Maybe, Just Maybe
by onyxwaterfall
Rating: R
CHAPTER 11: Touch My Mind, TOuch My Body, Touch My Soul
Another night at the Bronze, after Slayage. This time Will decided not to come with us, she had a major Chem. report. Not that I minded because it meant we could be alone together.
We got in a good round of slaying tonight. Faith would say the vamps we got were ballsy, very. Naturally that pissed her off a little more, but I had no intention of calming her down. Once again, after all of that was over she was ready to get down and dirty; I wasn't about to stop her.
Once we got there I told her I was going to use the bathroom and she said she'd get us a couple of drinks.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I didn't look so bad. I didn't look so great, either, at least I thought so. I had left my hair down tonight, and it had been curly from that morning. The waves were still there but naturally looser than before.
I was wearing a blue and purple gypsy top and a pair of tight jeans, that clung to my body with just enough to reveal but not to look too slutty either.
I didn't want her to see me that way, anyway. As some sort of slut. I wanted her to see me…I guess the way I saw her. The most beautiful person I'd ever seen. A part of me was jealous at how naturally beautiful she was. She didn't need a spot of make-up but whenever she wore any she would looking so stunning. I could look at her all day.
As I looked on at the hazel eyes staring straight back at me, I wondered what she was thinking about me; about us. So far everything had been going alright. As far as I know there was no tension between Will and her, and I hadn't said anything about Faith and I. Not just yet. I thought I'd wait. I don't know what for. Come to think of it…no one knew about us. Just us. Faith and myself.
I noticed how the bare skin on my exposed chest of my low cut gypsy was glistening; multi-faceted beads of moisture were accompanying it. I was so hot. And parched.
'Hey, you,' I heard a voice calling from just inside the door of the bathroom.
My facial expression relaxed and I blushed, looked down and shifted my weight onto my other foot. 'Hey…'
She began to approach me and for some reason I couldn't help but be nervous.
'I started missing you,' she said as she reached for one of my hands, and as she moved in close to me, I inhaled, just drawing in the sweet scent of her…it was everlasting. Made me never wanna leave her side. She straddled my waist with her hands, and her lips met with the dip of my neck. I let out a tiny moan and I could feel her lips smile against my neck.
'What about our drinks?' I finally mustered up the courage to speak, my voice temporarily having been lost from the inebriation she had began to unleash upon me.
She chuckled low in her throat and moved away; not too far, her lips moved to a different spot, my jawbone, and whilst she exhaled, she spoke to me. 'They can wait.'
I smiled in response to her comment and moved my hands to hers. As I expected she began kissing my neck, slowly, tantalisingly. And as her hand began to slide northwards of my body, my eyelids fell closed, her doses of ecstasy far too much for me to take all at once. For god's sake, all she'd done was touch me. And it was only a little bit. But still my senses were weakening from this pulsation that had began to spirit inside of me.
Without my comprehension we had moved into a cubicle, and she was kissing me hard upon the lips, her hands were searching my body, ferociously, as if a tiger were tearing apart its fresh meal. Apparently I was returning the excitement, beneath her on the toilet seat now, she was in my lap, and we were both rocking to some motion. Fast, insatiable, each apparently needing each other more than the other.
I found myself clenching handfuls of tight leather and pushing it northward, listening to it as it gathered and bent itself against my will. Its hotness clearly came from her; her thighs so heated that the material emitted heat of its own.
Her hair fell around me as we kissed; her in my lap, unfastening the clasp of my bra, me pushing up material, out of the way. It was all a mesh of moans and material moving, a fast and inevitable, frenzied-
'I need you,' I heard her say straight into my ear, her voice barely above a whisper; so husky it aroused me further.
'I know,' I replied, my voice attempting the same volume that hers did, only mine was a fair amount clearer, stronger.
I still couldn't believe that I was making her tremble, for me. Even as my fingers threatened to enter her, even as her breaths rendered parched on her lips and her body soaked itself in her moisture, even as her eyebrows creased and her face lifted to the ceiling…I couldn't believe this Goddess before me was letting herself be taken by me.
'Not here,' I said, just as I was about to go in. I had massaged there a while and could see that if I gave her three thrusts she would already be there.
She uttered a limp and rushed, 'What?' as her eyes came open and she looked at me.
I licked over my lips and pouted. 'I'm thirsty.'
She exhaled the rest of her breath and then huffed. 'I'm parched but you don't see me complaining,' she said between breaths, as she watched me fasten my bra and pull down my top.
'No, I see you coming,' I quipped and slid my hands around her waist. I pulled her in for a quick kiss. 'This is the Bronze. We're supposed to get down here. Bronze closes at like three, right? I say we have another five hours before I have to get up and go to school.'
'That's a good five hours to fu-'
'Faith, shut up,' I warned her, and looked around, as if looking through the cubicles. I could hear something. Two people. It didn't sound great.
'What's up?' I pressed a finger to my lips and made a signal for her to get up off of my lap. She moved just as I asked and I reached for the lock of the cubicle, but before I could open it, someone smashed someone else right to it. I jumped back, and so did Faith, followed by a girl screaming and someone else growling. I reached a hand back to keep Faith back, and continued reaching for the lock. I pulled it back and moved out of the way of the door flinging back into my face.
Just as I suspected. Some girl drinking off another girl. I shoved her back off of the panicked girl into the ceramic tiles behind her. She grunted at me and I raised an eyebrow, then shoved the other girl in the direction, told her to go, quickly.
I looked around for a piece of wood or an implement to stake the vamp with no success, and tutted. 'Damn. You'd at least think they'd have slot machines for sharp implements, doncha think?' I said, coming out of the cubicle, and beginning to walk around. I noticed the ballsed up vamp was heaving, still against the wall, fangs galore.
I continued to look around for anything, any goddamned implement…I tore off the tissue paper holder and turned round to get the vamp, only to find that she'd disappeared.
Faith emerged from the cubicle, still straightening out her skirt. 'Did you see where it went?' I said to her and she grabbed my arm, pulled me out of the bathroom.
I couldn't find her anywhere. This well and truly sucked. Sex aside and everything, even though we were calming it down, putting on hold this was not exactly the way I'd planned for it to go down. This was supposed to be post-patrol. Although getting in a couple of pre-patrol hours of real good "uhh" was something I reckon Faith would wanna put on the agenda.
I caught her sneaking out of the back door, with a guy on her arm. It was usually the guy who was sneaking off to feed, but occasionally it was the girl.
Just as I planned. I followed her, staked her, sent the guy home. Faith and I both resumed our…previous-ish positions. Not exactly but…whatever.
I leant against the counter and waited for our drinks as she sat over in a seating area, looking well and truly flushed. I imagined she was still half way to release. It was how I felt being around her post-slayage all the time. Even before she found out how I felt about her.
I looked over at her, and just as I said; she was glowing. I looked back to the bartender and gave him some money. Waited for my change, then made my way over to her, carrying our drinks. I put them down on the table and sat beside her, then said into her ear, 'You're glowing.' I sat back a little, crossed my legs and moved a hand to hers.
She smiled, her other arm perched on the back of the sofa, her face towards the moving bodies on the dance floor. Her face lit up slightly, her cheeks rose and her eyes glistened. 'Yeah, you gave me a, little bit of a rush back there.'
I giggled and leant in close to her ear, my lips very nearly pressed to them, my fingers entangled within hers, resting in her lap, one of my fingers threatening the hem of her skirt. 'Wanna…dance?'
I saw the corner of her mouth tug up and her gaze moved to me. 'Thought you were parched?' she said, then with the hand in which mine was with, pointed to the red paper cups.
I smiled and then sat forward, downed my drink and then rose. I outstretched my hand to her and she looked at it. I cocked my head towards the dance floor, smiling at how she had been looking at me the entire time.
She rose from the sofa and planted a hand in mine, and as we began to move over to the floor, I felt a tingling sensation start to build within me once again.
The music was just as pent up as we had been with our slaying; ballsy, heavy bass, pumping so immensely through every present body. The figures moved, some synchronised with the beat of the music, some really not.
We started dancing, hand in hand, and she moved her body up against mine, ever so wonderfully touching me in all the right places. I could feel how hot she was, about as equally as I could see, and as our bodies moved together to the beat of the music, I felt her temperature rising.
One leg between mine, one leg between hers, she pushed against me, me against her. And as soon as she hit me I could feel just how wet she had become. Equally her frequent moans and her furrowed eyebrows told me that she indeed was still at that place that I had left her when I told her how thirsty I was.
And soon, once again I felt her hands beginning to search my body. Just…gingerly…one hand at the small of my back, the other searching a comfortable place on my thigh. I looked her directly in the eyes, and she smiled.
The music began to slow and soon people were either leaving the floor or drawing partners in close to one another. Indolently I traced over every inch of skin my hands would take on the path to her shoulders, and once rested there, I wrapped them tightly, pressed my body to hers. I could feel everything. It was so beautiful. Her heartbeat against my chest, the rise and fall of her as she respired. Her breath against my skin, and her warmth.
I felt her hands begin to embrace the small of my back tighter, and I let my eyelids fall closed. And I don't know whether it was the lyrics of the song, whatever…but I felt hot tears touch my shoulder. 'You're crying,' I said into her ear, solemnly.
I moved a hand to her head and just held it softly to me. She moved her cheek in to mine, and I could feel where her tears had been. 'Yeah,' she said, also very solemnly.
'Why?' I asked after a while, as we continued to move to the music.
She exhaled and I waited patiently for a reply. 'You said you love me,' she began, and I listened to how soft her voice had become. 'And…no one ever touches me this way. Except for you.' She snuggled her head closer in to my neck.
I didn't reply to her. I don't think she needed for me to. But just listening to her words took me back to that moment in my room, when she said she wanted to love me.
'Goooood, I'm so in love with the way you touch me,' she whispered into my ear as we danced.
I held her a little tighter, just grasping the words she had spoken to me. She never really spoke this way, only to me, and when she did, it made me feel special. I didn't ever want that to end.
She lay incredibly still as I drug my fingers over her naked stomach, and watched the gorgeously tanned skin, my fingers tracing over every wonderful crease and contour of her flawless form. We'd slept together many times before, and most certainly lay before each other in the purest form there was, yet my eyes had never followed every inch of skin there was, neither my hands. With only one, and extremely slowly, steadily, my fingers found its way around each part of her body.
I lay beside her, pure as she was, and closed my eyes. Let this adventure up to my sense of touch. Even as her hand rested upon mine and continued its journey.
I could feel her climax hitting her, clutching at my fingers, making her quiver, and I touched. Touched her. Touched her mind, touched her body, touched her soul.
The sweet aroma of her climax filled the room and it made me happy.
She relaxed into the comforter and breathed heavily, calming down inch by inch from her inebriation. And as I moved my mouth to her stomach, she moaned, once again.
She told me it was my turn.
She told me it was her turn to touch me.
Silence was probably the most annoying element that accompanied darkness. Especially at that moment, when vamps were lurking and they had to be found. Faith had a thing for staking out every vamp she had set eyes on, no matter if they led her all the way to Cleveland and back. She itched for the kill, and wouldn’t let it go ‘til it was done.
But that night was different. I had to bail because Giles needed be at his place, to look over something that he had found in that fat ugly book. So Faith and Will went out for patrol, and as usual I made it a note telling Will to be careful and to pull out if things got too heavy.
‘I never thanked you,’ Will started, as they trod the pathway concrete leading into a swirl of darkness and trees and tombstones.
Faith glanced at Will, a little confused about what she meant. She let her continue to speak.
‘For…helping me. Like…everything that you did, a-and said, and…’ she trailed off and Faith looked at her once more.
She shrugged and shoved her hands into her back pockets of her jeans. ‘Mneh…it’s what friend’s do. And anyways, it’s all about havin’ a good time.’
Silence. Faith immediately realised this was strange. Will was never this silent.
‘So you’re just a friend to me,’ she said, under her breath.
Faith furrowed her eyebrows slightly, beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable.
‘You know it’s amazing how much your feelings can…can change as your relationship grows. Cos like…with Xander, I spent so long hating him, then liking him, th-then loving him, and…everything that’s ever happened between us…I’ve never been through so many emotions.’
‘Well, he’s your childhood bud. Of course you’re gonna have been through emotional roller coaster rides with him, it’s common.’ Faith looked at her feet as she walked, thinking a little about how many roller coasters she’d been on thinking about every person she’d ever been with. Few meant a thing to her. Just the one meant a lot.
Will hummed a little in her throat, as if she was thinking. ‘Yeah I guess. But…the thing is…I’m…I’m not actually talking about him.’
More silence. Faith had realised straight away what Willow meant, and she looked up at her, to find her looking straight back at her. Will stopped them walking, and leant in to kiss Faith, though Faith pushed her out of the way and landed a kick straight into the belly of an incoming vamp.
Will was a little taken aback by Faith’s pushing of her out of the way, though quickly realised it was all for her own safety. She saw a vamp coming in the opposite direction and hurried to go fight him down.
Faith hated the fact that vamps were so freaking cocky with her, and the fact that all they talked about was sucking the blood out of the ‘Slayer’ ballsed her up. Mainly because she thought of me, and not her.
She cracked his neck off his shoulders, and poof. Looking around she saw Will was surrounded. Surrounded, and beat. Some guy was sucking off her neck, the other holding her stake to the flesh on her chest.
‘Shit, Will!’ Faith hurried over to her and kicked the sucking vamp out of the way and somehow managed to turn the stake on the other vamp and poof him instantly. She quickly grabbed the stake and chucked it at the other vamp, missing by a fraction of an inch. Will fell to the ground, near enough to unconsciousness. She cursed to herself under her breath, retrieving the stake from her back pocket and moving towards the vamp.
‘Nice try, Slayer. Shame your girlfriend wasn’t strong enough,’ he sneered.
She backhanded him, letting out a noise at the same time. ‘Screw you, you bastard. You get your kicks out of siring, you’re screwed up. Should get yourself a life.’ She paused. ‘Whoops. Too stupid, you couldn’t keep hold of that either.’ She kicked him and he fell down to the ground and as he rolled over, she shoved the stake through his chest, and as he disintegrated, he laughed. ‘Insane dickhead.’ She remembered Will and chucked the stake aside, hurried to Will at once. ‘Fuck,’ she said under her breath. She knelt down beside her, checking her pulse immediately. ‘Shi-Will, can you hear me? Red, can you hear me?’ she winced, knowing Will was right on the edge.
She yelled at the top of her voice at the green door before her. ‘Open the fuck up, now!!!’ she yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.
To her surprise, I pulled the door back, looking a little pissed off. My facial expressions must have transformed at record timing. ‘Oh my god, what happened?’ I asked as she pushed past, carrying Will in her arms, barely conscious. Giles was clearing books off of the couch to make way for her, and Faith laid her down, gently as she could.
‘I was fighting a vamp, she was too, I had no idea she couldn’t handle it, I had my back to her.’ She stepped back and Giles grabbed a towel, pressed it to her neck.
‘Goddamit, Faith I told you to be careful. You knew it was too much you should’ve just backed out,’ I muttered under my breath, as I opened up the first aid box.
Faith sat back on her heels, took some of the equipment I handed to her. ‘I didn’t know, B.’
‘Well you should have,’ I snapped at her. Not meaning to, but scared that what I had imagined might come true. This is exactly why I didn’t want Will going in.
Faith ripped open the packets of whatever the fuck it was I’d handed her. ‘Well how the hell was I supposed to have known? They came outta nowhere, I had no idea, I couldn’t see!’
‘Well next time use your fucking eyes!’ I yelled, looking straight at her. I turned back to Will and pressed the antiseptic laden cotton wool to her neck. I turned to Giles as he sat beside me, as quiet as he was anxious. ‘I think she’ll be okay.’
‘Maybe we should get her to the hospital just in case. She’s probably lost a lot of blood,’ Giles told me. I nodded.
‘Shall we take your car?’ I asked, and he nodded in reply, getting to his feet to grab his keys and coat.
I took the gauze from Faith, who had been silent ever since and pressed it to Will’s neck. ‘It’s okay, sweetie, we’re gonna get you to a hospital,’ I told her softly, my own voice breaking up a little.
She sat back ever so silently, just watching us two rushing about around her. She ran fingers back through her hair and sighed. ‘Want me to carry her out to the car?’ she piped up, so gently.
I shook my head. ‘Just stay out of it, you’ve caused enough trouble,’ I told her straight away, as I slid my arm under Will’s neck, and another under her knees.
‘I didn’t know, B,’ she said quietly.
‘That’s enough,’ I told her. I turned to Giles. ‘Shall we go?’
He nodded, and I saw him glance at Faith before heading out. I couldn’t even look at her right now. Why I was so mad at her…I don’t know. Maybe because I wasn’t there.
She followed us out, closing the door after me. I heard her footsteps behind, and inwardly wished they would go away. I really didn’t want her here right now.
‘She’s lost a lot of blood, so oxygen levels are low. We have her stabilised, and she’s coming to. Just…give her some time to rest, she should be right as rain in a couple of days, if that.’ The doctor smiled at us and headed out of the waiting room.
‘Was a close call,’ I uttered to Giles, who had been standing beside me as the doctor spoke to us. ‘I told her, and she didn’t listen.’
Giles looked at me and I looked up at him. ‘Faith knows how dangerous it is. I told her that if it starts to get heavy, for both of them to back out.’
Giles removed his glasses from his face and retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket, used it to clean his lenses. All the while I watched him.
‘She never listens.’
‘Why are you trying to blame it on Faith, Buffy?’ he started, so solemnly, as if it was an enquiry, rather than an interrogation.
‘What?’ I frowned. I had since wandered over to a chair and sat down, he, still standing in that same position.
‘You heard her. She didn’t know, she’s not superwoman. She was doing what had to be done, little did she know Willow was hurt. And you told them to go out and patrol tonight, they could’ve stayed at mine with us, we could’ve gone through the books all together, patrolling could have waited.’
I sat still. ‘That’s not the point-’
‘It’s not the point because you don’t want it to be the point, Buffy. Faith was doing what any of us would have done. The same thing could have happened to you, or Xander, or me. It doesn’t matter. We all get hurt, someway or another. Faith is not the one to blame here.’ He paused and rubbed his mouth with his fingers a moment. ‘It seems to me as if you need to put your personal differences or…similarities aside, and focus, on this. Whatever it is that’s standing between you two.’
‘NOTHING is standing between us, Giles! It’s just her, she won’t listen! I told her specifically-’
‘You told her specifically what she did, Buffy. She listened to you. I don’t understand why you’re so mad at her.’
‘Because I should’ve been there!’ I yelled. ‘I should’ve been there to stop them, not her, alright?’ I rose from my chair and hurried out. The fuck was up with me? Since when did I get jealous of Faith?
I hadn’t noticed her leaning up against the building, clouded by smoke from her cigarette. But when she called out to me, I stopped in my footsteps, failed to turn to face her, tears streaming down my cheeks. ‘I did what you asked me to, B. I don’t understand why you’re marking me down as such a screw-up.’
‘Just leave it, Faith.’ I continued walking. God, I just wanted this day to be over.
‘Why are you being like this, B?’ she called, and I sensed her beginning to approach me. ‘Don’t even tell me you’re jealous of me and Red patrolling together?’ Silence. I didn’t wanna go there. ‘Oh come on, Buffy, what is this? I save her and all of a sudden we’re back to square one? Buffy how many times, there’s nothing between us!’
I stopped and turned to face her. ‘Then why do I always feel as if there’s competition between Will and I? Why do I always feel as if leaving you alone with her is like…’ I looked away.
‘Like what, huh?’ she said, her voice telling me she was frustrated.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and folded my arms across my chest. ‘I just…I feel like I don’t have you. Completely. And it…makes me jealous.’
‘So you blame all that on me? Jesus Christ, B! What is this?’
‘What is what?’
‘This!!! You’re tellin’ me I’ve caused enough trouble, and that I should stay out of shit that wasn’t even my fault! I feel like I’m getting the third degree for saving someone’s life, here, B. And I don’t understand why the hell you’re giving me the run-around all the freakin’ time we start to talk about Red. What is there to be jealous about, exactly?’
‘Us,’ I muttered, then shrugged.
Faith sighed and looked away for a moment, the light from a near-by lamp shade shining in her eyes. She looked back at me for a moment, her taller form meaning she had to look down slightly. I saw the confusion in her eyes and for a moment I realised how stupid I was being. One moment we were all over each other, the next I was messing her around. Being jealous of Willow. That I might…lose Faith.
She pulled me in close and just held me. Took my head in one of her hands and pressed it to her, took my waist in her other hand and just…held me. I guess that was enough to make me realise I was the one she wanted to be touching.
‘If you’re afraid of losing me…don’t be.’ I think she didn’t intend to say anything more. But if she did…it got lost. I never heard her continue. Instead we just stood there. And she held me. God, I was such an idiot.
At first I didn’t realise that was Giles standing in the doorway of the hospital, watching us. But I soon realised he knew I was being a fool. And for the first time ever I thought he must have known about us. And it comforted me.
CHAPTER 13: Truly, Faithfully, Sincerely
Note: This chapter is not from Buffy's POV, but from Faith's POV, and as far as I expect shall be the only one in the fic. Tell me what you think of it. I wanted to get one in here but I wanted to make something really special of it. I don't know if it completely went the way I intended but it still went. I won't keep you waiting any longer; here it is... One more thing! I don't know if I'm the only one that's noticed, but have a look at the chapter heading. Does anyone watch Tru Calling? (Do you get it?)
For the first time ever I believed she was jealous of me. Jealous of what apparently I had with Will. I didn't quite understand why.
Losing me, apparently. She was afraid to lose me.
I found my own way back to my motel room, that night. Told her I thought it best she went home and cleared her head. Thought some stuff out, and that I'd see her tomorrow, or whatever.
I closed the door behind me, the dull stench of the dust in the room wafting towards me. I chucked my coat on the chair in the corner of the room and headed straight for the bathroom.
Looking at myself in the mirror. I still didn't see it. She told me she was in love with the way I looked. Pretty. Apparently. No one had ever truly told me I was beautiful. Only a guy looking for a free fuck would, if it would get him the goods. He didn't mean it. They never meant it.
But her telling me she meant it gave it meaning. Meaning for me. I turned away from the mirror and headed for the shower, and turned it on, ran my hand underneath it a second.
I had scored a couple of bruises from before, as I remembered from peeling off my clothes. There they were. Although it was a pretty easy night for vamps I still had the reminder that Will would be scarred for a while.
Sometimes I wondered if I was the messed up one. Really. She got so jealous back there, it freaked me out a little. But I guess her emotions must've gotten the best of her. Normally she would be the one to have them under control.
Beads of warm water fell down my body and soothed my skin, and my hair clung to my back as the water ran through it, soaked it. I couldn't help but wonder what she was up to right now. My every thought somehow managed to go back to what B was doing, if B was thinking about me too. And here was me thinking so much about her, and there was she thinking I was thinking about Red. Not that I wasn't, Red was in bad shape, but…not in the way B thought.
Poor girl, wanting so much just to fight. Like us. But…there was so much difference between us. B, and me and Red. B and I, we're Slayers. Red's not. Never was. Won't ever be. That's the difference. She doesn't have that strength that I do, that B does. She's got strength in a completely different way. B and I are warriors…Red's not.
It just amazes me that she thinks there's something between me and Red. Not that there never would be or whatever, but…after everything we've been through.
I love Buffy.
Everything she does makes me wanna love her even more. And I do. I love her more and more everyday. Maybe I don't show her enough.
I lifted the handset and dialled her number, and then sat back in bed, chewed on my bottom lip, hoping she'd still be awake.
Just when I decided to hang up, cos she hadn't answered, the tone changed. 'Hello?' came that gorgeously gentle voice from the other end of the line.
'B,' I said, trying not to sound too surprised, naturally.
'Oh…Faith…hey…' She didn't sound too happy. I sighed and shifted on the bed a little.
'What was that tonight, B?'
There was some silence, and I think she was sitting down. 'I dunno, Faith.'
I dunno, I kinda expected her to continue. 'You calmed down now?'
I heard her sigh and I laid back in my bed. 'Yeah, I think so,' she said, sounding as if she was resolving her thoughts in her head as we spoke.
'Good.' I inhaled. 'You know you gave me a fright back there, girlfriend.'
'I know.'
I sensed she was still slightly pissed. Figures. 'Buffy?' I called, calmly.
'Yeah?' she said softly, her tone still soothing my entire form.
'I love you.'
Silence. Crap. That always freaked me out.
'Buffy?' I called, thinking now that the phone was just little too silent.
'Faith…I know. I just…I need to get some sleep.' With that, she hung up. I raised my eyebrows and looked at the phone, a little surprised she'd just hung up on me.
Round and round in my head I tried to work out if we were falling apart or not. I hadn't slept. I don't think I'd dressed myself properly. But somehow, through all the thinking about Buffy, I'd managed to get up and get changed and leave the motel and get into school.
I parked my ass on one of the benches outside of the school, hoping she'd pass through this way to get into school.
I guess I'd been sitting there near enough half an hour before I saw her approaching. She was wearing a pair of jeans with a green t-shirt and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like she'd bothered just about as much as I had. I stood up and began heading slowly in her direction. She glanced at me, then looked back again, and smiled a little. We both came to a halt when near enough. 'Hey,' I uttered, trying to sound bothered. I really was, just….trying not to coax her or anything. Maybe she didn't even want me around.
'Hey,' she said, sounding pretty…inward.
I'd never felt so awkward with such silence between us like this. But now she was looking at me as if she wanted to apologise but was too scared to, or too…I dunno.
Turns out perhaps she did want me to stick around, because she'd pulled me round the corner, where…fewer people were, and without admonition pressed her lips to mine, very gently, for a long moment. When she pulled away I smiled.
'I'm so sorry, Faith. I've been such a bitch to you and…god, look at you,' she said, her tone softening up a lot more than it had been before.
I looked down at myself, not quite understanding what she was getting at.
'You look like you haven't slept.' Great. She thought I looked amazingly similar to a pile of smelly trash.
'I haven't,' I told her, chuckling a little on my words.
She smiled. 'Me either.' My smile faded and she gazed at me. 'I couldn't stop thinking about us.'
Hey, me either, so join the club. 'It's okay, Buffy, really it is-'
'Do you really love me?'
I paused completely, then nodded slowly. And there she was again, pressing her lips to mine, so solemnly, as if kissing a baby's forehead. When she pulled away she lingered before me, and I could not help but inhale her scent. She smelt so gorgeous…all the time. I couldn't live without that smell. I had to know it, everyday.
'I love you, Faith.' She moved a hand to my cheek and ran her fingers along it so gently.
'Really?' I said. Not that I was unsure, just…surprised to hear it this time, rather than dismissing the fact that I had said it.
She nodded, then I kissed her and she chuckled. There she was. The gorgeous girl I knew and loved. I thought I'd lost her for a while, there.
'So we're okay?' she asked me, fingers lingering at my chest, teasing me, slightly.
I nodded. 'Of course we are.' I straddled her hips and then pulled her in close and let her embrace me back.
'Good. Cos for a moment there…thought I'd lost you.'
'Why?'
'I just…I was such an idiot last night and…you just dealt with it.'
'Hmm.'
'I'm sorry, Faith. I'm the screw-up.'
'No, it's alright. We all screw-up. Just…let it go.' I held her closer and laid my chin upon her shoulder. I liked that this felt right.
I met with her at lunchtime and we went to sit on the grassy knoll outside the entrance of the school. It was really hot that day, a lot hotter than I'd expected for it to be, but bearable enough. Still we sat underneath a tree, in the shade.
'I was thinking of stopping by the hospital today, to go and see Will, wanna come?' she started, as she picked at the tiny shards of grass from beneath her.
I shrugged. 'Maybe we should get her a card or something.'
She nodded. 'That'd be nice.'
From what had happened this morning I'd have thought maybe she'd be a little more chirpy about us being together, alone, right now, but…she still seemed really thoughtful and really inward. I didn't know whether or not it was my place to say anything, a part of me felt she still blamed me for last night.
'Is everything alright?' I finally said, trying to keep my tone as gentle as possible. I had to squint because of the sun, but when she looked briefly into my eyes she flashed a quick smile. It seemed a little fake to me, but still, I guess it was something.
She shrugged as her gaze dropped back to the grass and she continued to pick at it. 'I dunno.'
I nodded and sat back, leant against the tree. 'You can talk to me, Buffy.'
She looked up at me. 'You just called me Buffy.' I smiled a little bit and I think it was contagious. 'You never call me Buffy…'
I shrugged and soon her smile faded. Something was definitely still up. 'I would've done something sooner if I'd know, Buffy, you know that.'
I noticed her eyebrows raise a moment and her lips departed as she drew in a breath. Was that sarcasm?
'Buffy, you know it wasn't my fault, we were surrounded, I did the best I could do…'
She raised a hand to me signalling me to stop simultaneously to her head nodding and I paused. 'I know, you would have Faith. It's just…' She whimpered as if stuck for the right way to say this, which hurt slightly. '…I dunno. I guess I'm just…' She pressed her lips together and looked out ahead, all the while my eyes fixed upon her fast-becoming-awkward form. '…Call me out of order but…it wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened and you've…' She trailed off as she looked up at me, my jaw near enough hell-met and my eyes near enough out of my head.
'Are you saying I'm careless?'
'No, I don't that, I just-'
I sat forward, my eyebrows furrowed and my face mad-painted. 'Oh, because I'm Watcher-less I have no sense? No guidance? What is it? I should've been more like you and it wouldn't have happened?'
'No, I just mean…'
I stood and began to walk away.
'Where are you going, Faith?' Buffy called as I began to walk away. I could not believe she did still blame all of this on me. It wasn't even my fault. Here was me thinking I had issues. It wasn't me at all. I turned to see her beginning to follow me. 'Faith I didn't mean it like that, of course we all make mistakes-'
'Yeah, well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect, and that I mess up a little bit. You know, it's a little hard trying to save someone AND fight off evil at the same time. But of course, you're so wonderful that you could multi-task in your sleep.' I turned and continued to walk, truly pissed off. At myself for yelling at her, but also at her for still blaming this on me.
'Faith, just wait, a minute, please,' she called to me, but I continued to walk, headed out of school.
I sensed rather than saw her slow up as I continued to walk away. She knew I wasn't ready to hear what she had to say, whatever it was.
I peeked my head around the corner before entering, just in case she was asleep. It seems she was awake, though because as soon as I did I heard her utter a tired, 'Hey, Faith. Why doncha come in?'
I smiled a little upon entering and approached her, slowly. 'Hey.' I reached for a card in my back pocket and gave it to her immediately, watching her open it as I perched on the edge of her bed. 'It's nothing big.'
She read it and smiled. 'It's sweet. Thanks.'
I nodded in acknowledgement of her calling it "sweet." I think she meant the thought.
'So…' she began. 'I'm a little hazy on why I'm here…could you fill me in?'
'Oh, er…vampires. Sucked. You lost blood. Here you are.' The abridged version.
'Oh.' She seemed a little confused for a moment, before raising a finger and sucking in a breath as if to start talking about it. She frowned, letting her finger drop again. 'When did that happen?'
'Last night, we went patrolling and…' She nodded and I realised I didn't have to finish my sentence.
It seemed she was thinking a while, hard about what had happened last night. 'It's like a puzzle,' she finally uttered and I frowned.
'What is?'
'My memory. Like, a…a puzzle. Like…I-I remember, things…but…fragmented things. Like…I remember being at Giles' but I don't understand why I was there, and…and I remember walking with you and talking about…' I saw her look up at me mid-explanation and pause as if she'd been busted for something. I soon realised my eyebrows were furrowed and I think she thought I was wondering what the hell she was talking about. Either that or I was concentrating too hard on trying to understand why she had stopped talking. '…Er…where's everybody else?'
I looked around briefly, following her gaze with my eyes. 'Erm…well Giles, Xander and B are at school…'
'Oh, right, yeah I forgot.'
She sucked in a breath in the way that she did, and I watched her.
'You're probably thinking what the hell I was doing, last night, huh,' she muttered, her gaze on her fidgeting hands.
I shrugged. 'I don't know what you mean.' I offered a smile, though I think she wasn't looking for all smiles and fluff right now.
'You do. I leant in, to kiss you and you pushed me out of the way – because of the vamps, I get it. But…what if there wasn't a vamp there…'
I stayed silent, my eyes just focussing on her fidgeting hands too.
'I realise what you did was for my own safety, Faith, but, I needed to know.' I glanced up at her eyes, seeing now that they were focussed on me. I looked around the room a little, keeping myself from looking at her, until finally she reached a hand out to mine, and my eyes gravitated to it, followed by my eyes trailing back up to hers. 'I need to know, Faith. If you meant it when you kissed me before, and…I don't wanna, force you into anything or, whatever, but…I've never felt like this before.'
I swallowed, and clenched my jaw repeatedly, not sure if I should speak or not.
'I told you I had been through this emotional roller coaster and you said it was normal. Is…is this…normal?'
At this point her voice was so soft and pleading, I didn't know what was normal anymore. For her. I think she was honestly lost. In me? Was what was circling through my head, but…why? Why would she feel this way? I looked into her eyes, worried that she was so worried about what she was feeling.
Buffy semi-jogged through the corridor leading to the library and upon pushing the swinging door away from her to get in, she realised what all the trauma was. Giles hadn't looked this worried since he discovered the lenses of his glasses were scratched. 'Giles, I came as fast as I could, what's up?'
'I understand what it means,' he began, immediately. He had been sitting at a table, clearly researching some supernatural situation that had spirited a while ago. 'Here…tell me, what does this mean?'
She approached him and her eyes gravitated to the spot in which Giles' fingers had instructed. 'Everyone is doomed.' She looked up into his eyes, to find him looking at her. 'Er…what?'
'Remember, the er…apocalypse? That was initiated by the Erachnii?' She nodded and Giles presented her with a small photograph. 'Erachnii. I spotted one on the way home from speaking to a spirit guide. Lucky I had a camera.'
She raised an eyebrow, noticing how the demon really seemed as if it didn't pose as a threat to mankind. 'So should I go kill it?'
Giles shook his head. 'Absolutely not. Try to and it could capture you, take you to the underworld, whatever its plans are. Where's Faith?'
She shook her head a little, all of a sudden a little more alert. 'I haven't seen her.'
'You need to inform her of this demon. Make sure she knows to keep safe. I don't want you patrolling until we've figured out a way to stop these demons-'
'You can't stop them, it's impossible.' Buffy looked towards the voice that accompanied the heels on the ground. Utterly astounded, she dropped the photograph in her hand.
CHAPTER 14: The Tool of Sanctimony
Note: This chapter is from Buffy's POV.
I swallowed, astounded at Angel. 'Angel…I thought I'd-er…you were…with-'
He stopped, mere feet from me, seeming consumed by the information he himself was about to spill. 'You've gotta get out of here. You and Faith. As soon as possible.'
I glanced at Giles, who had risen from his chair and stood beside me. 'What? Why, I don't understand, what's…going on-'
'Red demons, Erachnii, have someway found a way out of the underworld, and are looking for you, killing any human beings they find on the way. You can't stop them, don't even try. Just get out of here. You've gotta leave.'
'Angel, we can't leave, not if these "Red Demons" are threatening to kill the entire human race, especially if they've already started-'
'They're literally invincible, Buffy, you can't kill them, you never WILL.' Angel paused and I believe I was near to fainting. Too much information for my tiny little brain. 'Listen to me. I spotted a few down at this cemetery yesterday night they were going into this crypt, I don't know what for, I just know that they were going there. I tried to follow them the best I could but I had to leave…I wouldn't stand a chance going up against one of those things.' He subconsciously licked over his lips and continued speaking. 'I suggest you try your hardest to run. You and Faith…'
'No, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You want me and Faith to pack up and leave Sunnydale because a pack of "Red Demons" are gonna exterminate the entire human race? If they're spilling out everywhere then what makes you think they won't track us down? Angel, I can't leave. I have to stay here and fight this. That other one did. And she was alone. I have Faith. And I have you guys.' I turned to Giles who seemed as if he'd been concentrating intensely on this entire discussion. 'Giles, what do we do, do we fight them?'
'Well they're obviously planning a time to begin this apocalypse. But they need tools, ingredients, various objects.' He turned to Angel, who by now had taken a few more steps in closer to us. 'Angel, you say they were headed for a crypt?'
He nodded and Giles followed. 'Right.' He flipped a few pages in a large ancient book and when reached his destination began reading aloud. 'The Tool of Sanctimony. Designed to summon some of the deadliest forces of the Underworld. They perform a simple yet enormously powerful ritual in which begins to transform this Earth in mere minutes of the ritual having been complete. Erachnii sacrifice multiple human beings' blood by draining them into the Tool of Sanctimony – an offering to the forces. The ritual is performed on the seventh day of the seventh month of what to them is the seventh revolutionary year…for seven of the deadliest forces.'
'Great. So I have to find this "Tool of Sanctimony" thingy…destroy it, AND stop these things from performing an "all hell shall break loose" ritual in…ooh, gee, five days…'
Angel reached out to take a look at the text Giles had been reciting from and I caught a glimpse of the concentration on his face as he began to read it. I paced back and forth the spot I'd been standing in, getting a little too worried to be able to stand still.
'Wonderful. That's just…great,' I mumbled to myself, my words lost as soon as they were told.
'Buffy, you must get Faith immediately. I want you to stay in each other's company – don't let her out of your sight. I mean it. These demons will most certainly not think twice before taking you,' Giles explained to me, his tone worryingly anxious throughout.
I'd been nervously chewing on my lip throughout that, however. How was I supposed to get Faith to willingly move in with me when we weren't even talking?
'Ah…ah…ah!!!' Faith shrieked as her eyes focussed on the ceiling before her and she respired double, maybe even triple time.
I climbed the length of her, trailing kisses up along her naked skin until I reached her chin. 'So you'll stay?' I asked, trying my utmost to be innocent with my voice, albeit slightly ashamed, knowing that the tension between us most probably still lingered, even if it was just a little bit. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kissed the spot in which it had been.
She hummed throatily for a moment or so, sarcastically contemplating my words. 'Hmm. Might take a leetle more persuasion…' she quipped, and we both chuckled, as I lay back in the space beside her on the comforter.
'Faith, you were screaming less than five minutes ago, and if I remember correctly, the only other time I made you scream like that was when I-' I began snaking my fingers down her body, touching ever so lightly.
'Alright, alright, I'll stay.' I saw the shit-eating grin slapped across her face and I left that to the assumption that she was thinking about that time when I…let's just say…unbearable amounts of pleasure, but…I won't bore with details.
I snuggled in close to her neck, just inhaling her scent for a few moments, then I looked up at her, seeing that her eyes were now closed, a warm smile settled on her lips. 'I'm sorry, baby,' I whispered, my tone naïvely informing her of my apology that was one-hundred per cent earnest.
She nodded, her eyes remaining closed. 'S'ok.'
I thought about what I'd said for a moment. 'No, really, I was way out of order to you. I was being so selfish and I was pissy about everything that I just disregarded your feelings.' I looked up at her again. 'Your feelings matter the most to me, Faithy.'
She craned her neck slightly to look down at me looking up at her. 'Really?'
All at once I was reminded of the sexy, intoxicating coolness of her tone, indeed a lot more matured than my own; deeper, gravely, gorgeously alluring. 'Really, Faith.'
I listened to the lack of sound until she began to speak, and once again it was that enticing, sexy…'Some of the things you say really make me hot and horny all, over, again.'
I didn't have a chance to reply to that because she'd begun exploring my mouth with hers. That beauty extended so goddamned far beyond her voice. The way she kissed me, touched me, breathed on me, rocked with me, lay with me, came with me.
She was my Faith. And I was never going to let her go. Not for the world. I loved her so much. And after Angel, I didn't think I'd be able to love that way again…give myself again, at such a young age. But I fell for her. And here she was, fingers buried to the hilt of me, making me sweat, shiver and scream, stroking my sex the only way I wanted it to be. There was no other person for me. Only her.
I'm yours, Faith. And I love you so much.
Giles leant back against the front of his couch, and took a look at all of the material surrounding him. He reached for his mug of tea and drank from it, eyes still focussing on material he'd cross-referenced with this, that and most definitely the other.
Replacing his drink on the side table, he glanced at the clock. Two thirty-six AM. And he hadn't gotten far. "Ancient" ancient texts and "recent" ancient texts had one thing in common. They were both ancient, thus…difficult to understand. Very rarely did you find translations of translations.
He extended his arms sideways, stretching the muscles out, simultaneously to yawning. He was tired. And this was definitely one of the most difficult tasks he'd faced as a Watcher.
The Council had been working on it also, although they hadn't gotten very much further than Giles.
I closed my eyes and used my sense of touch to feel her spreading kisses along my body, leaving a tingling sensation upon which for my nerves to feast. The sex was so empowering, overwhelming, ceaseless, and the fact that Faith was giving it to me felt even more so, all of these things. She was so indomitable, painfully (in the good sense) powerful, and slow…so very…very slow.
There were moments I believed so much energy encompassed us that my climaxes were more dynamic than the preceding. All because of her. And me. And the connection. Our connection.
He yawned into his hand as his other held a text inches from his face and his eyes scanned deeply across each line, searching for clues, for information, for anything that might be useful. Anything at all. Phrases, passages, chapters. References. Whatever it was, he searched with his eyes, as tired, and paining as they were; he kept at it.
He squinted, then reached for the "Machmachra" and mumbled to himself as he thumbed through pages, until finally. Something.
He'd found a picture of what looked like a potential "tool."
Once again she was rocking to my fingertips and I was concurrently rocking to hers, her body a top mine, the heat of her bunking up my own body temperature. I let her pace quicken according to her own desire - if she wanted it slow, she would go slow with me, and fast? She'd go even SLOWER. Unbearably slow, a torturous pace. Give it three freaking strokes and I was slowly but goddamned surely there. Bucking hips, arching backs, feral moans and desperate whimpers…skin on skin. That mere connection. The solution? Hard and fast – again and again. The Slayer's Way.
He marked down pages and then closed the books, one by one, yellow post-its evidence of his long, pain-staking task. But for now, he was finished.
He lay back, in the centre of his bed, his arms folded upon the duvet that covered him. Eyes bolted open (possibly fastened), dawn threatening to…dawn. Finally, he could rest.
Or not.
Will. Angel. Me. Faith. Giles. Xander. Oz. There we all were. Sat, in the library, the hours moving closer and closer to midnight. A piece of information each, that we all needed to know.
Willow raised her text and licked over her lips, almost ready to start reading. The room contained an almost awkward atmosphere, each piece of information more daunting than the other. We all had to let each other know. And it had to be now. What we knew, we had to share. What we didn't, we wanted to hear. But with a silenced passion, we also didn't want to know.
Willow glanced around at the various eyes, fixated on her, knowing that she was first to read. After letting it back down into her lap, she raised it, looked at its words and inhaled, shakily. She began reading. Followed by Xander. Then Faith. Oz read his passage; then Willow continued on from him. Then Faith began, and then Angel, and then me. And Faith. Each word more ominous than the other, we continued to read until we'd finished.
Then the deathly silence followed.
Giles exhaled, both loudly and silently at the same time. He uncrossed his legs and sat forward, looked around us all seated at the one table in the school library. 'We've all worked together as a team ever since Buffy came to Sunnydale. And we've been a team ever since. Together we've learned, trained and fought. Each time we've had a difficult task ahead…we've fought. We've succeeded. And still we persist…' He took a deep breath, his words so empowering that I know I was compelled to listen to his words yet to come. 'I haven't trained you for this long for you to back out now,' he continued, sombreness being the key to his fine personality.
I cleared my throat, nodding in agreement to his words. I looked across into his eyes, and saw them, unwavering, so very still, so very…sure. 'You're absolutely right.'
'There'll be no backing out,' Faith began. She looked to the rest of the guys. 'If I have to die to save any one of you guys, I'll do it. It's my job.'
'No,' Will interrupted, her voice solemn, sincere as Faith's. 'It's our job. We're in this together.'
'Every single one of us,' Xander reinforced, a certain amount of solemnity present in his usually chirpy tone.
Faith nodded, the appreciation clear in her expression, and beneath the table, she sandwiched my hand in hers, that anxiety flowing through me as it was through her also.
'Okay,' Giles continued as he stood from the wooden chair, and circled it, before beginning to pace, back and forth. 'This is bigger than ANYTHING we've ever done before. It's first and foremost, one of the most dangerous apocalypses we've ever faced. And it happens…in four days time.' He removed his glasses from his face and looked down into a drawing upon the table we were seated around. 'The Crypt. That tool that they will need is here. I'm not certain where exactly it is, but I know that it's somewhere in this Crypt. Willow, I've collected together a few things for a locator spell; can you do it?'
She nodded immediately. 'I've done it a couple of times before, it's worth a shot. Although the conflicting energies might disallow me to find it. It might come up blank, or it might come up with too many possible energies that could be the tool. Do you have any idea how large this thing is?'
Giles scrunched one side of his face a moment, shaking his head at the same time. 'I'm not completely sure. It could be the size of a locket, or the size of this Hellmouth. I simply do not know.'
We all nodded and silence followed.
'I've been drawing up possibilities, eliminating the areas I think are least likely. It's most likely heavily guarded, so we'll have to figure out a way to go in protected, without them knowing,' Giles explained, pointing to the circled points he'd made.
'But if you say this thing could be as large as the Hellmouth itself, then how exactly are we going to get it away from them?'
'Disintegrating spell, and this potion. It won't be easy. But if we're to succeed, we must try. Four of us, to draw upon the four elements.'
'Who's gonna do it?' Xander asked.
Each one of us knew our position, our strengths. And knew who we were, above all. 'Well I have to conduct the spell, so count me in,' Willow stated, a hand outstretched towards her book on the table.
'I've got cosmic connections. I'm in,' Angel confirmed, letting his book down onto the table and then sitting back into his chair, leaning his chin into his palm, resting his elbow upon the arm of the chair.
Faith sighed and sat forward, having been playing with the hem of my tee, now clasping her hands together as her elbows leant against the arms of the chair. 'Slayer. I got cosmic connections too.'
That left me. 'Connections within the whole group. We'd be inter-connected, right. I mean, Angel, I killed you, Willow brought you back, Faith and I, Slayers in existence together. Willow's a Witch…'
'Yes, that's a hell of a lot of supernatural energy, the deities will most definitely be astounded,' Giles added.
'And plus with the more energy there is, the more likely it is to work,' Angel concluded.
Willow started. 'That means we gotta charge up. I know it might sound silly, but-'
'Meditate. Astral Project, draw from other energies, charge up the charkas, whatever energy we can find. It'll reinforce the strength, the powers, blow them away,' Angel explained.
'If we focus on charging specific energies, drawing on the four elements should be easier. For example, Angel if you concentrate on fire, me, water, Faith, air and Buffy, Earth, we should all be able to connect with that specific element and make it easier to summon. I'm not saying those specific elements assigned to that specific person, but just as an example.'
'No, it works well, Will. So, how do we go about getting this energy?' Faith enquired, retained that same position as before. She began to sink back into her chair, leaning in close to me, and soon leaning against me. She grasped my hand again and almost immediately I could feel that anxiety again.
Willow shrugged. 'It's up to you. Balancing charkas, consulting spirit guides, animal guides, going to that specific place through meditation, gathering that cosmic energy in whatever way best for you. Buffy, if you're taking Earth, try meditating in the garden, try placing your hands on the grass firmly and feel the energy drawing into you. Faith, if you're taking air, do the same, use the garden, inhale the fresh air and concentrate on how that oxygen drawing into your body can be stored away for supernatural purposes.'
'Okay, but I'm not being funny, I'm not particularly a big fan of fire,' Angel chimed in.
Xander smiled. 'What with you being un-dead and all.'
Willow chuckled. 'How about I take fire, you take water? Go to the ocean, sit in it.'
Giles nodded, having been quietly observing the discussion. 'Wonderful. I'll be working on that spell, which is in Latin, you're all okay with that?' We nodded and he proceeded. 'Four days is all we have. We need to focus. Concentrate. Do whatever it is you must do, but for the love of God, be careful with it. For your own sake.' He drew in a well and truly deserved breath of air and began cleaning his glasses. As he concentrated, we all looked at each other.
Then. The dreaded question. 'When do we go?' I asked Giles, still cleaning his glasses. He looked up from them, focussing first on the space ahead of him, then, each one of us.
He sighed loud and replaced his glasses on his face. He slid his hands into the pockets of his trousers, and looked up. 'We will go to the Tachra Taa, in three days time.'
I watched as everyone around me began to disperse, close books, tidy up. They'd go about their business, being to do what had to be done.
In four days time, we have to fight the most difficult war we'd come across in our entire lives. These were the lives at risk; the entire world. We were the front-runners. We could all die. Some of us already had. Who knows.
Who knows.
Willow.
Erachnii. One of the Deadliest species of pure bred Demon. They, for hundreds of centuries have worked with the First Evil, serving where best they could. Recent victory came when they came this close to exterminating the entire human race.
Xander.
The Slayer. Strongest human force on the planet managed to work with few remaining humans on the planet to restore natural activity and peace where possible. She sent the Erachnii underground where they were banished for eternity. They vowed that one day they would rise again.
Faith.
Following this vow, the Tool of Sanctimony was stolen from them by a good witch, who sent it to a protected place above land, where Erachnii could not reach it.
Oz.
That place is right here, in Sunnydale. The Tachra Taa. The Crypt by the cemetery right on the edge of town.
Willow.
Erachnii strive to find new ways of obtaining back the tool, each time unsuccessful, as the good witch protected it from then with some of the strongest white magic.
Faith.
The Tool of Sanctimony remained protected for the next five thousand years, never to be touched by them again.
Angel.
But come the Seventh minute of the Seventh day of the Seventh month of the Seventh Revolutionary year, they shall try once again to exterminate the human race, and render apocalypse on Earth. For Seven Deadly Forces, known as the sins. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Avarice and Sloth.
Me.
The Slayer. To each Generation a new Slayer is born. And Erachnii want her.
Faith.
But what happens when there's not one…but two?
CHAPTER 15: Being the World (In Three Days Time)
Each of us had dispersed, going back to our homes, going about our business, beginning these so called “set tasks” to enable us to defeat this next apocalypse.
The words exchanged became precious; the looks even more so. Oz went with Willow, not before she told us all to be careful. And the look upon her face; pure anxiety. She was scared. We all were.
I squeezed Faith’s hand still, as we walked back to my house, and once again, the words were few, the looks were fewer, but the ones that spirited…I kept in mind. I dared not let them slip.
And Angel. He walked alone.
To the ocean. As Willow said…I’d wondered why he was back here, with us. After everything. But if this was what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be. I couldn’t stop him. Bless him.
Some might think he was the loneliest creature upon the earth, facing the ocean as if it were pure oxygen. Nothing to him. But as he began strolling through it, the other end of the beach a pitch black, the moon a full shining beam, he breathed. Unneeded oxygen. He drew those elements in. They were at his feet and in his hair. And he acknowledged them, as the water drenched his clothes and the air challenged his need for survival. Day seemed so far away, and he seemed to take each second at a time. It was that important.
We’d never done this before, but every second was crucial to my knowledge. I had to absorb it, I had to know what I was doing. Similarly for her, I think every second counted, as she led me to the bathroom, as we stood before each other, as she removed each item of clothing from me, and I, her.
As I stepped into the shower, and she followed, and again, we stood…for some reason she was crying. I couldn’t see the tears, but I could hear the whimpers, through the swooshing of the rushing water from the showerhead. She outstretched her arms before her, to lean against the tiling of the shower, and behind her I was standing, watching. I stepped towards her, and tentatively as I could, embraced her, one arm at a time, until finally, she was within me. I tried as hard as I could to listen to her sobs calming, but they seemed to continue. She would die for us. Before I would’ve excused her as being scared inside; and that she would never show her fear…but here…she broke down as if there would be no tomorrow. This was it. And soon I began sobbing. I understood why she was crying and it started me.
What if we didn’t make it.
Were we strong enough to not get dead?
Ever wonder who would be next?
Each flame as delicate as the other, more silent and more secluded, they burned. Each candle, creating its own light, shone, and she was surrounded by every single one. And as the words emitted from her mouth and she sat cross legged upon the floor in which the candles also did, she closed her eyes. Dozens and dozens of that specific element surrounded her, and she shone with them, her chanting raising the flames, empowering them, testing their own potential. And as they rose, she did too. And as they diminished, she settled.
I don’t think catatonic was the correct word however she became that closed. I pulled a tee above her head and through her arms, and let her slide on the pair of shorts that had come from my draw. And as she sat upon my bed she stared. Blankly. I sat in front of her and reached for her hand, noticing her eyes gravitating to it once I did.
‘All this…’ she began. ‘It’s so much.’ She looked up at me, her voice more solemn than I’d ever known for it to be. ‘I thought Kaskistos was a bet.’
I chuckled a little and that soon faded when I saw her lack of expression. ‘Yeah.’ I drew in a breath and looked at her watching me. ‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’
She huffed and blinked, tiredly, taking her gaze from me. ‘Yeah, sure.’
‘I’m serious. That comment back in the library?’ I started, pointing my thumb in a direction.
She looked back to me and I smiled. ‘Remember…when we talked about who might be next?’ I licked over my lips and she watched me still.
Finally, after what seemed like a few minutes she sighed. ‘Can we not do this, right now?’
‘Faith, this is HUGER than anything we’ve ever faced.’ I inhaled and exhaled, before moving a hand to push stray hair from her face. ‘But I think you’re strong enough not to get dead. More importantly? Not to get any of us dead, either. You did what had to be done with Will and I’m so glad you were there. What would’ve happened if you weren’t?’
She scoffed. ‘Geez, B, pressure much…’
I chuckled and she did too, and that made me smile even more. ‘I can’t wait to see the eighth of July.’ She raised an eyebrow and shrugged resignedly. ‘But I’m gonna…’ I trailed off, looking at her, an at how there was a lack of her eyes on me. She was beat. That was for sure. Mentally. I think she’d had enough for one day. ‘And you are too.’
She looked up into my eyes one more time, a few seconds gracing us with silence, before she got up and followed the bed round to her side. She sat upon it once again, her back facing me. Then there was more silence and I sighed at her dismissal of my words.
‘I’m so scared, Buffy.’ More silence. I turned a little looking at her slouched form, before getting up also, and crossing the room to the desk, where I saw that notebook I’d been taking note of my dreams.
‘Faith, I’m terrified,’ I told her, my voice little above a whisper, and as I turned to her, I noticed how she honestly looked as if she was about to resign. She looked so tired.
‘What if I fail?’ Her voice sounded so tiny, so…finished, and a part of me was scared she didn’t think she had the strength to do this.
‘”What if…” What if is a possibility. But Faith…we all consider the “what ifs” and “buts” of every single difficult situation. We have to, otherwise we might never realise what could be coming. What if…I break my leg and fall down the stairs tomorrow…’
‘Touch wood,’ she interrupted.
‘…What if I get sick and can’t fight? What if is always gonna be something that’s stuck in the back of our minds. All of us. But we try our hardest to stop them from happening cos they knock on our worst fears.’ I paused, watching how she was motionless throughout this. ‘You know you can do this, Faith. And being afraid is something you can use. Take fear, take anxiety and like you said; you wanted to find a way of putting all of that wasted energy to use; use it NOW. Use it in three days time, when it’s needed. Focus on getting it beat up the right way. Get it. Use it. Be strong. WIN.’ I hadn’t realised how much I needed to take a breath then, but as I inhaled deep I saw her look to me, and the light from outside caught her face.
‘Is that how you do it?’ she asked, her voice still sounding so weak, so beat up, so vulnerable.
I crossed the room to her, slowly, gently, and perched upon the edge of the bed once there, a knee beneath my body, my hands pressed to the bed. I settled and sighed. ‘Willow taught me how. I tried…once…it hurt…cos…I had to…’ I squinted and looked down into my palms. ‘…Kill Angel.’
‘Oh…’
‘It hurt. But it worked. Something got me through it, and I’m guessing that. But Faith, it’s not about the energy. It’s about you. You already have the power to do this. It’s just a matter of doing it now. You’re strong. Strong enough not to get dead. And whether or not you’re scared, or worried, or fed up, tired…You’re not gonna fail. You’re gonna…’ I began to smile. ‘…Prevail…’ I told her as I stretched a hand out in front of me, knowing she would watch it and probably laugh at me. Which she did.
‘C’mere.’ She pulled me close to her and hugged me and we both chuckled. ‘Thanks,’ she said as she held me.
I nodded. ‘No problem.’
CHAPTER 16: Being the World (In Two Days Time)
The sun was just about setting for today, and after much discussion, I'd sent my mom away, in fears of losing her to those demons. She agreed to call every night, and I appreciated that she was safe, away from THIS hell. She called, letting me know she was boarding a plane to New York. She was going to stay with old friends she'd known from when we used to live there. Thank God.
I put down the receiver and gazed into the space in front of me. Tonight we were contacting the guy who had written the "Machmachra," and everyone was collecting various ingredients, looking at various materials. We'd been talking, meditating, pretty much spending the day together at mine, just figuring out how to further our plan.
I thought I was alone in my mom's room until I heard that sensual voice communicate with me, and as I heard it, I turned to face it. 'You know what my mom would say if she was still alive?' she began, and I watched her beautiful form, leaning against the doorframe in nothing more than jeans and a white turtleneck sweater. I loved the way it looked on her. I shook my head slowly, and she proceeded to entering the room. 'She would tell me that I would amount to all I'd ever proved I could be in life.' She sat down on the end of the bed and I approached her, and soon found comfort in front of her on the carpet at the foot of the bed. 'Know what she said that was?' I shook my head, my every thought focussed upon hearing what she was going to say. 'Nothing.' She shook her head, her eyes beginning to glaze over as I imagined he re-living that moment her mother had told her those words. I moved a hand to grasp hers, most of her hand engulfed by the sleeve of the sweater. She looked straight into my eyes, their purity piercing every inch of me.
'You know what?' She blinked and a smile came to my face. 'You're everything. To me.'
She rolled her eyes away from me and huffed. 'You don't have to do this-'
'No, Faith, I mean it. You mean EVERYTHING to me.' I reached up and pushed back a curl from her forehead. 'Your eyes. You look at me...and I just...I feel the whole world is watching me. But they make me feel important. Your voice. I hear it and everything I ever doubted, I'm sure of because I'm sure of you. Your lips. Every time they touch me, I feel SO loved. You can touch me anywhere and I'm excited by it; by you. And I'm greedy because I always want more. And I feel deprived when you're not touching me. But at the same time I feel so lucky to have you. No one listens to me the way that you do. And no one understands me the way that you do. Not even Angel. And...I don't want that...YOU...to ever fade away.
'Faith...I see the world in your eyes. I see mountains higher than Everest and oceans deeper than the Pacific. I love who you are so much because you're full of all of the emotions I've ever wanted to experience, and you can tell stories with your senses. I try to block out senses and you always seem to re-awaken them within me. So your mother may not have loved you, or thought anything of you, but that's because she never saw what I can see...and hear...and touch, and smell...' By this time she had cried, laughed. I shushed her. 'You know what I see? I see a wonderful woman. I see the world in you, Faith. You're my world. And I love that.'
She smiled coyly and entangled her fingers within mine. She knelt down in front of me and moved in and wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her shoulder, pulling her in close to me. 'Remember when I said I wanted to love you?' Faith began.
I smiled, leaning my head upon her shoulder. 'Yeah...'
'Well...I love you, Buffy. God, I love you so much.' I smiled and held her tighter. 'I can see oceans in you, too. And mountains...and all that other crap that you said. But it all melts away when I realise that all I need is you. And I feel so fucking nervous because I have that.' She inhaled and I felt her heart beating against me, relaxed as it was. 'You are my world.'
At the door Willow stood, having been sent to get us, so we could start this séance. But as she stood at the doorway, she smiled, just absorbing what her eyes were telling her.
Once again we were united around that same circle that conjured the spirits of the authors of those ancient books. Willow once again recited some words, Giles, Faith and myself stood around the circle, whilst Angel, Xander and Oz sat back and watched.
As he materialised, I drew in a breath, quietly muttering, 'Here we go,' to Faith, who raised her eyebrows momentarily.
It only took us moment to realise that this time there were two spirits, one of which we'd conjured before. 'It has come to my attention that the Erachnii shall enforce apocalypse upon the world in three days time.'
I looked at Giles, who urged for me to speak. I cleared my throat and looked at the spirit, who once again had that eye-piercing, intimidating glare about him. 'Yeah.'
The other spirit (the one from before) began to speak. 'It is utterly imperative that you stop this,' he stated, looking at me, then at Faith.
'We're trying all we can. It's just that we're unsure of what we're doing. The clues you left us are so hard to understand, we barely understand them and that's just us two. Giles, our Watcher, well he...he's been trying all he can-'
'Where is this "Giles?"' the other, older, shorter one asked.
Faith pointed. 'He's right behind you.'
The spirits both turned, Giles looking a little intimidated by them. 'What have you discovered?'
'The specific time, and date of the apocalypse. The tool they use for it, and where it is. We found that we needed a spell to reverse the tool, to disintegrate it. We think we know what we have to do.'
The younger one spoke. 'Good. Except for the spell...requires power and strength, do you have that?'
Giles inhaled. 'We'd like to believe so. We've tried charging ourselves, preparing for the ritual.'
'It seems you know what you have to do.' They both turned to me, and I inwardly cursed for that. They were so freaking creepy-looking. 'IF, however, the ritual does not perform in the way you expect, do not worry...with a damaged tool the Erachnii shall retreat. The transformation cannot begin if they cannot use the tool. It is what keeps them above ground; de-activates that powerful tool that keeps them from living above ground. Destroy it the best you can. But do not try to fight Erachnii.'
The other one continued. 'Imagine the possibilities. The tool destroyed for good. The Erachnii will retreat. Proved nearly invincible, these creatures shall continue to try. But without this tool it is impossible for them to complete the transformation above ground and exterminate every living human being. They will never be able to try again. Not without a guaranteed fail.' He looked towards the other spirit, who nodded at his thought.
'You say...transformation...' Giles began and they turned to him. 'What transformation?'
'The transformation of the Earth. It becoming suitable for them to live on. You see, the tool of Sanctimony reflects the tool of the Dedicated; used by us to reflect their energy to enable them to live upon the earth. But as long as the tool of Sanctimony is being used, the Dedicated cannot overpower it. Allow this to happen and you shall be lost. You...along with the rest of the world.'
With that, they both disappeared. I sighed and rubbed my hands together. 'So we have two tools to put right now?'
Giles nodded. 'I'll start looking at what I can for this Dedicated thing, maybe it's in that book.'
'I'll help you, maybe I can translate it,' Faith said as she moved away from the circle. I remained, just thinking, and Willow also. Who I hadn't noticed had been watching me for a while. The rest followed out of the room and I began to clean up the candles and what not from the séance.
I heard Willow sigh and begin helping me clear out the items. 'So two days, huh,' she began. I glanced over at her and nodded.
'Two days. Then, in three we fight...maybe...'
'Yeah, if that spell doesn't work,' she continued. I sighed a little.
'Hopefully we won't have to worry about that.' I placed the items down on the table and wiped the debris on my trousers, and watched as Willow pretty much did the same.
'Yeah...hopefully.' She smiled to herself and looked around. 'I, er...I actually wanted to tell you something,' she began, her voice gentle calming as it always had been. Less edgy than usual, however. She seemed so serene, tired almost. I wouldn't blame her. We all were. We were all sleep-deprived, awake on coffee, or adrenaline (or the other stimulant), scared. Unnervingly edgy about all of this. 'If we don't make it through...'
'Will, we-'
'No, just...let me finish.' She took in a deep breath. 'You're my best friend, and...I love you. Thanks...for everything. For being my friend and...putting up with me and...letting me fight with you.'
I just stood back a moment, absorbing every word she'd just said to me. Her eyes were welling up with tears that I think were threatening to fall. 'Willow...'
'I just always wanted to be there. Part of something, you know? I never imagined it would be like this, though, you know?'
'What?'
'The end. I can't say how I imagined my life to be, but...I think I've lived a bit more than I expected to at this age.' She inhaled. 'And you gave me that, Buffy.' I felt a tear challenge another for my chin, and she smiled timidly upon finishing her sentence.
I pulled her in for a hug and she sobbed a little, and I did too. 'I love you too, Will.' I held her head a little before grasping her shoulders, tears well and truly falling from my eyes now.
I had spoken to Faith about how this wouldn't be the end for us. But what if it was? I'd never thought properly, "What IF we don't make it?" And now, with Willow...I'd begun to think about it. She reviewed the possibilities, and I couldn't believe how much fear I could see in her eyes. She was so strong, though. And I saw that in her eyes, too. An unbelievable amount.
'We have to make it,' I whispered into her ear, and she sniffled.
'I hope we make it, just so I can see the look on our faces when we do,' she told me as we both pulled back. I moved a hand to her cheek and she held my hand above it. 'We have to do this,' she concluded.
I nodded, and was thankful for a moment's peace. 'Do you think crying is a waste of energy?'
She chuckled and I released my hand from her face.
The cool breeze of the outdoors provided an almost perfect setting for us, as we all stood at our respective points. I begun speaking, a rolling sentence of Latin emitting from my mouth. I was astounded at how the words fit together so well. Somehow they made sense. Then Faith followed...Willow, then Angel. And then we all went together, and as we joined hands a bright white light engulfed us, a quick flash circling us, creating a circle. I could feel the power flowing through me, and I could see it flowing through everyone else. I could see the red energy surrounding Willow, and the grey energy surrounding Faith, and the blue energy surrounding Angel. The bright white light encircled us so much, flowed through us so much that I could feel everyone else's bodies against mine. I could see everyone's sped up breathing, the power slightly overwhelming. Then finally, the energy threw us apart, and as we broke the chain, the power shot up towards the sky, before dissolving.
There we all lay, scattered about the garden, the circle too much energy for us to be able to maintain. I straightened out, and so did everyone else. And as I looked around, immediately I saw the expressions upon everyone else's faces. Anxiety. Fear. Determination. All of those emotions rolled into one. We all wanted to do this, but we were all scared, worried...but over all, determined. Driven. By the fact that we wanted to save this world.
I followed Willow inside who seemed as if she'd begun a mission to find something, or someone. Figures that mission was to find Giles, because soon she was calling for him, and as Angel and Faith followed closely behind us, I worried that they were wanting to talk to him about the same thing we were talking about. 'Giles!' she called again, and soon he came down the stairs.
'What is it, Willow, did something happen?' he asked, his voice genuinely apprehensive.
She followed him as he headed through into the dining room and we all seated ourselves around the table. 'Something most definitely happened. Energy alright. I've never...ever seen energy like that in all of the rituals I've ever done. This is larger than anything I've ever seen. More importantly, we've got too much power.'
'Too much?' Faith chimed in.
She nodded. 'SO much that we can't sustain it.'
Silence. Everyone was contemplating her words. 'Giles, what do we do, how do we get this under control?' I asked him.
We all watched him for a moment as he thought about it. 'Keep trying. Practise. Practise again and again.'
'But isn't this draining us of the energy we have?' Angel asked, seeming a little concerned that what he'd enquired was true.
Willow thought. 'Well...kind of, but...'
'We've somehow learned how to channel that energy through us, therefore what we have doesn't matter, we can draw it from anywhere,' I began, a little amazed that I just knew this, right off the bat.
'You're right. It doesn't matter that we don't HAVE, have that energy because we can draw it from anywhere. Everything is linked. The chair to the ground, my feet to the ground, to the trees, the water, the air, I'm connected to you, and that's how it works. So, in answer to your question Angel...no.'
'Right, so...' Faith began again. 'Do we try again?'
We all exchanged looks before rising from our seats and heading for the back garden again, only difference being Giles came with us. 'I'll note the activity, see if I can help in any way.'
'Did you find anything on the Dedication yet?' I asked him.
He nodded. 'All we need to know is there. Pretty much what they told us. I'll inform everyone later. Tomorrow. It'll be alright.'
'Okay,' I told him, and headed out for the circle again.
There we stood again, in the same places, at our north, at our south, at our east and at our west. At our respective points. And I began. Then Faith. Willow...and Angel. And it started again. The energy rose as before, and this time I could see what Willow meant. I could see it drawing up from the earth, into us. And not just the earth, I could see it diffusing into Faith from the air, and I looked up, saw the rain begin to fall, and as the droplets fell to us, they fell into us. I could see the blue gleaming, the droplets shining, and as I held hands with Faith, and held hands with Angel, I could feel their elements engulfing them, the power consuming them. I wondered if they could feel that with me.
And then I realised something...as the white circle shot around us, again and again...we weren't just absorbing energy...we were creating it. I looked around us and could see a ring of fire beginning to follow us round, just as the white circle did, only larger...and the rain...the breeze.
And as Giles stood back, he furrowed his eyebrows, and removed his glasses. His lower lip hung and he looked astounded at what we were doing. Then it happened again. We flew apart. The rain stopped, the wind, the fire disappeared.
I looked across at Giles, who had begun to walk towards us. 'What do we do?' we all straightened out and waited for his reply.
After much thought, he replied. 'Focus. Concentrate. Concentrate on how much power you're channelling...' He seemed a little...off-beat and I reached out to him.
'You alright, Giles? You look a little...'
'It's just that...' He looked into the space before us for a moment. Then looked to me. 'I've never seen anything so powerful in my entire life,' he concluded with a little bit of a modest smile.
Everyone had decided to stay at mine for the duration of the apocalypse...just so that we had more time to collect ideas, practise, what not.
So I'd given Willow my bedroom, Giles the spare room, and Xander the fold-out bed in my room. I gave Angel a sleeping bag in Giles' room, but he said he'd take the couch.
I closed my mom's bedroom door and crossed the room to the bed, where I stripped off my clothes and changed into my night wear. I heard the door click shut again and I looked over my shoulder to see who it was. 'You never said where I could sleep,' Faith mused as she approached me. I smiled and continued pulling the cami over my head.
'You can take...the floor...' I joked, and I felt her wrap her arms around my waist, then inhale against my neck, and kiss the skin there.
'Hmm,' she said, low in her throat, before sliding round me and jumping onto the bed. 'So...that thing tonight...some pretty powerful stuff, huh?'
I nodded as I folded my clothes and placed them in a pile on the chair across the room. 'Amazing stuff.'
I joined her on the bed, folding my legs over one another and taking both of her hands in mine. 'Think we could do it now?'
She scoffed. 'Well, B, you're usually a little more subtle, but I guess you have your ways, you know,' she started and I playfully hit her on the upper arm.
'That's not what I mean, dumbass,' I said with a laugh, and she laughed also. 'I mean that thing that we just did out there. With Will and Angel. Think you and me could do that, just the two of us?'
'Like...now?' she said.
I nodded. 'Let's try.'
'But it wouldn't work without the other two,' she told me, and I grasped her hands again.
'Let's give it a try.' I cleared my throat and shuffled a little as she did the same. 'Just...close your eyes.'
I began speaking those same words from outside, and immediately I could feel the energy beginning to muster. Then Faith spoke, and I began to feel her energy flowing through me. And as we held hands, the energy grew, flowed, and flowed, and flowed. When I opened my eyes, it was not what I had expected. Purple. Just continuous purple. Then the white. The white orbs that surrounded us outside. I thought about it for a moment, then decided to try telepathy.
I tried thinking. Thinking the command. Open your eyes, Faith. It astounded me when she did, because of when she did. Immediately after I'd thought about it. Did you hear that? She nodded, and I smiled. You try.
I watched her eyes and she smiled also. You look so hot in that shirt. That would be my Faithy.
This is weird...I started. Faith...can you see this purple light too? She nodded and I my smile began to fade, as did hers. I think this is a new kind of element.
You mean you and me? I listened to how her words echoed into my mind. That's because of who we are. It's really warm, you feel it too? I nodded.
I never knew that we could raise this much energy, just by words, and thinking and focussing. This much energy. And what Giles had said...the most powerful thing he'd ever seen. He believed in us. That gave me strength.
I didn't hear the knock at the door, or the door opening, but as I gazed into Faith's eyes, and she gazed back into mine, her brown eyes gleaming from so light, that was all I wanted to know.
Across the room Willow stood, her eyes agape...her mouth agape-r. She brought a hand to her mouth to cover, and clutched at the doorframe as her eyes told her a story of the Slayer's Power.
She stepped back out of the room, closing it as she went. 'Oh my god...'
CHAPTER 17: Seeing Tomorrow (In One Day's Time)
I trod the corridor flooring and listened to how loud my heels were on the ground. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about Angel, and about him coming back, to help us. Sure, it was great that he could help, but…after everything that happened…
We’d agreed to keep it strictly work-related in the sense of not going back to where we were before. There were just so many things I didn’t wanna have to think about when it came to him. Him. And me.
There was Faith. I love her. I still love Angel, but…I can’t. There’s just so much.
I pushed the library door to, my expectations immediately met as I scanned the room for everyone. Everyone was there. Even Angel; in the corner as to avoid “poofing” from the extreme sunlight.
Everyone was so engrossed in reading, and training, and…everyone was just so…focussed. But I just couldn’t stop thinking. All the things that had happened. What Faith had said. Her doubts. Willow’s doubts. MY doubts. What if we didn’t see the day after tomorrow? What would happen next?
I was so scared of that thought but at the same time I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The line between reality and…whatever beyond, a dream, a fantasy world, whatever just seemed so…blurred. If this was reality, what was fantasy?
Last night Faith and I…the energy thing. I just couldn’t get a hold of everything. Had we beaten this thing already? We already proved we had a strong hold on this thing what with the energy and stuff.
I put down my books on the desk among all of the other research material. I think I was far from reality today…everyone was talking, training, reading, going about their business, but it didn’t seem like I was there. I felt more like a visitor on this mission, at that moment in time.
‘Buffy, thank god you’re here,’ I heard from behind me. Giles, approaching me with a book in one hand and his glasses in the other. He seemed rushed.
Across the room was Willow and Faith sparring, and Oz and Xander and Angel were reading some things.
‘What’s up?’ I asked him, trying not to sound too distant, but I think it was too obvious in my tone.
‘Willow and I have been working on this locater spell and we finally found out where the tool is, well both of them to be exact.’ He turned a page in his book, seeming as if he was reading from something that told him more about these tool things. ‘Except…now that you’re all here I think we should sit down.’ He seemed distracted, and headed for the window, pulling the blinds shut.
Once again we convened around the table, each one of us holding an expression too deep to encounter. I couldn’t stop glancing at Angel, who seemed so focussed on what Giles was telling us, and Faith…she was also concentrating hard. Everyone was. Except for me. Where was my mind?
We must’ve been talking a good few hours or so because when we’d finished the sun was beginning to set. We all headed back to the house to get everything ready for tomorrow night. Weapons, potions, weapons and more weapons. Just in case.
‘I’m thinking about getting one of those arm shooting things,’ Xander began as we entered the house. I raised an eyebrow and he saw this. ‘You know like that guy in X-Men has…only with less…surgery and a few more buckles…’ I chuckled a little.
Willow interrupted him. ‘I think you can get those at that store across from the Magic Shop. They do them in bulk.’ They continued on into the lounge and I headed for my room, only to be stopped by Faith on the way.
‘Hey,’ she began, and I turned to face her, beginning to climb the stairs. ‘You alright, you seem really distant?’
I nodded briefly and knew seconds after that she wouldn’t be having any of it. If by now she couldn’t see straight through me then I must be deeper than a twenty four foot slab of steel.
‘You wanna talk?’ she continued, grasping the banister as she looked up at me.
I shook my head. ‘I just think I need to take a nap.’ I offered a smile and she nodded. ‘I haven’t slept much for the past few nights.’
She chuckled a little. ‘Me either, but I know a quick fix for that if you’re lookin’ for an energy-booster,’ she winked and I smiled once again.
I shook my head shortly after her offer. ‘Nah, I just need a nap. Strangely not in the mood for anything…kinky, tonight…what with…everyone, being here.’ At that moment Angel passed us crossing from the lounge to the dining room, but not without stealing a glance my way. I nodded a little and he sighed a little, raising his eyebrows simultaneously. Faith’s eyes gazed at him as he passed, catching on the look he’d given me.
‘I never knew it bothered you that much, B. Everyone, being here, I mean.’
I shook my head. ‘I just don’t think it’s an appropriate time. And I’m also…not in the mood.’ I winced a little, instantly realising the damage my comment could do.
She nodded, seeming self-assured by my words. ‘It’s alright. After.’ I gave her a look edging on “I don’t understand,” and she continued. ‘I mean…if we get through this, then maybe we could reserve the eighth of July for a whole night of…your choice, shower, bed, floor, wall…whatever…ice cream, chocolate, oh! Low fat yoghurt…’ I let out a chuckling whimper as she said this. By now I was grinning; she definitely had what it takes to cheer me up.
I leant in close to her. ‘I will hold you to that.’
‘I thought the word you were looking for was “fuck.”’
I hit her playfully on the arm and she grinned. I sucked in a breath through my mouth, looking away from her as I did. ‘Perhaps it was. But as for now…I’m wicked exhausted-’
Giles passed by. ‘Why don’t you take a nap, Buffy, we can handle preparation down here, we’ll call you if we need anything.’
‘Yeah, I was actually just trying to tell Faith that I was going to take a nap,’ I explained to him, leaning back from her. I looked back to her. ‘Catch ya later,’ I said as I punched her clenched fist and she winked.
Giles continued on to wherever it was he was going and Faith headed through to the lounge. I continued on up to the bedroom, letting out the longest yawn I think I’d ever had on the way. I was so exhausted. But then we all were. I bet everyone was wicked jonesin’ for bed the way I was.
I ambled into the bedroom, pulling my sweater off as I did, heading straight for the bed. I already decided I’d make it an hour’s rest and no more. Perhaps they didn’t need me right now but we were all together in this. Every step of the way. Preparation and everything.
I wonder if their eyes burned as much as mine, though. Cos it was so painful. I wonder if I was the only one.
I heard a gentle knock on my door and looked over my shoulder as I threw the sweater down on the bed. ‘Angel, hey.’
‘Hey,’ he began.
‘You can…come in,’ I told him, aware that he might have thought I didn’t want him to come into the room at this moment in time.
‘Thanks,’ he said as he stepped in. ‘I just came up here to talk about weapons with you,’ he continued, playing with his hands as he talked, seeming nervous about wandering around the room, so he didn’t. Kinda glued himself to the spot just inside the door.
‘So…weapons. I’ve got the chest downstairs and Giles said he was gathering some stuff over the past few days.’
‘We’re talking steel bars and scythes here, not stakes and holy water.’
‘I know, we have steel stuff. Plenty of it. Shiny stuff that would put you into a trance for HOURS on end.’ I nodded as I concluded my sentence, soon seeing the expression upon his face. ‘So…I think, we’re set.’
‘There’s enough for everyone?’
‘I’m sure of it.’ It puzzled me slightly how he always contained this deep solemnity in his voice, not as if he was bored, just…that was the way he always spoke. I gazed at him a few seconds. ‘So tomorrow’s the night.’
‘Tomorrow’s the night,’ he repeated, assuringly. ‘It’ll be alright, Buffy. As long as we disable this thing they can’t start the apocalypse.’
‘It’s not that that I’m worried about. It’s…the fighting,’ I started, but before I had a chance to continue he stopped me.
‘But that’s what you’re built for, Buffy. And depending on how smoothly it goes…we may not have to fight.’
‘Oh…but…won’t they be, guarding the entrance or anything? Don’t you think they would be? Shouldn’t we go check it out, do some recon?’
He nodded his head. ‘Giles told me to tell you that a couple of us might be going tonight. Me, Faith, possibly Willow. He knew you wanted to rest so he said not to worry you, but it seems you’re already on it.’
‘Er…I don’t have to nap, it doesn’t matter, I probably wouldn’t sleep anyway.’
‘Maybe after all this, you can.’
‘Yeah, if all those things don’t eat us.’
‘I don’t think they eat,’ he told me.
‘Well break us. Into very small…edible pieces.’
‘What makes you think they’d do that?’
‘They’re apocalypse starting-human race ending demons, why wouldn’t they?’
He sighed. ‘I think we’re missing the point.’
‘Or avoiding it,’ I uttered beneath my breath.
‘What?’ he asked me, catching the words I inwardly wished I hadn’t said straight after I did.
‘Nothing, it’s nothing…I didn’t mean for-’
‘I get the feeling you thought I came up here to talk about something different, something other than weapons.’
‘No, I just-’
‘Hoped I wouldn’t catch on?’
I hesitated in replying to him. Perhaps maybe he was right. I wished he wasn’t but that could’ve been the case here. We were talking about….shiny, pointy…painful weapons, not other…touchy subjects. ‘No, not at all.’
‘We agreed to keep it strictly work-related, remember.’
‘Yes.’ Perhaps me continuing there would’ve made it seem less…touchy.
‘Right.’ Perhaps HIM continuing there would’ve made him seem less suspicious of me. Or the other way round, I’m not sure yet.
I sat down on my bed and removed my heels, and immediately began searching for a more comfortable pair of footwear.
‘I think I better go downstairs.’
‘I’m coming with you,’ I told him, just to make sure he knew.
He nodded and I smiled a little. ‘I still think about you Angel.’
There was silence. I think he was contemplating my words. And I thanked God that at least he did. ‘I know.’ With that, he proceeded to leaving my room.
He knows? What the hell kind of answer was that to a girl who’d just admitted she still has feelings for a guy she so…desperately tried to fall out of love with not six months ago. I shook it quickly and hurried in changing.
I was met with a shit-eating grin by Faith at the foot of the stairs. ‘Missed me, did you?’ she quipped and straddled my waist with an arm as we walked into the lounge.
‘I decided not to sleep. There’s too much to do, you know. Sussing out the four-one-one on this Crypt thing and what not.’ Will and Angel were sitting in the lounge, collecting together a few weapons that might be useful for tonight’s recon.
Angel picked up a very large, very heavy-looking weapon and handed it to Will, who at first just looked at him, then, fell with it to the ground as he handed it to her. ‘Er…I was thinking something less…strenuous,’ she told him, and he took it from her and handed it to Faith, then glanced at me, being held by Faith.
‘The Slayer’s Companion; the very large…butcher knife-shaped thingy.’ She looked to me. ‘You want it?’
I shook my head. ‘I’ll stick with knives and bows and arrows. Anything small that can be thrown far so I don’t have to get close to any of these things.
Angel handed me a bag and I took a peek inside. Exactly what I expected. The aforementioned.
We took my mom's Jeep and drove to the edge of town, where this Crypt was supposedly located. It seemed clear enough to spot from miles away, although it stuck to the old, "Located in the centre of a Cemetery" tradition.
Willow walked ahead with Faith, as I held back with Angel, just to make sure it was safe to be lurking around; as not to get sliced to pieces by these red demon things.
I tried as hard as I could not to blurt out his words from before and spur on an argument that might end in something I honestly couldn't be bothered to execute, but before I had a chance to think about this I had already muttered it beneath my breath, a scoff following shortly after.
I felt him glance towards me, and I cleared my throat, to try and cover it up. Me? Speak? During patrol? Never…
'What else did you want me to say, "I do too?"' I was a little pissed off that he sounded pissed off at the comment I had made.
I looked at him a moment, contemplating whether or not to continue this conversation. 'Something a little less impetuous. Who says that?'
'I do.'
'Well, don't. Words like that arouse feelings that-'
'You guys, I found something,' Willow called and we both hurried to meet her.
'It's right beneath us, I can feel it. Only problem is, do you think we should go into this Crypt I mean…these things could be hiding anywhere, all we have to do is be spotted and we're diced. I mean literally. Multiple chunks of six sided pieces of meat.'
'Ha. Told you,' I said bluntly to Angel as I hit him, and he smiled.
'They don't eat humans, that defeats the entire exercise of the apocalypse.'
'What?' I asked, stressing my 't' enough to let him know I was surprised at his knowledge of this topic.
'Consuming the very flesh that they're sacrificing suggests greed and gluttony. That's drawing unequally upon two of the sins weakening the balance…'
'Ok, slow down, big guy, details not needed,' Faith began, and I inwardly thanked her for shutting him up.
'So what do we do now?' I asked Willow, who shook her head immediately after me having finished my sentence.
'I say check out the rest of the area. Make sure we know entrances and exits, points that might be guarded. Take pictures and tell everyone back at the house. Pinpoint exact places we're gonna be watching, standing at.'
'Only problem is, how do we GET in or out without these things knowing we're here? Chances are the place is heavily guarded and if it is we're gonna have to think of a way to get in undetected,' Faith pointed out, lowering her voice a little in fears that something might hear her, other than us.
I nodded. 'Good thinking. I think maybe we should split up, look around, take pictures, get some info on lurkers and whatever else we can. Do it fast.'
Angel raised a hand to signal us to his dissenting thoughts. 'Not to oppose, but don't you think splitting up is a bad idea? You heard what Giles said, we're basically the "X" on the "marks the spot" for danger and those things are looking for both of you. Splitting up might alert them to our presence which we don't want happening one day before the ritual.'
I clenched my jaw momentarily. Why did he have to be right right now? 'Fine, let's go together. But we should do it fast before these things pick up on anything, IF there's anything here.'
'I agree, the four of us together we're stronger. Let's do it,' Faith decided and Will and Angel nodded and we all continued walking.
I stole a glance in Angel's direction and he looked back at me. 'Oh, there'll be talking later. Be sure of it,' I told him, alerting Faith to our situation. She furrowed her eyebrows a little, then smiled, looking at me first, then Angel.
I don't think her head had ever shot around that fast, and as she looked in the direction of the Crypt's entrance, we all stopped walking. 'I heard something,' she said, he voice immediately employing that serious "I'm so focussed" work-tone.
We were all silent, I assume trying to listen out for the same sound, but nothing. Nothing at all. Not even an owl cooing. I think the air got less tense as she let it go and we continued working. But it shot back almost as fast as it left as she spun on her heel again, looking sure that she'd heard something. None of us had the chance to stop her before she shot off in the direction of the Crypt. 'Faith!' I called out, and we all hurried in the same direction after her.
Goddamn her speedy running, even I couldn't keep up with it. My eyes started darting around, trying to rebel against the insane darkness so that I could see her. Any sign of her. But she'd disappeared. We slowed as we reached the Crypt entrance and in a puffed out tone I uttered, 'Where the hell did she go?' I frowned, looking around, still trying to find her, but having no luck as my eyes failed to see further than a few yards away. 'Did you see where she went, Angel?'
He shook his head. 'No.'
'Will?'
'I didn't even realise she'd ran off. Where could she have gone?' Willow seemed as astounded as I felt. Where the hell DID she go? Why didn't she wait for us?
What the hell was she attracted to?
'I have no idea,' I said, STILL trying to scan the area for any sign.
'Think she went in?' Angel suggested, and I looked towards the door. It was a large stone archway with what seemed like Latin inscriptions on the marble outskirts of the arch. I stepped up towards it and squinted at the words.
'Why didn't she wait for us?' I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Willow made a noise as she stepped up next to me and peered inside the Crypt. 'Bleurgh. I dunno…something about this whole part of town gives me the heebie-jeebies.'
Angel walked into the Crypt, taking the few stairs that led into it. 'Atmosphere's teeming.'
I turned my focus away from the inscriptions to him. 'The atmosphere's what-ing?'
'So much energy. I can feel it. Everything. Will, I think the heebie-jeebies are definitely a feeling worth noting. Can you feel anything other than that, though, like…an unusual amount of negative energy or something?'
She shrugged. 'Yeah, that's how I could tell where the tool was. Why, you think it's stronger right here, than over there?'
He looked into the Crypt. 'I dunno…I think we should check it out.'
'What about the "not getting chopped into diceable pieces" plan?' I reminded him, stepping towards him.
'Well we have to find Faith. My bet is that she was jonesin' to find out what was inside here. We got no option but to follow her-'
'We don't know that she came in here, though,' Willow pointed out and I nodded.
'It doesn't make sense for her to just sprint off like that,' I muttered and I noticed Willow looking at me.
'Well we've gotta find her. And it looks like this is the first option,' he said, gesturing towards the inside of the Crypt.
I hesitated, seriously wondering whether or not we should go in. But finally I headed inside, Willow following closely behind, Angel by my side. I heard Willow let out a sigh, her voice shuddering. I glanced over my shoulder at her and she shrugged. 'Way heebie-jeebie-ish right now.'
'Me too,' I told her, and took her hand as we carried on into the Crypt. 'This is really creeping me out. Faith would never-' I was cut off by the most ear-piercing, threatening scream I'd ever heard in my entire life.
And all I could think about was saving her. I broke into a sprint, my suspicions telling me every single second gone that she was hurt, or stuck, or lost. Or worse.
'Buffy, wait!' I heard Willow calling to me but I couldn't stop. I had to find her. The extreme lack of light didn't help but I soon realised I had a torch in my pocket, and when I took it out and turned it on, it made very little difference. I slowed to a halt and the others reached me seconds later. 'Do you think that was her?' she asked me and I nodded. 'Okay I'm edging on scared here, and that doesn't happen often, Buffy. What's going on?'
Angel shook his head, looking around. 'Dunno but it's definitely something strange. Why would she run off like that?'
'Shit,' I muttered under my breath, realising we were at the bottom of a three-split junction. 'Which way?'
'I dunno, I think maybe we should go back,' Willow suggested.
'No chance, I have to find her,' I decided. 'You guys can go back but I've gotta find where she is.'
'Buffy, no, you can't go alone, we have no idea about this place-' Angel began, but I couldn't resist cutting him off.
'Fine, then we'll all go.'
'I dunno Buffy, this could be really dangerous, and we may have weapons, but we don't know what we might be up against,' Willow tried. I hesitated in replying and she continued. 'This is strange.'
'I know. That's why we've gotta figure out where she is fast, and get out of here. Fast,' I finally said.
'Yeah, but in the mean time we have no idea where we're headed. We could end up anywhere.'
'We won't know if we don't try-'
'Guys,' Angel muttered, alerting us both immediately to his discovery. Something there.
I approached him, realising he was focussing on something ahead of him. He held out a hand to me as I headed for it, stopping me from moving, and he took the torch from me.
The scariest, freakiest and I wished I'd never seen THING standing RIGHT in Angel's face. Stripped of skin, hooded. Eyes so goddamned scary – white – mouth agape, as if permanently screaming.
We all charged for the opposite direction milliseconds after having seen this thing. I don't think even Angel had ever been that out of breath at any given moment in his after-life, let alone lifetime.
Once out, we slowed to a halt. 'What…the FUCK…was that?!' I yelled, pointing towards the inside of the Crypt which I inwardly prayed I wouldn't have to enter again.
'That…' Angel begun, actually, surprisingly out of breath. 'Was Erachnii.'
I shuddered. 'Seriously??? And those things…'
'Are deadlier than you can imagine. If one of those gets a hold of Faith she's toast. I never realised…' He trailed off and I begged for him to continue.
'What? Never realised what?'
'Those things kill. Fast. Forget weapons, thank god we were all scared enough to run. Don't let them touch you. Come near you. Anything. Forget weapons, forget spells. Those things are the things that monsters fear. They are worse than death itself,' he explained.
I could feel my entire body pulsating as he told me this. All the while he spoke I could only think of one thing. And that was Faith. If one of those things got her…'I know what you're thinking, Buffy. But we can't go back in there.'
'She has no idea what these things look like, what if she tries to fight one?' I told him, my voice breaking, tears welling in my eyes. I was beginning to become a blubbering mess. 'I can't leave her, we have no idea where she's gone. She could've gone down a different path, she could be anywhere in there.'
'She won't live,' Angel told me and my eyes widened.
I stood, my mouth now agape that he'd even thought of telling me this. 'Don't you even FUCKING dare speak to me like that,' I sneered, my words long and slow. I couldn't believe he'd just said that to me. His words we all dreaded more than anything these past few days.
With that, I headed back inside, but Will grabbed my arm, holding me back. 'Buffy, don't.' I looked at her, surprised she was going to stop me. 'You can't go back in there. Those things…'
'Those things could be eating her alive right now! I gotta go-'
'Gotta go where?'
We all spun round. I charged towards her and embraced her, then stepped back and slapped her. 'You scared me.' I think maybe Angel and Willow were slightly astounded at my attitude towards her having changed twice in the past five seconds. She grabbed her face and frowned.
'Hey, hey, ease up. I didn't really go anywhere. I mean, I thought you guys were following me. I saw this hooded thing and I thought-'
'Shit, did it see you?' I asked quickly, not letting her finish her sentence.
'I lost it before I had a chance to do anything. But when I turned around and you guys weren't there I realised I had lost you. So I started walking around and eventually I ended up here and…' I grabbed her and held her tightly once again. '…And…waited until you guys showed up. And here we are.' She moved her arms slightly to embrace me, furrowing her eyebrows as she did, a little astounded at my behaviour. She chuckled nervously and glanced at Will, then Angel, who had the same expression.
We all sat around the table, once again as solemn and sombre as the situation caused us to be. I made it priority to sit next to Faith, as close as possible. I grasped her hand as tight as I could, and when she tapped my arm lightly with her free hand and frowned gently I realised perhaps I was crushing her bones. 'You're scared,' she whispered into my ear, as if having just identified the problem, and now trying to nurse it away.
I could still feel myself shaking inside. 'I'm petrified.' I loosened my hold on her hand and she used her other hand to straddle my waist, sandwiching her arm between the chair and me.
As we waited for Giles to bring whatever material to the table it was he was bringing, we sat, stewing in the most nervous (and I mean nervous) atmosphere there ever was. Like worse than having "that chat" with your parents. Like waiting for a pregnancy test to tell you the right answer. Like…waiting for Giles to bring a goddamned book to a table.
I think the atmosphere loosened up as he entered, as usual, flipping through pages, searching for the appropriate material needed for the discussion.
'I saw it somewhere,' he began, us knowing straight off what he was talking about.
He set the book down onto the table and continued to flip the pages. Oz, who was seated next to him, caught the page and I swear fell BACKWARDS off his chair having seen the picture. He stood, straightened himself out, and re-positioned himself on the other side of Willow's seat. AWAY from the book.
We had all seen this, and as comical as it was, none of us laughed. In fact, I was probably right in thinking we all saw it as strange behaviour.
Giles watched Oz's motions, and hadn't seen the picture. But he shrieked in the baritone way that he not-so-very-often did as he flipped shut the page as fast as he had opened it, and jumped back from the book, seeming startled in the way that only he could make laughable.
'I don't get it. What's the ha-ha on this thing? Does it have boogly eyes and an open chest? Or is it plain comical with a sticker on it's forehead saying "the Scariest Yoo-Hoo in Demon History?"' Xander asked, and Giles pushed the book in his direction, keeping his eyes away from it as he did. Xander laughed at Giles' motions as he grabbed the book and looked at the six or so pairs of eyes focussed upon him. As he flipped the page he continued to look to us, and I can say his motions were a mixture of Gile's and Oz's. He screamed, fell of his chair, pushed the book away, and moved to a different position in the room. Again, away from the book.
We all watched as he straightened himself out and pretended none of that had happened. He'd just moved to a different place because he became uncomfortable.
I stood up, reached for the book across the table, and repositioned it in the centre of the table. I could feel the butterflies mustering in my stomach, but I tried to swallow the feeling as I clenched the page and scanned the room for the various pairs of eyes that might be waiting to see what this thing looked like.
And I can honestly say I'd never been more scared in my life. As I turned the page I jumped back, the wall the only implement strong enough to keep me from reaching the other end of the house.
Everyone else's actions were similar. Everyone except for Faith's.
And as we all stood on the outskirts of the dining room, she stood, right next to the book, looking around the room at everyone's behaviour.
'That thing is-is-is just…plain WRONG,' Xander said, his voice serious, but with that dash of sarcasm implied to top. 'With whipped wrongage on top!'
I nodded. 'God it creeps me out.'
Silence graced the room as everyone either nodded or acted uncomfortable. 'C-can we…close the book now, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable,' Oz asked quietly, above all the nervous the silence that filled the room.
The moment he mentioned that we all agreed, and Faith, who had looked down at the picture, grabbed the front cover and flipped the book shut. It seemed everyone breathed a sigh of relief as the picture disappeared, and we collected again around the table, soon re-seating and calming down. Faith sat, her eyebrows furrowed, silence the key to her scepticism.
'Okay I think it's safe to say that that thing is scary,' Xander said and we all nodded, all except for Faith. Still she frowned.
'Why, is the question. I've seen monsters, demons and various other evil forces far more bloodcurdling…well…no I gotta say that one tops it. Actually.' Angel straightened out his jacket, I think the thought of seeing it again making him feel uneasy.
'If you were to finish that sentence, were you going to say why would any of us be scared of this being? That it's shape and form are of no threat to us and that us being petrified of it is something we would never be?' Giles asked him. 'Because that's insane.' He ended it there, and I raised my eyebrows.
I started. 'Well we came face to face with this thing, can you imagine how terrifying-'
'Actually you saw it. I came face to face with it. Literally. I think there's a difference, i.e. I'm allowed to be more scared,' Angel told me.
'I'm pretty sure I was face to face with it,' Willow began and I turned my attention to her. She'd taken Oz's hand in the same fashion I had done with Faith's, only now I had let go, and she was leaning both hands upon the book.
'No you weren't, Will, I was,' he argued.
'Okay, you guys that isn't the point,' Faith interrupted. We all quietened down and she looked around at each and every one of us. 'You guys aren't seeing the bigger picture here. Every single one of your initial reactions was to flee from this thing. And that was just the picture of it. You took a split-second glance at it and tried to get as far away from it as possible, without leaving the room.' She drew in a breath and continued. 'Aren't we fighters here?' Silence.
'You're running scared. And that's exactly what these things want you to do. Their power is the power to scare. They are no real threat to us. But for some reason you think they are invincible because you're too scared to try to fight them. They're harmless creatures. Given the correct attitude and enough space they might be able to live with humans on this planet. But the only reason why they can't and won't is because of their form. It's a natural repellent, in the "adrenaline" sense. Fight or flee? "Flee. Automatically, when the human being sees Erachnii they choose to flee. In fear of Erachnii killing them." That was what was written beneath the picture, but I guess you all got away from it before examining it properly. Their form is their speciality. They scare the crap outta people. Making them think people's like us don't have a chance in fighting them. But the reality is, we don't need to fight them. They're not a danger to us.'
'Rubbish, you don't know what you're talking about,' Giles snapped, hugging his arms, and his eyes shiftier than a fly, I might add. He seemed just about as uncomfortable as the rest of us and frowned as he proceeded to talk. 'They're invincible, you heard Angel. Even those spirits. They said so, and the book-'
'The book was written by a prophet who knew just about as much as any other human being in terms of initial reaction. He thought the same way we do, and thought that these things are impossible to kill. It's the effect they have on us. They make us think we can't kill them to protect themselves. And when they do manage to frighten us to death – which I'm pretty sure they're well on their way to doing to you guys – they make the rest of the human race believe they're the most dangerous creatures on the planet.' Faith moved to open the book again but I reached out my hand and closed it shut. TIGHT, I might add. My hand still upon it.
'What are you saying? This demon has the power to kill us by just scaring us to death? And that's its power? Like…all of it?' I asked her, challenging her to say otherwise by staring her directly in the eye, my best work voice put on (on top of all the nervousness my voice portrayed).
She nodded. 'We have nothing to fear. You guys are affected by its power because well…I think it's something to do with being a Slayer. Except, B…you seemed pretty spooked.'
'So you weren't afraid of it?' Giles questioned.
She shrugged. 'It's a drawing of a person in a cape with white eyes and no skin, it's hardly pants-shitting.' She opened the book again, on that freaking page and this time we all closed our eyes shut. As tight as humanly possible. 'It's not gonna hurt you to look at it,' she said, her voice seeming to plead with us. I opened my eyes to find I was the only other one and she nodded towards me, her eyes reinforcing her spoken words. I looked at the picture, my insides knotting horribly as my eyes laid upon it, but as I looked at it for a while longer the fear slowly melted away. I took her hand, looking at it for a while, and just as I thought the fear was disappearing, I felt it knotting up in my stomach again, and I cuddled her, using her shoulder as a place to hide my face so I wouldn't have to look at it. I made a whimpering noise, and trembled, my whole body affected by this thing.
'No, I can't, I can't look at it, it's really, it's gonna eat me, urgh, put it away, get it out of here, Faith, quickly, it's gonna eat us!' I babbled, as if a spider the size of the room was crawling the wall.
She shut the book and everyone opened their eyes and sighed. Strangely, almost simultaneously. She stood up and I tried to grab her shirt but she moved away and began circling the room. 'The truth, you guys? That thing scares the shit out of me. But I see past it. It's a trick. You guys are only scared of this thing because it wants you to be.' She licked over her lips before continuing and I slid the book across the table, just to get it away from me. Will glared at me, having shoved it in her direction, and I made a face as if to say "oops?" 'How often do you guys fight something that you're afraid of?' Silence. Each and everyone of us hesitated. 'You guys don't GET afraid. Sure I was spooked at Kaskistos and his smelly breath, but he chased me all the way into this town and constantly managed to find a way to be within the vicinity of me, taunting me. Promising me a terrible, nasty death. Like most demons do. But how often are we scared to fight? When do we ever flee? Do we? Ever?'
I thought about her words and stood up. 'She's right. We have to see past this. We wanted to know what we were up against, and this is it. If we can't see past this, then we're no better than them. And if we don't go back to that Crypt tomorrow and disable that tool, this entire world is toast. So we have to put our fear below us, get this over and done with and cry our fucking hardest after because I swear their eyes pierced right through me and tried to eat me,' I whimpered, after having delivered all of that.
Willow smiled. 'If we're strong enough maybe our energy can dispel these things, and if not we're all gonna die anyway cos they will eat us…with…Erachnii knives and forks and those evil dessert forks that are smaller but pointier…and…'
'Willow…' Faith called, and Willow looked at her. 'Shut up. They won't eat us, they won't even hurt us and I'm beginning to think they're not gonna stop us from stopping that thing because if we see past that "fear" they're powerless against us. So stop, being, scared. And focus.' She exhaled loud and placed her hands on her hips, her eyebrows furrowed deep in her head and looking at us all around the room.
After a few moments silence Angel piped up. 'I think the technical term for dessert fork is "stake."'
Faith sighed loudly and headed out of the room, and directly up the stairs. I gave everyone a worried glance and followed her out. 'Faith…wait,' I called as I followed her upstairs and into our room. 'You're right.'
She turned to me once I'd closed the door. 'I know I'm right, Buffy, what worries me is that we've suddenly lost the balls to do this, because you're all scared of a demon you saw doing recon tonight. What the hell is wrong with all of you? For god's sakes, we're slayers, fighters, warriors. We don't run from fear. We chase it. Isn't fear supposed to drive us? If anything, you were the one who told me to channel my fear into wasting these things. Why all of a sudden are you all running scared?'
'We're not running-'
'Yeah, that's because the dining room walls don't extend further than a few feet. If we were on a football pitch, you see the drawing and I don't see you again, because you're all sprinting like you're tryin' to score a few. Didn't you tell me, before, that Angel told you that we should run? As far away as possible?' she continued as she stood across the room, space being the ultimate thing between us right now.
'Well, yeah, but…'
'It's like…the First. Its power is to get you to believe what it says. To have you under it's control through the use of dead people's. But you can see beyond that. Why is it any different now?'
'It's not,' I told her. Simply. I can do this. Just…any sign of cutlery and I'm lost.
She sighed a sigh of vanquished relief and ran her fingers back through her hair, rolling her eyes simultaneously to the motion.
'Then we can do this?' she enquired, her expression knocking on one-hundred and ten per cent "I need to make sure she's not bluffing."
I approached her, straightforwardly, suddenly fearlessly, and grasped her hand, tight. 'This isn't because I'm scared,' I said, raising our hands clenched together, and looked at them, then into her brown eyes that seemed almost defeated now. Again, she was tired.
'This is because I'm not letting go. You've already shown me so much. And if tomorrow tests our strength…then I'll know that this is the touch that brought me to life.' I inhaled and gazed into her eyes. 'I'm not scared anymore. Because I have you.' I moved in to kiss her, and as my lips met hers, I cried inside. What if that was the last time I got to kiss her? To touch her the way I could? Why was I lying to her? Why didn't I just tell her this fear was too much?
Tomorrow would decide. Tomorrow.
CHAPTER 19: Invisible to the World
I sighed heavily as I put the stake down upon the table, having been rolling it back and forth my hands as I stood at my desk, looking out of my window. Every apocalypse I’d seen had not scared me. At least not this much that I actually considered running.
Faith was right. It was about channelling that fear, and that’s why I never run scared. But this time, something was way different.
I assumed everyone else was sleeping; the house was silent. The moonlight shone into the room, casting a pastel blue across it. I peered over my shoulder at Faith. She could sleep through an apocalypse. Wouldn’t surprise me if she already had done.
She looked so beautiful sleeping. So peaceful that every time I saw her I wondered what the hell it was that she was dreaming about.
I picked up the paddle brush on my desk, meaning to run it through my hair a couple of times, but it seemed I had broken it into many pieces as I lifted it. Seemed to be my thing. Clenching, holding on to things, when I was anxious, or scared.
I realised not too long after that I had been clenching and unclenching my jaw, and as I stepped away from my table, and headed for the door, I continued to. I couldn’t get rid of this anxiety. There was no way I was going to sleep now.
So I headed for the basement. Training. It would only help.
I took a deep breath as I pulled the black cloth around my eyes and tied it into a knot. I stretched out my arms and legs a few minutes before beginning.
The presence was always there with me. The connection. She could be miles away, sleeping, unconscious, and that connection was with me. Sparring with me…I make it sound as if I want to fight her, but that isn’t what I mean. I just mean…she’s always here with me. Even if she’s not. I know that probably doesn’t make any sense, but…I can always feel her presence.
I could feel it even before she arrived in Sunnydale.
I began my routine, sparring with the air as it seemed in a tai-chi like fashion, my movements timed, my breathing in-sync with my movements. I didn’t need my sight. And I decided once again that I didn’t need it.
I could see without my eyes. It was like, light. But all different colours. Energies that would change colour according to their goodness. I’m not saying every demon I’d confronted had a black energy surrounding them, but I could just tell. Like…the energy comforted me. And this was why I was never worried by that constant presence I felt. Faith’s presence.
I could feel my tears beginning to dampen the blindfold taking away my eyesight, though I continued. I have no idea how long I’d been training, going through these routines, but I cried. Openly. I sniffled and let the tears that didn’t get absorbed by the cloth fall, and I wailed. Not uncontrollably, but enough.
The fear. I couldn’t get rid of it. I’d been trying. Trying to dispel it through training, through the motions, use it to focus. But I just couldn’t. It kept getting tougher and tougher. Like a vampire that couldn’t be staked. Like an evil that consumed the entire human race, and spread, like a virus that couldn’t be cured.
Like a dark cloud that grew inside of the light.
And it made me cry. Instead of feeling better, I was getting worse. And I knew that no matter how many hours I was doing this for, it wouldn’t go away. There would always be that fear.
Even if I could feel Faith’s presence. Even if she would lead me and take care of me. I couldn’t stop being afraid.
Afraid of losing.
My motions began to slow until eventually I had sunk to the floor, my legs given up beneath me, my form tiring out on me. I ripped the blindfold from my head and threw it. Damn this stupid fear. There had to be a way I could do this without fear beating the crap out of my nervous system. It was just a matter of me finding it.
I climbed the stairs to the next floor, and approached the lounge, now realising just how much crying made your eyes sting. I rubbed them slightly as I headed through to the lounge and towards a boxful of books, when I heard a short, very high-pitched screeching sound. I spun on my heels, sure it had come from behind me, in the direction of the dining room. I didn’t see anything. I didn’t hear any shuffles and nothing seemed out of place. I continued towards the books, and began shuffling through some, trying to find a book about spells. Anything. I just needed one spell. To get rid of fear.
After tossing half of the books onto the couch, I came across a very small, very worn red book entitled “Witchcraft.” Fantastic.
I pushed the books on the couch to one side and sat down, beginning to flick through the book as I did. Most of the books we researched from had around ten-thousand or so pages each, but this one was quite small. I came across a spell soon enough and it was exactly what I was looking for. I just had to light a candle, get some salt, and sprinkle it around the candle as I chanted a few words.
And so I got the candle, I got the salt and I began. ‘Hear these words, hear this rhyme, alleviate fear, in space and time. Within this place, the haunted space, alleviate fear, remove the trace. Remove it from within, dispel it far from me, this is my will, so mote it be.’ I whispered the words a couple more times, unaware of the energy dispelling from me. Though when I looked back to the book, I noticed a white light dispelling from me. Pulling itself, draining, almost. I looked back at the book, and read the next words aloud. ‘By the time this candle is burned through, the fear I hold shall be perished, and I shall be a fearless soul. This is my will, so mote it be.’
I looked at the flame as it grew, and shone, and I smiled, feeling…weightless. I heard that screeching once again, and spun round as before, closing the book with the one hand I was holding it in. I headed towards the noise, sure it was coming from the other side of the house.
But nothing could prepare me for the image I was about to see before me, as I entered the kitchen. That Erachnii, piercing my eyes with its own, its mouth as intimidating as it had been before. I looked at it, examining its form, thinking of ways to kill it. Though when I reached for it; flash, I was in my room.
What?
I looked at my surroundings, just trying to make sure I was actually in my bedroom.
I frowned, standing still, confused. I hadn’t understood what had just happened.
Even so.
I headed for the bed, seeing the still peaceful beauty underneath my covers. Beautiful as she always is, she still hogs the bed. It didn’t matter though. I laid upon the bed, and as carefully as I could, I wrapped an arm around her.
‘Buffy?’ Giles waved a hand in front of my eyes, holding my shoulder as I sat in a dining room chair.
He called again, and after taking off his glasses, moved closer to my eyes and squinted. Then he placed his glasses upon the table, and moved his hands towards one side of my face, and clapped, slowly, repeatedly.
His frown deepened as he reached for his glasses and continued to examine my form.
It wasn’t until Angel arrived that Giles said anything else. ‘Angel,’ he called, as Angel snaked round the walls trying not to get in sunlight’s way. ‘Look,’ he instructed, pointing towards my catatonic form.
Giles moved away and Angel replaced his position. He bent down and looked up at my eyes. He stood up, and without admonition, backhanded me. I landed on the floor, with a thud, and made an “oomph” sound.
My heartbeat raced, as I realised I was on the floor of my bedroom, having no idea how I’d gotten there. I frowned, my palms both flat on the floor, my body sprawled out. And as I got up and looked around, I saw Faith’s still sleeping form. I headed downstairs, immediately going for the lounge, just to check that candle had completely burnt out. And when I entered the dining room, I gasped.
‘How did you find her?’ Angel asked, his voice sombre as it always was. He was sitting me down in my chair once again.
Wait, back up. I was looking at myself, being sat down in a chair, looking completely spaced. Like a dummy. Was I dead?
‘Lying on the kitchen floor, as if she was sleeping, but when I picked her up and sat her down on the chair I noticed her eyes were like this and she had no limb control at all. As if she was unconscious with her eyes open.’
‘And now she’s catatonic,’ Angel concluded, beginning to pace back and forth the shadowed part of the room. ‘Think it’s supernatural?’
Giles showed no sign that he was about to answer, though when he did, his answer was not certain. ‘Could be. I have no idea.’
‘I’m here, you guys,’ I began, expecting for them to turn around and see me. But no.
This was strange. I couldn’t be dead. Not today. Tomorrow, maybe. But…not now…
I hadn’t realised Willow was on the case when she walked through from the lounge to the dining room, and straight past me…”active” me. I hadn’t seen her. She was looking at a book. No…actually she was looking at that book. The one I’d used last night.
‘I know what it is,’ Willow told them straight away. ‘It’s a “Fearless” spell. She used it to get rid of her inner fear. And now…’
‘She’s living inside her head?’ Angel asked, reaching for the book.
‘Probably.’
‘It backfired…’ Giles muttered, looking at my still catatonic form.
‘I don’t think it did. See, the spell searches for specifics. And if it’s not what she wanted…tough. It takes it anyway. Either that or the fear she tried to get rid of is out wandering the streets whilst her mind is filling with nothing but…nothing. Sometimes performing spells like this actually cause the magic to take more than what you ask. Maybe because she’s so scared, the fear inside of her…is the inside of her. So she’s dispelled her soul from her own body.’
‘So it’s like she’s dead?’
Willow was silent a moment. ‘I don’t like to see it that way.’
Giles sighed as he took the book from Angel and began to read. ‘I agree. It’s not necessarily that she died and her soul cannot rest. It’s more…a sort of…astral projection. Only she didn’t leave her body willingly.’
‘She asked for the deities to remove what she wanted gone and they took what it is she wanted out.’ Willow sighed. ‘She must be pretty scared for it to push out her entire subconscious.’
I stood back, watching all of this. How could I be so stupid? Now they had to waste time getting me back inside of my own body rather than focussing on tonight. ‘I’m so dumb,’ I muttered and sat down at another dining chair.
Willow furrowed her eyebrows and looked around. ‘You guys just hear that?’ she said, her tone high pitched, as if she had been caught off-guard.
Angel and Giles looked at her blankly. So…no.
‘She’s in this room,’ Willow began, pointing towards the floor. She began moving around, outstretching a hand, trying to “feel” her way around.
I watched her with a raised eyebrow and my chin in my upturned palm, leaning on the table. ‘I’m here, Willow,’ I said and she moved faster.
‘She’s talking to me,’ Willow continued, and Giles looked at the…non-active me, and then at Willow.
‘How do you know she actually did the spell, Will?’ Angel asked gently.
‘Because I saw the burnt out candle and the salt sprinkles on the table in the lounge. And could you…shh, I need to concentrate a bit,’ she told him.
I sighed and got up, headed for my body, and sat in it. And next thing I knew I was upon the floor again. I looked up at the bodies staring down at me, and made a face. “Er…oops?”
‘So you don’t feel scared?’ Willow asked me as she tore a few herbs apart and dropped them into the boiling pan on the cooker. I crushed some ingredients with the mortar and pestle and as she stirred, I crushed.
‘Yeah, I really do. Like…beyond my wits. I thought the spell might, you know…help me.’
‘Yeah, well…it’s a good thing the spell was simple. You might not have been able to get back into your body as easily as you did if it were more complex. Some spells can actually require the help of a witch to anchor you back into your body. And sometimes that doesn’t even work.’
I shrugged. ‘I was just…so scared. I couldn’t do anything. I mean…Faith told me to channel it into my fighting and I just…can’t.’
Willow sideways glanced at me and hummed. ‘Don’t do it again.’
I scoffed. ‘Says you?’
Willow stopped stirring the ingredients, and turned to me. ‘Okay, I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but I just want you to know that meddling with the magics is dangerous. Okay, so perhaps some stuff is pretty much straightforward, but if you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, then you could be falling into a bottomless pit. You can’t just expect for others to fix things whenever you mess up, Buffy. I realise you’re scared, but meddling with magic is the LAST thing you should be doing. For one it drains you, and secondly it’s dangerous.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Yet when I try to tell you that about slaying you keep trying to get into it.’
‘Buffy I need to learn to fight for a reason. Because I’m part of this circle and we all have to fight. Physically. Okay, so I can perform a few magic tricks and summon elements but that won’t protect me when a demon comes running at me with an axe. They are two completely different things.’ She turned back to her pan. ‘And you’re being selfish.’
I raised my eyebrows and my jaw dropped. ‘I’M being selfish?’
‘Yeah.’ She put down the spoon again. ‘You tell me I can’t go slaying with Faith-’
‘I never said that; that wasn’t my decision,’ I said, trying to defend myself.
‘You didn’t have to say anything, Buffy, your eyes are an open book.’
I scoffed. ‘So you’re saying I’m being selfish when I try to protect you? Will, I didn’t want you fighting with her because-’
‘Because what, Buffy? Because she’s reckless? Hell knows, everyone needs to bend the rules a little all the time – except for when it’s magic – but you treat me as if I should just do things because you tell me to! Like…I’m your…sidekick. And whenever YOU get in trouble we all have to put ourselves on the line to help you, when you could have prevented it in the first place!’ By this time she sounded pretty pent up, but not as much as me.
‘What? So when I saved your life I was actually putting it on the line?’
‘That’s not what I mean, Buffy, you’re missing the point-’
‘No, I’m getting it. Loud and clear. I’m the reckless one. The selfish one because I’m only thinking about the safety of myself; no one else.’ I pushed the stupid pestle and mortar away and headed out of the back door, whilst Willow’s eyes followed me out. She sighed and leant against the counter.
‘We don’t need this,’ she muttered to herself, watching the door.
‘I tried not to NOT sleep,’ Faith told him as she brushed her hair. Angel stood in the doorway, once again, trying not to expose himself to sunrays.
‘So you’re well rested,’ he concluded.
‘Mmm-hmm. Although I reckon I would’ve slept a little better knowing B was too. She didn’t come to bed at all.’
Angel nodded. ‘I think she was occupied with…other…activities.’ He smirked as he watched her.
Faith eyed him as she pulled her hair up, a tie-back between her teeth. ‘Try not to sound so suspicious next time and I’ll believe that you two didn’t get up to anything.’
He chuckled and shook his head. ‘Nah, she’d never do that to you.’
If Faith didn’t look so “deer caught in headlights” he might’ve been able to pretend he’d never said anything. She paused, then chuckled nervously and shifted from one foot to another, deciding to re-do her hair, just to keep herself occupied. ‘What?’ And also, if it wasn’t for the high-pitched “I don’t know what you’re talking about” tone, he might’ve pretended he hadn’t said anything.
He didn’t reply, just smiled at her, warmly. She tidied up the loose strands of hair and looked at him, her motions dying down as she realised he really did know about them.
‘It must be the best, huh,’ he continued eventually, shifting his weight onto his other foot.
She crossed the room and sat down on the bed, looking at the space before her. ‘It…’ she began. Her lips formed a comforting smile as she thought about what she was going to say next. ‘Yeah,’ she told him as she nodded to herself. She shuffled around on the bed a little more. ‘I never knew…’ she furrowed her eyebrows a little as she thought more about her words. ‘I never knew I could feel this way. About…about anyone. I know it’s her and everything, but she’s just…so much different. Than anyone, anything I’ve ever known. And this feeling…even though it’s eating me…it makes me feel…’ She thought more about the words she wanted to say next. ‘It makes me feel full.’
Angel nodded too, blinking indolently. And he watched her expression for a waited while before speaking. ‘That’s how I feel too.’
‘Feel?’ she caught. She raised an eyebrow. ‘You still love her?’
Angel hesitated.
‘It’s okay, I’m not gonna get all territorial and possessive,’ she told him, her tone inviting.
He smiled coyly and moved into the room, taking note at where in the room the shadows were. ‘I feel like it every time I see her. As if she’s what…satisfies me. In the most un-perverted way…’ Faith chuckled at his comment.
‘But I could feel how she felt for you, that time in the library, the dining room. When you got lost…I mean it’s obvious you two are in love.’ Throughout this, Faith had begun to smile once again, just grasping his words.
She nodded slow and gazed into his eyes. ‘She’s the only person I’ve ever loved.’
‘It feels weird for the first time, doesn’t it,’ he added, using a hand gesture to describe.
She nodded a little. ‘Weird…but wicked wonderful. And it’s not even about the “hungry and horny” vibe I get with her; just…this presence. And I seem to get it, all the time. And I know it’s not because I’m in this house. Just…all the time, I feel as if she’s with me…and it…it’s…it’s freakin’ awesome.’ It seemed she was confirming all of these things for the sake of herself rather than Angel, and as her eyes searched the floor in front of her, she spoke.
Willow approached Faith’s room, hearing the two conversing as she neared.
‘I mean sometimes we’ll make love and it’s not just…sex, y’know? It’s not about the mind-blowing orgasms, or the way it’s done, it's…’
‘Binding,’ Angel concluded, nodding simultaneously.
Outside the door Willow listened. Her eyebrows furrowed and she pressed a hand against the wall, just to lean in a little.
She moved a leg up onto the bed, folding it beneath her. ‘Sometimes I wake up feeling depressed as fucking hell, but knowing that she’s there to take me through the day chases away all that pain. Straight away.’
I don’t know why I was so pissed off. It wasn’t like I didn’t deserve that harsh, depressing…knife-jabbing tell-off. But I felt so…I felt as if I was right. I was right. I wasn’t being selfish. I was trying to help. If I was fearless I’d be able to do this tonight, no problems attached.
I crossed the road and folded my arms across my chest, watching the various cars waiting at junctions, and the people, going about their own daily activities. They had NO idea. None. Tonight we could fail. And the whole world would be a piece of mouldy toast. The weight of the world rested on my shoulders. Because I was the Slayer.
I never really saw Faith as THE Slayer. I saw myself as THE Slayer, and Faith as the other Slayer. Not particularly needed, but there. Not like a fifth wheel. But if I didn’t get dead that time, then Kendra wouldn’t have been called, nor Faith. I’d never have met her…
Thank god I DID die. So now we’re THE Slayers. Thank God.
But that’s not the point. Willow told me off. And it upset me.
I ended up walking around for a few hours, wandering aimlessly around streets and parks and cemeteries. I headed back to the house, figuring I should get over that stupid row and get on with finalising prep for tonight’s ritual.
‘You ARE joking, right?’ Angel said, making note to emphasise the last three words of his sentence.
Giles shook his head. ‘The ritual states we must wear white robes with the pentacle embroidered on the back. To symbolise the devotion to the elements and the…oh it doesn’t matter. For god’s sakes it’s for two hours at the most out of your life. You’ve lived, what, a good one-hundred years, it won’t make a dent in your life time experience of wearing clothing.’
Angel eyed the robe, holding it up in front of him. Faith was laughing behind him. ‘Who’s gonna look like a sissy-girl?’
‘At least it wasn’t my christening dress,’ he muttered, folding it up and throwing it on the couch.
Faith sneered. ‘Fuck off, I wasn’t christened. Anyways at least I can enter a church without imitating cigarette crap.’
He made a face, then turned from her and headed for the next room, and as he passed the stairs, I opened the front door, and closed it gently behind me. I saw Faith and Giles look up at me, and Angel stop to say a brief ‘hi,’ before continuing on.
‘Where did you go?’ Giles asked.
I shrugged. ‘For a walk.’ I headed straight upstairs, for some reason, needing a shower.
I sensed rather than saw Faith following me, hoping that this wouldn’t be one of her, “I’m horny; do me,” conversations. God, what was up with me? Why all of a sudden was I being so bitchy?
I closed the bathroom door behind me, hoping she’d soon get the message, but no such luck came to me as she closed the door behind her, and locked it. ‘What’s up?’
I shrugged and proceeded to pulling my black top over my head. I tossed it onto a pile in the corner of the bathroom and did the same with my trousers and underwear.
‘What we talked about, last night…it’s not…’
‘No. It’s not you, Faith, I just…need a shower.’ I twisted the tap round, and waited for the water to reach a comfortable temperature.
She stood back still, by the door, I think sensing that I needed more alone-thinking-time.
‘You’re not still fretting over fighting these things, are you?’
‘No- Faith, could I just…have some time, please?’ I watched her, looking me in the eye, seeming a little astounded, before turning and exiting, the cockiness and unsophisticated attitude she so boldly housed dissipating.
Finally.
‘You think there’ll be much fighting?’ he suggested, and she shrugged.
‘Who knows. There might be none. But it might all be too much and we all might die.’ She looked towards the ceiling, drawing in oxygen as she did. ‘I just hope I don’t mess up this ritual.’
He reached for her hands and took them in his own. ‘You won’t.’ Xander observed her a moment. ‘I just want you to know that…I’m always here for you, always,’ he said to her as they sat across from each other, upon the floor of my bedroom.
Willow closed her eyes to the feeling of Xander touching the back of her head and just holding it for a while.
‘I love you so much, Willow. And…after everything we’ve done, from diapers to…demons…I’ve never doubted ever wanting to leave your side. I’ll be there for you tonight. You need me to fight; I’m there. Just say the word.’
She smiled jadedly and sucked in a breath through her mouth. ‘I love you, Xand. You know me better than anyone here. And if I need something, you can guarantee that you will always know the answer.’ She raised up onto her knees as she leant in to hug Xander, who in return, wrapped his arms around her, just holding her.
Will. Angel. Me. Faith. Giles. Xander. Oz. There we all were. Standing in the lounge of the house. Weapons in hand, garments in the other. Willow held the books needed and the potions we had mixed. Giles held the crystals we needed. One thing we all held individually was strength. Every single one of us.
I glanced at everyone, their faces serious, knowing that they could die.
‘I won’t even think about saying goodbye. You all know why. But I know what I do want to say. We are fighters. We are not afraid. We can do this, and we are prepared. Every one of you has a strength in this room, and energy that will overcome these demons. And if we do fight, we’ll do it well. Because you’re bloody good and I want to rush home after to take a warm bath with bubbles and drink some tea and watch University Challenge.’ We all eyed each other as Giles finished up. ‘E-hem. I…don’t think I should’ve said that aloud.’ He scratched his forehead as he moved aside, and I assumed his position.
‘Okay. You guys…’ I drew in a deep breath and looked at them all.
But Faith continued for me. ‘You guys this is IT. The real deal, the night. And we’re gonna DO this. Even if it kills us. Because heck, we’d just come back anyway, B did, so we can too.’ She shook her head. ‘The point is…you all know the damage you can do. Every single battle you’ve had in the past, take it with you now. And if we have to fight…we know what we have to do. Just…be smart. And…we can all come home and have bubble baths and watch, dare I say it University Challenge afterwards.’ She glanced at Giles, who had smiled contentedly at her.
The gang chuckled and I stepped in. ‘She’s right. We do this; we live. We die; we live. But one thing we will not do, is FAIL. Because we don’t fail. So do it, you guys. And let’s all come home safe.’
I smiled a little, and looked to Faith, who gave me a nudge. We headed out and she whispered in my ear, ‘And maybe we can try it with the bubble bath.’
I nodded and looked at her, her eyes sparkling as they always did. I was glad she wasn’t still mad at me.
CHAPTER 20: Leave it to My Instinct
Everyone seemed to remain calm. No panic, just…sombreness. Everyone, quiet, thoughtful (I guessed), hoping. Hoping to those Powers that Hopefully Be that we would make it through this.
Giles drove the Jeep to the edge of town, where the Tachra Taa was. I sat, with Faith on one side of me, Willow the other, and we all held hands. Tightly. I felt Faith lean over and smell my hair, and I think she sighed a little. As much as she had tried to tell us that we were strong enough for this, she still had her doubts.
Then something dawned on me. I let my eyes fall shut and I just tried to connect. I took a deep breath.
If we make it through this… I started. I hadn’t expected for her to finish.
I’m gonna do you so hard. I chuckled though that disappeared quickly when Willow chimed in.
That was an over share…I opened my eyes and looked at her, and she was smiling back at us, Faith also having been looking at her.
It never occurred to me that Willow might know about us, that ANYONE might know about us, except for that time at the hospital and Giles…but other than that…
I took in a nervous breath as I realised where we were.
We walked towards the Crypt, still as silent as we could ever be. I walked beside Faith, daring not leave her side, for fears of what happened last time scared me. I honestly thought something had happened to her.
As we neared the Crypt we jingled and jangled and clanked with all of the weaponry and equipment we had. Giles had all of our robes in one bag…my mind flashed back to when he brought them home.
Angel hated them, and had no shame in saying so. Faith just laughed, but really you could see she was thinking the same thing as Angel. She wouldn’t be seen dead in them. It added a comical effect when Angel tried to make that comment.
The breeze of the Crypt hit my cheeks as we approached its large doors, and a shiver fell through my spine like a ribbon tickling. This scared me through and through. I hoped so hard it would be over soon. Giles glanced at his watch as we headed inside, some of us retrieving torches, some of us heading on.
I heard Faith whisper a, ‘This is really creepy,’ beneath her breath, and I squinted to try to see ahead. Luckily the journey to the room beneath us wasn’t distracted by those things.
It was large. Lit. Fire torches in holders. Whoever lit them had done so and deserted the room.
Giles approached the tool and we all surrounded it also. It was huge. Like a large crystal embedded in the ground.
‘Couldn’t we just smash it?’ I suggested, looking at my Watcher, and as he gave me an inquisitive look I nodded. No, then.
Giles rolled out a map on a large flat stone as we crowded around. He removed his glasses from his face and pointed to some points on the map.
‘Right. Xander, Oz. I want the perimeters covered, south, and west. If trouble’s ahead they’re likely to appear from those entrances. Keep it sharp. Try not to be seen. You know what to do if you suspect trouble’s ahead.’ They both nodded and proceeded to loading up with weapons and various other things.
Giles rolled up the map and continued to talk to us. ‘Right. If I’ve read this correctly, it shouldn’t take longer than half an hour, depending on how long it takes to begin and collect the energy to be able to let the potion work. But judging on all of your performances the other night, it shouldn’t be a problem. You’re all well-rested.’ He licked over his lips, looking at us, smiling slightly. ‘We all know what we have to do. So let’s do it.’
I couldn’t stop focussing on my heart jamming into my chest. It was so loud I think everyone else could hear. Unless, if they all felt the same. Willow looked so focussed, and before we started, I gave her a hug.
My mind briefly flashed back to what I had told Faith, and what she had told me.
I squeezed her hand gently, letting her know I was nervous about this, but excited at the same time, now that the threat about having to fight seemed over.
She pulled me away from the others. And for a few moments I couldn’t help but look at how beautifully her hair fit around her face, and how she wore clear lip gloss and blusher. She looked hot. Unfortunately the robe was unflattering, but we all knew we looked like goons. We didn’t care. At first she just looked into my eyes. Then she took my hand, and then the other, and then hugged me. Tightly. Very tightly. “I can’t breath” tightly. I heard a sob escape her beautiful lips and I rubbed a hand over her back. ‘It’s okay,’ I tried to assure her, not even sure myself.
‘Of course it is,’ she began, sniffling a little, our embrace still intact. ‘I have you.’ She pulled away and offered a timid smile, and I could think only of the times when we hid everything from each other. That tough shell she held together so darned well. How a tear never threatened to tumble her cheeks. How her tough exterior posed every threat to the human race and yet she was still so beautiful. But now…she didn’t try not to cry. She just did. I smiled back, nervousness being the most dominant feeling in my body.
And now, all we could do was focus. Focus and concentrate on the task at hand.
I stood at the point of Earth, at the north-point, next to Faith who stood at the east-point of Air, and Angel, who stood at the west-point of Water, and across, there was Willow, at the south-point, of Fire. Giles stood back, near to the door, holding weapons, holding a candle. Looking about as focussed as we all tried to be.
Then we began. She looked to the ceiling, beginning to chant the words we would soon begin to chant in unison, and as we began, the power began encircling us, as it had that night.
Willow began, holding a small purple bag towards the tool.
‘By the powers of the Watchtowers of the north, of the east, of the south, of the west, I call upon thee, render our circle powerful. Dispel, tool of sanctimonious evil. Protect, tool of dedication to the good. Deities; sustain this transition. Witness this ritual; invoke these happenings. Forever shall these evil forces be dispelled into the worlds of beneath, of the Underworld; of Hell. Forever shall the Dedicated protect us.’ She threw the potion upon the tool, and as it hit, the ground began to rumble, and before long, Oz came crashing through the door.
‘Giles; we got incoming. And it’s not good. They know we’re here.’ Giles grabbed the axe that had been sitting beside him and hurried out with Oz, but as the ground continued to shake and pieces of the Crypt began crumbling around us, we continued.
‘Deities; sustain this transition!’ Willow repeated, as we all grabbed hands and let the power filter through us and into the tool. ‘Witness this ritual; invoke these happenings!’ She tried to continue over the loud noise of the Crypt crumbling to pieces, but I was attacked by Erachnii from behind, and I broke the chain. I punched it and grabbed a weapon nearby, and as I outstretched, ready to fight it, I saw the masses of them that were headed in our direction.
‘Buffy!’ Willow shouted, her voice painfully scary, her eyes black. ‘We have to finish! You can’t leave the chain broken; forget them!’
I panted, out of breath a little, but hurried back and grabbed hands with Angel and Faith once again. Willow continued to chant.
‘Dispel!!! Tool of sanctimonious evil. Protect, tool of dedication to the good!! Deities, sustain this transition! Witness this-‘ they came at us from various directions; entrances that none of us had been aware of, holes that had been created by the force of the ground shaking, causing the Crypt to fall apart.
‘Shit!’ Willow yelled and turned to the demons, holding a hand in front of her, and yelled, ‘Get back!!!’ A large circular power dispelled from her hand and pushed the demons back, the tiniest little bit.
I grabbed my weapon again and began fighting these things; the same as Faith, and Angel. There was no leaving them alone. They wouldn’t let us finish this.
I half-capped one and watched it fall to the ground, only to be smacked in the face by one in another direction, that slammed me into the wall with an incredible amount of power.
I kicked it back, hoping to cap it off the same way I had the other, but it was too strong. Another headed in my direction and I ducked out of the way of a flying punch and swept my leg beneath them, sending them to the floor.
Across the Crypt, the tool was indeed disintegrating. We may not have finished the chant, but the spell and the potion was working. I lifted my leg to kick another demon, but my robe restricted me, and I ripped it from my body.
I couldn’t see the others; we were so outnumbered that I think it was unlikely that we would make it through unscathed. And Faith was wrong about them not being a threat to us. For a moment I thought Angel was wrong about saying they were invincible, but then I realised the one I’d capped was growing another head and getting to its feet. One managed to back me into a corner and grab me by the throat. They were so strong.
‘Accept this as a sealing to the ritual performed here today! Be gone evil wanderers, disintegrate. Die!’ Willow yelled, and as I looked over at her, I saw she had managed to gain some blood from somewhere, and she was letting it drip from the weapon that was dripping with it. At once a flash encircled the room and the next thing I remember was being surrounded by rubble, and columns, and weapons, and more rubble.
‘Faith,’ I mumbled as I tried to get up, but I realised the arm I was leaning against was broken as I tried to use it to get up. I shrieked, and fell to the ground. ‘Damn it…’
I tried using my other arm to get me to my feet, and as I stood up, I listened. Silence. Nothing. Nothing at all. Then crumbling. Some rubble fell on my head. I frowned, troubled by the pieces of rock hurting my head. But as I looked up I realised this was worse than concussion. ‘Shit,’ I mumbled to myself, and began scrambling around for any goddamned fucking sign of anyone else. I didn’t even notice tears were falling down my face as I pushed rubble back hoping to find someone beneath them, anyone.
‘Faith! Will? Angel…someone…can anyone hear me? Where are you?’ I yelled frantically, now aware that my voice was shaky and tears were flooding my cheeks. ‘Anyone, c’mon!’ I scrambled around the mess hoping to find someone.
Angel. Getting up across the room. I hurried to him and embraced him. ‘Thank God.’
‘Are the others okay?’ he said, sounding a little whacked from his unconsciousness.
‘I can’t find them…I think this place is caving in. We have to get out.,’ I said, my voice panicked.
He began searching through the rubble, the same as I had been doing. ‘What happened?’ he asked as he searched frantically.
‘I have no clue. But we have to hurry.’
The ceiling crumbled a little and rubble fell from it, this time a larger chunk, possibly large enough to be called a hole.
‘Oh my god,’ I said all of a sudden, noticing the void.
‘What?’ he stopped, looking at me as a hand reached into rubble.
‘I can’t feel her…’ I trailed off, trying not to think of why I couldn’t feel her. But my mind forced me to believe that there was only one reason why there could be a void. ‘We have to find them, Angel, now, damn it!!’ I yelled, and resumed searching through the rubble. ‘Faith! Will!’ I called, hoping to god they would respond.
Angel searched, though as the ceiling continued to cave in bit by bit, he slowed. ‘I don’t think…’ he chucked a chunk of rock aside. ‘I don’t think we’re gonna find them, Buffy.’
‘Shut up; you’re wrong, they’re here, they’ve gotta be, because we were with them!’ I wouldn’t let him let me give up. I wasn’t leaving without either of them. But I didn’t think I had to continue. I pulled some rubble across and saw a white robe beneath them, and soon came to realise it was Faith. I sighed out in a worried relief, and as Angel came to lift her up, I pushed some more rubble aside, and there was Willow. The ceiling continued to cave in and before I could lift Willow to caved upon us.
CHAPTER 21: Couldn't Drag Me Away
The sunlight beamed into the room, merciless upon the people of Sunnydale.
The door came to and in stepped a slender figure, fragile almost, but agile. The footsteps approached and eventually halted as they sat down upon the chair provided.
I sat across, watching, holding limp skin, touching, feeling, waiting. Patiently.
She pushed a delicate strand from her face and placed the flowers down on the side table. ‘No change?’ she whispered, her voice barely heard above all of the beeping of the monitors, the heart monitor a painful reminder of how much this was a victim before us, fighting for the value of her life.
I licked over my lips, watching the lifeless figure before me. Perhaps my painful reminder was a broken arm, but this victim before me was darned to fight for eternity.
‘What are the doctor’s saying today?’
I shook my head slowly, trying to hold back tears, and as I replaced the hand upon the bed, and headed out, I could feel her following me. I looked through the clear glass at her comatose form and frowned. ‘They don’t know if she’ll wake up.’
I could feel a hand upon my arm. I frowned and looked down into the palm of my able hand. I pressed my lips together and looked up towards her. ‘This isn’t fair.’
I leaned into her, grateful that she was still here with me.
I began sobbing, the sorrow too overwhelming to be able to control. My sobs echoed through the ward, distressing to others, I’m sure. And as I sank to the floor, my form become uncontrollable, I was sure that line between sanity and insanity was threatening me.
I strolled away from the hospital, telling my mom I wanted to be alone for a while. She drove back to the house, told me to call her if I needed anything. I walked to the park, and saw. Everyone, enjoying the summer. The hot weather of mid-July.
She hadn’t moved an inch since I’d left. But as I clicked the door shut behind me that all changed. She rolled over gently, looking to see who had entered. I offered a timid smile and headed towards the bed. ‘Hey, you,’ I started, my voice gentle as possible as I could be.
‘How was she?’ she croaked, her voice bed ridden…then again…it always had that raspy tone to it.
I perched upon the bed, taking her tired hand in mine. ‘She was…alive.’ My eyebrows furrowed deep in my forehead and I looked towards our hands. ‘Just.’
She sat up and I immediately was alerted to the fact that she was moving so much.
‘Maybe you should rest, I mean…’
She shook her head, although when thinking about it, her face scrunched and she laid back again. One side of my mouth tugged slightly and I reached out to her, to help her lay down okay.
‘Did you sleep much?’ I asked, aware that my tone was incredibly lifeless.
She shook her head. ‘I just keep thinking about everything.’
‘Will said it’s best to try to charge. You never know what lies ahead.’
‘I know…but thinking is good for that, right?’ she asked, looking at my non-responsive face.
I rose from the bed and pulled my shoes from my feet before repositioning myself beside her. I lay beside her, and reached a hand to her face, my fingers somehow managing to gravitate to the recently indented wound upon her cheek. I ran my fingers along it gently, and as my eyes met hers, I felt her pain. Really.
‘You really need to get your rest,’ I told her, my voice seeming innocent, soft, un-intrusive. I tried not to hold her. As much as I wanted to, I knew I shouldn’t.
Not today.
‘I heal fast, B,’ she told me, and I looked into her eyes, non-responsive a moment.
But as my facial features softened and I offered a timid smile, her eyes lit up. ‘That’s what I wanted to hear.’
‘Well it’s true,’ she told me and I shook my head immediately.
‘Not that.’ I moved in close to her and planted a kiss upon her forehead, trying to be as gentle as I could. I got up, and headed for the door, not looking back once.
My name. And she knew it.
I strolled into the library, feeling so wasted that my legs felt as if they would give if I continued to use them one minute more. I was greeted with a solemn but gentle smile from Giles, about as bruised up and broken as the rest of us. He immediately saw the tiredness in my eyes and guided me to a chair. Upon the table sat the “Machmachra.” I gave it a look, then reached for it. All the while I noticed Giles eyes burning into me. I think perhaps he was beating himself up for leaving it out.
‘I’m sorry, I should’ve…’ he began, but I cut him short.
‘No…it’s…it’s okay…’ I flipped the cover open, and looked at the first page, remembering the first time we’d read that. I didn’t get much further in flipping the pages before the library door swung open. Both Giles and I looked towards the entrance, and I felt tears begin to well. Giles headed for the counter to deal with a group of people’s books. I looked back down to the book, but looked back up a few seconds, later, realising there was an approaching figure. I looked towards it, and I smiled slightly, my eyes indeed burning still, tears filling to the brim, or so it felt.
I watched him, watched as he looked down at me, with a content smile upon his face, but also filled with some amount of consideration and sorrow. Painful experience.
As the people left the library, Giles headed back to us. ‘Xander,’ he said, alerting him to my Watcher. He looked over his shoulder, and outstretched a hand, shook it.
‘Giles.’ He stepped back, made his way around me and seated himself in a chair, noticing the book I had been looking at. I pushed it away a little and he reached a hand to my back, and rubbed it a little.
‘It seems almost like an interval, doesn’t it,’ Giles said, sitting with us around the table.
I turned the page, and alas, that demon. We all sat, looking at it, each one of us holding an emotion too deep for the other to dissect.
I hated how my arm had healed in no time, yet everyone around me seemed to remain hurt, broken, un-healed.
Perhaps able to walk, able to breathe, eat and sleep. All of us but one. We all ached inside. For her.
Faith sat beside her bed, holding her hands, her own form as tired and lifeless as Willow’s looked. ‘I know you’re in there, girlfriend. And…I know you won’t give up. Because it’s all about fighting, isn’t it?’ She wiped away a tear and reached for a card we’d all gotten her. It was huge, so she couldn’t look at Will and read it at the same time. ‘This message here is from Buffy.’ She cleared her throat and began reading. ‘”Everyday I walk, everyday I breathe. Everyday I take a step and a step for me has been counted. Everyday I learn. Everyday my life continues. Everyday I am blessed. I’m blessed because of those around me. I may have been born with a gift, but aren’t we all? My gift isn’t my powers. It’s my friends, and my family. You in particular have helped me through so much. Everything that we’ve been through and you still don’t judge me. Living without you is like a breath I can’t take. I need you to walk. I need you to breathe. I need you to take a step in the world…I need you to learn, and to continue. I love you Will. Please don’t leave me.”’ She licked over her lips subconsciously, reading over the words again, unaware of the pair of eyes on her. She sniffled and continued. ‘Er…I wrote this. I’ve never been…good at writing notes, but…’ she shrugged and looked at the card. ‘”Roller coasters are our lives. A series of ups and downs that can make us laugh, cry, or sometimes both. We need certain people to get through life. And sometimes, those people need us back. I can’t remember a time you didn’t bless us all. We managed to be a screwed up bunch of people who do nothing but fight apocalypses and keep the world from ending, yet…when we feel we honestly can’t do this, we have someone to help us, to assure us we can. You. We can always count on you to be there, to help us, to guide us through. We guide each other, but sometimes, we have to go to you because we know that you’ll always guide us through to the end. I haven’t known you long, but I’ve known you long enough to know that you are meant to live a long and healthy live. So don’t do it…don’t quit on us. Not just yet.”’ She folded up the card, sobbing gently. She raised a hand to her face, though when a hand touched hers, she gasped.
She looked up and couldn’t believe what her eyes were telling her. ‘I’m not going anywhere…not just yet,’ she said with a little chuckle, her voice so beaten, croaky.
‘Red?’
‘Faith,’ she said, so solemnly. ‘I know you didn’t write that all by yourself,’ she told her, taking the card from her.
She smiled. ‘I did actually.’
Willow looked into her brown eyes, and blinked indolently, her eyelids heavy from the intense comatose state, energy just about apparent in her veins. ‘Okay,’ she said gently. ‘Did we do it?’
Faith nodded. ‘We did it.’
Willow smiled a moment, though that faded when her eyes looked over the card. ‘Did everyone make it?’
Silence. She looked into Faith’s eyes once again, and when there was no reply, she raised a hand to her eyes, her face scrunching, tears threatening to drench her cheeks.
Faith immediately raised a hand to Willow’s that grasped her face, and she shushed her. ‘No, no, no…shh, Red, it’s okay.’
‘W-who didn’t make it? Oh god…’ she cried, her crying beginning to become hysterical.
‘We did.’
She paused, taking in a breath and gazing into Faith’s eyes with her own. ‘Just us?’
Faith shook her head. ‘If we lost you…’ she shrugged. ‘We’re all fighters. There’s no way they could destroy us, Red. You know that.’ She seemed to make it sound so casual, when inside she was probably sighing a breath of relief.
Willow gasped. ‘Oh, thank God.’ She covered her mouth with her hand and Faith leaned in to hug her.
A nurse passed, though re-entered upon seeing that Willow was awake. ‘Miss Rosenberg?’
Willow looked up at the nurse.
CHAPTER 22: I Wanna Know Who Loves Me
I hoped I wasn’t waking him. That whatever he was doing didn’t end up with me disturbing him from it. But as I tread the concrete paving stones of the entrance I inwardly sucked at my emotions. Should I be doing this?
I inhaled slowly, hoping that nervousness wouldn’t get the better of me. But as I tread the ground that led me further into this abode, my nervousness dissipated. I realised there was nothing to be nervous about.
He was sitting beside a fire. Something I’d never seen him do before. But he sat, watching. Perhaps thinking. I didn’t know.
I don’t know if he could hear me; my shoes failed to make a sound upon the ground.
‘It seems the same, doesn’t it?’ he began, his voice slightly echoey throughout the place. I stopped in my tracks and tried to think of what to say.
Thank God my brain was still in order.
‘Weirdly…it does.’
He glanced at me over his shoulder. ‘You seem good.’
I continued to approach him and sat beside him on the concrete coffee table in front of the fire. I looked at him a while, as if examining his form. I wasn’t just saying this, it was true. ‘You look good.’
He nodded. ‘That’s what I’m saying. I’m alright. The world’s…pretty much alright…Willow’s fighting for her life and we’re inwardly celebrating the success of destroying that tool. But…nothing’s really changed.’
‘We fought hard, Angel.’ I placed a hand upon his upper arm, turning to face him a little.
‘Life IS fighting. But it seems as if we’re constantly having to fight for something that will always keep returning.’
‘No matter what or who it is? No matter how strong, how powerful...it’s our job, right?’
He took in a deep breath and stood and reached for the mantelpiece, where he began running his hand along the concrete. ‘Yet no matter how beaten up we get, we persist.’
‘Even if there is no incentive.’
He shook his head a little, his head dropped, before looking to me. ‘I don’t think that’s true.’
‘Oh no?’
‘Well I had an incentive to get me through this.’
I smiled a little, wondering what it could be that would keep him in this reality at his own free will. ‘Yeah? What’s that?’
‘You.’ I hadn’t realised how his eyes were searching mine up until then; that comment.
I raised my eyebrows a moment and looked down into the palms of my hands. He still had the ability to make me blush. I looked into his eyes and gave him a coy smile. ‘Angel…’
‘I know you’re in love, and I’m not trying to…make you feel…’ By this point I had risen from the table and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. ‘Buffy, I…’
‘I will always love you, Angel. Even if it’s not in that sense.’ I moved away from him, aware of his hesitation to hold me. ‘I thank the Powers That Be they let you get through this unscathed. I don’t know what I’d do if you died…for the third time…’
He let out a chuckle and I watched as his head fell and his smile widened. He finally gazed back up into my eyes.
Look at this man. He’d been through so much, it made me wonder just how much was left for him to experience. He’d done just about everything.
‘Thanks, Buffy.’
I gave him a smile and moved my fingers to his chin, just touching him a moment. ‘What we had was good, wasn’t it?’ I noticed his unwavering smile and he nodded simply.
‘The best thing that ever happened to me.’ And I could see it in his eyes. What he meant. For the first time in my life I felt as if looking into his eyes I was safer than I had ever been when I was with him. This Adonis of a man. Perhaps half demon, but…also half human. Very, very human. Beautiful.
‘You know that I wish I could return the compliment…’ I began, but he had already known what I had planned to say and finished it off for me, taking one of my hands and entangling his fingers within mine as he spoke.
‘…But you’re so in love with your other half that it just wouldn’t be true anymore.’
I smiled gently at him, contented that he understood the nature of my words, that they weren’t directed as an insult, but that I’d found someone who I could finally be at peace with, that I knew was perfect for me. We had our differences, we had our similarities, but more than anything we had each other. And above all of the doubt and fear in our hearts, that one bit of knowledge overcame it all.
‘You know how much you mean to me, Angel,’ I told him, my expression as gentle as my face.
He nodded gently, and I reached in slowly to plant a kiss upon his head. Thank God he was alive.
‘Do you think it will ever end?’ I asked him, gazing up into his wonderful eyes.
He shook his head. ‘As long as there is life, there is loss. There is war, and there is conflict. We’ll fight for the rest of our lives.’
‘For something unsolvable,’ I continued.
‘Absolutely.’
The day had been long, I’d tried not to spend it thinking about how our lives would be filled with times like these.
Faith had been resting and I told her I’d be back by sundown, that I was going to make sure Angel was okay.
For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking of that night, when we had talked about who might be next, and if we were strong enough to make it through. I know we were the lucky ones. Others…not so fortunate. But Thank God there was no need to think about another Slayer. Not just yet.
I let out a sigh as I closed my bedroom door and pulled my jacket from my shoulders. The darkness meant I couldn’t quite rightly see what was what in the room. I hadn’t realised Faith was sitting on the bed…meditating. And it seemed she had been doing for quite some time.
I tried as quietly as I could to take off my shoes and join her on the bed, in front of her, in the same position, and when I placed my hands on her knees, to connect with her, I was thrown into what I assumed was her world…her mind. Her subconscious.
I don’t know if I hit climax or if I was close to release or what…but it seemed what her idea of relaxing was actually quite the opposite. She and I. Against the bathroom wall, myself pinned between her and the wall, her fingers…my body…the hilt of me. I shrieked as I thought was my own climax hit me and I opened my eyes, finding my conscious self panting heavily, and Faith smiling, eyes open, watching me. She was imagining me. And her…in the shower.
‘Oh my god, Faith…do you always meditate like that?’ I asked, my breathing still shallow, gasps almost erotic. I collapsed onto the bed, letting my limbs go completely, the utter inebriation of that ‘subconscious session’ honestly too real for me. I was actually experiencing ecstasy at this point.
She chuckled a little and lay beside me, facing me. ‘Mostly. Just when I need it and can’t get it. It’s a good way to, uh…’
I grinned, my centre slick, smooth, I could feel it all oozing…
‘Look. Feel.’ She took my hand and as I imagined, stretched the waistband of her joggers and panties and moved my hand down, to where I was supposed to feel.
‘Faith…’ I said, sounding surprised with her. I was. I never knew she could do that. She could just…
‘Come with me,’ she started, as she removed our hands and pulled me up and off the bed.
I raised my eyebrows and followed her, hand in hand. ‘I thought I just had.’
She smirked and looked at me. ‘Again.’ She poked her tongue out at me and led me along the hall. ‘This way.’
We ended up in the bathroom and she locked the door behind me. ‘You do know my mum’s literally in the next room?’
‘So? We’ll “whisper.”’ She said, pulling me towards the centre of the room.
I scoffed as she took me. ‘Faith, you don’t know the meaning of the word.’
‘Yeah I do…I bet you I won’t moan once.’
‘And if you do I’ll never have sex with you again.’
She scoffed. ‘We’ll see how long you hold out for.’
I chuckled and she looked down at me. I remember when I used to let my eyes scan over her body, when she wasn’t looking. Before she knew. But then I’d inwardly curse at myself for letting myself think about her this way.
She moved in close to me, eyes now focussed on mine. ‘You know, even if I’m making love to you in my mind, it’s still not as good as the real thing.’ I opened my mouth to speak, and she moved a finger to it. ‘Shh. Let’s do the silent thing.’ She moved her fingers away, and I looked into her eyes, seeing that all of the humour had gone. Now it was all serious.
She moved in to kiss me, and as she did, I felt my heart going. Fast. Really fast.
And as she removed every piece of clothing, neatly, tidily removed my shirt and placed it on a pile with the rest of my clothes, and as we both lifted her shirt above her head, and as she pulled my hair out of its tie-back, and as I did the same, I waited. Waited for that moment we’d promised each other.
She ran the soap along every inch of my body, and cleansed me, gently…compassionately moved her hands over my arms, my stomach, my chest, my legs, my back.
I did the same, making sure my eyes experienced the same feeling. I watched as my hand traced the journey of her body with the soap, and how the shower would remove any trace of bubbles.
CHAPTER 23: The Way We Have It
How can it feel, this road... Portishead
Every time I look into her eyes it's as if she knows exactly what I’m feeling, thinking. This bad-ass chick. It’s as if she can see right through me. And sometimes I believe that she can. There are worlds in all of our eyes that if only we take the time for, we can see.
And what a world I found in her. I couldn’t imagine not being able to see it everyday, not being able to feel her presence, and know of her brilliance. Perhaps this was my gift of being a Slayer. Getting to live life everyday next to this beautiful double of mine. My ‘other half.’ Indeed she is.
I strolled out of the school entrance, headed for the grassy knoll a few yards in front of me, where the rest of the Scoobs were waiting.
It seems so strange to think that everyone made it. As great as it is that we did, I just never thought we’d all be back here.
As I approached them all, I caught sight of a flash, and then a few of them re-arranging for what looked like a group photo. ‘Come on, you guys, get together,’ Cordelia chimed, before clicking the button on the top of the camera.
Willow noticed me first and gave a wave, and I smiled at her, letting her know I’d seen her. ‘Get in here!’ I heard from behind a small black box. Cordelia and her camera.
I shook my head a little. ‘I’m way-not photogenic. Got the whole strange face thing goin’ on. Me and cameras are like a vampire and a stake.’ Before I had time to let her at least agree with my comment, Faith had pulled me into the group.
She chuckled as I stumbled back, but before I had a chance to at least try to look pretty, there’d been a click.
I frowned, hating this whole photo fiasco. I felt her slip an arm around me and plant a kiss on my cheek as Cordelia snapped the camera again, and then I smiled and turned to face her, leaning my forehead against hers before the camera clicked again.
I looked out across the knoll and saw Giles strolling towards us. I waved and he lifted a hand back.
‘So you guys went through, like a major battle-type apocalypsy thing?’ Cordelia asked as we all sat round in the grass.
‘Pretty much. Not as much blood and guts and gore as you might expect, though,’ Xander said, playing with the hem of my shirt as he said.
‘So you could’ve all died?’ she asked.
Willow nodded.
‘But we didn’t,’ Faith said, stressing her ‘t’s’ as she normally would. She smiled over at Will, who smiled lightly back at her.
‘And there was like really scary-looking evils who could rip your guts out with their teeth?’ Cordelia continued, mimicking the motions she guessed.
We all laughed a little and Willow answered for us. ‘Absolutely. If you prefer to look at it that way.’
‘I think the important thing is that we all made it through alive. You’re all very brave,’ Giles said, squinting slightly because of the sun.
There was silence among us as (I guess) we all contemplated his words. Brave. All of us. Of course.
‘Yergh! Could you imagine? A monster opening its mouth so wide, it could swallow you whole,’ Cordelia chimed in again, her eyes looking like they would fall from her head, lest she close them a little.
We all chuckled and I nodded. ‘Imagine.’
I could hear the faint sound of my heels clicking on the hall floor, as I walked past various people, going about their business. It was nearing summer vacation, and we were all planning a camping trip; the weather was perfect, always hot. It got me thinking about Christmas for some reason. How it was warm, but it was beautiful. It snowed on Christmas day. None of us thought that it would. Seasonal.
It was magical. The humidity of the hallway meant I could traipse them wearing a mini skirt and cami without feeling cold at all, and as I passed other moving bodies, it was clear they knew they could do the same.
It was so strange thinking that all of these things going on around me could so easily have been over, had we not succeeded in reversing that tool. And what would have happened next?
I found myself heading towards the library, lost in my own random thoughts, but as I pushed forth the swinging doors and listened to how they screeched when I pushed them, I felt that feeling of safety entering my body. How on earth I could feel safe right on top of the Hellmouth, I don’t know.
Yeah, I do.
I saw Giles reading a book behind the counter, and sipping on some tea (at this time of year, I do not know; must be a British thing), and across the library I saw Willow talking to Oz, their hands entangled, and he reached in and planted a kiss on her cheek. I noticed Xander had taken to the craft of sparring; trying to swing a punch Faith’s way but ultimately missing. I chuckled to myself as he fell to the floor, his balance obviously not in favour of him at all. Faith looked down at the defeated guy, and then up at me, and her smile softened.
Safety is in the arms of those you cherish. And I couldn’t be in a safer place that’s closer to my heart. Other than a chocolate factory, but…you get it.
I leant against the counter to see what Giles was doing, and he flashed me a little grin. ‘So what are we researching today? Vampires with banjos? Monsters with tutus? What’s the what on the evil walking around Sunnydale?’
Giles laughed a little and pulled his book off the counter, and headed for the table, where everybody else seemed to gravitate to.
‘Actually, I’m glad you’re all here now.’ We gathered around the table, and as I folded my arms across my chest and got ready to listen to what work I’d have to do tonight, I noticed his slightly cheerful tone.
‘What’s the big bad?’ Faith chimed in, and I glanced over at her.
Giles smiled a little and placed his book upon the table, closed it. The day I close my book is the day we don’t have to fight. So cherish it.
I squinted a little, thinking why he’d left us in silence. Then as I looked to him, slowly, realising, his face glowed with a grin. ‘I just thought I should let you all know…’ He took a deep breath and scratched his brow. ‘They’re fleeing Sunnydale. The tool apparently being one of the darkest and most powerful forms of protection for more than just the demons we fought. They’re looking for the safest place…away from here.’
‘So…that’s it?’ Willow asked, her voice gentle, a hint of scared apparent.
He nodded and immediately I could feel the smile stretching across my face. ‘It’s over…’
‘It is?’ Oz asked.
‘Well, for now. At least. I called the Council and they say that it’s caused an uprising surge of activity among the board. Satisfaction, for them, to the brim. Demons, vampires, monsters everywhere are running,’ Giles told us, each of his words a deeper relief to us all.
I noticed Oz squeezing Will and I felt warm. Peace at last.
There was a comfortable silence as Xander sat in a chair and Faith approached me, wrapped her arms around me, and buried her chin in my neck.
‘I don’t understand. What are they running from?’ Willow finally said.
‘Good. You see that tool was the only assurance that the balance of power would favour evil, but now that the scales are tipping in our direction…’
‘We’ve nought to fear but the overwhelming blanket of peace,’ I finished for him, and he nodded contentedly, looking into my eyes.
There was more silence, as we all thought about this. Honest peace, and we didn’t have to worry about evil.
‘Wow…’ Oz began. ‘Imagine…’ We all looked to him for a moment, then agreed.
Soon, Giles moved back from us and headed for his office. Xander moved over to where he was sparring, and began punching the air, as if fighting.
Oz leaned in and planted a kiss upon Will’s forehead, and her eyes shut tightly, and I imagined her mind was finally at rest. I turned, and slipped my hand into Faith’s, as we headed towards the library doors. She rubbed a hand gently over my back before linking hands with mine and we headed out.
I sighed a little, looking out ahead of me as we walked down the corridors towards the entrance. ‘Faith,’ I called, feeling I might need to swing her back into reality.
She hummed a little, looking my way a moment, to check if I was looking at her. She looked so contented, I almost inwardly kicked myself for disturbing her. She’ll never stop being beautiful.
‘Ever thought about who might be next?’ I said, looking ahead of me still, but then briefly glancing her way, to see her thinking.
‘Next after…?’ she said, frowning a little, lost in where this might be going, I think.
‘After you. The next Slayer.’
She looked over at me and I saw she was beginning to catch on.
‘Well…’ I peered into her dark brown eyes and smiled, knowing that she knew what I was getting at. She smiled warmly and spoke. ‘I don’t particularly like the thought that there needs to be another Slayer. I’m strong enough not to get dead, right?’
I nodded, gently, blinking indolently as I did. ‘I like to think so, yeah.’ I exhaled. ‘Think I am?’ I mused.
‘What?’
‘Strong?’
She smiled to herself, her eyes falling closed for a brief moment. ‘I like to think so, yeah.’
We walked out of the main entrance doors, heading away from the school. ‘Think they’ll ever know?’ I mused further, wondering inwardly if she’d still know what I was getting at.
She nodded gently, looking ahead, squinting gently because of the harsh sun. ‘If they ever go through this…then perhaps. But they’ll never really know.’
I smiled a little, feeling that now I was getting a little lost. ‘Never really know what?’
She hesitated a moment, and released a breath slowly, before speaking. ‘What it’s like to be the Chosen Two.’ I felt her squeeze my hand a little and then chuckle as she looked at me.
I looked at her, smiling also.
‘I mean yeah, there’ll be others…’ she continued. ‘But will they ever get it this way…I mean, the way we have it?’
‘Together, you mean?’
‘Yeah, I mean, we share a bond. So deep, who else could get it? Will there ever be another two Slayers that exist in the same reality together?’
‘Well if you think about it, they’re all out there…’
‘But not the way we have it,’ she reminded me quickly.
‘So you’re saying, they’ll never get it?’ I asked her.
She shrugged, and wrapped her arms around my waist as we continued to walk. ‘Well…it could happen. But it’d have to be a real good one.’ She smiled and laid her head upon my shoulders.
We walked for a bit. ‘So…where did you put that box of chocolates?’ She flashed a grin at me and I looked at her, knowing that only I could read her, through and through.
She was right. Would there be a possibility that another two Slayers could exist together?
And at the end of those days, would they ever find that same bond that I share with Faith? See everybody knows when it’s perfect. But will they ever have it the way we do? Will they know what it’s like?
Maybe.