Healing Time
by Rochelle
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy nor Faith, Joss does.
Author's Notes: If it makes no sense, it's cus it isn't beta-ed, I'm
completely knackered and in much need of sleep :) and I've been
trying to fix my computer for a few hours after my brother completely
****ed it up *smiles sweetly* oh and this pre-note crap is probably
longer than the fic.
"Buffy."
Words so softly spoken, but yet they still manage to go right through me, as a punch to the chest would. I spin around on my heal to face her, the rain now free-falling over us.
"I..I'm sorry."
I laugh, more out of disbelief than madness.
"You're sorry? Sorry for what? For cheating? For promising me that you loved me and me only? For hurting me? For breaking my heart? You're sorry for what?"
She looks hurt. Good. No, it's not good but...Damn, I can't even say she deserves it when I know she does. She hurt me, she broke me and I can't hate her.
"I love you."
Those three words set off so much rage in me that I find it hard to contain. I'm glad that we're a safe distance apart, otherwise lover or not, I'd have knocked her out.
"What's love to you? A joke? From where I'm standing, from what I'm seeing and hearing and feeling, it means nothing to you."
She looks at her feet, and scuffs her boots on the sodden mud.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to."
I'm crying. Again. I don't want to cry, not in front of her. I don't want her to see how she's destroyed me, how much pain she's caused me, but I can't help it. The tears run down my face, merging with the rain that replaces the love that once surrounded us.
"If you never meant to hurt me, why did you do it?"
My voice is calm and even, not betraying how I feel deep down inside despite the tears.
"I..I...I don't know. I didn't think."
Bullshit. How can you not think about fucking someone? How can you not think about the person you're meant to be so head over heals in love with that you think about 24/7?
"Liar."
My voice holds so much venom, but it kills me to be doing this, to be acting this way, to be hurting her like this. In my defence she hurt me, but that's no excuse. I love her, yet I'm so angry, so hurt by what she did to me. She's done this, she's made me act this way, but I'm still to blame. Find my logic in that.
"When I think about you and 'her'.."
I say her with such disgust, my voice not filtering what I feel.
"..it feels like I can't breath. Thinking about you and her together makes me want to die but thinking about my life without you in it, makes life itself not worth living."
It's true. I can't see my life without Faith in it. I can't believe I've been so stupid. So caught up in this so called fairy-tale believing that she loved me, that she wouldn't hurt me. In spite of all the hurt and all the pain I feel though, I can't deal with the thought of not having her in my life.
"I love you so much B. I'm so sorry."
I look at her and she steps closer to me, within my reach. I'm still wrestling with the thought internally though. Being with her, touching her after she's been with someone else. That thought alone is enough to kill me, never mind vampires of the night.
"Are you really sorry though? I may have forgiven you this time Faith, but if you love me so much, I wouldn't risk losing me next time."
She looks visably relieved to hear me say I forgive her.
"Never again Buffy. I swear to god, I won't hurt you again and I'll never ever cheat. God I'll do whatever you want, just to make it up to you, all you have to do is tell me what you want me to do."
I smile inwardly at the fact I haven't lost her, but the smile doesn't quite reach my heart.
"I love you Faith, all I want is you to love me back."
They say time heals all wounds. I only hope me and Faith are strong enough to last that long.