Chase This Night
by Poet
Rating: NC-17
Faith ran, or more accurately, stumbled through the door to her old apartment, the heavy oak banging into the adjacent wall. Every inch of her body seemed to be screaming at her in pain. Any and all movement being strongly protested. But she pushed herself despite it. She had run full tilt all the way from the graveyard to her down town loft, the ache in her muscles at least drowning the one in her chest. Shifting it, changing it from that desolate feeling of loss to something more akin to anger.
Yeah, Faith was pissed.
She reached for the light switch, flipping it, she paused when nothing happened.
“Oh just fukin’ perfect.” The low grumble of her voice sounded menacing even to her own ears. But Faith thought she was justified in sounding a little threatening. The night had gone completely to hell. Tonight not only had she had she gotten everything she had ever wanted in her short life, she had also gotten it ripped away… and all in a matter of minutes. She’d come face to face with her biggest dread, and then gotten her ass well and truly kicked to top it all off.
Yeah, just fuckin’ perfect. What had possessed her to come back to this forsaken town anyway!? Not even one night here and it was already too much. She couldn’t handle it, she felt beaten.
Leaving the door open, for a little bit of light. Faith made her way though the darkened loft. She was headed for the bed, where she had dropped her bags. She immediately lifted the overstuffed duffle, slinging it over her shoulder. It was a well-practiced move. Every one of those dark voices inside her was telling her to run, whispering that sickening consciousness that it was all a mistake. Another mistake.
It was that instinct that had guided her all her life. Kept her running from one dead end to the next. Keeping her alive, but just barely. It was all she had ever known, all that she was ever taught.
Which is exactly why Faith couldn’t listen. Not this time, and not anymore.
She let the bag fall to the floor, sliding it off her sore shoulder, and Faith thought about where she was a day ago. Haunted and on the run, trapped by her own apathy. She thought about the last dream she had shared with B… She had made a decision, a promise to see this stint in Sunnydale through. A pulse of determination shot through her veins. If tonight’s bit of action was anything to go by, the hellmouth was gonna need her here. Buffy needed her here. And that had to be in spite of what was happening between them. And Faith knew a lot about spite.
God, she couldn’t even decide which she was feeling more, anger, hurt or something in between it all! All she knew was it was Buffy making her feel all this… so conflicted. It would be so easy to hate her again, but she didn’t think her soul could take the loss. Not now, not after knowing. But how could she survive loving her?
After letting the bag fall, Faith limped over to the large stereo system and randomly hit a button. She was pleasantly surprised when a soothing melody filled the air.
“Huh, Dicky sprung for those long life batteries…” She cranked the volume and let the deep melancholic voice wash over her. Whatever the woman was talking about didn’t really seem to matter, but the overall essence of it seemed to crawl over Faith’s skin, and that hopeless feeling was back before she could stop it. She couldn’t get B’s voice out of her head. One minute whispering how much she wanted her, throwing her away in the next. It tore her apart, just as she was made whole. She felt so used.
Faith swallowed hard and looked through he darkness surrounding her closing in on her, She had to stop the reel that had become her thoughts. She needed to get clean, patch up the newest wounds… some the bandages wouldn’t be able to fix, but she had a bottle that could help.
Faith was able to locate a few candles, and she always had her lighter on her so the place was lit up with minimal effort. The pint of Jack was located just as easily. Ripping off the cap, Faith downed a few hard pulls, the sour liquid burning deep in her chest. It felt so much better… as long as she kept telling herself she liked that empty feeling. Bottle in hand, Faith then limped her way to the bathroom, peeling the blood-laden clothes off as she went. The JD was done when she set a bare foot on the cool tile floor.
Faith’s head swam as she rested the empty bottle on the sink… that first slow buzz starting to creep across her mind, and she studied herself through the haze. She could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her in the mirror. Faith looked deader than the creatures she hunted. Not that she was really messed up or anything. The few cuts and burses she had sustained to her face would heal in less than a day. No, it was her eyes that scared her.
“Windows to the soul.” Faith's voice cracked over the words. But she told herself it was still better.
She reached out a hand, knuckles still raw, and traced the reflection before her. The girl in the window was crying, clear rivers amongst the blood and grime. Faith hated how weak she looked. That naked vulnerability she never let reach the surface was painted in the tears and pain than ran down her cheeks. At the sight, unexpected rage mixed with the chaos in her mind and before she could stop it the muscles in her arm suddenly tensed.
And the girl was gone, glass raining like bells on the cold hard floor, and Faith’s hand was bleeding anew. She ignored the deep crimson drops staining the clean white tile and turned on the shower as hot as she could stand it. The water stung all the cuts covering her body as it rushed across her skin; Faith relished the sensation.
She wasn’t sure how long she remained under the deluge; the hot water supply seemed endless. She was waiting to feel clean again, waiting for the water to wash away more than the remains of the fight. Faith wanted to get rid of her touch. The feel of those hot gentle fingers sliding over her body seem to be tattooed into her skin… phantom caresses, and Faith hated it… hated that she still wanted it. She wanted to be sure that the rivers streaming down her face were no longer the shameful tears of the girl in the mirror… but the hot water finally gave in with a sputter and shaking of the pipes. So being clean physically would just have to do. Faith reluctantly shut off the shower, dried herself and changed into a loose pair of sweats and a clean tank. She had every intention of crawling into bead and sleeping for at least 24 hours straight. She figured she could start fresh when she was fully recovered. Confront the gang, and Buffy on her terms.
Yep, that was gonna be the plan. But just as the pattern had proven for the night… things weren’t following Faith’s plans.
When she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was that the music was gone. The second thing nearly brought her heart to a complete stop. There, sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed, was the one person Faith was trying so hard to forget. Still dirty, caked with blood, the candles were casting dancing shadows over Buffy’s slight form. She looked so tiny.
“Faith…” Her voice was thin. She sounded tired, and Faith wondered how long she had been waiting. Her legs felt suddenly weak.
“What are you doin’ here?” Faith had to force the steel in her voice. Had to force herself to remain standing by the bathroom door… across the room, when all she wanted to do was crawl over to the other girl. It was like an energy calling to her but she forced herself not to listen. Instead, she focused on Buffy’s reaction, the girl seemed thrown by Faith’s cold response.
What? Did B actually think she was gonna make it easy for her? Like hell! Anger was easier…
“I- I wanted to make sure you were Ok.” Buffy got to her feet as she spoke, taking a couple of steps towards the dark girl. Apparently whatever that pull was, B was feeling it too. She had seen it after the fight in the cemetery… arousal flashing in the light girl’s eyes, but it was something deeper than that something more…
Something Faith knew B wasn’t ready to admit. With that thought Faith’s anger shifted again to dejection… Man she was like a big roller coaster tonight. But could it be better this way? Sticking with what you know keeps you from getting hurt right? It made sense to Faith. But all she knew was being alone… and that hurt all the time.
“Yeah, well, all things considered I’m 5 by 5 B.” At that Buffy just nodded, eyes cast down to the floor. She looked as if she was preparing herself for something. Her eyes were watery pools of green when they finally met Faith’s again.
“I’m sorry.” A whisper that hung in the air.
Faith could have gotten angry at that, could have thrown that fragile apology back in her face… laugh at the aduadacidy of this girl, the one that would have killed her not too long ago had she even tried such a thing. But it looked to Faith that such a reaction was exactly what Buffy was expecting. And as the tears finally overflowed in Buffy’s eyes Faith realized she was just tired of the game.
“You hurt me so bad B…” But she was still shocked by the extent of her own honesty. Where the hell had that come from? But her words seemed to encourage the other girl. The hope was written plainly across Buffy’s face as she took a few more steps across the room, bridging the miles between them.
“I’m sorry… Faith I-I just got-”
“Freaked, yeah I know…” Faith cut her off with a sigh, she had a feeling where this was headed… she didn’t want to hear the hollow excuses.
“And it was all happening so fast…I didn’t know… and the gang just came outta nowhere… but…” Christ why was B here? Couldn’t the ‘let her down easy’ speech come after she had had some sleep. Buffy was in an all out babble fest now and Faith wasn’t even sure what the conversation was about anymore. “But…I didn’t mean it Faith.” Faith tuned back in, just in time to be thoroughly confused.
“Huh?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Buffy took her hand as she said it, lacing their fingers together gently. And damn if the blond girl looked like she really meant it. Faith could feel her self getting lost in those eyes all over again.
“It's Ok Buffy.” She said looking away at their joined hands. It was safer.
“No! it’s not! Faith, w-what we… um… did, ya know…” She was blushing now. And Faith could feel yet another babble spree approaching. She wanted to speed this little rejection up… get it all over with, because that pain in her chest was coming back full force… she hoped she had another bottle hidden somewhere.
“B, it's cool it doesn’t have to happen agai-”
“…It was… I think that was the most perfect moment in my whole life…”
WHAT?!
“What?!” Faith was pretty sure her eyes must have popped outta her head.
“It was beautiful Fai…” And Faith gasped a the power, the pure emotion in her voice. The words just seemed to pour into her soul, filling that empty space so fast she could hardly catch her breath. Buffy’s voice had become nothing more than a whisper… and when had they gotten so close? The other slayer was now very much in Faith’s personal space. Their bodies nearly touching, she could feel the gentle breaths on her face… smell the sweat and adrenaline from the fight that still laced her skin… It made Faith’s own skin prickle.
“Jesus B… what are ya sayin’ here?” Faith’s own voice felt tight in her throat, it came out in a raspy whisper.
“That I’m asking you to forgive me… if you can… I’ll understand if not, because ya know, the positions are kinda reversed and all… and I-”
Faith cut her off, the best way she knew how. She brought her mouth to the other girl's in a warm and gentle brush… She smiled and pulled back when B’s eyes went wide.
“ummm?! Th-that was..” The squeak in the blond girl's voice was beyond adorable.
“It's Ok B, you don’t have to apologize to me.” Faith couldn’t resist brushing a dirty blond piece of hair from the other girl's eyes… and her hand lingered, caressing her cheek her thumb brushing over a cut on that pouty bottom lip. And she felt like her heart was breaking when Buffy turned her head and kissed her palm.
“I do Faith… I need you to know…” Buffy’s hands came up then…sinking into Faith’s still damp tresses. She pressed their foreheads together.
“But I do B…” They were speaking so softly and Faith said it with a grin, as she felt Buffy’s mouth linger over her own once again… It was a longer kiss but no less gentle than the last. Faith felt the other girl's head move in her hands, she was shaking her head ‘no’.
“You don’t know, ‘cause I didn’t say it back…” And Faith’s heart was suddenly pounding in her chest. She gasped as the Buffy’s mouth slid against her own again… more insistent, warmer. She felt her tongue slipping over her bottom lip, asking. Their bodies were suddenly pressed together so tightly… the heat of it washing over them both. “I wanted you… I still want you.” Buffy mumbled into her mouth and Faith moaned at the feel of her words.
“B…I-I know…Shhh” Faith wasn’t sure if she could stand to hear it… she had never let herself hope. She pressed her mouth harder against the kiss. Sliding her tongue around the other girl’s, sucking that tender bottom lip. She felt Buffy’s hands raking over her back, down to hold firmly to her hips, pulling her even closer. Faith didn’t want her to talk, didn’t want her to say the words she realized she feared more than the hate, more than the rejection. “Oh god…” Faith couldn’t stop the rasping moan as Buffy’s mouth finally broke away to trail a hot path down her neck. It was slow, deliberate and so tender Faith felt as though she was coming apart.
“Need you… Faith I need you” Buffy was whispering it again and again the words felt hot on her skin, like she was begging, praying… And Faith couldn’t stop the tremors running though her.
“I know... B please… you don’t gotta-” Faith could see her hands shaking as they cupped around Buffy’s face…she pulled away slightly, but the intensity of those green eyes kept her only inches away. It was like the whole world had come to a stop.
“Faith… I love you.”
Buffy held her self very still, concentration focused intently on keeping her breathing even and deep. She didn’t want to disturb the peace of the moment. The rain had started up again, a gentle shower to contrast the night’s downpour. And with the pale light of dawn creeping through the windows, everything seemed softer, not quite solid. But she knew she wasn’t dreaming again. The gentle breaths of the dark girl sitting at the foot of the bed were all too real, steady and constant; it would hitch every time she would glance back at Buffy’s still form… like it was a surprise. She was watching, waiting. For what Buffy wasn’t quite sure, all she knew was that she wanted to stay in this place forever.
She felt safe, she felt warm, she felt loved.
It was damn near perfect. The candles had long since burned away, but their fragrance still lingered in the air, mixing lightly with the stronger essence that was distinctly their own. Buffy liked that… the fact that THEY had a scent now. It was just perfect… well; it was that is...before.
When she had first opened her eyes she had been greeted by a torrent of coffee colored silk, awash in that faint smell of lavender. Her arms enveloping that slim waist, hands tucked under the covers, resting on a smooth, flat tummy. And the skin pressed against her lips was the softest she had ever felt…She had been wrapped in Faith and yeah… THAT had been perfect. But it didn’t last. Faith had awoken a couple of minutes later, shifting slightly and mumbling something about potatoes before freezing suddenly when she realized her situation.
Buffy felt her chest tighten now just a little at the thought. The other girl had carefully extracted herself from Buffy’s hold and had been sitting across the bed for the past hour. Watching the rain, watching the girl.
She didn’t make a move to stop her. Something telling her deep inside, a bond or instinct maybe, that Faith needed time. Buffy didn’t want to listen, she wanted to pull Faith back, throw the covers over them again and shut out the rest of the world. She knew the world was waiting. But she had to fix THEM first. Make sure they were ok so they could face it together.
Nothing had really been solved the previous night. After her stumbling, but heartfelt confession, they had both been caught in a little shock. It was love after all… Jesus Christ it was love! Buffy was actually a bit scared herself… just a little terrified is all. And she had supposedly done all this before.
Buffy had been lying to herself a lot longer than she’d thought.
The whole damn thing could’ve been a huge disaster. And Faith wasn’t exactly emotions girl. Buffy had fully expected Faith to run and hide under the bed… maybe with a shovel.
But that’s not what had happed at all. To Buffy’s surprise, Faith had kissed her. Holding her face between her hands as if she would break, it was feather-light, and it made her shake all over.
“Say it again…” Faith had whispered in that pleading voice that was all sandpaper. When she pulled away an inch her brown eyes looked like they were going to spill.
“I- I Love you…” It was only a breath, and Buffy could feel her throat constrict on the words.
“Again…” It was more a plea than a command.
“Love you…Faith please…” And Buffy was begging her to believe.
But Faith was kissing her again before the words were even out. And it had been a VERY different kiss that time. The dark slayer’s tongue had slid into her mouth on a gasp. It was hot and slick and Buffy couldn’t stop her self from moaning against it. She didn’t want to stop herself. Faith tasted so good, like the whisky she knew the other girl had been drinking, but something darker too. Something that she couldn’t taste in their dream, that she hadn’t been able to get enough of in the cemetery earlier. Buffy suddenly wanted to know what she tasted like everywhere.
Her hands flexed where they had been resting on Faith’s hips, pulling the dark girl tighter against her body. Buffy let her own mouth get into the game. Ignoring the cuts and bruises they both had, she pushed harder into this kiss, her tongue lapping at every soft warm inch she could reach. Buffy felt the moan that came from Faith all the way down to her toes… that was right before she felt the dark girl's hands. They slid under her mud-covered sweater, so hot against her skin. It made her nipples get hard.
Buffy felt herself being lifted, spun around, and suddenly her back was against the wall. Her legs wrapped around Faith on pure instinct. It was almost an exact reversal of their positions earlier. And just the thought of that alone had Buffy whimpering as Faith tried to devour her in the kiss.
“Faith…” It was all Buffy could gasp as she tore her mouth away, desperate for air. She had forgotten any other word. And Faith’s lips were trailing a searing wet line down her neck, her tongue coming out to swirl random patterns over salty skin, teeth nipping a the tender spot of her pulse point…. Sucking on her collar bone.
“B… shit B…I wanna…” Faith was panting moist breaths on her neck, grinding her hips between Buffy’s spread thighs, creating a friction so deep they were both feeling it despite the layers of clothes. Buffy sank her hands deep into the other girl’s hair, pulling Faith’s head back a little, they never stopped the searing rhythm.
She saw the desire written plainly in Faith’s eyes. Deep and unguarded, she wasn’t hiding anything. The sight sent a shocking pulse of arousal though Buffy’s entire body, it pooled hot and slick between her legs and she couldn’t help but moan at the feeling… the sudden urgency.
“Ohh god… Faith… want you…” she said it between gasps against the darks girls neck, her mouth sucking gently. Peach sweet and just as soft, Buffy wanted to mark her. She sucked harder; encouraged by the hiss of pleasure she heard… the tremors that seemed to be taking over the other girl. Just the thought that she was causing that… making Faith moan and shake… making that flush spread across her neck and chest, it turned Buffy on more than she thought was possible
She tried to work her hands under Faith’s tank… she had to get more skin. She needed it. She wanted the dark Slayer’s tits in her hands… She could see her nipples, straining against that too thin shirt. Buffy wanted to feel them dragging against her palm… against her tongue… just the thought made her wetter.
Buffy had been so worked up after the fight… after touching…after fucking Faith before that, and then getting interrupted, she was way past the point of simple arousal now. It was a need, pulsing hot and dripping as Faith’s hands managed to get a hold on her ass… squeezing it in time with the grinding of their hips… The pressure was just where she needed it, her clit jumping out of control with each push against it Buffy could hardly stand it.
“Faith… baby…” She couldn’t even finish ‘cause one of Faith's hands just gently cupped her left breast… Her thumb circled her nipple and Buffy thought she was gonna die. The pleasure was electric, shooting right to her pussy as Faith toyed with her nipple… pulling it… letting her fingers roll around it. She locked legs tighter around the dark girl's hips… trying to ride her.
“So soft B… god…wanna fuck you so bad… can feel how wet you are…you want me in ya B?” And Faith was talking to her… whispers that were nasty-sweet, burning against the her shoulder… all in that raspy tone that was wrapped in pure sex.
“Uuunnuhhh god… yeah… Faith” Buffy was shocked she could even form the words… Faith's hand had abandoned her breast, it was now sliding down her side then lower in between them. It was cupping her over her jeans!
“Fuck… baby you’re soaked…I can feel it…” Her hand was already moving, rubbing her slow. Faith was watching her own hand as if she couldn’t believe it, then those dark eyes… bottomless in their wanting slid up to meet Buffy’s own, the sight was nearly enough to send her over the edge then and there. Seeing that lust, that ache she could feel herself, it made her feel wild… ferial.
She sank her hands back into Faith's hair, jerking the dark girl's head towards her, crashing their mouths back together. It was a brutal kiss, almost violent, and Buffy didn’t know where the aggression had come from. It was all she could feel, thundering through her veins, mixing with the arousal… she felt dizzy at the sound of Faith’s moan, she had to have more… had hear it over and over.
She finally got her hands up under that skimpy excuse for a shirt Faith was wearing… she read the dark girl's skin like she was blind… scrapes and cuts every where, but she was so soft, and warm.
She got her hands between them… covered Faith's breasts, hard nipples dragging against her finger tips, and Buffy watched in awe as the pleasure washed across the dark girl's face… eyes fluttering, that sweet mouth open and panting…
“Oh fuck B… yeah like that...” And that voice again… dark raspy whisper.
Buffy’s hips moved faster demanding Faith’s hand to the same… her legs tightened even more hearing the other slayer whimper as she pinched her nipples harder.
“You like that Faith?” She breathed, then moaned as Faith's hand picked up the pressure working her aching clit through the material…
“God yeah… oh shit B” Buffy wanted their clothes gone. Like now. She was already so close she was shaking… her hips jerking randomly to break the rhythm… she couldn’t help it…couldn’t control it Buffy was loving it.
Buffy could feel herself slipping, her restraint dwindling. Faith’s hands… her mouth, her body all pushing her closer and closer into that dark place, that wild out of control place. Her muscles felt hot… twitching just like they did before a good slay. She let her hands slide down Faith’s back again, fingers digging into the pliant flesh… harder when she heard her named moaned… God she felt crazy! But Faith was talking to her again… her voice sounding strained this time.
“Buffy… shit!” She was pulling away her had stopping that wonderful stroking against her pussy… why!? “B… wait a sec…” What!? Faith wanted them to stop now? Buffy couldn’t wait, her body wouldn’t let her, it was demanding her to take what she wanted… to take Faith. She pulled her back crashing their mouths together again… pulling that plump bottom lip with her teeth… she loved the way her nails felt sinking into Faith’s warm skin… “Buffy oww… stop it!” She had barely registered the words when she felt herself being slammed against the solid wall behind her… hard.
It was like a haze lifted suddenly as the pain shot through her already bruised body… she stumbled as she fell from Faith’s arms, barely landing on her feet. She looked up once she had regained her balance and Faith’s eyes were a mix of shock and concern.
Fuck what had she done?!
“Faith! Oh my god I….” They were both still breathing hard. But Buffy’s heart was pounding with the realization of how out of control she had just gotten…how she could still feel it running though her, still wanted it. Buffy couldn’t understand it. “I’m sorry! I’m so..” But Faith did. She was already taking the blond girl back into her arms trying to calm the shaking that had now seemed to be taking over Buffy’s slight form… whispering reassurance.
“It’s alright B…I get it…” To Buffy it felt like she was living the same moments over again. In dreams, in reality. Hurting Faith… Faith comforting her. What the hell was wrong with her!
“What’s wrong with me Faith?” She whispered fear and tears in her throat.
“Nothin’ is wrong with you B…” She actually sounded like she believed what she was saying! Faith was smiling and Buffy looked at her in disbelief. How could she be so casual about this! Buffy felt like she was losing her mind.
“H-how can you say that! I…umm…” She gestured between them, at a loss for words, and Faith’s smile turned to more of a smirk as she leaned in and cut Buffy off, lips brushing hers gently, chaste.
“Baby, you didn’t even hurt me really, it’s just the Slayer in ya.” What the hell was that supposed to mean? She had never gotten this aggressive… this fierce with anyone else. “It's ok B…I feel it too. It’s IN us… you don’t have to hide it, not from me…” Faith was stroking her cheek so softly, you would never tell that seconds ago they were nearly tearing each other apart.
“I don’t?” still unbelieving.
“Never B… Ya know, normally I’d be right there with ya with the grrr… but after the fight and all…” And with the words Buffy suddenly became aware of her own body, with the adrenaline finally wearing off and the arousal beginning to fade, Buffy realized that she was hurting all over…
“Yeah I guess we’re not really in any condition to… ya know…” Her smile was slightly embarrassed as she spoke. She couldn’t believe how fast things had gotten out of hand… it was just- “I just… want you so much…” Shy again as she looked into the dark girl's grinning eyes.
“I know the feeling.” But Faith stepped back and Buffy felt lost without her warmth. “It’s gettin’ pretty late…” She began again.
“Yeah… maybe I should…um.” Buffy was already making a move towards the door.
“No! Stay with me?” Faith got a hold of her hand, lacing their fingers.
“Ok…”
And that’s how the night had gone. Buffy had showered, changed into a huge t-shirt and crawled into bed with Faith. They had both been out in seconds, and now in the hazy light of morning Buffy couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was supposed to happen next.
She thought of her friends, what they would think… of the attack in the cemetery, new super vamps… Faith tasted so good… could she stand to see the look on Riley’s face, on any of their faces… Willow’s new dark eyes… when was she gonna tell her? They would be disappointed… would they reject her? Did she care? Faith made her feel so alive, so totally and completely… well, complete. So much was racing through her head she forgot for a minute to keep up her charade. She jumped a little a the sound of a sleep-roughened murmur.
“Buffy… you awake?” Yup she was caught… so what was supposed to happen now?
So much for the silence… I was loving watchin’ her sleep… Her eyes fluttered when I called her name, and sleepy green is revealed to me. Damn she’s beautiful, even all ruffled. But I hate that she’s awake now. ‘Cause that means it's all over.
“Yeah… I’m awake…” She says. It’s my first time hearin’ her scratchy-morning-voice. My chest feels like it's gonna bust open, ‘cause I know it's gotta be the last. I look out the window at the rain still sliding over the glass, It’ll be easier if I just don’t look at her.
Nothin’s ever easy. I’ve been sitting here coming to that realization for the past hour or so. Nothing that is, but loving her. Hell, I’ve been doin’ that since the moment I set eyes on her. Yeah, I can admit it. Here and now, finally, is everything I’ve ever wanted. And for a moment, last night, I was so sure she wanted it too. Fuck, when she told me… I can hardly even think it! I thought I was gonna combust. It was so perfect. And then after… I can’t help but grin a little…heh, yeah, hotness.
Damn she just makes me feel things… wild and out of control type things. It's always been that way, no matter how much we tried to fight it. When she put me away it had faded some… the space between us too much I guess, and besides… nothing can bust through two-feet of concrete and steel bars. I was dead in jail anyway. Dead and haunted. But now… I feel so alive. It was like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel my heart beating until the minute I set foot back on the outside… my first step back to her.
Back to makin’ things right.
And this, when we’re together, when she touches me…kisses me it's so right. It's like I’m always burning for her. Like a comet entering the atmosphere, consumed by the fire before I can even touch ground… And it's not just sexual either… no, seriously. I’m not whole if she’s not there. She feels it too. And that thought, that we’re finally on this same level, that she wants me just as much as I want her… it should bring me comfort…
Yeah, nothin’s ever easy. See, B isn’t ready.
“You sleep ok…?” I ask, trying to delay the inevitable and my voice sounds strained.
“Yeah… no crazy dreams.” She smiles, and it reaches her eyes. It’s breakin’ me. She reaches a hand from under the covers… “Come back… it's still early.”
I want to. And I mean I REALLY want to. But I can’t, ‘cause she’s not ready.
See I think, when I was locked up, somethin’ happened to me. I think I got smarter about this whole life thing. Soul boy liked to call in ‘insight’. He told me I’d lived a lot to have lived so little… fuckin’ riddles…
Anyways, he said that I spent my whole life trying to survive. True, you don’t have a lotta time to sit around contemplating when you’re not sure where your next meal is comin’ from. Which is why prison was good for me. As much as I hated it, as much as it ripped me apart, it was a good thing. Those walls that pushed in around me, those dreams of dying every night… they helped me see, who I am… what WE are.
“Baby? What’s the matter?” Heh heh ‘baby’, god I love that… I must be worrying her with all this ‘deep in thought’ shit. But hey I thought she liked ‘em dark and brooding. Buffy can’t see it yet, she’s afraid to. I saw it in her last night, in that dream we shared before that. The girl is running from herself, from that darkness that’s part of us… that MADE us. It’s the part that allows us to stalk the night… to kill things, it’s the part of her that was able to stick a knife in my gut. But she still wants to keep it all in a nice pretty package.
Well it ain’t about the wrappin’ paper, it's what’s inside the box that counts.
“Buffy… we really gotta talk.” Damn, did that sound ominous? Must have ‘cause she’s sitting up, pushing the covers outta the way. She’s got that concerned frowny pout thing going on… it's even cuter than normal with her hair all crazy, I just wanna kiss her. A soft little hand touches my arm and it's like my entire body prickles.
“Um… Ok. Just, tell me what’s wrong.” And she moves to sit right next to me, her bare thigh brushes against mine and fuck it's too close. I can’t think when I can feel the warmth just leaping off her body, when I can smell her skin.
I get up and start pacing back and forth in front of her… I can still feel her eyes like a caress though.
“Listen um… I think we really need to slow this whole thing down” I stop and meet her eyes.
“Wha- slow down?” Ok the eyes maybe not the best place to look… they’re pleading with me already. But I gotta say this. It's for both our sakes.
“B, I just think that we’re kinda rushing this a little ya know? I mean, we’re hardly back to good… and we haven’t even talked about what went down the last time I was here…”
There is so much baggage between the two of us I don’t know how we could ever get past it all… she has to see that. I mean I wanted to do it all the right way this time. And a relationship with B? How can that be right when so much shit between us is wrong?
And ‘relationship’… fuck, I’ve never done that before. With all the trust involved and, expectation, I don’t know if I could deal… what if I let her down. What if she realizes she really doesn’t want me? It would send me over again… and god, just the thought of hurting B again… But wait! All this shit isn’t about ME, it's about Buffy’s issues.
I gotta stay focused here… shit, she’s talking again…
“…and I know we have a lot to work out, but I want us to do that. Together…” She’s sittin’ on the end of the bed now… looking up at me with eyes so full of… everything. I feel my heart speed up. This is so damn hard! But I gotta do this…It’ll hurt less in the long run.
“No, you don’t want that B, you can’t!” I gotta make her see this, but I got a feeling that was exactly the wrong thing to say. She’s up in my face in an instant... eyes flashin’ anger and something else… disappointment?
But damn the girl is quick.
“And how the hell do you know what I want?! That I don’t want this?” Well duh? Her freakin’ out every time things get a little intense maybe?
“Cuz it's obvious! You’re not ready for this B!” She’s not the only one who can get a little loud.
“What!? Was last night in the graveyard not ‘ready’ enough for you Faith?! ‘Cause the way I had you screaming for me, it seemed like I was perfectly ‘ready’ then!”
I can’t believe she just said that, and now she’s lookin’ all holy. Bitch.
“Fuck you that’s not even what I mean!” I mean seriously, ouch. But this is obviously upsetting her a lot… fuck are those tears? See this is the type shit I’m talking about it's always been this way. So intense that we clash in one way or another… fighting or fuckin’ I guess.
“Then what DO you mean! Faith why are you doing this!?” Her voice is gettin’ all shaky all defeated, but-
“Don’t you see it’ll be better this way!?” She is just so stubborn!
“Faith… you’re the only thing I see…”
Oh. God. That was so not fair! I think I feel my heart breaking… suddenly my own eyes are burning. She takes a few steps to close the distance between us, and fuck it's so good being this close to her… she cups those soft warm hands around my face…
“B…god B don’t say shit like that…” I can hear the tears in my voice… why does she make me feel so helpless, so conflicted? She’s kissing me… brushes of her lips all over my face… eyes, cheeks… I feel them against my mouth and my breath freezes… NO! “Don’t…stop. B, that’s my whole point. I can’t be the only thing for you…” I push her back.
“Oh…” It's totally dead sound, like some one just flipped the off switch to her emotions. But it looks like she starting to get it. There’s definitely some realization goin’ on in her head… but she looks pissed as hell.
“Buffy it’s just that-”
“No, it's alright… I- I get it now…” She does? I take a wary step closer and attempt to take her hand. But she just avoids me.
“You do? Really?” Is it too much to hope?
“Yeah, it’s… this is the ‘get gone’ part of the deal right?”
WHAT?!
“NO! B that’s not it!” Is that all she expects from me? She’s got the self-righteous eyes on again and I just want to shake her, I feel my fists clench…but I start pacing again instead. “Shit B, what I mean is… you gotta life here. A whole bunch of people that count on you… that need you, that aren’t exactly crazy about ME. I’m not gonna ruin your life.”
“Is that it?! You’re scared of what they’re gonna think?”
Umm no? I mean hell no! I force a chuckle and pray it's believable. She crosses her arms… lifts an eyebrow. Was that a challenge?
“I can give a fuck what they think!” Ok that’s not entirely true…at all. But I care MORE what they think of her… and again, this isn’t about what I’m scared of, so I say, “But YOU care… and that’s the thing B, there’s a part of us that you’re not ready to accept, that you don’t want anybody to see. You feel it all the time… you feel it more with me. You gotta deal with that first…”
Ok that threw her off her game a little. The defiant look in her eye is gone because she knows what I’m talking about… I mean Christ, she’s been a slayer longer than me! I thought she woulda come to terms with all this ya know? If she can’t even accept her self how the hell is she gonna deal with me with US… god I want there to be an ‘us.’
“I don’t… It doesn’t matter to me.” And she tries to say it with some conviction, but just comes out week.
“Right B, that’s why you went all spastic when everybody showed up last night!” I’m trying not to get pissed…really I am… but fuck it!
I wasn’t gonna bring that up again but man it just stings… how she was so quick to just throw me away. I mean, sure getting damn near caught with your pants down, can be a little awkward. And I’m not naïve enough to think she was gonna be all ‘hey guys! Look who I just fucked!’… But STILL. Just thinkin’ about it gets me pissed and depressed in equal parts…. Oh yeah… AND she still has a boyfriend. Why can’t it be easy?
“I said I was sorry for that!” what like I have the audacity to even bring it up?
“Right, you’re sorry you hurt me, you’re sorry ‘cause it was so easy for you!”
“You have no idea how hard it is! How this all terrifies me!” And she’s standin’ so close to me again… I’m startin’ to think she gotta thing for being in my personal space.
“Yeah I know B, you’re scared of what they would all think if-”
“No! I’m scared of what you make me feel….”
Oh… and now all the venom is gone from her voice and she just sounds… defeated.
“Can you help me Faith?” She comes close and wraps her arms around my waist. I’m not strong enough to push her away this time. She kisses my neck, close to my shoulder and I gotta try hard to find my voice.
“Help?”
“Help me face this part of me… balance me?”
Ok she’s asking unstable slayer of the year for balance? How the hell am I supposed to help her? I barely can figure how to help myself? Does she realize what she’s askin’ me? She wants me to be the one she comes to for support… for trust? Again all that relationship stuff… Fuck that could never work, but she sounded so damn sure…
“B how can that work? H-how can you know-” She cuts me off when her thumb brushes my lip, she presses our foreheads together.
“I love you Faith, that’s all I need to know.” God why does she say these things? A few simple words and it all turns around… she just spins me. Her mouth follows where her thumb had been. It's one of those gentle kisses that just gets me shaking all over…B’s the only one that can do this to me… make me feel like I’m gonna fly apart with just a single kiss. This has all gotten so far from where I thought it was gonna go. All my resolve is just melting under the sweet pressure of her mouth as it slides over my own. I try to break away, but it's just a hopeless gesture.
“I- I can’t…we can’t B…” Oh, but we can. I’m kissing her deeper already… my tongue exploring the soft recesses of her moth as we shuffle backwards. Her knees hit the bed and we’re suddenly horizontal. Soft sheets and her skin… the only sounds our heavy breathing and the rain beating constant on the window. She feels so good under me.
That t-shirt she’s wearing is gone in a matter of seconds. Her hair goes tumbling everywhere as I pull it over her head… its shiny yellow silk in my hands. And she’s kissing me so deep now, like she needs it to live…her tongue wrapping around mine, I feel teeth on my bottom lip. So good, but I shouldn’t be doin’ this…
“W-we should stop… this… it's wrong” I whisper across her lips. It sounds like I’m begging… and I am, but it's with myself.
Her hands are holding on to my head and she’s got those strong skinny legs wrapped around me…kissing me with everything she has… fuck it's desperate. God that’s exactly how I feel, I NEED her, but I pull my mouth away, cuz I need to breathe just a little bit more.
I’m kneeling between her legs now and I finally get to look at her… all of her. Fukin’ Christ she’s unbelievable…
“Buffy…” It's all I can breathe, what does that mean? This is wrong…
I let my eyes travel over all that’s exposed to me. Her skin is so flushed the pale light pouring over her body like a liquid…the cuts and bruises from last night have faded a lot… they’ll be gone by tonight… I let my fingertips brush gently over her knees…up her thighs, never felt anything softer than this… I shouldn’t go any further, but the higher I go the more the muscles of her stomach contract. Her breathing is picking up…her chest rising and falling so quick, her back arches and fuck I can't believe just this little touch is turning her on so much… that it's turning ME on even more. I’m getting so wet just from watchin’ her react to me… my clit starts to throb as I watch her nipples harden.
“Faith…” she breathes my name like I’m her savior, it’s a beautiful sound, but it just makes that doubt in my head scream louder… how can I be the one she needs?
I watch as my hands tremble over her stomach… her skin is on fire, my thumb swirls over her navel and her hips jerk up towards me and it’s incredible. She makes this sound in the back of her throat… half moan and half whimper and it's like pure need… it rolls down my spine and I can’t help but moan a little myself. My eyes travel lower on their own… to where she spread out for me and I’m suddenly breathin’ a hell of a lot faster too.
“B you’re so wet…” I can hardly recognize that whisper as my own, it was so rough and needy. I can’t help it though. Her juices are shiny, spread over the inside of her thighs… she just looks so swollen, so ready. My hands stay on her stomach though, makin’ those idle patters, it just seems to be makin’ her hotter… fuck she smells so good.
“Faith…god. Need you…” She practically growls as she takes one of my hands in hers and slowly drags it up. And we both moan when she stops over her left breast. The hard point of her little pink nipple is burning in my palm… my hands are still shakin’ like crazy. “Touch me baby…” she whispers and arches her back again… pushing herself further into my hand. It’s sexy as hell… I start rubbing my palm over her nipple, letting it drag slowly over all the ridges of my hand… she makes that sound again. God I’m gettin’ so wet from this… her eyes are locked right into mine, they’re so dark there’s hardly any green left.
I take the tight little bud between my fingers, rolling it around over my thumb and her mouth falls open as her head tips back…Fuck I wanna take this slow, but just watchin’ her… I can feel my control slipping. I get my other hand into the action, squeezin’ and rubbing both her tits, her eyes flutter closed on a sigh… god she’s getting so worked up… my eyes fall back down between her legs and she’s dripping for me.
“Faith... baby I wanna feel you.” The sound of her voice draws my eyes away from her soaked pussy. It’s a dark needy sound.
“How?” I pinch her nipples harder… pullin’ a little and I get that moan again… makes me nuts… but there’s still that voice in the back of my head telling me I gotta stop this…
“T-take off your clothes Faith” But I can’t…She sits up to help as I pull my tank over my head. It puts right at eye level with my chest… this is goin too far.
“Oh fuck! Buffy!” The sudden feel of her hot mouth over my aching nipple has me moaning outta my mind. Her tongue is flicking over it as she sucks on me… it so good I can hardly stand it. I feel my pussy contract as a hot flood drips outta me. I hold her head in one hand as we fall back again, keeping her mouth attached to my breast, I support my weight with the other arm. Suddenly stopping this is the last thing on my mind. B seems to be right there with me. Her hands are sliding down my back… down to my ass and she jerks me down between her legs again.
“Oh shit B…” I have to gasp, the feeling of her heat spreading all over my stomach makes my whole body tense up. I wanna taste that heat… be in it. I slide down her body, touching, kissing her everywhere. It feels so... sacred, and I want to worship her forever. I feel saved when I reach her breasts… when she arches into my mouth, puts her hands in my hair. But I can’t stay long.
I move lower, feeling her skin jump and twitch under my lips… Her breathing is so ragged, those whimpers turning into moans. I curl my hands around her hips, because they’re moving constantly now, her pliant little body reaching for me.
“Faith…please.” I can barely hear her over the rushing in my head, it's all gone too far… Her hands are pushing me lower and all of a sudden I’m there. I’ve never been nervous about these sorta things, but now, my breath is shuddering out of my lungs. I get my first taste of her high on the inside of her thigh… and it's darker than I could have ever dreamed. She tastes like sex… like raw femininity, and the heat is just coming off of her in waves.
“Oh… god… baby” She’s trembling all over and so am I. I feel her nails rake over my scalp as her hands clench in my hair. She’s almost frantic, but I need to take this slow, need to look at her… fuckin’ beautiful. Her lips are puffy, glistening with her need, and her clit has to be aching … the thought that I did that to her, it's just unbelievable. I finally lower my mouth to her and it feels reverent. She hisses at the first contact, my lips placing a tender kiss on her swollen clit. Then those strong hands are pulling me closer, and her hips start up a rhythm immediately.
“Faith! nuuuhh...lick me baby…” I can’t believe this his happening… that I’m sliding my mouth around in her, covering my self in her juices. I press my tongue against her clit and she’s so hard I can feel her pulsing. My hands slide up her thighs, spreading them wider as I bury my face in her heat. I’m never gonna be able to get enough of this… of her.
We both moan as I push a finger into her. I tore my mouth away, because I just have to see this… I have to believe it. Her back arches hard as I add a second, it’s so tight.
“…oh fuck…baby…yes.” I start pushing in and out of her and I’m torn between watching my hand or the pleasure that is sliding over her face. She’s frowning a bit concentrating on the feel of me fuckin’ her… those long lashes are resting against her cheeks, and she keeps biting her bottom lip… trying to muffle those sexy groans and sighs that keep breaking free, a fine sheen of sweat is covering her and she’s almost glowing in the early morning light.
I can feel her starting to tighten up around my fingers… she so close but she fighting it, those moans getting harder and harder to restrain. I speed up my thrusts, pushing into her as deep as I can… curling my fingers a little. I need to see her come. It's like I can almost feel it building inside me… it's never been like this. I lower my mouth over her aching clit again… take it between my lips and suck.
“Ahh...g-god… Faith” I can feel her getting wetter, I can taste it but then “Faith S-stop baby… wait…”
“What?” I pull my mouth away… panting…licking her juices from my lips. My hand keeps going though, still fuckin’ her but slower. “What’s wrong B?”
Please don’t tell me she wants to stop, not now, not when I need this so bad.
“Get… uuuhh…up here… want…need to feel you.” Relief washes through me and I crawl quickly up her body until we're face to face again. She gets her hands back in my hair and kisses me hard. I know she's gotta be tasting herself, but she’s lovin’ it.
“Clothes… off... Faith.” She mumbles against my neck. I feel her teeth scrape me gently and I think I’m gonna die. We get my shorts off quick and now, there’s nothing but skin. Hers and mine and it feels like my whole world just stopped.
Our eyes are locked as I sink down on to her…into her, our centers pressing together. She’s breathing in all gasps, sharp… erratic. Her eyes flutter open and B’s looking at me with every kind emotion. My heart is suddenly in my throat as I realize… this is so much more than sex. I can hardly breathe at the thought. I try to swallow down the sudden wave of nerves but it's almost overwhelming… God this is everything to me… SHE is everything! I'm shakin’ all over again… I can’t do this!
“Buffy I-I can’t…I… oh god!” She moves her hips… rolling them up and the pleasure rushes through me as our clits grind together. “Ahh fuck B!” I almost come then and there.
“Look at me Faith… feel me.” Her hands are cupped around my face… she’s so open right now. And I do feel her… everywhere. It’s so intense. I can only hope I’m reflecting every I’m feeling right back at her. I start moving with her, sliding against her. It's all so wet and slick and hot I’m on the edge of way too quick. And the whole time she’s just lookin’ right into my eyes, letting our bodies set a pace that’s getting more and more frantic with each passing second.
“B… ahh fuck… I-I’m gonna…” the way she’s looking at me… how she’s panting right along with me tells me she’s just as close.
“I know…me too…mmm--don’t stop baby…” Her nails are raking down my back I gotta struggle to keep my eyes open, I have to see her… need to. And then it starts. Her eyes flicker closed just for an instant before they open wider than before. Her whole body surges against me and I feel it… in the slick heat between us, rolling down my spine, prickling my skin and thundering through every inch of me. And somewhere distantly I hear both of us moaning… shouting desperately but all I can see is her eyes.
It’s a little later now… I’m not real sure how much time has past, just been soaking up the afterglow... But it's not peaceful, not like when I first woke up… God I just made love for the first time and it's not peaceful! B’s got her body slung half over mine, her warm skin making all the sheets and blankets unnecessary. I’ve been trying to sort through all the shit in my head. She wants to give this all a go, she doesn’t want the consequences of what that could mean… I want… hell I just want it all to be right.
“Don’t doubt this… don’t doubt that I love you.” She whispers so soft, and I open my eyes to see the watery depths of hers. How does she get in my head like that?
Fuck just hearing those words… she just has this pull over me… IN me. It's every thing good inside me, everything that makes me want to come outta these damn shadows. Everything in me that makes me wanna live in the light. It's all her, and it makes me feel whole. But it's not enough…
“I know Buffy… it's just not enough.” And then there’s this silence, so heavy I can feel it crushing me. There’s just the rain. I want to say it back… I want to shout it to the world that I love her more than anything in this life… ‘cause I do, but I just can’t.
She pulls away from me and I hear her choke on a sob. Why can’t it be easy.
“It's getting late, we should get going. The gang’s gonna be waiting.” She says finally... her voice is strained. She gets up and puts the T-shirt back on, looking around for the rest of her clothes. “They’re all getting together at mine to figure out what went down last night…”
“Yeah, they’re probably freakin’… what did you tell them after I left?” I stay in the bed, and wrap the covers around me. I feel like I need the protection.
“Nothing…”
“What are you gonna tell them now?”
“I don’t know…nothing.” I can’t really ask for anything more than that. It's all she can give me right now. I watch her walk out the door, the soft click of the wood echoes through the loft and I feel my eyes burning. She loves me, but it's not enough.
I come down the stairs and the chatter that had been filling the air comes to a sudden and abrupt stop. And all eyes are on me. Its ok though. I’m showered and changed, squeaky clean with my armor gleaming. It’s a far cry from when I first walked through the door. It was like they had been counting the seconds. The door was barely open before I was slammed with a barrage of questions.
All about Faith.
I didn’t have any answers. I mean, what could I tell them? That she didn’t want me? That my love wasn’t enough for her? That I had walked home sobbing in the rain trying to put together the pieces of my shattered heart?! Yeah, that would have gone over REAL well.
I love the smell of melodrama in the morning. Seriously, I was a mess.
I had retreated to the sanctuary of my room, spent a good half hour bawling my eyes out, then, finally dragged my butt off the bed and out of that cliché high school moment. I was the Slayer I should be stronger than this. I kill things! Big ugly bad type things!
I had looked at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while. Still slightly bruised and cut, an interesting mix of greens and blues… my eyes were red and puffy. Damn I looked like hell. But I couldn’t help think, what was it that she wanted? After all this time, all that we had been through, we finally get to this place and it wasn’t ‘enough’?
Who the hell did she think she was anyway!?
I told her that I loved her… what more could she possibly want?!
Did that sound conceited? Well, so the fuck what!
I mean, SHE was the one who started all this right? She said it first! And she did SO much more than just that too!
She pulled ME into those crazy dreamscapes, showed me all her demons, and fears… let them flash before my eyes... I never noticed the how scared she was that night… not until I saw it all played back to me. Blood on her hands, tears in her eyes… I would have been fine NEVER knowing, but god, she just HAD to put it out there…. In the dream, she let me kill her, cause she thought that’s what I wanted…
But it’s NOT! I never wanted her to die, and I didn’t ASK for any of this! She didn’t have to come here! I know I told her about this big thing that’s on the loose…but, she could have said no right?!
Why would she risk it? Risk coming back to a place that holds so much pain for her where she’s HATED, just because we MIGHT have reached some kind of understanding? I mean, the Council was after her for fucks sake! Surely she realized they would look here eventually! Her arm hadn’t even gotten a chance to heal, and she runs back here?
Back to me?
And I SO didn’t ask for her to apologize for all the shit between us either! She just DID! I didn’t WANT her to bare it all the way she did on the train… It was like she put her soul in my hands. All her pain all her hope she just let me take it…she gave me everything and asked me with those deep beautiful eyes if it was enough….
She … Oh…
She said it FIRST…in a tiny whisper that let me know she hadn’t said those three words together in a very long time… like she was scared of them… and…
Oh my god it was SO much MORE than just that!
It was everything.
And it was like that realization had washed over me like a wave. All that she had done, all she had risked. It was for me! And what did I give her in return? Hollow words with no action to back it up? Ok the anger is gone and I feel like crap again… but for an entirely different reason.
God I can be so blond some times!
I can’t help but think about what she said to me in that dream… the hope in her eyes, just as they had been last night and god, this morning. Yeah I’m getting it now.
The girl is terrified. Maybe even more than I am.
She’s scared that I’m gonna let her down again… that she might mess up again. It could all so easily go to hell… but it WON’T. Because they weren't hollow words. I just need a chance to make her see that.
I have to prove it to her. She’s more than proved herself to me. I can’t believe the determination that’s coursing though me. It was like back on that train… understanding. But the dilemma is less than ideal. How am I supposed to win her over in the midst of all that’s going on? I have not only a potential apocalypse here but all my family and friends to win over too?!
Talk about multi-tasking.
And then there is Riley. I can feel something inside me melt a little at the thought of him. I’m not naïve enough to believe that I love him, that what I feel for him could EVER possibly compare to what I feel for Faith. But still. He represents everything I thought I ever wanted in this life. Everything I was TAUGHT to want since I was a little girl. A princess wishes for her knight. He gallantly slays her dragons and they live happily ever after.
It’s supposed to be easy…And Riley fits so easily in that spot. With his ‘all American boy’ looks and attitude, he wants to be my prince.
And it does feel like a fairy tale when I’m with him… sometimes.
People see us holding hands as we walk across campus and they smile… my friends make those ‘awww’s when we kiss…we DO make an attractive couple after all.
A beautiful stereotype.
And I revel in those moments… Being seen as NORMAL for just a moment. I can forget then that I’m not… that I come home every night covered in dust and blood, thankful just to be breathing still.
And sometimes it actually does feel good to be wrapped in those large arms. And I don’t ALWAYS feel smothered when he towers over me. Sometimes I feel protected. But then I think about how I can snap him and the white horse he rode in on into pieces without even breaking a sweat.
I slay more than just dragons.
I’m not supposed to want another princess… God Faith would knock me half way around the world if I ever called her something so girly. This is gonna hurt Riley so bad. When we’re alone, he talks so much about the future… and I’m always a part of it. I’ve never thought further ahead than what it takes to kill the thing I’m hunting. Never about tomorrow, cause tomorrow I could be dead. But his tomorrows are filled with suburban houses and PTA meetings…. And those aren’t bad dreams… but they aren’t MY dreams. He deserves someone who can make them come true.
Lately I’ve been dreaming of her.
So I know what I have to do now. It’s not gonna be easy, I’m actually a little terrified, but thinking about all she’s done all she wants us to be, I know it's gonna be worth it. SHE is worth it.
And now, my foot hits the bottom stair and the whole gang is looking at me. It’s ok though. I look around and see everyone but Riley. It’s probably for the best that he isn’t here… one step at a time and all.
“Not that I was expecting applause or anything guys… but a good morning maybe?” I think I’m gonna try to keep this light as long as possible…
“Ok… morning Buff” Xander starts cautiously, only to be interrupted.
“Yes, good morning. Now, what the hell is going on with that other Slayer?” Anya… well, you gotta love her directness.
“Umm honey, sweetie, we talked about that whole ‘tact’ thing, remember.”
“No Xander, I’d like to know what’s up too… I mean you ran after her last night and everything Buffy… and you DID kick Faith’s ass right? Or well at least give her a good hard questioning? Send her back on her way to wherever her way is? Like jail?”
Despite the babble there is nothing funny about Will’s expression… I can practically hear her teeth grinding from across the room. I already know she’s gonna be the toughest. Before everyone else can jump on the bandwagon though I stop it all right here.
“Listen guys, it's not what you think…” and I think it’s SO not what they think… but I can already see Xander rolling his eyes.
“Well that’s good ‘cause I was thinking murder and mayhem part 2… or is it 3?”
“No. It’s nothing like that. I…I haven’t exactly been telling you guys everything that’s been going on.”
“What do you mean Buffy?” Giles ask and he has that curious frown going on. I try not to be intimidated.
“I’ve been in contact with Faith…”
There I said it.
“What for? How long!?” Xander is getting more and more high strung by the minute… Willow is just seething quietly, and I’m losing control of the conversation… fast.
“The past couple of days. Slayer dreams.”
“Dreams? As of… have they been prophetic in nature?” Giles asks… and there go the glasses…
“Not as far as I can tell, but I can’t ignore the timing. Nothing for months and then, all of a sudden when this big bad moseys into town, with all these ties to ‘The Slayer’ ya gotta wonder…”
“Yeah I wonder if she’s working with it to end the world!” And now he jumps to his feet… arms flapping and everything.
“No! Xander, will you just let me finish? We talked… about a lot of things, about everything. She’s here to help.”
“Help!? Buff you can’t be serious!” Arms still flapping… he’s gonna take flight any second now.
“Yeah I am, and so is she… It's all so different now.” I push on though. I have to make them see.
“Buffy certainly you’ve considered the consequences of this.”
“Yeah Giles I’ve been doing nothing but considering--”
“But she tried to strangle me!”
“You’ll have to excuse Xander. Seeing this Faith person was quite traumatic for him. She was his first lover other than Mrs. Righty and the whole experience last night has left him both terrified and aroused.”
“Thank you for that summary Anya, although I’m sure that’s more information that any of us will ever require…” Giles looks equally disturbed and annoyed. And I SO didn’t need the reminder of the whole Faith and Xander naked thing…. And whoa where did that flash of jealousy come from?
“You can’t possibly think that she’s changed? After everything that’s happened?” Xander’s insistent questioning pulls me back and I think only a couple of days ago the answer to that question would have been an emphatic ‘hell no’ but now…
“Yeah I do.” Simple as that. So much has changed. And I look around at my family as they all try to process it all. My eyes finally rest on Willow, asking.
“No.” Is her answer. And her voice is like ice. My heart plummets.
“I can’t do it again... go through that HELL she put us through…”
“Willow calm down..”
“No Tara I won’t calm down! That BITCH put all our lives in danger. Killed people!! MURDERED, lied and betrayed us… all for her own selfish, jealous vindictive--”
“NO! You don’t understand, you don’t know what it was like for her--”
“Oh and I suppose you do now? How do you know she’s not playing you all over again?”
“It's not like that…I just--”
“She raises a point Buffy, how can you foresee Faith’s motives to be genuine? This could be nothing more than yet another of her manipulations.”
“No… listen guys in these dreams… she showed me things, everything. And yeah she messed up, big time. But she gets it now guys. She's sorry for it all… god that doesn’t even begin to explain it. She seriously regrets the choices she made, but she’s not looking for forgiveness. She’s just looking for a chance.”
“Right. And why should we trust her?” She like talking to a brick wall… Willow’s never been this way.
“I’m not asking you to trust her. I’m asking you to trust ME. Every damn night we walk a line, it's on the knife edge of darkness. And Faith slipped. And you have no idea how easy that fall is, how accepting and GOOD it can feel.”
“But Buffy you’ve never crossed that line.”
“Yeah, because I have a tether to this side… to the light. I have you all, my family. Faith’s got nothing, no rope and no one to catch her. And all she wants now is a chance. A chance to do it right.”
And now they ALL have the thinking frown going, and I’m holding my breath. This HAS to work. Finally Xander sighs and sits down again.
“Ok I’m on board. But I’m not breaking out the ‘welcome back’ fruit basket.” He takes Anya’s hand and she too gives a nod of approval.
“That was a very nice speech Buffy. I found it convincing.” I give them both a smile, and then I look at Wills.
Fuck.
“You know this sucks…that it's just total shit right?” I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Willow just said ‘shit’ so I don’t even realize she’s up and in my face until she’s talking again.
“I’m not going through it again.” And the ice… the venom that she puts in those few words is shocking.
And just like that she leaves. Walks right out of the kitchen and it's not until I hear the door slam that I snap out of my stupor.
“Well that was overly dramatic.”
“Anya, sweetie… tact.”
I ignore the exchange I rush to go after her and my hand is just on the doorknob, but Tara’s hand on my shoulder stops me.
“J-just give her time… Seeing Faith again, it just brought back all those insecurities… It’s a lot for her to deal with…she’ll come around.”
“God do you think so?”
I feel desperate. I need my best friends with me on this… If Willow can’t even deal with Faith being back, how can she handle… well… all the rest.
“Yeah she’s been really stressed lately. She w-wants to help with this new bad… s-she’s been studying a-a lot of spells... umm… and do-doing some really umm… in-intense magic.”
“Intense? Like with making with the great balls of fire last night?” I question. And Tara looks around, nervous. And even though we’re alone in the foyer now she lowers her voice even more than normal when she speaks.
“Y-yeah like that… it’s… w-well it’s of… the black variety.” And this little revelation comes as a total shock.
“Black magic!? That’s…like, dangerous right?” I try to keep my voice down but I’m just totally blown away here… I mean, Willow? The black and evil arts?
“No! Well, not… not always. Umm… it’s s-safe…you know, in moderation.” And she says the last part a little funny. In a way that gives me a sinking feeling in my chest. But moderation is good right?
“Oh well, that’s alright I guess. I mean Willow’s totally ‘responsible girl’. She knows her limits right?”
“Right. Limits…” And there goes that sinking feeling again… but Tara smiles and it's comforting.
“She just needs some time to deal. I-I’ll talk to her later.”
And with that I nod and we go back to meet the others. There seems to be a silent agreement just to give Willow a little space for now. Giles for his part is ready to take on the more pressing matters. He starts right in the second I sit down at the table.
“I’ve been doing some research, using the accounts of what everyone has told me about last night. It would appear what you faced last night was an ancient breed of vampire. The first children of the original…”
“Oh just fantastic. Momma’s brought the kiddies out to play.”
Giles ignores Xander’s nervous sarcasm and pushes on. We’re all worried we just have different ways of showing it I guess.
They are known as the Torak-han. They are the vampires that modern demons fear. Extremely powerful and resistant to most kinds of attack.”
“Right, when I tried to stake it, nothing happened.”
“Yes, you would have received the same result had you attempted to harm it with a cross or holy water. The Torak-han were created thousands of years prior to the first coming of the Christ. Thus making any kinds of religious relics obsolete… It can respond only to the most basic distinctions of good and evil. Darkness and Light.”
“I think they can sense dark forces and l-light ones… t-that might be why it was so afraid of Willow.” I think everyone agrees but I’m not so sure… I get another pang in my chest as I think about how that thing totally freaked when Willow started making with the mojo.
What could scare something that’s existed forever?
“So sunlight can kill it.” Anya concludes.
“Right as well as fire, the incarnation of the sun here on earth.” Giles agrees.
“Chopping off their heads works pretty wicked too.” The husky timbre of her voice resonates suddenly through the room. We were all so involved in the conversation we didn’t even realize anyone had entered.
“Faith!”
Yeah, what Xander just shrieked …Faith.
Jesus she looks unbelievable. She’s still standing in the doorway, the late morning light shining at her back. It just gives her this glow.
Her hair is a tumble of dark waves around her shoulders and she’s wearing… she’s wearing…shit I have to drag my eyes back up to her face to avoid suspsision.
But it’s a look that’s distinctly what I’ve come to know as ‘new Faith’. Jeans that look totally comfy and hotter than hell all at once. Torn and tight in ALL the right spots. And that shirt gives the ‘old Faith’ edge that just gets me wet in seconds. It’s just a simple tank, deep red of course. But God the way she fills it!
I hate that she’s wearing her denim jacket as well… it's blocking my view.
Eyes on her face Buffy. Ok… no, higher… good. I have to swallow hard when I meet her eyes. My throat is suddenly so dry. She looks too fuckin beautiful… her eyes are painted up, all smoked out, and they just look bottomless but her lips coated in a clear gloss…and all I can think about is how they feel on my skin…
I’m using all my willpower to restrain myself and not jump across the table and have my way with her right on the kitchen floor. It's hard… like REALLY.
She takes a few steps into the kitchen, looking around. I can tell everyone is holding their breath. Including me. I was hoping for a little more warning. Maybe get her alone first… talk to her about all I’ve realized in the short time since I’ve seen her last. Her eyes finally rest on me and she raises an eyebrow. Damn that’s sexy…
Oh guess that was my cue.
“Hey Faith…I um. I’m glad you decided to come over.” Jesus I’m nervous, sweaty palms and all, but I get out of my chair and walk over to her anyway. Not too close… I’m only so strong.
“I said I would B.” She looks right at me and she says it all soft like.
“Right, we were discussing what happened last night. Everyone knows what the deal is now… I um, explained everything.” And that gets me BOTH eyebrows and she actually looks a little panicked.
“Everything?”
“Well, almost…” I smile as I grab her hand. I feel her try to pull away but I hold on tight and lead…err… drag her across the kitchen to the table where we’re all gathered.
“Guys?” I give them all ‘the eye.’ Making sure they understand to be civil. That it's not an option.
“Hi Faith… Really good timing.” Tara breaks the ice and I’m so thankful for her. I could feel the tension rolling off Faith in waves but it’s just something about Tara that just makes everyone relax.
“Hey.” Xander says cautiously… not cold, but not exactly welcoming.
“Yes. It’s nice to have you on board. If last night is any indication we will be in dire need of your assistance.” Giles makes a better effort.
“Just here to help out… B told me some of what’s been going down. Figured you could use a little extra slay power.”
“Yes! She also convinced us all that you weren’t going to maim anyone this time. Buffy you should do your speech for Faith!” Anya suggests and I’m considering getting Xander a ball-gag for his birthday.
Ok REAL uncomfortable here.
“You made a speech?” But it gets Faith to smile, and I feel her hand relaxing in mine.
“Well sorta…” I smile at her, and she smiles back at me and I suddenly have butterflies and goose bumps and all sorts of other tingly feelings.
“That’s cool. You were always good at the super girl thing.” And she goes and takes a seat next to Xander.
He doesn’t exactly look comfortable, but he’s not screaming in terror. It’s a start.
“Well Faith, I hope you’re looking forward to a day of decoding and allergic re-reactions.” Tara says, then, she tosses her one of the larger most dusty of books from across the table.
Faith raises and eyebrow.
Tara raises one of her own. And there is about 3 seconds of absolute unbearable tension.
Until Faith cracks, with a shake of her head and that dimpled grin, she opens the book.
And it was like that the ice was broken. We spent the rest of the morning huddled over piles of dusty books exchanging theories. Some progress was made but not nearly enough. My attention was split though. I was mostly just waiting and watching.
Waiting for an opportunity to get just a minute alone with her. Watching her every move. She would catch me once and a while, and I knew she was expecting me to look away, shy at being caught. But instead I would just meet her eyes… give her a smile.
I’m showing her you see.
I think it’s making her nervous. It’s not part of her plan. She thinks she can just tell me we can’t be together, that I’m not ready to be with her. She thinks she can say that, right after making love to me. And she expects me to do nothing… after she’s done so much.
She thinks she can hide behind MY insecurities so that I don’t see her own?
She told me it wasn’t enough… well Faith is gonna get more than she bargained for. I just hope it's not more than she can handle.
I stretch my arms and lean back in my chair a little, and I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. Faith’s eyes were totally all over me on that one.
“Guys… Isn’t almost lunch time or something?” I throw out, hopeful. I really need a break.
“Oh yes I do believe it is.”
“Yeah I can go for a break. Pizza?” Xander agrees with Giles, and my stomach definitely agrees with his suggestion.
“Sounds good.”
“Me and Ayn can go pick it up then…. Back in a few.” He calls on their way out.
“Right, I think I’ll take this opportunity to run to my place. I think I have a volume there that will be helpful.” And Giles is out the door too… muttering something, in Latin I think.
“I should go talk to Willow, she’s probably back at the dorm…”
And just like that, Faith and I are alone. That was easier than I thought. But something tells me that this conversation is gonna be far from easy. She’s standing all the way across the room from me. Leaning against the countertop… fidgeting with a spoon, nervous.
Sexy and unintentional.
“So, ya think something lit a fire under all their asses, or is it just me?”
“No, it's not you, not entirely. They’re dealing. It's just gonna take some time. Everyone is on board here.”
“Everyone but Red, right?”
“Yeah, umm, she doesn’t really agree with my whole view on the situation.”
“And what view would that be, B?” she finally puts the spoon back on the counter and looks me in the eye. It's like a magnet and I’m up out of my chair and moving towards her.
“You know how I feel about you Faith.”
“Yeah, we’ve talked over all that shit this mornin.” And her tone is dismissive. At least on the surface. Beneath all that façade I can feel her. She’s anxious, the tension rolling off her like bitter liquid... it burns me.
She finally breaks the eye contact, like that could stop this energy that’s flowing between us. Like she can just make herself stop feeling me. Not a chance.
“No Faith, YOU talked. You just made the decision, that despite how I feel about you… how we BOTH feel, that we can’t--”
“Right Buffy. We can’t. End of story.” I see her fists clenching at her sides. She’s trying to fight it… I’m not gonna let her.
“You think you can just make this decision for me? Faith I lo--”
“I know Ok! You told me!” She tries to back away from me but she’s got no where to go.
“Yeah I did… and you told me too. You’ve SHOWN me, so much in just these last few days. In our dreams… by coming here. You put it all out there, and now, it's my turn.”
I come to a stop in front of her, not too close. I don’t want her to freak out and bolt. But god, just a few feet away and I’m getting chills.
“Your turn for what?”
“I’m gonna show you Faith. I’m gonna make you believe it.” And I put every ounce of conviction I have into those words.
“Buffy it doesn’t matter whatever you think you can show me… It can’t work.”
And she just blows it off!
“You’re such a wuss ya know.”
“Excuse me, but fuck you Buffy, I’m trying to do the right thing here!”
Bull shit.
“Yeah? Well you’re still a wuss… we both are…just total cowards.” She just rolls her eyes and gives that dismissive shake of her head. “You say you want to do the right thing? Well tell me then Faith, doesn’t this feel right? Don’t WE feel right?”
And that gets her, She knows it’s the truth because she feels it too. It’s the real reason she came back here.
“It’s… It's not about that.” She tries to deny it but her voice just comes out shaky.
“Just let me show you Faith, what it can be like… I know you’re scared and--”
“I’m NOT scared!”
“Ok, ok, sorry. But, can you give me a chance… I just need a chance to show you.”
“It's not that simple Buffy there’s so much we--”
“Do you trust me Faith?” I have to stop all this avoidance. It all comes down to this anyway. What she asked of me and what I’m asking of her.
“What?”
“Trust me.” And I move even closer, right in her personal space.
“What… what if it all goes to hell again. I mean this ‘us’ thing… B, it's gonna mess up your whole life!”
“Well that’s just it Faith, it's MY life. And I want you to be a part of it…”
And she just sighs, and shakes her head again. I think I’m winning!
“I didn’t plan it to go this way ya know.” She says it low, with that little grin that shows her right dimple, and she’s looking at me through those thick dark lashes. The sight makes my breath catch in my chest because it's almost… accepting.
“YOU had a plan?” I say it with all the cute I can muster. Which is a lot. Or so I’ve been told. But I can't help but turn up the flirting, because I can feel her relaxing, even though I’ve moved closer to her, even though she’s practically trapped as she leans against the counter.
Even though I can feel the heat radiating off her. God I want her so much.
“Hells yeah I had a plan! A good one too.”
And wow is that a pout? I think she’s flirting right back.
“I was gonna come here, help out with this bad… maybe settle for a while, get a new place. Just start slow ya know?”
“Wow Faith, that just sounds so… responsible!”
“Well, it was bound ta happen one of these days, yeah?” At that I just nod, but then I replay what she just said? Settle?
“Settle?”
“Yeah, kinda tried of running.” And now all I can do is hug her. My arms are around her waist and my face is pressed against the soft warm skin of her neck before I even realize what’s happening. And she lets me!
In fact, she slides her arms around MY waist too!
“This mornin’…” She starts, whispering in my hair. “Waking up like we did… I never knew I could want somethin’ like that.”
“And do you still?” I ask just as softly, and I feel her nod. I squeeze her tighter… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go. “It's gonna work out, you know.” My lips brush just behind her ear and I feel her tremble. God I want to kiss her.
“Won’t be easy though B, you sure ya think I’m worth the effort?”
Ok, and now I HAVE to kiss her… just a little one, a brush against the corner of her mouth. I feel her smile against my lips.
“Definitely worth it F.” And then she kisses ME. And Faith doesn’t do little kisses. Her lips are sliding over mine, all warm and wet, but still just so gentle. It makes me gasp.
I feel her arms tighten around me first, then her tongue sliding over my bottom lip. Teasing, but asking as well. And I’m just about to give her anything she wants when I hear a door slam suddenly.
“Willow wasn’t at the dorm, but she left a no—Oh my GOD!” Tara comes to a screeching halt half way into the kitchen. And me and Faith jump apart but not anywhere fast enough.
“Oh shit!” Faith shouts, her eyes are cartoon-big as she attempts to push me back a little.
So now I guess is the whole moment of truth. Put up or shut up Buffy. Faith looks like she’s gonna bolt any second now. And Tara’s mouth just keeps opening and closing, I think her CD is skipping.
“It’s… umm. Tara, this isn’t what it looks like.” Faith finally manages to stutter out. All the while inching away from me. Trying to wiggle out from where I have her trapped between my body and the counter.
I make my decision. And it’s a hell of a lot easier than I thought.
I take a step back, a small one, enough to give Faith a little room. But I hold on tight to her hand as I turn to face Tara completely. And when I finally find my voice I know the words are the truest I’ve ever spoken.
“No, Tara, it's exactly what it looks like.”
‘I can not be seeing this.’ It was the only thought that was circulating again and again through the confused witch’s brain. ‘I REALLY can not be seeing THIS.’
It was beyond the realm of her comprehension, beyond all logical, mystical and physical reason. Buffy was kissing Faith?!
“E-exactly wh- what it… it looks like.” The blond witch shook her head, repeating the words of the slayer. Trying to wrap her mind around an impossibility, that was so evidently possible.
“Right.” Buffy said. Defiance in her eyes and determination on kiss swollen lips. And she said it like that was supposed to explain everything!
Tara looked to Faith then. Hoping, beyond hope some further explanation may come from her. Because ‘what it looked like’ had potential to be disaster. But those big brown eyes were just as lost, jerking back and forth between the two blonds in the room.
So it was up to her then.
“O-Ok so, what—what e-exactly is ‘this’?” Tara was trying to keep her stutter under control. And she usually could, all but in extremely stressful situations that is.
Tara felt justified in her impediment right now. It couldn’t get any more tense.
“Well…” Buffy started “This is… uh… well--”
“It’s nothin’ Tara!” Faith cut in, pulling her hand away from the death grip it seemed Buffy had her in. Panic was clear in her voice. “We were just messin’ around. And uhh--”
“Wh-what Faith, Buffy tripped and f-fell on your mouth?”
Tara folded her arms, set her jaw stiff. She was clearly bothered by the lame attempt. When Faith had come back this morning, she had gotten a vibe. A good one. One telling her to expect so much more than the stories she had heard.
“No, it’s not ‘nothing.’ I-in fact I think it's pretty damn f-far from nothing. Am I right Buffy?” As the initial shock started to fade Tara’s tone became sharp, near demanding. Now she just wanted answers.
The blond slayer took a breath. An attempt to compose herself.
“Yeah. This… I’m not even sure what to call it. But it’s new. Like, less than 24 hours new, and neither one of us really planned this to happen but, God it's so RIGHT Tara. I’ve never felt anything close to this and--”
“And Faith?” Tara cut Buffy off. If she didn’t the girl might have never stopped to take a breath. It was clear to her how the blond slayer felt. She was obviously in deep smit here. And more than that, the vibe… the clear and absolute waves of certainty that were pouring off her were almost jarring.
No, Buffy wasn’t where the bad energy was coming from, she wasn’t the source of the continuous ripples of uncertainty, of fear and pain.
Tara wanted to know what Faith was thinking. She wanted to know if she should believe the stories.
Well… Umm. Ok see we uhh—I-it's like this Tar—we kinda…” And Tara thought she had the monopoly on communication problems. It was refreshing to see she wasn’t the only one. She stared hard at the dark girl watching her fidget and bounce on the balls of her feet. She tried to see beyond all that fractured energy… But Faith was like a cloud of smoke. So many layers… years of hiding, it was like she was permanently lost.
“I need to talk to you, alone.” Tara cut off the rambling, looking at the both of them.
“Tara, anything you have to say about this you can say in front of Faith!” Buffy took a step forward. All bold and unapologetic. She even had her ‘hero face on’.
Tara thought it was cute.
“No Buffy, not you.” She walked past Buffy and grabbed Faith’s arm.
“Wait! Me? What?” Faith was looking from the stunned slayer to the hand that was now dragging her from the room. Her eyes pleading for mercy.
“You. Living room, now.” What choice did Faith have but to follow?
Once she was satisfied that they were out of earshot. Tara turned to face Faith. The so-called ‘evil slayer’ looked freaked. Tara looked at her hard again… hoping that if she focused enough she would be able to see the truth in the girl she knew so little about.
“Faith, tell me what you’re up to.” She said finally. She hated the air of suspicion that laced her voice but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t just dismiss all that she’d heard. All that they told her.
“Nothin’ Tara I swear it. Look I’m just here tryin’ to help with this whole end of the world thing.”
“Then what was that I saw in there?” She asked it gently now, instinct telling her that demanding answers was a sure way to get none from her. “It’s just what Buffy said, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is…”
“And it’s real to you.” It wasn’t a question, because Tara felt she already knew the answer.
“Shit Tar it's everything to me.” The sincerity in her voice was nearly palpable. And just for a second, Tara could see beyond the walls. But it wasn’t enough, she had to be sure.
“Give me your hand.” The dark slayer gave it willingly. Her face open, wanting the other girl to believe. The second their skin made contact they both gasped. Faith, because she had never experienced someone seeing into her. It was personal... so intimate, and she had nowhere to hide.
And Tara lost her breath simply because she saw. All that the dark girl was and wanted to be. It wasn’t specifics, just feelings. So many in such a rush it was shocking. Fear and sorrow, joy and elation: all at war within her.
All this from the girl who Willow had said ‘feels nothing’. No, that was wrong. Faith could feel. And she felt intensely. Tara’s eyes fluttered open after endless seconds. And now, she didn’t have to look so hard. And there was more… Faith was more. More than her own existence. She was tied, completely intertwined with another.
It all made so much sense now.
“You’re purple.” She said at last, smiling.
“What?” Faith finally opened her eyes too, a small indent of a frown making itself known on her forehead.
“Your aura… it's purple, more of a lavender really.”
“Oh… lavender.” Faith made a face. And Tara figured it was the finding out she had such soft color spirit. “Well what does it look like? What’s it say?”
“Just think of it as this ubiquitous energy. It surrounds you.”
“So like a blob.”
“Umm… yeah ok, blob is good. And it says everything that you are.”
“So I’m guessing that might be a bad thing?” She raised an eyebrow, but Tara knew she was anxious. She could see it.
“Nope. It’s a Faith thing.” And for that she got a smile, complete with dimples.
“So you believe me, that I’m tryin’ to make it all right here?” And to anyone else at that moment Faith’s voice would have sounded indifferent, as if she didn’t give a damn if she got a yes or a no. But Tara could feel the desperation flowing around the dark girl. The woman that was so very tired of the pain, the loneliness.
As answer, Tara pulled her into a hug.
“Yup.” She said simply. And then: “But there’s more. You know she’s apart of you. I can see her… y-you’re tied.”
“Huh?” Faith seemed a bit stunned by the sudden show of affection. And it hurt Tara’s heart to know someone so unfamiliar with such contact. So when she pulled away she kept the Slayer’s hands in her own.
“Your auras, your souls. You know how you’re purple? Well, Buffy is kind of goldish. But there’s always been some purple hanging around her too. Now I know where it comes from!”
Tara was beaming, excited by her discovery, and Faith was just trying to take it all in, as the witch continued.
“And lately, these past few days, I’ve been noticing more and more of that other spirit hovering with hers. And now, I can see it’s the same for you.”
“That seems wicked heavy…”
“You’re matched Faith, more than any two people I’ve ever seen. You just have to trust it.”
“I do. At least, I think I’m beginning to.” And Tara could see the admission was hard.
“Good. Now go in there and tell her that. I’m gonna go pick Willow up from the library. The note she left said she’d be there.” She finally released Faith's hands, satisfied with her new knowledge.
“Tar… one more thing.” Faith stopped her, a hand resting on her shoulder. “You won’t tell anybody about this yeah? Me and B aren’t real sure what we’re gonna do. And she’s got Riley still and--”
“I’m not going to tell anyone Faith. But I-I won’t lie to Willow. I can’t. They’ll figure it out eventually.”
“Yeah I know, Thanks Tar, for everything, ya know. For believing me.” And they shared a smile and Tara was gone and Faith turned towards her destiny…
The kitchen.
She found Buffy hitting the ‘end’ button on the cordless phone, and placing it back in its cradle. No, make that slamming it back on its cradle. The phone was actually lucky to survive.
“Damn it!” It was a harsh and frustrated whisper as Buffy ran both her hands through her hair.
“Pesky telemarketers again B?” Faith asked from the doorway, joking but visibly concerned.
“Wha?! Oh Faith, hey!” The pissed expression quickly turned into a tentative smile. “So, how did it go with Tara? What did she say? Is she gonna tell?”
“It went, she said stuff, and no. You should really chill B.”
Faith smiled at the other girl's nervousness, and walked further into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, started fidgeting with her lighter.
“What? That’s it? Chill?” With each word the blond's voice seemed to jump a whole octave.
“Yeah B, relax a little.” Faith winced as she pulled out her pack of cigs, placing one on her lip.
“Faith, please don’t smoke in here. And what did Tara say?”
The questions followed Faith out the kitchen door, onto the back yard porch. She kept Buffy in suspense. Lighting up and taking a good long drag. She enjoyed a smoky exhalation before turning to face her, a slight grin on her face.
“She said I was purple.” Simple, direct to the point.
“Huh?” Dazed and confused.
“I’m a purple blob, and you’re a gold blob and our blobs are mixed together.” Faith took another drag, nodding her head as she considered her words. Deep and philosophic.
“Again, huh?” Or, not so much.
“B, I thought you were supposed to be the Slayer with all the know how about this stuff.” Faith sighed, rolling her eyes a little.
“Am I? I didn’t get that memo.”
“Our auras B, energies, or whatever. Tar can see ‘em.”
“Oh ok I get it! And she saw all good stuff?” Finally catching on, Buffy’s tone was expectant. And Faith felt something in her tore a little at the thought she might disappoint.
“Well, not all. There was bad shit too. Stuff that’s in me…”
“Faith, you’re not—”
“Whatever B it's no big. Basically the stuff with us, all of the good. And she says she won’t go blabbin’ it to the world either.”
“Really?!” Buffy smiled.
“Yup.” And Faith smiled back, tentatively.
“Oh thank god! I don’t know what I would have done if this got out—”
“Don’t sound so fuckin’ relieved B. Guess it's good you ain't gotta worry about the rest of the scoobs finding out you’re bangin’ the psycho.”
And Faith didn’t even know why she had said it. But something in her had assumed the worst. Call it instinct, or doubt or fear, but they were all in flux in the dark slayer's mind.
“What? No Faith that’s not what I meant. That totally came out wrong.” Buffy moved closer, standing in front of Faith as she leaned against the porch banister. “I just wanted to tell them myself first. You just drew the wrong conclusion baby…”
“Yeah well fuck you and your conclusions B.” Yeah, She was defensive like that.
“Damn it Faith why do you have to be so defensive?!” And B had her pegged right on. Faith deflated a little. She flicked her cigarette into the yard and took a breathe of clean air.
“Sorry, I just… it’s all kinda hard to get used to. This whole ‘caring’ thing? It's new ya know?”
“Yeah I know. But we’re gonna work at this ok?”
“Kay.” Buffy had just sounded so certain. She had wrapped her arms around Faith’s waist, pulling her into a gentle hug. It was the same position they had been in the kitchen, when Tara had caught them.
And Faith took a few moments just to bask. Let the indescribable sensation of the other girl's warmth permeate her being. Being like this, feeling so surrounded by the other slayer, it was peace. It was the gentle rise and fall of her chest, the warm, moist breath cresting against her neck. It was the fingertips trailing, drawing little hearts on the small of her back.
It was the soft lips that were kissing her ear.
It made Faith gasp, and she heard Buffy sigh and push their bodies impossibly closer. She could feel the hard wood of the guardrail pressing against her spine, but only barely. The softness, the heat of the blond slayer against her front was overwhelming all her senses.
Not to mention the way Buffy was actually sucking on her neck now.
“Ummm wha? Uhh… ya sure we should be… ohh shit… doin’ this B?” Faith was trying to keep her voice steady, keep her own hands from moving lower to cup the firm swell of Buffy’s ass. She was failing at both
“There a reason why we shouldn’t F?” and she knew the other girl was smiling, she could feel it in the lips that were planting wet kisses over her jaw… breezing across her lips, and back down the other side of her neck.
It was getting Faith so hot.
“W-well… ahh… the others are gonna be here soon, and…oh… fuck!” And Buffy’s hands weren’t idle either. They were sliding over every inch she could reach.
“Yeah? Well, they’re not here now…” Another kiss, right in that spot behind her ear, and now Buffy’s hand was cupped around her right breast. “Are they?”
“Guess not…” Faith nearly groaned. As she felt the brush of a thumb over her painfully hard nipple. It was quickly followed by fingers that pinched softly, tugging a little.
“Guess right.” The words were spoken into her mouth as Buffy’s hands continued to fondle her breasts, stroke and roll her nipples to the point where all Faith could do was pant.
She could feel her knees start to give, Buffy was making her so fucking hot.
“B… I-I can’t—” She whispered. Her voice hoarse, strained by the force of her arousal.
“I got you, baby. Won’t let you fall.” And Buffy kissed her again. Sealing the promise in the heated cavern of their mouths as one hand quickly slid down her stomach.
It wasn’t like the night before. There was no hesitation. Buffy’s hand dove straight into the dark girl's pants… her fingers parting the soaked and tender folds.
“Mmm oh…god B… tha-that feels so good.”
“You like this?” But her voice was still timid, belying the confidence of her touch.
“Fuckin’ uhh… perfect B,” and Faith's hips jerked in agreement.
“This morning…” Buffy started, her hand still tracing gently, fingers timidly exploring the wetness, the heat. “What you did to me… wi-with your mouth. It was so…I-I want to…”
“Oh god B.” And just hearing those words from Buffy’s kiss swollen lips sent Faith’s arousal through the ceiling. She felt her inner walls clench, looking desperately for something to cling to, begging Buffy’s finger to slide lower, into her. She didn’t think she could get more turned on.
That is until Buffy pulled her hand from her pants, and brought those two glistening fingers to her lips. Faith watched in arousal-drenched shock as B’s eyes locked onto her own. So dark and heavy with lust, then, that pink little tongue slid from between her lips and licked every drop of her juice from her fingers.
“Fuck…B…fuck…” The sight had severely limited Faith’s vocabulary.
“Baby you taste so good…” And at the sound of that shaky, raspy whisper Faith had to have that mouth back on her own. She brought their lips back together in a fast and desperate slide. She could taste herself. It was all harsh breaths and searching tongues, and Buffy’s hand was between her thighs again. The blond girl's fingers reached her clit instantly and started up that gentle, teasing, barely there stroking.
“Buffy… makin’ me fuckin’ nuts.”
More than that, Faith was going insane… Her back was starting to arch, her stomach muscles jumping, shuddering with every gentle stoke across her swollen bud. Her hips were moving desperately trying to get Buffy to give a little more pressure, stop the teasing, stop the torture, but never stop touching her.
She could hardly believe she was actually on the verge of begging.
But was so VERY good, and judging by the way Buffy was kissing her again, so hard and deep and desperate, it was only gonna get better. Yeah, the way she was pushing their bodies together, purposely sliding a thigh between her own those fingers slowly making their way lower, sliding though the ridiculous amount of juice that was spilling from her pussy… it was DEFINITELY getting better.
But the sound of the front door slamming brought it all to a screeching halt.
No! Nononononono NO!
“Tell me this isn’t happening B.” Faith groaned, biting her lip trying to get herself under control.
“Wish I could baby.”
“GUYS! We’re back! And we brought cheesy fatty sustenance!!” They heard Xander holler from inside. Buffy sighed and reluctantly pulled her hand from the warm haven that was between Faith’s legs. She gave a little pout of sympathy at the tiny whimper the other girl let out.
“Jesus B, you got me so ready…” Faith considered that an understatement. She was practically aching for more of Buffy’s touch. She felt so wet she was throbbing, so on the verge her legs were trembling.
Her words made the other girl blush though. Who would have thought Buffy could be so shy, especially when you consider where her fingers just were!
“It’s like I just can’t help myself Faith… I just have to touch you.” She whispered.
“Totally know the feelin’ B.”
“Maybe we can finish this later?” And now she was getting the ‘cute look’ again, that one from earlier in the kitchen, that irresistible one. It caused a dreamy smile to spread across Faith’s own lips.
“Yeah… later.” Man she couldn’t wait ‘till later!
Riley Finn was in the same position he’d been in the last 20 minutes. Sitting on the bed, staring blankly at his cellular phone. The connection had long since ended. In fact he had been the first to hang up. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the words that had just come from the device however.
Couldn’t understand who had just said the words… and why.
WHY!?
Hadn’t he done everything he was supposed to do? Hadn’t he done everything right? He was the supportive boyfriend! The quintessential emotionally available guy! And now?
“It wasn’t enough…”
Buffy’s words ran circles around his skull. He had given her everything… given UP everything. She had said it wasn’t him, that she just needed some space. Every cliché line you could imagine. Every line but the truth.
They were perfect for each other! She knew that! Everything had been going so well. All except the last few days that is. The days when she had started pulling away from him. Buffy had always been kind of distant, never totally open with him. But that was just her personality right?
He knew her well enough to know that… didn’t he? Of course she was closer, more open and giving with her friends, but that was only because she had known Willow and Xander for so long. It would have gotten better. Buffy would have eventually let him in. She would have eventually fit into his life… kids, the 3-bedroom house, Iowa, all of it.
Right?
It was only the last few days things had really changed. When she started pulling away from his touches, his kisses. And Riley knew exactly why.
Faith.
Buffy thought he didn’t know, thought he was clueless. He noticed how she tensed last night in the graveyard, the way she looked at the slut. Did she really think he didn’t hear her when she would speak that name in her sleep. And that had been happening for months.
She never said HIS name that way, even when she was awake. He hadn’t been with her, inside her for weeks. And she didn’t even come home last night.
“That BITCH!” The phone shattered against the opposite wall, victim of his sudden burst of rage. One night with Faith… that trash, and it was over for them?
No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let it! Riley had given up everything. His power, his life in the military… he had let that chopper leave without him. And he would be damned if he let it be all for nothing.
He opened up the drawer to his nightstand, removing the 2-karat solitaire from its long time hiding place in the back. He watched for a moment as the diamond glittered in the early afternoon light, before clenching it hard, tightly in his fist.
The rock cutting into his palm, the red drops spilling from his fist made him forget the clear one falling from his eyes. And he wasn’t sure how long he sat that way. All his hope, his dreams, spilling from the tiny stone in his hand. He imagined he could crush it away to dust.
Just as she had crushed him. But he wasn’t strong enough… would never be strong enough. Not like her, and not like Faith.
A sharp and sudden knock on the door brought his thoughts to an abrupt end. He rose on feet made of lead and walked across the room.
When he opened the door to a man he had never seen.
“Mr. Finn…” The guy had a British accent, was dressed all in black, he could smell nicotine on his breathe.
“Yes.”
“We believe you can be of some assistance to us. And we can help you as well.”
Is it later yet? I am SO ready for later.
Everything had been goin’ all right, well as well as could be expected. We all had been sittin’ around munchin’ on the pizza Xan got us. And it had been at least semi-comfortable small talk.
Then Red and Tara got back. Then things got tense. All that semi-comfortable chatter went to insanely UNcomfortable silence. Tara was looking between me, and Buffy and Willow, as if she was trying to figure it all out, read through all the tension.
Don’t look at me blondie, ‘cause I got no clue.
Red was busy throwin’ daggers at me with her eyes. Not literally, though, after her fire-starter act last night, I wouldn’t put it outside her skills.
And its all pin-drop quiet for about two minutes of eternity, then out of nowhere, Anya busts the silence wide open.
“This is all very awkward. Shouldn’t there be some yelling and throwing of things? If not can’t we at least talk about the end of the world. I’m getting bored, and my mind is starting to wander towards sex.”
I hold in my chuckle, but just barely. She’s a real piece of work. And besides, I can sympathize with her entirely. After what went down on the porch with Buffy, or should I say, ALMOST went down? Shit my mind’s wandering all over the place.
“Yes Anya perhaps we should continue our research.” Giles saves the moment from rollin’ any further down hill. And we all find a book or two to bury our faces in.
I cut a quick glance towards B, just at the same time her eyes fall on me, and I instantly feel myself blushin’. I can’t help it! Her eyes, they just feel SO good on me, it’s like I never want to look away from that sparking green. It’s just so intense. It’s where I’m supposed to be!
I hope nobody else notices though. B wants to keep it all on the hush. At least until this whole apocalypse thing blows over. I pull my eyes away from her and glance quickly at Tara. Yeah she knows. And I almost freak, but she’s smilin’ at me behind that long veil of silky blond.
Red's a lucky girl.
“So Willow, that was some pretty wicked mojo you worked last night!” I try and make nice, make some progress.
“Simple combustion spell.” She replies flatly. Damn. But then Tar says:
“Not all that simple, Willow.” And it woulda been a compliment if she wasn’t frowning. And Red looks a little sheepish for a second.
“But that fight was some kinda rush huh?” I say trying to push things along. B smiles at me for making the effort, and I swear my heart is gonna beat right outta my chest.
“Yeah nothing like those life and death moments to get ya going, huh Faith.” Xander says all sarcastic like.
“You know me Xan.” And I give him the eyebrow wiggle.
“Yeah, a bit too well I’m afraid!” But he says it with that goofy grin, and an eyebrow of his own. Anya just smacks him on the arm. But it’s all in fun. And B takes the moment to bring them all into the loop. ‘Cause I really don’t see it getting anymore relaxed than this.
“Guys. Faith and I have been talking.” She starts. She comes around the table and sits in the empty chair right next to me. “She’s thinking about staying here in Sunnydale. Settling.”
“What? You mean this out of jail thing isn’t temporary?” Xander asks.
“Dude, I’m on parole. What, you think I broke out or somethin’?” And he just looks guilty and shrugs his shoulders. I give him a smile letting him know not to worry about it.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise.” I hear Willow mumble. I know B heard it too. I feel her hand brush against mine under the table. This is gonna get rough. Quick.
“We’ve been talking a lot, working through things. It’s all still got a long ways to go, but I’m glad she’s staying. In fact there’s something more. Faith and I, we—”
And here I am thinkin’ this is it. The big moment.
“Buffy you can’t be serious! She’s evil!” But red cuts her off before she can get to the good stuff.
“Willow things change, they—”
“Oh they change? Like she can bring back the two people she murdered?!” She gets up out of her chair, and after that comment so do I. She has no idea what it's like.
“I wish to god that I could Red, every fuckin’ day of my life!” I tell her.
“Oh please Faith, spare me! Once a killer always a killer.”
“No! You’re wrong Will.” B is at my side now. And I hate so much that this is happening. That her eyes are all watery and she’s fightin’ back tears. It feels like it’s my fault.
“She may have slipped a little back then but it's different now. The good in her outweighs the bad. A-and… she makes ME feel good. Like I’m right.”
Oh my god I love her so much. I need to tell her that, like now. But I can’t. I should have said it this morning, or when we were outside. She’s so fuckin brave.
“Good?! Buffy you already ARE good, you’re not like her.” Willow insists.
“Yeah… guys, you may have seen a lot, been in all the fights. But you have no idea what it is to feel that darkness in you… to be made from it.”
And now B really IS crying. Silent tears and each one’s rippin’ my heart apart. But I still stay quiet. Red is her friend, and this is her battle. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces; I just hope it doesn’t go that far.
“You expect us to just give her a pass because she’s a slayer, because you supposedly have this darkness, this force that’s a part of you? Well wake the fuck up Buffy! It's called human nature and we all deal with it. We all have choices to make, we have FREE WILL!”
“She’s right. We all make those choices.” Tara says. But she looks at Willow as she speaks, not Buffy and me.
Oh god this is a disaster, cause now Tara looks pissed as hell too. And now I gotta wonder, what the fuck is going on with those two. Willow softens a bit when she meets her girl’s eyes.
I knew this was a bad idea. Comin’ back, telling her friends, all of it. I shoulda just stuck with running. Yeah that sounds pretty damn good right now.
“Look, guys. This is all getting wicked outta control here. I’m just gonna motor and--”
“Good idea Faith. Get the hell out.” Red narrows her eyes and takes a few steps towards me and B, fearless. And I feel that surge, that power coming off her that I felt last night. But B seems totally oblivious. She’s too caught up in the pain.
What the hell is up with that?
“Right then. Fuck this.” I’m outta here. It’s all just too much. I turn, making my way to the front door.
“Faith, No! You’re not leaving.” B grabs hold of my wrist with both hands. And her voice is total desperation. God, if I look at her I know I’m done for. But I do anyway. And there’s no way I can deny those eyes.
“B, it’s all goin’ to hell.” I tell her and raise my hand to her face. I wipe gently at the trails on her cheeks.
“I need you here. I need you with me.” She whispers it. But I know they all heard. Fuck, like, ALL of them! I can’t believe she’s doing this. I mean, yeah she kinda told them we were workin’ things through now, but FUCK she just basically came out to the world!
And now she’s pullin’ me into a hug! Wrapping those skinny-strong arms around my waist, and bringing her body flush against mine.
“Please don’t leave me baby…” It’s spoken right against my ear, and I don’t know if the others heard that too, but I don’t give a shit anymore. Every doubt, every lame ass excuse I thought I had just shattered. It feels like my walls are crumbling all around us.
“Fuck B, never again Ok... never.” I tell her just as soft. And I can feel the tears in my voice. Shit I can’t cry in front of all of them! I hide my face in the sweet spot of where her neck meets her shoulder for a second and get myself in check.
And that’s when I notice, the complete silence that’s taken over everything. B finally pulls away. It felt like forever, but still not long enough. She has one of my hands in both of hers as we both face the group again.
I meet Tara’s eyes. And she’s actually smiling! It's cautious, but still, I’ll take all the points I can get. She’s the only one though. Xander’s jaw is practically on the floor, his girl is lookin’ at us like we’re under a microscope, slightly puzzled, mostly indifferent. Giles just looks British. Poor sap, I hope he doesn’t go and have a stroke or nothin’. The guy is gettin’ wicked old.
And Willow. Fuck. Nuff said.
I hear B sniffle. Getting rid of the last of her tears.
“Faith is staying.” She tells everyone. And her eyes may be red and teary still, but that face is nothin’ but The Slayer. It’s not an option. She’s lookin’ directly at Red as she says it and the tension is so thick it’s stifling. It’s a stand off and you can practically see the air crackling between the two of them.
Fuck I so wanna get outta here. The only thing keeping me, grounding me, is the feel of her hands on my skin.
“Interesting…” Anya breaks the silence yet again, with all the grace of a sledgehammer. “Buffy and Faith are bed-buddies now!”
Ok now I’m looking for that giant hole to come suck me into another dimension. Hopeless I know, but hell it’s the ‘Dale… could happen. Please? The silence is back for a moment until:
“She’s playing you Buffy.” It’s nothin’ but ice in Red’s voice. And now I gotta say somethin’. She is SO way off on this.
“Re—err… Willow. I’m not playin’ anything here. This isn’t some fuckin game to me!” I’m trying to stay calm. No really, I do. “I came here to help. How me and B started all this… the dreams, all that. I didn’t plan any of it. But it got me here, where I’m supposed to be. I’m tired of running from this.”
And I take a deep breath, ‘cause this next part, it’s scariest thing I’ve ever done.
“I-I’m tired of running from her.” I look over at B, and she’s lookin’ back at me like I’m her whole damn world. I know she’s mine… has been for the longest.
“So you’re just gonna end it with Riley? For this? For her!?” Xander sounds as if someone just turned on a light. He also sounds a little hurt. It’s a valid question, one that I don’t think she even knows the answer to…
“I broke up with him right after you guys went for lunch.”
After all, they’ve been together for more than a year and all that history is…Wait, What?! Broke up with… WHAT?!!
My eyes must be tellin’ on me, ‘cause B gives me her sly-smile.
“Yeah…for her.” Fuck I can’t even breathe. I gotta say somethin’.
“Buffy…I—” I was gonna tell her. I really was.
“None of you can see.” Red says in that ominous tone that’s just become regular for her now.
Then she looks at me, and Buffy even, disgusted. And she turns from us and heads for the door. After that I find it hard to even give a fuck if she leaves. ‘Cause me, yeah, I’ve been looked at like that my whole life. But eyes like that should never fall on B.
“Will don’t--” B starts.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Tara cuts her off, and follows her girl out the door. Not before giving both of us a smile though. I hear B sniffle again, find her eyes still locked on the door.
“Tara will make her understand B.” I tell her and I can’t stop myself from smoothing a few strands of hair away from her face. I just gotta touch her. I kiss her forehead.
Right there for all of them to see.
“I know.” She whispers. And then she looks around at the rest of the room. All the spectators of this little show we’ve been puttin’ on.
Ask me to define awkward. ‘Cause this is it.
She stalked through the streets of this quiet town. This place where she spent her whole life. She liked the picture perfect surface. The icing that was the pristine suburban homes with their well manicured lawns. The bundle of shops that made up the downtown promenade. The mall. It was serene. It was a lie. Willow knew this because she had seen it, because she had lived it.
Scratch the surface and the pretty picture faded to black. Beneath it all there was a whole lot of darkness in this town. You just had to know where to look. And Willow Rosenberg knew where to look.
She was seeking it now.
And it wasn’t for the nefarious purposes for which ‘it’ was created. She could NEVER see herself doing such a thing. It was for good. A greater good even! Yes, it was her time to step up, to save the day. Now that Buffy couldn’t.
Faith, that bitch, had her best friend so confused, so caught up and blinded that she couldn’t see through all those games, all those lies. No, it was up to her now. She would make Buffy see. She would make them ALL see. Then she would help Buffy fight this new evil. And they would win, and go out for pizza… or maybe Chinese. It was the way it should be, the way it ALWAYS had been.
And Buffy would be so PROUD of her. Be so grateful for showing her. Willow could picture it, see it in her mind. Buffy would give her that smile. The one that only they shared. The one that made her heart beat so fast back in high school.
It was the one that said ‘I kinda love you’.
And Tara made her heart beat fast now. Made her pulse race and her soul sing. Tara made her forget high school, almost. And she’d be so impressed! Tara would give her that coy smile before laying those luscious lips against her own…maybe wrap that curvy soft body around her and then…
Woo boy! And THEN! Willow couldn’t help but grin at the thought. Unbeknownst to the redhead, her entire face, entire being appeared to light up, to glow just at the thought of the blond witch. The thought of her love. She had left her standing on the doorstep of the Summers' house. Upset and confused.
She hated hurting Tara. But it was all going to be worth it in the end. It would make her happier, make all of them happier.
Sure it was powerful, but so was she, now. She’d been practicing, garnering her strength for over a year now. She could handle it. And the fact that it all felt so good was just a bonus. A BIG bonus. But it wasn’t like she needed it or anything. She just needed to set things right.
And it was with that self-righteous determination painted across her clear blue eyes that she turned off the main downtown boulevard and ducked into a side alley. The change in scene was like going from day to night.
Willow loved her perfect phony little town, the secrets it kept. Now, it was nothing but slick brick walls and overflowing dumpsters. She felt like the shadows were trying to surround her, but she pressed on without fear. What was hidden under the perfection, it was gonna help her. It was right, because she was good. It was simple as black and white, nope no shades of gray here.
She came to a spot, a seemingly empty spot, and held up her hand. The air wavered, it bent and moved and suddenly Willow was standing in a dingy apartment. Insence engulfed her lungs instantly and a slow raspy voice filled her ears.
“Hey there strawberry…”
“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” She turned to face him. This is when the dread always started. She told herself it’ll be worth it.
She thought of Buffy’s smile. Of Tara’s kiss.
“Baby girl I can feel you comin’ from miles and miles and miles…” He was high. His little explanation tapering off in near maniacal laughter. The rush making that southern bayou accent all the more distinct. His voice poured over her like motor oil. It made her feel as dirty and greasy as him.
“And how’s that?” Willow forced herself to question. Forced herself to stay there just that bit longer. Just until she could get it.
“Oh chere, don’t you know nothin’ now?” He trailed off again into that chuckle, as if he was trapped in his own private comedy.
It was tragic.
“I guess I don’t.” Willow made her voice sweet. Trying to ignore the way he was leaning into her, towering over her.
“You got… the ‘power’!” He whispered his little secret as if he were telling her something new. Like she didn’t know this already. But Willow just smiled at his glassy eyes and crooked teeth.
“So what brings my strawberry ‘round these parts?” He dropped down to the off-orange sofa and pulled a cigarette to his lips. Willow considered him for a moment. Her head tilting to the side slightly.
“You know why I’m here.” Her voice made him pause in lighting up.
“Maybe you should refresh me…”
“You know.” She was officially tired of his shit. “How soon can you get it for me?”
He sat up a little straighter.
“Oh, well it may be a while baby girl. And it's gonna cost heavy, I--”
“No it won’t. You have it here. I want it. Now.” And she raised an eyebrow and her eyes weren’t blue anymore. He was off the couch in an instant, heading to one of the back rooms.
Willow smiled, satisfied, and her eyes were crystal clear once more.
“Well…” she whispered, “that was easy.”
Buffy was waiting for Faith. She had been waiting for the past 10 minutes! How long did it take to pick out a couple of weapons anyway? Just grab the sharpest shiniest one right? That’s what she always did. But no… Faith had to look at, test out each sword, each axe, weigh it deliberately in her hands, test the range. It was a careful selection process.
And it was driving Buffy insane.
“Faith will you just pick something!” She said at last, exasperation evident in her voice. She barely restrained the foot stomping. So she thought she did good.
They were supposed to be on their way on patrol soon, well, as soon as the others got back. Their very first patrol together in more than a year. Buffy was more than just a little nervous. That was where most of the impatience was coming from. She had wondered if it would be like old times. If they would find the rhythm they’d shared before. She wondered if it would be awkward. If all those old memories would come flooding back, would Faith try and pull away from her again? God, she hoped not.
Not after they had gotten so close. Not now that everyone knew.
“Hold up a second B. This is a very important decision here.” Faith turned away from the weapons chest to face her. She was holding an axe over her shoulder and had a grin on her lips.
It was sexy as hell. It made Buffy wonder if she’d be able to keep her hands to her self through their patrol.
“You guys have really stocked up!” She continued digging through the big wooden box again. And Buffy knew Faith was saying something more but she simply couldn’t bring herself to listen. She was far too entranced by the sight of the other girl’s luscious ass on total display as she continued her search. Those faded, worn jeans hugged her curves like a second skin and the tare, high up on the back of her left thigh, it exposed just enough flesh that Buffy’s eyes had no hope of looking anywhere else.
They still hadn’t gotten that ‘later’ they had talked about. Things had turned into a bustle of activity after Willow had left. The rest of the gang had come to the obvious conclusion. They were shocked at first, but Tara had come back and in her own gentle way managed to smooth everyone’s feathers.
Buffy thought again how grateful she was to have her. Xander had been understanding.
“Hey, I’m accepting guy.” He’d proclaimed, only slightly red in the face. “I’m a well adjusted and modern male type person. Nope, nothing but open-mindedness here!” But the way his voce had cracked at the end let everyone know exactly what his mind was open to at that moment.
Anya had smacked him. And had continued to do so at random intervals throughout the afternoon, when she caught him looking at the two slayers.
“I did put emphasis on the MALE part didn’t I? You all should expect this from me!” He finally ended up hollering in his defense around the tenth punch or so. And well, he had a point. Sort of.
Giles had expressed his concern in the suddenness of it all, but Buffy was pretty sure in his book, he was happy if the person she was involved with had the base requirement of being alive.
Buffy figured he still hasn’t let go of the Angel thing. That and the concept of her love life just plan made him uncomfortable. But he seemed more interested in the research and got everyone back on track fairly quickly.
Soon after that Dawn had come bounding through the door from school.
“Is it true!” The first words out of her mouth and been shouted. And Buffy had no idea how so much noise can come out of a small 15 year old. She briefly considered it must possession. “Is Faith really here?!” The entirely too loud talking continued as the sound of a backpack thudded against the floor.
“Dawn! Can we try a few less decibels please!!” Buffy had shouted back equally as loud as she came out of the kitchen.
“Well I’m just trying to find out what the hell is going on!”
“Dawn, language! And just take a breath for a minute!” Dawn had been a big ball of energy. Strictly in the metaphorical sense. She was keyed up, bouncing around excitedly and trying to look over her sister’s shoulder into the kitchen.
“No way! I’ve been sitting through school totally clueless, because SOMEBODY never lets me come on patrol and never tells me anything and—”
“What’s with all the shoutin’ with you people?” Faith had chosen that moment to come striding into the living room, with her typical carefree swagger. Obviously happy for the distraction from mountains of books and the constant leers from Xander.
“Faith!!” Dawn kept with the trend of the yelling as she went charging straight for the dark slayer. She stopped short of actually jumping on the other girl, instead bouncing excitedly in front of her.
“Yup that’s me.” And Faith couldn’t help but smile, though it was cautious. Buffy saw the nervousness in those bottomless brown eyes and tried to make her own reassuring. They both knew that Dawn had always liked Faith. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t been hurt like all the rest of them. “So I take this as you’re not one of the ones who want to kill me?” Faith gave her the most genuine smile she had.
“What!! Are you kidding!? This is so awesome! You’re totally here to help Buffy kick the bad guy’s ass right! Buffy so needs help, and you’re way tougher anyways!”
Dawn was talking a mile a minute and it was entirely too much excitement in Buffy’s opinion. She was more than glad her sister was happy about Faith being here, but this level of euphoria had to have been chemically induced. She had warned Dawn about the post-class mochas!
And Faith was NOT tougher!
“Hey! I’m equally as tough as she is!” Buffy had said in her defense.
“Oh whatever!” The now confirmed possessed teen had rolled her eyes. “Anyways you’re here for good stuff right? I mean, you’re not still all…umm…”
“Crazy?” Faith had finished, that right dimple showing. “Nah, I came back to help with the ass kickin’”
And at that Dawn had actually let out a shriek, followed by a squeal. Faith stuck her finger in her ear and winced. And Buffy pitied her; she knew what it was like. She lived with the constant ear-splitting creature after all.
“Happy to see me then?” Faith had replied. And Buffy was glad no permanent damage had been done.
“Oh my gosh totally! You were always the cool one Faith! Buffy’s just lame. And she never lets me do anything.”
“Well, I don’t think she’s so lame.” She replied and winking at the oldest of the two sisters.
And Buffy couldn’t help but blush. All Faith had to do was just look at her and she was lost. Their eyes had locked once again and Buffy could feel herself getting lost in that gorgeous chocolate gaze. She could feel herself heating up from head to toe when that slow smile crept its way across those plump glossy lips. It was like warm honey swelling in her chest, spilling out to cover every inch of her in contentment… and Christ, those delicious tingles chasing themselves up and down her spine. She could feel herself smiling in response. Buffy knew Faith had to be feeling the same. She could tell in the way the other girl's eyes had fallen on her lips, how her pupils were getting larger, making her eyes starting to shine like polished granite, how she skin was starting to flush slightly, her chest—
“Wait… what’s going on?!” Dawn’s voice shattered the daze the two slayers had fallen into. She was looking back and forth between them curiously.
“Um…Dawn, I need to tell you something. About me and Faith.” Buffy’s voice came out clear by pure will alone as she suppressed the sudden wash of arousal that had enveloped her.
“What? You AND Faith?”
“Yup, AND” Faith cut in nodding and smiling big. And she took Buffy’s hand, not even attempting to be subtle. Buffy could only stare at her as her mouth dropped open in shock. SO not helping.
“You mean… wait… Oh my god! AHWW ewww!” The sudden realization and subsequent shock played animatedly across the younger girl's face.
“Hey Dawn calm down it's no big” Faith spoke gently taking some of the leer out of her voice this time. But Dawn could not be pacified.
“No big?! This is HUGE! When did this happen!? What about Riley!?” And Buffy was glad at least that she didn’t seem upset by the whole thing. She was just letting the entire neighborhood know was all.
“We told everyone this afternoon, and I broke up with him.”
“So you two have like… and with the.” She made some wild gesture with her hands that resembled octopus wrangling.
“Yup all that and then some kiddo!” And it actually sounded like Faith was bragging this time! The leer was back full force too. Again, SO not helping. Buffy thought about using duct tape.
Which of course led to all sorts of other thoughts she REALLY shouldn’t have been having while her little sister was present. They were the ‘later’ type thoughts. Hmmm. The look on her face must have been giving Buffy away. She knew she had to have been blushing, and it was confirmed by the sudden look of horror that crossed her sister’s face
“Oh EWW! I SO didn’t need to know that Faith! So what is it with everyone turning gay ‘round here? First Willow, now you guys and I swear I’ve seen Giles checking out that really skinny guy that works in the java stop! I swear it's something in the water.”
“Dawn you know it doesn’t work like that… and Giles!?” The hell’s spawn just rolled her eyes.
“Listen kiddo. It all happened kinda sudden, but I really… I-I… umm we’re real happy.” And Buffy couldn’t help but smile at Faith, she knew full well what the other Slayer had tried to say, had wanted to say but couldn’t, wasn’t ready to. Faith was looking at her apologetically, almost worried. And Buffy brought her hand up to her mouth, laying a gentle kiss across her knuckles, letting her know it was all right.
“Oh my god Faith! She turned you all mushy! That’s so sweet!” Dawn’s eyes were wide and her eyes amazed as she pulled Faith into a hug.
“Hells no! I’m not mushy!” Faith had protested, but it was only halfheartedly.
“Yeah you are! And I’m happy for you.”
“Hey what about me? No happiness for me?” Buffy pouted, even though she already knew the answer. She knew her sister.
“Whatever Buffy! I can’t believe all this happens when I’m not here. That you told everyone before me, your own SISTER! I’m never going to school again! I miss all the important stuff!!”
Buffy could only sigh, figuring she just couldn’t win. Demons are nothing compared to a little sister lost in the thorough of adolescence and puberty. Dawn smiled one last time at Faith, sent her sister a final scowl and grabbed up her backpack.
And it was with that last bit of eye-rolling attitude she had indignantly stomped up the stairs. Both Slayers were sure they would find the door to her bedroom in splinters later after that ferocious slamming as well, but they didn’t have time to consider it too much. At that moment Giles came bustling into the room. His glasses perched on his nose and one of the large more ancient books in hand.
“Prophecy!” He said with as much excitement his Britishness would allow.
“What? Another one?” Faith had asked, flopping down on the sofa. She pulled Buffy’s hand, forcing the other girl to land beside her, nearly on top of her.
“It appears so. An extremely old one.” His voice was serious as he took a seat in a chair opposite from the slayers. Buffy noticed he was paying particular attention to NOT paying attention to how they were practically snuggling in front of him.
“What’s it say?” Faith questioned absently, more interested in playing with the rings on Buffy’s fingers. Giles would just have to deal Buffy thought. It just felt too good being this close to Faith. It was like a need, one she had denied for far too long.
“Well it refers to what as known as ‘The Ancient’ I do believe this is the first vampire, ever. The mother of all the rest.”
“Yeah, we already knew that. And she’s turned all her Turok-han kiddies loose to rampage through my town.” Buffy replied.
“Correct Buffy, but we don’t know to what purpose—”
“So now we do?” Xander asked as he entered the room, also purposely not looking at the girls on the couch. His avoidance had less to do with discomfort and more to do with the condition of his arm. Anya was right behind him. He let her take the remaining chair and sat on the floor beside her.
“Precisely. It would appear these vicious killings we’ve been seeing have not been caused by the Ancient herself, but by the Turok-han, in order to release her.”
“Wait, so she’s trapped someplace?” Faith asked finally taking some interest in the conversation.
“Yes, and has been for the past five millennia according to what I can decipher of the prophecy. From what I’ve translated so far it seems when the Ancient was born, out of the primordial oceans, it was at a critical time in the formation of the earth. When good and evil were at their most basic and their distinction was just occurring.”
“Why do I feel like I’m back in Bio lab?” Tara sighed from her perch on the arm of Giles’ chair.
“Yeah with a nice dose of End of Times 101.”
“Despite your sarcasm Xander you are precisely correct. This revelation is quite threatening. It seems that once the Powers that Be became aware of the distinction that was forming, they attempted to stop it. Prevent these evil forces from coming into existence.”
“But they couldn’t. Something stopped them, or else we wouldn’t have demons and shit today, and me and B would just be hot chicks without superpowers.”
“Umm… err. Yes. That’s right. The book speaks of an even higher power… ahh, it calls it, ‘THE’ power.” Giles said it cautiously, softly, looking into the book, reading the words again and again to be sure. But he was sure. Buffy could tell.
He was sure, and he was afraid.
“Oh y-you mean like…” Tara whispered.
“Yes.”
“Is it me or is this REALLY heavy shit here.” Buffy could feel Faith tensing next to her. Her hand holding tighter to her own. She knew the other slayer was feeling the need to break some of the pressure that had blanketed the room.
“Yeah I’m starting to think church this Sunday would be a good idea?” Xander cracked also clearly nervous.
“From what I can tell the, ahh… creator, prevented the Powers from interfering.”
“But why? Why let the evil come into existence?” And this time when he asked all his sarcasm was gone.
“For it to be there at all it had to be part of a greater plan. Right?” Faith sighed. “So is the whole meaning of life thing in that book too?”
“I’m sure you’re right about the purpose Faith, but the text doesn’t site any motives for these actions. It does however say that the Powers were discontent with the decision. And as an act of mercy the creator granted that one of the most powerful of the evils be exiled.”
“And let me guess, the powers chose this ‘Ancient’ bitch.”
“That is correct Faith. With the stipulation that she resurrect once every 5 millennia so that balance may be maintained.”
“But the Powers intentions were just in vein!” Anya shouted, frustrated at what she’d heard so far. “All the ‘old ones’ died out. Killed each other off! Long before humans were even capable of comprehending—”
“Yes the text does make mention of their error.” Giles sighed, and Buffy had heard enough. This thing wasn’t even supposed to be here. And if it hadn’t been for the usual meddling of the PTB it wouldn’t.
“Does it say how we kill it.” She said at last. Her face a mask of determination.
“Yes in fact it does. Although it is muddled, the slayer is mentioned. You both are.” He paused, finding the correct spot on the page and began to read. “At a time when there are two, one of darkness and light, shall the first and final be defeated. They will kill as it rests, on the eve of its 500th awakening and… I can’t quite decipher the rest. It appears to be the location… near the hell-mouth but I’m not sure. The rest switches into an even earlier dialect which I am unfamiliar.”
“So it's that easy? We sneak up on this thing and kill it in its sleep?” Faith said surprised.
“It certainly looks that way. But no doubt there will be dangers. The Torak-han will be guarding her heavily…”
“Some shiny weapons should take care of that!” Buffy piped in. She stood up, already working a plan out in her head.
“So how much time we got to stop this thing’s alarm clock from going off?” Faith was thinking as well, her process noticeably different from her counterpart however. Where Buffy couldn’t be still, the ideas shooting rapid fire through her mind, each being sorted, kept or eliminated. She was pacing, her hands moving. Comparatively, Faith was more deliberate. Her process more meticulous and she weighed the balance of what it all meant.
Tara looked at them strangely, apparently the only one aware of the contrast of their actions, the balance, the blending.
“Well, according to this… and cycle of the moon… and 5 month of… Exactly one week.” Giles finally answered, sure of his calculation.
“Kinda Short deadline we're working on here.” Faith nodded, solemn.
“Right. To kill it, we have to find it. Giles, keep working on the translation, we need an exact location.” Buffy began delegating .
“I’m going to find Willow again. We should be able to help with that part. Maybe even figure out a locator spell.” Tara offered.
“Sounds perfect!”
“Anya can you come with me? We can stop by the shop for supplies.”
“Supplies? As in Free supplies!? Giles?!”
“Anya the free supplies will be permitted in this occasion.” Giles sighed, removed his glasses and began massaging his forehead.
“All right, but only because it’s a special occasion!” Anya pouted.
“Great! Xander, do you think you can give Riley a call, update him on—”
“Wait B we’re still gonna bring him along on this?” Faith stood up at that, the mention of his name pulling her from her deep contemplation.
“Baby, he still wants to help.” Buffy spoke softly, aware that they once again had an audience. She took the other girl's hands as she continued. “And he has resources, connections to fire-power that we’re gonna need here.”
“But…” Faith whined a little, and Buffy could tell she knew this was right.
“Don’t be mad ok?”
“I’m not, it’s just gonna get wicked awkward ya know.”
“You’re right, but it will be fine,” Buffy said it with all the confidence she felt. And she moved closer, wanting to feel the heat coming off the other girl, feel her presence. “I’m with you now, remember.” It was said gently, her hand coming up to brush a few random dark strands away from the other girl's face. It was just reason to touch her, to feel that soft warm skin against her fingertips.
“Yeah…” Faith replied, leaning into Buffy’s touch, their bodies getting impossibly close…
“Ahem! Ok now you guys are just giving me more reasons to get smacked!” Xander had to stop this, for the sake of his own sanity.
“He’s right, he will be severely bruised by the end of the day.” And she smacked him again as she rose from her seat. She and Tara collected a few things and headed for the door.
“Oww! Woman, can you at least switch arms!?” He shouted at his girlfriend’s back.
“Sorry…” Came the sheepish reply from both girls and then Buffy had her business face on again.
“Ok Xander, can you go see if Riley has any of those flame throwers laying around?”
“I’m on you… eer-- It! I’m on IT!” He grinned, glad to be out of striking range at last, Anya still shot him a glare from the door.
“Right. Meet us back here before sunset hot stuff.” Faith winked at him chuckling gently. “So, you still keepin’ the weapons in the chest B?”
“Help your self. Everyone meet back here and then we patrol.”
And now, Faith was still trying to decide on a weapon of choice. And Buffy had just been caught staring at her ass. Faith had spun around so fast Buffy hadn’t even a chance to blink.
“Gotcha B!” Faith grinned, cocky. Her eyes glowing, and Buffy knew she was in for some serious teasing.
“Oh! I-I was just... umm--” If she could just come up with a clever excuse…
“Checkin’ out my ass!”
“I was not… well, ok I was.” Buffy knew when she was beat. Besides, why shouldn’t she check out Faith’s ass? It was allowed now.
“Yeah? Got ya thinking about ‘later’?” Faith smirked. Dropping the crossbow she had been inspecting and taking a few steps towards the other girl. Buffy smiled at her light and teasing tone, but she still couldn't shake the worry, the insecurity that plagued her mind.
“Well, actually I was kinda thinking about earlier. All this stuff we found out, and then patrolling again…”
“You worried about the big bad… or is this more of an ‘us’ thing?” And Faith’s tone instantly became more solemn as she picked up on Buffy’s obvious concern.
“Little bit of both I think.”
Buffy answered honestly, unable to hide anything from the eyes that were showing so much care, so much vulnerability, and hurt and pain and love and just so MUCH. It was all reflected in her voice.
“Well as far as this old evil vamp bitch. You can consider her ass kicked. You know we got this.” The confidence she felt in that was like pure steel and Buffy felt instantly infused by her strength. But Faith continued softer, stepping closer and laying the palm of her hand gently against Buffy’s cheek. “And as for us? B I don’t have any answers. I just know…” Faith took a breath, pressed her forehead to Buffy’s, warm breath whispering across her skin. “I just. I feel you. Ya know. In here.” She brought Buffy’s hand up to her chest. Skin on skin, where her tank left Faith exposed. And the strong and steady beat Buffy felt was a beautiful revelation. “You feel it?” Faith’s voice was a horse, ragged whisper. And Buffy knew she asking so much more.
“Yes.” It was all she could say, and at that moment it would have been the answer to anything Faith had asked.
“That’s where I feel you…Like, deep inside B. You’ve always been there. And before it was like you were rippin’ me apart, but now… Fuck it's like you… it's like I found what I was missin’.”
“Faith, god baby I…” Buffy felt like she had lost voice. Her breath was caught in a lump high in her throat, there was a similar one swelling in her chest. Her eyes burned but she blinked the moisture away and slanted her mouth across Faith's. It was the best response she had to Faith’s heart felt words. It was the truest one, the realest.
Buffy let her mouth slowly explore the other girl's. There was no rush, no urgency, only pure expression of passion, of need. She felt more than heard Faith’s pleading sigh against her lips and answered it instantly. Buffy slid her tongue along her lip, sinking it into the heated depths of Faith's mouth as she pulled her closer and let her hands run lazy paths up and down the dark girl's back.
It was soothing, deliberate and slow. And Buffy could feel the world melt away, all her fears, her doubts, swept away in the confirmation of the kiss, of Faith’s arms wrapped around her. She wanted it to go on forever, she wanted to feel this forever.
But breathing had become an issue. Faith pulled her mouth away first with a reluctant sigh. And Buffy shudder at the feel of those moist lips trailing down the curve of her neck until finally Faith buried her face in the curve where her shoulder began.
“Damn B what are ya doin’ to me?” She finally asked. And Buffy took a moment just to breathe the other girl in.
“Same thing you’re doing to me.”
“It’s all kinda scary but it's right ya know?”
“Oh yeah, I know…” And she let the mischief mix with the green to sparkle in her eyes. Her hands slid lower and cupped Faith’s ass, gave it a squeeze.
“So after patrol we can get some of that ‘later’ we talked about?” Faith grinned, eyebrow lifting and lusty grin creeping over her lips.
“Count on it.” Buffy nearly growled and purposefully jerked Faith’s hips against her own. She was getting all kinds of ideas about ‘later’ again. And maybe even ‘not so later’. She wondered how much time she had before the others would arrive.
That question was answered by an extremely uncomfortable cough from the foyer. Shouldn’t Giles be making tea? Buffy thought. And she was barely able to restrain the tantrum that started to bubble up when she felt the warmth of Faith’s body pull away from her own.
“Sorry about the PDA G-man.” But Faith blushing was still the most adorable thing ever.
“It's umm…quite understandable Faith.” Giles was vigorously polishing his glasses, and Buffy wondered if he’d have any left. “The others have assembled out front. Ummm. They’re waiting.” And with that he turned stiffly and headed back to the kitchen. Back to ‘Research Central’.
“It's party time B!” Faith exclaimed, scooping up a small hand-axe and a broad sword and shoving them into her shoulder duffel. She turned towards Buffy then, her hair tumbling around her shoulders like long dark mahogany waves. Her eyes bright already with just the prospect of a good fight, skin tan and glowing. “Ready?” she asked, striding to the door, hips swaying in that way that dared anything to even try and touch her, try to get close.
“Oh yeah Faith, you can count on it.” Buffy mumbled and followed the other slayer out the door.
We’ve been walking, searching through the cemetery for hours now. All with out a single hit. Not one vamp, demon or slime covered monster. It’s eerily quiet. More than it should be considering this gang, but the tension has stolen everyone’s voice. And it’s not just what we’re up against.
It’s also about me.
Or more accurately, me and Faith. Or even MORE accurately, me and Faith and Riley. He met up with us at the gates of Shady Pines, he and Xander looking very business like in their dark clothes and holding those shiny flame-throwers. Too bad it doesn’t look like they’re gonna get a chance to use them.
And Xander had been so excited at the prospect.
But everyone’s on edge now. Riley had greeted us all with just a nod. He had looked at Faith, then at me. He had stared right into my eyes, letting me feel, letting me know his pain. Letting me know that he knew. I had wanted to explain it to him, wanted to be sorry or contrite. It felt like I SHOULD be sorry, or sad or something?! I had just ended a relationship that had lasted more than a year. Just ended something I had convinced myself that I had wanted.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to feel any of those things. Any kind of regret. Instead I felt proud, I felt certain. I wanted to take Faith into my arms and show to the whole damn world what we have… what we’ve finally realized. He saw all this of course. Saw it in how my eyes refused to waver from his glance; in the way when I finally turned away from him, it was to look for Faith. She had been standing in the back, off to the side, pretending to inspect some detail of her sword.
I had walked straight back and stood by her side.
And he knew then, and she did too.
The look on her face had been surprised. Her smile tentative, and unbelieving. She’s still so unsure about all this. Even after that beautiful declaration. Hell I’m still unsure! It’s all happening so fast. It was just last night after all the same group of people had been walking through a very similar graveyard. How much can change in a day I wonder? An entire life? Heck yeah.
We had headed through the gates then without a word. Xander had tried to strike up some kind of rapport, but all his attempts fell flat. We were all just so anxious. And as if the bizarre triangle going on wasn’t enough, there was definitely major angst going on between Willow and Tara.
God, Willow… I get this awful hole in my gut; in my heart just thinking about it and it’s filled with helplessness and dread.
They had been late meeting us. Tara walking up the path to the house a good bit ahead of Wills. Just one look and you could tell she had been crying. Willow had hung back, and she had looked pissed too, but in a different kinda way. A way that wasn’t Willow, not my Willow, not the best friend that I know.
It was petulant, indifferent.
She had looked so changed standing there at the street arms folded, a slight sneer on her mouth. I never thought her face could look so hard, so full of disdain. Her eyes had looked kinda glassy, kinda hazy.
“Ahh…Everybody ready to go?” I had asked, cautiously. Looking back and forth between them, trapped in the silence. It was oppressive. Tara just nodded. But Willow brightened a little, actually a lot. Like some one flipped on a switch.
“Ready to kick some demon butt Buff!” She had this goofy smile on her face. She even giggled a little but no one else was laughing. It wasn’t close to funny.
Tara couldn’t even look at her. And I felt my jaw drop in disbelief. It was one of those moments that totally blindsides you. A sucker punch to the gut. I watched and that hole in my gut got about ten times bigger. She staggered a little, bumped into the mailbox.
“Cm’on guys! What’rr we waitin’ for!” That slur, that drawl I hated it. It was a conformation. Because now that I think about it, I guess it wasn’t so much of a surprise after all. We had all seen it. More supplies laying around than usual, all the books. That worried frown that was so often on Tara’s face lately…
“Woah, talk about never in a million years…” Faith had mumbled, and unfortunately Willow heard.
“What the hell’s that ‘spose ta mean?!” She’d raged. That high-happy mood flashing away in a blink.
“Willow please…” Tara tried to plead from the periphery. But she couldn’t break through. Willow had walked right up to Faith; I think she meant to be intimidating. But she was swaying. Faith's eyes had darted to me, wide and surprised, looking for help.
I couldn’t offer any. I think I was running through the denial stage of coping still. I remember shaking my head, amazed.
“I asked you a ques’n Faith!” God the way she just spits out her name. It’s all revulsion. Why? Why is she holing on so tight to this rage? I didn’t ask them to forgive Faith, for them to be friends. Just to give her another chance, give US a chance.
“Ya know Red, I don’t think I’m the one that has anything to answer for right now.”
And I can tell Faith is controlling herself. I can hear the faint ring of mockery in her voice, but it's only because I know where to look. I’ve had it directed at me enough times after all. But she’s all serious.
Even though, I know, somewhere deep deep down, she’s reveling in the fact that it’s not her this time. That it’s not her falling. It’s laughing, and it's satisfied. It's that dark part of her that I’m beginning to understand. Because as much as I hate to admit it, as much as this is ripping my heart out I’m glad that this is Willow’s fall from grace. That she no longer fits into that perfect white space. And I’m hopeful. I’m hoping that this gray she finds her self in will give her perspective.
But it still hurts.
“Who do ya thin’ you are anyways huh?!” She was right up in Faith’s face then, and everyone else had become statues. Then I hear a door slam and I turn from this unbelievable scene to see Tara has gone inside.
“B? Get your friend.” Faith says through gritted teeth, I can see the muscles in her arms tense.
“Whatcha gonna do, killer?” The woman I thought I knew taunts. And I’ve seen enough. More than enough, more than I ever wanted to see.
“Willow, stop it.” I say and take her arm, she moves with me easily, like a rubber band… with a lot less grace.
“Oh chill Buffy.” She shrugs away from my grip, and nearly falls over. She thinks it's funny, and her tone is full of bitter cynicism “Really need to find the fun.”
“Looks like you’ve found more than enough.” I tell her.
“What the fuck do you know? What do you care?!” she shouts back and it feels like some one just slapped me. What do I care?! I can’t believe this is happening to her. I want to ask her why? What would push her to this? But I doubt I’ll get an answer. Not when she’s like this.
“Willow you’re—” I start.
“I’m what? Your best friend Buffy? You’re fulla shit ya know?” She staggers up to me and I see the haze in her eyes now. It’s like a swirling black film, misting the sparkling blue I’m wishing for now. “I’m your bes’ frien’ and you bring the person who tried to murder us all back into our lives? Why? For some cheap touch.”
Ok I don’t care how high or drunk or buzzed she is right now. That was so out of line.
“Willow, stop now. Before you say something you can’t take back.” And I almost choke on the words, ‘cause I know it's too late already.
“Why I wanna take it back Buff? ‘S true right?” She continues to slur. Her eyes get darker.
She’s looking at Faith, and I’m looking at her. And Willow has this odd little smile on her mouth.
And I suddenly have this indescribable urge, this need or instinct to protect Faith, like physically. It rushes up my spine like sudden frostbite before I shake it off.
“And nothin’s changed. I mean, I know she’s plannin’ somethin’… kill us all… She’s a murderin’ psychotic--” She raves, and I have to stop this now. Willow’s on the verge of going totally belligerent.
“Do you honestly think if she wanted you dead that she would have failed? She’s a slayer Willow, we were born to kill. Trust me, you would have never known what hit you.”
And to myself I think, ‘back then.’ Because now, with that darkness swirling in her eyes. I don’t think either Faith or I could have had a chance.
She just makes a dismissive sound, rolling her eyes.
“Whatever...” There’s no reasoning with her in this state. So I take her arm again leading her into the house.
“You’re in no condition to patrol with us…” I tell her. I’m surprised as she goes willingly.
“Ooo big surprise, pickin’ her again.” She laughs a bitter sound, and I choose to ignore that comment. “Doesn’t matter… got things ta do anyways.” And she opens the door, and goes inside.
“That was uncomfortable.” Anya speaks, and it’s the first time I even noticed she was there. And if that wasn’t the understatement of all time. All I can do is stare at her in disbelief.
I feel Faith’s hand on my shoulder then. Soothing strokes up and down my arm. When I face her, those dark eyes blanket me in their concern. I watch her mouth open, that tiny frown creasing her brow, and I can tell she’s looking for something to say. Anything that won't end up sounding like some lame platitude.
“I’m here…” she settles on, and damn if that was the only thing I wanted to hear.
“I know.” And it feels like acid in my throat. I want her to tell me it's all gonna be ok, I need to hear that we’re all gonna make it through this. But she won’t lie to me.
“So Willow is on drugs now, I think we should consult Betty Ford.” Anya sighs gently, sadly, trying to help. She’s just as troubled by all of this. “This shouldn’t be happening.”
“No, it's not drugs.” And the three of us turn and see Tara coming down the walk, her eyes showing fresh tears.
“It’s magic, the dark variety.” I finish for her, repeating her words from earlier. And I can’t help thinking that I knew it. I KNEW! But I said nothing, because Willow is responsible and good and would never ever…
But she has.
“Well what can we do now?” I ask. I need to fix this.
“There’s nothing. She needs to come down, and that may take a while… we should go.” Tara sets herself, her whole posture becoming more rigid, more determined. But I still have to ask.
“For how long.” And I fear the answer. Weeks?
“Months.” She states. God where have I been? So caught up in my own discontent with school and Riley, my depression over losing mom that I forget all the lives that are going on around me? Faith must sense my inner conflict, because suddenly a gentle hand is on the small of my back, guiding me as we head down the street, leaving Anya to help with the research.
“One crisis at a time B.” She tells me.
And now, walking through the towering crypts and mausoleums I feel that they’re all pressing in on me, surrounding me. And it’s suffocating. I think I’m about ready to call it a night. We aren’t gonna find anything out here, and I’m tired of feeling Riley’s eyes burning holes in my back.
“Can a graveyard be TOO dead?” Xander questions absently.
“I was hoping the place would be more UNdead.” Faith replies. I wonder how long they can keep the puns going? I’d rather not find out, I’m just about to suggest we wrap it up but I don’t get a chance, because out of nowhere I hear a growl.
Make that growls… plural. As in more than one. Several even!
Faith and I both freeze instantly. And the others who were following bump into us.
“Ok frozen slayers, not of the good.” Xander whispers.
“Shut it!” Faith whispers and pulls out her sword. She’s got her fighting face on, that come and get me smirk. She’s scanning the darkness, eyes wide and searching. “I’m thinking we got four or five B.” She tells me. And I listen and…
“Six.” I tell her.
“We’re surrounded.” Riley says, and it’s the first thing he’s said all night. “Let’s light ‘em up.” He un-shoulders his flame gun and Xander mimics his stance. And it's all knife edge tension for half a second, until they move.
They come flying out of the shadows, faster than anything I’ve ever known. They’re all ubervamps, Turoks or something. Faith and I jump right into it and now that we know what we’re up against, they’re a hell of a lot easier to fight. Just gotta aim higher.
Faith slices off the first head before the thing can even swing at her. And she lets out a satisfied shout of victory, going right after another. Xander and Riley hang back, guns ready and waiting for an opening. The one I’m fighting lands a solid right that sends me flying. The second after I hit the ground I hear the roar of a flame gun.
I lift my head just in time to see one of the Turoks burst into ash. Xandar’s gun is smoking and that has got to be the biggest grin I’ve ever seen.
“I’m so keeping this! I can keep this right?!” He’s staring in wonder at the gun, but I don’t have time to answer because another one is heading right for him.
“Xandar! Behind you?!” Tara shouts and now one more is coming after her! Thank god for back up. I start pummeling the one that was after Tara, just as Riley burns the other one to dust. That’s four down. I turn and see Faith taking out one more, but the last is coming up on her. Fast.
I can’t even get her name out before the thing is on her, knocking her to the ground, and then I’m sprinting. I can’t even feel the ground below my feet. I backhand the son of a bitch and I love how it flies.
“You ok?” I ask Faith with a smile, even though I know the answer.
“Love this stuff B!” And she hops to her feet. But her lip is bleeding a little! Damn it I had plans for that!
The little bit of blood makes me want to kill this thing even harder. But as the Turok staggers upright it sees all of us bearing down on him, and it takes off like shot. I’m not letting it get away this time! Me and Faith are on the trail, running top speed, but these things are so FAST. We’re out of the cemetery and into the woods before I know it.
I feel my lungs burning, my heart pounding, sending all that adrenaline thundering through my veins. All my muscles are on fire with that tingle, with that rush and all I can hear is the constant thump of feet hitting the ground. Me and Faith, totally in sync. She’s matching me stride for stride and I know she’s the only one who ever could.
I glance over at her and her eyes are bright, the breath puffing from her smiling mouth is visible in the chilled night air. Her hair is flowing behind her, like dark, wild ocean waves and even in the dark I can see the flush of exertion, of excitement spreading across her cheeks. It’s beautiful. She’s beautiful and she makes me push that much harder. I pull ahead, and follow the Turok around a corner just in time to see it disappear.
Disappear?!
“What the fuck?!” Faith comes to a stop beside me a second later, breathless and wild-eyed. All I can do is stare at her for a moment. I’m entranced watching her hair whip around her face as she looks around, her chest rising and falling, and all that exposed skin glowing in the moonlight. Damn I want her. “You see where it went B?” Her ragged voice brings me back to business. ‘Later,’ I gotta remember the meaning of that word!
“No, it just vanished!” I say, also searching the darkness. It's then that we hear footsteps from behind.
“Buffy?! Are you around here?” I hear Riley shout, just before they all appear, clearly out of breath.
“Man you guys were flying!” Xander wheezes. “Did—did you get it?”
“No it’s just gone!” Faith sighs. And I know she’s pissed at the thought of letting one get away, but then Tara steps forward, concentration focused on something only she can see.
“No, it's still here…” She says.
“What where?” Riley has his gun up again, always ready. But Tara just remains silent. She closes her eyes, lifts her hands in front of her.
“They’re here… I can feel them.” And we all watch as the air wobbles, sparkles in front of us. “Can feel the evil.”
“There, look! It’s a cave!” Faith says as the gaping rocky opening is suddenly revealed.
“Wait, you said ‘them’ as in more than one?” Riley questions. And that’s a damn good question. Faith looks like she’s about ready to run right in there. Tara frowns, trying to focus.
“Definitely more than one, I-I think I could even say lots.”
But I still see Faith step forward, eyes glued to the entry of the cave. She’s wound tighter than a spring. Hell so am I! Knowing the enemy is right there. Right in front of us, waiting and within reach. That instinct to fight has to be singing in her veins. I watch her hand flex around her sword. And I remember another time. Watching her balancing on the lip of the unknown. Taunting me, daring me to follow. It feels so long ago.
I watch as she bounces on her toes one last time before letting out a long sigh, the muscle in her jaw twitches.
“We’re gonna need a plan.” She says at last. “Some more fire power at least. We don’t know what’s in there.” She looks me in the eye and the challenge is still there, along with a grin. God, I’m getting those chills again!
“Yeah you’re right. At least we have a location now.” I breathe and each word takes me one step closer to her, each one feeling better than the last, until I’m right in her personal space. Feels amazing.
“So we’re done here then?” Riley’s voice shatters whatever moment had just started, terse and cold as ice. Shit I forget he had been standing right there. He’s looking at Faith and I with a strange combination hurt and loathing. Way to make the whole situation easier Buffy.
“Yeah. Umm. We all can get together tomorrow. See if Giles has found anything new. Then go from there.” And I put a little bit of space between me and Faith. I don’t wanna rub it in after all.
“Fine. I’ll be in touch.” He answers, shouldering his gun, then turns and leaves without another word. And as I watch him go, I feel that pang of remorse I was looking for. But it’s not for my decision it’s for his pain. I hate that I hurt him like this, but it’ll be better this way. I just hope with time he can see that.
“Second thoughts B?” I hear Faith at my side, her voice so small, despite her confidant posture. And I wait a second before I answer. Until her eyes leave her shoes and meet mine. Then, my hands are sinking into the warm silk of her hair, my mouth slanting across those gorgeous lips as I pull her against me.
Right there in front of Xander and Tara. I’m still showing her.
And I kiss her hard. My tongue pushing into her mouth, taking her mouth, showing her she’s mine. It's fast and aggressive and a little messy but I don’t care because her mouth is just so perfect. Hot and soft and she tastes like heaven. It’s an affirmation. One of my hands slides down her back resting in the curve of her spine and I press her further into me, I let my tongue rush over the roof of her mouth. She gasps and I love how her breath feels mixing with mine. God, I wanna get out of here. I NEED to!
The weight of Faith’s body against mine suddenly becomes more insistent and I feel her yield to me, her body fitting perfectly into every curve. From her hips up, and oh god her breasts feel so soft against mine, hard nipples burning points against me. I feel her whimper and it’s so good, I swallow it but I know I gotta end this, at least for now. Or else Tara and Xander are gonna get a show.
I jerk my mouth away, ending the kiss as quickly as it started. And I grin a little as Faith’s mouth follows mine. Her eyes flutter open and they’re black as midnight.
“No regrets ok?” I tell her quietly. She’s still watching my lips.
“Kay…” She breathes, all sexy-soft. And as I step away I see she has the shit eating grin of all time going on. She chuckles a bit more, and shakes her head a bit, like she could clear the lust webs away. I take her hand as I face the others.
Faith and I always seem to have an audience.
Tara is giggling; Xander is gawking. It’s about what I expected.
“Lets go home guys.” I say walking past them, Faith still grinning, letting herself be dragged.
“You people are really trying to kill me!” Xander rants, but he still manages to sound cheerful. I’m guessing it’s because his girlfriend wasn’t around this time.
He stood hidden by the overgrowth. Letting the dark web of hanging moss and drooping branches conceal his presence. And he watched. The anger thumping through his system, the disgust and the rage a steel bubble deep inside. It was courting him, carrying him away to that place that let him forget. A place so dark he never knew it could exist within himself. But he reveled in it now. Loved the feeling of righteousness, of justification spilling over him like a slow, cold liquid.
It numbed the pain.
Buffy was kissing her. Not a moment after dismissing him. It was Faith. It had to be. She was doing something to Buffy, using her. For what he wasn’t sure. But that had to be it. Why else would she want that whore? Why else would she leave him?!
A possessive rush filled him, setting his jaw, darkening his eyes. Buffy was his. It was no question, and after all he had sacrificed, he deserved her. And no one else did. Certainly not the other ‘slayer’, the other freak. If Riley let himself be completely honest, Faith and Buffy were no different than the demons they claimed to hunt. Abnormalities of nature.
So maybe that was the attraction? First Angel and now this, slut. Maybe Buffy needed that, maybe he was just too ordinary.
He would save her though, save his girl. He would rescue her from this freak show of a life, filled with the constant battle and pain. Once that other one was out of the picture it would be so easy to have her back, she would come crawling back!
He would be forgiving, gracious even, accepting all of Buffy’s apologies with soft kisses and gentle admonishments.
“You should never have left me.” He said it low, out loud. Practicing. And he watched as they all left the clearing, listening to their footsteps against the marshy ground. He wasn’t surprised when he heard a new set approach from behind.
He had smelled the stink of cigarettes that preceded them.
“Mr. Finn.” The voice was icy cold, distinctly British. “I take it you’ve had ample time to make the arrangements. The Initiative will cooperate?”
“I told you, the Initiative no longer exists. Just a small sector, a research division run by the ex-general. Privately owned.” Riley replied, still gazing upon the space the others had been.
“Of course, which is exactly why the resources of the Council will be useful. We can provide the ‘forces’ as well as the funds required to capture the slayers.” And the dark man smiled, if you could call it that. Closer to a grimace.
“Right, with the stipulation that the Initiative share the information gathered from any experiments preformed.”
“Precisely Mr. Finn.” He placed another cigarette between his lips. His posture casual. And Riley found it strange for a man to be so familiar with conspiracy.
“I don’t want Buffy harmed, not in any way. Otherwise the deal is off. I only want you to fix her… make her normal.” And Riley finally turned stepping up to, towering over the haggard man in the leather. The smaller man was far from intimidated.
“That is agreed. We only want the rogue permanently.”
“Why are you agreeing to this? Why are you helping me?” Something inside Riley made him ask. It was only then that he was able to see emotion spread across the other man’s face. And it was pure disdain. Insult and revulsion, blending to form an acidic scowl.
“The Council has long since grown tired of the antics of the first slayer, her refusal to conform…” And Riley found himself nodding in agreement. Buffy had always been a bit too independent for his liking. “And as for the other, Faith…” A cloud of smoke was released with the slayer’s name “she is the only thing preventing us from calling a new slayer. One that can fit more into the status, one that will respect the institution of the Council.”
“I see.” Was all Riley could think to say. The man obviously believed strongly in his task. That was good. Riley didn’t want any mistakes. Buffy would be his again, the way they should be.
“I’ll make some calls.” He agreed at last and the hit man gave him that so-called smile again.
“So we have a deal?” A calloused hand was extended to him, and as Riley gripped it in his own he felt nothing but the wash of satisfaction.
The easy and relaxed tone the four of us had once we left Shady Pines vanished the second we set foot back in B’s house. It was like we were all putting off the inevitable. Coming back to face one more disaster.
It shouldn’t be this way. This should be a good night! A fuckin’ fantastic night! We kicked major ass and found the big bad’s hide away to top it all off. We all got away with hardly a scratch and Xander got to play with the flame-throwers. Riley even seemed cool with everything. As cool as could be expected that is. Sure he was all quiet and hurtin’ but at least he was civil. I had expected the boy to go totally ballistic.
But it was a good fuckin’ night! There shouldn’t be tears clouding Tara’s eyes again, and Buffy shouldn’t be squeezing my hand so tight.
“Guys we’re back!” Buffy shouts, the worry is etched across her face. And I can see that Tara is trying to be strong too.
Is this my fault? I know that thinking that way isn’t rational, but how can I not? Red going over board on the mojo, maybe that’s just her trying to escape from all the stress, the shock of me being here. Of me being with Buffy.
I got a lot more insight than people give me credit for. I know what it was like for Willow back in the day. I would see those smiles of adoration, of awe directed at Buffy. And that went a hell of a lot further than the basic ‘hero-worship’ shit. Nah Red had it bad. And I can totally sympathize with her on that one.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t play on it. All the time me and B would spend together back in the day had to be like rubbing salt in an open wound. I hate the way I was then. That I could see a weakness and exploit it with barely a second thought. Survival mechanism is what Angel calls it. I do what I had to just to get by.
But the shit that went down THEN doesn’t explain anything about NOW. Willow is totally in love with her girl. Tar and Red are such an obvious fit, when I look and the two of them, I can almost see that whole intertwined auras thing.
Besides, Tar said Willow had been using for months! But maybe I was just a catalyst, that one little thing she needed to push her over.
Hell all this is just too much drama. I don’t want to think about it. I wanna think about the way B kissed me tonight, just before we left the woods. I wanna focus on the way her mouth felt, how her tongue felt sliding around mine, all hot and demanding… possessive and wet. Fuck she had wiped every second thought clear outta my mind. No ones ever made me melt the way she does. I had been hoping that after patrol me and B could get a little time alone. Not even to necessarily get all with the physical…really, but just to talk some more.
We still got so much to work out. And there are some things I really gotta tell her.
I doubt if we’ll get the chance. Giles and Anya come into the living room, they look completely whipped from all the research. Willow is following lazily behind them, lookin’ totally unconcerned. Her eyes land briefly on me and I get this chill up my spine.
“How was your patrol? Anything helpful?” G-man asks wearily and Buffy proceeds to tell him about the vamps we dusted and the cave. His eyes brighten with the good news.
“I also shot one ‘em with this!” Xander adds holding up his new prize possession. I swear he’s gonna sleep with that thing tonight. “It was extra flamey!”
And as if on queue Anya is all over him, admiring his nifty big gun. I bet that won't be the only gun she’s admiring tonight. Hopefully she’ll quit smacking him around for a while.
“Well this is a very good development. I suggest we all call an end to this… ahhh... eventful evening. Perhaps we sh—”
“Good! We’re leaving now!” Anya announces, totally cutting Giles off. “Come on Xander, and bring the gun!” and she’s practically dragging him out of the house.
“We’ll be over tomorrow!” he manages to shout, just before the door slams shut.
“Err, right we can reconvene in the morning, discuss these new developments.” And as Giles is speaking, Red comes over and joins Tara on the couch. She’s ignoring the fact that me and B are right across from her, still holding hands.
“Hey sweetie.” She says all soft. And Tara looks way past pissed, all that tension is just pouring off of her. I feel B grip my hand tighter. I’m not gonna have any fingers left.
“Willow I think we need to leave, now.” Tara says, and her voice is tight from holding all those tears in.
“Aww baby, don’t be like that.” And I recognize that tone. Those exact words… It's like a flash back to Rucker Street when I was nine. Ma trying to console me through her dizzy haze. I can’t believe it's coming out of Willow’s mouth.
Shake it off Faith. But I can’t loose that helpless feeling.
“Be like what?” Tara stands up then, her eyes unbelieving.
“So… I don’t know? Up tight about this. It was just a little magic is all.”
And that explanation just falls flat. No one’s buying it.
“It's always just a little bit. And ya know what? Those little bits add up Willow, it adds up to a lot!”
“I know, and I’m sorry I just wanted to get stronger, so I can help. I wanna help Buffy fight this thing.” Red sighs finally and I know B can’t take just being quiet anymore.
“This isn’t the way to help Wills. I don’t need you hyped up on magic, I just need you.”
She tries to appeal to her, but Red’s way past the point of seeing logic here. Her own wacked-out reasoning isn’t gonna let her see. Not with all that power rushing through her. It’s a cloud across her brain and nothing makes sense when you can’t see through the fog.
Trust me, I know.
“You don’t understand, none of you do… But you will” Red shakes her head and sighs before she turns and heads to the door. And B goes to rise, run after her, but I squeeze her hand a little, keeping her seated beside me.
“Leave it, there’s nothin’ you can do tonight.” I tell her softly.
“We’ll be back in the morning.” Tara tells us sadly. This is all so unreal.
“Right, it’s late, I’ll give you a ride.” Giles offers. And then after collecting a few things they’re all gone. And me and B are alone.
And I wonder what the hell is supposed to happen now.
She answers the question for me, standing up from the chair and pulling my hand.
“Lets go to bed.” She says simply.
Ok, I have no idea what she means by that. But I follow silently up the stairs. I’m really worried how she’s not saying anything. I feel like we should be talking about this or something. So much has happened.
We get to her room and I pause just inside the door. I haven’t been here in ages. It’s kinda surreal. I watch as B goes and sits on the edge of her bed, head in her hands. I know that pose… hell I invented it I think.
“You ok B?” I ask worried, and I hope that wasn’t a really stupid question. I’m scared of the answer.
“Faith I’m so far from ‘ok’ I don’t even know where I am.” And she finally looks at me. Her eyes nothing but pain. It rips at me. Ok then, I can deal with this. I take a deep breath and turn and shut the door gently behind me. The click of the latch seems way too loud.
I cross the room and just drop to my knees in front of her. I’m so far outta my element here, but I gotta at least try. This girl, she’s my whole universe in a tiny perfect package.
“What can I do?” I say at last, I let my fingers lace with hers and I stare up into her gorgeous face. I hope she can see that I wanna help. That she can still read my eyes. I don’t know some times, I’m so used to the hiding. Whatever she sees though it makes her smile. It’s a soft one that reaches her eyes. They shimmer.
I did that?
One of her hands comes up, her fingertips brushing my hair out of my face.
“Kiss me?” She whispers, and her thumb runs over my bottom lip.
Ok, I can totally do that! I rise up a little; bring my mouth to hers. It’s a soft kiss, and so tender I can feel my chest clutching. When I pull away I can see her eyes are still smiling as they flutter open.
“Better?” I ask and how the hell did my voice get all husky?
“Little better.” She says, and now those eyes are glittering, teasing.
I raise up again, kiss her a bit deeper, longer. Her mouth opens like an invitation and I slip my tongue in right away. Shit, her mouth is always so hot, she pulls me in so deep I can’t help but sigh a little. And I already know how much she loves it when I do that, how much she likes to hear me. So I do it again, letting her really feel it as I slant my head going deeper. It makes her hot. And suddenly her hands are buried in my hair and she’s holding on to my head, tipping it back. And I feel her tongue pushing into my mouth now, so slick and wet as it wraps around mine.
Fuck that feels so nice. And I really hope this is heading where I think it is. Judging by the demanding way her tongue is exploring every part of my mouth… I mean it's gotta be ‘later’ now right?!
I finally tare my mouth away from hers when my lungs can’t take it anymore. My hands slide up from where they’d been resting on her knees, up her thighs ‘till my arms are wrapped around her waist. Her legs part for me so now I’m kneeling between them.
“Better?” I ask again all breathless. Feels like I’m shaking.
“Getting there.” She husked and damn she looks so sexy. All happy-flushed and breathing a little hard. Her eyes look heavy, and they’re locked on my lips. I give her somethin’ to really think about and let my tongue make a lazy trail over the bottom one.
She gasps. And I let my hands slide up under her sweater. Her skin feels hot.
“Let me make it better.” I sigh, my mouth skimming over her throat. I feel her pulse jumpin’ beneath my lips.
“I—I oh god… Faith.” Her voice is all breath, dark and rasping, ‘cause now my tongue is tracing random patterns across her neck.
“You smell so sweet B.” I tell her, right in her ear and she groans my name again.
“Unnhh Faith…” It’s making me crazy, I’m getting desperate here!
“Please B… let me. I wanna make it better” I can’t keep my hands still. Endless motion across her back, as much skin as I can reach, it's still not enough.
“Yes… baby please.” She answers finally and crashes her mouth back down to mine. And the kiss is so insistent, so and needy and possessive all at once I can’t help but groan. She just made me so fuckin’ wet.
With permission granted, her clothes are gone in seconds. I didn’t even know my hands could move that fast. But suddenly she’s in nothing but her bra and panties, laid out on her back and I’m straddling her hips. Just looking at her… fuck, my pulse is hammering in my veins. It’s all that summer time skin just spread out before me, waiting for me. It’s a beautiful offering. I let my fingertips play gently over the tight muscles of her stomach, love how they jump for me.
“You’re so damn perfect B… ya know that?” She just smiles and shakes her head. Then she reaches for me. Pulling me down to another kiss. And this one is slower, deeper her wet pink tongue wrapping around mine. I let my hips start up a little rhythm, grinding into her, nothing too intense yet. But it’s then I start hearing those tiny whimpers coming from her throat. I grind a little harder, the throbbing between my thighs demanding it. “You get me so hot B.” I tell her, and feel her hands on my ass, guiding the motion speeding it up. And now her hips are pushing up into mine. She’s breathing hard… in time with me and the pressure against my clit is so good.
Fuck I gotta get a grip. Or else this is gonna be over before I even get outta my pants.
“Faith, your shirt… off.” And she’s pulling on my tank. I sit up and yank it off. I loose my bra while I’m at it and it’s hardly off before she’s reaching for me again. Her eyes glued to my tits. But I grab her hands instead.
I get the pout. I just grin and shake my head.
“Faith, I wanna touch you.” She whines. Brat.
“Nah B, not yet. Turn over.” I tell her and she looks unsure for a second. “Let me do this for you yeah?”
And I lift up a bit so she can turn, then I’m straddling that tight little butt.
“Relax, Ok?” I whisper against her shoulder, and my hands rest for a second on the small of her back before I start running them up and down over her skin.
“Ok…” she sighs. And my hands travel, they explore every slope and valley of her form. Up and down, it’s an even, soothing cadence from her neck to just above her ass. I only break it briefly for her to loose her bra, then it's back to the rhythm, slow and deliberate I’m letting it build. My mouth drops slow, wet kisses into the mix, seeking out all the places that make her moan, make her squirm, make her wet. There are so many.
I don’t know how long I keep this up. I’m judging time by the urgency of her moans. They’ve gone from breathy whimpers to deep and pleading sighs. Her whole body is in motion now, nothin’ but chills and tremors.
“Oh yeah… baby that’s so… uhhh yeah.” She moans when my tongue swirls over the back of her neck again and I suck the skin I find there. Her hands are making fists in the sheets and her hips are moving in needy little thrusts, looking for something to grind into.
“Like that B?” I mumble, my voice feels like gravel in my throat. I want her so bad. And I finally lay my body out against hers. We both groan at the intense feel of skin on skin, my tits pressing up against her back my nipples hard as stone, but so sensitive every breath she takes sends a pulse of white-hot pleasure coursing through me.
I pant against her spine for a minute, trying to get back some control. It’s so hard when all I wanna do grind against that firm little ass ‘till I come. But after a few deep breaths I get it together, then I let my body drag down the length of hers.
“Want you so much…” I whisper into the small of her back, right where her spine forms that delicious curve. I lick it and let my fingertips find their way under her pale blue panties. She’s got her legs spread and I’m laying on my stomach between them, the heat is just flowing off her in waves. Right from the main place I wanna be most.
I let my hand wander down to that place, my fingers tracing over the thin cotton that is totally soaked. I find her clit easy, with just a fingertip and press a little, circle it…
“Oh fuck!” she gasps and her whole body jerks. God, I’ve got her wound up so tight, I think she almost came. Her thighs tremble as she spreads them wider for me. It’s the hottest thing ever. Her pussy is overflowing, warm juice glistening on the inside of her legs.
Enough teasing. I can’t wait anymore. I get up on my knees and slide those wet sexy panties down her legs.
“You ready B?” I ask her gently, even though I know the answer. It’s hanging in the air all around us. I take a deep breath. Her soaking pink slit is revealed to me and my throat is suddenly so dry.
“Ahh!… yeah Faith … So ready.” And she goes to turn over but I stop her.
“No B… stay like this. Just like this.” And I start stroking her ass, lifting her hips. I see her face turn into the pillow as she tries to muffle a groan. Her silky folds part and it’s like fuckin’ art to me. I just run my hands up and down the back of her thighs for a second. It’s more to calm myself, but those moans are getting louder… she’s on the verge of begging.
“Yes! Oh god yeah baby…” She groans as I finally slide my hand up her dripping pussy. Not inside her yet, just stroking through the wetness, through heat. And god she’s just coating my hand in her juice.
“Oh fuck B…you want me inside?” I can barely gasp. I had started this thing all slow but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I NEED to be inside her! I slip one finger in… just a little. And the tight pull of her pussy is all the answer I need. I push another one in right behind it, stretching her.
She moans for me and I add a third.
“You’re so tight…” I tell her, breathless and the grip she has on me shows she can get even tighter. I start pumping my fingers in and out. I keep one hand on her hip, stroking over her ass and lower back, soothing as she cries out into the pillow.
“Faith…Faith…Faith…” My name, again and again with every push. The deeper I go the more she takes me in and I’m losing myself in her. In her scent, the searing heat, those wet smacking sounds that are filling the air. I speed it up, fuck her harder like I know she likes it, like a slayer needs it… And her back arches like a bow, her head tosses back from the pillow and those blond strands are melting over her shoulders. Her mouth falls opens and she can’t even say my name anymore, it's all ragged breaths and whimpers. She’s so close… looking over that edge.
“Let it go Buffy… just feel it.” I bring my other hand down her front and find her clit with my fingers. I don’t give her any warning I just press hard, grinding rough circles right where she wants it. And it’s a sudden wash that explodes through her.
“Oh God!! Faith!!” She finds my name again as she breaks… as she comes so hard. It’s a jolt through her whole body and her pussy is clutching at my fingers in a frantic rhythm. She falls back to the bed, shaking and traps my hand that’s rubbing her clit. I follow her down, my cheek resting between her shoulder blades. I slow down my fingers but keep them moving inside her… drawing out every twitch of pleasure she has.
She’s breathing hard. We both are, the aftermath of lust so heavy all we can do is gasp. I can hear her heart slowing as I finally still my hands. And I turn my face to kiss the salt of her skin. She shivers again and I smile against all that softness.
“Feel better?” I whisper, lift my head, and brush her hair away. I need to see her face. Her eyes are closed, long lashes resting on her cheeks, breathing deep and even. “B?” I ask again, and kiss the side of her mouth that’s not pushed into the pillow. Still no response. “Buffy?” Still nothing. Did she fall asleep on me?! I raise up on my hands more so I can get a better look. “Buffy?” I say a little louder. Nothin’! Oh but look at that! The corner of her mouth curves up into a smile. The little faker! I’m just about to launch an attack, when her eyes pop open. She flips and then the world flips and I’m suddenly laid out flat on my back with a very naked Buffy straddling me.
Her eyes glitter and she grins.
“I’m feeling much better.” And she kisses me slow and deep, she rocks against me, her wet slit grinding against my stomach… she painting with her come. Fuck it just makes me remember how wound up I am. I groan as she pulls away. Her mouth leaves a wet path to my left nipple. And she laps at it quickly and it’s like a current shooting through me. She sucks until I’m gasping, then she pulls away like it's nothing.
She gives me that slow lazy smile, satisfied that she’s turned me in to a pathetic quivering mass.
“What about you baby? How’re you felling?”
How am I feeling?! She’s killing me! And she smiles like she knows it.
Fuck I’m in so much trouble. I blink once and she’s got me pulled to the edge of the bed, my legs spread with her standing between them. Gotta love those slayer powers of recovery. And B is fast, ‘cause my pants are gone before I even realize it.
And now she’s kneeling on the floor, spreading my legs wider. Oh fuck is she really gonna?! I can’t believe this.
“God B… what’re you doin’?” My voice is shaking, like the rest of me. B answers by running her tongue up my thigh. It’s so hot and slick it makes my whole body arch. “Ohh f-fuck!” I moan and I hear B groan in reply as she starts licking her way higher. And then I realize what she’s doin’. She’s tasting me, where my juice has leaked out over my thighs.
“You taste so good baby.” And fuck, just hearing that again it makes me even hotter. I sink my hands in her hair, not to force her or anything. I just need her to ground me. It feels like I’m flying. Her hands are so gentle as they run over my legs. I can feel her breath, right there; so close to where I need it. My hips jerk towards her mouth, I can’t help it
“B… Buffy… oh god!” I can’t help moaning either.
B lifts my legs then, placing them over her shoulders. It spreads me so wide, and now I’m totally exposed to her. Nothing has ever felt this intense… this intimate.
“Faith…” Her voice sounds small, hesitant, and I have to pry my eyes open to look at her. The sight is like a dream. Her face between my thighs, lips swollen and flushed as she hovers inches from my clit. I’m throbbing for her. “Watch me Ok? I want you to watch me eat you.” And that was almost enough. I bite my lip and groan as I nod. It's all I can do. The first touch is a shy, delicate flick of her tongue, it's right on my clit and my eyes slam shut. It's so fuckin’ intense, I’m trying to hold back, but I’m on the brink already. “Baby open your eyes.” I hear over the rushing in my head. Oh god she’s gonna kill me… Once our eyes lock she lowers mouth again, and this time she’s not tentative at all. She buries her face in my pussy, her tongue flat, lapping up all I got to give… her lips wrap around my clit and she sucks. Hard.
I can hear myself moaning, curses, her name, but it sounds so far away. She’s so fuckin’ good. I try and tell her.
“So good B…a-ahh fuck sogood!” My hips are moving out of control, my hands clenching in her hair, and then she fills me. Three fingers deep and to the hilt. And she’s fucking me, just the way I was fucking her and her mouth is devouring me and it's so good and so hot and too much. “Buffy!! I-I’m gonna … gonna come baby I—” But she knows this, and she fucks me, licks me just that little bit harder, and I’m gone. Every muscle in my body tensing arching into her and my eyes close again because it's so good I can’t stand it. But I can still see her in my mind… and she’s all I can see.
The last thing Faith remembered was Buffy crawling up her naked body. She remembered the warm brush of silky skin blanketing her own, warming her. Buffy laying on top of her, raining gentle kisses across her face. And when her eyes had opened Buffy had been smiling. She remembered B whispering that she loved her. Just before they had finally stilled for the night. She had fallen asleep in heaven.
So why was she opening her eyes to hell?
Faith was on a rooftop. Not just any rooftop. Yeah it was that one.
The air was whipping her hair all over, the rain felt like pinpricks of ice on her skin. An angry sky swirled above, heavy black clouds on a backdrop that was orange fire. Thunder rolled a command from above and Faith could feel it shake her to her core. The dread sank into her, the fear bubbling up like a well.
Her fists clinched. She looked down. She was holding her knife.
“Hello? Who’s there?” She called out, tried to keep the panic in check. She felt a presence, like some one was watching her. How the fuck had she ended up here? Everything had been perfect, she and B had been all snuggled up in bed and now… “Oh shit…” Faith sighed. She thought she would be rid of this. Rid of the dreams. Now that she’d found Buffy, now that she was where she was supposed to be. What could possibly be the point? Why here?
Lightening flashed above as if to answer and a figure was illuminated. It was small and seated on the ground, not five feet away. How the hell had she missed that?! Instinct made her raise her knife. Defensive.
“What the fuck are you?!” Her voice echoed. The thing didn’t answer. It was bent over, chanting and Faith could smell a dark rich and incense. She took a step forward and the thing raised its head.
“Slayer!” It hissed. It was one of the Turoks! And it lunged, swiping viciously with razor sharp claws. Faith fought back with all she had, she had gained the upper hand quickly, ready to strike the final blow when a sudden one stuck her from behind.
Pain exploded through her back and Faith spun around to face her new attack. Black endless eyes and hair the color of oil. But the face was all too familiar.
“Willow?!” Faith gasped, disbelief etched on her face. The response came in a slow dark voice that could never belong to the redhead she knew.
“Hey Faithy, having fun?”
“Willow what the fuck is goin’ on!?” She demanded, truly scared now. The wind was picking up, chaos churning around them. And Willow didn’t answer. Her eyes instead flicked to the creature at Faith’s back.
“Keep your mind on the fight, killer.” The witch grinned.
And Faith could feel the thing rushing up on her fast, and she spun around, arm rising and the knife caught the lightening a second before in plunged in deep hard, to the quick easy… too easy! There was a gasp, so small and frail, surprised. NO!
“Faith?!” Buffy, oh god! Green eyes filled with pain, blood spilling from her lips.
“Buffy!” Faith’s voice was carried away on the wind as she caught the other girl as she toppled forward in her arms and her entire world was swallowed in that one crimson instant.
That awful scarlet had faded to black. Or more accurately gray. It was a color Faith knew all too well. But it wasn’t the calming tone of a cool overcast sky, and it wasn’t the warm comfort of that blanket she loved back when she was nine.
This gray was dirty. Concrete walls, framed by solid steel; corroded with the grime and anger only time could provide. Time like twenty to life.
It was all too familiar to Faith and it made her heart seize in her chest, a sudden stop from the racing tempo of just an instant ago. Was it just an instant ago? It felt like forever… how long had she been here? Faith couldn’t breathe she the stale air felt like ice as she tried to suck in one ragged breath after another.
She couldn’t be back here! Not in this box, not sitting on this rock hard mattress staring at the cracked and crooked mirror on the wall, the rusted out sink it was all just as she had left it. If she left it!?
How long had she been here?
Faith looked at her hands.
Her clean trembling hands. That just a moment, or, forever ago had been covered, drenched with blood. Buffy’s blood. God what had happened?!
She’d killed her, and the realization, the reality of it slammed into Faith with a force she’d never known.
Her breath hitched, she squeezed her eyes shut, and she tried to hold back the hot tears that were burning acid-hot in her throat. She failed and a harsh sob echoed off the gritty walls.
The stark sound was like a shock though. And Faith found herself sitting back up again, looking around, LISTENING around. Silence, complete and total.
And that just wasn’t right. At least, judging from Faith’s experience on D-block. Prison was never silent. There was always noise, someone screaming, someone crying, cumin’ or dying. But never silence.
Faith stood up, cautious, running her hand quickly across her damp eyes. She took the five quick steps that put her face to face with steel bars. If it wasn’t real she could just walk right outta here right? Her hands came up, wrapped around the metal and she pushed. They didn’t budge.
“What the fuck?” She asked no one, ‘cause no one was there.
Faith was fairly convinced now that this was a dream, or still a dream… new or the same, she couldn’t be sure. She didn’t care either. She just wanted out.
“Wake up… wake the fuck up…” Faith pressed her head to the cold rails that held her, mumbling the same words again and again. She was getting so accustomed to the sound of her own voice that she didn’t notice the other presence until it were nearly in front of her cell. “Who’s there!” Her head snapped up and she squinted down the dark corridor in front of her.
“Hey baby…” It was everything Faith wanted to hear. Exactly what she didn’t want to see. Buffy, there, standing before her nothing but angel hair and glittering eyes. She was beautiful… and she was covered in blood.
“Oh god! Buffy! Y-you’re hurt you’re…” Faith’s arm slid between the bars reaching, desperate. B was just out of her touch.
“Yeah…” Buffy said softly, glancing down at her clothes. She looked sad, but not in pain, it was weird. She took a few steps closer, wrapped her sticky red fingers around Faith’s. And it was like a confirmation to the dark slayer. That she could do it. That she could fall… again.
“I’m sorry B. God, I’m so—” Faith’s voice was breaking; the rest of her was breaking too. She couldn’t believe she was seeing this, that she’d done this.
“Shh. It’s ok baby. It’s ok…” It was soothing, it was calm…way too calm for someone who should be dead. And it wasn’t ok! But this wasn’t real either.
“I killed you?”
“No…” Buffy leaned closer then, kissed the tears from Faith’s face, avoiding the bars and whispering the words again and again.
“What’s happening B?” Faith sighed, her eyes closed. She was getting lost in the endless gentle kisses. Heaven, she was sure.
“It’s not real… hasn’t happened yet baby.” And she said it so soft, so sad, and Faith could feel those lips brushing over the frown that was now marring her brow. Yet?
“What? No B… this… it’s a dream, I won’t—”
“Love you…” It was whispered against her lips, sealed between their mouths. And Faith sighed because it felt like peace.
But it still didn’t explain what B had said. Buffy’s eyes were still apologetic when she pulled away.
“I guess it was supposed to be like this.” And Buffy took a step back, looking again at the thick blood that was covering her small form, dripping off her. Sickening taps on the concrete floor. Tiny splatters of contrast in Faith’s gray world.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Why was B moving away? Why wasn’t she helping her get out of here? Faith could feel something inside her starting to flicker, it was like a light dying, and something desperate, like panic was replacing it.
Buffy just kept walking back. One step; then another... too far way!
“You hurt me. We hurt each other.” Buffy said it gently but still felt like a slap, like truth.
“No! No B it’s not real… It didn’t happen!” Faith pleaded, nearly frantic in her denial. She brought her fist up, slammed it into her cage. “Don’t leave me here! Please!”
“But it will.” And Buffy turned away.
“No Buffy please! Just come back… We—we can talk about it! Don’t leave me!”
“You know I’m right baby. Everybody leaves, it always ends with pain… goodbye Faith.” And she was gone. Buffy’s footsteps made a hollow sound… as empty as Faith’s heart. And she was alone.
She’d been up all night. Sneaking from the warm, safe embrace of her love to sit for hours on a cold hard rooftop. She loved it up here though, high enough to see the lights of her town.
Back in the beginning they would spend hours up here just talking, about things in the dark unknown, but mostly about nothing at all. Their eyes would catch fleetingly, shyly and then skip away. It was before she knew. Or was ready to know.
And to be wrapped in those arms now, would be so close to perfect…she had to do this alone though. It would be better in the end, better if she just leave now.
If she just got rid of her now.
Willow closed her eyes again, centered her energy on the pile of smoldering herbs, mumbled words in an ancient and long forgotten language.
Words of protection. They had all been hurt so much, years living in Sunnydale it couldn’t be avoided. Vamps and demons, possessions and ghosts, Willow had pretty much seen it all before she got out of high school. But that was different, SO different.
Why couldn’t they see it?
Faith had betrayed them. Had betrayed Buffy. She had made the choice to walk with the darkness and would no doubt do it again. Things don’t change that much on the hellmouth.
Willow could still remember the pain that ran rivers down her best friend's face that night. Buffy had come back to her place, after ‘the setup’… after all their fears and suspicions had been confirmed. She had said she couldn’t stand to see Angel, couldn’t be alone either. So Willow had done her job, picked up the pieces.
It was what best friends were for.
She’d held Buffy, her Buffy as she cried. And even though she hated the pain, hated the bitch that caused it more… she loved the feel of Buffy in her arms, clinging to her. Willow had whispered every calming phrase she could think of, every platitude she knew Buffy wouldn’t remember in the morning. She had assured her that Angel still loved her, would never leave her.
“She kissed me, why did she have to kiss me?” It had been a soft whisper against the skin of her neck, and the words had shocked her even as they had sent shivers through her core.
And another suspicion had been confirmed that night.
“Don’t cry for her Buff… she-she’s not worth it… she brought it on herself?” She had tried and it had even sounded hopeless to Willow's own ears. She had held Buffy’s face in her hands trapped by watery green, she had drowned in all those eyes had to tell her.
“No, I did. God, why didn’t I—” And Willow didn’t want to know, didn’t want to see that it wasn’t Angel her best friend was breaking for.
“Buffy you can’t think this is your fault. We all make choices…” She pulled Buffy back into her arms. The eyes had been too much… they made her want things she shouldn’t want, couldn’t understand. “Faith made hers, we can’t change that.”
“She kissed me Will.” She had sighed again, and Willow knew any response to that wouldn’t be anything Buffy would want to hear. She gave her more banalities instead.
“It’ll be ok, just stay here, it’ll be ok in the morning.” All lies. Nothing close to what she really wanted to say. The things Buffy was making her feel at that moment. Jealousy, anger, want all meshed and swirled in a confused young mind.
“Just hold me Wills.” And Willow almost had said…something, ANYTHING?! But she couldn’t. Instead they had lain on her bed then, Buffy falling asleep, Willow remaining awake, watching her.
A part of her hope had died that night. Something that she hadn’t had the capacity to realize at the time, something she didn’t even know she could want. It was buried before it could ever have chance to see the light. And Faith had killed it.
Willow blinked away her reverie noticing the candles were nearly burned away. She took a deep breath, calmed the surge of power, of ecstasy the spell brought about.
“Fear is made real, in dreams they’re revealed, haunt the vessel and hearts are healed.”
And the last of the ash finally burned away.
Faith’s been acting weird all day. Quiet and stand off-ish. I had woken up alone this morning, her spot in the bed still slightly warm. I had pressed my face into her pillow, breathed her in and this deep ache had suddenly enveloped me. It had crawled into my chest where it rested, heavy and right on my heart.
God, I had never felt anything that intense before. It was want and longing and desire and I just MISSED her. After last night I had expected to wake up in her arms again, wrapped around each other in our own little world. But I was alone.
I had left the warm sanctuary of our bed after a few minutes of waiting, realizing she might not be coming back. I wasn’t too worried, I could still feel her near.
And yeah, it’s definitely ‘our’ bed now.
I had found her sitting outside on the bench we keep in the back yard by mom’s flowers, her face turned up to the slowly brightening sky. She looked beautiful. The new golden rays had just started to creep across the horizon, bathing her skin with soft warm tones, highlighting the rivers of burgundy in her hair that I’d never allowed myself to notice. Not until now.
I watched as she sighed and closed her eyes, thick dark lashes making shadows across her cheeks. And I had no clue what to do next. Good thing I’m not the one running this show I guess. ‘Cause then her eyes opened, and they looked so, so deep catching the orange rays.
I swear I couldn’t breathe for a second.
“Checkin’ out the merchandise B?” She grinned, but it was nowhere near those beautiful eyes.
“Yeah, definitely.” I smiled back, wanting to go to her so bad. But something was telling me to stay. Give her some distance, she needed it. It might have been the tense set of her shoulders, or the small pile of cigarettes at her feet. I don’t know. I must have said the right thing though, because that smile finally did reach her eyes.
Sunrise was nothing compared to that.
“I missed you.” I told her. And I couldn’t believe how hard that little admission was making me blush, how shy I suddenly felt. Especially after last night! But it’s still all so new, all so much to feel. I’m guessing that might be why she’s out here. Got a little freaked, needed a little space.
I hope.
“Yeah?” She was standing up then, and I noticed she was fully dressed in her clothes from yesterday. Damn. I kinda felt a bit underdressed in just my robe, but my heart was beating faster all the same. All I could do is nod at her as she came to stand right in front of me, inches away. I wanted her closer.
“So you’re going somewhere?” I had asked instead of grabbing her.
“Yeah, I better. Gotta grab a change before things get started ‘round here.” She’s right, but I don’t like it. I like the idea of having her here…
And I think I’m about to say something really scary… yup, I’m gonna.
“Umm. Why don’t you, ah…ya know, bring your stuff back? Y-you can, ya know, if you want… maybe crash here? Till all this is done? Or maybe, just whenever?”
It sounded a lot cooler in my head. Really. But her eyes got really soft then, like I was maybe melting her a little.
“Ok.” Simple as that and I couldn’t freaking believe it! And thankfully she saved me from the incredibly Dawn-like squeal that was seconds from escaping.
She kissed me. She cupped her warm, soft hands around my face and those full lips were on mine. It was soft and gentle and it brought my heart up to my throat. It made that longing in my chest go away.
My hands were sinking into her hair before I realized, my mouth searching for deeper access to hers. I felt her sigh and I got chills all over. She was just so warm against me… so close.
I wanted to tell her to forget about the meeting later. Forget about all this damn bad. I wanted to drag her back upstairs, back to our bed, back to our world. I tried to tell her in the kiss.
I wanted to convince her, something was telling me she needed to be convinced. I pressed in harder, let my tongue wrap around hers, pulled her tighter against me. And I got another sigh, and a bit of a moan this time.
God, does she even know what that does to me?! My hands slip down her back, over the delicious curves of her hips down to cup her ass and I can feel my lungs starting to burn but I don’t care. Who needs to breathe when I have Faith pressed so close to me, when I can feel her breasts pushing against mine, her heart pounding so fast?! Her mouth is so hot, so wet, and just seems endless… it reminds me of other places I’ve discovered.
And suddenly I want her. Now, and so damn bad I can hardly stand it. The kiss turns rougher… the aggression, the extent of my need showing itself in the messy slide my lips are making over her mouth, in the way were both starting to tremble, muscles straining and yet barely restrained.
God, I feel so desperate, desperate enough to take her, have her, fuck her right here on the soft grass in my back yard…I bet she’d look so good laid out with that green against her bare skin… But she pulls away then, gasping.
“B, fuck… what are ya doin’?” She was all breathless. I love her breathless. I’d love her more spread out naked on the ground and breathless.
“It isn’t obvious?” I ask the skin of her neck, it tastes so good. Faith flavored, I should call Ben and Jerry’s.
“Well I was sure you were goin’ for subtle.” She grins and my lips find the dimple that just appeared as I try and get my heart to slow a bit.
“Nope, not subtle, not me… I want you.” I had to whisper the admission, because I could hardly believe it's true. I never dreamed I could want something like this, like HER. That I could want a body so soft and full and lush. That I could want to run my hands through long, infinite waves of brown. I can’t believe I’m acting this way! But Faith just makes me feel so uninhibited, inspired even… Before, I’d never let myself think about soft berry red lips or hard rose colored nipples, but now I can hardly think of anything else. And it’s the truest thing I’ve ever known.
“I want you so bad Faith, I need you.” I tell her again, and I kissed her again to prove it.
And my mouth was all over hers, lips tongue, teeth. I nibbled that bottom lip she likes to tease me with as one of my hands slid away from her ass and up under her shirt.
What happened to her bra? Why am I wasting time wonder what happened to her bra?!
I cup the soft curve of her breast, squeeze a little as my thumb passes over her nipple. And I’m still amazed as I feel it harden under my touch. Faith groans into my mouth and it vibrates between us. It feels so sexy, knowing that she wants this just as bad. Her skin is heating up as I play, rolling her nipple over my thumb… stroking the tip, and I finally pull my mouth away from hers. We should be doing this upstairs, should have started the second our eyes opened.
“I wanted to wake up with you…” I confess, watching her eyes flutter open, watching her mouth try and form words for a second.
“Fuck B…ohh… I-I can’t think when you’re doin’ that!” Good, so she can’t think about leaving.
“Doing what baby?” I ask innocent, and tug her nipple gently, pinching it harder, giving her more of that pressure I know she likes. It’s not nearly enough though.
“Uhh… That! Ohfuck” God her voice sounds so dark. It gets me wetter than I already am, it makes me ache. I use the hand that’s caressing her ass to pull her into me and I grind a bit.
“I maybe thought we could stay in bed for a while longer, but you weren’t there.”
“I-I um… a-ahh B! Damn you gotta stop that.” But her hips are moving too, unconscious little thrusts against the leg I managed to slip between hers. I ease up on her nipple some though and she sighs. It’s both relief and disappointment. “I um… couldn’t sleep is all.” She finally manages, a tiny frown makes her eyebrows go all smooshy. I kiss it away and wonder what could have caused it. There’re so many things. I try and find the answer in her eyes but hers are focused on the strand of my hair she’s been playing with. I pull back a bit, and my hand slips out of her shirt, concern suddenly taking the forefront over horny.
“Baby, what is it?”
“Just night—I mean nothin’… I’m just stressed I think, no big.” And I wanted to think about what she started to say, but she grins and her eyes meet mine a second before she leans in and I feel her mouth on my neck.
“Stress is bad…umm…m-maybe I can help you with that.” God what’s she doing to my ear?!
“Mmm you got no idea how good that sounds B.” I kiss her collarbone, suck a little. “Or how good that feels.”
“Then come back to bed…”
“The others are gonna be here soon.” She sighs and pulls away some and meets my gaze, pouting a little, knowing that she’s right and not liking it one bit.
“It's early.” I tell her bottom lip.
“So Giles doesn’t get up at the ass crack of dawn anymore?”
I smile and pull her back to me, slide my hand back into her shirt.
“Don’t care.” And when did my voice get so raspy? Her mouth lands back on mine in a slow deep caress, my tongue matching the strokes my hand is making over her breast. And it’s different now, not as urgent, not as demanding.
The need is still there though. I can feel it in the way Faith’s starting to rock against me again, in the way she’s panting against my mouth, making the air between us so warm and humid.
“Buffy…shit, B…makin’ me so wet.” She tells me and I swear I feel my whole body tense. Shit I love how she talks when she’s turned on. But I tamp down that urgency, I don’t want to rush it. I don’t want to think about time, or how everyone will be up soon.
“Can you show me?” I ask, each word a feather against her mouth and I feel her nod, feel her hands reaching between us slipping past the token barrier of my robe and god, then, they’re on my skin. They slide over my hips, hot and shaky, and make a quick rush up to my breasts.
“Damn, B… you’re so fuckin’ soft.” She says it like she can't help it, rasping puffs against my neck as her fingers brush back and forth over my hard aching nipples. “So damn sexy… want you so much… You know how hot you make me B?”
God I can’t believe how gentle she’s being, I can tell she’s holding back can feel it in the way her hands are all trembles, the slow deliberate kisses she’s burning into shoulder. But it’s so good, I can hardly stand it. I gotta find a better place for this to happen… like, now.
“Mmm… Faith, baby… inside.”
“Oh god…Ok.” And she’s gasping and I feel a trembling hand suddenly between my legs, parting my slick folds.
“No, baby…uuunnhh Faith!” I groan and feel her finger against my clit, pressing, circling, oh fuck she’s so good! “Inside the house…”
And now I really am desperate.
We make it as far as the kitchen, barely. Kissing, stumbling, groping the whole way. Her hand is still between my thighs when my back hits hard against the kitchen door.
“B… need you.” She whispers into my ear and I can’t believe how small it sounds almost like a question, just as she picks up the stroking over my clit again.
My legs feel like water and the rest of me feels like it's gonna combust. I slump back against the door, try not to scream as she picks up the rhythm matching the deep pulsing in my clit. God she has me so close already.
“Buffy?” It's that tiny voice again. And I realize my eyes were shut tight. I open them, and fall right into the depths of hers. I bring my hands up, cup them around her face, show her what she’s doing to me. It's too much, too good. I’m gonna come, but I want her with me. I need it.
I still her hand with mine just as she started to slide in and out, then, as best as I could with the way my hands are shaking, get her pants undone and slide them down. She kisses me again, her mouth hard and reckless as she kicks her pants off.
She spreads her legs some, giving me better access and the instant I touch her, my hand is coated in her juice. I touch her slow my fingers part her, trace her every outline, she’s burning as she pours into my hand.
“Uuunnhh B!” It’s moaned into my mouth and I can tell she’s trying to hold back, keep her hand still inside me, give me a chance to catch her up… she’s not too far off though. I can feel her shaking against me. I let my fingers make a lazy slide through her pussy, drag lightly over her clit, and then away again, teasing. She so hard the slightest touch makes her whole body shudder. “Fuck… so good…B, please…B, oh yeah.”
She finally breaks away from the kiss then, buries her face into my neck as her knees go week. She’s whispering the words again and again each one sounding a little more pleading than the last. Her hand finds the rhythm on my clit again rubbing those tight little circles that are taking me to the brink so fast. I do the same on her, a little harder, little faster every time and soon it's nothing but muffled groans and whispered pleas.
I can feel her body starting to arch against mine, her hips starting to lose the pace and she’s making those desperate whimpers, biting her lip so hard. She’s about to come for me.
“B! Oh f-fuck… I-I can’t—” I slow my hand down, she’s right on the brink, but she’s fighting it… I can feel her clit making those twitches against my fingers. But she wants me with her too, and I try to tell her what I need.
“So good baby…a-ahh! J-just… more…oh god!” But she already knows what I needs, plunges two fingers up inside me and starts to fuck me. “Yes!! Faith! baby!” And I’m moaning, we’re both moaning as our passion reaches fever pitch and Faith’s body jerks hard against me suddenly she tenses and I watch her face as the ecstasy sweeps through her.
“Buffy!” The sigh of my name as it falls from her lips is enough and I’m flying with her. Falling for endless moments and I feel the rush of her come coating my hand, the weight of her body as it slumps warm and safe against mine, the incessant spasms that rack both our forms. They’re slow to fade, intense after shocks keep us both trembling. And damn I don’t ever want to move again… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to.
After a while, our breathing finally start to slow and I pull back a short bit, just enough to see the sleepy smiley face she’s making.
“I love you.” I whisper, and her eyes flutter open like magic. That smile gets bigger.
“That was so…god B I don’t even know what that was.” Her voice is all raspy and her eyes look like they might overflow…
Can your heart be breaking if you’re this happy?
“It was us.” I tell her with a sniffle of my own. And we stay like that, just holding each other, basking in each other until she finally sighs and pulls away. She pouts a bit at the loss of contact.
“I should really get going B… don’t want the kid wandering down here and seeing all this. Could damage her young mind.”
“Dawn is plenty damaged, little more won't hurt.” I argue.
“Plus I gotta go get my stuff, get back here.” She puts on her pants. I hate pants.
“You suck. With all this being right stuff.” And I show her a REAL pout. She just grins bigger.
“It’s my curse.” Such a smart ass. I pull her back to me quick, catch her mouth again and let my hands roam to all the places her clothes are hiding, all the places I know I won’t be seeing for at least a while. I let my nails rake gently down her back and feel the prickle of goosebumps follow my touch. My other hand is back at her breast for only a second before she can pull away with a groan. “Fuck…B, I need to go, now, or else I won't be able to… I’ll be back soon yeah?” Her smart ass smirk gone and she’s talking to the gap in my robe that is nearly exposing me again.
“Ok…” I grin, happy that now she’s still in the land of horny with me “Hurry.”
And she just smiled as she backed away. And I watched her stride out the door, cross the yard… that’s how she left, full of wanting and joy and peace. But that’s not what’s in her eyes right now. I have no idea what’s changed between then and now but the difference is like night and day. And I’m worried.
When she came back she’d been subdued and only gotten more so as the day went on. She’s almost down to single syllables…
Everybody’s here now, deep into the research of things. Last nights patrol had been really lucky. So we’re pretty sure where this Ancient vamp is bedding down, now all we have to find a way to kill sleeping ugly. Apparently a nice splinter to the heart or a good old-fashioned beheading just won’t do. Giles had informed us all, with way too much enthusiasm, that when you chop off one it’ll just grow another… he really needs a new hobby.
Faith had used a small portion of her apparent word quota to suggest fire, but Giles shot that down too. So that leads us to this again. Research.
Translating actually, which is even worse. I swear none of this stuff even makes sense in English!
I let Dawn skip a day at school and even Riley came over to help. We need all the minds we can get. But I really don’t like the way he’s been looking at me. Like a twisted cross between remorse and lust and satisfaction.
I have no idea what’s going on in his head, but he’s looking at Faith too. And there’s nothing but disdain then.
I don’t like it.
It makes me want to go to her, stand by her side and protect her. But Faith’s too caught up in her own thoughts to even notice.
At least Tara and Wills seem to be getting back to their usual sunshine selves. I had heard them arguing just after lunch. They had thought they had been alone in the kitchen. I had been passing by I really didn’t mean to snoop or anything. I didn’t catch all of it, but it sounded pretty heated, and of course had been about the magic. I didn’t stick around to listen, but it looks as though they made up a bit. They’re all moon eyes and hand-holding again.
I look over at my best friend just as her eyes flick away from where they’ve been locked on Tara. I can hardly recognize the girl I’ve known for so long under all that pain, but I can finally see hope again too. And it makes me smile.
Maybe things are getting better…
“I got balls!!” Or, maybe the world’s gone insane.
Now everyone is looking at Xander like he’s… well, nuts.
“Uhh… we all kinda know that Xander.” Tara says, turning an interesting shade of pink. And Xander’s eyes get big as he realizes what he’s saying. It doesn’t stop him from saying it again though.
“No! not balls, balls… um I got those too but… ORBS! Big glowing orbs!”
“I shouldn’t be hearing this…” My sister covers her ears, closes her eyes.
“The stress is getting to him…” Anya sighs, uninterested.
“No! Look!” And Xander stands up!
“He’s gonna flash us!!?” Dawn's eyes pop open and I stick my hand out to cover them. What the hell is wrong with him!?
“Xander no one wants to see—”
“In the BOOK!” He finally shouts. Oh, I knew that. “See! I think I translated it right… balls right?”
Then he holds up a page he’s been translating from. Giles is next to him in an instant reading over the lines.
“Oh bloody hell why didn’t I consider this before!”
“What is it Giles?” I ask and he hands me the page, like that’s gonna mean something to me. I raise an eyebrow.
“The orbs of N’stasis” Uh huh. Right. I raise both eyebrows. “There a set of ancient crystals, forged about 800 years ago. For the specific purpose of dealing with the oldest of demons. There were about twenty or so originally.” He explains
“Originally?” Faith asks, suddenly interested. It’s almost disturbing that she didn’t say anything when Xander’s balls were about to come out.
“Yes well, if I remember correctly, each time one is used, it is destroyed as well as the beast it vanquishes. From what I can determine from this we will need at least two.”
“Sweet. So how do we get our hands on ‘em?”
“Yes well the Council is in possession of several. However I’m sure they’d be reluctant to turn one over, due to their rarity… they would have to rule the situation to be a considerable threat.”
“It’s the first fuckin’ vamp ever created?! We’re talkin’ apocalypse how much bigger threat could they need!?” She stands up and the book she was holding goes sailing across the room. Her frustration evident in every line of her body as she stares my watcher down.
“Faith now there is no need for—”
“No Giles she’s right.” I cut him off, but stay seated. I reach out, my hand landing gently on the small of Faith’s back and she takes her seat next to me again. Tense as stone.
"This is beyond serious. Call them and get what we need.”
“I think I might be able to help.” Riley says, breaking the stare down between me and Giles. “I have some connections… left over from the Initiative. There’s a lot of things like that just sitting around in storage.”
And he says it so casual, but there’s something behind that, in his eyes. I can’t quite figure what though. But hell if he can get these super balls for us…
“Really? You think you can find that out soon?”
“No problem Buffy. I can check it out before patrol.” He says with his best smile, with satisfaction, like he’s won something.
And I really don’t get what’s going on with him, but I finally feel like we’ve made some progress. That we actually have a chance to beat this thing and we’ll all come out of it ok… better even. And it’s my sister that seems to put my thoughts into words.
“This is great! We have the when the where and weapon. But what are we supposed to do now?”
...continued in part 21...