Another Night
by Nikita
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The characters belong to the great and
powerful Joss.
Author's Notes: Spoiler S5 BtVS. Faith’s POV.
Feedback: Please!
Maybe it’s just because I’m a slayer, but I was never afraid of the dark. Even when I was little and all the other kids were shitting themselves at shadows and things that go bump, I was happy because no one could see me. No one could find me. I guess maybe I loved it because it was such a good place to hide.
My hand wanders to the warm body lying peacefully next to me. I watch her chest rise and fall in the moonlight and I move closer to her, drawn to her as always. In her sleep she pulls me closer, sighing contentedly as my arms hold her tight, like we can never be close enough.
I’ve fucked so many people in my life, and that’s all they were. A quick fuck. I’ve never slept beside anyone else, never closed my eyes with someone's arms around me, never let sleep overtake me with someone else in the room. I never shared my darkness with anyone else. Not before her.
Not before her did I let anyone find me here. And she found me so quickly it scared me, seeing past every wall I ever put up, knocking them down with one smile. So what did I do? I built new ones, I barricaded myself in from her and from the possibility of love, until one night in LA when I stopped running. I stopped running and she found me again. And this time, I was ready to let her in.
Every so often, I catch myself thinking that everything in my life has led me here, has led me to Buffy, holding her, kissing her, being with her. It might not seem much to anyone else, but to me it’s everything. No one really gets it. They think they do, but no. When they say my name, I can hear them calling her too. When they look at B, they see me standing next to her. They watch us and whisper that we’re good together, and they’re right, but that’s not all. She’ll meet my eyes and I’ll know what she’s thinking, I’ll open my mouth and she’ll say what I can’t. It’s a slayer thing, they say. It’s a love thing, she’ll reply.
But I just say it’s us.
Maybe I hold her too tight, because she’s suddenly awake and stroking my stomach, her hands gliding across my body. There’s no need to talk as she kisses me, her tongue slipping into my mouth and her skin on mine. I guess she senses my need for comfort and goes slowly, taking me gently towards oblivion. We slide into each other, the world silent except for the sound of our breathing. Her hand gets lost in my hair, pulling me closer yet as she cries out softly. I arrive a second later, whimpering against her. She kisses me again and smiles, her arms around me and my head resting on her chest. It’s only her, no one else will ever see me cry, but she does right now. She brushes my cheek gently and holds me tighter as my tears fall freely.
She doesn’t need to ask what’s wrong, because she feels it too. This complete and total fear that this will one day end. We live in the darkness. We make death everyday, and we live in its shadow more than anyone else. Most days we deal, we live, we get on with it, but sometimes the fear grips me tight, and all I want is to curl up in her arms and freeze time. Because I don’t want this to end.
Her hands brush through my hair and she whispers softly. “Nothing will separate us.”
I hold her tight. I’m grateful for the lie, even though I now that’s what it is. Some day this will be over and one of us will be gone. See, I’m not stupid. There are no happy endings. There are only the moments before.
But I nod and repeat her words. “Nothing.” Maybe if I hear it enough, one day I’ll believe it.