Faith's Repose
by Padre
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. All characters from
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel: The Series" are the property of Joss
Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copywrite infringement is intended or inferred;
no profit is intended or inferred. Any other characters and this story are
of my own creation.
Spoilers and Warnings: An AU story, but assume that Faith was released from
prison and returns to Sunnydale.
Author's Notes: This story may look a little familiar. I had posted to the 'Faithful
list last year. Recently, I re-read it and did a little editing. This is
the newer version.
Dramatis Personae: Faith; A Slayer, Buffy; A Slayer (Implied presence)
B...I am so yours.
While I'm kneeling here, waiting for you to come back, that thought goes through my head over and over again. Kinda like one of those old records that my Mom used to play. Sometimes, the needle would get stuck, you know, and the same part would keep repeating itself.
I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours I am so yours.
And it's true, too. There is only one other person in the whole world who is just like me. A slayer. And that person is you, B. And I know that I belong to you completely.
I am so yours.
And, shit, B, I am so sorry, too.
I'm sorry that we fought last night. I just got really pissed off at Xander. You know, he really hurt my feelings. But I get it now that he didn't mean to; it's just him trying to deal, that all. I guess I still make him and Red nervous. I'm a-hoping she wasn't too serious when she said she'd turn me into a toad. She can't actually DO that, right?
Still, me being all hot at Mr. Zeppo doesn't give me the right to take it out on you. You said my punishment would be severe, and that I would have ample time to 'contemplate my wrongdoing'.
Okay, B...first of all, where the fuck did you learn to talk like that? 'Contemplate my wrongdoing'? Man, you sound like some bad TV villain.
And two, well, I know I've been gone a while, but...uh...when did you go all Story of O?
All right! All right, so I like being tied up an all...well, by girls, at least. Hey, I'll take kinks over vanilla anytime. And, okay, I know I had this coming. But, shit B...this? You know, in all the time I've known you, if I have learned anything, I have learned to take you at your word. You said 'severe' and you weren't kidding. Man, I'm grateful that before you started, you at least let me pee.
So here's the funny. Do you know how many times I've thought about, you know, you controlling me? Tying me up and stuff? Mostly, it involved a lot of touching and tickling. And... uh, you know, you'd 'command' me to...uh...kiss you and go down on you. Man, that would be so fucking wicked!
But, B, this...this is like so way harsh. And, you know, at first, it kinda scared me a little. Ha-ha! Go figure! Me, big old tough Faith afraid of prissy Buffy and her rope. But now I'm seeing what I was really afraid of: letting you down. I saw the look in your eye, B. I was either going to have to take my medicine or head for the door.
So I 'obeyed'. Shit, what else could I do? Whatever was going to happen to me, I earned. Whatever you were going to do to me, I would accept.
'Cause B...I... don't want to run anymore. I want to belong to you.
I'm kinda glad that you left the heat on. I don't mind being naked; shit, I know I got a wicked hot bod! Oh the other hand, I don't like being cold, either. Too many Boston winters for this girl. But, I'm digging how cool it was that you thought of my comfort.
Others may think so. If they could see how tightly and totally you have bound my arms and my wrists, they might think I was uncomfortable. If they could see how much rope you used in binding my ankles to the large ring that is bolted into the floor of this room, and then tying my wrists to that very same ring, they might say that I was uncomfortable. Glad I don't have a dental appointment and stuff, 'cause I know I'm not going anywhere in a big hurry.
Well, shit. I am uncomfortable; very uncomfortable. I'm also very frustrated, and...uh...a little wet. But, you know, I'm also kinda content. I mean, I've got nothing else to do but think. Wow, what a drag, too. Sometimes, my brain's not too nice of a place to hang out.
I'm pissed at myself for allowing my temper to get the best of me and, in turn, almost setting our relationship for self-destruct. I'm finding that, at times, I don't like *me* very much. And, you know, I've got to admit that I'm still a little uneasy with your affections for me. It's all taking some time to get used to. It was easier on the night when you first saw me back in Sunnydale. You knew I was coming to see you, but I don't think you expected to see me in such a short time.
You were pretty brutal, but I just let you do your thing: in my fucked up mind, I knew I at least owed you that. I just covered up in a ball and let you wail away. I think that you stopped going all medieval on me when I started crying and I was on my one billionth "I'm sorry". You know, some people would say that's bad, but physical pain really doesn't bother me too much; I grew up with it. It was the neglect and rejection that always did me in.
After the fight, hell, I don't know, but it seemed as if the air around us got a little clearer. The distance between us didn't seem so far apart. Shit, we talked all night, didn't we? We got to say all the things we wanted to and needed to say. Then we cried like little pussies.
You know, I could have left Sunnydale right then and lived my life elsewhere completely content that everything was right between us. And, hey, on some level, that was my goal.
But then you kissed me, and something in me that was broken got fixed. And I stayed.
I am seriously bumming! Jeeze, I wish that you were here and that we could talk, but, B, you've just me so figured out. You know that, to me, talk is a cheap commodity. As much as I hate it when people just blab at me and tell me what I want to hear, I'm guilty of the very same thing. You know this, so you have taken away my ability to talk.
This gag, with its large ball and wide leather straps, is way impressive. And it's way big. A little too big. It fills my whole mouth and presses down on my tongue. Man, the straps do not give at all. It's so big, it prevents me from swallowing, so I have to keep my head bowed and allow all my drool to fall over my chin and down on to my breasts and my belly. I am breathing mostly through my nose, and, as long as I stay relaxed and don't panic, I know that I'll be okay.
Even if I can't talk, I still wish that you were here. I could, like, bat my eyes at you. Ha! What good would that do? The blindfold you placed on me leaves me in total darkness.
I can't see, but what I perceive is not always real. I'm getting that. I'm learning not to be so defensive all the time.
I can't speak, so big mouth stays shut and keeps me out of trouble, which, you know, can be a good thing.
I can't move; I'm on my knees with my hands behind my back and with my head bowed. You put me here and only you can release me. I...well, I kinda like that, you know?
It's kinda weird, but I'm doing pretty good at staying calm and not freaking out. It's a matter of trust, you know? I mean, I just know that you will come for me when you're ready. You're giving me the discipline that I need.
I desire. I crave. Shit, I wish I had done all this a long time ago, but I guess I had to get done with bashing my head against the wall first. That's me to a 'T', right? Always gotta do things the hard way.
I've got me some new priorities. Man, I love slaying! But, hey, if you tell me to protect Xander, Willow or Dawn, well, I'm your girl. And you know I love sex; I'm a twenty-four/seven kinda gal. But I'm learning that there's a time and place for everything. I'm all about the 'impulse control thing', and, you know, it's all good. I know that you'll take care of me. Ain't it kinda funny how it took me this long to admit to myself what I wanted my whole life.
I'm beginning to get the big picture.
And, well, oh shit! It, well, makes me...a little happy. 'Cause, like, I'm, you know...wanted.
I'm special. I'm loved.
Fuck. Now I'm kinda glad you're not here. I think I'm gonna bawl.
Soon, you'll come back for me. The ropes will get cut away, the blindfold lifted and the gag expelled. If it's time for dinner, then, well, we'll chow. And, maybe we'll go slay. Then again, maybe we won't; maybe we'll just cuddle.
Maybe we'll make love. I'd like that.
But my position won't change.
I'll gonna be at your side, B. Kneeling, with my head bowed, my mouth closed, my hands behind my back...just waiting for your command.
I am so yours, B. Now. Always. Forever. Please don't ever send me away.