Chase This Night
by Poet
Rating: NC-17
Faith ran, or more accurately, stumbled through the door to her old apartment, the heavy oak banging into the adjacent wall. Every inch of her body seemed to be screaming at her in pain. Any and all movement being strongly protested. But she pushed herself despite it. She had run full tilt all the way from the graveyard to her down town loft, the ache in her muscles at least drowning the one in her chest. Shifting it, changing it from that desolate feeling of loss to something more akin to anger.
Yeah, Faith was pissed.
She reached for the light switch, flipping it, she paused when nothing happened.
“Oh just fukin’ perfect.” The low grumble of her voice sounded menacing even to her own ears. But Faith thought she was justified in sounding a little threatening. The night had gone completely to hell. Tonight not only had she had she gotten everything she had ever wanted in her short life, she had also gotten it ripped away… and all in a matter of minutes. She’d come face to face with her biggest dread, and then gotten her ass well and truly kicked to top it all off.
Yeah, just fuckin’ perfect. What had possessed her to come back to this forsaken town anyway!? Not even one night here and it was already too much. She couldn’t handle it, she felt beaten.
Leaving the door open, for a little bit of light. Faith made her way though the darkened loft. She was headed for the bed, where she had dropped her bags. She immediately lifted the overstuffed duffle, slinging it over her shoulder. It was a well-practiced move. Every one of those dark voices inside her was telling her to run, whispering that sickening consciousness that it was all a mistake. Another mistake.
It was that instinct that had guided her all her life. Kept her running from one dead end to the next. Keeping her alive, but just barely. It was all she had ever known, all that she was ever taught.
Which is exactly why Faith couldn’t listen. Not this time, and not anymore.
She let the bag fall to the floor, sliding it off her sore shoulder, and Faith thought about where she was a day ago. Haunted and on the run, trapped by her own apathy. She thought about the last dream she had shared with B… She had made a decision, a promise to see this stint in Sunnydale through. A pulse of determination shot through her veins. If tonight’s bit of action was anything to go by, the hellmouth was gonna need her here. Buffy needed her here. And that had to be in spite of what was happening between them. And Faith knew a lot about spite.
God, she couldn’t even decide which she was feeling more, anger, hurt or something in between it all! All she knew was it was Buffy making her feel all this… so conflicted. It would be so easy to hate her again, but she didn’t think her soul could take the loss. Not now, not after knowing. But how could she survive loving her?
After letting the bag fall, Faith limped over to the large stereo system and randomly hit a button. She was pleasantly surprised when a soothing melody filled the air.
“Huh, Dicky sprung for those long life batteries…” She cranked the volume and let the deep melancholic voice wash over her. Whatever the woman was talking about didn’t really seem to matter, but the overall essence of it seemed to crawl over Faith’s skin, and that hopeless feeling was back before she could stop it. She couldn’t get B’s voice out of her head. One minute whispering how much she wanted her, throwing her away in the next. It tore her apart, just as she was made whole. She felt so used.
Faith swallowed hard and looked through he darkness surrounding her closing in on her, She had to stop the reel that had become her thoughts. She needed to get clean, patch up the newest wounds… some the bandages wouldn’t be able to fix, but she had a bottle that could help.
Faith was able to locate a few candles, and she always had her lighter on her so the place was lit up with minimal effort. The pint of Jack was located just as easily. Ripping off the cap, Faith downed a few hard pulls, the sour liquid burning deep in her chest. It felt so much better… as long as she kept telling herself she liked that empty feeling. Bottle in hand, Faith then limped her way to the bathroom, peeling the blood-laden clothes off as she went. The JD was done when she set a bare foot on the cool tile floor.
Faith’s head swam as she rested the empty bottle on the sink… that first slow buzz starting to creep across her mind, and she studied herself through the haze. She could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her in the mirror. Faith looked deader than the creatures she hunted. Not that she was really messed up or anything. The few cuts and burses she had sustained to her face would heal in less than a day. No, it was her eyes that scared her.
“Windows to the soul.” Faith's voice cracked over the words. But she told herself it was still better.
She reached out a hand, knuckles still raw, and traced the reflection before her. The girl in the window was crying, clear rivers amongst the blood and grime. Faith hated how weak she looked. That naked vulnerability she never let reach the surface was painted in the tears and pain than ran down her cheeks. At the sight, unexpected rage mixed with the chaos in her mind and before she could stop it the muscles in her arm suddenly tensed.
And the girl was gone, glass raining like bells on the cold hard floor, and Faith’s hand was bleeding anew. She ignored the deep crimson drops staining the clean white tile and turned on the shower as hot as she could stand it. The water stung all the cuts covering her body as it rushed across her skin; Faith relished the sensation.
She wasn’t sure how long she remained under the deluge; the hot water supply seemed endless. She was waiting to feel clean again, waiting for the water to wash away more than the remains of the fight. Faith wanted to get rid of her touch. The feel of those hot gentle fingers sliding over her body seem to be tattooed into her skin… phantom caresses, and Faith hated it… hated that she still wanted it. She wanted to be sure that the rivers streaming down her face were no longer the shameful tears of the girl in the mirror… but the hot water finally gave in with a sputter and shaking of the pipes. So being clean physically would just have to do. Faith reluctantly shut off the shower, dried herself and changed into a loose pair of sweats and a clean tank. She had every intention of crawling into bead and sleeping for at least 24 hours straight. She figured she could start fresh when she was fully recovered. Confront the gang, and Buffy on her terms.
Yep, that was gonna be the plan. But just as the pattern had proven for the night… things weren’t following Faith’s plans.
When she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was that the music was gone. The second thing nearly brought her heart to a complete stop. There, sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed, was the one person Faith was trying so hard to forget. Still dirty, caked with blood, the candles were casting dancing shadows over Buffy’s slight form. She looked so tiny.
“Faith…” Her voice was thin. She sounded tired, and Faith wondered how long she had been waiting. Her legs felt suddenly weak.
“What are you doin’ here?” Faith had to force the steel in her voice. Had to force herself to remain standing by the bathroom door… across the room, when all she wanted to do was crawl over to the other girl. It was like an energy calling to her but she forced herself not to listen. Instead, she focused on Buffy’s reaction, the girl seemed thrown by Faith’s cold response.
What? Did B actually think she was gonna make it easy for her? Like hell! Anger was easier…
“I- I wanted to make sure you were Ok.” Buffy got to her feet as she spoke, taking a couple of steps towards the dark girl. Apparently whatever that pull was, B was feeling it too. She had seen it after the fight in the cemetery… arousal flashing in the light girl’s eyes, but it was something deeper than that something more…
Something Faith knew B wasn’t ready to admit. With that thought Faith’s anger shifted again to dejection… Man she was like a big roller coaster tonight. But could it be better this way? Sticking with what you know keeps you from getting hurt right? It made sense to Faith. But all she knew was being alone… and that hurt all the time.
“Yeah, well, all things considered I’m 5 by 5 B.” At that Buffy just nodded, eyes cast down to the floor. She looked as if she was preparing herself for something. Her eyes were watery pools of green when they finally met Faith’s again.
“I’m sorry.” A whisper that hung in the air.
Faith could have gotten angry at that, could have thrown that fragile apology back in her face… laugh at the aduadacidy of this girl, the one that would have killed her not too long ago had she even tried such a thing. But it looked to Faith that such a reaction was exactly what Buffy was expecting. And as the tears finally overflowed in Buffy’s eyes Faith realized she was just tired of the game.
“You hurt me so bad B…” But she was still shocked by the extent of her own honesty. Where the hell had that come from? But her words seemed to encourage the other girl. The hope was written plainly across Buffy’s face as she took a few more steps across the room, bridging the miles between them.
“I’m sorry… Faith I-I just got-”
“Freaked, yeah I know…” Faith cut her off with a sigh, she had a feeling where this was headed… she didn’t want to hear the hollow excuses.
“And it was all happening so fast…I didn’t know… and the gang just came outta nowhere… but…” Christ why was B here? Couldn’t the ‘let her down easy’ speech come after she had had some sleep. Buffy was in an all out babble fest now and Faith wasn’t even sure what the conversation was about anymore. “But…I didn’t mean it Faith.” Faith tuned back in, just in time to be thoroughly confused.
“Huh?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Buffy took her hand as she said it, lacing their fingers together gently. And damn if the blond girl looked like she really meant it. Faith could feel her self getting lost in those eyes all over again.
“It's Ok Buffy.” She said looking away at their joined hands. It was safer.
“No! it’s not! Faith, w-what we… um… did, ya know…” She was blushing now. And Faith could feel yet another babble spree approaching. She wanted to speed this little rejection up… get it all over with, because that pain in her chest was coming back full force… she hoped she had another bottle hidden somewhere.
“B, it's cool it doesn’t have to happen agai-”
“…It was… I think that was the most perfect moment in my whole life…”
WHAT?!
“What?!” Faith was pretty sure her eyes must have popped outta her head.
“It was beautiful Fai…” And Faith gasped a the power, the pure emotion in her voice. The words just seemed to pour into her soul, filling that empty space so fast she could hardly catch her breath. Buffy’s voice had become nothing more than a whisper… and when had they gotten so close? The other slayer was now very much in Faith’s personal space. Their bodies nearly touching, she could feel the gentle breaths on her face… smell the sweat and adrenaline from the fight that still laced her skin… It made Faith’s own skin prickle.
“Jesus B… what are ya sayin’ here?” Faith’s own voice felt tight in her throat, it came out in a raspy whisper.
“That I’m asking you to forgive me… if you can… I’ll understand if not, because ya know, the positions are kinda reversed and all… and I-”
Faith cut her off, the best way she knew how. She brought her mouth to the other girl's in a warm and gentle brush… She smiled and pulled back when B’s eyes went wide.
“ummm?! Th-that was..” The squeak in the blond girl's voice was beyond adorable.
“It's Ok B, you don’t have to apologize to me.” Faith couldn’t resist brushing a dirty blond piece of hair from the other girl's eyes… and her hand lingered, caressing her cheek her thumb brushing over a cut on that pouty bottom lip. And she felt like her heart was breaking when Buffy turned her head and kissed her palm.
“I do Faith… I need you to know…” Buffy’s hands came up then…sinking into Faith’s still damp tresses. She pressed their foreheads together.
“But I do B…” They were speaking so softly and Faith said it with a grin, as she felt Buffy’s mouth linger over her own once again… It was a longer kiss but no less gentle than the last. Faith felt the other girl's head move in her hands, she was shaking her head ‘no’.
“You don’t know, ‘cause I didn’t say it back…” And Faith’s heart was suddenly pounding in her chest. She gasped as the Buffy’s mouth slid against her own again… more insistent, warmer. She felt her tongue slipping over her bottom lip, asking. Their bodies were suddenly pressed together so tightly… the heat of it washing over them both. “I wanted you… I still want you.” Buffy mumbled into her mouth and Faith moaned at the feel of her words.
“B…I-I know…Shhh” Faith wasn’t sure if she could stand to hear it… she had never let herself hope. She pressed her mouth harder against the kiss. Sliding her tongue around the other girl’s, sucking that tender bottom lip. She felt Buffy’s hands raking over her back, down to hold firmly to her hips, pulling her even closer. Faith didn’t want her to talk, didn’t want her to say the words she realized she feared more than the hate, more than the rejection. “Oh god…” Faith couldn’t stop the rasping moan as Buffy’s mouth finally broke away to trail a hot path down her neck. It was slow, deliberate and so tender Faith felt as though she was coming apart.
“Need you… Faith I need you” Buffy was whispering it again and again the words felt hot on her skin, like she was begging, praying… And Faith couldn’t stop the tremors running though her.
“I know... B please… you don’t gotta-” Faith could see her hands shaking as they cupped around Buffy’s face…she pulled away slightly, but the intensity of those green eyes kept her only inches away. It was like the whole world had come to a stop.
“Faith… I love you.”
Buffy held her self very still, concentration focused intently on keeping her breathing even and deep. She didn’t want to disturb the peace of the moment. The rain had started up again, a gentle shower to contrast the night’s downpour. And with the pale light of dawn creeping through the windows, everything seemed softer, not quite solid. But she knew she wasn’t dreaming again. The gentle breaths of the dark girl sitting at the foot of the bed were all too real, steady and constant; it would hitch every time she would glance back at Buffy’s still form… like it was a surprise. She was watching, waiting. For what Buffy wasn’t quite sure, all she knew was that she wanted to stay in this place forever.
She felt safe, she felt warm, she felt loved.
It was damn near perfect. The candles had long since burned away, but their fragrance still lingered in the air, mixing lightly with the stronger essence that was distinctly their own. Buffy liked that… the fact that THEY had a scent now. It was just perfect… well; it was that is...before.
When she had first opened her eyes she had been greeted by a torrent of coffee colored silk, awash in that faint smell of lavender. Her arms enveloping that slim waist, hands tucked under the covers, resting on a smooth, flat tummy. And the skin pressed against her lips was the softest she had ever felt…She had been wrapped in Faith and yeah… THAT had been perfect. But it didn’t last. Faith had awoken a couple of minutes later, shifting slightly and mumbling something about potatoes before freezing suddenly when she realized her situation.
Buffy felt her chest tighten now just a little at the thought. The other girl had carefully extracted herself from Buffy’s hold and had been sitting across the bed for the past hour. Watching the rain, watching the girl.
She didn’t make a move to stop her. Something telling her deep inside, a bond or instinct maybe, that Faith needed time. Buffy didn’t want to listen, she wanted to pull Faith back, throw the covers over them again and shut out the rest of the world. She knew the world was waiting. But she had to fix THEM first. Make sure they were ok so they could face it together.
Nothing had really been solved the previous night. After her stumbling, but heartfelt confession, they had both been caught in a little shock. It was love after all… Jesus Christ it was love! Buffy was actually a bit scared herself… just a little terrified is all. And she had supposedly done all this before.
Buffy had been lying to herself a lot longer than she’d thought.
The whole damn thing could’ve been a huge disaster. And Faith wasn’t exactly emotions girl. Buffy had fully expected Faith to run and hide under the bed… maybe with a shovel.
But that’s not what had happed at all. To Buffy’s surprise, Faith had kissed her. Holding her face between her hands as if she would break, it was feather-light, and it made her shake all over.
“Say it again…” Faith had whispered in that pleading voice that was all sandpaper. When she pulled away an inch her brown eyes looked like they were going to spill.
“I- I Love you…” It was only a breath, and Buffy could feel her throat constrict on the words.
“Again…” It was more a plea than a command.
“Love you…Faith please…” And Buffy was begging her to believe.
But Faith was kissing her again before the words were even out. And it had been a VERY different kiss that time. The dark slayer’s tongue had slid into her mouth on a gasp. It was hot and slick and Buffy couldn’t stop her self from moaning against it. She didn’t want to stop herself. Faith tasted so good, like the whisky she knew the other girl had been drinking, but something darker too. Something that she couldn’t taste in their dream, that she hadn’t been able to get enough of in the cemetery earlier. Buffy suddenly wanted to know what she tasted like everywhere.
Her hands flexed where they had been resting on Faith’s hips, pulling the dark girl tighter against her body. Buffy let her own mouth get into the game. Ignoring the cuts and bruises they both had, she pushed harder into this kiss, her tongue lapping at every soft warm inch she could reach. Buffy felt the moan that came from Faith all the way down to her toes… that was right before she felt the dark girl's hands. They slid under her mud-covered sweater, so hot against her skin. It made her nipples get hard.
Buffy felt herself being lifted, spun around, and suddenly her back was against the wall. Her legs wrapped around Faith on pure instinct. It was almost an exact reversal of their positions earlier. And just the thought of that alone had Buffy whimpering as Faith tried to devour her in the kiss.
“Faith…” It was all Buffy could gasp as she tore her mouth away, desperate for air. She had forgotten any other word. And Faith’s lips were trailing a searing wet line down her neck, her tongue coming out to swirl random patterns over salty skin, teeth nipping a the tender spot of her pulse point…. Sucking on her collar bone.
“B… shit B…I wanna…” Faith was panting moist breaths on her neck, grinding her hips between Buffy’s spread thighs, creating a friction so deep they were both feeling it despite the layers of clothes. Buffy sank her hands deep into the other girl’s hair, pulling Faith’s head back a little, they never stopped the searing rhythm.
She saw the desire written plainly in Faith’s eyes. Deep and unguarded, she wasn’t hiding anything. The sight sent a shocking pulse of arousal though Buffy’s entire body, it pooled hot and slick between her legs and she couldn’t help but moan at the feeling… the sudden urgency.
“Ohh god… Faith… want you…” she said it between gasps against the darks girls neck, her mouth sucking gently. Peach sweet and just as soft, Buffy wanted to mark her. She sucked harder; encouraged by the hiss of pleasure she heard… the tremors that seemed to be taking over the other girl. Just the thought that she was causing that… making Faith moan and shake… making that flush spread across her neck and chest, it turned Buffy on more than she thought was possible
She tried to work her hands under Faith’s tank… she had to get more skin. She needed it. She wanted the dark Slayer’s tits in her hands… She could see her nipples, straining against that too thin shirt. Buffy wanted to feel them dragging against her palm… against her tongue… just the thought made her wetter.
Buffy had been so worked up after the fight… after touching…after fucking Faith before that, and then getting interrupted, she was way past the point of simple arousal now. It was a need, pulsing hot and dripping as Faith’s hands managed to get a hold on her ass… squeezing it in time with the grinding of their hips… The pressure was just where she needed it, her clit jumping out of control with each push against it Buffy could hardly stand it.
“Faith… baby…” She couldn’t even finish ‘cause one of Faith's hands just gently cupped her left breast… Her thumb circled her nipple and Buffy thought she was gonna die. The pleasure was electric, shooting right to her pussy as Faith toyed with her nipple… pulling it… letting her fingers roll around it. She locked legs tighter around the dark girl's hips… trying to ride her.
“So soft B… god…wanna fuck you so bad… can feel how wet you are…you want me in ya B?” And Faith was talking to her… whispers that were nasty-sweet, burning against the her shoulder… all in that raspy tone that was wrapped in pure sex.
“Uuunnuhhh god… yeah… Faith” Buffy was shocked she could even form the words… Faith's hand had abandoned her breast, it was now sliding down her side then lower in between them. It was cupping her over her jeans!
“Fuck… baby you’re soaked…I can feel it…” Her hand was already moving, rubbing her slow. Faith was watching her own hand as if she couldn’t believe it, then those dark eyes… bottomless in their wanting slid up to meet Buffy’s own, the sight was nearly enough to send her over the edge then and there. Seeing that lust, that ache she could feel herself, it made her feel wild… ferial.
She sank her hands back into Faith's hair, jerking the dark girl's head towards her, crashing their mouths back together. It was a brutal kiss, almost violent, and Buffy didn’t know where the aggression had come from. It was all she could feel, thundering through her veins, mixing with the arousal… she felt dizzy at the sound of Faith’s moan, she had to have more… had hear it over and over.
She finally got her hands up under that skimpy excuse for a shirt Faith was wearing… she read the dark girl's skin like she was blind… scrapes and cuts every where, but she was so soft, and warm.
She got her hands between them… covered Faith's breasts, hard nipples dragging against her finger tips, and Buffy watched in awe as the pleasure washed across the dark girl's face… eyes fluttering, that sweet mouth open and panting…
“Oh fuck B… yeah like that...” And that voice again… dark raspy whisper.
Buffy’s hips moved faster demanding Faith’s hand to the same… her legs tightened even more hearing the other slayer whimper as she pinched her nipples harder.
“You like that Faith?” She breathed, then moaned as Faith's hand picked up the pressure working her aching clit through the material…
“God yeah… oh shit B” Buffy wanted their clothes gone. Like now. She was already so close she was shaking… her hips jerking randomly to break the rhythm… she couldn’t help it…couldn’t control it Buffy was loving it.
Buffy could feel herself slipping, her restraint dwindling. Faith’s hands… her mouth, her body all pushing her closer and closer into that dark place, that wild out of control place. Her muscles felt hot… twitching just like they did before a good slay. She let her hands slide down Faith’s back again, fingers digging into the pliant flesh… harder when she heard her named moaned… God she felt crazy! But Faith was talking to her again… her voice sounding strained this time.
“Buffy… shit!” She was pulling away her had stopping that wonderful stroking against her pussy… why!? “B… wait a sec…” What!? Faith wanted them to stop now? Buffy couldn’t wait, her body wouldn’t let her, it was demanding her to take what she wanted… to take Faith. She pulled her back crashing their mouths together again… pulling that plump bottom lip with her teeth… she loved the way her nails felt sinking into Faith’s warm skin… “Buffy oww… stop it!” She had barely registered the words when she felt herself being slammed against the solid wall behind her… hard.
It was like a haze lifted suddenly as the pain shot through her already bruised body… she stumbled as she fell from Faith’s arms, barely landing on her feet. She looked up once she had regained her balance and Faith’s eyes were a mix of shock and concern.
Fuck what had she done?!
“Faith! Oh my god I….” They were both still breathing hard. But Buffy’s heart was pounding with the realization of how out of control she had just gotten…how she could still feel it running though her, still wanted it. Buffy couldn’t understand it. “I’m sorry! I’m so..” But Faith did. She was already taking the blond girl back into her arms trying to calm the shaking that had now seemed to be taking over Buffy’s slight form… whispering reassurance.
“It’s alright B…I get it…” To Buffy it felt like she was living the same moments over again. In dreams, in reality. Hurting Faith… Faith comforting her. What the hell was wrong with her!
“What’s wrong with me Faith?” She whispered fear and tears in her throat.
“Nothin’ is wrong with you B…” She actually sounded like she believed what she was saying! Faith was smiling and Buffy looked at her in disbelief. How could she be so casual about this! Buffy felt like she was losing her mind.
“H-how can you say that! I…umm…” She gestured between them, at a loss for words, and Faith’s smile turned to more of a smirk as she leaned in and cut Buffy off, lips brushing hers gently, chaste.
“Baby, you didn’t even hurt me really, it’s just the Slayer in ya.” What the hell was that supposed to mean? She had never gotten this aggressive… this fierce with anyone else. “It's ok B…I feel it too. It’s IN us… you don’t have to hide it, not from me…” Faith was stroking her cheek so softly, you would never tell that seconds ago they were nearly tearing each other apart.
“I don’t?” still unbelieving.
“Never B… Ya know, normally I’d be right there with ya with the grrr… but after the fight and all…” And with the words Buffy suddenly became aware of her own body, with the adrenaline finally wearing off and the arousal beginning to fade, Buffy realized that she was hurting all over…
“Yeah I guess we’re not really in any condition to… ya know…” Her smile was slightly embarrassed as she spoke. She couldn’t believe how fast things had gotten out of hand… it was just- “I just… want you so much…” Shy again as she looked into the dark girl's grinning eyes.
“I know the feeling.” But Faith stepped back and Buffy felt lost without her warmth. “It’s gettin’ pretty late…” She began again.
“Yeah… maybe I should…um.” Buffy was already making a move towards the door.
“No! Stay with me?” Faith got a hold of her hand, lacing their fingers.
“Ok…”
And that’s how the night had gone. Buffy had showered, changed into a huge t-shirt and crawled into bed with Faith. They had both been out in seconds, and now in the hazy light of morning Buffy couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was supposed to happen next.
She thought of her friends, what they would think… of the attack in the cemetery, new super vamps… Faith tasted so good… could she stand to see the look on Riley’s face, on any of their faces… Willow’s new dark eyes… when was she gonna tell her? They would be disappointed… would they reject her? Did she care? Faith made her feel so alive, so totally and completely… well, complete. So much was racing through her head she forgot for a minute to keep up her charade. She jumped a little a the sound of a sleep-roughened murmur.
“Buffy… you awake?” Yup she was caught… so what was supposed to happen now?
So much for the silence… I was loving watchin’ her sleep… Her eyes fluttered when I called her name, and sleepy green is revealed to me. Damn she’s beautiful, even all ruffled. But I hate that she’s awake now. ‘Cause that means it's all over.
“Yeah… I’m awake…” She says. It’s my first time hearin’ her scratchy-morning-voice. My chest feels like it's gonna bust open, ‘cause I know it's gotta be the last. I look out the window at the rain still sliding over the glass, It’ll be easier if I just don’t look at her.
Nothin’s ever easy. I’ve been sitting here coming to that realization for the past hour or so. Nothing that is, but loving her. Hell, I’ve been doin’ that since the moment I set eyes on her. Yeah, I can admit it. Here and now, finally, is everything I’ve ever wanted. And for a moment, last night, I was so sure she wanted it too. Fuck, when she told me… I can hardly even think it! I thought I was gonna combust. It was so perfect. And then after… I can’t help but grin a little…heh, yeah, hotness.
Damn she just makes me feel things… wild and out of control type things. It's always been that way, no matter how much we tried to fight it. When she put me away it had faded some… the space between us too much I guess, and besides… nothing can bust through two-feet of concrete and steel bars. I was dead in jail anyway. Dead and haunted. But now… I feel so alive. It was like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel my heart beating until the minute I set foot back on the outside… my first step back to her.
Back to makin’ things right.
And this, when we’re together, when she touches me…kisses me it's so right. It's like I’m always burning for her. Like a comet entering the atmosphere, consumed by the fire before I can even touch ground… And it's not just sexual either… no, seriously. I’m not whole if she’s not there. She feels it too. And that thought, that we’re finally on this same level, that she wants me just as much as I want her… it should bring me comfort…
Yeah, nothin’s ever easy. See, B isn’t ready.
“You sleep ok…?” I ask, trying to delay the inevitable and my voice sounds strained.
“Yeah… no crazy dreams.” She smiles, and it reaches her eyes. It’s breakin’ me. She reaches a hand from under the covers… “Come back… it's still early.”
I want to. And I mean I REALLY want to. But I can’t, ‘cause she’s not ready.
See I think, when I was locked up, somethin’ happened to me. I think I got smarter about this whole life thing. Soul boy liked to call in ‘insight’. He told me I’d lived a lot to have lived so little… fuckin’ riddles…
Anyways, he said that I spent my whole life trying to survive. True, you don’t have a lotta time to sit around contemplating when you’re not sure where your next meal is comin’ from. Which is why prison was good for me. As much as I hated it, as much as it ripped me apart, it was a good thing. Those walls that pushed in around me, those dreams of dying every night… they helped me see, who I am… what WE are.
“Baby? What’s the matter?” Heh heh ‘baby’, god I love that… I must be worrying her with all this ‘deep in thought’ shit. But hey I thought she liked ‘em dark and brooding. Buffy can’t see it yet, she’s afraid to. I saw it in her last night, in that dream we shared before that. The girl is running from herself, from that darkness that’s part of us… that MADE us. It’s the part that allows us to stalk the night… to kill things, it’s the part of her that was able to stick a knife in my gut. But she still wants to keep it all in a nice pretty package.
Well it ain’t about the wrappin’ paper, it's what’s inside the box that counts.
“Buffy… we really gotta talk.” Damn, did that sound ominous? Must have ‘cause she’s sitting up, pushing the covers outta the way. She’s got that concerned frowny pout thing going on… it's even cuter than normal with her hair all crazy, I just wanna kiss her. A soft little hand touches my arm and it's like my entire body prickles.
“Um… Ok. Just, tell me what’s wrong.” And she moves to sit right next to me, her bare thigh brushes against mine and fuck it's too close. I can’t think when I can feel the warmth just leaping off her body, when I can smell her skin.
I get up and start pacing back and forth in front of her… I can still feel her eyes like a caress though.
“Listen um… I think we really need to slow this whole thing down” I stop and meet her eyes.
“Wha- slow down?” Ok the eyes maybe not the best place to look… they’re pleading with me already. But I gotta say this. It's for both our sakes.
“B, I just think that we’re kinda rushing this a little ya know? I mean, we’re hardly back to good… and we haven’t even talked about what went down the last time I was here…”
There is so much baggage between the two of us I don’t know how we could ever get past it all… she has to see that. I mean I wanted to do it all the right way this time. And a relationship with B? How can that be right when so much shit between us is wrong?
And ‘relationship’… fuck, I’ve never done that before. With all the trust involved and, expectation, I don’t know if I could deal… what if I let her down. What if she realizes she really doesn’t want me? It would send me over again… and god, just the thought of hurting B again… But wait! All this shit isn’t about ME, it's about Buffy’s issues.
I gotta stay focused here… shit, she’s talking again…
“…and I know we have a lot to work out, but I want us to do that. Together…” She’s sittin’ on the end of the bed now… looking up at me with eyes so full of… everything. I feel my heart speed up. This is so damn hard! But I gotta do this…It’ll hurt less in the long run.
“No, you don’t want that B, you can’t!” I gotta make her see this, but I got a feeling that was exactly the wrong thing to say. She’s up in my face in an instant... eyes flashin’ anger and something else… disappointment?
But damn the girl is quick.
“And how the hell do you know what I want?! That I don’t want this?” Well duh? Her freakin’ out every time things get a little intense maybe?
“Cuz it's obvious! You’re not ready for this B!” She’s not the only one who can get a little loud.
“What!? Was last night in the graveyard not ‘ready’ enough for you Faith?! ‘Cause the way I had you screaming for me, it seemed like I was perfectly ‘ready’ then!”
I can’t believe she just said that, and now she’s lookin’ all holy. Bitch.
“Fuck you that’s not even what I mean!” I mean seriously, ouch. But this is obviously upsetting her a lot… fuck are those tears? See this is the type shit I’m talking about it's always been this way. So intense that we clash in one way or another… fighting or fuckin’ I guess.
“Then what DO you mean! Faith why are you doing this!?” Her voice is gettin’ all shaky all defeated, but-
“Don’t you see it’ll be better this way!?” She is just so stubborn!
“Faith… you’re the only thing I see…”
Oh. God. That was so not fair! I think I feel my heart breaking… suddenly my own eyes are burning. She takes a few steps to close the distance between us, and fuck it's so good being this close to her… she cups those soft warm hands around my face…
“B…god B don’t say shit like that…” I can hear the tears in my voice… why does she make me feel so helpless, so conflicted? She’s kissing me… brushes of her lips all over my face… eyes, cheeks… I feel them against my mouth and my breath freezes… NO! “Don’t…stop. B, that’s my whole point. I can’t be the only thing for you…” I push her back.
“Oh…” It's totally dead sound, like some one just flipped the off switch to her emotions. But it looks like she starting to get it. There’s definitely some realization goin’ on in her head… but she looks pissed as hell.
“Buffy it’s just that-”
“No, it's alright… I- I get it now…” She does? I take a wary step closer and attempt to take her hand. But she just avoids me.
“You do? Really?” Is it too much to hope?
“Yeah, it’s… this is the ‘get gone’ part of the deal right?”
WHAT?!
“NO! B that’s not it!” Is that all she expects from me? She’s got the self-righteous eyes on again and I just want to shake her, I feel my fists clench…but I start pacing again instead. “Shit B, what I mean is… you gotta life here. A whole bunch of people that count on you… that need you, that aren’t exactly crazy about ME. I’m not gonna ruin your life.”
“Is that it?! You’re scared of what they’re gonna think?”
Umm no? I mean hell no! I force a chuckle and pray it's believable. She crosses her arms… lifts an eyebrow. Was that a challenge?
“I can give a fuck what they think!” Ok that’s not entirely true…at all. But I care MORE what they think of her… and again, this isn’t about what I’m scared of, so I say, “But YOU care… and that’s the thing B, there’s a part of us that you’re not ready to accept, that you don’t want anybody to see. You feel it all the time… you feel it more with me. You gotta deal with that first…”
Ok that threw her off her game a little. The defiant look in her eye is gone because she knows what I’m talking about… I mean Christ, she’s been a slayer longer than me! I thought she woulda come to terms with all this ya know? If she can’t even accept her self how the hell is she gonna deal with me with US… god I want there to be an ‘us.’
“I don’t… It doesn’t matter to me.” And she tries to say it with some conviction, but just comes out week.
“Right B, that’s why you went all spastic when everybody showed up last night!” I’m trying not to get pissed…really I am… but fuck it!
I wasn’t gonna bring that up again but man it just stings… how she was so quick to just throw me away. I mean, sure getting damn near caught with your pants down, can be a little awkward. And I’m not naïve enough to think she was gonna be all ‘hey guys! Look who I just fucked!’… But STILL. Just thinkin’ about it gets me pissed and depressed in equal parts…. Oh yeah… AND she still has a boyfriend. Why can’t it be easy?
“I said I was sorry for that!” what like I have the audacity to even bring it up?
“Right, you’re sorry you hurt me, you’re sorry ‘cause it was so easy for you!”
“You have no idea how hard it is! How this all terrifies me!” And she’s standin’ so close to me again… I’m startin’ to think she gotta thing for being in my personal space.
“Yeah I know B, you’re scared of what they would all think if-”
“No! I’m scared of what you make me feel….”
Oh… and now all the venom is gone from her voice and she just sounds… defeated.
“Can you help me Faith?” She comes close and wraps her arms around my waist. I’m not strong enough to push her away this time. She kisses my neck, close to my shoulder and I gotta try hard to find my voice.
“Help?”
“Help me face this part of me… balance me?”
Ok she’s asking unstable slayer of the year for balance? How the hell am I supposed to help her? I barely can figure how to help myself? Does she realize what she’s askin’ me? She wants me to be the one she comes to for support… for trust? Again all that relationship stuff… Fuck that could never work, but she sounded so damn sure…
“B how can that work? H-how can you know-” She cuts me off when her thumb brushes my lip, she presses our foreheads together.
“I love you Faith, that’s all I need to know.” God why does she say these things? A few simple words and it all turns around… she just spins me. Her mouth follows where her thumb had been. It's one of those gentle kisses that just gets me shaking all over…B’s the only one that can do this to me… make me feel like I’m gonna fly apart with just a single kiss. This has all gotten so far from where I thought it was gonna go. All my resolve is just melting under the sweet pressure of her mouth as it slides over my own. I try to break away, but it's just a hopeless gesture.
“I- I can’t…we can’t B…” Oh, but we can. I’m kissing her deeper already… my tongue exploring the soft recesses of her moth as we shuffle backwards. Her knees hit the bed and we’re suddenly horizontal. Soft sheets and her skin… the only sounds our heavy breathing and the rain beating constant on the window. She feels so good under me.
That t-shirt she’s wearing is gone in a matter of seconds. Her hair goes tumbling everywhere as I pull it over her head… its shiny yellow silk in my hands. And she’s kissing me so deep now, like she needs it to live…her tongue wrapping around mine, I feel teeth on my bottom lip. So good, but I shouldn’t be doin’ this…
“W-we should stop… this… it's wrong” I whisper across her lips. It sounds like I’m begging… and I am, but it's with myself.
Her hands are holding on to my head and she’s got those strong skinny legs wrapped around me…kissing me with everything she has… fuck it's desperate. God that’s exactly how I feel, I NEED her, but I pull my mouth away, cuz I need to breathe just a little bit more.
I’m kneeling between her legs now and I finally get to look at her… all of her. Fukin’ Christ she’s unbelievable…
“Buffy…” It's all I can breathe, what does that mean? This is wrong…
I let my eyes travel over all that’s exposed to me. Her skin is so flushed the pale light pouring over her body like a liquid…the cuts and bruises from last night have faded a lot… they’ll be gone by tonight… I let my fingertips brush gently over her knees…up her thighs, never felt anything softer than this… I shouldn’t go any further, but the higher I go the more the muscles of her stomach contract. Her breathing is picking up…her chest rising and falling so quick, her back arches and fuck I can't believe just this little touch is turning her on so much… that it's turning ME on even more. I’m getting so wet just from watchin’ her react to me… my clit starts to throb as I watch her nipples harden.
“Faith…” she breathes my name like I’m her savior, it’s a beautiful sound, but it just makes that doubt in my head scream louder… how can I be the one she needs?
I watch as my hands tremble over her stomach… her skin is on fire, my thumb swirls over her navel and her hips jerk up towards me and it’s incredible. She makes this sound in the back of her throat… half moan and half whimper and it's like pure need… it rolls down my spine and I can’t help but moan a little myself. My eyes travel lower on their own… to where she spread out for me and I’m suddenly breathin’ a hell of a lot faster too.
“B you’re so wet…” I can hardly recognize that whisper as my own, it was so rough and needy. I can’t help it though. Her juices are shiny, spread over the inside of her thighs… she just looks so swollen, so ready. My hands stay on her stomach though, makin’ those idle patters, it just seems to be makin’ her hotter… fuck she smells so good.
“Faith…god. Need you…” She practically growls as she takes one of my hands in hers and slowly drags it up. And we both moan when she stops over her left breast. The hard point of her little pink nipple is burning in my palm… my hands are still shakin’ like crazy. “Touch me baby…” she whispers and arches her back again… pushing herself further into my hand. It’s sexy as hell… I start rubbing my palm over her nipple, letting it drag slowly over all the ridges of my hand… she makes that sound again. God I’m gettin’ so wet from this… her eyes are locked right into mine, they’re so dark there’s hardly any green left.
I take the tight little bud between my fingers, rolling it around over my thumb and her mouth falls open as her head tips back…Fuck I wanna take this slow, but just watchin’ her… I can feel my control slipping. I get my other hand into the action, squeezin’ and rubbing both her tits, her eyes flutter closed on a sigh… god she’s getting so worked up… my eyes fall back down between her legs and she’s dripping for me.
“Faith... baby I wanna feel you.” The sound of her voice draws my eyes away from her soaked pussy. It’s a dark needy sound.
“How?” I pinch her nipples harder… pullin’ a little and I get that moan again… makes me nuts… but there’s still that voice in the back of my head telling me I gotta stop this…
“T-take off your clothes Faith” But I can’t…She sits up to help as I pull my tank over my head. It puts right at eye level with my chest… this is goin too far.
“Oh fuck! Buffy!” The sudden feel of her hot mouth over my aching nipple has me moaning outta my mind. Her tongue is flicking over it as she sucks on me… it so good I can hardly stand it. I feel my pussy contract as a hot flood drips outta me. I hold her head in one hand as we fall back again, keeping her mouth attached to my breast, I support my weight with the other arm. Suddenly stopping this is the last thing on my mind. B seems to be right there with me. Her hands are sliding down my back… down to my ass and she jerks me down between her legs again.
“Oh shit B…” I have to gasp, the feeling of her heat spreading all over my stomach makes my whole body tense up. I wanna taste that heat… be in it. I slide down her body, touching, kissing her everywhere. It feels so... sacred, and I want to worship her forever. I feel saved when I reach her breasts… when she arches into my mouth, puts her hands in my hair. But I can’t stay long.
I move lower, feeling her skin jump and twitch under my lips… Her breathing is so ragged, those whimpers turning into moans. I curl my hands around her hips, because they’re moving constantly now, her pliant little body reaching for me.
“Faith…please.” I can barely hear her over the rushing in my head, it's all gone too far… Her hands are pushing me lower and all of a sudden I’m there. I’ve never been nervous about these sorta things, but now, my breath is shuddering out of my lungs. I get my first taste of her high on the inside of her thigh… and it's darker than I could have ever dreamed. She tastes like sex… like raw femininity, and the heat is just coming off of her in waves.
“Oh… god… baby” She’s trembling all over and so am I. I feel her nails rake over my scalp as her hands clench in my hair. She’s almost frantic, but I need to take this slow, need to look at her… fuckin’ beautiful. Her lips are puffy, glistening with her need, and her clit has to be aching … the thought that I did that to her, it's just unbelievable. I finally lower my mouth to her and it feels reverent. She hisses at the first contact, my lips placing a tender kiss on her swollen clit. Then those strong hands are pulling me closer, and her hips start up a rhythm immediately.
“Faith! nuuuhh...lick me baby…” I can’t believe this his happening… that I’m sliding my mouth around in her, covering my self in her juices. I press my tongue against her clit and she’s so hard I can feel her pulsing. My hands slide up her thighs, spreading them wider as I bury my face in her heat. I’m never gonna be able to get enough of this… of her.
We both moan as I push a finger into her. I tore my mouth away, because I just have to see this… I have to believe it. Her back arches hard as I add a second, it’s so tight.
“…oh fuck…baby…yes.” I start pushing in and out of her and I’m torn between watching my hand or the pleasure that is sliding over her face. She’s frowning a bit concentrating on the feel of me fuckin’ her… those long lashes are resting against her cheeks, and she keeps biting her bottom lip… trying to muffle those sexy groans and sighs that keep breaking free, a fine sheen of sweat is covering her and she’s almost glowing in the early morning light.
I can feel her starting to tighten up around my fingers… she so close but she fighting it, those moans getting harder and harder to restrain. I speed up my thrusts, pushing into her as deep as I can… curling my fingers a little. I need to see her come. It's like I can almost feel it building inside me… it's never been like this. I lower my mouth over her aching clit again… take it between my lips and suck.
“Ahh...g-god… Faith” I can feel her getting wetter, I can taste it but then “Faith S-stop baby… wait…”
“What?” I pull my mouth away… panting…licking her juices from my lips. My hand keeps going though, still fuckin’ her but slower. “What’s wrong B?”
Please don’t tell me she wants to stop, not now, not when I need this so bad.
“Get… uuuhh…up here… want…need to feel you.” Relief washes through me and I crawl quickly up her body until we're face to face again. She gets her hands back in my hair and kisses me hard. I know she's gotta be tasting herself, but she’s lovin’ it.
“Clothes… off... Faith.” She mumbles against my neck. I feel her teeth scrape me gently and I think I’m gonna die. We get my shorts off quick and now, there’s nothing but skin. Hers and mine and it feels like my whole world just stopped.
Our eyes are locked as I sink down on to her…into her, our centers pressing together. She’s breathing in all gasps, sharp… erratic. Her eyes flutter open and B’s looking at me with every kind emotion. My heart is suddenly in my throat as I realize… this is so much more than sex. I can hardly breathe at the thought. I try to swallow down the sudden wave of nerves but it's almost overwhelming… God this is everything to me… SHE is everything! I'm shakin’ all over again… I can’t do this!
“Buffy I-I can’t…I… oh god!” She moves her hips… rolling them up and the pleasure rushes through me as our clits grind together. “Ahh fuck B!” I almost come then and there.
“Look at me Faith… feel me.” Her hands are cupped around my face… she’s so open right now. And I do feel her… everywhere. It’s so intense. I can only hope I’m reflecting every I’m feeling right back at her. I start moving with her, sliding against her. It's all so wet and slick and hot I’m on the edge of way too quick. And the whole time she’s just lookin’ right into my eyes, letting our bodies set a pace that’s getting more and more frantic with each passing second.
“B… ahh fuck… I-I’m gonna…” the way she’s looking at me… how she’s panting right along with me tells me she’s just as close.
“I know…me too…mmm--don’t stop baby…” Her nails are raking down my back I gotta struggle to keep my eyes open, I have to see her… need to. And then it starts. Her eyes flicker closed just for an instant before they open wider than before. Her whole body surges against me and I feel it… in the slick heat between us, rolling down my spine, prickling my skin and thundering through every inch of me. And somewhere distantly I hear both of us moaning… shouting desperately but all I can see is her eyes.
It’s a little later now… I’m not real sure how much time has past, just been soaking up the afterglow... But it's not peaceful, not like when I first woke up… God I just made love for the first time and it's not peaceful! B’s got her body slung half over mine, her warm skin making all the sheets and blankets unnecessary. I’ve been trying to sort through all the shit in my head. She wants to give this all a go, she doesn’t want the consequences of what that could mean… I want… hell I just want it all to be right.
“Don’t doubt this… don’t doubt that I love you.” She whispers so soft, and I open my eyes to see the watery depths of hers. How does she get in my head like that?
Fuck just hearing those words… she just has this pull over me… IN me. It's every thing good inside me, everything that makes me want to come outta these damn shadows. Everything in me that makes me wanna live in the light. It's all her, and it makes me feel whole. But it's not enough…
“I know Buffy… it's just not enough.” And then there’s this silence, so heavy I can feel it crushing me. There’s just the rain. I want to say it back… I want to shout it to the world that I love her more than anything in this life… ‘cause I do, but I just can’t.
She pulls away from me and I hear her choke on a sob. Why can’t it be easy.
“It's getting late, we should get going. The gang’s gonna be waiting.” She says finally... her voice is strained. She gets up and puts the T-shirt back on, looking around for the rest of her clothes. “They’re all getting together at mine to figure out what went down last night…”
“Yeah, they’re probably freakin’… what did you tell them after I left?” I stay in the bed, and wrap the covers around me. I feel like I need the protection.
“Nothing…”
“What are you gonna tell them now?”
“I don’t know…nothing.” I can’t really ask for anything more than that. It's all she can give me right now. I watch her walk out the door, the soft click of the wood echoes through the loft and I feel my eyes burning. She loves me, but it's not enough.
I come down the stairs and the chatter that had been filling the air comes to a sudden and abrupt stop. And all eyes are on me. Its ok though. I’m showered and changed, squeaky clean with my armor gleaming. It’s a far cry from when I first walked through the door. It was like they had been counting the seconds. The door was barely open before I was slammed with a barrage of questions.
All about Faith.
I didn’t have any answers. I mean, what could I tell them? That she didn’t want me? That my love wasn’t enough for her? That I had walked home sobbing in the rain trying to put together the pieces of my shattered heart?! Yeah, that would have gone over REAL well.
I love the smell of melodrama in the morning. Seriously, I was a mess.
I had retreated to the sanctuary of my room, spent a good half hour bawling my eyes out, then, finally dragged my butt off the bed and out of that cliché high school moment. I was the Slayer I should be stronger than this. I kill things! Big ugly bad type things!
I had looked at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while. Still slightly bruised and cut, an interesting mix of greens and blues… my eyes were red and puffy. Damn I looked like hell. But I couldn’t help think, what was it that she wanted? After all this time, all that we had been through, we finally get to this place and it wasn’t ‘enough’?
Who the hell did she think she was anyway!?
I told her that I loved her… what more could she possibly want?!
Did that sound conceited? Well, so the fuck what!
I mean, SHE was the one who started all this right? She said it first! And she did SO much more than just that too!
She pulled ME into those crazy dreamscapes, showed me all her demons, and fears… let them flash before my eyes... I never noticed the how scared she was that night… not until I saw it all played back to me. Blood on her hands, tears in her eyes… I would have been fine NEVER knowing, but god, she just HAD to put it out there…. In the dream, she let me kill her, cause she thought that’s what I wanted…
But it’s NOT! I never wanted her to die, and I didn’t ASK for any of this! She didn’t have to come here! I know I told her about this big thing that’s on the loose…but, she could have said no right?!
Why would she risk it? Risk coming back to a place that holds so much pain for her where she’s HATED, just because we MIGHT have reached some kind of understanding? I mean, the Council was after her for fucks sake! Surely she realized they would look here eventually! Her arm hadn’t even gotten a chance to heal, and she runs back here?
Back to me?
And I SO didn’t ask for her to apologize for all the shit between us either! She just DID! I didn’t WANT her to bare it all the way she did on the train… It was like she put her soul in my hands. All her pain all her hope she just let me take it…she gave me everything and asked me with those deep beautiful eyes if it was enough….
She … Oh…
She said it FIRST…in a tiny whisper that let me know she hadn’t said those three words together in a very long time… like she was scared of them… and…
Oh my god it was SO much MORE than just that!
It was everything.
And it was like that realization had washed over me like a wave. All that she had done, all she had risked. It was for me! And what did I give her in return? Hollow words with no action to back it up? Ok the anger is gone and I feel like crap again… but for an entirely different reason.
God I can be so blond some times!
I can’t help but think about what she said to me in that dream… the hope in her eyes, just as they had been last night and god, this morning. Yeah I’m getting it now.
The girl is terrified. Maybe even more than I am.
She’s scared that I’m gonna let her down again… that she might mess up again. It could all so easily go to hell… but it WON’T. Because they weren't hollow words. I just need a chance to make her see that.
I have to prove it to her. She’s more than proved herself to me. I can’t believe the determination that’s coursing though me. It was like back on that train… understanding. But the dilemma is less than ideal. How am I supposed to win her over in the midst of all that’s going on? I have not only a potential apocalypse here but all my family and friends to win over too?!
Talk about multi-tasking.
And then there is Riley. I can feel something inside me melt a little at the thought of him. I’m not naïve enough to believe that I love him, that what I feel for him could EVER possibly compare to what I feel for Faith. But still. He represents everything I thought I ever wanted in this life. Everything I was TAUGHT to want since I was a little girl. A princess wishes for her knight. He gallantly slays her dragons and they live happily ever after.
It’s supposed to be easy…And Riley fits so easily in that spot. With his ‘all American boy’ looks and attitude, he wants to be my prince.
And it does feel like a fairy tale when I’m with him… sometimes.
People see us holding hands as we walk across campus and they smile… my friends make those ‘awww’s when we kiss…we DO make an attractive couple after all.
A beautiful stereotype.
And I revel in those moments… Being seen as NORMAL for just a moment. I can forget then that I’m not… that I come home every night covered in dust and blood, thankful just to be breathing still.
And sometimes it actually does feel good to be wrapped in those large arms. And I don’t ALWAYS feel smothered when he towers over me. Sometimes I feel protected. But then I think about how I can snap him and the white horse he rode in on into pieces without even breaking a sweat.
I slay more than just dragons.
I’m not supposed to want another princess… God Faith would knock me half way around the world if I ever called her something so girly. This is gonna hurt Riley so bad. When we’re alone, he talks so much about the future… and I’m always a part of it. I’ve never thought further ahead than what it takes to kill the thing I’m hunting. Never about tomorrow, cause tomorrow I could be dead. But his tomorrows are filled with suburban houses and PTA meetings…. And those aren’t bad dreams… but they aren’t MY dreams. He deserves someone who can make them come true.
Lately I’ve been dreaming of her.
So I know what I have to do now. It’s not gonna be easy, I’m actually a little terrified, but thinking about all she’s done all she wants us to be, I know it's gonna be worth it. SHE is worth it.
And now, my foot hits the bottom stair and the whole gang is looking at me. It’s ok though. I look around and see everyone but Riley. It’s probably for the best that he isn’t here… one step at a time and all.
“Not that I was expecting applause or anything guys… but a good morning maybe?” I think I’m gonna try to keep this light as long as possible…
“Ok… morning Buff” Xander starts cautiously, only to be interrupted.
“Yes, good morning. Now, what the hell is going on with that other Slayer?” Anya… well, you gotta love her directness.
“Umm honey, sweetie, we talked about that whole ‘tact’ thing, remember.”
“No Xander, I’d like to know what’s up too… I mean you ran after her last night and everything Buffy… and you DID kick Faith’s ass right? Or well at least give her a good hard questioning? Send her back on her way to wherever her way is? Like jail?”
Despite the babble there is nothing funny about Will’s expression… I can practically hear her teeth grinding from across the room. I already know she’s gonna be the toughest. Before everyone else can jump on the bandwagon though I stop it all right here.
“Listen guys, it's not what you think…” and I think it’s SO not what they think… but I can already see Xander rolling his eyes.
“Well that’s good ‘cause I was thinking murder and mayhem part 2… or is it 3?”
“No. It’s nothing like that. I…I haven’t exactly been telling you guys everything that’s been going on.”
“What do you mean Buffy?” Giles ask and he has that curious frown going on. I try not to be intimidated.
“I’ve been in contact with Faith…”
There I said it.
“What for? How long!?” Xander is getting more and more high strung by the minute… Willow is just seething quietly, and I’m losing control of the conversation… fast.
“The past couple of days. Slayer dreams.”
“Dreams? As of… have they been prophetic in nature?” Giles asks… and there go the glasses…
“Not as far as I can tell, but I can’t ignore the timing. Nothing for months and then, all of a sudden when this big bad moseys into town, with all these ties to ‘The Slayer’ ya gotta wonder…”
“Yeah I wonder if she’s working with it to end the world!” And now he jumps to his feet… arms flapping and everything.
“No! Xander, will you just let me finish? We talked… about a lot of things, about everything. She’s here to help.”
“Help!? Buff you can’t be serious!” Arms still flapping… he’s gonna take flight any second now.
“Yeah I am, and so is she… It's all so different now.” I push on though. I have to make them see.
“Buffy certainly you’ve considered the consequences of this.”
“Yeah Giles I’ve been doing nothing but considering--”
“But she tried to strangle me!”
“You’ll have to excuse Xander. Seeing this Faith person was quite traumatic for him. She was his first lover other than Mrs. Righty and the whole experience last night has left him both terrified and aroused.”
“Thank you for that summary Anya, although I’m sure that’s more information that any of us will ever require…” Giles looks equally disturbed and annoyed. And I SO didn’t need the reminder of the whole Faith and Xander naked thing…. And whoa where did that flash of jealousy come from?
“You can’t possibly think that she’s changed? After everything that’s happened?” Xander’s insistent questioning pulls me back and I think only a couple of days ago the answer to that question would have been an emphatic ‘hell no’ but now…
“Yeah I do.” Simple as that. So much has changed. And I look around at my family as they all try to process it all. My eyes finally rest on Willow, asking.
“No.” Is her answer. And her voice is like ice. My heart plummets.
“I can’t do it again... go through that HELL she put us through…”
“Willow calm down..”
“No Tara I won’t calm down! That BITCH put all our lives in danger. Killed people!! MURDERED, lied and betrayed us… all for her own selfish, jealous vindictive--”
“NO! You don’t understand, you don’t know what it was like for her--”
“Oh and I suppose you do now? How do you know she’s not playing you all over again?”
“It's not like that…I just--”
“She raises a point Buffy, how can you foresee Faith’s motives to be genuine? This could be nothing more than yet another of her manipulations.”
“No… listen guys in these dreams… she showed me things, everything. And yeah she messed up, big time. But she gets it now guys. She's sorry for it all… god that doesn’t even begin to explain it. She seriously regrets the choices she made, but she’s not looking for forgiveness. She’s just looking for a chance.”
“Right. And why should we trust her?” She like talking to a brick wall… Willow’s never been this way.
“I’m not asking you to trust her. I’m asking you to trust ME. Every damn night we walk a line, it's on the knife edge of darkness. And Faith slipped. And you have no idea how easy that fall is, how accepting and GOOD it can feel.”
“But Buffy you’ve never crossed that line.”
“Yeah, because I have a tether to this side… to the light. I have you all, my family. Faith’s got nothing, no rope and no one to catch her. And all she wants now is a chance. A chance to do it right.”
And now they ALL have the thinking frown going, and I’m holding my breath. This HAS to work. Finally Xander sighs and sits down again.
“Ok I’m on board. But I’m not breaking out the ‘welcome back’ fruit basket.” He takes Anya’s hand and she too gives a nod of approval.
“That was a very nice speech Buffy. I found it convincing.” I give them both a smile, and then I look at Wills.
Fuck.
“You know this sucks…that it's just total shit right?” I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Willow just said ‘shit’ so I don’t even realize she’s up and in my face until she’s talking again.
“I’m not going through it again.” And the ice… the venom that she puts in those few words is shocking.
And just like that she leaves. Walks right out of the kitchen and it's not until I hear the door slam that I snap out of my stupor.
“Well that was overly dramatic.”
“Anya, sweetie… tact.”
I ignore the exchange I rush to go after her and my hand is just on the doorknob, but Tara’s hand on my shoulder stops me.
“J-just give her time… Seeing Faith again, it just brought back all those insecurities… It’s a lot for her to deal with…she’ll come around.”
“God do you think so?”
I feel desperate. I need my best friends with me on this… If Willow can’t even deal with Faith being back, how can she handle… well… all the rest.
“Yeah she’s been really stressed lately. She w-wants to help with this new bad… s-she’s been studying a-a lot of spells... umm… and do-doing some really umm… in-intense magic.”
“Intense? Like with making with the great balls of fire last night?” I question. And Tara looks around, nervous. And even though we’re alone in the foyer now she lowers her voice even more than normal when she speaks.
“Y-yeah like that… it’s… w-well it’s of… the black variety.” And this little revelation comes as a total shock.
“Black magic!? That’s…like, dangerous right?” I try to keep my voice down but I’m just totally blown away here… I mean, Willow? The black and evil arts?
“No! Well, not… not always. Umm… it’s s-safe…you know, in moderation.” And she says the last part a little funny. In a way that gives me a sinking feeling in my chest. But moderation is good right?
“Oh well, that’s alright I guess. I mean Willow’s totally ‘responsible girl’. She knows her limits right?”
“Right. Limits…” And there goes that sinking feeling again… but Tara smiles and it's comforting.
“She just needs some time to deal. I-I’ll talk to her later.”
And with that I nod and we go back to meet the others. There seems to be a silent agreement just to give Willow a little space for now. Giles for his part is ready to take on the more pressing matters. He starts right in the second I sit down at the table.
“I’ve been doing some research, using the accounts of what everyone has told me about last night. It would appear what you faced last night was an ancient breed of vampire. The first children of the original…”
“Oh just fantastic. Momma’s brought the kiddies out to play.”
Giles ignores Xander’s nervous sarcasm and pushes on. We’re all worried we just have different ways of showing it I guess.
They are known as the Torak-han. They are the vampires that modern demons fear. Extremely powerful and resistant to most kinds of attack.”
“Right, when I tried to stake it, nothing happened.”
“Yes, you would have received the same result had you attempted to harm it with a cross or holy water. The Torak-han were created thousands of years prior to the first coming of the Christ. Thus making any kinds of religious relics obsolete… It can respond only to the most basic distinctions of good and evil. Darkness and Light.”
“I think they can sense dark forces and l-light ones… t-that might be why it was so afraid of Willow.” I think everyone agrees but I’m not so sure… I get another pang in my chest as I think about how that thing totally freaked when Willow started making with the mojo.
What could scare something that’s existed forever?
“So sunlight can kill it.” Anya concludes.
“Right as well as fire, the incarnation of the sun here on earth.” Giles agrees.
“Chopping off their heads works pretty wicked too.” The husky timbre of her voice resonates suddenly through the room. We were all so involved in the conversation we didn’t even realize anyone had entered.
“Faith!”
Yeah, what Xander just shrieked …Faith.
Jesus she looks unbelievable. She’s still standing in the doorway, the late morning light shining at her back. It just gives her this glow.
Her hair is a tumble of dark waves around her shoulders and she’s wearing… she’s wearing…shit I have to drag my eyes back up to her face to avoid suspsision.
But it’s a look that’s distinctly what I’ve come to know as ‘new Faith’. Jeans that look totally comfy and hotter than hell all at once. Torn and tight in ALL the right spots. And that shirt gives the ‘old Faith’ edge that just gets me wet in seconds. It’s just a simple tank, deep red of course. But God the way she fills it!
I hate that she’s wearing her denim jacket as well… it's blocking my view.
Eyes on her face Buffy. Ok… no, higher… good. I have to swallow hard when I meet her eyes. My throat is suddenly so dry. She looks too fuckin beautiful… her eyes are painted up, all smoked out, and they just look bottomless but her lips coated in a clear gloss…and all I can think about is how they feel on my skin…
I’m using all my willpower to restrain myself and not jump across the table and have my way with her right on the kitchen floor. It's hard… like REALLY.
She takes a few steps into the kitchen, looking around. I can tell everyone is holding their breath. Including me. I was hoping for a little more warning. Maybe get her alone first… talk to her about all I’ve realized in the short time since I’ve seen her last. Her eyes finally rest on me and she raises an eyebrow. Damn that’s sexy…
Oh guess that was my cue.
“Hey Faith…I um. I’m glad you decided to come over.” Jesus I’m nervous, sweaty palms and all, but I get out of my chair and walk over to her anyway. Not too close… I’m only so strong.
“I said I would B.” She looks right at me and she says it all soft like.
“Right, we were discussing what happened last night. Everyone knows what the deal is now… I um, explained everything.” And that gets me BOTH eyebrows and she actually looks a little panicked.
“Everything?”
“Well, almost…” I smile as I grab her hand. I feel her try to pull away but I hold on tight and lead…err… drag her across the kitchen to the table where we’re all gathered.
“Guys?” I give them all ‘the eye.’ Making sure they understand to be civil. That it's not an option.
“Hi Faith… Really good timing.” Tara breaks the ice and I’m so thankful for her. I could feel the tension rolling off Faith in waves but it’s just something about Tara that just makes everyone relax.
“Hey.” Xander says cautiously… not cold, but not exactly welcoming.
“Yes. It’s nice to have you on board. If last night is any indication we will be in dire need of your assistance.” Giles makes a better effort.
“Just here to help out… B told me some of what’s been going down. Figured you could use a little extra slay power.”
“Yes! She also convinced us all that you weren’t going to maim anyone this time. Buffy you should do your speech for Faith!” Anya suggests and I’m considering getting Xander a ball-gag for his birthday.
Ok REAL uncomfortable here.
“You made a speech?” But it gets Faith to smile, and I feel her hand relaxing in mine.
“Well sorta…” I smile at her, and she smiles back at me and I suddenly have butterflies and goose bumps and all sorts of other tingly feelings.
“That’s cool. You were always good at the super girl thing.” And she goes and takes a seat next to Xander.
He doesn’t exactly look comfortable, but he’s not screaming in terror. It’s a start.
“Well Faith, I hope you’re looking forward to a day of decoding and allergic re-reactions.” Tara says, then, she tosses her one of the larger most dusty of books from across the table.
Faith raises and eyebrow.
Tara raises one of her own. And there is about 3 seconds of absolute unbearable tension.
Until Faith cracks, with a shake of her head and that dimpled grin, she opens the book.
And it was like that the ice was broken. We spent the rest of the morning huddled over piles of dusty books exchanging theories. Some progress was made but not nearly enough. My attention was split though. I was mostly just waiting and watching.
Waiting for an opportunity to get just a minute alone with her. Watching her every move. She would catch me once and a while, and I knew she was expecting me to look away, shy at being caught. But instead I would just meet her eyes… give her a smile.
I’m showing her you see.
I think it’s making her nervous. It’s not part of her plan. She thinks she can just tell me we can’t be together, that I’m not ready to be with her. She thinks she can say that, right after making love to me. And she expects me to do nothing… after she’s done so much.
She thinks she can hide behind MY insecurities so that I don’t see her own?
She told me it wasn’t enough… well Faith is gonna get more than she bargained for. I just hope it's not more than she can handle.
I stretch my arms and lean back in my chair a little, and I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. Faith’s eyes were totally all over me on that one.
“Guys… Isn’t almost lunch time or something?” I throw out, hopeful. I really need a break.
“Oh yes I do believe it is.”
“Yeah I can go for a break. Pizza?” Xander agrees with Giles, and my stomach definitely agrees with his suggestion.
“Sounds good.”
“Me and Ayn can go pick it up then…. Back in a few.” He calls on their way out.
“Right, I think I’ll take this opportunity to run to my place. I think I have a volume there that will be helpful.” And Giles is out the door too… muttering something, in Latin I think.
“I should go talk to Willow, she’s probably back at the dorm…”
And just like that, Faith and I are alone. That was easier than I thought. But something tells me that this conversation is gonna be far from easy. She’s standing all the way across the room from me. Leaning against the countertop… fidgeting with a spoon, nervous.
Sexy and unintentional.
“So, ya think something lit a fire under all their asses, or is it just me?”
“No, it's not you, not entirely. They’re dealing. It's just gonna take some time. Everyone is on board here.”
“Everyone but Red, right?”
“Yeah, umm, she doesn’t really agree with my whole view on the situation.”
“And what view would that be, B?” she finally puts the spoon back on the counter and looks me in the eye. It's like a magnet and I’m up out of my chair and moving towards her.
“You know how I feel about you Faith.”
“Yeah, we’ve talked over all that shit this mornin.” And her tone is dismissive. At least on the surface. Beneath all that façade I can feel her. She’s anxious, the tension rolling off her like bitter liquid... it burns me.
She finally breaks the eye contact, like that could stop this energy that’s flowing between us. Like she can just make herself stop feeling me. Not a chance.
“No Faith, YOU talked. You just made the decision, that despite how I feel about you… how we BOTH feel, that we can’t--”
“Right Buffy. We can’t. End of story.” I see her fists clenching at her sides. She’s trying to fight it… I’m not gonna let her.
“You think you can just make this decision for me? Faith I lo--”
“I know Ok! You told me!” She tries to back away from me but she’s got no where to go.
“Yeah I did… and you told me too. You’ve SHOWN me, so much in just these last few days. In our dreams… by coming here. You put it all out there, and now, it's my turn.”
I come to a stop in front of her, not too close. I don’t want her to freak out and bolt. But god, just a few feet away and I’m getting chills.
“Your turn for what?”
“I’m gonna show you Faith. I’m gonna make you believe it.” And I put every ounce of conviction I have into those words.
“Buffy it doesn’t matter whatever you think you can show me… It can’t work.”
And she just blows it off!
“You’re such a wuss ya know.”
“Excuse me, but fuck you Buffy, I’m trying to do the right thing here!”
Bull shit.
“Yeah? Well you’re still a wuss… we both are…just total cowards.” She just rolls her eyes and gives that dismissive shake of her head. “You say you want to do the right thing? Well tell me then Faith, doesn’t this feel right? Don’t WE feel right?”
And that gets her, She knows it’s the truth because she feels it too. It’s the real reason she came back here.
“It’s… It's not about that.” She tries to deny it but her voice just comes out shaky.
“Just let me show you Faith, what it can be like… I know you’re scared and--”
“I’m NOT scared!”
“Ok, ok, sorry. But, can you give me a chance… I just need a chance to show you.”
“It's not that simple Buffy there’s so much we--”
“Do you trust me Faith?” I have to stop all this avoidance. It all comes down to this anyway. What she asked of me and what I’m asking of her.
“What?”
“Trust me.” And I move even closer, right in her personal space.
“What… what if it all goes to hell again. I mean this ‘us’ thing… B, it's gonna mess up your whole life!”
“Well that’s just it Faith, it's MY life. And I want you to be a part of it…”
And she just sighs, and shakes her head again. I think I’m winning!
“I didn’t plan it to go this way ya know.” She says it low, with that little grin that shows her right dimple, and she’s looking at me through those thick dark lashes. The sight makes my breath catch in my chest because it's almost… accepting.
“YOU had a plan?” I say it with all the cute I can muster. Which is a lot. Or so I’ve been told. But I can't help but turn up the flirting, because I can feel her relaxing, even though I’ve moved closer to her, even though she’s practically trapped as she leans against the counter.
Even though I can feel the heat radiating off her. God I want her so much.
“Hells yeah I had a plan! A good one too.”
And wow is that a pout? I think she’s flirting right back.
“I was gonna come here, help out with this bad… maybe settle for a while, get a new place. Just start slow ya know?”
“Wow Faith, that just sounds so… responsible!”
“Well, it was bound ta happen one of these days, yeah?” At that I just nod, but then I replay what she just said? Settle?
“Settle?”
“Yeah, kinda tried of running.” And now all I can do is hug her. My arms are around her waist and my face is pressed against the soft warm skin of her neck before I even realize what’s happening. And she lets me!
In fact, she slides her arms around MY waist too!
“This mornin’…” She starts, whispering in my hair. “Waking up like we did… I never knew I could want somethin’ like that.”
“And do you still?” I ask just as softly, and I feel her nod. I squeeze her tighter… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go. “It's gonna work out, you know.” My lips brush just behind her ear and I feel her tremble. God I want to kiss her.
“Won’t be easy though B, you sure ya think I’m worth the effort?”
Ok, and now I HAVE to kiss her… just a little one, a brush against the corner of her mouth. I feel her smile against my lips.
“Definitely worth it F.” And then she kisses ME. And Faith doesn’t do little kisses. Her lips are sliding over mine, all warm and wet, but still just so gentle. It makes me gasp.
I feel her arms tighten around me first, then her tongue sliding over my bottom lip. Teasing, but asking as well. And I’m just about to give her anything she wants when I hear a door slam suddenly.
“Willow wasn’t at the dorm, but she left a no—Oh my GOD!” Tara comes to a screeching halt half way into the kitchen. And me and Faith jump apart but not anywhere fast enough.
“Oh shit!” Faith shouts, her eyes are cartoon-big as she attempts to push me back a little.
So now I guess is the whole moment of truth. Put up or shut up Buffy. Faith looks like she’s gonna bolt any second now. And Tara’s mouth just keeps opening and closing, I think her CD is skipping.
“It’s… umm. Tara, this isn’t what it looks like.” Faith finally manages to stutter out. All the while inching away from me. Trying to wiggle out from where I have her trapped between my body and the counter.
I make my decision. And it’s a hell of a lot easier than I thought.
I take a step back, a small one, enough to give Faith a little room. But I hold on tight to her hand as I turn to face Tara completely. And when I finally find my voice I know the words are the truest I’ve ever spoken.
“No, Tara, it's exactly what it looks like.”
‘I can not be seeing this.’ It was the only thought that was circulating again and again through the confused witch’s brain. ‘I REALLY can not be seeing THIS.’
It was beyond the realm of her comprehension, beyond all logical, mystical and physical reason. Buffy was kissing Faith?!
“E-exactly wh- what it… it looks like.” The blond witch shook her head, repeating the words of the slayer. Trying to wrap her mind around an impossibility, that was so evidently possible.
“Right.” Buffy said. Defiance in her eyes and determination on kiss swollen lips. And she said it like that was supposed to explain everything!
Tara looked to Faith then. Hoping, beyond hope some further explanation may come from her. Because ‘what it looked like’ had potential to be disaster. But those big brown eyes were just as lost, jerking back and forth between the two blonds in the room.
So it was up to her then.
“O-Ok so, what—what e-exactly is ‘this’?” Tara was trying to keep her stutter under control. And she usually could, all but in extremely stressful situations that is.
Tara felt justified in her impediment right now. It couldn’t get any more tense.
“Well…” Buffy started “This is… uh… well--”
“It’s nothin’ Tara!” Faith cut in, pulling her hand away from the death grip it seemed Buffy had her in. Panic was clear in her voice. “We were just messin’ around. And uhh--”
“Wh-what Faith, Buffy tripped and f-fell on your mouth?”
Tara folded her arms, set her jaw stiff. She was clearly bothered by the lame attempt. When Faith had come back this morning, she had gotten a vibe. A good one. One telling her to expect so much more than the stories she had heard.
“No, it’s not ‘nothing.’ I-in fact I think it's pretty damn f-far from nothing. Am I right Buffy?” As the initial shock started to fade Tara’s tone became sharp, near demanding. Now she just wanted answers.
The blond slayer took a breath. An attempt to compose herself.
“Yeah. This… I’m not even sure what to call it. But it’s new. Like, less than 24 hours new, and neither one of us really planned this to happen but, God it's so RIGHT Tara. I’ve never felt anything close to this and--”
“And Faith?” Tara cut Buffy off. If she didn’t the girl might have never stopped to take a breath. It was clear to her how the blond slayer felt. She was obviously in deep smit here. And more than that, the vibe… the clear and absolute waves of certainty that were pouring off her were almost jarring.
No, Buffy wasn’t where the bad energy was coming from, she wasn’t the source of the continuous ripples of uncertainty, of fear and pain.
Tara wanted to know what Faith was thinking. She wanted to know if she should believe the stories.
Well… Umm. Ok see we uhh—I-it's like this Tar—we kinda…” And Tara thought she had the monopoly on communication problems. It was refreshing to see she wasn’t the only one. She stared hard at the dark girl watching her fidget and bounce on the balls of her feet. She tried to see beyond all that fractured energy… But Faith was like a cloud of smoke. So many layers… years of hiding, it was like she was permanently lost.
“I need to talk to you, alone.” Tara cut off the rambling, looking at the both of them.
“Tara, anything you have to say about this you can say in front of Faith!” Buffy took a step forward. All bold and unapologetic. She even had her ‘hero face on’.
Tara thought it was cute.
“No Buffy, not you.” She walked past Buffy and grabbed Faith’s arm.
“Wait! Me? What?” Faith was looking from the stunned slayer to the hand that was now dragging her from the room. Her eyes pleading for mercy.
“You. Living room, now.” What choice did Faith have but to follow?
Once she was satisfied that they were out of earshot. Tara turned to face Faith. The so-called ‘evil slayer’ looked freaked. Tara looked at her hard again… hoping that if she focused enough she would be able to see the truth in the girl she knew so little about.
“Faith, tell me what you’re up to.” She said finally. She hated the air of suspicion that laced her voice but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t just dismiss all that she’d heard. All that they told her.
“Nothin’ Tara I swear it. Look I’m just here tryin’ to help with this whole end of the world thing.”
“Then what was that I saw in there?” She asked it gently now, instinct telling her that demanding answers was a sure way to get none from her. “It’s just what Buffy said, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is…”
“And it’s real to you.” It wasn’t a question, because Tara felt she already knew the answer.
“Shit Tar it's everything to me.” The sincerity in her voice was nearly palpable. And just for a second, Tara could see beyond the walls. But it wasn’t enough, she had to be sure.
“Give me your hand.” The dark slayer gave it willingly. Her face open, wanting the other girl to believe. The second their skin made contact they both gasped. Faith, because she had never experienced someone seeing into her. It was personal... so intimate, and she had nowhere to hide.
And Tara lost her breath simply because she saw. All that the dark girl was and wanted to be. It wasn’t specifics, just feelings. So many in such a rush it was shocking. Fear and sorrow, joy and elation: all at war within her.
All this from the girl who Willow had said ‘feels nothing’. No, that was wrong. Faith could feel. And she felt intensely. Tara’s eyes fluttered open after endless seconds. And now, she didn’t have to look so hard. And there was more… Faith was more. More than her own existence. She was tied, completely intertwined with another.
It all made so much sense now.
“You’re purple.” She said at last, smiling.
“What?” Faith finally opened her eyes too, a small indent of a frown making itself known on her forehead.
“Your aura… it's purple, more of a lavender really.”
“Oh… lavender.” Faith made a face. And Tara figured it was the finding out she had such soft color spirit. “Well what does it look like? What’s it say?”
“Just think of it as this ubiquitous energy. It surrounds you.”
“So like a blob.”
“Umm… yeah ok, blob is good. And it says everything that you are.”
“So I’m guessing that might be a bad thing?” She raised an eyebrow, but Tara knew she was anxious. She could see it.
“Nope. It’s a Faith thing.” And for that she got a smile, complete with dimples.
“So you believe me, that I’m tryin’ to make it all right here?” And to anyone else at that moment Faith’s voice would have sounded indifferent, as if she didn’t give a damn if she got a yes or a no. But Tara could feel the desperation flowing around the dark girl. The woman that was so very tired of the pain, the loneliness.
As answer, Tara pulled her into a hug.
“Yup.” She said simply. And then: “But there’s more. You know she’s apart of you. I can see her… y-you’re tied.”
“Huh?” Faith seemed a bit stunned by the sudden show of affection. And it hurt Tara’s heart to know someone so unfamiliar with such contact. So when she pulled away she kept the Slayer’s hands in her own.
“Your auras, your souls. You know how you’re purple? Well, Buffy is kind of goldish. But there’s always been some purple hanging around her too. Now I know where it comes from!”
Tara was beaming, excited by her discovery, and Faith was just trying to take it all in, as the witch continued.
“And lately, these past few days, I’ve been noticing more and more of that other spirit hovering with hers. And now, I can see it’s the same for you.”
“That seems wicked heavy…”
“You’re matched Faith, more than any two people I’ve ever seen. You just have to trust it.”
“I do. At least, I think I’m beginning to.” And Tara could see the admission was hard.
“Good. Now go in there and tell her that. I’m gonna go pick Willow up from the library. The note she left said she’d be there.” She finally released Faith's hands, satisfied with her new knowledge.
“Tar… one more thing.” Faith stopped her, a hand resting on her shoulder. “You won’t tell anybody about this yeah? Me and B aren’t real sure what we’re gonna do. And she’s got Riley still and--”
“I’m not going to tell anyone Faith. But I-I won’t lie to Willow. I can’t. They’ll figure it out eventually.”
“Yeah I know, Thanks Tar, for everything, ya know. For believing me.” And they shared a smile and Tara was gone and Faith turned towards her destiny…
The kitchen.
She found Buffy hitting the ‘end’ button on the cordless phone, and placing it back in its cradle. No, make that slamming it back on its cradle. The phone was actually lucky to survive.
“Damn it!” It was a harsh and frustrated whisper as Buffy ran both her hands through her hair.
“Pesky telemarketers again B?” Faith asked from the doorway, joking but visibly concerned.
“Wha?! Oh Faith, hey!” The pissed expression quickly turned into a tentative smile. “So, how did it go with Tara? What did she say? Is she gonna tell?”
“It went, she said stuff, and no. You should really chill B.”
Faith smiled at the other girl's nervousness, and walked further into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, started fidgeting with her lighter.
“What? That’s it? Chill?” With each word the blond's voice seemed to jump a whole octave.
“Yeah B, relax a little.” Faith winced as she pulled out her pack of cigs, placing one on her lip.
“Faith, please don’t smoke in here. And what did Tara say?”
The questions followed Faith out the kitchen door, onto the back yard porch. She kept Buffy in suspense. Lighting up and taking a good long drag. She enjoyed a smoky exhalation before turning to face her, a slight grin on her face.
“She said I was purple.” Simple, direct to the point.
“Huh?” Dazed and confused.
“I’m a purple blob, and you’re a gold blob and our blobs are mixed together.” Faith took another drag, nodding her head as she considered her words. Deep and philosophic.
“Again, huh?” Or, not so much.
“B, I thought you were supposed to be the Slayer with all the know how about this stuff.” Faith sighed, rolling her eyes a little.
“Am I? I didn’t get that memo.”
“Our auras B, energies, or whatever. Tar can see ‘em.”
“Oh ok I get it! And she saw all good stuff?” Finally catching on, Buffy’s tone was expectant. And Faith felt something in her tore a little at the thought she might disappoint.
“Well, not all. There was bad shit too. Stuff that’s in me…”
“Faith, you’re not—”
“Whatever B it's no big. Basically the stuff with us, all of the good. And she says she won’t go blabbin’ it to the world either.”
“Really?!” Buffy smiled.
“Yup.” And Faith smiled back, tentatively.
“Oh thank god! I don’t know what I would have done if this got out—”
“Don’t sound so fuckin’ relieved B. Guess it's good you ain't gotta worry about the rest of the scoobs finding out you’re bangin’ the psycho.”
And Faith didn’t even know why she had said it. But something in her had assumed the worst. Call it instinct, or doubt or fear, but they were all in flux in the dark slayer's mind.
“What? No Faith that’s not what I meant. That totally came out wrong.” Buffy moved closer, standing in front of Faith as she leaned against the porch banister. “I just wanted to tell them myself first. You just drew the wrong conclusion baby…”
“Yeah well fuck you and your conclusions B.” Yeah, She was defensive like that.
“Damn it Faith why do you have to be so defensive?!” And B had her pegged right on. Faith deflated a little. She flicked her cigarette into the yard and took a breathe of clean air.
“Sorry, I just… it’s all kinda hard to get used to. This whole ‘caring’ thing? It's new ya know?”
“Yeah I know. But we’re gonna work at this ok?”
“Kay.” Buffy had just sounded so certain. She had wrapped her arms around Faith’s waist, pulling her into a gentle hug. It was the same position they had been in the kitchen, when Tara had caught them.
And Faith took a few moments just to bask. Let the indescribable sensation of the other girl's warmth permeate her being. Being like this, feeling so surrounded by the other slayer, it was peace. It was the gentle rise and fall of her chest, the warm, moist breath cresting against her neck. It was the fingertips trailing, drawing little hearts on the small of her back.
It was the soft lips that were kissing her ear.
It made Faith gasp, and she heard Buffy sigh and push their bodies impossibly closer. She could feel the hard wood of the guardrail pressing against her spine, but only barely. The softness, the heat of the blond slayer against her front was overwhelming all her senses.
Not to mention the way Buffy was actually sucking on her neck now.
“Ummm wha? Uhh… ya sure we should be… ohh shit… doin’ this B?” Faith was trying to keep her voice steady, keep her own hands from moving lower to cup the firm swell of Buffy’s ass. She was failing at both
“There a reason why we shouldn’t F?” and she knew the other girl was smiling, she could feel it in the lips that were planting wet kisses over her jaw… breezing across her lips, and back down the other side of her neck.
It was getting Faith so hot.
“W-well… ahh… the others are gonna be here soon, and…oh… fuck!” And Buffy’s hands weren’t idle either. They were sliding over every inch she could reach.
“Yeah? Well, they’re not here now…” Another kiss, right in that spot behind her ear, and now Buffy’s hand was cupped around her right breast. “Are they?”
“Guess not…” Faith nearly groaned. As she felt the brush of a thumb over her painfully hard nipple. It was quickly followed by fingers that pinched softly, tugging a little.
“Guess right.” The words were spoken into her mouth as Buffy’s hands continued to fondle her breasts, stroke and roll her nipples to the point where all Faith could do was pant.
She could feel her knees start to give, Buffy was making her so fucking hot.
“B… I-I can’t—” She whispered. Her voice hoarse, strained by the force of her arousal.
“I got you, baby. Won’t let you fall.” And Buffy kissed her again. Sealing the promise in the heated cavern of their mouths as one hand quickly slid down her stomach.
It wasn’t like the night before. There was no hesitation. Buffy’s hand dove straight into the dark girl's pants… her fingers parting the soaked and tender folds.
“Mmm oh…god B… tha-that feels so good.”
“You like this?” But her voice was still timid, belying the confidence of her touch.
“Fuckin’ uhh… perfect B,” and Faith's hips jerked in agreement.
“This morning…” Buffy started, her hand still tracing gently, fingers timidly exploring the wetness, the heat. “What you did to me… wi-with your mouth. It was so…I-I want to…”
“Oh god B.” And just hearing those words from Buffy’s kiss swollen lips sent Faith’s arousal through the ceiling. She felt her inner walls clench, looking desperately for something to cling to, begging Buffy’s finger to slide lower, into her. She didn’t think she could get more turned on.
That is until Buffy pulled her hand from her pants, and brought those two glistening fingers to her lips. Faith watched in arousal-drenched shock as B’s eyes locked onto her own. So dark and heavy with lust, then, that pink little tongue slid from between her lips and licked every drop of her juice from her fingers.
“Fuck…B…fuck…” The sight had severely limited Faith’s vocabulary.
“Baby you taste so good…” And at the sound of that shaky, raspy whisper Faith had to have that mouth back on her own. She brought their lips back together in a fast and desperate slide. She could taste herself. It was all harsh breaths and searching tongues, and Buffy’s hand was between her thighs again. The blond girl's fingers reached her clit instantly and started up that gentle, teasing, barely there stroking.
“Buffy… makin’ me fuckin’ nuts.”
More than that, Faith was going insane… Her back was starting to arch, her stomach muscles jumping, shuddering with every gentle stoke across her swollen bud. Her hips were moving desperately trying to get Buffy to give a little more pressure, stop the teasing, stop the torture, but never stop touching her.
She could hardly believe she was actually on the verge of begging.
But was so VERY good, and judging by the way Buffy was kissing her again, so hard and deep and desperate, it was only gonna get better. Yeah, the way she was pushing their bodies together, purposely sliding a thigh between her own those fingers slowly making their way lower, sliding though the ridiculous amount of juice that was spilling from her pussy… it was DEFINITELY getting better.
But the sound of the front door slamming brought it all to a screeching halt.
No! Nononononono NO!
“Tell me this isn’t happening B.” Faith groaned, biting her lip trying to get herself under control.
“Wish I could baby.”
“GUYS! We’re back! And we brought cheesy fatty sustenance!!” They heard Xander holler from inside. Buffy sighed and reluctantly pulled her hand from the warm haven that was between Faith’s legs. She gave a little pout of sympathy at the tiny whimper the other girl let out.
“Jesus B, you got me so ready…” Faith considered that an understatement. She was practically aching for more of Buffy’s touch. She felt so wet she was throbbing, so on the verge her legs were trembling.
Her words made the other girl blush though. Who would have thought Buffy could be so shy, especially when you consider where her fingers just were!
“It’s like I just can’t help myself Faith… I just have to touch you.” She whispered.
“Totally know the feelin’ B.”
“Maybe we can finish this later?” And now she was getting the ‘cute look’ again, that one from earlier in the kitchen, that irresistible one. It caused a dreamy smile to spread across Faith’s own lips.
“Yeah… later.” Man she couldn’t wait ‘till later!
Riley Finn was in the same position he’d been in the last 20 minutes. Sitting on the bed, staring blankly at his cellular phone. The connection had long since ended. In fact he had been the first to hang up. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the words that had just come from the device however.
Couldn’t understand who had just said the words… and why.
WHY!?
Hadn’t he done everything he was supposed to do? Hadn’t he done everything right? He was the supportive boyfriend! The quintessential emotionally available guy! And now?
“It wasn’t enough…”
Buffy’s words ran circles around his skull. He had given her everything… given UP everything. She had said it wasn’t him, that she just needed some space. Every cliché line you could imagine. Every line but the truth.
They were perfect for each other! She knew that! Everything had been going so well. All except the last few days that is. The days when she had started pulling away from him. Buffy had always been kind of distant, never totally open with him. But that was just her personality right?
He knew her well enough to know that… didn’t he? Of course she was closer, more open and giving with her friends, but that was only because she had known Willow and Xander for so long. It would have gotten better. Buffy would have eventually let him in. She would have eventually fit into his life… kids, the 3-bedroom house, Iowa, all of it.
Right?
It was only the last few days things had really changed. When she started pulling away from his touches, his kisses. And Riley knew exactly why.
Faith.
Buffy thought he didn’t know, thought he was clueless. He noticed how she tensed last night in the graveyard, the way she looked at the slut. Did she really think he didn’t hear her when she would speak that name in her sleep. And that had been happening for months.
She never said HIS name that way, even when she was awake. He hadn’t been with her, inside her for weeks. And she didn’t even come home last night.
“That BITCH!” The phone shattered against the opposite wall, victim of his sudden burst of rage. One night with Faith… that trash, and it was over for them?
No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let it! Riley had given up everything. His power, his life in the military… he had let that chopper leave without him. And he would be damned if he let it be all for nothing.
He opened up the drawer to his nightstand, removing the 2-karat solitaire from its long time hiding place in the back. He watched for a moment as the diamond glittered in the early afternoon light, before clenching it hard, tightly in his fist.
The rock cutting into his palm, the red drops spilling from his fist made him forget the clear one falling from his eyes. And he wasn’t sure how long he sat that way. All his hope, his dreams, spilling from the tiny stone in his hand. He imagined he could crush it away to dust.
Just as she had crushed him. But he wasn’t strong enough… would never be strong enough. Not like her, and not like Faith.
A sharp and sudden knock on the door brought his thoughts to an abrupt end. He rose on feet made of lead and walked across the room.
When he opened the door to a man he had never seen.
“Mr. Finn…” The guy had a British accent, was dressed all in black, he could smell nicotine on his breathe.
“Yes.”
“We believe you can be of some assistance to us. And we can help you as well.”
Is it later yet? I am SO ready for later.
Everything had been goin’ all right, well as well as could be expected. We all had been sittin’ around munchin’ on the pizza Xan got us. And it had been at least semi-comfortable small talk.
Then Red and Tara got back. Then things got tense. All that semi-comfortable chatter went to insanely UNcomfortable silence. Tara was looking between me, and Buffy and Willow, as if she was trying to figure it all out, read through all the tension.
Don’t look at me blondie, ‘cause I got no clue.
Red was busy throwin’ daggers at me with her eyes. Not literally, though, after her fire-starter act last night, I wouldn’t put it outside her skills.
And its all pin-drop quiet for about two minutes of eternity, then out of nowhere, Anya busts the silence wide open.
“This is all very awkward. Shouldn’t there be some yelling and throwing of things? If not can’t we at least talk about the end of the world. I’m getting bored, and my mind is starting to wander towards sex.”
I hold in my chuckle, but just barely. She’s a real piece of work. And besides, I can sympathize with her entirely. After what went down on the porch with Buffy, or should I say, ALMOST went down? Shit my mind’s wandering all over the place.
“Yes Anya perhaps we should continue our research.” Giles saves the moment from rollin’ any further down hill. And we all find a book or two to bury our faces in.
I cut a quick glance towards B, just at the same time her eyes fall on me, and I instantly feel myself blushin’. I can’t help it! Her eyes, they just feel SO good on me, it’s like I never want to look away from that sparking green. It’s just so intense. It’s where I’m supposed to be!
I hope nobody else notices though. B wants to keep it all on the hush. At least until this whole apocalypse thing blows over. I pull my eyes away from her and glance quickly at Tara. Yeah she knows. And I almost freak, but she’s smilin’ at me behind that long veil of silky blond.
Red's a lucky girl.
“So Willow, that was some pretty wicked mojo you worked last night!” I try and make nice, make some progress.
“Simple combustion spell.” She replies flatly. Damn. But then Tar says:
“Not all that simple, Willow.” And it woulda been a compliment if she wasn’t frowning. And Red looks a little sheepish for a second.
“But that fight was some kinda rush huh?” I say trying to push things along. B smiles at me for making the effort, and I swear my heart is gonna beat right outta my chest.
“Yeah nothing like those life and death moments to get ya going, huh Faith.” Xander says all sarcastic like.
“You know me Xan.” And I give him the eyebrow wiggle.
“Yeah, a bit too well I’m afraid!” But he says it with that goofy grin, and an eyebrow of his own. Anya just smacks him on the arm. But it’s all in fun. And B takes the moment to bring them all into the loop. ‘Cause I really don’t see it getting anymore relaxed than this.
“Guys. Faith and I have been talking.” She starts. She comes around the table and sits in the empty chair right next to me. “She’s thinking about staying here in Sunnydale. Settling.”
“What? You mean this out of jail thing isn’t temporary?” Xander asks.
“Dude, I’m on parole. What, you think I broke out or somethin’?” And he just looks guilty and shrugs his shoulders. I give him a smile letting him know not to worry about it.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise.” I hear Willow mumble. I know B heard it too. I feel her hand brush against mine under the table. This is gonna get rough. Quick.
“We’ve been talking a lot, working through things. It’s all still got a long ways to go, but I’m glad she’s staying. In fact there’s something more. Faith and I, we—”
And here I am thinkin’ this is it. The big moment.
“Buffy you can’t be serious! She’s evil!” But red cuts her off before she can get to the good stuff.
“Willow things change, they—”
“Oh they change? Like she can bring back the two people she murdered?!” She gets up out of her chair, and after that comment so do I. She has no idea what it's like.
“I wish to god that I could Red, every fuckin’ day of my life!” I tell her.
“Oh please Faith, spare me! Once a killer always a killer.”
“No! You’re wrong Will.” B is at my side now. And I hate so much that this is happening. That her eyes are all watery and she’s fightin’ back tears. It feels like it’s my fault.
“She may have slipped a little back then but it's different now. The good in her outweighs the bad. A-and… she makes ME feel good. Like I’m right.”
Oh my god I love her so much. I need to tell her that, like now. But I can’t. I should have said it this morning, or when we were outside. She’s so fuckin brave.
“Good?! Buffy you already ARE good, you’re not like her.” Willow insists.
“Yeah… guys, you may have seen a lot, been in all the fights. But you have no idea what it is to feel that darkness in you… to be made from it.”
And now B really IS crying. Silent tears and each one’s rippin’ my heart apart. But I still stay quiet. Red is her friend, and this is her battle. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces; I just hope it doesn’t go that far.
“You expect us to just give her a pass because she’s a slayer, because you supposedly have this darkness, this force that’s a part of you? Well wake the fuck up Buffy! It's called human nature and we all deal with it. We all have choices to make, we have FREE WILL!”
“She’s right. We all make those choices.” Tara says. But she looks at Willow as she speaks, not Buffy and me.
Oh god this is a disaster, cause now Tara looks pissed as hell too. And now I gotta wonder, what the fuck is going on with those two. Willow softens a bit when she meets her girl’s eyes.
I knew this was a bad idea. Comin’ back, telling her friends, all of it. I shoulda just stuck with running. Yeah that sounds pretty damn good right now.
“Look, guys. This is all getting wicked outta control here. I’m just gonna motor and--”
“Good idea Faith. Get the hell out.” Red narrows her eyes and takes a few steps towards me and B, fearless. And I feel that surge, that power coming off her that I felt last night. But B seems totally oblivious. She’s too caught up in the pain.
What the hell is up with that?
“Right then. Fuck this.” I’m outta here. It’s all just too much. I turn, making my way to the front door.
“Faith, No! You’re not leaving.” B grabs hold of my wrist with both hands. And her voice is total desperation. God, if I look at her I know I’m done for. But I do anyway. And there’s no way I can deny those eyes.
“B, it’s all goin’ to hell.” I tell her and raise my hand to her face. I wipe gently at the trails on her cheeks.
“I need you here. I need you with me.” She whispers it. But I know they all heard. Fuck, like, ALL of them! I can’t believe she’s doing this. I mean, yeah she kinda told them we were workin’ things through now, but FUCK she just basically came out to the world!
And now she’s pullin’ me into a hug! Wrapping those skinny-strong arms around my waist, and bringing her body flush against mine.
“Please don’t leave me baby…” It’s spoken right against my ear, and I don’t know if the others heard that too, but I don’t give a shit anymore. Every doubt, every lame ass excuse I thought I had just shattered. It feels like my walls are crumbling all around us.
“Fuck B, never again Ok... never.” I tell her just as soft. And I can feel the tears in my voice. Shit I can’t cry in front of all of them! I hide my face in the sweet spot of where her neck meets her shoulder for a second and get myself in check.
And that’s when I notice, the complete silence that’s taken over everything. B finally pulls away. It felt like forever, but still not long enough. She has one of my hands in both of hers as we both face the group again.
I meet Tara’s eyes. And she’s actually smiling! It's cautious, but still, I’ll take all the points I can get. She’s the only one though. Xander’s jaw is practically on the floor, his girl is lookin’ at us like we’re under a microscope, slightly puzzled, mostly indifferent. Giles just looks British. Poor sap, I hope he doesn’t go and have a stroke or nothin’. The guy is gettin’ wicked old.
And Willow. Fuck. Nuff said.
I hear B sniffle. Getting rid of the last of her tears.
“Faith is staying.” She tells everyone. And her eyes may be red and teary still, but that face is nothin’ but The Slayer. It’s not an option. She’s lookin’ directly at Red as she says it and the tension is so thick it’s stifling. It’s a stand off and you can practically see the air crackling between the two of them.
Fuck I so wanna get outta here. The only thing keeping me, grounding me, is the feel of her hands on my skin.
“Interesting…” Anya breaks the silence yet again, with all the grace of a sledgehammer. “Buffy and Faith are bed-buddies now!”
Ok now I’m looking for that giant hole to come suck me into another dimension. Hopeless I know, but hell it’s the ‘Dale… could happen. Please? The silence is back for a moment until:
“She’s playing you Buffy.” It’s nothin’ but ice in Red’s voice. And now I gotta say somethin’. She is SO way off on this.
“Re—err… Willow. I’m not playin’ anything here. This isn’t some fuckin game to me!” I’m trying to stay calm. No really, I do. “I came here to help. How me and B started all this… the dreams, all that. I didn’t plan any of it. But it got me here, where I’m supposed to be. I’m tired of running from this.”
And I take a deep breath, ‘cause this next part, it’s scariest thing I’ve ever done.
“I-I’m tired of running from her.” I look over at B, and she’s lookin’ back at me like I’m her whole damn world. I know she’s mine… has been for the longest.
“So you’re just gonna end it with Riley? For this? For her!?” Xander sounds as if someone just turned on a light. He also sounds a little hurt. It’s a valid question, one that I don’t think she even knows the answer to…
“I broke up with him right after you guys went for lunch.”
After all, they’ve been together for more than a year and all that history is…Wait, What?! Broke up with… WHAT?!!
My eyes must be tellin’ on me, ‘cause B gives me her sly-smile.
“Yeah…for her.” Fuck I can’t even breathe. I gotta say somethin’.
“Buffy…I—” I was gonna tell her. I really was.
“None of you can see.” Red says in that ominous tone that’s just become regular for her now.
Then she looks at me, and Buffy even, disgusted. And she turns from us and heads for the door. After that I find it hard to even give a fuck if she leaves. ‘Cause me, yeah, I’ve been looked at like that my whole life. But eyes like that should never fall on B.
“Will don’t--” B starts.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Tara cuts her off, and follows her girl out the door. Not before giving both of us a smile though. I hear B sniffle again, find her eyes still locked on the door.
“Tara will make her understand B.” I tell her and I can’t stop myself from smoothing a few strands of hair away from her face. I just gotta touch her. I kiss her forehead.
Right there for all of them to see.
“I know.” She whispers. And then she looks around at the rest of the room. All the spectators of this little show we’ve been puttin’ on.
Ask me to define awkward. ‘Cause this is it.
She stalked through the streets of this quiet town. This place where she spent her whole life. She liked the picture perfect surface. The icing that was the pristine suburban homes with their well manicured lawns. The bundle of shops that made up the downtown promenade. The mall. It was serene. It was a lie. Willow knew this because she had seen it, because she had lived it.
Scratch the surface and the pretty picture faded to black. Beneath it all there was a whole lot of darkness in this town. You just had to know where to look. And Willow Rosenberg knew where to look.
She was seeking it now.
And it wasn’t for the nefarious purposes for which ‘it’ was created. She could NEVER see herself doing such a thing. It was for good. A greater good even! Yes, it was her time to step up, to save the day. Now that Buffy couldn’t.
Faith, that bitch, had her best friend so confused, so caught up and blinded that she couldn’t see through all those games, all those lies. No, it was up to her now. She would make Buffy see. She would make them ALL see. Then she would help Buffy fight this new evil. And they would win, and go out for pizza… or maybe Chinese. It was the way it should be, the way it ALWAYS had been.
And Buffy would be so PROUD of her. Be so grateful for showing her. Willow could picture it, see it in her mind. Buffy would give her that smile. The one that only they shared. The one that made her heart beat so fast back in high school.
It was the one that said ‘I kinda love you’.
And Tara made her heart beat fast now. Made her pulse race and her soul sing. Tara made her forget high school, almost. And she’d be so impressed! Tara would give her that coy smile before laying those luscious lips against her own…maybe wrap that curvy soft body around her and then…
Woo boy! And THEN! Willow couldn’t help but grin at the thought. Unbeknownst to the redhead, her entire face, entire being appeared to light up, to glow just at the thought of the blond witch. The thought of her love. She had left her standing on the doorstep of the Summers' house. Upset and confused.
She hated hurting Tara. But it was all going to be worth it in the end. It would make her happier, make all of them happier.
Sure it was powerful, but so was she, now. She’d been practicing, garnering her strength for over a year now. She could handle it. And the fact that it all felt so good was just a bonus. A BIG bonus. But it wasn’t like she needed it or anything. She just needed to set things right.
And it was with that self-righteous determination painted across her clear blue eyes that she turned off the main downtown boulevard and ducked into a side alley. The change in scene was like going from day to night.
Willow loved her perfect phony little town, the secrets it kept. Now, it was nothing but slick brick walls and overflowing dumpsters. She felt like the shadows were trying to surround her, but she pressed on without fear. What was hidden under the perfection, it was gonna help her. It was right, because she was good. It was simple as black and white, nope no shades of gray here.
She came to a spot, a seemingly empty spot, and held up her hand. The air wavered, it bent and moved and suddenly Willow was standing in a dingy apartment. Insence engulfed her lungs instantly and a slow raspy voice filled her ears.
“Hey there strawberry…”
“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” She turned to face him. This is when the dread always started. She told herself it’ll be worth it.
She thought of Buffy’s smile. Of Tara’s kiss.
“Baby girl I can feel you comin’ from miles and miles and miles…” He was high. His little explanation tapering off in near maniacal laughter. The rush making that southern bayou accent all the more distinct. His voice poured over her like motor oil. It made her feel as dirty and greasy as him.
“And how’s that?” Willow forced herself to question. Forced herself to stay there just that bit longer. Just until she could get it.
“Oh chere, don’t you know nothin’ now?” He trailed off again into that chuckle, as if he was trapped in his own private comedy.
It was tragic.
“I guess I don’t.” Willow made her voice sweet. Trying to ignore the way he was leaning into her, towering over her.
“You got… the ‘power’!” He whispered his little secret as if he were telling her something new. Like she didn’t know this already. But Willow just smiled at his glassy eyes and crooked teeth.
“So what brings my strawberry ‘round these parts?” He dropped down to the off-orange sofa and pulled a cigarette to his lips. Willow considered him for a moment. Her head tilting to the side slightly.
“You know why I’m here.” Her voice made him pause in lighting up.
“Maybe you should refresh me…”
“You know.” She was officially tired of his shit. “How soon can you get it for me?”
He sat up a little straighter.
“Oh, well it may be a while baby girl. And it's gonna cost heavy, I--”
“No it won’t. You have it here. I want it. Now.” And she raised an eyebrow and her eyes weren’t blue anymore. He was off the couch in an instant, heading to one of the back rooms.
Willow smiled, satisfied, and her eyes were crystal clear once more.
“Well…” she whispered, “that was easy.”
Buffy was waiting for Faith. She had been waiting for the past 10 minutes! How long did it take to pick out a couple of weapons anyway? Just grab the sharpest shiniest one right? That’s what she always did. But no… Faith had to look at, test out each sword, each axe, weigh it deliberately in her hands, test the range. It was a careful selection process.
And it was driving Buffy insane.
“Faith will you just pick something!” She said at last, exasperation evident in her voice. She barely restrained the foot stomping. So she thought she did good.
They were supposed to be on their way on patrol soon, well, as soon as the others got back. Their very first patrol together in more than a year. Buffy was more than just a little nervous. That was where most of the impatience was coming from. She had wondered if it would be like old times. If they would find the rhythm they’d shared before. She wondered if it would be awkward. If all those old memories would come flooding back, would Faith try and pull away from her again? God, she hoped not.
Not after they had gotten so close. Not now that everyone knew.
“Hold up a second B. This is a very important decision here.” Faith turned away from the weapons chest to face her. She was holding an axe over her shoulder and had a grin on her lips.
It was sexy as hell. It made Buffy wonder if she’d be able to keep her hands to her self through their patrol.
“You guys have really stocked up!” She continued digging through the big wooden box again. And Buffy knew Faith was saying something more but she simply couldn’t bring herself to listen. She was far too entranced by the sight of the other girl’s luscious ass on total display as she continued her search. Those faded, worn jeans hugged her curves like a second skin and the tare, high up on the back of her left thigh, it exposed just enough flesh that Buffy’s eyes had no hope of looking anywhere else.
They still hadn’t gotten that ‘later’ they had talked about. Things had turned into a bustle of activity after Willow had left. The rest of the gang had come to the obvious conclusion. They were shocked at first, but Tara had come back and in her own gentle way managed to smooth everyone’s feathers.
Buffy thought again how grateful she was to have her. Xander had been understanding.
“Hey, I’m accepting guy.” He’d proclaimed, only slightly red in the face. “I’m a well adjusted and modern male type person. Nope, nothing but open-mindedness here!” But the way his voce had cracked at the end let everyone know exactly what his mind was open to at that moment.
Anya had smacked him. And had continued to do so at random intervals throughout the afternoon, when she caught him looking at the two slayers.
“I did put emphasis on the MALE part didn’t I? You all should expect this from me!” He finally ended up hollering in his defense around the tenth punch or so. And well, he had a point. Sort of.
Giles had expressed his concern in the suddenness of it all, but Buffy was pretty sure in his book, he was happy if the person she was involved with had the base requirement of being alive.
Buffy figured he still hasn’t let go of the Angel thing. That and the concept of her love life just plan made him uncomfortable. But he seemed more interested in the research and got everyone back on track fairly quickly.
Soon after that Dawn had come bounding through the door from school.
“Is it true!” The first words out of her mouth and been shouted. And Buffy had no idea how so much noise can come out of a small 15 year old. She briefly considered it must possession. “Is Faith really here?!” The entirely too loud talking continued as the sound of a backpack thudded against the floor.
“Dawn! Can we try a few less decibels please!!” Buffy had shouted back equally as loud as she came out of the kitchen.
“Well I’m just trying to find out what the hell is going on!”
“Dawn, language! And just take a breath for a minute!” Dawn had been a big ball of energy. Strictly in the metaphorical sense. She was keyed up, bouncing around excitedly and trying to look over her sister’s shoulder into the kitchen.
“No way! I’ve been sitting through school totally clueless, because SOMEBODY never lets me come on patrol and never tells me anything and—”
“What’s with all the shoutin’ with you people?” Faith had chosen that moment to come striding into the living room, with her typical carefree swagger. Obviously happy for the distraction from mountains of books and the constant leers from Xander.
“Faith!!” Dawn kept with the trend of the yelling as she went charging straight for the dark slayer. She stopped short of actually jumping on the other girl, instead bouncing excitedly in front of her.
“Yup that’s me.” And Faith couldn’t help but smile, though it was cautious. Buffy saw the nervousness in those bottomless brown eyes and tried to make her own reassuring. They both knew that Dawn had always liked Faith. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t been hurt like all the rest of them. “So I take this as you’re not one of the ones who want to kill me?” Faith gave her the most genuine smile she had.
“What!! Are you kidding!? This is so awesome! You’re totally here to help Buffy kick the bad guy’s ass right! Buffy so needs help, and you’re way tougher anyways!”
Dawn was talking a mile a minute and it was entirely too much excitement in Buffy’s opinion. She was more than glad her sister was happy about Faith being here, but this level of euphoria had to have been chemically induced. She had warned Dawn about the post-class mochas!
And Faith was NOT tougher!
“Hey! I’m equally as tough as she is!” Buffy had said in her defense.
“Oh whatever!” The now confirmed possessed teen had rolled her eyes. “Anyways you’re here for good stuff right? I mean, you’re not still all…umm…”
“Crazy?” Faith had finished, that right dimple showing. “Nah, I came back to help with the ass kickin’”
And at that Dawn had actually let out a shriek, followed by a squeal. Faith stuck her finger in her ear and winced. And Buffy pitied her; she knew what it was like. She lived with the constant ear-splitting creature after all.
“Happy to see me then?” Faith had replied. And Buffy was glad no permanent damage had been done.
“Oh my gosh totally! You were always the cool one Faith! Buffy’s just lame. And she never lets me do anything.”
“Well, I don’t think she’s so lame.” She replied and winking at the oldest of the two sisters.
And Buffy couldn’t help but blush. All Faith had to do was just look at her and she was lost. Their eyes had locked once again and Buffy could feel herself getting lost in that gorgeous chocolate gaze. She could feel herself heating up from head to toe when that slow smile crept its way across those plump glossy lips. It was like warm honey swelling in her chest, spilling out to cover every inch of her in contentment… and Christ, those delicious tingles chasing themselves up and down her spine. She could feel herself smiling in response. Buffy knew Faith had to be feeling the same. She could tell in the way the other girl's eyes had fallen on her lips, how her pupils were getting larger, making her eyes starting to shine like polished granite, how she skin was starting to flush slightly, her chest—
“Wait… what’s going on?!” Dawn’s voice shattered the daze the two slayers had fallen into. She was looking back and forth between them curiously.
“Um…Dawn, I need to tell you something. About me and Faith.” Buffy’s voice came out clear by pure will alone as she suppressed the sudden wash of arousal that had enveloped her.
“What? You AND Faith?”
“Yup, AND” Faith cut in nodding and smiling big. And she took Buffy’s hand, not even attempting to be subtle. Buffy could only stare at her as her mouth dropped open in shock. SO not helping.
“You mean… wait… Oh my god! AHWW ewww!” The sudden realization and subsequent shock played animatedly across the younger girl's face.
“Hey Dawn calm down it's no big” Faith spoke gently taking some of the leer out of her voice this time. But Dawn could not be pacified.
“No big?! This is HUGE! When did this happen!? What about Riley!?” And Buffy was glad at least that she didn’t seem upset by the whole thing. She was just letting the entire neighborhood know was all.
“We told everyone this afternoon, and I broke up with him.”
“So you two have like… and with the.” She made some wild gesture with her hands that resembled octopus wrangling.
“Yup all that and then some kiddo!” And it actually sounded like Faith was bragging this time! The leer was back full force too. Again, SO not helping. Buffy thought about using duct tape.
Which of course led to all