, I feel the tingles too. "Tell me, Faith," she says, and I feel some of my confidence coming back.

"B, the reason that I've done just about everything, good or bad, since I first showed up in Sunny D, is that," I look up into her eyes, "I'm in love with you." Buffy just stares blankly at me, but she hasn't taken her hand out of my mine, so I'm taking that as a sign to keep going.

"B, you know how they say that there's a thin line between love and hate? Well, for me, there was a fucking hair between love and hate. I loved you and wanted you to love me back. And I mean love in every way. I wanted you to love me and be in love with me. I hated you because you didn't love me, and I hated you for making me love you. To add onto my twisted little crush, I also wanted to be you. I was jealous of everything you had, as you may have already guessed. I mean, you were the original Slayer. The blonde, gorgeous, California girl that guys fell in love with, had loyal friends, an amazing watcher, and just about the coolest mom and little sister ever. What was I? I was the Slayer that was called by accident, guys only wanted for fucking and discarding, lonely and friendless, and had the dead, formerly horrible alcoholic mother that didn't notice her boyfriends were fucking her ten year old daughter in the next room because she was passed out. B, you were everything I wanted to be, so I hated you because I wasn't you. To sum up, I was fucking obsessed with you in every way imaginable. You were all I could think about. So, my love for you was my motivation. I wanted Angel dead because he had you. I targeted your mom because you had her and I wanted her to be my mom. But believe this, B. I never would have hurt her. She was too good to me. I wanted to take everything away from you so you would feel as lonely as me and maybe want me. I also wanted you dead so that I could move on. But, yeah, that's petty much it. I was a crazy person, B. I mean literally, when I got to LA, I had a fucking nervous breakdown in front of Angel and begged him to kill me. I hope you realize that I'm not like that anymore, though. I'm pretty sane now, and while I still love you, it's not 'crazy person' love anymore. I'm in control of myself."

Oh God, I just said all of that. And she's not saying anything. She's still just staring. Oh fuck, I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating now. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Goddammit.

B quickly moves toward me when she's sees that I'm starting to have a panic attack. She's rubbing my back now, and it would be nice if I wasn't currently contemplating suicide. "Faith, breathe, it's OK. I'm not mad. Just breathe. I need to ask you something. Please, calm down."

I make every effort to start breathing normally and after a minute or two, I calm down enough to look at her and ask, "OK, what do you need to ask me?"

"Faith, tell me how you feel differently about me now. What's different?"

"B, I don't have anger toward you anymore. I don't blame you for my mistakes, and I've accepted that I love you. I embrace it. I changed for myself, but I also changed for you. Whenever I feel like it's too hard, I think of you, and I can make it. So basically, I love you in a healthy way now."

B smiles this brilliant smile at me and then lunges at me, hugging me so tight that I think my ribs might break. I fall backwards and B's head is in my neck. I hear her whisper, "I forgive you, Faith," and I feel like every doubt and bad thing in my heart just disappeared. She forgives me? Christ, this is the best day of my life. I can't stop the stupid grin that's spreading across my face, and honestly? I couldn't care less. B pulls back a little and she's hovering over me now, so close I can feel her soft breathing against my face. She looks into my eyes, and I feel my heart flutter at what I see there. It's not love, but it's definitely some kind of affection. Romantic kind of affection. She starts to lower her lips to mine, but I have to ask her something first.

"B? Who's the girl you had a thing for?"

B gets closer to my lips and when hers are just barely touching mine, she softly says, "The only person who could send chills up and down my spine."

"That's me, right? Cause-" I'm cut off my B's soft lips pressing against mine. This is Heaven. How did I end up here? I was sure I had myself a one way ticket to Hell. B slowly moves her lips over mine, just testing to see what this kiss could become. We give soft, wet little kisses to each other, with me occasionally nibbling at B's lower lip. She's such a good kisser, it's ridiculous. Her tongue slips out and flicks my lower lip, seeking access to my mouth. I let her in, throwing myself into the kiss and giving her all that I am. We kiss passionately for what seems like forever, or maybe only one second, and B begins to move her hands that have been winding in my hair down to my hips. I take this as permission to continue and move my hands down B's back, scratching lightly at her smooth skin. B moves down to kiss at my neck and chest, so I move my hands down to her ass and begin to grind up into her thigh. My hornies from earlier have returned with a vengeance, and I desperately want to be fucked. "B, what happened to never having sex with a girl, no matter how much you want her?" I gasp out teasingly.

B moves make up my body so that her mouth is at my ear. She whispers, "Well, it's a good thing we're not having sex, then."

What? Hold up. "Excuse me? What's this about not having sex?"

"Well, eventually, yeah, but not tonight," B says, pulling back. Is she out of her fucking mind?

"B, you can't be serious. Look at us. We're practically five seconds away from having sex."

"Yeah, but we just started whatever this is. I don't want to complicate things, yet. My last relationship was all about sex. I don't want that again." She sighs and moves off of me. "Let's just go to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning." B turns the light off and moves under the sheet. I'm still just sitting here, pissed off out of my fucking mind.

"Lie down, Faith," B says, reaching her arm up and around my stomach, pulling me down onto the bed. She cuddles up onto me, and I know this is gonna be a long night.

It's one hour later, and I'm still awake. B's wrapped around me, her leg thrown over mine and her head in the crook of my shoulder. My arms are wrapped around her and I've never felt closer to anyone before. I'm so in love with her, it fucking hurts. You know what hurts more, though? The throbbing in my clit. I'm so horny right now and I know there's no way this is gonna go away without getting a release. I can smell how turned on B is, but it looks like she's just gonna ignore it. I really can't handle this.

"B?" I whisper, hoping that she's asleep. It'll make it a lot easier to get up and get myself off.

"Yeah?" I hear B ask. Great. Just fan-fucking-tastic.

"B, I need to get up." She mumbles something into my neck and wraps her arms tighter around me. "B, let me up," I say a little more loudly.

B raises herself up on one elbow and asks, "Why? Don't you want to sleep with me?"

More than you know, babe. I feel bad now, cause she looks pretty upset, so I decide to go with the truth. "Ok, B. Pretty much, I'm so turned on right how that I can't think straight. I need to go in the bathroom and get myself off."

B looks at me for a minute, and then a sly smile comes onto her face. She gets real close to me; so close that I can feel her hot breath on my lips. She looks into my eyes and whispers, "Stay in bed. I want you to touch yourself, and I want you to let me watch."

I suck in a breath, her breath, and now I hotter than I think I ever have been. I close the fraction of space between us, pressing her soft, wet lips tightly against mine. I immediately swipe the tip of my tongue against her full bottom lip, seeking entrance into her hot mouth. Buffy opens her mouth and her tongue comes out to stroke and massage mine. As the kiss deepens and we get more wrapped up in each other, Buffy's hand travels to my back to unhook my bra. Suddenly, her lips aren't on mine and I'm being pushed back onto the bed. B straddles me and I feel the heat of her thighs against my own. She bends down and begins kissing and nibbling at the spot behind my ear that drives me crazy. My breathing quickens and I can feel myself getting wetter. B keeps kissing along my neck as she slides down my body. She licks at my neck and sucks on my pulse point before moving down to where I want her. Where I need her. I feel B's soft lips close around my stiff nipple and all I can do is groan. She starts flicking the tip of her tongue against it and my hands travel up her smooth back to wind in her hair. God, this feels so good. B scrapes her teeth across my aching nipple and I can't even make a sound. All I can do is feel the walls of my pussy clench, wanting something to fill the void. B moves across my chest to my right nipple, showing it the same attention that she showed the other one. Just when I think that I may come from nipple-sucking alone, Buffy, slightly out of breath, pulls back and looks at me. Why is she breathing hard? I'm the one that really needs to come.

"B," I whine, letting desperation creep into my voice. "Keep going, baby. Make me come. Please. I'm so wet. I need you fingers in me."

B looks like she might just give in, but then she shakes her head and says, "No, baby. I'm not ready for that." Hah! 'Not ready for that', my ass. B then lifts herself up off of my body and pulls my panties off of me. She looks down and sees my shaved, wet pussy, and then she moves to my side, stretches out, and then props herself up so she's leaning over me. B's hand slowly makes its way to my right hand and then drags it up onto my stomach.

"Touch yourself, baby," B says in a really husky, moan-y voice. She slowly pushes my hand downward and then guides my middle fingers between my wet lips. Jesus, I can't believe we're doing this. It's so hot. B takes her hand away and I slowly press down on my clit, moving my finger in small little circles. I can already feel myself getting closer. That's how horny I am. I dip my finger down to my hole and gather some of the wetness and then move my finger back up to my clit. I start up a devastating rhythm that has my hips churning and I hear myself moaning loudly. B's fingers move up to my nipple and starts playing with it while she looks down at my face in wonder. I can barely keep my eyes open. It just feels too good.

B bends down and whispers in my ear, "Finger yourself. Pump your fingers in out of your pussy." I groan again, nod my head, and move my fingers down. When I push my fingers in my pussy,

I can't stop myself from yelling, "God! So good, B it's so good."

"Go faster Faith," B says, so do what she says and start working my fingers in and out of my pussy at an alarming rate. My juices are leaking out onto my hand and onto the bed, and my hips are pumping up, trying to get my hand to slam harder into my pussy. I curl my fingers, hitting my g-spot, and I feel the tension in my body reach unbearable level. I feel like I want to cry. It feels so good that it hurts.

For several minutes I continue fucking myself into oblivion, with B suck on my neck and pinching my nipples, but I can't reach that point where I explode. I can't think anymore. I need to come. I'll die if I don't come.

"B," I cry out, my voice the only noise besides the squeaking of the mattress and the sound of my wet pussy. "B, help me. I can't come. I just can't. Please, God, make me come. I can't take it."

I'm practically crying now and B seems to realize how desperate I am, so she moves her hand that's not playing with my nipple down to my clit and starts rubbing is quickly. Jesus. I hear myself screaming, "Jesus Christ! Oh God, FUCK! Right there, B. Right there! God! Don't stop. Please, keep going. Jesus! FUCK!"

It becomes too much to talk and now all I can do is whimper and groan and toss my head from side to side. I feel myself start to come and my left hand comes up to B's back and starts scratching the hell out of it. Suddenly, waves of pleasure start to roll over me and I feel my legs open wider, pushing my fingers in deeper. My back arches and as the contractions shake me and my pussy grips my fingers tightly, I vaguely hear myself screaming hoarsely. I manage to think to myself that I'm gonna have a hell of a soar throat in the morning, and then collapse onto the bed, completely spent. I realize B is still rubbing my clit slowly, milking out my orgasm and causing small tremors to continue to roll through my body. I relax and pull my fingers out of myself, resting my sticky hand on the stomach. As my breathing evens out, B stops rubbing my clit and lifts my hand from my stomach. She looks me straight in the eyes as she places my two fingers in her mouth slowly and licks all of my juices from them. God, that's sexy. She cleans the cum of my hand with her tongue and then bends down to lick the stickiness off of my stomach. Jesus, I feel myself getting turned on again. Do I ever stop? I smile and say to B, "You know B, there's a lot more where that came from. Maybe you wanna lick there too?"

B looks at me, smiles, rolls her eyes, and then says, "Sorry sweetie. Still not ready for sex."

She is un-fucking-believable. "Tell me you're kidding," I say. B shakes her head no, and I can't believe it. "B, what the hell do you think we just did?"

"That was me helping you. That's all. We are NOT having sex yet," B says in a tone that holds no room for argument. Fine, if she wants to be that way, then I'll let her be. Not my problem. Well, it is my problem, but you know what I mean.

B reaches over and turns the light off. She gets under covers and I snuggle up against her, loving the feel of her almost-naked body against my fully-naked one. I relax and feel myself starting to drift off. Right when I'm almost asleep, I hear B say, "Faith, I like you a lot and I want to see where this thing with us goes. Ok?" I nod my head against her chest, and she continues, "But I don't want to tell anyone about us. Not now, and not until I know what this is. Is that also alright with you?"

I feel my heart break a little when she says that. She's ashamed of me. Great. But I still love her. "Yeah B," I say, "Anything." And it's true. I'll do anything she wants. Only problem is, I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

CHAPTER FOUR:

Note: I'd like to apologize for the Wood parts in this chapter and future chapters. I don't like him or his relationship with Faith, which I think comes across in this chapter, but I think it's necessary to the plot. Oh, and this chapter's got no smut. Sorry about that too.

We sit down in the booth and I notice that B makes a huge effort to sit nowhere near me. What the hell is her problem now? B didn't say anything to me this morning. I woke up and she wasn't in bed with me. I heard the water running in the bathroom so I figured she was just getting dressed so I didn't worry. But when Red came in to tell us that we were having breakfast at the diner down the street, B barely glanced at me and walked out of the room with Red. Well, you know what? Fuck her. God, I wish she had let me. But all the same, fuck her.

I scoot in next to Xander and then Andrew comes in on my other side. Dawn scoots in next to him. Across from me are Giles, B, Red, and Kennedy. Why is she here?

"Why's the newbie here?" I ask, eyeing Kennedy in that was that I know makes people uncomfortable. The one where they can't tell if I'm checking them out or deciding how I'm gonna kill them. "If I'd known that fucking Red gets you an automatic spot in the Scooby gang, I woulda tried that my first time around in Sunnydale." Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. Don't fuck with me. I pull my big, black sunglasses that I stole from one of the girls down on my face.

Both Red and Kenn open their mouths to say something, more like bitch me out, but Dawn stops them before they can even start.

"So!" she practically screeches, startling Andrew, who I've now decided to call Bitch Boy. "What does everyone want to eat?"

"Well, I know what Kennedy wants to eat, right Red?" Ooh, I'm on a roll this morning. I don't even know why I'm focusing so much on Kennedy. Oh wait, yes I do. She annoys the fuck out of me. And now, after B's apparent rejection of me this morning, watching Kenn and Red act all couple-y is making me sick.

The waitress comes over, seems to notice the tension, and hesitantly asks to take our orders. I order my bad-mood breakfast, a black coffee, and then sink down into my seat. I hate these people. I hate my life.

Giles clears his throat when the waitress is gone to get everyone's attention. "Alright, I've been considering our options and I believe I may have a plan that suits everyone's interests. The girls in the hospital, as well as the girls with us, all wish to return to their respective families. A possibility is that we contact the families of these girls and ask them to come here. We leave each girl with a number to contact us. Once they've adjusted to their new powers, they may decide whether or not they wish to continue slaying with us or remain living their normal lives."

"That sounds a little cold, Giles," B says, shaking her head slightly. Yeah, she knows all about being cold. "Just dumping them after all that they've been through seems a little on the harsh side."

"Buffy, I think it may be prudent for all those involved to give these girls back to their families. Allow them to return home. These girls will be cared for much more sufficiently by their families than they would be by us. We do not have the time or the resources to give proper care to each individual girl. Or at least, not at this moment."

"What exactly would the girls be joining later, Giles? What are we gonna be doing?" Xander asks. He looks completely worn out and horrible. I can't imagine how he feels. I mean, I've lost my share of people I cared about, but never someone I was in love with. If B died, and really stayed dead, I'd probably kill myself.

"I've decided that with so many girls becoming slayers, we need to locate them and help them to understand and hopefully embrace their calling. I know none of the details, but when we get to Angel's hotel we need to start planning. This would be extremely difficult if we are also taking care of all these girls." Everyone nods in agreement.

"Does everyone want to be a part of this?" Willow asks, giving me a look.

"Well," Giles responds. "I would assume that everyone wants to. Please tell me, though, if you don't wish to be a part of this."

Everyone remains silent and all eyes are resting on me. All except B, that is. OK, guess I should say something now. "Sure, I wanna help. One teeny problem, though. I've got the cops on my ass. I'm an escaped convict. Remember?"

"No need to worry about that, Faith. Once we access the Council's funds, we should have enough money and power to do some good old- fashioned bribing." Giles grins at me and I can't help but feel my mood lift a little bit. Damn, gotta fix this.

"So, Bitch Boy's coming too?" I ask, motioning over at Andrew.

"Faith, is that really necessary?" Giles asks in a tone that pretty much says he's sick of my shit. "And to answer your question, yes, Andrew has decided to join us. I think he could be a useful member to the team, what with his extensive knowledge of languages and demons. Now, all we need to do is talk to Robin."

We continue the meal from hell with B not looking at me once and me not talking. I need a cigarette, so I climb over Andrew and Dawn without so much as a grunted 'excuse me' and go to the door. Once I get outside I dig around for my cigarettes and sit down on sidewalk with my back against the wall of the restaurant. I spend the rest of the meal outside smoking. I really want to maintain my pissed off feeling and if I keep hanging in there it won't happen. The gang distracts me and makes me temporarily forget about being pissed at B, directing my mind to thinking about the future and our plans. The group finally leaves the diner and after an hour of getting everything together, the entire lot of us, including all the girls (not that there's many of them here), climbs onto the bus.

We drive to the hospital and the girls, Giles, and Red all get off the bus after parking it in the lot. So now we're just sitting in the parking lot. I doze off for a while and wake up later to the sound of shrill laughing. B's sitting in the front with Dawnie, giggling and acting way too happy for my liking. God! She's not even slightly upset that we're not talking. Not that she should be too upset, considering it was her idea, but come on! Ok, I need to move on. She obviously has. If B wants to act like nothing happened then I will too. I look at my watch and realize that we've been sitting here for about 2 hours. Man, this is dull.

Finally, about 30 minutes later, I feel the bus rock, letting me know that people are getting on. I look up over the seat and see Giles and Red helping Robin onto the bus. What the hell? How is he out already?

He moves away from them and slowly makes his way to the back of the bus, where I'm sitting. When he gets to my seat, he says, "Hey, mind if a handsome, not so mortally wounded man sits here?"

I don't even answer. I just move out of the seat and help him sit down. After he gets adjusted I sit down next to him. Before I can ask him what the hell is going on, Giles yells to get our attention.

"Alright, I talked with the girls and they've all decided that they want to stay at the hospital and wait for their parents. People are flying in from everywhere, so their families should be here soon. The hospital has agreed to allow them to stay there for the time being. We are now on our way to Angel's hotel." He sits down and I look back over at Robin.

"So, last time I checked, you'd been sliced up real good, they had you all up in morphine land, and recovery would be goin on for a while. Wanna tell me how you're on the bus the next day? You could barely even move yesterday."

Robin lifts up his t-shirt and shows me the wound that is definitely closed up. He has a wicked nice chest.

"Willow did a spell. A healing spell or something that speeds up my recovery. In the last hour the wound closed and now it just hurts if I move it around too much. It'll probably be fully healed by the time we get to LA."

"That's awesome Robbie," I say, deciding I'm gonna nickname him too. OK, so I've got B, Red, Dawnie, Kenn, Xanman, Bitch Boy, Robbie, and G. That's everyone. Something I've learned in life is that people remember you if you give them nicknames.

Robin smiles. "Robbie, I like that. My mom used to call me that." OK, I'm just gonna forget he said that. We sit in silence for a while, just looking out the window. After about half an hour, Robbie looks over at me and asks, "So Faith, have you thought about my offer? To give you a surprise other than me playing dead? I think we could have something."

I look at him for a moment and consider my options. On the one hand, I've got B, who I don't actually have at all. I could tell him no and then have nobody when it becomes official that B really doesn't want me. I'm sick of having nobody. On the other hand, I could try with Robin and have an actual relationship. Then, whatever B decides, I'll have another option. As if to further convince me, I hear B's cackle again and my mind is made up.

I grab Robin's face and plant a hot, wet kiss on him. We break away after a minute, him panting and me barely out of breath.

"I guess that's a yes?" Robin asks. I just grin and move so that I'm leaning against him but avoiding his injury. He puts his arm around my stomach, and I can't help remembering how B felt wrapped around me. All I can do right now is try to keep myself from crying. I pull my big sunglasses down on my face and pray that they disguise my tears.

After a couple of hours, we pull up at the Hyperion and suddenly, I'm feeling pretty anxious. This is gonna be interesting. All of these people are gonna be together again and the intense clashing that I see coming probably isn't gonna be pretty. But you know what? Fuck everyone, cause I just wanna see Angel. It's amazing how attached I've gotten to him. Who would have thought years ago, when I was repeatedly trying to kill him, that I'd end up thinking of him as my big brother. We haven't gotten a chance lately to catch up, so I'm excited to talk to him again. If anyone heard me think that, I'd die of embarrassment.

I help Robin out of his seat and down the steps of the bus. I'm worried that even after Willow's healing spell, he could rip the wound open again. Gotta be careful. I lead the group into the hotel, and I'm greeted by the sight of everyone's favorite green demon.

"Faith!" Lorne yells. "I'm so glad you're back, Gorgeous. The place just hasn't been the same since you left. And I really mean that. Luckily, the spirit of Joan Crawford has been banished from the building, so we're safe from the dangers of mommy dearest and her under-aged boy-toy. So! This is the Sunnydale crew. Be a doll, and introduce us, Sweetheart."

This guy cracks me up. Before I get a chance to start the introductions, Angel, Wes, Gunn, Fred, and the Kid all come walking out of the office. I don't think I know these people enough to give them names. I'll wait on that one. The only one of that group that's not brooding is Fred. She looks up and sees Willow, immediately walking over to her. "Willow, it's so good to see you. Now we'll get a chance to look at those texts I was telling you about."

Red smiles at Fred, but then Kennedy steps up like the little fucktard she is, and says "Who the hell is this?" God, I hate that girl. If I was still killing people, she'd be on my list. Whatever, I can't pay attention to those three. The Sunnydale crew is catching up with who they know from the LA crew, and I'm feeling kind of awkward now. I turn and try to find B, but I don't see her. Where the hell is she? I turn my attention to Angel, who's giving me the most bizarre look. I have no clue what it means. He seems to snap out of it though.

"Faith, I thought you were coming in a couple days. What did I tell you?" I'd be pissed, but he says it with a smile, so I think he's just playin with me.

"Hey, Big guy, how you been?"

"Oh, not so great, but I don't want to bore you with the details right now. Let's introduce everyone. That's Fred over there, babbling with Willow. Basically, she's our version of Willow." The group looks over at the escalading fight between Kennedy, Fred, and Willow, and then we all look back over at Angel. "This is Gunn, he's a great fighter and he's been with us for about three years." Gunn nods at the group, and then everyone turns to Wesley. "You all know Wes of course. And this is Connor," oh boy, "my son."

We're all quiet for a minute, and then Buffy, who it seems has been hiding out in the back, pushes her way forward. Oh Lord, here we go. "I'm sorry, your WHAT?" B yells, in a pretty shrill voice.

Angel seems lost for words. He's opening his mouth and then closing it over and over again. Gunn gets this 'And you are?' look on his face and looks at B, asking, "And who in the hell is this little girl?"

"That's Buffy," Angel mutters, looking off to the side. Gunn gets a look of understanding on his face.

"Oh, so you're THE Buffy. I thought you'd be taller."

B's too pissed at Angel to take much offense at that, and just turns back to him, with an expectant look on her face.

"Connor's my, um-" Angel begins, but he's cut off by the Junior Brooder, himself.

"I'm Connor. I'm the son of Angel and Darla. My birth was prophesized. A baby would be born of two vampires. Angel's greatest enemy, Daniel Holtz, who's family Angel slaughtered hundreds of years ago, had himself preserved so that he could take vengeance in the future. Holtz took me to the dimension Quor-Toth when I was a baby. Time moves differently there, so when I returned I was 17 years old." Connor finishes and looks around at the group with a disgusted look on his face. He pushes through the group and leaps onto the second floor railing, and then disappears. Fucking show off.

Giles is wicked interested though, so he clears his throat and says, "If it would be quite alright, I'd really love to discuss Connor's origins with you later. It's quite astonishing, a baby from two vampires."

Angel nods his head and says to the two people who don't know, "Oh, this is Giles, he's Buffy's watcher."

Angel finishes introducing everyone and now we're all kind of standing around. Wesley then says, "Sorry to ask you all this, but we're in the middle of researching a demon that's come to LA and we could really use all the help we can get. Would the group of you mind too much helping us out?" Man, even as badass as he's gotten, he's still such a watcher.

As the group starts moving over to where all the research stuff is, something suddenly occurs to me. "Hey Angel, where the hell is Queen C?"

*****

We've been researching for about an hour now and I'm trying my damndest to not fall asleep. I wish I could go up to my room. Angel let us settle in before we started researching. I'm also still having trouble believing the story Angel told us earlier. After I asked him about Cordelia, he told us that she's in a coma. Apparently she was evil when I was here. Some devil baby had planted itself in her and was making her do shit. When Red and I left, Team Angel found out and was able to kill the demon. Put Cordy in a coma though. She's up in one of the rooms, I think. Oh, grossest part is that Connor was the one who knocked her up. We really do live in some twisted soap opera.

We're all sitting quietly when I feel Robin put his arm around me on the couch we're sitting on. He leans over and kisses my cheek, and I feel myself turning a little red. This is fucking embarrassing.

B clears her throat and then looks over at Wesley. "So, Wes, this look is new. And you seem a lot less uptight. What's been going on with you?"

Some people look awkward and Angel says, "Um, Buffy, maybe that's not the best topic."

"No, it's alright Angel," Wes says. "Buffy, I've had many different experiences in the last few years. Being tortured, shot, and fighting nightly against demons has definitely changed me. However, I think the biggest change came from when I kidnapped Connor as a baby in an effort to prevent a prophecy and inadvertently delivered him to Holtz. My throat was sliced by a woman named Justine and I was exiled from Angel Investigations. After that I kept Justine locked in my closet for months, began literally sleeping with the enemy, and resumed my job as a rogue demon hunter. Only really, this time. I guess you could say those things have shaped me, somewhat."

Ok, that was quite a story. I knew Wes was fucked up, but I didn't know he was that fucked up. Good to know it wasn't me that made him this way. B looks kind of shocked and everyone's just staring at Wes. Well, actually, the LA crew is just kind of looking off to the side and trying not to look at Wes.

Fred breaks the tension when she asks, "So, who wants pizza!?!"

She gets up to go over to the phone and we all look back down at out books. Once again, I feel Robin touching me, only this time he's playing with my hair. I swear to God, it's like he's pissing on me to let everyone know I'm his.

"Faith, can I talk to you for a minute?" Angel suddenly asks. He gets up without waiting for an answer and walks to his office. I knock Robin's hand off of me and follow Angel.

We walk into his office and I flop myself down in the chair across from his desk. Angel leans against the desk, crosses his arms, and then just stares at me. That brooding stare that makes me notice how huge his brow is. Damn, how did I not see that before?

I'm sitting here, still thinking about Angel's forehead when he suddenly says, "So, anything you wanna tell me, Faith?"

"Uh, no?" Oh God, he doesn't know, does he? Fuck. Now he's gonna disown me or some shit. How the fuck does he know? Can he smell it? It was fucking hours ago. And we didn't even have actual sex.

"Are you sure about that? No new…developments?" He's got this grin on his face now that reminds me of that fucker Angelus. This is not good. He just keeps looking at me and I know the jig is up.

"Fine, you know about me and B, don't you?" I give up. Whatever, if he doesn't like it, he can go fuck himself. It's not like B even wants to continue this thing with me anyway.

"I kind of figured it out. Your smells are on each other and Buffy's been staring at you for the last hour. Can't say I'm not surprised, though. I could have been sure Buffy only liked vamps."

He's grinning, and I suddenly feel relieved. OK, I admit it. No matter how indifferent I act, I really do want his approval. Angel's the only person who didn't give up on me so I know I can trust both him and his judgment. If he's disappointed in me, I know I really have fucked up.

"So you're five by five with this Angel? I mean, not that I think there's anything with us anymore, but I really don't want you to not be OK with this."

Angel sighs and says, "Faith, I realized a long time ago that I wasn't what Buffy needed to make her happy. I couldn't offer her a future. I learned to move on. That doesn't mean that I want her with other people, though. But if I have to choose between you, the farm boy, or, God help me, Spike, I would choose you a million times." OK, that's good enough for me. "But there's one thing I want to tell you, Faith. Buffy's been hurt too many times, and unfortunately, after me, you're the person that has hurt her the most. The only reason I was able to hurt her more was because she loved me. So now-"

I cut him off at that. "Angel, she's not in love with me. Trust me, I may love her, but the feeling is definitely not returned. She said she doesn't even know how she feels about me."

"Faith, I knew back in Sunnydale that the relationship between you two was special. There was such a connection and such passion that I'm embarrassed now that I never saw the potential. You know how they say there's a thin line between love and hate?" I chuckle. Man, we think alike. "I think Buffy's crossed that line and she doesn't realize it. Just because she doesn't say what she's feeling, Faith, doesn't mean it's not there. What I'm trying to say is, be careful. I don't want to see her hurt. I don't want to see you hurt."

Man, I'm touched. I smile at him and get up from the chair. He starts to move to me and I quickly realize that he wants to hug. "Dude, don't you remember? We don't hug. Just nod your head at me and maybe give a shoulder punch. That's it. Hugs would be wicked awkward." Angel smiles and punches me on the shoulder.

When we walk out of the office everyone looks up but quickly goes back to their research. Angel was right. B's definitely staring at me. But now, it's looking more like a glare than a stare.

I start moving back to my chair next to Robin when B snaps, "Wow, Faith. You don't waste any time. You get a new guy the second you go Sunnydale and you don't even wait five minutes in LA to start fucking around with Angel again. I'm impressed."

I just look at her for, like, a minute straight without blinking. What the fuck is she on? B's kind of looking off to the side now like she's uncomfortable. Oh fucking well.

"B, a word please," I say, motioning my head to the staircase. She gets out of her chair, shoving it back, and then stomps over to the stairs. I follow behind her, ignoring the curious looks we're getting from the group.

I walk behind Buffy up the stairs and try not to stare at her amazing ass. It's harder than it sounds. Really fucking hard. She goes up to my room, which I didn't even know she knew how to find. I also can't help but feel happy about this. She put the effort into finding my room and going there shows that she feels comfortable in my space. Or maybe she just doesn't want me in her room.

I close the door behind me and turn around. B's glaring at me. "Do you want to tell me what the fuck that was?" I ask.

"I'll tell you exactly what the fuck that was. That was me being fucking upset with you."

"Yeah, I figured that one out all on my own, B. What I want to know is why you're pissed. You've ignored me all fucking day. I'm the one who should be pissed at you. In fact, I am pissed at you."

"OK, number one, the only reason I didn't talk to you today was because I didn't want to draw any attention to us and get anyone suspicious. Number two, you want to know why I'm pissed? How about the fact that you and I are together, and yet you've gone back to being a whore and cheating on me with Principal Wood. That enough of a reason, Faith?" Buffy spits out my name like it's dirty. Jesus. Is she crazy?

"Um, let's get one thing straight, B. Call me a whore again and we're gonna have a serious fucking problem. I don't need that kind of shit, and especially not from you. Now, let me remind you, we're not together. Remember? You don't want to tell anyone about us. You don't even know what this thing between us is. So until you can figure out what the fuck you want, I don't owe you a fucking thing. I'll continue exploring this thing with us in secret if you want me to. I love you B. I'll take you any way I can. If you told me right now that you loved me and wanted to be with me, I'd drop Robin before you could even finish your sentence. But this thing with us isn't for sure. That's the problem. I don't want to fully devote myself to you and then you to decide in a couple weeks that you don't really like me that way. Then I'd be left with nobody. Do you see where I'm coming from?"

B sighs and sits down on the bed, dropping her head in her hands. Though her voice is muffled, I can make out her saying, "Yeah, you're right. I'm being unreasonable. I'm sorry." She looks up at me and adds, "Forgive me, Faith. I do want to continue this thing with us. I like you a lot, and I want to see what's between us. Could you just do me a favor though? Don't be too romantic with him around me?"

I don't start jumping around the room when I realize how jealous she really is. See? I have self control. I smile and move over to the bed to sit next to B. I put my arm around her and she leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I stroke her hair as I say, "Alright, B, I can do that. I'll try to be more considerate. Will you do me a favor, also? Don't ignore me. It hurts me and I think that it just calls more attention to us. Now, don't be upset anymore, OK?"

B smiles slightly at me and nods her head. Then she moves forward, pressing her lips against mine. I don't think I'll ever get tired of this. Of feeling her soft lips stroking mine, B kisses me in a way that feels like she's worshipping me. Like she wants to make me feel good. That's a first. I've always been kissed like the person wanted something from me. With B, though, it's like the kissing is the treat. Unfortunately, I remember the people waiting downstairs. If we don't come down soon, someone will probably come up looking for us. I pull back, but B's still sucking on my bottom lip. I somehow manage to move my mouth away from hers and break our amazing makeup kiss.

Buffy whispers in the cutest voice, "Why are you stopping? I want more kisses."

"Sorry B," I say, getting up. "We got people waiting. There's research to be done. Come on, let's go." I hold my hand out to B and she takes it. We leave the room and start walking down the stairs, resigning ourselves to hours of dull-as-shit research. Maybe I'll just daydream about B. Better yet, I'll start planning a way to get B to give up the prissy act and fuck me. Yeah, that's it. Maybe this research party won't be so bad.

CHAPTER FIVE:

The entire Sunnydale crew, except Anya and Spike, cause they're dead and all, has been staying at the Hyperion for two weeks. After Sunnydale sank in and turned into a giant crater, we got on the bus and tried to decide what we were gonna do…. And we end up here. In L.A.. Ain't it grand?

B and I have been doing really good. It sucks that we have to sneak around, but what B wants, B gets. Every opportunity we get, we sneak off to do some heavy groping and making out. It does make it kind of sexy, knowing we could get caught at any time. We have nightly make out sessions before we go to bed... to separate beds. It would be suspicious if we didn't. Also, we haven't had sex yet. That's the part that's really bothering me. I try and take it further, but B always shoots me down. Multiple times a day, for two weeks now, I've been trying to get her to have sex with me. I flash her, threaten her, throw tantrums, everything, and I'm still not getting any pussy. She says she's not ready. It's such bullshit. I'm getting really fucking horny.

Speaking of horny, Robin's the king of horny in this hotel. He wants some, and I won't give it. He doesn't get why, and I can't exactly tell him that I love B, and I don't want to do anything that might hurt her. I convinced that I need my space, so he got his own room. Doesn't stop him, though, from coming in some nights to sleep with me. He holds me and I feel his hard-on. Every single time. I can't do it though. I want to. I want him to get me off, but that's the only reason I want him. I want sex. Sometimes he rubs his cock against my ass while he sleeps, moaning my name, and it's all I can do to keep from fucking him then and there. But once again, B'd be hurt, so I don't. It's hard enough keeping PDA's to a minimum in front of B, considering how touchy-feely Robin's suddenly gotten. He also doesn't know why B suddenly hates him. When he asks me, I just shrug and grunt out a non-answer.

*****

The gang's all sitting around eating Chinese food. Xander's doing some imitation of a walrus with his chopsticks and now Dawn's doing it too. Christ. I'm so bored. We haven't had anything to do today for the first time since we got here. Angel, Wes, and Giles are trading war stories or some shit, and I'm now having a fucking hard time not cracking up watching Angel try to use chopsticks. One thing I can't stop myself from doing, though, is watching Kennedy and Red mack on each other. I can't bother watching Gunn and Fred, cause quite frankly, I'm really more into the girly loving these days. Funny, since I currently have my very own piece of man-meat. Anyway, Kennedy and Red, who I've now decided to call Rennedy, have been about 2 seconds from fucking right here in the lobby for the last 20 minutes. Jesus, ladies, get a fucking room. I look over at B, and see that she's staring at them also. Her mouth is open a little bit and I can tell she's panting slightly. Well, well, well, it looks like a certain blonde slayer's getting kinda hot.

I raise my foot under the table and tap her foot. B's eyes quickly dart over to mine and I can see the lust in her eyes. I motion my eyes to the staircase and lick my bottom lip suggestively, wiggling my eyebrows the whole time. B gets the message.

"This was fun guys," she says, moving to clear her food. "I'm gonna take a nap now. I'm full of yummy noodles and it's making me sleepy."

No one really questions her, and B's walking up the stairs now, looking me in the eye the whole time. I wait a few minutes, and then I get up also and start to leave. Unfortunately, my oh-so-irritating boyfriend decides that now is the time to look up from his beef and broccoli.

"Where are you going, Faith?"

Um…. "I'm gonna go take a shower. I feel fuckin gross."

"Want some company?" Um, how bout, no? He's leering at me now. Put it back in your pants, buddy. And why did he have to say that in front of everyone? They're all trying to pretend they didn't hear that. Wish I could too.

"Uh, no, Robbie. I'm just gonna take a quick shower and change. I want to go have a good workout."

"Hey, I'll spar with you, Faith. Hurry back down. I'll be waiting here," Angel butts in. Asshole. He's smirking at me like he knows what I was gonna go do. He's making fun of me. I have half a mind to stake him.

"Sure," I say, giving him my deadliest glare. He just smirks some more.

I move up the stairs and try to feel B out. I think she's on the first floor…. In the first available hallway. Is she crazy? Way to get caught. Put us as close to them as possible. We might have well just snuck under the table and hoped we didn't get caught. The second that I get into the hallway, Buffy shoves me up against the wall, pinning my wrists against the wall on either side of my head. I love when she gets aggressive like this. It makes me fuckin hot. Her head swoops down and she starts licking and sucking at my neck. God, it feels so good. She's sucking hard, and I know it's gonna leave a mark. Bitch. She moves up and starts biting at my ear lobe. Every lick makes me wetter, and every nip makes my breath catch in my throat. Then she dips her head down more, using the flat of her tongue to lick straight up my throat to my chin. I can't take this anymore.

I growl low in my throat and then push forward, flipping us so that now, she's pressed against the wall. I nudge her legs apart and position myself so that my pussy is pressing into hers, our clothes the only thing separating us. B gasps and pushes herself harder into me. I move my head forward, catching her mouth in the hottest kiss I've ever experienced. Our tongues tangle with each other, fighting for dominance. B's mouth is smoldering, practically burning me. I move my hand up, pinching B's nipple and cupping her tits through her shirt. God, they're so stiff. I give a particularly hard tweak, and B gasps in my mouth. Christ, that's sexy.

She's pushing into my hips harder now and she's starting to moan into my mouth over and over again. I decide to try pressing my luck, so I start moving my hand down to the waist of her pants. I get to the top button and wait, seeing if she'll stop me. Please God, don't fucking stop, B.

She keeps grabbing at me and sucking my tongue, so I take that as a sign to continue. I pop open the top button and slowly pull down the zipper. I continue down, sliding my fingers underneath her panties. I feel her small amount of soft pubic hair. The tips of my fingers finally meet her slit and move inside, feeling the wetness. Her wetness. Christ, I do this to her? I am so fucking good. I start moving my fingers in small little circles on her clit, when B's eyes suddenly fly open. She grabs my hand, stilling my fingers. She must be fucking kidding me.

"No, Faith. I don't want to yet." She's looking at me like she's begging me to understand. Yeah, sorry B, I don't fucking understand. I rip my hand out from her pants and move away from her. "Please, Faith. Don't be angry." B tries to grab my arm and hold me to her. I shrug her off.

"Don't, B. Just, don't."

I can't believe her. Doesn't she want me? I mean, am I not good enough? Does she find me so repulsive that she doesn't want me touching her? For weeks now, she's been doing this. I can't take it anymore.

"Faith, don't think this means that I don't want you. I do. So much." Yeah right. "Don't think that this means I don't believe in us. What we have."

"How can I not, Buffy? You won't let me show you how I feel. How much I love you. You keep teasing me. Almost letting there, but then you stop. I don't understand what's wrong. What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for us to be ready."

"We are ready!" I whisper harshly. I'm losing my patience here. "I know damn well that all I can think about is fucking you. And if what I just felt in your panties was any indication, I'd say you're very ready for me."

B flushes and then suddenly seems to realize that her pants are still open and unzipped. She buttons them up, and then looks up at me. She's got these big, puppy-dog eyes going on. What did she have to go and do that for?

My voice softens when I say, "B, I'm sorry, but I'm horny as fuck. You won't help me out, and I don't even want to think about Robin touching me. I can't hurt you like that. But let me tell you, it's damn hard. He wants me, and he lets me know it all the time. It's hard telling him no, but I do it because I love you. I only want you." B had started looking pissed when I started talking about Robin, but now she looks touched by what I said.

I move toward B and press my body against hers again. She's panting a little now. I move my mouth so that it's almost touching hers, and whisper, "B, every night I fuck myself, thinking about you. I get myself off over and over again, but it's never enough. I'm never satisfied. Only you can satisfy me. I think about your fingers stroking my sides." I start running my fingers up and down her side. I think she just shivered. "I think about your tongue, B." I give her bottom lip a little lick. "I think about you tongue licking me. Licking up my juices. Your tongue flicking my clit. I want you to fuck me with your tongue. Fuck my hole with it so deep that I scream. I want you, B. Please, stop making me wait."

B's shaking by the time I finish. She moves her lips to mine, kissing me hard. Her hands tangle in my hair, holding me to her. Like I would ever let go.

We finally break apart, panting, our foreheads pressed together.

"Soon, baby," B whispers.

I sigh in defeat. "Fine." I give B one last, sweet kiss and then turn down the hall, going back to the group.

*****

I'm lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I can't sleep. The glowing clock is too fucking bright and I can hear every noise and creek of a mattress in this entire hotel. The hotel's so big and empty that the noises echo and my slayer hearing lets me hear it all in surround-sound. I can hear Red and Kenn fucking 2 rooms down. Not that the others can't hear them. They're being pretty loud. I can hear Xander snoring, and someone's definitely pacing upstairs.

I continue identifying everything I hear, when the sound of feet padding down the hall catches my attention. I hold my breath and wait. Suddenly, a feeling washes over me, and I know it's B. Ever since our relationship changed, the tingle I feel when she's near or touching me has gotten stronger. The door slowly opens and I see B standing there in a robe. She softly shuts the door behind her, obviously trying not to wake me. She's so cute. I don't know why she's coming in if she doesn't want to wake me, but she's so cute, it doesn't even matter.

"I'm awake, B," I say, stopping her in her tracks.

"Damn!" B stomps her foot and with the moonlight shining in, I can see her adorable pout. I really am turning into such a sap. "I wanted to wake you up with kisses, but now that's shot to hell. Faith, you ruined my plan!"

"Sorry, B," I chuckle. "Do you want me to pretend I'm asleep? Then you can wake me up the way you wanted to."

"No, it's ruined now."

"Um, not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here? We already had our goodnight make out session."

B walks to the bed and says in a low, husky voice, "I know. It wasn't enough, though. I want more."

Please God, let her be saying what I think she's saying. "You want to…"

"I want to fuck you," she says, dropping her robe. And she is bare ass naked under there. Jesus, her body is incredible. Oh, and yes please to the fucking.

She pulls the sheet back and finds me naked underneath. She smirks, making me smirk too. "What can I say, I sleep in the buff, Buff."

She giggles and then jumps onto the bed, straddling me. "That was so corny, Faith," she whispers into my ear, playing with my hair.

I can feel her wet pussy on my stomach. I want to fuck her so bad. Make her scream my name when she comes. But why is she doing this? She didn't want to have sex just this afternoon, and now she's changing her mind?

B goes down to kiss me, but I stop her. "Wait, B. You're not just doing this because of our fight today, are you? Cause I only want you when you want me back as much, not when you're doing it so I won't be mad."

B shakes her head. "No, I'm doing this because I want you. I want us to be together. I thought a lot about what you said today, and I realized you're right. I've been hiding. I was scared that if we had sex, I would have another relationship that was based purely around sex. But then I realized, it goes so much deeper than that with us. I don't just want you… I love you."

I'm speechless. She loves me? Yes! Thank you God! She loves me. Buffy Summers. Buffy Anne fucking Summers loves me, Faith, lifelong screw- up. I'm so happy I could vomit. I don't, though. I just pull B down and kiss her, letting all of my happiness and love for her show in my kiss.

I can't believe this is finally happening. B's naked and pressed against me, and it feels better than anything I've ever dreamed of. Her hot, soft skin is rubbing against mine, letting me feel every soft curve. Every dip in her body feels like it was made to fit into mine. Maybe it was. We are special, after all.

B's planting a series of small, wet kisses all over my face. She kisses my forehead, my nose, and then along my cheeks. She finally reaches my lips, but continues on with the small little kisses. Not that they don't feel good, but I want more. I want to feel her heat inside of me, in every way possible. I realize that B wants to take over, but I've been waiting too long. This is my show.

I grab B by the hips, rolling us over. She's caught by surprise, and looks up at me questioningly.

"Sorry, B. I've been waiting too long to not have first dibs. I need you. I'm craving it."

B nods her head and lays back, submitting herself to whatever I have in store. That makes me so hot. She's willingly giving up her power and showing me how much she trusts me.

"I love you," I whisper in her ear. I just need to keep saying it. I can't stop. I've never had someone to say it to before.

"I love you, too" she whispers back. My heart skips a beat, and I can no longer wait to have her. I attack her mouth, kissing her with so much passion that you can almost see the flames between us.

I kiss her, exploring every single part of her mouth like I've never done it before. I stroke her tongue and give the roof of her mouth a playful lick. B moans and sucks on my bottom lip. What is it with her and my bottom lip? I devour her mouth until my lungs burn from lack of air. We both pull back, panting like we just ran 30 miles. It's some serious panting. The noise of our breath is all that can be heard in the room.

I lean down and give B a short, hot kiss and then move down to lick and suck at her neck. I'm gonna mark her like she did me. Serves her right. I find the spot behind her ears that makes her squirm and start flicking my tongue over it in a way that I've learned drives her crazy.

"Faith, please," B whines, writhing and squirming underneath me. Because I can't ever bear to see this girl suffer, I give in and start moving down her body. When I reach B's stiff, pink nipples, I know I'll never be able to be with someone else again. No one will ever measure up to this. B's boobs are small, but so perfect and round, with the cutest nipples I've even seen, that they suit her perfectly. I lean in, blowing air onto B's nipple. I watch as it hardens more, practically begging me to suck it. I finally take her nipple into my mouth, rolling my tongue around it and then sucking hard. B's moaning and gasping while she thrusts her hips up toward me. I hold them down and keep sucking her nipple, occasionally flicking and biting it. Whenever I scrape my teeth over the tip, Buffy's hips shoot up again. I know what she wants. I'm not ready to give it to her yet, though.

I move to her other nipple, taking it into my mouth and moving one of my hands that was one B's hips to the nipple I was just at. I start pinching and rubbing that one while I twirl my tongue around the tip of her sensitive nipple. B's not even stopping between moans now, making it sound like one long one. I feel B's hands on my shoulders, and suddenly she's pulling me up and kissing me. She's never kissed me like this. It's wanton and messy. I guess I've never turned her on like this before. She grabs my hand, but rather than moving down my own stomach this time, she moves it down to her own hot pussy.

When I reach her cunt, I softly stoke the slit, feeling the juices that are spilling out. She's so wet that I can see wetness on the inside of her thighs. She wants in so bad. Well, I'm gonna give it to you, baby.

I slip one finger into her folds, testing the wetness and then just running my finger up and down, teasing her and spreading her juices. B cries and whimpers, moving her hips up again in an attempt to get more friction. I finally move up to B's clit, and when I make contact with it, Buffy's hips shoot up off the bed and her back arches.

"Oh, God! Right there, Faith."

I do what she asks and remain there, stroking her clit from the bottom up, and then circling around. Her hips are churning, trying to keep a steady rhythm. I add a second finger, and put both fingers on either side of her clit, stroking even harder. I pinch her clit, rubbing it and twisting it between my fingers. I think she just squeaked.

"Faith, fuck me. Fuck me hard. I want to feel your fingers pounding into me. Please, baby. Do it," B whimpers into my ear. That is without a doubt the sexiest thing I've ever heard.

I move my other hand down and shove two fingers into her hot hole, immediately feeling the warm juices surround my finger and the walls of her pussy clutching at me. I move them in a put quickly, curling the ends of my fingers and hitting her g-spot.

"Oh fuck!" She screams, probably waking everyone. Not that I care.

B grabs her ankles and pulls her legs so far apart that she's practically doing a split. This gives me more access, so I get up on my knees to support myself and start pounding into her harder, adding a third finger. B's fucking my hand hard now, and the only sounds in the room are the bed moving back and forth, her pants and moans, and the nasty, wet sounds coming from her pussy. She's holding onto her knees now, pulling herself up, and fucking herself down onto my hand. Her nipples are sticking straight up and her tits are bouncing up and down with every thrust. Her eyes are closed and her face looks almost pained, like it feels so good it hurts. She looks so hot, and sexy, and gorgeous. Kill me now.

I push into her clit even harder.

"Oh, God! Faith! Fai… Fai.. Fa… Fa…" She throws her head back and gives a high pitched moan, her whole body freezing. I feel her pussy clutch at my fingers, trying to pull me in deeper. I keep pulling my fingers in and out, feeling her cum oozing out onto my hand, until B finally collapses.

She drops her legs and just lays there like a rag doll. She's completely spent. If she wasn't breathing so hard, I'd think she was dead. I am so fucking good.

I pull my fingers out of her and move up to lay beside her. I prop my head up on my hand and put my fingers in my mouth, tasting her sexy- as-fuck cum. God, she tastes like no other girl I've ever had. I close my eyes, savoring the taste. When I open my eyes, B's staring up at me in wonder, and goofy smile on her face.

"You are so fucking good." See, I told you. "That was amazing. I've never come so hard in my entire life." I just beam, trying not to do a happy dance. B pulls me down and gives me a hot kiss. When she pulls back, she grins again. "I taste pretty good. I bet you taste better, though. Maybe I should find out?" My smile gets even bigger, and B just pushes me back onto the bed. She straddles me, and in the moonlight I can almost make out an evil little glint in her eye. "Get ready, Faith. It's my turn now."

CHAPTER SIX:

Note: Sorry, it's not gonna go like everyone wants. Angst in this chapter. What can I say? I don't like to do things the easy way.

I stare up at B. She's breathing hard and her hair's spilling into her face. She looks gorgeous, and I can't believe I'm about to be fucked by somebody so perfect.

"Do it, B. Fuck me hard and long. Make me scream."

She lunges at my mouth, kissing me like a porn star would. B's awesome when she's just come. Remind me to do it more often. She devours my mouth, making me hot and tingly in all the right places. Her cum mingled with the taste of her mouth is so sweet.

B starts kissing downward, scraping her teeth over my neck and earlobe. I gasp and squirm under her touch, grabbing the back of her messy blonde head to try and guide her movements. As much as I like this, I'm not getting any less horny by the minute. I need some serious touch, here.

She won't move though, and keeps licking, biting, and sucking at my neck. I can't stop the writhing motions of my body, and I'm so wet that I feel my juices leaking out of my pussy and onto the sheets. I can't move too much, though, what with B straddling me and all. I start whimpering pretty loudly, and B finally takes pity on me. This whimpering thing I've been doing lately is getting pretty embarrassing. I sound like a goddamn puppy.

B latches onto my sensitive, hard as rock nipples and starts sucking hard. Fuck! So good. Thank God she didn't start out slow. Her right hand comes up and starts roughly twisting and pulling my nipples. I sigh, enjoying the tingles of pleasure shooting straight from my nipples into my cunt. It burns, setting my entire body on fire. Making me want her even more than I already do. It's like she's teasing me, keeping me from what I want, but giving me what I need at the same time.

She stops sucking on my nipple, pulling back and blowing her hot breath onto it. I shiver at the feeling, and then yelp and shoot my hips up when she clamps back down and sucks like there's no tomorrow. Shit, B's got a talented mouth.

When she's finally satisfied with torturing me to death, she starts licking and kissing down my body. She kisses across my stomach, carefully avoiding the scar that she put there, and then dips her tongue into my belly button. Is it strange that that feels so good? As horny as I am now, licking my calf could probably make me come.

When she gets to my wet, bare pussy, she doesn't even hesitate in diving in.

"Shit!" I yell, my back arching and hips shooting off the bed. B grabs them to keep them down. I jerk and switch as she laps at my clit with the flat of her tongue. Oh fuck, I'm getting close. "Stop, B," I rasp out, trying to find my voice. "I'm gonna come soon. Don't keep doing that."

She listens to me and moves down, running the tip of her tongue up my slit, spreading out my juices. Yeah, that's better.

I start a slow grinding motion with my hips as B keeps running her tongue up and down. I see our reflection in the mirror, and we look so fucking to-die-for. Remind me to make a video of us having sex later.

All thoughts of Slayer porn fly out of my head when I feel B stiffen her tongue and thrust it into my wet hole.

"Christ, B! Just like that! Right there…" She's curled her tongue up and she's rubbing it against my g-spot. Really fucking talented tongue.

B's tongue keeps plunging in and out of me, fucking me into another dimension. Buffy is eating me out. I can't get over it. B is fucking me with her tongue. The thought alone makes me groan and I look down, seeing her blonde head moving between my thighs.

I reach my hand down, holding her head and pulling a little so she'll look at me. B looks up, her eyes full of lust and my wetness shining on her chin. Shit, shit, shit. That's so hot! She's grinning at me so sexy, and I just have to tell her I love her.

"I love you, B."

She doesn't answer, but looks me in the eye as she takes her lips and wraps them around my clit, sucking hard.

"Fuck, ah! Jesus! Harder, B. Suck it harder!" I'm thrashing around on the bed now, gripping the sheets. I think they're ripping. Not that I give a shit. She sucks harder on my clit, flicking the tip of it with her tongue. Fuck! God, I'm gonna come. "B, shit! Yeah, fuck. B, I'm gonna, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come in your mouth. Ah!"

I quickly jerk my permanently raised hips against B's mouth, thrusting quickly. The sheets are definitely ripped all to hell now.

B slips her tongue down and starts twirling it in my hole, replacing her thumb on my clit. I can't even put a sentence together anymore. I hear myself gasping and moaning.

"B, Buuufffyyy… Your, your…. Tongue, Jesus…."

My hand is tangled in B's hair, holding her head to me, while the other one twists and pinches at my nipple. B somehow rolls her eyes up, sees what I'm doing, and replaces my fingers with her own. She pinches at my nipple, rubs my clit, and fucks me with her tongue, all the while moaning and humming into my cunt. I feel myself reach the breaking point, and the walls of my pussy start to tighten and squeeze on B's tongue.

"Oh, ahh! B!" I grab the pillow next to my head and cover my face with it. I let loose the hoarsest, loudest scream into the pillow, my pussy pulsing and spilling juice onto B's tongue. Waves of pleasure course through my body, making me shake and moan. I can't breathe, and the pillow's not helping, so I throw it off and gasp over and over into the quiet room. Finally, when I so spent and tired that I can't come anymore, my body relaxes and I let go of B's head.

B flips me over the second I fall back against the bed. She pulls my ass up, forcing me onto my knees with my elbows resting on the mattress. Is she fucking crazy?

"B, what the fuck are you doing? I just came so hard not even 5 seconds ago and you wanna go again?" I pant out. My whole body's still kinda limp and tired, so it's a little bit of a job for B to keep up.

"Faith, you're a Slayer. You should have stamina. I thought you were always talking about how you could go all night… well, we got all night, Baby."

"Yeah, B, but I need a second to rest, then I can keep going all night."

"Well," B practically purrs, leaning forward into my ear. "If you don't think you can…" She trails off, but the challenge in there was clear, and there is no way I'm letting her win.

I open my legs wide and push myself up so I'm on all fours. "Do your worst, Twinkie."

I can feel B smirking but any comments I might have are cut off by an embarrassing squeal. B just shoved three fingers into my sopping cunt. It's so sensitive from when I just came that I can practically feel every dent, line, and curve of B's fingers.

She slowly pumps her fingers in and out, sliding wetly and making some of those wet clicking noises that her pussy was making earlier. I slowly rock back against Buffy, moving her fingers in as deeply as I can get them to go.

Christ, I love this. As much as I like a warm, soft tongue on my clit, I'm a penetration girl at heart. It's always been my thing. I'm one of those chicks that can come from penetration alone. And B is fucking me so good right now. As weird as it sounds, it feels like she's fucking me as deep as any cock could.

B starts moving her fingers a little faster now, and she dips her head down and starts kissing the cheeks of my ass. She's licking and sucking, probably leaving hickeys on my fuckin ass. I moan, pushing back even harder. My ass is kinda hitting up against her face, and I feel her teeth bumping up against me and biting me. It's fuckin hot. You may have guessed, but I'm also one of those chicks who like a little pain with her pleasure.

B moves her other hand down and rubs her fingers against my thigh, where my cum is still dripping out and onto the sheets. She starts pumping her fingers into me really hard and fast. So fast that I have to put my hands up on the headboard to get the leverage to match her thrusts.

I'm fucking back onto B's hand hard and fast, rocking the bed back and forth. I'm moaning constantly now, and my head's bent down. I hear B say, "Look over your shoulder, Faith."

I look back and see B holding up three fingers that are glistening in my cum. She looks me in the eye and slides her index finger into her mouth. She then moves her ring finger to her mouth, cleaning that one off too. B's still got some of my juices on her chin, and she looks so fuckin hot, I could probably come from just staring at her. She leaves her middle finger still covered in cum, and then holds it up to me, giving me the finger and grinning.

I pant out, "You already are, ba-AAH!" Christ! Before I can get my sentence out, B's pushed her middle finger into my asshole, sliding the sticky digit in and out. Do I really need to say it? Yep, I'm also a girl that likes double penetration. "Fuck! Fuck, B, you're fucking me so good. JESUS!" I'm thrusting back like a crazy person now, letting B fuck me good and proper. I can't believe she's fucking me in the ass.

She curls her fingers in my pussy, hitting my g-spot. Jesus fucking Christ. My eyes are watering and I feel a tear slide down my cheek. My toes are numb, and all I can feel are her exquisite fingers pounding in and out of me. I barely notice the headboard shattering under my hands when my body tenses up and I feel the intense orgasm wash over my entire body.

"GOD! B, god, don't stop, keeping fucking me!"

"I won't stop. I'll never stop," she says. I can't think. I hear gasps and whimpers coming from my mouth, but it's like they're coming from someone else.

I let out one final groan, and then drop down onto the bed. I honestly don't think I've ever been fucked so good.

When B finishes lapping up my cum, she pulls her fingers out of me and crawls up beside me. She lies on her side and then puts her arm around my stomach, pulling me so that I'm also on my side and she's spooning me. I can feel her nipples against my back, her breath on the nape of my neck, and her fingers drawing patterns on my stomach. I reach down and pull up the ripped sheet to our waists. My movement shifted B's fingers, moving them to my scar. She stops moving her fingers and I feel her tense up.

B finally relaxes and starts kissing my neck and moving her fingers over the scar. She whispers, "I'm so sorry I did this. I hurt you, and your gorgeous body will always be marked because of what I did."

"I needed it, B. This scar will always remind me of what I've done, and what I can never let myself become again. I need it. Don't be sorry."

She moves closer, snuggling into me. I hear her murmur into my neck that she loves me. Fuck, I love you too. You have no idea how much.

*****

I wake up to the sun shining in my eye and a soft, warm body wrapped all around me. The previous night comes flooding back into my mind. I can't stop the fucking retarded grin that's spreading on my face. I probably look like such an ass.

B grumbles in her sleep and then turns her head so that she's facing me and resting it on my shoulder. She slowly opens her eyes, and I know that this is how I want to wake up for the rest of my life.

"Hey," she purrs, stretching her amazingly sexy limbs.

I start to respond, when I hear a noise growing closer. "Do you hear that?"

Before B can answer, Willow comes busting into the room. "Faith, Buffy's missing. We're gonna go looking for her. We need-" She stops talking and stares at us. B's sat up and her tits are all on display. She seems to notice and quickly grabs the sheet to cover herself, leaving me butt-naked. Oh well, I don't care. Let Red get an eyeful. "What is this?" Willow practically growls, her eyes flashing black. Shit, this is so not good.

"Wills, it's not…" It's not what, B? Tell me she's not gonna try and deny all this. No. She loves me. I love her. She wouldn't fucking do that to me.

Red just turns around and starts walking away. B immediately jumps up and grabs her robe, racing after Willow. I grab some pants off the floor and a wife beater and race out after them. I catch up to them at the foot of the staircase, where B has grabbed Red's arm to stop her and is crying.

"Willow, please, don't. I'm sorry. You're my best friend. Please, don't do this to me."

"I don't even know you," Red says flatly, jerking her arm away. She rushes down the stairs, Buffy following behind her. I prepare myself for the worst, and follow them down the stairs.

The whole group's here, and they're getting ready to go out. I guess they really were serious about looking for B.

"It's OK, guys. I found Buffy. She was in Faith's room."

Everyone looks at B and then at me. Great. I really didn't want everyone to find out this way.

"Buffy, why were you in Faith's room? We were really worried," Dawn says, her voice little and weak. I think she knows something is going on.

"And your bed wasn't made, Buff. Did you spend the whole night in her room?" Xander's looking expectantly at B. They need to mind their business and stop questioning her. She doesn't have to answer to them.

"Um, yeah, I was in her room all night," B says, and I notice that she's moved a little bit away from me. I don't even think she realized she was doing it. The thing is, though, I feel like she's put more than just physical distance between us.

"Why?" Xander asks. None of your damn bees wax.

"Is that any of your fucking business, Xanman?" I'm officially not staying silent through this thing anymore.

"No, Faith. I think we all would like to know why you and Buffy were naked and wrapped around each other in your bed," Willow says. Well, I think the shit may have really just hit the fan.

"WHAT?" Xander, Dawn, and Andrew all yell. What the hell does Bitch Boy care?

"Okay, why doesn't everybody take a chill pill? Or a dozen. Can I offer anyone a Sea Breeze?" Lorne asks, trying to calm everyone down. For some reason, I really don't think that's gonna work.

Gunn, Fred, Wes, and Giles have moved off to the side, trying to stay out of the fight. They sit down at the table that we moved into the hotel last week. Connor's sitting on the staircase, watching the whole thing like we're animals at the fucking zoo. Everyone else is standing around looking wicked tense.

"So, what does this mean, Buffy?" Willow asks, her voice getting angrier with every word. "You decided, 'Hey, I think I'll explore the sapphic side of life. Maybe I'll try it out with the chick who betrayed and tried to kill us all!'"

"Willow, give them a break. OK, so maybe we didn't see this coming, but if Buffy's happy then we should try to be understanding." Who would have thought Dawnie would be the one to defend us. "Besides, Faith's pretty cool. If Buffy wants to be a carpet-muncher, she might as well do it with her."

"Hey!" B yells.

"Faith's COOL?" Red's really getting pissed now. Her face is starting to match her hair. "Has everyone had their memories wiped? She tried to KILL us all. She betrayed us. She's a murdering, manipulative whore that I wouldn't trust as far as I can throw her! And being one of the non-slayers in this hotel, that's not very far!"

OK, I'm not taking this shit anymore. She was thrown off of that high horse a long time ago. She no longer has the right to talk or judge me. "Fuck you, Red. You are so full of shit, it's ridiculous. OK, number one, where do you get off calling ME a murderer. The way I hear it, you've joined the club. You've got yourself a premium membership. Skinned a guy alive, if I'm not mistaken. Number two, I never tried to kill you, so don't flatter yourself. The only people in this room that I actually tried to kill are Angel, B, and Xander. You weren't important enough to kill. And let me tell you, if I had really wanted any of you dead, you wouldn't be here now. You'd be six feet under. I could have snapped Xander's neck, aimed a little bit to the right when I shot Angel, and put a gun against B's head while she was sleeping. I had the power to put every single one of you down, and you know it. And number three, I'll say this one time. If you ever call me a whore again, I'll kill you."

I got closer to Red during my little speech, and I'm right in her face now. We're having a staring contest, seeing who will back down first. That's when Kennedy decides to butt her stupid nose in.

"Don't threaten her. I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I know you definitely aren't the big bad bitch who runs this place. You may have been a big deal before, but you don't scare me. I'm a slayer now, and I can-" She's cut off by my fist slamming into her face and throwing her a good five feet back.

"Listen up, Kid," I say, looking down at her on the floor. I don't even feel a little bad about hitting her. "I don't give a shit what you are now. I've been doing this longer, I'm stronger, and I'm better. Don't kid yourself into thinking you could ever take me. The only person who could ever beat me without magic-ing themselves up first," I give Red a pointed look, "is B. So stay down, Sweetie. The grown-ups are talking."

"I think I'd have to agree with Faith. While she is the Dark Slayer, true good, such as Buffy, will always-"

"Shut up, Andrew!" Just about everyone shouts. He jumps and skitters over to the table.

Now we're standing around staring at each other. At least everyone's stopped going apeshit.

"You're disgusting." I spoke too soon. Robin's stepping up to me. Shit, I totally forgot about him. How did I not notice him? He's been leaning up against the counter over at the reception area. Fuck, this just got a whole lot worse.

"Robbie, I didn't want to hurt-"

"Shut UP!" He yells, cutting me off. His voice was so loud, Dawn jumped. "You didn't want to hurt me?" Robin starts laughing, and now I'm the one that flinches. I don't think I've ever heard a laugh sound that harsh before. And that's including my laugh during my crazy days. "I don't think you ever cared enough about me to even bother wanting to hurt me. You never cared about what I wanted or how I felt. I was just a toy to you. Something to use at your convenience and throw away when you were done. Now I know why you couldn't care about me. You didn't need to… You had her."

Robin looks Buffy over with a sneer. The only thing stopping me from punching out this asshole is the fact that I've kind of just broken his heart. But this is the only time I'll give him any leeway. No one can say I'm insensitive.

"What is it, Faith? What could you possibly be getting from her that you're not getting from me? Is it the fact that I've never tried to kill you? That I've acted like I actually cared about you? That I don't treat you like the murderer that you are? Is THAT what you're getting from her?"

"That's enough," Angel growls. I'm not too sure if he's getting in to defend me or B. "You're a newbie, so maybe you shouldn't talk like you actually know anything."

Go Angel! I knew there was a reason I liked him so much. Robin looks around at everyone, gives me a long, disgusted look, and then storms out of the hotel. We're all standing around silently again, when Xander says in a quiet voice, "She's gonna hurt you, Buffy. I don't necessarily think it'll be on purpose, but it's all she knows how to do."

I look at B, waiting to hear her response to this. She's got tears in her eyes. Come on, B. Tell them it's not true. Tell them we love each other and that no one will be hurting anyone. B just keeps looking around, searching everyone's expressions, until she finally lands on me. She gives me the saddest, most begging look. But it's not begging for help. It's begging me to forgive her. I can already feel my world starting to shatter.

"Guys, it's not like that. It's not like we're even really together. I was just feeling needy last night. Faith seemed like a good option. It wasn't serious, and it won't happen again. You guys are overreacting." She looks around at her friends, obviously hoping that they believe her.

I don't think I can breathe. If I thought being raped, stabbed, and beaten hurt, those were nothing compared to how I feel now. My chest is burning and I feel like I might throw up. She doesn't love me. If she did, she wouldn't do this to me. She wouldn't be ashamed of me. She wouldn't break my heart like this.

Willow looks hopeful after Buffy's explanation. Her eyes have stopped flicking to black.

I wish I was dead.

Dawn looks confused. Xander looks like he doesn't fully buy it. Angel's looking at Buffy like he can't believe her nerve.

And me? I look fine. I look like I couldn't give a shit. But on the inside? I've just died. My intestines have been ripped out and I'm bleeding to death. My heart has been cut out and then shoved down my throat to choke me. But you can't tell any of this from my passive, nonchalant, outward appearance. The only thing that slightly gives it away is my right hand that's shaking. The hand that Angel's staring at.

Now we're all standing around again. This silence is starting to pound in my head like I'm in front of the speaker at a concert. Just when I think I may crack, a loud voice calls all of our attentions to the staircase.

"What the hell are all of you losers doing here?" Cordelia asks. Perfect.

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Note: Ok, the actual plot is starting up this chapter. And the last section is not in Faith's POV. That's the only way it would work. Dialogue taken from Consequences.

Everyone stared up at Cordelia. Seriously, what is with us and the staring?

"Hello? Is anyone gonna answer my question? I wake up and all of Sunnydale has situated itself here. Buffy and her group of freaks. Has the Bronze been moved into the basement?" Cordy walks down the stairs smiling as we all continue to gawk at her.

When she gets to the bottom of the stairs, everyone seems to snap out of their temporary funk. "Cordy!" Angel practically yells, moving toward her. Right before he's about to hug her, she steps back a little bit.

"Wait, hold on. It's not that I'm not happy to see you, but touching right now is kinda weird for me… can we just hold off on the hugging for now?" She gives Angel an apologetic look and smiles warmly at him. Uhh, gag me.

"Yeah," he whispers, smiling at her. He's definitely in love with her. If you couldn't tell before, the look in his eyes now gives everything away. I look over at B, the word love automatically bringing me to her. I look away quickly, though, when I see that she isn't even looking at them. She's looking at me. Don't, B. You made your choice. I'm barely functioning right now. Don't make it harder for me.

"Cordelia, I can't tell you how pleased I am to see you're awake," Wes says, smiling for the first time since we got here.

Cordelia just smiles at the LA crew. They're all so caught up in each other, it's like they forget we're here. It's a big, fucking, smiling group. At least Lorne hasn't started singing. He's being strangely quiet, sipping his drink and smiling. I think he's just drunk. I wish I was drunk. That'd make this easier.

"Um, not to break up this touching moment, but how are you Queen C? You've just come out of a coma. Do you feel wobbly or anything?" Xander asks. Cordelia looks at him. Her smile gets impossibly huge.

"Xander, when I was thinking that you wouldn't have a decent job, I never expected you to be a pirate. Do you have a neat ship and everything?" I'd want to kick her ass for saying that, but she's obviously joking. I don't know why I even care if she insults Xander. He just insulted me less than a minute ago.

"Actually," he chuckles, "it's real. Got my eye gouged out about a week ago. The pirate thing would be cool, though."

"Well, it's good to see you're taking it so well." She smiles, but then gets a serious look on her face. "I'm sorry Xand. Your eyes were what I loved most... the only thing I liked."

Everyone gets quiet again. I have to break the silence. Quiet lets me think about how I'm falling apart inside. I need distractions. "So, Cor, since the last time I saw you, you weren't you and all, are you really as pissed at me as you seemed then?" I give her a little smirk.

"Well, normally I would be. But on account of the fact that my demon self tried to kill you on multiple occasions while you were here, I'm gonna let bygones be bygones." She grins at me and then looks around at everyone else. Who is this chick in place of Cordelia? Where's the bitch we all know and tolerate? "While we're on the subject of apologies, I just want to give a big fat one for what I did while I was a demon."

"Cordy, that wasn't-" Angel tries to interrupt.

"I know. But… it was still my body. It was like me doing it. I just need to do this, OK?" Her eyes get watery and she gives a pleading little smile at Angel. Stop with the fucking smiling! "Willow, Gunn, Fred, and Angel. I'm so sorry. I tried to kill you all, and thank God I didn't succeed. Then, I'd be feeling a lot worse than I am now…" She chuckles. "Wes," Cordelia whispers, turning to face Wesley. "I'm so sorry for what I did. What I did to her… what I made you do to her. I'd fix it if I could, but I know I can't. Just, please, know that I'm sorry?"

"It wasn't your fault, Cordelia. That wasn't how I wanted it to go, but I didn't love her. We weren't together anyway."

Cordelia gets a hard look on her face and then looks away. The silence is once again broken, but this time it's from across the room.

"What about me?" Connor asks, his voice bitter and hurt. I know the feeling, kid.

"Connor, I didn't see you there." Cordelia has the decency to look slightly ashamed.

"Yeah, I noticed. Did what happened with us mean anything to you? What I gave up for you?"

"Connor," she says slowly, easing toward him. "That wasn't me. The last time I was really here was right when you had come here. You weren't with me when all of that stuff happened."

"Fine! Say what you want! I know what really happened." He gets up and storms out of the hotel. Jesus, he's SUCH a drama queen!

"Well that went well," Cordy jokes weakly. Then she starts to sway a little. "I don't feel so good." She adds, moving over to the couch and sitting down.

"Do you need anything?" Angel asks, almost touching her but then moving away. I guess he remembered that no touching rule.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need some water." Fred brings her a bottle of water, and then Cordy says, "You do have some problems, though. I was woken up by a vision… it was of all of you guys. There was a big fight, and a gigantic demon. Big, slimy, with horns in its head. He said that there were consequences. It didn't look good… the fight, I mean. Obviously the demon wouldn't be winning any pageants."

"Wait, if you saw the vision with all of us in it, why were you so shocked when you saw us? You knew we were gonna be here," Willow asks suspiciously. I guess she's still feeling pissed. I don't remember her ever giving Cordelia some attitude. But hey, this isn't the same Red that I used to know.

"Fine, you got me," Cordelia smiles. "I was just making an entrance. You know how it is… I AM an actress, after all."

"It's so good to have you back, Cordy," Fred says, and I think her mouth may fall off, she's smiling so big.

"It's good to be back," Cordelia answers, smiling at the whole group. I have to break this moment up. It's sickening. I need to be by myself right now.

"Not to be the scrooge, or anything, but are we done now? This scene is really not my thing. I'm outta here." I give everyone a look like I couldn't care less, avoiding Buffy's general area, and then walk up the stairs. I need a cigarette.

*****

So this is what I've been reduced to. All the things that have happened in my life, and I find myself bawling over a chick like the pussy that I've become.

Except this isn't just a chick. This is Buffy fucking Summers. My universe. My heart. The girl that gave me hope in prison. The girl that I got up for every day, hoping that one day I'd be able to make it up to her. I used to dream about B. My first day in Sunnydale, I dreamt about her hot little body and the many ways that I wanted to fuck it. Each night the dreams got sexier, hotter, and more graphic.

As the weeks passed, though, I started to get to know B better. I saw how beautiful she was. She gave up everything for the people she loved. She was passionate and funny, and it seemed like she was a genuinely sweet person. I haven't met too many of those in my life. The dreams slowly started to change from fucking, to sex, to, dare I say it? Making love. Or at least, what I think making love is. I've only ever seen it in movies that I used to sneak into in Boston. There were roses, champagne, candles, and a Boyz II Men CD. If those things mean we're making love, then that's what B and me did in my dream.

I fell in love with her. God, I wish I hadn't. I wish that I had just stayed wanting to fuck her. It's brought me nothing but pain. Loving her made me crazy. It ruined my life. Now, it's broken my heart, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be OK again. That I'll ever recover from this. I was given a taste of what I wanted more than anything. Now it's been ripped away from me before I could really get a chance to enjoy it. For one day, B loved me. Or at least, I want to think that she did. When we were together all night, I want to believe that she did love me. That she wasn't lying when she said it. I don't know if I can, though. I think I would have been better off never knowing what it was like to be with B. But now, I'm just in the worst fucking state that I could possibly be in.

In the last hour, I've considered murder, running away, revenge, and just offing myself. Christ, was I wrong to think my suicidal tendencies was a thing of the past. Now, I'm too depressed to move myself off this goddamn bed, let alone kill myself. I'm thinking that I may just lay here until I waste away. Until I starve to death and turn into a pile of bones, eventually turning to dust. That'd be poetic, huh? The Slayer turning to dust. They could use my ashes as confetti… fuck, what the hell am I saying?

The main reason I don't want to kill myself, though, is that it could possibly allow B to prove my theory that she wouldn't give a shit if I died. Why should she? She doesn't even care that she's killing me now.

My depressing-as-shit thoughts are cut off by my vamp tingle and a knock at my door. Great, it's Angel. I really don't want to deal with him right now. Him and his stupid fucking pep talks. I stay silent, holding my breath to see if he'll just leave.

He doesn't though, and just opens the door and walks right in. He closes the door and leans against it. "Why didn't you answer?"

"Because I don't want to talk to you," I answer, not bothering to lift my face from the pillow.

"Oh. That's what I thought." Angel then proceeds to completely invade my fucking space and sits next to me on the bed. Then I don't even know what to think when he starts rubbing circles on the center of my back.

"Angel, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Um," he says, not seeming to know either. "I'm comforting you?"

"Yeah, that's not really necessary."

"Fine." He takes his hand off of me. "But you still need to be comforted."

"It's nothing," I say, not taking my face out of the pillow so I don't have to look at him while I blatantly lie to him. Having him only see my back makes it easier.

"Yeah, and Buffy and me only had a short, meaningless fling." I flinch at her name. "Sorry, wrong example." Then he lifts me up off the bed and sits me upright.

"You're lucky I'm depressed," I say, looking at him for the first time since he came in. "Cause normally, I would've kicked your ass for that."

"I'm also lucky you're so tiny. Do you even eat?"

"Hey! I am NOT tiny. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" Then I notice the smirk on his face. "Asshole."

"Psycho."

"Blood sucker."

"Girl."

"Girl?" I look at him. "That's the best you can do? That's like, the lamest insult known to man. I didn't know you were even capable of coming up with something so entirely lame."

"Well, I'm a pretty lame guy," he says, with the blankest, dullest expression I ever seen.

I start cracking up and Angel starts laughing with me too. I laugh so hard that tears start rolling down my cheeks. Somewhere, though, the tears turn into real crying and I start sobbing hysterically. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Why does this guy always have to be around when I have emotional breakdowns?

I gasp and cry, my whole body shaking violently. Angel leans down and gathers me into his arms. I don't even try to fight him. He's right. I'm a wreck right now and I need comfort. I need someone to care about me.

"Shh, it's okay," he murmurs into my hair, kissing my head. "It's okay, just let it out. It's alright." He rocks me back and forth while I completely soak his shirt with my tears. Finally, when I'm done bawling my eyes out, I pull back, wiping my eyes and face, trying to pull myself together.

"I'm sorry. I just…"

"Don't mention it, Faith. That's why I'm here. I came up here to make you feel better."

"Really?" I lean myself up against my shattered headboard. God, why did I have to think that? "You got anything to fix my heart too?" I ask, my voice tearing and cracking at the word "heart".

"She really hurt you, didn't she?" Angel's got the most sympathetic look on his face. It makes me want to tell him everything.

"More than I thought she ever could. She made me happier than I've ever been, so it makes sense that taking that away would hurt me more than I've ever been hurt."

Angel looks down like he's in serious thought, then he says, "Some things, while they may not seem like it now, are good for us. I wanted you and Buffy to work, I really did, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be. So now, you can wallow in misery, or you can take something from this. You can take closure. Maybe now you can move past this fixation you've always had with Buffy and learn to be happy with someone else."

"I wish it were that easy… but don't think it is. I don't think I could ever be happier than I was with B. Now? I'm just gonna be comparing everyone I'm ever with to Buffy. They'll never make me feel like she did. Never make me feel so good."

"Yeah," he says, blushing. How the hell can he do that? "I heard how good she made you feel last night."

"You perv! You were listening to us?"

"No! It's just, you guys were so loud I couldn't help but hear."

"We weren't that loud!" We were not!

"OK, maybe not for everyone, but I have vamp hearing and everything."

"Well, if you knew she was with me, why did you let everyone go looking for her?"

"I wasn't going to let them!" He yells, getting pretty defensive. "I don't know. I went to warn you guys… but I didn't." No shit. He looks confused now, like he's trying to figure something out. "I don't know what happened. I can't remember. I walked up the stairs, but then it all gets fuzzy and I don't know what I did. I just remember ending up downstairs with the group when you came down." Weird. I don't give a shit.

"Whatever, it's OK. What's done is done. Shit happens. I just need to suck it up, stop being a pussy, and get over her."

"That's the spirit. We're researching Cordy's vision downstairs. Want to help?"

"Sure, I'll be down in a minute." He smiles and gets up to open the door. "Oh, and Angel?" He stops walking and turns to me. "Thanks. It hurts a little less now." He smiles, nods, and then leaves the room. I take the opportunity to cry a little more. Then, I pull myself together and go downstairs.

*****

No POV:

The gang sits around the research table, doing what else? Researching. Everyone was pretty spaced out around the desk, and the tension among the group was obvious. Buffy would look over at Faith occasionally, who had given up even pretending to research and was staring at a fixed spot on the wall. Angel occasionally glanced at Faith, his eyes filled with compassion, but most of his attention was focused on Cordelia, who hadn't taken her eyes off of Wesley once since they sat down.

Wesley looked over at Cordelia, noticing her gaze on him. "Cordelia, is there something that I can help you with?"

"No, no. I was just wondering, how are you, Wes? You seem a little… tense."

"Yes, well, this is a rather tense situation. It's important to figure out how you awoke and what these consequences are."

Cordy laughed. "Come on, do you people have to question everything? Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth, for God's sake." The group looked up at Cordelia curiously. She quickly amended, "That came out wrong. I just mean, be happy I'm back, and things are calming down for right now. Let's not make it into something that we question too much. If you analyze it so much, it won't be a good thing anymore."

"Cordy," Angel said. "I understand where you're coming from, but it's important that we figure out what the powers are trying to tell us. You were woken up by a vision, so we can't ignore it. You should know that."

"You're right, you're right," Cordelia said. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little out of it. I'm not thinking straight. I guess that's a side effect of the coma. And don't you get used to me saying you're right, Mister. It won't be happening often." Cordelia grinned warmly at Angel, and then went back to reading her book.

The group went back to their researching. After a while, a tapping distracted Willow, causing her to look up. The noise was coming from Faith, who was rhythmically hitting her foot against the table.

"Would you stop it?" Willow snapped. "It's super annoying. Do you think it would be possible for you to actually give a crap about someone other than yourself and help us research?"

Faith held back her biting retort, and instead replied, "You know me, Red. The researching part was never really my thing. I was only good at the kicking-ass part."

"Yeah, I guess I'd forgotten," Willow said sarcastically. She looked back down at her book and muttered under her breath, "I shouldn't be surprised, though. She probably can't even read."

Faith looked up, her slayer hearing allowing her to catch the remark. "You got a problem. Red? Actually, I know you do. It's getting fucking annoying. Can you just get it all out, or get over it, and grow the fuck up? You're frustrating the hell out of me."

"Fine, you want to know what my problem is? I'll tell you. You-"

"STOP IT!" Dawn suddenly yelled, cutting Willow off. "I'm sick of you two. If you have problems, work them out on your own time. Stop dragging everyone else into it and making us listen to you whine and bitch at each other."

Faith looked to see Buffy's reaction. When the blonde didn't look up or act like she was going to choose sides, Faith gave her a disgusted look and then pushed her chair back, standing up.

"Fine," she said. "Obviously I'm not needed or wanted here. You can all have fun researching without me."

Faith started to walk away when Buffy jumped up from her chair, grabbing Faith's shoulder to stop her from leaving. "Faith, wait. We do need you here." Buffy then whispered so quietly that only Faith could hear her, "I want you here."

Faith didn't turn around, but growled out lowly, "Take your fucking hand off me, Buffy." The whole table watched their interaction, trying to decide what they thought was going on between the two slayers.

Faith opened her mouth to say something else when her eyes suddenly glowed yellow. When they returned to their normal light brown color, she shrugged Buffy's hand off of her shoulder and said, "What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that, in court, if you need me."

Faith turned around and looked at Buffy, who crossed her arms and smirked at Faith. "You'd dig that, wouldn't you? To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy- toy for a night."

Xander stared on horrified as the rest of the group looked at each other questioningly, trying to figure out what was going on.

"What are they talking about?" Dawn asked Giles, looking back and forth between the display in front of her and the bewildered watcher.

"I haven't a clue," Giles said, never looking away from Buffy and Faith.

"No, no that's not it…" Faith said, shaking her head.

"I know what this is all about," Buffy purred, closing in until she was right in front of Faith. "You just came by here cause you want another taste, don't you?"

"No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this."

"More like how, then?" Buffy asked, running her fingertips along Faith's cleavage, "Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla?"

"Faith, come on!" Faith said sharply, jerking Buffy away from her. "I came here to help you. I thought we had a connection." Faith searched Buffy's eyes, but all she got was an amused laugh from Buffy.

"I don't think they know what they're saying," Wesley said.

"I think they're in some kind of trance," Angel added. "Like they're acting this whole scene out, or something."

"BUFFY!" Willow yelled, trying her best to get Buffy's attention. Buffy didn't even seem to notice Willow, instead focusing all of her attention on Faith. "This is definitely not of the good."

The gang turned their attention back to the slayers when they heard Buffy laugh. They all jumped back from the table when Buffy suddenly grabbed Faith by the front of her shirt, turned, and threw Faith onto the research table, knocking the open books off of the table and onto the floor.

"BUFFY, NO!" Giles yelled, moving to stop Buffy from doing anymore damage. Some invisible force threw him back, though. Angel then attempted to move toward Buffy also, but he couldn't reach her because he was thrown back also.

Buffy jumped onto Faith, straddling her. "You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin." Buffy rubbed her hands over Faith's breasts and stomach. "I see. I want. I take," Buffy said, and then reached down, kissing Faith hard. "I forget."

"No. No, wait. It was more than that," Faith said, shaking her head in denial.

Buffy ground more roughly into Faith's hips and moved her hands underneath her top. She groped roughly at Faith as she said, "I could do anything to you right now, and you'd want me to. I could make you scream."

Buffy writhed on top of Faith, kissing her wettly and then licking the side of her face. Buffy moved her hands higher under Faith's top and onto her neck, resting them there. "I could make you die," she whispered. Buffy kissed Faith again, sloppily and hungrily. She tugged at Faith's bottom lip, pulling back, and then kissed her again before pulling back slowly, pushing down on Faith's neck.

"Buffy, stop! What are you doing? STOP!" Dawn screamed.

Giles, Angel, Gunn, Kennedy, and Wesley all tried to move forward, but were once again thrown back. Everyone looked on, horrified, as Buffy strangled Faith, who couldn't dislodge Buffy's hands. Willow began chanting, trying to break the barrier with magic, but before she had a chance, Buffy was suddenly thrown off of Faith and onto the floor.

Faith gasped and held her throat as Buffy sat up slowly and looked around at the stunned group. "Oh God," she gasped, tears filling her eyes. "What was that?"

CHAPTER EIGHT:

No POV:

Buffy slowly got off of the ground, shaking slightly. She looked around at the others, waiting for someone to say something. Her eyes finally locked on Faith, who was getting up from the table and not looking at anyone. She sat down in one of the chairs at the table and pulled her feet up underneath her, still not looking up.

Faith's movement seemed to release everyone from the temporary trance they were in. Dawn began picking up books that had fallen on the floor as everyone regained their seats.

"Are you alright?" Fred asked Faith, reaching out to touch her arm. Faith didn't look at her and just jerked away, discouraging anyone else from trying to help her.

"Ok, what the HELL was that?" Cordelia asked, looking around at everyone.

"Um," Buffy cleared her throat. "I don't know. I felt like my body was taken over… like I was just reciting lines. The thing is, though, I felt the emotions, too. I felt all of the pain, and anger, and need to destroy. It was scary."

"Buffy, was it like when we were taken over by those ghosts in the school?" Angel asked.

"Sort of. The emotion that night felt kinda different, though. Less intense… which is strange, considering what happened. No, but I felt then like I was just feeling someone else's emotions. This thing just now, I felt like it WAS me."

"Well, Faith was obviously not playing herself, but you were Buffy. Faith, can you tell us what that interaction was? It seems very familiar."

Faith just looked at him and stayed silent. She then looked back down at her hands.

"It should seem familiar," Xander said, speaking for the first time. "Considering you were all around when that happened to me." His tone was bitter and sarcastic. Xander had obviously been greatly affected by what they'd seen.

"Good Lord," Giles muttered.

"Oh my God, that was what happened when you went to Faith's motel room that night?" Willow asked, horrified.

"Glad to see you remember," he responded.

"Xander, you can hardly blame us for not recognizing it. Faith could've had many instances where she strangled someone, and you never told anyone what happened that night. Every time we asked, you said you didn't want to share. Remember?"

Faith continued to stare down at the ground, trying to ignore Willow's words and the way she was being talked about as if she wasn't there.

"Xander, I was Faith? What I did… she did that to you?" Buffy asked quietly, her voice still shaking.

"Yeah," he mumbled, looking around at anything but the people watching him.

"Was that the exact interaction, Xander?" Wesley asked, taking a pen out and writing something on the pad in front of him.

"Every word and every move. Some things were a little different, though. The table wasn't there. That was her bed… And there was more stuff before where those two started. Wasn't important, though. Just small talk before the strangling." He glanced at Faith, who didn't even notice.

"Faith, it's really rather important that you speak to us. Did you have a similar experience to Buffy's?"

Faith finally looked up at Giles, her eyes worried and upset. "Yeah, same thing."

"Ok," Angel said, noticing Faith's discomfort and trying to steer the conversation away from her. "So we have the basics… now we need to figure out why that just happened. I mean, what's the point in bringing up four year old events? Let's get to work. We should put the Cordy thing on hold for now. I think this situation is taking priority."

The group seemed to agree, beginning to discuss things among themselves. Wesley got up to go find books that might be useful. Kennedy, quickly becoming bored, left to go train in the basement. When Wesley arrived with the books, the group began searching through them and discussing possible reasons for the recent events.

Faith's POV:

The group buzzed around, talking about what could've just happened. I'll tell you what the fuck just happened. I did something sick, cruel, and horrible years ago, and that was just thrown back in my face.

Everything. Every goddamn feeling of fear, lust, disgust, and everything else that he felt… I felt it too. I WAS Xander.

The part that's so horrible is that I KNOW now. Before, I could kid myself into thinking that he really did want to help me, but most of his motivation came from him wanting to get into my pants again. That's just how guys are. Now I know that that wasn't his motivation. He liked me. He wanted to date me. He wanted a relationship. The kind where I was his girlfriend and loved him. It was genuine and pure, and I twisted it into some kind of sick thing. The kind of sick things that exist in my life. He saw how desperate I was for help… he wanted to save me. And I exploited his feeling and weaknesses. I used him.

You see, that night he was also remembering our night together. He remembered how amazing he thought I was… how much he liked me. Then he remembered me dumping him out on his ass. He had that feeling that I remember having the many times that happened to me before I started doing the dumping myself. The feeling of being empty, dirty, and used.

The worst, though, was feeling his fear while I choked him. How scared he was for his life. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing that I made someone feel that way. I can't believe that I used to get off on that kind of fear. The knowledge that I held the power over life and death. Thank God I don't want that power anymore. That'd be like giving a four year old the power to drop A-Bombs.

The entire time I was strangling the life out of him, the dumbass kept thinking how beautiful he thought I was. Like I was the fucking Angel of Death, or some shit. I don't know whether to be flattered of worried about his sanity.

I look over at him, but he doesn't notice. His hands are folded with his chin resting on them, and his good eye is looking off at some unknown spot. He looks lost in thought, which I can't really blame him for. He's been living with his memories of that night for years, and now he's been reminded of them. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I have to fix this. Now that I understand what he felt, maybe he'll be more willing to accept what I have to say.

"Xander?" He looks up at me. Along with every fucking person at the table. God, can't a girl do anything without everyone getting all up in her ass about it?

"Yeah?" His voice sounds rough. Strangled.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" I motion my head over to the office.

He seems reluctant for about .02 seconds, then nods his head and gets up to follow me. We walk into Angel's office, where Angel and Cordy are chatting. Or more like having a passionate, tear-jerking conversation. Huh. I didn't even notice they were gone. I can't really bring myself to care about them, though.

"Get out." My tone holds no room for argument.

Angel looks ready to disagree with this, but then he sees Xander behind me and changes his mind. They leave, and as I go to close the door behind them, I notice Buffy looking at us jealously. Is she actually jealous of the freak-show that is 'me and Xander'? She shouldn't be. Me and her have a worse one going on.

Xander sits down in a chair across from the desk, and I lean myself up against the edge of said desk. We sit silently, and just when I'm about to break the silence, Xander beats me to it.

"So you felt everything, huh?"

"Yeah," I say quietly, looking at the floor. That's a fuckin awesome rug.

"So, what? You're gonna make fun of me now for being so weak? So scared? Gonna fuck around with my head a little?"

"No," I say, shocked. Is that what he honestly thinks of me? "Xander, I have felt guilty about that night for years. Going to prison gave me a lot of time to think about what I've done, and doing what I did to you is pretty high up on my list of regrets. So when I came back, I never apologized cause, I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? 'Gee, sorry I took your virginity and then threw you out before you had a chance to even start breathing normally again. Oh, and also, sorry about throwing your offer of friendship in you face and trying to strangle you to death.'"

Xander just looks at me while I try and get myself together. I got a little worked up there. I can feel myself holding back tears. Christ, what is up with me and the fucking tears? I'm an emotional basket- case right now. Ok, breathe, and keep going.

"I never knew, though, how much you felt… I couldn't understand. I do now. I felt your fear, your sympathy, everything. And I know now that you NEED me to apologize. It doesn't matter whether you want it because now I know that you need it." Yep, the tears are in full force now. "The only way either of us can live with this is if I say it. I'm sorry, Xander. I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me."

Xander looks down at the floor, thinking. Like he's considering his choices. He looks up at me again and studies my face. I think he's searching to see how sincere I am. I'm about as fucking sincere as you can get, Xan.

I guess he finds something, cause then he gets up and walks over to me. He stops right in front of me and I look up into his one eye. His face is soft as he raises one hand up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I forgive you," he whispers, then puts his hands back in his pockets. "It's gonna take time for me to trust you again, but for what it's worth, I forgive you."

I feel a huge smile spreading across my face. I feel like a giant burden has been lifted from me. "It's worth a lot."

He looks at me thoughtfully and smirks. "You should smile more often. It makes you look even prettier." Then he turns and leaves the office, closing the door behind him.

I take a minute to wipe the tears from my cheeks. Once I'm put together again, I walk out of the office to find everyone staring at me.

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

Everyone looks back down except for Xander. He smirks at me, so I give him the finger. He rolls his eyes and then looks back down at his book. I notice B watching, so I smirk at her and lick my lips. I'm starting to feel like my old self again. B gets a pissed look on her face and then turns to talk to Giles. Yeah, fuck you too, B.

No POV:

The group quietly sat researching, each person taking a chance to sigh in frustration as they found nothing. Buffy sighed loudly and slammed her book down on the table. A few people looked up at her, but quickly lost interest and went back to their books. Buffy sighed again and got up, walking over to the wall. No one seemed to notice, though, except for Faith, who looked up at Buffy suspiciously. She looked at Buffy's eyes, and saw them flash gold. Before Faith could tell the group, her eyes flashed similarly, but she didn't get up from her seat. Angel, who had been reading his book at the counter in front of the office, turned around as his eyes flashed also. He walked up to Buffy, who was leaning against the wall with her hands behind her back, and got right in her face.

"Morning, sleepyhead. You know what I just can't believe? All of our time together and we never tried chains." Angel began walking away with his back to Buffy. The group looked up at him, and then glanced around at each other. "Well, can't dwell on the past, especially with the future we have ahead."

"Oh God, they're doing it again," Andrew said, whimpering in his seat and moving back as far as he could.

"Alright. We've seen that we are unable to intervene. Everyone just pay attention to what they say. It may be important." Giles said, moving to the edge of his seat and watch Buffy and Angel closely.

"Bondage looks good on you, B. The outfit's all wrong, but, hey!" Faith suddenly said, surprising the group that didn't realize she was part of the current re-enactment.

"You don't know what you're doing," Buffy said quietly, staring at Faith.

"Really? Weird, because something about all this just feels so right. Maybe it's one of those unhappy childhood things. See, when I was a kid I used to beg my mom for a dog. Didn't matter what kind. I just wanted, you know, something to love." Faith had gotten up from her seat and moved toward Angel. She grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him passionately. Buffy looked away from them, pain in her eyes. "A dog's all I wanted. Well, that and toys." A small table appeared next to Faith, and when she lifted the cloth off the top, knives and different instruments for torture were revealed. Faith picked up one of the instruments and played with it, not looking up at Buffy. "But mom was so busy, you know, enjoying the drinking and passing out parts of life, that I never really got what I wanted, until now." She smiled and moved toward Buffy.

"Shit, they've got weapons," Xander said worriedly.

"This is that night at the mansion when Faith was fooled into thinking Angelus had returned. No one was injured that night. It's alright," Giles responded calmly.

"How is this alright?!" Willow exclaimed. "This is very far from alright!"

"Will you all just SHUT UP?" Dawn yelled. "We need to listen."

"Faith, listen to me very closely. Angel's a killer. When he's done with me, he'll turn on you," Buffy said.

"She's right. I probably will," Angel added from the side, smirking.

Faith looked at Angel and then looked back at Buffy curiously. "Yeah? Huh. Guess we'll just have to keep you around for a while then." Faith moved toward Buffy until their faces were inches apart. "Before we get started, I just want you to know, if you're a screamer, feel free."

"Why, Faith? What's in it for you?" Buffy asked sadly, the sound of tears catching in her throat evident.

"What isn't? You know, I come to Sunnydale. I'm the Slayer. I do my job kicking ass better than anyone. What do I hear about everywhere I go? Buffy. So I slay, I behave, I do the good little girl routine. And who's everybody thank? Buffy."

"That's not my fault."

"Everybody always asks, 'Why can't you be more like Buffy?'" Faith's voice began rising as she stepped back a little from Buffy. "But did anyone ever ask if you could be more like me?"

"I know I didn't," Angel said. Faith looked back and glared at him, then looked back at Buffy.

"You get the Watcher. You get the mom. You get the little Scooby gang. What do I get? Jack squat." She shoved Buffy against the wall and then moved back over to Angel. "This is supposed to be my town!"

"Faith, listen to me!" Buffy yelled.

"Why? So you can impart some special Buffy wisdom, that it? Do you think you're better than me? Do you? Say it, you think you're better than me."

"I am. Always have been."

"Um, maybe you didn't notice. Angel's with me," Faith said, getting close to him and putting her arm around his waist.

"And how did you get him, Faith? Magic? Cast some sort of spell? Cause in the real world, Angel would never touch you and we both know it."

Faith quickly moved to Buffy and viscously backhanded her in the face.

"You had to tie me up to beat me," Buffy continued. "There's a word for people like you, Faith. Loser."

Faith stabbed the knife in her hand into the wall behind Buffy, missing Buffy's head by inches. "Uh huh. You're just trying to make me mad so I'll kill you." Buffy eyed Faith up and down as she got closer into Buffy's space. "I'm too smart for that. Stick around." She roughly grabbed Buffy's jaw and then moved back over to the small table.

"For what? Your boss' lame Ascenscion? Like I couldn't stop it."

Faith laughed. "You can't."

"I will."

"Keep dreaming. No one can stop the Ascenscion. Mayor's got it wired, B. He built this town for demons to feed on and come graduation day, he's getting paid. And I'll be sitting at his right hand." Faith looked thoughtful for a minute. "Assuming he has hands after the transformation. I'm not too clear on that part. And all your little lame ass friends are going to be Kibbles'N'Bits. Think about that when your boyfriend's cutting into you." Faith used the knife in her hand to make cutting motions, grinning at Buffy.

"I never knew you had so much rage in you," Buffy said quietly.

"What can I say? I'm the world's best actor," Faith said, grinning.

"Second best," Angel responded, his voice low and dangerous.

Faith suddenly got a confused look on her face and looked at Angel, then back at Buffy.

"Graduation day. You think we missed anything?" Buffy asked smugly.

"I think we know everything she knows," Angel said, smirking.

"May I say something?" Buffy asked. Faith turned to look at Buffy, who pulled her hands from behind her back and wiggled her fingers. "Psych!"

The rage in Faith was apparent through her expression and voice as she looked back and forth between Buffy and Angel. "You played me. You played me!" she yelled.

Faith grabbed Angel and threw him to the side, then blocked one of Buffy's hits. The two fought, Faith getting in a couple punches. Buffy rolled to the table and grabbed a knife as Faith also moved to the table. Buffy tried to sweep Faith's feet out from under her, but Faith just jumped over her leg and landed kneeling on the floor. Both stopped moving when they each had a knife at each other's throats.

"What are you gonna do, B?" Faith asked, breathing heavily. "Kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that." Faith then quickly moved forward and kissed Buffy's forehead. "Yet." She then turned and ran to the entrance of the Hyperion. Faith collapsed, though, before she got to the steps. Buffy slumped down on the floor, and Angel swayed and leaned against the counter wall for support.

Faith's POV:

The group's sitting around the research table, some continuing to look through books and others discussing my latest fuck up. I feel like I need to hit something.

"Well, is it safe to say that those were the exact exchanges from that night? And you were each playing yourselves?" Giles asks, jotting down notes. He's sipping tea and acting like this whole thing's really not that fucking bad. Don't kid yourself, G-Man.

"Yeah," Buffy says quietly. She looks more freaked out than the last time. Which makes sense, cause I'm more freaked out than the last time. Fuck, I REALLY need to hit something. "I was me. Same thing as last time. Felt everything I did that night." You and me both, babe. I still feel it.

"Well, thankfully, no one was hurt. I am worried, however. While this particular re-enactment may not have ended violently, if this continues, there is a chance that a future one will be violent. In some of our own interactions with Faith from that time, people have been seriously injured. Faith, for instance, was stabbed. What if the next one is re-enacting that particular occasion? When the ghosts in Sunnydale High School played out their last night, the people possessed by the ghosts were actually killed by the weapons that appeared."

Great, just what I need now. Another stab wound. Everyone's looking at me like I'm about to pounce on someone. Jesus, give me a little credit, would you? They all still think I'm a psycho, and these little time-warps aren't helping any. I grab the thick stake sitting in front of me and start fiddling with it, trying to distract myself. I don't want to listen. I don't want to hear what they think of me… of what I've done.

"Our main priority right now should be figuring out who's causing this, so we can stop them before something bad happens," Red says, stating the obvious.

"Faith, is there anyone who might want to mess with you?" Angel asks me.

"Why are we assuming that someone wants to get back at ME?" I ask, feeling pretty defensive.

"Well, Faith" Willow says condescendingly, "I think it's safe to say that we're seeing examples of YOUR psychotic tendencies. That suggests it has to do with you, and not us." Ok, I don't want to hit SOMETHING. I want to hit HER. I squeeze the stake harder, moving it furiously between my hands.

Giles clears his throat. "While that might have been phrased better, she does have a point. Faith, can you think of anyone that might hold a grudge against you?"

I don't answer. I hear Red mutter, "Yeah, half of them are in this room." Ok, splinters are now in my fucking hand.

"Um, what about Robin," Buffy says, avoiding looking at me. "Or maybe family members… of Finch or Werth."

The stake snaps in my hands and everyone turns to look at me. They see the stake in my hands and the traces of blood on it and give me wary and cautious looks.

"You know what? FUCK this. I'm not in the mood to talk about all the shit in my past. Carry on without me. I'm gonna go work out."

I don't give anyone a chance to answer and just walk to the stairs that go down to the basement. I stomp down, feeling the anger coursing through me. Reliving that night at the mansion is making me too pissed off. I can still feel the anger from that night. All of my hate for Buffy from that time in my life is mixing with the love and hurt that I have associated with her now. Making me angry at her all over again for the past, and for how she's treating me now. I need to work this out on the punching bag. I'm feeling way too volatile for my own liking.

I sigh in frustration when I see Kennedy's already down here using the punching bag. Why is this bitch always stepping on my fucking feet? I swear to God, everywhere I turn, little wannabe mini-me is there.

"Kennedy, get the fuck out of here. I need to work out."

"Fuck you," she says, not looking up from punching the bag. "I'm not going anywhere. I was here first, and I'm not done. You can wait your turn."

"I'm not leaving here until I get a workout."

"Fine." She stops and looks up at me, a smirk on her lips. "Why don't you spar with me?"

"Please," I snort. "Not gonna happen." Doesn't this dumbass ever learn her lesson?

"What, scared that I'd kick your ass?"

"In your dreams, Twinkie. I'm just worried that the Scooby Gang'll be even more pissed at me than they already are if I wipe the floor with Red's girl-toy."

"Hah! You're old, Faith. You've been a Slayer for a little too long… I think you're off your game."

I narrow my eyes at her. She wants to play? Fine. Can't hold me responsible if I whoop her ass, though.

"Fine, Babe. I'm just warning you, though. I'm not in the best mood right now," I say, taking off my jacket and wrapping my hands.

"I can handle it."

When I'm done with my hands, I turn and start to circle her. I eye her up and down, and she looks so ridiculous it makes me laugh. She doesn't even have a proper stance. What happened to B teaching those girls to fight? This bitch doesn't know anything. She finally takes a swing at me, but it comes nowhere near hitting me. So not only does she not know how to stand, but she drops her shoulder so I can anticipate her moves. I've changed my mind. It's not funny. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

She takes some more swings at me, but I move out of the way of each of them. We're moving so slowly, you'd think that we were balancing tea cups on our heads. I decide to up this pathetic excuse for sparring and strike out, punching her square in the face and sending her flying back onto the mat.

Kennedy laughs and holds her face as she gets up. "You feeling a little frustrated, Faith? You shouldn't be. Considering the pussy you got last night. I had no idea you'd be so talkative when you were fucking."

I growl and start circling her again. "You heard?"

"Yeah, I heard! Super hearing and all… Plus, you just wouldn't shut up."

"If you knew, why did you let Willow get together that big fucking search party?"

"Cause I thought it'd be funny. Willow would get embarrassed, you guys would get embarrassed, and I'd have a good laugh. Didn't know it'd turn out as good as it did, though." I feel the anger coursing through my body and practically bubbling over. I'm about two seconds from wiping that cocky smirk off of her dopey mug. "I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but I really don't like you, Faith. You were cool in Sunnydale, but now you're just as much of an insufferable asshole as Buffy."

That's it. I'm not taking shit from this little fuck anymore. I pounce on her, knocking her back to the floor. I punch her in the face, relishing in the feeling of bone crunching under my knuckles.

"Don't you EVER shut up? Listen closely, you little shit. Don't ever talk about Buffy like that again!" I accentuate each word with a brutal punch. Blood starts to cover her puffy and damaged face. My fists are bloody now, too. I give her one final punch for good measure, and then get up and step back a few paces. "Ever speak to me like that, again," I say, my voice deathly quiet. I can feel some of the rage and jitteriness seeping out. "And I'll kill you."

I give her one last look and walk up the stairs, slamming the door behind me.

CHAPTER NINE:

Faith's POV:

I walk into the lobby and everyone turns to look at me. I guess slamming the door startled them. And I take it back. The rage is still bubbling inside me. Punching the shit out of Kennedy temporarily took away this feeling but in the short trip from the basement to this room, it's all returned. I've always had that problem, though. Whether it was violence, drinking, or fucking, nothing could ever take away my pain for long.

That's one of the things I hate most about myself. As much as I act cold and keep my emotions to myself, I'm really way too emotional for my own good. I'm extreme. Dancing, sex, fighting, loving, and hating is always 200% with me. I really wish I didn't care so much. I really wish that I didn't care that they're all looking at me now like I'm psychotic.

Come to think of it, maybe they should look at me like that. I'm not feeling totally balanced right now.

Angel's eyes immediately fall to my bloody hands. I don't know if he can tell the blood isn't mine. No one else has noticed them yet. I turn and walk over to the counter and start unwrapping my hands before they get a chance to. I don't need to deal with this shit right now. I mean, as soon as the fucking bloody mess down there comes to, they're all gonna know, but maybe I can cool down a little bit before that happens so I don't hurt anyone else. Cause right now, I feel like I need to hurt someone else.

"Faith, are you…" Dawn trails off and I don't even bother to turn around.

"Um, Robin's upstairs," Buffy says. Her voice's getting closer. She's walking over to me. Get the fuck away, B. Right now, you're number one on my shit list. "He's packing his stuff, going back to New York. I think maybe-"

She stops talking when she gets to the counter and sees all the bloody bandages. I try not to look at her, but I can't help stealing a few glances out of the corner of my eye. She looks confused.

"Why is there blood on these?"

I don't answer and pick up the towel to start wiping my hands.

"Faith, did you hurt yourself?"

I can't look at her when she figures out what it is. What I'm turning into. Or more accurately, what I becoming again.

She grabs my now clean hands and searched them for cuts. She's not going to find any. She looks up at me and I finally let her meet my eyes. I make a real effort to make sure that she doesn't find anything there. She can't know what I'm feeling right now. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now.

"Faith, you're not bleeding." She drops my hands and softly asks, "Faith, what did you do?"

"The blood isn't hers?" Cordelia asks, sounding pretty distraught. There's something off about her voice, though. Like she was either being waaay too sincere or a little sarcastic. I don't know which I like less.

"Faith, is that someone else's blood?" Wesley asks. Wow, he really is an idiot. Time to put some of old Faith back up.

"Well, Wes, if it's not my blood…" I trail off, looking him dead in the eye. You know what? I'm not going to let them make me feel bad about this. What am I getting so worked up over? I just hit the little bitch around some. She deserved a lot worse than what I gave her.

Now everyone's getting panicked looks on their faces and turning to each other to compare their retarded expressions.

"Everyone, just calm down." Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them, turning to me. "Faith, what exactly happened? Did you hurt somebody?"

I turn to Red and look her straight in the eye. I want her to know. She needs to know that I hurt someone because she cares about them. Not that that's really the reason I hurt Kennedy. But I want her to think that that's the reason. Her eyes start to grow wide as the bulb flicks on and she gets it. About time.

"Well, who's miss-"

"Kennedy!" Red jumps up and shouts, cutting off Dawn. She rushes to the door that I just slammed, the whole group standing up and following her. Only B and Angel stay in the lobby with me.

B's staring at a spot on the floor and Angel's just sighing and shaking his head like's the principal's just called him again because of something his troublemaker kid did. It's good to know that he realizes this isn't that bad. I've done a lot worse. I can't stand that everyone's gonna freak over a dumb shit like Kennedy finally getting what she deserves.

"Oh Goddess!" I hear Red yell. I hear only a few foot steps in the basement. I guess they're checking her out. Now I hear a bunch of footsteps coming up the stairs. I guess this is it. Time to face the firing squad.

*****

No POV:

Gunn and Giles were the first to come through the door from the basement. They each had one end of Kennedy, who was still unconscious and now dripping blood out of her mouth. Fred and Dawn quickly rushed off to get a first aid kit, while Wesley came over to check her pulse and breathing. Xander, Cordelia, Andrew, Angel, Buffy and Lorne all remained watching from the sides as people fussed over the injured slayer. Faith was leaning against the counter with her arms crossed and entertaining herself by looking down at her shoes.

As the group tended to Kennedy, another slamming of the basement door caught everyone's attention. Willow stood in the doorway with black eyes and slowly darkening hair, her eyes fixed on Faith. Faith stared back at her, not even flinching under the death stare that was being directed at her.

"Willow, stop it!" Buffy yelled, running over to the livid Wicca. Buffy grabbed Willow's shoulders and turned her so that the black and hazel eyes met each other.

"Buffy, she's screwed around with us for the last time. Faith has never been anything but bad news, and now she's going to get what's been coming to her."

"But you don't need to be the one to give it! Willow, remember what happened before. Revenge doesn't solve anything. I know you're still in there right now. You're still you. Fight it! Don't do this!"

"Willow, you are stronger than the magics. Remember everything I taught you. Remain in control." Giles slowly approached Willow, keeping his voice steady and calm as he spoke.

"Kennedy will be fine, Wills," Xander added. "Don't throw away all the progress you've made over this, it's not worth it."

Willow's eyes began to flicker back to green as the black began to fade from her hair. She breathed deeply and clenched her fists as she fought to calm down, finally sighing and slumping her shoulders. She dropped down into a chair at the table and then dropped her head into her hands, shaking slightly. "I need a drink."

"Amen, sister!" Lorne said, quickly moving to the office. "That is something I can definitely help with. One very strong drink, coming up!"

As Lorne rushed off to get Willow's drink, the rest of the group heaved sighs of relief that a major crisis had been averted. Now, they just had to deal with the other crisis at hand.

"Faith, I'm sure there's some logical explanation for this, right?" Angel looked at Faith expectantly. Faith just kind of shrugged at him, so he tried again. "Did she attack you or something?"

"Not really."

"Well what were you two doing?"

"Sparring."

"Did she ask you to spar or did she just start fighting with you?"

"She asked me."

"Were you provoked at ALL?"

"YES! She was saying shit. Running her stupid-ass mouth. You know how she gets when she's being a twat."

Angel rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Help me out just a little, Faith. Give me SOMETHING to work with."

"I'm not the one in the wrong here, Angel. She started this shit. She's been fucking around with me for weeks, and now that I finally put her in her goddamn place, I'm the fucking bad guy?"

"Faith, I'm not saying-"

Buffy cut Angel off with a harsh tone. "Angel, don't try and act like she didn't do anything wrong. Faith, you can't just go around hitting people just because you don't like what they're saying."

"She's not just a normal person, B. She's a slayer. And as I recall, you have no problem smacking someone around if you know that one punch from you won't break their face. I can even list some of the times you hit me because you didn't like what I was saying. How about recently when you punched me outside the Bronze when I took the girls there? Oh, and there was that time-"

"What, did you write it all down or something?" Buffy asked sarcastically. "Way to obsess."

"No, I just vividly remember every interaction that I've ever had with you." Faith licked her lips and leered at Buffy, making the blonde shift uncomfortably and look around to see if anyone had noticed. They had.

"Well, I for one think some serious rethinking of the living arrangements in this hotel needs to be done here," Cordelia said, crossing her arms. "I'm not really comfortable with the idea of staying in the same building as a slayer who seems to be reverting back to her old psychotic ways. She's obviously ditching her whole redemption gig, once again proving my theory that Faith is a crazed monster."

"I think I may have to agree with Cordelia," Wesley said, stepping forward. "As rudely as she expressed her concerns, she is right. Faith is too much of a threat to us. Look at what she was able to do to Kennedy, a fellow slayer. We wouldn't stand much of a chance. I can speak from experience when I say that Faith attacking one of us would not be pleasant." Wesley's voice held sarcasm, but the seriousness of what he was saying was obvious.

"Maybe we could talk about this like adults and not just fling petty insults at each other," Angel said.

"As much as this pains me to say it, Soulboy's right." Xander cringed and shook his head. "Anyway, why don't we stop talking about Faith like she's not here? That really isn't helping."

"What I'm not understanding is why it's OK when Buffy beats the crap out of someone, but I'm possessed by fucking Lucifer if I do it!" Faith dug her nails into her palms to keep from hitting someone.

"Faith, you nearly killed her!" Buffy yelled.

"Wow, I'm getting out of this cesspool at just the right time, huh?" Everyone turned to the staircase at the sound of Robin's voice.

"Robin, really, now is not the time-"

"It's fine, Rupert, I'm not starting anything. I'm just saying my good-byes. I'm already packed and everything, see?" He lifted up his duffle bag that had been hanging at his side and then continued down the stairs toward the exit of Hyperion. He stopped again and turned to face the group. "I can't really say that I'm sad to go, but just to let you guys know, I'm heading back to New York. If you ever need any help, just look me up." He turned and pushed the door open, then paused one more time, looking over his shoulder at Faith. "And Faith, I guess you were the one who surprised me in the end. I thought… I thought we could work out. I realize now that we couldn't. I was so convinced that you were alright and that I could handle anything you threw at me. Guess I was wrong, huh? Maybe that one-way ticket to Hell that you bought all those years ago really is non-refundable."

With that, Robin Wood turned and walked out of the lives of the Scooby Gang. They remained silent for several moments and Faith never took her eyes off of the door. Finally, though, she began backing away from the group.

"You know what? Talk about what you want. I need to get out for a little while." Faith turned and made her way to door. As Faith walked up the steps to the exit, her eyes flashed gold and she turned to look at Buffy.

"Thought I'd stop by."

"Is he dead yet?" Buffy asked, amusement and eagerness in her voice.

"Good Lord, here we go again," Giles said, taking off his glasses to clean them.

"Guys, we should really figure out what's happening to them," Xander added, not taking his eyes off of Faith and Buffy.

"He's not gonna die. Good try, though. Your plan?" Faith asked, crossing her arms and staring at Buffy with a murderous look.

"Uh huh. Mayor got me the poison. Said it was wicked painful." Buffy moved across the floor as she spoke, gesturing as Faith would and grinning the whole time.

"Oh Goddess, this is the night before graduation, which means…" Xander trailed off.

"Faith's gonna stab Buffy," Cordelia finished, her voice flat and emotionless.

"There's a cure."

"Damn." Buffy shook her head. "What is it?"

"Your blood," Faith said, her voice cold. "As justice goes, it's not un-poetic. Don't you think?"

"So what, you've come to get me?" Buffy voice was sarcastic and didn't reveal the fear that she was secretly feeling. "Gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not gonna take me alive."

"Not a problem."

"Well, look at you. All dressed up in big sister's clothes."

"You told me I was just like you." Faith walked down the steps and moved closer to Buffy. Buffy began moving also until they met each other half way and stood face to face, inches apart. "That I was holding in."

"Ready to cut loose?"

"Try me."

"Alright then." Buffy tilted her head and then whispered, "Give us a kiss."

Faith punched her in the face and was hit back just as hard a second later. They froze and watched each other, then began fighting with a vigor and force that the group watching had never seen before.

"Giles! Can't we do anything?" Dawn yelled, frantically turning to the former watcher.

"We, we have to think. Willow! Can you do anything to stop them?"

"I wouldn't be able to control it if I did," she muttered, looking down.

"Jesus, what are we gonna do? Buffy is Faith. Faith gets stabbed at the end of this. We have to help Buffy. Anyone, what can we do?" Xander looked around frantically at the group.

"Pray," Angel said, standing ready to jump into the fight if the barriers should come down.

Buffy threw Faith away from her as both of their eyes flashed gold again and growled, "You can't win this."

"SHUT UP!" Faith yelled. "You think I'm afraid of you?" Faith jumped at Buffy and landed on top of her, straddling her. "You're nothing. A disgusting murderous bitch. You're nothing! You're disgusting!" Faith punched Buffy repeatedly and slammed her head into the ground as she cried and yelled. Buffy suddenly grabbed her hand and they flew apart.

Both girls landed five feet away from where they were and on their backs, gasping for air. Faith clutched her head as she shook her head back in forth, not believing what was happening.

"Are you guys alright?" Dawn asked as the group moved toward the two slayers. Or more specifically, Angel, most of the LA group (excluding Cordelia) and Xander moved to Faith as the rest of the group moved to Buffy. They slowly helped Buffy up as she tried to catch her breath. Angel held out a hand to Faith, but she moved back quickly and got up on her own.

"I, I," She looked around at the group staring at her like some kind of freak science project. "I gotta go. I gotta get out of here."

Faith quickly turned and sprinted out of the hotel, not looking back. Buffy wasted no time in running after her, yelling that she'd be back.

"We must figure out what's causing this. Not only are these re- enactments getting more violent," Wesley said. "But I fear that this severely affecting Faith's state of mind and may cause her to do something drastic." The group turned and looked at Wesley like he was insane. "Well, more drastic than what she's already done, I mean."

*****

Faith's POV:

"Faith, wait! We need to talk."

I sigh and stop walking. B is un-fucking-believable. She thinks that she can just fuck with my head and my heart, but still have the right to tell me what to do and try and guilt me into shit. No, I'm not letting her. Maybe I would have before… not now though. I'm fed up and feeling particularly fucked up right now.

"Save it, B," I say, turning around. "There's not one goddamn thing you can say to me right now that will make anything of this shit better. Just leave me the fuck alone. I think that'd be best for everyone involved."

"I can't leave you alone, Faith. I leave you alone, and something worse will happen. You're way too self-destructive for your own good."

"Oh please, flatter me some more, why don't you? That's exactly what I want to hear right now." Seriously, who the fuck does she think she is? She thinks she can talk to me like that after everything she's done to me? And I do mean EVERY fucking thing she's done to me.

"I don't care what you want to hear. I'm telling you what you need to hear. You're unstable, Faith. You always have been, and right now you're about to fall over the edge. I know the signs. I care about you too much to let you do something to hurt yourself or someone else." Hah! She cares? That's a laugh. And I'm choosing to address that blatant lie, rather than the question of my sanity. Cause quite frankly, I'm starting to wonder about that myself.

"Bullshit! You wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire!"

"I love you, Faith."

I can't listen to this shit. Just hearing those words come out of her mouth revolts me. I follow my first instinct and lash out. My fist connects with Buffy's cheek before she even knows what happened.

"SHUT UP! Do NOT say you love me. You don't love me! You betrayed me, Buffy. You broke my fucking heart, and now you have the FUCKING nerve to say you love me?"

"Didn't you betray me when you were in love with me?" Oh, good, B. Throw shit like that in my face when you're trying to convince me you love me.

"Like that even compares. We weren't together, and I knew that you didn't love me back. Now recently, on the other hand, we WERE together and you knew pretty fucking well how in love with you I am. Oh, and lets not forget that my betrayal stemmed from fear because I had killed a man and was gonna be shipped off somewhere and probably killed. You betrayed me because your 'bestest friend in the whole wide world' got upset that you were fucking with me. If you love me like you say you do, B, it wouldn't matter what your friends thought. And you've made it pretty obvious, B, that it matters to you."

B looks down at the ground guiltily. Good, be guilty you stupid bitch. "You're right. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done what I did. I was scared, I panicked, and I didn't think it through. I would take what I did back if I could. I'm sorry, Faith. Please, please forgive me. I love you. I love you more than anything. Please believe me." Tears stream down her face as she pleads with me. The tears look gorgeous on her. They make me want to fuck her more. I think I like making her cry. I wonder what else I could do to keep her this way.

You know what's strange, though? Twenty-four hours ago, that little speech would have had me forgiving and kissing her faster than you can say "pussy-whipped". But now? Nothing. Well, not nothing. I feel some love for her still, but more than anything, I feel rage at the complete and utter audacity of Miss Buffy "Better that thou" Summers. I want to hit that pretty little face until it bleeds, which scares me a lot. I thought I had left this behind. I don't still want her dead, do I? I guess it makes sense, since once again I feel rejected and want to make her pay. I don't think I really know what I feel. I love her and hate her. I feel both guilt and satisfaction at my thoughts and actions. Jesus, I'm so confused. I'm just completely overwhelmed. The one thing I do know, though, is that I don't forgive her. Not even the tiniest bit.

"Thanks, B," I say, smirking.

B looks confused, upset, and a little worried. She's crying harder now. I REALLY like it when she cries.

"That was sweet and all," I continue, "but I've got things to do. Gotta motor. See ya." I turn to walk away, but B quickly grabs my arm to stop me. I stop moving again and slowly turn to face her. My scary grin is on. "I'm gonna say this one last time, B. Do. Not. Touch. Me."

She lets go and I continue down the street, not looking back. Ok, time to find a bar. I need to get well and truly tanked.

CHAPTER TEN:

Faith's POV:

I think I was saying something before about drinking never taking my pain away for long, right? Well, I've gone and proven that again tonight. It's two am, and I've been drinking since about eight or nine. Five hours of fucking drowning myself in JD, and I can't forget any of it. All of the things I've done in my life. All my regrets. This day, which happens to be the most horrible fucking day of my life. I was drunk about thirty minutes ago. I'm walking back to the hotel now, and because of my goddamn slayer metabolism, I can form thoughts now. In fact, I'm moving onto the hangover stage.

So I've got despair, guilt, self-hatred, and a pounding headache. I really fucking hate my life. I've never felt like this before. I've had each of these things individually, but never at the same time. I'm on overdrive right now. I have too many feelings, and they're ripping me apart. How is it possible to feel like you want to kill someone and at the same time feel bad about it? Christ, I just want all of this to stop. I want to pass out and never fucking wake up. Haven't I suffered enough?

I finally reach the fucking hotel, and when I get inside I see B sitting on one of the chairs, crying. Is she waiting up for me? Well fuck her, she can wait as long as she wants. It doesn't change shit. I walk in and she looks up at me, that sad, puppy look on her face.

"Faith... Where have you been?" She asks quietly.

I ignore her and walk straight to the stairs. I don't even look back. And I don't feel bad about it. When I reach my room, I don't even bother getting rid of my clothes. I simply kick off my shoes and collapse into the bed. Almost the second my head hits the pillow, I feel myself drifting off. God, let me dream about something good... something the complete opposite of my life.

*****

I'm dancing. The music is loud and fast, and I have to completely throw myself into it to not get lost completely lost within the darkness of the room. It really is dark. I can barely see myself, and I can feel that I'm the only one around. It's just me and the beat. I feel it pulsing through me… the rhythm and pounding bass are in my blood. My heart is beating to the beat of the song. I've never felt so little like myself. It's like I have no control. The song makes me move, and the song makes my heart keep beating so I can live. I try to fight against it, realizing that the song is going too fast now. I can't move that fast, can I?

It gets faster and faster as I move around, my limbs whipping around me and my hair getting caught in my face. The hair is in my eyes, and I can see even less than I could before. I trip over my own feet, and now I feel myself falling. I hold my breath in anticipation. This is it. I'm done. But I don't hit the floor yet. I just keep falling and falling. I feel my stomach jump around like I'm on a roller coaster…. Like Nitro. I used to always ride Nitro. But when I left the East Coast, it got hard to get back over to Six Flags.

I finally feel my back hit the ground, knocking the wind out of me. I can't breathe. I gasp for air, fighting to live because that beat is no longer doing it for me. I have to make my own heart beat now. I slowly raise my head off of the ground, feeling blood seep out of my head. I look to my left and see Angel. He's lying there, trying to get himself up also. I have to get up before him.

I drag myself up onto my feet and look down at him as he does the same. I feel the rain start to pour, washing some of the blood away. I know what I have to do now. I can make it better. End all of this.

I punch him repeatedly, yelling, "You're gonna die! You hear me?! You don't know what evil is! I'm bad!" He won't hit me back. He's just blocking. "Fight back!"

"Nice try, Faith," he says, throwing me to the ground. "I know what you want." I get back up and punch him, but he quickly hits me back and knocks me to the ground. "And I'm not gonna do it. I'm not going to make it easy for you."

I get up and take a swing at him, completely missing. I swing again and again, but he just moves out of the way. "I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil!" I finally just start beating on his chest. I feel too weak to do anything else. "Do you hear me?! I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad! I'm bad! Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad, please!" I'm now just pulling at his jacket, barely even moving. I sob, "Angel, please, just do it! Angel . . . please, just do it! Just kill me." He grabs me to keep me from moving as I beg again, "Just kill me." We fall to the ground, with me gripping his coat and crying.

He hold my head "Shhh. It's okay. I'm right here. Shhh…"

I feel myself sob into his coat. Releasing all of my anger. I know that normally I would be embarrassed by this, but I can't even care right now. Nothing matters. Nothing other than this feeling of disgust, horror, grief, and maybe a new feeling of safeness. The safe feeling is ripped away, though, when Angel shoves me back and I fall onto the wet ground again. He stands up and looks down at me.

"Don't touch me, Faith."

I look up at him, confusion in my eyes. How is this Angel? Doesn't he always want to do the right thing? Save a soul? Well my soul needs it. And he was just about to give it to me, wasn't he?

"You think I would ever willing touch someone as disgusting as you?" He continues, looking down at me. "The only reason that lasted as long it did was that in the darkness, I could temporarily trick myself into thinking that I was holding Buffy. Now I realize, you're not Buffy. Buffy would never beg me to kill her. Buffy is above all this. You, Faith, aren't worth helping."

He turns and makes his way down the alley, not even sparing me a second glance. I look around the alley, crying, and I notice that the rain has stopped. The puddles are drying up, and the air feels hotter now. I force myself up onto my feet again. I start running down the alley in the opposite direction of Angel. I have to stay away from him. He's not the guy I thought he was. He's just like every other guy that wants to hurt me. They lie and they lie, until finally, one day, their true colors come out. They show what scum they really are. And that's when they start trying to hurt me. Gotta stay away from Angel.

As I take each alley to the next one, I end up in a narrow alley with crates all around. I stop running and look around, trying to figure out where I am. Suddenly, a vamp jumps out at me. I throw him into the wall and whip a stake out of my pocket, quickly dusting him. I start to move forward again, but seconds later, another vamp attacks me. As I make my way down the alley, vampires keep jumping out. This new one feels different, though. As I throw him against a dumpster, I hear someone yell something at me. I pay it no attention and stake him, but as soon as I pull my stake out, I know I've messed up. Blood is all over my stake and it's pouring out of his chest. Human. He's human. Oh God, he's human.

The blood keeps pouring out. So much blood. It runs down his chest and starts to pool on the pavement. It doesn't stop there, though. The puddle of blood keeps getting larger and larger. It starts moving toward me, backing me up against the wall. I try and stay away, but the blood is getting too close. I have to get away. I start running away in the direction I came from, narrowly missing the blood hitting my shoe.

I keep running and running, not looking back. Suddenly, a thought hits me. I have to get out of this alley. This alley is hell. The first door I see, I yank it open. As I rush into the abandoned building, I realize it isn't abandoned at all. It's the Bronze. The Bronze at its most crowded and noisy. I look around, searching for someone I know. I don't see anyone, so now I don't know what to do with myself. I can't hang out at the Bronze by myself. I briefly wonder why that is, since I've done it all my life, but then I hear someone call my name. I search the crowd and finally decide that the yelling is coming from the center of the dance floor.

"Faith, over here!" It's Buffy. She's jumping up and down, trying to get my attention over the mass of people around her. B wants me to come over there. To dance with her. I quickly shove my way through the crowd until I get to her. She turns around and sees me, her face lighting up with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I made her smile that way. Me.

She takes my hand and puts it on her hip, moving her body to the music once again. I start moving with her, feeling the music in my blood again. But it's not overwhelming this time. It's not completely controlling me. It's comfortable. I get lost in the feeling of the music and Buffy moving closer and closer to me. Her hands are on me now. They're resting on my waist, holding my hips to her as she looks into my eyes and sings to words of the song to me. I can't make them out… I can't even make the song out. All I can see are B's glossy lips moving sensually. Her hands start to move up my sides until they rest at my neck. She's now moving against me in a way that can't be interpreted as anything other than she wants me. B slowly moves her head so that her mouth is next to my ear.

"You feel so good against me, Faith." She flicks my earlobe with her tongue, making me shiver. "I want you to kiss me…. Please? Kiss me?"

I feel a surge of arousal rush through me at her request. I quickly move my head and claim her lips with mine, not holding back. We share a hot, wet kiss, filled with passion, as we stand there in the middle of the dance floor. We're oblivious to all the people around us, only feeling each other. As I run my tongue against her bottom lip, seeking entrance to her mouth, I feel B tense up. She jerks away from me and looks at me, horrified.

"What the hell are you doing?"

What? "B, what are you talking about? You just asked me to kiss you. You love me."

"I don't love you." Buffy gives a cruel laugh, sneering at me. "I could never love you, Faith. I don't care at all that you're a girl. No, it has everything to do with you. You're everything I hate in this world. You're a liar, a murderer, and psychotic. You're disgusting. How do you think I could ever love you? That I could ever touch you without wanting to vomit?"

I can't stay here and listen to this. I feel the tears rushing to my eyes. The pain that feels like it's about to kill me. I can't let her see me cry. She can't know how much she hurt me. I turn quickly and shove my way through the crowd, trying to get out of the club before I suffocate. I make my way back out into the alley, breathing heavily, and start to run. To get away from there. To get away from Buffy.

I run down the alley, not paying attention to where I'm going, when a vamp jumps out at me. I throw him against the wall and stake him, quickly moving on. More jump out at me, and I quickly dust them all. Another vampire jumps out at me, female, and I throw her into the dumpster, moving in to dust her. As I move in, I recognize the face. It's Buffy.

"Faith, NO!" She yells, but it's too late to stop. I can't stop. The stake plunges into her heart. I hear it rip through her chest and heart. I feel the life dying out of her. The blood pours out even worse this time, but I don't even try and run from it. I lean over beside the dumpster and vomit, trying to get everything bad out of my system. The blood's mixing with the vomit, making me sick again. I have to get out of here. I have to leave Buffy behind. I start running down the alley, the way I haven't gone yet, leaving bloody foot prints behind me. When I get to the end, almost to street, I'm stopped by a figure stepping out of the shadows. It's the Boss. Thank God, it's him. He loves me. He can help.

"Faith, where have you been, I've been looking everywhere for you. I have a very important job for you."

I swallow the knot in my throat and ask, "What is it Boss? Anything."

"I need you to tie up a loose end of mine. There's a professor. Professor Lester Wirth. He knows something that I cannot afford for Buffy and her friends to find out."

"I really don't think Buffy's gonna be a problem anymore." I look back down the alley, knowing that her body is still there.

"Well, never the less, I would like you to get rid of him. Is that something you can do for me?"

I nod my head.

"Good girl, I'm glad to hear it. Now, come see me when you're done. I've had some fabulous brownies made that you just have to try." He chuckles and walks away, leaving me in the alley by myself.

I sigh and walk out onto the street, making my way to Professor Wirth's apartment. I don't know how I know where it is. Boss didn't tell me, did he? I find the apartment building easily. When I get to his door, I knock nervously. I pull myself together quickly, though, before Wirth answers the door. When he answers, I lean up against the door, looking at him nonchalantly. Why am I doing this? "Hi, I'm looking for Professor Wirth."

"Oh, well, that's me, but I should ask you to come back during office hours. Students generally make an appointment-"

I cut him off. "Uh, I'm not from the college. I work for Mayor Wilkins. I'm Faith."

"Oh, well, come in, please. I was so surprised when he called. Didn't expect a politician to be interested in my research."

I walk around the apartment, getting a feel for it. I keep my back to him so I can see him as little as possible. "He's a big fan, professor."

"Oh, Lester's fine." I can practically hear the smile in his voice.

"We alone here, Lester?" I turn around.

"Well, yes." God, the poor bastard thinks I'm interested. "Life-long bachelor. I like my space."

"I hear that." I pull out my knife and start moving forward. Best to get this done quickly. "You want to turn and face the wall, Lester?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'll make it quick," I say as I back him up against the wall.

"Put that away. I'll scream."

"Who wouldn't?" I ask, amusement in my voice. What's wrong with me? Do I really think this is funny?

"Please." He's terrified. My arm's up against his chest, pinning him to the wall, and I can feel his shaking.

"Sorry, friend, boss wants you dead."

"Why?"

"You know, I never thought to ask," I whisper, and then plunge the knife into his stomach. He groans in pain, but the groan sounds like a woman and not a man. I look up into his face and meet the eyes of my mother.

"Well, Faithy, I guess I was wrong when I said you were good for nothing." What, what is she doing here? Mom? "You're good for killing. I guess that's even more than what I thought you'd turn into. You surpassed my expectations. You're a whore AND murderer."

"No, mom. It's not… How? How are you here? You died." I can't keep the stutter out of my voice as I look into the face of the person that scares me more than anyone ever has.

"I didn't die, sweetie. You're killing me right now." She looks down at the knife in her stomach, blood pouring out from the wound.

"Shit!" I yell, yanking the knife out of her stomach and moving back from her. "Mom, no, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Please." I feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks.

"Of course you knew. Haven't you always wanted me dead?"

"I-"

"FAITH!"

The sound of my name being yelled jerks me out of the apartment and suddenly I'm awake, sitting up in my bed. I can barely breathe and I'm sobbing so hard that my body's shaking. I look up and see Willow, B, and Angel staring at me. This just got worse.

*****

No POV:

"Why the fuck are you WATCHING ME!" Faith yelled, shaking.

"Faith, just calm down. I came in to talk to you, but you wouldn't wake up. You were having a nightmare. I got Willow to use magic to wake you," Buffy said slowly, trying to keep Faith calm.

Angel moved to Faith's bed. "Faith, it's OK…"

"DON'T! Stay away!" Faith yelled, standing up on the bed and then jumping down, moving to the other side of the room. "My, my mom… she, I don't know… She was there. I, I killed her. I killed B. Fuck, I…." Faith turned around and stood in the corner, yanking at her head and hitting it against the wall.

"Faith, please. Stop. Just calm down and stop." Buffy said, becoming more panicked by the moment.

"What's Faith doing?" Dawn asked, appearing in the doorway. "What's wrong with her?" Dawn looked around for answers that nobody could give.

"Dawnie, just go back downstairs," Willow said.

Before she could reply, Dawn's eyes flashed gold and she walked over to the bed, sitting down with her back up against the headboard. Faith stopped hitting her head and moved over to the dresser across the room and began searching through her lipsticks.

"Ruby Sunset...Burgundy Skyline...Harlot. Mmmmmmm, way to go Joyce." Faith removed the cap and began applying the lipstick. "Now, normally I wouldn't be going for something this dark. But I read in some magazine that eight months in a coma will damage a girl's natural skin tone. Good thing pale is in this year. Or was it last year?" She leaned forward and kissed the mirror, and then turned to Dawn. "Anyway, for real now. I wanna ask you something, and I want you to promise to be honest, and to not spare my feelings just because I could kill you. You promise?"

"I promise."

"OK. How do I look?"

Dawn raised her chin defiantly. "Psychotic."

"God," Buffy said, shaking her head. "This is just great. Show Dawn how Faith terrorized our dead mother."

"Hmm," Faith said, fluffing her hair. "I was shooting for sultry, but hey. Bet I know what you're thinking."

"Really?"

"You're thinking 'You'll never get away with this!' Warm?" Faith smirked.

"Actually I was thinking 'My daughter is going to kill you soon'," Dawn said coldly.

"That a fact?" Faith asked, amused.

"More like a bet."

""Whoa. You got a pair on you, Joyce, I like seeing that in a woman your age. Guess you can afford to talk that way. I mean, in the world according to Joyce, Buffy is gonna come crashing through that door any minute." Faith smiled knowingly and moved over to her dresser, producing a pile of letters. She lept over to the bed, landing next to Dawn. "But, look what I found. Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers, Buffy, Buffy." Faith threw the letters onto the bed. "A lot of letters. She hasn't been by in a while, huh? And you'd think, with a crazy chick like me on the loose, a crazy chick with a wicked grudge against her no less, she'd call and give you a heads up. But Buffy's too into her own deal to remember dear old mom."

"You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me."

"Buffy, Dawn's not gonna get hurt, is she?" Willow asked worriedly.

"No, mom was fine. They just talk."

"Don't I?" Faith asked, leaning against the front of the bed. "I know what it's like. You think you matter, you think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving and you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. You just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and no-one even sees.

Dawn asked sarcastically, "Were you planning to slit my throat any time soon?"

"Don't tell me you don't see it Joyce. You've served you purpose, squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! Nobody cares, nobody remembers, especially not Buffy fabulous superhero. Sooner or later you're going to have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. Too busy climbing onto her new boy- toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother, and she just leaves you here to die!"

Suddenly the energy in the room changed and Faith and Dawn both slumped down, Faith leaning against the bed for support.

"I never knew how much she wanted a mom…" Buffy whispered.

"Buffy…" Dawn said, her voice cracking. "I felt Mom. I was mom. God…" Tears slowly started to form in her eyes. As Buffy started to move to Dawn, Faith jumped up and looked at everyone. She started back up toward the window.

"No, I can't do this again. I can't. I just…" She looked around, shaking. Faith started pulling at her hair, crying and shaking her head. "I just have to do it. End this… I'm sorry, I can't."

Faith turned to the open window and jumped out.

"Faith!" Buffy yelled, rushing to the window. She looked down and saw Faith making her way down the fire escape. She jumped onto the street and then took off running.

"Great! Just what we need! What is she THINKING?" Angel punched the wall, putting a hole through it.

Buffy didn't say anything and quickly rushed out of the room, running to the stairs.

"We have an emergency!" Buffy yelled, rushing down the stairs with Willow, Angel, and Dawn behind her. The group, sitting around eating breakfast and searching through texts, looked up at the sudden noise.

"What type of emergency?" Giles asked, standing up.

"Faith has completely gone off the deep end!"

"Buffy! CALM DOWN!" Angel exclaimed. "You panicking is not helping. Just calm down. Get some water. Dawn, will you get her some water?"

"Yeah," Dawn said, running off to get the water. Buffy sat down in a chair and crossed her legs, her whole body shaking. Dawn returned and handed her the glass of water.

Buffy took a few drinks then said, "Ok, I'm calm. Now can I please tell you what happened?"

"How about I tell them what happened, Buff?" Willow asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Buffy came and got me because Faith was having a nightmare that she apparently couldn't wake up from. I just gave her a little mental yelp to wake her up, and she jumped up and started freaking out. She was talking about her mother, yelling for Angel to get away from her, stuff like that. I've never seen her act so crazy. Then she and Dawn went into a little flashback from what I would assume is when Faith woke up and went after Joyce. When it ended, she started talking about having to end it, just get it over with, and then she jumped out the window onto the fire escape."

"We have to help her," Buffy said, crying and putting her head in her hands. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have..."

"Buffy, this is no one's fault. It's the fault of whoever is causing these flashbacks to happen. We need to focus on that, and where the bloody hell Faith is."

"I could do a locator spell," Willow suggested, her voice quiet and her eyes on the ground.

"That would be helpful Willow, thank you."

"Do it fast," Angel said. "The last time she was talking about 'just doing it' and 'ending it' she was gonna kill herself."

"Wait, when was Faith suicidal?" Xander asked.

"Good Lord, everyone, get to work now. We have to find her as soon as possible."

"Can I just ask a question here?" Cordelia asked "What the hell is everyone so upset over? Maybe the best thing for everyone would be for her to kill herself. It would keep her from hurting anyone else, and-"

Cordelia was cut off by Buffy jumping from her chair and tackling her. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! Do you want me to kill you?!?"

Angel quickly grabbed Buffy and dragged her off, which was difficult with her screaming and thrashing around. "Buffy! STOP! Calm down!"

"Angel..." Wesley trailed off.

Angel looked up at where Cordelia had been lying, and met the eyes of a smirking Lilah Morgan.

"Damn, guess I should have stopped while I was ahead, huh?" she asked.

...continued in chapter 11...