Beautiful Goodbye
by Samantha
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Technically I only really have to say I don't own Dawn, since I
never use the other two's names, but I guess u know who the story is about and
no I don't own them. The song is by Amanda Marshall.
Author's Notes: Ok everything in quotes is from the Amanda Marshall song Beautiful
Goodbye, but it is also what Faith is saying. k
Feedback: Please!!!
This wasn't how I wanted to see her again. Not even when I most hated her did I want to see her like this. She looks so small, so alone in the hospital bed. We haven't really talked since I was let out, since I started getting my shit together. Talked to Dawn more than her. Dawn was actually the one who called in tears, told me about it, big fight, lots of blood, don't think she'll make it. I came as soon as I could.
"Fed up with my destiny," I was pacing I had never told anyone how sick I was of being a slayer, of the killing, of the dying. And Sunnyhell was where it was the worst.
"This place of no return," I never wanted to come back here. I never would have, only for her. I made my way to the window looking out onto the dark town below. I wished I couldn't imagine what was lurking out there, but I knew better. I wanted to leave but I couldn't, not till it was over for her, until then there was still a chance.
"I think I'll take another day, and slowly watch it burn," why am I talking to her? I mean they say she can hear me, but what if she is already too far gone? What if she is past that? I know I am really still talking cause I hope she can't hear me. I can tell her things I would never be brave enough to otherwise.
"Doesn't really matter, how the time goes by, cause I still remember you and I, and that beautiful goodbye." I love her, always have, could never tell her though, I wanted to lots. Never had the nerve, me, the fucking big shit couldn't get up the nerve to tell one girl I loved her. I wanted to lots, one night in particular.
"Staggered through these empty streets, laughing on and on." Had been drinking with some guys that night, was stumbling home when I ran into her, didn't think she realized how drunk I was but know I don't see how she couldn't have.
"Night had made a mess of me, your confessions kept me warm." You took me to your house that night, pretending like you didn't wanna walk home alone that late. I know you were just worried that I would pull some stupid shit, get myself in trouble or worse. But I was more than happy to play along and be your protector. I woke up next to you feeling great your breath falling gently on my face. Then the worries kicked in, had I said something stupid? Would you be mad when you woke up? I snuck out before you were awake.
"I don't really miss you, I just need to know do you ever think of you and I and that beautiful goodbye." That's a lie, I've missed you everday since I left. I knew you hated me, you made that clear on numerous occasions. I deserved it though all the shit I pulled, I'd hate me too. Fuck I did hate me for a long time.
"In these days of no regrets I keep mine to myself." It's too late now, if there was ever a chance to mend the bridge between us it's gone now. It's my fault too. I should have tried harder, called more, sucked it up and begged, admited how wrong I was. Now I'll never be able to tell you how much I always loved you. I'm back at the bed now holding your hand. Can you feel me?
"All the things we never said I can save for someone else." But I can't imagine ever wanting to tell someone else, I'll never love them like I did you. It will always be superficial, never more than surface love, you only love like this once.
"Nothing lasts forever, but we always try." I don't know why I can't just let go. It's what I really should do, what we both deserve.
"I just can't help but wonder why we let it pass us by." I don't think I can take all the blame, I know you felt it too. Both of us too afraid to take the steps we needed too, and then too angry, always too proud.
"When I see you know I wonder how I could have let you walk away." You came to me that last night, when everything was first falling apart. I don't know how you could see where I was headed. I couldn't see the spiral I was about to spin down, but somehow you could. You came, you tried, I turned my back on you, already too far gone.
"If I let you down, please forgive me now, for that beautiful goodbye." What a joke, beautiful my ass. I never stopped wishing it had gone differently, that I'd let you in. And now it's too late. Here we are same as always one of us not listening, only this time it's you, and it's not your fault.
"What can I do, oh to get through to you." If you would just wake up. I know you can make it through this, you are the strongest person I know. I can feel the warm tears on my cheeks, and it's dumb but I don't wanna cry in front of you, like it is admiting defeat. I leave your side, back at the window the, night is easier to face.
"Sometimes I cry, it's a fools lullaby." Just stupid, crying for something I never had. Glad you can't see this. I wipe my tears, sitting down next to you. I should stay, after all I put you through I owe you that much. I can't though.
"I'm tired inside." I'm sorry I really am, I just can't do it. Can't sit and watch you die. Can't tell you I love you. So I do the only thing I can, the only thing I ever could do. I stand leaning over to kiss you, and I leave, just like always, our last beautiful goodbye.