Maybe, Just Maybe
by onyxwaterfall
Rating: R
CHAPTER 11: Touch My Mind, TOuch My Body, Touch My Soul
Another night at the Bronze, after Slayage. This time Will decided not to come with us, she had a major Chem. report. Not that I minded because it meant we could be alone together.
We got in a good round of slaying tonight. Faith would say the vamps we got were ballsy, very. Naturally that pissed her off a little more, but I had no intention of calming her down. Once again, after all of that was over she was ready to get down and dirty; I wasn't about to stop her.
Once we got there I told her I was going to use the bathroom and she said she'd get us a couple of drinks.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I didn't look so bad. I didn't look so great, either, at least I thought so. I had left my hair down tonight, and it had been curly from that morning. The waves were still there but naturally looser than before.
I was wearing a blue and purple gypsy top and a pair of tight jeans, that clung to my body with just enough to reveal but not to look too slutty either.
I didn't want her to see me that way, anyway. As some sort of slut. I wanted her to see me…I guess the way I saw her. The most beautiful person I'd ever seen. A part of me was jealous at how naturally beautiful she was. She didn't need a spot of make-up but whenever she wore any she would looking so stunning. I could look at her all day.
As I looked on at the hazel eyes staring straight back at me, I wondered what she was thinking about me; about us. So far everything had been going alright. As far as I know there was no tension between Will and her, and I hadn't said anything about Faith and I. Not just yet. I thought I'd wait. I don't know what for. Come to think of it…no one knew about us. Just us. Faith and myself.
I noticed how the bare skin on my exposed chest of my low cut gypsy was glistening; multi-faceted beads of moisture were accompanying it. I was so hot. And parched.
'Hey, you,' I heard a voice calling from just inside the door of the bathroom.
My facial expression relaxed and I blushed, looked down and shifted my weight onto my other foot. 'Hey…'
She began to approach me and for some reason I couldn't help but be nervous.
'I started missing you,' she said as she reached for one of my hands, and as she moved in close to me, I inhaled, just drawing in the sweet scent of her…it was everlasting. Made me never wanna leave her side. She straddled my waist with her hands, and her lips met with the dip of my neck. I let out a tiny moan and I could feel her lips smile against my neck.
'What about our drinks?' I finally mustered up the courage to speak, my voice temporarily having been lost from the inebriation she had began to unleash upon me.
She chuckled low in her throat and moved away; not too far, her lips moved to a different spot, my jawbone, and whilst she exhaled, she spoke to me. 'They can wait.'
I smiled in response to her comment and moved my hands to hers. As I expected she began kissing my neck, slowly, tantalisingly. And as her hand began to slide northwards of my body, my eyelids fell closed, her doses of ecstasy far too much for me to take all at once. For god's sake, all she'd done was touch me. And it was only a little bit. But still my senses were weakening from this pulsation that had began to spirit inside of me.
Without my comprehension we had moved into a cubicle, and she was kissing me hard upon the lips, her hands were searching my body, ferociously, as if a tiger were tearing apart its fresh meal. Apparently I was returning the excitement, beneath her on the toilet seat now, she was in my lap, and we were both rocking to some motion. Fast, insatiable, each apparently needing each other more than the other.
I found myself clenching handfuls of tight leather and pushing it northward, listening to it as it gathered and bent itself against my will. Its hotness clearly came from her; her thighs so heated that the material emitted heat of its own.
Her hair fell around me as we kissed; her in my lap, unfastening the clasp of my bra, me pushing up material, out of the way. It was all a mesh of moans and material moving, a fast and inevitable, frenzied-
'I need you,' I heard her say straight into my ear, her voice barely above a whisper; so husky it aroused me further.
'I know,' I replied, my voice attempting the same volume that hers did, only mine was a fair amount clearer, stronger.
I still couldn't believe that I was making her tremble, for me. Even as my fingers threatened to enter her, even as her breaths rendered parched on her lips and her body soaked itself in her moisture, even as her eyebrows creased and her face lifted to the ceiling…I couldn't believe this Goddess before me was letting herself be taken by me.
'Not here,' I said, just as I was about to go in. I had massaged there a while and could see that if I gave her three thrusts she would already be there.
She uttered a limp and rushed, 'What?' as her eyes came open and she looked at me.
I licked over my lips and pouted. 'I'm thirsty.'
She exhaled the rest of her breath and then huffed. 'I'm parched but you don't see me complaining,' she said between breaths, as she watched me fasten my bra and pull down my top.
'No, I see you coming,' I quipped and slid my hands around her waist. I pulled her in for a quick kiss. 'This is the Bronze. We're supposed to get down here. Bronze closes at like three, right? I say we have another five hours before I have to get up and go to school.'
'That's a good five hours to fu-'
'Faith, shut up,' I warned her, and looked around, as if looking through the cubicles. I could hear something. Two people. It didn't sound great.
'What's up?' I pressed a finger to my lips and made a signal for her to get up off of my lap. She moved just as I asked and I reached for the lock of the cubicle, but before I could open it, someone smashed someone else right to it. I jumped back, and so did Faith, followed by a girl screaming and someone else growling. I reached a hand back to keep Faith back, and continued reaching for the lock. I pulled it back and moved out of the way of the door flinging back into my face.
Just as I suspected. Some girl drinking off another girl. I shoved her back off of the panicked girl into the ceramic tiles behind her. She grunted at me and I raised an eyebrow, then shoved the other girl in the direction, told her to go, quickly.
I looked around for a piece of wood or an implement to stake the vamp with no success, and tutted. 'Damn. You'd at least think they'd have slot machines for sharp implements, doncha think?' I said, coming out of the cubicle, and beginning to walk around. I noticed the ballsed up vamp was heaving, still against the wall, fangs galore.
I continued to look around for anything, any goddamned implement…I tore off the tissue paper holder and turned round to get the vamp, only to find that she'd disappeared.
Faith emerged from the cubicle, still straightening out her skirt. 'Did you see where it went?' I said to her and she grabbed my arm, pulled me out of the bathroom.
I couldn't find her anywhere. This well and truly sucked. Sex aside and everything, even though we were calming it down, putting on hold this was not exactly the way I'd planned for it to go down. This was supposed to be post-patrol. Although getting in a couple of pre-patrol hours of real good "uhh" was something I reckon Faith would wanna put on the agenda.
I caught her sneaking out of the back door, with a guy on her arm. It was usually the guy who was sneaking off to feed, but occasionally it was the girl.
Just as I planned. I followed her, staked her, sent the guy home. Faith and I both resumed our…previous-ish positions. Not exactly but…whatever.
I leant against the counter and waited for our drinks as she sat over in a seating area, looking well and truly flushed. I imagined she was still half way to release. It was how I felt being around her post-slayage all the time. Even before she found out how I felt about her.
I looked over at her, and just as I said; she was glowing. I looked back to the bartender and gave him some money. Waited for my change, then made my way over to her, carrying our drinks. I put them down on the table and sat beside her, then said into her ear, 'You're glowing.' I sat back a little, crossed my legs and moved a hand to hers.
She smiled, her other arm perched on the back of the sofa, her face towards the moving bodies on the dance floor. Her face lit up slightly, her cheeks rose and her eyes glistened. 'Yeah, you gave me a, little bit of a rush back there.'
I giggled and leant in close to her ear, my lips very nearly pressed to them, my fingers entangled within hers, resting in her lap, one of my fingers threatening the hem of her skirt. 'Wanna…dance?'
I saw the corner of her mouth tug up and her gaze moved to me. 'Thought you were parched?' she said, then with the hand in which mine was with, pointed to the red paper cups.
I smiled and then sat forward, downed my drink and then rose. I outstretched my hand to her and she looked at it. I cocked my head towards the dance floor, smiling at how she had been looking at me the entire time.
She rose from the sofa and planted a hand in mine, and as we began to move over to the floor, I felt a tingling sensation start to build within me once again.
The music was just as pent up as we had been with our slaying; ballsy, heavy bass, pumping so immensely through every present body. The figures moved, some synchronised with the beat of the music, some really not.
We started dancing, hand in hand, and she moved her body up against mine, ever so wonderfully touching me in all the right places. I could feel how hot she was, about as equally as I could see, and as our bodies moved together to the beat of the music, I felt her temperature rising.
One leg between mine, one leg between hers, she pushed against me, me against her. And as soon as she hit me I could feel just how wet she had become. Equally her frequent moans and her furrowed eyebrows told me that she indeed was still at that place that I had left her when I told her how thirsty I was.
And soon, once again I felt her hands beginning to search my body. Just…gingerly…one hand at the small of my back, the other searching a comfortable place on my thigh. I looked her directly in the eyes, and she smiled.
The music began to slow and soon people were either leaving the floor or drawing partners in close to one another. Indolently I traced over every inch of skin my hands would take on the path to her shoulders, and once rested there, I wrapped them tightly, pressed my body to hers. I could feel everything. It was so beautiful. Her heartbeat against my chest, the rise and fall of her as she respired. Her breath against my skin, and her warmth.
I felt her hands begin to embrace the small of my back tighter, and I let my eyelids fall closed. And I don't know whether it was the lyrics of the song, whatever…but I felt hot tears touch my shoulder. 'You're crying,' I said into her ear, solemnly.
I moved a hand to her head and just held it softly to me. She moved her cheek in to mine, and I could feel where her tears had been. 'Yeah,' she said, also very solemnly.
'Why?' I asked after a while, as we continued to move to the music.
She exhaled and I waited patiently for a reply. 'You said you love me,' she began, and I listened to how soft her voice had become. 'And…no one ever touches me this way. Except for you.' She snuggled her head closer in to my neck.
I didn't reply to her. I don't think she needed for me to. But just listening to her words took me back to that moment in my room, when she said she wanted to love me.
'Goooood, I'm so in love with the way you touch me,' she whispered into my ear as we danced.
I held her a little tighter, just grasping the words she had spoken to me. She never really spoke this way, only to me, and when she did, it made me feel special. I didn't ever want that to end.
She lay incredibly still as I drug my fingers over her naked stomach, and watched the gorgeously tanned skin, my fingers tracing over every wonderful crease and contour of her flawless form. We'd slept together many times before, and most certainly lay before each other in the purest form there was, yet my eyes had never followed every inch of skin there was, neither my hands. With only one, and extremely slowly, steadily, my fingers found its way around each part of her body.
I lay beside her, pure as she was, and closed my eyes. Let this adventure up to my sense of touch. Even as her hand rested upon mine and continued its journey.
I could feel her climax hitting her, clutching at my fingers, making her quiver, and I touched. Touched her. Touched her mind, touched her body, touched her soul.
The sweet aroma of her climax filled the room and it made me happy.
She relaxed into the comforter and breathed heavily, calming down inch by inch from her inebriation. And as I moved my mouth to her stomach, she moaned, once again.
She told me it was my turn.
She told me it was her turn to touch me.
Silence was probably the most annoying element that accompanied darkness. Especially at that moment, when vamps were lurking and they had to be found. Faith had a thing for staking out every vamp she had set eyes on, no matter if they led her all the way to Cleveland and back. She itched for the kill, and wouldn’t let it go ‘til it was done.
But that night was different. I had to bail because Giles needed be at his place, to look over something that he had found in that fat ugly book. So Faith and Will went out for patrol, and as usual I made it a note telling Will to be careful and to pull out if things got too heavy.
‘I never thanked you,’ Will started, as they trod the pathway concrete leading into a swirl of darkness and trees and tombstones.
Faith glanced at Will, a little confused about what she meant. She let her continue to speak.
‘For…helping me. Like…everything that you did, a-and said, and…’ she trailed off and Faith looked at her once more.
She shrugged and shoved her hands into her back pockets of her jeans. ‘Mneh…it’s what friend’s do. And anyways, it’s all about havin’ a good time.’
Silence. Faith immediately realised this was strange. Will was never this silent.
‘So you’re just a friend to me,’ she said, under her breath.
Faith furrowed her eyebrows slightly, beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable.
‘You know it’s amazing how much your feelings can…can change as your relationship grows. Cos like…with Xander, I spent so long hating him, then liking him, th-then loving him, and…everything that’s ever happened between us…I’ve never been through so many emotions.’
‘Well, he’s your childhood bud. Of course you’re gonna have been through emotional roller coaster rides with him, it’s common.’ Faith looked at her feet as she walked, thinking a little about how many roller coasters she’d been on thinking about every person she’d ever been with. Few meant a thing to her. Just the one meant a lot.
Will hummed a little in her throat, as if she was thinking. ‘Yeah I guess. But…the thing is…I’m…I’m not actually talking about him.’
More silence. Faith had realised straight away what Willow meant, and she looked up at her, to find her looking straight back at her. Will stopped them walking, and leant in to kiss Faith, though Faith pushed her out of the way and landed a kick straight into the belly of an incoming vamp.
Will was a little taken aback by Faith’s pushing of her out of the way, though quickly realised it was all for her own safety. She saw a vamp coming in the opposite direction and hurried to go fight him down.
Faith hated the fact that vamps were so freaking cocky with her, and the fact that all they talked about was sucking the blood out of the ‘Slayer’ ballsed her up. Mainly because she thought of me, and not her.
She cracked his neck off his shoulders, and poof. Looking around she saw Will was surrounded. Surrounded, and beat. Some guy was sucking off her neck, the other holding her stake to the flesh on her chest.
‘Shit, Will!’ Faith hurried over to her and kicked the sucking vamp out of the way and somehow managed to turn the stake on the other vamp and poof him instantly. She quickly grabbed the stake and chucked it at the other vamp, missing by a fraction of an inch. Will fell to the ground, near enough to unconsciousness. She cursed to herself under her breath, retrieving the stake from her back pocket and moving towards the vamp.
‘Nice try, Slayer. Shame your girlfriend wasn’t strong enough,’ he sneered.
She backhanded him, letting out a noise at the same time. ‘Screw you, you bastard. You get your kicks out of siring, you’re screwed up. Should get yourself a life.’ She paused. ‘Whoops. Too stupid, you couldn’t keep hold of that either.’ She kicked him and he fell down to the ground and as he rolled over, she shoved the stake through his chest, and as he disintegrated, he laughed. ‘Insane dickhead.’ She remembered Will and chucked the stake aside, hurried to Will at once. ‘Fuck,’ she said under her breath. She knelt down beside her, checking her pulse immediately. ‘Shi-Will, can you hear me? Red, can you hear me?’ she winced, knowing Will was right on the edge.
She yelled at the top of her voice at the green door before her. ‘Open the fuck up, now!!!’ she yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.
To her surprise, I pulled the door back, looking a little pissed off. My facial expressions must have transformed at record timing. ‘Oh my god, what happened?’ I asked as she pushed past, carrying Will in her arms, barely conscious. Giles was clearing books off of the couch to make way for her, and Faith laid her down, gently as she could.
‘I was fighting a vamp, she was too, I had no idea she couldn’t handle it, I had my back to her.’ She stepped back and Giles grabbed a towel, pressed it to her neck.
‘Goddamit, Faith I told you to be careful. You knew it was too much you should’ve just backed out,’ I muttered under my breath, as I opened up the first aid box.
Faith sat back on her heels, took some of the equipment I handed to her. ‘I didn’t know, B.’
‘Well you should have,’ I snapped at her. Not meaning to, but scared that what I had imagined might come true. This is exactly why I didn’t want Will going in.
Faith ripped open the packets of whatever the fuck it was I’d handed her. ‘Well how the hell was I supposed to have known? They came outta nowhere, I had no idea, I couldn’t see!’
‘Well next time use your fucking eyes!’ I yelled, looking straight at her. I turned back to Will and pressed the antiseptic laden cotton wool to her neck. I turned to Giles as he sat beside me, as quiet as he was anxious. ‘I think she’ll be okay.’
‘Maybe we should get her to the hospital just in case. She’s probably lost a lot of blood,’ Giles told me. I nodded.
‘Shall we take your car?’ I asked, and he nodded in reply, getting to his feet to grab his keys and coat.
I took the gauze from Faith, who had been silent ever since and pressed it to Will’s neck. ‘It’s okay, sweetie, we’re gonna get you to a hospital,’ I told her softly, my own voice breaking up a little.
She sat back ever so silently, just watching us two rushing about around her. She ran fingers back through her hair and sighed. ‘Want me to carry her out to the car?’ she piped up, so gently.
I shook my head. ‘Just stay out of it, you’ve caused enough trouble,’ I told her straight away, as I slid my arm under Will’s neck, and another under her knees.
‘I didn’t know, B,’ she said quietly.
‘That’s enough,’ I told her. I turned to Giles. ‘Shall we go?’
He nodded, and I saw him glance at Faith before heading out. I couldn’t even look at her right now. Why I was so mad at her…I don’t know. Maybe because I wasn’t there.
She followed us out, closing the door after me. I heard her footsteps behind, and inwardly wished they would go away. I really didn’t want her here right now.
‘She’s lost a lot of blood, so oxygen levels are low. We have her stabilised, and she’s coming to. Just…give her some time to rest, she should be right as rain in a couple of days, if that.’ The doctor smiled at us and headed out of the waiting room.
‘Was a close call,’ I uttered to Giles, who had been standing beside me as the doctor spoke to us. ‘I told her, and she didn’t listen.’
Giles looked at me and I looked up at him. ‘Faith knows how dangerous it is. I told her that if it starts to get heavy, for both of them to back out.’
Giles removed his glasses from his face and retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket, used it to clean his lenses. All the while I watched him.
‘She never listens.’
‘Why are you trying to blame it on Faith, Buffy?’ he started, so solemnly, as if it was an enquiry, rather than an interrogation.
‘What?’ I frowned. I had since wandered over to a chair and sat down, he, still standing in that same position.
‘You heard her. She didn’t know, she’s not superwoman. She was doing what had to be done, little did she know Willow was hurt. And you told them to go out and patrol tonight, they could’ve stayed at mine with us, we could’ve gone through the books all together, patrolling could have waited.’
I sat still. ‘That’s not the point-’
‘It’s not the point because you don’t want it to be the point, Buffy. Faith was doing what any of us would have done. The same thing could have happened to you, or Xander, or me. It doesn’t matter. We all get hurt, someway or another. Faith is not the one to blame here.’ He paused and rubbed his mouth with his fingers a moment. ‘It seems to me as if you need to put your personal differences or…similarities aside, and focus, on this. Whatever it is that’s standing between you two.’
‘NOTHING is standing between us, Giles! It’s just her, she won’t listen! I told her specifically-’
‘You told her specifically what she did, Buffy. She listened to you. I don’t understand why you’re so mad at her.’
‘Because I should’ve been there!’ I yelled. ‘I should’ve been there to stop them, not her, alright?’ I rose from my chair and hurried out. The fuck was up with me? Since when did I get jealous of Faith?
I hadn’t noticed her leaning up against the building, clouded by smoke from her cigarette. But when she called out to me, I stopped in my footsteps, failed to turn to face her, tears streaming down my cheeks. ‘I did what you asked me to, B. I don’t understand why you’re marking me down as such a screw-up.’
‘Just leave it, Faith.’ I continued walking. God, I just wanted this day to be over.
‘Why are you being like this, B?’ she called, and I sensed her beginning to approach me. ‘Don’t even tell me you’re jealous of me and Red patrolling together?’ Silence. I didn’t wanna go there. ‘Oh come on, Buffy, what is this? I save her and all of a sudden we’re back to square one? Buffy how many times, there’s nothing between us!’
I stopped and turned to face her. ‘Then why do I always feel as if there’s competition between Will and I? Why do I always feel as if leaving you alone with her is like…’ I looked away.
‘Like what, huh?’ she said, her voice telling me she was frustrated.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and folded my arms across my chest. ‘I just…I feel like I don’t have you. Completely. And it…makes me jealous.’
‘So you blame all that on me? Jesus Christ, B! What is this?’
‘What is what?’
‘This!!! You’re tellin’ me I’ve caused enough trouble, and that I should stay out of shit that wasn’t even my fault! I feel like I’m getting the third degree for saving someone’s life, here, B. And I don’t understand why the hell you’re giving me the run-around all the freakin’ time we start to talk about Red. What is there to be jealous about, exactly?’
‘Us,’ I muttered, then shrugged.
Faith sighed and looked away for a moment, the light from a near-by lamp shade shining in her eyes. She looked back at me for a moment, her taller form meaning she had to look down slightly. I saw the confusion in her eyes and for a moment I realised how stupid I was being. One moment we were all over each other, the next I was messing her around. Being jealous of Willow. That I might…lose Faith.
She pulled me in close and just held me. Took my head in one of her hands and pressed it to her, took my waist in her other hand and just…held me. I guess that was enough to make me realise I was the one she wanted to be touching.
‘If you’re afraid of losing me…don’t be.’ I think she didn’t intend to say anything more. But if she did…it got lost. I never heard her continue. Instead we just stood there. And she held me. God, I was such an idiot.
At first I didn’t realise that was Giles standing in the doorway of the hospital, watching us. But I soon realised he knew I was being a fool. And for the first time ever I thought he must have known about us. And it comforted me.
CHAPTER 13: Truly, Faithfully, Sincerely
Note: This chapter is not from Buffy's POV, but from Faith's POV, and as far as I expect shall be the only one in the fic. Tell me what you think of it. I wanted to get one in here but I wanted to make something really special of it. I don't know if it completely went the way I intended but it still went. I won't keep you waiting any longer; here it is... One more thing! I don't know if I'm the only one that's noticed, but have a look at the chapter heading. Does anyone watch Tru Calling? (Do you get it?)
For the first time ever I believed she was jealous of me. Jealous of what apparently I had with Will. I didn't quite understand why.
Losing me, apparently. She was afraid to lose me.
I found my own way back to my motel room, that night. Told her I thought it best she went home and cleared her head. Thought some stuff out, and that I'd see her tomorrow, or whatever.
I closed the door behind me, the dull stench of the dust in the room wafting towards me. I chucked my coat on the chair in the corner of the room and headed straight for the bathroom.
Looking at myself in the mirror. I still didn't see it. She told me she was in love with the way I looked. Pretty. Apparently. No one had ever truly told me I was beautiful. Only a guy looking for a free fuck would, if it would get him the goods. He didn't mean it. They never meant it.
But her telling me she meant it gave it meaning. Meaning for me. I turned away from the mirror and headed for the shower, and turned it on, ran my hand underneath it a second.
I had scored a couple of bruises from before, as I remembered from peeling off my clothes. There they were. Although it was a pretty easy night for vamps I still had the reminder that Will would be scarred for a while.
Sometimes I wondered if I was the messed up one. Really. She got so jealous back there, it freaked me out a little. But I guess her emotions must've gotten the best of her. Normally she would be the one to have them under control.
Beads of warm water fell down my body and soothed my skin, and my hair clung to my back as the water ran through it, soaked it. I couldn't help but wonder what she was up to right now. My every thought somehow managed to go back to what B was doing, if B was thinking about me too. And here was me thinking so much about her, and there was she thinking I was thinking about Red. Not that I wasn't, Red was in bad shape, but…not in the way B thought.
Poor girl, wanting so much just to fight. Like us. But…there was so much difference between us. B, and me and Red. B and I, we're Slayers. Red's not. Never was. Won't ever be. That's the difference. She doesn't have that strength that I do, that B does. She's got strength in a completely different way. B and I are warriors…Red's not.
It just amazes me that she thinks there's something between me and Red. Not that there never would be or whatever, but…after everything we've been through.
I love Buffy.
Everything she does makes me wanna love her even more. And I do. I love her more and more everyday. Maybe I don't show her enough.
I lifted the handset and dialled her number, and then sat back in bed, chewed on my bottom lip, hoping she'd still be awake.
Just when I decided to hang up, cos she hadn't answered, the tone changed. 'Hello?' came that gorgeously gentle voice from the other end of the line.
'B,' I said, trying not to sound too surprised, naturally.
'Oh…Faith…hey…' She didn't sound too happy. I sighed and shifted on the bed a little.
'What was that tonight, B?'
There was some silence, and I think she was sitting down. 'I dunno, Faith.'
I dunno, I kinda expected her to continue. 'You calmed down now?'
I heard her sigh and I laid back in my bed. 'Yeah, I think so,' she said, sounding as if she was resolving her thoughts in her head as we spoke.
'Good.' I inhaled. 'You know you gave me a fright back there, girlfriend.'
'I know.'
I sensed she was still slightly pissed. Figures. 'Buffy?' I called, calmly.
'Yeah?' she said softly, her tone still soothing my entire form.
'I love you.'
Silence. Crap. That always freaked me out.
'Buffy?' I called, thinking now that the phone was just little too silent.
'Faith…I know. I just…I need to get some sleep.' With that, she hung up. I raised my eyebrows and looked at the phone, a little surprised she'd just hung up on me.
Round and round in my head I tried to work out if we were falling apart or not. I hadn't slept. I don't think I'd dressed myself properly. But somehow, through all the thinking about Buffy, I'd managed to get up and get changed and leave the motel and get into school.
I parked my ass on one of the benches outside of the school, hoping she'd pass through this way to get into school.
I guess I'd been sitting there near enough half an hour before I saw her approaching. She was wearing a pair of jeans with a green t-shirt and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like she'd bothered just about as much as I had. I stood up and began heading slowly in her direction. She glanced at me, then looked back again, and smiled a little. We both came to a halt when near enough. 'Hey,' I uttered, trying to sound bothered. I really was, just….trying not to coax her or anything. Maybe she didn't even want me around.
'Hey,' she said, sounding pretty…inward.
I'd never felt so awkward with such silence between us like this. But now she was looking at me as if she wanted to apologise but was too scared to, or too…I dunno.
Turns out perhaps she did want me to stick around, because she'd pulled me round the corner, where…fewer people were, and without admonition pressed her lips to mine, very gently, for a long moment. When she pulled away I smiled.
'I'm so sorry, Faith. I've been such a bitch to you and…god, look at you,' she said, her tone softening up a lot more than it had been before.
I looked down at myself, not quite understanding what she was getting at.
'You look like you haven't slept.' Great. She thought I looked amazingly similar to a pile of smelly trash.
'I haven't,' I told her, chuckling a little on my words.
She smiled. 'Me either.' My smile faded and she gazed at me. 'I couldn't stop thinking about us.'
Hey, me either, so join the club. 'It's okay, Buffy, really it is-'
'Do you really love me?'
I paused completely, then nodded slowly. And there she was again, pressing her lips to mine, so solemnly, as if kissing a baby's forehead. When she pulled away she lingered before me, and I could not help but inhale her scent. She smelt so gorgeous…all the time. I couldn't live without that smell. I had to know it, everyday.
'I love you, Faith.' She moved a hand to my cheek and ran her fingers along it so gently.
'Really?' I said. Not that I was unsure, just…surprised to hear it this time, rather than dismissing the fact that I had said it.
She nodded, then I kissed her and she chuckled. There she was. The gorgeous girl I knew and loved. I thought I'd lost her for a while, there.
'So we're okay?' she asked me, fingers lingering at my chest, teasing me, slightly.
I nodded. 'Of course we are.' I straddled her hips and then pulled her in close and let her embrace me back.
'Good. Cos for a moment there…thought I'd lost you.'
'Why?'
'I just…I was such an idiot last night and…you just dealt with it.'
'Hmm.'
'I'm sorry, Faith. I'm the screw-up.'
'No, it's alright. We all screw-up. Just…let it go.' I held her closer and laid my chin upon her shoulder. I liked that this felt right.
I met with her at lunchtime and we went to sit on the grassy knoll outside the entrance of the school. It was really hot that day, a lot hotter than I'd expected for it to be, but bearable enough. Still we sat underneath a tree, in the shade.
'I was thinking of stopping by the hospital today, to go and see Will, wanna come?' she started, as she picked at the tiny shards of grass from beneath her.
I shrugged. 'Maybe we should get her a card or something.'
She nodded. 'That'd be nice.'
From what had happened this morning I'd have thought maybe she'd be a little more chirpy about us being together, alone, right now, but…she still seemed really thoughtful and really inward. I didn't know whether or not it was my place to say anything, a part of me felt she still blamed me for last night.
'Is everything alright?' I finally said, trying to keep my tone as gentle as possible. I had to squint because of the sun, but when she looked briefly into my eyes she flashed a quick smile. It seemed a little fake to me, but still, I guess it was something.
She shrugged as her gaze dropped back to the grass and she continued to pick at it. 'I dunno.'
I nodded and sat back, leant against the tree. 'You can talk to me, Buffy.'
She looked up at me. 'You just called me Buffy.' I smiled a little bit and I think it was contagious. 'You never call me Buffy…'
I shrugged and soon her smile faded. Something was definitely still up. 'I would've done something sooner if I'd know, Buffy, you know that.'
I noticed her eyebrows raise a moment and her lips departed as she drew in a breath. Was that sarcasm?
'Buffy, you know it wasn't my fault, we were surrounded, I did the best I could do…'
She raised a hand to me signalling me to stop simultaneously to her head nodding and I paused. 'I know, you would have Faith. It's just…' She whimpered as if stuck for the right way to say this, which hurt slightly. '…I dunno. I guess I'm just…' She pressed her lips together and looked out ahead, all the while my eyes fixed upon her fast-becoming-awkward form. '…Call me out of order but…it wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened and you've…' She trailed off as she looked up at me, my jaw near enough hell-met and my eyes near enough out of my head.
'Are you saying I'm careless?'
'No, I don't that, I just-'
I sat forward, my eyebrows furrowed and my face mad-painted. 'Oh, because I'm Watcher-less I have no sense? No guidance? What is it? I should've been more like you and it wouldn't have happened?'
'No, I just mean…'
I stood and began to walk away.
'Where are you going, Faith?' Buffy called as I began to walk away. I could not believe she did still blame all of this on me. It wasn't even my fault. Here was me thinking I had issues. It wasn't me at all. I turned to see her beginning to follow me. 'Faith I didn't mean it like that, of course we all make mistakes-'
'Yeah, well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect, and that I mess up a little bit. You know, it's a little hard trying to save someone AND fight off evil at the same time. But of course, you're so wonderful that you could multi-task in your sleep.' I turned and continued to walk, truly pissed off. At myself for yelling at her, but also at her for still blaming this on me.
'Faith, just wait, a minute, please,' she called to me, but I continued to walk, headed out of school.
I sensed rather than saw her slow up as I continued to walk away. She knew I wasn't ready to hear what she had to say, whatever it was.
I peeked my head around the corner before entering, just in case she was asleep. It seems she was awake, though because as soon as I did I heard her utter a tired, 'Hey, Faith. Why doncha come in?'
I smiled a little upon entering and approached her, slowly. 'Hey.' I reached for a card in my back pocket and gave it to her immediately, watching her open it as I perched on the edge of her bed. 'It's nothing big.'
She read it and smiled. 'It's sweet. Thanks.'
I nodded in acknowledgement of her calling it "sweet." I think she meant the thought.
'So…' she began. 'I'm a little hazy on why I'm here…could you fill me in?'
'Oh, er…vampires. Sucked. You lost blood. Here you are.' The abridged version.
'Oh.' She seemed a little confused for a moment, before raising a finger and sucking in a breath as if to start talking about it. She frowned, letting her finger drop again. 'When did that happen?'
'Last night, we went patrolling and…' She nodded and I realised I didn't have to finish my sentence.
It seemed she was thinking a while, hard about what had happened last night. 'It's like a puzzle,' she finally uttered and I frowned.
'What is?'
'My memory. Like, a…a puzzle. Like…I-I remember, things…but…fragmented things. Like…I remember being at Giles' but I don't understand why I was there, and…and I remember walking with you and talking about…' I saw her look up at me mid-explanation and pause as if she'd been busted for something. I soon realised my eyebrows were furrowed and I think she thought I was wondering what the hell she was talking about. Either that or I was concentrating too hard on trying to understand why she had stopped talking. '…Er…where's everybody else?'
I looked around briefly, following her gaze with my eyes. 'Erm…well Giles, Xander and B are at school…'
'Oh, right, yeah I forgot.'
She sucked in a breath in the way that she did, and I watched her.
'You're probably thinking what the hell I was doing, last night, huh,' she muttered, her gaze on her fidgeting hands.
I shrugged. 'I don't know what you mean.' I offered a smile, though I think she wasn't looking for all smiles and fluff right now.
'You do. I leant in, to kiss you and you pushed me out of the way – because of the vamps, I get it. But…what if there wasn't a vamp there…'
I stayed silent, my eyes just focussing on her fidgeting hands too.
'I realise what you did was for my own safety, Faith, but, I needed to know.' I glanced up at her eyes, seeing now that they were focussed on me. I looked around the room a little, keeping myself from looking at her, until finally she reached a hand out to mine, and my eyes gravitated to it, followed by my eyes trailing back up to hers. 'I need to know, Faith. If you meant it when you kissed me before, and…I don't wanna, force you into anything or, whatever, but…I've never felt like this before.'
I swallowed, and clenched my jaw repeatedly, not sure if I should speak or not.
'I told you I had been through this emotional roller coaster and you said it was normal. Is…is this…normal?'
At this point her voice was so soft and pleading, I didn't know what was normal anymore. For her. I think she was honestly lost. In me? Was what was circling through my head, but…why? Why would she feel this way? I looked into her eyes, worried that she was so worried about what she was feeling.
Buffy semi-jogged through the corridor leading to the library and upon pushing the swinging door away from her to get in, she realised what all the trauma was. Giles hadn't looked this worried since he discovered the lenses of his glasses were scratched. 'Giles, I came as fast as I could, what's up?'
'I understand what it means,' he began, immediately. He had been sitting at a table, clearly researching some supernatural situation that had spirited a while ago. 'Here…tell me, what does this mean?'
She approached him and her eyes gravitated to the spot in which Giles' fingers had instructed. 'Everyone is doomed.' She looked up into his eyes, to find him looking at her. 'Er…what?'
'Remember, the er…apocalypse? That was initiated by the Erachnii?' She nodded and Giles presented her with a small photograph. 'Erachnii. I spotted one on the way home from speaking to a spirit guide. Lucky I had a camera.'
She raised an eyebrow, noticing how the demon really seemed as if it didn't pose as a threat to mankind. 'So should I go kill it?'
Giles shook his head. 'Absolutely not. Try to and it could capture you, take you to the underworld, whatever its plans are. Where's Faith?'
She shook her head a little, all of a sudden a little more alert. 'I haven't seen her.'
'You need to inform her of this demon. Make sure she knows to keep safe. I don't want you patrolling until we've figured out a way to stop these demons-'
'You can't stop them, it's impossible.' Buffy looked towards the voice that accompanied the heels on the ground. Utterly astounded, she dropped the photograph in her hand.
CHAPTER 14: The Tool of Sanctimony
Note: This chapter is from Buffy's POV.
I swallowed, astounded at Angel. 'Angel…I thought I'd-er…you were…with-'
He stopped, mere feet from me, seeming consumed by the information he himself was about to spill. 'You've gotta get out of here. You and Faith. As soon as possible.'
I glanced at Giles, who had risen from his chair and stood beside me. 'What? Why, I don't understand, what's…going on-'
'Red demons, Erachnii, have someway found a way out of the underworld, and are looking for you, killing any human beings they find on the way. You can't stop them, don't even try. Just get out of here. You've gotta leave.'
'Angel, we can't leave, not if these "Red Demons" are threatening to kill the entire human race, especially if they've already started-'
'They're literally invincible, Buffy, you can't kill them, you never WILL.' Angel paused and I believe I was near to fainting. Too much information for my tiny little brain. 'Listen to me. I spotted a few down at this cemetery yesterday night they were going into this crypt, I don't know what for, I just know that they were going there. I tried to follow them the best I could but I had to leave…I wouldn't stand a chance going up against one of those things.' He subconsciously licked over his lips and continued speaking. 'I suggest you try your hardest to run. You and Faith…'
'No, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You want me and Faith to pack up and leave Sunnydale because a pack of "Red Demons" are gonna exterminate the entire human race? If they're spilling out everywhere then what makes you think they won't track us down? Angel, I can't leave. I have to stay here and fight this. That other one did. And she was alone. I have Faith. And I have you guys.' I turned to Giles who seemed as if he'd been concentrating intensely on this entire discussion. 'Giles, what do we do, do we fight them?'
'Well they're obviously planning a time to begin this apocalypse. But they need tools, ingredients, various objects.' He turned to Angel, who by now had taken a few more steps in closer to us. 'Angel, you say they were headed for a crypt?'
He nodded and Giles followed. 'Right.' He flipped a few pages in a large ancient book and when reached his destination began reading aloud. 'The Tool of Sanctimony. Designed to summon some of the deadliest forces of the Underworld. They perform a simple yet enormously powerful ritual in which begins to transform this Earth in mere minutes of the ritual having been complete. Erachnii sacrifice multiple human beings' blood by draining them into the Tool of Sanctimony – an offering to the forces. The ritual is performed on the seventh day of the seventh month of what to them is the seventh revolutionary year…for seven of the deadliest forces.'
'Great. So I have to find this "Tool of Sanctimony" thingy…destroy it, AND stop these things from performing an "all hell shall break loose" ritual in…ooh, gee, five days…'
Angel reached out to take a look at the text Giles had been reciting from and I caught a glimpse of the concentration on his face as he began to read it. I paced back and forth the spot I'd been standing in, getting a little too worried to be able to stand still.
'Wonderful. That's just…great,' I mumbled to myself, my words lost as soon as they were told.
'Buffy, you must get Faith immediately. I want you to stay in each other's company – don't let her out of your sight. I mean it. These demons will most certainly not think twice before taking you,' Giles explained to me, his tone worryingly anxious throughout.
I'd been nervously chewing on my lip throughout that, however. How was I supposed to get Faith to willingly move in with me when we weren't even talking?
'Ah…ah…ah!!!' Faith shrieked as her eyes focussed on the ceiling before her and she respired double, maybe even triple time.
I climbed the length of her, trailing kisses up along her naked skin until I reached her chin. 'So you'll stay?' I asked, trying my utmost to be innocent with my voice, albeit slightly ashamed, knowing that the tension between us most probably still lingered, even if it was just a little bit. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kissed the spot in which it had been.
She hummed throatily for a moment or so, sarcastically contemplating my words. 'Hmm. Might take a leetle more persuasion…' she quipped, and we both chuckled, as I lay back in the space beside her on the comforter.
'Faith, you were screaming less than five minutes ago, and if I remember correctly, the only other time I made you scream like that was when I-' I began snaking my fingers down her body, touching ever so lightly.
'Alright, alright, I'll stay.' I saw the shit-eating grin slapped across her face and I left that to the assumption that she was thinking about that time when I…let's just say…unbearable amounts of pleasure, but…I won't bore with details.
I snuggled in close to her neck, just inhaling her scent for a few moments, then I looked up at her, seeing that her eyes were now closed, a warm smile settled on her lips. 'I'm sorry, baby,' I whispered, my tone naïvely informing her of my apology that was one-hundred per cent earnest.
She nodded, her eyes remaining closed. 'S'ok.'
I thought about what I'd said for a moment. 'No, really, I was way out of order to you. I was being so selfish and I was pissy about everything that I just disregarded your feelings.' I looked up at her again. 'Your feelings matter the most to me, Faithy.'
She craned her neck slightly to look down at me looking up at her. 'Really?'
All at once I was reminded of the sexy, intoxicating coolness of her tone, indeed a lot more matured than my own; deeper, gravely, gorgeously alluring. 'Really, Faith.'
I listened to the lack of sound until she began to speak, and once again it was that enticing, sexy…'Some of the things you say really make me hot and horny all, over, again.'
I didn't have a chance to reply to that because she'd begun exploring my mouth with hers. That beauty extended so goddamned far beyond her voice. The way she kissed me, touched me, breathed on me, rocked with me, lay with me, came with me.
She was my Faith. And I was never going to let her go. Not for the world. I loved her so much. And after Angel, I didn't think I'd be able to love that way again…give myself again, at such a young age. But I fell for her. And here she was, fingers buried to the hilt of me, making me sweat, shiver and scream, stroking my sex the only way I wanted it to be. There was no other person for me. Only her.
I'm yours, Faith. And I love you so much.
Giles leant back against the front of his couch, and took a look at all of the material surrounding him. He reached for his mug of tea and drank from it, eyes still focussing on material he'd cross-referenced with this, that and most definitely the other.
Replacing his drink on the side table, he glanced at the clock. Two thirty-six AM. And he hadn't gotten far. "Ancient" ancient texts and "recent" ancient texts had one thing in common. They were both ancient, thus…difficult to understand. Very rarely did you find translations of translations.
He extended his arms sideways, stretching the muscles out, simultaneously to yawning. He was tired. And this was definitely one of the most difficult tasks he'd faced as a Watcher.
The Council had been working on it also, although they hadn't gotten very much further than Giles.
I closed my eyes and used my sense of touch to feel her spreading kisses along my body, leaving a tingling sensation upon which for my nerves to feast. The sex was so empowering, overwhelming, ceaseless, and the fact that Faith was giving it to me felt even more so, all of these things. She was so indomitable, painfully (in the good sense) powerful, and slow…so very…very slow.
There were moments I believed so much energy encompassed us that my climaxes were more dynamic than the preceding. All because of her. And me. And the connection. Our connection.
He yawned into his hand as his other held a text inches from his face and his eyes scanned deeply across each line, searching for clues, for information, for anything that might be useful. Anything at all. Phrases, passages, chapters. References. Whatever it was, he searched with his eyes, as tired, and paining as they were; he kept at it.
He squinted, then reached for the "Machmachra" and mumbled to himself as he thumbed through pages, until finally. Something.
He'd found a picture of what looked like a potential "tool."
Once again she was rocking to my fingertips and I was concurrently rocking to hers, her body a top mine, the heat of her bunking up my own body temperature. I let her pace quicken according to her own desire - if she wanted it slow, she would go slow with me, and fast? She'd go even SLOWER. Unbearably slow, a torturous pace. Give it three freaking strokes and I was slowly but goddamned surely there. Bucking hips, arching backs, feral moans and desperate whimpers…skin on skin. That mere connection. The solution? Hard and fast – again and again. The Slayer's Way.
He marked down pages and then closed the books, one by one, yellow post-its evidence of his long, pain-staking task. But for now, he was finished.
He lay back, in the centre of his bed, his arms folded upon the duvet that covered him. Eyes bolted open (possibly fastened), dawn threatening to…dawn. Finally, he could rest.
Or not.
Will. Angel. Me. Faith. Giles. Xander. Oz. There we all were. Sat, in the library, the hours moving closer and closer to midnight. A piece of information each, that we all needed to know.
Willow raised her text and licked over her lips, almost ready to start reading. The room contained an almost awkward atmosphere, each piece of information more daunting than the other. We all had to let each other know. And it had to be now. What we knew, we had to share. What we didn't, we wanted to hear. But with a silenced passion, we also didn't want to know.
Willow glanced around at the various eyes, fixated on her, knowing that she was first to read. After letting it back down into her lap, she raised it, looked at its words and inhaled, shakily. She began reading. Followed by Xander. Then Faith. Oz read his passage; then Willow continued on from him. Then Faith began, and then Angel, and then me. And Faith. Each word more ominous than the other, we continued to read until we'd finished.
Then the deathly silence followed.
Giles exhaled, both loudly and silently at the same time. He uncrossed his legs and sat forward, looked around us all seated at the one table in the school library. 'We've all worked together as a team ever since Buffy came to Sunnydale. And we've been a team ever since. Together we've learned, trained and fought. Each time we've had a difficult task ahead…we've fought. We've succeeded. And still we persist…' He took a deep breath, his words so empowering that I know I was compelled to listen to his words yet to come. 'I haven't trained you for this long for you to back out now,' he continued, sombreness being the key to his fine personality.
I cleared my throat, nodding in agreement to his words. I looked across into his eyes, and saw them, unwavering, so very still, so very…sure. 'You're absolutely right.'
'There'll be no backing out,' Faith began. She looked to the rest of the guys. 'If I have to die to save any one of you guys, I'll do it. It's my job.'
'No,' Will interrupted, her voice solemn, sincere as Faith's. 'It's our job. We're in this together.'
'Every single one of us,' Xander reinforced, a certain amount of solemnity present in his usually chirpy tone.
Faith nodded, the appreciation clear in her expression, and beneath the table, she sandwiched my hand in hers, that anxiety flowing through me as it was through her also.
'Okay,' Giles continued as he stood from the wooden chair, and circled it, before beginning to pace, back and forth. 'This is bigger than ANYTHING we've ever done before. It's first and foremost, one of the most dangerous apocalypses we've ever faced. And it happens…in four days time.' He removed his glasses from his face and looked down into a drawing upon the table we were seated around. 'The Crypt. That tool that they will need is here. I'm not certain where exactly it is, but I know that it's somewhere in this Crypt. Willow, I've collected together a few things for a locator spell; can you do it?'
She nodded immediately. 'I've done it a couple of times before, it's worth a shot. Although the conflicting energies might disallow me to find it. It might come up blank, or it might come up with too many possible energies that could be the tool. Do you have any idea how large this thing is?'
Giles scrunched one side of his face a moment, shaking his head at the same time. 'I'm not completely sure. It could be the size of a locket, or the size of this Hellmouth. I simply do not know.'
We all nodded and silence followed.
'I've been drawing up possibilities, eliminating the areas I think are least likely. It's most likely heavily guarded, so we'll have to figure out a way to go in protected, without them knowing,' Giles explained, pointing to the circled points he'd made.
'But if you say this thing could be as large as the Hellmouth itself, then how exactly are we going to get it away from them?'
'Disintegrating spell, and this potion. It won't be easy. But if we're to succeed, we must try. Four of us, to draw upon the four elements.'
'Who's gonna do it?' Xander asked.
Each one of us knew our position, our strengths. And knew who we were, above all. 'Well I have to conduct the spell, so count me in,' Willow stated, a hand outstretched towards her book on the table.
'I've got cosmic connections. I'm in,' Angel confirmed, letting his book down onto the table and then sitting back into his chair, leaning his chin into his palm, resting his elbow upon the arm of the chair.
Faith sighed and sat forward, having been playing with the hem of my tee, now clasping her hands together as her elbows leant against the arms of the chair. 'Slayer. I got cosmic connections too.'
That left me. 'Connections within the whole group. We'd be inter-connected, right. I mean, Angel, I killed you, Willow brought you back, Faith and I, Slayers in existence together. Willow's a Witch…'
'Yes, that's a hell of a lot of supernatural energy, the deities will most definitely be astounded,' Giles added.
'And plus with the more energy there is, the more likely it is to work,' Angel concluded.
Willow started. 'That means we gotta charge up. I know it might sound silly, but-'
'Meditate. Astral Project, draw from other energies, charge up the charkas, whatever energy we can find. It'll reinforce the strength, the powers, blow them away,' Angel explained.
'If we focus on charging specific energies, drawing on the four elements should be easier. For example, Angel if you concentrate on fire, me, water, Faith, air and Buffy, Earth, we should all be able to connect with that specific element and make it easier to summon. I'm not saying those specific elements assigned to that specific person, but just as an example.'
'No, it works well, Will. So, how do we go about getting this energy?' Faith enquired, retained that same position as before. She began to sink back into her chair, leaning in close to me, and soon leaning against me. She grasped my hand again and almost immediately I could feel that anxiety again.
Willow shrugged. 'It's up to you. Balancing charkas, consulting spirit guides, animal guides, going to that specific place through meditation, gathering that cosmic energy in whatever way best for you. Buffy, if you're taking Earth, try meditating in the garden, try placing your hands on the grass firmly and feel the energy drawing into you. Faith, if you're taking air, do the same, use the garden, inhale the fresh air and concentrate on how that oxygen drawing into your body can be stored away for supernatural purposes.'
'Okay, but I'm not being funny, I'm not particularly a big fan of fire,' Angel chimed in.
Xander smiled. 'What with you being un-dead and all.'
Willow chuckled. 'How about I take fire, you take water? Go to the ocean, sit in it.'
Giles nodded, having been quietly observing the discussion. 'Wonderful. I'll be working on that spell, which is in Latin, you're all okay with that?' We nodded and he proceeded. 'Four days is all we have. We need to focus. Concentrate. Do whatever it is you must do, but for the love of God, be careful with it. For your own sake.' He drew in a well and truly deserved breath of air and began cleaning his glasses. As he concentrated, we all looked at each other.
Then. The dreaded question. 'When do we go?' I asked Giles, still cleaning his glasses. He looked up from them, focussing first on the space ahead of him, then, each one of us.
He sighed loud and replaced his glasses on his face. He slid his hands into the pockets of his trousers, and looked up. 'We will go to the Tachra Taa, in three days time.'
I watched as everyone around me began to disperse, close books, tidy up. They'd go about their business, being to do what had to be done.
In four days time, we have to fight the most difficult war we'd come across in our entire lives. These were the lives at risk; the entire world. We were the front-runners. We could all die. Some of us already had. Who knows.
Who knows.
Willow.
Erachnii. One of the Deadliest species of pure bred Demon. They, for hundreds of centuries have worked with the First Evil, serving where best they could. Recent victory came when they came this close to exterminating the entire human race.
Xander.
The Slayer. Strongest human force on the planet managed to work with few remaining humans on the planet to restore natural activity and peace where possible. She sent the Erachnii underground where they were banished for eternity. They vowed that one day they would rise again.
Faith.
Following this vow, the Tool of Sanctimony was stolen from them by a good witch, who sent it to a protected place above land, where Erachnii could not reach it.
Oz.
That place is right here, in Sunnydale. The Tachra Taa. The Crypt by the cemetery right on the edge of town.
Willow.
Erachnii strive to find new ways of obtaining back the tool, each time unsuccessful, as the good witch protected it from then with some of the strongest white magic.
Faith.
The Tool of Sanctimony remained protected for the next five thousand years, never to be touched by them again.
Angel.
But come the Seventh minute of the Seventh day of the Seventh month of the Seventh Revolutionary year, they shall try once again to exterminate the human race, and render apocalypse on Earth. For Seven Deadly Forces, known as the sins. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Avarice and Sloth.
Me.
The Slayer. To each Generation a new Slayer is born. And Erachnii want her.
Faith.
But what happens when there's not one…but two?
CHAPTER 15: Being the World (In Three Days Time)
Each of us had dispersed, going back to our homes, going about our business, beginning these so called “set tasks” to enable us to defeat this next apocalypse.
The words exchanged became precious; the looks even more so. Oz went with Willow, not before she told us all to be careful. And the look upon her face; pure anxiety. She was scared. We all were.
I squeezed Faith’s hand still, as we walked back to my house, and once again, the words were few, the looks were fewer, but the ones that spirited…I kept in mind. I dared not let them slip.
And Angel. He walked alone.
To the ocean. As Willow said…I’d wondered why he was back here, with us. After everything. But if this was what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be. I couldn’t stop him. Bless him.
Some might think he was the loneliest creature upon the earth, facing the ocean as if it were pure oxygen. Nothing to him. But as he began strolling through it, the other end of the beach a pitch black, the moon a full shining beam, he breathed. Unneeded oxygen. He drew those elements in. They were at his feet and in his hair. And he acknowledged them, as the water drenched his clothes and the air challenged his need for survival. Day seemed so far away, and he seemed to take each second at a time. It was that important.
We’d never done this before, but every second was crucial to my knowledge. I had to absorb it, I had to know what I was doing. Similarly for her, I think every second counted, as she led me to the bathroom, as we stood before each other, as she removed each item of clothing from me, and I, her.
As I stepped into the shower, and she followed, and again, we stood…for some reason she was crying. I couldn’t see the tears, but I could hear the whimpers, through the swooshing of the rushing water from the showerhead. She outstretched her arms before her, to lean against the tiling of the shower, and behind her I was standing, watching. I stepped towards her, and tentatively as I could, embraced her, one arm at a time, until finally, she was within me. I tried as hard as I could to listen to her sobs calming, but they seemed to continue. She would die for us. Before I would’ve excused her as being scared inside; and that she would never show her fear…but here…she broke down as if there would be no tomorrow. This was it. And soon I began sobbing. I understood why she was crying and it started me.
What if we didn’t make it.
Were we strong enough to not get dead?
Ever wonder who would be next?
Each flame as delicate as the other, more silent and more secluded, they burned. Each candle, creating its own light, shone, and she was surrounded by every single one. And as the words emitted from her mouth and she sat cross legged upon the floor in which the candles also did, she closed her eyes. Dozens and dozens of that specific element surrounded her, and she shone with them, her chanting raising the flames, empowering them, testing their own potential. And as they rose, she did too. And as they diminished, she settled.
I don’t think catatonic was the correct word however she became that closed. I pulled a tee above her head and through her arms, and let her slide on the pair of shorts that had come from my draw. And as she sat upon my bed she stared. Blankly. I sat in front of her and reached for her hand, noticing her eyes gravitating to it once I did.
‘All this…’ she began. ‘It’s so much.’ She looked up at me, her voice more solemn than I’d ever known for it to be. ‘I thought Kaskistos was a bet.’
I chuckled a little and that soon faded when I saw her lack of expression. ‘Yeah.’ I drew in a breath and looked at her watching me. ‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’
She huffed and blinked, tiredly, taking her gaze from me. ‘Yeah, sure.’
‘I’m serious. That comment back in the library?’ I started, pointing my thumb in a direction.
She looked back to me and I smiled. ‘Remember…when we talked about who might be next?’ I licked over my lips and she watched me still.
Finally, after what seemed like a few minutes she sighed. ‘Can we not do this, right now?’
‘Faith, this is HUGER than anything we’ve ever faced.’ I inhaled and exhaled, before moving a hand to push stray hair from her face. ‘But I think you’re strong enough not to get dead. More importantly? Not to get any of us dead, either. You did what had to be done with Will and I’m so glad you were there. What would’ve happened if you weren’t?’
She scoffed. ‘Geez, B, pressure much…’
I chuckled and she did too, and that made me smile even more. ‘I can’t wait to see the eighth of July.’ She raised an eyebrow and shrugged resignedly. ‘But I’m gonna…’ I trailed off, looking at her, an at how there was a lack of her eyes on me. She was beat. That was for sure. Mentally. I think she’d had enough for one day. ‘And you are too.’
She looked up into my eyes one more time, a few seconds gracing us with silence, before she got up and followed the bed round to her side. She sat upon it once again, her back facing me. Then there was more silence and I sighed at her dismissal of my words.
‘I’m so scared, Buffy.’ More silence. I turned a little looking at her slouched form, before getting up also, and crossing the room to the desk, where I saw that notebook I’d been taking note of my dreams.
‘Faith, I’m terrified,’ I told her, my voice little above a whisper, and as I turned to her, I noticed how she honestly looked as if she was about to resign. She looked so tired.
‘What if I fail?’ Her voice sounded so tiny, so…finished, and a part of me was scared she didn’t think she had the strength to do this.
‘”What if…” What if is a possibility. But Faith…we all consider the “what ifs” and “buts” of every single difficult situation. We have to, otherwise we might never realise what could be coming. What if…I break my leg and fall down the stairs tomorrow…’
‘Touch wood,’ she interrupted.
‘…What if I get sick and can’t fight? What if is always gonna be something that’s stuck in the back of our minds. All of us. But we try our hardest to stop them from happening cos they knock on our worst fears.’ I paused, watching how she was motionless throughout this. ‘You know you can do this, Faith. And being afraid is something you can use. Take fear, take anxiety and like you said; you wanted to find a way of putting all of that wasted energy to use; use it NOW. Use it in three days time, when it’s needed. Focus on getting it beat up the right way. Get it. Use it. Be strong. WIN.’ I hadn’t realised how much I needed to take a breath then, but as I inhaled deep I saw her look to me, and the light from outside caught her face.
‘Is that how you do it?’ she asked, her voice still sounding so weak, so beat up, so vulnerable.
I crossed the room to her, slowly, gently, and perched upon the edge of the bed once there, a knee beneath my body, my hands pressed to the bed. I settled and sighed. ‘Willow taught me how. I tried…once…it hurt…cos…I had to…’ I squinted and looked down into my palms. ‘…Kill Angel.’
‘Oh…’
‘It hurt. But it worked. Something got me through it, and I’m guessing that. But Faith, it’s not about the energy. It’s about you. You already have the power to do this. It’s just a matter of doing it now. You’re strong. Strong enough not to get dead. And whether or not you’re scared, or worried, or fed up, tired…You’re not gonna fail. You’re gonna…’ I began to smile. ‘…Prevail…’ I told her as I stretched a hand out in front of me, knowing she would watch it and probably laugh at me. Which she did.
‘C’mere.’ She pulled me close to her and hugged me and we both chuckled. ‘Thanks,’ she said as she held me.
I nodded. ‘No problem.’
CHAPTER 16: Being the World (In Two Days Time)
The sun was just about setting for today, and after much discussion, I'd sent my mom away, in fears of losing her to those demons. She agreed to call every night, and I appreciated that she was safe, away from THIS hell. She called, letting me know she was boarding a plane to New York. She was going to stay with old friends she'd known from when we used to live there. Thank God.
I put down the receiver and gazed into the space in front of me. Tonight we were contacting the guy who had written the "Machmachra," and everyone was collecting various ingredients, looking at various materials. We'd been talking, meditating, pretty much spending the day together at mine, just figuring out how to further our plan.
I thought I was alone in my mom's room until I heard that sensual voice communicate with me, and as I heard it, I turned to face it. 'You know what my mom would say if she was still alive?' she began, and I watched her beautiful form, leaning against the doorframe in nothing more than jeans and a white turtleneck sweater. I loved the way it looked on her. I shook my head slowly, and she proceeded to entering the room. 'She would tell me that I would amount to all I'd ever proved I could be in life.' She sat down on the end of the bed and I approached her, and soon found comfort in front of her on the carpet at the foot of the bed. 'Know what she said that was?' I shook my head, my every thought focussed upon hearing what she was going to say. 'Nothing.' She shook her head, her eyes beginning to glaze over as I imagined he re-living that moment her mother had told her those words. I moved a hand to grasp hers, most of her hand engulfed by the sleeve of the sweater. She looked straight into my eyes, their purity piercing every inch of me.
'You know what?' She blinked and a smile came to my face. 'You're everything. To me.'
She rolled her eyes away from me and huffed. 'You don't have to do this-'
'No, Faith, I mean it. You mean EVERYTHING to me.' I reached up and pushed back a curl from her forehead. 'Your eyes. You look at me...and I just...I feel the whole world is watching me. But they make me feel important. Your voice. I hear it and everything I ever doubted, I'm sure of because I'm sure of you. Your lips. Every time they touch me, I feel SO loved. You can touch me anywhere and I'm excited by it; by you. And I'm greedy because I always want more. And I feel deprived when you're not touching me. But at the same time I feel so lucky to have you. No one listens to me the way that you do. And no one understands me the way that you do. Not even Angel. And...I don't want that...YOU...to ever fade away.
'Faith...I see the world in your eyes. I see mountains higher than Everest and oceans deeper than the Pacific. I love who you are so much because you're full of all of the emotions I've ever wanted to experience, and you can tell stories with your senses. I try to block out senses and you always seem to re-awaken them within me. So your mother may not have loved you, or thought anything of you, but that's because she never saw what I can see...and hear...and touch, and smell...' By this time she had cried, laughed. I shushed her. 'You know what I see? I see a wonderful woman. I see the world in you, Faith. You're my world. And I love that.'
She smiled coyly and entangled her fingers within mine. She knelt down in front of me and moved in and wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her shoulder, pulling her in close to me. 'Remember when I said I wanted to love you?' Faith began.
I smiled, leaning my head upon her shoulder. 'Yeah...'
'Well...I love you, Buffy. God, I love you so much.' I smiled and held her tighter. 'I can see oceans in you, too. And mountains...and all that other crap that you said. But it all melts away when I realise that all I need is you. And I feel so fucking nervous because I have that.' She inhaled and I felt her heart beating against me, relaxed as it was. 'You are my world.'
At the door Willow stood, having been sent to get us, so we could start this séance. But as she stood at the doorway, she smiled, just absorbing what her eyes were telling her.
Once again we were united around that same circle that conjured the spirits of the authors of those ancient books. Willow once again recited some words, Giles, Faith and myself stood around the circle, whilst Angel, Xander and Oz sat back and watched.
As he materialised, I drew in a breath, quietly muttering, 'Here we go,' to Faith, who raised her eyebrows momentarily.
It only took us moment to realise that this time there were two spirits, one of which we'd conjured before. 'It has come to my attention that the Erachnii shall enforce apocalypse upon the world in three days time.'
I looked at Giles, who urged for me to speak. I cleared my throat and looked at the spirit, who once again had that eye-piercing, intimidating glare about him. 'Yeah.'
The other spirit (the one from before) began to speak. 'It is utterly imperative that you stop this,' he stated, looking at me, then at Faith.
'We're trying all we can. It's just that we're unsure of what we're doing. The clues you left us are so hard to understand, we barely understand them and that's just us two. Giles, our Watcher, well he...he's been trying all he can-'
'Where is this "Giles?"' the other, older, shorter one asked.
Faith pointed. 'He's right behind you.'
The spirits both turned, Giles looking a little intimidated by them. 'What have you discovered?'
'The specific time, and date of the apocalypse. The tool they use for it, and where it is. We found that we needed a spell to reverse the tool, to disintegrate it. We think we know what we have to do.'
The younger one spoke. 'Good. Except for the spell...requires power and strength, do you have that?'
Giles inhaled. 'We'd like to believe so. We've tried charging ourselves, preparing for the ritual.'
'It seems you know what you have to do.' They both turned to me, and I inwardly cursed for that. They were so freaking creepy-looking. 'IF, however, the ritual does not perform in the way you expect, do not worry...with a damaged tool the Erachnii shall retreat. The transformation cannot begin if they cannot use the tool. It is what keeps them above ground; de-activates that powerful tool that keeps them from living above ground. Destroy it the best you can. But do not try to fight Erachnii.'
The other one continued. 'Imagine the possibilities. The tool destroyed for good. The Erachnii will retreat. Proved nearly invincible, these creatures shall continue to try. But without this tool it is impossible for them to complete the transformation above ground and exterminate every living human being. They will never be able to try again. Not without a guaranteed fail.' He looked towards the other spirit, who nodded at his thought.
'You say...transformation...' Giles began and they turned to him. 'What transformation?'
'The transformation of the Earth. It becoming suitable for them to live on. You see, the tool of Sanctimony reflects the tool of the Dedicated; used by us to reflect their energy to enable them to live upon the earth. But as long as the tool of Sanctimony is being used, the Dedicated cannot overpower it. Allow this to happen and you shall be lost. You...along with the rest of the world.'
With that, they both disappeared. I sighed and rubbed my hands together. 'So we have two tools to put right now?'
Giles nodded. 'I'll start looking at what I can for this Dedicated thing, maybe it's in that book.'
'I'll help you, maybe I can translate it,' Faith said as she moved away from the circle. I remained, just thinking, and Willow also. Who I hadn't noticed had been watching me for a while. The rest followed out of the room and I began to clean up the candles and what not from the séance.
I heard Willow sigh and begin helping me clear out the items. 'So two days, huh,' she began. I glanced over at her and nodded.
'Two days. Then, in three we fight...maybe...'
'Yeah, if that spell doesn't work,' she continued. I sighed a little.
'Hopefully we won't have to worry about that.' I placed the items down on the table and wiped the debris on my trousers, and watched as Willow pretty much did the same.
'Yeah...hopefully.' She smiled to herself and looked around. 'I, er...I actually wanted to tell you something,' she began, her voice gentle calming as it always had been. Less edgy than usual, however. She seemed so serene, tired almost. I wouldn't blame her. We all were. We were all sleep-deprived, awake on coffee, or adrenaline (or the other stimulant), scared. Unnervingly edgy about all of this. 'If we don't make it through...'
'Will, we-'
'No, just...let me finish.' She took in a deep breath. 'You're my best friend, and...I love you. Thanks...for everything. For being my friend and...putting up with me and...letting me fight with you.'
I just stood back a moment, absorbing every word she'd just said to me. Her eyes were welling up with tears that I think were threatening to fall. 'Willow...'
'I just always wanted to be there. Part of something, you know? I never imagined it would be like this, though, you know?'
'What?'
'The end. I can't say how I imagined my life to be, but...I think I've lived a bit more than I expected to at this age.' She inhaled. 'And you gave me that, Buffy.' I felt a tear challenge another for my chin, and she smiled timidly upon finishing her sentence.
I pulled her in for a hug and she sobbed a little, and I did too. 'I love you too, Will.' I held her head a little before grasping her shoulders, tears well and truly falling from my eyes now.
I had spoken to Faith about how this wouldn't be the end for us. But what if it was? I'd never thought properly, "What IF we don't make it?" And now, with Willow...I'd begun to think about it. She reviewed the possibilities, and I couldn't believe how much fear I could see in her eyes. She was so strong, though. And I saw that in her eyes, too. An unbelievable amount.
'We have to make it,' I whispered into her ear, and she sniffled.
'I hope we make it, just so I can see the look on our faces when we do,' she told me as we both pulled back. I moved a hand to her cheek and she held my hand above it. 'We have to do this,' she concluded.
I nodded, and was thankful for a moment's peace. 'Do you think crying is a waste of energy?'
She chuckled and I released my hand from her face.
The cool breeze of the outdoors provided an almost perfect setting for us, as we all stood at our respective points. I begun speaking, a rolling sentence of Latin emitting from my mouth. I was astounded at how the words fit together so well. Somehow they made sense. Then Faith followed...Willow, then Angel. And then we all went together, and as we joined hands a bright white light engulfed us, a quick flash circling us, creating a circle. I could feel the power flowing through me, and I could see it flowing through everyone else. I could see the red energy surrounding Willow, and the grey energy surrounding Faith, and the blue energy surrounding Angel. The bright white light encircled us so much, flowed through us so much that I could feel everyone else's bodies against mine. I could see everyone's sped up breathing, the power slightly overwhelming. Then finally, the energy threw us apart, and as we broke the chain, the power shot up towards the sky, before dissolving.
There we all lay, scattered about the garden, the circle too much energy for us to be able to maintain. I straightened out, and so did everyone else. And as I looked around, immediately I saw the expressions upon everyone else's faces. Anxiety. Fear. Determination. All of those emotions rolled into one. We all wanted to do this, but we were all scared, worried...but over all, determined. Driven. By the fact that we wanted to save this world.
I followed Willow inside who seemed as if she'd begun a mission to find something, or someone. Figures that mission was to find Giles, because soon she was calling for him, and as Angel and Faith followed closely behind us, I worried that they were wanting to talk to him about the same thing we were talking about. 'Giles!' she called again, and soon he came down the stairs.
'What is it, Willow, did something happen?' he asked, his voice genuinely apprehensive.
She followed him as he headed through into the dining room and we all seated ourselves around the table. 'Something most definitely happened. Energy alright. I've never...ever seen energy like that in all of the rituals I've ever done. This is larger than anything I've ever seen. More importantly, we've got too much power.'
'Too much?' Faith chimed in.
She nodded. 'SO much that we can't sustain it.'
Silence. Everyone was contemplating her words. 'Giles, what do we do, how do we get this under control?' I asked him.
We all watched him for a moment as he thought about it. 'Keep trying. Practise. Practise again and again.'
'But isn't this draining us of the energy we have?' Angel asked, seeming a little concerned that what he'd enquired was true.
Willow thought. 'Well...kind of, but...'
'We've somehow learned how to channel that energy through us, therefore what we have doesn't matter, we can draw it from anywhere,' I began, a little amazed that I just knew this, right off the bat.
'You're right. It doesn't matter that we don't HAVE, have that energy because we can draw it from anywhere. Everything is linked. The chair to the ground, my feet to the ground, to the trees, the water, the air, I'm connected to you, and that's how it works. So, in answer to your question Angel...no.'
'Right, so...' Faith began again. 'Do we try again?'
We all exchanged looks before rising from our seats and heading for the back garden again, only difference being Giles came with us. 'I'll note the activity, see if I can help in any way.'
'Did you find anything on the Dedication yet?' I asked him.
He nodded. 'All we need to know is there. Pretty much what they told us. I'll inform everyone later. Tomorrow. It'll be alright.'
'Okay,' I told him, and headed out for the circle again.
There we stood again, in the same places, at our north, at our south, at our east and at our west. At our respective points. And I began. Then Faith. Willow...and Angel. And it started again. The energy rose as before, and this time I could see what Willow meant. I could see it drawing up from the earth, into us. And not just the earth, I could see it diffusing into Faith from the air, and I looked up, saw the rain begin to fall, and as the droplets fell to us, they fell into us. I could see the blue gleaming, the droplets shining, and as I held hands with Faith, and held hands with Angel, I could feel their elements engulfing them, the power consuming them. I wondered if they could feel that with me.
And then I realised something...as the white circle shot around us, again and again...we weren't just absorbing energy...we were creating it. I looked around us and could see a ring of fire beginning to follow us round, just as the white circle did, only larger...and the rain...the breeze.
And as Giles stood back, he furrowed his eyebrows, and removed his glasses. His lower lip hung and he looked astounded at what we were doing. Then it happened again. We flew apart. The rain stopped, the wind, the fire disappeared.
I looked across at Giles, who had begun to walk towards us. 'What do we do?' we all straightened out and waited for his reply.
After much thought, he replied. 'Focus. Concentrate. Concentrate on how much power you're channelling...' He seemed a little...off-beat and I reached out to him.
'You alright, Giles? You look a little...'
'It's just that...' He looked into the space before us for a moment. Then looked to me. 'I've never seen anything so powerful in my entire life,' he concluded with a little bit of a modest smile.
Everyone had decided to stay at mine for the duration of the apocalypse...just so that we had more time to collect ideas, practise, what not.
So I'd given Willow my bedroom, Giles the spare room, and Xander the fold-out bed in my room. I gave Angel a sleeping bag in Giles' room, but he said he'd take the couch.
I closed my mom's bedroom door and crossed the room to the bed, where I stripped off my clothes and changed into my night wear. I heard the door click shut again and I looked over my shoulder to see who it was. 'You never said where I could sleep,' Faith mused as she approached me. I smiled and continued pulling the cami over my head.
'You can take...the floor...' I joked, and I felt her wrap her arms around my waist, then inhale against my neck, and kiss the skin there.
'Hmm,' she said, low in her throat, before sliding round me and jumping onto the bed. 'So...that thing tonight...some pretty powerful stuff, huh?'
I nodded as I folded my clothes and placed them in a pile on the chair across the room. 'Amazing stuff.'
I joined her on the bed, folding my legs over one another and taking both of her hands in mine. 'Think we could do it now?'
She scoffed. 'Well, B, you're usually a little more subtle, but I guess you have your ways, you know,' she started and I playfully hit her on the upper arm.
'That's not what I mean, dumbass,' I said with a laugh, and she laughed also. 'I mean that thing that we just did out there. With Will and Angel. Think you and me could do that, just the two of us?'
'Like...now?' she said.
I nodded. 'Let's try.'
'But it wouldn't work without the other two,' she told me, and I grasped her hands again.
'Let's give it a try.' I cleared my throat and shuffled a little as she did the same. 'Just...close your eyes.'
I began speaking those same words from outside, and immediately I could feel the energy beginning to muster. Then Faith spoke, and I began to feel her energy flowing through me. And as we held hands, the energy grew, flowed, and flowed, and flowed. When I opened my eyes, it was not what I had expected. Purple. Just continuous purple. Then the white. The white orbs that surrounded us outside. I thought about it for a moment, then decided to try telepathy.
I tried thinking. Thinking the command. Open your eyes, Faith. It astounded me when she did, because of when she did. Immediately after I'd thought about it. Did you hear that? She nodded, and I smiled. You try.
I watched her eyes and she smiled also. You look so hot in that shirt. That would be my Faithy.
This is weird...I started. Faith...can you see this purple light too? She nodded and I my smile began to fade, as did hers. I think this is a new kind of element.
You mean you and me? I listened to how her words echoed into my mind. That's because of who we are. It's really warm, you feel it too? I nodded.
I never knew that we could raise this much energy, just by words, and thinking and focussing. This much energy. And what Giles had said...the most powerful thing he'd ever seen. He believed in us. That gave me strength.
I didn't hear the knock at the door, or the door opening, but as I gazed into Faith's eyes, and she gazed back into mine, her brown eyes gleaming from so light, that was all I wanted to know.
Across the room Willow stood, her eyes agape...her mouth agape-r. She brought a hand to her mouth to cover, and clutched at the doorframe as her eyes told her a story of the Slayer's Power.
She stepped back out of the room, closing it as she went. 'Oh my god...'
CHAPTER 17: Seeing Tomorrow (In One Day's Time)
I trod the corridor flooring and listened to how loud my heels were on the ground. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about Angel, and about him coming back, to help us. Sure, it was great that he could help, but…after everything that happened…
We’d agreed to keep it strictly work-related in the sense of not going back to where we were before. There were just so many things I didn’t wanna have to think about when it came to him. Him. And me.
There was Faith. I love her. I still love Angel, but…I can’t. There’s just so much.
I pushed the library door to, my expectations immediately met as I scanned the room for everyone. Everyone was there. Even Angel; in the corner as to avoid “poofing” from the extreme sunlight.
Everyone was so engrossed in reading, and training, and…everyone was just so…focussed. But I just couldn’t stop thinking. All the things that had happened. What Faith had said. Her doubts. Willow’s doubts. MY doubts. What if we didn’t see the day after tomorrow? What would happen next?
I was so scared of that thought but at the same time I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The line between reality and…whatever beyond, a dream, a fantasy world, whatever just seemed so…blurred. If this was reality, what was fantasy?
Last night Faith and I…the energy thing. I just couldn’t get a hold of everything. Had we beaten this thing already? We already proved we had a strong hold on this thing what with the energy and stuff.
I put down my books on the desk among all of the other research material. I think I was far from reality today…everyone was talking, training, reading, going about their business, but it didn’t seem like I was there. I felt more like a visitor on this mission, at that moment in time.
‘Buffy, thank god you’re here,’ I heard from behind me. Giles, approaching me with a book in one hand and his glasses in the other. He seemed rushed.
Across the room was Willow and Faith sparring, and Oz and Xander and Angel were reading some things.
‘What’s up?’ I asked him, trying not to sound too distant, but I think it was too obvious in my tone.
‘Willow and I have been working on this locater spell and we finally found out where the tool is, well both of them to be exact.’ He turned a page in his book, seeming as if he was reading from something that told him more about these tool things. ‘Except…now that you’re all here I think we should sit down.’ He seemed distracted, and headed for the window, pulling the blinds shut.
Once again we convened around the table, each one of us holding an expression too deep to encounter. I couldn’t stop glancing at Angel, who seemed so focussed on what Giles was telling us, and Faith…she was also concentrating hard. Everyone was. Except for me. Where was my mind?
We must’ve been talking a good few hours or so because when we’d finished the sun was beginning to set. We all headed back to the house to get everything ready for tomorrow night. Weapons, potions, weapons and more weapons. Just in case.
‘I’m thinking about getting one of those arm shooting things,’ Xander began as we entered the house. I raised an eyebrow and he saw this. ‘You know like that guy in X-Men has…only with less…surgery and a few more buckles…’ I chuckled a little.
Willow interrupted him. ‘I think you can get those at that store across from the Magic Shop. They do them in bulk.’ They continued on into the lounge and I headed for my room, only to be stopped by Faith on the way.
‘Hey,’ she began, and I turned to face her, beginning to climb the stairs. ‘You alright, you seem really distant?’
I nodded briefly and knew seconds after that she wouldn’t be having any of it. If by now she couldn’t see straight through me then I must be deeper than a twenty four foot slab of steel.
‘You wanna talk?’ she continued, grasping the banister as she looked up at me.
I shook my head. ‘I just think I need to take a nap.’ I offered a smile and she nodded. ‘I haven’t slept much for the past few nights.’
She chuckled a little. ‘Me either, but I know a quick fix for that if you’re lookin’ for an energy-booster,’ she winked and I smiled once again.
I shook my head shortly after her offer. ‘Nah, I just need a nap. Strangely not in the mood for anything…kinky, tonight…what with…everyone, being here.’ At that moment Angel passed us crossing from the lounge to the dining room, but not without stealing a glance my way. I nodded a little and he sighed a little, raising his eyebrows simultaneously. Faith’s eyes gazed at him as he passed, catching on the look he’d given me.
‘I never knew it bothered you that much, B. Everyone, being here, I mean.’
I shook my head. ‘I just don’t think it’s an appropriate time. And I’m also…not in the mood.’ I winced a little, instantly realising the damage my comment could do.
She nodded, seeming self-assured by my words. ‘It’s alright. After.’ I gave her a look edging on “I don’t understand,” and she continued. ‘I mean…if we get through this, then maybe we could reserve the eighth of July for a whole night of…your choice, shower, bed, floor, wall…whatever…ice cream, chocolate, oh! Low fat yoghurt…’ I let out a chuckling whimper as she said this. By now I was grinning; she definitely had what it takes to cheer me up.
I leant in close to her. ‘I will hold you to that.’
‘I thought the word you were looking for was “fuck.”’
I hit her playfully on the arm and she grinned. I sucked in a breath through my mouth, looking away from her as I did. ‘Perhaps it was. But as for now…I’m wicked exhausted-’
Giles passed by. ‘Why don’t you take a nap, Buffy, we can handle preparation down here, we’ll call you if we need anything.’
‘Yeah, I was actually just trying to tell Faith that I was going to take a nap,’ I explained to him, leaning back from her. I looked back to her. ‘Catch ya later,’ I said as I punched her clenched fist and she winked.
Giles continued on to wherever it was he was going and Faith headed through to the lounge. I continued on up to the bedroom, letting out the longest yawn I think I’d ever had on the way. I was so exhausted. But then we all were. I bet everyone was wicked jonesin’ for bed the way I was.
I ambled into the bedroom, pulling my sweater off as I did, heading straight for the bed. I already decided I’d make it an hour’s rest and no more. Perhaps they didn’t need me right now but we were all together in this. Every step of the way. Preparation and everything.
I wonder if their eyes burned as much as mine, though. Cos it was so painful. I wonder if I was the only one.
I heard a gentle knock on my door and looked over my shoulder as I threw the sweater down on the bed. ‘Angel, hey.’
‘Hey,’ he began.
‘You can…come in,’ I told him, aware that he might have thought I didn’t want him to come into the room at this moment in time.
‘Thanks,’ he said as he stepped in. ‘I just came up here to talk about weapons with you,’ he continued, playing with his hands as he talked, seeming nervous about wandering around the room, so he didn’t. Kinda glued himself to the spot just inside the door.
‘So…weapons. I’ve got the chest downstairs and Giles said he was gathering some stuff over the past few days.’
‘We’re talking steel bars and scythes here, not stakes and holy water.’
‘I know, we have steel stuff. Plenty of it. Shiny stuff that would put you into a trance for HOURS on end.’ I nodded as I concluded my sentence, soon seeing the expression upon his face. ‘So…I think, we’re set.’
‘There’s enough for everyone?’
‘I’m sure of it.’ It puzzled me slightly how he always contained this deep solemnity in his voice, not as if he was bored, just…that was the way he always spoke. I gazed at him a few seconds. ‘So tomorrow’s the night.’
‘Tomorrow’s the night,’ he repeated, assuringly. ‘It’ll be alright, Buffy. As long as we disable this thing they can’t start the apocalypse.’
‘It’s not that that I’m worried about. It’s…the fighting,’ I started, but before I had a chance to continue he stopped me.
‘But that’s what you’re built for, Buffy. And depending on how smoothly it goes…we may not have to fight.’
‘Oh…but…won’t they be, guarding the entrance or anything? Don’t you think they would be? Shouldn’t we go check it out, do some recon?’
He nodded his head. ‘Giles told me to tell you that a couple of us might be going tonight. Me, Faith, possibly Willow. He knew you wanted to rest so he said not to worry you, but it seems you’re already on it.’
‘Er…I don’t have to nap, it doesn’t matter, I probably wouldn’t sleep anyway.’
‘Maybe after all this, you can.’
‘Yeah, if all those things don’t eat us.’
‘I don’t think they eat,’ he told me.
‘Well break us. Into very small…edible pieces.’
‘What makes you think they’d do that?’
‘They’re apocalypse starting-human race ending demons, why wouldn’t they?’
He sighed. ‘I think we’re missing the point.’
‘Or avoiding it,’ I uttered beneath my breath.
‘What?’ he asked me, catching the words I inwardly wished I hadn’t said straight after I did.
‘Nothing, it’s nothing…I didn’t mean for-’
‘I get the feeling you thought I came up here to talk about something different, something other than weapons.’
‘No, I just-’
‘Hoped I wouldn’t catch on?’
I hesitated in replying to him. Perhaps maybe he was right. I wished he wasn’t but that could’ve been the case here. We were talking about….shiny, pointy…painful weapons, not other…touchy subjects. ‘No, not at all.’
‘We agreed to keep it strictly work-related, remember.’
‘Yes.’ Perhaps me continuing there would’ve made it seem less…touchy.
‘Right.’ Perhaps HIM continuing there would’ve made him seem less suspicious of me. Or the other way round, I’m not sure yet.
I sat down on my bed and removed my heels, and immediately began searching for a more comfortable pair of footwear.
‘I think I better go downstairs.’
‘I’m coming with you,’ I told him, just to make sure he knew.
He nodded and I smiled a little. ‘I still think about you Angel.’
There was silence. I think he was contemplating my words. And I thanked God that at least he did. ‘I know.’ With that, he proceeded to leaving my room.
He knows? What the hell kind of answer was that to a girl who’d just admitted she still has feelings for a guy she so…desperately tried to fall out of love with not six months ago. I shook it quickly and hurried in changing.
I was met with a shit-eating grin by Faith at the foot of the stairs. ‘Missed me, did you?’ she quipped and straddled my waist with an arm as we walked into the lounge.
‘I decided not to sleep. There’s too much to do, you know. Sussing out the four-one-one on this Crypt thing and what not.’ Will and Angel were sitting in the lounge, collecting together a few weapons that might be useful for tonight’s recon.
Angel picked up a very large, very heavy-looking weapon and handed it to Will, who at first just looked at him, then, fell with it to the ground as he handed it to her. ‘Er…I was thinking something less…strenuous,’ she told him, and he took it from her and handed it to Faith, then glanced at me, being held by Faith.
‘The Slayer’s Companion; the very large…butcher knife-shaped thingy.’ She looked to me. ‘You want it?’
I shook my head. ‘I’ll stick with knives and bows and arrows. Anything small that can be thrown far so I don’t have to get close to any of these things.
Angel handed me a bag and I took a peek inside. Exactly what I expected. The aforementioned.
We took my mom's Jeep and drove to the edge of town, where this Crypt was supposedly located. It seemed clear enough to spot from miles away, although it stuck to the old, "Located in the centre of a Cemetery" tradition.
Willow walked ahead with Faith, as I held back with Angel, just to make sure it was safe to be lurking around; as not to get sliced to pieces by these red demon things.
I tried as hard as I could not to blurt out his words from before and spur on an argument that might end in something I honestly couldn't be bothered to execute, but before I had a chance to think about this I had already muttered it beneath my breath, a scoff following shortly after.
I felt him glance towards me, and I cleared my throat, to try and cover it up. Me? Speak? During patrol? Never…
'What else did you want me to say, "I do too?"' I was a little pissed off that he sounded pissed off at the comment I had made.
I looked at him a moment, contemplating whether or not to continue this conversation. 'Something a little less impetuous. Who says that?'
'I do.'
'Well, don't. Words like that arouse feelings that-'
'You guys, I found something,' Willow called and we both hurried to meet her.
'It's right beneath us, I can feel it. Only problem is, do you think we should go into this Crypt I mean…these things could be hiding anywhere, all we have to do is be spotted and we're diced. I mean literally. Multiple chunks of six sided pieces of meat.'
'Ha. Told you,' I said bluntly to Angel as I hit him, and he smiled.
'They don't eat humans, that defeats the entire exercise of the apocalypse.'
'What?' I asked, stressing my 't' enough to let him know I was surprised at his knowledge of this topic.
'Consuming the very flesh that they're sacrificing suggests greed and gluttony. That's drawing unequally upon two of the sins weakening the balance…'
'Ok, slow down, big guy, details not needed,' Faith began, and I inwardly thanked her for shutting him up.
'So what do we do now?' I asked Willow, who shook her head immediately after me having finished my sentence.
'I say check out the rest of the area. Make sure we know entrances and exits, points that might be guarded. Take pictures and tell everyone back at the house. Pinpoint exact places we're gonna be watching, standing at.'
'Only problem is, how do we GET in or out without these things knowing we're here? Chances are the place is heavily guarded and if it is we're gonna have to think of a way to get in undetected,' Faith pointed out, lowering her voice a little in fears that something might hear her, other than us.
I nodded. 'Good thinking. I think maybe we should split up, look around, take pictures, get some info on lurkers and whatever else we can. Do it fast.'
Angel raised a hand to signal us to his dissenting thoughts. 'Not to oppose, but don't you think splitting up is a bad idea? You heard what Giles said, we're basically the "X" on the "marks the spot" for danger and those things are looking for both of you. Splitting up might alert them to our presence which we don't want happening one day before the ritual.'
I clenched my jaw momentarily. Why did he have to be right right now? 'Fine, let's go together. But we should do it fast before these things pick up on anything, IF there's anything here.'
'I agree, the four of us together we're stronger. Let's do it,' Faith decided and Will and Angel nodded and we all continued walking.
I stole a glance in Angel's direction and he looked back at me. 'Oh, there'll be talking later. Be sure of it,' I told him, alerting Faith to our situation. She furrowed her eyebrows a little, then smiled, looking at me first, then Angel.
I don't think her head had ever shot around that fast, and as she looked in the direction of the Crypt's entrance, we all stopped walking. 'I heard something,' she said, he voice immediately employing that serious "I'm so focussed" work-tone.
We were all silent, I assume trying to listen out for the same sound, but nothing. Nothing at all. Not even an owl cooing. I think the air got less tense as she let it go and we continued working. But it shot back almost as fast as it left as she spun on her heel again, looking sure that she'd heard something. None of us had the chance to stop her before she shot off in the direction of the Crypt. 'Faith!' I called out, and we all hurried in the same direction after her.
Goddamn her speedy running, even I couldn't keep up with it. My eyes started darting around, trying to rebel against the insane darkness so that I could see her. Any sign of her. But she'd disappeared. We slowed as we reached the Crypt entrance and in a puffed out tone I uttered, 'Where the hell did she go?' I frowned, looking around, still trying to find her, but having no luck as my eyes failed to see further than a few yards away. 'Did you see where she went, Angel?'
He shook his head. 'No.'
'Will?'
'I didn't even realise she'd ran off. Where could she have gone?' Willow seemed as astounded as I felt. Where the hell DID she go? Why didn't she wait for us?
What the hell was she attracted to?
'I have no idea,' I said, STILL trying to scan the area for any sign.
'Think she went in?' Angel suggested, and I looked towards the door. It was a large stone archway with what seemed like Latin inscriptions on the marble outskirts of the arch. I stepped up towards it and squinted at the words.
'Why didn't she wait for us?' I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Willow made a noise as she stepped up next to me and peered inside the Crypt. 'Bleurgh. I dunno…something about this whole part of town gives me the heebie-jeebies.'
Angel walked into the Crypt, taking the few stairs that led into it. 'Atmosphere's teeming.'
I turned my focus away from the inscriptions to him. 'The atmosphere's what-ing?'
'So much energy. I can feel it. Everything. Will, I think the heebie-jeebies are definitely a feeling worth noting. Can you feel anything other than that, though, like…an unusual amount of negative energy or something?'
She shrugged. 'Yeah, that's how I could tell where the tool was. Why, you think it's stronger right here, than over there?'
He looked into the Crypt. 'I dunno…I think we should check it out.'
'What about the "not getting chopped into diceable pieces" plan?' I reminded him, stepping towards him.
'Well we have to find Faith. My bet is that she was jonesin' to find out what was inside here. We got no option but to follow her-'
'We don't know that she came in here, though,' Willow pointed out and I nodded.
'It doesn't make sense for her to just sprint off like that,' I muttered and I noticed Willow looking at me.
'Well we've gotta find her. And it looks like this is the first option,' he said, gesturing towards the inside of the Crypt.
I hesitated, seriously wondering whether or not we should go in. But finally I headed inside, Willow following closely behind, Angel by my side. I heard Willow let out a sigh, her voice shuddering. I glanced over my shoulder at her and she shrugged. 'Way heebie-jeebie-ish right now.'
'Me too,' I told her, and took her hand as we carried on into the Crypt. 'This is really creeping me out. Faith would never-' I was cut off by the most ear-piercing, threatening scream I'd ever heard in my entire life.
And all I could think about was saving her. I broke into a sprint, my suspicions telling me every single second gone that she was hurt, or stuck, or lost. Or worse.
'Buffy, wait!' I heard Willow calling to me but I couldn't stop. I had to find her. The extreme lack of light didn't help but I soon realised I had a torch in my pocket, and when I took it out and turned it on, it made very little difference. I slowed to a halt and the others reached me seconds later. 'Do you think that was her?' she asked me and I nodded. 'Okay I'm edging on scared here, and that doesn't happen often, Buffy. What's going on?'
Angel shook his head, looking around. 'Dunno but it's definitely something strange. Why would she run off like that?'
'Shit,' I muttered under my breath, realising we were at the bottom of a three-split junction. 'Which way?'
'I dunno, I think maybe we should go back,' Willow suggested.
'No chance, I have to find her,' I decided. 'You guys can go back but I've gotta find where she is.'
'Buffy, no, you can't go alone, we have no idea about this place-' Angel began, but I couldn't resist cutting him off.
'Fine, then we'll all go.'
'I dunno Buffy, this could be really dangerous, and we may have weapons, but we don't know what we might be up against,' Willow tried. I hesitated in replying and she continued. 'This is strange.'
'I know. That's why we've gotta figure out where she is fast, and get out of here. Fast,' I finally said.
'Yeah, but in the mean time we have no idea where we're headed. We could end up anywhere.'
'We won't know if we don't try-'
'Guys,' Angel muttered, alerting us both immediately to his discovery. Something there.
I approached him, realising he was focussing on something ahead of him. He held out a hand to me as I headed for it, stopping me from moving, and he took the torch from me.
The scariest, freakiest and I wished I'd never seen THING standing RIGHT in Angel's face. Stripped of skin, hooded. Eyes so goddamned scary – white – mouth agape, as if permanently screaming.
We all charged for the opposite direction milliseconds after having seen this thing. I don't think even Angel had ever been that out of breath at any given moment in his after-life, let alone lifetime.
Once out, we slowed to a halt. 'What…the FUCK…was that?!' I yelled, pointing towards the inside of the Crypt which I inwardly prayed I wouldn't have to enter again.
'That…' Angel begun, actually, surprisingly out of breath. 'Was Erachnii.'
I shuddered. 'Seriously??? And those things…'
'Are deadlier than you can imagine. If one of those gets a hold of Faith she's toast. I never realised…' He trailed off and I begged for him to continue.
'What? Never realised what?'
'Those things kill. Fast. Forget weapons, thank god we were all scared enough to run. Don't let them touch you. Come near you. Anything. Forget weapons, forget spells. Those things are the things that monsters fear. They are worse than death itself,' he explained.
I could feel my entire body pulsating as he told me this. All the while he spoke I could only think of one thing. And that was Faith. If one of those things got her…'I know what you're thinking, Buffy. But we can't go back in there.'
'She has no idea what these things look like, what if she tries to fight one?' I told him, my voice breaking, tears welling in my eyes. I was beginning to become a blubbering mess. 'I can't leave her, we have no idea where she's gone. She could've gone down a different path, she could be anywhere in there.'
'She won't live,' Angel told me and my eyes widened.
I stood, my mouth now agape that he'd even thought of telling me this. 'Don't you even FUCKING dare speak to me like that,' I sneered, my words long and slow. I couldn't believe he'd just said that to me. His words we all dreaded more than anything these past few days.
With that, I headed back inside, but Will grabbed my arm, holding me back. 'Buffy, don't.' I looked at her, surprised she was going to stop me. 'You can't go back in there. Those things…'
'Those things could be eating her alive right now! I gotta go-'
'Gotta go where?'
We all spun round. I charged towards her and embraced her, then stepped back and slapped her. 'You scared me.' I think maybe Angel and Willow were slightly astounded at my attitude towards her having changed twice in the past five seconds. She grabbed her face and frowned.
'Hey, hey, ease up. I didn't really go anywhere. I mean, I thought you guys were following me. I saw this hooded thing and I thought-'
'Shit, did it see you?' I asked quickly, not letting her finish her sentence.
'I lost it before I had a chance to do anything. But when I turned around and you guys weren't there I realised I had lost you. So I started walking around and eventually I ended up here and…' I grabbed her and held her tightly once again. '…And…waited until you guys showed up. And here we are.' She moved her arms slightly to embrace me, furrowing her eyebrows as she did, a little astounded at my behaviour. She chuckled nervously and glanced at Will, then Angel, who had the same expression.
We all sat around the table, once again as solemn and sombre as the situation caused us to be. I made it priority to sit next to Faith, as close as possible. I grasped her hand as tight as I could, and when she tapped my arm lightly with her free hand and frowned gently I realised perhaps I was crushing her bones. 'You're scared,' she whispered into my ear, as if having just identified the problem, and now trying to nurse it away.
I could still feel myself shaking inside. 'I'm petrified.' I loosened my hold on her hand and she used her other hand to straddle my waist, sandwiching her arm between the chair and me.
As we waited for Giles to bring whatever material to the table it was he was bringing, we sat, stewing in the most nervous (and I mean nervous) atmosphere there ever was. Like worse than having "that chat" with your parents. Like waiting for a pregnancy test to tell you the right answer. Like…waiting for Giles to bring a goddamned book to a table.
I think the atmosphere loosened up as he entered, as usual, flipping through pages, searching for the appropriate material needed for the discussion.
'I saw it somewhere,' he began, us knowing straight off what he was talking about.
He set the book down onto the table and continued to flip the pages. Oz, who was seated next to him, caught the page and I swear fell BACKWARDS off his chair having seen the picture. He stood, straightened himself out, and re-positioned himself on the other side of Willow's seat. AWAY from the book.
We had all seen this, and as comical as it was, none of us laughed. In fact, I was probably right in thinking we all saw it as strange behaviour.
Giles watched Oz's motions, and hadn't seen the picture. But he shrieked in the baritone way that he not-so-very-often did as he flipped shut the page as fast as he had opened it, and jumped back from the book, seeming startled in the way that only he could make laughable.
'I don't get it. What's the ha-ha on this thing? Does it have boogly eyes and an open chest? Or is it plain comical with a sticker on it's forehead saying "the Scariest Yoo-Hoo in Demon History?"' Xander asked, and Giles pushed the book in his direction, keeping his eyes away from it as he did. Xander laughed at Giles' motions as he grabbed the book and looked at the six or so pairs of eyes focussed upon him. As he flipped the page he continued to look to us, and I can say his motions were a mixture of Gile's and Oz's. He screamed, fell of his chair, pushed the book away, and moved to a different position in the room. Again, away from the book.
We all watched as he straightened himself out and pretended none of that had happened. He'd just moved to a different place because he became uncomfortable.
I stood up, reached for the book across the table, and repositioned it in the centre of the table. I could feel the butterflies mustering in my stomach, but I tried to swallow the feeling as I clenched the page and scanned the room for the various pairs of eyes that might be waiting to see what this thing looked like.
And I can honestly say I'd never been more scared in my life. As I turned the page I jumped back, the wall the only implement strong enough to keep me from reaching the other end of the house.
Everyone else's actions were similar. Everyone except for Faith's.
And as we all stood on the outskirts of the dining room, she stood, right next to the book, looking around the room at everyone's behaviour.
'That thing is-is-is just…plain WRONG,' Xander said, his voice serious, but with that dash of sarcasm implied to top. 'With whipped wrongage on top!'
I nodded. 'God it creeps me out.'
Silence graced the room as everyone either nodded or acted uncomfortable. 'C-can we…close the book now, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable,' Oz asked quietly, above all the nervous the silence that filled the room.
The moment he mentioned that we all agreed, and Faith, who had looked down at the picture, grabbed the front cover and flipped the book shut. It seemed everyone breathed a sigh of relief as the picture disappeared, and we collected again around the table, soon re-seating and calming down. Faith sat, her eyebrows furrowed, silence the key to her scepticism.
'Okay I think it's safe to say that that thing is scary,' Xander said and we all nodded, all except for Faith. Still she frowned.
'Why, is the question. I've seen monsters, demons and various other evil forces far more bloodcurdling…well…no I gotta say that one tops it. Actually.' Angel straightened out his jacket, I think the thought of seeing it again making him feel uneasy.
'If you were to finish that sentence, were you going to say why would any of us be scared of this being? That it's shape and form are of no threat to us and that us being petrified of it is something we would never be?' Giles asked him. 'Because that's insane.' He ended it there, and I raised my eyebrows.
I started. 'Well we came face to face with this thing, can you imagine how terrifying-'
'Actually you saw it. I came face to face with it. Literally. I think there's a difference, i.e. I'm allowed to be more scared,' Angel told me.
'I'm pretty sure I was face to face with it,' Willow began and I turned my attention to her. She'd taken Oz's hand in the same fashion I had done with Faith's, only now I had let go, and she was leaning both hands upon the book.
'No you weren't, Will, I was,' he argued.
'Okay, you guys that isn't the point,' Faith interrupted. We all quietened down and she looked around at each and every one of us. 'You guys aren't seeing the bigger picture here. Every single one of your initial reactions was to flee from this thing. And that was just the picture of it. You took a split-second glance at it and tried to get as far away from it as possible, without leaving the room.' She drew in a breath and continued. 'Aren't we fighters here?' Silence.
'You're running scared. And that's exactly what these things want you to do. Their power is the power to scare. They are no real threat to us. But for some reason you think they are invincible because you're too scared to try to fight them. They're harmless creatures. Given the correct attitude and enough space they might be able to live with humans on this planet. But the only reason why they can't and won't is because of their form. It's a natural repellent, in the "adrenaline" sense. Fight or flee? "Flee. Automatically, when the human being sees Erachnii they choose to flee. In fear of Erachnii killing them." That was what was written beneath the picture, but I guess you all got away from it before examining it properly. Their form is their speciality. They scare the crap outta people. Making them think people's like us don't have a chance in fighting them. But the reality is, we don't need to fight them. They're not a danger to us.'
'Rubbish, you don't know what you're talking about,' Giles snapped, hugging his arms, and his eyes shiftier than a fly, I might add. He seemed just about as uncomfortable as the rest of us and frowned as he proceeded to talk. 'They're invincible, you heard Angel. Even those spirits. They said so, and the book-'
'The book was written by a prophet who knew just about as much as any other human being in terms of initial reaction. He thought the same way we do, and thought that these things are impossible to kill. It's the effect they have on us. They make us think we can't kill them to protect themselves. And when they do manage to frighten us to death – which I'm pretty sure they're well on their way to doing to you guys – they make the rest of the human race believe they're the most dangerous creatures on the planet.' Faith moved to open the book again but I reached out my hand and closed it shut. TIGHT, I might add. My hand still upon it.
'What are you saying? This demon has the power to kill us by just scaring us to death? And that's its power? Like…all of it?' I asked her, challenging her to say otherwise by staring her directly in the eye, my best work voice put on (on top of all the nervousness my voice portrayed).
She nodded. 'We have nothing to fear. You guys are affected by its power because well…I think it's something to do with being a Slayer. Except, B…you seemed pretty spooked.'
'So you weren't afraid of it?' Giles questioned.
She shrugged. 'It's a drawing of a person in a cape with white eyes and no skin, it's hardly pants-shitting.' She opened the book again, on that freaking page and this time we all closed our eyes shut. As tight as humanly possible. 'It's not gonna hurt you to look at it,' she said, her voice seeming to plead with us. I opened my eyes to find I was the only other one and she nodded towards me, her eyes reinforcing her spoken words. I looked at the picture, my insides knotting horribly as my eyes laid upon it, but as I looked at it for a while longer the fear slowly melted away. I took her hand, looking at it for a while, and just as I thought the fear was disappearing, I felt it knotting up in my stomach again, and I cuddled her, using her shoulder as a place to hide my face so I wouldn't have to look at it. I made a whimpering noise, and trembled, my whole body affected by this thing.
'No, I can't, I can't look at it, it's really, it's gonna eat me, urgh, put it away, get it out of here, Faith, quickly, it's gonna eat us!' I babbled, as if a spider the size of the room was crawling the wall.
She shut the book and everyone opened their eyes and sighed. Strangely, almost simultaneously. She stood up and I tried to grab her shirt but she moved away and began circling the room. 'The truth, you guys? That thing scares the shit out of me. But I see past it. It's a trick. You guys are only scared of this thing because it wants you to be.' She licked over her lips before continuing and I slid the book across the table, just to get it away from me. Will glared at me, having shoved it in her direction, and I made a face as if to say "oops?" 'How often do you guys fight something that you're afraid of?' Silence. Each and everyone of us hesitated. 'You guys don't GET afraid. Sure I was spooked at Kaskistos and his smelly breath, but he chased me all the way into this town and constantly managed to find a way to be within the vicinity of me, taunting me. Promising me a terrible, nasty death. Like most demons do. But how often are we scared to fight? When do we ever flee? Do we? Ever?'
I thought about her words and stood up. 'She's right. We have to see past this. We wanted to know what we were up against, and this is it. If we can't see past this, then we're no better than them. And if we don't go back to that Crypt tomorrow and disable that tool, this entire world is toast. So we have to put our fear below us, get this over and done with and cry our fucking hardest after because I swear their eyes pierced right through me and tried to eat me,' I whimpered, after having delivered all of that.
Willow smiled. 'If we're strong enough maybe our energy can dispel these things, and if not we're all gonna die anyway cos they will eat us…with…Erachnii knives and forks and those evil dessert forks that are smaller but pointier…and…'
'Willow…' Faith called, and Willow looked at her. 'Shut up. They won't eat us, they won't even hurt us and I'm beginning to think they're not gonna stop us from stopping that thing because if we see past that "fear" they're powerless against us. So stop, being, scared. And focus.' She exhaled loud and placed her hands on her hips, her eyebrows furrowed deep in her head and looking at us all around the room.
After a few moments silence Angel piped up. 'I think the technical term for dessert fork is "stake."'
Faith sighed loudly and headed out of the room, and directly up the stairs. I gave everyone a worried glance and followed her out. 'Faith…wait,' I called as I followed her upstairs and into our room. 'You're right.'
She turned to me once I'd closed the door. 'I know I'm right, Buffy, what worries me is that we've suddenly lost the balls to do this, because you're all scared of a demon you saw doing recon tonight. What the hell is wrong with all of you? For god's sakes, we're slayers, fighters, warriors. We don't run from fear. We chase it. Isn't fear supposed to drive us? If anything, you were the one who told me to channel my fear into wasting these things. Why all of a sudden are you all running scared?'
'We're not running-'
'Yeah, that's because the dining room walls don't extend further than a few feet. If we were on a football pitch, you see the drawing and I don't see you again, because you're all sprinting like you're tryin' to score a few. Didn't you tell me, before, that Angel told you that we should run? As far away as possible?' she continued as she stood across the room, space being the ultimate thing between us right now.
'Well, yeah, but…'
'It's like…the First. Its power is to get you to believe what it says. To have you under it's control through the use of dead people's. But you can see beyond that. Why is it any different now?'
'It's not,' I told her. Simply. I can do this. Just…any sign of cutlery and I'm lost.
She sighed a sigh of vanquished relief and ran her fingers back through her hair, rolling her eyes simultaneously to the motion.
'Then we can do this?' she enquired, her expression knocking on one-hundred and ten per cent "I need to make sure she's not bluffing."
I approached her, straightforwardly, suddenly fearlessly, and grasped her hand, tight. 'This isn't because I'm scared,' I said, raising our hands clenched together, and looked at them, then into her brown eyes that seemed almost defeated now. Again, she was tired.
'This is because I'm not letting go. You've already shown me so much. And if tomorrow tests our strength…then I'll know that this is the touch that brought me to life.' I inhaled and gazed into her eyes. 'I'm not scared anymore. Because I have you.' I moved in to kiss her, and as my lips met hers, I cried inside. What if that was the last time I got to kiss her? To touch her the way I could? Why was I lying to her? Why didn't I just tell her this fear was too much?
Tomorrow would decide. Tomorrow.
CHAPTER 19: Invisible to the World
I sighed heavily as I put the stake down upon the table, having been rolling it back and forth my hands as I stood at my desk, looking out of my window. Every apocalypse I’d seen had not scared me. At least not this much that I actually considered running.
Faith was right. It was about channelling that fear, and that’s why I never run scared. But this time, something was way different.
I assumed everyone else was sleeping; the house was silent. The moonlight shone into the room, casting a pastel blue across it. I peered over my shoulder at Faith. She could sleep through an apocalypse. Wouldn’t surprise me if she already had done.
She looked so beautiful sleeping. So peaceful that every time I saw her I wondered what the hell it was that she was dreaming about.
I picked up the paddle brush on my desk, meaning to run it through my hair a couple of times, but it seemed I had broken it into many pieces as I lifted it. Seemed to be my thing. Clenching, holding on to things, when I was anxious, or scared.
I realised not too long after that I had been clenching and unclenching my jaw, and as I stepped away from my table, and headed for the door, I continued to. I couldn’t get rid of this anxiety. There was no way I was going to sleep now.
So I headed for the basement. Training. It would only help.
I took a deep breath as I pulled the black cloth around my eyes and tied it into a knot. I stretched out my arms and legs a few minutes before beginning.
The pre