Pain of Goodbye
by Rochelle
Rating: R

Disclaimer: Yep I don't own these characters, Joss Wheadon does. The usual, no point suing my ass cus all your gonna get is an electron card and a twirly blue liquid thingy.
Feedback: It'd be nice :)

Fuck it! What the hell is she doing with him? Did I do something wrong? God I know the answer too well, I can never fucking compete with that undead son of bitch. Why the hell is she doing this to me? I thought I meant something to her, yeah you meant everything to her Faith, just only when she wants you to. I'm angry but this time it's too fucking late, I've gotta get a control before I do something stupid like stake that asshole. I'm heading towards the library, he's back and they can deal with it.

"...I'm sure Buffy's judgement on A-A--Angel was right."

I can hear Red stutter. So they already know about him. I walk straight in and sit down on one of the top steps, looking at the rest of the gang.

"Guess I'm not the only one who just found out that murdering son of a bitch is back."

"What did you see Faith?"

"Nothing G-man, just Buffy and Angel getting in a little tongue action, but ya know. Maybe they were training, maybe she just fell on his lips and he just happen to put his arms round her for support."

My voice is laced with anger and sarcasm. I grind my fist slowly in to my other hand, I just can't sit still. Did I dream the whole thing? I mean I'm pretty sure but just last nite, Buffy's lips were on mine and she was telling me she loved me. Guess I was wrong and that's just another person in a long line that's given me complete bullshit and screwed me over. My breath catches as I see her walk into the library, completely unware we all know. I'm not telling her, I'll leave that to them and just sit and watch.

*****

"Hey guys."

There's way too much tension in here for my liking, Xander's sitting all defensive on the desk, Giles to the side, Cordy's by Xander's side and Willow's sitting next to them in a chair. Faith's here too. God brings a smile to my face, we had such an amazing night last night. I just can't describe it, she loves me and I love her back. Everyone's looking at me with, with a stare that I just can't place, is it anger? Xander pushes a chair towards me.

"Sit down Buffy."

Giles' tone is not something I like. He's upset and in lecture mode, that much is clear. What is up with everyone? Some big evil? I don't think so, they wouldn't be treating me this way.

"So, were you planning on tell us Angel was back? Or were you too busy lip-locking with him to think about giving us a head start on him killing us?"

Oh shit. They know? They know about Angel and about us kissing? Oh god how am I gonna explain this to him, I wasn't even trying to hide anything.

"I was going to tell you I was. Giles, that was why I was looking through the books. I didn't know why he came back and I needed to know before I did anything. But he's better I swear he is. Wait...you knew he was back? How? Were you spying on me? Is that how you know?"

Oh my god, they don't trust me. I've saved the fucking world god knows how many times and they didn't trust me enough not to spy on me. What the hell kinda friends do I have.

"I wasn't spying on you Buffy. I saw Angel get the glove, the whole almightly glove deal? Yeah well I followed him, thinking he was evil seeing as you hadn't told us of his return. I get there and I look through the window, to scope him out and there you and him are, getting it on with the smoochies."

"I wasn't getting it on with him. I didn't know how to tell you, especially you Xander. See how you're reacting now? I didn't want this."

"So what the hell was the kissing about?"

*****

I can't stand it anymore. I'm getting so pissed. She's saying jack all and isn't even looking like she considers how I feel about him and her kissing. Fuck this.

"So what the hell was the kissing about?"

I get up and slowly walk down the stairs looking at her. I know I'm pissed as hell and I'm guessing the rest of the Scoobies wanna know why but fuck 'em, this isn't about them, it's about me and her.

"You thought you'd prove he was fine by kissing him? Ya know just do a little check, make sure he's really okay. Or maybe he couldn't breath properly and you thought you'd give him mouth to mouth...ya know that theory doesn't work either, he's a vampire. I might be a little unclear on this but my general view was a slayer should stake a vamp, not make out with him."

"Faith, damn look you haven't given me a chance to explain..."

I cut her off, I haven't got time for this and if I stick around here I know I'm gonna hit her or do something stupid.

"Don't Buffy. Just don't ok, I don't need your bullshit."

I walk past her and she shouts after me.

"It meant nothing to me Faith."

Shit why the fuck did she have to say that. I spin round slammed a chair against the wall and it shatters into pieces.

"And that's why I'm hurt B, cus I know it meant nothing, just pity and sympathy right?"

I walk out of there before she has a chance to say anything else and as soon as I turn the corner I break out into a full run. Damn! Why do I always fall for the people that I know are gonna break my heart and make me feel like shit. Why'd she have to cheat on me, with him of all people. I walk into the nearest bar and sit down.

"Triple vodka and make it fast."

Drink never solved anything right? Well least it'll calm me down, help me think.

...continued in Numbing the Pain...